#winning. winning. winning. i am ALWAYS winning

[holyblonded]

lost and found | stargirl

pairings: alexia putellas x teen!reader, barcelona femeni x teen!teader

summary: you get lost in the city of london, causing the team to panic

warnings: light angst i would say

notes: decision day is slowly approaching and i still haven’t figured out where i am going 💔

“You have your toothbrush?”

“Yes, Olga.”

“Your Switch?”

“Yes, Olga.”

“Did you pack your gum? I know you only like that specific brand.”

“In my front pocket, Ol.”

“And what about—”

“Ay!” Alexia’s voice cut through the rapid-fire questions as she appeared at the top of the stairs, suitcase rolling behind her. “The game is in England, not Australia.”

Olga shot her a glare. “I’m just making sure she has everything.”

“You’re acting like she’s going off to war,” Alexia huffed, joining the two of you at the door. “We’ll be back in three days. And you’ve asked her about her toothbrush three times already.”

“I just don’t want her to forget anything,” Olga argued, crossing her arms. “She always forgets something.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but Alexia beat you to it. “She’s not a child, Olga. She’s sixteen now, not five.”

“Exactly! Sixteen! Still a kid.”

“I’m right here, you know,” you cut in, hands on your hips. “I can pack my own suitcase.”

Both women looked at you, then at each other, then back at you. “No, you can’t,” they said in unison.

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not that forgetful.”

Olga raised an eyebrow. “Really? Last time you forgot your phone charger.”

“And your cleats,” Alexia added. “You had to borrow Lucy��s, and they were two sizes too big.”

Your cheeks flushed. “That was one time.”

Olga folded her arms, giving you a pointed look. “You also forgot your passport for the Madrid trip.”

“That was… also one time.”

Alexia snorted, shaking her head. “You nearly gave the whole team a heart attack when we realized at the airport.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. “Okay, fine. Maybe I forget a few things.”

“A few?” Olga scoffed. “You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your body.”

Alexia laughed, reaching out to ruffle your hair. “Don’t be too hard on her. She’s just excited.”

You swatted her hand away, scowling. “I’m not a kid.”

“No,” Olga agreed, grabbing your suitcase and giving it a once-over. “You’re a teenager who needs to be reminded to pack her gum.”

You looked at her, exasperated. “I packed it! It’s in my front pocket. How many times do I have to say it?”

Olga narrowed her eyes, clearly not believing you. She unzipped the front pocket of your backpack, digging around before pulling out the pack of gum triumphantly. “Okay, good. You’re off the hook for this one.”

Alexia laughed, shaking her head. “Olga, you’re acting like she’s going off to college, not an away game.”

“Someone has to be responsible,” Olga defended. “Especially since you’re the one who taught her how to pack last minute.”

You grinned. “Yeah, Ale, you did teach me that.”

Alexia rolled her eyes, feigning offense. “I taught you how to pack efficiently, not forget half your things.”

“Sure, sure.” You gave her a cheeky grin. “Whatever you say, ‘last-minute queen.’”

Olga looked between you two, hands on her hips. “Great. Now there are two of you.”

You and Alexia shared a look before bursting into laughter.

Olga sighed, shaking her head. “Unbelievable. I’m surrounded by chaos.”

“Aw, come on, Ol,” you teased, nudging her arm. “You love us.”

She huffed, but her eyes softened. “Unfortunately, I do. Now, let’s get going before you two make us late.”

You grabbed your bag, giving her a playful salute. “Yes, ma’am!”

Alexia laughed, grabbing her suitcase. “Come on, chaos queen. Let’s go win a game.”

The three of you headed out the door, Olga grumbling about being stuck with the most forgetful people on the planet while you and Alexia shared a conspiratorial grin.

The plane had barely taken off, and you were already on your third lap around the cabin. There was just something about private planes that filled you with an uncontrollable burst of energy. Maybe it was the excitement of the upcoming game. Maybe it was the sugary snacks you’d snuck on board. Either way, you were bouncing off the walls, much to the team’s dismay.

“Estrella, sit down!” Patri shouted as you zoomed past her, nearly knocking over her water bottle.

“Can’t catch me!” you yelled back, leaping over Aitana’s outstretched legs as she tried to trip you.

Pina watched you with wide eyes, probably fearing for her life. “She’s going to bring the plane down,” she muttered to Marta, who just shook her head in resignation.

“You’d think she’s never been on a plane before,” Marta sighed, crossing her arms. “Does she have an off switch?”

“Apparently not,” Patri answered, dodging you again as you sped by, this time with a bag of chips in hand. “Estrella, those aren’t even yours!”

“Finders keepers!” you shouted, shoving another handful into your mouth as you took another lap.

Alexia’s voice cut through the chaos, sharp and commanding. “Estrelleta. Sit. Down. Now.”

You skidded to a halt, nearly crashing into the seat in front of you. Turning around slowly, you met Alexia’s fierce glare. Her arms were crossed, her jaw set. She looked like she was about to lecture you into next week.

“Uh… just stretching my legs?” you tried, giving her your best innocent smile.

“Sit. Here.” She pointed to the empty seat next to her, leaving no room for argument.

You swallowed, trudging over to her like a scolded puppy. She waited until you were buckled in before giving you a look that made you shrink an inch. “You’re grounded for the rest of this flight,” she said firmly. “No more running. No more stealing snacks. And no more bothering the team.”

You opened your mouth to argue but were silenced by her raised eyebrow. “Yes, Ale,” you mumbled, slumping into your seat.

The plane hit a pocket of turbulence, jerking violently. You barely moved, used to the occasional bumps. But Alexia… she went rigid. Her hands gripped the armrests so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her face lost all color, and she looked straight ahead, eyes wide and unblinking.

You blinked at her. “Uh… Ale?”

She didn’t respond. Her breathing quickened, and she looked like she was about to pass out. The plane dipped again, and she grabbed your arm, fingers digging into your skin. Hard.

You yelped. “Ale! You’re crushing me!”

Her grip tightened. “We’re going to die,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

Your eyes widened. “What? No, we’re not! It’s just a little turbulence!”

“We’re going to crash. I knew it. I knew we should’ve taken the bus.”

“Ale, we’re over the ocean.”

She didn’t seem to hear you, her panic in full force now. Her nails dug into your arm as the plane shuddered again. You tried to pry her fingers off, but she was holding on with the strength of a hundred angry lions.

You looked around, desperate for help. Across the aisle, Lucy was watching, a smirk playing on her lips. You locked eyes with her, mouthing, Help me!

Lucy’s smirk widened. She leaned back in her seat, closed her eyes, and pretended to sleep.

Your jaw dropped at the betrayal.

You tried again to wriggle out of Alexia’s death grip, but she was unmovable, her eyes fixed on the seat in front of her like she was facing down her worst nightmare. “Ale, seriously, you’re cutting off my circulation!”

“If I die, you’re grounded forever,” she mumbled, voice trembling.

You groaned, slumping back in your seat. “If I survive this, you owe me so many snacks.”

Another bump, and Alexia’s grip tightened even more. You bit back a scream, deciding right then and there that you would never, ever run around on a plane again…. at least not when Alexia was onboard.

You walk with the team through the unfamiliar city streets, taking in the crisp air and the buzz of the city as you fall into step beside Aitana. Your hands are stuffed into your pockets, your head on a swivel as you soak in the sights. It’s a routine walk before the big Champions League match, meant to loosen up your muscles and calm any nerves.

The air is charged with anticipation, and you can’t help the bounce in your step.

Aitana’s talking about something, probably the opponent’s midfield setup or a funny meme she saw, but you’re barely listening. Something’s caught your eye. You slow your pace, the rest of the group moving ahead as you stop in front of a shop window.

Your heart skips a beat. Plushies. The cutest plushies you’ve ever seen. A row of them, perfectly lined up behind the glass, big eyes sparkling and tiny paws outstretched. There are kittens, puppies, even a little fox that looks just like the one you used to carry around as a kid.

You press your face against the glass, eyes wide. You need them. All of them.

You look over your shoulder. The team is a few paces ahead, their laughter echoing down the street.

Without a second thought, you slip into the store, the bell above the door chiming as you enter. You’re immediately overwhelmed by the sheer amount of cuteness in the small shop. Shelves upon shelves of plushies, each one more adorable than the last.

Meanwhile, Alexia’s heart is racing. She glances over her shoulder, expecting to see you trailing behind Aitana, your usual spot during these walks. But you’re not there. Her chest tightens.

“Has anyone seen Estrella?” she asks, voice sharp. Her eyes scan the group, counting heads. You’re not there.

Aitana turns, a frown forming. “She was right behind me…” Her voice trails off, eyes widening. “Oh no.”

Panic sets in fast. Irene’s head whips around, searching the street. Marta’s already jogging back the way they came, eyes darting from alleyways to storefronts.

“Estrelleta!” Alexia shouts, her voice echoing down the street. She doesn’t care about the stares from strangers or the worried looks from her teammates. Her chest is tight, her stomach churning. You’re gone.

Irene puts a hand on her shoulder, squeezing tightly. “We’ll find her. She couldn’t have gone far.”

“She’s sixteen,” Alexia hisses, her voice cracking. “In a city she doesn’t know. Alone.”

The rest of the team is buzzing with nervous energy, faces pale and eyes wide. They’ve all seen you sneak off before, but never like this. Never without telling someone where you’re going.

“She was here just a minute ago,” Patri says, voice trembling. “I should’ve been paying attention.”

“We all should’ve,” Marta snaps, more at herself than anyone else. “Where the hell did she go?”

Alexia’s head is spinning. Images flash through her mind, dark alleys, strangers with bad intentions, you calling out for help and no one hearing you. Her heart races, her hands shaking as she digs out her phone. She tries calling you, but it goes straight to voicemail.

“Damn it!” She curses, panic twisting her gut. “Where are you?”

“We should split up,” Keira suggests, her voice urgent. “Cover more ground.”

“Agreed,” Irene says. “Alexia, you and Lucy check that way. We’ll go down the other street.”

Alexia’s moving before she can even think, Lucy at her side as they jog down the sidewalk, eyes scanning every corner, every doorway. She can feel her pulse in her throat, panic clawing at her insides. If something happened to you…

She shakes her head. She can’t think like that. You’re strong. Smart. But you’re also sixteen, and impulsive, and sometimes you don’t think things through.

Her chest tightens again. You’re also hers to protect.

“Estrella!” she shouts again, her voice breaking. “Where are you?”

Lucy grabs her arm, forcing her to stop. “Alexia, breathe. We’ll find her.”

Alexia presses her hands to her face, fighting back the tears threatening to spill over. She can’t fall apart. Not now. Not when you need her. Then, she hears it.

“Oi! Where’d you guys go?”

Her head snaps up. You’re standing on the corner, arms full of plushies, eyes wide in confusion.

Alexia’s legs nearly give out in relief. She rushes toward you, eyes blazing. “Where the hell were you?”

You blink, looking down at the armful of stuffed animals. “Uh… I saw these and…”

“You saw plushies?” Her voice is shaking, fury and relief battling for dominance. “You saw plushies and decided to leave without telling anyone?”

Your face falls. “I was gonna catch up—”

“Do you have any idea how worried I was?” Her voice cracks, and you realize just how shaken she is.

Your heart sinks. “I’m sorry, Alexia. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She exhales, her shoulders slumping. She pulls you into a tight hug, nearly crushing the plushies between you. “Don’t ever do that again,” she whispers, voice thick with emotion. “Don’t you dare scare me like that again.”

You nod against her shoulder, feeling a lump form in your throat. “I won’t. I promise.”

Irene, Marta, and the rest of the team catch up, relief washing over their faces as they see you safe and sound. Aitana looks at the plushies and bursts out laughing. “Seriously? That’s what you were doing?”

You sheepishly hold up the fox. “He looked lonely.”

Pina snorts. “You’re unbelievable.”

Alexia pulls back, wiping her eyes before anyone can see. “You’re grounded.”

Your eyes widen. “What? Why?”

“For making me worry,” she snaps, but there’s no real anger behind it. Just pure relief. “And for sneaking off like that.”

You open your mouth to protest, but her fierce glare shuts you up. “After the match, you’re grounded. No arguments.”

You sigh, but a small smile tugs at your lips. “Fine. But can I at least keep the plushies?”

Alexia looks at the fox, then at your pleading face, and finally relents. “Fine. But they’re staying in the hotel room. Got it?”

“Got it.”

She pulls you in for another hug, holding you tightly. “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” she whispers.

You nod, hugging her back. “I won’t. I promise.”

As the team gathers around you, all joking and teasing, you realize just how loved you are. And as Alexia keeps you close for the rest of the walk, you understand just how much you mean to her.

[zero2herozed]

Meanwhile, so many of the soldiers who were drafted to fight in that war would have hated anyone still touting Vietnam today. Most of them didn't want to fight. So many died needlessly to raise a sergeants rank. Its somewhat where 'fragging' truly originated, one private 'mistakenly' taking out their squad leader so that all of them aren't lead to their death. When every single death wasn't for America's safety, or even truly 'a war on communism' it only helped capitalism by padding rich politician's pockets.

And when they came home, the soldiers themselves were not only shamed for losing a war they never wanted, they also got called baby killers and many more deplorable things. Some instances because the 'regime' was using villager kids as soldiers or even as a bomber, but some instances simply because horrible men were drafted into the war against their will and took their anger out on *everyone* there, even the peaceful villages they were supposed to protect, destroying the whole village instead of just the munitions building that was the target. My father said there were villagers willingly selling their 12 year old daughters. Not like it doesn't happen here in America all the time, but still, it was the soldiers actively participating *with 12 year olds.* though outlandish rumors they had razor blades inside of them kept some like my father from taking a risk on any Vietnamese women, plenty still did, and got them pregnant, and left their half American kid to die when they pulled out.

AND THATS NOT EVEN INCLUDING AGENT ORANGE YET.

The dangerous chemical dioxin that was dumped in mass on both troops and villagers alike, owned by Monsanto and experimented on the soldiers like guinea pigs like they always do, telling everyone it was entirely safe when they pretty much already knew it wasn't, spent years and billions denying it so not only did how many of the severe cases were dying before they had to pay out, but also their 2nd gen children have no clue where their genetic issues come from. Because oh yeah; this doesn't just affect the first gen it was actually dumped on. It permanently destabilized our DNA ways they still have no clue how deep it goes and are refusing to admit how many health problems could be related to agent orange than just spina bifida. All I know is I have the congenital heart problems as well as horrible joint and spine problems, I'm in pain every day, and I still don't get coverage in good ol capitalist America because "it could be naturally hereditary"

Losing my father to his agent orange caused illness at 14 did not lead to my 'fatherless' behavior being a communist. Its knowing all the ways my father suffered before his death, abused and abandoned by his country, making him jump through hoops and coming to the brink of suicide just to get the measly coverage he and my brother get now, the same coverage trump threatens to get rid of because the draft dodging coward 'doesnt like losers.' Its knowing that he was just a number to die when he was sent out, and only viewed as a medical experiment when he came back. No one deserved this war. Not the Vietnamese. Not the American soldiers. And especially not all the children of both ethnicities that were and genetically still are dragged into this b.s. to this day. I am disgusted that Americans are still trying to make excuses to tout how great we are, how they fought dirty to win, used war crimes against us. BUT NO, WE were the invaders, oppressing THEIR FREEDOM for our precious capitalism. Horrifically outforced for a fair battle, they did what they knew to survive and fought bravely to keep their way of living safe by whatever means possible. FUCK America and FUCK its late stage capitalism, I hope it fucking crumbles soon so I actually can have my community without the government sticking its nose in.

Anyway, sorry for the diatribe on the post that is definitely not mine, nor likely open to American input, but for the Americans reading this, reminder that Monsanto also did Round-Up, a weed killer that gave non-hodgekins lymphoma to the farmers they had spraying their fields of specially genetically modified plants that are immune to the roundup. They know their shit is still toxic. And America is letting them do it. <3

I love when I find a Usamerican complaining about how they lost in Vietnam because it makes me remember what a glorious victory the Vietnamese managed against the great empire of our times, and it still bites them. An example for all the free people of the world. Al gran pueblo vietnamita, salud.

[licityvibes]

୫ Thread The Needle ୫

୫ Author: licityvibes ୫ Pairing: soldier! Choi San x soldier! female reader ୫ Word count: 17k ୫ Warnings: cursing, suggestive, brief mention of death, mention of war

Thread the needle = To manage to find harmony or strike a balance between conflicting forces 

୫ Summary: You joined the training camp searching for meaning, hoping it would change your view of a world that felt empty without a family. What you didn’t expect was how much it would change you, not through the brutal physical training, but through the man you first saw as a strict, unapproachable sergeant.

But the more you saw of him, the more you realized he wasn’t what he seemed—his toughness hid something deeper. Could this man, who made you feel both challenged and desired, completely turn your world upside down?

Or would his constant focus on your mistakes push you to leave everything behind?

୫ A/N: Hey there! Long time no see. This is my comeback or what as a new person (just kidding, but the concert did change some things in me lmao) So this is a San military oneshot that started as a drabble...I wanted to write something on this theme a long time ago I just haven't had the motivation and it felt so good to finally write something in ages...I hope I won't lose the motivation and write more because this one felt so good I just couldn't stop writing and this is my longest oneshot ever lol. So I hope you enjoy, sure there will be mistakes, I am still learning. Okay, I think that is all, have fun or what, byee!!

Left-right heartbeat left-right heartbeat left-right

            All I could hear were those two words as my right leg followed my left. My mind was blank; all I could focus on was not stumbling, ensuring I didn’t break the perfect synchrony of our steps. I tried to steady my breathing, willing my racing heart to slow down. Around me, my teammates wore the same serious expressions—dying inside, each of us dreading what awaited us.

We were marching in two abreast, straight into a battle that was full of blood mixed with gunpowder. My eyes narrowed to the leader of our line. He was next to me, determined to win the battle we had a slight chance to win. His face from the left side looked sharp, his jaw clenched as he held the gun close to him. Somehow, he sensed I was watching him and he slightly tilted his head to his left and our eyes met. It whispered determination mixed with something sour like we might not see each other again. 

As we arrived closer to the woods, it echoed screams and gunshots over and over like it couldn't be stopped. I held my gun stronger, my fingers ready to shoot the enemy down without a thought. I had nothing to lose.

In the end, this was why I was here. This was the reason I had volunteered to become a soldier.

It was spring, the world was covered in blooming, colorful flowers, spreading hope all around the world after the neverending, cold winter.

The world was blooming with hope...but mine? Mine was burning down with hatred I felt towards it. There was nothing left for me that could bloom anymore. My heart was already burnt down to ashes, everything was just too much and this was my whole life. I don't even know how could I keep up for twenty years. I had no one, I was an orphan, I wasn't the best kid on Earth, and no one truly loved me. I felt like I was cursed like I didn't deserve happiness all over again. It hurt, but I just somehow got used to the fact I wasn't meant to be happy.

So, with the thought that I had nothing to lose, I volunteered for a training camp��one where only those strong enough, both mentally and physically, could earn the right to serve in our country’s army.

I had always believed it was a noble thing to serve your hometown, to protect the people who loved you. But in my case, there was no one to protect except myself. And that was the only thing that kept me going. 

On my first day, everything felt odd, everything felt new. It was a different environment than what I had ever known. Rules were the most important things to keep and there were a lot of them. These strict rules made the newcomers get used to the life of a soldier. We got up at 5 a.m., we had ten minutes to get ready and go out to the field where we needed to run for half an hour. After that without a break, we had to do many push-ups, squats, and sit-ups.

It was cruel, especially when this was our first day. I felt like I could pass out at any time. I already saw black spots as I did the sit-ups on the ground. But I knew what I applied for, I trained over a year to get in shape and to live a healthy life before I signed up for the training camp. Even though I could say I was a fit woman, this was too much for my body all of a sudden. I needed just one second and rested my head on the ground to breathe. It was just one second, but suddenly an angry head appeared in my sight, huge shoulders covering the sun that was about to rise.

