#if there is a legitimate issue ever at play THEN come talk to me.

[partyinthemysterymachine]

Hey just so you know vinecoveredgarden is a propara (pro paraphilia) pro-transID radqueer

jesus christ this was a word fucking salad. can you guys please fucking relax. did you know i can agree with a post's message without knowing the OP or following the OP nor agreeing with everything OP believes in. did you know that was possible.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

I'm not 100% sure how to articulate this, but something that has been bothering me about I/P discourse (especially in the last month, it's gotten so much worse) that I haven't seen talked about in a productive way is the "yoking" effect that the extremist ugly takes create for the good-faith people just trying to talk about their issues. And I see it on both sides, and have felt compelled to act this way myself.

Essentially, when I talk about antisemitism (especially the significant spike in the last month), my goal is focused on educating people about the antisemitism and urging them to do something about their own behavior, help groups that are working on it, and/or become part of the people working on advocacy to that effect. I just want to talk about the antisemitism, and have that stand as a topic on its own terms. But the problem is, I'm a Jew and extremists on both sides have made it so that anything I post about this requires disclaimers that I also support the rights, freedoms, and care about the lives of Palestinians also. And I do! But that's not the point. The point is that Jews facing antisemitism should be able to talk about this without bringing in a whole separate topic to prove we're worth listening to. And I saw this with Israelis trying to talk about the grief they were feeling after the Hamas pogrom; they couldn't do it without either including some kind of statement about wanting peace, separating Hamas from Palestinians as a whole, etc. or face relentless antisemitic abuse.

And this effect comes both from outside people [supposedly] supporting Palestine being awful unless the Jew in question attaches sufficient disclaimers, as well as [supposedly] pro-Israel people who couldn't help themselves from spouting off dumb racist shit in their posts on otherwise valid topics.

But as I've watched things play out, and Western outsiders become more and more antisemitic in their [supposed] support of Palestine, I've noticed Palestinians and their not-antisemitic allies having to couch their [valid] criticisms of Israel with caveats about how antisemitism is not okay, or else face harassment when talking about their legitimate issues - even ones that aren't about Israel at all.

That's what I mean by "yoking" - this inability to talk about ourselves and our own issues without bad faith actors coercing us to address the other and "prove" that we're worth listening to. It's dehumanizing, because it means that our legitimate issues are always and only ever able to be discussed in the shadow of the other. They aren't allowed to stand on their own without risking harassment.

Anyway, I think the reasons we got here are complicated, but I lay most of the blame at the feet of uninvolved westerners using this conflict as a proxy for their own problems. I don't know that there's a way to fix this at this point, either, because the discourse has become so unbelievably toxic. I think the closest thing I've got is just the suggestion that if you see a Palestinian (or ally) talking about Palestinian issues and not being antisemitic about it, don't derail what they're saying even if they don't specifically denounce Hamas outright and/or antisemitism in their post. And if Jews (including and especially Israelis) are talking about antisemitism and/or legitimate issues and aren't being racist or Islamophobic about it, don't derail what we're saying even if we don't offer caveats denouncing the Israeli government and/or Islamophobia/anti-Arab racism in that specific post.

We can support each other in the face of danger and want peace without having to constantly be forced to talk about other issues and divert focus from our own issues.

[swan2swan]

Yasammy Week Recap:

Day 1: "Hurt/Comfort"

This one was basic and simple; me just starting out. I probably could have done better, but, hey, Yaz literally comforting Sammy to calm her down from a full-blown panic attack works. As a sidenote, it's incredible that the writers had Panic Attacks be a Yaz Thing, and then brought her back to show that she's currently the Best Qualified on the team to deal with them (and fixed up her relationship issues with Sammy in the same blow, it's SO CARTOONY but perfect, I feel like we don't get these one-episode resolutions that often anymore).

Day 2: "Firsts"

This was a fun one, and probably the only one that I actually had some mental tryouts for. First kiss? First meeting? First teamup? There were so many choices...but this one felt right. Yasmina admitting that this is her first time having feelings for someone of the same sex (and the word "crushes" clearly means that Sammy's her first partner, too!).

Day 3: "Prom"

This is where things started falling apart, obviously. If we'd been given a proper five seasons with all sorts of Lost-style flashbacks and fantasies, I might have been able to pull something legitimate out. But also...Sammy said the word "prom", and also let it slip that she either loves fancy dresses or loves girls in dresses...and you know what? I count the latter as a point toward Yasammy.

Day 4: "Proposal/Engagement"

I don't remember how my brain wandered over to this, but I do know that I was lying down in bed at that time, because I literally sat bolt upright. My eyes snapped open, and I leaned up to secure all of that brain juice, as I realized the famous "Alan Grant uses two female buckles to tie himself in, foreshadowing the female dinosaurs finding a way to breed" could also have some WLW implications. It was a good joke, and you know what? As Sammy Gutierrez said: "It's beautiful, and we should be proud."

Hopefully, if the same prompt comes up next year, I can use a gif that actually includes the literal characters, and not metaphorical versions...Chaos Crew, please.....

Day 5: "Track Meet"

I think I was walking home when this one clicked in my mind, and I think I did a little hopskip and a dance. I was initially considering something like the two of them running for their lives together, or Sammy telling Yaz that she needed to rest to win gold medals in the future...but then, I thought about wordplay. I wondered if they were ever standing in dinosaur footprints, or tracking something. Then I thought about train tracks, and realized...yes. YES. This was perfect.

Had this not been available, I think I might have played with Yaz's scene where she uses running to realize her love for Sammy. Which is just a beautiful metaphor and a wonderful scene. Gifset's coming soon, by the way, I have the whole thing captioned.

Day 6: "Baking"

For every peak, there's a valley. Sometimes, you win. Sometimes, you lose. This was kind of a loss, because the girls sadly don't do any baking together. I considered the part where they're throwing the chips into the fire (TOXIC FUMES, GIRLS, DON'T DO THIS AT HOME, KIDS), but that's not really "baking". Furthermore, the Powers That Be chose to deny us any cooking escapades on the island, and while Sammy certainly bakes pies, Yaz is never present during those scenes...and, yes, I checked, and she never mentions her girlfriend while doing so, either. She only talks about her while fetching lemonade, which is different. Thus, I found myself in a sticky situation...which was kind of like the weather this month! So, it felt appropriate to use the concept of "baking in the sunlight on a hot day" here. I do like Sammy's silly little wave, and Yaz looking pityingly over at her.

Day 7: "Free Day"

This one, well...it ended on a bit of a sad note, but I was looking for something I had already set up. The caption is "Free Day", so I didn't want to put any work or effort into this. And while browsing my files, I saw that this one had the word "date", which is close to "day", and "expiration", which is the end of something, so...it felt apropos for the finishing touch on this beautiful week.

[ladydeath-vanserra]

Hello 👋

I love your thoughts on anti ic and the way you delve into everything and actually name the issues within them .

