#if goat gets therapy then they would be the one to do the first move maybe | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dodger-sister · 5 months ago

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Last Thursday I called in sick to physical therapy. I told them I had Fairitis. Receptionist laughed & said, “I had that yesterday.” 😆. We go to look at the animals & the art &, of course, eat fair food.

For some reason people kept offering to let me pet/hold their animals! First a very nice 10-ish year old girl approached & asked if I wanted to hold her chicken. Which I did indeed. In all my years around farms, I��ve never actually *held* a chicken. She told us a lot of information about chickens, was very knowledgeable and very polite. She had won first place for her chickens - the one I was holding, and then also she had the largest chicken I have ever seen in my life. She explained to us that even though it wasn’t an egg chicken, they fed it really good food that you would normally only feed to an egg chicken and that’s how it got so big. It made me wonder - and if anyone involved with 4H knows this - do the judges just judge based on the animal or do they talk to the child as well and judge also based on how knowledgeable the child is about the animal’s care? Because if that’s the case, no wonder this young lady won a couple of first place prizes.

Then we were walking through the bunnies and a girl who was about 8 years old was sitting, holding her bunny, and offered me to hold it. It was called a lionhead bunny. Not only had I never seen one, I’d never heard of one. I was so busy holding it, I forgot to get a photo. But search lionhead bunny on the Internet because they are the coolest looking rabbits I’ve ever seen.

Later when we were at the goats, I was taking some photos of some baby goats in the pen and the grandpa was sitting there and he said , “I’ll let them out. You can give them some pets.” He told us he used to come to the fair and when he would see certain kids weren’t able to sell their goats, he would offer to buy them, just to be nice. But then he said that goats are so funny and entertaining, that he really got into them. And when his grandson had to come live with them, the grandson got into 4H. So he went from being a 4H supporter to a 4H parent.

And when we were walking through the horse area and there was a horse in the way, and the teenager was trying to move him to the side to get out of the way of my wheelchair, and we were allowed to pet the horse.

And of course, we looked at all of the art and photography. As an artist, I love all of that stuff. (Posted some photos of the art on my FB, but not putting any here because Tumblr is a reblog site & it’s not my art. Animals are fair game though. Get it, *fair* game?)

Also, there was this plant and a group of people walking in front of us and all of a sudden the plant moved and reached out towards them and started to speak. The people in front of us jumped so high and screamed so loud. It was hysterical! Turned out there was a guy in that plant and the whole thing was a costume that he and his wife made together. He was just standing there, startling people as they walked by. He was super nice. He talked to us about his costume and let me have a photo with him.

And then we ate fair food and went home. It was perfect weather last Thursday. We were initially gonna go on Monday because that was also a work from home day for Sis, but the weather had been terrible. But on Thursday I got up and it was absolutely gorgeous and I said, “Screw physical therapy. We’re going to the fair. I want funnel cake!”

#my post #my life #animals #farm animals #county fairs #spoonie selfies #disabled and cute #life #horses #fairs #goats #bunnies #my photos #photos #cosplay #cows #chickens #selfies #me!

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moyvv6cymi6hun · 1 month ago

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*A therapy session between Stanley and Cyrus*

Cyrus: you seem to be conflicted about your sister's upcoming wedding mind if I look at your history all I really know is that you and Rodger are both from shadowood Alabama

Stanley: thank you doctor you see Cassie is my twin sister we where close until the day I got my powers when the underlying tensions related to things like my sexuality and beliefs that differ from my family hit the breaking points so to speak

Cyrus: well let's take a look in your mind Palace then and at that memory if you don't mind

*the two begin to watch the memory*

Wicked Wiki

Defying Gravity

Defying Gravity is the finale for the musical's first act, when Elphaba, who until now has seen the Wizard of Oz as a heroic figure who can give her life some noble direction, discovers that he is not at all what he seems. The Wizard's regime, in fact, is waging a propaganda campaign against the Animals of Oz (including Dr. Dillamond), who have been oppressed to such a degree that they lose their powers of speech or worse, never learn to speak at all. (Dr. Dillamond, for instance, initially starts to lose his speech in "Something Bad" when he pronounces bad as 'baaaad,' bleating like an actual goat). Realizing this, and despite Glinda's attempts to dissuade her, Elphaba vows to do everything in her power to fight the Wizard and his sinister plans. She sings of how she wants to live without limits, going against the rules that others have set for her. During the song, Elphaba, apparently cornered by those who are hunting her, enchants a broomstick to levitate and, in the last verse, rises from the stage and levitates above the angered Citizens of Oz, who try in vain to "bring her down." The song is heavily cinematic and comes to a climax for the final verse.

The famous climax of the song features Elphaba flying high above the stage. The staging of the song's in the original production relied heavily on special effects. The actress playing Elphaba was lifted up into the air by a hydraulic launch system, standing on a small platform with a safety restraint around their waist. Both the platform and restraints were concealed by a long false dress made of the same material as the actress's costume, which gave the illusion that she wasn't standing on anything. Black curtains (designed to look like Elphaba's cape billowing in the wind) and carefully designed lighting concealed the hydraulic arm lifting the platform. The sequence relied heavily on around 60 moving lights, smoke, and wind effects to give the illusion Elphaba was flying.

If a computer system for the hydraulic platform did not sense that the restraints were safely closed, the platform would not lift. If this happened, or in case of a lift malfunction, cast members were taught a "Plan B" or "no-fly" sequence where Elphaba runs downstage and cast playing the guards and townspeople lie down onstage to simulate looking up to a now airborne Elphaba.

The Act One finale is "calibrated to get everyone to stick around for Act Two".

The song is widely regarded as being the musical's signature song, although the songs "Popular" and For Good have lived up to its name as well. The musical has generally received thunderous applause after this song due to the song's status as a showstopper.

The song touches on elements from some earlier themes, with Elphaba singing "Unlimited!" as sung in "The Wizard and I" and the Citizens of Oz again singing that "No One Mourns The Wicked."

Alternate Recordings

Idina Menzel, having reprised her role as Elphaba in the West End production in 2006, released a remixed "pop mainstream" version of the song as a single. It can be heard on her official website and purchased on the iTunes Music Store. The remix of "Defying Gravity" was also the anthem at the 2007 Gay Pride Parade and Festival in Los Angeles; it appears on the official CD from the event.

A German-language version of "Defying Gravity" (called "Frei und schwerelos") was recorded on 21 November 2007 by the Stuttgart, Germany cast of Wicked featuring Willemijn Verkaik as Elphaba and Lucy Scherer as Glinda.

There also was a Dutch version of this song, its never officialy recorded but there are numerous Youtube video's. This song is sung by Willemijn Verkaik.

Kerry Ellis, who replaced Menzel as Elphaba in the West End production of Wicked, recorded a rock version of the song in 2008 as part of a single, Wicked in Rock, designed as a teaser for her debut album. Wicked in Rock is available at the Gershwin Theatre in New York City and on iTunes (Defying Gravity only). It also appears on her debut album, Anthem.

International Recordings

Cassie:"Stanley, why couldn't you've stayed calm, for once! Instead of flying off the handle!"

I hope you're happy

I hope you're happy now

I hope you're happy how you hurt your cause forever

I hope you think you're clever!

Stanley:

I hope you're happy!

I hope you're happy too!

I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission

To feed your own ambition

Both:

So though I can't imagine how

I hope you're happy right now!

Cassie:

(Spoken) "Stan, listen to me. Just say you're sorry."

(Sung) You can still be with father

What you've worked and waited for

You can have all you ever wanted

Stanley:

"I know."

But I don't want it

( "No."

I can't want it anymore

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by

The rules of someone else's game

Too late for second guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down!

Cassie:

Can't I make you understand

You're having delusions of grandeur?!

Stanley:

I'm through accepting limits!

'Cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try I'll never know

Too long I've been afraid of losing love

I guess I've lost

Well if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye I'm

Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down!

"Cassie! Come with me! Think of what we could do! Together!"

(Sung) Unlimited

Together we're unlimited

Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been

Cassie

Dreams the way we've planned 'em.

Cassie:

If we work in tandem

Both:

There's no fight we cannot win

Just you and I

Defying gravity

With you and I

Defying gravity

Stanley:

They'll never bring us down

"Well, are you coming?"

Cassie:

I hope you're happy

Now that you're choosing this

Stanley:

"You too."

I hope it brings you bliss.

Both:

I really hope you get it

And you don't live to regret it

I hope you're happy in the end

I hope you're happy my friend

Stanley:

So if you care to find me

Look to the Western Sky!

As someone told me lately

"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free!

To those who'd ground me

Take a message back from me!

Tell them how I

Am defying gravity

I'm flying high

Defying gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown!

And nobody in all of shadowood

No mayor that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down!

Cassie:

I hope you're happy!

Shadowood PD:

Look at him he's Wicked!

Get him!

Stanley:

Bring me down!!

Shadowood PD:

No one mourns the wicked

So we've got to bring him

Stanley:

Ahhh!

Shadowood PD:

Down!

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xnorthstar3x · 1 year ago

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1) 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈

With winter coming in fast there was a lot to do at the farmhouse. Farming was hard work, even more so when you're the only one doing it. Being as I was the last (L/N) at the family farm, it would seem that all the work would fall to me. But, it wasn't as bad as you'd think. During the summer I often slept on the screened-in porch listening to the crickets sing me a lullaby as fireflies lit up the fields.

In fall it was very prosperous as the large field of pumpkins was often ravaged by young children and their parents looking to buy a pumpkin or two for carving, or they came for the petting zoo, seeing the little piggies and goats often brought smiles upon visitors. Springtime came and brought people with curiosity, as this time some of the mares in the stable will have given birth to baby foals. The stallions were being used for horse lessons year round which was enjoyable and good exercise for the beautiful creatures.

Winter was the most trying time of year, if there wasn't canning being done then it would be very hard to keep myself fed. The harsh winters knocked out the plentiful harvest of warmer months and left a blanket of white across the fields. This is what was happening at this moment, as I hopped off my horse walking around the forest that surrounded my farm to gather pine needles in a large basket.

