#if anyone doesn’t read the article but reads my tags (??) it looks like only the podcasts are carrying on for the time being

[ghoulbats]

well….it finally happened

[cicaklah]

get ready for my thoughts on yaoi UBI

So I’ve kvetched about UBI in the tags for long enough someone finally asked me what I was going on about so here we go! 

I will start with some caveats: 

I am British, and so I can only speak about the British specifics.

I have for the past twelve years worked as a professional health economist, and health economics is based on social welfare theory (specifically growing out of Arrow’s work in the 1960s and Sen’s work in the 80s/90s). I literally could talk forever about this, but I won’t. If you want to know more, read the pretty good wikipedia article on welfare economics.

But fundamental to welfare economics is two things: if we make a great big change, do the benefits outweigh the costs? And does the change make a fundamental change for good? (aka cost-benefit analysis and pareto efficiency).

The other thing you need to know about me is that I don’t like activists very much, because they never have to show their working, and my entire professional life is showing my working, and critiquing other people’s working. We all have ideas mate, show me the plan! I love a plan! and this isn't coming from anything but personal experience; I have been to talks by UBI activists before, including ones by economists, but I have never had the case made to me that UBI would be either cost-beneficial OR approach pareto efficient. In fact, it usually reminds me of arguments that are based on some other imaginary world, and then I get so annoyed I want to scream. 

In the early 2010s when I was first starting working as an economist, I was asked to build a model to see whether switching a disability benefit from government administered to individual administration would be cost-effective. Essentially, if you were newly in a wheelchair and you needed a ramp building up to your house, would it be better for the government to organise a contractor, or for you to be given a cash transfer and organise it yourself? The answer was that it wasn’t, but anyone who has ever had to hire a builder could have told you that, and the government didn’t have to pay my firm £30,000 to make that decision. But that is what UBI essentially is; a cash transfer where you get cash and the government gets to enjoy less responsibility.

There are 37.5 million people of working age in England. (Nearly) every single working person gets what's called a tax free allowance, where the government doesn’t claim income tax on the first £12,570. (Once you make over £120k, your allowance starts to decrease, and you lose it entirely at I think £150k)

Let’s assume that instead of just not claiming tax on this amount, the government switched to making that £12,570 your UBI. That is £471,375,000,000 just for England - just under half a trillion pounds. In cash, or nearest as in our modern economy. And not one off - Every year. 

Okay, let's say that the country does have a spare half a trillion a year (in cash) lying around. What is the benefit to switching from tax free allowance to UBI? Well, let's assume that no one stops working, so there would be the tax receipts from the 20% income tax on the £12,570, and that’s just a shade under £100 million. Not bad.

But if you’ve seen a UBI post, you will know that people like the idea because they will be able to work less. Which probably means that UBI will need to be paid for in some other way. Perhaps by cutting existing benefits. The universal credit cost is around £100 billion. So we’re still £300 billion short, and honestly, you wouldn’t cut all of universal credit anyway, probably only the unemployment benefits, but I’m not digging into the maths on that tonight. 

But, look, I am sympathetic. I am a welfarist. I genuinely believe that the economy is not just money, that welfare is happiness, it is utility, it is all the stuff that makes life worth living, and it is the responsibility of the government to maximise the welfare/happiness/utility/quality of life of the country through efficient use of taxation and other sources of money. So people give the government money and it spends it on goods and services and then people get utility, and then they spend their own money to get more utility, and ultimately we can gain intangible things that are incredibly valuable. 

But the problem is that cash is cash, cold and hard and very real. I don’t know how unlimited spare time translates into half a trillion real pound coins. I wouldn’t know how to build a model that complex and uncertain, especially as this all assumes that you can live on 12k a year, and that whatever replaces progressive taxation is equally progressive. I haven’t even touched on how having a convoluted welfare state insures it somewhat against being entirely destroyed after a change in political opinions, aka what I call the daily mail test. You think the narrative about people on welfare is bad now? But also, how would you deal with people who didn’t manage their UBI money well? What happens if there is a personal crisis?

The more I look at it, the more the existing system is actually remarkably good value for money. Individualism is expensive. Collective decision making and spending is just cheaper. 

Ultimately I don’t see the additional benefit of UBI, requiring a pie in the sky change, when it is far, far, far more cost effective to strengthen the existing regime across the board; taxation law, social safety net, childcare, working laws, education and health - all systems that are already in place, and have a thousand times higher likelihood to be pareto optimal and cost effective than trying to find half a trillion pounds of cash round the back of the sofa, while torching 150 years of progress so middle class people can write their book without having to have a job. If I was conspiracy minded I would say that UBI feels like a psy-op, trying to shut down old fashioned progress in favour of ripping it all out and starting again.

Ultimately, that is my real annoyance. It is far, far, far cheaper for the government to provide you with your new ramp for your house, and that is done through politics, but not fun moonshot politics, the hard shit that isn’t sexy.

[stiffyck]

Hey Stiff,

@scittiesenjoyer here (why won’t Tumblr let me ask from a side blog)

I kinda went off in the tags of two anonymous asks you got implying you were racist for giving Scar a big nose in your art

I’m here to double down

Because I love your art and seeing you in the community and it makes my blood boil to think that some dickhead accusing you of something you didn’t do will make you feel less welcome here (honestly I wanna be a lot meaner to that anon, but I’m choosing to believe that they were coming from a good place and are just ignorant rather than malicious)

Anon has taken a very real issue and over applied it to the point of almost parody. I would like to make it clear that I am white myself and was raised Christian (agnostic now not that it really matters), so by no means an expert on the issues faced by others. But I do listen to Jewish people and have read into the topic of harmful Jewish stereotypes seemingly more than anon. Prepare for me to give you two whole sources more than that anon

Yes overly large noses (often also hooked) are used in caricatures of Jewish people, but never in complete isolation. Here’s a post on Jew-coding, the practice of applying character traits that make you think of Jewish people. Which can be good or bad, depending on what is making you think of Jewish people

https://www.tumblr.com/roach-works/703234602671751168/on-jew-coding

It doesn’t touch on large noses, though it is often brought up in discussions around art and animation. Especially as villains are often negatively Jew-coded. Think big hooked noses, curly hair, bankers/moneylenders (or otherwise tight with money), and of course stealing or harming blond haired, blue eyed children. Here’s an article that goes more into that for Disney especially

https://www.heyalma.com/why-do-so-many-disney-villains-look-like-me/

I think something important about most of what you will read on this topic is that it’s never a single trait in isolation. It’s the layering of bad Jew-coding that makes something racist. A college student being frugal is not a racist stereotype. But if that college student also had curly hair, was cowardly, antagonised others, and had a thick New York accent then we’d need to be concerned

You giving a character with no illusions to being Jewish a big nose is not racist. You’re not making him the villain, or greedy, or part of some shadow council or otherwise applying any negative (or positive for that matter) Jew-coding to him. You are just drawing a guy and having fun with your art style

I know nothing I can say will take away how you’ve been feeling about that initial anon, it feels horrible to be accused of something like this. Especially when it comes out of nowhere, and in this case is quite unfounded. I know I would have been scrambling trying to figure out where I went wrong. I hope knowing some of the context helps alleviate any distress you’ve been feeling

Please keep playing with proportions and your art style. There is nothing wrong with exaggerating only select features while leaving the rest proportional, the implication that there could be baffles me. I totally understand you wanting to take a break from posting art for a bit. This would be a massive blow to anyone’s confidence. But I think it’s important that you not let this steal away your joy in creating the art you want to

I’m happy to talk more on this or anything else if you wanna reach out, sending love and artistic inspiration

Hi, thanks for the ask!

I think I can see where the anon is coming from when it comes to some of the stuff I drew but I genuinely never thought it would come off as anything bad? Like to me my design just sorta looks like a character you'd see in a cartoon, which is why the ask took me so off guard.

I also feel that since I'm white and I can't really talk about this because I'm not really well educated when it comes to this sorta stuff? Like I don't want to argue with someone or try to defend myself when I don't know enough.

I've been meaning to read up on some stuff but adhd has been making it hard to do literally anything tbh. I need to get medicated so I can read non-fandom related stuff and in general actually do more productive stuff (more art, other stuff i enjoy I haven't been able to do because executive dysfunction) but I'm getting off track here dkvfkdjge

Ive been real anxious lately and that ask really got to me so I don't know about any art for now. I just need some time I guess for the anxiety to ease up idk.

Basically. What I'm trying to say.

I dont know enough about this and in no way would I ever want to do something that's bad or comes off as a racist stereotype or something.

Thanks for the sources and thanks for the nice words

[ladyknightellen]

First time doing WIP Wednesday!!

I got tagged by: @junebugclaremontdiaz @anincompletelist and @nocoastposts Thanks for the tags y’all!!

For this first WIP Wednesday post, I’ve decided to share a snippet from the fic that I’ve been calling ‘The one where they’re both disabled’ and in addition to that snippet, I can officially stop calling it that and call it by its because I finally decided on the title!!!!

This is (tentatively) the opening scene for:

I Don’t Need Wings To Fly

“Hey Mom, can I go into Publix while you’re in the bank?” June asks

“This is the third time you’ve asked to go to the grocery store this week June, what did you forget this time?”

“Nothing, I just um…I just wanted to get some candy.” Ellen stares at June with one eyebrow raised and one hand planted on her hip, studying her daughter.

“You’re going to look at those trashy tabloids again aren’t you?”

“There are worse hobbies I could have Mom,” She says with a shrug, not bothering to deny it. “You should be grateful for that.”

“Alright, fair point, but take Alex with you. Y’all can get some snacks, and grab a loaf of bread while you’re at it,” She says, pulling a $10 bill out of her wallet and handing it to June. “And get me some M&M’s”

Alex follows June down the sidewalk and into the grocery store, where she immediately makes a beeline for the aisle with the magazine racks.

“Go get the bread and I’ll meet you in the candy aisle.” She tells him, already flipping through a magazine. Alex rolls his eyes at her even though she’s not even paying attention to him anymore. He coasts lazily towards the bread aisle, pushing one wheel at a time so that his chair follows a meandering zig-zag pattern. June will be a while, so he’s not in a hurry, and he certainly doesn’t want to sit there waiting while she babbles about celebrity nonsense. Well, not unless it involves Prince Henry, but he’s certainly not about to tell that to June.

He’s just about to grab the bread when he hears footsteps racing towards him and he turns to find June racing towards him, a magazine clutched to her chest and her eyes wide in shock.

“Who died June?” Her only response is a tiny shake of her head as she drops the magazine into his lap with the cover facing him and points to a picture in the top corner. It’s a picture of Prince Henry playing polo, and for a split second, he doesn’t understand the look on June’s face; then he reads the caption. ‘Prince Henry’s Tragic Accident’ Alex feels like he’s going to be sick as he flips to the designated page number, his heart pounding in his ears as he reads the article.

