#if you read all of that I will do whatever you want forever I am kissing you gently on the forehead
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Obviously you are your own person, which means you will do whatever you want so I hope this doesnât come off as annoying or rude because full stop I am so bad at wording things, but while I am happy that youâre on a break from spn (I am not one of the people in that fandom, and am here for other fics, though I honestly loved the updates, posts, and asks on it) I do hope you donât feel like you have to work on x-y-z first before you can go back into your spn stuff. I know you said youâre already planning out the next spn fic, I just want you to be happy on what youâre working on even if you decided to abandon everything else forever and only do spn. Again I know you have never been one to stop what you plan just to make us happy (as it should be fr) but like. If youâd rather stay in spn for a bit Iâd much prefer seeing those updates over a chapter in one of the fandoms I do read for. Seriously I promise if I am being annoying or rude itâs not my intention, but I am sorry if that is indeed what itâs coming across as (and I mean that honestly, not in a âsorry thatâs how you feel wayâ). You are just my favorite author, and even though Iâm only here for some of the fandoms I just donât want to see you making yourself work on something that isnât clicking in your brain at the moment, just because itâs been a while since you updated. I hope this isnât coming off as rude or patronizing, but if it is then again, I want to say Iâm sorry. Even if Iâm not into spn, Iâm excited to see the plans you have for it and everyoneâs reactions.
this is SO sweet and not annoying or patronizing at all! i am 100% taking it in the spirit it's intended <3 thank you!!!
especially because .... i wrote another supernatural fic. oops. i had good intentions!!
i guess i'm really just committing to going back to hopping around rather than tunnel vision haha
i am having SO much fun with supernatural! but i like my other writing too. and this year i'd really like to get back into at least semi regular updates for siat. and some other things i want to finish up...
i know i write a lot, but it's actually so much less than i wish i could write! being an adult is such a pain
i am going to at least START the next siat chapter before getting distracted again T_T i swear i'm the one in control here...
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Small Rant About RE
Hello gang... This has been on my mind for awhile. Today we're talking about Resident Evil and particularly Leon stans. Now I'm gonna come out and say I am one of them! I love that silly little blonde man and he's like number 1 on my favorite capcom white boy tier list next to Cody from Final Fight/SF.
tw: mentions of rape, pedophilia, incest, abuse, and my opinion
Let me make it clear, I'm not kink shaming, I'm not advocating for censorship. Art and literature shouldn't be censored. Sex is cool. Kink is cool (when safe and consensual).
I'm gonna be one of those fans real quick and say, I've been an RE fan since I was like 7. That doesn't really mean much since I can't drink legally but I've been in love with Leon since elementary school. I watched my Dad and brother play RE6 co-op and man... Aka I've been in the fandom for a fat minute. Before the RE2 remake came out I'd see the occasional Dead Dove fic but that's whatever. But I have never seen this much dark romance about Leon of all people!
Like. Call it the T-Virus the way it's everywhere I swear I can't scroll down the damn tag without getting hit with a sexual crime. And let me say, I'm not new to fandom culture. I take don't like don't read to heart (I'm super picky LMAO). And I understand that, that's just how big fandoms are, more people, more bad eggs. I'm sure the majority of y'all are sweet people.
BUT I feel like I shouldn't have to say that romanticizing things like pedophilia, rape, abuse, and incest is disgusting in the big year 2025 but here we are. Honestly, I feel this way about a lot of the fics of other fandoms I'm in. I feel crazy seeing it everywhere and it makes me feel like some sort of sexual puritan. Am I insane for wanting freaky smut and not ...freaky smut??
There for sure is a bigger conversation here about how easily accessible porn is and how quick people to fall into these pipelines. Or how booktok caused a rise in the normalization of dark romance troupes and just pure porn writing (I still hate icebreaker). Or how quick form constant content is slowly leaking it's way into everything. But weâd be here for foreverâŚ
And like, it's just completely out of character?? Like if you're gonna write about that can it at least be in character? Wesker fits the dark romance thing LEAGUES better. But LEON?? THE POLICE OFFICER?? Did you even watch a walkthrough? Leon is a sweet upstanding guy with lots of trauma, that is the last thing he'd do to ANYONE! Not saying fics have to be completely accurate all the time but there's literally nothing fun about "Omg what if Leon RAPED you!?" HES NOT THE EVIL RESIDENT HERE GUYS! At some point it's not even about Leon (or whoever the fic is about) anymore, it's just someone wanting to share their sexual fantasies online.
These topics are almost never written with any care and are insanely insensitive to the survivors of these acts. I don't know, sexual crimes are literally some of the most deplorable acts of hatred and depravity someone can do onto another person. I can't imagine getting off to the suffering of others (in a heinous crime way not BDSM way) (BDSM is cool). Have some fucking empathy and stop thinking with your goon wad guys <3
Like at least take it to AO3 so that I can filter it out or smth...
Edit: I just woke up and remembered what else I was gonna say.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat their fictional characters. Another thing I donât like are the Gooner mods for the games. Like theyâre fun every once in a while and like if itâs a capcom game you have to expect it. At some point though, it just stops being sexy and feels gross or uncomfortable.
Idk maybe Iâm in the minority here but there has never been a single time where I was playing any RE game and thought to myself, âman⌠I wish I could see Leonâs end rod whipping in the wind rnâŚâ Obviously, I wanna see that man oiled up butt booty naked doing jumping jacks like as most normal people do but⌠zawgâŚ
Thatâs also like an actual person?? At least for the remakes. Maybe this just isnât my dove to eat but the treat Leon like some sort doll. I know itâs kinda weak to be like this for a fictional person but yeah </3
#resident evil 2 remake#resident evil 2#resident evil#re2 remake#RE#RE2#re2 leon#re4 remake#re4 leon#re4#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy x reader#FREELEON2025
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IN ANOTHER LIFE, MY DEAR | I.ENGEN²³
summary: you read over the collection of letters your ingrid has sent you over the year of your love. her words make your grief calmer.
contains: retelling of romeo and juilette in gay, letter form, juilet.áingrid x romeo.áreader, mentions of homophobia & death/suicide, set in an unspecified time in norway, ingrid is the only daughter of wealthy family while reader is apart of a poorer family of farmers, this is wlw!!, implied masc.áreader, inaccuracies of the romeo & juilet story i'm adapting the story to fit what i want this to be, ingrid and reader are around eighteen to twenty years old, unhappy ending.
author notes: i just had the idea for this and was like might as well write it. hopefully you guys enjoy đ
from lady ingrid of the engen family,
i saw you the other night at lady frida's gathering. you were wearing such a stuffy dress and i could tell by your expression that you hated every second of it, but oh you looked stunning. in your usual garments that i see you in, you look always look so handsome. is that weird to say of a woman? i hope not because the word suits you. i think stunning suits you as well. maybe one day we can try on dresses together? only if i can see the cute pout you had last night.
��� june 2nd
from lady ingrid of the engen family,
do you know i am sending my letters in secret? relying on the bribing of the men who work on my family's estate grounds? every time you write back, my heart feels warm. my parents don't believe in being close to ones "below us," whatever that means. i don't see you as below me. not at all. i made my riding teacher take me all the way past your family's farm, so i could see you. it was late in the afternoon, and i was worried that you would be resting inside, but no, you were out working like one of the men. if someone saw you and your brothers, they wouldn't be able to tell you apart, but i can. your brothers aren't as beautiful as you, no offense to their looks. you're like a rose amongst a bunch of flower less stems. you didn't see me, but i saw you. those few minutes felt like getting a taste of heaven. please write back sooner than last time.
â june 14th
from your friend ingrid of the engen family,
are we close enough that i can call you my friend? is it strange that i complimented you various times but only now asking for your hand in friendship? i loved seeing you today, down by the river with your dog. if only my brother didn't take me away, i would have talked to you longer. i pray he didn't tell my parents about what happened, but they keep things from me, so what do i know? do your parents do the same? i doubt they do with the way they allow you to work on the farm. however if they do then they would be hypocrites. i ate a very sweet strawberry cake today as a treat and it reminded me of you. when the taste fleeted me, it reminds me of you the most.
â june 23rd
from your friend ingrid,
how did you find a way to send me a gift? you are so clever. it just draws me to you more. i'm wearing the dress you sent right now. it's so soft but not as soft as your skin. that night, i snuck out and came to see you for those few minutes, i can't get it out of my head. please, may we do it again sometime soon? you said in your last letter that i hugged like someone yearning for something. it is true. i yearn for you.
â july 1st
from your dove, ingrid,
no one has ever compared me to an animal before. especially not a bird, but when i came to your family's farm with my father, i heard you whisper to your friend who was there at the time that i was as angelic as a dove. thank you. i would compare you to an adorable animal as well, but that would be underselling your beauty. so for now and hopefully forever, you are my angel.
â july 9th
from your dove, ingrid,
sorry for not writing back in ages. i'm having troubles here at home. my parents want me to get married. can you believe them? they say it would be worthwhile to get married now when my beauty isn't fading, but you always told me that my beauty would never fade. who shall i believe? am i only worthy if i am gorgeous? please help me answer this question of mine. you seem to be in a better state than me when it comes to marriage. your parents don't seem to care about your romantic life, but mines are stuck in the restricted standards of our class. i don't want to marry anyone who isn't you. is that too big of a confession?
â october 24th
from your dove, ingrid,
we kissed last night. i can't believe it. forget any marriage to some man who can't even have half of the strength and smarts that you do and none of the beauty. i love you
â november 1st
from ingrid,
my parents called me into their room and sat me down and told me that i would be getting married by the summer of next year. somehow, some way, they have found out about our letters. those disloyal men of my family's estate must have ratted me out. we are too close for my family's comfort. women shouldn't write like this to one another. my mother told me i should put my serenading skills to use for a man as that is the way of nature. if that is the way of nature, then why does it feel so unnatural? i'll find a way to write to, my love. hopefully, this is not my last.
â december 2nd
from ingrid
happy new year, my angel. they can take me away from our hometown, but they can never take me away from you.
â january 1st
from your dove,
putting my name on these feels risky now. i don't know how long the couple i pay for will continue doing this for me. i don't know the next time my family will try to tear me away from you. i have not met my husband yet, we will meet on our wedding day, but i promise you that day will not be a happy one. let's plan something together. take care, my angel.
â february 16th
your dove,
i will send the couple with the amount of money we need and the documents i have forged. you are so handsome that i hope that when this plan happens, people will take one look at you and just believe you are a man. hopefully, they don't look closer because then they will see that your beauty is something a man can never achieve. i had to put a compliment into here, i would say sorry, but i know you love it. i love you, take care.
â april 4th
your dove,
can't wait to be with you, my angel. see you in a month.
â april 18th
your dove,
my family and his family have decided to get us married earlier than planned. i think my parents are worried that i am still thinking of you, and of course, they are right, but that doesn't mean it makes me any less angry. i will never be wed to him, i swear on my life. i love you, and we will be together, whether in this life or in death. if i can not run away, then i promise i will never let him take me away from you.
â may 22nd
to my angel,
is it true? there are rumors that you have died of an illness, i don't believe that for one second. my wedding night is tomorrow, and my family is feeding me lies. i kept telling myself that, but then they showed me a letter from your father that stated your death right there in ink. i don't know what to believe, but i do know i do not want to be wed to this man. not for one night or for the rest of my life. i told you i would love you forever, and that is true. we promised to be together, but i never thought it would end up being in death rather than in life. i am only writing this in hopes that my family will find this and see that they have driven us to madness. i'll shall see you in heaven, my angel. i will ignore the sharp pain of the dagger by thinking of the sweetness of your kiss. i love you.
â june 1st
author notes: this might suck? idkkkk đââď¸
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All Iâm going to say I think now that my brain remembered part of what it was thinking is that Taylor and Joe went through a lot together (good and bad) and regardless of how it ended or what led to it they both seem to be determined to keep that private and not throw each other under the bus and in the end theyâre just two very, very different people whose outlooks in the long term were just never going to align and never has that been clearer.
