#or how propaganda can make people view certain actions or beliefs as ok.

[redysetdare]

I fucking hate the "let people do whatever they want! It's just a fictional character!" argument in fandom spaces so fucking much. That argument isn't just used by aphobes it's also used by racists and ableists all the time and it's just exhausting to be in fandom spaces nowadays. No matter how much we tell them that fiction does in fact affect our reality these people simply aren't willing to listen. Just because you personally aren't affected doesn't suddenly mean that fiction doesn't have any effect on reality for anyone!! I hate how much people weaponise anti-censorship arguments against minorities. They just want to push us out of their communities by any means necessary. That's it. They don't want us in spaces that they consider as theirs.

The thing about the "let people do whatever they want" argument is that no individual has the ability to stop and censor another. no one is forcing anyone to stop, it's actually impossible to do so and they know that - what they're actually arguing is that "no one should judge me for what i do" "No one should voice disapproval or complain about what I'm doing" "I should be able to do what i want without social consequences." "people should always be tolerant of what I'm doing"

It's never been about "Letting people do what they want" but rather "you shouldn't be allowed to dislike me for what I do." they don't think they should be judged for their bigoted views that are thinly veiled behind "it's just fiction!". They don't want to be questioned about their underlying biases because they've built themselves up on being good and an ally - but it's all a performance. an appearance. they're more afraid of appearing racist or phobic rather than actually not being racist or phobic. They play the part of a good ally until they need to actually deconstruct their world view and how they interact with the world. then it's too much work and actually we're being unreasonable and getting upset over nothing. you see this a lot when they try to use loopholes to still seem progressive while also supporting their bigoted ideas.

In the end, anyone can do whatever they want; but that means anyone can judge you too. anyone can decide they don't like you for whatever reason. people can criticize you and form opinions around your actions. While the characters are fake, how you treat them is real. If you show no respect for fake minorities then how can anyone trust you to show respect for real ones?

[bluekaddis]

You almost mentioned Cullen as the best written character, but tbh he is written quite bad, his abuse and hate is never confronted in Inquisition and he is made victim by narrative, while he was the very problem why Chantry sucks. Even his fans admit that. He is mostly liked because of romance.

Ugh.

I was waiting for that moment when admitting I like Cullen’s character and story arc will bite me in the ass.

TL; DR (for those who don’t want to get through my long rant) 

Let everyone enjoy any characters/romances/game choices they want. I have my reasons for having Cullen as a fav DA character and liking his story arc and I don’t think there are more problems with writing of his character than the majority of other companions in DA games. 

Full answer below

First of all – I don’t want to argue that everyone should like or dislike the same elements of fiction as I do – it would be stupid. We all have different tastes, like different character archetypes and have varying opinions on what makes a good story. I’m trying to keep my blog character positive and unless someone asks me directly to share my opinion on a certain character or plot element I prefer keeping my critique to myself. I also don’t feel entitled to confront fans who, in their own posts, state they find Cullen boring, unredeemable or overrated, even if I personally disagree with all these statements. 

If your ask, anon, stated the words “i think” or “in my opinion” I wouldn’t probably bother with such a lengthy answer, HOWEVER, you write your personal opinion like it was an objective statement, like you were in position to tell me how I should view the certain character. What did you expect, that I would suddenly realize “oh crap, NOW I see that a character and plot I had liked for my 200 hours of gameplay is actually bad, I was just too stupid to notice it!”.

Haha, no.

So, let’s go through your comment.

“tbh he is written quite bad”

In. Your. Opinion. There are people who don’t like Cullen’s character development. Some like the general idea but would make some changes if they could. Others (like me) don’t have problem with his story arc and just like to add some headcanons to fill the gaps.

It is understandable that when years pass between games, fans have time to develop their opinions and wishes of what they’d like to see. And because none of them actually writes the story it is very easy to feel disappointed and say “well, I would do it better (= my way)”. But the truth is - your way is not necessary a better way. It may be the case that “your version” would be even more hated by the fandom. Some opinions are just more popular than others and therefore may seem like they are objective but it’s an illusion. A well designed pool, with large sample size and good statistics may be objective. Opinions, on the other hand, are like farts – you always think yours are less stinky than the others’ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I digress.

