#if this aint me then i dont know anymore
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FELIX | 5TH FANMEETING ── ⋆˙⟡ 𝗦𝗞𝗭 𝟱'𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗞 ✧˖° TEASER IMAGE
#felix#stray kids#lee felix#skz#bystay#skzco#hyunlixsource#dancerachasource#staydaily#kpop#userhollyjo#forparker#stayjuni#mine*#edits*#felix*#OH MY GUFASDIUHSADOSIADH#BRO IS NEVER BEATING THE ROSE SIBLING AGENDA#LOOK AT HIMMMMMM#LIKE OK PRINCESS#he has butterflies on his face!!!!!!!!#this hill aint enough for me anymore i need a mountain to throw myself off#also i dont know why but i found it funny that they used the stars and sparkles on their official#like you guys also went to galaxy emojis & text copy and paste no way twins
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Can you guys watch them i need to frolick in traffic
#wip#snap chats#ughhhhhHHHHH THIS IS WHAT I MEAN#if i dont do something in one sitting i wont wanna do it anymore uxu#this is just supposed to be a silly comic i keep thinkin bout#and on account of Me Keeping Thinking Of It i obvi wanna finish it one day#but im so lazy ……. ima just look at the sketches ….#maybe its cause i have class in less than an hour so i dont wanna work on it… mabes…#we’ll see how i feel later !!!!#for now. my children <- its wanda and pietro <- in case its hard to tell#it lunar new year can i get it together ……… it my year …..#i wanted to doodle iron fist’s lny skin but im lazy ….. so so lazy i am sorry….#w/e this aint bout him … ima hang out til class my head hurt a lil#its dangerous when i post a wip cause it might mean i wont finish it#who knows maybe posting this’ll pressure me to commit later !!!!#im trying to commit to that whole ‘not everything needs to be done in a day’ thing <- sketched everything last night
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I miss when shows had stupid goofy shit in them that you were supposed to take seriously. I miss robins "holy ____ on a ____, batman!" I miss spiderman crawling around like an insectoid, I miss weird shit that doesn't make sense like "a meteor crashed down on Earth and awoke mummified lion people that lived in caves for thousands of years", I miss when in scooby doo they'd eat fog or dracula hosted races every year, i miss "Columbo has a skateboarding descendant Boronco" or "Napoleon's descendant runs a terrorist organization that wants to take over the world bc its noisy and he wants to sleep". I love batshit plots with weird circumstances that make no sense but they're fun and entertaining-- give me shit that comes out of nowhere and baffles me but is still fun. I miss that kind of stuff man :/
#all of these are real#i just miss old shows that did this kind of stuff#and hey!!! if im wrong??? and you know of any modern shows like this!? let. me. know.#i would be delighted to be informed of any batshit stuff going on nowadays#op posts#in case ur interested the medis in which this happens is obvs batman and scooby doo but also#toeis spiderman from the 70s. lupin iii part 2 (parts 1 and 3 r crazy too)#and the 80s megaman show#shit just aint the same man. at least not from what ive seen#not to discredit those who like new shows! i do too! but i dont see a lot of goofy shit like this anymore. shows r afraid to be campy#or if they are campy it feels too... idk. silly. like. idk. i want silly stuff that youre supposed to take serious but you cant#anyways.