#I AM NOT DEFENDING HIM JUST TO BE CLEAR#Iâm just saying⌠he said a lot of nothing in those quotes beyond âpeople on the internet suckâ#which is true#and both he and Taylor are keeping things close to the vest about it all#and just seems to me that whatever they went through together they are determined to keep it between them so thatâs the end of that#(again in contrast to how she has no qualms about reading m for filth)#heâs just some guy and now he gets to be just some guy forever#and she gets to be extraordinary#like yes the loving committed thing raises eyebrows given how much pain she was in#but like he could have shaded her about how it ended too and he didnât#AND I AM NOT DEFENDING HIM#we know he was a terrible partner and she felt like shit#Iâm just saying neither of them want to delve into the specifics and i think theyâre just moving into footnotes in each otherâs lives now#like i want to make it clear AGAIN I am not condoning anything on his part here â clearly there were huge issues#Iâm just saying just because he may have sucked as a partner doesnât mean the internet being cruel isnât also true idk#and yes itâs transparent why heâs choosing to speak out now (or rather why the Sunday times is choosing to reach out to him now)#but like⌠idk i just canât muster up any feeling about this man one way or the other lol#and take cues from Taylor (and even him) sheâs determined to keep it between them other than the broad strokes#so Iâm following her/their lead#(like I have thoughts about why but thatâs not important and ultimately is just⌠itâs the most normal of ltr breakups)#like he just sounds a little pretentious with his âreal lifeâ which like⌠good on him keep living that real life you do you dude#meanwhile his ex is flourishing with every passing week and milestone and is living her unabashed best life#and theyâre probably both happier for it now
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Can you info dump about bluebelle, Iâm very curious about her :3
SORRY THIS TOOK A HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS I WANTED IT TO BE PERFECT
Hi hello!!!!! I will very gladly talk about Bluebelle, sheâs the love of my life forever :D đđđđđ
Important note: Iâm a very um dramatic person when it comes to creating oc backstories. I am nothing if not a little bit pretentious, and giving ocs weird and angsty backstories is my passion project, and thatâs part of the reason it took so long to collect my thoughts, and come up with something concrete, (or as concrete as possible)
Iâll start with facts about her that I like and then backstory regarding the fabled music box :))
-her design/colors are based off of a stuffed animal I bought in Munich :)
-the songs I most associate with her, (I have a playlist because I wanted one), are probably A Dangerous Thing/Everything Matters by AURORA, The Sugar Plum Fairy from the Nutcracker, and I came to your party dressed as a shadow. Adore those songs
-the only jellicles that she has met, (by choice), are Victoria, Misto, Plato, and Demeter. Or rather, Demeter knows of her, but Bluebelle doesnât know Demeter
-this is mostly bc sheâs pretty paranoid about meeting new people, and prefers to stick to her people. It took her a while to warm up to Plato, but eventually she got used to him
-this is also despite Vicciâs best efforts to convince Bluebelle to at the very least meet Jemima
-SPEAKING OF JEMIMA, if you havenât heard, hereâs my little jellicle magic theory: The catâs magic relates to their eyes, just vaguely. Jemima and Misto each have white eyes, and you may have noticed, Bluebelle has those eyes as well. Because sheâs. Blue. And thatâs not a typical cat color, I figured I should just run with it. I see Bluebelleâs magic as a combination of Jemima and Victoria! Yes, Victoria is magic to me and thatâs not just because sheâs lovely and beautiful, but because of the way she uses the music in the show, and the way some productions seem to use her as a metaphor for the Jellicle moon, relating it to her dancing. This is especially true for me when I hc Vicci as deaf, because it implies some sort of magic when her solo syncs with the music. Bluebelle has the same sort of music and dance magic as Victoria, and the same sort of eerie unearthly-ness of Jemima. Basically I combined all my favorite girlies into one and made her <33
Really incoherent n convoluted story under the cut lolllll
Iâve always imagined the music box has something Bluebelle has had since she was very young, as in some of her earliest memories are of the tune it plays. Her mother probably gave it to her before both of her parents disappeared like they were in a Disney movie. The point is that itâs one of her favorite things, and she loves dancing to it. Victoria loves the song as well, and they sometimes practice using the music box, and things continue as so until Misto appears, and starts practicing with them.
Because Misto insists that no music is coming out of the music box. He canât hear a single note.
Neither can Plato, or any of the other jellicles, when Victoria borrows it, and plays the song for everyone else in the junkyard, (Bluebelle doesnât go with her-sheâd rather not meet the others, for fear they wonât like her, or will tell Victoria to stop visiting her).
No one else can hear the music. No one except, of course, for Jemima and the psychic twins.
Bluebelle starts to ask around town, playing it for different cats, until she finds an older tom, not far, though she doesnât know it, from the Junkyard.
He canât hear the music box of course, but he tells her that heâs bit of a collector of magical artifacts. Perhaps heâll have something similar in his collection.
Would she like to take a look?
Bluebelle declines. Declines at least, to visit him on this night. She hands him the music box, and instructs him to take it back to his den, and look for himself. They will meet in the same place the next day, and if he cannot find anything, then she will go and see for herself.
The next morning, they meet again. He tells her that heâs sorry, he couldnât find anything that matched the box, and that in his haste to meet her on time, heâd left the box behind. The tomcat invites her to his den, and again, she declines, saying she will visit on a later date, that she already has plans.
Bluebelle follows him home, and hides in wait. She watches as his friends gather to scheme, and doesnât notice the staring of a golden queen hanging off the arm of a blood orange tom.
The acquaintances leave, and the old cat retires to his den. The fire is almost out, leaving her to sneak into the other tent.
âŚblood seeps from every item in the cramped space, leaving it to drip from the walls and stain the ground scarlet.
He is not only a collector of magical artifacts, but a collector of queens, as well. The music box is the only thing unmarred by the red, so she steals it back.
She swears she can hear him howling the whole trip.
Bluebelle doesnât tell Victoria what happens. She tells her to steer clear of the cat who could very be Bluebelleâs father, with a coat as vibrant as the sea, and Victoria doesnât ask any questions.
Bluebelle doesnât want to meet any of the other jellicles after that. She barely wants to talk to anyone ever again, with the exception of the few cats she already knows.
She and Victoria still dance to the music box though. Misto tries to follow along.
#âŚso have any of you ever read or watched Bluebeard?#the 2009 movie is insane and I adore it with all of my heart#finally!!! bluebelleâs long awaited backstory!!! *checks watch* an entire month past its relevancy!!#if you read all of that I will do whatever you want forever I am kissing you gently on the forehead#anyway I was so scared to make this cringe and edgy and convoluted#like so scared#but then I watched the movie again#and I realized that Bluebelle is my creation#and if I like this as her backstory#then it is her backstory#guys you can do whatever you want forever and ever#I believe in you đŤśđŤśđŤś#cats the musical#cats musical#cats oc#jellicle oc#asks!!!!!!!#if this wasnât what you were expected for a music box backstory Iâm so sorry#unfortunately I am a freak for fairy tales
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For TST
I just finished listening to Elliot Page's book and I have to say it was an interesting piece of literature. I highly highly recommend it.
I have never read a book that is so closely aligned with myself as a trans man and my upbringing. I never thought I would read book that defines what it means to be a trans man in the public eye. I do not want to be as famous as him but I would like to make a change to the world as he has.
I am comfortable in who I am and who I love and how I choose to express my gender. Things really can and often do get better with time. And I hope that any person that sees this knows that they are not trapped in the shoes that society has put them in and they can actively choose a different pair.
I would love to read Pageboy soon; these memoirs and other art and literature are our history, part of our lifeblood as a community, and it's vital that we read each other's lives and understand that we truly are here in this worldđ
It's great to read such a glowing review from you, and I'm so happy that his words lit your soul like it has
#ask#anon#transsexual thursday#to any trans person reading this: please document your life however you can. make music or keep a journal or paint or write books#your existence is so important and leaving as much evidence of your life as possible is important no matter WHO you are#it doesn't matter if you're famous or rich or the top in society. it matters that you *exist*#if you can and want to: documenting your life is an amazing way to engage with community and who you are#you can document anything you want or need to - the good the bad the ugly - whatever you want to share is important#i know i for one am FOREVER grateful to see historical accounts of trans people - sometimes it's all you have when you first come out#the only figures i had that i knew to look up to were men like billy tipton and dr. allan L. hart and a couple others#and while it felt lonely at first i was so comforted to know that my existence as trans and as a man was not unprecedented or unknown#so if you can/want to document yourself please do#it isn't conceited or selfish or bad. it's human. it's natural. it's revolutionary - especially when you're trans#ESPECIALLY when our history is both impressive and sometimes limited
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I hope you blink before I do (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#DAX#Blood#Fuck you *reinjects romance into your song about love-lost*#It's the ''I want to be the one to lay you to rest'' of it all#Or if not that then at least to be the last one suffering#See him off - make sure he goes knowing that he's not alone#I'm Fine just Don't Look at me and I'll Be Fine#SchrĂśdinger's Fine lol - I am simultaneously Fine and Not Fine until I am observed#I simply subsist largely off of angst and then whatever small scrap of comfort that can be coaxed from there hehe#I am very mean to them considering how much I want them to be happy lol#Honestly I think what would be meaner is seeing ZEX off and then somehow DAX survives alone#Night ends just as he's about to blink out and oops you're still stuck here sorry about that <3#But I wouldn't do that to them would I?#:3c#I also think it's interesting that I started doodling this before I actually read ZEX's death - I finished it after but still!#Does he just give off gutted vibes? Canonically he's eviscerated so#And not just in the eye way - in this case it's enucleation#Did you come here for eye removal surgery puns? I don't see why you'd expect anything different *b'dm tss*#I've done way more research on eye removal than I ever expected to but now those two terms will be forever seared into my mind haha#Hhh ZEX's death was very affecting to me ;; I'll talk about it more with its accompanying doodle but really đ#I wanted an honourable death for him - and if not that then a death where he wasn't alone - and if not that then to rest#He got one of the three ;;
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eughhh i feel dumb
#one of my best friends is coming over and ive been ghosting them (like pretty much everyone) for a couple months#and i think im reading into it too much but it seems like shes upset with me? idkk but i don't wanna ask bc if she IS mad at me that means#we have to talk about it and im Not in the right state for that atm#she has every right to be upset just like everyone else but i really dont want her to be#both bc i love her and them and i don't want to hurt them and bc i honestly don't wanna have to answer for it#'yeah every time smth even remotely resembling obligation comes up my skin feels like it's gonna peel away from its body and scuttle away'#like. i should not be terrified of it but it's like my tendons are splitting and i can't close my fist around anything#it all just slips through my fingers. but i still feel like it's my fault#selfishly i just wish they wouldn't ever bring it up. me taking forever to respond and stuff#i don't really like being teased about it but i can't just hurt them and then ask them not to bring it up yk#even if i don't super feel in control of the whole responding and socializing and functioning thing#i am. really really burnt out i think#but i don't wanna make my friends feel guilty for wanting to be around me bc 1) thats normal 2) thats an honor 3) theyre not doing anything#wrong by like. texting me. it's not their fault it feels so bad#especially since im not telling them bc that is itself an obligation#every reminder of something i have to do has felt physically painful more and more#everything from doing dishes to answering texts to cleaning my room to reading a book my dad likes#every day there's a dozen reminders of how im letting the people i love down and it looks to them like i just don't care enough#and in reality my friends are and have always been understanding. i know that. im just getting really in my head about it rn#it's been building a lot this past year. i thought i was getting better but im just.. really stuck rn#ughh i wish i could cancel. and i hate that bc i miss her and i know she's gotta miss me too but we have to talk about the foster turtle#so i cant back out now. aughhhh it's so dumb i feel so helpless and useless every time i think about anything but what's right in front of#me. ive been running from everything much more consciously lately and it's fucking embarrassing and stupid and basically im just feeling.#really really lame. shitty ass body and shitty ass brain and i don't think anyone really believes me when i blame them and not me#i just have to trust in the goodness of my friends more than the badness of myself for hurting them. two titans clashing#ughh anyway. whatever#i wanna talk to one person in particular bc they don't really make me feel that obligation as much but then im like if i respond to them i#have to respond to everyone else. it's dumb. ugh if you read this acm im thinking of you sorry my brain is being difficult <3
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to youđđđđđđ#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED đđđđđđđđŤđŤđŤđŤđŤđŞđŞ#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know đ. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i donât know as well. i donât#text back and then when im finally ready itâs been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i canât bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i donât want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik itâs weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but itâs the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just⌠miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i wonât let myself. i donât know why im like this and i donât know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and itâs horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just canât do it right now and im scared iâll never be able to#again. but itâs a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i canât do it then iwont. itâs not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and itâll be weird to#post about that in light of this and itâll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i donât want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know itâs cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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Do people realize this isn't unique to Disney? Cuz this is not unique to Disney. Other corporations are already doing this and this isn't new. Wish there could've been this big of a reaction about it before someone actually died đ
#I remember like last year(?) or something McDonald's added the same clause to their app#and i think a bunch of other companies followed - I can't recall if Disney added theirs before or after McD's#i feel like it was after. but anyways. the point is - this isn't unique to Disney.#a bunch of other companies figured out they could do this shit and decided to sneakily add it into their terms and conditions#because âwell if you don't agree to it then you can just not use the app :)â#which is bs. Disney makes it so there are shows only available on D+ with actual canonical implications to other media-#and then freak out about any and all pirating. so if you want to indulge in the Content⢠you âhave toâ use the streaming service#and therefore âhave toâ sign the agreement.#the McDonald's example is especially heinous imho because in some places McD's was and still is the only place-#to be able to buy a meal with enough calories to last you a full day for cheap.#but then they jacked up their prices and made it so the only way you could still get a full day's meal for cheap is to use the app#which means they are specifically targeting the most vulnerable individuals-#by making it so you *cannot* use the app without agreeing to never sue them.#like literally even if you had the app for forever before they changed the terms and conditions#they signed you out forced you to agree to the terms and conditions before you could use the app again.#corporations have been doing this shit. folks tried to warn people about it back then but nobody listened until a woman fucking died#unfortunately as far as i am aware what corporations are doing is completely legal and this cannot be stopped.#you as the consumer are technically required to fully read the terms and conditions (even though no one does)#when you click âi agreeâ that is - as far as I'm aware - legally binding.#and these apps are technically not necessities so by all means legally the companies can say âwell then simply don't use these appsâ#so if you decide to use the apps or streaming services or whatever-#then you are also deciding âof your own volitionâ to agree to an arbitration agreement.#and then you can't get them in trouble for having the arbitration agreement by claiming ignorance-#because technically you said that you knew about it when you clicked âi agreeâ
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this post is an experiment, I am curious about how far you will get into the post.
