#if this is all over the place and doesn't make sense sorry

[mytherapyisreading14]

Hey could you write a fic with post prison Reid where the reader has a crush on him and she doesn’t think he likes her so she keeps it to herself and when they are on a case she she’s Spencer manhandle the unsub and she gets kinda distracted because she wants him to manhandle her and then he finds out about her crush and then he kinda teases her about it then he fucks her like really rough sorry if that doesn’t make sense 😭 also could you make the reader have a thing for his hands lmao

Don‘t get Distracted

Summary: You got distracted when Spencer arrested the UnSub during your current case - he noticed and confronts you back in the hotel.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Category: Smut, some Fluff (18+ MDNI)

Warnings: Mentions of Knifes and stabbing, dirty talk, kissing, making out, unprotected sex (don’t do that), choking, spanking, orgasm denial, dom!spencer (kinda)

Word Count: 2,9k

Author’s Note: I’m sorry it took me so long to finish this🫢 I never really liked a single version I wrote and now I simply give up, I’ll leave it like this😩 Anyway, I hope you like it! :)

It isn't like you are trying to fall for Spencer Reid. In fact, you do your absolute best not to. You keep it professional. Friendly. Safe. Because if there is one thing you are sure of, it is that he doesn't feel the same. It isn't anything he does. He isn't cold or rude to you. Quite the opposite – he is kind and polite. But never more than that.

You aren't the type to be noticed by someone like him. Not after everything that happened. Prison changed him, and if there is ever a chance he looked your way before, it is long gone now. So you keep your crush a secret, but some days make that harder than others. Like tonight.

You sit on the edge of the bed, files spread all around you, but your focus is on Spencer. He stands by the window, arms crossed, eyes scanning the city below. You can tell he is thinking. He looks tense. Focused. Hot.

And all you want is to be close to him. To touch him. To tell him you noticed the way his smiles have grown rarer since prison, and that you missed them. That you missed him. But you don't.

-

The next day, everything shifts. You are closing in on the case, currently on the way to arrest the UnSub. The farmhouse where he is holed up looks like it could collapse any second. You, Spencer, and Morgan decided to split up. You take the back and step over a few broken door frames, your flashlight shining in the dark. A few minutes later you hear a noise.

You recognize it’s Spencer’s. "I need you to put down the knife. Now." You sprint toward the voices, and what you see nearly stops your heart. The UnSub takes a step forward and tries to stab Spencer in the stomach. But Spencer, he is faster. He sidesteps, catches the man’s wrist, twists it back, and then shoves him up against the wall with a force that makes you shiver.

One arm locks the guy in place, while the other brings out the cuffs. He works quick and controlled. And god, you are not okay... Your feet move on autopilot, but your brain doesn't. You can barely think past the rush of heat that explodes inside you at the sight of him. It is like watching a completely different version of him. You stare and just can’t look away.

He turns to you when it’s over. "You okay?" he asks. "Uh—yeah," you manage to breathe out. "I’m fine. Just... Didn’t know you have that in you." His mouth twitches into something between a smile and a smirk for a second. "Prison teaches you a few things." You try to play it cool. You really do. But your cheeks are already burning.

-

Back at the hotel, you tell yourself to forget it. That it’s just adrenaline. That the reason you’re so flushed has nothing to do with Spencer’s hands and everything to do with the takedown. Yeah, sure.

You avoid him the rest of the evening. Bury yourself in reports, avoid eye contact at dinner. Because the idea that you’ve reacted so obviously… and that he might’ve noticed? Absolutely mortifying. So when there’s a knock at your door around 10 p.m., the last person you expect to see is him.

“Spencer?” you blink. He stands there, holding two cups of tea like it’s the most normal thing in the world. “I figured you might need a distraction,” he says. “The last few days were intense.” You hesitate. Just for a second. Because what is he doing here? Still, you step aside. “Yeah. Uh… thanks.”

He sits beside you on the edge of the bed, hands you the tea, and for a while it’s quiet. Then he breaks the silence. “So… you were staring.” You freeze mid-sip. “What?” you ask, trying to act confused. “At the farmhouse.” He turns his head, watching you. “You looked surprised. And a little… flustered.”

“I was not—” you start, but he interrupts you. “You were,” he says, and this time there’s something different in his voice. He’s teasing you. “And then Garcia texted me something… interesting.” Oh god. You already know what’s coming. “No,” you say, but he nods, clearly enjoying himself.

“She said you made a comment about me. Something along the lines of… ‘if Spencer ever wants to manhandle me like that, he can.’” You nearly drop the tea. “She did not say that to you,” you say. “She did,” he says with a smirk. You think about an excuse, anything that might save you from total humiliation. “That is—I mean—I don’t mean it like—”.

He tilts his head. “Don’t you?” You blink at him. “I - no, and I… I think you don’t even like me like that.” His expression softens instantly. The teasing fades, just enough for something real to shine through. “What makes you think that?” he asks gently. You shrug, suddenly very aware of how close he’s sitting next to you. “I don’t know. You never… looked at me that way. You always seem kind of... distant.”

Spencer is quiet for a moment. “Yeah. I guess I do.” He looks down at his tea, then back at you. “The truth is… after prison, it was hard to let anyone in. I didn’t feel like myself. I did really trust myself for a while. So I kept my distance.” He pauses. “Maybe I was trying too hard not to look at you that way.”

That shuts your brain down completely. “You were?” you whisper. He nods once. “Ever since I got back. Maybe even before that.” You didn’t expect that, but when his words settle, you grin. “So… what now?” you ask him. He leans in, eyes flicking to your lips for just a second. “Still want me to manhandle you?” he asks with a smirk back in full force. “Spencer!” you say, blushing and playfully hitting his arm.

He laughs and sets his tea aside, hand brushing your knee as he stands. “I’ll take that as a yes.” You stare up at him, still sitting on the bed, heart pounding against your ribs. He is looking at you differently now. “You’re seriously enjoying this,” you say with a shaky voice. “Enjoying what?” he asks, acting oblivious. “Teasing me,” you say, and his smile widens.

“Of course I do.” You roll your eyes playfully. “You’re insufferable,” you say. “Maybe,” he murmurs. “But you still want to kiss me.” You open your mouth, probably to deny it - or argue - or make some sarcastic remark, but nothing comes out. Because he’s already leaning down. And then, finally, his lips brush against yours. It’s barely there at first, but the moment you kiss him back, everything shifts.

His hand comes up to cradle your jaw, thumb tracing your cheekbone as his mouth moves against yours. You let out a quiet sound you don’t mean to, fingers curling into his shirt, and that’s all it takes for the kiss to deepen. Spencer’s other hand finds your waist, pulling you closer against him and the heat between you is impossible to ignore now.

His lips part slightly against yours, breath hitching when your hand slides up to his neck. The kiss turns messier then, hungrier. Like all the months of silence snap at once, and now there’s no holding back. He exhales against your lips. “You have no idea how long I wanted to do this,” he admits. “Try me,” you whisper, and he kisses you again, harder this time.

You gasp softly as he guides you back onto the bed, one hand bracing beside your head, the other trailing along your waist. His body hovers over yours. His lips ghost down to your jaw, then just below your ear. Your fingers tangle in his shirt, desperate to keep him close, to make this real.

“Spencer,” you breathe out while his hand is sliding under the hem of your shirt, your legs brushing against his. He pulls back slightly, just enough to meet your gaze. “Tell me you want this,” he says, voice rough and low, “tell me you want me to fuck you.” You look up at him, skin flushed, chest rising and falling in sync with his. “Please Spencer,” you whisper, “I - I need you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me hard. Now.“

For a heartbeat, he doesn’t move. Just stares at you like he’s trying to memorize every inch of you — like he can’t quite believe this is real. Then he leans down and kisses you again. "If at any point it gets too much for you, just let me know. I don't want to hurt you," he says with a worried look when he pulls back again.

A feeling of warmth and security spreads through you. "You look cute when you're worried," you tease him. "but I don't break easily,“ you say and wink. Then his hands are back on your waist, your back, your skin — everywhere at once. You can’t stop touching him, can’t get close enough to him.

The tension between you, held back for so long, finally melts into heat, passion, pleasure and love. His fingers hook around the hem of your pants and he pulls them off in one quick motion. Your top comes off next, then your bra and panties, that are already soaked through. His eyes trail over your body hungrily and he starts to kiss down your neck slowly.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he whispers in your ear and a shiver runs down your spine. His words and all the kisses make you even more desperate and you can’t help but buck your hips against him. You can feel his erection and want more but he pushes your hips back down. “Someone’s needy,” he says, not giving you what you want yet. “Spencer, please. Don’t make me wait,” you whimper and he chuckles.

He keeps kissing down your body - your breasts first, taking one of your nipples in his mouth. You observe his actions and seeing his big, slender hand around your breasts is a sight you didn’t expect to enjoy this much. You moan his name and he looks up and follows your gaze. “Like what you see, angel?” he asks and you nod. His hands continue to roam over your body, down to your stomach and between your thighs.

He keeps his eyes on you, observing every little reaction before he finally runs his fingers through your folds. “So wet, is this all for me?” he asks and you nod. “Words, angel. Tell me how good I make you feel,” he says, stopping for a moment. “Y-yes. All for you,” you breath out and he looks satisfied.

With one finger he starts to trail circles around your clit, slowly applying more and more pressure before slipping a finger in. It feels so good and you cover your mouth with your hand in order to stop meaning out loudly. Spencer however doesn’t like it, he immediately reaches for your hand and pulls it off. “No, don’t do that. I want to hear you moan for me for me angel.”

He adds another finger and starts to pump them in and out faster, keeping one finger on your clit the whole time. You can’t help but lean forward to watch his hand again, knuckles buried deep inside you. “Looks like my hands are quite a distraction to you,” he says and chuckles again before his other hand wraps around your throat, squeezing just perfectly.

You don’t respond, too focused on the pleasure and how good his hand looks buried inside you. With the sight in front of you, the feeling of his fingers inside you and his hand wrapped around your throat it doesn’t take long for your orgasm to build up. Your legs start to shake slightly and you clench around Spencers fingers. You’re almost there when he suddenly pulls out. You whine. “Spencer, what the hell are you doing? I was so close!” you curse.

“I know. But I to feel you come around my cock,” he says before he starts to take his clothes off. When he unbuttons his pants your eyes widen. He’s certainly bigger than you expected. He starts to stroke his cock and you can’t help but watch him. Even though you can’t wait to feel him inside you, you enjoy watching him. Then he leans down and spreads your legs further apart.

He lines himself up at your entrance, sliding through your wet folds and teasing your clit again before he finally pushes inside you. “So tight and wet for me, angel. You’re all mine now,” he says. He gives you some time to adjust before he starts to pound into you. He leans down next, sucking on your neck and breasts, leaving hickeys everywhere and claiming you as his.

The room is filled with your moans and whimpers and when Spencer looks down and sees his cock sliding in and out of you he groans. You wouldn't have thought that something could turn you on even more, but hearing him groan certainly did. “Oh god, so good. Pl - please, don’t stop,” you manage to breath out, your mind already lost in all the pleasure.

His grip on your hips tightens and he increases his pace. He can feel you clench around him and almost feels bad for what he’s about to do. He applies pressure on your clit again, playing close attention to your reactions and when your close again he pulls out of you. “A- Again? Are you fucking serious?” you ask furiously. You can tell he enjoys the control he has over you. “I hate you so much right now,” you say but he just grins.

“Say it like you mean it,” he says before he suddenly grabs you and flips you over. You’re on all fours now, ass up in the air facing him. He immediately slides back into you, pounding into you hard from behind and hitting new angles and reaching spots you never could. One of his hand slides up your back and into your hair, creating a makeshift ponytail and pulling hard.

Your back arches up and you can feel your body pressed against his. His other hand suddenly comes down on your ass, spanking you. You moan out his name so loud that you’re afraid your neighbours know now what you’re doing in here, but you don’t really care. “That’s what you wanted, am I right? For me to fuck you? To spank you?” Your eyes roll back in pleasure and you’re too overwhelmed to answer him.

Spencer how ever doesn‘t like that. The hand he just hand in your hair goes down to your throat again while he gives you an another spank. “Answer me,” he says and slows down, pressing you against his body and leaning down next to your ear. “Tell me how much you love this,” he whispers in your ear. “I- I love this. I love it when you fuck me hard, Spencer,” you say quickly, afraid that he’ll not let you come at all if you don’t.

“Good girl,” he says and kisses the spot behind your ear gently before he picks up his pace again. You can feel him twitch inside you, telling you that he’s getting close now too. “I’m gonna tell you when you’re allowed to come. I want us to come together, do you understand?” he asks as if he’s read your thoughts. “Yes,” you breath out quickly before you get too lost in the pleasure again.

He thrusts into you again a few times before he slides his hand forward, teasing your clit with his fingers again. “Come for me, angel. Now,” he says and you let go. Your orgasm crashes over you and you never had one this intense before. You can feel him twitch inside you before he finishes too. For a second you see stars. When you finally come down, he lets go of you and slides out.

You lay down together, completely out of breath and he pulls you in his arms. Neither of you say a word but he holds you close to him, gently stroking your hair. It’s a quiet, peaceful moment but after a while Spencer speaks up. “You should go to the toilet now. I don’t want you to get UTIs,” he says and you groan. “You know how to ruin a moment, don’t you Dr. Reid?” you joke and he laughs.

“I’m just worried about your health, angel,” he says and leans down to kiss your head. “We can still cuddle when you come back, okay?” he says and you smile. “Definitely. You don’t get rid of me that easily,” you tease him. “Good. Because I don’t want to. Now hurry, I want you back in my arms.”

[userautumn]

Just an idea, natalia helping buck with grieving bobby

Buck texts her on a Saturday to ask if she wants to meet for coffee.

She's blindsided, of course, because they haven't spoken for over a year but she's curious so she says yes. He looks terrible when she sees him, like all of that resurrection-light that was in his eyes after he came back from the dead has up and guttered out, leaving a dark emptiness in its wake. They make small talk, catch up on life and then work. He asks about her job, and she asks about his, and doesn't really notice that he doesn't answer the question until his breath hitches when he looks somewhere over her shoulder. It's a man, older, maybe mid 50s to early 60s. He's vaguely familiar, she guesses, with one of those faces that just skirts the edge of her memory. But then he's gone into the coffeeshop and she doesn't think anything more about him. Buck, though... he's still staring at the place the man was.

She reaches out across the table and touches his hand. He visibly startles like he forgot she was there.

"Hey." She tilts her head to meet his gaze. "Not that I don't love coffee as much as the next girl, but are you okay? Seriously."

He blinks slowly, eyelashes damp. "Bobby died."

He says the name with enough gravitas and weight that she thinks she's supposed to know who that is, but she doesn't. She never spent enough time with his family to be able to commit them to memory. She knows the word died, and suddenly a whole lot of things click into place.

"Buck."

"I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't—I really did want to catch up with you, but then I saw that man and he looked—he looked just like him and—"

That man. The older gentleman.

And then she remembers who Bobby is clearly, Buck's father in every way but blood. The man who raised him, and shaped him, who knew him down to the marrow and molecules and everything in between.

He's shaking underneath her hand, a fine tremor that rattles through his entire body. She wonders if he even notices how precarious the thread he's hanging on by really is, one small nudge and he'll come crashing to the ground like a puppet with cut strings.

She clears her throat and slips into work mode between one moment and the next.

"When?"

"Two weeks ago. It's been on the news."

Two weeks. Still fresh, then. He looks almost offended that she doesn't know already, which makes a sort of sense, she supposes. The 118 is famous around these parts, even for people who don't work in response. She's seen the subreddits and the tumblr pages and 118-inspired amateur porn on Twitter in the LAFD tag. Which is to say that she should know, probably. But she doesn't watch the news, she doesn't keep up with social media. She sees enough death during her day job than to want to go home and turn on the television and be greeted by another act of violent misogyny, another genocide, another war.