"No stopping! Only when I say!" The soldier who led the morning training shouted to my face, as if was the end of the world I stopped for one second.

I didn't say anything just continued doing the sit-ups, as we switched to making push-ups again.

"If you stop, you have nothing to do here! You didn't come here to rest, you came here to fight, to be stronger!" The man walked in front of us spitting these wise words into our faces. His voice was sharp and powerful as he shouted.

The girl next to me suddenly weakened and she fell on the floor, power leaving her body. "I said, no stopping!" He appeared again in front of us with a sharp glare.

"Excuse me, sir, I have no more strength." The girl was kneeling in front of him, not even daring to look into his sharp eyes.

"I don't care, you do it until you collapse! Get up and do squats!" He yelled as he looked down at the weak girl in front of him.

I narrowed my eyes at the girl as I switched to doing squats. I was on the verge of my power as well, I could imagine what the girl felt. Then my eyes landed on the sergeant.

"Eyes ahead! Not looking at others or me!" He shouted as he stepped in front of me again—of course, he had to notice as my eyes ran over him for one second. I just couldn't do anything, because he always just appeared there. I rolled my eyes unintentionally at the thought.

"Twenty-four! Attention!" He yelled.

"Yes, sir!" I stood like a stake. I was in trouble.

"Is there any problem?" He stood in front of me, his sharp eyes glaring straight into my soul. His hands were interlocked behind his back, his big chest pushed forward, his wide shoulders covering my view as his face was inches away from mine. He was wearing a black tank top, that was glued to his perfectly muscled body, a metal necklace that all of the official soldiers were wearing hung from his neck, on his big chest, his shoulders were double sized of his lean waist. Dark green pants were tucked into his lighter green boots.  

"No, sir!" I answered as I kept the eye contact confidently.

"Then why did you just roll your eyes at me?" He yelled straight into my face; his spit landing on my cheeks.

There was no point in denying it. "Just remembered something, sir!"

The sergeant chuckled but nothing was funny in this situation. I felt as if the other's eyes averted on us too. He looked around sensing it too. "I said no looking around, mind your own business!" He yelled to the others, meanwhile, my eyes averted to his uniform where his metal name tag was hanging.

Sergeant Choi San was written on the tag and a lot of medals were shining on his uniform.

 "Here is the first lesson you need to understand, Twenty-four!" He grabbed my jaw and lifted my head so I could look into his eyes. "There's no space for any kind of thoughts if you are here! You need to be here mentally and not in other places." His fingers tightened around my jaw, almost breaking the bone. It hurt as hell.

"Understood, sir!" Tears started to well up in my eyes from the pain, unintentionally. I didn't want to seem weak.

"Perfect!" He released my jaw. "Plus fifteen minutes run after the training is over for Twenty-four as a punishment!" He shouted out so the others would hear it as well. I felt embarrassed at that moment and my heart was racing from the hatred I felt towards this man.

"Don't just look at me, do the exercises and when everyone finishes, you run for another ten minutes! Chop-chop!" He clapped with a satisfied smile like he enjoyed watching others suffering.

I just glared at him. "Yes, sir!" I smiled at him, as I started to do the push-ups again.

He just won't make it more miserable here by suddenly watching every mistake I make so he can punish me.

When everyone finished up with the morning exercises, they were allowed to wash up and go to eat breakfast. Except for me, because I needed to run for fifteen more minutes. I was out of breath after all the push-ups and squats, my body was trembling, but I had to do this.

"Hey, fighting! I will wait for you at breakfast." Yunho ran to me as he placed his right hand on my shoulder. He was one of my roommates and he was the only one I talked to. It wasn't because I wanted to, he just came next to me and started talking about how he misses his little dog, Mungi—or Mangi, I don't remember, honestly.

He was a little annoying at first but then I just realized he was a sweet and happy person, and I thought it didn't harm if I could talk to someone in this mentally and physically exhausting place.

I nodded at him "Thank you, see you there!" I said as I turned towards the running field.  

I saw the Sergeant still standing behind talking to someone as he glanced at me. I was still breathing fast as I walked to the field, tried to get myself together in two seconds, and then started running. All of this because of an eye-roll? Are you kidding me? Was this Choi San this sensitive? Did it hurt his ego? I was hoping so.

As I was running, I was thinking about, how I wanted to show this asshole, who knew better than anyone, that I was strong enough to be here. So, I just needed to swallow the bitter pill and just show him what I was capable of.   

After training all day, going through some obstacle courses, and eating in between, later that evening we all gathered up in the canteen and were standing with straight shoulders. Five soldiers with different kinds of medals on their uniforms were standing in front of us, Sergeant Choi San included, with hands behind their backs.

"Attention!" One of them with blonde hair shouted. We all strengthened and looked forward. "At ease!" The blonde one said, now with a calmer tone. Then all of us were standing straddle-legged with our hands behind our backs.

"My name is Kim Hongjoong and I am the leader of this training camp. We gathered here so we could discuss some important things." He said with a powerful voice. "Today was difficult, you trained all day long. We know it was deep water for all of you, but it had a purpose." The blonde soldier glared at us with sharp eyes. "Today, half of you is going home!"

Silence followed his announcement. Everyone looked at the other in shock. Yunho next to me looked at me with wide eyes as I looked back at him not understanding what was happening. Were they serious? There were almost fifty people here, who wanted to be a soldier, they applied because of this. And now they want to send us home? It was not fair at all.

"This day was a test!" The blonde kept going. "We watched every single one of you throughout the day. Your skills, your strength, your want to be here, to keep going." He tried to look into the eyes of everyone one by one as he said. "Some of you were fighting with all of your strength and we do appreciate it because if you stay it is going to be hell, it is going to be cruel and more difficult, we do appreciate that you at least tried. But some of you thought it was just a joke like you came here thinking it was fun trying it. If you came here, you need to be serious, you have to be here with both your head and heart. It's not a game; this is the real life! I don't want someone who does not deserve to be here!" He walked in front of us, his voice getting higher and higher.

My heart started to beat faster and faster as I thought about the incident with Choi San in the morning. What if he said something to the Lieutenant? I thought it could be the end of my only purpose in my life.

"Whoever I say comes next to me!" Choi San shouted then. Was he going to say those who needed to go home?

"Five! Twelve! Eight! Twenty-six! Forty-one! Twenty-four!" He shouted the numbers loud, and when I heard my number, I just knew it was the end, it was all because of what happened in the morning and I just wanted to scream at myself for not knowing how to stay unbothered in situations…

I just walked there with my head held low, looking at the white floor of the canteen. I needed to hold back my emotions that suddenly drowned me. As I walked next to the Sergeant, I turned toward the other people who were standing in front of us. My eyes met with Yunho, whose eyes were whispering empathy towards me, he sincerely seemed sad that I was going to go home.

"These numbers…" Choi San started "Are the members of my team!" He announced as he glanced next to him where I was standing, then to the others. Our eyes met as I was in shock. I was prepared to go home—that is a lie, I would've cursed this man to the ground if he dared to send me home—No but honestly, okay I stayed, thank God, but why did he choose me, in his team, even though he definitely had some problems with my presence.

"I choose the members of my team based on what I saw in them. I saw determination, they wanted to show what they were capable of and because they still needed to learn how to believe in themselves!" He then turned towards us. "Welcome to the Echo team!" He saluted as we quickly did the same and shouted "Thank you, sir!" together.

Then he turned with a slightly visible smile on his face—which was unbelievable—and then the other three Sergeants chose the members of their group.

While the selection was continuing, I looked at my teammates and tried to listen to their quiet small talk next to me as they guessed who was going to go home. There were four boys and one more girl on our team. They seemed like they knew each other, probably they talked the day before, just as normal people would do.

I wasn't that type, I just hated getting to know new people, and based on my life story in which I wasn't that lucky in making friends, I just couldn't get the energy to do the same. In the end, they all are going to walk out of my life.

But there was a boy in our team who was just as quiet as me, he was standing right next to me and listened to the others, observing the team and what was happening in the canteen. He noticed I was watching him so he smiled shyly.

"Hi, my name is Jongho!" He said quietly as he reached his hand towards me to shake it.

"Y/n, nice to meet you!” I smiled at him slightly as I shook his hand. He seemed nice and not annoying like the others on my team. I just hated people, especially the ones who talked too much, Jongho seemed honest and I could imagine that we could be friends in the future.

"Are you—" Jongho started but the soldier in front of us turned.

"Enough of talking, quiet!" He looked at us first with a sharp glare, then at the others, who were louder than us, yet he looked at us first. He turned back and that was when I noticed a tattoo on the sergeant’s back. On his left shoulder, there was writing ‘Sierra’, in bold letters. I wondered who Sierra was.

 I just sighed as I tried to prepare myself for the next four weeks, where he was going to be my boss, telling me what to do, watching every bad step I was going to make, so he could shout at me.

All of the leaders chose the members of their team, then twenty-four people looked at us sadly in front of us, who remained unchosen. The girl who barely collapsed in the morning next to me, was there too, with a sad but understanding expression. Some were angry, saying it was unfair and they didn't know it was a test.

No one knew it, fair or unfair, the Sergeants made their decision and the teams were made; Team Ekko, Team Zed, Team Terra, and Team Sierra. The ones who were eliminated went to pack, I looked around the canteen searching for Yunho, our eyes met and he waved at me happily jumping a little. He was in team Terra and their leader seemed like he stepped out straight from a Top Gun movie, he was tall, with silver rings and necklaces, and a black sunglass was sitting on his tall nose, even though we were inside. It looked like Yunho was glad he was in this Top Gun guy's team.

I wasn't sure about my leader though. I wasn't blind he looked handsome as hell, but not everything was about looks. And besides I didn't come here to play Tinder, it was a left and right game but with our feet as we marched towards the battle of our lives. 

The week went the same way as that day, morning training then breakfast, training again, on the field or outside of the base. I could still barely do the exercises, even though we did it every day, my body was aching and trembling from the sudden impact it got from the exercises, but I kept going, the urge to prove that I was capable of anything made my body work.

In the middle of the week after a quick breakfast, our team separated from the others and got into an armored car. We were fully armored, our camouflaged uniforms matching with the dark green car that was still going on the bumpy road. I held the strange weapon in my hand, grabbing it stronger, I started to get nervous because I didn't know where we were heading or what was today's exercise. I was sitting next to Jongho, as we talked a little on the way out, guessing what we were going to do. I guessed it was some field exercise, and Jongho guessed it was some shooting exercise. The boy seemed sincere and I was glad I had someone to talk to in my team who appeared to be normal, not like the other guy, who had a big mouth and couldn't just shut up, his name was Wooyoung as it turned out. He was going to be a sure problem.

Then the car suddenly stopped and we needed to jump out of it quickly. I looked around quickly, taking in my surroundings. We were on a big field, there was a forest behind us and in front of us a clearing that was full of hills, rocks, and a lot of trees. I saw some target boards far away from us. So Jongho was right, it is going to be target shooting. My first time shooting with a weapon. And I hoped not the last one.

"Attention!" Choi Sergeant shouted suddenly, as we quickly strengthened. "At ease!" Hands behind our backs, straddle standing. I slowly got used to the things we could say and the things we needed to do.

"Today's lesson is going to be target shooting! You have to be very careful because these are real weapons and real bullets, you can't make mistakes here!" He pointed at us with a serious face.

My eyes narrowed to the dark green targets, that were barely visible in the green field. How are we going to shoot those down?

"Understood Twenty-four?" The Sergeant appeared in front of me, as he shouted. He was so annoying.

"Understood, sir!" I shouted back.

"It's not sir, it's Captain!" This guy was a joke.

"Yes, Captain!" I would've rolled my eyes at this, but I learned my lesson the other day.

After he explained the process of how to change ammunition and how to secure the weapon, we went a little closer to a little hill and we needed to shoot from there. I laid down on the ground on my stomach as Captain said. After repeating what we learned it was time to shoot.

 This was the real deal now and all my focus was on the target that was a hundred meters away from us, we had six bullets to take three down. My first shot was a mistake, but this was my first-ever bullet. The second was a hit just as the others. It was as easy as cooking.

"Great," Captain shouted. "Now the next target! It's a standing battle-person silhouette, you have to immobilize the target but not kill it! Hands and legs are the target! You have one shot!"

"Just one? We are just learning to shoot, Captain!" Wooyoung, the big mouth said. He was in a problem.

"Shut up, Twenty-six! I didn't ask your opinion, now shoot or leave!" He shouted as he was standing above him.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply and as I opened my eyes my focus was straight on the right leg of the silhouette and without a thought, I shat the bullet right into where I wanted. I was seriously surprised it was a hit.

"Good job, Twenty-four!" I heard a voice coming from beside me as I looked up at the man, the sun beaming in the sky right into my eyes as he looked down at me. He looked like an angel with a glory.

"Thank you, Captain!" I said back to him after I secured the gun. At least I thought it was secured and when I made sure it didn't shoot, the bullet just shot out of it without a thought. Luckily it was still pointed towards the targets, but if it weren't…

"Twenty-four!" I heard a familiar voice shouting, but it was never this loud and full of anger. "What the hell did I tell you about keeping the weapons secured? Were you wandering off again in your mind? Are you insane?" He came next to me, kneeled, and grabbed the weapon from my hands to watch. "How do we secure a gun, Twenty-four?" He asked as he not so nicely handed back the weapon. I kneeled in front of him as he was standing again.

I needed to secure the gun at least ten times, the others watching as he was shouting at me the whole time. I was under a lot of pressure; it wasn't the best feeling. I felt embarrassed and angry at myself how could I make a mistake like this? It wasn't a game, someone could've been hurt.

"This is serious, we talk about lives, a bullet can kill, without a thought! Why are you here if you can't follow the rules? What would you say to your family? To your mom and dad? That 'I didn't pay attention, sorry'?" He said cruelly as I was just listening to every word he was saying, but the last ones were just too much. It was a weak point of mine and was so low of him. He should have known I had no family to tell anything.

I just stared at the green grass in front of me, his military boots visible only. "I made a mistake, it won't happen again, Captain!" I said a little quieter as I couldn't shout.

"I didn't hear it! Louder! And look at me when you talk to me, Twenty-four!"

I slowly lifted my head and glared at him with an empty look. He seemed a little surprised at my face for one millisecond but disappeared immediately as his sharp glare was looking back at me. "I made a mistake, it won’t happen again, Captain!" I shouted with all my power so he could hear, because as it turned out there were some problems with his hearing.

"We will get back to this!" He pointed at me saying it a little quieter just so I could hear it as I stood up.

"Attention team!" He shouted as we gathered in one line.

"Today's lesson is finished! The majority of the team completed the task, some didn't! You can go back to the base!" That was the words I was waiting for. I was the first one to turn around and go to the car that was already waiting for us. I could barely hold myself together, the emotions that suddenly tried to drown me were just too much. Why couldn't we just turn off our emotions, they have terrible timing and I just didn't want to feel anymore, it hurt. 

Back on the base, all I was waiting for was to shower, skip dinner, because I just had no appetite, and go somewhere I could be alone.

For this reason, I signed up to be one of the guards in the night. All of us needed to do at least one night, so I thought it was going to be my time. At least I was alone on the southern guarding tower. I climbed up, not sure if I was ready to be awake all night, without my thoughts drowning me. But at least I was alone.

When it comes to mentioning the word family, I just get lost. I can't do anything to stop it, all the memories I don't have just make me angrier and call life unfair because I couldn't experience the love of a family, the care of a mother, the protection of a father, or even a not so serious fight with a sibling. But I wasn't the only one to live like this, life wasn't unfair with just me, there were others too outside and this was what made me accept the fate I've got. So, in the end, it was always myself, who was my best friend, who was someone to take care of me, to comfort me. I grew up with this mentality and probably this was the reason I didn't trust anyone.

I was thinking about these things while I looked outside into the dark wildlife past the wire fence, a weapon in my hands when I heard a noise coming from underneath the tower. Quick footsteps, then I hear someone crawl up on the ladder that leads to where I was standing. My heart started to pound faster as I grabbed my weapon ready to shoot if we got attacked by some outsiders.

I tried to even my breathing that suddenly was so fast, I felt like my heart might jump out of my chest. Then the trap door made out of wood, opened and all my focus was there, just to see a familiar face that I didn't want to see.

"Jesus, Miss Kang!" Sergeant Choi said surprised as he straightened up with his hands held up when he saw me holding a gun at him.

"Shit! My apologies Captain!" I quickly put down the weapon and stood at attention.

"At ease, Kang!" He said, his voice low. I never heard him talk in this tone; I thought he could only yell at me.

"I'm sorry, I thought someone wanted to attack me." I looked down, and I felt a little shame. I just held a gun at my leader, they could even fire me for this.

He chuckled at that, I repeat—chuckled. "You would be long dead if someone would've attacked the base. You know the first ones are always the guards." He said and as I looked up, I saw a small smile on his face. And if I didn't get a heart attack when I thought, someone was going to kill me, now sure I was close to that.

I would've never thought I was going to say this, but his smile was so beautiful. As it curved up a little on both sides, his cheeks were higher, and little dimples were shining on his face. And his eyes got smaller from the smile. He was wearing the usual green pants, now paired with a grey tank top as a green bag was hanging from his shoulder.

I swore to Gods I felt like I started blushing and what the hell—get yourself together man.

"Yeah, right, I guess I still have to learn." I nodded as I turned away to look outside into the dark. It was better than looking at him, while I was fucking blushing. Why I was thinking suddenly that he was handsome? Okay, he was from the beginning but he was an asshole the whole time so I didn't notice. Who am I kidding he probably had a wife and kids already. A family…

Then I felt as if he walked next to me, grabbing the cold metal rail. As he did it, I heard a little noise and I looked down at his forefinger a golden ring that was lit by the moon shining above us. I quickly looked away from his hands.

"You still have to learn, but you made a lot of progress over a week." The Sergeant said as I felt his eyes on me.

"Yeah, especially today," I said with a sigh.

"About that, sorry if I was harsher than before, but I had to show an example for the others too and for you as well because it is a serious mistake. Could've been lives…" His voice came out softer like he felt a little guilty for yelling at me like that. But why would he? I was just one of his students if we could call it like that. There was no need to show favor towards me.

"No need to apologize, I understand, Captain! It was a big mistake and I hate myself for it." I looked down at my hands.

"You shouldn't. It happened and we are glad nothing serious happened but you learn from your mistakes. And I am sure you will always know how to secure a gun from now on." I glanced at him, and there it was—that damn smile.

"Yeah, that is sure, I won't ever forget," I said as a little smile appeared on my lips as well. It felt like a long time ago since I smiled. It felt especially strange; I didn't even realize that I don't smile often. And it was sad.

I looked away from him again, not being able to look at him for more than five seconds. "By the way, what are you doing here, Captain?"

"Oh, I almost forgot," He grabbed the bag from his shoulders and started to search for something. I looked at him with brows furrowed. "I brought you something to eat because the others said you skipped it. What I don't appreciate, by the way, you have to eat!" He looked up for a moment with sharp eyes.

I nodded at that, "Sorry, Captain I couldn't eat…"

Then he reached a box towards me with the dinner, which was some pasta and a bottle of water. Not going to lie…it was nice of him.

"You need strength here, we overwork ourselves all day, and these sources are necessary to keep going. Now sit and eat!" He commanded and all I could do was to obey immediately as he was watching my every movement.

"Yes, sir…am Captain! Thank you!" I just couldn't function when he was staring at me like that. I sat down cross-legged on the floor and opened the box. He did the same after looking around on the base and outside, he sat down. There were only the sounds of owls and a wolf calling his mate under the full moon. He sat on the opposite side of the tower in front of me and just watched as I was eating. The hell? I couldn't eat normally when someone was watching me.