to start, I challenge you to read the orange text below, and not read any further:
the challenge is to only read this far into the post. if you are stopping here, leave a comment about your favorite carbohydrate.
ok, you have decided to continue reading. hell yeah. no shame in that at all. this test is not meant to make you feel bad, in fact, you should be happy whenever you want forever.
if you made it here leave a comment of your favorite fictional universe, you are officially a Tier 2 Post Reader.
ok, the next part of this post is behind a barrier, there's a keep reading button. if you made it this far, tell me your favorite reptile in the comments. you are more than welcome to stop here, only continue if you would like to.
hiiiii :)
ok you're in the big leagues now. this is the DLC of the post. if you made it here, tell me your favorite milk substitute.
now FOR REAL. this would be a cool place to finish off at. you can go after this, I promise you're not missing out, you can leave. If you made it here, tell me what tattoo you would get if you decided to get a new tattoo today.
thank you for reading, I promise this is a cool place to stop reading the post. you really can go now. :) đ
*ahem* alright, you are still with me. I'm happy to have ya. here's the deal, the chance of you seeing a picture of my dog within this post is 12.5%. you have a 1/8 chance of seeing a dog in this post.
keep in mind, that is not a high chance.
if you are ready to leave now, tell me your favorite plant. like, your favorite plant can be a tree or a specific fruit or vegetable or whatever. just tell me your favorite. then you may leave the post.
alright. since you made it here, I have the ultimate test: a link. definitely the highest barrier to entry so far, this could lead you anywhere. it's a trust exercise with a complete stranger.
clicking on this link will continue the post further, for how long this will go on, I cannot say. If you do not want to proceed, tell me your favorite sauce, and be on your way. I like buffalo ranch.
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EVERYTHING IS CLICKING FOR ME Y'ALL!!! *ŕŠâŠâ§âË
The only post you'll ever need for LOA. Literally.
It's so easy to manifest literally so easy once you do this. JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX, BE IN RECIVING MODE INSTEAD OF CONSTANTLY FEELING LIKE YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. Yes sometimes it can be hard when you feel panic that you have to manifest as fast as possible but trust me once you TRUST, it'll all fall into your lap at the snap of a finger! Literally. You'll even feel better and happy instead of worrying and feel like waiting forever. The universe/god/your higher self, whatever you believe in is telling you or teaching you that the way isn't through worry, stress, pain, suffering. The way is through ease, love, trust. Once you understand this you'll ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS be able to manifest without any effort. Yes, no need for that 21 days challenge, no need to set a reminder for every hour to affirm, no need to try hard to visualise every teeny tiny detail. Just have this inner knowing and relax. That's the cheat code. How easy is that? You literally have the cheat code and it doesn't require ANY effort outside and the most minimal effort inside.
Now let me explain all the manifestation techniques in more detail.
Every manifestation technique has one goal:
Think about any technique. Affirming, visualising, scripting,etc. All of these are for what? To remind you, you have your desire. YES not to get something. That's why Neville said feel it real is very powerful technique. Cuz that's what happens when we receive something right. But what we do in loa is we feel it rn and get it rn, and because the 3d is in the past, yes it's our past assumptions, that's why we say it's not real. So when we feel it real we already have our desire in the present, but the 3d is not in the present. So don't react to it. Just remember that. And after a few days of having our desire we don't get THAT excited, do we? So when you think about it again you don't have to feel anything or do anything cuz you already have it. AND THEN WE JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX. Again the same conclusion. Cuz that's it!
ALL YOU NEED TO EVER DO:
Decide what you want. And feel having it.
Remind yourself that you have ___ either saying it in your head, writing it down, etc
RELAX. SIT TF BACK. YES YOU DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING.
Whenever you think about ___ always remember you have it. And think naturally. How would you think having ___ cuz you do now.
Remember the 3d is a product of your past assumptions. Just like how we see the stars 8 years later of their actual form. Just like it takes 8 minutes for sunlight to reach the earth. If you remember this you won't ask "where it is" you know it is here. And yes u can manifest Shifting too.
Allow it to come to you. I don't chase i attract.
Yes that's what it means. And I am the living proof for that đđ
đťâ¨ I am literally living my dream life and bestie you are too. That's all you need to manifest (aka yourself). It's very simple but if you have any questions feel free to comment and keep me updated on your manifestation journey and success stories cuz I'd love to read them and know if my post helped you đ¤đĽ (atleast you can do that for me, right? ;p)
Love, ... redkittyjellyfish? Wait i need to change my user name đ (ps. I changed my user from redkittyjellyfish - Krystella-Shifts (â äşşâ  â â˘Íâ á´â â˘Íâ ) )
â§ď˝Ľďž: *â§ď˝Ľďž:*â§ď˝Ľďž: *â§ď˝Ľďž:*â§ď˝Ľďž: *â§ď˝Ľďž:*â§ď˝Ľďž: *â§ď˝Ľďž:*â§ď˝Ľďž: *â§ď˝Ľďž:*
#law of assumption#krystella shifts#loa advice#manifestation#loablr#loa tumblr#loassumption#loa blog#loassblog#loa#law of assumption community#loa help#loa success#manifest your dreams#manifest#void state#neville goddard#god state#reality shifting#shiftblr#desired reality#manifesting dream life#loassblr#shifting community#shifting motivation#shifting blog#loa tips
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see a cheerleader, breed a cheerleader
pairing â """nerd!"""jake x (f) reader
genre .. warnings â smut, noncon, dubcon, oral (m receiving), male face sitting, face fucking, unprotected sex, blackmail, choking, hitting, virgin!reader
summary â ever since forever, you have always gotten your way with people by whatever means necessary. a wink and a smile is all it takes to make a boy drop to your feet and worship you. no one told you to think that jake sim would be any different. as it turns out, actions do have consequences.
wc â 14.9k
a/n â jeno version of this fic posted on my nct blog revehae. yea, mine. i am her she is me. THERE WILL BE NO SEQUEL. feedback is appreciated!
donât like it, donât read.
⸠short, sweet, sometimes sticky
it was supposed to be like everybody else.
short, sweet, maybe sticky if you considered that one time youâd shaken that sunoo boyâs sweat-coated hands and watched the pale of his face burn the same fierce rose as the lens he saw you through.Â
youâd laughed lightheartedly to spare him the embarrassment, telling him that everybody got a little sweaty every now and then, especially you. after all, cheerleading was more than skipping around and twirling. and at those words, youâd watched his eyes haze with the image of you damp with sweat, drenched head to toe.
hook, line, and sinker.
far too easy, exactly how you liked them. smart, easy, and utterly unable to resist you.
no one told you to expect something different from jake sim. and why would you? he knew all the right answers, had some of the best marks, and practically lived in the library. he perfectly fit the bill of your standard victim.
which was why you had no qualms about approaching him in the library while he was typing away at his laptop, occasionally sipping from some kind of coffee.
as if he could sense he was in imminent danger and needed to evacuate immediately, jake turned around before you could even make it completely to the table and saw you advancing on him with a pretty, practiced smile. âhi,â you greeted, waving at him. falling, your hands gripped the rear of the chair beside him. âis someone sitting here?â
jake raised a brow at you, but shook his head. âno, no oneâs sitting there.â
âperfect,â you replied, pulling out the chair and taking a seat. you turned so that you were facing him. âjake, right?â
jake nodded slowly, wondering where this was going. he got plenty girls, sure, but none ever approached him in the library. âthatâs me,â he said, curious. âdo i know you?â
âwell, probably not,â you replied, giggling as if something was funny. âbut, you know⌠iâm a cheerleader.â
jake hummed. âare you now?â
you bobbed your head expectantly. âyeah, and iâve heard about how smart you are. iâm impressed, to be honest. i mean, every time iâm in the library, i see you sitting here. i could never spend so much time here. you must have a lot of resolve to do something like that.â
âyou think so?â jake asked, pretending to be flattered just to see where you were leading him.Â
âi do. like, really do,â you replied, brushing your fingers against his forearm. âi just have so many other,â better, âthings to do, you know. with cheer, iâm either practicing or resting so that iâll have energy for practice. itâs really hard on me, you know?â
jake stifled a chuckle and glanced back at his laptop screen. âyou poor thing.â
your brows stitched. he wasnât paying nearly enough attention to you. it was almost like he was uninterested. âand thatâs why i was wondering if you could help me. i mean, youâre such a genius. you could probably do it in half the time it would take me,â you continued, lowering your hand onto his denim-clad thigh, and becoming surprised by how sturdy it felt.
jake spared a fleeting glance at your hand on his left thigh before his eyes flitted to your face, watching you wink at him and throw him a smile. âlet me get this straight,â he started, slowly caressing the back of your hand with his thumb as it sat on his thigh. âyou want me to⌠do your work for you?â
âhey, your hard work wouldnât go unrewarded,â you insisted, ignoring the unexpected motions of his thumb. âyouâd have my attention. i mean, like i said, i donât have a lot of time to give away. but iâm willing to spend some of it on you.â
jake snickered, unable to help himself anymore. âare you this patronizing to everyone you meet?â he asked.
your eyes flickered. âp-patronizing?â
jake smiled, patting your hand before setting it on your own thigh. âsorry, was that a big word for you? you know, when you think youâre too good for something, but you donât want to say it, so you play sweet and act like youâre helping me, when really, itâs the other way around.â
switching on a dime, you narrowed your eyes at him. for such a pretty boy, he had quite the attitude. âi know what patronizing means. and right now, i think youâre the one being patronizing.â
âam i?â jake asked, feigning obliviousness. âhowâs it taste, cheerleader? doesnât feel good, does it?â
your face was set in a scowl. sometimes it hurt you to play nice with people, and now was one of those times. âare you gonna help me or not?â you snapped.
âthere it is,â jake sang, chuckling to himself. he put his hand on your thigh now, squeezing the flesh gently. for now. âthereâs the real you.â
you swallowed, glaring over at him with a hint of defiance despite the disgusting, foreign feeling rotting in your chest. it had never gone like this before. every situation predating this one had been somewhat predictable, to the point where youâd come to expect certain reactions. this was not that.
âiâll help you,â jake said after a pause.
you forced a smile. âgreat, soâŚâ
jake interjected, âon one condition.â
smile faltering, you trailed off, processing his words. now he was making some kind of deal with you? who in the hell did this man think he was?
âon one condition?â you echoed, as if youâd somehow misheard him. your brows scrunched in suspicion. âwhat condition?â
jake grinned, the look on his face sly as hell and a stark contrast from the disgruntled glower on yours. âgive me something in return,â was all he said, the tightening hold on your thigh giving away more than his words had.
you gawked, as if you were offended, and quickly swat at his hand. âiâm not having sex with you, you pervert!â
âsure, youâre not,â jake answered with a chuckle, eyes twinkling with amusement. everything about you was alluring to him for mostly all the reasons unintended. âbut you said iâd have your attention. i guess you think itâs not often a poor, busy nerd like myself gets anyoneâs attention, yeah? but nerds get tired too, donât they? they need to de-stressâŚâ
âthatâs not my problem,â you spat.Â
âyou getting an F isnât my problem, either,â jake retorted, shrugging his shoulders. âso what itâs gonna be, cheerleader?â
something about this situation isnât right to you. maybe itâs the lack of power you currently wielded over him, despite the fact that you had gotten used to having your way with academically competent boys like himself. if he werenât taller than you and stronger than you, youâd resort to other, more familiar methods.
but jake had changed the entire trajectory of this interaction for the worse, and now you had to determine whether or not it was beneath you to let him treat you as if you were some kind of object. you sulkily mulled it over, arms folded, trying to think of a way to maintain some semblance of power. âfine,â you finally replied, relenting. âbut iâm not doing anything that requires me taking my clothes off.â
âyou never seen a good porno, cheerleader?â jake asked, a stupid, taunting smile blemishing his lips. âthat cute little uniform of yours is the whole appeal to some people.â
âmy name isâŚ,â you huffed irritably, tired of being referred to by your title.Â
âfrankly, cheerleader, i donât care what your name is,â jake told you with brutal honesty. âyouâre the one that introduced yourself as a cheerleader, like thatâs your whole personality or something. thinking it would make me fold. you canât be stupid and demanding.â
you gaped, affronted by the sheer audacity of him to even utter those words to you, like you were some dumb bimbo. âiâm not stupid! iâm just too busy.â
âright. too busy,â jake echoed, obviously none too convinced. âsorry for assuming.â
with a roll of your eyes, you stood up from the table chair, feeling utterly disrespected. âyeah, you should be,â you said, despite knowing his apology was completely inauthentic. âwhereâs your phone?â
jake arched a brow and glanced over to his phone, sitting face down against the table on the other side of him. before he could even respond, you reached over him to grab it and pointed it at his face, unlocking it as if youâd done it a million times before.
then, you started typing away, all the while jake watched you with an amused expression on his face. he had to admit, you were surely something. and though he found you entertaining, he couldnât shake the thought that you desperately needed someone to put you in your place.