Even she has to turn it off sometimes.

She stares down at the table, thinking, his hand still trapped and trembling underneath hers. "You know, there's this thing people say when someone dies: I'm sorry for your loss. We always shorten it to I'm sorry and hope the idea still comes across. But I've never really liked that much. It's well-meaning until you really sit with the idea of apology, of saying I'm sorry for the inevitable."

"What do you mean?" His voice sounds painfully small.

"I mean, when we're taught to apologize as children, it's always within the context of wrongdoing. Something has gone wrong. We've hurt someone, either through accident or intent. So our ingrained response to wrongness is an apology. But that just means that, when someone dies and we say we're sorry for it, we are associating death with something bad; and something that, more importantly, could have been avoided. But that's not true.

Death is the only thing we can count on in life. No matter what journey you take to end up on death's door, whether suicide or murder or cancer, the act of dying is morally neutral. It's not a flaw. It's not a failure. It's not an accident. It's not intentional. It is one of the only naturally unfolding things in the entire world. Yes, it feels bad for those of us who are left behind. It feels horrendous, actually. But the way we frame it, with an apology and a hope that gets better, like there was something that could have changed the outcome if we'd only been a little bit smarter, done a little bit more, is a cruelty we deal to ourselves and to each other."

There's a memory knocking at the doors of her brain—her grandma's frail, cold hand in hers while her relatives and the EMTs bustled around her. Strange, fleeting hands on her small shoulders saying sorry for a loss she had nothing to do with; the fear and guilt that if she'd checked on her grandma that night instead of falling asleep on the sofa, she would have been able to spot the symptoms of the heart attack before it took her away. But those memories are best left untouched for now.

Natalia watches him carefully. "Your journey is going to look at lot different from here. Your life, all the moments you thought you would have him for, are not going to happen and you will grieve him multiple times for the rest of your life. But that's not different from anything else in life, right? You make a wrong turn and the GPS recalculates. You pursue a different career than the one you studied for and hope for the best. You move out of your home state and pray you're making the right decision. You say yes to a date with someone who will either be the best choice you've ever made or the worst. Every moment that passes, every decision we make is a course correction, a change from where we began until we get to our destination. That's all death is. Why would I, why would anyone be sorry about that?"

"But he should be here. His wife needs him here. His son and daughter need him here. I need him here." His tears do start to fall then, though he doesn't sob. He doesn't stop staring at her face, waiting, wordlessly begging her to give him answers she's not entirely sure she has. "We need him back."

Her voice is soft when she says, "But you can't have him."

It's just five words. They shouldn't hurt as deeply as they do, but they do. Every time. She's given the same version of this speech to so many people she wouldn't even begin to know how to count them all, but each time, these words steal something from someone. She watches the way they land now, each emotion rippling out across Buck's face: grief, anger, despair, loss, love, all wrapped in one, tragic image.

"Every choice Bobby made, every single one, was a course correction that led him to his destination," she says with that same soft voice. "Maybe it was too soon. Maybe it wasn't. But he's there now and you've parted ways. I told you I don't like saying I'm sorry when someone dies, but you know what I do say?" He shakes his head and she squeezes his hand and meets his gaze. "I say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. Thank you for all the times we got lost together, for all the arguments, for all the large and small ways we found each other, healed each other, rebuilt each other. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for such a unique and irreplaceable love. Because that's what it is, right? No one will ever love you the way Bobby loved you, which hurts now, but god, Buck. What a beautiful imprint to leave on someone's life."

His voice is watery and miserable, his face damp as his tears fall in earnest. He shakes his head. "I don't know how to do this."

"No one does. But we try. Every day, we try just a little bit more and eventually we stumble our way into something like healing."

"The car starts moving again."

Her mouth turns up into a small smile. Her grandmother's smile, her aunt always used to say. You're damn near the spitting image of her.

"Yeah," she says, and she's proud of the way her voice doesn't crack. "The car starts again."

Buck nods. He's silent for a long time as he wipes his face and gets his bearings. Eventually he extracts his hand from underneath hers.

"Sorry," he says after a while. "I didn't mean to get all..." he waves a hand as his voice trails off.

Natalia shrugs. "It's what I'm here for."

"I owe you another coffee, one with less emotion attached to it, but I do have to run. I promised May—Bobby's daughter—I'd help her pack her apartment." He pauses a beat. "She's moving back in with her mom."

Ah.

His face darkens with grief and Natalia lets him have his moment before she shakes her head and waves him off.

"Go do what you have to do. I'm just a phone call away. You know that."

They say their goodbyes and Natalia watches him jog to his car, then watches him pull out and continues to stare at the empty parking space for a long time. She twists the ring on her right ring finger, the gold polished and smooth, in just as good condition as it was the day her granddad proposed to her grandmother with it and lets her grief spill through her body.

This is a well-worn routine they have by now.

She breathes through the pain, through the loss and the memories until the phantom hands on her shoulders disappear and sound of the flatline fades.

In her mind, she says thank you. Thank you for the journey, Gram. It was lovely, and imagines she can hear her beautiful, warm voice saying it back.

Natalia takes a sip of coffee. Overhead, the birds chirp and sing, calling each other home.

[catssluvr]

migraines, van palmer

van palmer x fem!reader (817 words) (request)

in which you have a particularly bad migraine day and van does her best to take care of you.

warnings: chronic migraines, hurt/comfort, van being worried :(

ᝰ.ᐟ ᝰ.ᐟ

Van holds her breath as she slowly cracks the door open, doing her best to make the least amount of noise possible.

She lets her eyes adjust to the dark bedroom, glad to have had her blinds fixed just a few days ago. Being the reason of your increasing pain would cause the heaviness on her heart to feel even worse.

She can see your figure under all the covers, strands of hair peeking from them. It makes having to pull them from you feel even worse.

Quietly walking over to you, she sits on the soft covers and gently pulls them away until she can she your tightly shut eyes. You practically whimper in displease, bringing your finger to your temples.

"'M sorry, baby." Van whispers as lowly as possibly.

Bringing the cold towel in her hand to your forehead, she presses slightly at your temples and rubs your scalp with her free hand. Hating the way your discomfort doesn't seem to subside.

It's been like this for the whole day, now being late in the afternoon. She's starting to feel hopeless, barely having managed to make you eat the whole day while the pain stayed constant.

Van hesitates for a moment before saying, "Maybe we should pay the doctor a visit." It's no that she wants to, but if that means you'll feel better than so be it.

You immediately shake your head, hissing at the way it makes your eyes sting with pain.

"No." You decide on saying, voice coming out croaked and slightly harsh.

"Okay." She answers softly, choosing to not talk further.

She doesn't blame you for your tone, she wouldn't be nice to anyone either if her head felt like it might explode at any moment. Taking a glance at her watch, she realizes it's been enough time for you to take some meds again.

It's hard to know exactly how you feel or what you want, mostly with how unresponsive you've gotten.

Deciding it's probably a better idea to leave you in the quiet and come when she has your meds and an herbal tea ready, Van gets up from the bed with a sigh. She pushes away the waver of distressed tears.

You reach for her wrist, giving it a squeeze and opening your eyes slightly. "Don't go." You mumble.

"Just getting something to make you feel better, sweet thing." She smiles sweetly, pulling your hand to place a kiss on the back of it.

You force a smile on your face too, squeezing her hand once again before letting go of it, "'Kay." Before closing your eyes once again.

The redhead takes that as the first time all day in which you've showed to be pleased with one of her many attempts at making you feel better, relief washing over her.

Moving around in the kitchen, Van swiftly prepares your tea - making sure to pour it on your favourite mug in hopes of cheering you up even a little bit.

It's not long before she's back by your bedside, helping you sit up even with your protests and handing you your tea and meds.

You pat the bed beside you, urging her to lay beside you as you slowly sip your tea. "Yes, ma'am." Van obliges happily.

It's warm under the covers from you laying there all day, but you don't look as warm as you did before and that's enough to not make her panic.

"Feeling better?" She asks, sensing your mood better than it was a few minutes ago. Maybe siting up wasn't that bad of an idea.

"Mhm." You hum contently, setting your tea down before leaning heavily against her shoulder.

"Got me worried for a bit there." Van affirms with a kiss to your temple.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I've never been much of a doctor." She jokes with a huff.

"You did just fine." You reassure, sensing some honesty in her voice. Making her worried was not on your plans at all.

"How about i make us some soup for dinner?" She questions after a moment of silence, hopeful that she will get you to have a full meal until the day ends.

"Sure. Later, though." Your voice is a bit groggy, but it's not a no and that's good. Maybe after a nap. "Just don't burn down the kitchen again."

Your girlfriend chuckles in response, pulling you to lay down comfortably on the pillows before enveloping you in her arms. You bury your face in her chest, her heartbeat making you even sleepier than before.

You feel one of her hands cradling your head, gently massaging it with her fingers as the other pulls you the closest possible to her. You squeeze her waist in a thankful gesture.

The last thing you hear before falling into a slumber is a faint 'i love you', pulling one last smile to your lips as response.

[bangtanintotheroom]

The Look (M)

You gon' give me that look, look, look, look-look

You don't have to tell me that it's mine

When you give me that look, look, look, look-look

You said everything with just your eyes

🔊 the look - ali gatie, kehlani (spotify | soundcloud) 🔊

• Pairing: Seonghwa x (F)Reader

• Genre: Non-Idol!AU, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Fluff, Smut

• Rating: 18+

• Words: 16.1k

• Summary: You’ve been perfectly normal since sleeping with Seonghwa that one night. You haven’t been thinking about him more than necessary. And you definitely haven’t been fighting the urge to voice these dangerous thoughts inside your head. You were perfectly fine…

• Warnings/themes: pining, acknowledging feelings, a very necessary discussion, drinking, swearing, jealousy, crying, OC is struggling, Hwa is just… 🫠💕, making out, grinding, oral (m. and f. receiving), face-fucking, c*me swallowing, face-sitting, squirting, fingering, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, praise, body worship, unprotected sex, creampie, multiple positions, cuddles, aftercare

• Notes: C'mon guys; did you really think I was gonna just leave these two alone after what went down in part 1? 😏 And I am SO sorry for how long this took to come out, writing doesn't come to me as easily nowadays, so I have to take it slow and steady. I at least hope this was worth the wait 💕 and shoutout to @sweetinsaniiity for the beta! 🥰

• Taglist: @minttangerines @minisugakoobies @kiestrokes @hyunjinsjeans @chngbnwf @syubseokie @marsstarxhwa @trivia-134340 @suluhwa @prodsh00ky @potatomountain @am3thyst-rose @tea4sykes @fancypeacepersona @ashlv @miksancheese

Make Me Water | The Look

You couldn’t step outside any sooner.

As soon as the glass door behind you slid closed and muffled the music and voices inside, you took a large gulp of air.

When you entered the party over two hours ago, you didn’t expect to be feeling like your emotions had been going through the wringer.

Jongho sent a group text out late last week, asking if everyone was up for a get-together Saturday night. The catch was that he planned to invite more than usual, a mix of familiar faces and strangers. No one objected, looking forward to the break from the usual small gatherings.

You took a rideshare with Sakura to Jongho’s place, Ningning already there since early that morning. This info only fueled you and your friend’s speculation on the drive, wondering whether there was something going on between the two.

Just as you pulled up outside, you spotted a familiar car parked ahead– one that opened its doors and revealed just who was occupying it. But it wasn’t all of the four men stepping out that froze you from getting out.

No, it was the one coming from the passenger side, clad in a black leather jacket and jeans that emphasized his long, slender legs.

You knew from the jump that Seonghwa was coming to the party, but every time you saw him or even thought of him, your stupid heart flipped in on itself. This had been happening ever since the two of you conducted the ‘experiment’ at his place last month. While the immediate results were successful, what occurred afterwards was not ideal.

Something was wrong. But when did it happen, was what you had been asking yourself.

It wasn’t when you decided to spend the night at his place after the deed was done, feeling too tired to drive home, nor was it when you helped him change his sheets, flopping on playfully after taking a shower. Did it happen while you used the last bit of your energy to watch your friend pull the weeds around his village?

No.

Those were all normal occurrences between the two of you. Nothing different.

Even waking up in the morning to the smell of Seonghwa making breakfast was nothing new. If it was your place instead, the roles would be reversed. You trudging out to see him bent over a cutting board didn’t hit you with a sense of unfamiliarity. Everything seemed fine at the moment.

But looking back now, maybe it wasn’t all simple.

You remembered pausing in your stride when Seonghwa’s voice greeted you, still raspy from sleep. The gravel was a reminder of what was whispered into your ears the previous night. Even though you shook the warm feeling off and continued approaching him, it returned when you helped with prep. Every time your fingers or shoulders brushed, tingles would travel down your spine. It got to the point where you nearly sliced your finger off when cutting up some fruit, prompting Seonghwa to lightly scold you and ask you to sit and leave the work to him.

All you could do was watch from the table, head spinning at whatever the fuck was going on with you that morning. But you figured it was a temporary slip that would get better after a few days.

Oh, how you were so wrong.

Every moment you spent around Seonghwa, whether it be one on one or with your group, all you could think about was him.

It wasn’t just limited to inappropriate thoughts, like picturing his head between your legs or his lean body above you, fucking you nice and slow. It would also be more modest daydreams, like holding his hands as you walk down the street or cuddling in bed.

Either way, they were messing you up. Badly.

It didn’t help that the two of you had to play it cool in front of the others, unaware of what went down. To them, nothing had changed between you guys and it was imperative that they still kept that view. God knows what kind of chaos could ensue if any of them found out. Especially Wooyoung.

But your stupid emotions just kept causing problems.

Sleeping with him unleashed something that you tried to shove deep down for a while.

A feeling that started…well, you’re not quite sure when. All you know is that you found yourself asking if there was a chance.

A chance of something more than what the two of you currently had.

Or were you just being delusional? Sex alone didn’t always equal romantic feelings; you knew this, able to have physical relationships without that issue. But that was with anyone…and this wasn’t just any regular person.

This was Seonghwa.

He was…someone special.

Someone who you could see yourself being with, no hesitation. But did he feel the same way?

Probably not.

Especially with how many options he had in partners; why bother with you when he could chase after anyone else?

A lump started to form in your throat as you stared out into the faint city lights.

There was already one person here tonight that was interested in pursuing him and it was shaping up to be a success, much to your dismay.

Sakura had brought her roommate, Karina, as her plus one, introducing her to everyone with enthusiastic flourish.

You could see why, the woman being striking with her long, raven hair, full lips that easily stretched into a smile and the mole beneath said cushions. You swore that a couple of the other partygoers stumbled over their hellos, Mingi included as he tried not to spill his overflowing drink as they shook hands. The playful pinch and coo you gave him was followed by a grumble before he stomped away with reddened ears.

Karina blended into the festivities easily, eventually ending up on one of the loveseats with you, Sakura and a tipsy Ningning that decided to plop on your lap.

“Okay, I take back what I said this morning.”

“Oh? What was it exactly that you said?” teased Sakura.

Karina rolled her eyes at her roommate’s purposefully dense tone. “That you were going to be dragging me to a boring party when I could be at home watching my cooking shows.”

Sakura grinned like a devil, leaning into her and wiggling. “See?! I make good decisions sometimes!”

“Sometimes, being the key word, “ your quip was followed by a hand coming up to bat at your nose, yelping with laughter as you leaned back from the offender.

“Aish, Sakura, you almost made me fall!” whined Ningning as she tightened her arms around your shoulders.