Yes, I think Cullen is a well written character and yes, I like his story arc. Cullen’s redemption works for me because I see it not as much about atonement for his actions as for his lack of action.

Let me explain.

Anti-Cullen fans tend to assume that he personally did a lot of atrocities, but when you look not at fandom assumptions but at his actual actions we see in games or WoT, you can see that he caused most evil by not doing shit.

He should have protected the mages.

He didn’t.

He should have questioned Meredith’s actions.

He didn’t.

He should have noticed she’s going mad.

He didn’t .

He should have stopped her before she evoked the Rite.

He didn’t.

He was very passive and basically let either Meredith or Hawke make all the choices for him. If he let Meredith decide – people died. If he listened to Hawke (based on player’s choices) he voted for whatever Hawke had proposed.

Why was he behaving like that? Probably because he had lost faith in his own judgment so he put all the responsibility on authority figures (Templar Order and Chantry teachings). Cullen’s core motivation throughout all games was to protect people and it never changes. What changes is his belief of what methods are moral or necessary to achieve that goal and whether he, as an individual, should be in a position to decide it.

In Inquisition Cullen does the opposite. He is a workaholic. He makes his own decisions (leaves Kirkwall, stops taking lyrium) and takes full responsibility for them. He doesn’t follow his leader blindly but openly states his own opinions and advice (whether they are correct or wrong is another topic). He gets really furious when someone in position of power lie to or sacrifice people under their command (like in case of Samson or Rainier). Finally, he dedicates his life, health, skills, basically everything, for a cause - to stop the war that can be blamed mostly on his former organisation, without complaint or asking for forgiveness.

And I love that aspect of his character.

In Inquisition Cullen is still a work in progress. He tries his best but his templar past comes back sometimes - and it’s good. If he was completely free of his biases, it would be damn unnatural. 

I would never say that Cullen is a flawless ray of sunshine. He can be stubborn, biased, narrow-minded, hypocritical, bitter, aggressive and vengeful. But guess what – so can all the other characters. That’s why they are interesting.

“his abuse and hate is never confronted in Inquisition”

It is, at least for the standards of this particular game. DA:I doesn’t have full developed friendship-rivalry mechanics like DA:2 and you can’t even get approval points from advisors. The Inquisitor basically has far less options to condemn the Inner Circle’s actions or change their worldviews than Hawke (you don’t really argue with Dorian about slavery or with Iron Bull about Saarebas or Reeducators either).

But even if the Inquisitor has limited dialogue options to confront Cullen’s actions directly, Cullen himself brings the topic to the player. Cullen’s dialogue and actions in DA:I show that

he is ashamed of the person he became after Uldred’s uprising    

he knows he needs to atone for his actions and he wants to work for it

but doesn’t really believe he can fully atone for what he did

supports the reform of the Chantry, Templar Order and Circles rather than agreeing to their traditional methods

That man already hates himself, give him some rest.

And if you still think he needs an extra punishment for his crimes - Cullen is actually one of only 3 companions/advisors in DA:I whose life you can literally ruin through your choices (the other two being Blackwall and Iron Bull). If your Inky thinks that Cullen’s actions are unredeemable and he deserves nothing better than to forever be chained to the templar life he has chosen as a kid - they can order him to take lyrium again. For me it’s a heartless and morally wrong choice, but anyone can play their game however they want.

„he is made victim by narrative”

Ok, that part really bothers me. Are you saying that it is a bad thing that a narrative treats a person who has been physically, mentally and sexually abused for weeks as a victim of that abuse? Or encourages empathy towards a character fed drugs, manipulation and propaganda? Acknowledging Cullen’s PTSD doesn’t automatically result in ignoring or diminishing traumas and abuse that happened to Anders, Carl or any other character. Empathy doesn’t have to be reserved to people you personally agree with, just saying.