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morning campers i think ill be mad about the goku black arc's ending until i die actually
#snap chats#AH JUMPSCARE its me#daima's coming out in like a month . no i will not be posting regularly until then but i MIGHT once it starts#anyways no im thinking about this cause every time someone puts the ending on my twitter timeline i get pissed#its such a bad ending idc it pissa me off#very few times media will make me Mad and this is like. one of three. if not THE one of three i really dont get mad at media that much#it should never be that serious but it is serious for this arc cause whatt he fcuk was that GENUINELY#it was all excellent up until that ending. and like. some minor things tbh BUT STILL#coulda been one of the few perf things from dbs but naw. fucka you#fuck trunks fuck the people from his timeline and fuck the reader zamasu was right and he aint even here anymore either#ok im better now im gonna drink a whole pot of tea and cry about yaoi. my typical activities if you must know
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Okay children, gather around. It's "Spencer Complains and Acts a Little Mad" Time:
I have been raw dogging life for 1 month without my adhd/depression/anxiety/mood stabilizers medication and without a single Therapy appointment
I haven't left my house in 1 month, I haven't spoken to any of my (in person) friends in over 1 month, I haven't seen my family in 1 month, I haven't seen my bloody cat in over 1 month, I've barely left my bloody room in over 1 month, and I've been listening to my bloody voice almost every day for 1 hour so I can finish editing the bloody podcast for over a month
To top it all of: I haven't had a decent night's sleep in about 4 days now (in which I just don't sleep or I have extremely vivid nightmares with my departed mother and/or scenarios where I die over and over and over again but can't speak to ask for help before it happens - fun for all the family, if you ask me) and I might or might not be completely and absolutely going insane, with only Good Omens season 1 (6/6) and season 2 (5/6) and the existence of Crowley/red haired Fire Pokemon David Tennant Edition being my sole producer of any amount of serotonin
How am I alive? Good question. Beautiful genderfluid demonic content can be some very nice very distracting content for individuals that simp for Fire Type David Tennant Pokemon like myself
I am quite sure my only contact with anything mental health related in the past weeks has been my best friend whom is very very annoying and refuses to leave me the heck alone and whom is a nurse and is working extra time to advice my stupid ass the best she can, bless her heart
So, with my personal nurse's permission, I have doubled my sleeping medication for the night and, as Fall Out Boy once wrote for the song "Alone Together" in one of my favorite albums to have ever been created "Save Rock and Roll": I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead
#i took so long writing this nonesense for no other reason other than the fact its 2 am and no one makes good decisions at 2 am#that i am actually already feeling sleepy#if my best friend actually manages to give me 1 good nights sleep i will kiss that woman in the mouth and get hitched with her in ibiza#jk shes straight as shit and shes like a sister to me so that scenario is making me cringe but the sentiment prevails#alas dont do drugs unless your doctor tells you to kids#or your nurse best friend#bro im getting so sleepy the word “nurse” aint even looking right anymore#is that even a real word#yes#google says it is#it is not about viking mythology like a thought for about 2 seconds#okay good good nice nice#anyway#i talked about you know what so i have to tag this post for my adhd sake#good omens#crowley#anthony j crowley#david tennant#there#in case anyone cares about a post that mentions crowley for 1 second while in rhe middle of a whole ass sleep drug inflicted rant#lowkey kinda sure ive writen more in the tags now than the damn post jesus christ#hopefully ill be able to have money to buy my medication on the 12th and ill be somewhat mentally stable by the 14th#which means i might actually upload my fanfic next tuesday if my brain is working again#night peeps dont let the bed bugs bite#idk what im saying anymore#my closet just banged by itself and now im scared#sully?#mike?#bo?
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man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭
#istg tumblr is the BEST place to find people#all my current online friends who im close asf with are people i found on here#my girl my besties hell even some of my mutuals i dont talk to bruh#almost all of em were found on here#who knew life would turn like this bro. who knew#its grateful hours rn stfu idc#like yall. i cannot put into words how much you mean to me#im finally getting out of a mental rut thats lasted me a few months (school related) (school just ended)#and the fact YALL STAYED BY ME???#its small nd yall r gonna be like dub miguel. friends do that#but i aint never had that#like the past three years around this same time i have lost people important to me and lost core support systems over and over and over#and it feels nice that im better enough/healed enough#and surrounded by people who truly care for me#that thats not the case anymore. its so liberating and god does it make me want to cry tears of gratefulness that this is my life now#i am loved in so many ways that i cannot even recount right now.#sorry maternity classes gang (group chat) im gonna lovedump later on you tonight probably#man. mann.#this is my life#like#/pos#thats so lovely man.#wanna namedrop yall so bad bc people deserve to know you all and deserve to know how beautiful and loving you are#but ik i shouldnt for privacy😭#ily all tho#even if we aint talk much ur presence is always appreciated by me#sorry sorry ill shut up now😭#indigo speaks#yapping