Royal Family Breaks Silence After Prince Henry’s Tragic Accident

‘For the first time since Prince Henry was thrown from his horse during a practice polo match on Saturday afternoon, details about the Prince’s condition are now finally being released. Sources have confirmed that the Prince has suffered a spinal cord injury that has left him paralyzed below the waist. According to our sources, his doctors are not optimistic about his chances for recovery.’

There’s more to the article, but Alex can’t bring himself to finish it, mainly because it’s invasive details about Henry’s hospital stay and eventual rehab and Alex has no desire to read that.

“You okay?” June asks.

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be okay.” His response is far too snappy for her to believe him.

“Don’t look at me like that Alex, I know you’re obsessed with him.”

“I am not!” June just rolls her eyes.

“Did you think I didn’t notice you sneaking in my room to look at my magazine? There’s not exactly anyone else in the house that would leave wheel indentations in the carpet.”

“Alright, fine, yes I was looking at your magazine, sue me. But, why wouldn't I be okay? It’s not like I know him or anything.”

“Maybe not, but you look like you’re either going to be sick or punch someone.” Alex doesn’t know what to say to that, because she’s read him like a book just like she always has.

“It just feels so depressing to see. There’s pictures and all his private medical details and everything. It hasn’t even been a week and there’s magazines halfway around the world for anyone to read. I just…I don’t know…I just thought about what it would be like to have people I don’t even know be able to pick up a magazine and read my medical records.”

“Yeah, like, everyone in the world knows what happened to him and he might not even know yet. I’m sure he’s still kind of out of it you know?” June has picked up the magazine from his lap and now she’s staring at the pictures like she can’t tear her eyes away.

“Don’t look at them,” Alex says, grabbing the magazine back from her and holding it to his chest like he can stop everyone in the world from seeing it just by keeping this one tabloid away from everyone.

“Sorry Alex, I didn’t–” June says, but she doesn’t seem to know what else to say.

“It’s fine, I’ll just…I’ll go put it back, you get the bread and the candy. I’ll meet you at the checkout.” His voice sounds hallow even to his own ears, but June doesn’t say anything else; she just nods and walks silently alongside him with the loaf of bread dangling down by her side.

Alex doesn’t put the magazine back on the shelf, but he doesn’t pay for it either. He shoves it down between his leg and the side of his chair to hide it from view. He’s not sure what makes him want to keep the magazine, he doesn’t plan on reading it, ever, but he can bring himself to put it back. He also doesn’t want anyone to make money off of Henry’s tragedy, even though logically he knows that one magazine won’t make a difference, he refuses to pay for it.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Proud of tag

Thanks @tabswrites for the tag!

Rules: post a writing snippet that you're proud of!

Well I wrote this back and forth between Noelle and Carmen for Part Two. I would have posted the full scene but it's already long

Tagging @winterandwords @somethingclevermahogony @badluck990 @memoriethereaderandwriter-blog @mk-writes-stuff

@dyrewrites @aalinaaaaaa @ceph-the-ghost-writer @talesofsorrowandofruin + anyone else who'd like to do this

This ended up still being a long excerpt despite it being a small section of the scene... The point is that this is the height of the conflict. Enjoy below the cut!

CW: political drama regarding rights for minority group; mention of bombings and bigots

From The Secret Portal Part Two (Noelle POV)

“Did Atsila only want to bring equality to the Inutilia because she was close with you?” “Atsila wanted to bring equality to the Inutilia because it was wrong to say otherwise!” Dr. Asghar slammed her hand on the counter beside her. “Then why did she keep a bunch of bigots around?” I asked, rising to my feet. “To keep them from crawling away and agreeing to an extremist group opposite to the Refugae!” “Opposite to the Refugae?” I asked, slowly walking toward her. “Extremist group? Like the Aequales?” “We’re not an extremist group! The Aequales were meant supposed to bring equality!” “Really? Then why isn’t there equality?” I now loomed over Dr. Asghar, who I’d back against the machine processing my blood. She stood her ground as she looked up at me, her composure starting to falter. “Has the Aequales done anything to promote equality for the Inutilia? Or was it just propaganda so Atsila could gain more followers?” “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Bishop! You didn’t know Atsila.” I stepped back. “You’re right. But you did. Bit of a biased source.” Dr. Asghar fumed. “This is what I get for trying to reach out. Some girl who doesn’t know her place!” “Is my place beneath you? Or bowing to the Great Atsila McLain?” Dr. Asghar pinched her nose beneath her glasses, hard. She sighed after several seconds. “Carissa, you don’t know how naïve you’re being. The Refugae have only brought the public’s view on Inutilia down in the past several decades. The Aequales was created to balance Inutilia in society. To prove that we’re Alii, too. To prove to non-Inutilias that we can unite together. As equals. Atsila was the leader because she was a good one. She was commanding and powerful. She had the former governments of Sectors 8 and 9 already behind her due to her parents. Do you know why you and most of your friends have Octanian descent? Because Atsila made this place,” she gestured around her, “a safehouse for those who lost their homes in the Sector 8 bombings. You know who did those bombings? The Refugae.” I refused to break eye contact. “You may have read a few articles online, but you have no idea the history of this world, the people who live in it, or run it. You don’t know Raissa Kamanzi, you don’t know Atsila McLain. One of them made life harder for people like her, and the other made life easier for people like and not like her. You don’t get to comment on their moral compasses because you haven’t been in a war. You don’t get to tell me that I’m biased just because of who I was to Atsila. You didn’t grow up Inutilia. You don’t know what we’ve been through. You don’t know what Raissa Kamanzi did to us.”

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites @nebula--nix

[iwilllearntowrite]

I am deeply terrified of being an evil person, unknowingly or without being able to fully face it.

Not just becoming evil, but simply being a fundamentally bad person. That my intentions are wrong and I am actually lying to myself. That I have manipulated myself and everyone around me into believing I am a kind person. That my existence in itself has a bad impact on others because it is inevitable for me to do harm just like any human at some point in their life maybe ? Because its impossible not to ? No, this is me trying to normalize sick behavior actually.

I often feel like I am imposing, like people are simply tolerating me, and when they try to reassure me I feel even worse because what if I manipulated them ? And it leads me to think I am even worse than I could picture. I interpret everything as proof that I am deeply terrible, including my loved ones trying to tell me the opposite, to the point where I am not only lying to myself but manipulating everything and everyone around me so I never have to face the truth. And if at any point I let myself believe my intentions are true and I listen to the side of me that doesn’t align with those thoughts, it feels like I would be loosening my control and enabling my deeper “evil” intentions, letting them slip.

Its like I have a phobia of my own intentions. I’ve been looking into it and everything is leading me to OCD related articles, its a disorder that was brought up to me when I was in therapy and also when I was seeing my psychiatrist but that never really got dug into because ultimately when they asked me a few questions about it I didn’t have clear “rituals” and struggled to keep track with everything in my life… I am putting this in the OCD tag to know if anybody else has had thoughts like these ? If any of what Im saying even makes sense… And if so Im curious if theres somewhere I can read about it ? I dont mean to intrude as I have not been diagnosed, but I feel like this is where I could find people who also struggle with intrusive thoughts as well as maybe something like this ?

There’s a part of me that knows. That recognizes the absurdity. That finds it almost laughable. But still beyond wanting to know wether it is true or not, I want to understand this belief better. Is it my inability to face my failures ? An irrational fear of doing harm ? Of becoming like those who hurt me ? They couldn’t face their abuse so how could I ? I have noticed most people who do harm aren’t aware of it, even the people who abused me through my life were pretty much oblivious. And if they were, what’s stopping me from being as oblivious as they are ? But could it be I’m just afraid I can’t trust myself ? What made me feel like I cant trust myself and when ? Because I almost always have… One thing I’d always been in tune with was my gut. I recognize now I haven’t been able to trust my own thoughts and memories since I was gaslit by my ex through last summer. Maybe there’s a correlation.

I really want to be careful, though, with the terms I am using. I am so sorry if what I have said seems offensive or hyperbolic, I tried not to write mindfully but I understand it could be beyond me and something only others will see. I am open to feedback and discussion and sincerely hope I didn’t trigger anyone with my words.

[disillusionedmonster]

alright i looked at your tags ❤️ here you go assface

1: fuckwit. heh. thanks for the new swear bbg

2: lack of critical thinking?? you’ll agree with anything in the radfem tag. you only read articles and watch news that uses misinformation tactics. you’re no critical thinker.

3: religious groupthink…???? huh? what religion? WHAT RELIGION??? youre the one falling victim to groupthink, to peer pressure.

4: being a cisgender woman doesn’t make you immune to being an asshole, to being a cunt. what the hells wrong with you. youre no sinless god. you’re a human- a human whos chosen to be a cunt

5: MAKING LIGHT OF SUICIDE??? NONONONONO, IM NOT TAKING THIS LIGHTLY, BABY, YOU SHOULD CHANGE OR DIE. and also ‘suicide affects transphobe the worst’ is nothing but further proof that you never look at anything other than misinformation. suicide rates among trans people are by FAR the highest.

1. Enjoy it's an Aussie swear ✌️

2. Actually I was peaked by reading the misogynistic garbage that came out of the mouths of transwomen. For example Andrea Long Chu defines being a woman as "an open mouth, an expectant asshole and blank, blank eyes". I have read books and articles and blog posts from both radfems and transpeople. I don't want to live in an echo chamber, I would much rather expand my knowledge and use my critical thinking to come to my own conclusion. When you expand your scope and look at gender identity as a whole it becomes clear that gender identity ideology is exactly that and an ideology.

3. Which brings me to this point. Gender identity ideology, like all religions, is based on the idea of mind-body dualism. This is the idea that the mind/soul can be separated from the body. You cannot be born in the wrong body because we are our bodies. Gender identity relies on faith, it relies on me believing being a woman/man is somehow connected to an internal sense of femininity/masculinity instead of our physical bodies we are born with. The only thing that makes someone a man/woman is their biology; personality traits, clothing expression, stereotypes, likes and dislikes do not dictate whether someone is a man or a woman. Gender identity ideology is the opposite side of the monotheistic religion coin which asserts that a woman must be feminine (submissive, a good mother ECT) and a man must be masculine (the bread winner, strong, a leader ECT). Gender identity ideology denies reality by asserting that sex is not real and that is has no bearing on our lives. Much like most religions it is science denialist and denies the reality everyone can observe. You also try and include everyone on your religion, even those who do not believe in it. Much like a Christian will call an Atheist a satanist you will call people who observe reality (ie anyone remotely critical of gender ideology) TERFs in order to silence them. Gender ideology even excommunicates people and encourages people to not engage with radfem ideas. Therefore, you create an echo chamber of your ideology (religion) which stops people from being able to detest or even question the ideology without facing social consequences. It's not my job to constantly affirm someone else's identity, particularly when it is built on regressive patriarchal ideas and harms women and LGB people.

4. I know that women can be assholes, but that doesn't mean you should be throwing misogynistic slurs at them ie the cword. Just because a woman disagrees with you or is a bad person doesn't justify misogyny against them. Same goes for all oppressed groups. If a transperson was being awful I wouldn't throw the t-slur at them because that would be a shit thing to do.

