#if only i could actually write SIGH

[galvanizedfriend]

hii Yokan! i miss you!😭

how are you? how is work?? I hope everything is going well<3

rn there's a little Comic Con in my city, and it really did help my mood!! (even tho I throwed up 6 times and fainted during the morning of the first day due to the heat and lack of iron🥲) 2 days down, 2 more to go 🙏

ANYWAYS! I know you've been going through a writer's block lately, and I read a post that said something about asking/commenting about the fictions to help the "stucked" autor, SO!

I've been re-reading TW III (shocking, I know) and those little hints about married!kc are just 😭😭 my heart melts, really, although... I was never really sure you'd get them married, mostly due to Care's speech to Cami about how Klaus supposedly sees weddings, and because I remember you saying that you weren't planning on giving them an actual marriage, but rather the closest thing next to it. I checked to comments to see other thoughts, and I saw one of you reply saying that you were completely against married!kc at the start, but then you were slowing changing your mind about it...

so, what was it that made you say "fuck it, I'm gonna ring the bells"?? is it because many people asked you to do it, so you are throwing us a bone, or is it something else?? I'm really interest on hearing the process of your change of heart <3

have a good one, friend <3 love you xoxo

I don't know if I am eloquent enough or if my train of thought makes much sense, but I will try 😂

Also grab a chair because this will be a long one. Be careful what you ask me, I do not know how to shut the fuck up 🙃

Objectively, I still think Klaus is not the marrying kind (in canon context, at least). That man has been alive for a thousand years. He's the vampire of vampires, one who sees humans as a lower species. He's used to getting what he wants by conquering and subjugating because he can. Why would he ever submit himself to an inherently human institution that, throughout history, has served as a tool for various types of social, political and religious control? The ceremony itself doesn't mean anything to him. He probably thinks it's ridiculous and performative, not to mention extremely frail. You can just change your mind and get a divorce, or the good old spouse murder, and then what? What's even the point?

(Just to be clear: I'm not personally preaching against weddings and marriages here btw, it's just how I think Klaus might have seen it.)

If you look at it from the sentimental side, Klaus spent almost a thousand years saying that love is a sign of weakness, a character flaw. He carried his siblings, the only people he genuinely cared about, inside coffins because he didn't trust them enough not to leave him, betray him or end up captured and killed by one of his enemies. Now, why would he want to marry someone, thus exposing yet another vulnerability to be exploited?

Having said that 😂

When we first see Klaus in TVD he's trying to surround himself with a whole new OP supernatural species that will have no choice but to stand with him. They will protect him, they will go to war for him, do whatever he asks them to and they will never leave (or that's what he thought, anyway) because they don't have a choice. That is the only way Klaus knows how to trust people: by completely removing their capacity to challenge him. That's how paranoid he is.

But as the story progresses, and especially with The Wolf in particular because it takes their relationship much further than the show, Klaus realizes there is more than one way to earn people's trust. I feel like that's one of the pillars of his relationship with Caroline. He could've just compelled her (in TVD, not TW because she's a witch), but he never did because he wanted more from her than obedience. All of the things he liked about her - her personality, her honesty, her fire, her loyalty - would've been essentially erased or made meaningless if he'd compelled her. Which puts her in direct opposition to how he related to his hybrids, right? He pretends to be fine with people who have no choice but to follow him, but what he really craves is more real than that. He surrounds himself with people who will worship the ground he walks on after some forged "gratitude" for releasing them of their curse, but he is fascinated by how gutsy Caroline is to look him in the eye and tell him the things that no one else will dare to. What he really seeks but doesn't have the courage to admit is that he wants someone who will choose to be with him. And that's the difficult part, because it can't be conquered or taken, it has to be earned.

Klaus comes from a place of paranoia and extreme distrust of everything and everyone around him, especially after Mikael in New Orleans, and he feels very isolated and alone. He tells Stefan about that, right? The loneliness of immortality. When The Wolf starts, in spite of how he and Caroline were having a bit of a thing before it, he's not sure she would want to stay with him. Actually, he thinks the first chance she gets, she's gonna bail. It's why he's mad when he thinks she wants to terminate the pregnancy. It's not about the baby (it's never about the baby), he couldn't care less about the damn baby at that point, it's the fact that he thinks she's trying to get rid of him, as if that pregnancy is the one thing that is holding them together at that point and so if she's no longer pregnant, she doesn't have to be with him. What I'm very inarticulately trying to say is that his initial approach to Caroline being pregnant is the same he had with his hybrids, as if the baby is a version of a sire bond. It's crazy and dysfunctional, yes, but it's how Klaus rationalizes it, how he thinks he gets to keep people around him - either through daggering them or giving them no choice.

