#if you know what any of the stuff i used means. thank you
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syluslnd · 2 days ago
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thank u for ur brilliant writing 🫰 can u do one where reader has a stomach and is self conscious about it and avoids when he tries to wrap his arms around her stomach or similar stuff like that?
when you’re insecure about the size of your stomach
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You were curled up on the couch, half-focused on the show playing on the screen but mostly lost in thought. It was a cozy evening, the kind you both loved, just the quiet murmur of voices on the TV and the warmth of being together at home.
Suddenly, you felt the cushion dip beside you and you turned just in time to see Sylus settling in. He slid an arm around your waist, pulling you closer in one smooth, effortless motion.
Before you could stop yourself, your hand flew to his, instinctively pushing his arm away. He let go, his eyes widening slightly as he looked at you in surprise.
There was a moment of silence, and the air felt suddenly heavy, caught somewhere between confusion and embarrassment. You could feel your cheeks heating up as you tried to stammer out an explanation. “I-I didn’t mean to—sorry, I just… I wasn’t expecting…”
He didn’t say a word at first, just looking at you with that steady gaze of his. Then, a small smirk crept onto his lips as he leaned back, folding his arms over his chest.
“You’re adorable, you know that?” he said, the gentle tease in his voice softening his words.
You blinked, feeling even more flustered. “What do you mean?”
He raised an eyebrow, giving you a look that told you he knew exactly what was going through your mind. “Come on, kitten. You think I haven’t noticed how you shy away when I go for your waist? Or the way you tense up when I hold you close?”
You felt a lump in your throat as his words sank in. He knew. He knew and for a second, you wanted to just melt into the couch cushions, to hide from the way he looked at you—so understanding, so calm. You took a shaky breath, glancing down. “I… I just… I feel like my stomach’s too… big.”
The words hung in the air, raw and vulnerable. You barely dared to look up at him but when you did, there was a warmth in his eyes that wrapped around you as surely as any embrace.
Sylus chuckled softly, reaching out again but this time his touch was gentle, his fingers just barely grazing your side. “Sweetie” he murmured, his voice dropping to that tone he only used when he really wanted you to listen. “I don’t care if you’ve got a flat stomach or if you’re the size of a hippo. It’s all just more to love.”
You felt a smile tugging at your lips despite yourself. “A hippo?”
He shrugged, that teasing smirk lighting up his face. “What? Hippos are pretty cute, if you ask me.” He leaned closer, his voice dropping to a playful whisper. “Besides, I like having a little more of you to hold onto.”
Your cheeks went hot, and you let out a small laugh, finally relaxing as his arms found their way back around your waist. This time, you didn’t push him away. Instead, you let yourself sink into his embrace, resting your head against his shoulder.
“Thank you” you murmured, your voice quiet but sincere.
He squeezed you a little tighter, pressing a light kiss to the top of your head. “Anytime, kitten” he whispered, a soft chuckle following. “Though I’ll admit, it’s kind of fun seeing you all flustered. You’re so cute when you try to act tough.”
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. “You’re insufferable.”
“And yet, here you are, all cuddled up with me” he teased, pulling you even closer.
You both settled into the quiet again, but this time it was warm and comfortable, filled with the unspoken promise that no matter what, he would love you exactly as you were—no matter what you saw in the mirror.
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bitterkarella · 2 days ago
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Midnight Pals: Dark Days Coming
King: hey guys sorry i'm late King: i just could not get up this morning King: feels like I've been sleeping for days King: what did i miss? King: how did the election go? Lovecraft: not too bad King: King: oh no King: oh no oh no oh no
Lovecraft: don't worry steve it won't be so bad Lovecraft: I've heard assurances from the new regime that they only want the trade unionists King: King: King:
Lovecraft: i mean really steve Lovecraft: how bad could it be? [meanwhile] Donald Trump: we're gonna have the biggliest boot stamping on a human face forever Trump: we love the boot stamping on the human face forever, don't we folks? Trump: more and more people are saying they love the boot
Lovecraft: you're overreacting steve Lovecraft: what's trump even going to do? King: well i'm glad you asked King: [unrolls comically long scroll] Lovecraft: oh is this going to be a song
King: well for starters King: decimate reproductive rights King: LGBTQ rights King: labor rights King: civil rights King: accelerate climate change Lovecraft: [sweats] this is making me feel bad steve Lovecraft: i can't wait for trump to outlaw you telling me this stuff!
King: use the military to brutalize americans King: abandon Ukraine King: and as for gaza George Romero: in all honesty steve Romero: that probably won't change much King: oh look! an optimist!
Lovecraft: ok but Lovecraft: has he actually SAID he's going to do any of that? King: yes Lovecraft: oh he was probably just lying Lovecraft: he lies a lot Poe: he does lie a lot
Lovecraft: i think you're overreacting, he's probably not gonna do all the stuff he says he's gonna do King: so you don't believe him? Lovecraft: nope! King: king: then what's his appeal? Lovecraft: well he's just so honest
Lovecraft: a real straight shooter Lovecraft: tells it like it is Lovecraft: says what he means King: King:
King: howard please tell me you didn't vote for trump did you? Lovecraft: [sweats] steve! please! Lovecraft: i'm only a loveable archie bunker style racist Lovecraft: i'm still 100% yang gang King: King: King: i picked a bad day to quit cocaine
King: i really need some cocaine King: edgar you know where i can get some cocaine don't you Poe: steve stay strong Poe: you don't need cocaine King: just one bump King: to get me through the next four years King: i mean few days King: no i mean four years
King: how about a beer? i was an alcoholic too you know King: maybe i'll take that up again King: this is good drinking weather Poe: steve no Poe: dean help me hold him back King: don't try to stop me! Poe: no steve! you've got so much to live for! King: yeah? like what? Poe: well Poe: you've got a loving family King: Joe is pretty great Koontz: and owen! King: King: yeah and owen is alright too i guess
King: yeah he's pretty good King: what the heck, i can say it King: i love owen too! Koontz: and there's naomi too King: whoa wait a second, i have THREE kids?? King: this just keeps getting better!