I have a rant about Feyre :

I liked her in Book 1 but book 2 onwards Mr SA melted her brain . There are lots of things that irk me about feyre : Her Hipocrasy first and foremost

The Hipocrasy is strong with this girl istg , like you're the one who does a free public porn show for the guy who SA you and then have the gall to compliment rhys when he uses his powers on keir for calling you a whore. Like wtf ? I am on kiers side in this , if your dictator ( because that's what rhysand is ) was fingering a fae in front of all of his court I'd be disgusted too .

The scene where feyre starts crying because of nestas expenditure ? Like bitch you have 5 houses and your "friend s" are always out drinking and fucking and you don't have a problem with that ? I actually think mor is an alcoholic and her relationship with cassian is incestuous.

Feyre locking Nesta in the HOW even after her trauma when tamlin locked her up in the manor like are you kidding me rn ? Seriously if I was nesta I would've verbally rendered feyre to a pile of dust .

Coming to that she also has no phycological damage from the 3 months rhysand SA her and made her do lap dances but when your sister is snarky and calls you for her decisions you have the gall to have trauma about that ? Be fr bro I call my brother whore for fun 💀( only children shouldn't be allowed to write sibling relationships - sjm )

Sorry if this got too long , I just wanted to rant to someone and I hope you understand ( you're one of the few people in this fandom with actual functioning neurons )

Thank you 💗

Yeah, I don't really get Rhysand's whole,,, well anything regarding politics tbh. He talks down and degrades the CoN and treat them as nothing more than oppressive misogynists' in front of them and then proceeds to perform sexual acts with the woman he then wants to be viewed in a professional, respectable and political light and when that doesn't happen, due to the whole sexual act and 'Rhysand's harlot' or whatever she called herself, thing, Rhysand then assaults Keir

So like.... he can assert authority and abuse power when it comes to disrespect to the girl he literally wanted to be his plaything in front of these people, but he can't assert authority when it comes to protecting the vulnerable populations of the CoN or to establish progressive laws. He says Keir is in charge of the CoN and that he can't use the Darkbringers without his permission but then he assaults the Steward of the CoN. High Lord or not that doesn't make a lick of sense if he ever wants to be viewed as a legitimate ruler. I would also be disgusted by such vulgar acts- besides these people did not consent to be witnesses to sexual acts of display

Feyre crying is... I dunno. Like I chalked it up to hormones, but I am more concerned with Rhysand's blatant manipulation and emotional and financial abuse of reading off expenses in front of every single member of the IC. That is a form of shame and humiliation in order for Feyre to 'get her sister under control'. But I also agree, I think it's completely unnecessary and hypocritical of Rhysand and Co to look down their noses at Nesta for spending money when Rhysand himself said that the IC bleed him dry with their flagrant spending on alcohol and parties- which is said in ACOMAF but then it gets played off for the Laugh

Feyre and Rhysand locking Nesta up in the HoW is just sooooo. guh. How is it that when Tamlin does it for *checks notes* five minutes it's the most egregious, unforgiveable sin but when Rhysand and Feyre not ONLY lock her up, they demolished her home, they had Elain pack up her belongings, they made her live with a man Nesta repeatedly, verbally said she wanted nowhere near her. Plus the humiliation factor of not only being talked at in front of the IC, but Rhysand, Feyre and Amren talking about Nesta via Mental Powers in front of Nesta. There was so, so much wrong with that entire scene and the fact that both the narrative and the fandom cannot see why that scene was so disgusting is quite frankly, alarming

Like I can get that Feyre could have emotional and internalized feelings of a bad self image via Nesta from childhood, but I am also aware of what can happen when children are forced into extremely small proximity with each other with a very toxic and unhealthy household. Nesta and Feyre both were at each other's throats. they were both awful to each other and there is a rather large amount of assumption by Feyre and a large amount of miscommunication with both the girls

Rhysand however, with all his abuses of Feyre UtM, just... being forgotten about, just like that, is very weird. Very weird, especially if Nesta is still paying for sins from before the first book even took place. Feyres not getting triggered from the Weavers cottage? shes not getting triggered with his "Feyre Darling"? She's not getting triggered being in the CoN where UtM was inspired by? She's not getting triggered wearing those scraps of clothes? She's not getting triggered when Rhys uses paint on Feyre in Chapter 55 or whatever chapter it was just like he did UtM in front of Tamlin??????

Feyre brings up UtM ONCE to Rhysand and he gets all hyperventilatey and says theyll 'talk about it later' and then guess what, it doesn't. It just gets explained that he just had to torture his mate and what it was doing to him

give me a break

[athena5898]

Given the nature of my blog at this point, i tend to shy away from posting about media stuff. Buuuuut I think there are a lot of younger people experience this slightly "political" dude bro phenomenon so I kind of want to walk them through it. So Dawntrail the most recent ff14 expansion. Is actually pretty good. Now if you listen to some aspect of the community you are going to get some other........."perspectives" on that. Dawntrail is flawed, of course it is. This is the expansion that would have been in development during mid to post 2020 AND it's the expansion that needed to come around after Enwalker to build up the new story. Endwalker that spent YEARS building up to a climatic finish. What does this have to do with the first paragraph? Well, I'll tell you.

Dawntrail focuses on the story of a coming of age of a nontraditionally feminine woman lead Wuk Lamat (who is voiced by a trans voice actor) and we, the heroes of the world, are now going to help and take a back seat to this person. Who she and the entire expansion is based on Indigenous people from various parts of "America" so you know, they should be front a center and our out-of-town asses *should* take a seat in the back (some of you will read this and immediately go "oh that's why it's getting extra hate") If you do not know and was lucky enough to not be a woman or non cis het white male in the 90s trying to play video games or enjoy nerd culture....All of what I just stated is a big problem. Dude bros as I like to call them, (aka someone who you will always be curious if they were or would be part of Gamer Gate. Also please note a dude bro doesn't have to be a man...trust me on that) hate this kind of shit. They naturally feel threatened when the media's focus is not about them. So what do they do? They take legitimate criticism of something and BLOW IT THE FUCK UP. Suddenly that thing that was kinda annoying, is now just the fucking worst. A story beat drags on a little long? Worst media ever. A character has a minor plot hole? Worst media ever. dialogue a little blah at one point? Worst media ever. etc etc etc These are the same kinda people mind you who will write a 8 page essay how (insert average mid action movie here) is the most amazing masterpiece of a film. (which I don't really care about, but it shows that these people are not exactly the most objective purveyors of media arts as they like to claim to be when it's suddenly about their misogyny and white supremacy) I'm bringing this up cause I'll notice some well meaning people being confused saving things "well...I kinda get *this* part of the criticism but...not this other stuff. Why is it a big deal" or some version of this. They don't actually care that much, they just care that an Indegenous GNC cat woman is getting more screen time then their precious gods gift to Eorza WoL. If they had made this expansion about a white guy or our WoL and it wouldn't of gotten nearly the same level of backlash. People will disagree with me, but I'm sorry this is just a fact. And because this is the reading comprehension website, no it's not bad to dislike Dawntrail. No it isn't bad to think a character is annoying. But the patterns are there and the chances of this JUST being about the real issues is just fucking zero. You dont' spend that much time complaining about ONE character as the focus if it isn't about the bullshit dude bro gamer pride. Honestly given how fucking gay this game is I have no idea how these people play this game without burning up like a vampire touching sunlight ALSO...I'm a ex wow player who played that game for the story (I was 14, give me a break) from BC all the way up to 7.2. So I kinda know what i'm talking about when it comes to toxic dipshit gamer behavior *looks back at that last paragraph* god that's so fucking sad. Oh fun fact, according to Wuk Lamat's voice actor Sena Bryer, all voice acting for the new area in Dawntrail was given to Latino/Indigenous voice actors for every single character. (from this area of course) *edit* lol yeah anyone saying i'm wrong is just a fucking grifter or liar. Found this while looking something else up. You know it's bad when the god damn director has to step in and say "yo you little assholes cut it out" https://www.pcgamesn.com/final-fantasy-xiv-a-realm-reborn/naoki-yoshida-wuk-lamat

[bonefall]

I know you like Nightheart, but what about NightSun? I think you've brought up the issues with Nightheart X Sunbeam before, but I don't remember if it was a dedicated post or not.