Slowly, Klaus internalizes the fact that Caroline is choosing him. She tells him that a few times throughout the story, and even when he's hallucinating her at the beginning of TW4, because that's something that she has said before and that has stuck with him for reason. She could've left him at any point, but she didn't because she wants to be with him. It's a choice that she has made not because he forced her to, but because she's in love with him. She protects him, she fights for him, she walks through hellfire for him because she wants to, not because she must. He has earned her trust and her love and her loyalty. And that is something that is new for Klaus in his one thousand years of life, at least at this magnitude and with this much clarity and certitude.

So I think when I started writing TW3, which was them in their domestic era, it started to feel like something Klaus might actually do. Not just because it obviously does mean something to Caroline and he would basically do anything for her (even though she never asks for it, which in itself is something, because Caroline comes from relationships that made her feel so insecure and unsafe that she would've held on to a ring like a lifeline, but with Klaus she simply does not need hard evidence to feel safe and reassured, she knows how Klaus feels about her, she's very comfortable in their relationship, she knows that what offers her means a lot more than a thousand weddings to other people ever would - even though she does still love a good wedding lol), but because it suddenly makes sense to him. Not the big party, or the tradition of it, or making it official or anything of the sort, but as a way to externalize what he feels. There is a symbolism to it that while not ideal, it might be the closest to thing to expressing just how devoted he is to her and how she is, pure and simple, eternity for him. When that comes from someone who has lived for as long he has, and who has been as cynical as he was for as long as he was, it does mean something, even if nothing else does.

There is a territorial factor to it as well, of course. 😌 He's a very possessive man and so he wants everyone to know Caroline is his, and it's why it first came to him during the thing with Jackson, but it's more than just that. If it was just about that, he wouldn't do it. He is at a point where he no longer has any doubts about how Caroline feels for him (although there will be a little something something on that front at the beginning of TW4, just because they've been apart for so long, but it will be quickly dispelled).

The most sacred thing for Klaus was the vow he took with his siblings when they fled Viking Falls. They stuck together through everything because of that. He knows the value of a vow and a promise. And he wants a version of that with Caroline. It's the first time in his life when he contemplates genuinely offering that to someone other than his family. There are a million ways he could go about it, probably, but he knows asking her to marry him is the one that will be most representative to her, because of the age where she was born and how she grew up, etc.

And so that is why I decided that Klaus was going to buy a ring even though I crossed my heart and hoped to die a million times for years when people asked me about that. 😂 I just think it's the natural course this story has taken. It's long enough that it eventually made sense to me that he might do it.

Does any of that make sense???? I don't know! I just typed my stream of thought and hoped for the best and now I'm afraid to read it again, so apologies if it's just crazy words.

Now if only I can get back to writing and actually get to that part. 🥲 Pray for me 🙏

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK! 🙃 Here have a pretty married Klaroline gif.

[radiocity]

The L Word: Lookbook ↳ 2.01, Life, Loss, Leaving

[astronomodome]

kept trying to write something coherent but instead i just wrote a bunch of vaguely religious gibberish about my own interpretation of the watchers and their whole deal. does anyone want to read it

[boxwinebaddie]

Hi Uncle Neen! HYH! It sucks to see you struggling cuz you are a big inspiration of mine :( but you said you did your makeup the other day. Can we seeeeeeeeee maybe?

d'awwww ksahdlkdss, you are so sweet, nonnie! thank you so so soooo much, baby! xx i really needed this. i hope i heal ( i will...i have to, i am too much of an asshole to let god win, fuck him ) and i hope you heal from whatever harms you as well! you can do it! mWAH!~

-- also brb crying ;-; <3333 whenever y'all tell me i inspire you, it seriously makes me want to cry; you mean SO much to me, so to mean so much to you; it's Everything to me, my love. thank you for believing in me, know i believe infinitely in YOU and will keep fighting the good fight, living authentically and modelling pos behavior on this blog bc i take being a role model very seriously. :')

BUT ANYWAYS! sakhdlasd oh my god aaAaaAAAaa please!!! YOU ARE SO CUTE, THIS IS SO CUTE OF YOU, hELP AAAAA!!!!!! but yes, of course, of course. considering i am super bacteria nina right now and had to resign from my ( admittedly ) trash job and am no longer, at this moment, an education girlie ( besides on here, ofc, educating you on my two gay sons in love ), i can freely exist and post pictures of myself again! thank you for for giving me a safe place to do that. <3

i'll elaborate on what 'safe' means to me down below, but just for context i took this...sigh...last week, when i was told i would 'all better', just trying to feel like myself again after a month of being unmadeup and unfitted and ugly and troll-like and on death fucking row and fucking miserable as hell, i had my new hair appointment lined up, was about ready to take life by the balls again...and that shit BLUE BALLED ME SO HARD AND SAID *ravenstan vc* JK, BABY!