King: thanks guys i do feel a little better Poe: good, hold onto that Poe: cuz it's going to be a long four years Lovecraft: only four years? i thought we weren't gonna have to vote anymore! Poe: Poe: good drinking weather, huh?
Joyce Carol Oates: huh, i really don't see why the electorate would hate trans people unless they were persuaded by hate speech and fearmongering JK Rowling: well well well look at the fancccy pantsss rich author Rowling: with her out of touch fancccy ideasss about a pluralissstic sssociety! Rowling: with her fancccy german automobile! Oates: this car was made in Guatemala
Rowling: you're clearly too rich to underssstand the feelingsss of the common man Rowling: unlike me, a true daughter of the proletariat Rowling: i know all about the material needsss of the underclassss Rowling: anyway i'm going to insulate my Scottish castle with big bags of money
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briar-ffxiv · 2 days ago
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Hate to do this, but if anyone can help
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TL: DR - Due to a lot of financial strain this year and moving before we planned to with little notice, my cats and my family don't have money for groceries for the next few months. We just need to make it to January and we've been trying hard, eating as cheap as possible, not going out, no extra services, etc. Heck, I only have FFXIV because a friend was nice enough to help.
But now, we're out of money and next paycheck once we cover rent and bills, we'll have less than $30. And unfortunately, we need to eat.
So if anyone can help, I'd appreciate it. Anything. Thank you. <3
Below the read-more are the longer details. If anyone doesn't mind boosting or something, I'd be grateful.
More Details:
Basically, due to having to move at least a year sooner than expected with less than 60 days' notice, we've used up every bit of savings and resources we have. Plus, due to some other financial nonsense, including the past roommates being terrible and my spouse's work using loopholes to avoid paying him overtime, we're finally having a really rough time.
We can just cover rent and the minimal bills. Several months ago, we turned off anything we didn't completely need. That includes streaming services, games, and what have you. Heck, we wouldn't have kept on the internet if my spouse didn't need it for work.
We were just trying to hold on until New Year. The New Year means a mandatory raise for my spouse and his boss has promised it's a good one (due to several years of him getting the minimum under his previous boss who was fired for several reasons). So we've been just trying to make it and just have a few months left.
Unfortunately, with just a few months to go, we've basically maxed out all we can. The next step is trying to rehome my cats to remove the cost of maintaining them, although I hate to do it. I really don't want to. Pretty much every cat I have, I either rescued and/or raised from birth. But I'm certainly not going to let them starve or suffer.
I have been trying for months to get a job, but due to personal things and limited options (only one car with limited gas, etc.), I haven't been able to find anything. I keep sending out forms and not hearing much. Due to gas prices and such, I can't even do UberEats or Doordash or something. I'm at a loss and I feel completely useless in trying to help my spouse at the moment.
I really hate asking. My little Tumblr is just cute stuff with my character, aesthetics, and trying to be positive. I'm just really desperate because I don't know what else to do.
We've looked into state help, but I live in Texas and their "poverty line" is absolutely ridiculous. My spouse makes "too much" for us to get the benefits of any kind of help, even temporarily. Due to the crappy roommates, our credit isn't great and we're already struggling to pay off things so getting a loan is pretty much impossible.
I don't really have any skills that people would pay for commissions for. I'd be happy to do writing commissions or something, but I've never had much luck with that.
So, yeah, I just...I really need some help getting through the next 60 days or so. So if you've read all this, thank you. If you reblog, thank you. If you feel like giving anything, thank you. Even if it's just kind thoughts, I appreciate it so much.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Bard
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merakiui · 1 day ago
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going back to read your contractual fwb azul cause it’s my favourite fic ever and i have to wonder; what would azul do if you never used his wishes to your own advantage? like it was always small stuff, so you ended up having to get a new job (sex is banned and let’s pretend like theres some random cafe on sage island or something like that you’re picking up shifts. just not the monstro lounge) and the hours you work there give him less time. would he beg you to use his money? to take advantage of him? it feels like the terms he picked also come from a domestic standpoint of wanting to provide for you. and your new job is really getting in the way of that. rely on him and no one else >:(
(also i’d like to imagine you falling asleep sitting in his lap in his office chair sometime before the confession so he carries you back to his room and you spend the night. the next morning you wake up to him pulling away and in your extremely sleep deprived mind you get upset that he’s leaving. cue him promising he’ll be back—maybe a quick round just so he can get you to wish it and no it’s definitely not because he wants sleepy morning sex—and eventually he comes to wake you back up with flowers, tea (you know the one), and telling you you have a day off somehow.) thank you for listening to my tiny brain rambles
hiiiiiii this is just a question i forgot to add to my last ask that i submitted like 2 seconds ago.
how does your relationship with azul go now that you’re actually in one and not just fwb? like does he still spoil you with whatever you ask for in exchange for sex or just give it to you and sex happens whenever? (more than the average couple cause, cmon) he gave you the fish shoes even though you lost so it stands that he’d spoil the hell out of you whenever he can
- - -
Hi hiiii!! :D omg contractual fwb tako..... I miss thinking about that fic. Peak Azul is him developing a relationship with darling via contractual means and slowly but surely the feelings shift (through dubious efforts hehehe). >:D that dynamic is just so *chef's kiss*!!!!!
Oooo if reader got a job!!! If not at the lounge, which is secretly what Azul hopes, then the place better pay good wages and the hours and work better be reasonable!! >:( he won't have his angelfish struggle. Maybe he'd even visit you during your shifts on occasion and make up some excuse like "I need to know what sort of competition the lounge has" blah blah blah etc etc even though it's quite clear he's checking up on you. T_T I like to think Azul wants you to take advantage of him because it's a deal in which you're both using the other for certain things, so wouldn't that make the most sense?? That's how the logic works in his give-and-take, equivalent-exchange brain.