These could be used for tea or woven into small baskets. Picking up some wintergreen leaves to chew on every so often. Kash, a blue tick hound I had been given as a teen, came running back to me carrying a stick I had been throwing far into the trees for the past 30 minutes. I could tell it was getting colder as the month drew on, my fathers hand me down jacket no longer protected me from the chill currently blowing through the trees.

"I guess we should head back," I noted looking at Kash who dropped his stick, he walked over and rubbed against my leg.

"Let's go, buddy." I walked over to my horse Jack, he was a black and white American paint horse, my brother named him when we were little. He left him to me when he moved out for college towards the south. Climbing on, I made the long journey back to the farmhouse. Living this far out wasn't unpleasant, it had its cons, but the pros were so worth it. It was peaceful, with no loud noises or noisy neighbors. No smog, or nasty garbage smells. Just clean fresh air and beautiful land.

After putting Jack away in the warm barn, I entered the house to see the fire in the fireplace going steady. Kash came in and took his place in a big fluffy bed I'd made for him at the beginning of the season.

Lucky bastard

He didn't have any responsibilities, and he didn't have to change his clothes.

I found my place in the kitchen making a cup of coffee and picking up a book I had put down that morning.

Every avid reader is proud of their bookshelf. My collection included series like The Hunger Games and authors like James Patterson. My mother loved to read, passing that love down to her children.

Brrrrringgg brrrrringggggg

The landline let out a screech as a call came in pulling me from a world of witches and wizards. Walking over I set my cup down on the coffee table and picked the phone up delivering an introduction in my best customer service voice.

"Hi, this is the (L/N) family farm. This is (Y/N) speaking, how can I help you?" I greeted whoever was on the other end.

"Hi (Y/N) it's Mrs. Thompson. I'm calling to confirm our therapy appointment this afternoon." I answered her with silence, and she sighed. "These appointments won't help you if you don't show up to them. We've already gotten through the 'get to know each other' part of the sessions. The rest is easy, all you have to do is talk."

"I don't like to talk." It was silent until Mrs. Thompson sighed

"I know, but happiness isn't a destination. It's a journey. How do you expect to enjoy the journey if you won't even take the first step."

There was a long pause.

"I know I'm sounding harsh, it's only because I care. I know your mother wouldn't want to see you this unhappy." A tear graced itself down my cheek, meeting my hand as I roughly swiped it away.

"Fine. I'll show up."

"Thank you, I'll be expecting you."

The smell of the waiting room always made me uncomfortable, doctors in general made me uncomfortable. I hate the smell of hospitals. I hate the way people look at you with sympathy in hopes that your struggle becomes easier while they get to go home to their perfect lives. Their picket fences and smiling families.

Their families.

I hate their guilt-free attitudes. I envy the way they're so easily able to let go. While I sit here and wish my life was different. While I am troubled with guilt for wishing my mother and father never died.

"I'm glad you showed up. I hope to keep this progress, but hope is all I can do." Mrs. Thompson smiled slightly. I hated her smile, it was full of sympathy.

The only reason I'm here is because Mom would want me to be.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch," I told her, she jotted that down. I hated when she did this. Everything I did she jotted down. Every eye movement is jotted down. Every breath jotted down. I'm sure if I gave her the chance she'd follow me to the bathroom to jot down how I wipe my ass.

"Well, I want to try something different today. Give me 3 lowlights of your week, then 3 highlights." She sat patiently watching me.

"My jacket is too thin, the last of the strawberries froze out, and my truck's heater went out."

"Now 3 highlights." She wrote down something on her notepad. I sat there, it was always hard to think of good things when life only seemed to serve you bad things.

"I found a winter green patch closer to the farm." I shrugged.

"Ok, that's good, because now you don't have to travel so far." She offered up a smile. I hesitantly smiled back.

"That's true I guess. I also finished the book I was reading when we last spoke."

"That's wonderful, how did you like it? Was the ending what you'd expected?" She sat her pen down.

"Well yes, I watched the movie when I was younger. But the ending to the book was more fulfilling. It gave me more information about the main character and what she thought during her struggles and prevails." I sat back in my chair, it was always comforting to talk about books.

"And do you have a third thing?" Mrs. Thompson asked.

"I showed up today."

Series masterlist

#northstarscorner #x reader #tmnt #tmnt x reader #donnie tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt leo #tmnt 2007 #tmnt mikey #tmnt raph #raph x reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt raphael x reader #bayverse tmnt #rottmnt

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alarrytale · 5 months ago

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I’ve been studying to become a therapist and one of the first things I’ve been told is that therapy doesn’t work for everyone and isn’t necessarily a cure for someone. Louis never said he opposed therapy. It sounded like it doesn’t work for him. He did take his sister to therapy and rehab, even took her to Egypt for intensive rehab. He also paid for therapy and rehab for that xfactor contestant when he was one of the judges. Lottie has made it clear that therapy helps her and that’s great but again it’s not for everyone. Louis is often in touch with his emotions openly and has teared up many times while performing on stage so that’s not apart of a lad image at all if we’re going to stereotype. He’s also said in Interviews he’s not afraid to cry. Louis is very emotionally expressive when he sings Saturdays also. I was happy to see he included that song during his longer set. Louis must really love that song or has formed an attachment to it because he really lets it all out during singing that song especially. I noticed he does have some of his previous little mannerisms peeking thru more and more these days too. I saw his popped hip make an appearance a few times in these performances recently. Made me smile that he was feeling at least a little more relaxed. It’s good to keep in mind though that we really don’t know Louis. We don’t know how he’s feeling or handling his grief & trauma, nor should we as fans. He could be trying therapy now for all we know. We don’t know how often he drinks outside of the public eye either. So to say he’s handling his grief thru drinking, etc seems like it’s just not our place as outsiders to judge. I do remember Louis losing a lot of weight during the time he must’ve learned his mom was ill til her passing so that was very visible at the time. Dangerously skinny from a few pics. If I remember correctly they even wrote an article about his thin appearance and fans concerns for him. I think Louis is one to see the glass 1/2 full always but in reading some previous interviews and even the article with Lottie yesterday I got the sense that he feels the need to take care of others, just as Lottie does. Emotionally that’s a heavy weight to bear, but I think the optimism thought process does keep him on more of an even keel.

Hi, anon!

I hope Louis at least has tried therapy, before deciding it's not for him. Or that he goes from time to time. I think it should be mandatory for people in the spotlight, people who went from rags to riches, closeted celebrities and people who worked under SC to get help dealing with the pressure, the supression of yourself, the mistreament and having to deal with a shitty, corrupt industry who boycotts you.

I personally think Louis would greatly benefit from therapy. He's lost his mother figure, who he used to tell everything, he heavily relied on his vocal coach (Helene) as a life coach and motivator, and as a confidence supplier. He's got a friend clinging to him wherever he goes and acts as a comfort goat to him. I have never seen anyone more in need of therapy actually. He should be getting professional help. I'm pretty sure Oli's advice to Louis would be to blaze up to forget and repress stuff more. He can't move on until he deals with his issues. He's been pretty stagnant for years now. He's still super nervous before shows. He still relies on liquid curage to do his job, and his stoner brain is affecting his performance. He also acts uncaring about his health and appearance at times and that's concerning.

I don't care what anyone says, Louis would benefit from therapy. He needs to be told he's not responsible for his siblings, he needs to be told he's good enough and make a plan to be less reliant on his bad coping mechanisms and get some healthier ones. He needs to want to do this for himself though, and it shouldn't be forced, but he would benefit from it, i'm sure. It won't fix everything, but he needs to start somewhere.

I also think it's important to distinguish between having an alcohol issue that's born out of surpressed emotions due to trauma vs. not having an issue, but you’re promoting alcohol as something cool to your fanbase and using it to enforce an image. If it's the first he's not to be judged, i just want him to get help. If it's the second, then i take issue with that. If it's the first, masked as the second, then that's enraging and i blame his team. Regardless if it's the first or second option he's promoting it, even if it's unintentional, and i'm just not down with that. I'm not liking what i'm seeing.

#to other anon: i don't care if every celeb is drinking and doing doing drugs #they're going to end up like ozzy osborne the lot of them #don't normalise it #alcohol tw #drugs tw #louis image #therapy #lottie tomlinson

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grantcedmond · 11 months ago

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So here’s my first post. It’s almost February of 2024. If you told me where I’d be now, compared to 2 years ago. I would have laughed in your face.

My ex wife and I split, I moved back home with Ruby Tuesday. I wasn’t taking care of myself. Physical and mental health was at an all time low.

I was considered an alcoholic by some and that was used as a scape goat on me. But I still decided I would take a year off drinking and do AA. To prove to myself, and others that it was just a coping mechanism and I was just broken and lost. I did counselling, and therapy. I had lost a lot of close people during the pandemic and was not in a happy place. So when I moved back to Durham region. I stick into all those outlets to try and figure out why I was so unhappy. I landed a job as an equipment operator at miller waste in the compost division. Well that job was the definition of disgusting. Rats everywhere, the smell alone would gag a maggot lol. Well working there also got me very very sick. I have Crohn’s disease and that environment got me sicker. Long story short I almost died again from weight loss. Went down to 104lbs. I’m already a skinny guy. I had given up. I was suicidal, I signed a DNR in hospital. I was at rock bottom. But after seeing my mother crying and so upset with my decision. I agreed to have surgery. That turned out to be the right choice. I got healthy fairly quickly. I went back to work for miller with little to no hiccups. I even met a girl last summer and we dated for a while. Didn’t work out but I don’t regret it. So fast forward a few months later. I wanted change. A good friend of mine needed help with a food truck. So I stepped in to give him a hand. Got me out of that horrible place at miller. Well. Good things finally happen to those that work hard on themselves. I’ve landed my dream career job. It’s unionized, amazing benefits and amazing pay. Doesn’t start for another 2-3 weeks but this is the break/game changer I’ve needed for so long.

I can finally take care of some family. My mother had a small stroke last summer, so I’ve been helping her out. Now I can do that and not worry at all. Ruby and I can start going on even more adventures together. She’s 8 now and I can’t believe that. I almost refuse. She’s still my baby and a puppy lol.