Ok so like, to understand why I do not like NightSun, it's important to know why I like Nightheart.

I like Nightheart as a young, arrogant person who is the cause of many of his own problems in life. He doesn't mean to be the way he is, but it's as if everything he says comes out twice as mean as he wants it to, and the first of every thought is the worst one. While he resents the legacy of Firestar that he's part of, it also FRUSTRATES him that he isn't treated like the prodigal little hero he feels like he is.

It's an inferiority complex and a superiority complex, but he doesn't know that. He's intelligent, but he isn't wise. So he grabs at all these different complaints; "Why does no one see me for my own achievements?? I can't be what you want me to be. Let me prove myself! No, not like that, I'm not a child I'm a warrior!! Who do you think I am? Who do you think YOU are?! Why is everyone being so mean to me!?"

So, what I LIKE about ASC is watching him make messes, as he thrashes around to get loose and only ends up tangling himself even further into his troubles. He's fun when he's making shortsighted choices that should be ruining his relationships and putting himself in danger. What I DON'T like about ASC is that "fuck around" never becomes "find out."

I would have liked NightSun a lot if it was a story about how Sunbeam's complacent, conflict-avoidant personality crashed into Nightheart's self-absorbed, passionate nature like pop rocks and coke. They feel like such a unique, compelling sort of toxic to me. I LOVE the way that Sunbeam just immediately allowed Nightheart into her Clan, just straightup ignoring the red flags. I liked the way that Nightheart responded to his problems by running away from home, POSITIVE that his Tigerkin would treat him better than his Firekin.

Unfortunately, it seems like they're playing it straight. Nightheart left her ass alone THREE times when she asked him not to, and she's just shrugged her shoulders. Nightheart's already talking about babies and they're cooing at each other. It's painfully boring.

Why can't the writing team ever do toxic relationships on purpose? Why is it that when it looks like a relationship SHOULD be barreling towards a terrible conclusion they just end up playing it wholesome and soso sweet (Star Flower x Clear Sky, NightSun), but when they intend for two cats to be the obvious, perfect choice for each other (Bramblesquirrel, Turtle Tail x Gray Wing) it ends up absolutely radioactive?

(Side note, isn't it weird that StarClan was able to DM ThunderClan and tell them "hey, dont be mad that nightheart's leaving for the 400th time" but Frostpaw comes back with legitimately important information and Splashtail is able to go "nuh uh." GOD Nightheart's life is so easy)

TL;DR NightSun should have gone down in flames and we were robbed.

[lesvegas]

FNV Quest Mods That Don't Suck

I know I've made modlists before but talk of DLC-sized mods made me want to make another. Big, DLC-sized quest mods are nine times outta ten messy, poorly-made and poorly-written, feel like they should've been fo3 mods, or have numerous other qualities that are detestable to normal people with taste. I've played most of the popular ones and hate nearly all of them. Here are the ones I actually can recommend.

Note: I also highly recommend having a proper modding setup before installing any of these. Everyone and their mother has already recommended the Viva New Vegas guide before because it works and it's beginner-friendly.

Allow me to spare your dash by putting this list under a cut.

"DLC-sized" Quest Mods

Boom to the Moon - A quest where you go to the moon (yes, really) to find out what happened to a man's wife. I promise it's way better than I could possibly describe. Honestly I recommend almost all of Jokerine's mods for her attention to detail and all the cool shit she makes. This quest mod doesn't even end with the moon trip, you'll also get the best-written mod companion I've ever seen. Seriously please give this one a try if nothing else on this list.

Autumn Leaves - A murder mystery in an archival library vault inhabited by Protectrons. Story so good Bethesda stole it to make a fo4 DLC. No combat, no need for weapons or companions. WARNING: if you suck at navigating vaults like I do you may have a bad time finding stuff (there's a walkthrough in the files). Also some of the lines are a bit odd because the author's first language isn't English. Also one character is a bigot in every way possible because he's intentionally designed to be as punchable as possible. Despite all of this it's still easily one of the best quest mods I've ever experienced.

Unfortunately, making quest mods DLC-sized in general leaves ample opportunity for shit to get messy fast, so honestly your best bet for quest mods is smaller scale, vanilla-feeling mods. So while I highly recommend the above mods, I'd recommend the following ones even more for a more seamless experience.

"Vanilla-feeling" Quest Mods

The Collector - A quest given by a broker in which you collect debts from gamblers. Similar to the Atomic Wrangler quest Debt Collector.

Caravan Tournament - Do you suck at Caravan? Skill issue. Play this anyway and tell me how it feels to lose because I'm sure it's just as interesting as winning but I'm too good at Caravan to to see it for myself. If you get good you get to see a tiny Robobrain wearing a hat.

Working On The Chain Gang - A Powder Ganger Quest Mod - Okay, technically this makes a second faction of Powder Gangers that aren't affected by your reputation with the vanilla Powder Gangers (so yes, even if they hate you, you can experience this mod). These new Powder Gangers reorganize themselves into a legitimate faction that blends seamlessly into the Mojave NPC ecosystem.

The Moon Comes Over the Tower - This one is technically cut content, but that just means it's peak vanilla-feel. Restores the rest of the quest where Emily Ortal asks you to bug Mr. House's network in which you actually have to travel to places to do it.

Okay, these ones are silly, but trust me

Among Us But It's Fallout - It's a vault with a murder mystery you get to solve! Memes aside it's honestly really well done and you should try it.

The Hollander Hotel and Casino - For a quest involving a haunted hotel (no jumpscares, don't worry), this one feels a little goofy at times, especially with The Shining references and the guy outside selling nothing but 500 bottles of Sunset Sarsaparilla. But you should give it a try anyway.

Legion Quests

Haven't done a Legion run not because you don't like being a bad guy, but because the Legion route feels lacking? Try some of these.

Legion Quests Expanded - Adds more Legion quests and expands several vanilla quests.

A Golden Opportunity - Legion El Dorado Quest - A quest where the Legion goes in and shuts down the NCR's El Dorado station.

Five Card Ante - A Legion Quest Mod - A quest parallel to Three Card Bounty in which you get to eliminate the NCR's First Recon.