5. You are taking this lightly. By telling someone to kill themselves you are perpetuating a culture of making light of suicide. You are removing the gravity of what it means to commit suicide by making it a little throw away comment on a website. It makes people take suicide less seriously, particularly if someone kills themselves because of online bullying and hate. The highest suicide rate is actually men with them accounting for 75%+ of suicide deaths. This varies from country to country. This high rate of death is because men select more violent methods of killing themselves (guns for example) while women who attempt suicide more than any other group are less likely to succeed because they choose non-violent methods (like pills). Trans suicide statistics are difficult to actually look at because the T and the LGB are often grouped together. But needless to say there should be support for all people, trans or not, struggling mentally and with suicidal ideation.

Lifeline Aus: 13 11 14

Beyond Blue Aus: 1300224636

[tradetobest]

dee's february 2024 fic recs

once again i am late with this but. here's this months recs. narrowing this down was SUPER hard but i hope yall like them :)

(fic roulette 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8)

Blow What's Left of My Right Mind by eyeslikeonyx

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn rating: E words: 14k summary: Jamie stares at his phone, reading over the article that Jordie sent him just moments ago as he walks through the woods on the outskirts of his hometown. It’s early in the morning, and he’s finished his daily run, and he’s not entirely sure if he’s reading the headline right. Seguin, Eriksson Swapped in Seven-Player Trade.

VAMPIRES! WEREWOLVES! TENDER LOVE AND CARE! i love a great different species fic like.... loved it sm

my mouth is filled with honey by notthequiettype

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn rating: E words: 2.3k summary: Tyler likes Jamie's body so much. Tyler likes Jamie, so much, too.

usually i prefer reading "getting together" but "established relationship" is rlly compelling to me when done rlly well and i think this fic is a phenomenal version of that... like its so good. oughhh...bennguin,,,,..... ohhhhh

if i'm not what you hoped by winglavender

pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 10k summary: "Heard the Leafs lost tonight." "Yeah." Mitch pulls an exaggerated face. "Leading the whole game and then Connor's guy ties it up with a disgusting pass, absolutely filthy, and then scored the overtime winner." "That's rough. You want another one?" The bartender tips her head at Connor's half-empty glass; he shakes his head. "Who's your guy?" "Draisaitl, obviously." Mitch taps the rainbow-patterned 29 on Connor's arm for emphasis. "He's not my guy," Connor says.

ask anyone and they will tell you i am an absolute sucker for player/nonplayer,,, its just so good always and it is just as good here... fun dialogue, good tropes..... what else could u want

tightly wound so breathlessly by supras

pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 2.3k summary: “Laugh about you not being hard? That’s okay, sometimes it can take a bit, I’ll get you there.” Connor finishes speaking with a determined smirk and Leon just loves him so much, he wants to kiss it from his lips. But Connor is wrong, Leon is hard, so hard he’s dizzy with it.

small dick leon..... ough..... trust guys read this one.... TRUST

two strangers in the red light by notthequiettype

pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 14k summary: Connor looks up, derailed only momentarily by how good-looking the guy is, slacks and a button-down open at the top like his pictures, and a nice wool coat. Connor clears his throat. "Is it better if I tell you I didn't request it, at least?" "And ruin the fantasy that I just found out that Connor McDavid's an absolute freak? No way."

again, i am the BIGGEST sucker for player/nonplayer. this concept is so fun and like. the cutest sort of meetcute. awee we met on grindr and you booked a kink sex hotel room 🥺🥺🥺 now fall in love. amazing.

Where You Lead by Linsky

pairing: nico hischier/jack hughes rating: E words: 42k summary: There are no subs in the NHL. So Jack isn’t one, obviously.

ive been waiting for this fic to be done so i could rec it and oh my god was it worth it. im also a big sucker for a bdsm au, and w these two you can just.... do so much..... its so good,,,, hurt/comfort my beloved.....

like one of your girls by Idday

pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 13k summary: “I’m not a girl,” Connor blurts, all at once. Jack doesn’t even flinch. “I know that,” he says. “But you want to be my girl. Don’t you.” 

i forced myself to pick only one idday fic this month and while i loved them both... this one... oughhhh... the "Connor just wants to be a 1950s housewife" tag sold me so hard and i am a happy customer. 100% would purchase again....

no but really (an unserious au tumblr primer) by snowinthestars

pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: T words: 2.6k summary: Connor McDavid is definitely dating the Oilers in-arena host Jack Eichel. Just let me show you my proof! [A fake Tumblr-style ship primer for an AU where Jack works for the Oilers' broadcast instead of playing.]

i love sort of meta-esque fics like this theyre so FUN to me!!! this one is like. a perfect example of that and what i mean.... likeee RAHH i would EAT up this primer in this universe... so great

[gabekidd]

Murky Waters, Part 3

A Bullet Club horror AU

Pairings: David Finlay x OFC; Jay White x OFC; past Matt Jackson x OFC Word Count: 3,764 Warnings: Alcohol use, angst, referenced cheating, language

Tensions rise with Matt's arrival, but he and Chloe put circumstances aside to perform a summoning when Riley finds the Ouija board.

Read it on AO3 | Masterlist

Tag squad: @aussiearrow @statdaddy @knifepervert @sldghmmr @rusevday @missbrownstone @meteora-fc @bec0m @thatgirlforever5 @rocca09

“What the fuck?” Matt said in confusion.

“That sounded like Alyssa,” Chloe worriedly stated. She turned and pushed up onto her knees on the hot tub seat, peering out into the dark. But she couldn’t see anyone or anything, not even the edge of the water.

“Wait, are they down there?” Matt asked as he moved to the edge of the deck.

“Yeah; Jay dared Riley to go swimming in the lake because of that ghost story,” David explained; and then, to Chloe, “It’s probably just one of them fucking around.”

They all fell silent, listening. Chloe’s fingers gripped the lip of the hot tub, her heart pounding in her ears. Goosebumps prickled over her bare skin, and she wanted to sink back down into the warmth of the bubbling water, but she was transfixed; waiting for what, she wasn’t sure. But then there was a rustle of movement, voices growing closer, and Jay, Alyssa, and Nick burst out from the shadows, laughing, each carrying an article of clothing. Then Riley appeared in hot pursuit—and he was stark naked.

“Oh my God,” Chloe gasp-laughed and averted her eyes. David’s guess was right.

“Hey!” Matt called down to them. “What the fuck did I just walk into?”

They all came to a halt and looked up at the deck, startled. “Matt?” Alyssa gaped. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Her eyes found Chloe’s in shock. Chloe pursed her lips. I know, it communicated. The audacity of this bitch.

“Man, I’m just getting warm welcomes all around,” Matt sarcastically quipped.

“Seriously, what’re you doing here?” Nick asked. It surprised Chloe; she’d figured if anyone had known about Matt’s intentions to crash the weekend, it would have been his brother. But he looked just as confused as the rest of them.

“Okay, can I get dressed before we get into this?” Riley spoke up, covering himself with his hands. It broke the tension, if only a bit.

“Are you cold, bud?” David called down to him.

“Wanna stop looking at my dick, David?” he returned.

“Here,” Jay tossed Riley his boxer-briefs. “David’s right; you’re not doing yourself any favors.”

“Fuck you,” Riley shot; but he was quick to pull his underwear back on, and they all climbed back up the stairs to regroup on the deck. Alyssa made a beeline for Chloe and David, still in the hot tub. Chloe knew exactly what she was going to say before she said it.

“What the fuck?” she mouthed as she walked over. “When did he get here?”

“Right before you guys came running up,” David lowly answered. Alyssa rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t want to say anything, but I had a fucking feeling he was gonna do this,” she bit; but everyone else came to gather next to the hot tub, too. She shared another glance with Chloe. They’d have a sidebar later.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Nick asked Matt.

“Why he didn’t tell you doesn’t matter, he shouldn’t be here,” Alyssa tersely interjected. She fixed her eyes on Matt. “You said Chloe should be the one to go this weekend.”

Matt scoffed. “So is that how we’re doing it from here on out? I get every other trip and thing we do as a group like some sort of custody agreement?”

“That’s not the fucking point,” Jay jumped in. “Lyss is right—you bowed out because it seemed like you knew it was the right thing to do, and now you’ve showed up for what reason? To make Chloe and everyone else uncomfortable all weekend?”

Chloe sat stiffly in the hot tub, extremely uncomfortable. Jay and Matt had always butted heads, but not in the friendly competitive sort of way that David and Riley did. There had always been an underlying current of genuine dislike between them, and Matt’s infidelity had driven it to the surface.

“Okay, let’s all just take a breath—” Nick started.

“No, Jay’s right,” Matt cut him off with a placating tone. He looked at Chloe. “Do you want me to leave?”

Chloe stared back at him, put on the spot. The earnest, open expression on his face was bullshit; she knew exactly what he was doing. If she asked him to leave, it would make her look like the insecure one who couldn’t be around him, like she was the one splitting up the friend group. But little did Matt know, she’d meant it when she told David she’d moved on.

“I don’t care,” she returned. “Stay if you want, leave if you want. It makes no difference to me.”

There was an awkward silence as everyone did their best not to outwardly react. Matt nodded, his mouth tight. “Alright. Then I guess I’ll stay.”

Nick breathed out. “Well, I don’t know where you’re gonna sleep,” he said. “Even the pull-out’s taken.”

“The pull-out’s not taken; Chloe and I are sharing a room,” David announced. He looked Matt right in the eye. “So you can sleep on the couch.”

Even the crickets and frogs seemed to silence in embarrassment on Matt’s behalf. Riley, fully clothed again, barely contained the oh, shit he laughed under his breath. Jay and Alyssa both sent David and Chloe sneaky grins. And Chloe had never been more turned on in her life.

“Great!” Matt clapped his hands together, his voice and expression strained. “That’s settled, then. I’ll get my stuff out of the car.” And he turned and disappeared into the cabin.

“Chloe, I promise I didn’t know he was gonna show up,” Nick told her. But she waved him off as she got out of the hot tub.

“Whatever. I need another drink.”

She shouldered past him and went inside straight to the fridge, grabbed another beer, pried off the cap, and took a long swig. She hadn’t realized how dry her mouth was until the drink soothed her cotton tongue, and she gulped down a third of the bottle without meaning to. She heard a door open as she leaned against the kitchen counter, and she thought it was the others following her back inside from the deck. But then Matt appeared from around the corner, a large duffle bag over his shoulder. He stopped when he saw her.

“Can we talk?”

Chloe’s eyes hardened. “What could we possibly have to talk about?”

He sighed. “Are you with David now?”

“How is that any of your business?”

“He made it my business when he told everyone that you’re sharing a bed this weekend,” he returned. His pride was wounded; Chloe could see it on his face, hear it in his voice. She couldn’t care less.

