#if i end up dying from my brain

[petite-ursus]

Some comic diaries from January to April. Not uploaded to instagram yet, because I like to have 10ish at a time, but I genuinely just like these a lot.

The first two are some of my favorite consecutive panels I’ve done... I like the two ways I’m “alone” with my animals and out in nature, and the two ways Haley and I are spending time together. I like the meat dry aging locker with the roses as the Valentines day panel. Are the puzzle pieces straight? No. But neither am I. I’m also not thrilled with the quality of the very first panel, but there is one from two years ago (I put them side by side) where I’m there with just my cats, so it’s a kind of cool parallel, even if the newer one is chaotic.

And then the second two pages just came out really nice and easy? Like some panels I have to redraw until there is a hole in the page, and most of those (all?) were the base sketch and then the final.

[sulky-cabbage]

The sukugo fight can't get animated any sooner I'm craving sukugo tiktok edits

[unparalleled-alacrity]

Woe.Betober day 17: Mustardseed

Still in the compound

[rainbow-beanie]

I was kinda confused by Charlie’s reaction here, about Adam being THE ADAM, like the first male that was created. Until I realized that up till this point and onwards, Adam had been acting like a total brash jock kinda person, including being a complete and total dickhead, and with the realization that all humans descended from him, a lot of things began to click into place about why some of the demons in the pride ring act the way they do.

[daboyau]

Got half a foot chopped off my hair yesterday and i’m coming to terms with that. the cut is almost what I’d like after i got it wet and it got wavy again (the hairdresser straightened it for some reason and i hated it lol)

i think i need to give myself bangs though

[nekumiho]

stumbled upon these again while thinking about aus and like oughghghHHAHAAHA i should rly finish/redo some of these sometime. pros of being a roleplayer: i have 800 emmet aus. cons of being a roleplayer: i dont have enough aus that have both emmet AND ingo

[arolesbianism]

I am once again being haunted by "a paradox" holy fuck Olivia what the fuck is going on here what did you get yourself involved with and what did you do after it speak to me Olivia I can't keep living like this

[candyriku]

I unfortunately find myself unable to work on my current Soriku fic today due to my mental state, but I was able to make a bit of a teaser for the next big Soriku fanfiction that will be coming sometime after JTSYS is finished.

You can read it under the cut, but TW for blood, death, and uh, general misery. This has been cathartic for me to write but the whole idea of this fic is that things are impossibly doomed, so be warned - this is not the happy fun zone.

Blood. There was so much blood.

He had smelled it before even seeing it, the metallic scent thick in his nose before he had even rounded the corner. He had tried to convince himself that it was his own bleeding wound that he smelled, or maybe the blood of something else, someone else, but in his heart, he knew the truth. He picked up his pace, sprinting at top speed now, his sneakers splashing through shallow puddles on the wet pavement. 

When his eyes finally came to rest on the crumpled form at the end of the alley, the breath was knocked out of his chest as though someone had taken a baseball bat to his sternum. He knew, of course he knew, but he had hoped-

No. It didn’t matter what he hoped for. Hopes and wishes weren’t for people that walked his path. He had been denied the right to hope for anything ages ago. When he had signed that contract, signed away his soul, he forfeited all the cushy pleasures of a normal life. He had given up his chance of knowing peace.

But it had been worth it. If it was for Sora, anything was worth it.

Standing over Sora’s blood-soaked body, Riku tried to remind himself of that truth, the one thing that he had tethered his heart to all this time. It was worth it. Even if the chance of Sora making it out alive were next to none, there was still a chance. He could still fight.

One of these loops, Riku would get it right. He would figure out how to keep Sora safe, how to protect him from this accursed dimension where everything was designed to end his life. They would break out and live a normal life together, just the way they had always planned. 

There was a happy future waiting somewhere for the two of them. There had to be. Riku had gambled everything on it.

He crouched down, his shaking fingers gently brushing Sora’s tear-stained cheek. He could hardly stand to look at his face, but the sight of his broken, bleeding body was no better. The wounds were precise and lethal, and Riku was far too late.

No matter how many dozens of times he had watched Sora die, it never got easier. It never stopped feeling like his chest was a black hole caving in on itself, his heart squeezed until it was nothing more than dust. 

He couldn’t look. He couldn't look away.

Riku kneeled and placed both of Sora’s hands over his heart. He was about to speak and begin the incantation that would throw them both back to the starting point again, but Sora suddenly stirred, weakly reaching one hand up towards Riku’s face.

“Riku…” his voice was barely more than a whisper. 

“I’m here,” Riku said, the words catching in his throat. “Don’t speak. You can rest now. It’s okay.”

He hated to say it. He wanted to plead with Sora, wanted to beg him to stay. But if Riku had learned anything throughout the loops, it was that nothing came of begging. There was no one to answer his prayers; benevolent forces did not dwell here. At best, all it would accomplish would be making Sora sad in his final moments. At worst, future loops would be impacted by Riku’s words to Sora, twisting the knife further. He had seen it enough to know what to avoid now.

“I don’t want…” There was a weighted pause. “...Don’t want to leave you.” The pool of blood continued to grow. Riku knew - though he wished that he didn’t - that Sora wouldn’t be able to maintain consciousness for much longer at this rate. He could hardly believe Sora was awake even now. 

“We’ll meet again.” he assured Sora softly, trying to keep his voice steady. “Don’t worry. It'll be okay.” 

“You…” This pause was longer, much longer, and Riku was all but sure that Sora would not speak again. Finally, with a wet cough, Sora continued. “You promise?”

“I promise.” Riku lied. He leaned forward and kissed Sora’s forehead, his lips lingering there for several long moments as he took steadying breaths. 