"Khm…Can't you just not look at me like that while I eat…Captain?" I said a little shyly. I didn't recognize myself. I was a blushing teenager again.

"Soldiers need to do things under pressure, get used to it!" He answered with seriousness.

I was glad it was darker up there because I rolled my eyes at that. "Yeah, of course!"

"Did you just roll your eyes?" His face looked serious again, as the moonlight beamed at his face, some shadows dancing on his face, making it look sharper.

I froze for a second, not again, please. "No! I swear to God!" I held up my hands looking at him with round eyes.

Then he suddenly chuckled again. "I saw it, it's not that dark." I really couldn't figure this man out.

I put down the box I was eating from and stood up. "I know, I'm going for my fifteen-minute run."

"No, no, no. Stay, you don't have to, I was just joking." He signaled with his hands to sit down and his smile never disappeared. He enjoyed playing with me.

I snorted at that and sat down. "Very funny, Captain!"

There were a few minutes of silence between us. Both of us are deep in our thoughts.

"But that wasn't all today, didn't it?" I looked up at him with confused eyes as I finished my dinner. "It wasn't just about you making a mistake. I said something and then you suddenly changed, something is up, Kang."

I just shook my head, there was no way I would tell him. "Nothing, seriously. It was just because I felt so angry at myself and, to be honest at you as well, because I felt embarrassed. But that is all." I said trying to focus on one part of the truth.

He watched me for a few seconds, and he looked like he didn't entirely believe me, but he nodded.

"Thank you for the dinner, Captain! You can go and rest!" I stood up and grabbed my weapon. Then I chuckled a bit, "I sounded like I gave you orders!"

He smiled and hummed at that. "I'm staying with you tonight, Twenty-four!" He stood up and walked closer to me. "Didn't you know there are always two guards in one tower?" He kind of hovered over me and I looked up at him with wide eyes. "And let's not switch the roles if you may." He whispered a little closer to me.

I coughed feeling shy again…"No, Captain, I didn't know!" I straightened a bit at that. Then I turned away from him quickly. This was too much, what was this sudden change?

Then the night went away quickly, as we chit-chatted the whole night about this and that. Mostly he talked about how he became a soldier and how it changed his life. It was interesting because he was forced to be a soldier and this was the last thing he wanted to do, but in the end, it changed his mentality entirely and he couldn't imagine his life some other way. And as I thought about it, this was what I was hoping from this training camp if I was able to do it and become a soldier, it meant I was on the level he was on. And it seemed like a balanced life that I always craved for.        

The next day I only had to join practice in the afternoon, because I was guarding all night. I started fresh like a salad; I was ready to overrun everyone. Well, that seemed like a joke, because nothing happened as I wished. I was bad as hell; I fell a lot of time on the obstacle training and after running for half an hour I was on the verge of collapsing.

But then our Captain decided it was the best time to practice a new weapon and how secure it was. It needed concentration and punctuality and when all my body was trembling from the impact it got, it was game over. I tried to put in its place the cartridge in its place, but my breathing was just uneven and I dropped it a few times.

"Twenty-four! Didn't you get your beauty sleep until now? You just joined your team and you are out of it! At least try to make an effort, Kang!" Sergeant Choi shouted as he stepped closer. The man from the other night was just an illusion. But I guess I understood, there were boundaries between students and sergeants. He needed to take care of his team but also to teach lessons for them.

I nodded at that and somehow managed to put in its place that thing. But then we needed to start it over. And I dropped that shit over and over again. I was totally out of my mind; I couldn't concentrate and everyone saw that.

"I'm counting the times you made a mistake, Twenty-four! We are at six hundred points!" The sergeant yelled again while he was showing the other girl with kind words how to put in its place the cartridge. I felt like it was unfair, it wasn't me the only one who made mistakes and dropped that shit. But I kept trying and eventually, I calmed down enough to succeed in securing perfectly the weapon.

When the sun started to set down, the sergeant called it a night and we all dismissed. I didn't know why I couldn't just complete the tasks as I did before and it made me feel uneasy. I just called it a bad day; everyone had a bad day.

Well, it turned out hell, when suddenly Sergeant Choi came into our room and called me out. I was confused and was ready to run in circles again when we arrived at the field. It was barely lit with some lampposts and I saw my teammates standing there as confused as me.

"Attention Team Echo!" We were standing in a line and straightened. "At ease!" He said as we were in a straddled-standing. "Today was all about exhausting our bodies to our limits and then the ability to still concentrate on little things, to be punctual." He said with his hands behind his back, as he looked into our eyes one by one. "But some of you couldn't do it, even though we are already here in a week and a half! Twenty-four step out!" Here it came, my doom. I stepped out.

"You came later on because of your night shift, left out a lot of exercises, still you couldn't make them, mistakes after mistakes. I told you I counted them. Come beside me!" He said as his gaze pierced through me. I went next to him facing my teammates. "Your teammates are going to pay for the mistakes you made today. You are going to lead the night exercise!" He said as he looked to his side where I was standing, then to my teammates.

It was cruel, other people needed to suffer because of me.

"No way! Why isn't she paying for the mistake, it's not fair!" Wooyoung complained, which if I was honest, understood because I would've felt the same.

"Stop crying and do what I tell you!" Choi shouted at Wooyoung, who trembled from the sudden impact. "You're supposed to be a team! But you can't work together because you can't step out of your comfort zones and all of you are just too egoistic to think of others and not themselves!" His voice got louder and louder. I didn't know how his voice wasn't gone by now.

"A team helps each other and makes the task easier! Miss Kang made mistakes and it has consequences, that you and her teammates have to suffer together. She is going to learn from this as well. Trust me it's hard to watch as your teammates suffer only because of you!" He looked at me with sharp and serious eyes. "Now start the exercise! Push-ups! Now!" He commanded.

"Miss Kang counts! 1! 2! 3!" He shouted as he looked at me waiting to count.

"I want to do the exercises along them, Captain!" I said to him as I felt like it wasn’t fair.

"No! You have nothing to do just count! Now!" He pointed at my teammates. 

"1! 2! 3!" I started counting as my teammates started to do push-ups.

"Louder, Kang! Are we in the confession chair?"

I started counting louder, feeling like I wanted to bury myself six feet under. It didn't feel right even though I barely felt empathy toward people, I knew this was because of me. These people were strangers to me…at least in the beginning, but since we are here, something started to form between us. I still kept my distance for a reason but they were nice and those moments when we managed to do the tasks together as a team were the moments when I realized these people really do deserve to be here and that we could do a great team together.

"See? This happens when you can't be here in mind," He pointed at his head. "Your teammates suffer the consequences." He knew me too well, even though we had only been here for a short time. He was right and I hated him for that. I

 hated it when people looked through me and the most when they noticed my mistakes. It would've felt better if I got the punishment. But seeing my teammates on the dirty ground doing sit-ups, out of breath after a long day, was so cruel of him. I was really on the verge of joining them or telling him I was going to do all the exercises instead of them, but I didn't. I remained silent and watched as my teammates almost collapsed from training all day and now this.

When they finished Captain dismissed us and we could go back to our room as we had less time now to get our rest. I needed to remain outside a little to clear my head. I walked a little further to the outline of the field and sat on one of the benches.

I couldn't do it like this. With a mind where chaos ruled everything. I signed up for this to prove to myself that I was capable of living. But not like this. So now I set three goals for myself; to talk with my teammates, to prove to myself and the others that I did belong here, and to let go of my past. My past was what it was and it does not lead me anywhere.

So, I had to start with a new page.

The next morning the first thing I wanted to do, after getting ready for the day, was to talk with my teammates. I couldn't sleep all night, because the guilt kept me up. I didn't even know I could feel empathy towards people. But when people are in a situation like preparing to be a soldier, which means life or death, it isn't a question. People grew close to me in no time. My teammates especially.

Wooyoung had a big mouth, but he was a fun guy even though he sometimes didn't have a filter. The other girl, Wendy, on the other hand, was the only girl beside me on our team and it was a need. We understood our needs and could talk about some girly things in this men-ruled place. Jongho was a sweet guy, who was there when I needed a little quiet. The other two guys were Changbin and Mingyu, they were both powerful and had the mindset of a real soldier. We needed them in our team. Everyone had unique abilities which moved forward our team. And when they needed to suffer because I made a banal mistake, I just couldn't get a rest. So, when I saw my teammates were in the canteen sitting at one table eating a surprisingly good breakfast, it was time for me to talk to them. At least the food was so good here, they took good care of the soldiers

"Good morning, guys!" I said as I sat next to Jongho.

"Good morning, Y/N!" Jongho greeted me immediately with a beaming smile.

"Morning!" Wooyoung said as he didn't even look at me.

I coughed a bit trying to get some attention and tried to put together what I wanted to say.

"So am…I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know it was my fault, yet you needed to suffer…I am sorry." I said as I looked into the eyes of everyone.

"It's okay." To my surprise, Wooyoung started to talk. "I know I didn't show it, but we all knew it wasn't your fault; everyone has a bad day. You did great at practice and I saw that you tried to put that gun together. It happens, we are glad nothing serious happened and we do not have one more hole in our bodies." Wooyoung chuckled sincerely, which truly was a surprise. My respect towards him just grew.

"Y/n, you really shouldn't worry about us, we did it for the team, and we would do it again if it was for anyone on the team," Wendy said, his shoulder-length hair now in a ponytail. The others nodded at that with agreement.

"Shit guys, I literally couldn't sleep because of the guilt I felt, and you are acting so chill about it," I said with a sincere and thankful smile.

Jongho bumped his shoulder to mine. "It's all right, Kang!" He smiled at me with a sweet, understanding smile.

And with that getting into place, I felt like we could be unstoppable. Something blocked us, until that point and now that everything was clear, I knew I could trust in these people.

 

The next week was about, outside training that came with no time, we couldn’t even finish our breakfast and in the blink of an eye, we were standing in front of Sergeant Choi in a dark field. This was how our week looked, getting up, eating, training, eating, and resting. And repeat.

 The weather was quite cloudy today as the sun hid behind the darker clouds, it seemed it could rain at any moment.

"Attention team! Today's training is about teamwork, strength, and keeping the mind calm under pressure!" He shouted staring into our eyes.

"Your job is, to carry the equipment behind the moving combat car. It shelters you from the enemy, it's a shield from the bullets. After you manage to do it, there is going to be a military car that is stuck in the mud. You have to unpack the car and somehow get it out of the mud by pushing it out! When the car is out, the mission is completed!" The sergeant said with tranquility and slowly so we could understand the task.

"I expect, composed and measured thinking! I believe you can do it, there is no impossible here!" He shouted with an encouraging tone.

"Yes, Captain!" We all shouted together, determined as a team.

"Now, get ready, and when I tell you, start the mission!"

Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion.

We ran forward in a straight line, our chests aligned, counting our steps carefully to keep from tripping. During attack simulations, we had to take cover next to the combat vehicle. After running two kilometers in full gear, we finally reached the car, stuck deep in the mud.

When we tried to pull it free, it wouldn’t budge. Chaos erupted—everyone shouting, running in different directions. Our rhythm, our unity, seemed to break apart. And I couldn’t stand to watch it.

"Everyone, stop!" I shouted as I stepped out of the mud to the side, looking at the others. "We need a plan; we won't go anywhere if we just shout at each other! We are going to get that shit out!” I pointed at the car getting hyped up as the adrenaline ran through my body, giving me enough strength to do all of this.

“Jongho, you are strong you stay at the rear with Changbin and push the car when I tell you. Wendy, you sit in the car, we need someone at the wheel as well. Wooyoung, Mingyu, and I, are going to help with the tires with the wooden board! Let's try it!" I felt like someone had to say what we needed to do, Sergeant Choi stood next to us but did not help in how we could manage to get the car out of there. The others didn't complain, they nodded and went to their places.

"Okay, at three, push, we help on the sides as well!" I shouted out, my lungs burning from the tiredness I felt, but the adrenaline didn’t let me stop, we needed to do this.

"One! Two! Three! PUSH!" I shouted as Jongho and Changbin started pushing the car with all their strength, we managed to put the wooden boards under the tires and supported from the sides as well. At first, it seemed like it wouldn't move, but as we pushed without giving up, it was suddenly moving, the tires full of dirt as it almost buried itself.

"Keep going, it's moving!" I shouted as I gritted my teeth, giving all my power into pushing, meanwhile, my feet were buried entirely in the mud I could barely move, just like the others. But then it was easier and easier to push and then all I could see was dry ground under the tire. We made it.

"Gather here team! Attention!" We didn't even have the time to process it, we ran in front of him the car behind us, and straightened.

For a few seconds, he didn’t say anything, just stared into our eyes one, one by one. "Mission completed, Team Echo!" Then he settled on mine. "Kang! Step out!" He said, as I immediately stepped out, not breaking eye contact.

"Yes, Captain!" I shouted, as my heart was still beating fast from the mission. But it was beating faster when he called my name, I felt like I was in trouble.

"Miss Kang had the bravery to take over the team's leading!" He said as he stepped closer to me with his eyes piercing through my soul, as suddenly I felt cold, wet drops on my face. The rain as suddenly as it used to, started pouring at us, but we didn't dare to move a finger. We were still standing there as we got soaked, the mud from our faces and clothes slowly flowing down to the ground with the rain. I felt like it was a mistake what I did.

After a few seconds of silence, he said, "Which was the greatest thing you did, since you are here!" He said unblinking, even though the rain made his raven-black hair fall into his eyes, which made him look even more handsome. "Miss Kang, made a good decision, seeing her team was falling apart and took over. This is why we are here! To discover what we are capable of, to adapt to different situations! A soldier is a soldier when they know what they are capable of and when they know their boundaries! We are here to search those boundaries! Good job team, since we are here, this is the first time you made me proud!" The Sergeant shouted out, sincerely looking proud at his team. "Miss Kang, you are the temporary leader of the team from now on! Until you deserve it!" He said as he looked at me seriously.

I saluted at that. "Yes, Captain! I'm grateful for your decision, I am going to lead the team with all my power and fight for them!" I shouted with determination.

I stepped back, as we all shouted. "We will do our best!"

The rain was still pouring at us, and I needed to squint my eyes to see something, all of us were soaked to the bone. He nodded. "Now, dismiss and get a rest!" He commanded as we finally could go back to the base.

It was truly a trial mission for the team and while we were in the car to go back to the base, we all were smiling, because this was the first time we got praise from our leader and it felt good. We discussed the details of the mission and how everyone did a great job. It was a need for our team. We started to build up a strong bond between us.  

When we arrived and finally could rest a bit, before I could go after the others into my room a familiar voice called me from behind. "Miss Kang!"

I turned on my heels immediately and strengthened. "Yes, Captain!" I said looking straight. Then he jogged towards me, his hair half-dried as the rain stopped a few minutes ago, his cheeks were a bit pink from the chilly air. He got rid of his soaked green jacket and only wore a black T-shirt, that was glued to his chest from the wetness. The air was caught in my throat as I watched him approach me. I wasn't supposed to feel like this, I didn't even know what I felt, but something just pulled towards him like a magnet. Probably it was because he was the most handsome man I ever met in my twenty years, and probably I was blinded by that.

"You can ease, Kang, we are not on a mission. You can relax sometimes you know?" He asked what looked like sincere curiosity.

I nodded as I tilted my head down a bit. "Yes, it's just a little harder for me, Captain!" I said sincerely.

He nodded in understanding. "Okay, then you have half an hour to get ready! We are going into the town to ease up a bit!" He said with a small smile appearing on his face, where I just couldn't read anything. He was like a mysterious box that couldn’t be opened. And I desperately wanted to open that box, I was curious about him, outside the soldier life.

At first, when he said it, I didn't believe it, it seemed like he was joking so I looked at him with big-doe eyes, not understanding what was happening.

"Miss Kang!" Then I felt warm hands on both sides of my cheeks, I could feel the hot air coming from his mouth on my face. "Did you get what I said?" Man, get your shit together, what is happening with you?

I chuckled at that, trying to ignore the fact that his hands were on my face. "Yes, yes, I understood, Captain, we are going to the town to get shit-faced!" I stated the facts.

Then his hands were gone from my cheeks as he wholeheartedly laughed. My cheeks were suddenly burning despite the air being cold outside, but I'm not going to lie, the sound of his laugh made my heart beat faster. He looked so sweet while laughing. And I would've never imagined I was going to hear his laugh; it was special and low and his dimples made it cute. I don’t know if it was the tiredness but I felt like I was going to melt right there. The Sergeant, who I thought was cold and unstoppable, was sweet and caring under the surface.

It was strange being out in town after two and a half weeks. It may seem short for others but for us, it seemed like months passed. As we were sitting beside a table with the team, the Captain invited us for a few shots. It was odd. Like it was an entirely new life. I got used to the rules and schedules it was strange and I couldn’t let go of myself.

"Miss Kang, it is allowed to relax now." I felt as the sergeant next to me bumped his shoulders into mine as he looked at me. I looked back at him for a moment to take him in. This night was full of surprises, he wasn't wearing the usual uniform we all needed; he was wearing casual clothes. And oh my God—when I saw him, my stomach definitely flipped, I didn't know if it was the butterflies or the mud I ate during the mission, but something happened. He was wearing a grey hoodie paired with black jeans and on top a black coat that reached his ankle. His hair was freshly washed and it was falling onto his forehead softly. He looked so casual and so out of what I was used to.  

I was just staring down at my drink, almost full, despite we were there for more than an hour. I just nodded at what he said, it wasn't just that I got used to the strict rules on the base, it was just that, I didn't have things like these in my life. Things like sitting together with friends to grab a drink and talk all night. I was a socially distanced person and it was difficult to get used to it. And I felt regret for not being able to experience this kind of thing.

So, for this reason, I wholeheartedly started to listen to the conversation around us. After drinking two of the Gin tonics that Wooyoung ordered for me, I finally felt at ease. I felt like I was in the right place, with the right people around. We laughed and cheered as Jongho told us a speech about how good of a team we became, that we were unstoppable. The Captain just nodded at that as his cheeks were a bit pink like he was blushing, but the truth was it was hot inside and he drank a few shots with the boys. Could it be the alcohol alone, that could bring down the Captain?

All of us started to show the signs of being drunk, or at least being a bit tipsy, when we ordered some food, to eat, so we wouldn't pass out in the pub we were in. While we were eating some delicious Asian food, I felt something touched my left thigh. I didn't need to look down to know what was it. It was the Captain’s thigh. I don't know if it was the alcohol or not, but something in me started to boil at that slight touch. I felt warmer and like I got hit with a flash of lightning. I just cleared my throat as I made a little distance between our legs.

Nah, it was just weird, the feeling itself, I never felt like this before, just by a slight touch. I was wondering how it would feel if he just—

"Miss Kang, you don't look good, are you okay?" I heard his low voice coming from beside me. The others laughed loudly about something.

I cleared my throat once again. "Yes, of course I am," I said confidently as I turned my head and looked at him. Our eyes met and it felt like those eyes ignited something in me and I instantly was caught on fire. The fire was burning in my eyes, that was mirrored in his eyes. He couldn’t deny it, because it was there, I saw it and we both knew that we wanted each other.

"Miss Kang seems a bit ill, I'll take her out to get some fresh air." The Sergeant said while he didn’t even look at the others, the eye contact couldn’t be broken because if it did the world would collapse.

Then he stood up and helped me out of the booth, when his hand touched mine, I felt like I got hit with something electric. I didn’t even dare to look at the others and what they might see, what was happening between us.

When we went towards the door, he held it for me so I could go out first. The chilly air immediately hit my face like it was a brick wall as I pulled on my coat, so it would be warmer somehow. It felt nice, finally coming out of that warm room.

"Come!" I heard his demanding voice from behind as I turned to watch him go into the alley next to the pub. I followed him as his wide shoulders were in sight in front of me, his black coat flowing after him, when he took a turn to the right into the alley.