„he was the very problem why Chantry sucks.”

I’d say he was an example showing why Chantry sucks. A symptome, not a cause. Chantry benefits only high ranking members of that intitution + some nobles and rich dudes. Mages are abused and denied most of the rights because of the Chantry. Templars are drugged and brainwashed because of the Chantry. Common folk can’t freely benefit from things like healing magic because of the Chantry. Non-humans are treated like heretics and barbarians - because of the Chantry. The Chantry, as we see at the beginning of DA:I is a corrupt, powerful institution that has forsaken almost all ideals it had been built upon and desperately needs a reform. Everyone can see that. I have NEVER met any fan who said „yeah, Circles, Templar Order, the Chantry – they were perfectly alright, no need to change lol”. Same goes to characters labelled by fandom as pro-Chantry (like Cassandra, Cullen or Vivienne). They all see that major changes must be done, they just believe the reformation is better than abolition.

„Even his fans admit that.”

Some, yes. Others don’t have a problem with his arc. Personally I don’t think there are many Cullen fans that would agree with every single point you made.

„He is mostly liked because of romance.”

Um, no. The reason why the game developers even bothered with making Cullen a romance option in DA:I is that he was already quite liked and popular among fans, despite being just a secondary character. I’d agree that the romance plot made Cullen even more popular, especially among players who didn’t play previous games, but it is wrong to assume that the only reason people enjoy his character is because he’s a pretty boy. I played the games in order and Cullen was one of my fav characters in DA2 - I just like paragon anti-villains with redemption potential. Fight me. 

To conclude this overly long rant - I’m generally under impression that some DA fans tend to point certain aspects of Cullen’s character and story as “stupid excuses made by Bioware and fans to redeem a son of the bitch” and then use almost exactly the same arguments to defend their own favs. It’s the topic for maybe another discussion, but I think it’s a good thing to confront your own biases sometimes.

P.S. I also recommend watching this video about writing redemption arcs. Just for fun.

I rest my case. 

(thanks, Ania, for the high quality picture to sum up my feelings)

[sweetlifetownsville]

Caught Out!! Townsville Enterprise Doctors Political Survey Results

With three quarters of a million dollars of ratepayers money each year, this should be the trigger for a complete overhaul of this secretive, biased organisation run with staggering on-going incompetence. Theyre certainly nowhere near clever enough to successfully lie. This is a clearly partisan and lets face it, totally dumb attempt to manipulate voter intention with outright lies, and cannot be ignored even in the highly unlikely case it was a mistake. Also, Labor lass Jenny Hill believes big private business should get all the government assistance and public money they can, and although she unsuccessfully championed this for Adani, our mayor now has her public begging bowl out in Canberra for another set of n billionaires. Why The Magpie supports Israel Filou in his row with those pompous, over-stepping rugger buggers. And the legal loophole that means you can drive on illegal drugs and not be fined or detected But First Bentley will be back next week, having, as old Sir Wally Scott would put it, home(ward) his footsteps he hath turnd, from wandering on some a foreign strand. (Dear Mystified of Mysterton, it means hes back from travelling overseas sigh). So until then, for those who like a little visual titillation, heres a small selection of the state of play on the enormously enjoyable Brexit contortions.

There is a certain schadenfreude is all this fall from arrogance that prompted that famous Times headline Heavy Fog In Channel. Continent Cut Off. The Times, October 22, 1957 but this is regarded as a bit of triumphal chortle by the Times at pre-war Nazi propaganda which first invented the headline to criticise Britain in the 1930s. While Were Overseas, Lets Duck Across That Channel

It affects us all, atheists like The Pie included. But, unusually, The Pie upset a few folks in comment during the week when he posted this comment:

OK let The Magpie be the first to call it and condemn him as a negative conspiracy theorist if you will you wont be the first. But the first sign is there. The Parisian authorities have been very quick one would say with indecent and panicked haste ,. to declare that the Notre Dame fire was definitely accidental BUT THEY SAY THEY DONT KNOW WHAT CAUSED IT!!! An oddity to say the least, we know the Frogs are a rum lot, but that conclusion is mysterious. Heres a conspiracy theory for you authorities DO KNOW what caused it arson of one sort of another, and the roster of restoration workers in the building prior to the blaze will be looked at in detail. The authorities fear which some justification that if they announced it was arson immediately, with public grief, anger and dismay running so dangerously high in a population renowned for its volatility, there would be bloody chaos, especially by right wing groups who would automatically blame the countrys somewhat militant Muslim minority. And such almost certain mayhem could not be contained within the borders of France so perhaps when the cause is made public, it will either be a Watergate-style exercise, or authorities will hope if they have to announce it was in fact arson, some of the heat will have been dialled down, unlikely as that may be. Good luck, world. The Pie maintains this is a reasonable theory, reinforced subsequently by the vague official statement in the past 36 hours that the heart-breaking blaze was probably started by an electrical short circuit which may be correct, but such short circuits can be arranged (known in certain circles as a Jewish stocktake.) But humour inevitably found more than one joker making light of the tragedy we do that from a distance dont we? when a commenter posted : No one knows who started the fire, but Quasimodo has a hunch Boom-tish. Back To The Home Front, And The Dudley Do Nothings Finally Have Done Something but not only is it the wrong thing, but could be actionable . TEL ran this full page ad in the Bulletin today (Saturday), an ad which was paid for by ratepayers who involuntarily give this pointless outfit $750,000 and subsidised rent every year.

The odour of rodent was instantly overwhelming.

KAP Candidate for Herbert Nanette Radeck Particularly to the Katter Party and its candidate for Herbert, school teacher Nanette Radeck. She was quick out of the blocks soon after the paper hit the streets, to call out TEL for rigging the graph. Ms Radeck posted this immediate response on Facebook (the Paul Bunyan she mentions is the KAP candidate for Dawson.).

The most telling question posed there by Ms Radeck is motive. What on earth is a crowd like TEL doing underhand stuff like this, or will they have to admit to incompetence, which will surprise no one. Another question raised is can we actually trust the other Partys replies as posted in this ad, or have they been fluffed up to suit whatever secret agenda the TEL board, CEO Patty OCallaghan and Mayor Mullet have cooked up. TEL using ratepayers money to influence those same ratepayers how to vote while at the same time enriching the Bulletin is a closed circuit power loop at least thats what they think. What neither TEL or the Bulletin seem to realize is that no matter what the readers politics, this inept, stumblebum attempt at playing political grown-ups has further shattered credibility and support within the community for both TEL and the Bulletin. But hey, but dont worry, now that Ms Radeck has outed TEL for either their sloppy and/or deceitful actions, you may rest assured Our Jenna is on the job she has guaranteed that during this election campaign, nothing will get by her or her tough-questioning investigative journalists she said so in the paper, remember?

Or is this pic sent in by an amused Magpie reader the literal truth? Fit only for the bottom of cockies cages?

Jenny Hills Business Brainwave

No doubt inspired by the successful hordes of beggars she encountered while in India visiting her pal Gotem Adani, our Mayor Mullet has had yet another light bulb moment or should that be begging bowl moment. While in on the sub-continent, Mayor Mullet had the opportunity to take a stroll through the surrounding city streets. And it proved to be an inspirational moment. Desperate for people to believe that the unicorn battery factory will become a reality, the mayor regularly farts a rainbow update of twaddle spouted by a the Magnis company desperate to keep its wobbly share price up. Magnis and its consortium partners are considering eight yes, EIGHT Australian sites for a battery manufacturing operation. Geez, hope they dont try to play one city off against another, a sort of bidding war. Cripes! awww, no, they wouldnt dare. Desperate to breathe new life into this severely ailing unicorn, Mayor Mullet has resorted to a favourite Labor tactic; in the belief that she can scare up even more concessions of public money during an election campaign, she has dusted off the Townsville begging bowl, and is seeking commitments of $50million from both major parties for unspecified infrastructure to benefit the councils billionaire private sector partners. It was best spelt out by old blog chum Memory Man during the week in comments.