Yes I Would Actually - A Legion Quest Mod - You know how Bitter Springs has three quests you can do for the NCR? Well, now you can do them for the Legion instead. You can even recruit help from the Great Khans to fuck the NCR's shit up.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not reconnecting with my brother?

I (21x) have a really complicated relationship with my brother (18m), not helped by the fact we both live with our mom right now. He’s had a really hard time in his life, with having anger issues, ADHD, what we both suspect is NPD, and our family being. Dysfunctional at best and neglectful/borderline emotionally abusive at worse. We both know that our family wasn’t particularly good for us, but we have pretty different approaches on how to deal with it/how we feel like it’s effected us.

This is where some of my (100% AH) behavior comes in- I was incredibly cruel to him as a young teen (12ish) and basically belittled him and pushed him away at every opportunity. We used to be intense but loving with each other and I feel like I took that and made him feel like he couldn’t love or trust me (which he’s told me himself multiple times). I know I failed him as an older sibling and I hold so much regret and shame for not nurturing him into all the good he held (and still does).

Where it gets rocky is our current relationship. I hate to say this and I’ve never said it to his face, but I feel like the roles have completely swapped. He talks over and down to me, gets incredibly upset when I won’t drop everything for him (I won’t get into it bc this would turn into a long vent but he once got legitimately mad at me for days for not giving up my bed and bedroom for him out of nowhere because he didn’t want to be in his anymore). He’s called me every cruel name under the sun, and when I fight back or our fights get ugly, he reminds me it’s all my fault he’s like this because I ruined our relationship. I’ve tried to heal from my own separate trauma and mend our family situation but whenever I talk to him it’s like I regress into a fawning doormat who never challenges the way he absolutely steps over me and puts me down (my friends have talked to me about this and have come down a lot harsher than me, so I’m borrowing their words because I can’t let go of the fact he’s not. Wrong to be this upset with me- I’m a victim of emotional abuse in my own right and I know how it feels to be wrapped in fear and hate and don’t hold it against him that he’s been hurt by me).

I’ve wanted to be a better sibling for a long time, and since about 16 I’ve made a conscious effort to shelf my pent up resentment and hurt emotions to try to always understand him and give him space to be upset, plus always taking the step to reconcile and apologize for my part to play in arguments. I refuse to call him any of the horrible names I used to (bare minimum I know, but I’ve really worked to diffuse that anger and make sure everything I say isnt an attack on him personally and only ever touches oh his current actions) and I try every diffusing move in the book with only framing my feeling as mine and not reflective of who he is and how I want to know his feelings so we can work to understand each other and move past the proboem. But he still treats me like an unstable, untrustworthy bitch who “emotionally manipulates him” by breaking down crying when he calls me names and tells me I’m stupid and he’s above my level of intellectual thought and rationale (I wish I was joking but he has directly said this, almost word for word).

I’m at a big crossroads. I want to keep trying to show him I love him and want him in my life, but it feels like he’s given up on me. If he truly has, I think I have to accept it as part of my failures and shames, but he also tells me he wishes I spent more time with him and that he wants to have a relationship with me. AITA for trying not to engage with him anymore? I want to support him but when he treats me badly if makes me regress into anger and like I’m just digging myself deeper and I’m never going to be good enough to be part of his life. I don’t know what to do with myself and how to live around him when a conversation as small as asking him to do the dishes turns into him berating me for being a nagging stupid asshole.

What are these acronyms?

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Do you think Marinette really loves Adrien or does she loves the idea of him in her head?

Idk but I'm agree with Alya in Elation that you can't really love someone you don't know and Marinette arguably know Adrien only on surface level, either from the magazines or stalking him. We never got a scene where they talk together to get to know each other and then BAM! They just get together.

I also feels like Adrien's love for Marinette also more a rebound than anything. The writers can say anything they want, that Adrien fell in love with Marinette in Pupeteer2. But you don't develop feelings for someone you barely know, especially when in that said episode Adrien still think Marinette hate him. It's just weird. But again, idk, maybe it just me because I don't catch feelings to someone I barely talk to. That's just creepy AF no offense.

It's really hard to say because canon is all over the place when it comes to how close Adrien and Marinette are. Season three and four make them feel like little more than acquaintances, but if you think back to seasons one and two, they legitimately were friends.

Adrien turned to Marinette for dating advice (Frozer). Marinette and Adrien gamed for hours to prepare for a tournament (Gamer). Marinette and Adrien went to a party with their friends and danced together (Despair Bear). Marinette, Adrien, and their friends worked together to make a movie (Horrificator). I could go on, but the general gist is that it feels disingenuous to say that they barely interact. They interact a lot! It's just limited to the first two seasons.

I scanned through the episode list while writing this and seasons one and two have them interact in a meaningful way in about half of the episodes while seasons three and four got distracted by the new love interests, Lila, and the awful broken Ladynoir dynamic, dramatically cutting back on the Adrinette content to the show's detriment.

The other issue is that Marinette's crush is written more and more like a celebrity crush as the seasons go on, making it feel less and less genuine. So it's understandable to feel like she doesn't really love Adrien given how the show presents her, but if you tone down the crush to a non-comedic level, it does feel earned to me and I am also the kind of person that needs to know someone before developing feelings. Celebrity crushes and instant love are things I rarely enjoy in media probably at least in part because I'm ace.

I actually didn't get truly invested in the love square until Origins showed us why they first developed feelings. There's a reason I treat that episode as the golden standard for characterization. It's some of the best writing Miraculous has ever done. The writers crammed an impressive amount of content into 40 minutes and elevated the silly teen crushes into something with real substance. I will forever be sad that the rest of the show falls so short of that episode.

Moving on!

The Puppeteer 2 thing feels like a bad joke and it might be? It's hard to tell given how weird this show can get with its humor. Either way, it would have made a lot more sense and been much cuter if Adrien fell for Marinette when she unknowingly confessed her crush to him Glaciator 2 instead of falling for her after she accidentally forces a kiss on him during a prank gone wrong.

As for the rebound element... yeah, I don't disagree. Everything about the reverse crush was just weird because Ladybug falling for Chat Noir felt way more honest and earned than Adrien falling for Marinette given the way seasons five plays. I mean, the episode right before the reverse saw Ladynoir get married and have children, but Adrien is the one whose feelings are true and Marinette is the one having a rebound? Sure, writers. Sure.

If the reverse had happened right off of the season four finale, though? Then that actually could have worked. In those episodes, Marinette supported Adrien while their friends were oblivious to his true feelings, Adrien finally saw just how much pressure Ladybug was under, and Chat Noir supported Ladybug unconditionally in her darkest hour. I'm personally not a fan of the crushes switching mid-show, but I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a solid setup to lead into it. Adrienette and Ladynoir had never felt closer.

I think it's fair to say that this is why Miraculous is such a complex show for a lot of fans. It has truly spectacular setups, but the payoff always seems to fall flat on its face.

[dutchdread]

From one of your answer: "Personally I think that while Cloud is totally unsure of who or what he is, that he is 100% aware that he deeply loves Tifa, even at the start of Remake."

I'd love to see you talk more about this. Do you think that, while he's aware that he loves her, does he remember that he's has been loving her ever since they were young?