Azul gets really particularly when it comes to giving gifts and he always seems to want a valid reason for the exchange (like in Glomas where he buys souvenirs for his dorm so that they can remember this good deed and know that they are technically indebted to him even though to Deuce and Epel it appears as though he's just being a kind Housewarden). But also,,, he's so iffy when it comes to accepting gifts himself and always seems to think there's some underlying reason behind it. ^^;; perhaps he'd just feel more comfortable if you were openly using him and this deal to your benefit just as he's doing the same with you. It's probably why he even makes the terms so domestic because, beneath all of the pompous showmanship and businessman flair, he genuinely wants to provide for you and make your life better and be your beloved. <3 but because he's Azul he can't just tell you that. >_<
AAAAA FALLING ASLEEP IN HIS OFFICE!!!!! OTL waking up in his bed all bleary-eyed and sleepy....... grabbing at his arm and begging him to stay,,, the sleepy morning sex... maybe it's the one moment he allows just some of his defenses to fall because most of yours are nonexistent in this moment. Having sex just to have sex without any thoughts about your contract..... of course he's still going to remind you later and insist you use one of your wishes/favors since you technically indulged him with sex, but then you wanted it, too. He's so fussy!!!! Please just ask him for something—anything! He isn't going to beg, but sometimes you really do make him contemplate it when you're so determined to not make use of him and his connections.
You're one of Azul's greatest weaknesses and if you know this then you can easily exploit this because this tako adores you. He is so utterly whipped. Whatever you want, you can have it. Spoiling you is one of his many love languages. He loves giving you gifts, especially when he knows they'll make you happy. Like those silly fish slippers. They are so dumb, but they make his angelfish smile and that's enough reason to purchase them for you. I think once you're in a real relationship the fwb contract is dissolved, but a lot of what you did during those two months still occurs into your relationship. Like the smoldering tension and the chemistry. The silly banter and smart quips. The attraction. And of course lots of love (real and potion-induced mwahaha) and sex. He railed you once in mer form and you better believe he'll do it again now that he's slowly finding the confidence to do so with you.
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watarfallar · 2 days ago
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*gay braincell tossing*
Scar: Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Grian: Why start now?
Grian: I love you. Scar: I love me too.
Grian: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this. Scar: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.
Scar: Snow got me feeling some type of way. Grian: That's hypothermia.  Scar: Damn, the paramedics told me it was the magic of Christmas.
Grian: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life. Scar: Please never become a surgeon.
Scar: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Scar: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.
Scar: Damn, the power went out. Grian: Don’t worry, I got this. Grian: *stomps foot* Scar: What-? Grian: *Sketchers light up*
Grian: We either die free, or die trying! Scar: Are those the only choices?
Scar: I’m totally useless. Grian: You’re not totally useless. Grian: You can be used as a bad example.
Scar: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? Grian: Technically a mix of green and blue? Scar: So blurple. Grian: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. Scar: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? Grian: You were confusing before but now I'm scared.
Scar: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?! Grian: ... Scar: Oh, right. The lying.
Grian: You’re not jealous, are you? Scar: No! Grian: Good, ‘cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.
Scar: And what did we learn, Grian? Grian: Tackling someone isn’t the correct response to being asked a simple question.
Scar: You know, it’s fine to admit you were wrong. Grian: *Sipping their drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.
Scar: You are a solid 11/10. Grian: Aw, thank- Scar: Which is 1.1 because you look like shit.
Scar: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Grian? Grian: …Not really. Scar: Nothing? Grian: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.
Grian: Kill him. Scar: This is the kind of quality advice I look for.
Scar: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.
Grian, texting: Scar, will you please go to sleep? Scar, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up? Grian, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP! Grian, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon? Scar, texting: I’m trying Grian, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH Grian, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)
Scar: I’m a masochist, not a loser.
Scar: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. Grian: Oh, that was all real. Scar: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! Grian: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.
Grian: *spins around in chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* shit *tries to stop spinning* shit *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* sHIT *falls out of chair*
Grian: I’m not stupid, you know. Scar: Well, you’re doing a really good impression of it!
Scar: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you. Scar: Ask me to kill for you. Grian: ...First of all, calm down-
Scar: Grian, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break. Grian: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”
Grian: I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation. Scar: Yeah! We’re cowards!
Scar: *holds a gun out to Grian* Grian: I-I don't believe in guns. Scar: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.
Scar: I owe you one. Grian: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.
Grian: I hate you with every inch of my body! Scar: That’s not a lot of inches.
Scar, to Grian: You drink too much, swear too much, and your morals are highly questionable. Grian: … Scar: You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a best friend.
Scar: I need a long word. Grian: T-rex but the long one.
Grian: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.
Grian: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. Scar: Those are wanted posters!
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benispunk · 13 hours ago
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Who's That Girl?
Chapter 5: We Stay Silent
All jokes aside, Wade had too much stuff to deal with. Keeping up his mask was way too hard.
logan howlett x reader
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TW: language, D&W, panic attack, mental health issues.
A/N: chapter five is up!!! this one is directly connected to the previous chapter, it's basically the same chapter but from wade's pov, so please make sure you read Part 4 before reading this one!! Please don't be made at me I love wade so much😔✊
→ this fic is inspired by the TV Show New Girl, Wade and Logan aren't Deadpool and Wolverine (no powers/mutant gene etc) but I did take most of their character traits and storyline!!
Masterlist / Previous Part
Wade woke up later than usual, sunlight already creeping through the blinds. His phone buzzed on the nightstand with a few missed notifications, but he didn’t bother checking them right away. He stretched lazily, rubbing his face. The apartment was quiet, almost too quiet. Logan and Y/N had already left for work, probably hours ago. Good. He didn't think he was in the mood for any morning chit-chat for once.
After throwing on his running gear and grabbing a water bottle, Wade slipped out of the apartment and into the cool morning air. He’d hit his usual route— nothing too long today. He wasn’t up for pushing himself too hard.
He never liked running. He always wondered what part of running was actually satisfying for some people. It helped him clear his mind, gave him space to think, or better yet, not think at all. Maybe he had a toxic relationship with running. Maybe it worked like a drug on him. But he knew he would rather run until his legs give out rather than go down the same path he followed years ago. He knew better now.