"I am sincerely okay, there's no need to—" I said as I followed him into the alley, barely being able to keep up with him, but I was interrupted by being pushed against the brick wall.

As I opened my eyes after squeezing them shut from the sudden impact I looked up at a feral-looking Captain, staring down at me like he was going to eat me whole, right there. And I didn't even have the time to ask what was happening, because suddenly I felt warm and hungry lips on mine. My mind was full of dark fog and I couldn't think clearly. It seemed his brain was also fogged because when I kissed him back without a thought, his hands immediately cupped my face to get better access. The kiss was hungry and desperate and I would've thought about the bad things this kiss might lead us to, or the consequences or the reasons. But I couldn't care less at that moment. I was curious about how it might feel to get more of him. And this. This was insane. I felt like I was losing my mind like my body would burn into ashes in his hands.

I buried my hands into his hair on his nape. It felt soft and so good. He let out a low groan at that as his hands left my cheeks just to push me more into the brick wall behind me by my waist. His lean body, pushed flesh against me, when he bit my lower lip hard, asking for permission. I was on the verge of letting out a moan at that, but my ego didn't let it. I just parted my lips and his tongue was immediately inside my mouth, discovering every inch of it, then finding my tongue to invite it for a dance. I felt like I might explode at any moment like a firework that was already lit. I didn't even realize the desire I felt towards him was this deep. Deep like the deep water I hated so much, where undiscovered beasts were lurking around in the bottom of it, to catch you when you don't pay attention. He was the beast and I was the innocent human swimming around. He caught me with his mouth and I couldn't get free. We shouldn't do this, we couldn't.

When we separated after what felt like minutes, we breathed hot air against each other's mouths. A string of saliva connected our lips like it was impossible for us to separate, as our foreheads were pushed together. His hands were still on my waist pulling me close to him like I might run away at any time. My thoughts were running around, and I couldn’t think, of a single sentence to say, I was shocked yet it was the best thing that happened to me after a while.

"Shit!" This was all I could say out loud. I didn't know why, or what it meant I just said it.

I felt as he nodded against my forehead. "Yeah…"

"We shouldn't have done it," I whispered as he pulled away a bit, his hands still pulling me close to him.

"I know…" He whispered as he looked into my eyes like he was scared I might disappear.

But then. The dark thoughts came, that hunted me all the time like they were some demons, that tried to chase away the good things that could happen to me. I was doomed to feel sad and empty all the time. And they came in questions like, what if he just needed some distraction away from the strict life he was living? What if he was married and had kids? What if I was just an escape for him from that cruel world?

All I needed was these questions to see things clear, then my hands reached to his that was on my waist just to somehow get them to release me. I stepped out from the cage he made with his huge body, putting a little distance between us.

"Look, if you just need some distraction, then go to the other side of the street and you can get anyone you want." I pointed towards the end of the alley where I saw a few women standing and inviting strangers into the nightclub.

"No, it's not that, Y/n!" He never called me by my name. He stepped closer and I saw a little guilt appear in his eyes.

"Then what is it?" My voice got louder a bit, and my emotions started to drown me. Suddenly it was all too much for me.

"I—I don't know, okay?" He nervously brushed his hair out of his sight as his voice got louder as well.

I scoffed at that. "Right, you don't know. Where is that confident Captain, who shouted at me all the time when I did something wrong? Should I do the same? It was a fucking mistake and you know we can't do shit like this." My voice turned out to be harsher as I wanted but I just honestly was so out of my mind.

"I know, I know it was a fucking mistake," He shouted back at me as he seemed just as confused as me. "But what can I do when all I can think of is you?" He continued suddenly and we both froze at that. Me, because of what he said, and he because he actually said it out loud.

All I could do was chuckle at that. "Yeah, right, about me…" I scoffed as I said.

He then stepped closer to me, like a predator hunting its prey. "Don't you feel the same?" He whispered as he leaned closer to my lips. I did, and I wanted to kiss him so bad, but…

"No, I don't. And I'm glad, because what would you do? I would be instantly fired if they would find it out." I looked into his eyes seriously, I couldn’t read his face again, his mask that fell for a few minutes was back.

"They wouldn't fire you out, I wouldn't let them." His voice came out a bit desperate like he wanted to convince me it was the right thing to do.

 "I want to do this, do this on my own not with some privileges. You would be an advantage for me, I could use you easily. Would you like that?" I asked as I lifted his chin with my finger. Just this one time, I wanted to show him that he wasn't the only one who could take advantage of the other.  

"I didn't think you would be someone who would do that." He said with a serious tone, his gaze piercing at me while he took off my finger from his chin.

I just shrugged. "You don't know me at all, Captain." And I just turned, leaving there a confused and disappointed Captain standing in the empty alley. Something that started with burning desire now was destroyed by the ugly truth.

Even though we wanted the other, we weren't in a situation where we could give in to our desire. We wavered for a few minutes, but everything needed to settle back to how it was, to continue. He was my Captain, and I was just a woman who wanted to be a soldier.

After that night, I wished it never happened. The training didn't stop and he was still the leader of my team. It was bad for both of us, we made a huge mistake that made my staying harder. I won't say things changed between us, but it definitely got worse. He was stricter with me, watching my every step and then shouting into my face. It was like this the whole time, but something was different when he looked at me, it seemed like it was burning with something like hatred, something like shame. I just barely looked at him, only when needed, wishing that the training camp was soon over and I hoped they were going to sign me as a soldier of the military. I just needed to get over this one week and then we might not see each other again.

But it was hard in the situations when he randomly caught me in the hall after I showered, pushed me against the cold wall, and crushed his lips against mine hungrily. I felt confused but the desire burning my body was much higher and I couldn’t think clearly. I just followed every rule he made, like I did when he commanded something. Our connection was like this all the time. He made the orders and I followed them.

And when he didn’t even wait for me to get out of the shower, was a bit over my boundaries. I was facing the wall as I was washing my hair when I felt two hands around my waist, that felt like cold chains. I knew it was him because when I looked down at the hands, there was that familiar golden ring, that made me feel guilty all the time he touched me.  

“Oh my God, what are you doing?” I whispered as I looked over my shoulder. It was late in the night, but there were a few people still showering.

He softly kissed my shoulder, kissing the way up to my neck, to my ears. “I want you.” He whispered as I barely could hear it, the water coming from the shower head was loud enough to close the sounds out. I felt his naked body leaning against mine. I felt my heartbeat in my ears, all my body was throbbing from the different kinds of emotions.

“We can’t…” I said as I leaned my head on his shoulders giving him more access to my neck. I was officially an idiot.

I sighed and slowly turned around to push him away. I felt ashamed and shy all of a sudden. It was the first time he saw me naked and I saw him naked. His body was perfectly muscled, his abs were a clear view, and before my eyes would’ve gone a little downer, I stopped myself. It wasn’t the time to wander around.  

“Please, just stop.” I looked at him with begging eyes.

The water was still falling on us, his hair got wet as he combed his hand through the wet strings. “I’m so sorry, Y/n,” He ran his hands through his face frustrated like he wanted to clear his mind. “I just…you drive me crazy, okay? I never felt like this, I never felt like I wanted someone by my side every minute.” He admitted as he put some distance between us, trying not to drown me.

The bathroom fell into an agonizing silence as only the water sound broke it. “Okay, but you can’t just fucking come in when I fucking shower.” My voice rose a bit as I got nervous, trying to hide my body with my hands. I felt vulnerable and I hated this feeling.

“Shit, sorry, I-I really—” It seemed like he just realized what he was doing. That fog in his mind must be dark. His eyes looked at the wet floor, not even daring to look at me. He looked like a wet stray dog, asking for shelter. “Please come to my room when you are finished and let’s talk.” He didn’t even look at me when he wanted to exit the cabin, but then he stopped and looked at me with desperate eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

“Oh my God, just leave already!” I wanted to hit him playfully; he just couldn’t be this desperate I couldn’t be mad at him anymore.

But he caught my wrist suddenly. “I leave after you gave me a kiss.” He whispered as he pulled me closer to him by my wrist.

“You are soo…” I said with a slight smile as I leaned close to his lips and pecked it softly. “Now you may leave,” I said as I pulled away to look into his sharp eyes and his now pouty lips.

I sighed, “You can’t be helped,” I leaned closer again and just bit on his pouty lower lip I didn’t know if it was a good idea because I heard him groan at that and he slowly, very carefully put his hands on my waist to walk me back to the cold wall. His lips were on mine in seconds the water now was fully flowing on us, making the kiss more wet. Our lips moved along the other’s slow, but hungry. His hands slowly travelled up on my sides, one hand cupping my jaw and the other on my throat as he pushed me more onto the wall. I let out a moan at that, the air stuck in my throat because of his hand. I couldn’t stop and I just didn’t want to.

His hand from my throat travelled around my body, discovering every inch of my wet body when his hands stopped on the back of my thighs and he lifted me up against the wall. His lips were still moving against mine desperately, with a burning passion that both of us just couldn’t stop. Then all I could feel was his full length inside me, reaching every spot I didn’t even know existed. The bathroom was full of the desperate noises we let out as we reached the top together.

Then he just left me there with the words ‘I’m waiting for you in my room’ and I just fell on the bathroom floor, the water still falling on me unstoppably like the sudden emotions that drowned me. I started crying, I buried my hands into my hair and I just wanted to disappear from the Earth.

I always had problems controlling my feelings, but this was the worst. I hated myself because of what I just did. I didn’t know anything about this man. I didn’t know if he was married. I didn’t know if he just wanted to use me. I hated that we couldn’t talk.

And at that point, I just didn’t want to see him. I couldn’t because if I did, I would fall into his trap again, without a thought.

After I somehow put myself together I was desperately trying to wash his hands off my body, I went into my room and cried myself to sleep silently.

Today's training was one of the last. As we slowly got closer to the end, I looked back at how much I developed both mentally and physically. And the fact how close I felt towards my teammates all of a sudden. There was no other way for us than to adapt to this situation and work together. This situation made us friends and I would've never thought I might find friends that seemed true and honest. I was sure this was the best idea to sign up for this training camp…until the next training came...

Water. Water was the only thing I had feared my whole life. It took my family from me, and I would never get over it.

The trauma runs deep in my bones—just as deep as the oceans where those monsters lurk. The water stole my family, its merciless hands dragging them down, refusing to let them survive. I can still hear my mother’s screams, muffled by the depths, her lungs filling with saltwater as she sank further and further. My father followed after her, swallowed by the abyss.

I had nightmares about this scene all my life, I was glad when somehow my brain decided it was enough. And to my surprise, since I was in the training camp, they never came. Like my brain built a brick wall that was so strong it kept the demons outside—well some of them. It was probably because we trained all day, we needed to be there mentally as well and I was always exhausted after a day, I was knocked out almost every time I reached my bed.

And now we were standing next to a swimming pool, deep and clear. Its blue-looking water not even moving. I was scared to my bones, but this wasn't the ocean, it was just a pool and some divers would save me if something happened. I needed to face my fears.

"Attention!" Sergeant Choi shouted as he was standing in front of us. "Today's exercise is not about teamplay, it's an individual task. You have to face one of the hardest obstacles. Water." As he said the word, my heartbeat quickened and I felt like I might get a heart attack at any time. I closed my eyes to close out the thoughts that whispered to run far away from there. I couldn’t even think about him, about the other night where everything just fucked up.

"Miss Kang, is there any problem?" As I opened my eyes at the voice, I saw him standing in front of me, and behind his serious mask, I saw a little worry hiding in his eyes.

"No, Captain!" I shouted back looking confident. He looked at me for a few seconds just to make sure it was true then walked away up to the jumping-board that was five meters high.

"The first task is simple, when I blow the whistle you run here, climb up the ladder, and jump into the pool without any hesitation!" he shouted from up there as we looked up at him. His voice was echoing around like the demons that whispered to run louder and louder.

I was the third in the line. Wooyoung started the exercise, he ran without any hesitation, climbed up, and jumped without a thought. It was impressive, but if I weren't scared of the water, I would've said it was an easy task. And then it was my turn and I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't even hear the whistle for a moment. Then I felt Jongho push me a little to get back and then, everything was in slow-motion again, as I was running towards him, climbing up, running beside him, and jumping without any hesitation. And when I collided with the water, I felt like I was my mom who couldn't get to the surface. Who was screaming but no one heard it. Then it felt like my body was separated from my mind because I jumped from the bottom to push myself up, and then my lungs could finally feel the air coming into my lungs as I was breathing like I was stuck there for at least five minutes. I swam to the edge of the pool and Jongho helped me out of the pool immediately.

"Hey, are you okay?" I felt as he grabbed my cheeks to look into his eyes. It was blurry for a few seconds but I nodded, not being able to speak.

I couldn't believe I did it. It seemed impossible for me, yet I was standing there all soaked but proud of myself because I jumped into the pool despite the fears I had. And it felt so good, I couldn’t describe it, but I felt so proud of myself, facing my fears and then fighting against them. It felt like a few of the demons disappeared and they didn't whisper to me to run anymore.

"Miss Kang! Is everything all right?" I heard the sergeant shout down at us with clear worry in his voice.

I breathed quickly, trying to get myself to speak somehow. "Yes, Captain!" My voice choked a bit as I looked up at him straight into his eyes. He knew something was up. It seemed like he knew every thought of mine, even though we barely knew each other, I was sure he analyzed all of us here and had a whole document about our personalities.

"Next one!" He shouted with the stopwatch in his hands.

I was glad no one noticed anything from my inner turmoil, so I just focused on the others doing the task.

When everyone finished, we were standing in one line again, the sergeant in front of us.

"Great job everyone! I have to tell you; it was impressive and this is what I expect from the team!" He clapped his hands two times with a slight smile. He started to grow closer to us too, he needed to admit it. "But it's not over, the real job comes now!" His face switched to serious. "As you can see there are hoops in the swimming pool," He turned to point at the hooks. "You just have to get there," He turned back to face us. "Seems simple, huh?" He raised his eyebrows. "But it's not, because it's all about the mentality and to avoid unnecessary stress. Your hands and legs are going to be tied up!" Silence took over the place and everyone looked at him like it was a joke.

"The pool is going to get deeper and deeper as you get closer to the hooks." He pointed at the pool again. "We soldiers have a technique for situations like this. It’s called survival bobbing. Your hands are going to be tied back, your legs together. At first, the pool is as deep as you, and your head is out. But. As it gets deeper you have to reach the bottom of it and jump up from the bottom to get air again, then down again, blowing the air out of your lungs to get to the bottom! This is how you will reach the hooks!" He shouted out the task we needed to do and we just looked at each other with the team, calling it impossible.

This exercise was the cruelest of all since we were here. "You need to stay calm, divers are keeping an eye on you, you won't die, and you won't drown. It's about fighting down the anxiety, the thoughts that say to us we can't do this!" He pointed at his head, while he tried to motivate us. "I believe all of you can do this! I chose you for my team because I knew you had the mentality of a real soldier! So, get into the water and don't disappoint me! This exercise is about you, not me, not your team, it's for you to fight your demons!" the sergeant shouted with all of the strength he had, almost deafening us.

I'm not going to lie; I was ready to say I couldn't do this. I wanted to give up. But after hearing the words he said, and that it was all about ourselves. Something just clicked in me, something just couldn't let me give up.

So, we were standing in the swimming pool, where the water reached our chests, our hands, and legs already tied as we were waiting for the sound of the whistle. I only could hear my heartbeat.

Thump

Thump

Thump

My heartbeat sounded like it was a gun shooting out a bullet. Then I heard the whistle from far away and I started to get into the water as I was sinking deeper and deeper. At first, it seemed easy until my feet could touch easily the bottom, but when I went deeper and I needed to be a lot more under the water than outside, something started to break in me, when the glass slowly started to crack, running through the glass, forming a root of an old tree. I tried to move forward, not giving up, his words echoing in my mind.

When I went down again after barely being up for one second and reached the bottom with my feet, at least three meters were above me. The hook was one meter away, I just needed to do it one more time and I was done.

But…the glass suddenly broke and the water ran over the gate unstoppably, the world slowed down and went a little dark. Suddenly I found myself somewhere else. I saw someone under the water. It was my mother. As the hands pulled her down into the dark. I wanted to save her, but I couldn't move. My feet were rooted, and my lungs were screaming for air, but the surface looked so far away that I thought my fate was the same as my parents. So, I just wanted my fate to be fulfilled…but as I looked up, I saw another figure swimming towards me desperately. They looked familiar but everything was so blurry under the water it was impossible to know. When the figure finally reached me… it felt like I was waiting for him my whole life. When his hands grabbed my unmoving body, I felt that familiar lightning going through my body, even though we were under the water I felt his warmth, which immediately melted the ice around my heart.

Then suddenly I was pulled out of the swimming pool, as I was sitting on the edge, the Captain was still in the water to make sure I made it out safely. I was breathing so fast I felt like I might choke as I started to cough water out of my lungs. Who knows how much I was underwater…time didn't exist for me down there.

"Fuck, Y/n, are you okay?" I felt as he pulled himself out of the water to sit next to me, his hands on my shoulder as they caressed my back. And then the glass that was already broken, broke more and I started crying. I couldn't even tell when was the last time I was crying, maybe at the funeral of my parents. I felt terrified but at the same time, I was just so disappointed, because I couldn't do it.

"Hey, Y/n! Look at me!" I felt as his hands searched for my face as I was still crouched forward, my legs still in the water.

When the wet hands found my cheeks and lifted my head to look at me, I broke once again. "I-I'm s-sorry," I sobbed as I turned towards him. "I-I couldn't…couldn't do it…" I was broken and out of my mind.

"No, no, no Y/n, calm down, please," I heard his calm voice as I looked into his eyes. He looked so worried and terrified. "Breathe with me, baby." He started to breathe in and out as I did the same his hands still cupped the sides of my cheeks. I already felt calmer when I looked at him, but I just did what he told me to do.

"Good job, baby, very good job!" he caressed my cheeks as he saw I started to calm down. "Now listen to me! That you even started the mission and gave it a try was already a success for me. I'm so proud of you, Y/n! You did what you could, and you already won, because you tried and didn’t run away!" His voice was soft and his sharp eyes were shining as he was looking at me, he seemed proud.

I nodded at that. "Y/n, are you okay?" I heard Jongho's voice from behind as he completed the task and saw that something was up.

And suddenly I realized we weren't alone, that everyone saw and probably heard how the captain calmed me down, and as I looked around, I saw eyes on me. Eyes that screamed pity. That was the last thing I wanted to see, I hated it. I wasn't a baby who needed pampering.

So, I quickly stood up, my world a little spinning but somehow, I found the door that led me out of the staring eyes. When I went outside it was already getting darker, the weather was a bit chilly—felt so freaking good with soaked hair and clothes… I didn't even know where I was heading, my feet just wanted to walk me far away from there.

"Y/N!" I heard a voice behind me—familiar, commanding. A part of me wanted to stop, instinctively obeying the tone. But after what had happened, I just couldn’t take him seriously anymore.

"Y/N, c'mon, where are you going?" The voice got closer and closer.

"Away from here, I'm done with this shit!" I shouted not even looking back.

Then I felt as if a hand grabbed my hand and swirled me around impatiently.

"You can't just leave everything behind!" His face was a mix of disappointment, sadness, and…something I could never name.

"Why not? Didn't I tell you? This was what I was talking about. I. AM. NOT. A. PRIVILAGE." I pointed my finger at him, hitting his chest with every word. "Treat me like you would treat my other teammates, Captain!" My voice quieted a little as I said.

He was staring down at the ground, he looked like he was a little cat and its owner just scolded him for breaking a vase. "It's San…" He whispered barely audible.

"What?" I frowned at him.

He looked up, straight into my eyes and his eyes were shining again, but because it was welled up with salty tears.

"My name is San…please call me San…" He said with a desperate look.