I’ve been listening to some mindset podcasts for the past couple years and one piece of advice they’ve given. Is to journal. So here I am. Sharing my life experiences, past and present. It actually feels pretty good to let these things out.

So for now I’ll just leave it at that. Good things can happen if you put work in and grind it out. It’s taken me 2 years to get to where I am, and it’s only the beginning. My dream job at the metal plant will make life so much better for those around me. So I’ll just finish off by quoting The Simpsons.

Hot Stuff Comin Through 😂😂😂

If I can make change for the better, anyone can

Grant

#self improvement #positivity #game changer #the simpsons

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magiannaladdmac · 3 years ago

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What do u think happens post awtwb?

Hmmm honestly I’m not sure! If I were to guess here are a few bullet points:

- Penny goes on vacation with Shepard for the rest of the summer

- Simon doesn’t tell Penny about how mother for a bit. I think he wants to get used to the idea on his own. I often wonder if Mitali will talk to him and tell him about Lucy.

- Simon goes back to see Lady Salisbury. They go through her attic and talk about Lucy. Sometimes it’s too much but he has Baz to lean on.

- love all the headcannons of Baz and Lady Ruth forming their own friendship. I like to think Simon is at work one day and Baz goes to see her on his own to talk about Mage tea.

- speaking of jobs, I bet Simon gets a job. The book foreshadows him being a builder which makes sense. But I doubt that will work well with his wings. I bet he does something inside (so he isn’t burning up), and maybe he’ll work at an ice rink. He’ll get creative.

- Baz goes back to school. I HOPE he makes friends especially since Penny will be gone for a bit. I bet she comes back for school though. Maybe she brings shep back with her (but legally). She did say she wasn’t planning on moving to America when she was with Micah, but maybe it’s different with Shep. Doubt it though.

- Simon also makes friends. I have personal headcannons that are from my own experiences that make me want him to learn to write. I have difficulty with words and writing helps me figure things out. I would love for Simon to find some sort of outlet.

-Simon goes back to therapy. Then leaves again. Then goes back. He starts to get better.

-Baz gets annoyed when Simon is always talking about how he is a ��fallen hero” or whatever. He already is. Simon should write it down.

- Theh spell the couch back to blue. And then to red. And then to purple.

-This is kind of explicit so warning! But I think that they go from having sex being this big deal to it being something fun that they do together. Or as Baz says it becomes something strong enough “to lean on”. In my experience, when you first start sleeping with someone it’s a little more serious. But over time when you get more familiar it becomes less serious. It is nice to think of them being able to be together without so much weight.

- Simon visits Agatha and the goats. I don’t know if she really wants anything to do with him, but I would love them to interact without the fate of the World of Mages pulling them together. Maybe then they can remember that they grew up together and do love each other.

- I think Baz eventually brings Simon to his family’s house. I imagine it will come about when his family realizes he’s moved in with Simon, and progresses from there. Thank you Daphane.

- if you’re thinking far in the future, I bet they get an old house like Simon says he wants. I think Baz wants kids. I hope they have one or two. Baz sings to them.

Is there anything else? What do you think happens post awtwb?

(Also I think this is my first ask and I was SO EXCITED so thank you ❤️)

#ask #simon snow #snowbaz #carry on #baz pitch #wayward son #any way the wind blows #carry on fandom #awtwb spoilers

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satureja13 · 7 months ago

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Even though Jack had such an amazing day with Lou, he couldn't wait to log out and tell the others that the second painful spot is gone! Since their therapies go so well, they don't monitor each session all together anymore. One of them is supposed to be near the one who's currently ingame, so they installed an opening in the kitchen to the therapy room.

Jack immediately took off the VR glasses and the robo arm and his shirt to show Ji Ho his progress ^^' Ji Ho: "Oh Jack, that's amazing!" Jack: "All thanks to our incredible Tiny Can! Let's show the others! Ah I'm so glad I didn't give up and went back ingame!" Ji Ho: "I'm so happy for you." Jack: "I love you too :3 "

Meanwhile Saiwa is working hard to overcome his 'bird/fake relationship/Kiyoshi/Jeb problems... He went all in in his exposure therapy and even placed flamingo lounge chairs so he can practice here too... But he's having a hard time going through all these memories again. And Vlad wasn't very helpful. He's still worrying what Caleb might do with Ji Ho in Ji Ho's therapy. Saiwa sighed: "Don't give Ji Ho a hard time, hm? Try a little harder to make him feel good so he won't fall even more for Caleb. It will soon be over and then he's yours alone. Hang on." Sai already told him this a few times before. But he also knows how hard it is to change and accept things one couldn't change.

Luckily Jack came running along with Ji Ho to disturb their gloomy thoughts with his never failing puppy energy ^^' Saiwa heard their footsteps and was alarmed. He always expects the worst when Jack is involved ö.Ö' Saiwa: "Omg - did something go wrong?" Jack: "VLAD! SAI! The second spot is already gone! Only ONE left!"

Saiwa, relieved: "That's unbelievable! I never imagined it would ever get better without you getting back together with Kiyoshi! I mean, he's your fated mate. How is it possible you can leave him just like that?" Jack: "Hey, I endured over 6 months of searing pain! Fate learned now that I'm determined! Plus I'm the Su..." The others chimed in: "Super Soldier!" (hahaha, them ^^')

They are so happy for Jack :3 There is a new area to sit outside by the river and they gathered by the fire. Jack told them about his insightful talk with Lou which also inspired the others to try to find ways to improve their relationships. And, since the Therapy Game is going so well for them, they also discussed how they could make it acessable for the creatures in the real world, as planned. They currently can't be of any help for other creatures in the Muggle World who suffer under the Council and from other hazards. The least they can do is to offer them the Therapy Game. Vlad only listens half-heartedly.

Jack tries to convince Saiwa to let him go back in his therapy before the others but Saiwa insists that they take turns. Ji Ho's therapy is important too. To finally find his buried feelings and to get this over with Caleb to prevent Vlad from going insane... Which is nearer than one might think because suddenly he jumped up in and threw a jealousy tantrum...

Jack: "We should leave them alone."

Ji Ho: "We'll talk about the game later." Only Ji Ho can fix him.

Jack: "Come on, Sai. Let them charge the Bond. We'll go and play Simbles." Sai looked questioning at Ji Ho and he nodded.

Doesn't mean it isn't still awkward as hell when they're alone...

Ji Ho eventually made the first move and carefully approached Vlad - and Vlad hissed! But Ji Ho learned not to be offended. The Bond already told him how much Vlad craves Ji Ho's touch. He just can't let his foolish pride and priciples go...

The Little Goats Satyrs have a new friend as it seems! Little Dust Bunny joined them and they are briefing him on the story hahaha

Until Little Goat heard some highly anticipated and telling noises... He sneaked around the corner to take a look.

Little Goat: 'Boys! Come over! They're doing it!!!' Little Dust Bunny: 'Whoa!' The Little Goats delivered on their promises ^^'

'Reach out, touch faith

Your own personal Jesus, someone to hear your prayers Someone who cares Your own personal Jesus, someone to hear your prayers Someone who's there'

Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode

Ji Ho hesitantly reached out for Vlad and he looks a bit worried because he knows how much Vlad tries to avoid getting overly physical as long as Ji Ho isn't able to love him... And Ji Ho still can't get used to Vlad's hairless chest ^^'

Ji Ho: "I'm yours alone. I only want you." That's what the Bond is telling Vlad too but it's still killing him that Ji Ho is going to marry Caleb ingame. Ji Ho will make him forget it. At least for a while. Little Goats and Little Dust Bunny: 'Aouwww!'

Poor Jack and Saiwa. Let's hope they'll find love again soon too.

(I took a lot of pics of Vlad and Ji Ho in the hot tub. I'll make a little extra post like last time ^^')

Addendum: After I posted 'A Rainy Night in Soho' in the last episode, I googled around a bit for Nick Cave and this song and I found out that he and Shane had been good friends. And that Nick sang 'A Rainy Night in Soho' at Shane's funeral. I didn't cry when I heard that Shane died, but when I watched the video, I did. (I still do as I write this. Thank you for the music, Shane.)

'Now the song is nearly over We may never find out what it means Still there's a light I hold before me You're the measure of my dreams The measure of my dreams'

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning ~ Underwater Love ~ Latest Current Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

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sanhaoche · 3 years ago

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thank you @insideline for tagging me literally like 2 months ago!! i'm finally doing it today i'm DOING IT

Tag 9 people who you want to get to know better!

Favourite piece of clothing you own?: going full cringe immediately to say my vintage midtown band hoodie :) yes gabe saporta's pre-cobra starship emo band that broke up in 2005 :) i was so depressed and obsessed with their third album when i was like 16 and at some point my horrible sister moved out and i was also given autonomy over some of my own money for the first time and i'm pretty sure this is the first thing i really decided to buy just because i wanted it. i wore it like 24/7 when i was Going Through It at uni but now i'm in love and i live with my girlfriend and she wears it to sleep in :)

Favourite time of the year?: the HEIGHT of summer! long days heat waves baby!!!!! i wanna tan i wanna sweat i wanna walk into the sea with the sun on my face and feel like nothing else is real. and i do NOT want it to rain unless the rain is WARM and i am wearing SANDALS

Favourite song?: if i am being really HONEST it's up the wolves by the mountain goats because baby seasons change but people don't and though other songs may come and go i am fundamentally unwell and entirely uncreative! it has meant a lot of different things as Events have happened to me over the years but it's always uh A Lot. and one day it won't be and then i will know i am truly in my living laughing loving era xx

Comfort food?: mmm when i was at uni it was fried chicken wings & cheesy chips w/ garlic yoghurt & chilli sauce from this specific food van in town lol. now it's probably plain jasmine rice with something simple like tomato egg stir fry or pak choi in oyster sauce that i would make myself, or even just like preserved mustard stem/olive veg from a packet/jar. and a soft boiled egg w/ soy sauce and sesame oil. simple easy delicious

Do you collect something?: friends and neuroses. millionaire men to be obsessed with.