The streets were familiar, and Wade let his feet carry him through the neighborhood without much thought. His mind wandered, as it often did, from jokes he was working on to what gig he had next to the weird thing Logan had said last night. Everything felt scattered, but that was normal. He was used to living with his thoughts bouncing around like a pinball machine. His mind felt like a computer with thousands of tabs opened.
But then, just as he rounded a corner near the park, Wade froze. Vanessa.
She was standing there, a few meters away, looking just like she used to—like a ghost from a past life. She hadn’t seen him yet, thank god. His heart slammed into his chest, panic rising as he quickly debated turning around and bolting. Too late.
“Wade?”
Her voice caught him mid-step. He turned, awkwardly waving like an idiot.
“Vanessa, hey!” Wade’s voice came out higher than he wanted, and the grin he plastered on his face felt all wrong.
Vanessa smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners, looking genuinely happy to see him. “I knew that was you. How’ve you been?”
Wade’s brain scrambled for something, anything to say. How have I been? That was a fucking big question. How do you explain six years of missing someone without falling apart? He ran a hand through his hair, nervously glancing at his shoes.
“Oh, you know… same old, same old.” He tried to laugh it off, but his voice cracked.
She didn’t seem to notice his internal chaos. “It’s been so long, huh? We should catch up sometime, what do you think?”
He wanted to run. Run so fast he could break his legs and never even feel it. Catch up? What does that even mean? How do you catch up with someone you’ve been in love with since forever even after you both decided that being friends would be better, and bla bla bla, why was he thinking about this again?
He did his best at hiding his internal panic and forced himself to stay still, nodding like an idiot.
“Yeah, totally! That would be great.” He was still smiling like a maniac, but inside, every alarm bell was going off. Abort. Abort. Abort.
Vanessa seemed pleased with that answer, though. “Great! I’ll text you.”
“Yeah! See ya around, V,” Wade blurted before turning on his heel and jogging away as fast as he could without looking completely insane. He could feel her eyes on him as he sprinted, and he didn’t stop until he was several blocks away, breathing hard.
“Good job, Wade. You fuckin’ idiot,” he muttered to himself, wiping sweat from his forehead. His chest felt tight, but it wasn’t from the run. It was that familiar pressure building inside him, the one he tried so hard to ignore. The feeling of not being able to handle any of it.
———
Wade stood outside Blind Al’s door, debating whether to knock or not. He hadn’t seen her in a while, but she had been a constant in his life during the toughest times. Before Logan. Before everything fell apart.
He knocked, and her voice came through the door, as sharp as ever. “Took you long enough to visit, jackass.”
Wade smiled despite himself, pushing the door open. “Miss me, Al?”
“Not in the slightest,” she quipped. Wade knew she couldn’t see, but the way she was standing in front of him made it look like she was staring right through him, “Something’s going on with you. Spill it.”
Wade plopped down on her couch, letting out a dramatic sigh. “Ran into Vanessa.”
Blind Al didn’t react. She just sat back in her chair. “That so? And you didn’t completely lose your shit?”
Wade snorted. “Define ‘completely.’ I told her we’d catch up, and then I ran away like a coward. Does that count?”
“Yeah, that counts,” Al said, her voice gruff but understanding. “So what now?”
“I don’t know.” Wade rubbed his temples. “She seemed happy, like genuinely happy to see me, and I just… I don’t know what to do with that.”
“You don’t have to do anything,” Al said bluntly. “She’s part of your past, and that’s fine. Doesn’t mean you have to dive back into that mess.”
“Yeah, but what if…” Wade trailed off, staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t even sure what he was asking.
“Look, you’ve got your life now. You’ve got Logan, and now this new girl, Y/N, right? Stick to what’s real. Don’t go chasing ghosts.” Al’s voice softened slightly, and Wade felt a pang of gratitude for her, "Or go for it. Just, don’t think about it too much. Let things go their own way." she added.
Easier said than done, but duly noted.
Suddenly, she got up from her chair and walked towards her kitchen. Wade watched her come back with a cup of not-at-all full of alcohol coffee and settle back in her chair.
"So, you didn’t tell me about that new roommate…"
He stayed with her for lunch and then they talked all afternoon. He told her everything she had to know about Y/N, and how Logan was doing, too. But still, he couldn’t shake the thought of what had happened that morning. Vanessa. Al was always right, but the pressure in his chest still hadn’t gone away. It wasn’t just Vanessa. It was everything. 
———
By the time Wade got back to the apartment building, the weight in his chest had doubled. He made a turn into an alleyway, the walls suddenly feeling too close. His breath came in shallow gasps, and his hands started to shake.
No no no no no, not now. Not here.
He pressed himself into the corner, knees pulling up to his chest as he tried to get control, but it wasn’t working. He felt like he was drowning, like the air was being sucked out of the alley. Everything was overwhelming.
Breathe, Wade. Just fucking breathe.
He fumbled for his phone and dialed his therapist’s number. He knew she had given him her personal phone number just for emergencies but maybe, maybe this time, it was an emergency. He needed it. Because breathing wasn’t working. After a few agonizing rings, she picked up.
“Wade? What’s going on?”
He could barely get the words out, his voice shaking. “I…I c—can’t »
“Okay, okay,” she said calmly. “You’re going to be fine. You know the drill. Slow your breathing.”
Wade tried, focusing on her voice. After what felt like hours, his breathing steadied, but the tightness in his chest remained.
"Are you feeling better?" she asked and Wade had no idea what to answer. Air was back in his lungs, yes. But that was it.
"I’m losing it. I don’t know what to do." He waited a few seconds for his therapist to answer. When she didn’t, he continued. "I’m lost. I can’t make a choice. I feel like a fuckin’ loser and I don’t know why people are still keeping up with me. And I called you, god, I’m so sorry, I know it’s supposed to be for emergencies only—"
She interrupted him, "Wade, this was an emergency."
Wade shook his head and he watched his free hand for a few seconds, it was shaking like crazy. He didn’t say anything for a while. "Can we have a session soon?"