“Girl, that’s your own fault. There’s plenty of room on the couch, sit!”

“No—” Her petulant rebuttal came with a press of her burning cheek to yours. “—Y/N is comfier.”

You chuckled, giving her upper back a gentle rub. “I appreciate the compliment, Ning, even if my legs are starting to fall asleep.”

The subtle comment seemed to go completely over the inebriated girl’s head as she simply beamed and snuggled into you further. While the four of you continued to converse, you noticed how Karina kept looking off in a certain direction every so often, lingering for a few seconds before returning to the group. This action didn’t escape Sakura, squinting her eyes as she poked her friend.

“And just what has your eyes wandering off like that, missy?”

Karina’s shoulders straightened as she now donned a sheepish smile.

“Oh…just looking around.”

“Uh huh…”

Clearly, Sakura didn’t believe her as she started putting two and two together while staring off wherever the other was looking. This prompted you and Ningning to look as well with curiosity, landing on a small group of men hanging out by the entrance to the kitchen.

“Mm, looks like someone is taking in her options tonight.”

“Oh?”

Sakura’s observation seemed to be on point as Karina became even more timid.

“And just who are we looking at?” You playfully interrogate.

There were four candidates talking and laughing on the other side of the room; Wooyoung, Mingi, his roommate Jisung and Seonghwa. All good options.

“Well…it’s…um, shoot.”

“What?”

“I forgot his name.”

“Hm?”

Ningning leaned forward and pointed towards the group. “Which one?”

Sakura smacked her hand down in panic. “Pabo, don’t point, you’ll make it obvious!”

“Ow! Abuse!”

Shaking your head, you patted Ningning’s back to calm her down before giving Karina an apologetic grin.

“Please excuse her, she’s a silly drunk. Just narrow it down and we’ll tell you his name.”

The woman gave you an appreciative look before peeking at the group again. “The tall, slender one in the leather jacket. With the short black hair.”

All three of you became quiet, glancing at each other with astonished expressions, especially you. She was eyeing up—

“Seonghwa?”

Karina nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Mhm.”

You continued to watch her, feeling a hint of…something. Not sure what it was, you push it aside and gaze at the object of your own affections, lips twitching as he threw his head back and laughed at whatever madness Wooyoung said.

“Okay, Karina, I see you!” teased Sakura as she slyly elbowed her roommate, resulting in a push from her.

“Don’t tease me, Sakura!”

“Hey, hey, no teasing on my end, for once.”

“Seriously—” Ningning smiled encouragingly. “—you have good taste! Ah, not like the others aren’t good choices too!”

The flub made all four of you laugh and you forgot about the odd sensation that was brewing in favor of the sudden humor.

“He’s gorgeous, can you blame me?”

A small smile graced your face as you replied, “No, not at all.”

You weren’t bothered by Karina looking Seonghwa over, really. It was human nature to take in the appearance of someone as stunning as him, whether you wanted to or not. You did something of the sort the first time you had met your friend, often doing glances out of the corner of your eye as your brain tried to comprehend how a man like him existed in real life.

It still stumped you, to this day.

Thinking that the gossip was over, you brought your cup up to sip before coming up with another topic to speak on.

“He’s not seeing anyone, is he?”

Until that question made you halt suddenly, spilling some of the liquid onto your chin.

“Or maybe—” Karina gazed at all three of you individually. “—he’s spoken for by one of you?”

Sakura was swift to scrunch her nose and shake her head, her blonde waves smacking her cheeks.

“God no, that’d be like dating my brother!”

Ningning responded to the look with her own rejection, peach-colored lips in a large pout.

“Nope. I’ve…got my eye on someone else.”

And then there was you.

You had to remain calm while staring into Karina’s dark eyes, but it was suddenly difficult. It was like she had thrown ice water on you with that inquiry. It woke you up to the truth of just what your standing was with Seonghwa.

Well…he wasn’t yours.

The two of you may have pleasured each other and whispered lustful words that one night, but after you left his place, it was back to just being friends. No acknowledgment of what occurred. No requests to have a repeat. Just platonic affection. Just…back to normal.

He was not yours.

You had to spend the last month acting like you never played the encounter in your head on repeat both around him and when you were alone. You kept your cool and remained nonchalant as his fingers flew over his controller, despite wanting to feel them all over your body again. And you smiled and pretended to be happy for him when he had a couple of dates, having to swallow your guilt at the happiness you felt when they didn’t work out and you had to reassure him that he’d be successful one day.

Successful with someone that wasn’t you.

He was not fucking yours.

Trying not to let the sudden wave of sadness drown you, you replied smoothly, “He’s a free agent.”

Karina seemed to take this as a green light, watching Seonghwa with a sharper eye.

“I see…”

After that, you tuned out the encouragement Sakura and Ningning were giving her, not really wanting to participate in fake behavior. You were ready to chug the rest of your drink, only to find nothing but a few drops scattered inside the plastic.

Dammit. You needed another one. Now.

“Excuse me, Ning.”

Your gentle push of your friend made her scoot off your lap, allowing you to stand up. Giving your slightly numb legs a moment to recover, you were quick to make your way to the kitchen, inevitably passing the group hanging out nearby. You tried not to make eye contact with Seonghwa, knowing he’d catch on to your mood change and ask what was going on. Luckily, he was deep into a conversation with Jisung, only noticing you were walking by at the last second before he was approached by another partygoer.

The kitchen became your safe zone for a moment, letting out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding.

“Y/N, buddy!”

A thick arm wrapped around your shoulders before you were face to face with a ruddy-cheeked Jongho.

“Welcome to the kitchen!”

His slurred yet endearing words managed to crack a tiny smile from you, giving his head a pat in acknowledgment.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome! Oh, is Ningning still over there?”

Before he even finished, he looked through the half-window to eagerly search for said girl through the small crowd.

“She sure is. Why don’t you go get her? I think my legs will need to be amputated if she continues to sit on them.”

Like the fourth of July, the younger man’s face lit up. “Oh no, we can’t have that! I’ll go take over and be her personal cushion!”

Jongho released you and speed-walked out of the room, leaving you to blink rapidly at the brief encounter. Something about those two raised flags for you, but you were a little too in your feelings tonight to investigate.

You schooled your face into a neutral expression as you approached Wooyoung, mixing some kind of brew in a large punch bowl.

“Woo.”

He glanced up from his concoction to grace you with a cheeky grin. “Hey you! Having fun?”

The time of your fucking life.

“Mhm. What’s that?”

Wooyoung hummed playfully as he continued stirring, “Just playing chemist right now. The last time I made this, everyone who drank it got wild!”

“Wild, huh?” You muttered as you watched the liquid swirl around.

It might be just what you needed right now.

Holding out your empty cup, you answered his surprised expression with a firm, “Fill me up.”

The shock was quick to turn into giddiness.

“Ohoho, someone’s being adventurous tonight! Coming right up!”

As he used the ladle to pour, you had a sneaking suspicion that you would regret this in the morning.

Right now though?

This was your temporary savior.

You couldn’t decide whether Wooyoung needed to stay away from bartending or keep up at it as you were only halfway through your drink and feeling a hard buzz.

Even though buzz was putting it lightly.

Your entire body was on the verge of overheating, eyelids heavy and fingers and toes vibrating as you stumbled through the apartment. At least you weren’t the only one suffering the effects, having heard retching as you passed by the closed bathroom door.

But the upside of this was that right now, you couldn’t give a single fuck.

You only focused on going wherever your feet led you, shooting smiles to familiar faces, even if some of them looked a little blurry. There was a gaggle of dancing going on by the TV, the occupants moving to the song blaring out of the Bluetooth speaker. The alcohol gave you the strength to join them, hoping it would keep you from falling asleep.

Except a warm, strong hand wrapped around your bicep, halting your stride.

With a frown, your head whipped to the side (ooh, too fast), vision fuzzy for a second as you landed on whoever grabbed you.

…oh crap.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

Seonghwa’s voice was calm yet concerned, his eyes looking you over with scrutiny. He could probably tell how far gone you were right now.

“Of course I am. I’m at a party. I’m having fun.”

Your drawl didn’t mean to come out like that, internally wincing at the taken aback reaction he had to your sarcasm.

“Wooyoung said you had some of his rum punch…you do know how strong that stuff is, don’t you?”

God, why did he have to be so caring? It made you want to kiss him silly, but push him away at the same time.

Clicking your tongue, you went for the latter, albeit gently. “I do, which is why I had it. Why aren’t you drinking it?”

Your brain didn’t realize until it was too late that you poked his nose, receiving a humored scrunch.

“Because I want to make it home in one piece. Just promise me you’ll drink some water soon, okay?” stated Seonghwa.

“Yes mother.”

With that, you continued on your journey to the makeshift dance floor, unaware of the gaze still on your figure.

As soon as you approached them, Ningning was quick to spot you and pull you in by your hand, sandwiching your body between her and Sakura.

“Has Hell frozen over? You’ve actually come to dance?”

You laughed at your friend’s stunned yet giddy declaration, leaning back onto her. “Yup! Come on, show me what you can do!”

With that, the next few moments had you in a daze, the alcohol warming your veins and clouding your mind as you writhed against the group of bodies. It was mainly you and the girls dancing on each other, occasionally joined by a sloshed Mingi or a whooping Wooyoung, resulting in you nearly pissing yourself laughing.

This was what you deserved.

To not think about your jumbled emotions and the source of them. It was going to be a problem for another day.

But then you looked up and froze as you realized that you were being watched closely.

By Seonghwa, of all people.

He was leaning against a wall on the other side of the room, laser-focused on the way you grinded on Sakura. It was hard to tell what he was thinking about the scene, face impassive as he had one hand in his jacket pocket and the other holding a drink.

You were going to shake it off and return to dancing until you studied him closer and realized just how he was looking at you.

The way his eyes were fixated on you brought you back to that fateful night in his bed. How he gazed at you whenever his fingers were deep inside or his cock was pounding away at you. The clear memory of it brought a pang of arousal to your lower half, but it was only made worse by what Seonghwa did next.

That motherfucker ran that sinful tongue of his over his plush lips. Slowly. While staring into your eyes.

Godammit.

Needing to escape before you did something you might regret, you sped off towards the hallway, quickly throwing a ‘be right back’ to your dancing companions. Thank goodness the bathroom door was open this time, allowing you to jump inside and shut it behind you. Leaning against the wood and closing your eyes, your head spun as you realized how much that simple look affected you.

Your heart hammered beneath your ribcage and your chest rose and fell rapidly while you tried to calm down. You were drunk. You were drunk and yet you still let him get to you.

You were a mess.

At some point, a knock sounded on the door before you heard a voice asking to hurry up so they could relieve themselves. You were sitting on the plush bathtub rug as you tried to get your bearings, not realizing how long you had been in here. Swallowing hard, you pulled yourself up on unsteady legs. Exiting the bathroom and shooting the waiting person an apologetic smile, you made your way back into the festivities.

The dancing crew seemed to break up a bit by now, spotting a few of them gathered around the coffee table with Uno cards scattered. Judging by the scowls on Wooyoung and Sakura’s flushed faces as they yapped at each other, the game was starting to get intense.

You took advantage of this large view to wander around the room with your eyes, only stopping when they landed on two specific people.

Seonghwa stood with Karina in the kitchen smiling and conversing, visible through the partial window.

The sight alone made your stomach turn a little, but what you saw next almost made your dinner come back up.

The woman placed her hand on the arm of his leather jacket, leaning up to whisper something into his ear. Something that made Seonghwa’s eyes widen before he shot her a bashful smile.

Of course.

She’s making her move.

Like you told her, he was a free agent. Meaning you had no right to get upset over watching them flirt.

But you were. You were upset and it hurt to see someone taking an opportunity that you wanted for yourself.

You couldn’t watch this anymore.

And so you were out on this balcony alone, trying to hold yourself together over a man you had no claim on…and failing miserably.

The more you went back on it, the larger the lump got and the blurrier your vision became. And it wasn’t from the liquor.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

You were so fucking screwed.

The sound of the sliding door opening from behind made you straighten up and whip your head around, only for your heart to both swell and sink at who it was.

“There you are!”

Seonghwa closed the door as he stepped out, the onslaught of laughter from indoors being silenced again.

“I didn’t see you around for a moment and got worried.”

Clearing your throat, you asked, “Did you think I left?”

He shrugged, standing next to you now. “No, just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Despite your conflicted emotions, you couldn’t hold back from smiling shakily at his concern. “Thanks. I’m fine, I just…wanted some fresh air.”

Seonghwa nodded in understanding, mirroring your previous position and resting his chin on one of his fists.

“Understandable. I think Sakura and Wooyoung are getting a little too into Uno.”

Remembering how the duo started swapping insults over a stacked draw four made you shake your head.

“Well, if there’s blood when we go back in, we know what happened.”

After he gave a hum, it was quiet, save for the sounds of cars passing by on the street and the occasional pedestrian. It was funny, really. How his presence could calm yet stir you up, trying to keep your composure steady.

Your warring thoughts were interrupted when you felt a nudge to your shoulder, looking down to see Seonghwa pushing his head into you.

“Y/N~”

His drawn out call of your name couldn’t help but make you giggle a bit.

“Someone’s feeling good.”

“Sure am,” Seonghwa smiled playfully, giving you another nudge.

Receiving an endearing grin only lowered your guard even further. “Seonghwa, did you drink something else?”

“Mhm, Karina grabbed me another.”

And just like that, the walls were back up.

“Oh…”

Your flat reply preceded you turning your head to look out again, remembering just why you came out here in the first place.

“…are you alright?” Seonghwa asked.

Not at all.

“I am. Just…that rum punch is getting to me a little.”

You hoped that would be the end of it, but no. His hand came up to gently rub your upper back, sending a torrent of sensations through you.

“Do you want some water?”

“No, no, I’ll be fine. Thank you, Hwa,” you shook your head, rejecting his offer.

A short period of silence occurred before long fingers came up to cradle your chin and turn your head in his direction, giving you an expression that was a complete 180 from before.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Nothing but sheer sincerity was in his dark eyes. It was a familiar sight.

But then your alcohol-influenced brain remembered that those same eyes had gazed at you with such hunger that one night.

Godammit.

The reminder made you shiver visibly, causing Seonghwa to straighten his posture, immediately removing his leather jacket and draping it over your shoulders. He must have thought you were cold.

Too sweet.

“Thank you...” you smiled tightly.

“Mhm,” he nodded. “It is getting a bit chilly out here. Maybe we should go back inside.”

A bolt of panic shot through you. Going back in would mean allowing him to run into Karina again. Who knows what will happen this time?

The way you should’ve reacted was to calmly divert him from that, encouraging him to spend some more one on one time with you.

Not grab his damn wrist like a loon.

The sudden action had Seonghwa’s eyes widening in bewilderment, not used to this sort of reaction from you. Realizing your misstep, you swiftly released him, cradling your hands to your chest with mortification.

“I-I’m sorry…”

You couldn’t look at his face right now. The crack on the floor of the balcony seemed a lot more intriguing instead.

“Y/N…are you feeling alright?” Seonghwa frowned.

Great, now he sounded worried. Idiot, Y/N, idiot!

“I am…I am,” you stuttered.

That didn’t come out as nonchalant as you expected, a wobble in your tone as you tried to compose yourself. Looking through the glass door, the bright lights and liveliness of the party seemed to be more appealing than the current awkward situation.

Adopting a chipper inflection, you turned towards the festivities and offered, “You’re right, why don’t we go back inside? The temperature is starting to drop.”

But just as you were about to reach for the handle, long fingers wrapped around your own with a bit of force.

The action startled you, glancing up to see Seonghwa scrutinizing you…hard.

“Wh-What is it?” You stammered, avoiding eye contact.