It was weird, I didn't even realize he had another name until here he was just Captain for me or Sergeant Choi, and hearing his name, which sounded so fitting for him just ran chills through my body.

And yet, I scoffed at that, "I wasn't curious about your name." I turned again ready to leave.

"I can't treat you like the others, and I won't!" I heard his confident voice again it made me freeze. Footsteps behind me, as I felt the distance between us close like he was a magnet, my body just sensed his presence since the first time I saw him. He came in front of me and slowly, carefully like I might bite, held my hands. "I won't treat you like the others, because you mean so much more for me than them. I don't know and I don't understand, but the first time I saw you, when you rolled your eyes at me," A slight smile appeared on his face as he was thinking back at the memory.

"Something just happened there, I just couldn't get you out of my mind. I was watching you from far away, the night first night when you needed to run as a punishment, when you were talking with your teammates. You seemed so nature-like, I just wanted to know you better." He seemed honest like he wasn't joking.

"And when I saw you down there when you didn’t move…I just felt the urge to protect you no matter what. Please just…" He then cupped my face as tears welled up in my eyes. "Please, forgive me! For the other night…I-I it wasn’t me, I am just so confused when I’m with you and I can’t control myself, I shouldn’t have done that and then leave you there, I was an asshole and I get it if you won’t forgive me because I do deserve that…” His voice was desperate and his eyes started to well up with tears.

“A-and I know I shouldn't have talked to you like that in front of the others, but I was so worried, Y/n," His voice cracked a bit as he got emotional.

A single tear rolled down my cheeks, straight into his palm, that held my cheeks, his face inches away from me as he leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes.

My hands lifted on top of his as I looked at his face, the lamppost lighting his face, where pain was only visible. "I…I'm sorry for shouting at you, you just wanted to help me, but I was so overwhelmed I didn't think clearly." His eyes opened at that, and he looked at me with something that seemed relief.

He shook his head, "You don't have to apologize, baby." He then took one of my hands and pecked the inside of my palm. Warmth trailed through my body at the gesture. Then our eyes met and I saw the same fire in his eyes as that night, but it was a lot brighter now.

“Who is Sierra?” I asked what I wanted from day one, but didn’t have the strength to hear the truth that I might not like.

He looked at me with round eyes as his hands now released mine. He seemed distant all of a sudden and I knew it was time to discuss some things.

“She’s my…” He started as he stared down at the ground. “She’s m-my little sister,” His voice was barely a whisper. “W-was my little sister.”

Tears started to flow down my cheeks at that, he looked so broken and vulnerable at that moment as his uniform was glued to his body.

I stepped closer to him as I slowly reached my hands to cup his face. His eyes were full of tears I never saw him this vulnerable. “I’m so sorry San,” I whispered with sincere understanding.

He held my hands that cupped his face. “I never knew my parents, I was too little when they left us with my little sister and we became orphans. My sister…got very sick when we were teenagers…” He looked empty as he looked back at the unwanted memory. “It was a disease that couldn’t be helped. It took her away…” His voice seemed sad but he didn’t cry, and it was a good sign because that meant he knew it wasn’t his fault.

I gently caressed his cheeks, my touch soft and understanding. "I'm so sorry, San. I wish I could have known her."

He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe I was really there. "I wish you knew her too. You’re both stubborn as hell."

Then, finally, he smiled—a smile I had missed so much, his dimples appearing with a quiet kindness. He lifted his hand between us where his ring was appearing on his finger. “This is the only thing that is left of my family. This is the Choi clan’s ring. And I know I should probably hate them for leaving us, but I just somehow can’t.” He looked down on the ring that he kept safe no matter what.

“I get it, we never know the reasons behind people’s actions…” I said as I was playing with his ring.

 He nodded at that with a slight smile, then he turned serious again. “What about you? What happened in the water?” Now it was his time to caress my cheeks gently.

I took a slow, deep breath in, then exhaled, trying to gather my thoughts. "We were on vacation when my father lost control of the car… and we plunged straight into the ocean. I was the only one who survived. Not even my sister…"

Tears spilled down my face again. "I’ve been an orphan ever since. I was only six years old."

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. That must have been so difficult for you." He leaned his forehead against mine. "But I’m so proud of you for making it this far on your own."

He whispered the words so gently, and yet they made my heart race. Finally—someone who truly understood me.

"Can I kiss you properly?" He whispered, his face still close to mine as he smiled at me, his dimples showing sweetly.

"Yes, please," I whispered close to his lips, and he immediately sealed our lips together. It was the opposite of our first kiss. It was slow and passionate; he tasted so good I was afraid I might get addicted to him. His hands traveled down to my waist and gently pulled me closer to him, as my hands went up onto his wet hair. Our lips moved against the other slowly, trying to crave this moment into memory for life. I felt like my body was a firework, exploding into the clear and dark sky just to paint the sky colorful like our hearts that became whole after all the hard obstacles we ran through on our own, now it seemed we found the purpose of our lives as our lips danced together, not wanting to separate. But as I opened my mouth and his tongue met mine, it started to get faster and hungrier. The desire creeps throughout our bodies, one of his hands traveling up my body, ending up at my nape.

"Mhhmm…" He hummed as he separated from me with a frown, him realizing we both were soaked. "I didn't know it could be better, but you are going to catch a cold. Quickly into my room, Miss Kang!" He said playfully with a beaming smile, then he cupped my face with a serious face. "And if you want to talk about it, I am here for you, okay? Always." He said his voice low and caring. 

I nodded at that and then he pecked my lips once again, sealing the promise he made. That he was going to be by my side despite the demons I needed to fight with. My heart was pounding so fast that I felt like the whole world was hearing it. An emotion that I was so unfamiliar with hit me suddenly, the emotion I only felt when I was with my parents…Love and happiness.

3 years later

Left-right heartbeat left-right heartbeat left-right

            All I could hear were those two words as my right leg followed my left. My mind was blank; all I could focus on was not stumbling, ensuring I didn’t break the perfect synchrony of our steps. I tried to steady my breathing, willing my racing heart to slow down. Around me, my teammates wore the same serious expressions—dying inside, each of us dreading what awaited us.

We marched two abreast, straight into a battlefield soaked in blood and gunpowder. My eyes narrowed on the leader of our line—he was right beside me, his stance unwavering, determined to win a battle we barely had a chance of surviving.

From my left, his face was sharp in profile, his jaw clenched as he held his gun close. Somehow, he sensed my gaze. He tilted his head slightly to the left, and our eyes met. In that brief exchange, I saw determination laced with something bitter—an unspoken fear that we might never see each other again.

At that moment, the past three years flashed before my eyes. The struggles we endured. The first time he told me he loved me. The day I took him to my parents’ grave and introduced him to them. The happiest day of my life—when he proposed, and I said yes. And then, the day everything changed—the moment we were told we had to go to war, thrown into a world unraveling into chaos.

As we pushed forward, the chaos of battle engulfed us, but through the gunfire and screams, I found clarity. I realized that, in the end, it wasn't just about survival. It wasn’t about the battles we fought or the enemies we faced. It was about the person standing beside me, the one who saw me for who I truly was, the one I had never expected to find here, in this war-torn world.

He wasn't just my comrade in arms; he was my reason to keep fighting, my reason to keep breathing. Together, we would face whatever came next, no longer just soldiers— but two souls bound by something stronger than the chaos around us.

And in the midst of the storm, I understood: we weren’t just fighting for victory. We were fighting for each other, and in that, we had already won.

<Ateez masterlist>

[munsonsmixtapes]

rockstar eddie getting over protective and jealous at an awards ceremony when other rockstars hit on his girl

Eddie sometimes hates how nice you are to everyone. He hates that it’s often mistaken for flirting so men will flirt with you right in front of him, paying no mind. What he hates more is when you introduce him as your boyfriend and then suddenly, they’re all apologetic because of who he is. They just see him as some sort of god, only apologizing because of his status and not because they see him as a person.

That’s why he’s got his arm wrapped around you tonight, sitting so close to you at the table that your thighs are touching. He’s whispering sweet things into your ear, filling your glass when it’s empty and even going as far as accompanying you to the bathroom because he just wants to make sure that you’re safe.

Maybe he’s overdoing it but you don’t seem to mind. In fact, you’re eating it up, loving how protective he’s being of you. He’s being so caring and even though he’s jealous of all the men looking your way, you know it’s not because of that because this is how he always is when the two of you are out in public.

He’s staring down every man who looks your way and you don’t know why he even bothers. He’s the one you love, the only one you have eyes for. You wouldn’t have even know they were looking at you if he hadn’t drawn attention to them.

He’s called up to the stage with the rest of the band to receive his award and he reluctantly goes to the stage without you but still keeping his eyes on you as he’s handed the award.

He stands in front of the microphone, smiling out into the crowd with that mega-watt smile as he speaks.

“I just want to say thank you to much,” he says. “Thanks to our team, the fans, my girl,” he points to you. “We couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you so much,” he holds the award up in the air with a smile then he and the boys head down the steps, making their way back to the table.

He sits back next to you, award in hand and you lean in for a kiss, peppering his face with them and all he can do is laugh at the feeling.

“How about we skip the party,” you whisper into his ear. “I can show you that you’re the only one for me and how proud I am of you for winning.”

He lets out a whimper as you pull away, letting you lead him out the car that drove you there, feeling giddy that you’re going to show him exactly how you feel about him once and for all.

[fluemsiie]

my way, high way [ d. winchester ]

synopsis. you run away notes. 0.5k words, headcannons style

⭑ dean knows your strong and independent and all that crap but the second he wakes up from a drunken haze and sam tells him you’re gone, he’s freaking out.

⭑ sam reminds dean of all the awful things he did last night, danced with a random girl, bought her a drink. he all but asked her to go back to his place.

⭑ and you and dean were still new and fresh, just dating for a couple of week so it didn’t seem that far fetched to you that he’d cheat on you. he’s a man with needs and he’s shown time and time again that they could never be satiated by just one woman.

⭑ so you decide you need a break from the two of them. this is the second time dean’s been dancing with girls right in front of your freakin eyes. drunk or not, you consider that cheating. you tell Sam to take you to the train station and you leave the boys for a couple of weeks.

⭑ it doesn’t take long for dean for find you. you were hunting something a couple of states away and he found you just as you were packing your bags.

⭑ “you’re leaving me? leaving us? this is stupid, you know that, I love you—” 

⭑ “sam knows he can call if he needs me, I’m not disappearing.”

⭑ “sam can call? what’s that supposed to mean? what about me?”

⭑ “i would extend the invitation but you wouldn't bother anyway—” 

⭑ “are you fucking with me? seriously?” You aren’t. but it hurts immensely just the same. you and dean took a while to get where you were, intense love confessions and intense sex and intense everything your entire world was on fire around him. you love him as much as he loves you. which is why it does feel like a cruel joke.

⭑ “is it that bad that I want someone to love me and be loyal to me? is it that unreasonable of a request?”

⭑ “i haven’t fucking done anything with anyone since you and I got together and you know it.”

⭑ you don’t know it. “i’m not saying this to be mean, but I know trusting me is hard for you,” exhibit a, b and c all lead to previous ex boyfriends and your own family. “but it’s the truth.”

⭑ “whatever, all I want is to not see my boyfriend drunk and dancing with another woman. how am I the bad guy for that?”

⭑ “you’re not. And if that’s what you really want, then yes, of course, sweetheart, I’ll never goddamn look at another girl again I just— be patient, please?” he takes a step closer, takes your hands in his to kiss them, then up your arm. “i want to be with you, and I will do whatever it takes to make this right just please come home.”

⭑ you go back home, he fails a couple hundred times, but you don’t run away again so he counts that as a win and he’s always trying his damn hardest to be good enough for you. You consider that a win too.

[wlwsoccerfics]

World Cup Semi-Finale Drama(StephCatleyXGwinnReader)

A/N: i Hope you enjoy this request.

Warnings: Lots of Angst and self doubt. Mental health struggles.

Summary: you are the captain of your national Team cause your sister is out injured and you Play against your wife's team. Australia wins and you blame yourself for the loss.

There it was. The final Whistle. You were Out of the world Cup. Losing in the semi Finals against Australia. Your wife's team. So there was now one Captain Catley that made it to the finals and one captain Catley that was doubting all of her skills. You were the second one.

You had been dreading this day. This Game. Everything felt like the world was ending. Which in a way it did for you. Not knowing If you would ever get another Chance to make it this far in the world cup.

Of course you were proud of your wife. She deserved it. But you felt like your team deserved it as well. You weren't a good captain and that's why they lost.

Your wife and her Team were celebrating. Well your wife was struggling. She was over the moon that she Made it to the finals but she saw you sitting on the pitch. Hiding your head in your Jersey. Your entire Body was shaking from the sobs. Your best friend Laura was sitting next to you. Hugging you close. Even though she was crying as well. Your sister made her way over to you as well.

"Babe..." Steph whispered out. You stood up quickly. Looking at your wife. Giving her a hug before pulling away just as quick.

"congrats. I am proud of you, stephy!" You told her, you couldn't even stop crying while talking her. She really wished she could make you feel better but she knew she couldn't. And the distance you put between you and her was a sign that you clearly couldn't deal with being close to her. Not while you had so many negative thoughts about yourself running through your mind.

"she is gonna come around." Your best friend and teammate whispered to your wife. Steph sighed sadly and walked away. Greeting Fans and giving Interviews. Thankfully you didn't have to give one. Sara & Klara did.

Harper ran over to you, hugging your legs so you picked her up.

"auntie Y/n. Don't cry! You can always win another Game!" She told you. It was the child Like innocene of not understanding how important this game was for you and your team. And that you felt like you also let the Fans down. Not only your Team. No you let everyone down.

"i will be okay. You are right. I can always try again." You told her. Then she just held onto you and you held onto her. She always managed to cheer you up or at least take a little bit of the pain away when things were rough. Giulia, your sister was rubbing your back, she was sad as well, you could tell because of how quiet she was and it looked like she was trying not to cry.

After a while you put Harper down cause she went back over to Mini and the rest of the team.

You and your team left the Pitch and walked inside to the changing rooms. You took a few deep breaths before you spoke up.

"i would like to apologize to you. I let you all down! I take full responsibility for what happened Out there! I wasn't a good Leader!" You told them.

"y/n...this isn't your fault! We are a Team! We win together and we lose together! It hurts right now! But we all were Out there and didn't make it work!" Sara told you.

"yeah Sara is right! Like i think you did so well as a Leader. You managed to Score the only Goal we Made. Yes we lost. 3-1 but this Is not your fault!" Felicitas stated.

"i am proud of you! You stepped in for me! You did a good Job! You were leading until the end. Sometimes things just don't work out in our favor!" Giulia answered.

Before you could speak up again, your other best friend showed up in the doorway. Kyra was also one of your teammates at Arsenal. Your coach also showed Up.

"y/n? I wanted to check in. Sorry about your loss Guys. But you all did a great Job." She said, walking over to you. Pulling you in for a hug. You hugged her back. Tearing up again. The rest of the Team congratulating her.

"thanks Kyra. I am proud of you!" You let her know. Hugging Kyra close. Sobbing again. "Where is Steph?" You asked her. Knowing you couldn't just let this go like this. You needed to talk to her. Maybe it was a good thing that Kyra showed up cause you were tempted to step down from international Duty for Germany and just Focus on your Club. It was something you had thought about before and this day kind of pushed you more towards it. But you were emotional right now so this might not be the right time to drop something like that in case you might regret it in a few days.

"she is in the changing room with the others. let's go See your wife. Cause she is struggling as well. She is over the moon we won but also sad and actually cried cause of the pain you are going through!" Kyra admitted. You frowned softly. You didn't intend to make your wife feel that way.

"Go See your wife!" Jule said.

"now!" Your sister stated.

"i agree!" You coach replied.

you left with Kyra to the other changing room.

"Steph? I have someone who wants to see you!" Kyra stated. You were greeting your wife and her team with a sad smile.

"hey, congrats guys." You spoke up.

"thanks. You did great as well. And we are all proud of you!" Mini told you.

"thanks you! It's appreciated." You answered and looked at your wife after replying. Walking over to her. Hugging her, giving her a soft kiss. Wiping away her tears. She hugged and kissed you back.

"auntie y/n is Not Mad at auntie Steph anymore!" Harper announced. You pulled away from the kiss and gently pushed a strand of hair behind your wife's ear.

"i was never mad at auntie Steph. She is the best. I was just hurt cause i didn't feel like i was a good captain and that i let the fans and the team down!" You tried to explain to her. The reply surprised everyone. They knew you were heartbroken over the loss, but they had no idea how you put all the blame on yourself.

"Baby. You fought hard. You were an amazing captain. Don't blame yourself!" Steph said, kissing your forehead gently.

"i am working on letting that go. It just...i am sorry for not reacting more positive and congratulate all of you earlier." You explained.

"what are you sorry for? Your emotions matter. I understand how difficult this must be for you, love!" Your wife replied. You kiss her her cheek.

"means alot to me to hear! I love you." You replied.

"i love you too. Always will!" Steph answered.

"i Love your love!" Macca said. You smiled at her. There still was a hint of sadness which was probably gonna stay for a bit but you genuinely did feel a bit better being in your wife's Arms.

You talked to your sister, your best friends and your wife about your thoughts on ending your international career. They listened and didn't judge. They also helped you figure out that you don't want to retire just yet.

You played for the third place against spain and won. Your wife and her Team were there to Support you.

Australia won the world Cup against England and of course you were there wearing your wife's Jersey. Sitting in the stands with Harper & Harley in your lap. You were so very proud of the entire team.

[dreamwavesexploringreality]

TRUST:

Chishiya x Reader (Season 2)

----

"They lied to you."

Y/N slowly turned toward the owner of the voice, unconsciously gripping the cookies she had just taken from the shelf.

The man was sitting casually at one of the dining room tables, hands in his pockets and his gaze forward. She didn’t respond, trying to maintain a serene appearance. Then he looked at her. No, he didn’t just look at her. He observed her, analyzed her. Y/N felt his piercing eyes probing the depths of her mind, and for a moment, she felt exposed. She had never been good at Games of Hearts. Still, she kept a defiant look on her face, which made the man smile—an amused smile accompanied by a small victorious laugh. Then, he turned his gaze back to the front and brought a cookie to his mouth.

"Who lied to me?" she spoke, motionless in place.

"Your group," he replied with a sigh, not meeting her gaze. He chewed his cookie thoughtfully for a few seconds and then spoke again. "Your suit is hearts, not spades."

Y/N took a deep breath, and after looking around to make sure no one else was in the dining room, she took a step toward the man.

"Why should I trust you?" she practically whispered.

The man laughed softly again and looked at her.

"I don’t think you have many other options."

Silence filled the room again for a few seconds. The man had caught Y/N’s attention from the moment she entered the game: "A clearly enigmatic character, reserved, and most likely the Jack," she had thought at the time.

"Why would you help me?" she tried to gauge him.

The man sighed dramatically before speaking.

"It turns out I’ve run out of a partner. He died in the last round." He spoke with feigned sadness, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

A sarcastic laugh escaped her.

"Your partner died because you gave him the wrong suit?" she mocked. "How am I supposed to trust you then?"

Y/N saw the man open his eyes again and look at her with a smile.

"I didn’t give him the wrong suit." He paused. "He was… too kind for this world." He muttered.

Then he stood up, turning his back to her, pushing back the white hair that covered his collar. Y/N looked at the suit but didn’t speak. After a few seconds, the man turned his head with a playful attitude.

"Aren’t you going to tell me? I told you yours." He looked over his shoulder, smiling.

A chill ran down her spine. There were only five minutes left to enter a cell and announce her suit. Just a moment ago, she had been sure about it, but now, this man had unsettled her trust.

She stayed silent, and the man turned to face her. Y/N bit the inside of her cheek, weighing her options. If she believed he was the Jack, the most prudent thing would be to lie.

"Diamond." She spoke at last.