“Of course, Wade. Can you get to someone, right now? A friend?”
“Logan,” Wade muttered. “I could go see Logan.”
“Good. Do that. You’ve got people, Wade. Lean on them.”
Wade nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Yeah… yeah, I’ll go see Logan.”
He hung up and dragged himself to his feet, wiping at his face. Get it together, Wade.
———
Logan’s classroom was quiet when Wade arrived, a rare moment of calm at the end of a long day. The coffee shop near the center was still open, so Wade grabbed a box of donuts and two coffees before heading over. Showing up unannounced wasn’t unusual for him—Logan never seemed to mind (he did– Wade chose to ignore it). Besides, the guy could use a donut break anyway.
But as Wade neared the door, that familiar tightness crept back into his chest. Logan’s gonna see right through me. He paused, forcing down the rising anxiety, plastering on his usual grin before pushing the door open.
“Hey, I come bearing gifts. You looked like you could use a sugar rush.”
Logan frowned as soon as he saw him. “You okay?”
I hate him so much.
Wade waved him off, doing his best to sound casual. “Me? Of course! I’m always okay. What’re you talking about?”
Logan didn’t press further, but Wade could feel his friend's eyes lingering on him, studying him like he could sense the tension beneath the surface. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Logan to ask again or not. Wade kept talking, cracking jokes, doing his usual routine, but something in Logan’s steady silence made it harder to maintain.
They sat together, sipping coffee and biting into donuts, the atmosphere light but heavy at the same time. He knew Logan saw through him. He always did. But Logan didn’t push, and for that, Wade was grateful.
As they left the center together, Wade kept the conversation rolling, letting his words spill out faster than usual, a habit he’d sharpened over the years. Keep talking, keep things light, and maybe Logan wouldn’t dig deeper.
“...and I swear, man, if this one guy hadn’t backed off, I would’ve–”
“You sure you’re okay?” Logan’s voice cut through Wade’s ramble, and oh my god, was he using a gentle tone on me?
The question sent a jolt of panic through Wade. He felt the familiar tightening in his chest again, the pressure pushing against the cracks. Not now. Not here.
He immediately forced a laugh, one that felt too loud in his ears, like he wasn’t the one laughing . “Of course! Stop worrying about me, peanut. You’ve got your own crap to deal with. Speaking of which,” Wade added quickly, redirecting the conversation towards something he knew Logan wouldn’t press on, “how’s it going with Y/N, huh? Been hanging out together without me, yet?”
Logan rolled his eyes, but Wade didn’t miss the shift in his expression. He knew Logan had caught the distraction, knew the guy could read him like an open book. But Logan didn’t push, not yet.
“She’s our roommate, Wade,” Logan said.
Wade threw him a wink, keeping up the act. “Sure, sure. Got it.”
Logan let it slide, like Wade knew he would. He always did. Pushing Wade for answers never worked. Logan had learned that a long time ago. He’ll ask again later, Wade thought, the weight of it settling somewhere deep inside him. But for now, at least, Logan let it go.
Wade kept talking, kept deflecting, but even as his voice filled the air, he could feel Logan’s gaze on him, steady, waiting. Logan would be there when the time came, ready to listen. Wade knew that. He always knew that.
But right now? Wade wasn’t ready. Not yet. So he smiled, cracked another joke, and pushed the feeling down a little further.
Maybe later.
XXX
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t1oui · 13 hours ago
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thinking about how living w regulus would affect harry like
he's such a fucking snob about everything. food, decor, fashion, you name it, he's got opinions on it.
he does ballet despite being the least graceful person on the planet. he's somehow pretty good at it, likely out of spite
speaks french
very much a cat person, has a cat named leo who is his baby
like yk how james and sirius are extremely codependent? that's how harry is w leo. both of them can not handle being apart from each other too long
reads a lot of stories
thinks seeker is the best quidditch position
on that note, lots of slytherin house pride. james hates it. harry refuses to put any gryffindor decorations up in his room
harry loves taking pictures just like reg so the house is filled with photographs
and ofc harry is snobby about what types of cameras he uses thanks to reg. james now just lets them deal with the cameras & photography stuff bc he's scared to get the wrong thing lol
harry is taller than reg but bc dysphoria all of reg's old clothes (like quidditch jerseys + hoodies and stuff) are his size so half his wardrobe is from reg's hogwarts days
definitely the type of guy to change his bedding & curtains & everything in his room based on the season. will anybody actually be in there other than him and his parents? not really, but he MUST redecorate
idk what this even means but snobby about candles. this is another thing james is scared to buy him
harry and reg speak french w each other more than english
since james doesn't speak french w harry (i hc he's only comfortable speaking it w reg) harry is used to having a conversation in two different languages so sometimes he'll be speaking french w his friends without noticing
he'll be in the middle of a rant and realize they don't understand a thing he's saying lol
reg and harry control the decorating for every holiday, every birthday, etc.
the one thing harry knows how to do that reg doesn't/reg didn't teach him is cooking. reg never cooked for himself as a child so james was the one who taught him
doesn't look like it most of the time but all of harry's clothes are very expensive... did i mention he's a snob
harry is such a dry texter/writer... he's such a dick about grammar when it comes to writing even tho he can barely string a sentence together when speaking
deeply sarcastic (look! a canon detail! we never thought we'd see that on this account, did we?)