Favourite drink?: i used to only drink fruity cider but i've recently (re)discovered the joys of tequila :)

Favorite fanfic?: a DIFFICULT choice but i will say. kelfin's a month of sundays. i first read it in 2014 and re-read it properly several years later; both times inspired genuine personal growth i think. who needs therapy when you have fanfiction!!!!!!

ummmmm this is so old i don't know if it's of any interest any more or if you all have done it already. but if you haven't and you want to please do !!!!!!!!!!

#tmi #sorry i literally cannot do tasks within any reasonable timeframe!!!!#my brain is like some wild animal that i a City Girl have no idea how to handle or even approach #adhd you may have won 2342432 battles but today i won the war.

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subbing-for-clones · 4 years ago

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She Who Walks the Line Between Part 3

Maul x GreyJedi!Reader

Word Count: 2682

WARNINGS: blood, fluffy fluff starts picking up

PREVIOUS NEXT MASTERLIST

The few hours of sleep he was able to achieve were filled with nightmares that consisted of his memories returning. His life played out behind his eyelids charging his sadness, terror and his fury. Yet before his mind could plummet to unreachable depths, he sensed a calming presence in the back of his mind. A hand that reached out for him to hold onto. He had no idea that during his rest he became quite vocal and Y/N stood in his doorway using the force to ease him back into a relaxed state. Pulling him further away from the unseen dangers that threatened to pull him down and drown him.

He woke with a start, not remembering where he was. His first thought was why it didn’t smell like fire and burning fuels mixed with humid gasses. When he felt his legs shift under the blankets the events that took place yesterday flooded back to the forefront of his memory. He smelled the sweet sugary aroma of a plate towering with baked apples and honeyed meat sitting on his night stand but before he indulged his groaning stomach, movement from outside the window caught his eye. It was his savior.

Not covered in the same make of dress she wore yesterday. Today she adorned a fitted white cloth binding across her chest and beige trousers that bagged around her thighs but were tight just below her knees. Barefooted, she dual wielded white lightsabers in the Ataru style. Dodging quickly and lunging aggressively toward an invisible attacker. Gracefully she connected the two sabers so they appeared to be a single double sided weapon. Twirling them so quickly and dancing on her feet so lightly his eyes had trouble keeping up. She was working through forms he both recognized and ones he had never seen before. He could see a light glimmer of sweat slicked across her form catching in the early morning sunlight. She must have been training for hours already. Strands of hair falling out of the bun she had tied up to keep the majority of her locks out of her eyeline.

He took and ate the breakfast she prepared slowly, studying her through the glass with admiration. Obviously satisfied with her efforts she hung her now sheathed sabers from the gate and tended the goats and chickens within the pen. Despite her hostile training they were calm and trotted up to her as she passed through the gate. He watched her feed the animals and her mouth form words he couldn't hear, assuming they were praises as they danced around her.

~~~~~

The next two weeks were more of the same every day. You meditated and trained in the mornings before tending to your animals. You knew his eyes were on you while he ate the food you always left for him, always watching. You feigned ignorance and never mentioned that you caught him staring, surprising yourself with the fact that you kind of liked the attention. When you had finished your morning routine you would find him dressed in his room practicing the basic movements and exercises you assigned to him for his physical therapy. Satisfied he was actually doing them you would go shower and dressing in your usual slitted dresses that you preferred.

You would eat again together and continue helping him work his legs. After the first few days he joined you in your afternoon meditation followed by more exercises or flipping through one of your many books, light music always on in the background. The longer he was in your care the softer his eyes looked, the stronger his legs got and he came to be more comfortable in your proximity. You had both gotten used to one another's company. You had spent so much time alone on this planet you had forgotten what it was like to have a companion. A rather agreeable one at that. It was nice.

~~~~~

Now able to walk on his own with only the help from a cane he joined Y/N outside every morning. Still unable to train as she did, he practiced walking around the pen surrounded by the animals. He could see a smile grace her lips when he interacted gently with them. When she had finished, she strode over to him leaning up against the fence with her arms crossed and her brows furrowed.

"What is it?" He asked, honey eyes filled with concern that he had upset her somehow. He tended to revert back to the frightened apprentice she realized he had been at one point in his life if she wasn’t careful. Despite the fact that he had never one been the cause of even a slight frustration within her.

"I have to leave for a day or two, stock up on some things this planet doesn't have. I need you to stay here, I fear a storm is coming and I don't want to leave the animals unattended. Would you be alright with that?”

Sighing with relief he agreed and watched as she boarded her ship and took off.

The next day after she had left, he must have looked up to the sky every hour impatiently waiting for her to return. He ate much less without her, swearing to himself that it didn't taste as good if it didn't come from her hands. He did however keep up with his exercises and spent much of his free time with the goats and chickens. That night he had even more trouble falling asleep than he usually did; missing her company. After tossing and turning until daybreak he made a daring move, striding toward Y/N's room without his cane for the first time.

He had never been inside of it but he had caught glances after noticing she had been sleeping with her door open, starting a few days after his arrival. Sheer white curtains hung in front of the transparasteel panes that overlooked the garden. Like the rest of the house, not a single chronometer in sight. The need to keep time didn't really exist in this place, he enjoyed that small detail over the past few weeks. It was starkly different from how he was raised, every moment of every day planned down to the second. Even a slight deviation always resulting with a beating. He had to keep reminding himself that she was not his master. When he did forget she would always lend a kind reminder she was master of nothing and no one.

The pine-colored rug under foot was exceptionally plush and extended across most of the floor, the polished dark wooden flooring peeking out only around the edges of the room. A long desk was situated beneath the large viewport. Atop it lay several data-tapes and empty books. She must be copying the information by hand he assessed. Actual paper writing was extremely rare and her home was filled with paper sheeted books bound in various leathers. One of the books sat open with a pen resting on it, the entry was short but he loved seeing her handwriting nonetheless. Without lifting the journal, he stood and read the page entry, curiosity getting the better of him.

Maul- Day 17:

‘He is recovering faster than I had originally anticipated but I am also not surprised. He has to be strong to have survived as long as he did on his own in the condition he came to me in. Already walking on his own supported only by a cane by day 10. He is gaining weight slowly but is starting to look healthier. He will snap back quickly once he can walk on his own again, unaided by a crutch. His eyes aren’t nearly as blood shot and the lighter shade of color in his horns and nails indicates he is getting proper nutrients and that his hormones have balanced out.

His mind seems to be healing as well, I haven't asked about his memories but I know they come in the form of nightmares. He responds well to my attempts to calm him in his sleep. They still come every night but he has gone from an excessive number of fits to only two or three a night. He is still wildly unbalanced but the scale is starting to tip in the right direction. I have come to realize that I enjoy his presence. He seems to be more comfortable with small talk. I like his voice, alas my mind wanders.’

Maul hobbled over to her bed and hesitantly laid down on top of it not daring to mess up the bedding too much. Several realizations crossing his mind. One, she had actually come to care for him as he was starting to care for her. Two, he learned why she slept with her door open now. His hearts raced at the thought of her standing in his doorway calming him while he slept. Three, she liked his voice. He had always been scolded if he spoke unnecessarily, taught to be silent as shadows. But she liked his voice. He could smell her on her pillows, a sweet earthy scent that lingered in his nose. Very quickly sleep took him.

He awoke that evening as the sun was starting to set to the sound of thunder ripping through the sky. His belly growled, he had grown accustomed to several meals a day and his hunger had caught up to him. Being sure to straighten out the blankets on her bed he stood and made his way to the kitchen. Opening the cooler for the first time, he found a plate with a large cooked steak and a note.

‘You had better eat this before I return. You have to eat even if I'm not there. -Y/N’

He smiled at her sentiment. As usual with everything she made, it was like ambrosia in his mouth. The moment he finished eating he sensed the animals were distressed. Not bringing his cane he made his way slowly outside to the barn. The rain came down almost violently, lightning streaking across the now black sky while thunder crashed angrily.

He was soaking wet by the time he got inside to check the animals who were immediately calmed when they saw him. Sighing he sat in the middle of the floor and began his meditation to stave away his and their anxiety of the storm. He had hoped she wasn't flying in this but she was already away longer than she said she'd be. That didn't help the knot of worry growing in his belly.

~~~~~

When you came out of hyperspace and entered the atmosphere you realized you must have put the coordinates in a digit off. You were on the wrong side of the planet, jungle stretched out as far as you could see. This wouldn’t be the first time you had accidently come home in the wrong hemisphere. You sighed at your own antics. It was too dangerous to fly back out to space so you had to navigate through the storm down here. Your ship seemed to attract the lightning but you managed to sense it a split second before it struck, narrowly dodging the persistent bolts. Before long you could just make out the break that gave way to the grasslands. You started lowering out of the sky but were distracted to see Maul coming out of the barn. It was just a moment of distraction but an important moment, you didn't sense the lightning. You were struck and it killed the power sending you nose first straight into the soil with a loud crash. Your vision blacked out after hitting your head on impact knocking you unconscious.

~~~~~

No...NO... fuck.