Now I haven't played Rebirth (but I spoiled myself a lot). But from Remake and what I gather, I personally think he doesn't remember, or be aware of his feelings. However, I think that he's unconsciously and instinctively attracted to her as well as be protective of her, at least from the beginning of Remake. He can't exactly define his feeling, but he knows what he wants to do with her (getting jealous, being touchy-touchy, being protective). Then he grows to realize his feeling all over again over the course of the game, without even remember he has always been in love with her this whole time.

Also, as far as I know, Cloud isn't the type who ponders "what is this ache in my heart?". He's the man of action. He cares for Tifa and wants to do things for Tifa, regardless of whatever he feels for her is called a crush, infatuation, or love.

But that's my take. And I'd like to hear yours :D

I have to preface this by saying that this is 100% conjecture. My hope is that this is essentially exactly the question that we get answered in part 3, because it is something I really wonder about myself. Hell it might be the thing I am MOST curious to know. So when I give my thought on this, know that it I think it really is up in the air and could go either way, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if this is left up to interpretation. There are things that I think Cloud legitimately doesn't know. His confusion about Nibelheim for instance is 100% unfaked. But when Tifa asks him where he was these past 5 years and he responds with "you know I can't tell you that", what was that? Was that a straight up lie? I think it's clear he doesn't know where he was these past years. But does he know that he doesn't know where he was? And did he lie to hide that fact? If he simply had no recollections of the past 5 years but is otherwise mostly lucid then he could have simply answered "that's odd, I don't remember".

But he doesn't, either the Jenova cells are directly influencing him to lie or causing him to make up an excuse to change the subject. Regardless he's actively avoiding recognizing an issue that should be interesting to him "why don't I know where I was". But then in Gongaga we have Cloud admitting that he doesn't know stuff that he's supposed to know. That implies that it's not just Jenova forcing him to be unaware of the inconsistencies in his memory. He himself has been CHOOSING to hide some of them. The reason I bring this up is because there is something we have to ask ourselves. Is Cloud 100% genuinely trying to play out a personality that was not inherently his? Or does he only have a bunch of messed up memories, but is intentionally trying to play up that persona? Or something in the middle? I'd guess it's something in the middle, which explains a lot of the changes we see in his behavior based on who he is talking to. That means that when he says stuff like "Don't remember" when Yuffie asks him whether or not he used to be in love with Tifa. That could very easily be a bold faced lie. He could have all his messed up memories and still remember vividly why he wanted to be a soldier in the first place. Which is essentially what happens in the lifestream, HE tells Tifa why he did those things, HE knows when she does not, thereby proving those memories and those feelings could not have come from her. So it could easily be that Cloud, during remake and remake, not only realizes that he loves Tifa, but be aware that he was once a shy dorky kid who just wanted Tifa to notice him, and is still "internally screaming" anytime Tifa is near, but is desperate not to show that side of him to the outside world. Or it could of course be possible that he's completely blocked those embarrassing memories and feelings off even from himself and that his Soldier persona is completely genuine and that his fondness for Tifa in remake and Rebirth is just the result of that Love still simply being a part of him, even if he himself doesn't totally understand why. And that his real self only comes out during glimpses. We have quotes to corroborate this, but it's not that clear whether that means his true personality coming out means he's showing his real thoughts for once rather than acting, or that it means that his real personality literally takes over for a bit from his fake one. Again, I think the truth is in the middle. I especially wonder about this when Cloud sits down on the water tower next to Aerith. He very poignantly leaves Tifas house for last, and sits down looking at it directly. To me it feels like in that moment he is completely aware of why he did that, and is putting on a cool act when saying "sounds like something I'd do". I think that was one of the most telling scenes in the game, which on second playthrough post LS, will feel extremely telling. You will see him sitting there, and you'll know. "you mother fucker, you know EXACTLY that you did that and why, we know what you're thinking! XD" At the very least I feel like the scene was intentionally directed to strongly give off the impression that Cloud there is actively aware of what Tifa means to him, and is in that moment the same boy that would gaze at Tifa all those years back, putting up a cool guy act, but still with all his unspoken thoughts being about how this is all for her. Good question, I wish I had a better answer for you, but I think this one one of those times where speculating about the answer might be half the fun.

[goodluckclove]

An Open Letter to a Professional Author

I came across a writer here who I imagine will probably never see this, but their presence was enough to make me pretty mad for two days now. I've decided to pen a little statement to this Long-Term, Professional, Full-Time, Published Author who makes a habit out of being deeply unpleasant in a way that apparently has only attracted an audience of other deeply unpleasant people.

People here seem to like it when I get mad. So, uh, enjoy?

Dear Professional Author,

I came across a post of yours on some feed here the other day and enjoyed your commentary. It was one of those writing memes that sort of called attention to actually writing as opposed to just thinking about your project - the kind that people usually respond to with some sort of joke expressing their repulsion at the concept.

You responded with distaste and I generally agreed. The tone was a little aggressive for me, but that kind of humor also leaves me generally confused. I personally ended up concluding that the self-deprecating humor was a coping mechanism for a larger issue that keeps these people from writing - intimidation, lack of confidence, physical or mental pain, things like that. You seemed to think it was a matter of will, which I found to be an approach that at the very least was well-intentioned.

Turns out it wasn't.

First off, I should say that this isn't about your political beliefs. Your political beliefs that are really more like general human beliefs. I don't want to get into that. Instead, I just want to talk about your writing. You are a full-time, published author, as you say in nearly post where you talk about writing. A major point of pride to you seems to be the fact that you are traditionally published. Any other method doesn't seem to be as legitimate to you. That's interesting to me.

You also don't seem to have much of an audience outside of people who mainly come to agree with your politics. I didn't really see a single positive interaction between you and another writer on here for as much as I was willing to scroll through your blog. That's also interesting to me.

I didn't spent too much time on your blog once I realized that you were definitely not the kind of person I would ever want any interaction with. What I did want to do is use your presence indirectly to prove a point that I've been wanting to get into for some time now.

To put it simply, I'll say this: a career in professional writing is not actually as cool or important as you might think it is.

Now I'll be direct and say that I've never been traditionally published for anything longer than a short story or long-term, unpaid column. You don't give any details on any of your writing, as far as I've seen (Once again - interesting!), so there's a chance you've made more in contracts and royalties than I have. But I'm a working writer. I've had a career in ghostwriting and technical writing. I've written and produced plays that have been featured in festivals in multiple states. I'm not speaking from a place of no experience, is what I mean to say.

What I also mean to say is that - while I view writing in many ways as a spiritual and healing act that I couldn't live without - it's also a job. It's not always exciting, and even when it is exciting it's only exciting to me. I consider the best date night to be when my wife works on video game development while I write my draft. I leave the house on a regular basis, but it's mainly to go to different places to write.

In short - I love to write, but I don't think it makes me cool. Or interesting. Or valuable. Or intelligent. Or just generally fun to be around and talk to. These are things I strive to cultivate in other aspects of the way I live and grow as a human being on this planet.

Being a Professional Author in one particular genre doesn't give you authority over the craft as a whole. You can't just throw yourself into conversations and start with I'm a published writer and assume that means you have the final say on any discussion. Believe it or not, in many cases it does not matter.