will take his partners on the most expensive dates & whatnot like it's nothing... cedric the farmboy™️ is not prepared
writes sad boy poetry when he gets annoyed w someone... like harry will storm off all pissed and then he comes back 20 mins later with a beautifully written, very angry poem for whoever made him mad
has so many clothes & different curtains and bedding sets for different seasons that he also uses the closet in the guest room (reg takes up 99% of his and james's closet for the same reason)
has an inherent hatred of fake plants
bedroom is simultaneously tidy and so messy a hurricane might as well have come through
leaves a book behind everywhere he goes
secretly the worst sense of humor lmao
he may not have gotten his love of drawing/painting from regulus, but you def see reg in the way he is, you guessed it, a massive snob about art supplies
soooo indecisive. redoes his room at least twice a year
an asshole when he gets less than 10 hours of sleep... he's mildly tolerable after 3 cups of coffee (black, of course) but you might as well just ignore him until he gets a nap in
on that note is very good at making coffee and is, drum roll please, a massive snob about it. who would've guessed (somebody count how many times i've said snob in this post and comment it please and thank you)
if he doesn't like a gift he's horrible at pretending he's happy w it so people usually go through reg whenever they buy him something... this goes both ways too, people go through harry when buying something for reg
is visually james and lily's but in personality is really just reg's (and also lily's... he definitely inherited his spite from her lol)
is a crazy cat lady by age 20
at least 10 pictures of leo in his room... he has whole photoshoots for her and she poses for them
might as well not hang out w harry at his house bc he'll make out with his cat the whole time
loves going to art museums w regulus
he's a, surprise surprise, snob about art. james just doesn't comment on art altogether atp
his vocabulary is a weird mashup of french, english, and hindi that makes it very hard for anybody who doesn't know him well to understand what he's saying lol
looks angry until he smiles (he got this from lily but a life with reg has perfected it)
needs a golden retriever to his black cat in any given relationship (enter cedric and cho) (yes i'm going to push my rarepair on everyone reading this)
tl;dr being raised by/living w regulus has turned harry into a massive snob about literally everything and regulus is proud of it (blink twice if you need help, james)
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bloodyinkandquill · 1 day ago
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Folly x Reader
grapes are here!! time to munch, also new merch for something i love me and my best friend are going to get each other it as Christmas gifts! we did the same last year for something else we both love, still one of my favorite shirts i have
- How the hell you managed to bag a nine and a half foot tall primordial being is a mystery to everyone, even you in all honesty
- Folly is interesting to say the least, at first she treated you no different then anyone else but as time went on and she begun to take more of an interest in you, and finding that your kindness towards her was genuine, not any sort of trick, slowly she became less cold and malevolent towards you, eventually it got to a point where if you were having a nightmare she’d use her powers to stop it
- Eventually when you do get together, how official it was is up to debate, she still acts the same bit has a certain kindness to her voice, her insults and hate aren’t actually real, she’s just scared to truly let her guard down around anyone, no matter how much she’s beginning to trust you now, you understand and are very patient with her letting her say bad things since you know she doesn’t truly mean them
- Since she’s so large she picks you up like a plushie or teddy bear, it would be funny if you weren’t squirming as she smirked, we’ll you’re assuming she’s smirking, she doesn’t have a mouth so based on her eyes you assume if she could smirk she would be smirking
- Speaking of her lack of mouth she can’t exactly kiss you, she was very against the idea of you kissing her mask at first, it is one of the most vulnerable parts of her, eventually when she grants you permission you cover her entire mask in kisses, you don’t kiss where it broke though for both of you, she gets very flustered by it and disappears in her cloud of smoke, now though she’s more chill with it, it still does fluster his but if you ask if you can kiss her she lets you, and leans down, or stands next to something you can stand in to reach her face without her having to hunch down more then she already done normally
- On top of holding you like a stuffed animal she doesn’t really do small touches, her touches are go big or go home, holding you mostly, especially since her hands are so large small touches are harder, whenever you try and hold hands you just hold one of her fingers instead, or grab the edge of her sweater sleeve, which like her mask she was hesitant about but less so since it wasn’t broken like her mask
- If Folly can’t be around you she watches you through the aspens, it was really creepy at first since you felt like you were being watched then you realized it was her so you when alone will hug the trees as if hugging her to say thanks for watching over you, it doesn’t get less creepy watching the fake pupils on the trees move to follow you though, you will never get used to that
- Her dates aren’t conventional, they still happen but they’re not the usual dates people think of, some are close but not quite, like tending to a garden, granted it’s a forest of aspens in the dark expanse of where she comes from but it’s close enough, or a sleep over, which just means you fall asleep on her and you do something in your dream together, another is baking, that happens at your place which she doesn’t fit in that well and she can’t eat anything you bake but it’s still nice, she helps you bake and gets stuff on herself that you wipe off with a laugh
- She sometimes tells you of how her home use to look like, beautiful and comforting, it was like a dream, till it became a nightmare, you tell her that even if everything’s changed you love her no matter what she’s gone through, and no matter what she still may go through
- You occasionally visit Wallter with her, he’s the closest thing to a friend she has but she almost always sees him in his dreams, so they don’t usually see each other in person, when they do she does her usual thing of being all edgy and brooding but while discussing poetry and listening to piano music, and pretending to drink tea, she lets you actually drink it she just likes to pretend
- Her love language is closest to quality time, granted most of that time is in your dreams, but based on how often she visits them just to be close to you and spend time with you, so your best assumption is quality time
- She knows many languages, comes from being a primordial being, so if you want to speak in another language or need help learning or translating one she can assist you, her favorite language however is any of the slavic languages, which is why she has a Russian accent, so she enjoys teaching you words in Russian, Ukrainian, Polish, etc
- She makes you read her poetry, you don’t get a choice, you don’t mind but it can be inconvenient sometimes if you’re doing something and suddenly she appears telling you to read the newest poem she wrote, she’s really good at it though so it’s not too much of a bother since it’s an enjoyable read, to some degree, it’s very graphic and disturbing on occasion, or a lot of occasions
- She’s cold to the touch, after the cleaving her body no longer produces natural heat, which is a part of the reason she’s such a big cuddle bug, you’re warm and she quite literally parasites that warmth from you, she’s the kind of person to stick her cold ass hands on your exposed back when you aren’t expecting it making you shout at the sudden freezing touch
- Folly thought she’d never be happy again, she was broken, destroyed, used, abused, she never thought she’d ever feel like how she once did, which maybe she never will, but she has truly started feeling better since meeting you, maybe not truly happy but you do make her feel warm, literally and figuratively, so even if she knows she can never go back to that innocence and joy that once was her entire life she’s getting there
i love folly, not as much as mach but i still love her, and holy shit the cleaving was insane, also literally such a good depiction of a certain type of trauma, iykyk, which props to catjam, also just in general for creating folly, anyways imma probably nap, i am not immune to the afternoon naps
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ferg0s · 10 hours ago
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Barou starting a new relationship with a shy girl and how he would go about it
The literal personification of trying to mix oil with water
He was used to everyone looking at him in times of need on the field - he was the king after all - so he didn’t even notice how you would take a step back whenever it came time to ordering food, or any sort of public speaking and interactions.