Maul watched as the bolt hit her ship and she crashed out in the field. Eyes wide with panic he ran as fast as his new legs would carry, almost giving out several times before he reached the fallen ship. He raised his arms, using the force for the first time in weeks he opened the door and lowering the ramp. It didn't reach the ground due to the crafts hazardous angle. Force jumping inside he landed on his feet with a shocking pain that radiated through his torso. Snarling he made his way to the cockpit where he found her starting to wake up.

~~~~~

You felt strong hands on your arms gently squeezing, you sighed into the touch rubbing your head and your eyes. When they finally opened the first thing you saw were two brightly glowing golden orbs. Rubbing your eyes again, your vision fully returning, you realized they belonged to a very worried looking Zabrack. Who was covered in...straw?

Remembering what distracted you in the first place you burst into laughter. Hard, rolling laughter.

The worry on his face shifted into confusion. He slowly wiped the blood off your temple from where you hit your head. Then he lifted you bridal style and started walking out of the ship. Finding a new reserve of strength and determination he carried you all the way to your home. Although you stopped laughing you still giggled, picking pieces of straw off the back of his tunic. Finally realizing what you found so amusing he smiled, "the storm scared the goats so I meditated with them. I ended up falling asleep out there."

He now stood in the living room, still in his arms you replied, "I kind figured as much." You pressed your forehead to his for a moment, butterflies dancing in both of your stomachs. He set you down on the couch slowly and fetched a cool wet cloth. Tenderly, he dabbed at the cut. You watched him closely, a slight blush fanning across your cheeks. He was so soft, so careful in this moment, so near you, a stark comparison to the man who had first landed in your field not long ago.

He heard your heartbeat quicken and saw your blush, causing his face to deepen slightly along with yours. Quickly he stood, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck looking anywhere but at you. "I think you'll be alright," he stammered. "It's just a shallow laceration."

You also stood, inches from him. He was taller than you were, not by much, but it was noticeable when you were this close to his body. "I could've told you that but noooo you had to cast aside your cane and come to the rescue... Thank you." You batted your long eyelashes at him and he gulped, gaze not leaving your own this time.

"I have a present for you."

"You do?" He asked now distracted from your devilishly plump lips.

"Yeah, quick stop on Naboo, few broken necks, spines and bribes later aaaaaaand.." you reached behind your back unclipping a third lightsaber from your belt. Still rough where it had been sliced in half you presented it to him. "Tada!"

"You did this for me?" He asked slowly taking it in his hands. It seemed.. heavier than he remembered. But it was his.

"Yes I did,” you stated matter-o-factly. Now that your obviously strong enough not only to walk but to carry me across the field, like the damsel in distress that I was, covered in straw no less. We will start training together. But for now, I'm exhausted. It's the middle of the night and I've had a maker damned day." You took a chance and leaned up into him, pressing your lips against his cheekbone with your hands on his chest, holding them there for a few seconds you felt him go ridged.

Turning on the ball of your foot you wandered back into your bedroom. "Goodnight Maul." You called without turning to see his reaction.

He held the place on his cheek where your kiss landed just before, mind reeling and melting at the same time. "Goodnight Y/N," he murmured. Not leaving his spot.

#maul fluff #darth maul #star wars maul #maul x reader #jedi knight #sith warrior #star wars #grey jedi #star wars fluff #starwars au #x reader #starwars x reader #jedi reader #reader insert

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piratewithvigor · 3 years ago

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Stars

Chapter 4: 2013

In which our hero goes camping again

“Come on, we should be there soon, shouldn’t we?”

“Can’t you stop griping and just enjoy the walk?”

“How can I? You spent the three months before we moved here telling me about how dangerous this place is. Quizzing me on how to defend myself against 400 different species.”

“Aww, are you scared?”

“No!”

Kane couldn’t help but laugh. Daniel was terrified out of his wits. It was almost painfully obvious. Every time he thought Kane couldn’t see him, his eyes kept darting around the trees surrounding them. Inspecting the trees for things that might want to kill them. Which was fairly useless; everything in the Valley wanted to kill them, but nothing would dare. They knew they were under protection of the Undertaker and the creatures of the Valley respected such protection.

Even still, it just took one rogue beast to end both of them and turn them into dinner. They wouldn’t hesitate if they were hungry; the only vegan in the Valley was Daniel.

He took Daniel’s hand gently, doing his best to soothe his husband. Having had hardly any touches that weren’t meant to hurt him for decades, sometimes the gentler touches took Kane a little longer to get used to. Daniel was still the only one he could bear to touch for an extended length of time and certainly the only one he could bring himself to initiate such a touch with.

The gesture didn’t go unnoticed. Daniel exhaled softly as he squeezed a little.

He’d been excited for this trip. Hiking, camping; they were some of his favorite hobbies outside the ring. It was usually like pulling teeth to get Kane to want to come along. But he’d suggested this trip. The trip he used to take with his family on the first weekend of autumn. Spending the night in the woods of the Valley together, bonding. Kane didn’t talk about his family from before the fire too often, so Daniel was certainly not going to question why he brought it up then. Of course, at the time, the excitement had overridden the recollection that camping in the Valley was about equally dangerous as camping on a cliff face in the Grand Canyon. Except the danger was only held at bay by an unspoken supernatural promise.

So many questions from the Valley were better left unasked and just accepted.

“You’re gonna like it,” Kane promised. “It’s pretty. A lot of really soft grass.”

“I trust you.” Daniel wasn’t going to add that for as long as he’d lived there, he’d hardly seen any living grass, let alone really soft grass. Kane was excited, so he was going to keep his worries at bay. “You’re sure you remember the way, right?”

“Spent a night here every year for six years. I could find the clearing in my sleep.”

“Maybe, but that was thirty years ago.”

“Are you calling me old?”

“A little.”

“Take it back, or no s’mores for you.”

“That’s blackmail!”

“That’s life.”

“Okay, okay, I take it back.”

“Not good enough.”

Daniel exhaled in exasperation. “I’m sorry I called you old.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I called you a goat.”

“You didn’t call me a goat.”

“I know. Now I’ve got one apology saved up for next time I do,” Kane grinned and avoided Daniel attempting a swat to the back of his head.

“You’re damn lucky you’re cute.”

“I know.”

Kane wasn’t exactly sure how he’d tricked Daniel into liking him. When they first met, they had some of the most awful fights Kane had ever been a part of. Both physically and emotionally. He hated Daniel at first. They would scream at each other until Kane was as hoarse as he’d been when he was re-learning how to talk. They were the tag team champions together and a formidable duo, but nothing like any other tag team Kane had been a part of. Everything felt wrong and off working with Daniel and it wasn’t because he felt like beating him more than their opponents. They just… had nothing in common. Except that they were both fueled with enough rage to be sent to anger management therapy together.

Kane had been gritting his teeth and hardly keeping himself from throwing Daniel through a wall every week. Until one week. The week of the trust falls.

“Daniel, just fall backwards, and Kane will catch you.”

“I will?”

He didn’t want to catch Daniel. Daniel didn’t want to be caught by Kane. Dr. Shelby was insistent. If they did this exercise, they might have a real breakthrough. Breakthroughs meant they could stop coming to these damn therapy sessions. Whether it was the promise of a breakthrough or the threat of having to do the exercise the next week, Kane wasn’t sure, but Daniel turned around.

“Kane, I trust you.”

He’d been stunned silent for a moment. Almost forgot to catch Daniel. But he didn’t. He caught Daniel’s shoulders easily and kept him from hitting the deceptively hard floor. The weight of a man who trusted him so completely so quickly was in his hands. He’d shoved Daniel upright to avoid letting him know his hands were shaking from getting so quickly overwhelmed with emotion. Dr. Shelby had been so proud of them. Moved them right on to the next phase of the exercise: working together. They were both instructed to catch some loser from the group. Even though they both put out their arms to catch him, he hit the floor hard as they pulled their arms back.

“Did you know that I wasn’t going to catch him?” Daniel had asked.

“Did you know that I wasn’t going to catch him?” Kane replied. A quiet smile had spread over Daniel’s lips.

“I think I finally understand you, Kane.”

They’d kissed for the first time that night. Still fought like cats and dogs, but in moments alone in the hotel rooms, they kissed. Sometimes they went further, sometimes they didn’t.

“We’re almost there,” Kane broke the silence, pointing with the hand that wasn’t interwoven with Daniel’s.

“Where? I don’t see any grass anywhe- holy shit…” The sight of the little clearing filled with lush, green grass seemed to take Daniel’s breath away.

“What do you think? Worth the hike?”

Daniel didn’t answer. Almost like he was dumbfounded such a soft place could exist within the harshness of the Valley.

“Daniel?”

“Very worth it.”

“You good setting up the tent while I gather the firewood?”

“Kane, I fucking swear, if you leave me alone in these woods, I will shit in your sleeping bag.”

One argument about proper firewood, one argument about tent raising techniques and three arguments about setting fires later, both of them were lying in the grass, watching the smoke from the dying fire rise into the night air.

“You shouldn’t be able to start a fire by hugging a log,” Daniel mumbled, snuggling up to Kane’s chest.

“I know.”

“How do you do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s weird.”

“Can we change the subject?”

“Sure. To what?”

“Dunno. Know any good camping stories?”

“Well, there was one time I went camping with AJ and she needed to pee, but the bush under her was poison ivy and-”

“A different story!” Kane groaned, shuddering at the idea. Either because he didn’t want to know what happened with the poison ivy or because he didn’t want to know anything more about AJ than he already did. She was responsible for sending Daniel to anger management, so Kane owed her for that, but he didn’t want to know anything else.

“Okay, there was a time my family had a reunion at a campground and my aunt chopped up apples and tossed them in apple pie spices, then wrapped them in tin foil and stuck them in the coals of the campfire. Smoky apple pie filling.”

“Sounds tasty.”

“Should’ve told that story before so we could have done the same.”

“Maybe next time.”

He could promise a next time. He could swear that a year from then, he would still love Daniel. They would still be together. They could lie down in the grass and look up at the stars. They could marvel at how big the universe was and how miraculous it was that they found each other.

Far up in the night sky, a red star and one a little bigger seemed a little closer together.

#Stars #Kane #Daniel Bryan #Writing

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steamedlem0ns · 3 years ago

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Adventures in Goth Sitting: Chapter 1

Bucky X Original Chubby Female Character, Nickname: Morticia

Word Count: ~1400