So, the cats out of the bag. The Townsville battery factory needs more taxpayer funding to work. It got $3.5m to do a feasibility study from the State; it got some form of land gift from the Council; and now, the Mayor wants the federal government to chip in tens of millions for infrastructure. What this tells us is that the business case is looking pretty shaky, because if it wasnt why would the mayor be calling for a taxpayer handout?Sure, its her general style take public money and give it to a handful or private investors or billionaires but surely she cant be that gullible. Or is it just desperation? The Pies guess desperately gullible or gullibly desperate Speaking Of Dopey Matters, Heres An Interesting Snippet From Sophisticates Corner in the Astonisher

Well, thats nothing next to our southern neighbours in NSW. Presumably this applies to Queensland too. If Thats Given You The Munchies, This Will Be Of Interest Youll know who to curse when you pay for booze and tucker at the new stadium.

The Folau Flapdoodle Dizzy Izzy is just that, an intellectually childish twit BUT a twit with rights. And Australian Rugby has clearly over-stepped the mark with their plan to sack Folau over ONE SINGLE WORD he used in a tweet professing his religious beliefs which he has a right under Religious Freedom laws to do. This is what he tweeted.

So he certainly wasnt singling out gays and in fact, The Pie felt a little put-upon himself, as he, over 70 years, fitted seven of the criteria, if you include shoplifting Freddo Frogs from J.C.Pennys in Tamworth when aged 8 got caught never again and idolised Debby Reynolds in Tammy when aged 11. But the PC drunks and fornicators at Rugby Australia decided to do some very selective virtue signalling, and have now given a eminently ignorable tweet a thousand times the exposure it wouldve otherwise attracted. The New Zealand female Goth who is somehow Aussie Rugbys boss insists it was against Folaus contract to make any anti-gay statement publicly. Well, just for starters, whether RA has the legal power to impose such a rule in a contract is challengeable when it clashes with a right to religious freedom. Lawyers are already packing hampers for another legal picnic. And if the only way to maintain team morale is to gag players and staff from expressing privately held views in privately operated public forums, then the games morally rooted off the field, matching their on-field chaos. And in all the huffing and puffing, there havent been too many, if any, voices in the gay community with anything much to say frankly, they couldnt care less, this sort of bible bashing is no doubt well beneath them. Columnist Miranda Devine is not someone with whom the Pie usually agrees, but she was eloquent in expressing her and The Pies take on this stupidity on the Today Show. Israel Folau is a sad throwback to the missionary-inspired simplistic superstitious barbarism peddled to the less aware in the basic Pacific cultures, and he is your everyday bible bashing parrot with a fairytale-fried brain whose opinion should be discounted if ever encountered. But nevertheless, The Magpie fully supports him in this matter, rather than support some self-righteous Colonel Blimps who would not allow The Magpie to express that aforesaid opinion if they had their way. And a final note to the developmentally delayed who are back there still pondering Izzys naughty list: no, my dears, idolator is not someone on the dole. Health Check-Up