okay, sorry i have some really bad scarring and wounding up there by my neck so i had to cover her up but...there she is! the she beast!

as for posting pictures of myself just...please...PLEASE BE KIND. and i wish i meant that as a joke, i mean it very, VERY seriously. i am at a point right now, where i look my very fucking worst, i am weaker than i have ever been in my life, there are abrasions all over my body, which per the results of my culture ( i was right...several fucking times and no one would listen to me ) my body is trying to kill me and right now...it is Winning. ( i'm not gonna lose tho, dw, i am a nasty bitch from hell and i refuse to die this ugly, i fucking won't; choke )

tldr; I AM VERY VERY VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW I LOOK. I DO NOT FEEL PRETTY, I AM LIKE ONE BAD COMMENT AWAY FROM TEARING THE SKIN OFF MY FACE AND I AM TELLING YOU GUYS I CANNOT DO THAT, I CANT CREATE ANY TEARING ON MY BODY OR THE BACTERIA WILL TUNNEL AND ITS HARD ENOUGH AS A BITCH WITH DERMATILOMANIA.

PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.

i know we shoot the shit on here and are funny and clown eachother, you guys are my family; it's what families do, but my boundary is that you can say i am pretty and be objectively kind or Please do not send me anything At ALL about how i look; i CANNOT take it rn. i know were just joking, but please, please, PLEASE Do NOT compare me to any ugly creatures, make me feel weird about any part of my face, tell me i look blurry, say anything is too big or too small…

please don’t meme on me abt my appearance...Ever.

it’s a very sensitive spot for me and makes me v anxious.

all this to say, i love you; thank you for being my home.

HYH.

-uncle nina, single ravesey mother and human petri dish

[theflagscene]

Fighting with the overwhelming urge to rewatch all 6 episodes of The Sign tonight since I’m going to be up, I could watch other things that I never managed to finish or even start, but no, here I am, wanting to watch The Sign whilst waiting for the week - that just started - to end already so I can watch the new episode lol. See this is why I wait until stuff airs fully and then just binge it, I’m impatient af.

[cartoon-skeleton]

while drafting my comic teachers wanted nelly's feelings for cosmo to be more explicit in one direction (either romantic or platonic) and to that i say, simply, it doesnt really matter to the story HOW they love each other, just that they DO. but SECONDLY, it's simply too predictable if an angel-coded alien randomly falls out of the sky and the protagonist immediately falls in love with him. obviously, if it were GOING to happen at all, it would be one thousand times better if the angel-coded alien fell out of the sky and then became smitten with a loser who has the nervous sweats so bad that he walks around half naked on a daily basis and has zero swag. why? um because he was the only person on the entire planet that showed him kindness. DUH!!!!!!!! nervvy nelly is a loser but he is empathetic and has the unrelenting urge to be useful and helpful. cosmo is a chronic loner who has traveled around the universe solo because of his disdain for the lack of kindness he has consistently observed in others. DUH again. even though i cut that tidbit of cosmo lore out of the final cut so how would anyone know that except for me. oopsy. WELL YOU CAN INFER IT! put on your thinking cap

[stunfiskz]

“decidedesteth” what the fuck is his problem seriously

[xeneric-shrooms]

Trying to decide whether or not to keep Cotilona as is or get a new imp with xyx berry

the xyx berry Cotilona will be under the cut

And I just checked and there are no xyx berry impsCMON. Post cancelled I guess, I do NOT want to do an imp breeding project.

Well I'll just use this as an excuse for lore dumping because Arcanist forbid I actually write my dragons' bios,,

===

»content warning for unsettling and gorey talk under cut«

Cotilona is a necromancer and necromancy comes at a price: the user's own self. Not only does it take from your body, but it also takes from your soul and mind.

The more times you use necromancy, the more and more you lose yourself and become nothing more than a husk.

Along with this process comes the results of the revived/rebirths. Over time, the beings begin to come back less complete, begin to come back wrong.

It starts out small— some missing patches of scales/fur/feathers, small patches of missing skin, or minor alterations to the mind— to bigger things such as missing or additional limbs/muscles/organs/bones, organs and limbs grown in the wrong locations, complete loss of mind, etc etc.

———

Reviving and rebirthing are two different things.