Warnings: cursing, soul sucking, general buffoonery, Bucky being a sweet shit, discussion of cannabis use (future chapters to include angst, love, canon compliant gore, occult activity, sex, dom/sub relationships, breeding (no pregnancy involved), and more.)

Rating: PG-13 (each additional chapter will be XRated )

Part two:

Author’s Note: Hi! Thanks for stopping by and I really hope you enjoy the first chapter of this fic. I’ve got some big things planned and I just really hope you like it. I really enjoyed writing it.

Rule 1: Your Goth requires darkness or shade, at all times. Bright, hot spaces are to be avoided without explicit permission.

You could cook an egg on the sidewalk. I was half tempted to at this point. My entire body was sticky and covered in a layer of sweat thicker than I’d ever been covered in before. My dress stuck to my body uncomfortably and I knew I was going to have chaffing on my calves from these boots.

“You better have a good goddamn reason for bringing me out here, Barnes.” I snapped.

Bucky was ahead of me cutting through a line of ivy to clear a path. I saw his back curl in a chuckle.

We’d had this discussion. When Natasha left for missions, I was his to watch. Couldn’t be trusted on my own apparently. You suck the literal soul out of a skeeze for touching you inappropriately once out on the streets and suddenly you need a court mandated babysitter. Bullshit.

I’d much rather be in my cozy nest in my room, Watching Simpsons and smoking several bowls. Maybe I’d pop some popcorn and order Thai for dinner. Treat myself to a nice relaxing afternoon. But, no. I’m stuck out in the middle of bum fuck Egypt for no apparent reason with the closest thing in existence (to my knowledge) to an incubus. The man was six foot five inches of pure sex and just radiated big dick energy.

Currently though, fuck him. Not in the good way.

“The stop is just up here, Morticia. You bring your bathing suit like I told you to?” Condescension dripped off his voice like honey. I motioned to the pack on my back with an eye roll, thankfully hidden by my sunglasses and hat.

I followed him up the hill and through the thicket of fully green trees. The terrain began to level out and we approached what looked like a cliff.

“Absolutely, fucking not Barnes. Did you really bring me out here to jump to my death? Ready to get rid of me, already?”

I knew he wasn’t my biggest fan, in fact, that was the reason Natasha picked him as back up. She thought there’d be less of a chance of me using my “wiles” to get my way. I gently reminded her, I learned from the best.

Bucky stopped and smiled, propping his hands on his hips. I could see a thin layer of sweat on his brow and felt instantly jealous of that damn serum running through him.

“I brought you out here to let go. You’re too wound up. You either hole yourself up alone or seclude yourself in Nats room. She’s tired of it. Frankly, I’m tired of listening to her bitch. So, doll, you’re go behind that tree and change - gentleman’s honor, I won’t peek - and then, we’re gonna jump off this cliff, together.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled off my sunglasses. If men have one thing, they have the audacity.

“I’m not cliff jumping with you, you goat fucker.”

Oof. Too much. Bucky’s face twisted in this sick half smirk half scowl and he advanced on me. I stumbled backwards, catching a boot on a rock and fell back on my ass. My tailbone stung and I looked up, bleary eyed to see a very angry James Barnes staring at me. He kicked the rock out the way and laughed.

“Am I making you fall for me already, sweetheart?” He mocked. Bucky knelt and grabbed the front of my dress, yanking me up and leveling my eyes with his.

“Go get fucking changed. I won’t tell you again.” He let me go and I landed with a sharp thud. I watched stunned as he just walked away to the ledge again and stripped off his shirt. There was NO way he’d catch me staring. Not after that. The consistent ache between my legs told me that if I wasn’t careful, something bad was going to happen. I picked myself up and adjusted my now, stretched dress. There was a large, old tree nearby and I decided to use that as cover. Believing that Bucky would keep his eyes to himself felt so far away at this point. But, the shiver that thought sent up my spine made me immediately put that fantasy to rest. I changed quickly, pulling my boobs in the cups of the black bikini and sending a prayer to the gods they’d stay there. I tied up my top and bottoms and adjusted the back. The skimpy garment was a great choice at the time of purchase. I would have never thought I’d End up here.

A moment later I mustered the courage to leave my hiding spot. I stuffed my clothes into the bag and slipped on my flip flops.

“Put your bag by the Boulder on your right.”

Bucky called. He never looked over. I did as he said and walked to him. My Heart pounded against my ribs almost painfully. Bucky finally turned his gaze toward me. With a huff and s jaw tick he held out his flesh hand to me.

“You good, Buck?” I asked.

He nodded, “Yeah, I’m good.” He certainly wasn’t. But, I took his hand and we walked to the edge. I could see for miles. Endless green and blue sky, wonder and beauty for miles. Untainted majesty in the middle of New York.

“I’ve wanted to do this for years. Never found the right partner. So.” Bucky looked at you, “wanna jump with me, doll?”

I nodded way too many times. I gripped his hand tighter and he moved us to the edge.

“Okay, we’re going to back up seven steps and then when I say go, run. Don’t let go.”

We went flying, Through the air, like two of the strangest birds. No wings, no way to keep themselves up.

We crashed. Pummeling through the cold water together. I felt Buckys hand slip from my own as we went under. I was consumed. The impact jostled my senses and I struggled to gain stability under the water. As I thrashed, trying to force myself up I felt a hand grab my arm.

Bucky pulled me to the surface and we swam to shore. We both heaved and fought for our breaths for a few moments before raucous laughter broke out.

“You said you wouldn’t try to kill me.” I chided. He cackled. I tried desperately to catch my breath.

“Good?” Bucky asked. His voice sounded genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, ugh. Just, need to breathe.”

We sat like that for what felt like forever. Watching the sky and resting our lungs, we warmed beneath the sun. After a few moments, I pulled myself up and sat cross legged.

“Why’d you agree to do this?” I asked.

“Huh?”

“Why did you agree to be my “escort” when Natasha isn’t around?” I asked him again. After months I still hadn’t figured that out. Usually, he stayed as far away from me as possible, even when he was supposed to be with me. I would walk into a room and he would leave. It’s not like he ever went far, I could always feel his eyes burning into me - but, he never made the effort to even stay around me.

“I know what it’s like to lose control. I’ve been unfair to you, honestly. I know you think I hate you, doll, but I don’t. I’ve been in therapy for a bit…” I turned to look at Bucky as he continued, “working on myself. Figured out that I was projecting my own fears onto you. Some shit my therapist said anyway. You can’t be expected to take shit from people for all your life and never fight back. I didn’t see some soul eating witch and I don’t. I see a woman who is tired of being treated like dirt and she fought back. She just happens to be able to eat souls.”

The tears formed quick, They burnt hot like betrayal in my eyes. I was so wrong about him. God, I was wrong.

I reached my hand over and covered his metal one with my own flesh fingers.

“Thanks, Mr. Roboto.”

Amendment to Rule Number One: when gothsitting in the heat, consider water. Results will vary.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #marvel #marvel fic #bucky Barnes x chubby original female character #bucky x Morticia #aigs

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luninosity · 4 years ago

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It’s @whumptober2020 time! Have some Steve/Bucky, with modern-day politician!Steve. This one’s for theme 17 - I Did Not See That Coming - specific prompt: blackmail; and theme 26 - If You Thought The Head Trauma Was Bad - specific prompt: migraines.

Enjoy!

Bucky reads the email. Then reads it again. Looks at the pictures. Then takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes, fingers pressing the spot between his eyebrows. He knows the words and the photos won’t go away.

He’s already got a headache: the beginnings of what, based on experience, is going to be a really awful migraine. It’s been a long day even though it’s only eleven in the morning; he loves the energy and momentum of Steve’s congressional campaign, and he loves helping write press releases and speeches, and he loves Steve, of course.

It’s just a lot. Noise bounces around the headquarters and bounds into Bucky’s office despite his closed door. The passion’s wonderful but also loud. Their lives are already changing; they’ll change even more once Steve’s elected. And now there’s this.

Bucky wishes fleetingly, just for a second, that he and Steve could run away somewhere, just the two of them, maybe visiting a goat farm or the Grand Canyon or someplace quiet and vast and full of stars; and then he laughs a little at impossibilities and gets up. He loves Steve, and Steve needs to know about this.

He catches his balance with a hand on the side of his desk, as his vision briefly sparkles and blurs. His desk supports him, worried. Steve’ll be worried too, so Bucky squares his shoulders and ducks out into the cacophony of posters and phone calls and lurking reporters and interns. Several of them recognize him—not as Steve’s boyfriend, but as a valuable inner-circle staff member—and wave. Bucky lifts a hand in reply.

They don’t know he’s Steve’s boyfriend because, on advice from Brock the campaign manager, they’ve been keeping that one quiet. Bucky’s not an asset, Brock’d said. The sexuality might be acceptable—Steve’s proudly pansexual, always has been, and Bucky’s also out and not shy about being gay, and Steve’s campaign’s built around inclusion and affirmation. Steve could run for office with a man on his arm. But James Buchanan Barnes specifically…

James Barnes, one-time prisoner of war. James Barnes, present-day moderately successful science fiction author, not bad with words and putting them together. James Barnes, formerly brainwashed former assassin. James Barnes, with a twisted and ugly past that even he doesn’t remember too much about, who’s done things the legal system says he’s not guilty of, not being in his sound mind and all, but who still pulled those triggers, set those traps. James Barnes has a prosthetic arm, PTSD, and migraines and full-body aches on an unpredictable and painful schedule.

James Barnes would be a liability, if Steve wants to win.

Bucky, who’d once upon a time seen Steve’s face on a local council-board election poster while roaming New York City streets on an assignment, who’d recognized the eyes of the boy who’d been the first person he’d ever kissed and the boy he’d grown up with and joined the Army with, who’d stood there and gone off-mission and abandoned his target because tiny firecrackers of memory were exploding behind his eyes…

Bucky had nodded. Agreeing with Brock.

Steve, of course, had been angry. But Steve also listens to Bucky, at least more than to anyone else. And Bucky had made a choice, and Steve won’t trample over that.

His head aches, dull and clumsy and thick. He clutches his phone.

He taps at the frame of Steve’s open door. Natasha, who’s in charge of publicity, is just getting up to leave; her expression starts as a smile but becomes concern. “Are you—”

Bucky tries for a smile. Even his face hurts. “Just something Steve should look over.”

Natasha obviously notices he’s not carrying anything, no printed speech drafts or copy for a press release, just his phone; but she only nods, not pushing. She does pat his shoulder, the not-prosthetic one, on the way out. And shuts the door.

Bucky’s pretty sure she’s guessed about him and Steve. He’s not sure Steve realizes that.