“What did you hope would happen tonight, Matt?” she charged. “I know you didn’t drive all the way out here for shits and giggles. Did you think I’d what—be flattered you showed up? Tell you I want to work things out? I have more self-respect than that.”  

Matt sighed. “I don’t know what I was hoping for, Chlo, but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting you to be sleeping with David already.”

“Well, you cheated on me, Matt! It made it pretty easy to get over you!”

“I cheated on you because I felt like you didn’t want me, anyway!”

Chloe grabbed onto the kitchen counter to steady herself. It wasn’t the first time he’d said that to her. The final months of her and Matt’s relationship had been stressful at best. It had just felt like they weren’t on the same page anymore; like they’d grown into completely different people from when they’d first started dating, and instead of growing together they’d grown apart. But rather than talk about it, they’d just tried to fix it with sex—until that hadn’t worked anymore, either. Matt wasn’t the only one who’d felt unwanted at the end. The difference was that Chloe didn’t step out on him.

“That’s not fair,” she returned. Angry tears stung the back of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She was done crying over him.

“I’m sorry, Chlo, I just,” he sighed again, remorseful, searching for his words. “I wasn’t expecting you to be all cozied up with David already.”

Chloe bit down on her jaw. If he wanted sympathy, he wouldn’t get a shred from her. “You know, the funny thing is I’m actually not sleeping with David. But that’ll change tonight.”

With that said, she grabbed her beer and walked off into her room, closing the door behind her. She needed a moment to herself. So, when someone knocked on the door not long after, she tensed. But she relaxed when she heard David’s voice on the other side.

“It’s me. Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” she answered. David opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him. He looked concerned.

“Everything alright? We saw you two talking, but Nick—”

Chloe cut him off with a kiss. It took David by surprise, but not for long. He grabbed her hips and drew her closer, skin against skin as their mouths moved together, slowly, eagerly. His tongue tasted faintly of the beer they’d been drinking, and he smelled like chlorine from the hot tub. It was the best kiss Chloe had ever had.

She pulled away first. “Sorry,” she sheepishly apologized. But David shook his head, a distracted grin on his lips.

“No, don’t apologize,” he said, still holding her close. “I was actually gonna apologize for telling everyone we’re sharing a room like that, but I guess you didn’t mind.”

Chloe bit her lip. “Not at all. That was extremely fucking sexy of you, actually.”

David grinned. “Good to know,” he said, and he closed the space between them and kissed her again. Chloe gave into him, pressing her body against his, and David walked her backward, toward the bed. She hadn’t expected it to happen so soon, but the thought of David pulling off her bikini and fucking her right after she’d told Matt that’s exactly what would happen turned Chloe on even more—

“Holy shit, look at this!”

An excited shout from Riley out in the living room made them stop. Chloe’s stomach turned. She had a sinking feeling she knew exactly what Riley had found.

“What?” David softly asked.

“The Ouija board,” she said, and she pulled away from him and went out into the living room. Everyone stood gathered in front of the entertainment center, and in his hands, Riley held the box that Chloe had stashed away hours earlier, hoping no one would find it.

“Well, we gotta use it, right?” Riley posited.

“Where did you find that?” Chloe charged. She didn’t know why she’d asked like that—she knew where he’d found it—it had just come out that way. But she wanted to know if there was another reason he’d gone looking in the entertainment center, or if the Ouija board had somehow called out to him, the way it had seemingly thrown itself off the closet shelf.

But Riley didn’t give her an answer either way. “In the cabinet there,” he said, motioning to the cabinet where she’d hidden it. “What do you guys think? Should we try to summon the White Lady?”

“Fuck no,” Alyssa immediately said.

“Oh, come on,” Jay nudged her. “You’ve said before that you want to try a Ouija board at least once.”

“Yeah, well I’m all talk,” she returned. It made Nick snort in laughter.

“Alright, well this is a democracy, allegedly,” Riley said. “Let’s put it to a vote. All in favor of using the Ouija board?”

He raised his hand, looking around at them. Matt, Nick, and Jay all raised a hand, too. It was four against three in favor.

Riley grinned. “Let’s set ‘er up.”

Alyssa smacked Jay’s arm with the back of her hand. “Really?”

“Come on, nothing’s gonna happen,” Jay dismissed.

David scoffed in amusement. “Famous last words,” he muttered. Chloe frowned at him.

“Let me go change,” she sighed and started back to their room. “I’m not summoning ghosts in a bikini.”

* * * *

While Chloe and David changed, Riley, Matt, and Nick made sure the atmosphere was sufficiently spooky for their impromptu séance. They cut off the music and all the lights in the cabin except for one dim table lamp next to the couch. Nick brought down a candle he’d found in the master bathroom and lit it, filling the air with a light, calming fragrance of jasmine and sandalwood. When Chloe and David returned, they all gathered in the living room and sat cross-legged on the floor, their phones silenced, the Ouija board set on the coffee table. No one made a move to touch the planchette.

“Well, are we doing this, or what?” Riley impatiently asked.

“Has anyone even done this before?” Alyssa asked.

“In high school once,” Chloe revealed.

Jay smirked at her. “During your goth phase?”

She shot him a look. “It was an emo phase, thank you very much.”

“Hot,” David grinned. Chloe rolled her eyes, a smile pulling at her lips.

“Okay, well this says you need at least two people touching the planchette,” Nick read from a website he’d pulled up on his phone, the glow from the screen illuminating his face. “Preferably a male and a female.”

“Alright, let’s go, Lyss,” Jay said. He reached toward the planchette—but she looked at him like he’d lost his damn mind.

“Absolutely not.”

His face fell. “Aw, come on!”

“It should be Matt and Chloe,” Nick suggested. It made everyone look at him like he’d lost his mind. “What? Given what happened to Clara, they’d probably have the most luck getting a response if it is her. You know, because Matt che—”

“Yeah, we got it,” Matt cut him off. He looked across the coffee table at Chloe. “You up for it?”

Chloe set her jaw. There he went, putting her on the spot again.

“Fine,” she agreed. She scooted closer to the coffee table to better reach the board; but Nick spoke up again.

“Okay, it actually also says we shouldn’t use a table. The two people using the board should sit facing each other with their knees touching and the board balanced on their legs.”

Alyssa shot him a skeptical look. “I’ve never seen it done like that in the movies.”

“Well, take it up with this website,” Nick returned.

Matt expelled an agitated breath. “Fine.” He picked up the planchette and board and moved around the table before anyone could say anything else about it. He sent Chloe an expectant look. She pursed her lips and pivoted to face him, and they scooted toward each other until their knees touched. Matt balanced the board in between them on their legs, making sure it was stable.

“Good?” he asked her.

She just nodded.

Nick ran down the rest of the rules. Designate one person to act as the “medium”; they all agreed Chloe would be best. Touch the planchette as lightly as possible and move it in circles around the board a few times to warm it up. Start out with a simple “yes” or “no” question. Be patient and polite. Don’t ask stupid questions or for physical signs. Don’t believe everything the board tells you. And, most importantly, do not end the session without saying goodbye.

Chloe and Matt put their fingertips on the planchette. They moved it in circular motions around the board, and Chloe’s touch was so light that she wasn’t sure if she or Matt was the one who eventually stopped it. But then Matt looked up at her and said, “Whenever you’re ready.”

She drew in a steadying breath through her nose. Open with a simple “yes” or “no” question, Nick had said. She had to swallow a lump in her throat before she could speak. “Are we at Sharp Rock Lake?”

The silence in the room seemed to deepen, the only sound that of the crackling candle flame. Thirty seconds passed, and then forty-five more, but the planchette remained unmoved on the board.

“Maybe she doesn’t know the name of the lake where she died,” Riley said. Alyssa whacked him with an audible smack. “Ow! That was hard!”

“Please excuse my friend Riley,” Chloe said with sidelong glance at him. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to insult your intelligence. He’s just scared.”

David snorted.

Chloe refocused back on the board. “Are we at—”

The planchette moved before she could finish the question.

“Are you doing that?” Matt asked her. She shook her head, her eyes glued to the planchette as it glided across the surface of the board. It came to a stop in the top left corner. “YES.”

Chloe’s heart pounded in her ears again. She glanced up at Matt. “Did you do that?”

He shook his head. “No.”

She let out a shaky breath and looked back down at the board. Another simple question came to her and she asked it before she lost the nerve. “How many people are in this room?”

One, two, three, four, five, six long seconds passed, and then the planchette moved. Toward Chloe, down toward the numbers. It stopped above “8.”

“There’s seven of us,” Jay pointed out. “Is she counting herself?”

“Maybe she doesn’t know she’s dead,” Nick said.

“We don’t know that it’s her,” Chloe quietly stated. And then, to the board, “Are we speaking with—”

The planchette unexpectedly moved, cutting her off. It stopped above the letter “I” for a second, and then moved again. It was spelling something out. Chloe announced each letter aloud as the planchette came to it.

“I… N… H… O… U… S… E.”

“In house?” David said.

“Oh, God,” Alyssa breathed. She pulled herself closer to Jay.

“What do you mean by ‘in house’?” Chloe asked. But, remembering she needed to be specific, added, “Is there something of significance to you in the house?”

The candle gave a loud pop right as the planchette started to move over the letters again one by one. When it was done, it had spelled out the word “betrayed.” Chloe had to make a conscious effort not to pull her fingers away.

“Fuuuck, it’s totally her,” Riley excitedly proclaimed.

“Ask if it’s Clara,” Matt said.

Chloe looked back down at the board. “Are we speaking with Clara?”

A few seconds ticked by—and then the planchette moved. Everyone leaned in, watching with bated breath as it slowly but surely made its way back up to the top left corner. “YES.”

“Just because it says it doesn’t mean it’s telling the truth,” Nick reminded them.

Chloe’s mouth went sandpaper dry. She needed to believe it was telling the truth. Because if it wasn’t, she didn’t want to know who—or what—they were communicating with. “Thank you for speaking with us tonight, Clara,” she said. Going the polite route seemed like the safest option. “I’m sorry about what happened to you. It must have been horrible.”

There were a somber few seconds of silence—and then, unprompted, the planchette moved. It was spelling out another word. Like before, Chloe said each letter aloud.

“N… O… T… S… A… F… E.”

That time Chloe pulled her hands away like the planchette had burned her. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Matt reached over and gripped her wrist. “Okay, we’ll stop,” he gently said. “But we have to say goodbye, remember?”

She looked back at him, his dark eyes soft in the dim light. The feel of his fingers on her pulse, the caring expression on his face, it reminded her of the Matt she’d been in love with. But those feelings weren’t there anymore, glaring in their absence.  

She found her voice. “Right. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He brought her hand back to the planchette, and they repositioned their fingers. There was no doubt that he was the one pushing it as he guided it down to the large “GOOD BYE” at the bottom of the board. “You should probably say it out loud,” he suggested.

Chloe nodded. She said each word in turn as he moved the planchette over them. “Good. Bye.”