âreach me here,â you said after a moment, handing him his phone back. the screen was on his messages, a fresh contact with you. âpleasure doing business with you.â
with that, you walked away.Â
jake shook his head, scoffing. who the hell did you think you were?
over the next few days or so, you met with jake to better construct exactly what your expectations were pertaining to your work. or at least, those were the words heâd used. most of those limited encounters had ended with his hands sealing around your breasts.
you let it slide, deciding that a little over-the-clothes stuff was relatively harmless. after all, this was the busiest youâd been all year long, and you were far too exhausted when you got home to be burdened with stupid assignments and pesky discussion posts. the next two months, if not the next two weeks, were going to kill you if you didnât have someone to carry at least half the workload on your behalf.
it was okay. jakeâs inability to keep his hands to himself was fine. it wasnât like anybody was going to know, or that this arrangement would last long enough for them to find out. you would get to keep your dignity and your grades, without saving one at the expense of the other.
short, sweet, and sticky, remember? maybe the latter was simply manifesting in the way jakeâs hands were stuck to you. not that anything about him was sweet.
more like sacrifice.
⸠gilded age
âguess who just made the list of this weekâs top ten trending sluts,â jennie said as she walked up beside you and roseanne.
roseanne perked up that, though she couldnât help but mischievously quip, âyou?â
jennie narrowed her eyes. âhoe, as if,â she spat. âi know how to keep my legs closed.â
you snickered. âgod, what happened now?â
âa sex tape got leaked. hyeri, and apparently sunghoon.â
your nose scrunched, as if disgusted. âalways knew she was a slut. i mean, you should have been there to see the way she acted around the jocks in high school. her eyes were practically screaming, âpick me, choose me, fuck me,ââ you mocked.
roseanne burst into giggles, downing the rest of what was left in her red cup. âi donât think thatâs how that goes,â she chimed. âbut sunghoon? is she crazy? i hope they didnât do it raw. i heard rumors that heâs got the clap.âÂ
âhe sure clapped something, alright,â jennie retorted, much to your amusement. âit was definitely raw. hope it was worth the itch. you guys wanna see?â
âabsolutely not,â you said, shaking your head vigorously. âi bet her parents would love to see it, though. on second thought, send me it.â
roseanne gawked. âare you serious?â
you bobbed your head, grinning deviously. âyeah. you guys have no idea what that bitch was like in high school. i tried teaching her a lesson, but she just never learned. itâs like the bitch is addicted to pain or something.â
jennie shook her head, pretending to disapprove, though she was intrigued to see how far you would your obvious loathing. âjust sent it.â
your phone vibrated in your hand a few seconds later. you opened your instagram burner account, scrolling through your mainâs following to find hyeriâs motherâs page, and dropped the video in her inbox. your sly giggle alerted your friends to your success and you dropped your phone in your pocket, satisfied.
âoh, youâre sick,â jennie insulted playfully, nudging your arm. âi wonder if sheâll say anything.â
you shrugged your shoulders, feigning nonchalance as if you werenât excited to see how her mother would respond. âdonât know, but iâm more curious about if sheâll talk to hyeri about it. iâd love to be a fly on the myungâs wall when that happens.â
roseanne tapped your shoulder. âhey, donât look now, but that jake guy is staring you.â
your head whirled around, spotting jake in his own corner of the party, indeed watching your every move as if he wanted to consume you and was waiting for the perfect moment to attack. which, if he was, would not be surprising.Â
roseanne sighed in annoyance. âi literally just said donât look now.â
you turned back to face them, shaking your head. âdonât worry about that creep,â you replied, brushing it off. âheâs just begging to get in my pants. didnât even know he went to parties.â
for whatever reason, jennie laughed. something about what you said tickled her, apparently. âum, yeah. thatâs jake for you, alright. heâs either partying with his friends or grinding in the library, no in between. perfectly balanced lifestyle, i have to admit it.â
your brows furrowed. that was news to you. and probably an important piece of information that youâd conveniently missed when narrowing down your targets. maybe you should have asked around about him more. you just didnât think that someone who studied as hard as he did could also be the life of the party.
what was he doing here, anyway? shouldnât he have been off doing your homework? useless fucking nerdy-not.
âdo you guys know each other or something?â roseanne pressed, noticing the strange tension in the air despite the fact that you and jake were feet apart. which was honestly admirable. âdo you think you could get him to put me on with jungwon?â
jennieâs laughter rang out again, only this time, it was much louder, and much more mocking. âplease. jungwon isnât gonna touch any of us after how she broke his heart. youâd have better luck with jaehyun,â she sneered.
roseanne glared, a snarl on her face. âfuck jaehyun.â
âyeah, i bet you want to. i bet youâre still dreaming of that big, thick, meaty dick you wouldnât shut up about, like, two months ago.â
âa lot can change in two months.â
âoh, it sure can,â jennie replied, humming. âit sure can.â
⸠takes two to tango
jake: come over
you: no
jake: that wasnât a requestÂ
you: no where in our agreement does it say you get to boss me around
jake: not even for an A?
you: thatâs what your grabby hands are for
jake: i donât have to do this, you know. i can let you be a grown up and fiend for yourself like the rest of us
you: iâm otw, chill. jesus
the knock of your fist against jakeâs door was incessant, more than likely enough to exasperate his neighbors, given that it was particularly late at night and a good number of them had to have been sleeping.
jake threw the door open with a scowl, obviously irritated. âyou are so fucking annoying,â he hissed, dragging you inside and shutting the door behind you.Â
âow!â you cried out, snatching your arm away. âstop that, iâm sore.â
jake shook his head, his discontent frown disappearing in favor of an entertained, idiotic smile. âsore, huh? from doing what?â
you rolled your eyes. âif it isnât obvious, iâm a cheerleader,â you reminded, gesturing down to your uniform. âmeaning, i cheer.â
ignoring your snarky attitude, jake glanced you up in down, taking in the sight of you in that tight, short cheer uniform that clung to you rather snugly. sweat still beaded at your damp legs and likely gathered between your breasts and down your back, as jake was imagining. âyeah, you cheer. you wonât let me forget,â he said, amused.
âwell, iâm busy,â you said, crossing your arms.
busy, my fucking ass, jake thought to himself. âyeah, you wonât let me forget that, either. and yet, i saw you giggling with your friends at a party two weeks ago, looking completely fine. your poor, exhausted legs seemed to be working perfectly.â
âwhat, so i canât have hobbies now?â
âsure, you can,â jake replied, shrugging his shoulders. âi just have to ask, do you ever do anything productive with your time?â
âof course, i do,â you hissed, before quickly deflecting, âbut we both know thatâs not why you made me come all the way over here. so, what do you want?â
âyour attention,â jake said without missing a beat. his hands plopped against your bare shoulders and began wandering down your arms, rubbing them back and forth. âiâm in desperate need of a cheerleaderâs sweet, precious attention.â
the disgruntled grimace on your face was the most effort you made to express your discomfort, not that he was looking there anyway. to him, at the moment, the sight of your body was much more appetizing. you watched with a repugnant burn simmering in your gaze as his eyes met your long, slender legs.
without warning, jake grabbed you by your waist and hoisted you into the air, making you cry out in surprise. arms dangling around his neck, you held on for dear life, not an inch of your body feeling safe in his arms. you had been hauled further away from the ground by your cheermates, but this was different; no one wanted to fail, meaning no one would drop you. you had no reason to assume that jake would handle you delicately.
but his burly arms, however, were not lost on you. though you hadnât yet seen them in full power, your interactions mostly taking form of him forcing your back flush against the chiseled muscle of his chest as he kneaded yours, you could only imagine what the hands that groped you were capable of.Â
in a matter of seconds, you landed on your back against his sheets, another shrill screech escaping your throat. âjake, what the hell?â you exclaimed.Â
âiâm not getting on my knees for you,â jake said, the slyest of smiles tugging at his lips. ânot unless itâs to fuck you. and youâre just too good to give it up, arenât you?â
for him, definitely. and you would have said so, but your lips parted in a gasp, surprised and startled. something wet pushed along your sore legs, which were abruptly yanked to pillars far above your head so that theyâd be more conveniently within reach of jakeâs tongue as he licked long, hot lines at them.
your eyes were rooted on him, fixed in a shape unlike their natural narrowed, black blaze and it would instead be more apt likening them to the fear and fret of a deer in crossed paths. wide, waiting, almost innocent. too used to circumstance to understand its fabric and too unfamiliar to chance to understand its fate.
unsatisfied, jake bent your knee and pushed your leg further as he stood over the edge of his bed, and, in turn, over you, a grip on your ankles that you could feel in your bones. âjake, that hurts,â you whined.Â
jake didnât understand why you were bitching. âbut youâre a cheerleader,â he echoed. âarenât you flexible?â
you writhed uncomfortably as he continued shamelessly, tongue even daring to twist against the bone underneath the bend of your knee, a sensation that itched more than you expected. his lips sealed around your skin, sucking and nibbling.
needless to say, it was unlike anything you had experienced before. âstop, thatâs weird!â
âstop complaining,â jake groaned, pushing your leg even harder. âitâs like all you ever do is complain about how hard your life is.â
your eyes stung now not only with loathing, but the threat of hot tears. it was stupid; it sounded dramatic, but you felt it was warranted when he was the one actively making your life harder. âyouâre a fucking weirdo,â you snapped.Â
jake heard it. the slight tremble in your voice despite the courage youâd been feigning. that was the sole reason he even bothered to look up at your face, the tears in them stealing his attention away in a heartbeat. he didnât know whether to be amused or annoyed, or maybe even both. âgod, now youâre crying,â he pointed out. âi havenât even done anything to you. do you need me to give you a reason to cry?â
you shook your head. all you needed was to go home and recharge. you were beginning to doubt whether or not he was worth the trouble he carried with him in exchange for a grade that would keep your parents off your back, especially if he was going to make pulling stunts like this a regular habit.Â
the last thing you expected jake to do was tug the bottom of your top past the shadow of your breasts, slackening the taut grip on your ankles in favor of your wrists as if he knew you would dare resist him, and burying his face between your chest. you exhaled shakily, mortified by the hot, wet feel of his tongue licking a stripe between your breasts, gathering leftover sweat on its tip.
and you did thrash. but you were getting a taste of that power now; a power that wasnât your own, a power that you couldnât reap. a power that grabbed you with its calloused fist with a might so strong you couldnât move. and it was for the first time that you felt utterly weak. there had to be a word for something as unfathomable as that, but it was so foreign to you that you couldnât think of it.
to make matters worse, jake was taking his time, sucking bruises onto the skin of your chest in between his licking, as if he wanted to ensure there was no spot left untouched, no drop of sweat left behind. your face strained with discomfort, wanting more than anything to get away from him and this awful feeling rotting inside of your heart.
maybe your cries for mercy were heard, because no sooner had you hoped for an end than it came. âyou can go now,â jake said, pulling away. he pulled your shirt back down and smoothed out any wrinkles, which was almost kind of him.
even though you were more than eager to be rid of him, you lay there, dumbfounded. it was one thing to be violated, and it was another to be dismissed, but to happen in rapid succession of each other quickly bred some ugly emotion that was only festering.
jake had expected you to scurry out of his bed, and out of his apartment, so the fact that you were still there bemused him. âwhat, do you want more?â he teased.Â
you shook your head, sitting up a little too quickly. your head started to feel lightheaded. you barked, âthat isnât what i agreed to!â
jake had the audacity to laugh. like you had told a joke of some kind. âisnât it? your clothes are still technically on. that was what you agreed to. remember?â
you dropped to your feet, pushing past him. âyouâre disgusting,â was all you said, making a beeline for the door.
âtakes two to tango, baby,â jake called after you, simpering.
you didnât look back. you couldnât. there was an unpleasant stir in your gut - not as easily distinguishable as the loathing - unlike anything you had ever felt and you desperately wanted it to go away, to rid of yourself of anything that even remotely resembled jake sim.