Steve at the moment is getting up—he’d been leaning casually against his desk, not sitting behind it—and coming over, holding out both hands, all muscles and blue eyes and golden shining heroic concern. “Buck—I was just going to come find you, I wanted to tell you—come here, sit down, you look—another migraine? Or—”

“Yeah, but that’s not it.” He does sit down, because Steve’s guiding him onto the small blue sofa. It’s not really big enough for two men their size, but being close to Steve feels nice. Or it does for now; his stomach twists. Steve might not want to hold him, in a minute. “I just got this email. You need to know.”

Steve takes his phone. Reads. Swears, low and vehement.

“Yeah.” Bucky closes his eyes. His stomach feels unhappy too. Nausea, right on schedule. Steve’s lights’re too bright. His shoulder hurts; even his hair aches. “I don’t know how he got those pictures. But the how doesn’t matter.”

The man has pictures. Bucky and Steve. Clearly together: caught sharing a kiss as they duck into their front door, coming home, laughing under an umbrella and the rain. Unmistakable.

He wants money. He also wants Steve to drop out of the race. The timing’s flawless; the polls have Steve ahead, as announced earlier this morning.

Steve sets down Bucky’s phone. Stretches an arm to reach the light switch, which he can, just barely, and dims the lights. Then coaxes Bucky further down onto the sofa, head pillowed on Steve’s lap. Bucky tries to protest but desperately wants to lie down, wants Steve’s hands on him, and so gives in.

Steve’s artist’s fingers rub lightly over his temple. “How’s this?”

“Better.” It is, a little. Steve knows how hard and where to touch, or not touch, or work up to. “Love you.” Even as he says it, he winces: that’s exactly the problem right now.

Steve’s hand moves to the nape of Bucky’s neck, soothing, rubbing tension away. “Love you. So, um. What I wanted to tell you…guess this won’t be so bad, after all, and the timing’s even kinda funny…”

“Steve, he’s trying to blackmail you. Using me.”

“And it’s not gonna work.” Steve’s deploying a version of the politician voice, the authoritative fiercely protective one that never fails to weaken Bucky’s knees, but this version’s even deeper and rumbly and intimate: Steve’s not about to let anyone threaten Bucky. “I fired Brock this morning.”

“You what? Why?” Bucky starts to sit up. Cars crash inside his skull; he can’t breathe, dizzy. “I need to write you a statement—you’ll need a draft of—Jesus, Steve, tell me you at least said something tactful—”

“Well, I didn’t punch him. Close, though.” Steve sounds amazingly unworried. His hands ease Bucky back down; one covers Bucky’s eyes, making the world blessedly dark and calm. “Nat’s taking over as campaign manager. That’s what she was in here to talk about.”

“Jesus,” Bucky says again. “It’s only eleven am, and you’ve fired Brock and given Nat a new job, and we’re getting blackmailed. Why’d you fire him?”

“He…said something I didn’t like. Want me to make your ginger tea or grab your painkillers?”

“No, just stay here for now. It wasn’t about me, was it?” The guilty silence on Steve’s end makes Bucky’s head thump more. “Steve, no. Tell me you’re not firing people over me.”

“I fired him because he’s a fucking awful person who says fucking awful things about people who’ve been through trauma, and also about women, and also about people in therapy, and also about which of our interns he wants to fuck,” Steve says. “I don’t want any of that around here. And I want you here. I’m done pretending I’m not in love with you, Bucky Barnes.”

“Steve—”

“I’m proud to be with you.” Steve lifts the hand from Bucky’s eyes long enough for Bucky to focus on him, to see he means it. He does, and all that fiery conviction takes Bucky’s breath away.

Steve Rogers has always been ready to take on any villains, to join any protests, to protect the world if the world needs a protector. Skinny scrawny sickly Steve’d had that lion’s heart long before the Army and the rippling muscles and, now, the carefully chosen politician’s suits and ties. Steve knows about strategies on all sorts of battlefields.

And Bucky loves him so damn much, with heart and soul and fingertips and kisses and aching dreams and hopes and promises. With everything they are and have been and will be, together.

Steve goes on, “I’m proud to stand next to you. I love you. I don’t fucking care who knows it—it’s about time everyone knows it. That’s who I am, and I’m not gonna hide it, and I’m not gonna let some jerk with a camera ruin it. You’re you and I’m me and we’re together to the end of the line.”

“And that’s that,” Bucky manages, shaky.

“Yep.”

“So…we’re…just gonna ignore the whole blackmail thing.”

“We can report it. But I’d already decided.” Steve hesitates. His hand’s stroking Bucky’s hair now, a welcome deliberate heavy presence. “But…guess I didn’t exactly ask you. Shit. I’m sorry, Buck, I should’ve. I haven’t said anything yet, just fired Brock, so…if you want…if you’d rather not…we don’t have to go public. You don’t have to go through that.”

Bucky doesn’t answer for a second, only lying still in the dark. Steve’s thigh’s a good pillow. Steve’s voice is warm and loving. Steve’s hands are full of love too.

He says, “I’ll write us a statement. A press release. And we should do an interview together.”

Steve’s hand stops moving.

Bucky opens his eyes a fraction. Peeking up. “Kinda proud to be with you, too, y’know.”

“Oh,” Steve says. “But—I thought—”

“Never really wanted to hide.” Bucky shrugs a shoulder, a small movement; it doesn’t hurt. “Just thought…maybe it was the right advice, not like I know anything about politics, and maybe you’d be better off…”

“I wasn’t. Not without you.” Steve touches a fingertip to Bucky’s mouth; Bucky kisses it. “So you only agreed because of me. Trying to protect me.”

“And you fire people because of me.”

“Just the one, and he’s a dick.”

“I like your dick,” Bucky tells him, not that Steve doesn’t already know. “So…guess we’re doing this. When?”

“Now,” Steve says. “I’m taking a long lunch and I don’t have anything I can’t reschedule—or that Nat can’t handle—this afternoon. I’m planning to take my boyfriend home, take care of him, and also kiss him in front of the whole campaign staff on the way out. If he’s, y’know, good with that.”

“He’s very, very good with that,” Bucky says, because it’s very, very true. Despite the pounding in his head, the world’s looking fantastic. Brock’s gone, Steve’s ahead in the polls, the blackmail’s utterly irrelevant, and Bucky gets to kiss Steve and be loved by Steve and swept away by Steve while people cheer, and so, yeah: good, he decides, is exactly the word.

#whumptober2020 #no.17 #no.26 #i did not see that coming #if you thought the head trauma was bad #blackmail #migraines #stucky #fic #steve/bucky #my fic

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marnie1964 · 4 years ago

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Karate Kid/Cobra Kai survey

i'm gonna consider myself tagged

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?: an unexpected turn of events but it's passing the quarantine, i guess!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?: to be completely honest, i don't really like the movies? i didn't vibe with them as a kid and when i went back and tried to watch them this year i couldn't make it all the way through.* i think they're well crafted movies, but i've never liked relatable young boy wish fulfillment (i couldn't even get thru harry potter as a kid), and i think the first one is guilty of burying the lede twice over with regards to mr. miyagi and later the relationship between kreese and johnny. and lucky me--these are exactly the areas that cobra kai delivers on.

*except for the third one, which imo is a camp masterpiece and also genuinely heartbreaking. it's the only one that allows daniel to be an genuine pain in the ass. i think i've finally figured out what the target audience for cobra kai is: people who's favorite karate kid movie was tkk3 (me).

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character: johnny! what is a man but a miserable pile of bruce springsteen lyrics? or aimee mann lyrics? or mountain goats lyrics? or otis redding lyrics? or--fuck, have americans ever written songs about anyone else? i have an unreal amount of good will towards this man and his late-life struggle for recuperation. he's the heart of the show both in terms of his relationships with other characters and in terms of zabka's chemistry with the other actors.

my deep dark double secret fave is kreese. he makes me feel real anger in a way that's usually reserved for characters in vince gilligan shows. i'm a bit obsessed with him and his preoccupation with johnny and later johnny's teenaged son (I Have Thoughts). the show does a great job of making what he did to johnny--and all the years and years and years of fallout from that--feel really real, which makes him one of the most viscerally despicable villains i've ever come across . it's unironically among the best portrayals of domestic abuse i've seen, may god have mercy on our souls. the decision to pop out from behind a fucking cardboard cutout of himself to scare daniel in tkk3 was also a hilarious galaxy brain move. aspirational stuff.

also--shout out to daniel-san. the writers really had to work their asses off to make him into a character that appeals to me, and i think they did a great job of it. he's a cringey tool who's capable of displaying a surprising amount of integrity under the right circumstances! he's tom wambsgans! he's pete campbell! he's wonderful i love him!

Favorite ship: johnny & daniel (what if mysterious skin was a sports comedy??)

Underrated character: the True and Correct answer to this question can only be aisha, although i don't think she was actually underrated by anyone besides the writers. chozen is also lowkey my favorite katate child because c'mon, he had everything (spear fights! ziplines! teen death matches! formfitting disco-era polyester button down shirts worn with gold chains!)

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol): uhhhh... the only teen couple that could have been interesting is tory/aisha. they were cute together and their friendship rang true to me. it's that thing where you're the new girl and you're conventionally attractive, but on the inside you know you're a freak so you immediately gravitate towards the most obvious female outsider. i lived it, bay-bey!

i also think there are interesting things to explore with carmen and johnny's relationship. i don't know if the writers are even aware of it (i lean towards no b/c men amirite) but the entire premise of carmen's character is that she chose to live in poverty to protect herself and her son from a bad man with power. she's thereby the exact opposite of johnny's mother, who (at least by his understanding) married hollywood film producer shmarvey shmeinstein to provide her son with a better life. so, there's a lot to unpack in his attraction to her. also they're super hot hur hur i like sexy nurse thing hur hur.

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?: i can't look directly at it, but sweep the leg. zabka what the fuck man.

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?: i don't think i've seen anyone mention this one yet, but the football jersey with the sweatpants. it makes him look so small and huggable, i wanna pick him up and set him on my shelf or something.

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver: bring back ali's lesbian girl gang!!! or else--dutch. he was funny and iconic, i loved his exaggerated offended reaction to everything daniel said or did in tkk. also, i'm tacky so i'm a sucker for aggressively bleach blonde hair. the SCANDALIZED wasp couple standing behind ali and johnny in the spaghetti scene will also do. or terry's secretary (an mvp--i believe the original actress has passed away so in my heart of hearts she's portrayed by j. smith-cameron).

Scene that lives in your head rent-free: the whole character development speed run that johnny does from sweep the leg to crying while handing daniel the trophy to getting strangled in the parking lot by his beloved teacher. i'm especially transfixed by that last bit--what's the thought process of a man who decides to publicly execute his teenage student via strangulation? why did none of the many bystanders call the police? johnny is the real kitty genovese, prison for everyone.