“Something’s bothering you.”

His blunt response had your hackles raising as alarm bells began ringing in your head. Your friend wasn’t wrong, at all, but this was not a topic you wanted to discuss with him right now. Especially on the balcony of a house party.

“No, there’s not.”

Your defensive reply only made his thick brows knit, clearly not believing you.

“Y/N.”

The firmness in your name made your stomach turn a bit, the feeling that he wouldn’t let this go so easily was starting to take a hold. Shaking your hand from his, you made a start for the door again, only to have his lean figure stand in your way. A curse of frustration left your lips lowly at his action.

Damn his stubborn, pretty ass!

“Seonghwa, let me—“

“No.”

Now you could hear and see the irritation, your heart skipping as his expression turned into a borderline scowl before he crossed his arms.

“If you think I’m going to allow you to go back in there like this, you’re out of your mind. I’m not letting you in until you tell me what’s wrong.”

You tried, tried to protest again, but your words died the longer he stared you down. He meant it; no way in hell were you going inside without airing your grievances. If the two of you were staying on this balcony all night long, then so be it.

The realization made you sigh heavily, bringing your hands up to hold your face as you tried to keep your cool. For a moment, nothing was said until Seonghwa’s now softer voice came out.

“Is everything alright?”

You moved your hands so he could hear you. “No, it’s not.”

You uncovered your face, revealing an expression that projected the troubles that had been plaguing you for the last month. Strong enough to make Seonghwa’s stare diminish.

“I don’t know what to do, Seonghwa. Ever since we…had sex, I feel like something changed,” you admitted.

He looked somewhat confused as he asked, “In…in what way?”

The wryest of smiles graced your lips. “Depends on how you look at it.”

The other bit his bottom lip, looking even more concerned now. “I…just talk to me, Y/N.”

Something told you that your friend was ready to listen close, so you mustered up every millimeter of courage to begin.

“It’s like…every time I’m around you, I’m feeling conflicted.” You directed your gaze to his neck, not having the guts to look into his eyes just yet. “Whether we’re with friends or one on one, I…I get distracted.”

“How so?”

You swallowed the pebble sitting in your throat. “I, well…I keep thinking about that night.”

Seonghwa made a humming sound, crossing his arms. “When we…”

You finished his sentence with a ‘yeah’.

“What exactly do you think about?”

He wasn’t going to make this easy for you, was he?

Fighting the urge to jump off the balcony, you forced yourself to make eye contact with him now.

“…everything.”

When your friend raises a brow in question, you continue, “How…how you managed to prove me wrong. How you took care of me. How…good you made me feel.”

That last part made something in his expression shift, but it was only for a split second. “Is it bothering you?”

“It…is, but not in the way you think…”

With the look of confusion on his face, the dam was released and you just…spilled.

“You know, I’ve always felt…something towards you. But I didn’t want to pursue it. I was always terrified that it would fuck up whatever we already had going on.”

The slight tic in Seonghwa’s face was missed as you peered down at your shoes.

“But then you came to me with that offer and I couldn’t resist…I thought it would be okay to indulge. I can do this with no strings attached, right?” Your nervous laughter quickly dissolved into a stressful sigh. “I guess I bit off more than I could chew.”

Understatement of the century right there.

“Do you regret it?”

His question came out cautiously, almost as if he was afraid of your answer.

“That’s the thing…I don’t.”

Something seemed to shift in the night air when you said that…or maybe you were just imagining things. But you continued to express your thoughts without missing a beat.

“If I went back to that night when I asked you to show me what you know, I wouldn’t take it back. I—”

You clasped your hands and watched your fingers twiddle as you murmured, “—I had such an amazing time.”

“But that’s not the main problem, is it?”

Seonghwa’s directness caused you to wince, shaking your head while still looking down.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t be even out here on this stupid balcony if it was as simple as that,” you admitted with a bite to your tone. All of a sudden, a small but strong wave of frustration overcame, making you stomp your foot and let out a disgruntled curse.

“Godammit. It was just supposed to be sex, that’s all! A fun night together! So why…”

And as quickly as it came, the flames died down into cold ashes, leaving you in a state of despair as you lamented, “Why can’t I stop thinking about you?”

If Seonghwa had anything to say at that moment, you wouldn’t let him as everything began to spill out once again.

“I can’t even say it was just the sex, it’s way past that at this point. Do you know how hard it is to hold myself back when you’re around? I keep wanting to hold your hand or kiss you or…well, have a repeat of that night.”

Now you had to get to the crux of what pushed you to get some space outside.

“But then I kept seeing Karina with you tonight and it reminded me that we’re just friends and nothing more. Who am I to stop you from seeing other women, right?”

A bitter laugh came out.

“Even though we were hanging out most of the time, I tried to convince myself that she wouldn’t be a good match for you. That’s how bad I have it for you, Hwa; I’m making up things that aren’t true about this girl who’s been nothing but nice to me the whole night.”

“Y/N.”

“And it’s so stupid because she doesn’t deserve that and you’re single and allowed to see whoever you want, but every time I looked over, I got so upset and wanted to tell her to get away from you.”

“Y/N.”

“Even getting borderline drunk didn’t help, I couldn’t stop thinking about it until I came out here. Maybe I should have just gone home, this is all too much for me to—”

“Y/N!”

A small shout of your name was what broke your string of words, finally whipping your head up to take notice of Seonghwa.

Specifically the guilt-ridden expression he donned.

“You...this is what’s been bothering you?”

All you could manage was an unsteady nod, lips pursed and trembling.

“Shit. Come here.”

His gentle invitation came in the form of his arms opening, waiting for you to step into them. You wasted no time in doing so, pressing your face into his shoulder, inhaling his signature scent mixed with laundry detergent. Seonghwa’s arms wrapped around you in a tight embrace, a hand coming up to rub your back in comfort. The motion alone caused the back of your eyes to begin burning.

“Y/N…I’m so sorry that you’ve been feeling this way. I didn’t think it was going to affect you that much.”

You felt his nose press into your temple before he whispered, “I wish you told me earlier.”

Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you stammered, “I…I couldn’t. It was too embarrassing.”

With a sigh, he stroked your hair immediately.

“Don’t ever be embarrassed. If something like this is bothering you, I want you to let me know, no matter how insignificant you think it is, okay?”

The wordless nod you gave didn’t seem to be enough for him as he tightened his grip and repeated firmly, “Okay?”

“O-Okay,” you croaked out.

Seonghwa hummed in approval, the noise vibrating against your chest and nearly drowning out the rapid pace of your heartbeat. That was all you could hear as he continued to hold you in silence, taking a moment to let your confession sink in. When he decided to return to the conversation, you were blindsided by what he said.

“Actually, I’m…I’m glad you said something about it.”

His words came out hesitant and timid, bringing confusion.

“You…you are?”

“Yes. Now—” A low exhale interrupted his mid-sentence. “—now I can tell you everything that’s been on my mind.”

Everything on his mind? Was there something bothering him as well? Whatever it was, you remained quiet to give him the floor to speak.

“You know…after I said what I said to you in the kitchen that time, I wanted to kick myself. ‘Why did I say that, she must think I’m a pervert!’.”

His recollection made your lips twitch for a moment.

“But then you accepted…I couldn’t believe it.”

The awe in his voice eased your troubles momentarily, flattered at his recollection to your response.

“I kept thinking that maybe I heard you wrong…but when you showed up on my doorstep, I realized that it was really happening.”

“Were you…excited?” You inquired curiously with a small smile.

Seonghwa chuckled next to your ear, the heat making a thrill shoot down your spine. “Excited. Nervous. Ready to run out the second you saw me naked.”

For the first time in over an hour, you giggled, picturing the possibility of him jetting out while nude.

“But I was ultimately happy that you trusted me enough to do that with you, because…”

His sentence trailed off, making you frown as he seemed to be holding back now. Refusing to let him, you stepped out of the embrace and gave him a taste of his own medicine by grabbing his shoulders and staring into his eyes with stern encouragement.

“Because?”

Seonghwa realized what you were doing and chewed on his lower lip for a moment. The lighting out here wasn’t the strongest, but even with that, you could see his cheeks and ears begin to flush red. With a deep breath, he admitted, “Would you be mad if…if I said I always wanted to touch you?”

Your jaw dropped and your eyes nearly popped out of your skull at the stunning revelation.

He always…what?

“Hwa…a-are you just saying this to ease my mind?”

Your friend vehemently shook his head, still keeping his deep brown eyes locked on yours as he placed his hands on your shoulders.

“Not at all. I wouldn’t lie to you, not about that.”

“And…how did you feel, getting to touch me?”

You swore there was a twinkle in his eyes as his lips peeled back. “I was fucking ecstatic.”

His behavior that night supported his confession, yes, but—

“But I’m sure once you got your fill, that was enough.”

Your pessimistic words made the smile on his face fall, realizing too late that you said the wrong thing. When you were about to open your mouth and take it back, Seonghwa interrupted with an irked tone.

“I’m almost offended to hear that.”

Now his eyes narrowed, making you swallow hard at the fire starting to burn in them. “You really think I don’t want to touch you again?”

You tried to explain your faux pas again, only for it to get lodged in your throat when long fingers began running up the side of your neck.

“Every time I’m near you, that’s all I can think about.”

“Seonghwa…” you trailed off.

A thumb started rubbing underneath your jawline, directly over your pounding pulse.“But I held back because I didn’t want to push my luck. I had an excuse the first time, but any time after that—“

He pursed his lips in dissatisfaction. “—I was worried I’d scare you off.”

You were convinced it wasn’t the liquor making your head spin now, his mere touch and words doing the job instead. It took a minute to properly process what he said before you carefully asked, “And right now?”

Seonghwa took in a long breath in order to let it out as a low chuckle.

“Right now, I want to make you forget all those silly thoughts you’re having.”

God. That reaction alone transported you back to being underneath his bare and sweat-slick body as he gave you pleasure that felt too good to be real.

“S-Seonghwa, you…”

Just as quickly as that desire came, it went away in favor of something more delicate.

“But it’s not just your body that I want,” he clarified, something shining in his eyes that you couldn’t pinpoint. “I’d like to be able to hold you and kiss you as well, not needing an excuse to do so. If I could have gotten the nerve to make a move ages ago, I would have…just to prevent you from going through this stress.”

The confession was easing your troubles and bringing out something more positive instead. All of your worries melted away as Seonghwa continued, reaching for your hands to hold them tight and give a grounding squeeze.

With pure affection in his irises, he inquired, “I want to be able to call you mine. Would that be too much to ask?”

You’re not sure when you decided to answer, merely standing there stunned and reeling. All this lamenting was pointless. If you had said something earlier, even before the two of you had sex, this could have been completely avoided. A combination of joy, exasperation and tenderness caused your eyes to well up, blurring your view of him. When you could speak without croaking, you gave your answer.

“I…no, it’s not too much.”

And then you let out a laugh of relief.

“Not at all.”

You could honestly cry right now.

Which was what your laughter morphed into as everything really sank in, leading to Seonghwa gently wiping your eyes with his thumbs.

“Hey, no tears.”

“I’m sorry, Hwa. They’re happy tears, promise.”

Chuckling at the reassurance, he held your cheeks as he rested his forehead on yours, gazing directly into your eyes.

“Good, that’s the only kind I’ll allow.”

A glowing grin graced your face from his humored reply, leaning into the contact. The harsh tension from earlier completely dissipated now, replaced with something warmer. An atmosphere that continued to heat up the longer you two focused on each other. Your stare kept flicking down to his full lips more than once, the urge to revisit how they feel growing more and more urgent.

“What is it?”

Seonghwa’s low query made you bite down on your bottom lip, noticing the way his eyes darted to the action.

“You said you wanted to be able to kiss me whenever…right?”

Your soft suggestion immediately had one of his brows raising, nodding casually. But rather than go straight for it like you expected, he seemed to hold off.

“I did…are you…are you sure? I know you’ve been drinking…”

Oh. That expressed his hesitation. You appreciated his consideration as always, but this was one of the rare times that you wanted it to jump off the balcony and onto the street.

“Hwa, I’ve only had two drinks and that was over an hour ago.”

Returning the favor, you looked his face over, seeing a bit of a flush still under his sun-kissed skin. “Are you good?”

Seonghwa was just as guaranteed in his nod. “Yes, I promise. Drunk or not, I want this just as bad.”

And that right there was all you needed.

Cradling his face with your hands, you pulled him down and let his mouth land on top of yours.

Oh, how you dreamed of this for weeks.

Now that it was happening, you didn’t want to part, even if your oxygen was running out and you were on the verge of going unconscious. Seonghwa seemed to be on the same page, the pressure of his lips increasing each second. The soft sounds of kissing was like music to your ears while the feel of his hands moving down to hold your waist grounded you.

Although, whatever chasteness was there disappeared the second you dared to poke your tongue against his mouth.

A rumble vibrated against you before his grip tightened and his own tongue came out to run along your own. With each stroke, you could taste the top layer of his drink of choice earlier, but it soon faded until all you could take in was him.

A flavor that was unique and addictive.

You’re not sure when it happened amidst the kissing, but Seonghwa eventually had you backed up into the wall less than a foot from the sliding door. If anyone had become nosy and looked hard enough, they could see part of his back before becoming curious and stepping out to see what was happening. But that was the last thing on your mind at the moment.

All you could think of was the way he was making your body heat up with every drag of his hands and swirl of his tongue. Teeth made an appearance, often nipping and pulling at your lips. Heavy breaths washed over your mouth, growing ragged and peppered with moans.

But then you felt his thigh insert itself between your legs, forcing them to part. And then he went and pressed it up, making you gasp sharply as it came into contact with your clothed core. The unexpected move made you finally pull away from the kiss, panting hard as you gawked at the hungry look on Seonghwa’s face.

“Seonghwa…”

“I’m sorry…I’ve been waiting to do this for a while.”

You let out an incredulous sound. “You don’t have to apologize, believe me.”

He laughed gravelly, shaking his head. “No, I do. I don’t think we should stay here any longer.”

Your face twisted in confusion, your lust-addled brain not picking up on what he meant right away. That is, until he pushed his hips closer and everything became clear.

“We have to leave—” A slow grind of his erection into your right thigh. “—before I end up fucking you on this balcony.”

Just the mere thought of him having the urge to do that to you, despite the riskiness, had you audibly moaning.

“Then…let’s go. To my place. I-It’s closer—”

Seonghwa didn’t even wait for you to finish before nodding swiftly, reluctantly pulling himself away from you. While he adjusted himself, you blindly wiped off whatever lipstick smudged out of bounds and fixed your skirt back down to its proper place.

The two of you headed back inside, the brightness and noise sobering. Everyone seemed to be preoccupied still, not looking in your direction out of curiosity. In fact, the Uno game from the earlier was still ongoing, Sakura looking more joyful and Wooyoung with a deep scowl as he stared at his large array of cards.

Glad that no one questioned the disappearance of you and Seonghwa, you motioned him to follow as you walked to the beginning of the hallway where Ningning and Jongho stood. The two were in a bit of a precarious position, minimal space between their bodies as she giggled uncontrollably about something while the other watched her with nothing but affection in his eyes.

If you weren’t so horny right now, you’d drag your friend off and interrogate. Instead, you cleared your throat to catch her attention.

“Oh! Hey you! Where’d you go?” questioned Ningning.

“I just needed some fresh air, that’s all. Actually, Seonghwa and I are gonna head out.”

Ningning’s brows lifted as she straightened her posture a bit, Jongho mirroring the act. “Is everything alright?”

You give your friend a placating smile. “Yeah, I’m just feeling a little tired and he doesn’t want me to go out by myself this late.”

Seonghwa butted in, “And being under the influence of Wooyoung’s concoctions is asking for trouble.”