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The only reason I havent just outright deleted my blog at this point is because frankly I'm convinced yall would somehow find me even if I deleted this thing and remade it under an entirely new name
#I fucking see you#dont think I dont#its always the weird older people that have a fucking obsession with a little girl aint it#why the fuck are you all crawling up my ass about C.#You know how weird and freaky grown ass adults doing that shit is and you do it anyway#I wanna talk to issac or yuuma so fucking bad but I know they'll just make me delete the only fucking space I have to scream into the void#I dont even need them to handle this but god you just remind me why i cant stand going out on my own anymore
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#today was such a long fucking day and i was made so fucking uncomfortable i literally threatened to walk out of a fucking funeral#i got told im dressed inappropriately just because im perceived as a girl and i was wearing pants#PANTS.#theres no such thing as a funeral dress code that prevents me from wearing pants. people just didnt like it#i got told by two extended family members that i was inappropriate. and later also by my mom#who didnt say anything when they picked me up. it was fine by her at that time but later when others said it wasnt fine? yeah#im so fucking tired man#i know the extended half family doesnt like me ive always been a black sheep but this just. yeah#at a funeral no less#i dont want to see these people ever again im so fucking tired. i dont want to see anyone ever again tbh#just let me sleep forever and rot away please im tired#sorry my headache makes me angry and upset just. its all just so much#im just glad this whole hassle is over and i dont have to think about this anymore. but between all the stress and anxiety and grief#and everything else? yeah this. this aint it fam#im so mentally fucking shot i just want to sleep but my body is still kinda in a fight or flight mode with this and the grief its so hard#and my head hurts. so yeah. i dont fucking know#i just need someone to hold me before i combust#again sorry#night is an absolute mess on main
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when people argue against AI art they should stop pushing the narrative that the Labour of the process and the Practice is what makes art Art. like, AI is bad just as Many Technologies are bad because it was built on exploitation and its use on a corporate scale would be Detrimental to everyone, not just artists. it's not bad because it's easy.
If i could make art super easily through a press of a button i would 100% lmao, but like with most things under capitalism. making things isn't just about Making Things, it's about making money. its about a corporation ripping more people off with their shit content or an artist struggling to make ends meet because their days-long processes can't compete with a few button clicks
#hell. commission work do not pay shit.#and original work pays Negative shit. but its passion so i want to do it still but its just like. My Goddamn Energy.#is so limited.#world hard. we can only focus on what we can do#and when you only have so few functional hours in a day. well. sorry but i cant work a day job or do studies and then draw comms after#i know many people can. i cannot.#and ive stopped trying to think that i can brute force my way through it. i used to value myself greatly for my output but#we aint doing that anymore.#we make just enough money to live. if thats even possible. then we have fun. so we dont kill ourselves.#krill livestream#if commission pays me enough to move out and go to my therapist regularly then ill do it lmao.
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kinda freaky that theres even a possibility that ur friends can start disliking u
#like wdym we're not locked in for life pookie.. wjat...#me my renbear my boothang my eagle lunch r locked in 4vr tho idc 🙄#ots even weirder to stay friends but to talk so loudly badly ab me behind and literally in front of me like ok!!!!#shes just bitter cause i realized she was mean and started to distance myself but whatvr i guess ‼️#her bsf was obsessed w me last yr too and now they talking ab me and my cf like we've done anythjng when i literally got ignored BY them#didnt do anything but keep trying to be their friend theyre acting like im choosing cf over them. literally kys sorry#i forgor what i wanted to rant ab i just dont like that girl anymore she didnt even wish me a hbd and ppl i didnt know did#like how is HER friend gonna say OMG HBD but she aint like god damn what did i do#my family friends daughter used to be bsfs w her too until they fell out like girl do u see the pattern around u ‼️#anyway teehee i lauv my favs and cfs#post#mae mention
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im feeling a little bit peeved regarding the fact I havent been able to find this one book i want in about any bookstore ive been in for around 2 or so years. and you might be thinking. "oh it must be a foreign book," or "you could just order it online," and to that id say. WRONG AND JUST NOT POSSIBLE😭😭!!!!
the thing that makes me not finding it at any bookstore terrible is that this is not a foreign book— not in a different language, not from a different country— NO, ITS A PANAMENIAN BOOK!!! aka... THE COUNTRY IM LIVING IN!!!! AND I CANNOT FIND IT ANYYYWHEREEE!!!!