Indeed, something gotta give with Queensland Health soon. And Townsville Hospital wont be exempt. Last weeks correspondent, patient Richard Bingley is out of hospital but the battle with some health services goes on. This is his update of a couple of days ago. Hi. Ive been discharged on Wednesday. The system failures continued. On discharge I was advised I was having 8 heart related medications added to what I was already on. Very important you dont miss the top two as they support the stents put in your heart and stop them from clotting and failing. The medical team advised the hospitals pharmacy spoke to my current pharmacist and provided new prescriptions and they would be ready Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday afternoon my chemist had still heard nothing. I attended dialysis Thursday then the TTH pharmacy to be informed sorry Richard we werent told you had been discharged so we havent contacted your pharmacy yet. It was sorted by 4 pm and I had to do a double up on the dosage because I missed one. Another thing identified is appointments. There are office staff tripping over each other with bugger all to do up there. I have permanent appointments Tuesday Thursday and Saturday 06.45 am to 11.15 am at the dialysis clinic. Yet when the office staff schedule an appointment with another specialist they make that appointment during dialysis time. The you beaut computer booking system cant tell the staff I am already booked in for an appointment therefore doubling up. Specialist clinics dont have computer access to recent tests. Apparently they take up to 30 days to be uploaded onto the system. In my case that lead to three ECG heart scans over a 10 day period all showed irregularities in my heart that required immediate action, none were acted on or uploaded into the system for two specialist appointments I attended in that time. The question of why the test was given three times and someone else being delayed while tests are repeated. How many emergencies could have been prevented if the checks and balances were in place. My mother is drafting a full detailed letter of the shortcomings of the system up until my heart attack. She will send it on to Ross Bates and Deb Freckleton. Along with the Member of Mundingburra (again) and to the health minister (again) and complaints system at the hospital (again) Hopefully something may get accomplished this time. Im supposed to be starting some form of cardiac rehabilitation treatments as soon as possible. In Qld health that must means 10 years at this stage. Just wont hold my breath. Pedants Corner From comments during the week. The Magpie Good news for finger weary word pedants, fed up with going back through text to change ize to ise, all the while muttering through gritted teeth something about bloody American cultural imperialism. It turns out that ise is the newcomer, for reasons not totally clear, and no less than Prince Charles uses ize because it is orginal English.

As The Guardian reports, Even the word bible Oxford Dictionary says either one is OK. Least Surprising Headline Of The Week The chickens are on final approach, undercarriage down, ready for landing back on the roost.,

In fact, staying abreast of all the happenings in America this week has kept The Magpie busier that an AFL turnstile ticket-taker. And for the first time in his experience, an unfortunate moment: never before has a President publicly and purposely used the word bullshit, but President Agent Orange (Caution: defoliates constitutions) used it several times in a number of tweets when he discovered his Mueller troubles are far from over. The fun is just beginning but the American toonist s continue to have a field day. A subtle one from The New Yorker kicks off this weeks gallery.

And Finally, For Book Lovers In these trying times for our beloved city, The Pie thinks he has found some revealing reading matter, which may clarify things for you he spied these while browsing through Booktopia. There is this handsome tome on the antecedents of our current council

which has led to this academic follow-up summation

which was then naturally followed by

But there is one book we will never get a peek into it is Jenny Hills private get even diary, The Book of Revenge.

Thats our lot for now, (full edit in the morning), hope you enjoy the rest of Easter break, and trust you find some fodder in here to inspire you to jump into comments, they run 24/7. And as always, you can help the blog to stay aloft with a donation, the how to button is below sincere thanks to those whove helped out so far, it has been of great assistance. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/caught-out-townsville-enterprise-doctors-political-survey-results/

[allmymisters]

#meneither

I began a relationship with someone that didn’t turn out the way it should have. I didn’t write this story to be another #metoo statistic. I’m quite aware of the dangers that women have faced in their lives. Not all women, but a lot of women. My experience and how I handled it was due to a backdrop I don’t wish to exploit. I do however, want for people to understand that things are circumstantial. Everyone has their own experiences and history and mine is my own.

I don’t like being told how to feel or why I do the things I do. I am who I am. All the things I’ve experienced in my life have made me who I’ve become today. I was dealing with a lot when I was growing up and the way I handled things was not necessarily passive, but also not necessarily strong. Mr. Scarcore was my experience and one I never saw myself ever being in.

I have a strong belief that men and women are different. We were built that way. I don’t want to be a man. I like it when guys treat me to dinner or open the door for me. I never feared what men could do, I always knew they could do it. I had men in my life that were good people, who took care of me, who protected me and who fought for me and I’ve had women in my life treat me like I was scum of the earth, who called me names, who wanted to fight me, and who betrayed me easily. I’ve had men say inappropriate things to me and I’ve put them in their place. I’ve woken up in a drunken stir to find my boyfriend pulling my underwear down. I’ve been privy to uncles molesting nieces, a step-father’s private peep show from a secret kitchen hole to a showering step-daughter, mothers having sex with sons’ skating buddies, and boyfriends stalking girls at work. People in general are disgusting. I don’t have a lot of faith in humanity and I’m not one of those people who have to voice every single incident I encounter.