“There,” he said, but Chloe didn’t wait. She pushed the board into his lap, stood up, and marched back into the bedroom.

She hurried to turn on the light and stood next to the bed with her hand on her chest, taking deep, slow breaths. Not safe. She didn’t know why, but something about the message felt like a warning rather than a threat. But it didn’t mean anything, she told herself. For all she knew, Matt could have been moving the planchette the entire time, pulling a sick prank. She wouldn’t put it past him.

Footsteps neared the room. David walked in and closed the door behind him.

“I just needed a minute,” she told him.

“I figured,” he said. “Come here.”

He walked around the bed and wrapped her up in a hug. Chloe melted into him, soaking up his warmth, burying her face in his hoodie. It smelled faintly of smoke from the fire pit. Not for the first time that night, she was glad he was there.

“It’s a toy,” he assured her after a while. “You’re safe.”

“I know,” she breathed. She gave him an embarrassed smile. “God, I feel like such a wuss.”

“Don’t,” he said. “It was creepy. But for what it’s worth, all those alleged answers sounded like stereotypical horror movie shit an edgy middle-schooler would come up with. It has ‘Matt’ written all over it.”

Chloe laughed at that. “You’re probably right.” She wrapped her arms around him and hugged herself to his chest again. “Thanks for checking on me.”

“Of course,” he said, rubbing his hand over her back. “You wanna just call it a night and chill in here? I brought my laptop; we can find something funny on to watch on Netflix, if you want.”

Chloe pulled back and smirked at him. “Are you asking me to Netflix ‘n’ Chill?”

David hesitated. “Shit, I didn’t even realize—I swear I didn’t mean it like that.”

Chloe let out another laugh. “I’m just messing with you. That sounds perfect.”

He smiled. “Cool.” He leaned forward and pecked her lips. “Get comfortable. I’ll let the others know.”

“Okay,” she said; and as he went out the door, Chloe pulled back the covers and climbed into bed, trying to put the Ouija board’s ominous message out of her mind.

It’s just a toy, she told herself. A game.

[dirtyvulture]

😎 I HATE AUTO Correct with a BURNING PASSION!!!!!! When I was writing the “ dialogue” of R discovering pads the first “ Wait” was turned into “ what” and “ your” was turn into “ our”. And not to mention that it turned “ Esther” into “ Ester”. And I get and understand people still understood it but I always double check everything before I post but that DAMN autocorrect stuck again. It just really bugs me , thanks for bearing with my Ted talk rant. Plus I sometimes really suck at spelling things .

I also tried checking on nurses in WWI and II and them wearing dog tags but I couldn’t get any information ( at lest not information about WW I nurses ) but I do know that WWI nurses had to be the ages between 25 and 35 and could have been subjected to gases and even casualties of being shot and killed. But were working in the back lines of war. While Nurses of WWII had to be ages between 21 and 40 and could not have children under the age of 14 . Nurses were also brought up into the front lines ( Working on Land , Water and Air) . The invention of pads were only given credit to WWI nurses as a whole and not individual ones . But that is not to say R doesn’t have other historical significance and records tied to her . Pictures and articles and firsthand accounts past down throughout history from her time in the wars. I already stated how she sent her time in those wars which would lend itself perfectly to all of those historical records.

I am just imagining R really fucking annoyed by the gassing after protecting her charges or was just in wrong place wrong time in both world wars ( because gas attacks happened in both ). She is holding her throat hacking up a lung ( possibly coughing up blood,  gunk, and god knows what else) , her eyes sting as all hell and her eye sight is shot to all hell. The gases  probably cause R’s voice to get all deep and gruff the first time( not as bad as it is now but still) . R being really annoyed by having to get the blood out of and fixing the bullet holes or other holes in her clothing after protecting her charges ( every single sick and injured soldier, other nurses and civilians - especially women and children R  considered her charges) in all the wars she was in . She probably fixed and got the blood out of other people’s clothes ( R “ bicthed”up a storm “ complaining” about fixing up the men’s clothes but was happy to do so for the other nurses and for the local civilian women and children. Especially the kids’ clothes) .

For pictures in WWI Esther made R do them (alone or in group photos) as Esther was her favorite nurse or at the very least one of her favorites in that war ( I say as if I literally didn’t just put down a random vintage female name for the bit of R helping to invent pads 🤣) but R told Esther that R had to pose with her , R wasn’t doing the pictures alone. For WWII her favorite Nurse of that war was who made her do the photos again( and again R posed only with that nurse as R wasn’t doing pictures alone) . People also just took pictures of R when she was distracted tending to soldiers or the children and local civilian communities in all the wars R was in .

I am looking and saving up for my first car and when I was reading your first chapter of the darkest knight au and I got to the scene where Nat and R got to R’s pickup truck.And I was like “ Girlllll you better NOT be side eyeing the truck !!!!” 😤😤🤬🤬 Like I was soo offended on R’s behalf and the truck and that got me thinking that R just loves her truck . Like that is HER BABY ( if anyone has seen Supernatural think Dean and Baby the 1967 Chevy Impala) and lord help anyone that side eyes or comments badly on her truck.

I also love the idea that R named her truck Esther because the truck is Red ( plus as I said before Esther was her favorite) and it would be a inside joke to her and her alone or R named it Betty Carver ( From the Peggy Carter series) as R met Peggy Carter in WWII and knew her and the “ Betty Carver” of the radio show made her cry laughing. So that name amused her so much that R named her beloved truck that and made a inside joke out of it for herself and herself alone. It doesn’t matter if R remembered the full reason behind the truck’s name because it still  amuses the hell out of R , she can still FEEL the inside joke there . Even if she had forgotten R knows that the truck’s name is a inside joke to herself.

Bonus points if R’s favorite nurse or one of her favorites of WWII is actually related to Esther in some way , make it a family thing . You can choose the name of the nurse and how they are related to Esther , Vulture. And if that family line severed in all the wars that R was in . If that family member in that war was R’s favorite nurse or whatever  service  member of the military. Double bonus points if R knows that it is a family line of people serving in wartime and that they always become R’s favorites in that war.

Don't worry about your autocorrect, we can still understand what you're saying :)

Look at you digging through history just for one little headcanon 😂 I love the dedication and thank you for sharing it with us!

I literally love Esther so much 😭 Definitely gonna try and sneak in a reference for her in a future chapter. She sounds like a really good friend of R's who she probably misses so much.

LOL Nat was definitely judging R's truck a little bit 😭 But it's good she didn't say anything out loud

There's definitely a whole line of nurses who served in wars who all know R somehow 😂 But it's like a family secret to not talk about how well R has aged and how she goes back to knowing great-grandmother Esther

[queerrambles]

Hi! I’ve been questioning my gender lately and was hoping to maybe get some clarification? So on some days I feel more femme (I’m AFAB by the way), some days more neutral, and some days more masc, but I don’t think my actual gender (whatever that is, it just feels kinda like a cloudy blob) itself changes, just the masculine/feminine/neutral intensities. I like to imagine it like an RGB color slider, and so the amounts of each component change, but they come together to make one cohesive color, which would represent my gender at any given moment. And sometimes the color (gender) is more opaque, while sometimes it’s nearly transparent (like genderflux I think). So basically what I’m asking is if the color slider bit sounds like genderfluid to you? Because it’s just the masc/femme/neutral components fluctuating, but I feel like my gender is just always the same blob, it just changes color and intensity. So would that count as genderflux since the components fluctuate in intensity, or genderfluid since the color of the gender changes? The part I’m stuck on is that I think I only have one gender, so it’s not like multiple genders fluctuating, it’s just the parts that make up my actual gender. Ugh I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, it’s very complicated (you can see why I’m struggling)! It’s totally okay if you don’t have an answer, and I know I don’t have to label it, but it feels better for me to know there are words to describe what I’m feeling. Thank you so much! 🌈🤍

I think what you're describing sounds a lot like genderflux, though it also sounds very unique. I'd suggest reading this article describing genderflux if you haven't already and see if that resonates with you at all. I'd also suggest looking through the genderflux tag here on Tumblr.

If you end up feeling that genderflux isn't for you, though, may I suggest genderqueer? It's an umbrella term much like queer, only for genders, lol.

If anyone else has anything to add, feel free to!

[galesdevoteewife]

YESSSSS <333

Thank you OP!!! I was so happy and excited while reading the article.

1000% with this post. Something that has been haunting me and putting me to starve for so long. I do not stand to oppose anyone’s canon/world, I respect any types of stories/needs/relationships/HCs, but merely want to point out some facets that I don’t think have been mentioned enough. Gale had a clear idea of what ideal love-making should look like:

Gale: The art of the body. The exploration and acceptance of the self and the other. The art of the night itself.

[!] The following contains spoilers all the way to epilogue & is slightly suggestive. [!]

The approach – or, so to speak, the technical aspect – can, however, be varied; they were all merely means to that ultimate goal. The interaction could be incorporeal or physical or (what others might consider as) weird/vanilla/plain/kinky. The bonding and exchange of affectionate feelings were what mattered to him. A reason why thinking about a romance story with him is so healing for me, for I have felt and been bothered by the coldness and emptiness in sexual interactions. Being touched or getting orgasms doesn’t automatically grant the comfort of love, even worse when the temporary pleasure fades. Gale was a character who would consider exchanging poems with you a better way than bang you to express his love. Not saying he was immune to the pleasure of flesh – quite the opposite, he wasn’t shy to outright state he wants you – but tangling the bodies is far from the only way. The two hearts beating for each other is the real beauty.

It shouldn’t be too much about dom/sub/switch, which I somehow feel the tags themselves carry too much context and perception, blurring the uniqueness of the character. Just like in real life, many facets of a person could be ignored when the labels stand out too strongly. While these tags are efficient in communicating ideas, they should be read and comprehended with awareness and a fluid mind.

With that being said, I think he was adaptable and negotiable, but initially leaned towards the controlling position. He rarely gets nervous ('I always wondered what being nervous would feel like. I hate it.') and I think the point-and-click lines were pretty self-explanatory ('Creator. Destroyer.' 'What fools these mortals be', 'Knight to king five', 'Checkmate', 'Let me recite their demise', 'Go on - excel', 'Make me proud'…). This guy loved to be right, powerful, know it all, in control, have the upper hand, and win. He also especially wanted to be a wish granter for his lover. I think he would be thrilled to discover his partner's secret desires and would happily, proudly feed them. Turned on and satisfied by how well he was knowing/doing – but within a stretch.

He knew what he wants and doesn’t. Despite his devotion in love, he knew when to walk away, and he would not hesitate to do so. He was clear about his deal and did not hesitate to end the chapter if the player soured the trust. You prefer a new lover? You can’t have both. Slept with Mizora? A ring that can’t be unrung. Open relationship? It’s either exclusive or it ends now. And if it must be the way, please try to do it out of my sight. Prostitution was a bit in a grey zone since it's more of a trade in carnal business. The 25 persuasion check was far from the definition of ‘a little push’. It only took 18 to convince Lae’zel into half-illithid!