 ⸠chess, not checkers
deep, low grunts smacked against the walls and bounced back with almost the same amount of vigor of jakeâs quick, unrelenting hips, the sound nearly as hard and heavy as he was. the only thing rivaling the tightness of the hole he was using was the wince of his closed eyes and the grip of his strong hands.
jake didnât want to see. it would be too blatantly obvious that she wasnât you, and that it wasnât your blemished hips he was holding. though she sounded nothing like you. he knew that you would have been so much whinier, and despite finding them painfully obnoxious, he found himself longing to hear all your worthless, melodramatic complaints.
instead, he heard soft moans mingling with his own labored sounds as his hips moved with a mind of their own, imagining it was you underneath him where you truly belonged.
the image stained the back of his eyelids, burned behind them every time he closed his eyes; the shortness of your pleated skirt scrunched around your hips, weak legs on his broad shoulders with nicks and bruises scattered here and there, arms swinging aimlessly.
and if he got tired of hearing you, he could simply press his palm squarely against your mouth, muting the sound of your incessant fussing. if he really wanted to put you in your place, he could clasp his hands around your throat and clamp down onto your windpipe till all that escaped you was a pitiful, featherlight squeak.
jake could tell no one had ever properly put you in your place before, no one had ever stood up to you and reminded you of your level. you were in desperate need of a humbling and didnât even know it yourself. no one better than jake for the role, he figured. a little cheerleader parading around in a uniform to feel different from everybody else she met didnât scare him whatsoever.
the only thing saving you was essentially the fact that you were undeniably pretty and not necessarily to blame for the schoolâs superficial culture, which elevated girls like you in terms of status despite it having no real meaning or manifestations outside of campus, and put you on top when you were within the bubble.
but outside the bubble, away from the boys who thought of you as this beautiful, unattainable poison and the girls who enabled you with a faux sense of togetherness, you had no real identity, no real power, and no real worth.
and yet, maybe jake was contributing to the problem. maybe he had inadvertently become one of the people elevating you. because choking in the heat of the moment, he uttered your name, forgetting who he was with and where he was.
hands shoved at him, hard. at least, hard enough for him to be jolted out of his reverie, finally gazing into the eyes that seethed because of him. âdid you just call me that evil witchâs name?â seoa barked.
jake winced. that was a fair reaction, all things considered. he wouldnât have wanted to have been called your name out of everyoneâs, either. he rubbed his nape. âwellâŚâ
âunbelievable,â seoa replied, scoffing. she got out of the bed and hurriedly began picking her clothes up from the floor, redressing herself.
jake exhaled a breath, mostly annoyed that his orgasm had been ruined, but still feeling a hint of sympathy. âseoa, wait,â he said, touching her shoulder.
seoa recoiled, pulling away. jake had never seen anyone be so ready to put on their pants after being with him, not even with a hell of a schedule after. ânever touch me again,â she spat, walking out with her shoes in tow. âfuck you.â
jake ran a hand through his hair, watching her leave, and murmured under his breath, âgod dammit.â
a few days later, while they were attending a festival, jay marched over to jake, draping an arm over his shoulder, and asked, âwanna tell me why seoa blocked all of us and sheâs been glaring at me and mark since she got here?â
jake snickered, shaking his head in slight disbelief. he was over it by now, he figured she would be too. âi let a certain cheerleaderâs name slip while i was balls deep inside her,â he confessed. which he wasnât necessarily proud of, considering the only reason he even knew your name was because youâd saved your own contact on his phone.
jayâs brows furrowed, glancing around as if he was trying to spot you in the crowd like a heat-seeking missle. âwho?â
rolling his eyes, jake grabbed the back of jayâs head with one hand and turned it in your general direction, hoping it would help. and jake knew it had when jayâs confusion melted into disgust.Â
âoh, that bitch?â he asked, nose wrinkled.
jake chuckled, releasing his friendâs head. âsheâs a bitch, but sheâs pretty.â
jay couldnât argue with that fact even if heâd wanted to. âyeah, iâll give her that. cute in the face. sheâs fake as hell, though. played jungwon like a fiddle. he did six months worth of her homework because she promised theyâd get together.â
that was news to jake. he knew you were cruel, having had stories from sunoo and the like, but he never knew of your history with jungwon. if it could be called that. âdid they fuck?â he couldnât help but ask.
jay shook his head, taking a sip from the bottle in his hand before he answered, âhe said she always turned him down. told him she was waiting for âthe perfect moment.ââ
now that was funny as hell. jake had only known you for a few weeks and yet even he quickly pieced together that you werenât the romantic type. âwell, thatâs fucked up,â he said, happily accepting yet another reason to dislike you. âbut heâs dumb as fuck if he did her homework for six months without getting a crumb of pussy in return.â
jay made a face, nodding. âyeah,â he exhaled, giving the impression that heâd wanted to defend jungwon. âbut man, what possessed you to say her name while fucking the seoa? i need a good excuse. you just blew my shot with her.â
jake shrugged. âdonât have one. she approached me maybe three weeks ago asking me to do her homework, and i agreed.â
jay gawked. that didnât sound like jake. like at all. âman, what? is she paying you?â
âoh, dividends,â jake quipped.
âoh, and in what? pussy?â
ânope.â
jay looked horrified. he was so damn dramatic. âthen, why the hell are you doing her bidding? that doesnât sound like you.â
it didnât, not immediately, but jake had his reasons. âentertainment purposes,â he replied curtly.
jay shook his head, taking another swig of his drink. certainly, he was drinking, not smoking. âyouâre becoming her pawn for entertainment purposes? unbelievable, bro.â
âchess, not checkers, jay.â jake smirked, putting a hand on jayâs shoulder. âyouâll see.â
⸠things good guys doÂ
âyouâre lucky i was already out,â jake told you when you let him into your apartment. âitâs the middle of the night for fuckâs sake. what do you want?â
âoh, please,â you spat, damn near rolling your eyes. your arms were folded. âyou get to call me over at the ungodly hour, but when i do it, itâs a problem?â
jake exhaled through his nose and ran a hand through his hair, wondering why he bothered to come here when he had no obligation to do your bidding, as jay had put it. but something told him that he wouldnât have any regrets. âyeah, it is. now, what do you want?â
you were silent for a few moments, somewhat ashamed of the request you would ultimately make. you sighed, surrendering. âi need help with calculus,â you finally said.
jakeâs shoulders drooped, eyes shrinking in a contemptuous disbelief. âseriously?â
âseriously,â you repeated, sitting down on your couch as your laptop screen glared back at you from the coffee table.
jake groaned, âi seriously donât know how you even got into this school. canât you do anything by yourself?â
you gawked, affronted. he made you sound like some incompetent, immature dickhead. âcontrary to a weirdly popular belief, iâm actually really smart,â you insisted, having the transcripts to prove it. ��but my professor sucks and i need an eighty-nine on my final to keep my A. and itâs not like you can walk in and take it for me because itâs proctored.â
jake shook his head and reminded, âyou know this little agreement we have doesnât include me tutoring you, right?â
âit didnât include you assaulting me, either,â you retorted.
âyou think that was assault?â jake asked, scoffing. he dropped beside you on your couch, the proximity instinctively making you suck in a breath. âif i wasnât a good guy, iâd show you assault.â
scooting over to ensure maximum distance between your bodies, you argued, âgood guys donât call themselves good guys.â
âgood guys have self-control,â jake replied matter-of-factly, resisting a chuckle. he didnât make a move to touch you, but he noticed how tense you looked now that he was sitting beside you. âiâll tutor you, but weâll have to up the terms of our agreement.â
you swallowed sharply, throat bobbing. you had a feeling you werenât going to enjoy these new terms. âwhat do you want?â
âa blowjob.â
âthatâs disgusting,â you spat without a second thought, features contorting with repugnance.
jake quipped, âand so is your inability to do your school work without using and depending on every intelligent boy you meet, but hey, iâm sure you canât help that.â
you sighed, exasperated, and cradled your face in your hands. was this seriously what your life had come to? giving a boy a blowjob in exchange for a pretty transcript?
jake grinned, appreciating the sight of you in distress. it was a sign, a good sign, and he intended to bring it out of you more and more, bleeding you absolutely dry. lowering a hand onto your thigh, he urged, âcome on, bruise those little knees for me. donât you bruise âem for cheer?â
âthatâs not the same!â you whined.Â
âof course, itâs not,â jake said, squeezing your thigh as his shoulders trembled with laughter. âcheer isnât helping you graduate with flying colors.â
you desperately wanted him to be wrong, you were begging for him to be wrong, but you both knew that if he was, he wouldnât have been here with you at the moment. not now, not three weeks ago, not ever. so you sucked it up, slamming down your laptop lid, and grumbled, âfine.â
maybe he didnât come here for nothing, after all. grateful heâd trusted his gut, jake stood up and clutched your arm to pull you along with him. âcome on, letâs go to your room. i like my blowjobs a little messy and iâm sure you donât want to mess up your nice carpet.â
you snatched your arm away from him, hating his insistence on touching you for every little reason whenever he possibly could, even if it was insignificant. your mouth was taut as you begrudgingly headed for your bedroom.
it was obvious that you were sour. walking behind you, jake couldnât help but chime, âglad to see that you can at least walk by yourself!â
you bristled in annoyance, wishing you could just get rid of him, but you knew it wouldnât be wise to discard him so quickly. at least for now, he still held some kind of value.
jake walked in behind you, looking particularly radiant, and you hated that you knew why. hell, you hated the reason itself. âget on your knees,â he commanded.
normally, you would complain about him giving you orders as if you were his lap dog or something, but you just wanted to get this over with. you were already so over this entire week. you slowly dropped to your knees, trying to ignore how demeaning it felt.Â
âgood girl,â jake praised at your compliance. ânow, look up at me with those pretty eyes and ask me to help you with calc. ask me nicely.â
you met his eyes, noticing the expectant glimmer in his gaze that you so badly wanted to knock off. but you werenât dumb enough to incite violence against a grown man that walked around with his bulging muscles on display for all the world to see, and you didnât doubt that he would hit you back. âjake, please help me with calculus,â you pleaded, choosing your battles.
jake hummed, satisfied. âyou sound so pretty and sweet when you ask nicely, instead of demanding things. didnât know you were capable of that,â he told you, running his fingers through your hair. âtake it out. get me hard.â
your hands moved to his sweatpants, tugging at them enough to bring them down just shy of his knees, and doing the same with his underwear. he wasnât hard yet, but that would be an easy fix; witnessing your state of pure anguish, watching you speak and move as if you were totally dejected, always excited him.
not to mention that the sight of you on your knees for him, the more he took it in, was arousing him even more than he thought it would. he had pictured it in his mind before, you serving him, pleasuring him, existing solely for him, but nothing could compare to the sight he beheld now.
at least, nothing other than you actually doing something rather than sitting there like an idiot. he liked taking control, but he figured you would take matters into your own hands, literally, when he gave the order. âdo you need me to tell you what to do or something?â he asked, huffing irritably. âput your tongue on it. tease the head.â
your face and ears burned in ways they rarely did, but you nodded wordlessly and did as told, bracing your hands on his thighs and reluctantly pressing your tongue onto his tip, looking anywhere but his eyes as the muscle swirled around.
that amused jake to no end. at least for now, he would let it slide, not feeling the need to maintain eye contact with you at the moment. if he needed to, he would simply just grab a nice, thick fistful of your hair and yank it back to jolt your head up at him. he could still see your pretty, bare face, hair arranged messily at the top of your head with a few needless strands jutting out here and there.
he liked that. of course, he would have been more than enthusiastic to have you suck him off if youâd been all dolled up, making you ruin your makeup and undo at least an hour of careful, clean work, but he also just took pleasure in seeing this natural, undone part of you. he wanted to see you for what you really were.
it didnât take long for him to get hard. with all his thoughts revolving around you and the feel of your tongue on the head of his dick, that was a no-brainer. âgood, now put it in your mouth. take as much as you can and not an inch less,â jake instructed.
widening your mouth, you accepted his stout, heavy cock into your mouth, lips forming a tight suction around the head and steadily advancing down his shaft. bit by bit, inch by nightmarishly thick inch. you had made it maybe halfway down his shaft when you quickly discovered your limit.
jake was surprisingly content, despite the fact that you definitely still had a few more inches to go. âthere you go,â he said, giving your head a soft pat of approval. âsuck. go slow. and donât you dare let me feel any teeth.âÂ
your heart was thumping out of something you could only understand as fear, even though jake hadnât done anything to warrant it yet. inhaling through your nose, you tried to level your breathing, taking your time to draw in his cock lest you made a mistake. the hint of warning in jakeâs voice, in spite of the calmness, was clear.
jake, on the other hand, was reaching elysian heights. faint grunts of, âfuck,â escaped his pink lips, large hands at his sides reflexively tensing into tightly clenched fists in need of something to grab, hips just barely stuttering. your mouth was hot and wet, with the added benefit of your torturous tongue pressed against his size.
there was a pinch of desperacy in your actions that overcame the resistance; a desperacy not necessarily to please him, but to appease him. accidents were the last thing you could afford and eliciting his frustration was the last thing you wanted.
âlick,â jake said, chest undulating. âup and down.â
with a hum, you started drawing long, wet lines back and forth on his veiny shaft, almost as if you were tracing the bold veins with your tongue. jakeâs reaction was instantaneous, deep groans the only thing you could hear other than the wet sound of your mouth on his cock, sucking and licking.Â
jakeâs eyes fluttered closed. âfuck. yeah, like that.â
you pressed your tongue against the underside of his dick, lingering in each spot for a moment before you continued, mostly because he seemed to like it when you did. which was your north star in an empty, dead night, because you had not a clue what the hell you were doing and you were afraid of making it obvious somehow.
if jake could tell, he didnât make it known. he was in a world of his own, all too happily reaping the pleasure from your mouth as if it was a dream come true for him. âkiss my balls. lick it.â
you stifled the sigh you were half tempted to let loose, pulling off his cock with a wet sound and a string of saliva connecting from the sticky tip to your glossy lips. moving your head, you took a moment to steel yourself before peppering tiny, soft kisses along his balls, down to his scrotum.
it wasnât the most dignifying thing you had ever done, it may have even been the least, but your aching, sore jaw appreciated the break from sucking. you dragged your tongue over his testicles, tasting nothing but rubbery flesh. you were too busy avoiding his eyes to notice, but his face was tensing with pleasure, lips parting in low murmurs.
compared to when you first started, jake was drastically harder now, massive, monstrous cock nearly bursting at the veins with precum leaking out from the thick tip. had your goal been to take all of him entirely, the sheer size of him would have immediately overwhelmed you.