He naturally took the lead, and you followed suit. Thanking the lord.
He honestly didn’t even notice how shy you were- he just kinda assumed you like hearing him talk. It wasn’t until he passed by an aisle of cute keychains and decided that he wanted to get you one when he realized… he kinda didn’t know anything about you.
I mean he did. He knew your name, your height…. The colour of your eyes…. And hair… and…
“So what do you do?” He asked bluntly as the two of you walked down a park, ice creams in hand. The one he ordered. “What?” “Hobbies? Sports? What do you do in your spare time?” He asked as he looked at you, determined to get an answer. “You know… the usual stuff-“ you awkwardly chuckle. “I don’t know actually.” He was a little shit about it.
But after literally interrogating you for an entire hour, he managed to squeeze out an answer from you. You were completely cornered by him, and you shyly tell him your hobbies. He looks dumbfounded, because to him those are completely normal and healthy hobbies for someone to have. He was starting to think you’re a grave robber by the way you were acting.
Knitting? He will get you the yarn, and parade a scarf you made for him and show all his teammates. Collecting something? He will always be on the lookout for what you like, even going as far as asking his teammates to be on the lookout as well. Video games? He will learn to play your favourite game with you. Cute farming sim? Silent hill? Niche indie game that only 3 people know about? You best bet he will ask for a 4 hour lore deep dive.
Very supportive.
Lwokey will get annoyed at your shyness at one point.
At first he thinks it’s cute, but he’s not the type of person to fully baby anyone, and will force you to order your own meal. He wants the best for you :(
Will say his order and look at you to say yours, watching you stumble on your words as you try to order some fries and a sprite. And will say he’s proud of you after. But doesn’t do it often because he can see the genuine terror in your eyes - only does it even it’s the two of you in line on a slow day.
Slowly learns to accept that you’re passionate in your own way. He’s loud and proud, whereas you like to keep to yourself. In a way he likes that you’re so open with him, that you let him see the stuff you don’t show other people. Thinks it’s adorable.
Will 100% try to make you more comfortable and less shy. You bought a new dress and don’t want to wear it, he will bluntly tell you it looks good and it would be a waste of money not to wear it.
Encourages your fashion choices. Polly pocket platform heels? He loves them. Bold lipstick? He will buy you earring that match. He quietly realized he liked seeing you happy. And you were happiest being yourself.
He’s not a big fan of grossly obvious PDA. Loves holding your hand or when you grab his bicep when you two walk together. You like it because it doesn’t draw unnecessary attention and he likes it cuz you’re always attached next to him and he doesn’t have to worry about actually loosing you. Plus he likes it when you grab his bicep.
Took forever to convince you to come to one of his games. You were too nervous to get into an arena with so many people - said you could come with a group of his teammates girlfriends - but you hated the idea of being with people you didn’t know.
He got really good at spotting you in the crowd. Didn’t matter where you were sitting, he just trained himself to see you. You were too shy to loudly cheer like everyone else, blending into the crowd due to that. But it didn’t matter.
In a weird way. He likes that hes the only one who gets to see you this happy, because hes the same with you. Slowly learning to take his guard down, be more open.
You’re learning to be confident while he’s learning to be trusting.
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bisnes-socks · 2 days ago
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kun olin pieni, äiti tiesi; musta tulee herkkusieni. people's champion.
i'm not sure i have a lot to say about this one, because it feels quite straight forward to me but i have a couple of notes about the language and some overall thoughts.
starting with overall thoughts: like i said, i feel like this one is pretty straight forward, i doubt i have anything to say that people haven't already thought of. this song is just the whirlwind of rhe CCC and ESC era condensed into a few minutes, and it's him also finally accepting the title of people's champion and finding a way to be proud of his achievement, even though he clearly wasn't for a bit after it happened.
but i'm very happy that he has accepted it and owned it. he IS the people's champion. and he's allowed to have a complicated relationship to that title, but i'm glad he is owning it.
the song is musically quite punk-esque. the verses having that bass/drop tuned & effect guitar is super interesting and not that typical for his music. the guitar without any distortion at the beginning also something different from him, it's an interesting sound.
it's a nice song to end the album on, a lil thank you song to everyone.
now language stuff.
first of all, is everyone aware of why the theme is mushrooms? champignon being a type of mushroom? i scrolled through wikipedia and it seems quite a few european languages use a version of the word champignon for this specific type of mushroom, so i'm assuming quite a few people would have gotten the connection. in finnish champignon is herkkusieni though. which is a funny word because herkku means delicious and sieni means mushroom. so in finnish they're just called delicious mushrooms. we like to be literal.
(so why use champignon if that word is not used in finnish you ask? well it's printed in big letters on every box of said mushrooms in the shops, so everyone does know the word)
i like the reference to his older songs with "kevät 23 taksit tuli pihaan" meaning (literal translation) spring 23 taxis came to the yard. he uses the line about taxis coming to the yard in a few older songs, usually in connection with partying, so normally in a käärijä song taxis coming is like either taking him and his friends to party or back home. but in this instance, they're there to take him to something completely new, a new adventure, so this time round the line about taxis brings a little bit of nerves with it. it's just clever, to be able to use the same line to create a new kind of tension!