I totally agree that pain giving/receiving was very unlikely to be his cup of tea, degrading only in roleplays perhaps but nothing he would be too keen on. When I say he liked to be in control I don’t mean he enjoyed behaving anywhere near bossy/strict/demanding; it's more of a concept than an action code. If him whimpering and wet-eyed begging is what gets you going, he would do it with carefully calculated timing and tone to give you a good show. I didn't see any signs in my playthroughs where he enjoyed being ordered/dominated so I wouldn't say subbing was a default preference for him. Plus he could enjoy teasing but tend to get annoyed and salty when being denied. In my opinion, a subGale would be much harder to earned, and would take a lot more than some ropes/toys/spells/tentacles to mess him up and break his control. What it takes instead, is trust. Lots and lots of trust for him to really let go and let someone else have his rein. He had to be certain about the person knowing him well and he will be in good hands, and will not be forced into doing things that he wouldn’t like. Something that requires his partner to prove their understanding of him so well, in that notion would he find pleasure. He was not an abandoned sad puppy waiting to be collared, who just wanted to be loved by his human. Even if he was, he would be the 'Labrador who may or may not have rabies.'[1]

And a bit of my canon <3 These are 100% personal and made up. In my canon, I love Gale when he was being the sweetest dom ever. Rope would rarely be seen; props were mostly improvised or simply words would be used. Whips and paddles? Never. Magic would be used for all kinds of stimulation. And his dirty talk? Would be the most ingenious, unconventional, flowery, and well-mannered praise. His words could sound like courting compliments at a banquet, when his deeds were erasing your gravity. Messing with the mental would be something on his darker appetite. His mind was his ultimate sanctuary and he would pay the same respect to his lover. But the thrill and temptation were unparalleled when he was invited and trusted with handling the most important, private, and delicate part of a person. (In a modern translation, probably give him access to all your search history/albums/social media passwords XD???) I personally just want to spoil some of his traits I love – which were often considered flaws – as being ambitious and arrogant, because in my opinion he had been suppressed for too long, by mortals and immortals. ('…one particularly cut-throat assessment at university - my "abject and incorrigible self-delusion"', 'To know you are not frightened by my ambition. That you would nurture it, and meld it with your own... I cannot imagine a better partner on any plane of existence.', 'Gods, it's refreshing to share the company of someone who sees things the same way I do') Even Tara was like: "The Gale I knew wasn't like this. He recognized his mistakes. He was contrite. All he wanted to do was live." He would also definitely be turned on when his lover shows how well they know him. Knowing where to kiss, when to touch, perfectly paced, learning a spell or two for him, surprising him with a meal that’s exactly how he would prefer, bringing him a book that he would love. As generous as he was, he would want to have, I will quote Tim on this:

"...a proper relationship, as in it’s a two-way street. It’s a two-way thing we’ve got to have. You’re going to have to do stuff as well. It’s not just me, it’s the two of us together. We’re going to create things together."[2]

I think sometimes he was perceived as an all-give-not-receive type, but I have my argument about how much the player had done for him. Dragging the whole team and risking their lives for him. Player's input had been mixed up with the gameplay and tends to be missed. He fell for the player knowing his love would be echoed. The exploration and acceptance of the self and the other. It’s what it should be. And again a big thank you to op! Kudos to that line: "melting into one perfect whole, not knowing where he ends and his partner begins." BIG YES to everything listed in the kinks paragraph!!

[Note] [1] Quoting Tim, originally from here. [2] Tim Downie Gale Interview with Dan Allen Gaming for Baldur's Gate 3. The 'Gale is easy to romance & character traits' section [3] Do I want to eat the wizard and get all sweaty dirty and panting? YES. I. DO. I spend a ridiculous amount of my time searching for Gale’s smut 🫠 🫠 🔥 [4] OP has a great blog with tons of awesome metas please check them out!! [5] An interesting read from reddit asking about the appeals for being a dom. A most popular answer was the satisfaction in revealing their partner's desire and feed it. Followed by the comfort of receiving trust. It's really not only about sadism or roughness. I was keenly searching for these to make sure it's a thing for some people but not just one person doing all the labors.

thank you sm for the ask!! 💕 i’m glad you enjoy my posts and it is not a strange request by any means!

note: this is merely my read on gale’s sexual preferences/kinks. i don’t want to police anyone on their headcanons or claim they are “incorrect”. since the game doesn’t provide too much detail, many things remain up to interpretation. (and lest we forget fanfiction has always encouraged the exploration of dynamics that may not be present in canon.)

gale is a character who isn’t interested in walking the straight and narrow route. he is all about new experiences, favoring non-traditional means, putting his own spin on things, and the thrill of seeking the forbidden. the sheer romance of the uncharted and the unknown. he is enthusiastic in almost every aspect and possesses an infectious zest for life. in regards to his sexual preferences, this translates into an eagerness to explore, witness new sensations, and reach new heights together. while approaching the topic of sexuality with a generally playful, adventurous attitude.

if you’re looking for harder kinks, however — i don’t believe gale is the character for you. and in case it needs to be said again: there is nothing wrong with being vanilla.

initially, i see gale as a switch, who gravitates more towards assuming a dominant role, due to his ever-present desire to give and to impress. i do think he enjoys giving up control, yet you still have to actively convince him to let himself go and be spoiled for once. his first focus will always be to fulfill his partner's needs and drown them in his all-encompassing love and adoration. i also believe that gale will grow more comfortable with being the center of attention, once their relationship has reached a point of total security (and he had ample opportunities to show in just how many ways he can wow them). gale is not a strict dom, nor a sub. in his ideal relationship roles would be discarded entirely, deeming them too restrictive in his expression of intimacy with a trusted partner. it’s all about variety and ridding oneself of the shackles of the worldly, after all. melting into one perfect whole, not knowing where he ends and his partner begins.

gale: we are all sensual vessels. illusory magic lets us sail farther, and feel more deeply.

gale: [..] i could use the weave to make us feel sensations beyond reckoning.

based on what we know about gale, these could be some of his kinks:

lots of praise (this is non-negotiable), sensation/temperature play (waxplay, electrostimulation/all the many perks magic has to offer), sensory deprivation, light restrictions and bondage, the occasional roleplay, katoptronophilia (self-explanatory), altered mental-states (hypnosis, psychedelics), orgasm control & denial, body worship, olfactophilia and given his propensity towards verbosity: narratophilia and some very inventive dirty talk. as for my own self-indulgent take: due to the recurring emphasis on hands during his romance, as well as his being the main tool in how he shapes and navigates the world: quirofilia.

nodecontext: flustered, standing in front of his romance partner in bondage gear. not necessarily uncomfortable with the bondage aspect, just trying to stay focused.

now, what are gale’s hard-limits?

gale, after the player received loviatar's blessing: your hide, your choice. not quite my cup of tea though.

while projecting your own kinks and fantasies onto fictional characters is fine and well, disregarding and ignoring the source material (and the character's stated boundaries) is another matter entirely. fanon!gale is rather ooc and very different from his canon portrayal, which is something that tends to irk me. although this remains a common fandom phenomenon.

personally, i don’t see gale as someone who enjoys pain of any kind, be it giving or receiving (with the exception of spanking and light choking, if a certain mood strikes. although it is kept mostly playful). contrary to what fandom may claim, having self-worth issues, being loquacious, emotionally expressive, and vulnerability-seeking (as well as being commonly perceived as arrogant and insufferable) doesn't automatically equal having repressed masochistic tendencies. he could be convinced to dip a toe into sadism, but only upon his partner’s insistence. although i doubt he himself would find enjoyment in that.

the same applies to degradation/humiliation. i doubt that a character who is still very much struggling with inherent self-worth issues and a general feeling of being defective/not worthy would derive sexual gratification from being degraded. yes, it can certainly be healing for some, but gale doesn’t strike me as someone who would find particular enjoyment in that. quite the contrary, actually. nor would he like to do the degrading for that matter (he would vehemently refuse. all he wants to do is sing your praises.) gale wouldn’t enjoy being leashed and/or collared in any way either. the prospect of being tied up or restricted is rather intriguing, cause it serves to center one’s vulnerability while also allowing for more intense sensations. anything that taps into the puppy play/slave territory tho? he would find it demeaning… and, quite frankly, silly.

gale is also not a voyeur, nor a cuck. the entire scene with the drow twins leans way too much into dub-con territory for my tastes. the only way you can get him to participate at all is by rolling a persuasion check with DC 25. in every other dialogue option, he immediately (and explicitly) declines. even if you do manage to pass the persuasion check, he is still very hesitant about participating.

gale: i might enjoy watching you tangled up with the drow, as long as i was five paces back.

he then immediately runs from the room, because sending a simulacrum in his place was the only way to somewhat remove himself from the situation while still being able to please tav. because of course he wants to please and clearly this is important to tav so he might just… have to discard his reservations and... just go through with it?!

gale: well i suppose it would do no good to back out now. let us begin this little anthropological study, if we must.

i am aware that fandom uses the fact that his “orb lit up in telltale excitement” as a justification that persuading him was the right choice, as well as confirmation that he was secretly into it and “just needed a little push" to explore his desires/get out of his comfort zone. that implication alone is very suspect and goes straight into the sort of logic abusers often use. you can be physically aroused by certain scenes, images, or sounds, even while being visibly uncomfortable with the presented scenario. it is a natural response that you can’t often control. which is what he is showing throughout the entire scene: discomfort. he was coerced into this situation, without any prior discussion or an opportunity to talk about his boundaries. furthermore, this is what he has to say if you approach him after the threesome:

gale: ahem. i hope you're not here to ask about our recent, erm, activities. i'd rather those were consigned to the footnotes of our romance, if it's all the same with you.

since he is strictly monogamous, any arrangement involving another person is also a no. he made this rather clear when tav sought him out after receiving halsin's proposal. him being monogamous isn't solely rooted in his trauma, it isn't something he has to “overcome” in order to heal, nor does it mean that their relationship is any less fulfilling. call him greedy, stubborn, or old-fashioned, but he cannot comfortably agree to that.

[formerly-serious]

How did building a fanbase go?

It’s 3 years since I penned what might be one of my most popular articles of all time, “ARE YOU READY TO BUILD A FANBASE? YEAH, ME TOO.” I started it saying that we were in an experiment together, and ended it by saying I would see you all on the other side! Far be it from me to be dishonest with you all, so here’s the results of my experiment.

BEGINNING STATS: 251 people on Twitter, 252 on Facebook, 5 on Patreon. (Something equally petite on Instagram which I did not note down.)

CURRENT STATS: 285 people on Twitter, 322 on Facebook, 7 on Patreon, and a whopping 434 on Instagram.

What a difference three years makes!

…anyway we’re going to go ahead and declare that experiment a F A I L U R E, since those numbers do not constitute what anyone reading my first article hoped to achieve when I wrote the word “fanbase.” I very much did not build a big fanbase. Just at all. Nor did I grow more quickly than before, my pace is still glacial.