Lots of people are published traditionally, and it does prove some level of validity in their line of work. But there are a huge variety of people in the world of trad pub. There are people who write books in genres that don't apply to writers here. There are people who write books that aren't very good. There are even people who write trad pub books that are very good, but their careers are sullied by the fact that the authors themselves are not good people.

Being a successful writer does not mean you're a good person. Being a writer at all does not mean you are a good person. I believe in Death of the Author to an extent, but when that author insists on making a presence on a public website and doling out advice and opinions to other writers the lines start to blur considerably.

Writing is a job. You work it over a period of time and learn skills and strategies that work for you. The same applies to virtually every other job, including ones that society views as less romantic as something in the arts. Can you imagine me breaking into your home while you're making lunch and telling you how to arrange your cheese slices based on what I know as a full-time, professional sandwich artist at Subway? You might be interested based on leaning something you didn't know about a place you might've eaten at before. But that does not entitle me to your respect on its own.

I am not entitled to your respect based on how well I learned how to make a sandwich based on my hypothetical career at Subway. Just as I don't deserve it solely because I know two card tricks, can get out a variety of stains, read most of the works of the major beatniks, can make a really good carbonara, or any other specific about my life that ultimately does not play a huge part in who I am as a person.

When I am on my death bed, I hope to god the core of my character was not the fact that I typed stories from my brain until I got carpal tunnel. If my obituary begins and ends at "writer", no matter how positive the qualifier is before that, it will be the greatest failure of my life.

Because I am a writer. But that does not matter. It does not matter if you're a writer. It can be fun and enjoyable if you are, even better if you make a living at it, but it doesn't mean you'll be happy. It doesn't mean people will like you or perceive you to be the leader and teacher you might think you are. It certainly doesn't give you a free pass to throw cruelty at strangers for truly no real reason.

Professional Author, you had a chance to raise up the next generation of an industry I assume you must value. You're choosing not to, and that's fine. You don't have the obligation to. You do have the choice to not get involved and pretend to give advice that ranges from vague to untrue. You seem to be taking that responsibility very seriously.

It's like some twist on crab mentality, where instead of dragging crabs trying to escape the bucket you're swiping at anyone who tries to crawl in with you. Then, as they struggle, you're looking down at them and making comments on how easy it is to get in the bucket, if you only just do it and maybe read some books.

To all of us, I say this: question authority, even in the arts. Especially in the arts. Nobody knows as much as they say. That includes me, but I do know this - any branch of publishing feels really good. It's scary but it's fun. If you're traditional published or indie published or self published, it says nothing about how good your book is or how good you are as a writer or how valuable you are as a human being.

Don't be this lonely bucket crab. They seem mean and I'm tired of talking about them.

Best Regards,

Clove

[margindoodles2407]

So.

Was anyone going to tell me before I started reading the William Shakespeare's Star Wars Series by Ian Doescher

That this man rivals Matthew Stover himself in his ability to take Revenge of the Sith from tragic to absolutely SOUL-CRUSHING?

@whyoneartheven GET OVER HERE AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. YOU LIKE SHAKESPEARE WE CAN BE NERDS TOGETHER

Highlights from The Tragedy of the Sith's Revenge:

The use of Rumor as a character and a plot device, like in Richard III, because Dramatic Irony

After the whole "Hey the Jedi Council doesn't trust the chancellor, we need you to spy on him" debacle, Obi-Wan gets a monologue about how much he loves Anakin and has been worrying about a growing darkness within him, and swears to do whatever he can to prevent him from Darkness

The Tragedy Of Darth Plagueis The Wise (tm) is a PLAY WITHIN A PLAY THAT PALPATINE ASKS THE ACTORS TO PERFORM, like in Hamlet, CAUSE PALPATINE AND ANAKIN ARE AT AN OPERA OH MY GOSH I LOST MY MIND IT'S SO COOL

Padme keeps having lines about how worried she is for Anakin and how she keeps praying for the preservation of his soul ;_;

After Anakin's fall, he and Palpatine are referred to for the REST OF THE PLAY as Vader and Sidious

TWO UNNAMED JEDI HAVE THEIR OWN SCENE ABOUT HOW WHILST LOOKING THROUGH THE CLONE HANDBOOK (tm) THEY NOTICED THAT A CERTAIN ORDER WAS SKIPPED OVER. THEY THEN LAUGH ABOUT IT AND GO TO WATCH THE YOUNGLINGS DO THEIR LIGHTSABER PRACTICE

Sidious has a soliloquy about his awfulness. ENDING IN: "Die, light, die, any good that ever was,/Die, wisdom; yea, die, virtue, die, respect,/Die, honor, die, nobility, die, right-/These qualities shall perish on this day./For lo, the Sith do ply their merry tricks,/Come, Death: thy name is Order Sixty-Six."

I AM SCREAMING

FREAKING CODY HAS A MONOLOGUE ABOUT HOW HE DOESN'T WANT TO KILL HIS BEST FRIEND OBI-WAN

I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE TO MAKE ANAKIN KILLING CHILDREN SADDER BUT APPARENTLY IT'S POSSIBLE IF YOU HAVE HIM ASK THEM IF THEY'VE SAID THEIR PRAYERS BECAUSE, AND I QUOTE, "I WOULD NOT KILL YOUR UNPREPARÉD SPIRITS;/NO, HEAV'N FORFEND! I WOULD NOT KILL YOUR SOULS"

When Yoda sends Obi-Wan to fight Anakin on Mustafar, Obi has a monologue about how PERHAPS, ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE, HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT VADER HAS EFFECTIVELY KILLED ANAKIN "FROM A CERTAIN POINT OF VIEW"

The whole "You turned her against me/You have done that yourself/You will not take her from me/Your anger and your lust for power have already done that/et cetera et cetera/I will do what I must/You will try" is done using, of all things, Nautical and Sailorly imagery. High Fantasy Star Wars, Anyone? (this legitimately made me so happy; they also have a similar conversation in The Clone Army Attacketh during the scene where Padme's asleep and they're talking about politicians)

WHEN. WHEN OBI CUTS OFF HIS LEGS AND IS DOING THE WHOLE "YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE" SPEECH. ANAKIN HAS A MONOLOGUE ABOUT HOW HE'D CRY TO OBI-WAN FOR HELP BUT (HE THINKS) OBI-WAN WOULD ABANDON HIM, WHICH ENDS IN "I HATE YOU"

Hey. Hey listen. Obi-Wan, after the battle, SINGS a FUNERAL LAMENT for Anakin

"Although it may be said that I have won,/Herein hath died the heart of Obi-Wan" EXCUSE ME MR DOESCHER WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION

No no, listen to what Padme says about her children: "He shall be Luke, and walk among the skies./Heart of mine heart, and issue of my love." "'Tis Leia, who, like me, is royalty./Brave spirit, do remember thy sad mother."