The two of your friends agreed with a laugh, looking less concerned now.

“You’ve got a point. Hwa, if you want to come back, I can still drive you home later,” offered Jongho.

Seonghwa shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll either stay with Y/N or Uber home.”

You couldn’t help but think that the former choice was more likely, watching as the men gave each other a parting hug.

“Alright, then be safe.”

Jongho gave you one as well before Ningning wrapped her arms tight around you.

“Please drink some water when you get home. And eat some bread!”

You chuckle and give her an appreciative squeeze. “Of course, Ning. Same for you.”

“Will do!”

When she finally decided to release you and give Seonghwa a tight hug as well, the two of you started to head out, waving goodbye to anyone that passed by. As soon as the apartment door shut behind, you looked up at the other, sharing a knowing smile.

“Shall we?”

You wondered if the driver could feel the mountain of tension in the backseat right now.

From the moment you and Seonghwa entered the car, nothing but a greeting was exchanged. The two of you sat in your respective seats, a gap between your bodies. But less than thirty seconds after the vehicle began moving, you felt long, warm fingers caress your hand. Looking away from the blurred street lamps, you peered over to see your fellow rider watching you with something akin to affection.

The demure smile he gave when you intertwined with him only made the desire to reach your apartment worse.

As soon as the car stopped, your goodbyes were said and the two of you stood in silence as the car drove off and around the corner. Once Seonghwa’s hand held yours again, it was like your body went on autopilot. You began leading him inside and up to your unit, fumbling in your purse for your keys with your free hand. The metal brushed against your fingertips a couple of times, but missed thanks to a combination of tipsiness and the sensation of a thumb rubbing the back of your other hand.

Finally, you pulled them out, unlocking your front door and pulling your companion in with you. With little care of where they would land, you tossed your purse and keys aside before grabbing Seonghwa’s shoulders to pull him into a passionate kiss. The rumble against your lips was instant, feeling warm palms land on your waist now. But before you could get too into the contact, he parted to humorously say, “Shouldn’t we take our shoes off first?”

Ah. Kudos to him for that. You hated tracking dirt in your house.

Nodding swiftly, you started to bend down until he held a hand up.

“Let me.”

His soft yet direct words made your posture straighten, watching as he got down on one knee. He took one of your feet and rested it on his bent leg before working on undoing the strap of your heel. The thoughtful act made your stomach flip, desire piling up as you watched him take his time removing your footwear. Something about the way he did this with no hesitation made you want to just pounce and have him on the hardwood floor.

But you had a little decorum still.

Decorum that dwindled even further when he finished and placed a gentle kiss on your knee before standing to remove his own shoes. As soon as he was done, you jumped.

Lips locked, tongues tangled and hands roamed as the both of you fumbled down the hall and into your bedroom, not even bothering to close the door. You walked him backwards until he was forced to sit on your bed, breaking the kiss. But you wasted no time in climbing onto his lap, returning your lips to their rightful place.

You’re not giving him much of a chance to lead, pressing harder and grinding your hips down enough to have denim scraping uncomfortably into your inner thighs. When you rolled hard enough to feel his mouth vibrate against your own, Seonghwa pulled back to give you the heaviest of looks.

“Did you miss me that much?”

The low tone paired with the hands sneaking up your skirt brought a thrill down your spine.

“Yes.”

No shame littered your response, thighs spreading the further you felt his touch wander.

“Good—“ A fingertip ran along the edge of your slowly soddening panties. “—I missed you too.”

His admission only motivated you to pull him back into a lip lock. While that continued, his fingers slid over your clothed mound to rub gentle circles on your clit. The move made you whimper into his mouth, losing coordination the longer it went on.

He wasn’t even touching your skin directly and you were already losing focus. If he kept this up, you wouldn’t be able to carry out your goal. So you brought a hand down to gently hold his wrist, stopping him from stimulating you further. Seonghwa pulled his lips off to look at you with bewilderment.

“What is it?”

“I…” You swallowed down the bit of apprehension that lingered in order to finish. “I want to make you feel good.”

Seonghwa’s bold brows lifted in surprise at your request. “Y/N…do you not want me to touch you first?”

It wasn’t that you weren’t willing to be touched; far from it. But after everything he had done for you, you wanted him to sit back and enjoy whatever you planned to give.

“It’s not that. I love when you touch me, I just—” You made sure to gaze directly into his deep brown eyes. “—I just need to show you how I feel.”

His orbs softened from your words, free hand coming up to hold your chin carefully.

“Are you sure?”

You didn’t mean for a whine to leave your lips before pleading, “Seonghwa, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me later, just— Please.”

But it worked as he finally eased up, moving his hand away from your face.

“Okay…okay, baby.” Now he rested his palms on the bed with a smile. “I’m all yours.”

The double meaning behind those words had your heart swelling impossibly. You leaned in to capture him in a kiss again, a little slower now. You didn’t linger too long before trailing pecks away from his mouth and down to his jawline. Your lips dotted each inch of it, nose brushing against his earlobes on both sides when you reached.

When you moved further south to land on the long column of Seonghwa’s neck, you could hear his breathing quicken. Holding back a smile, you started exploring this new area, listening close for any tells. Landing on his Adam’s apple forced a hitch out of the other, making you repeatedly plant kisses on that area. The most he gave you was a reserved groan, pushing you to want to increase the volume.

And so you carefully sunk your teeth in.

“Shit, Y/N—”

That was more like it.

Your smile didn’t hold back this time as you pulled back to look at what you did. Judging by the red splotch on his sun-kissed skin, you wouldn’t be surprised if it evolved into a mark in the morning. Seonghwa caught your appreciative stare and chuckled gruffly.

“Are you marking me up?”

“Maybe…”

Mischief littered your tone as you trailed off, leaning in to give said spot a gentle kiss.

“I want you to remember this night somehow.”

You could feel your lover shiver underneath you. “Nothing could make me forget this.”

When your heart expanded uncomfortably at his words, you had to find a way to use your sudden burst of energy. You’re quick to reach for the hem of his t-shirt and tug it off, wasting none of your precious time in running your hands along his heated skin. Muscle memory kicked in to help stimulate hot spots, drinking in every moan and whisper of praise he let out.

Only now did you move from your station on his lap, determined to move down to giving another area attention. You stood up between Seonghwa’s spread legs, head leaning in to lay kisses all over his toned chest. Rotating between using your lips, tongue and teeth, you gauged his enjoyment by the sounds he made.

Sinking your teeth in further whenever he grunted.

Sucking harder if a hint of a whine was heard.

Running the tip of your tongue over his hardened nipples, thighs rubbing at the shallow gasp he would give with each stroke.

Tiring of that place, you moved down his torso to give attention to his abs, loving how stiff they became under your lips. When you latched onto the skin under his belly button, Seonghwa grunted out a ‘please’, forcing you to realize just how close you were to his crotch.

His jeans did little to conceal how affected he was from your ministrations. You rested a hand on the bulge, giving the most careful of squeezes that forced Seonghwa to buck his hips.

“Y/N—“

Looking up, you saw him completely lying on his back now, fists grabbing onto your sheets. The view only pushed you to repeat the move, biting your lip at the louder groan received.

“More…please.”

Your need to get rid of the constricting fabric rose immensely, leading your hands to begin working at his fly immediately. You didn’t even bother removing his bottoms, shoving them down until they pooled around his ankles. An eagerness washed over as you scooted in as close as possible, coming face to face with Seonghwa’s cock. Before he could sit up, your fingers wrapped around it, forcing an intake of breath from him.

“I wish I got to touch you more last time.”

Your hushed admittance didn’t escape his ears, judging by the way he pushed himself up with his arms and gazed down at you with an unreadable emotion.

“You do?”

A nod was given before you leaned close to let a glob of spit drip onto him, hearing a curse from above as you started stroking lazily.

“Yeah. But I wanted you to fuck me so badly, I had to suck it up and move on. If I knew we were going to do this again, I would’ve continued.”

Seonghwa’s eyes only seemed to darken more as you spoke with little hesitation. Your mouth could be incredibly loose when under the influence.

“I wouldn’t have said no if you asked.”

Your mouth curled into the fondest of smiles at that. Now that things were out in the open, you wouldn’t hold back this time; he was going to see just what you would have done with the extra time.

Keeping your gazes locked, you pressed the flat of your tongue to the underside, dragging it up with little speed. The lightest of moans left as his taste brought back memories of that night. Reaching the tip had you drawing circles around the flushed skin, savoring the hiss Seonghwa gave.

“That’s it…”

His encouragement only made you latch your lips around it, giving the gentlest of sucks before popping off, the noticeable sound making his hips jerk in response.

“Do that again, baby—”

You granted his wish, repeating the motion enough that your lover watched you like a hawk, tongue slipping out to run over his parted lips.

“So fucking good.”

If you weren’t careful, you’d end up with an inflated ego due to his praise. But that was a problem for another time as you were ready to go further now.

Your head came close enough to start sliding his dick into your mouth, eyes still steady on his own as you sunk down. Wrapping your hand around whatever didn’t fit, you started moving on both ends, lips meeting your fingers each time. Seonghwa groaned louder than ever, lithe fingers gripping onto your bedsheets as an anchor.

“God, I missed this—”

You had to wonder how often he replayed you pleasuring him in his mind. Probably as much as you did the same for him. From now on, he wouldn’t have to strictly rely on memory; you’d do this as much as he wanted.

This time around, you felt less conscious of how you conducted yourself, letting drool leak out and over your fingers while making obscene noises from the suction. All you cared about was making the man above you feel as good as possible.

Seonghwa’s hips trembled visibly underneath you as you went on, the influence of his earlier drinks causing him to react more than the first time. His head would often fall back before struggling to come back up, only to fail when the pleasure got to be too much. Watching his chest heave with strained breaths was almost hypnotic. But the more you looked, the more a daring idea came into your mind.

It wasn’t something you granted often to your previous lovers, but for him…

Sliding off of him, you eased his moan of withdrawal with a soothing gaze before pushing your voice to come out.

“You wanna fuck my mouth, baby?”

As if you poured ice water on him, his entire body froze. It took a moment for him to process your words before a harsh groan was followed by a desperate, “Please…”

You couldn’t hold back a smirk, taking him back in again, only going down enough to give him room to move. Seonghwa propped himself up on his arms, one coming forward to rest a hand gently on the back of your head. With a look of encouragement from you, his hips pulled back in the slightest, only to snap forward.

And again.

And again.

And again.

“Fuck, Y/N.”

Something about the gravelly way he spoke your name made a visible shiver go down your spine. That and the way he kept sliding in and out with ease, thanks to the spit from before. Your eyes dared to connect with his, seeing his dark and lidded ones giving you nothing but sheer heat.

“So good for me…so pretty like this—”

A moan vibrated around him from the praise, only driving his hips faster now.

“Always thought you’d take me so well—”

He was going to be the death of you if he kept talking.

But somehow you managed to stay in control as he continued fucking your mouth, only letting your hands roam his stomach and thighs and wherever you could reach (you dared to graze against his balls and the guttural reaction you received was oh so worth it).

This went on for a while, but you were in too much of a trance to even think of how much time went by, only noticing how close he was when a strained noise came out.

“Baby, I’m gonna come—“

Something of a thrill went through you at his words before curiosity starts to take a hold.

You could have just pulled off and let him finish on your hand or his stomach, but there was a part of you that wanted to go a step further and see just what he tasted like.

A hand went up to lay on the one holding the back of your head while staring directly into his eyes. Once Seonghwa understood your silent communication, he groaned brokenly. His gruff swearing preceded the faster movement of his hips, becoming frantic and off-beat. It only felt like a short moment before he froze suddenly to let out a choked gasp, shaking and twitching as heat started to coat your tongue.

The somewhat bitter taste mixed with the lingering alcohol, making you moan in satisfaction as you watched your newfound lover lose control. You didn’t release him until the last of the tremors left his body, an audible pop sounding while he slumped back onto the bed. Wiping your mouth free of spit and a bit of his come, you took in the sight of Seonghwa catching his bearings, his torso already covered with a light sheen of sweat.

“Shit…I’m sorry.”

You didn’t catch his ragged apology immediately, processing it after a few seconds of blinking. A giggle broke before you pulled yourself up to plant your palms next to his head.

“Why sorry? Did you miss me that much?” You teased.

His ears only grew redder, groaning as he threw an arm over his eyes to hide his embarrassment. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not—” You pressed a kiss to said arm. “—it’s flattering.”

Seonghwa removed his arm to shoot you a pout, only for it to break into a smile the more you looked at each other. He interrupted the staring when he reached up to pull you on top of him, wrapping you into a tight hug. You could hear his rapid heartbeat this way, remaining in the welcome embrace for a while.

“Just wait until I get my bearings.”

“Mm?”

Your head lifted to look at him, only to see a more serious expression on his face now.

“Best believe I’m returning the favor.”

Your core clenched at the expression he gave and the tone of his voice, looking forward to whatever ‘favor’ he had in store.

“I’m scared and excited.” Your honest words made Seonghwa give a velvety laugh.

“Good. I plan to make you into a mess as well.”

There was no way he didn’t feel how you shuddered at that, judging by the crooked tilt of his lips.

It only took another minute before he started sitting up, forcing you to stand once again. He released your body to reach down and pull his bottoms off his feet, tossing them to the side. Before they even landed, his hands shot out to hold your hips and pull you back onto his lap, your legs wrapping around his slender waist.

Both hands came up to cup your jaw and pull you into a passionate kiss, the contact making you melt into him in an instant. While you were distracted by his quickly emerging tongue, Seonghwa went to slide the hem of your shirt up your torso, forcing the kiss to break so he could slip it off and let it join his own clothes on the floor. Before you could capture his lips again, he reached for your upper back, making quick work in undoing the clasp of your bra. As soon as the fabric loosened and dropped, his mouth immediately went to latching on.

Hot kisses were planted all over your bare chest, leaving no space untouched. They only made the heat in your body rise higher and higher, squirming in your lover’s lap. It became worse when you witnessed his full lips wrap around one of your nipples to suck lightly. His deep brown eyes looked up, keeping contact with yours as he kept this up. The heat lingering in his orbs were peppered with something else that made a low moan escape you.

He hummed against you for a second before releasing the bud, only to flick his tongue rapidly over it, making your body jolt in his lap. A velvety chuckle came from Seonghwa, moving to the other side to repeat the motion.

“Hwa—”

Pulling off, he brought his head up to hover in front of yours. His eyes were lidded as he husked, “Keep saying my name like that.”

You didn’t even get the chance to nod and show him you were on board before he dove back down to keep showering your breasts with attention. Finding your posture becoming unstable, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tangled your fingers into his short, dark locks. For that, you received a groan and a nip to one of your buds.

The sharpness had you hissing his name quietly, although it sounded loud in this room.

Seonghwa continued, getting his fill of your breathy voice until he decided he had enough, releasing your nipple with a grunt.

“Y/N.”

“Mm?”

He sat up straight, bringing himself face to face with you now. “Can you do me a favor?”

You nodded swiftly without even fully processing his words. “Sit on my face.”

…what?

“H-Huh?”

He merely smirked.

“You said I could do whatever I want to you, yes? So come sit on my face.”

You’re reeling from his offer, but quick to nod and spring into action after a moment and stand up. Your fingers fumble a bit in removing your skirt, though you’re successful at getting the constricting fabric off your legs. But just as you’re about to do the same for your underwear, Seonghwa takes a hold of your hands and gives you a look of impatience.

“Just come up here already.”

His urgency sent a shock down your spine, not used to seeing him like this. But you granted his wish, waiting until he laid back, his head just below your pillows. You cautiously climbed on and up to hover your hips above his face.