The man smiled, and she squeezed the cookie packet a little tighter in her hands.

"Are you going to trust me?" she asked him. The man shrugged.

"This is a game of trust, isn’t it? To win, you have to trust people." He spoke.

"This is a game of hearts , to win you have to betray people” She replied sarcastically. She hated those games.

The man seemed thoughtful for a few seconds.

"Trust and betrayal usually go hand in hand" he finally concluded.

The man put his hands in his pockets just as a voice echoed over the speakers:

"It’s time to return to your cells and declare your suit."

A shiver ran down her spine, as it always did when that voice echoed through the walls. The man seemed to notice this, laughed softly, then turned his back and took a few steps before stopping suddenly.

"Your group has already lied before… What made you think you wouldn’t be the next in line?" There was no genuine curiosity in the question, just a sort of mockery. She didn’t answer.

The man slightly turned his head to look at her.

"See you in the next round."

And with that, he walked away, leaving the girl confused with the now-crushed cookie packet in her hands.

---

Hey everyone!

Sorry for being MIA for so long... I’ve been caught up with a lot of things behind the scenes but I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so here’s something I had sitting in my drafts! Hope you like it while I keep working on all your amazing requests.

Thanks for sticking around!

[girlwhorizzed]

can you write something with babydaddy!jj where he like kind of abandoned r & the baby then came randomly like at 12 am at her doorstep and wins her back?

this is s1 jj!! the timeline where the pogues r really deep in the gold thing so yhat should explain why hes not there for his kid :p . p.s. sorry this is so short💔💔💔

babydaddy!jj always came back to you, or at least found his way back. in some special way that made you feel warm inside, he considered you his light— christ, you were the woman who carried and birthed his baby. you'd always be his light, through thick and thin you were the woman he'll retreat back to in the end.

so, it's no surprise when on a random friday night at one a.m. that he's at your doorstep. he's wearing his typical gray muscle shirt that's original color is beginning to fade— with a pair of cargo shorts to go along with it. of course you open it, he'd probably stopped by to do his annual three-week check-up on your shared baby that you'd started to think he forgot about. although your baby is long asleep now and you should blow him off, scold him for being absent in your babies life after during the creation of your sweet girl all he'd done was promise he'd be there, hell even hit him. he'd left you alone a quarter of your pregnancy, returning and playing 'dad' role all of a sudden once your baby was due.

you've rehearsed this exact scene in your head more times than you can count. while you were holding your babygirl for the first time and he hadn't been there, you'd lined up words that never even had been in your vocabulary to cuss him out once he came around, your anger and sadness balanced perfectly. instead of marching down to john b's where you knew he'd possibly be, you exchanged all those emotions for love and comfort for your daughter. she'd deserve that.

your face falls, as he stands on your doorstep. you’re tired, as you open the door— tired of his empty promises and tired of him coming back again and again to repeat the same cycle. but your heart skips a beat at the sight of him, a mix of anger, sadness and relief coursing through you. “come to pay us a visit?” you speak up with a quirk of your eyebrow, arms folded over your chest. he shrugs, his gaze flickering over you — taking in how your frame, now curvier, looks in those clothes, his eyes lingering a fraction longer than you would expect. “yeah. figured i’d pop by, say hello.”

he pushes his hands into his pockets, gaze drifting to the window he knows is you and your little girl’s room, before returning to your face. “she sleep?” you nod. “has been for hours.” he seems to soften at that, his eyes still looking weary yet he can’t help the warmness tugging at his heart to think of his daughter tucked up in her cosy room. he hums, nodding his head. a heavy silence falls, before he’s clearing his throat to speak. “can i come in?”you nod, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, taking in the sight of him. you step aside, the door slowly swinging open.

he gives you a smirk before stepping past, brushing against you, taking in your perfume that he can recognize from many months ago from a night he'll never forget, his hand grazing yours and sending a shiver up your spine — your body betraying you with its response. the shiver doesn’t go unnoticed by him. he feels proud of himself, at how he still affects you even after all the distance. he steps fully inside, his eyes scanning your living room as you close and lock the door behind him, watching him take a couple of lazy steps around it, running a hand over the back of the couch. “place looks different.” he speaks up, before stopping to look at you. “you get some new furniture or something?” he quirks a brow, eyeing you up.

you can’t help but roll your eyes at the small talk. you can feel his gaze roaming over your body, can see how his focus lingers in key places, causing your cheeks to flush with heat from how his blue eyes rake over your curves through your thin nightshirt. you clear your throat, forcing him to meet your gaze, though it doesn’t seem to stop him much — his gaze flickering down to your bare legs. “only difference is all our babies stuff.” you simply respond, your eyes boring into his.

he chuckles lightly, finally returning his gaze to your face and meeting his eyes with yours, holding your gaze intently. “mmm, so she gets the special treatment around here now, huh?” he murmurs, taking a small step towards you. you back up against the door without much thought, his smirk spreading on his face — clearly enjoying getting a rise out of you. he takes another step. and another. he doesn’t stop until he’s in front of you, now invading your space, his body so close to yours that the fabric of your nightshirt brushes against his chest.

your breath hitches, his proximity making you dizzy. his gaze softens, his eyes drinking you in. he reaches out a hand, his thumb skimming across your lower lip, the gesture so tender that you almost forget who you’re dealing with. "course she gets special treatment, she's m'baby."

he chuckles, his laugh is soft. he leans in closer, the hand on your chin now going to grip your waist, his fingers digging into your hip. “yeah, she is.” his eyes are locked onto your own, his touch igniting a wave of familiar sensations that you'd been trying to forget for months. “she gettin' everything she needs?" he murmurs, his other hand resting against the door. he has you trapped between his arms.

“she's healthy. despite the fact her daddy been missing for months on end.” your retort is sharp, a defensive shield that you’ve built up over the months, as his hands on you and close proximity throws you momentarily off guard.

he winces at that, shaking his head. he opens his mouth, as if to say something, but stops himself. he looks torn, and for a moment, it almost makes you feel guilty. he drops his gaze, before looking up at you again, a glint of something in his eye you only just catch. a quiet moment passes, before he takes a deep breath, stepping closer, your body squished against the door as his body now presses against yours. "i ain't mean to… be gone so long, okay?"

you want to scoff at him. you want to push him off of you and tell him to leave. but the truth is that you missed him. you missed his laugh, the way he would look at you. you missed having another hand around to help with the baby, the emotional support you’d always gotten from him. you sigh, your head tilting back against the door as you look at him, your eyes searching his face — hoping to find something, anything "can't go in-n-out her life.”

he knows you’re softening. he knows he just has to keep you talking to him. he knows he just has to keep himself pressed up against you like this, his touch making you feel things you’ve tried your best to forget for so long. he watches you closely, his gaze flicking between your eyes and your lips. “then lemme stay, darlin’. lemme stay tonight.” he murmurs, moving to trace his nose along your jaw.

you can practically feel the tension leaving your body as his words wash over you, the fight leaving your eyes. your shoulders drop and you find yourself leaning into his touch, your mind screaming at you that this was a bad idea, but your body simply responding to the way he’re touching you. “stay.” you manage, voice barely above a whisper.he speaks softly, his grip on your waist tightening slightly as he ducks his head, resting his forehead against yours.

you feel every breath he takes, the scent of him filling your senses and sending your head spinning. he's so close, closer than he's been in months, and you can feel his breath warm against your skin. he closes his eyes, his voice a low rumble as he speaks again. “missed ya. missed this, missed our baby.”

with your defenses lowered and your emotional barriers crumbling, you give in to the overwhelming feeling of wanting to be close to him, needing to feel the comfort of his presence again. you nod weakly, your voice soft and vulnerable. "i missed you too. missed you and her. missed being close to you like this." you swallow hard, tilting your body towards him — silently inviting him closer.

his gaze softens as he takes in your vulnerability, the way you’re just crumbling in front of him, the way you sound like you need him as much as he needs you. he can’t help the wave of possessiveness that washes over him. he growls softly, his arms wrapping around you tighter, pulling you more firmly against him. “m’here now, mama.” he murmurs, his lips skimming across your exposed shoulder, a small shiver running through your body as he begins to pepper you with light kisses up your neck.

the reassurance in his tone soothed you enough, at least enough to end up on your back with him in between your legs yet again.

[artist-owl]

Maedhros’s eyes flicked up as the door to his study cracked open. A beat later, Elrond pushed it the rest of the way open with his back, both of his hands occupied with holding a tray.

Maedhros watched him impassively as Elrond walked up to his desk, carefully balancing a goblet of wine on the tray. “What is this, then?” he asked.

Elrond looked up at him. “I know you like to have wine after supper, and I thought I would bring you some.

Possibly, this was merely an attempt at a kind gesture from the young child, possibly even an attempt at placation. More likely, however…

Maedhros accepted the goblet, looking down at Elrond all the while. Elrond looked back guilelessly. Almost unnoticeably, his eyes flickered between Maedhros and the cup.

Maedhros brought the cup to his face and sniffed it. He paused again, considered it, then sighed, set the cup down on his desk, and looked back to Elrond. “Belladonna?”

The innocent look faltered. Elrond winced.

Maedhros sighed again, and propped his elbows on the table, folding his hand over his stump and peering over them at Elrond. “Do you know where you went wrong?”

Elrond clearly didn’t, but he thought about it, small face screwed up in thought. “I…don’t give you drinks usually, so that was weird?”

“Very good. Anything else?”

Elrond looked up at him blankly.

“May I explain?”

“Please,” Elrond mumbled.

Maedhros leaned back in his chair. “You are correct. The first thing that tipped me off was the unusual action – you have never served me anything before, so that was odd. It would have worked better had you done so and really just served me wine, and then made a habit of it. Eventually I would cease my suspicions, at least to the point that I would sometimes lower my guard and allow my mind to be otherwise occupied when you served it. It would not do to be over-hasty in this; you would need to wait and watch my reactions for a long time to discern when this point was reached, and then also when I did allow myself to pay you less mind. Are you following?”

“Yes.”

“Good. The second thing that tipped me off was your expression. You appeared over-eager, and were plainly waiting on my reaction. Even if I did not know to suspect an assassination attempt from you, I would have been cautious at that look – I had six younger brothers, I am familiar with pranks. The third thing,” he said, picking up the cup once more, “is that I am familiar with the scent of belladonna.”

Elrond made a face. “Drat,” he muttered.

The corner of Maedhros’s mouth twitched. “Quite. Now, there are two more things: a suggestion, and a reminder. The suggestion is thus: poison is the weapon of the cowardly and weak. It is the weapon of those who skulk about in the shadows rather than engage in honourable combat. There is a reason that orc weapons are poisoned, while Elven ones are not.”

Elrond’s face remained screwed up, but shifted to something more thoughtful. “But you’re five times my size, and a way better fighter. I can’t fight you like that and win. Isn’t utilizing cleverness and tactics a vital part of strategy? And knowing both your and your enemy’s strengths and weaknesses, to play up your strengths and downplay their weaknesses? It’s just strategy, and knowing to not try to fight a losing battle.”

“‘Knowingly fighting a losing battle is an excellent summation of the last four or so yéni of war.”

Elrond seemed to consider that. “I’m going to say something that you’re probably going to get mad at.”

“I appreciate the warning. I think.”

“The Noldor tried to assault Angband multiple times, and always failed, but Lúthien and Beren snuck in and got a Silmaril.”

Maedhros closed his eyes and carefully measured his breaths. “You were correct in your assessment,” he finally said.

“Sorry. What was the reminder?”

Maedhros sighed and took a sip from his cup. He lowered it to see Elrond staring at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. Maedhros met his eyes and held his gaze for several beats. “I am an Elf. That which Men find poisonous most often has no effect on us.”

Elrond’s open-mouthed expression went from disbelief to rage in an instant, and he said something in Taliska that Maedhros did not understand and was going to assume was a swear. “I can’t believe I forgot that you…”

“I actually have been prescribed a tincture that included belladonna by my healers before. Regardless, I won’t be finishing this cup, because I need my wits about me tonight, and I have no clue what dosage you came up with.”

“Twice the lethal dose.”

“I have no idea how much nightshade it takes to kill a Man. Either way, it was a good try. I think it could have worked against many people. Remember what I told you. I look forward to your next attempt.”

“So that you can tell me how I failed at that one too?” Elrond asked glumly.

“I have full faith that you will be able to succeed in the future,” Maedhros comforted him.

headcanon that in the early days of their captivity Elrond and Elros tried to kill maedhros and maglor multiple times (even if half-heartedly. They are still good kids) and like, expected to be either punished, killed or thrown out and instead they got constructive criticism back

[mikanotes]

— DON'T STRAY TOO FAR

banda x gn!reader - 1.2k words

genre: established relationship, suggestive

warnings: mentions of death, killing, manipulation, aib stuff, old kinda edited! some kissing leaning towards suggestive!!!

synopsis: Banda Sunato misses his lover. Why does he miss his lover?

author’s note: season 3 he's the main antag trust . i miss him a lot

Banda was intrigued when he noticed you began ignoring him. It didn’t take a genius to understand it had to do with the game you were both participating in, especially considering it was a Hearts one.

But his curiosity and amusement turned into annoyance after six hours. Turns out Banda Sunato is not half as patient as he himself believed.

You walk right past him at least fifteen times. He tries telling you what the symbol on your collar is during each of the six rounds. He debates on distracting himself with something, like following that suspicious guy around and gaining his trust a bit more, and he does.

He does for three rounds more before he feels angry because seeing you walk around so nonchalantly without doing so much as looking at him makes him lose track of his thoughts.

Especially when he sees someone else touch your neck as they look at the symbol on your collar. He’s certain that’s the last straw, for him.

So he lasts nine hours without your attention.

“Hey.” he says quietly, coming up right behind you. You jolt a little and turn to look at him. There’s a mere second where your expression looks somewhere between startled and content and he’s sure you’re finally done giving him the silent treatment. But that look barely lasts long enough for him to feel any actual hope. Soon enough, you’re back to this neutral, stone facade of yours as you turn your back to him and walk away.

Nope. Not this time.

He grabs your wrist and pulls your back against his chest, swiftly wrapping an arm around you the moment you’re close enough. You don’t fight him back. “You’re not being very nice.” he whispers, tilting his head just over your shoulder. You turn away, as if trying to ignore him still.

“… I really don’t wanna talk to you.”

“You’re the one who told me communication was important in relationships.” he chuckles softly, letting you go but grabbing your hand instead. You step away and give him a glare, to which he responds with an innocent smile. “Am I wrong?”

He knows he’s right.

“Let’s communicate when we’re actually sure we’ll both be alive,” you respond with an annoyed tilt to your voice, “I told you Hearts games are a no, with us two.”

Ah, yes. He thinks he might be falling in love all over again. You may be doing this out of the goodness of your heart, out of pure fear of losing him— But if you are, it’s probably fifteen percent of the reason why. The eighty-five remaining ones are just the fact that you would choose your own life over his any day. But you’re nice enough to not want to get to that point. Just lovely. “My heartless lover, attempting,” he hums, stepping closer again— Just close enough not to invade your space again. “Do you really think we can’t both win this? Come on.”

You look away, irritated. He rubs your hand with his thumb slowly, tracing words into your palm. Your name. A plea to stop acting like this before he loses his goddamn mind. He isn’t sure what it is about you ignoring him that makes him feel so far away from his usual ‘sanity’, but he really dislikes it. He’s fine without you. Perhaps the idea of not having your attention on him is simply… Not right. It should always be on him, it has always been on him.

“Sunato.” you sigh. First name, he thinks, getting somewhere. He takes that as his cue and steps closer again. He says your name the same way you said his and gives you this soft, innocent expression of his. You look at him and he can see it in your eyes you’re trying not to break.

He moves just a bit closer. “I miss you.” he whispers. He tries to hold your waist but you move away right before he can, which leaves him stunned for a second.

His expression drops. “…You know me.” he says flatly, though his tone is as quiet as usual. “You know I don’t care that you’d kill me to survive.”

You look at him with that stern expression of yours and his gaze drifts towards your lips briefly. You’re gonna say something smart and clearly pissed off and then leave him again. You’re definitely gonna do that.

No. No you’re not. At least not that last part.

He half-listens to you as you begin to tell him to stop being so annoying for at least a day so you can focus on the game all whilst checking both sides of the hallway you’re in. Then he tightens his hold on your hand and tugs you towards a secluded area with him. You almost look hopeful.

“I’m going to kiss you. Okay?”

He gives you a long second and all you do is half-heartedly glare at him, so he grabs your face and pulls it towards his own. Fuck, finally. The feeling of your lips against his makes him sigh softly, a small smile forming on his features as he pulls you closer. He doesn’t think he could’ve survived longer without this. He remembers very clearly when he got addicted to you and every single thing about you. It makes him ten times weaker than he was when alone, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

You pull away after a while and gasp for air, grabbing his shirt at the same time. He laughs silently, eyeing your face. “Did you really think you could ignore me for that long?” he says, slowly moving the two of you until your back hit the wall. He leans closer to your face again but gives you time to catch your breath. “Did you?”

“Again,” you pant, pulling him in. He grunts but accepts the kiss, deepens it, even, and presses you closer into the wall. It feels so good having you in his hands, against his lips, pressed up to him. He breathes you in like you’re the oxygen he needs before pulling away, but only long enough to angle his face the other way to kiss you better. You make a soft sound that only sends his mind spinning and blood rushing to all the right places. Whenever he moves, you follow— Your desperation makes him grin. He almost feels like he needs you, too. Almost.

“You needed me badly,” he whispers when he finally manages to detach the two of you, and feels the heat of your gaze all over him, “So don’t let go of me. I’m counting on you to be the one to need me, live with me, and be the death of me.”

“I don’t wanna be the death of you…Mn…”

Another kiss, for good measure, then he’s leaning his forehead against yours. There’s something warm about the feeling of being close to you. He ‘loves’ you. He’s obsessed, if he’s to use the right terms– A long-term kind of obsession, one that runs deep into his veins. It’s as close to love as he can get. He smiles at you and chuckles softly, before looking over your shoulder. “Heart.”

“Heart.”

“It is time to make your guess. Please enter a prison cell. One person per cell, please.”

Banda pulls away and looks at you. “If you kill me, I won’t be upset.”

“I’d be. You better not be lying.” you say, gripping tighter at his shirt, just over his heart, before shoving it away slightly. You start walking off and he stares at the heart symbol on your collar. “... See you.”

“See you.” he says, like a statement. He will see you.

[solspina]

We Should Stick Together (2)

sanguinius ⋆˙⟡

hello! remember this that i wrote like 3 months ago? flooding my inbox worked, and i gift you all the part 2 that you harassed me for (affectionate). i hope you enjoy, and please feel free to drop more writing ideas in my inbox if you have them!! i have work in 6 hours so i am very sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes :)

as the race to the imperial palace comes to an abrupt end, sanguinius confronts his greatest fear, and finally discovers whether this is a battle he wins or loses to his perfect phoenician brother.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: n/a

(part 1)

Sanguinius turned back, ensuring that Fulgrim had become a mere speck in the distance, even to the sharp and trained eyes of the avian mutant.

Five minutes… He had five minutes at most before the Phoenician stormed into the imperial palace and attempted to track down the woman he knew was his brother’s desired bride. Although much slower than the angel, Fulgrim was still a primarch, and therefore incomprehensibly faster on foot than the average human. The duo had only ventured about three miles away from the palace to begin with, and though Sanguinius could cover that distance in half the time his brother could, he still worried for the little time he had.

The angel landed rather clumsily, his feet failing to obtain a proper stance on the floor before his wings had folded in upon his back. He stumbled, unable to catch himself before his clothes and feathers were covered in the dusts of holy Terra just as his hands had been.

In flight, his appearance had become quite disheveled, and was now accompanied by the filth of the ground. His hair had become frizzy from the abuse upon it by the wind, and his loose feathers stood on his wings in a way that made them rather itchy. He would deal with that later. No time to lose right now.