and it simply does not appear to be sold online so im starting to think I am cooked 😓 for a book that was one of the best sellers in the country 15 years ago it sure has become invisible
#i talk!!!#and it aint like time gon reveal it to me... its from 2008 as time goes by i think it'll just get harder to find if its even being sold now#i find it strange considering how important panamenian literature has been to our culture and the emphasis on it#how come one of its best sellers from years ago has gone missing...#its even stranger because it touches on deeply saddening subjects and moving on in life. EXACTLY THE TOPICS PANAMENIAN LITERATURE EATS UP#has the culture around panamenian literature changed so much i cant even find it anymore ... i just dont know what to do 😓#AND YOU MAY ASK WELL MICHAEL WHAT IS THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS BOOK#you dont have it why are you so hellbent on finding it anywhere you go#answer to that is i have read it. 7 years ago when my teacher found out i enjoyed reading and let me borrow it to read#i didnt really grasp what was going on but it was very comforting... AND NOWADAYS IM WELL AWARE IT HAD HAPPENED TO ME????#THAT BOOK WAS ME. THAT BOOK WAS ME ?!?!?!#so now im hellbent on being able to read that book again i know if i read it nowadays it'll make me cry like a baby#back then i used to see things like that and not bat an eye even if they happened to me because i didnt see it that way#i was convinced it wasnt a painful lonely traumatic thing so of course it isnt the same thing i thought NOW I KNOW IT IS#OF COURSE THAT BOOK WAS COMFORTING IT WAS LITERALLY ME UGJRHJ#I MUST FIND IT somehow .... somehow 😭
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ep 7 is just weird bc i dont think any of the Things that happened were out of character i just feel like a lot of the dialogue absolutely was
#like not just for ed and stede but everybody#maybe im wrong but idkkkkk#i know ‘oh thats ooc’ coming from a fan is always a biased topic but i never felt that way before#imma zip it about this subject now tho bc i dont want it to be one of those sticky ocd points for me#but i do still feel quite unfuckable about the whole thing#idc if myself and everybody else absolutely despised an episode baby aint nothing gonna break my stride anymore#its wild seeing some of the more intense younger fans on twitter being intense about it the way i used to be abt things….#like ships passing in the night…#i Get It but also the joy is more important 2 me now
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Got distracted and I ended up working on my drawing But then I realized a major mistake on it when I thought I was done with the star veil (yes, again. I changed up the stars at the tips of it, this veil is kicking my ass) and I was erasing stuff already so when I realized I'm like: FUCK-- undo undo undo undo und o un do u n d o. And now I gotta... move All those new lil designs at the tip, Again, so I'm like: Okay... alright... I'll do that Later. I'll write now cuz god Forbid I do anything in that design, it's all mistakes!
#aria rants#that star veil has trapped ME in a time loop of perpetually fixing the thing cuz im never done with it like#this is the messiest drawing ive ever done simply by the Amount of mistakes i have on it and the entire process of it like#past aria wasnt lying about the notes she put for me when i was lazy to do the star veil DAYS AGO but she was only thinking#that: haha future me is gonna bead All those lines >:D well lil did she know is that future her aint gonna bead those lines#anymore but the veil is STILL KICKING MY ASS HARDER THAN WHEN I TRIED TO BEAD IT ALL#also the designs at the tip were supposed to just be stars. but then sirius' heart happened and i was like: i need to put morse code on it#and normally id rely on the circle ruler but i alrdy used circles for the Inner beads. i needed a different kind of circle for the tips#and then i managed to somehow??? freehand a perfectly shaped egg so ive just been duplicating layer and moving#that egg cuz aint no way i can redraw that again. the first was a fluke i didnt know was possible. and i also didnt wanna#redraw the lil dash beads i made via the ruler so ive just been keeping two layers with just one tiny drawing each#of an egg and a slanted rectangle and ngl duplicating and moving those things take up way More of my concentration#than when im just doing the lines over and over again cuz i had to keep track of which layer has which and minimize it#by merging the morse code line ive finished (like once im done for the morse code ''you'' id merge that all tgt)#so i can keep myself from exploding out of incredible confusion on which layer is which but Now i gotta redo ALL THAT#i gotta redo the other ''i love you'' morse code at the right end cuz i Forgot. to leave. a space. at the end.#like the left end has a space (star) before the egg for the first dot of ''i'' but i forgot to do that for the right end.......#theres no space (star) after the rectangle for the last part of ''u''....... i need to move All that-- maaaaaaaaaaannnn#writing it is. ill do writing for now. writing is the best. at least then i dont gotta MOVE EVERYTHING once i made a mistake--