(loud ugly sobbing can be heard from Margin)

I AM. NOT OKAY

[toxicroyjamie]

ok for angst then: do you think roy ever unintentionally scares jamie? bc as much as roy ISN'T james tartt, he is an older man with anger issues, a history of violence, who is constantly telling jamie what to do / how to play. and i say unintentionally not only on roy's behalf but also because jamie DOES trust roy so so so much, IMO, but his body's reactions might not always listen. how do you think they'd deal with that situation?

Ooh great question. Going to try to express myself as best I can here because I know this is a hotly contested topic

Personally, I don't think Roy reminds Jamie of James very much if at all. There are superficial similarities, but Jamie's relationship with Roy is so different from his relationship with his father that I don't get the impression that he sees them as analogous in any way.

For one thing, Jamie does what James tells him to do because he's "fucking terrified" (as he says in Mom City) of him, which makes sense, because grew up knowing that he'd be assaulted if he didn't do what James told him to do. Jamie's obviously not scared of Roy - he spends the entire first season disrespecting his authority as captain, calling him names, and starting physical fights with him, which he wouldn't do if he saw Roy as a threat. His devotion to Roy comes from a place of respect rather than fear, which creates a completely different dynamic than the one he has with his father. Jamie knows that Roy is very talented, very experienced, and has his best interests at heart (unlike James), and he freely agrees to let Roy train him on the basis that he believes Roy legitimately has something to offer him. He describes Roy telling him what to do/how to play as "motivating" and "encouraging" because it's something he actually wants and benefits from

Wrt the yelling, I don't think it really bothers Jamie all that much in the context of the workplace. There's a scene in the locker room where Roy is cussing everybody out at the top of his lungs and Jamie is standing right behind him laughing lol (and ik people think that was a character break but Phil says it was scripted and I Believe him). Jamie's spent his whole life in men's sports, and I'm sure he's plenty used to being yelled at by coaches. The only time Jamie has a visceral reaction to yelling is when Ted is telling him off about practice in Two Aces, and I think that's because he sees Ted as a father figure on a personal level in season 1

HOWEVER Jamie almost definitely has c-ptsd, and I think Roy has certain habits that could trigger him in some situations. For example, there's a scene in "headspace" where Roy and Keeley are fighting and he storms out of the room, shouts "FUCK," and slams something (which James does in "the hope that kills you"). I think that's the kind of thing that would be problematic in a relationship with Jamie moreso than the training stuff

The best option would be for Roy to talk to Dr. Fieldstone about it, and I think at the point the s3 finale left off, that's exactly what he would do. He'd probably feel incredibly guilty and I think he's at a point where that would drive him to commit to finding better coping mechanisms.

They'd also have to have a conversation about it of course. Set boundaries. "I love you but you cannot walk around here slamming doors and breaking shit that isn't okay with me" etc

[fallynleaf]

i've been away from tumblr a bit because i've been busy (again), and i also had my interest piqued by one of the most unique shows i've ever seen lol so i've spent the past few days on Japanese producer Tokio Omori's wild ride fgkjdhg

i'm not really the right person to talk about Omori's influence in the modern Japanese horror scene because most of my knowledge is secondhand (read my friend's wonderful article for an overview of some of the biggest names in the scene right now!), but he was part of the creative team for A Missing Exhibition, which i've talked about and giffed here already.

anyway, just over a week ago, Omori announced the release of a new project he finished, and it was basically the last thing my friends and i were expecting to see from one of the top up-and-coming creators in the modern Japanese horror scene.

it’s called フィクショナル ("Fictional"), and it’s…....... a BL drama???

i nearly fell out of my chair when i saw the news dfgkjhg

QUEER READING OF 正体不明 VINDICATED 😤

naturally i was super curious what this show was even about (and was admittedly also a bit wary, because i mean... i've seen three of Omori's previous projects lol i know what he's like. there was bound to be some sort of trickery here, i just knew it).

however, it's extremely inaccessible hahaha. it's on a weird app that's a huge pain to get if you live outside of Japan, and obviously there are no English subtitles to speak of, and the app is so tyrannical with its DRM protection, custom subtitling it is basically not an option, either.

but, せっかく (after much trouble) i was able to access the show, and it does have Japanese subtitles available, so i was able to slowly and painstakingly watch it by pausing repeatedly to look up a bunch of words hahaha.

it ended up being the first (non-wrestling) show i watched fully in Japanese! though it's really the length of a movie and not a proper drama lol. it was NOT a breezy casual romcom type of BL with easy Japanese, let me tell you 😅

i'm gonna talk about it a bit because i doubt you'll find this show discussed in many other places, even in Japanese.

Tokio Omori's Fictional asks the real questions, like, should you get a job creating AI deepfake videos for the scumbag straight guy you have a gay crush on?

(light spoilers)

i will say this is absolutely an Omori project through and through. i don't think you can quite call this one horror, but it's a thriller at the very least. there are a lot of unsettling and uncomfortable themes, and it plays on your expectations a lot. i feel like Omori's anger really comes through in this, as a creator who has largely built his career on creating fake documentaries for artistic purposes in a world where AI deepfakes now exist that are being used for unfathomable evil.

i hesitate a bit to call it a BL (even though it calls itself one!), because it's not really about a gay romance at all, though it has a canonically LGBTQ main character and gay desire is one of the main driving forces of the show. the gay aspect feels very secondary to the main story it wants to tell. i suppose it's a bit of a bait and switch in that regard, though the more i think about it, the more i think it's actually kind of cool that they labeled it BL because i feel like it rejects the limits that other people impose on the genre, and it also embraces a label that is somewhat stigmatized (or at least de-legitimized as serious art).

i don't think the typical BL audience will really like this one, though, hahaha. there are a few Japanese BL fans talking it up on twitter, but they seem to be BL fans who are actually queer and who genuinely care a lot about LGBTQ rights and other political issues, which unfortunately isn't really the norm for a BL fan in Japan.

the scenes that are charged with sexuality in this work aren't the kind of scenes that would really appeal to an audience of mostly straight women, i'll put it that way. it never gives the sense of being meant for an audience who is mainly there to fetishize a M/M relationship.

it's also incredibly political. like, far more than i was expecting! i've seen Six Hack, another Omori work, and that one had a lot of commentary on like anti-vax covid conspiracies as well as conspiracy theories just in general, but Fictional went quite a bit further than that.

one thing that really struck me was its portrayal of a deepfake being used to fan anti-immigrant sentiment, causing a man to attack a group of people protesting for immigrant rights. the context was within Japan, where anti-immigrant sentiment is a big issue, but it's also a big problem in the US right now, and the protesters getting attacked was also legitimately a bit triggering for me, as someone who has been out on the the street protesting a lot this year. it was upsetting to see that depicted and know that it wasn't that far from reality...