His stagger to his feet was near immediate. One moment of hesitation meant one moment Fulgrim would inch closer to the imperial place.

Sanguinius was most concerned with finding her before the phonecian ever even got the opportunity, but the thought that he had not prepared a speech lingered in the back of his head like a quickly spreading disease. The great angel was and always had been an artist of impeccable detail, a poet of unimaginably beautiful words, a man who spoke to inspire the masses. And yet despite all of this, so was his brother, whom no doubt had much more time to prepare for the exact upcoming moment.

Pale white wings trembled ever so slightly at the thought, yet they caused the angel to more hastily sprint through every room that a baseline could possibly hide in. What if, even if he had been here first, Fulgrim’s speech was more captivating and practiced? What if she cared more about the display and grandeur than the intentions of her suitor? Did she know that Fulgrim had been married before? That he would have infinitely more experience when it was time to bed he-

Not the time to think about that.

Sanguinius turned another corner as he searched for the person he so desired, but again he found nothing. Thus began his endless chase of navigating this imperial labyrinth. He turned another, and another, and another, and another, until he finally found himself gazing into one of the imperial palace's many greenhouses.

There he saw his dearest beloved sitting elegantly by a pond filled with fish of many species. Greenery, a lovely assortment of flowers and, golden sunset light adorned her body in an impossibly perfect halo. The water that poured from the elaborate fountains complimented the melody in her voice like a song made only by nature's most beautiful things, meant to cleanse his very soul.

The scene would have been a dream if not made a nightmare by the pompous and flamboyant voice of Fulgrim, drowning out what should have been Sanguinius' idealized solace.

The Phoenician let out a pretentious laugh at something the baseline said, and the angel physically cringed at the way she placed her hands over her stomach to ease her own mirth. The sight should have been something glorious, enchanting to the eyes of the ninth. It had been so many times before, yet he only felt his blood begin to boil.

only I should make you laugh that way.

He did not know what emotion flooded his heart the most. Envy? Or perhaps sorrow? rage? resentment for his silver haired brother?

What he did know, however, was that he had lost.

Somewhere amongst an incredibly confusing concoction of emotions, the angel was beyond certain that a searing heartache was included in the most prevalent of them.

He may have been able to disguise his current visage as nervousness, were anyone of importance to ask why his mood had become morose. Social interaction with a passing custodian or serf had become the least of his worries. He did not care much, at this point, if someone saw him sulking in the doorway to the garden, grieving a baseline as if he had - for lack of a better comparison - lost his lover.

Not that a soul would come through to the conservatory anyway.

"Brother!" The palatine phoenix called. His voice was loud, deafening almost. High and mighty as ever, and calling upon all eyes that could see to face the angel in his horrent state of embarrassment. "Come! We have awaited your presence."

The smile of the third was hideously genuine. The stretch of his lips when his eyes met those of the human was so sweet it was sickening to Sanguinius - so much so that it sent a chill up his spine that caused his feathers to fluff and clatter against each other when he reacted to the sensation.

"We were just discussing you." The Phoenician beamed as the angel mournfully walked forward.

"Ah." Sanguinius replied. His cheerful personality had become lost somewhere deep in his chest, and what little of his voice he displayed had become somber and quiet. Quite truthfully, he was not in the mood for any type of social affair. He especially did not want to take part in the type of conversation that had likely already seen his would-be espouse become betrothed to his perfect, handsome, non-mutant brother.

"I was just about to ask this lovely baseline of ours a very important question~"

Oh?

About to?

Fulgrim hadn't asked yet?

The angel swore he saw the third wink at him before he started to begin speaking again. Something in those shiny violet eyes beckoned the angel as they stared deep into his ruby red gaze. An opportunity, he thought, a wordless promise. - "ask her now. last chance."

Before the phoenix could fall gracefully onto one knee, the golden primarch hastily plucked the red-diamond ring - a gem color choice Sanguinius found ironic - and fell to both knees. He firmly grabbed both of the human's small hands with his own and placed them gently to his forehead, unmistakably in a position of prayer.

"Please!" He cried. His voice rang almost in protest, if not for the tears forming in his eyes alongside the exasperation in his breath and the sobs in his voice. "Listen not to a word Fulgrim says! You should marry me! Me!" He paused, only to take one pathetic gasp of air and look up into her eyes.

"Brother..."

"You have not one idea how long I have waited, how hard I have worked to find the perfect gift! And now I am rushed! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Sanguinius!" The phoenician shouted. "I was going to ask her if she had eaten yet today. So you could have done this over dinner."

The angel paused; his crying ceased. "What...?" Two crimson eyes both widened, and then dulled in embarrassment as he looked back up at the baseline. She looked at him in complete and utter stupor.

"W-wait. I can explain." He stuttered out.

She sighed in response, but followed the fading of her shock with a grin and gentle laugh.

Sanguinius did not know how he felt, regardless of her pleasant reaction. She gently removed her hands from his, taking her hand and wiping away tears from his pathetic, wet face. "Ask me again over dinner."

Her smile did not fade. Not even for a moment.

The ninth shared a sigh of his own, before giving a nod and a kind smile of his own in approval. He hoped he hadn't looked as bad as he thought, despite his disheveled hair, wings browned from terran dust, and now burning red cheeks.

"I will clean myself up, and do this properly." He promised. He bowed slightly to her, taking her hand and giving the back of it a soft and proper kiss. "Wear your nicest clothing. I will treat you to whatever you wish, as an apology."

"To tonight, then." She gracefully returned his bow. Her face was covered in a gentle blush of its own, her eyes just as upturned and full of joy as they had been earlier. Perhaps now even more so.

The angel turned to search for Fulgrim, hoping to give him a gaze that asked whether or not this was a good thing.

When his eyes finally found his brother, though, he was already making his way out of the greenhouse. Shaking his head and indulging in some giggles of his own.

Solspina's Scribellum✎ (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

@astrohymn @moodymisty @undeaddream

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@jackalwolfsoul @beckyninja @verylazykiwi

(please comment to be added/removed from my taglist !!)

[gvshing]

Bloodied and Hurt Again.

Vi comes home after another fight and you find yourself bandaging her up like every time before. (C.W. mentions of blood and fighting) masterlist

Vi coming home with blood wasn’t out of the norm. It was a semi-constant occurrence. Nonetheless, it still freaked you out when the door swung open and Vi trudged in, bloodied and feet dragging. Worry was the first emotion that swirled through you every single time. What if this was the last time she came home with blood caked on her? The last time she came home ever? While you scramble around looking for all the first aid supplies you threw around last time, in the same panic you find yourself in now, she finds herself lumbering over to the couch and falling back on it. She presses her hand to the shoulder where the blood is spilling out in a heavy stream of crimson. Wincing every time it gets the slightest bump. She closes her eyes but you’re yelling at her almost instantly to keep them open, afraid of the unthinkable. Eyes shooting open she groans and rolls her eyes, landing on you as you scoop up the rest of the gauze you had found. Her line of sight fixed on you, watching you scamper over and tossing the miscellaneous supplies onto the table in front of you. “Vi, I’ve told you to be careful. I hate seeing you come home like this.” you scold her, knees hitting the ground as you set up the hoard of first aid in a hurry. “What if I can’t fix you one day?” You mumble under your breath, tears springing to your eyes. Quickly, wiping them away aggressively with your shoulders so as to not contaminate your sterile hands, you take a deep breath. “It’s okay, I’m okay.” She gives a pained half-ass chuckle. “I’ll always spring back. I’m strong.” You sigh deeply at her confident remark. “But what if, Vi? What if one day the cut is too deep? If the wounds are deadly? What will I do? Huh? I can’t lose you.” Moving closer to Vi now to inspect her wounds, you see a gash in her shoulder covered in the thick red liquid. Maybe from a rough fall, or a gunshot? Maybe a knife. You’re never sure anymore.

You sigh and move to grab the antiseptic cleaning fluid. Vi grabs your shoulder, with her good arm, pulling you back to look at her. “You won’t. I promise.” You both gaze at the other in a silent battle of worry. You nod at her solemnly. “Okay. I trust you. I just am so worried about you all the time. We’re supposed to grow old together and die in each others arms while bad reality shows play on the TV. To do that you need to stay alive that long.” She laughs and nods her head. “Understood, Hun.” A small smile spreads over your face, not quite reaching your eyes. Worry and panic are still flooding your nervous system. She lets go of you, finally able to grab the antiseptic you pour a generous amount over the wound. Blood cascading away revealing the gash is not as big as the blood made it seem. You sigh in relief. “You get away with it this time. It’s not bad, you won’t need stitches I think.” She smiles at you and elbows you, wincing immediately at the movement that shoots up to her shoulder. “Good news then, yeah?” You shake your head, a small smile still present on your face. “How did this even happen?” She looks away from you and mumbles something under her breath. “What was that?” Immediately you know it’s a fight she started. “Ya know, you look so pretty today. Your hair looks different, did you cut it?” You give her a look of annoyance. “Vi.” She groans loudly. Pouting at its finest, truly. “Somebody was being a dick at the bar! It’s not my fault, the guy was practically begging for a fight. It’s not my fault he’s a bitch who brings a knife to a fist fight.” You stare at her, not even surprised. “Vi, you kill me. You know that?” She grins up at you. “Did you win?” You ask, continuing to clean and bandage her, supposed, knife cut. “PSH. You know I did. I win all my fights.” You halt your gauze wrapping. “We both know that’s not true. That girl with the bob fucked you UP.” exaggerating the ‘up’ in your sentence, she squints at you. “Okay, she was fucking superhuman. That doesn’t count! If I was made of drugs I could’ve beat her ass. It was an unfair fight!” Defending herself she huffs in annoyance, most likely replaying the memory in her head; imagining all the things she should’ve done to make that fight go more in her favor. You laugh at her defensive-ness.

Patting her head, you stand up from your place next to her. “Alright, you’re good. Don’t get in any fights until this heals. I’d say don’t get in any period but I know I can’t stop you.” She cackles and nods fast. “Hey, if you think about it, I’m just fighting for your honor. That way anytime someone thinks about starting a fight with you they’ll instantly back off once they remember who your girlfriend is.” You roll your eyes and walk to the kitchen to throw away the trash. Vi comes up behind you and wraps her arms around you, holding you in place, swaying back and forth. Her head rests on your shoulder and she sighs into your neck. “Thank you. I don’t know how I’d be alive without you.” You sigh and grab onto her arms that encircle you. “You wouldn’t be.” Fingers trace circles into Vi’s skin. She presses a kiss onto your cheek and backs up. You turn and smile at her. “I’m glad you’re okay.” You say, dropping your frustrated tone. Her lips quirk up into a half smile and she nods, looking down at her feet for a second before meeting your eyes. “Me too.” You step towards her and hug her tight before pulling away and walking towards the living room once more. Vi watches you walk away from her, adoration adorning her features. You call from over your shoulder, “Well? Are you coming? Shitty reality shows won’t watch themselves.” She leaps after you and bounds towards the couch, swiping the remote before you can even reach the spot next to her. “Snooze ya lose!” She laughs loudly and switches the TV on. You find your place next to her, giggling at her boisterous energy. Impressed with her ability to have such energy, all things considered. You curl into her and sigh with content, happy she’s home safe and all fixed up. Until the next time at least. But, just like every time before and every time after, you’ll be there waiting for her. Waiting to make her feel better and bandage her up. As frustrating as it is for you to constantly have that worrying feeling of ‘when’s the next time? And how bad will it be?’, you’re glad you’re here to help. Glad it gets to be you. 

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

thank you for reading! I haven't written to Vi quite yet so I do hope it's not awful :')

[lorata]

I feel like the hitler youth vs regular gymnastics thing exactly encapsulates the point of your D2 series. People want to think that only an organisation that’s considered the embodiment of brainwashing and evil could produce child killers whereas it’s far more harrowing to accept that actually the educational tools we already use could be warped and used to turn children into child soldiers without anyone feeling they’re doing anything wrong. The point of the HG and particularly of the careers is how normal people can be warped / how the capital can be fine with the hunger games and careers can be trained to win and everyone forgets who the enemy is and it’s that idea that’s carried in the centre being modelled on institutions that we currently have accept and wouldn’t even consider fundamentally evil sorry for the long ramble but just love the series

🙌🏻

i want to print this out and tape it to my mirror. i want to pin it to the top of this blog. you and i are prancing through the daisy fields our minds are in sync this is exactly my point

i am an educator and i think that's why it's very easy for me to write this angle, not just in the terms of like ...... taking how i do things from a Not Evil POV irl and twisting it to make it Dystopian, but also constantly thinking critically and reflecting and quite often calling out the system that we are actually in right now. like yes lol sometimes when i'm dealing with a kiddo i have the tiny Career Trainer voice in my head like, and this is what i'd do if i wanted to make them a child murderer and i do the opposite of that, and that's kind of funny, but also even in normal every day life i have to be very aware of power dynamics and racism and propaganda and all the harmful stuff that is constantly perpetuated by the system AND CATCH MYSELF AS WELL like this is ongoing work!

a tangential point to this is how many people point to high fashion / couture as being emblematic of the capitol but forget the other very clear parallel which is professional sports -- the panopticon, the sense of ownership over athletes' bodies/lives, the constant escalation of expectations / entertainment to the point where athletes need to do drugs and/or injure themselves in order to consistently innovate and excite audiences, traumatic brain injuries and death, racism, TBI and its links to erratic behaviour / assault / etc

i could write a LOT more about propaganda in education but i'm going to restrain myself, so suffice to say that you're right. the whole point of the hunger games is that it's about us, it's always been about us, we're the victims in the story AND we're the perpetrators and we're meant to examine ourselves and our choices and see how we are complicit and how we can be better

sometimes my careers worldbuilding is about the armed forces recruitment vans that would park behind our school and we had to walk through listening to the spiel every year

sometimes it's about how i did TKD and one time an 8yo boy broke his arm in a bad block and everyone praised him for not crying and when his dad came he said "i'm gonna go to the adult class and then i'll take you to the hospital, okay buddy?"

and sometimes it's a bunch of other things in the general miasma of growing up in a conservative rural town during the gulf war and 9/11

but yeah. it's not about hitler. it doesn't need to be

[runtyghost]

Not sure if this like a real fight happening or if people are just sayin there’s a fight going on.. but here are my thoughts on stucky & sambucky:

first of all, disliking a ship or preferring a different pairing is never a good reason to bash people for having different interests. have some respect for other people. only-stucky shippers shouldn’t be bashing only-sambucky shippers and vice versa, and no one needs to be criticizing multi-shippers for having preferences for one or the other.

for me, i was always a stucky shipper, both for canon and in the fandom and i think it will always be my “preferred” pairing (more explanation later). THAT SAID, after marvel released endgame and then falcon and the winter soldier, i absolutely fell in love with the side of sam and bucky we saw when they were together and i really jumped on board sambucky.

so now i consume lots of sambucky content and i counted “i love you buddy” as a major win. generally, the two ships don’t have much conflict for my heart, however my biggest difficulty comes in fanfic reading (and i struggle with this in other fandoms too). when i’m reading a sambucky fic that takes place pre-endgame i get really bothered by steve’s platonic presence because i just can’t see stucky as platonic. then the whole fic is tainted by steve in the background because to me, bucky loves steve and steve loves bucky and if anything can happen in fanfic, why are they not together?

i guess a simpler explanation is that there are distinctly seperate stucky and sambucky eras in my mind. up to endgame, i believe wholeheartedly bucky is meant to be with steve. but after steve’s decision to go back, bucky’s relationship with sam is just too precious. i love them both so much but one is in the past and one is right now. i don’t need to stop consuming stucky fanworks nor do am i obligated to ship sambucky. i’m not a fraud or traitor. i’m just a person who wants these goofy superhero boys to be happy and in love. maybe not always in the same ways as everyone else but that’s the beauty of fandom! we respect each other’s differences.

[aspenmissing]

Hi there~ First off, just wanna say I absolutely love your writing — I have notifications set up so I can read everything you post! ❤️

Second, I’d love to submit a request for something a little specific. Please feel free to ignore it if you aren’t feeling it! Apologies for the incoming ramble as well. Just wanted to give a little context. 😅

I am, unfortunately, highly genetically predisposed to cancer — most of my family members have developed some type of it. My luck of the draw has been skin cancer, which is luckily something that’s highly treatable and mostly preventable. The good thing is that I’m a goth introvert who doesn’t mind avoiding the sun, so I haven’t gotten a positive diagnosis yet! (Little wins, lol.)

That being said, I’ve had to have several abnormal moles fully removed as preventative care. And while I’m grateful that doing so catches the issue before it fully develops and spreads, each surgery requires several stitches and leaves some fairly big and ugly scars. Most have been on my back, out of my sight. But this last removal was on my chest, and seeing it has definitely been a blow to my self confidence and body image. There’s a high likelihood that the next one will be on my face, too.

I was hoping I could maybe read something about Arcane characters reassuring a self-conscious reader over their medical scars? Something along the lines of telling them they’re still beautiful and loved? I would enjoy reading any characters you feel open to writing, but my favorites are Jayce, Viktor, and Silco.

If anything, thanks for reading my long message! You’re amazing at what you do. ❤️

ᴍᴀʀᴋꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ

ᴊᴀʏᴄᴇ | ᴠɪᴋᴛᴏʀ | ᴊᴀʏᴠɪᴋ | ᴠᴀɴᴅᴇʀ | ꜱɪʟᴄᴏ | ᴍᴇʟ || ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ/ꜱᴘɪᴄᴇ || 4135 ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ || ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ꜱᴇʟꜰ-ᴄᴏɴꜱᴄɪᴏᴜꜱ, ᴅᴇꜱᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴄᴀʀꜱ, ꜱᴘɪᴄᴇ (ꜱɪʟᴄᴏ'ꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ)

ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀ: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴍʏ ᴅᴇᴀʀ, ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴋᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ᴡᴇʟʟ! ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ, ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ! ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴀᴍʙʟɪɴɢ (ᴀꜱ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ʀᴀᴍʙʟᴇꜱ). ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ, ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ꜱᴄᴀʀ ᴏɴ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ɪꜱ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ꜱᴀʏꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ, ᴀʀᴇ ᴀꜱꜱʜᴏʟᴇꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴅᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ <3 <3

ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ | ᴊᴀʏᴄᴇ | ᴠɪᴋᴛᴏʀ | ᴠᴀɴᴅᴇʀ | ꜱɪʟᴄᴏ | ᴍᴇʟ

JAYCE

The candlelight flickered softly in the dimly lit bedroom, casting golden hues over the walls as the sound of rain pattered gently against the windowpane. You sat on the edge of the bed, your fingers absentmindedly tracing over the scars that lined your arms—silent reminders of surgeries, of painful recoveries, of the battle your body had waged against illness. The faint, raised lines told a story of resilience, but in moments like these, they only reminded you of what had been taken.

You hated how your mind spiraled in these moments, how the weight of insecurity wrapped around your chest like a vice. You had tried to push past it, to pretend that you didn't care. But some days were harder than others.

Jayce noticed, of course he did. He always did.

"Y/N?" His voice was gentle, laced with concern as he approached, kneeling in front of you. His large hands found yours, warm and grounding. "Talk to me."

You hesitated, chewing on the inside of your cheek. "It’s nothing," you murmured, eyes fixated on the floor.

Jayce wasn’t having it. He carefully loosened your fingers from their grip around your wrist, his gaze following the scars you tried to hide. He traced them lightly, his touch reverent rather than hesitant. There was no pity in his expression—only warmth, only love.

"You don’t have to pretend with me," he said softly. "I see you, Y/N. Every part of you. And I love you."

Your throat tightened at his words, emotions welling up before you could stop them. "They make me feel…less," you admitted in a whisper. "Like I’ll never be beautiful again. Like my body is ruined."