THANK GOD.

Now, why would I be relieved and grateful that I’m a big ol’ Loser?

Now, why would I be relieved and grateful that I’m a big ol’ Loser?

The truth is, three years did make a huge difference. The internet became EXTREMELY HOSTILE to artists, with social media algorithms becoming increasingly adversarial to content creators, API’s being torn away from developers, AI generated imagery and AI writing becoming rampant, portfolio websites refusing to protect artist work, industry leaders embracing AI processes in their products that may replace the very artists that are their core customer base, and print on demand websites hobbling certain artists by taking huge percentages of their sales (an example is another 50% on top of the 80% they took in the first place) and withdrawing many basic features of their membership.

In a battle royale situation like this, suddenly the idea of plunging into an extremely large, saturated social media pool and trying to get the attention of thousands of maybe people, maybe bots, seems … unhelpful.

But all of us have been so conditioned into thinking the internet and social media are the only way to go in order to meet new fans, that it’s going to take some doing to explain to you why I no longer think this. Let me begin by going through the experiments in my first fanbase article.

EXPERIMENT ONE: POST EVERYTHING

I did reasonably well on this, making sure to update the aforementioned social media outlets with every new print, drawing and sticker I made (that I was contractually allowed to show anyone).

I intend to keep doing this, actually. I still think it’s a great idea. It made me discard my perfectionism and shame, and I don’t miss them.

I noticed something, however. When you post everything everywhere, you do want other humans to actually look at it. In order to look at it, they have to be shown it. This generally did not happen.

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and the like have evolved in such a manner that your feed no longer shows you your friends’ posts, in chronological order. Instead, a very tiny portion of your friends and followers will see what you post these days. And this is very often strangled still further if the sites’ algorithms determine that you committed one of these sins:

Sometimes you used too many tags and hence, were seen as spamming.

Maybe you used tags in the body of a post.

Maybe you used “forbidden” tags, which are constantly changing.

Maybe you had a link. Social media sites do not want users to LEAVE, so they dislike this.

Maybe the social media site doesn’t think that what you posted will give viewers a sugar rush and make them stay on their site longer. This is typically done by trolling your followers. You can keep them hooked by showing them a highly curated version of your life, making them experience FOMO and comment with pleas for your secret to success, or you can be purposefully nasty to everyone and invite arguments in the comments. Choosing NOT to do these things, constitutes a sin in social media website owner terms.

Did you crosspost?! How could you!! For SHAME

Did you put the same phrase like “link in bio” at the end of every post? NOT COOL

Maybe you… IT LITERALLY DOES NOT MATTER (IF YOU HAVEN’T FIGURED THAT OUT YET).

Social media can be helpful (I guess), but at the end of the day, the website owners are hoping you will be their unpaid employee constantly trying to game their algorithms by posting things specifically geared to make people stay on that social media site longer, so they will be served more ads. Even better, you can pay the social media site to boost your posts! They would love you to do that.

They certainly don’t want you to direct traffic away from their site to maybe spend money on your art or learn more about your projects. …which was kind of the whole reason your busy, exhausted butt was TRYING to use social media for your art business.

So that’s a problem.

EXPERIMENT 2: POST YOURSELF MAKING IT

I did my best to take WIP shots of stuff and upload them to TikTok and Patreon. This is of course, a fraught endeavor these days since people can now feed your WIP to an AI generator and make a piece that they claim as their own.

But we’ll ignore that for the sake of SCIENCE. To continue:

I don’t have a video setup or the disc space to do screen recorder, but the one time I did break my long suffering computer and storage drives to have a drawing video, nothing came of it. So this one I can’t really say I threw myself into, but again, no matter what I posted, people would have had to have seen it for it to help sooooooooooo.

EXPERIMENT 3: TELL OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO MAKE IT

I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t actually know how to make anything properly, so I didn’t do this experiment much even though I still believe we should pass on what we know. I am however slowly building up a trove of extra linoleum block cutters in case I get the opportunity to teach a lino carving class.

If I were to try and pass on my digital art skills however, we come back to the lil’ wrinkle of everyone and their mom currently being able to mimic digital art somewhat effectively.

As we professional digital artists and designers start hitting the bread line, I don’t think I’m going to be seriously inclined to tell young dewy-eyed artists that they should totally learn to make digital art. At least, not until the current AI insanity blows over or takes a more manageable form.

EXPERIMENT 4: DON’T BE A FAKE FRIEND, EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU SHOULD

I have indeed been making more of an effort to be sincere in all of my interactions. But since I never had the issue where I had too many fans to pay proper attention to, I never had to limit my interactions with them. When you have one comment a week on a platform, you can most certainly read all their comments.

Instead I ended up largely discarding my advice here, and did my best to get to know the couple of followers I DID have because I’m small enough to DO that.

I’m seriously starting to think that getting to know one single person over the years might be leaps and bounds more helpful than having a high follower count or high post “engagement,” because that one single person might tell one other single person about you, away from the computer, out in the world. Then the three of you could start viewing each other in a much more human context than all the internet social media fairyland we’ve been stumbling blindly through for the last decade.

Maybe distance and scheduling mean you do have to use the internet to communicate. But what if the three of you went to a more forum- or chat-like setting where you could talk in long paragraphs, share links, not spend one second thinking abut tags, not get throttled or shadowbanned or buried in a feed, and in general just communicate however you actually want?

So I would alter this to say:

EXPERIMENT 4.5 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: DON’T BE A FAKE FRIEND, GENUINELY MEET AND GET TO KNOW PEOPLE ONE PERSON AT A TIME.

This is something I can only do because I am extremely small.

When I managed to get into the 2023 Indiana Arts Commission On-Ramp Cohort, my suspicions were confirmed over and over again about how important this granular, personal approach is. I went to an intensive class for three days and met a small cohort of fellow artists as well as some great instructors and other people in the industry. And again and again, I saw how important it was to just take my time to get to know each one of them.

If I continue to get to know them as individual people, taking my time and being helpful when I can, sharing insights and laughs and commiserating with them, who knows how we might enrich each others’ lives.

But you know what I CAN’T DO? I CAN’T deepen these relationships with real people I met out in the world and also be trying to chase down a horde of mythical social media followers!

Can’t do it. I don’t even know who these people are, if they are people and not bots, and if the social media sites will ever show anything I make to them. So how can I spend all my time on that mirage?

EXPERIMENT 5: LET PEOPLE INTERACT WITH YOUR ART

I mean. I’ve done my very best to make my art as accessible as possible to the dozen or so people who see it. And I think this is good! No matter what, I will still be making new art and making it as easy as possible for people to discuss and share, I will always let them know where to see me in person, and of course I will make it as easy as possible for them to buy the art they like.

So I wouldn’t make any changes to this one at all. Since I know my posse well enough to know where they spend their time online, I’m literally just going to do everything with the aim of showing it to these SPECIFIC people. Because they’re REAL and I KNOW I LIKE THEM.

There’s an old saying, “When you grasp at the shadow, you lose the substance.” This has been proven very true in my case. Chasing shadow people has claimed decades of my life.

Wow, shadow people are real dicks! At least there’s only one more experiment.

EXPERIMENT 6: JUST MAKE WHAT YOU WANT (UNLESS PEOPLE PAY YOU I GUESS)

I thought up until a couple of days ago that I was being really good about this one, because the jobs I’ve had recently have just been fabulous. Projects I adored working on. So I’ve definitely reached the point where other humans that I like, hand me money to draw things I like.

But in the last couple of days, I went through my planner books and was horrified to see all of the personal projects I haven’t finished, or in many cases started.

So while my clients gave me what I considered to be reasonable deadlines and gave me subjects I loved, I was still ignoring myself as a client. I was doing lord knows what, off chasing shadow people I suppose. Selling out too. But while my sellout efforts at least gave me some money, the shadow people (the fanbase building) just sapped my time, energy and faith in myself.

So for the first time in my entire art life, I can say with conviction:

I DO NOT WANT TO BUILD A FANBASE AND I AM DONE TRYING.

That was not at all the result I was expecting! In my 3 year fanbase experiment I still met new people and got enough jobs to keep me busy. That puts my results in the net positive, so usually I would conclude, “Hey it’s slow going, but it’s going! And just think, at some point it will snowball and then…”

But that’s not where my path led me after all. Instead, it made me want to GO SMALL OR GO HOME.

Now I want to dictate my social media posts ONLY to the people who want to hear from me.

That would exclude artists I admire and have tried unsuccessfully to cultivate in the past. It would exclude famous or successful people who could publish me or give me “my big chance,” if only they would notice me. It would exclude me from blindly chasing numbers because “If I can just show I have a built-in fanbase of buyers, I can get into that gallery show or find an agent to publish my book no problem!”

In fact it would exclude trying to court or woo anyone human, much less spending any time at all pleasing an algorithm. Instead of today’s social media approach it would be like a chat, or how livejournal or forums used to be.

Back in those days, tags were there to make it easy to cross reference your own posts, not to try and get you seen on clogged feeds. You didn’t worry about an 80/20 rule where you post other people’s things 80% of the time, and then you didn’t turn around and wonder why no one who DID go to your profile never saw anything about your art because your entire feed was other people.

You didn’t worry about some random person leading a mob of opinion against you, because you weren’t trying to reach out to a sea of people you didn’t know in the first place. You also didn’t worry about being doxxed or stalked, because you had the ability to be more anonymous and private while STILL talking to other people. Your personal information wasn’t demanded far and wide just so you would be more efficient to track for marketing purposes.

I think it’s time to admit that for some of us, social media failed. The hits that our self esteem takes coupled with the attack on our sleep are bad enough. Add to that the sapping of our limited time for pursuits that are far more rewarding and enjoyable. Social media sites are designed to suck as much time out of you as possible, and when you play to the algorithms you are aiding and abetting the website in doing this to others.

SO I’VE DONE IT, I’VE COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE.

But instead of coming out the other side from obscurity to fame, I came out the other side from caring deeply about building a fanbase to only caring about supporting those who support me. If we’re meant to be buddies, we’ll find each other! I have faith in us, even if I don’t have faith in social media or a “fanbase” anymore.

I’m off to go live my life, and that’s the way I’ll find people from now on.

See more from the Art Tips series.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Since Apparently

So I have a notification by someone and I’m not going to read it because they are a dishonest shill as far as I'm concerned and referred to me as “Propaganda” because I happen to be a left libertarian (little L), and want to call out others on my “side” as it were, to try to make people more aware, I’m just going to share the stories I was referring to in my post to make a point. 