âswitch to your hand and go back to sucking me off,â jake said, firm yet quiet. it sounded like he was trying to restrain himself, barely holding it together.
at least you were a fast learner. teasing the head of his cock, you gave it a few slow, tentative licks before you began to take him into your mouth again, all the while gently fondling his balls with your fingers. jake groaned, arching into your touch. he couldnât help himself.
you could taste the vicious amount of precum staining your tongue and you didnât know how to describe it, other than slightly tart. the flavor blended with that of your own saliva, lingering on the roof of your mouth and the warm flesh underneath the flap of your tongue, mild as could be.
at least it wasnât downright awful. you had heard stories before, not that youâd ever known what to make of them, or even pictured yourself being inside of them. if a month ago, someone had told you that youâd be on your knees for a man - for anyone - you would have said they were delusional.
jakeâs patience had worn thin and when you least expected it, he hauled you into the air, making you cry out in surprise just as you had the first time heâd lifted you into his buff, meaty arms. he tossed you onto the bed, just shy of the headboard, and suddenly straddled your chest. you gasped out a breath.
âopen up,â jake said, cock positioned right in front of your mouth.
not that he gave you the time to obey him, because he pressed himself against your slightly parted lips and forced them wider, entering your mouth on his own. your face strained, perfectly threaded brows tugging down into a discontented arch.
when you tried to pull away, jake grabbed the sides of your face and pushed you onto his shaft with trembling hands, making you take him and leaving no room for escape, not until he decided he was done with you. there was only one concern present in his mind and that was getting himself off.
tears stung your eyes, that same implacable feeling you had when heâd dragged his tongue over the expanse of your soft, shaved legs and bare, sweaty chest finding you again in the most of unwanted company. jake scoffed, spitefully tugging at your hair. âyou know whatâs funny? youâre such a fucking crybaby. you canât take even half of what you give to others.â
chin flush against his scrotum and your nose not even an inch away from his bush, you almost gagged. the slurping sounds were humiliating, loud, wet squelching with every other big gulp making you want to shrink. however, jake loved it, obsessing over the idea of making a mess out of you. the sound went straight to his dick.
jake held your face in that low position, deeper than youâd ever taken him so far. âiâm really not that bad of a guy, you know,â jake said, sounding like he truly believed it. you could have scoffed, if not for obvious reasons. âyou just bring it out of me. iâm really just treating you like how you treat everybody else.â
he made you sound like something straight out of hell and you couldnât help but think it was an unfair justification for something that felt too close to punishment. he obviously thought he knew you better than he did and it made you aggravated. that, or he somehow thought he was better than you.
there was a fleeting second of relief when jake unmounted your chest and let you breathe, only to be crushed again when he dragged you by your wrists to the edge of your mattress, leaving you in the deep end. your eyes struggled to grasp with the flipped image of him nearing you, cock back down your throat before you could even blink.
though his hips thankfully had been moving at a calmer, steady pace before, despite forcing himself deeper than you could handle, he began to thrust more urgently into your mouth with the new change, embedding himself even further into your throat than you knew was possible.Â
you cried harder, hating every second of it. the salty, bitter tang of your tears mingled with the tainted taste of spit and sharp bite of precum that had come to stain your chin and cupidâs bow. the vigor of his movements was overwhelming, overpowering.
âthatâs it, cheerleader. cry harder,â jake taunted, tracing his thumb over your face to swipe at the trail of tears. all the while his hips were moving faster, harder.
it felt like such a mockery, him doing that. a feigned act of sympathy while perpetuating the torment that was reducing you to tears as a selfish means of achieving pleasure of his own.Â
then, his hands wandered down to your breasts, slipping inside your night shirt and mauling your chest. running his hands in a circle, his thumb brushed the erect, colored nipples and he clasped his hands around your chest, squeezing your breasts. âfuck, iâm close,â he grunted, grip tightening, pace hastening, force increasing.Â
with how close he was, your nose was squarely against his the flesh of his balls, effectively cutting off your exhale. your heart thudded, racing and pounding. tensing with panic, your hands frantically moved, striking at his navel and thighs. even your legs were in alarm, unstill towards the other end of the bed.Â
jake groaned, smacking your cheek. another slap followed the sizzle, straight against your chest. âcalm the fuck down,â he hissed, raising his arm in preparation to hit you again. âiâll let you breathe as soon as i come, so you better not get in the way, if you know whatâs good for you.â
even if you wanted to, you couldnât stay calm. your body physically couldnât handle it, responding the only way it knew how, trying to protect you. somebody had to. you closed your eyes, face warm with tears and panic, and you tried to brace your hands on the sheets, anything to comfort and stabilize yourself.
it got to a point where jake couldnât hold back anymore and he climaxed with a prolonged, guttural groan, hips still brutally smacking into your mouth as he painted your tongue and the back of your throat with his cum. he went as far as to grab your head again, forcing himself onto you as deep as he could go, and demanding, âswallow it.â
like hell you would. you pushed him away, coughing and choking as soon as you did, drops of cum pooling from your mouth and some of it flying here and there in the midst of your coughing fit.
irritated, jake pressed his tongue against the roof his mouth. âyouâre so fucking useless,â he groaned, grabbing his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants and quickly turning on the camera. âlook at you. sitting here choking on my cum. you want it again, donât you?â
you sat up, nearly tumbling over the edge of your bed from the intense convulsing, and turned to face the other way as you hunched over, tightly clasping your sheets. âfuck off, you got what you wanted!â you rasped.
jake laughed. you sounded so gravelly. âyouâre right. i did,â he replied, putting back on his pants and pocketing his phone. âso, tutoring. iâll see you tomorrow. nighty night, cheerleader.â
he gave you a pat on the head and turned, heading straight for the door.
⸠hard feelings
something about today was different than usual.Â
when you woke up, you had felt a shift in the air, but youâd chalked it up to being nervous about the final you had in three hours.
but when you finally went to go take it, however, you quickly realized that the unsettling feeling you had was not simply pre-exam jitters. it was something much more sinister than that. with the status you held on campus, you were used to being watched and gawked at, but this was different.
it felt like everybody and their mother was looking at you.
you were confused. you had been the subject of this much attention before, but only once; it was a couple years back when someone had spread a dirty, foul rumor about you. there was a social media page for your school called top ten, mostly used to shame women for their sexual exploits, but some men made their way on it too. that was how you heard about sunghoonâs clap rumor.
long story short, a rumor about you had originated there and it had taken you weeks to clear your name. but by that time, there was already another slut of the week. you were lucky to have your situation not only be false and debunked, but word of mouth. only the most unlucky of people, like hyeri, got images or videos of themselves posted.
and you were a community favorite. you would understand if you were new, but you had built a reputation around here. why would anybody believe floating rumors about you now?
but the abundance of stares didnât end there. even in the cafe, you had caught someone watching you a little too hard to be a casual leer of admiration. and you were determined to find out why.
fortunately, you were able to find jennie and roseanne walking and talking in the courtyard, and you called out their names to stop them.
jennie turned first, and you watched her smile drop in real time. she glanced around, frantic, as if she was worried about someone watching her too.
roseanne smiled thinly, halfheartedly lifting her hand to wave. âhey,â she greeted quietly, matching jennieâs nerves.
they knew something you didnât and it was glaringly obvious. âwhatâs going on?â you asked. âeveryoneâs looking at me and i know iâm not going crazy yet.â
jennie and roseanne glanced between each other, as if they both had bad news but neither of them wanted to be the one to tell you. after a few seconds, jennie groaned and said, âyou might want to check top ten.â
your brows furrowed. you, on top ten? again? god, people could be so infuriating. âugh, what rumor did they spread about me this time?â
jennie winced, which only made you more anxious. âitâs not just a rumor,â she whispered. ââŚitâs a video.â
âvideo?â you echoed in disbelief. that didnât make sense. you hadnât been with anyone except⌠except jake. you tensed with anger.
roseanne opened her phone to show you the video that had been posted. it was an anonymous submission that claimed to be a recording of you. unfortunately, it was you, bits of your chest exposed from jake reaching into your shirt and drops of cum landing there as you fought for breath. your face wasnât visible, but there were some other distinguishing signs, like your hair and skin and sheets.
your heart thudded and your shoulders went cold, but your eyes were scalding. you were well aware that jake didnât like you, you didnât exactly love him either, but you never thought he would stoop low enough to hurt you like this.
âiâm sorry,â roseanne apologized, dropping her phone in her purse when you were done. the video was only a few seconds long, but the damage was forever. âbut donât worry. itâs not like itâs top three worthy. everyone will move on next week.â
jennie nodded in agreement and briefly patted your back. âyeah. weâll hang out again when this all blows over, i promise.â
then, they walked away. leaving you reeling with ache and betrayal. your friends didnât want to be seen with you anymore. you were an embarrassment.
you swallowed the bitter feeling scorching up your throat and tapped your pockets for your phone, knowing there was one person you needed to see.Â
you: you and i need to talk. right now.
jake: about what?
you: donât play dumb, i know you sent that video in!
jake: maybe u should have swallowed
you: you know what, i donât need you. i never have. and i donât want your help anymore. just leave me alone
jake: [one attachment]
jake: you sure about that? because iâm sure thereâs plenty of people that would love to see the version with your face in it
you gawked, hiding your phone screen against your chest while glancing around to make sure no one could see.
adjusting your brightness, you unlocked your phone again and texted him back hurriedly.
you: why are you doing this?! iâve never done anything to you
jake: this is bigger than just you and me
jake: now if you donât want everyone to see that pretty face, come put those lips around me again and we can work something out
and that was how it started. though you hadnât had the upper hand in weeks, this was the moment you completely lost it. what was once an arrangement for him to help you in exchange for your attention became a hole of misery that you couldnât dig yourself out of.
one blowjob became two, and two became three until you started to immediately recognize what it meant when you saw his name appear on your screen, knowing what it was before he even asked. not that he ever technically asked. it was always a command, a claim to your body wherever and whenever he wanted.
if you tried to be strong, if you tried to break free of him, he always threatened to make sure that recordings of you on your knees for him went up for all the world to see and no one would ever think of you the same way again. he was more than willing to taint the pretty, perfect image of yourself that you presented to the world.
you felt stuck, trapped. isolated with nowhere to go, no way out. you tried to conjure up a way to escape this situation, but you couldnât think of anything feasible. if you wanted to protect what was left of your social life and dignity, if you wanted to go outside without being ashamed, your only option was to be compliant.
no matter how many late nights and sore throats you had to go through.
you were in the middle of dozing off, your head leaning off to the side, when the sound of your phone ringing suddenly jolted you awake. you were tempted to ignore it until you saw the contact and begrudgingly pressed the phone to your ear. âhello?â you grumbled.
âiâve been texting you,â jake said, sounding miffed.
you sighed, glancing over at the clock on your nightstand. âitâs literally two in the morning,â you complained. âi just got home from cheer practice and iâm trying to study for my last final. i havenât even showered yet.â
âaw, poor thing,â jake crooned, pretending to care. âcome over.â
you heartless, selfish bastard, you snapped in your head. of course, you were in no place to say that out loud, so you settled for a calm, âokay,â and hung up.
stifling a yawn, you grabbed your keys and lazily stepped into a nearby pair of shoes, stretching your arms above your head before willing yourself to get up from your desk chair. then, you accidentally scraped your leg against the bottom drawer of your desk, which youâd accidentally left open.Â
âow!â you cried out, bending down a little. âgod, why does this world hate me? what did i do wrong?â
it was a wonder you managed to make it to jakeâs apartment without getting into a wreck, although at this point, you wouldnât care if you had as long as it killed you. or put you into an indefinite coma.
on the other hand, jake seemed strangely enthusiastic to see you and looked full of life and energy. âthere you are, cheerleader,â he said, pulling you in to hug you from behind. he led you over to his couch, much like he always did.Â
you covered your mouth with your elbow as you yawned. âcan we get this over with? iâm sleepy.â
jake chuckled. âi donât want you to suck me off. not right now.â
your brows furrowed, wondering if you had heard him right. if not for that, then why were the hell were you here?