Were you too high? You didn’t know; you had never done this before!

But Seonghwa didn’t allow you the chance to overthink more, hooking a finger into the crotch of your panties (and causing a jolt at the brush against your skin) and pulling them to the side. A curse left at the sight of your arousal before he grabbed your hips.

“I love how wet you get for me.”

With zero hesitation, he pulled you down onto his lips and got to work.

Maybe your brain was playing tricks on you, but it felt even better than the first time.

Perhaps he wasn’t exaggerating when he said he constantly thought about being intimate again when he was with you. It seemed like he remembered what pleased you and was using every detail to his advantage.

Either way, you were enjoying this greatly.

Whenever there was a break in your moans, you could hear the obscene sound of Seonghwa’s tongue lapping and flicking between your legs.

“So fucking sweet—“

The sudden rumble from below made you tremble visibly, drawn out from the slow and thorough way he was tasting you. Your fingers were quick to grip onto the headboard for support as you fought the urge to push down onto his face; it was just too early in the game for that.

But your sense of modesty was evaporating with each stroke of his tongue and suction with his lips.

The rum from earlier pushed you to eventually start rolling your hips, feeling a moan vibrate from him. Hands guided you even further in your desires, gaining more friction that had your breath hitching. When Seonghwa stopped, you took over, continuing to take what you wanted, receiving an even louder groan.

“God…yes, ride my face like that—“

The grab and jiggle to your ass only encouraged you to go on and on.

How could you have never done this before in your entire life? You could sit up here forever.

But your control started to slip when you felt something a little more solid start to brush against the bundle of nerves. The sudden feeling made you jolt, looking down to see what was going on.

…fuck. He was using his nose.

The nose that you greatly admired on his gorgeous face.

And just like that, you stopped giving a fuck.

Tightening your hold, you began rubbing against him harder, increasing the pleasure tenfold. Something of an elated laugh came from Seonghwa at your loosened inhibitions, only encouraging you further. Time was a pointless concept for the two of you as you got your fill of each other, only coming to a halt when you felt a sharp and familiar pang in your gut.

Hissing as the pressure started to become too much, you whimpered, “Seonghwa…”

Yet if he heard you, he chose to ignore, continuing to let his tongue flick at your throbbing clit.

God, if he kept that up, things were going to get messy.

“I-I’m gonna come so hard— Let me off!”

Seonghwa heeded your request, but psyched you out when he grunted, “No. Don’t hold back.”

Your eyes darted down to gawk at him with doubt before he shot a crooked grin.

“Come on my face, pretty girl.”

Jaw dropping at his approval, he gave you no chance to second guess as he dove back in, giving you everything he had. And when it got to be too much, the knot inside snapped.

Your back arched and you cried out sharply as you shook and expressed your pleasure in a way that hadn’t happened since that fateful night with him.

When the tremors started to subside, you rested your damp forehead on the headboard for a moment, using that and Seonghwa’s soothing hands on your hips as an anchor.

“So good for me, baby.”

His praise made you exhale in relief, finding yourself coming back to Earth after a couple of minutes. Scooting back to hover above his chest, you peered down to see the damage you did.

Oh. Holy shit.

You fucking drenched him, enough for droplets to slide down the side of his face and dark spots to show on the pillowcase. But Seonghwa looked unperturbed, gazing up at you without an ounce of shame.

“Jesus. Seonghwa, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d—“

The rest of your apology died out when a hand came up to wipe his wet mouth, only to then bring fingers to his bangs to push them off his forehead.

“Don’t be. That was too fucking hot.”

And then you were rendered speechless when his tongue snaked out to run over his glistening lips. “Love when you squirt for me.”

God…he was going to be the end of you.

With shaking legs, you dismounted and sat next to him, wiping a bead of sweat off your forehead. “You need to stop being so good at that.”

Seonghwa grinned devilishly. “I think not. You seem to enjoy it a lot.”

Your eyes narrowed out of annoyance and modesty, poking his bare chest before rebutting, “Your mind is playing tricks on you.”

“No way. I saw the look on your face when you moved back. You looked like you were about to smother me again.”

“Seonghwa!”

Your shriek brought a laugh from the other, growing louder when you started laying light punches on his torso. He was quick to grab your hands and pull you down, pinning them between both of your bodies.

“Easy there, baby.”

His interruption of your assault only made your lower lip stick out. Seonghwa leaned up to press his own, making it retract when he gave you a nip with his teeth.

“Keep doing that and I’ll have to wipe that pout off.”

The low promise did it for you anyways, biting down on your lip in response.

“How so?”

Your little challenge brought the cheekiest of smiles from him before you found your vision blurring as your world spun. Now you found yourself pinned down to your bed, gawking up at the other.

“Let me show you.”

Seonghwa laid a palm on your heaving chest, slowly yet purposefully dragging it down your torso until it rested below your belly button. For a moment, he pressed down a bit before sliding his thumb downwards, giving your still sensitive clit a few circles. The pressure on your stomach unexpectedly amplified the pleasure, making your eyes flutter shut as you let it spread through you in waves.

He gave you some time to enjoy this simple attention before you felt something prodding your entrance. You tensed up for a second until you realized it was his fingers, his hand now removed from your stomach and focused between your legs. As soon as he felt you relax, Seonghwa slid inside, the two digits causing a pleasant friction against your walls. Like it was muscle memory, you could feel them curl and hook onto that swollen spot, pushing the air out of your lungs as your eyes flew open.

“Can you give it to me again, sweetheart?”

Unable to form words, your widened eyes met his before bobbing your head frantically. You didn’t realize how worked up you were until he began touching you and now you wanted more.

Seonghwa realized this as well, his grin adopting a tinge of feral energy.

“That’s my girl.”

His approval was followed by slow, thorough movements, in and out as he stroked your inner walls. The lewd noise from it was like music to your ears.

“Still so wet…” Seonghwa’s muttered comment made your cheeks flame, giving him a mock pout.

“Your fault.” Your petulant reply had him chuckling, leaning down to give your lips a peck.

“I’ll take the blame. It’s good to know I’m not the only one affected.”

“What, did you think you were just lucky the first time?”

Humming, he continued, “A little…but I can see that’s not the case.”

You groaned at a specific rub before chuckling hoarsely. “You sound happy about that.”

“I am, especially after the torture of this last month.”

Seonghwa’s fingers pulled back a bit. “Couldn’t think straight sometimes when we were alone together.”

A plunge into that spongy spot.

“I kept thinking about that night and how good you looked in my bed.”

Your hips couldn’t help but jerk. “Y-Yeah?”

“Mhm. All laid out on the sheets bare and willing to let me please you.”

A thumbing of your clit.

“It was like a dream come true.”

No, this was a dream come true.

Starting the night off as a sensitive wreck and ending it under the warm comfort of the man you admired almost felt like you could wake up any second. But the fingers sending bolts of bliss up your spine said otherwise.

“Y/N—” hissed Seonghwa. “—you keep squeezing me…still tight as ever.”

His words had you clenching again, feeling the pressure inside rise further.

“Hwa…keep talking to me like that.”

“Mm?”

You gazed directly into his eyes, licking your swollen lips.

“It…really gets to me.”

Your admission had shock passing over his face for a moment before he nodded firmly, bracing his body above yours with a hand planted next to your head. His bangs had become a bit loose from the styling he had done, casting a shadow around his dark brown eyes, smudged with liner.

“Good. I want you to know how fucking amazing you feel.”

A tremble of your hips as he sped up a bit.

“Ngh…yes, like that—”

Seonghwa bit back a groan, trying to remain somewhat composed as he worked on taking you to the peak. “The sounds you make are still one of my favorites.”

Same to you.

“I really wish you said something earlier…who knows how many times we could have done this again?”

So many times.

“Can’t wait to feel this wrapped around my cock.”

You couldn’t wait either.

It didn’t take much longer for a new coil to begin forming, your hips twitching and jerking often as the sounds from the fingers fucking you grew louder. After another suggestive compliment was whispered in your ear, the coil snapped and brought a sharp keen from your lips. You weren’t fully aware of what came out of your mouth during your orgasm, only focusing on the way you coated Seonghwa’s hand with your release.

“Fuck, there we go—“

He refused to stop until you reached down to grab his wrist, hints of overstimulation starting to wash over you. Once your muscles calmed a bit, you peered at the man above you with glassy eyes. A short laugh came out when you took notice of the sizeable wet spot sitting under your bottom right now.

“You’re gonna drain me, Hwa.”

With little modesty, Seonghwa grinned and explained, “Then I’ll just fill you back up again.”

You forgot how dangerous his confidence could be when it was through the roof.

Humming lowly, you brought trembling hands up to rest on his bare chest, noting the way his heart pounded beneath your right palm.

“And just how are you going to do that?”

Your lover’s brow lifted at your query, especially when you decided to start rubbing at his skin.

“With your tongue?”

Seonghwa’s mouth parted to respond, only for a hitched exhale to release when you slid up to his shoulders.

“Your fingers again?”

The back-to-back orgasms were making your tongue loose, running your fingertips along the nape of his neck as you leaned up to practically kiss his ear.

“Or maybe…your cock?”

Your velvety whisper brought a visible shiver out of Seonghwa, feeling a little triumphant at getting him to react to your unexpected words. But then a hand came up to grasp your chin, pulling you back so you could get a clear view of the sheer hunger in his deep brown eyes. With the fingers that were still slick with your come, he wrapped them around his length (now hard again) and stroked slowly.

“If I don’t get inside you in the next minute, I’m going to lose my mind.”

Well, there was your answer.

With a swift nod, the two of you worked on maneuvering your bodies to a more comfortable position, your head laying underneath your array of throw pillows while Seonghwa laid his lean body between your spread legs. His arousal pressed insistently against your sensitive folds, only increasing your need for him. Your hand reached down to align him properly, gazing up with thinly-veiled impatience. It didn’t take long for him to give in, pushing his hips forward to begin filling you up.

God. You don’t remember it feeling this good last time.

Every inch and vein bumped along the ridges of your walls, causing your desire to increase to an unbearable point. So unbearable that you lost your patience when he was halfway in, grabbing his slender hips to tug and finish the job, pulling a sharp sound out of the both of you.

Seonghwa trembled visibly for a moment to regain some control as he bottomed out, eyes watching you with astonishment. Eventually, something between a groan and a heavy laugh left him, forehead dropping to rest on yours. His bangs tickled your face as he rasped, “God, I missed this.”

A similar expression came from you, your hands taking place on his waist to run up and down the heated and damp skin.

“Me too.”

For a while, you and your newfound lover just watched each other in silence, ragged breathing as background noise. It was like you were both processing the end of ‘what if’s and stressful pining. After tonight, no one was going to be confused about feelings.

The only issue at this point was figuring out how many times was going to be enough to satisfy both of your needs.

Ready to have a repeat of that one night, you crossed your ankles over Seonghwa’s lower back and gave a light push. With that motion, he was quick to begin moving his hips, bringing about a friction that was scratching that itch you had had for the last month.

“Baby, stop holding back,” you gently chided.

Seonghwa’s breath hitched audibly at that, eyes looking into yours for any hesitation present. When you gave none, he clenched his jaw and proceeded to put more force into his thrusts, beginning to relieve that bothersome tickle inside.

“Mm, just like that—”

Your praise only encouraged the other, leaving little restraint as he moved in and out of you. His head was quick to drop down and trail small kisses and bites all over your jaw and neck, often pausing to whisper coarse words into your ear.

“Do you know how many times I wanted to just drag you away from the others and have you like this again?”

You tightened around him for a moment before hissing, “No, not at all.”

Seonghwa chuckled heavily, tugging your earlobe with his teeth.

“Too fucking often.”

Sliding a hand up his sweat-slick back, the contracting muscles distracted you for a second before you ended up tangling your fingers in his hair.

“If only I knew then…we could have made some excuses up.”

Seonghwa laughed again, only for a groan to interrupt it. “Fuck— You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

You smirked and pressed your lips to his temple before husking, “That’s only one of them.”

Something shifted in his eyes, hips stilling before he pulled out, leaving you feel hollow. Groaning in frustration, you started, “Seonghwa, don’t—“

“Hands and knees, now.”

His sultry command killed whatever backlash you were ready to give, quickly maneuvering your body into the requested position. As soon as your palms touched the bed, Seonghwa realigned himself and slowly went back in, the new angle making your fingers clutch the sheets.

“Goddamn, you look good from here,” he grunted as he fully filled you up again.

Within a couple of seconds, your lover grabbed your hips and began pulling you back as he thrust forward, each contact causing an audible smack to occur. It was soon joined by a short cry or moan from your mouth, the position causing his cock to drag in just the right places. Feeling his balls consistently slap against your throbbing clit didn’t help matters either, jolts of pleasure shooting out to your fingers and toes.

“Oh— Oh my God—”

The most unabashed of moans left you, coming deep from the pit of your belly as Seonghwa continued to pound into you from behind. You could feel his hands roaming over the entirety of your body. From grasping your shoulders to caressing your breasts to gripping the curve of your ass, he left little areas untouched. There’s less restraint in his moves tonight. He’s not trying to find out what makes you tic and what turns you off.

No, he's taking all of that knowledge from before to turn you into an absolute mess right now.

“Is this good, baby?” he rasped.

Good didn’t even come close to how you were feeling.

“U-Uh huh!”

A tweak of your nipple had you borderline whining.

“What was that?”

His provocation pushed you to try and answer him with actual words this time, “So good! You feel so good inside me, Hwa—!”

Seonghwa swore before you felt his other hand slide down the front of your torso, eventually landing between your hips to work your clit over.

Your limbs became unstable all of a sudden, forcing you to land on your front, face buried in the sheets while you were being fucked senseless. It didn’t matter to him as an audible grunt came out before you felt his lips planting between your shoulder blades repeatedly.

“You take me so fucking well, it’s amazing—“

At this point, you couldn’t even respond, giving in to the bliss consuming your senses. You were in an entire other headspace until a sudden impact to your bottom snapped you back to reality. Bewilderment came about as you tried to figure out what that was until it happened again, realizing that Seonghwa’s hand was the culprit.

He just spanked you!

You were truly experiencing a new side of him tonight and you loved it.

“Tell me it’s mine.”

Another smack followed, prompting you to cry out, “It’s yours, Seonghwa, all yours!”

After this repeated brazen act, your second orgasm was approaching quickly. Surely he could feel it with how frequently you were squeezing his dick, which was why you were stunned when he withdrew out of nowhere. But then you felt his mouth land on your pussy, licking and sucking like his life depended on it.

The shock of the new maneuver ultimately pushed you to your limit, fisting the sheets as you shouted. Seonghwa’s tongue didn’t let up as you trembled violently, pushing your body until it squirted its pleasure down your thighs.

“I love making a mess out of you,“ you heard Seonghwa mumble while continuing to lap at your dripping folds.

When you didn’t have any more to give, you became a pile of mush, flattening your body on the bed as you tried to come back down. While you were recovering, hands carefully maneuvered you until you were on your back again. Your lover immediately placed himself between your thighs again, his dick nudging against you before sliding in, making your legs shake at the overstimulation. But then he remained still once his hips touched yours, panting raggedly as he looked down at you.

Strands of ebony hair plastered to his sweat-beaded face, swollen lips parted as he caught his breath and dark eyes lidded, yet laser-focused on you.

He was…beautiful like this.

His brows raised in surprise all of a sudden, leaving you confused as to why he made that face until you realized that you said it out loud instead. The blunder made your cheeks burn as you grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

Seonghwa relaxed his expression into an affectionate smile and shook his head, leaning down to peck your lips.

“Don’t be. Although, I think that word suits you more than me.”

His deflection of your praise made you pout (even if you were highly flattered), giving his cheek a pinch in retaliation.