For me, I stayed in an abusive relationship because I had a psychological need to be filled. Nobody can tell me what that experience was like except for me. I think with everything going on in current times, and I commend those who want to come forward and tell their story, but what really just confuses me is that this is not a new issue. This issue has been since the beginning of time. You cannot expect a man to not want to touch you if your boobs are in his face. We are at the very core animals, intelligent ones, but animals nonetheless. Do some of you plan on reworking the entire gender assignment?

I’m conflicted in a lot of ways on this issue because I believe these things are situational. I’m with you ladies, I get the whole movement, but I question some of these accusations. Do I think Aziz Ansari deserved what he got. Do I think my safety is more important than finding a new job. Do I think there’s a political agenda being forced down all of our throats. Do I think the media is the devil. Do I think there’s propaganda being shown on both sides through social media. Do I think the whole “non-verbal” cues is sufficient communication for what one may or may not want. Do I think i would ever be “forced” to watch anyone masterbate (mabye if there was a gun to my head). Should I tell you guys about the time I let my boss come to my house so I could have sex with him. I know women who think it’s ok to post sexually suggestive photos of their bodies and expect to be treated with respect and I know guys who have sent dick pics to their potential girlfriends to show them how much they want them. Do I think the way we view sex and relationships has evolved throughout the years, absofuckinglutely. The point being, do you really care what I think or do you care more about what you have to say?

Blurred lines are not to be ignored and telling people how to think and feel is not helping. I’m all about the good fight, but I also do it in my own way. My job is to share my experiences with my audience and if it helps someone overcome their trials then I’ve done a good job. It took me a long time to deal with what happened to me in that particular relationship. I had become quite co-dependent after that (ask boyfriends 1994-1996). I get triggered by certain tones and actions with men (this whole choking thing you all love so much, WTF). I was in a loving relationship that turned into an abusive one and partially with the help of the people I loved and trusted, men and women. It’s not an easy thing to overcome especially when you blame yourself for enduring it all. I’m not a hashtag. I’m not a victim. I’m not a generalization for my sex. Just because I’m not standing with a crowd of women wearing a pink hat doesn’t mean I don’t stand for something. Just because I think there are things men do really well and there are others women exceed at, does not make me a non-feminist. And just because I was taught very early in life that it is better to be the femme fatale than the real life version of Barbie, doesn’t make me weaker or stronger in any way.

All you have to do as the human race is to open your ears and listen. Be willing to have a discussion and also willing to accept the fact that we aren’t going to agree on everything. I shouldn’t have to be embarrassed by going against the grain sometimes. It’s like smoking in front of a daycare to have an opinion that doesn’t match everyone else’s these days. We don’t live in Facebook, we live in the world, the one where we are the most insignificant blips of the universe. So, yes this happened to me and yes, I overcame it. In fact, I’m stronger for it. I see women, friends, who are in abusive relationships. I let them know they don’t have to stay, that they have support. I share my story with them and I always get, “But I love him so much and how can I just leave them?” and I always answer, “Yeah, but how much do you love yourself and don’t you think you’re worth more?”

Things are complicated and emotions are high. I’ve always believed in being a strong woman and I’ve admired those who do the same. The Kavanaugh’s and Trump’s of the world will always exist, it’s up to us to change the system. I stand with my fellow sisters. I empathize with those who have been violated. We can teach our sons to respect women. We can teach our daughters to love and respect themselves. We can turn off the trash and the noise that we so very much like to justify. We can stop treating each other like dicks all the time and get the fuck off our phones for a minute to actually talk to someone. We can intervene when we see something wrong. We can be compassionate and kind instead of righteous and preachy. We can reach understanding. We can go beyond what we are fed and we can use our words to express ourselves.