(big spoilers)

i think my biggest criticism of the show is that it went a little too overboard with the main character's paranoia in the last chunk. he starts losing his grip on reality, which makes sense with how things had been going, but it felt like a fairly generic twist to me. i wish the show had been a little more restrained and had him lose faith in all phone/video/image communication, but not his in-person reality, or something.

though one thing i really appreciate is that it never calls into question his gay feelings for another man. as someone on twitter put it, his love is the only real thing in a world overflowing with fakes.

i'm glad that Omori left that part alone, and am also glad that the gay character didn't die. i wasn't a super big fan of the ending overall (i think it satirizes getting redpilled a little too heavily lol at the expense of sacrificing some of its coherence as an original work), but i feel like that may just be me wanting something different out of the story than what Omori was wanting to tell.

i'll definitely be watching his future work with more interest now, though. he's the kind of Japanese creator that alt-right anime fans in the west don't believe exists. it's cool as always to see someone at the forefront of a genre like horror doing things that go outside of the mold beyond simply innovating new stuff in the genre. it feels very brave to tell a story like this, and it's admirable that he's using whatever power/influence he has to make that story happen, even if we have to put up with the most annoying app in history to watch it lol.

they're apparenly going to be airing Fictional in a 30 min slot on tv. i can't imagine how they can cut it down to just 30 minutes... i hope the gay stuff and the political stuff stay in. if they don't, i suppose that might explain why the show ended up on a weird app instead of just airing on tv from the get-go...

[penelopecruzcoded]

i have had the most tentatively lukewarm relationship with my voice all my life. its actual pitch/tonality/what have you (accents are a separate can of worms and novella entirely). at best i've always felt neutral about it and at worst i couldn't fucking stand to ever hear it played back to me -- nails on a chalkboard felt comparable. but maybe this is a multifaceted issue too because the cringe factor in those playbacks also stems from what i said in the past, and inevitably finding those things i said stupid and cringe. even my singing voice is something that does not meet my personal standards, could be so much better, always kicking myself for not keeping up with vocal training etc.

so interesting, you can change so many aspects of yourself, go under the knife and have a whole new face but a voice change is nigh impossible. sure you can train yourself to talk or sound different, and maybe with enough hours logged and effort put in, somehow, this will become your natural default voice? though i cannot fathom it from where i stand, me speaking in a higher or softer tone that wouldn't require deliberate or conscious continuous changing, and a tension i assume would follow it like when you're sucking in your stomach for a photo. you can't just live your life with your stomach sucked in all the time-- then again you can and i'm sure there's people who do it, but my god that sounds uncomfortable. trans folks and voice training comes to mind, i'm sure there are legitimate tips and tricks and techniques, but i've never looked into them.

it's not even that i want to necessarily change my voice drastically because i don't even know what i'd want to change it to? always being soft spoken is not me, i can't imagine not using the full range of my voice just to maintain some kind of kawaii girl aesthetic. i adore how sabrina carpenter's dips into very deep timbres in certain moments, it makes her all the more cute somehow vs. the girls who try to stay cute by keeping their voice high, it feels strained and unnatural. florence pugh also comes to mind, it's such an ingrained thing her insta bio literally mentions her deeply weird voice-- and she's all the more unique and memorable for it. diverse voices are beautiful, and voices from the kinds of people you'd never expect them. this all to say that i admire a great range of them, and have never once thought "oh, i want her voice". maybe ariana's from time to time because her speaking voice has such a pleasant musicality to it, some of her zach sang interviews and the way she says certain words get lodged in my mind for so long. but lol look how often she's gotten dragged in the past year alone for "changing her voice". it's not necessarily a change i'm looking for i guess, just to learn how to love and accept and become familiar with my own, and to grow into it finally. i fucking feel like mute ariel with the way i feel disjointed from my voice and not able to accept it as a part of me, even though i'm the biggest yapper on earth who yaps nonstop irl. but that's an unconscious act i never put much thought into.

[persephoneandherhades]

I cant emphasize this enough. IF YOU THINK AT ALL EVER THAT YOU MIGHT MAYBE HAVE SLEEP APNEA, GET TESTED.

I have been dealing with sleep issues for so many years, at least since my early teens. I legitimately thought it was just depression fucking with me. And yeah depression played its part. However as i found out several months ago, it was far from the only reason. I snore, all night and very loudly. Someone told me that if you snore really loudly you might have sleep apnea so i talked to my doctor about it. I wasnt totally convinced so we did a take home pulseox monitor test to see if my readings over night might indicate if it was possible. It was very much possible. I am now convinced so i agree to an overnight sleep study in the hospital. the whole shabang. They put electrodes or whatever all over my body and i slept. I got up, checked out. They said ur doc will be in touch with your results and sent me on my way.

In my personal experience, nothing in the medical world works quickly unless death is on the line and sometimes not even then. So i was more than a little surprised and concerned when i got a call from the sleep doctor's office affiliated with the hospital i was tested at only a few hours later. They scheduled me an appointment to come in and discuss next steps and the appointment was so soon, i knew they squeezed me in because no doctors in my area have availability that quickly. I go to the appointment and im very nervous and this very concerned woman started explaining more about sleep apnea and my results.

The average adult stops breathing 3-5 times a night. I stopped breathing 117 times in 1 HOUR.

Do you know what its like to be told you are basically fighting for your life in your sleep every night? Its TERRIFYING. This poor woman was horrified on my behalf and ordered a cpap machine for me. Unfortunately due to the supply chain issues, cpap machines had months long wait list. So when i was laid off work a month later causing me to loose my health insurance, i wasnt even close to getting a machine. So i get a new job and wait the 3 months to get insurance and start the process of finding doctors that my new insurance will cover. So now 5 months after my sleep study i am sitting in another sleep doctors office. I hand this man the papers detailing my sleep study and watch the blood drain from his face while he reads.

If you have never scared a doctor before I wouldn't recommend it.

This poor man sees that i have been waiting to get a cpap machine for 5 months and puts in the order for one. While he is putting in the order he is trying very hard to be casual while asking me questions that boil down to how the fuck do function normally? How can you drive a car without falling asleep at the wheel? I then have to admit that i have been compensating for extreme exhaustion since i was a teenager so its all very normal for me now. I thank him for his time and go about my day.

This doctor let me know that the wait for a cpap now is about 3 weeks so im already happy, like that is sooo much shorter than it was 5 months ago. He says the home health equipment office will call me when my machine comes in.

I got the call from the home health office that same day. Turns out i horrified that sleep doctor so much that he put a rush on my cpap order so i got bumped to the front of the list. I had my machine 2 days later.

I have had this thing for 3 weeks now and i cant describe how amazing i feel. I am used to waking up at least a dozen times a night, now its only once or twice. Im used to having trouble keeping my eyes open long enough to turn off my alarm clock in the morning and i am used to making myself keep moving so i dont instantly fall back asleep. Now i am awake and alert when my alarm goes off. I dont wake up already exhausted anymore. I learned early in my driving life that i have to listen to audiobooks in the car to keep my mind engaged enough to not start to fall asleep at the wheel. For the first time in years i was able to just listen to music in the car and not start nodding off. I haven't needed to take a nap after work even once.

I have been told that i might not notice changes until after the first month with the machine so i am so excited about what else might change because of this machine. I cried actual tears the other day because of it.

It has already changed my day to day life significantly. The machine is so small for the miracle it has already given me. I cant even hear it when its on. I have a fan on at night and the machine is quieter than my fan.

Getting tested is so so worth it. The benefit to your life could be so significant.

I have other things that i need to take care of for my health but taking care of this one has made it easier to work on the others.

If you think you might have it, get tested.