"siit tuli haloo ku tulin taloo" is such a succinct yet accurate way of putting what happened! haloo is literally a finnish translation of the english word hello, but to say something (a situation) is a "haloo" it means it's a bit of a commotion. so "siit tuli haloo ku tulin taloo" means that his arrival to "the house" meaning ESC, turned into full commotion.
in the second verse he says "se oli kaikkee muuta ku divaritasoo" which here refers to divisions in sports like hockey and, as far as i understand, football too. so in finnish hockey terms, the best teams play "liiga" and then there are multiple levels under that level, and the lowest levels are divisions 2-5. division -> divari. so he's saying ESC was anything but division level, meaning of course, that the level there is the highest of high.
now, you might have heard the word divari in the song yhtä vailla as well. "massit palo pipariks, meikäläisen talous uppos niinku titanic. ei oo varaa käydä edes divaris mut tuun silti back niinku Arska ja pistän sikariks." well, in this context divari means a secondhand store, which he cannot afford to visit because all his money is gone. divari is usually a second hand book store or record store, to be specific. in this case divari is short for diverssikauppa, which is a loan word from swedish (diversehandel). note: nobody uses the word diverssikauppa. it's divari, or antikvariaatti.
overall this song feels like he's trying to keep the lyrics super simple too, essentially just explaining what happened. and i feel like it fits this song: anyone who hears it, or even runs it through a translator, can figure out what it's about. and because it's a message to the people, i find it fitting that it's kept quite simple.
it's a pretty cute ending for the album.
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moonspirit · 3 days ago
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Hello moon!
Just wanted to show you this tweet from a japenese fan talking about aruani from the last attack pamphlet! I’m so excited aruani was mentioned and explicitly mentioned that they are in love but I’m a little worried that people will go with the tired narrative of “see they were shoehorned at the very end! They were so random” 😞
To me, it seemed like that they were saying that they begun their little actual love affair from here rather than just feelings being had that have been brewing, what do you think?
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh omg!!!! I did not see this so thank you for showing it to me T_____T
And akkswujdbwksnwhiss any tidbit of official Aruani stuff is DELICIOUS! T____T truly gotta thank Isayama and Mappa for feeding us healthy food wkbsjaks~
As for your concern, yeah I agree with you, it's exactly what you said at the end about the intent being that Aruani get to actually begin their relationship post-rumbling. It's not about their feelings at all. I think a lot gets lost in translation especially with Japanese so it's easy to assume that this info means something else.
That said we know that it's not the case so we can always help people who are confused about it. Imo Japanese AA fans in particular are very perceptive about the ship as a whole, with lots of them seeing the potential of AA very early on and shipping them since S1. So tweets like this rarely mean otherwise. If I'm not wrong, this particular twitter user has been an AA fan for a long time too? Their username seems familiar, tho I could be wrong about that bit.
That said it's possible that antis will latch on to this bit and come to annoy us again xD rather than get into arguments, we ignore them, that's all.
Thank you so much for showing me this tho 🥹 I'm so excited and my heart is warm AAAAAAA T///////////T
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loyaltomiyagido · 13 hours ago
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@ofloyaltokarate
I was shocked when Jasmine fell for Hawk, but now Yas and Demetri... Things are getting crazy at that school. It's like we're living in an alternate universe. {I joked before flashing Miguel a smile. I knew he was going through a rough time, so I was just trying to keep the conversation lighthearted between us. The main reason why I didn't go into details about just how bad things were at school currently. Miguel didn't need to be burdened with any of that now} Oh, you'd think they would have gotten over all of it by now. Especially given how stupid and petty that whole thing was. I mean, they're rivalry is really lame when you think about it. {My head shaking lightly as I recalled the stuff my dad told me. As far as I was concerned, they both needed to grow up} Hopefully they both grow up eventually and can find a way to see eye to eye with each other. Something tells me if they'd both grow up and stop acting like a couple of juvenile morons, they'd probably be good friends. {I said with a slight shrug as I remained cuddled up beside Miguel as he rested here in the hospital bed} All that to say, Mr. Lawrence is the reason why my dad didn't want me to date you, just like I know Mr. Lawrence didn't want you to date me either. It's all based on their lame childhood rivalry. Anyway, once my dad gets a chance to know you, I'm confident that he'll see what a great guy you are, and he'll be thanking you for dating his daughter. {I said optimistically as I flashed Miguel a smile. Wanting him to know that I believed in him. I knew Miguel was a catch. I had let stupidity and immaturity cost me him once, and I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I loved Miguel, and I didn't care if people approved of us as a couple or not. It wasn't about them. It was about us}
@ofloyaltokarate
And If I asked you nicely not to press you mom for information, would you listen to me? {I tilted my head slightly to the side so I could see him better; all the while a soft smile traced the corners of my lips} I'll even say please, if that helps to convince you. {I added playfully; even going as far as teasingly batting my lashes in his direction, since I know that sort of trick works on some guys. At least that's what Jasmine and Moon told me. Given their endless list of male suitors, I figured they might know a thing or two about what does and doesn't work on guys} And yeah, I pretty much do. I blame it on the Miyagi-do training instilled in my mind. You know the part of always having a plan to counter the previous plan, in case the previous plan doesn't go like I hoped. {I said through a soft laugh. Figuring that was a pretty wordy explanation to simply say, I always have a back up idea in mind, in case the original idea doesn't go like I planned} Either way, if she says no, it's okay. I can always schedule that particular date for another day and time. That's not a huge problem. Besides, I think once your mom joins us for my parents' anniversary party, and she sees you're in more than capable hands with me, and I won't let anything happen to you, she'll agree to me taking you on this date. And like I said, if she doesn't, I have plenty of other date ideas of my sleeve, so I'm convinced there's a few ideas on there that she'd definitely agree to. {I said optimistically. I knew my big surprise might take /a lot/ of convincing, but at the same point, I knew there was a chance. Bottom line though, whatever Miguel's mom decides is best for him, then I will agree with her, because at the end of the day, we both just wanted to protect him} As long as we're together, I'll be content with whatever we do. {I eventually said as the smile remained contentedly fixed on my lips}
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numberonepartyboy · 6 months ago
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WELCOME TO MY TWISTED MIND.....
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oh-cramity-its-amity · 4 months ago
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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bueris · 6 months ago
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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shirogane-oushirou · 10 days ago
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
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[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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