“I would argue with you about that, but I think we have something more important to worry about right now.”

A small shift of your hips was enough of a reminder, Seonghwa looking more focused now. As soon as you relaxed against the bed, he began to move again, bringing back sheer pleasure.

All you could focus on was him, watching every change in his expression and listening to every sound or word that came out of his mouth. Every inch of his skin that brushed against or stuck to yours only increased your desire for him.

It didn’t feel like enough to only have part of his body on yours, hands swiftly grasping his shoulders and tugging him down to lay flat on you, his lightly defined chest squishing down your breasts. This action prompted him to increase the power in his thrusts, hitting you in the deepest parts that you were unaware of before tonight.

In short, he was fucking you good.

When you clung harder to him and whimpered, he kissed your temple and whispered in your ear, “I know, baby. I’ve got you.”

And he kept his word.

Seonghwa often placed his lips wherever he could reach, although he favored your lips the most. His arms wrapped tight around your quivering body, keeping you steady as he rutted into you over and over. You felt safe and secure like this. Nothing else seemed to matter at this point, especially the conflict from earlier.

This was truly different than the first time.

No music. No expectations. No nerves. Just you and the man you had been slowly falling for for God knows how long.

When your walls began fluttering wildly, you knew the end was coming close. And so did Seonghwa when his deep voice vibrated against your ear, asking, “You’re gonna come?”

The heavy way he said that nearly drove you over the edge right then and there, but you swallowed the spit gathering in your mouth to pant, “Y-Yes— Are you—?“

The strained ‘yes’ he gave was paired with a strong twitch inside you, prompting you to frantically move your hips up to meet his, hoping to help. Both of your movements were uncoordinated yet effective, the tightening in your gut becoming unbearable until it snapped.

Your nails dug hard into his shoulder blades, an explosive cry of his name echoing in the heady air, quickly followed by Seonghwa bottoming out, only to groan audibly as he hit his peak also. Every spurt of his release that filled you up made you feel complete; something that you now had the privilege to experience as much as you wanted.

It felt like ages until the both of you decided to untangle from each other, Seonghwa barely lifting himself off as he withdrew and flopped next to your sweaty body. He didn’t let you stay apart from him for long, bringing you close to lay your head above his rapidly beating heart. A soft sigh escaped as you rested your hand on the other side of his chest, eyes heavy with bliss and exhaustion.

“That…I think that made up for the last month.”

Seonghwa’s weary remark made you giggle faintly, “It definitely did.”

You felt his chest vibrate under you before a kiss landed on the top of your head.

“Thank you for being honest with me earlier. Again, I’m sorry I put you through this,” he apologized.

Forcing your head to lift, you rested your chin on him as you looked into his eyes with no nonsense.

“Hwa, you couldn’t have known, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Seonghwa seemed like he was about to protest, but the steel in your gaze killed it, prompting him to sigh instead.

“Okay…but I will be trying to make it up to you.”

His promise intrigued you, giving him a curious look. “How so?”

“Hm…first things first, I need to take you out on a proper date.”

That made you chuckle and tease, “I think you’re supposed to go on a date before fucking someone’s brains out.”

Seonghwa clicked his tongue and snarked, “It’s the twenty-first century, I don’t think going in order is important anymore.”

Unable to fight with that, you decided to mess with him and suggest, “If that’s the case, then I expect the whole nine yards on our date.”

“Like what?”

“Walking up to my front door with a dozen roses, opening the car door for me, pulling out my chair at dinner, a moonlit walk by the river…”

Your exaggerated list made your lover laugh incredulously, griping with humor, “Wow, it’s only been a few hours and already my girlfriend is giving me a hard time.”

…oh! Girlfriend?

The label made your body feel warm and light, not expecting him to call you that so soon. But you played it cool and hummed, “Mm, am I your girlfriend now?”

“I would like to think that you are.”

His matter-of-fact statement made your ears burn, already enjoying the sound of the new title. You gave his nose a poke as you pestered him in jest, “Good. I got wasted off of rum punch and cried over you, I think it’s the least I deserve.”

All your boyfriend did was chuckle, eyes warm as he brought your hand up to place a long kiss on the back of it.

“That and everything more.”

For a moment, you thought your alarm was going off; sometimes you forgot to turn it off when you didn’t have work. But the music continued on for close to a minute, prompting you to pry your eyes open, wincing at the faint sunlight coming through your window.

You blindly reached a hand out to fumble around on the nightstand until you touched your phone, ready to hit snooze until you realized that someone was calling you.

Specifically, Ningning.

Attempting to clear the sleep out of your throat, you hit the answer button and brought the device up to your ear, croaking, “Hello?”

“Good morning, sunshine!” chirped your friend.

The chipper voice on the other end had you glancing at your alarm clock in bewilderment.

“Ning, you’re up already?”

“I know, I know, shocker. I woke up for a second and wanted to check up on you. How are you feeling?”

Touched at your friend’s concern, you relaxed under your comforter, rubbing your feet as you responded, “Good, thanks for asking. Sorry we left early.”

Ningning clicked her tongue before scolding, “No, don’t apologize. I wasn’t going to force you to stay if you weren’t feeling well.”

You heard some shuffling on the other end before she continued, “I’m guessing Seonghwa spent the night at your place?”

Your eyes glanced to the side at said man laying close to you, curled up on his side and snoring softly, a bit of drool on his parted lips. A tired smile graced your face as you reached out to gently wipe it away with your thumb.

“He did. I bet he’s still out cold,” you lied, acting as if he was in his usual spot on the couch and not in your bed.

Ningning giggled, “Not surprised, Jongho is still fast asleep too.”

That detail piqued your interest, raising a brow at how she would know that.

“Jongho?” you asked suspiciously.

Your friend became silent for a second before she spoke again, “Oh, uh, I texted him to let him know he left his sweater behind, but he didn’t answer. You know how much of an early bird he is.”

Even though her rushed tone and words sounded like an excuse, you didn’t have the energy to grill her. Next time.

“Right, right.”

A pause came about, making you lean towards saying goodbye to your friend so you could sleep in some more. That is, until Ningning sounded more serious as she probed, “You promise you’re okay, Y/N?”

You frowned at the shift in tone, replying, “I am. What’s wrong?”

“I just…last night you seemed, I don’t know, a bit troubled at one point. And I was shocked to see you get drunk and dance with us, but I didn’t want to pry too much.”

Oops. Guess you weren’t as candid as you thought. At least you could give her an honest answer now.

“Ning…I was feeling a little off last night, I’m not going to lie. It’s just some stuff that’s been piling up that got to me, but…it’s all good now. I got everything out of my system from letting loose and I promise I’m okay.”

You heard nothing for a moment before Ningning’s voice returned, sounding less cautious now, “So you’re feeling better now? Completely?”

When she asked that, you looked over at Seonghwa again.

Just being able to watch him sleep so peacefully close to you gave you a sense of calm. This was what you desired. What you had been waiting so long for.

With a glowing smile, you replied blissfully, “Yes, much better.”

©bangtanintotheroom, 2025. Crossposted to AO3. Do not repost to other sites or copy without permission.

[colossrat]

superbat?

It took me a while to think about them, sorry-- and at the moment I think I'm pretty influenced by the young Batman with eye makeup who still doesn't know how to deal with a crowd, plus Clark Kent, the Daily Planet intern who isn't Superman yet and has trouble dealing with the big city stuff

Clark, a young man who just joined the Daily Planet, and Bruce, who just returned to Gotham after years of barely interacting with another human being :D also clark is not superman yet and bruce is not brucie yet

Clark recently moved to Metropolis and, despite the challenges, remains optimistic. He’s working as an intern at the Daily Planet, and that’s a big achievement for him! But he wants more, he doesn’t want to just sort papers and serve coffee. So, he embraces every journalism opportunity he can to prove to his superiors that he’s good at what he does.

But that leads him to cover for Cat Grant at a gala and he was in no way ready for that.

His day overall had been terrible. Besides adjusting to the big city, it was hectic at the office and he hadn’t had time to eat anything. Even though he doesn’t need to eat to survive, it’s a way he deals with anxiety and helps him feel a little more human. But at this gala, there’s only rich-people food! Tiny portions of weird, expensive things. He doesn’t like that. he prefers homemade food, meals made with love or at least with fewer pesticides and edible paints.

Cat Grant made him wear a suit, which didn’t seem so bad at first. But inside the large ballroom full of local celebrities, he realized how faded and outdated his suit looked. He felt like everyone in the room knew his sock had a hole in it and was silently judging him.

He’s feeling pseudo-hungry, awkward, and of course it gets worse. He keeps tripping over people’s feet or bumping into shoulders. But come on! Can you blame him?! He’s a farm boy, he’s a big guy, and these people around him have zero spatial awareness. Not only do they keep bumping into him, they don’t even apologize, just look at him like he’s some dirty stray dog. And it doesn’t take long for him to start feeling that way too.

His super hearing, which he usually prides himself on being able to control, won’t stop expanding without his consent, catching snippets of conversations directed at him, about his clothes, his posture, how awkward and oversized he is, how he seems out of place, questioning who invited him, whether he’s even a real reporter or just crashed the event… Everything becomes too much when he hears some voices getting a little too personal about his body.

“He’s awkward, sure, but look at that tan! I’d pay triple whatever he makes just to have him work in my garden.”

“Haha, true. If you stripped off that boring suit, those glasses, and, well, if he stopped acting like such a droopy puppy, he’d be kind of cute.”

Enough!

Clark bolted from the ballroom as fast as he could. He couldn’t take it anymore. The cacophony of cruel, shrill voices mocking him overstimulated every sense. The fabric of his suit felt like it was burning his skin with embarrassment, and he wanted nothing more than to take off his glasses and throw them off the balcony where he found himself.

But he didn’t. He couldn’t afford a new pair. So he gently removed his glasses and buried his face in his hands, groaning as hot tears streamed from his eyes.

One moment, he was crying in frustration; the next, he spun around abruptly, startled by a calloused hand resting on his shoulder.

When he turned, he was surprised to see a man a little shorter than him, slimmer, and though the deep eye bags were hidden with makeup, he had a graceful, elegant look.

The man didn’t seem to know what to say, he simply offered Clark a handkerchief with a gentle gesture.

“No need to be ashamed. I know how suffocating these events can be,” was all the man said, his voice rough, like even speaking was something outside his daily routine.

Clark didn’t know why, but he chuckled softly at the interaction. He accepted the handkerchief and wiped his cheeks. Not that it helped much, as the tears kept falling.

He took a little more time to study the man. His suit was a deep black, though rumpled. He didn’t seem to have brought anything with him… Maybe he was a waiter?

“Did you come out here to hide from the rude old ladies too?” Clark asked, and that got a small smile from the man. Even though it was subtle, it felt like a lot coming from him, and so it made Clark happy.

They stayed out on that balcony for quite some time. The stranger tried to cheer Clark up in his own way, gossiping about the socialites inside, pointing out who had a fake purse, who was cheating on whom, and who was secretly broke.

They talked about how awful and noisy these parties were. Clark learned that the man was still adjusting to this lifestyle and often stepped outside for air, and even though he liked being alone, Clark was good company. Very polite, too! My god, how rude those other rich people were.

Eventually, Clark sighed and said he needed to head back in to get some quotes. He’d calmed down from the earlier panic but was hesitant to leave the man behind. Still, Cat would kill him if he didn’t get a quote from the guest of honor. Bruce Wayne, thought to be dead after his disappearance, was making a surprise appearance at tonight’s gala.

“I could give you a quote, if you want,” the man offered. If Clark dared to guess, he’d say the man was nervous about offering it.

Clark thought it was a joke and decided to play along, pulling out the little notebook he always carried and readying his pen. The man cleared his throat, straightened his posture, and began to speak seriously about business issues, local politics, and respecting loyal clients. He spoke so well and with such confidence that Clark actually wrote it all down. Felt like a waste of good words not to.

“And whose name should I put with this quote?” Clark asked, realizing that throughout their whole conversation, he hadn’t once asked the man’s name. How rude of him! But maybe the man would forgive the slip… Clark had really enjoyed their interaction, and after all the crying, he felt bold enough to add, “Do you think I could get your number too? To talk more later?”

Clark saw the man’s eyes light up with a glimmer, then shift to confusion, then realization, and finally red spread across his cheeks.

“You really don’t know who I am?” he asked softly. Clark felt shame hit him like a brick wall, he should have asked for this man’s name earlier!

“Bruce Wayne,” he added, and it made all of Clark’s thoughts freeze.

They looked at each other for a few seconds, the realization hitting Clark like a kryptonite rock, while Bruce looked more amused than he had all night.

Clark was so stunned he didn’t resist when Bruce took the notebook and pen from his hands, scribbling a number before handing them back.

“It’s nice to know the Daily Planet is hiring such polite people these days. For most of our conversation, I thought you were just being nice to me for the quote…” he explained like it was nothing.

Clark felt his cheeks heat up too. He let out a small laugh as he adjusted his glasses, trying to hide the giddy smile on his face while looking down at the phone number.

“You’re the first rich person who didn’t treat me like crap today too,” he said without thinking, nerves bubbling back up again. He quickly shut his mouth in embarrassment, while Bruce simply laughed, covering his mouth as he looked the reporter over again.

They exchanged a few more words, Clark feeling like a doofus and Bruce assuring him it was fine.

Eventually, they had to part ways, but after spending the whole evening talking so easily, neither of them could shake the feeling that the next time they talked, it was going to be the best conversation of all

[printeroo]

Star Trek TNG 3×21 – "Hollow Pursuits"

Little commentary from someone that found themselves in Barclay and cried over this episode (I can explain myself, swear).

As soon as I started this episode, I disliked how Geordi spoke of Barclay – and then how literally everyone else spoke of him. Considering he hasn't done anything wrong other than be akward (and being late to work – which is something to be criticised for but that's not the biggest issue certain members of the crew have with Barclay) it felt just plain mean to me to talk about him the way they do. Especially behind his back.

Now, I don't want it to seem like I think everyone's evil and bad for being unkind to Barclay because I understand that people like him (myself included) are difficult to work and interact with. It's okay to be frustrated with the kind of person he is, but I think they were doing too much.

Also, when I started the episode, I was immediately put off by Barclay's holodeck fantasy. Not the part where he assaults LaForge and Riker – it's very common for someone to feel hatred towards their boss, I think this is just that – but more so his interaction with fake Troi. I definitely found it creepy and figured Troi would be at least uncomfortable if she were to find out. But further on in the episode I realized that that, along with beating up his superiors, is very important to understand Barclay's character. His holodeck adventures with Troi are more than just having a crush on someone and fantasizing about getting with them. Because, despite how it might be presented, the biggest focus in these scenarios is not Troi but the concept of Barclay being confident enough to get a girl and enter conflict when he deems necessary. When he's in the holodeck, alone – despite the simulations, he doesn't stutter. He's not nervous. He can relax. This is all opposite when he's at work or with Troi (the real one) because he's interacting with real, sentient people capable of judging, hating, and bullying him. And that's what's on his mind, causing him to be the way he is.

Like Guinan said: "If I felt that nobody wanted to talk to me, I'd probably be late and nervous too." (I just wanna say how much I love Guinan for everything she said to Geordi in this episode. She's genuinely very kind, and doesn't judge Barclay for being a difficult person.)

I was going to put videos just for comparison between him in the holodeck vs him in real life, with Troi, but there's a 1-video-per-post policy. Hate that. But I'll explain – in the holodeck he's easily speaking without stuttering and his movements are smooth and look effortless (he can even make eye contact with her.) Unlike him with the real Troi, where he's struggling to form a sentence and tries really hard to look relaxed and casual. It's like a Clark Kent/Superman contrast except Barclay's not faking the akwardness.