Jayce exhaled softly, shaking his head as his hands came to cup your cheeks, thumbs brushing gently against your skin. "No, Y/N. You're not ‘less’ because of them. They don’t take anything away from you. If anything, they show how strong you are. How much you've been through. They’re a part of you, but they don’t define you. And they sure as hell don’t make you any less beautiful."

Your breath hitched as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss against each mark with slow, deliberate care. His lips whispered love into every line, every faded wound, as if willing away your pain with every gentle touch.

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion. "I see someone who has fought battles I can only imagine. Someone who faced fear, pain, and uncertainty and still found the strength to keep going. That’s beauty, Y/N. That’s the kind of beauty that never fades."

Your chest ached at his words, the tightness loosening as warmth flooded in its place. "But what if I never feel that way about myself?" you asked, voice small.

Jayce smiled softly, resting his forehead against yours. "Then I'll remind you. Every single day, for as long as it takes."

A shaky breath escaped you, the weight in your chest easing as you let yourself lean into his touch. Jayce had always had a way of making you feel safe, seen—loved.

"You really mean that?" your voice wavered, and he chuckled softly, his grip on you tightening just slightly as if anchoring you to the truth in his words.

"With everything I have."

You closed your eyes, letting his warmth surround you, letting yourself believe him. Because with Jayce, love was never anything less than whole.

VIKTOR

The sun hung high over Piltover, casting shimmering waves of heat along the stone streets. The city bustled with life, citizens fanning themselves with delicate lace and folded paper as they sought respite from the sweltering day. Even in the Academy, where thick walls and towering shelves provided some relief, the air remained heavy.

Viktor leaned against his cane as he wiped the sweat from his brow, sighing before looking over at you. His sharp eyes lingered on the long sleeves covering your arms, fabric clinging uncomfortably to your skin despite the oppressive warmth.

"You must be boiling in that," he remarked, voice light but laced with concern.

You forced a small smile, gripping your sleeve as if to hold it in place. "I'm fine. Just… comfortable like this."

Viktor frowned, his sharp mind already piecing things together. He had noticed it before—how you flinched when someone brushed against your arm, how you tugged at your sleeves when passing reflective surfaces. He knew all too well the silent battles fought in the mirror, the way old wounds whispered insecurities long after they had healed.

His gaze softened as he exhaled, shifting his weight to lean closer. His cane tapped against the floor with each slow step before he settled beside you. His fingers, calloused from hours of invention, brushed against your wrist—a silent request rather than a demand.

"May I?"

You hesitated. Even with him—even with Viktor, who bore his own scars, who knew pain as intimately as you did—the thought of revealing them made your stomach twist. But his touch was patient, steady, warm. Slowly, you let go of your sleeve.

The fabric slid down, exposing the scars beneath. Jagged, uneven lines stretched across your skin—some faded to a soft silver, others still pink, as if whispering the pain they once held. These were not simple scrapes or childhood accidents. No, they were the remnants of something deeper. Something medical.

Viktor's gaze traced over them, not in horror or pity, but in reverence.

"How did this happen?" His voice was quiet, careful, as though he feared pushing too hard.

You swallowed, the memory thick on your tongue. "I was sick. When I was younger. There were… surgeries. Treatments. Some of them worked, some of them didn’t. These—" You glanced down at your arms, tracing one of the scars yourself. "These are what’s left of it."

Viktor was silent for a moment, his golden eyes studying every inch of the marks you had spent years hiding. Then, without hesitation, he reached for your hand, threading his fingers with yours.

"You are not hiding something ugly," he murmured, voice thick with emotion. "These marks, they tell stories of what you have endured. They are part of you. And I love every part of you."

Your throat tightened. "But—"

"No," he interrupted gently, his eyes meeting yours with unwavering certainty. "I know what it is to feel like your body betrays you. To think others might see weakness where you feel strength. But you are not weak. You are…" His fingers curled over yours, holding you steady. "You are breathtaking."

You blinked, feeling the sting of unshed tears. "You really think that?"

Viktor exhaled a soft chuckle, his thumb running absentmindedly over your knuckles. "Of course I do. Do you think I would love you any less because of these?" He motioned toward your arm. "I have scars too, you know."

You looked at him then, really looked. At the way he carried himself, the way he leaned on his cane, the way his own body bore the marks of battles fought—not with swords, but with time and toil. You had always admired him for his mind, his relentless drive, but in this moment, you saw him as something more. Someone who understood.

"You don't have to cover yourself for my sake," he continued, squeezing your hand. "Not ever."

A warm breeze drifted through the open window, shifting the light against the room's walls. You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling a warmth in your chest that had nothing to do with the summer heat. Maybe, just maybe, you could start believing him.

And as Viktor leaned in, pressing a feather-light kiss to one of your scars, you felt, for the first time in a long while, something like peace.

JAYVIK

The dim light from the bedside lamp cast a soft glow over the room as you stood in front of the mirror, clad only in your underwear. Your fingers traced over the scars, following the paths left behind by each removed mole. Your back, your arms, your stomach—all bore evidence of battles fought before they could begin. Rationally, you knew they were victories, but each one felt like a reminder of something stolen from you. The thought of more, especially on your face, sent a shiver down your spine, an uneasy weight settling in your chest.

You let out a slow breath, willing yourself to see past the imperfections your mind magnified, but it was difficult. The scars were a testament to resilience, to survival, and yet, all you could feel was loss. The soft hum of the night filled the space around you, the quiet almost suffocating as you stood there, trapped in your own thoughts.

The quiet click of the door and the familiar creak of the floorboards pulled you from your thoughts. Viktor entered first, his gaze immediately finding yours in the reflection. He approached with careful steps, resting his cane against the dresser before standing behind you. Jayce followed moments later, his larger frame warm and solid as he moved to your side, his presence an immediate comfort.

Neither of them spoke at first. Instead, Viktor’s fingers brushed against yours, coaxing them away from your scars. His golden eyes, always sharp and filled with thought, softened as they roamed over you. Jayce’s hands found your shoulders, rubbing gentle circles before one slid down to rest over your heart, feeling the steady rhythm beneath his palm.

“You’re doing it again,” Viktor murmured, his voice thick with warmth. “Worrying about things that do not lessen you in the slightest.” His breath was gentle against your neck, the weight of his words sinking into your skin.

Jayce hummed in agreement, his lips pressing to your temple. “He’s right, you know. You’re still the same incredible woman we love.” His voice carried certainty, a deep warmth that settled into your bones.

Your throat tightened. “I just… I don’t feel like myself,” you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “Every time I look at them, all I see is—”

Viktor silenced you with a kiss to your shoulder, his lips gentle against the scarred skin, his hands coming to rest on your arms, grounding you. “Strength,” he interrupted, firm but kind. “Proof that you are fighting, that you are winning.” His hands ran down your arms in slow, reverent strokes, a silent reminder that every mark was something he cherished.

Jayce followed his lead, dipping his head to press a kiss over a mark on your collarbone, lingering there as if to soak in every part of you. “Do you think so little of us that we would see anything less?” His voice was almost teasing, but the seriousness in his gaze as he pulled back told you just how much he meant it.

Your breath hitched as their hands and lips continued to trace the places you had been so self-conscious about. Viktor kissed the curve of your spine, the scars dotting your back like constellations only they could read, a map of survival painted across your skin.

Jayce knelt, pressing reverent kisses along your thigh, your knee, your calf, his hands stroking up and down your legs in slow, soothing patterns. Their touch wasn’t just reassurance—it was worship, devotion, an unspoken promise that they would always love you, no matter what.

Viktor’s voice was a whisper against your skin, a warmth that seeped into you. “Your scars are not imperfections, můj drahý. They are simply another part of you—one we cherish as much as the rest.” (My Dear)

Jayce stood again, his strong arms wrapping around you, pulling you against his chest as Viktor followed suit until you were enveloped in them, in their warmth, their certainty, their unwavering love. You felt the steady beat of their hearts against you, solid and real.

“We love you,” Jayce murmured into your hair, his lips brushing against your forehead. “All of you.”

And, for the first time since seeing your reflection, you believed them.

And maybe, just maybe, you could begin to love yourself the way they did.

VANDER

The warm, amber glow of the Last Drop cast soft shadows across the wooden walls, the scent of ale and faint smoke lingering in the air. It was a slow evening, and Vander relished the rare moment of quiet. He leaned against the counter, polishing a glass absently, his sharp blue eyes flicking over to where you sat by the fireplace, lost in thought.

Your fingers ghosted over the scar tracing down your cheek, a mark left behind from one of your many mole removals—an act of precaution, but still a reminder of battles fought against your own body. You weren’t new to scars. The ones beneath your clothes, hidden from view, told their own stories. But this one, out in the open for all to see, felt different. It made you different.

Your thoughts were pulled away when a small voice piped up.

“Why does your face have that line?” Powder, ever curious, tilted her head, her large, expressive eyes locked onto you. She had no malice in her question, only genuine wonder. Still, your stomach tightened as you lowered your hand from your face.

“Powder,” Vander warned gently, setting the glass down, but you shook your head. You knew the child meant no harm.

“It’s... a scar,” you answered softly, forcing a small smile. “Something that had to be done to keep me safe.”

“Oh.” Powder considered this for a moment, then her little face scrunched up in thought. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore.”

Vi, sitting cross-legged on the floor beside her sister, eyed you with a look far too knowing for someone her age. “Does it bother you?”

You hesitated, caught between wanting to reassure the girls and the raw honesty of your own insecurities. “Sometimes,” you admitted, looking away. “People stare.”

A warm, heavy hand settled over yours, grounding you. You hadn’t even noticed Vander moving, but there he was, standing beside you with that steady, reassuring presence that always made you feel safe.

“Let ‘em stare,” he rumbled, his voice firm but gentle. “What do they know? You’ve got more strength in you than they could dream of.”

Your throat tightened at his words, but you let him continue.

He knelt slightly to catch your gaze, his hand lifting to brush his knuckles tenderly along the length of your scar. “You think this changes how I see you? How much I love you?” His voice dropped to something meant only for you. “Nothing could.”

Your eyes stung with unshed tears. He always had a way of saying exactly what you needed to hear, as if he could read your heart without you speaking a word.

Powder grinned suddenly, hopping up onto the chair beside you. “I think it makes you look cool! Like you fought a beast and won.”

Vi nodded in agreement. “Yeah, like a warrior.”

A laugh bubbled out of you before you could stop it, the tightness in your chest easing. You glanced up at Vander, who was already watching you with a soft smile, his thumb now idly tracing circles on the back of your hand.

“See?” he murmured. “Even the kids know what I do.”

You sighed, leaning slightly into his warmth. Maybe he was right. Maybe, just maybe, there was nothing about you that needed to be hidden.

Vander pressed a lingering kiss to your temple before pulling you into his arms, wrapping you in an embrace that made the world outside seem small and insignificant. His arms around you were solid, unyielding, a fortress you could always retreat into. You let yourself relax against him, breathing in the familiar scent of leather, smoke, and the faintest hint of ale.

“I don’t get why people would stare,” Powder mused, tilting her head again. “It’s just a part of you. Like how I’ve got freckles.”

Vi smirked. “Or how Vander’s got that big ol’ beard.”

Vander let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head. “That so? My beard’s just a part of me, huh?”

The girls giggled, and you couldn’t help but join in, the sound light and unburdened. The fire crackled, casting a comforting warmth over the room, and for the first time in a long while, you felt at ease.

Vander squeezed your hand again, a silent promise that no matter what, you would always have a place here. With him. With them.

Because in their eyes—in Vander’s eyes—you were already enough.

SILCO

The dim lantern light flickered against the water-stained walls of his office. The scent of cigar smoke and whiskey clung to the air, mingling with the sharper tang of chemicals from the Shimmer vials stacked along the desk. Silco sat in his leather chair, fingers steepled beneath his chin, mismatched eyes tracing over you as you stood near the edge of the room—hesitant, withdrawn, guarded.

He noticed, of course. Silco always noticed.

His sharp gaze flickered to the pile of your discarded clothing, then back to you, wrapped in one of his silk sheets, clinging to the fabric like armor. You should have been glowing in the dim light, reveling in the aftermath of passion, but instead… there was a weight in your eyes. A flicker of something you tried to hide.

"You’re thinking too much." His voice was smooth, laced with authority.

You swallowed, gripping the sheet tighter, the fabric bunched between your fingers. Don’t do this. Don’t ruin the moment. But still, you couldn't shake the creeping insecurity wrapping around your mind.

His gaze narrowed. "Come here."

You hesitated. Silco was not a man you disobeyed, but…

"Now, darling" he coaxed, his voice lower, dangerous—yet still patient.

Your breath hitched as you stepped forward, the sheet slipping lower with each movement, baring more of your skin—and the scars that littered it. Marks of past removals, of flesh cut away in the name of preservation. You’d long since stopped counting them, but they were there, a roadmap of battles fought against something lurking beneath your skin.

You watched as Silco’s expression darkened—not with disgust, but with something deeper. Something possessive.

The scarred side of his face twitched as he exhaled, long fingers reaching for your wrist, tugging you forward until you stood between his legs, so close you could smell the whiskey on his breath.

"Let me see," he murmured, gaze dragging over every inch of exposed skin, over every line, every imperfection. Devouring. Reverent.

You flinched, moving to pull away, but his grip tightened—not painful, just firm.

"Don’t hide from me," he commanded, his voice almost a whisper. "I want to see all of you."

Your lips parted, your breath uneven. "They’re—"

"Beautiful," Silco interrupted, his other hand moving to trace the scar that ran across your collarbone, fingertips feather-light. "Like maps carved into flesh. Like proof that you still stand despite what tried to consume you."

Your throat tightened, emotion welling up. "You don’t have to say that."

Silco scoffed, lips twitching in amusement. "You think me a liar, darling?"

His hand slid lower, ghosting over your ribs, then your waist, fingers tracing each mark with the kind of reverence usually reserved for worship.

"You speak as if I don’t understand," he murmured, tilting his head, his own scar catching the lantern light. "As if I don’t know what it is to be reshaped by pain."

Your breath hitched when he leaned forward, lips brushing against the line of a particularly deep scar along your stomach. Heat pooled low in your belly, your skin prickling under his attention.

"Yet here you are," he continued, voice dropping, turning molten. "Still mine. Still exquisite."

A shiver rolled through you, his touch no longer gentle but possessive, demanding. Fingers sliding over bare skin, tracing the dips of your hips, the curve of your thighs.

"You think this makes you less desirable?" he rasped, eyes flicking up, dark and hungry. "Then let me remind you—properly."

His fingers hooked into the silk, pulling it away, leaving you bare before him. You gasped, but before you could protest, his lips pressed to your scars, his tongue following, slow and deliberate.

Silco had never seen flaws. Only devotion to be carved into flesh.

And he would spend all night proving it.

MEL

Golden candlelight flickered across the opulent room, painting warmth across silk sheets and marble floors. Mel lay beside you, her golden skin glowing beneath the soft light, her dark eyes tracing over you with a gaze so intense it felt like a caress. You couldn’t meet it.

You had turned away, arms curled around yourself, fingers ghosting over the ridges of scars that marred your skin. Old reminders—each one a moment of caution, of necessity. But reminders, too, that you were not like her.

Mel Medarda was exquisite. A painting given breath, carved from gold and power. There was not a single imperfection on her. And you—

"You are quiet tonight," she murmured, reaching out. Her fingertips brushed your shoulder, featherlight, before trailing down your back. Her touch followed the path of your scars, tracing them with the kind of reverence you couldn't understand.

You shivered but said nothing.

"You think I do not see you, don’t you?" Mel's voice was soft, carrying the weight of understanding.

You swallowed hard, shaking your head. "It’s not that. It’s just..." You exhaled. "When I look at you, I see someone so perfect, so untouchable. And then I look at myself, and all I see are—" You hesitated, unable to say the word aloud.

Mel didn’t let you. Instead, she shifted, pressing closer until her warmth enveloped you. "Strength," she whispered against your shoulder. "I see strength. I see resilience. I see a body that has carried you through more than anyone should ever have to endure. And that is beautiful."

Your breath hitched as she tilted your chin up, finally making you meet her gaze. Her expression was tender, but there was steel in her eyes—fierce and unwavering.

"Do you know what true beauty is, my love?" She traced the curve of your jaw, her thumb brushing over your cheek with aching gentleness. "It is not flawlessness. It is not perfection. It is the way someone endures and still dares to love, to be loved. And you, my darling, are beautiful beyond measure."

You felt your throat tighten, something inside you cracking open at her words.

Mel smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead, her lips lingering as if she could pour all her devotion into you. "You do not need to compare yourself to me, because I have already decided—there is no one else in this world who could be more perfect for me than you."

A shaky breath left your lips, and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself believe her.

Mel moved then, slipping from the bed with the grace of royalty. You watched as she walked towards her ornate vanity, reaching for something small and delicate. When she returned, her hands held a tiny jar of gold pigment, its surface shimmering beneath the candlelight.

"What is that?" you asked, puzzled as she settled beside you again.

"A tradition," she murmured, dipping two fingers into the rich, golden paint. "In my home, we do not discard things that are broken. We mend them with gold. We honour the cracks, because they tell a story of resilience."

Slowly, carefully, she touched your skin. The cool paint met the warmth of your scars, her fingers tracing each one with deliberate reverence. She painted along the ridges, following the paths they carved across your body like rivers of history.

She worked in silence, her expression focused, yet soft with affection. The gold shimmered as it dried, a gilded map of the battles you had fought and survived.

When she was done, she leaned back, admiring her work with a quiet satisfaction. "Now," she whispered, cupping your cheek, "you are even more radiant than before."

You looked down at yourself, at the way the gold caught the light, transforming each scar into something beautiful, something cherished. The weight of self-consciousness did not vanish entirely—but it shifted, just enough.

"You always do this," you murmured, your voice thick with emotion.

Mel arched an elegant brow. "Do what?"

"Turn the things I hate into something precious."

Her lips curved in a slow, knowing smile. "That’s because they already are."

You exhaled a soft laugh, letting your forehead rest against hers. And when Mel kissed you next, slow and deep, you let yourself be loved. Scars and all.

And this time, you let yourself believe you were worthy of it.

[silvyysthings]

Silvy, I told you he was there. The reason he removed the tag was not because he was not there but because he didn’t want that PR to be leaked out before the SAG to minimise the impact that would have on his winning or influence his winning. Once he wins he can do whatever he wants with no consequences - he can engage in PR and do slightly questionable choices because he has won already. Classic case of having his cake and eating it. Do please the macho Hollywood and bros crowd by the fake PR and doing bro (completely straight male) things like sport judging, poker and ‘’gf’’ like KJ but also having awards for his work. Absolutely, following the formula of Leo DiCaprio - a bad boy fake persona with impressive work portfolio. It’s actually very sad to see cause he is much more talented than Leo(I actually dislike Leo and I don’t think he is that good of an actor people hyped him to be/ when I watch his films I always see Leo and not his character). He could have something unique and his unique way. And no not necessarily the indie way of before times, not saying go back to cmbyn days, people grow and change. But his own innovative and independent approach - for someone who drums on about wanting to sand out he is making a very poor job at that. It’s basically an almost copy and paste job of Leo’s approach at this time.

I am glad he stopped mentioning Leo’s name in his praises. That he mentioned Daniel Day Lewis and Marlon Brando instead and for a first time. But you know what Tim Daniel Day Lewis is one of the most anti Hollywood people - he literally made like a total of 9 films. All of them were bold and unusual choices and none of them were Oscar baits - quality over quantity and over money. He also retired before he became a parody and while he was on the top. Daniel refused to become mediocre and most definitely didn’t participate in the Hollywood game - he did his own thing and earn the respect via his work rather than via game or PR. This is such a disconnect with Tim’s approach. He can be Daniel Day Lewis , he can actually be even better than him and I know he can but he instead chooses this path. His choice of course but strange thing to say you want to be like him when you behave the oppose of him.

thank you anon