âiâm sad,â jake said, not even attempting to keep the smug smile off his face. âi need you to cheer me up.â
you blinked at him like he was stupid. âcheer⌠you up?â
jake nodded his head, glancing you over with a grin. you looked like hell. partly because you were so obviously exhausted, but he knew heâd been having an effect on you too. âyeah, cheer me up. youâre a cheerleader,â he reminded, sounding proud of himself. âi want you to do your routine for me.â
you gawked in disbelief and whined, âiâm not even in my uniform.â
âso?â jake asked. âthose bones might be tired, but they still work. matter of fact, take everything off.â
you were quick to exclaim, âwhat the hell? jake, can i please just do it later? everything hurts.â
âtake everything off,â jake repeated, his voice more stern this time. âand move your ass.â
defeated, you reluctantly began to peel off your clothes, ignoring the way jake shamelessly ogled you for the sake of your own comfort and tugging your shirt from above your head. you couldnât even look at him as you abashedly stepped out of your shorts and panties.
what was even more mortifying was having to perform every stupid little routine for him with your entire body on display and your chest bouncing with every motion. putting on the sweet, forced smile and calling out the chants youâd memorized, all the while ignoring how your bones ached.
when you were done, he made you sit in his lap so he could touch you as he pleased, paying no mind to the way you squirmed uncomfortably.
you cried enough tears to occupy a sixth ocean the next day. you werenât exactly sure why. you just remembered miraculously waking up in your bed, sitting up and staring into empty space, and the water crashing down after a few minutes. it took you even longer to notice you were sobbing.
after a couple of meaningless hours, you got the random urge to call your moan, yearning to hear her voice. âmommy?â you said when she picked up.
âshe calls,â your mother chirped, pleasantly surprised. âhi, baby. i was starting to wonder if youâd forgotten about little oleâ me. you know, you never come see me anymore.â
you forced yourself to laugh, trying to strip your voice of the agony so that she wouldnât notice. âi know. iâm sorry,â you apologized quietly. âiâll come see you soon.â
âyou better,â your mother snapped playfully, no real malice in her voice. ânow, whatâd you call me for? and donât say just to check up on me, because thatâs a damn lie.â
âi miss you,â you confessed.Â
âa lie donât care who tell it.â
âma,â you groaned, knowing she was just messing around. âi swear i do.â
âmm-hm,â your mother hummed. you could already picture her in your head, eyeing you with suspicion, arms folded over her chest. âlet me guess why you really called. youâre having boy trouble.â
your eyes flickered in surprise. how did she know? you doubted it was exactly what she was thinking, but she was close enough. âyeah, something like that.â
there was no doubt that your mother sounded excited. you had always seem thoroughly uninterested in boys and dating, and while she was thankful when you were a teenager, it was a little worrying now. âitâs about time,â she said, clasping her hands together. âtell me all about it.â
you sighed, wondering how you could tell her about jake without making her fret. she had gotten all pumped, you didnât want to tear her down and ruin everything. âwell, thereâs this guy i met almost two months ago. at first, i didnât feel anything for him. he was just another boy, you know. someone i could keep around for a good time, not a long one.â
your mother hummed again. you could hear metal pans clacking against her counter and assumed she was cooking. she always did that.Â
taking a deep breath, you continued, âbut everything changed. heâs different from every other guy iâve dealt with. he doesnât just do what i say because i say so. and as the weeks passed, heâs started listening to me less and less than he already was.â
your mother chuckled. âand you didnât like that, huh? got your motherâs stubborn heart and indomitable spirit.â
in truth, you didnât think you had half of your motherâs strength, but you would never tell her that. as far as she knew, everything was going perfectly in the life youâd created here on campus. and it probably was the last time youâd spoken to her. âyeah,â you replied, wishing that were true. âi donât like it. he makes me feel something iâve never felt before.â
âhe makes you feel powerless,â your mother told you. âheâs got you feeling weak because heâs the first man youâve ever met willing to stand up to you. trust me, i was surprised the first time too. thatâs how you got here.â
âma,â you groaned with a wince.
she laughed. the sound made you happy, something you hadnât been so certain you were capable of feeling anymore. âiâm just keeping it real.â
you thought about her words. she may have been way off in her perception of what this relationship between you and jake really was, but she wasnât wrong about how he made you feel. weak, powerless. suddenly, this consuming feeling youâd been having for weeks finally had a name, and yet that made it even harder to come to terms with.
because you didnât want to be powerless. you wanted to be in charge, in control. you hated when things didnât go your way, and more importantly, you hated when there was nothing you could do about it. it was supposed to be you wielding power over peopleâs head, not being crushed beneath the weight of tyranny.
and it was then you fully realized the scope of your feelings; you absolutely hated jake sim.
 ⸠cheerleader? breed her!Â
standing there in a skimpy dress, face done and your feet clamped in heels that made you four inches taller, you didnât feel like yourself.
you thought that you would. in truth, you hadnât feel like yourself in months. today marked a little over two months since you made the mistake of beginning that agreement with jake and you regretted it more than anything. he had completely ruined you, your life, and everything that made you feel whole.
there were pieces of yourself that you would never get back, thanks to him. it was true that everyone had forgotten about the ordeal regarding the recording of you, but not without cost. it was a price you were still paying everyday; even when you werenât on your knees or otherwise commiting demeaning acts for the sake of jakeâs entertainment, you were hurting and mourning yourself.
you were starting to wonder if it was worth it. obviously, you liked being respected amongst your fellow students, but you were no longer certain if their respect was worth the price of your sanity. it was hard for you to even have basic interactions without giving away how incredibly lonely and isolated you felt, how trapped and doomed you were. helpless and powerless.
jake came up behind you, startling you. he was like a wolf and you were a little lamb masquerading as a wolf. âthere you are, baby,â he said, snaking his hands around your waist. he seemed to love doing that. âdid you know our anniversary was a few days ago?â
you scoffed. the two-month anniversary of the worst decision of your life to date. there was nothing you wouldâve give to undo it. doing your homework yourself would have spared you so much unnecessary pain. âstop doing that,â you whined, scanning the party. âsomeone will see.â
jake chuckled, clearly not giving a damn. âunlike someone, i donât really care what people think about me.â
you wished you didnât care. there would always be a part of you that cared, that was so afraid of what people could say about her that she would do anything to tailor her image perfectly. matter of fact, it was all you had cared about in high school, and every year after that was spent maintaining the brand.
jakeâs hand went from your waist to your ass, making you tense in his grasp. âyou know, i think i deserve some kind of compensation for putting up with you for two months.â
you deserved that too. freedom. being unshackled from his cruel, unrelenting orders was the one thing you wanted most and the one thing he refused to give you. âdonât you have your compensation almost every day?â you asked irritably.
âthatâs not nearly enough,â jake insisted, squeezing your ass.
god, how greedy could someone be? it was like he wanted to bleed you dry until there was nothing left.
âyou know what i want?â jake asked huskily, leaning into your ear. âi wanna fuck you.â
your eyes widened a little. you had hoped this day would never come, even though you werenât oblivious to the fact that jake had steadily gotten bolder in his interactions with you, the things he made you do for his satisfaction becoming entirely more erotic.Â
grabbing your arm, jake started to lead you away. âcome on, letâs go.â
you rooted in place, nearly stumbling. you didnât want to go anywhere with him, especially if it meant putting up with his insatiable urges. âjake, i donât want to,â you said, trying to push at him.
jake scoffed, wondering when you would realize that he didnât care what you wanted and you had no way of winning. âif you want to make a scene in front of all these lovely people, be my guest,â he hissed in your ear.
panicked, you glanced around the crowd in search of someone that could save you. it was like everybody was looking at you until you actually needed them to.Â
then, you locked eyes with jungwon. matter of fact, it seemed like heâd been looking at you much before youâd even glanced in his general direction. he saw you, saw the way jake was holding you roughly, saw the obvious stiffness on your face, saw the pleading look in your eyes; but ultimately, jungwon saw the image of you letting him down after bleeding him dry for half a year, and he turned away.
your shoulders slumped in defeat.
jake started dragging you toward the stairs, pushing past a bunch of drunk people dancing on each other. your heart was thumping, and your whole body was rigid with nerves as you tried to think of a way out of this even though you knew there was no option without consequences.
just your luck, the bathroom jake hauled you too was empty. he pushed you in and locked the door, pressing you against the counter. you gasped and glanced at your reflection in the mirror, hardly recognizing yourself. âjake, please,â you whispered, trying to plead with him. âplease, donât do this.â
jake didnât seem moved by your begging, but he did, however, appear amused. âwhy are you acting so sensitive about this after all weâve done together? itâs like youâve never gotten fucked or something.â
you swallowed, not saying a word.Â
the silence was very loud, very telling. jake arched a brow, a realization dawning on him. âyou really have never been fucked,â he said, surprised. âdamn, i should have figured that out when you were acting like you never sucked dick before.â
your face flushed with heat. it wasnât like you were necessarily embarrassed about it, not until now. you had always taken it as something to pride yourself on, being fuckable but untouchable. âyou say that like itâs a bad thing,â you replied, glancing down at the sink to avoid eye contact.
jake chuckled. it wasnât necessarily a bad thing, but he had been convinced that you were completely pretending to be a goody two-shoes. to know there was at least one percent of you that was still pure amazed him. he lifted the skirt of your dress with his hand and brought it between your legs, asking, âwhat, you just never find anyone worthy enough for your perfect, sacred pussy?â
you gasped out when he touched you there. his fingers circled your clothed cunt, thumb digging into your inner thigh. feeling scandalized, you grumbled, âmaybe iâm just not interested.â
jake shook his head, astonished by the amount of attitude you still had after all these months and determined to break it out of you. âand maybe i just donât care if youâre interested or not.â
it went without saying that jake always made you feel like some kind of object, but this was next level. âthis is dehumanizing!â you exclaimed.Â
hearing you, of all people, talk about dehumanizing made for an interesting conversation. big, calloused hand pressing harder into you, he asked tauntingly, âdoesnât feel good, does it?â
your glossy, painted lips were parted, unable to breathe through your nose. your eyes burned with the threat of tears and it was becoming second nature for them to shed whenever jake was nearby. âi donât understand,â you whimpered, trying to free yourself, but to no avail. âwhy are you doing this to me? what have i ever done to deserve this?â
jake could feel you struggling, trying to push him off you, but all it did was move your hips against his rapidly hardening cock. he groaned, grabbing hold of your ass and pushing you further back against him. âfuck, just like that,â he growled. âhavenât i told you this already? this is bigger than you and me.â
it wasnât lost on you that jake obviously had heard stories about you from other people, stories of happenings you probably couldnât deny, but it had nothing to do with him. âlook, if youâre doing all this to get back at me because i hurt one of your friends or something, iâm sorry, i really am. but i canât do this anymore, jake. i want to stop, please. please let me go on with my life.â
âwhat a privileged response,â jake hissed without concealing his vitriol. at the same time, he kept palming you over your panties, noticing them beginning to cling to your cunt, and tore your underwear to the side to insert a pair of fingers inside. âwhat about all those girls whose lives you ruined? iâm sure they wanted you to stop. and you didnât until they were too humiliated to show their faces around here again and you had no choice.â
you swallowed the lump in your throat. he knew about the girls? âjake, i havenât done that since freshman year,â you told him, desperately trying to reason with him.
two loud, harsh smacks echoed in the tiny, crowded space of the bathroom, followed by a gasp consequently. your pussy stung, your head jerking around to look at jake. âdo you really think that matters?â he asked, grabbing your hair to turn you back around just as quickly, as if you didnât deserve to look at him. âyou think that matters when the pain youâve done to them is permanent? they donât forget. and they damn sure donât forgive you.â
you tensed, hating the way your walls were gripping and gushing around his fingers. âso what? you think youâre god or something? is this you punishing me for my sins? youâre not exactly what i would call a saint, either.â
âme and you, weâre not the same,â jake remarked, a nip to his tone as if you needed the reminder of how much he disliked you. âyou only pick on people that you think are below you somehow. people you think wonât fight back.â
âi know iâm not a good person,â you admitted in between gasps, thighs straining as his fingers pumped into your pussy harder, faster, reaching places youâd never touched on your own. â i know i donât deserve to be happy. maybe i donât even deserve to be treated with respect, but please leave me this one thing. spare me just this once.â
jake laughed cruelly, pulling his fingers out of your drenched hole and smearing your juices all over your folds and thighs. his finger unintentionally swiped over your sensitive clit, making your legs quiver and your stomach tighten, sucking in itself.
âdamn, baby. you really know how to hurt my feelings,â jake said, voice dripping with sarcasm. he withdrew his fingers, bringing them into his mouth for a taste. âyou donât want me to fuck you that bad?â
your heart was spiking with dread, thumping belligerently in your chest, your ears, and between your legs. no one had ever made you feel so vanquished.