Reviving takes a fully/mostly intact body, typically in the first or second stages of decomposition (or third if its very early in the stage), and a small amount of excess organic matter such as meat. This process takes a very small part of the users body, mind, and soul.

Rebirthing is more difficult. A being must be rebirthed past the third stage of decomposition or if there is no skeleton at all. It requires a large amount of excess organic matter— meat, bone, organs, scales/feathers/fur— and some form of organic matter from the being itself (larger portions are better if possible). This takes a lot from the necromancer's self.

Now, I've stated that organic matter is required for reviving and rebirthing, but don't worry as other dragon matter is not required.

The organic matter must be very fresh in order to work, so the necromancer or another dragon has to go out and hunt right before the ritual.

Which kind of meat you need to gather depends on what animal group the being is in; mammalian, reptilian, avian, amphibian.

The exceptions to this are Aberrations and Aethers. Aberrations are impossible to revive or rebirth due to the mutating caused by the Wyrmwound. You'd have better luck begging Plaguebringer.

Aether reviving/rebirthing is very difficult due to the multiple generations of adaptive evolution they went through to adjust to life in space. The best way to go about reviving/rebirthing is to use direct organic matter from another Aether.

Finding a necromancer that is willing to use another dragon as a source for organic matter would be extremely difficult for obvious reasons. It's seen as incredibly immoral.

[riewritten]

the worst feeling is when you're too sad that you could almost feel yourself throwing up to ease the heaviness in ur consciousness but then throwing up is exhausting as hell. so u just, like, throw up words instead by writing. but. butttt. u r too tired to think. too sad to come up with words to vomit.

[bougonia]

hmm. i hate to say it but i do think my art was more creative when i was smoking weed.

[daydadahlias]

oh PLS i can sacrifice main ship ash to have mattshton together and happy just once

but can EYE sacrifice main ship ash

[meringuejellyfish]

i think the fact that witch hat atelier somewhat struggles with introducing a few too many characters at a time but then not really taking the time to fully flesh out or utilize them leaving for much to desire from characters that do appear to be quite interesting is something i consider a blunder of the series but its also rather humorous to me because i think this author just really likes character design i will be honest

[bethiewhimsy]

Your words of Kenji are beautiful, as truly, along with Kyouka, he has suffered loss so overwhelming that it renders him exhausted, and he is reminded of it every time someone he loves is harmed. And his cheerful demeanour is very genuine. It is portrayed as naïveté but the real Kenji Miyazawa wished for peace, and Kenji’s outlook upon suffering is that it should not happen to his loved ones...

exactly ! oh my stars above, exactly !

i also think about how he is robbed of so much. his family, his home, his best friend, even the right to eat whenever he feels hungry. and yet, he finds the world so beautiful, despite the horrors he has witnessed, the pain he’s been through, the new world with new people that he has to navigate. he is so strong and deserves to be told that somebody’s proud of him.

[muirneach]

just got a reel on instagram that was like ‘why we moved from toronto to calgary: low taxes’ which is already a red flag as is but the poster? JASON KENNEY 🤢🤢

[asteraceaye]

Why is it so fucking hard to get evaluated for dyslexia

[reaper-in-reverie]

I am mourning somebody who is alive.

I am mourning a girl, special to me as she was, who has ascended to a place I cannot reach. A place as unknown as the moon — dark, serene; something far into the void, yet I can still touch, see, and feel its beauty.

I think I am mourning a year of both pain and laughter. I think I am mourning a friendship — a human relationship — that I killed with my own two hands. A friendship that I took by the neck and squeezed. A friendship that I had plunged a knife into.

My hands will poison anything they touch. I despise myself for even trusting myself.

Do I blame you for letting me go? When the one at fault is in my tainted soul? A soul meant to always be left in the cold, ashy, dusty darkness — a soul that will only hurt. A soul that leaves a dark shadow in its path.

Yearning for another human being to stay for a tainted soul is a burden no one should have been forced to carry.  Though isn't it all but forgivable that a human's heart be blemished and overly-zealous?

I did not want us to die.

Was it selfish of me to have wanted to truly lived, just this once, with you?

The moment my existence is comforted, another existence loses its sights on being human.

I truly only hurt everything around me.

I am mourning a realization.

I am mourning the fact that what was once my hope in my own humanity has become my very proof of the opposite. I am mourning the fact that I never — never, ever, in a million lifetimes, even if all this comes to repeat — will wear a heartfelt smile in a world like this.

Not without you, the comfort of my existence.

Not without my humanity.

You are my humanity.

And I apologize you had to be so burdened by it.

║Ⓒ reapkusho on tumblr. 2024. all rights reserved. refrain from translating, copying, or stealing in any way, etc.