The scene after Geordi catches Barclay in the holodeck, where they're talking in Ten-Forward, was my breaking point. Barclay talks about how he's always scared of forgetting someone's name, never knows what to with his hands which causes him to always fidget nervously, how he's so terrible at social interactions he has to practice what he would talk about at a function beforehand, but when he gets there he can't find the confidence to let one word out. And then Geordi says he's "just shy" and Barclay acts as if he's been described that way a million times and it just isn't that simple. And he tells Geordi he doesn't understand, no one around him could ever understand.

(^I just really like this piece of dialogue lol because like.... yeah man I get it)

Geordi tries (and in the end succeeds) to help Barclay be more confident. These scenes did make me cringe while watching, though. As you could guess, I'm very shy. So shy in fact that working on the Enterprise sounds like a nightmare. There's so many people and your job is so important and the consequences of messing up could be catastrophic. So, seeing Geordi bring Barclay on THE BRIDGE (aka the most important place on the ship) with THE CAPTAIN (aka the most important person on the ship) made me very nervous because I for sure wouldn't be able to handle the situation. If I were Barclay I'd be tearing up the whole time and when Picard calls me "Broccoli" I might just run to my quarters and cry so hard I throw up and scream till I pass out. I sound dramatic (and I might be) but it just really is that big of a deal for some people. But despite that, I can understand that this helps Barclay build confidence, which is exactly what he needs.

And in the end it's Barclay who saved the day. By being confident enough to voice his opinion. Something that I am very proud of him for because I still find it extremely difficult. And in the end he doesn't get a "thank you" from a superior. Geordi does, from Riker. And when Riker hears that Barclay was involved he doesn't think about thanking him as well, but it's okay. Because Geordi tells Barclay he's glad he was there to help, which is enough validation and assurance to get Barclay started. At least, it would be for me.

This is an odd episode because the main plot is that there's just this guy who's kinda weird (has social anxiety) and no one likes him. But at the same time, I really needed to watch it. For better or for worse, it felt like it was made specifically for me.

(after typing this out I found out that reg will be a recurring, and I think important, character which i am actually very glad to hear. it also means someone might care about what i have to say about him)

[merlins-strawberriesandroses]

TO be honest. I don’t understand what it means when people say Merlin was Arthur’s bane. Mayhaps I misunderstand but. Arthur was a bit of an assassination magnet (not to mention all those magical creatures and bandits... so many bandits), and Merlin actively prevented Arthur's death for years, which would have occured without him anway in the very first episode. I can see why one might argue that Merlin was just delaying the inevitable, or that he didn't succeed in keeping Arthur safe until Arthur could enact the golden age, but certainly I don’t see how he could have been Arthur’s bane.

Also, it’s implied in the last episode that the golden age does occur, but under Guinevere. Which makes sense as she knew Merlin was the sorcerer and that she was pleased about it (and I recall it was confirmed in interviews), so I also don’t follow the twin train of thought that Merlin was his own bane or even Camelot’s. Camelot was already bane-d(?) under Uther. But partly because of Merlin's steady friendship, Arthur matured into a king who was kinder than his father. He also actively sought magic's aid on multiple occasions, so he knew magic had potential for good (like healing his queen) without Merlin needing to tell him about his magic.

I don't think it's fair to say Camelot's laws on magic remaining relatively static was because no one close to Arthur came out as having magic. There was still much risk in that, and for Merlin a lot at stake, not just his life. A law change was still possible (and almost seemed to be set up that way) without Arthur needing someone he was personally close to having to do the work to humanize it for him (in the sense that the episodes with the druids, the druid boy with Elyan, and the dolma seemed like they were pointing to a law change because Arthur sees the diversity of magic and those who have it).

At worst Merlin’s efforts didn’t change the status quo, but we do have things indicating that they did. And Merlin was not single-mindedly serving Arthur at the expense of everyone else. He saved Camelot as a whole multiple times. He was also very willing to stick out his neck for many others even during the height of his anxiety and agitation in season 5. (Also only being slightly silly when I say this, but he was also THE wingman for Arthur when he was getting with Gwen, so in a way Merlin’s help led to their courting being a success and thus contributed to her being in a great position to change the laws. so personally I give points to Merlin for that). Most of the decisions centering Arthur's safety seemed to stem from the fear that Albion would crumble before it began if Arthur were to die, so he tried his best to prevent that from happening in any way he knew. (Like, when Arthur is dying, Merlin asks "So I failed?" regarding the whole golden age thing, which I think is telling that the prophesy and his role in it was still VERY much at the forefront of Merlin's mind).

And this is a digression but I know people think Merlin should have done more for Camelot, or for folks with magic (like, as a revolutionary or something akin), which I understand but no one reached out to network with him really? It'd require resources, people (always confused why there weren't a whole bunch more folks offering Merlin material/intellectual/emotional support if they thought he should be the one to bring about the golden age. all he was told was that the forseen way it actually happens succesfully is through Arthur), time (I doubt it’d have been much of a ‘quicker’ way necessarily), and incredible planning + foresight if it's meant to be something that works out effectively + long-term. Okay I think I've digressed enough now. This is a whole seperate thought that I don't think I'm gonna do any justice here lol, and I'm already rambling, so I'll stop now :,)

But anyway, in terms of being his own or Arthur’s bane, we know Arthur will return, and we don’t know how Merlin spent his years. His magic can play with time and maybe he learns how to control that, or he could have entered a stasis like in various legends, etc etc etc. And I mean it is tragic on many levels, and it’s sad we didn’t see Arthur’s arc completed, and that Merlin sacrificed so much for a goal that didn't get much acknowledgment by the show at the end, but still. I don’t think Merlin was Arthur’s bane, or Camelot’s, or his own.

[puppet-limbo]

Hi it's like 11:30pm and I accidentally made myself emotional over the thought of PNF-404 mourning and grieving and missing a time when humans still lived on it, even if not all of those times were amazing. And when Olimar and everyone else starts crashing on it throughout the series (it tries to guide them down but when people resist and fight it then all goes terribly wrong despite it trying to lead them down relatively safely) it's delighted to see people again and while it won't hand them a super easy time, it knows they're capable of overcoming anything and is genuinely proud to see how they've all come along after all this time by the time of Pikmin 4

[lunabug2004]

**Warning: this post is not actually Byler or Stranger Things related (specifically)! Rather, it is a post about the blog, more specifically why I haven't been very active recently, but I do mention these things and I tagged them bc they are what my blog is about, therefore the ppl who know me probably do through these tags, so it felt right to do so. If anyone would like me to remove these tags, just say the words and I will!**

I'm writing this post because I want to apologize for being so inactive lately. Now, I know there's not anyone who sits and waits for me to post or celebrated every time I post or anything like that, but I still feel guilty. I've felt like such a part of the Byler (and ST) community here on Tumblr for the short amount of time that I've been on here, so idk, I just feel like I'm letting myself down ig, and possibly others for not contributing to this community I love so much.

I realize this is kinda sounding like a goodbye post, but it's absolutely not! It's actually kinda the opposite, because I'm here to say that I'm going to try to start posting regularly again! However... I still can't say that in full confidence just yet.

I'm now going to go into the reason(s) I've been so distant from this blog lately, and it may get a little personal, so feel free to scroll past if you don't wanna read anything more :) [also very slight trigger warning for bad mental states and terminal illness]

Okay, I'm aware I just said "reasons", as in plural, but there's really only one main reason that has kinda branched off into more (in a way). So what started it all: my uncle, who I've grown up quite close to, as all my family is very close (for example, growing up, we would have "family night"s every weekend where all ~10 of us would sit around and play games, laughing and talking for hours on end) was diagnosed with a very rapidly spreading terminal illness. Now, I'm not going to go into enough detail to say what it is, but I will say that his current life expectancy is 2-5 years, probably even less due to his severity. He also has a 13 year old daughter, who is now being faced with this awful situation, as well. This whole thing, as one would probably guess, has rocked my family to the core.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I am someone who does not get emotional. I rarely ever cry. I bring this up because one of the reasons I'm finding it hard to be active is because right now, I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and grief and part of the reason I'm feeling it so deeply is because I haven't cried over him yet. I feel like an awful human being, I feel like an awful niece. I just feel awful. His daughter, that I mentioned before, has always been closer to me than any of my other (younger) cousins have, so I feel even more awful for her and the fact that she is having to deal with all of this at such a young age. Anyways, to get to the point, these past few months I've been feeling like absolute garbage, and I've been so mad at the world it's honestly not even describable.

Okay, now, where does this blog come in? Well, at first I distanced myself just because I couldn't find the motivation to post, however I was still using ST and Byler to distract myself from it all. I couldn't think about really anything but my family, ST, and finals by the last week of this school semester. Then, finally, because of the break, I could sit down and find pure comfort in both Stranger Things (and my favorite Thai BLs) again. I thought about actively posting on the blog again. But then the wrapping happened. And it's like one of the only things that was bringing me comfort was also suddenly bringing me immense sadness at the same time. I knew it was coming, so I thought I would be ready, but it really overwhelmed me, and I lost all of my motivation yet again. After the comfort of spending Christmas with my family, including my uncle, I wouldn't say I feel better but I've at least more-so come to terms with everything. And I've also, still needing my #1 comfort show, already gone back to watching ST, so I finally feel like I'll be able to post again.

Now, there's other things that have been contributing to my stress, such as school in general, the thought that I might not want to be a math teacher after all (despite wanting that for as long as I can remember), my parents being stupid, and other stuff. But this is the main thing plaguing my life and my thoughts at the moment so... yeah.

I understand that this is probably stupid to some, talking about my blog and Stranger Things when this awful thing is happening in my life, and I also understand that most people probably won't even read this, but this blog and community is truly something that brings me joy, and I felt like all the the friends I've felt I've made on here deserved some type of explanation for my sudden disappearance.

If you've made it this far, congrats! I'm sorry I put you through reading this! I hope to see you when I make my next post, which will hopefully be very soon! <3

[lckydog]

How naive is the lamb, really? It has seen you around before, lurking in the shadows of the woods. All it can make out are your eyes—gleaming with interest. The lamb has grown curious about you too, ignoring the hushed whispers and warnings from the others because what do they know?

It slips away from the flock, glancing back toward the void as if waiting for something. You’re aware of its movements because you’ve been watching, biding your time for a chance to be alone.

Meeting face to face is strange but exhilarating nonetheless. Your meal has brought itself right to you—what a witless beast.

Circling the lamb, it watches with a sort of giddy anticipation. You get ever closer until your heavy paws press against its thick coat. The lamb buckling with ease under the weight and power.

You expect to find wide eyes filled with fear looking up at you, yet you’re slightly perturbed to instead discover a look of desire. What kind of foolish creature desires to be consumed?

As the lamb presents its soft neck to you, it's a bit unnerving.

Wondering who’s truly prey and who’s predator.

[the-mang0tree]

My boi you cannot keep dropping such incredible/interesting transformers AUs and expect me not to get invested in them

I need more lore on all of them and i need them NOW!!!

IM SORRY LMAO 😭😭 i get crazy inspired by songs

i can tell u abt this last one, but there's not much, the idea popped to my head this morning lol 😭

everyone's shocked by op's death, because it was at the hands of an autobot !! not megan, not a decepticon, but a trusted bot. peace talks were ready to take place, but they almost didn't happen bc of it, since the bots thought the cons had brainwashed that mech into offlining oppy

im thinking megs and op weren't ever really close, not even before the war, like they were just figureheads of their own factions that opposed each other, they were never friends. so op dies, megs is very obviously shocked and angry like everyone else, since they're accusing Her faction of something they didn't do

one day he finds op on his room, looking all blue and transparent and snooping around. after triple checking with soundwave (+ some deep contemplation about possibly hitting his head recently) he accepts that his fate is being annoyed to death by his ex-enemy (they become friends eventually, hurray)

some Loong time later, peace is achieved, she doesn't step up to become leader like everyone said she would, and instead aims to just try to live a normal life. except literally Everyone is scared of him to some degree, he obviously has no friends (that are alive) and frankly it's making him depressed and angry that he can't go to the store without everyone running away (even if it was kinda funny at the beginning). so oppy decides to start teaching him to be nice and to start trusting others, it's safe to say megs is not a great student but is at least trying

[chemicalarospec]

this is gonna sound ridiculous. but you ever seen someone into one fandom and it doesn't bother you, but you can tell from their approach to that, that if they got into a specific other fandom you'd be soooo annoyed by the way they're a fan.

[ilovettrpgs]

rip Magnus Carter you would have loved causing problems for the general public and also not having mad cow syndrome

[yngai]

we are winning at levels never before thought possible it seems, after making the wrong choice of becoming an ada wong fan & having to subsist off the crumbs of characterization given to me in in-game files, supplemental material & scant lines of dialog it seems capcom is truly going to give me everything i have ever wanted :

probably giving ada the best DLC in the franchise, a meaningful relationship with a character that isn't leon that seems to take precedent in her story over her few chance encounters with leon in RE4R ( i have a feeling her & luis' history gives their dynamic far more meaning than his little rollercoaster ride with leon ), cool sci-fi contacts replacing the glasses she never really used in the original, integrating her grapple hook in her combat when it was sadly only ever used for traversal, actual content specifically designed for her campaign & not just reused arenas from the main game ( some of these are from the original carried over to ada but i think her performing the coolest thing leon does in the original, dodging the lasers, is sick ), finally positioning wesker as an antagonist in ada's story directly rather than him hanging over her like a school headmaster trying to play mindgames .

it's honestly so personally rewarding to see capcom go to such lengths for a character they have otherwise neglected, even in a game like re6 where she carries the emotional core of the story ( in specific her developing relationship with carla as she learns she is more than just some lab-made doppelganger, which was sadly undercooked - like most of the game, despite the explosions )

[cosmicredcadet]

I fucking hate the "let people do whatever they want! It's just a fictional character!" argument in fandom spaces so fucking much. That argument isn't just used by aphobes it's also used by racists and ableists all the time and it's just exhausting to be in fandom spaces nowadays. No matter how much we tell them that fiction does in fact affect our reality these people simply aren't willing to listen. Just because you personally aren't affected doesn't suddenly mean that fiction doesn't have any effect on reality for anyone!! I hate how much people weaponise anti-censorship arguments against minorities. They just want to push us out of their communities by any means necessary. That's it. They don't want us in spaces that they consider as theirs.

The thing about the "let people do whatever they want" argument is that no individual has the ability to stop and censor another. no one is forcing anyone to stop, it's actually impossible to do so and they know that - what they're actually arguing is that "no one should judge me for what i do" "No one should voice disapproval or complain about what I'm doing" "I should be able to do what i want without social consequences." "people should always be tolerant of what I'm doing"

It's never been about "Letting people do what they want" but rather "you shouldn't be allowed to dislike me for what I do." they don't think they should be judged for their bigoted views that are thinly veiled behind "it's just fiction!". They don't want to be questioned about their underlying biases because they've built themselves up on being good and an ally - but it's all a performance. an appearance. they're more afraid of appearing racist or phobic rather than actually not being racist or phobic. They play the part of a good ally until they need to actually deconstruct their world view and how they interact with the world. then it's too much work and actually we're being unreasonable and getting upset over nothing. you see this a lot when they try to use loopholes to still seem progressive while also supporting their bigoted ideas.

In the end, anyone can do whatever they want; but that means anyone can judge you too. anyone can decide they don't like you for whatever reason. people can criticize you and form opinions around your actions. While the characters are fake, how you treat them is real. If you show no respect for fake minorities then how can anyone trust you to show respect for real ones?

[teenagefeeling]

am i seriously starting to see jokes about asexuals on my dash again??? i chose the wrong time to accept myself.....