“Mm… ‘kay.” Sora managed. “Love you… so much.” 

“I love you too.” Riku said, clenching his teeth so hard his jaw popped. He wanted to scream. After taking a moment to compose himself, he sat up and offered his best imitation of a smile to Sora. Better for him to see that than to see how broken Riku really was. 

The all-too-familiar faraway look settled on Sora’s face as the last of his breath left his body. Riku collapsed over him, the tears finally coming, the weight hitting him all at once with the force of a tidal wave. Even knowing that he would see Sora alive and well again in mere moments did nothing to comfort him. 

It didn't matter how many times Riku had seen it. It never got any easier to watch Sora die.

[chaiichait]

-Moths Of Disease

I hate being sick

Because being sick means your head spins around while you stay still

Your mind is flying too fast

Like little moths searching to eat its fill

They scurry around the caves inside your nose

And sneak into your lungs

They lay there to multiply and run rampant, flicking their tongues

The moths spit up poison in return

Scorching your throat and burning your skin

While you cough and cough and cough

Pesky little insects, never quite knowing when to quit

Wasted fluids, liquids and spat spit

The little moths are greedy,

They never drink their fill

But the moths will never win

I must admit I can see a great battle

In my yellowed spit and flaring heat

Little white soldiers fight

Grabbing weapons and spite

I know they will become victorious

It only takes a little time

[setaripendragon]

Blood Upon the Snow by Hozier - in Mando’a

Here we go again.

This one is... not quite as difintively A Clone Song to me as the others I’ve translated, but there’s something about the fact that the mando’a phrase for a fresh start is ‘cin vhetin’ or white field/fresh snow, and it’s also what they call pure white armor... like the clones’... and how many of them died needlessly, died without knowing anything but war... Well, I just kind of had to translate it into Mando’a.

I’m honestly pretty pleased with how this one came out? The scansion is pretty damn good, with only one or two spots where there’s an extra syllable, and it still fits fairly nicely. (That’s the nice thing about translating a slow song; there’s more leeway.)

So, here it is:

Tal bat Cin’ciri (Blood upon the Snow)

Bah an kebise o��r kaysh taylir (To all things in her keeping) Oyu’baat dinu akaan (The galaxy gives violence) Kaysh meg mar’eyi tsad (He who finds a pack) Kaysh meg kemi yust* solus (He who walks his path alone)

Uvet drashaa uraktoshya ti cir’nara* (The world grows harder with the winter) Buire kyr’churu val vaar ik’aade (Parents bury their half-grown children) An senaare shev’la (All the birds are silent) Sa utreeyai* bat cin vhetin (As they starve on a white field)

Cir’nara tran*, ge’tal bat cin (Winter sun, red on white) Sa tal bat cin’ciri (Like blood upon the snow) Sa tal bat cin’ciri (Like blood upon the snow)

Kyrbeje olar darasuum (The battlefields here are endless) Eparavur bal su draar yaihil (Devouring and yet never satisfied) An meg oyu’baat ru dinu (All that the universe gave) Cuyi taab’echaaj’la lo ka’ra (Is marching on into the stars)

Ni kemi yust (I walk the path) Bal bid kisol olar suvari (And so few here understand) Meg dha’ne ca (What the darkest night) Bal cir’ne woor ven hiibi (And coldest wind will take)

Ni jii dar copaani (I now no longer want) Haa’taylir vaii yust slana (To see where the path goes) Dargana ner nada* (I lost my warmth) Sa tal bat cin’ciri (Like blood upon the snow)

Tal bat cin’ciri (Blood upon the snow) Tal bat cin’ciri (Blood upon the snow) Tal bat cin’ciri (Blood upon the snow)

Ner kot ven nu trattoko (My strength will not fail) Al ibic akaan draar ani (But this war is never done) Kurshise nuvore (The trees refuse) Naas meg vencuyani (Nothing which sustains them) Nu pitat, nu tran’nau (No rainfall, no sunshine) Nu tal bat cin’ciri (No blood upon the snow)

Tal bat cin’ciri (Blood upon the snow) Tal bat cin’ciri (Blood upon the snow) Tal bat cin’ciri (Blood upon the snow)

Bah an kebise o’r kaysh taylir (To all things in her keeping) Oyu’baat dinu akaan (The galaxy gives violence)

[*yust (way/path, esp. metaphorical) = goyust (road)] [*cir’nara (winter) = ciryc (cold) + ce’nara (time).] [*utreeyair (to starve) = utreeyah (empty) + yai (belly). Could also mean ‘barren’ as in, unable to have children, as ‘yai’ also means ‘womb’.] [*tran (sun) = tranyc (sunny).] [*nada (warmth/heat) = nadala (hot)]

[goblin-enjoyer]

*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post

[mejomonster]

I hate panic attacks

[gibbearish]

btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest

[bokuwadekinaiko]

cw post / tags. sorry

i don't even know if i have the words

to express this

she's gone

and its all my fault

[muttfangs]

the fact that I have to. literally HAVE TO work 40hrs/wk to exist is 1000000% ruining my ability to feel like a well-adjusted human with a pleasant, compassionate personality and turning me into a suicidal black hole of despair and pain I don't even have like. 'the worst' situation or job either. my mental state is chronically fucking frayed and I don't ever get enough recovery time for it to heal or rest. It's either: 1.) work most of my time against my will and have zero social life outside of work so I can keep working without burning out or 2.) work most of my time against my will and have a social life but when im at work feel like a tar pit of 'I want to kill myself and not come back because this is so emotionally painful that im forcibly wasting my precious life at this fucking job instead of being around people I love who also have limited precious time on this earth and doing things I enjoy that enrich my experiences while im here' coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool. no good options. fuck me.

[watercolor-hearts]

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