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mizora fans are the only safe side of the fandom for me
#from most safe to less safe#mizora tag i can enjoy evil woman and the occasional hate post#but she deserves that and it doesnt overrrun the tag#m*nthara tag is ok but some fans see her as more evil and more masc than i see her as#weird to me - cant relate#love Lae but the shadowzel hatef*cking ruined my engagement with other fans of hers#mystra tag i instafollow mystra-defenders#instablock mystra haters#literally on sight#because i read the whole post in the tag and i deserve compensation#mystra aint on the same level as c*zador#shes a pompous bitch who withholds blessings not a fcking p*mp/ tr*fficker#love shadowh*art but shes disrespected constantly and stripped of personality in the fandom to be: the woman#i dont follow the tags of the male characters anymore because the amount people will woobify them is legit unsafe#man puts a bomb in his chest because he couldnt take no for an answer#but people want to say “poor baby girl” the fuck?#man is just stupid and a tad scary#honestly sexy but i would be mystra 2.0 if i got with him#larian woobified ast*rion by removing the nuance on whether or not he deserved redemption#fandom performatively “likes” w*ll only when someone makes a big enough stink about him#i feel bad for actual fans because they love something that isnt actually there#his writing literally removes all agency for him#larian infantalized a grown ass black man to constantly be humiliated and removed the rightful anger he had in EA#i need people to admit that the writing is bad and IS racist and enables people to be racist in being dismissive with him#sometimes i do dip into the ast*rion tag tho because those artists know how to draw s*x with women#like those girlies have had s*x before and know what they want and they are so right for it#the wlw art in this fandom has no idea how s*x works#or its so male gazey and prnified it legit makes me squeemish
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Strange how quickly some moots when from chatting with me everyday to suddenly we barely chat if all
Does it ever drive you crazy just hoe fast the night changes?
#and this aint a call out post#just realized this with some of my mooties#crazy how one moment youre apart of the gang and the next your just there by yourself#if any of my mooties are reading this#know that I'll always love and cheer for you#even if you dont ever speak to me again or like me anymore#i just always want you guys to ne happy#anyway sorry to get so emotion and deep on main!?!?#back to your regularly scheduled programming#🔮.the peddler mumbles
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rgg can have a You Did The Bare Minimum award for keepin jo alive and not continuin the trend of one-shottin every interestin antag we meet but they esp deserve it cause lettin jo live the rest of his days in guilt and shame without the power to do anythin is pretty thematically consistent for him. if i may be insane to say.
#snap chats#Stream Of Consciousness dont look at me im rambling#EW this text post is longer than a tweet thats disgusting#i never even tweet outside of art on twitter. ok i do on my personal but i barely post there outside of qrting stuff lmao#In Any Case. i do have an essay on my dome about shame/guilt and jo i aint gon lie#thats been brewing for a while cause like.... lol..... lmao perhaps....#ill just keep it short and sweet rn cause my brain just aint fucntionin how the fuck is it 10pm hold on (;´д`)#anyway Speedrun Version of what im thinkin tonight#jo's greatly motivated by the guilt he feels for his irresponsibility debilitating masato#he does all he can for him in an attempt to atone for that#but despite those attempts he still shoulders that never-ending guilt#despite those attempts i think its a fair wager to suggest he probably thinks there isnt anything he could do to properly atone#but he at least can and does still try right. this comes back to him going to jail i promise#beforehand jo /felt/ as though he was powerless to do anything- in prison he's /physically/ incapable of doing anything of use anymore#or. he's at least incredibly limited. the most he can do is tell ichi past info but Specifics right#moreover both the arakawas are gone: even if jo was free he still would have no conceivable way of 'redeeming himself'#esp in the case of arakawa that feeling of guilt is worse: this is another case that he arguably couldve prevented#obvi with masato that one is more sure He Definitely Could Have Prevented This but Specifics 2x right we know what im saying#my words are muddy but i hope we know what i mean. in prison all he can do is think and be left with his feelings#all he can do is stew in his regret and guilt. its like. Thematically the perfect consequence for him#like again One Thing to let him live but it also just so happens to play into that eternal guilt/utter powerlessness so well#this type of thing is going to decay my brain until LAD8 comes out and all of this is undone somehow but for now.... i love his misery...#ok this is the only vaguely. I Thought For More Than Three Miliseconds Today post youre gonna get im going back to being stupid
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