âtake my dick out,â jake said, his tone leaving no room for argument. âhurry up.â
you sighed anguishedly, turning around to undo his pants and slip his aching dick out of its confinements. for months, jake had been suppressing the urge to fuck you, wanting to wait for the moment where it would be most pivotal.
getting a hold of your throat, jake roughly yanked you flush against him the second you whirled back around to face the tiny bathroom counter, making you stand tall against his chest. his voice was almost as rough as the hands that held you. âput it in.â
you gawked, shaking your head.
his fingers tightened dangerously around your windpipe, making your damp eyes widen and your jaw slack against his whitening knuckles, maybe half a wheeze making its way out your throat before he warned, âif i have to fucking tell you again, iâm gonna crush every bone in your goddamn neck.â
with no other option, you meekly reached behind you to grasp him in your quivering hand, aimlessly steering him to your hole and sinking your teeth into your bottom lip as the tip brushed past your dripping folds. jake released a shaky breath, slapping your hand away and rutting his hips into you from behind, sheathing himself inside in one go.
he slackened his unforgiving grip on your throat, shoving you back against the counter none too gently, but you still felt like you couldnât breathe when he entered you, a mangled whimper echoing out. your fingers desperately braced the edges of the counter for purchase as you tried to will yourself to inhale, but it was like you were choking.
jake had a death grip on your thighs, forcibly pushing them apart a little more as he coated himself with the creamy, hot wetness of your unwanted arousal. âmm, hard to believe you donât secretly want me when youâre sucking me in like this, baby,â he said, proud.
you shook your head in denial, face flushing with a heat that spread to your ears and neck. it didnât help that there were beads of salty, hot tears pouring down your face and reducing your vision to one big, hazy blur. you didnât want him, not even a little bit. but you couldnât control the way your body was responding.
the lewd, wet smack of his cock thrusting deeply into your tight cunt rang out so loudly that you wanted nothing more than to hide into oblivion and never be seen again, mortified. it made things seem so much different than they were. his long, thick cock was stretching you beyond the cusp your limits and making you gape.
âiâm so nice to you,â jake said, tipping his head back. you could see his chest rising and falling through his clothes, his body taut with pleasure and excitement. âiâve been holding back for so long, trying not to fuck you. wonât keep me out this pussy now. iâm gonna fuck you till your legs give out. have you at practice limping.â
your knees, wobbly as they already were, began knocking into the cabinets at the bottom of the sink. you winced your eyes closed as your fingers curled around the edge of the counter roughly enough to change the color around your knuckles, hoping to think of something, anything, to take you out of the moment.
but it was too hard. you couldnât ignore the throb of your gushing walls as they kneaded his cock, making him grunt in your ear as he leaned over your backside. you couldnât ignore the faint sting of his nails stabbing your hips and his heavy palm slapping repeatedly against your ass. and you definitely couldnât ignore the dirtiness staining you from head to toe.
sure, it felt good, his body rocking against yours steadily, but it didnât feel right. many nights you had pictured what losing your virginity would be like, both the way that it was supposed to look and the way that you were more inclined to, but this was neither; it was heartless, it was punishing, and it was brutal.
jake grabbed you by your hair and forced you to look into the mirror, yanking your head up. âthere it is,â he spat, words sounding painfully familiar. âthereâs the real you.â
your hair was messy from him tugging it every which way, treating you like a doll to mishandle. your makeup was ruined from your sobbing, the path of your tears harsh against everything else. your eyes were red and your right lash looked like it was barely holding on, the effect of rubbing at your face.
jake watched you take in the destroyed sight of yourself, practically hearing the critical thoughts hopping in your mind. âthis is what you really are. this is what youâre sucking my dick to keep hidden from the world. is it worth it, baby? or do you just like the way i taste on your tongue?â
no, it wasnât worth it. you were beginning to understand that now. he was taking too much from you, too much of your peace and too much of your sanity. maybe it would be better to be judged and lonely but free than to be loved by people whose opinion of you could change on a dime anyway at the expense of your soul.Â
your pride had been buried a long time ago, brutally murdered in her sleep. âjake, please stop. iâm uncomfortable,â you complained, tearing your eyes away from your reflection in shame.
jake smacked your ass again, making you cry out sharply. âyou just love being the victim when itâs convenient for you, huh?â
âiâm sorry!â you whimpered. âi donât know what you want me to do. what do you want? just tell me.â
jake snickered, running his hands over your hips and waist to knead the flesh. then, he brushed your hair out of your face, nibbling at the skin behind your ear before growling, âyou know what i want, cheerleader? i want to assassinate all there is that you love about yourself and leave everything else untouched, so that you understand not why everybody hates you, but why nobody loves you.â
those words hit you straight in the gut. for the first time, you had no retort, no comeback.Â
hips beginning to move faster, jake continued, âthe boys donât love you, they just want to fuck you. they would kill to be as deep inside you as i am. the girls sure as hell donât love you. they either want to be you, or they resent you for beating their asses. and donât get me started on those girls you call friends.â
âjake, stop,â you whispered, an agony vicious enough to rip through flesh tearing you straight in half.Â
but jake didnât listen. he wasnât done, not until he made his point. âdonât think i didnât notice how lonely you were for the whole week everybody was talking shit about you. they didnât want to touch you with a six foot pole, did they? they donât want to be seen with you unless it gives them a good rep.â
there was a pang in your chest. you didnât want to admit it, but that cut deep. you had heard people say mean things about you before, it was to expected when you were an emblem of popularity on campus, but few things had reached you where it hurt.
jake stroked your messy cheek, almost with affection. âbut itâs okay. because you want to know something, baby? it was hard for me to admit it to myself, but you truly fascinate me. i canât get you out of my head sometimes. you piss me off every time without fail, but i keep coming back to you. i like you, baby. if no one else does. you grew on me.â
you werenât sure if that was supposed to make you feel better, but it didnât. if anything, you only felt more heartbroken and wounded not only by his words, but by your inability to counter them. it truly dawned on you, right then, just how alone you were.
jake threw his head back, grunting. his hips were moving with a mind of their own, eager to finish. âfuck, iâm gonna come.â
your eyes went wide in panic, remembering that he had gone in bareback.Â
âjake, donâtâŚâ
before you could even finish your statement, jake clamped a hand over your mouth, muffling your protests into his pale palm. âyou know what guys at my school used to say about cheerleaders?â he asked, obviously not expecting a response. ââsee a cheerleader, breed a cheerleader.â âcheerleader? breed her.ââ
you thrashed, but it was pointless. those thick, burly biceps of jakeâs were one of the first things you noticed about him and they werenât just for display. he held you in place as he quickened his pace again, his thrusts unrelenting.
with a couple more quick yet shockingly rhythmic thrusts, jake emptied his load deep, deep inside you. he moaned, moving his hands from your mouth to your hips to keep himself steady as he reeled from the pleasure of a mind-numbing orgasm. âgoddamn,â he cursed, panting for breath.
you stifled a small noise as you felt his warmth flooding into you, unsure how to feel at this point.Â
to your surprise, jake started fucking you again, never once daring to pull out as if he was determined to fuck every drop of his sticky cum as deep inside you as it could reach. his stringy, thick load gathered on his dick and inside your pussy, leaking down your thighs as he kept going.
you gasped out, moans involuntarily leaving you as you were stuffed full of him over and over. you didnât mean to, but it was impossible to control.
then, jake stuck a hand between your legs and rolled his thumb over your clit, which didnât help. you cried out, tensing. âjake, stop! itâs sensitive.â
âthatâs the point, dummy,â jake replied, stimulating your clit with his hand while simultaneously pumping himself into you from behind.
your core tightened, heat wafting over you as your chest heaved wildly. âwhat are you doing?â you stammered.Â
jake smiled, watching in the mirror how your face tensed with a blend of confusion and ecstasy that you couldnât rein. âyou really think iâm an asshole, huh? iâm trying to make you come. relax and let me.â
you shook your head. you didnât want to come, not for him, and most definitely not on his cock for him to feel every unintentional shudder of your pussy as it gushed and pulsed with hot, sweet release; that would be embarrassing.
that made jake chuckle. âno? you donât wanna come for me, baby?â he asked, furrowing his brows playfully as he tilted your face back up to the mirror with a push of your jaw. âcome on, let go. you keep saying iâm not a good guy, but you shoot me down when i try to be nice.â
you moaned again, against your own reason and better judgment. âplease,â you rasped with half a breath.
âplease, what?â jake asked, rubbing you with just a pinch more force. âdo you even know?â
god, you hated him; you absolutely despised him. but damn, if it didnât feel good to have someone touch you after youâd spent so long avoiding sex like it was something to be ashamed of.
and this? this was definitely something you were ashamed of.
and yet the most shameful moment, perhaps, was when you finally couldnât resist the pleasure of his big, long fingers twirling around your sensitive nub and his brutal hips smacking into you with a vengeance, clamping around him as you orgasmed with a loud cry and the heat shot through every corner of your body.
âshit,â jake hissed, the feel of you finishing around him draining the cum from his balls for a second time.
your jaw slacked, overwhelmed by how you felt completely and utterly stuffed, ropes of his cum filling you to the hilt. jake thrusted into you a little more, sending a flare through your back and shoulders, until he stilled for good. you could hear him panting behind you.
after a moment or two, jake pulled out. hand between your thighs, he gathered some of his stringy release on his finger and brought it up to your lips. âopen up. donât make me say it again.â
you opened your mouth wide enough for him to insert two of his cum-coated fingers inside. then, you sucked at them and swallowed it down, knowing those would be the next words to leave his mouth.Â
jake raised a brow, pleasantly surprised. he took his time to withdraw his fingers, enjoying the sensation of you licking them clean. âsee, i knew you loved eating my cum.â
your face burned, but you didnât have the energy to deny it. not after that. it felt like there was a gaping hole in your chest, a void that would never be filled.Â
âyouâre learning,â jake commented, humming in satisfaction. âgood girl. you know, maybe one day we can get along. donât you think?â
âyeah,â you murmured weakly. at this point, you would just go along with whatever he said. and maybe that was why he figured you could experience some peace together now.
keeping your dress bunched up, jake grabbed some tissues from his left and started to wipe at you. âletâs get you cleaned up before we leave, cheerleader. donât want the entire student body to see you like this, right?â
you whipped your head around, eyes widening in surprise. leaving to go where? certainly you werenât going home with him after tonight.Â
âdid you think i was kidding?â jake asked with a sly smile, slipping your panties backing in place and giving your shoulder a fleeting kiss. âi told you, iâm gonna fuck you till your legs give out.â
#jake sim smut#enhypen smut#sim jaeyun smut#jake smut#enhypen x reader#enha smut#enhypen x you#enhypen hard hours#enha x reader#jake sim x reader#sim jaeyun x reader
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Not a big c.s. lewis fan but I just think this quote really applies here
This was an interesting article to read. I think it's a little simple but still fun to skim thru.
#also sorry but the first image in this thread reeks of ableism and homophobia. like. maybe don't compare symptoms of adhd to âbeing a childâ#and like yeah i am doing the things i couldn't as a teen in adulthood. why is that a problem exactly????#you want me to just suffer forever? want me to never try new things or do the things I love because you deemed them âimmatureâ arbitrarily?#get over it#I don't have the energy to unpack all of this right now but maybe if people enjoying things you view as childish upsets you#you should really reevaluate why. It's not healthy to be this concerned with public perceptions and other people's harmless hobbies#it really just reads to me as an evolution of cringe culture and the way people will completely fabricate reasons why they're#âmorally justifiedâ in hating things other people enjoy instead of just not personally liking them and moving on with their day.#Liking cute things or disney or whatever isn't secretly a symptom of some elaborate societal issue or mental disorder. You're just upset#that people are able to enjoy something that you personally don't or feel like you can't#and so you're taking it out on them in a way that makes them the problem instead of processing your own emotions#it's all projection
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âguess you didnât have a forwarding address after all âšď¸â shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut up shut up shut up
#I am FROTHING#at the mouth I mean#I am so beyond unreasonably annoyed#dad sends bday card to old address bc we never talk and he didnât know I moved#literally never texts me#I donât really text him either so I suppose itâs a two way street#I had mail forwarding until Jan 1st so I dunno what happened but I dunno just the text out of the blue like that triggers something in me#could have just said âhey your card finally got returned. do you want me to resend it?â#BUT NO fucking âšď¸âšď¸âšď¸ guess you made a wittle mistakey son âšď¸âšď¸âšď¸#Iâm most probably reading too much into it. probably. Iâm hopingâŚ.#I am just⌠seethingâŚ#whatever. itâs a two way road. youâd just think heâd care about his son to check in more often#especially when said son is not. doing. great. when said son is helping take care of his estranged dadâs sick ex wife whom he divorced to#to fuck off around the world and fucking go live abroad after having two kids. just fucks off. fucked off. f offed. offâd? LEFT#which WHATEVER your prerogative my dude my man I still love you but Iâm gonna be resentful forever#and Iâm getting off topic. oh yeah. and the last time we texted briefly I was saying how life was shitty#told him I had to move because of no money and mom got a transplant and is still sick all the time#and itâs all âwell⌠let me know if I can do anythingâ#fuck you#you want to be snarky go ahead and be snarky#go fucking drink by the pool all day with your dogs whatever#big fucking nice guy âuwu guess you didnât really want my letter đđđ˘#Iâm just⌠fucking sorry I donât text you more. what am I supposed to text about?#iâm ashamed of myself. of my life. Iâm a fucking 35 year old loser and I know I let you down. talking to you just reminds me Iâm a fuck up#Iâm a bad investment and you got out while the getting was good#fuck⌠it was just some shitty little comment that might not have even been malicious. just tone deaf or whatever#but now Iâm feeling so shitty and I canât stop it#sorry this was too much#I was on the verge of just starting to yell and stomp around like an idiot and decided to vent here instead#⌠but seriously what the fuck. what response is he expecting? I set up forwarding so idk. shit happens dude
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