from the cobra kai series proper: daniel's decision to greet johnny with a big hug after not seeing him for 35 years and never actually being friends with him (I Have Thoughts), the heinously creepy scene where johnny is repeating the cobra kai mantra for miguel and his entire disposition completely changes (demonic possession shit), and johnny's tiny go-ahead-and-kill-my-abuser nod (his face is so stoney after being so animated at dinner) coupled with daniel's shaky little sign of relief (macchio is really the cutest when he looks scared).

it goes without saying that every johnny & miguel scene lives rent free in my HEART.

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: anthony becomes relevant for one (1) episode next season when amanda and daniel finally get around to putting him up for adoption.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?: i enter the cobra kai dojo decked out in all of my snake-themed clothing and jewelry (it's a lot). i approach kreese and explain to him that the open mouth of a snake, viewed head-on, is a yonic symbol. i am permanently banned from the cobra kai dojo.

(seriously though, assuming i'm a teen in this scenario i think i would have vibed with tory/miguel/aisha. dimitri and sam would have driven high school me up the fucking wall though. the cobra kai style looks like more fun/better exercise. do i also genuinely believe most young girls could actually benefit from someone yelling no mercy down their neck? maybe so 💖)

What’s your training montage song?: 50ft queenie - pj harvey (it takes place in the alison bechdel feminist karate dojo ofc)

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?: it's a full episode flashback to the time johnny got arrested in albuquerque, new mexico. johnny's court-appointed attorney is a weirdly hot babe who seems like a super straight laced killjoy at first, but soon reveals herself to be an unhinged woman. one thing leads to another, and johnny winds up in bed with her and her loser husband. there are lots of great themes about punitive justice, people's ability to change for the better (and worse), and what makes someone "good" or "bad" to begin with, but mostly it's just really hot sex. the husband tries to sell johnny a prepaid cellphone and johnny tell's him that cellphones are never gonna catch on, cause who want's to be bothered by people all the time like that?

better call saul. it's a better call saul crossover ep.

(fwiw think that greg 'hbo succession' hirsch should also be terry's cousin greg on the non-roy side. think about it--the roys are small people, but cousin greg is really tall?? and who else is really tall, and a blue eyed brunette to boot? terry silver. it all adds up! this never becomes relevant to the plot, in any case, i'm just considering it canon until the writers come to my house and explicitly tell me i'm wrong.)

Tagging: anyone who's interested 😘

#cobra kai #tag game #johnny lawrence #carmen diaz #john kreese #daniel larusso #those tags are just so i can find my word vomit again god bless #about specific characters

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emotional-scumfuck · 4 years ago

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Grade school and Middle school

This is based off of Joe Brainard’s “I Remember,”.

I remember how excited i was to finally have a friend over.

I remember how she used my computer and tv.

I remember how she didn’t want to leave after one night.

I remember how fun it was to pretend she was my sister and i finally had a true friend.

I remember taking a green hoodie from my dad because i liked it so much.

I remember feeling bad afterwards.

I remember my aunt paying for that red telephone box picture at ikea.

I remember being so excited to finally have a Polaroid camera.

I remember walking down the halls of the middle school comparing it to a chilly hospital hallway.

I remember white walls and motivational posters but a gray cloud overhead everywhere you went.

I remember my first kiss and how i liked it?

I remember kissing my neighbor a lot in grade school who seemed my age but, he wasn’t i don’t think.

I remember he would take me behind the cars parked in my driveway, and kiss me, one simple mwah then a giggle and we would go back to playing.

I remember doing that a lot then he moved.

I remember seeing him again in high school, he was a druggie and totally different.

I remember thinking he probably doesn’t remember what we did, so why do i keep thinking about it?

I remember him taking a liking to me.

I remember considering him a friend.

I remember hating that I remembered those meaningless kisses.

I remember feeling sad.

I remember meeting my first guy friends and i would do anything for them.

I remember crying over teachers and their words.

I remember wishing i was already graduated, even though I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life.

I remember parting my hair on the side.

I remember feeling seen when I found out my middle school history teacher is gay.

I remember feeling like it was okay, to accept myself for liking any gender.

I remember feeling lost.

I remember feeling jealous of the girls who wore justice and pink, those mall brands we couldn’t afford, i was also too fat for them.

I remember feeling uncomfortable in my body.

I remember the gym teacher staring at me.

I remember my history teacher saying ‘I ship it’ when my male friend and I hugged.

I remember that friend never hugging me again, I don’t know what brought him to let me hug him that one time.

I remember being heartbroken over losing a best friend for the first time.

I remember my dad telling me my brother had Aspergers for the first time. I thought he was saying “Ass-burgers” and got flustered.

I remember walking down the cold halls of my middle school, and being told i was showing too much shoulder. By a man who looked like a coral colored lipstick.

I remember when I felt I needed to dull myself.

I remember my first kiss while ‘dating’ He stunk. A gym teacher stared at me while we kissed, I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

I remember the Boston marathon bombing, then being scared the bombers family would come to our house because they lived in Maryland too.

I remember being excited to use a juul for the first time.

I remember hating it.

I remember when my middle school boyfriend told me he wanted to have sex with me even though we had been ‘dating’ two weeks.

I remember not feeling happy a lot.

I remember my first doctor visit when she told me I needed to lose weight.

I remember the first time my mom saw the bloody tissues in the bathroom trash, and my mother cleaned my cuts.

I remember one of the cuts was a smiley face.

I remember threatening to call CPS if she didn’t leave me alone after confronting me about self-harming.

I remember a time when I didn’t tell my parents “I love you” so much they asked me if i was suicidal because of how much I said it.

I remember the last day of sophomore more year when I put on a outfit i had dreamed of wearing all year, and my mom said i looked like a clown.

I remember crying.

I remember anger.

I remember feeling caged in.

I remember feeling stuck.

I remember being in my brothers shadow.

I remember feeling forgotten and undetected.

I remember hearing other girls talk about their sexual experiences and wishing I could relate, I don’t anymore.

I remember feeling angry that I had parents that cared about me and if I was safe.

I remember being groomed by men twice my age online.

I remember my first nude. He asked me if I ever did anal because my ass was so ‘nice’. I didn’t even have a phone yet.

I remember the first time a boy actually showed interest in me.

I remember he said “lemme eat ya ass ;*”

I remember laughing so hard, then crying because I was scared thats as good as it would get.

I remember my fifth grade fun and fitness day when it rained and i thought they would cancel so i wore slides. It was not canceled.

I remember wishing I was dating Harry Styles and touring with one direction.

I remember wishing I wasn’t alive.

I remember when a horse stepped on my foot when I wore crocs to a horseback riding event.

I remember my mom and I were fighting the entire day of, then in the car ride home after horseback riding.

I remember when I broke my foot in fifth grade and had to wear a cast to my fifth grade graduation.

I remember the embarrassment of being wheeled down the aisle in a wheel chair then hobbling in crutches.

I remember the fear that I would fall while on crutches and crack my head open.

I remember feeling sad because my mom has only digital pictures of me, but all paper ones of my brother.

I remember wishing I had rich parents, because we lived in a small rancher.

I remember seeing other friends houses and being angry when coming home, because I wanted a big house too.

I remember when my mom told me we could have had a bigger house, but she wanted to be a stay at home mom, to take care of us.

I remember the time cops came to our door because my brother was being bullied so bad they needed to file a report.

I remember my brother taunting me, and getting so angry I tackled him and choked him.

I remember being in grade school when this happened.

I remember hating my brother.

I remember it not being my fault.

I remember him taunting me.

I remember him making me feel scared.

I remember him making me eat a booger.

I remember him acting like he was the victim, and my parents believing him.

I remember feeling helpless.

I remember wishing i was being groomed by a 30 year old man, preferably with an english degree.

I remember day-dreaming during 4-H meetings that I would cook for my captor, and do “wife” duties for him, while he was at work.

I remember wishing I was kidnapped and got Stockholm syndrome.

I remember my dog, daisy.

I remember watching her die, she seemed at peace.

I remember noticing she was acting weird when I was doing my homework, so I asked my mom to check on her, turns out she was dying.

I remember watching a video of a man raping a goat, it was a cartoon, with my brother, while my dad vacuumed not even 10 feet from us.

I remember my brother and I wrestling or something, and then he laied on top of me, chest on my back. He did what i thought was trying to get up and fell back down, but his pelvis hit my ass, before any other part of him fell.

I remember having a friend over, and my brother insisted on tackling me right then and there, embarrassing me and hurting me in front of my friend. He sat on me. He heard me ask him to stop multiple times. He never listened.

I remember asking my brother to stop multiple times, over many instances. He never listened.

I remember when my brother tried to hug me, but I didn’t want one. So I kneed him in the balls. He called me a bitch and told me to kill myself. He said he hated me.

I remember my parents were in their room watching a movie, the door was locked, when he started yelling at me. My dad came to see what was going on.

I remember I was in my room crying, fearing that my brother would hurt me. My dad told me it was okay. My mom told me I could seriously affect my brothers reproductive system if I had knee’d him hard enough.

I remember feeling like that whole situation was my fault after that, and I should have just let him hug me.

I remember feeling gaslighted by my brother.

I remember forgetting all the things i’ve said here, because I wanted to forget.

I remember my first encounter with eating disorders.

I remember the first time I tried bulimia.

I remember it hurt my chest and scared me.

I remember trying anorexia positive diets, They didn’t work.

I remember thinking i was fat, when I wasn’t.

I remember wanting to die instead of losing weight.

I remember wishing i could cut all the skin i didn’t want off, with no repercussions.

I remember wishing I was in therapy but being too scared to ask.

I remember wishing i was in therapy but being scared they would send me to a rehab because of what I would talk about.

I remember wishing i was in therapy, and i could say all of this without any repercussions.

I remember feeling sad.

I remember feeling tired.

#anarecia #depression #sad #trigger warning #stockholm syndrome #kidnapping tw #abuse tw #trauma #therapy #venting tw #i wish i was in therapy #eating disoder tw #childhood trauma #self harm

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