Boy assaults multiple girls while in girls bathrooms (assumed trans because they wore a skirt) -https://wtop.com/loudoun-county/2021/10/loudoun-co-judge-rules-teen-sexually-assaulted-girl-in-school-bathroom/

Women getting pregnant in prisons due to sharing prisons with biological men. -https://www.indiatoday.in/world/story/women-prisoners-new-jersey-pregnant-from-trans-inmate-1938062-2022-04-15

Detransitioning numbers rising *reported from several sources* -https://www.foxnews.com/health/detransitioning-becomes-growing-choice-young-people-gender-affirming-surgery -https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-transyouth-outcomes/ -https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/01/detransition-transgender-nonbinary-gender-affirming-care/672745/ -https://nypost.com/2022/06/18/detransitioned-teens-explain-why-they-regret-changing-genders/ -https://segm.org/first_large_study_of_detransitioners

I’d post links about LGBT “Q-mmunity” views on cis people but you can do that on your own just looking up the tag “Cis” on this hell site. 

Lesbians feeling pressured to have sex with biological men -https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-57853385

The list of things that puberty blockers do is numberous. More so when you factor in long term effects. Also note, that “scientific” health journals are using terms like “assigned sex at birth” which is THE MOST unscientific term I’ve ever heard in my life. Sex is not “Assigned at birth” It is observed. And any clinicians that say otherwise have lost the fucking plot. And frankly deserve to have their creds removed. 

But here are some things that happen along with a number of other effects. 

And a plastic Surgeon talking sense about worries in regards to surgeries and hormone blockers.  -https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/opinion/columnists/iowa-view/2023/03/19/puberty-blockers-concerns-plastic-surgeon/69990751007/

The NHS now going ON RECORD and saying that long term use of Hormone blockers are NOT reversible, which if anyone read a book they’d understand. Mostly because the “Oh yes they are reversible” argument intentionally removes what happens when your bodies natural puberty starts to slow and stop. Of which you never get a come back from. Once you miss puberty, you miss it. All the development associated with it? Gone. Immune health. Brain development, bone development, height, sex characteristics, fertility, etc. All of that? It doesn’t just restart. It starts from where it thinks it needs to. If you are on blockers for 5 years, you MISS 5 YEARS of body development in ALL IT’S FORMS.

Preferred pronoun laws etc and liberal use of words like “Harassment” -https://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2021/november/could-californians-go-to-jail-for-misgendering-state-supreme-court-weighs-preferred-pronouns-law -https://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/world/2023/march/uk-preacher-reported-as-terrorist-after-disturbing-misgendering-arrest-wins-big-after-legal-nightmare -https://www.breitbart.com/tech/2021/03/18/canadian-man-jailed-after-misgendering-his-daughter/ -https://www.christianpost.com/news/uk-mom-formally-charged-after-arrest-for-misgendering-trans-activist-online.html

But no all of this shit is just propaganda. None of it is ACTUALLY REAL. And don’t make me go on Twitter, or strait hate groups on Twitter, HERE, and Reddit to prove my point about indoctrination of youths. But here is one anyways. And this is not the only story like it -https://www.foxnews.com/media/florida-father-daughter-suicide-school-counseling-gender-identity -https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10445195/Catholic-father-files-lawsuit-daughter-attempts-suicide-gender-identity.html Oh and this story? THIS STORY is why the Parental Rights in Education law was passed in Florida. 

But sure. Call me a “Good example of propaganda”. Jackass. 

[tariah23]

I know that I’ve talked sm shit about naruto over the years, (I pretty much have the authority to. I’ve been with it since 2005… god that’s a long time. I was like in 4th, 5th grade when it came out… Naruto pretty much ran the entire 00’s after it came out like bro, you literally couldn’t escape it. It was a fun time though since the series was pretty exciting and it still holds up pretty well despite there being so many issues (not surrounding the story itself since it was always pretty solid (later Shippuden got a bit messy but other than that, yeah.) but mainly with the characterization of certain characters and how Kishimoto ignored a lot of them in favor of his focusing on the Shakespearean ass romance between Sasuke and Naruto lmfao. In a goddamn shounen of all things. It might just seem like memes to people who only know of Naruto the series, the lore, and notable characters from a more surface level point of view but speaking from a person who, like I’ve said, has been a fan since 2005 uhh… their relationship is… lmfaooo. There was even an old article or something where Kishimoto said himself that he would’ve liked to make their relationship more… official but it’s a shounen. And his editors…! Funny that this probably doesn’t even get talked about as often despite how bizarre it is lol. I’m getting off topic but I never shipped anyone from the series I was too little to care about that kinda stuff back when I was watching/ reading the series. It’s more like they were always kinda meant to be like it’s so natural? So that’s how I’ve always viewed them I guess. It’s so fun to make fun of them lol. I’m all over the place, man. I’m not trying to sound like a fujo or whatever but they were definitely in love lol. I used to draw ship art of them for fun (never seriously but I don’t mind it at all since look at how Kishimoto wrote them lmfao. It’s like… yeahhhh they should’ve married each other. I don’t even think Sasuke came to Naruto’s wedding. Probably didn’t want to see him getting married off to anyone else because Kishimoto likes to make everything between them dramatic as hell. It’s actually hilarious. But getting back on topic! Even now, Naruto still has such a strong pull on it’s fans, especially long time fans) but it’s just… it’s one of those things that I’ll probably always love even if I step away from it for a gazillion more years. Sorry for talking about Naruto I just get the urge to love it all over again every once in a while since it’s more than just nostalgia for me. Look at me. Am I cringy 😔? Sorry for talking about naruto should be my personal naruto tag now….. I’m being so annoying about this lol. I wanna draw naruto stuff uhhh… I haven’t drawn any naruto art in years… prob since 2014 or so… I still love the unfinished naruto comic that I drew from 5th-7th grade… there’s like 20+ pages if I’m counting the front and backs of loose leaf school paper lol. I remember the kids in my class would go “you’re drawing naruto?” *proceeds to pass my shit around the whole class while I anxiously wait for them to give me my art back orz…* it was worn loose leaf so they could’ve easily torn my comic by accident.

[chaosqueue]

Okay: let me start with context

Im a teacher in an urban area where my students have not only been extremely traumatized by the pandemic etc. but also at my school last year we had approximately 8 gun related incidents. Only one was a shooting actually on campus, but I am counting shootings our kids are impacted by/ involved in in the surrounded area and whenever a kid got caught with a gun before they shot anyone. I also know that a lot of my students have experienced either parental neglect/ abuse and sexual trauma. SO I was obviously very invested in researching the claims this post made about how trigger warnings can make traumatizing content worse. Here are my takeaways:

Many of the articles quoted have a very clear bias (dear god… coddling?) and spend no time considering research that runs contrary to their inflammatory headlines, so I’m mainly going to discuss the research conducted in the scientific research cited in the pubmed article because it seems most legitimate and least inflammatory.

First of all: it should be noted that in this article, subjects were given trigger warnings, and then forced to experience the traumatizing content anyway, so the conclusions of this article are kind of a “duh” for me. They found that warnings caused people to anticipate experiencing traumatizing material negatively, and then experiencing it also gave them negative experiences…. Shocker!!!! However here’s the thing… in a trauma informed classroom, that’s not how we do things.

The examples in articles listed also seem to be extreme examples that biased reporters hunted down and which do not at all reflect my experience of teaching traumatized students. Honestly they sound mostly like privileged white students appropriating the language of legitimate trauma practices in order to avoid feelings of slight discomfort. There is a difference between students feeling like rape is gross and not wanting to talk about it, and my former student who was repeatedly raped by her grandfather for years before anyone believed her.

Anyway, I could break down more of the sources and their absolute disconnection from reality, but instead I will go ahead and add some notes on the way I actually do trauma warnings etc. so that if anyone in the void actually sees, this they can reap some benefit.

Step/ Rule 1: dear god don’t just tag things with trigger warnings on the first page or in your class syllabus or whatever. If I started every class with “there will be discussion of murder and suicide in this class!” Then obviously your traumatized students will fixate on that and experience way more trauma. That might make you feel good, but it doesn’t do any good for the people you allegedly want to help.

Step/ Rule 2: Know what’s coming. Instead of warning people way in advance, let them know when it’s about to happen. When it’s about to happen, stop the media. Pause the reading, the movie, the lecture. Whatever you’re doing. Then, be specific. Don’t be afraid of spoilers because by the time you pause the media… what’s about to happen should be extremely clear. Pause it after Romeo finds Juliet in her allegedly dead state, but before he drinks the poison. Then say something like “okay, there’s about to be a whole murder suicide thing in about 30 seconds.” Then talk your kids through it, first ground them back into reality. If we are in an academic setting then get over your desire to keep everyone immersed. Entertainment can happen at home. If you’re writing a book, then consider that authors have been writing chapter titles with “in which” for centuries and it has been just fine. In the class, say something like “we are about to watch a scene with a murder suicide and it might get intense. You are not there, you’re here in the classroom, when we watch this scene, we are looking for Romeo’s decision making process and what will affect his choices.” This will both ground your students, and let them know what the stakes are and the reasons for experiencing the content.

Step/ Rule 3: LET PEOPLE LEAVE. Trust and believe you will have to encourage the people who are actually going to be upset by the content to leave. They’re the class that act like total jerks and won’t sit quietly in the shooter drills. The kids who get up and pace around. The ones who do every assignment early. They’re not the ones you expect and the last thing they want is to have people see them as damaged. You will actually have to convince them to leave to protect themselves if they’re in High school. Leaving is embarrassing. I find that a good way to do this is to model leaving for the class. I’ll say something like “I’m going to be honest everyone; I have seen this a few times now and it’s becoming a bit much for me. I don’t really need to see it again, so I’m going to stand out in the hall. Who wants to come along?” For the most part, if you’re working with adults, people both know themselves and are both willing and capable of deciding what they can and cannot handle. If you are specific with your warnings “I’m about to show an image of a woman’s body that has been a victim of violence. It is very gruesome. I’m showing it so that you will be able to connect the written evidence we will be examining with a visual to support your memory. I suggest you look away if that isn’t something you want to see.” Then you will find that people really benefit from kindness around sensitive topics. It isn’t coddling to be kind and help people through experiences that will be uncomfortable for them.

I love the ‘woke dogma’ stuff you’ve been posting lately and a lot of it’s really made me examine my beliefs in a way I haven’t in a while. However, I gotta hard disagree with the anti-trigger warning material. Trigger warnings aren’t censorship. They don’t silence what is being said - only warn ahead of time that possibly-difficult topics are coming up. For a lot of the mentally ill (myself included), that extra time to prepare is a huge boon to participating in the conversation about said 1/4

 topics. Case in point: At a Memorial Day picnic in the backyard with my parents this year, my dad all of a sudden turns to me and asks, in a tone a person might use if they were talking about the weather, “Weren’t you interested in suicide before?” I have struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past. But I’d never told him about it and had no expectation of doing so, especially on an evening that was supposed to be a pleasant celebration after a hard few months. I had a small panic attack 2/4

at the picnic table and was quiet for the rest of the evening. I didn’t regain the sense of fun I’d had before he’d asked that question. Plainly, I’m not adverse to talking about suicide. I write, read and speak about it frequently. It’s a hugely important topic that shouldn’t be ignored. However, I am much more able to speak about it when I’m given a heads up that the topic’s coming up. Had he asked “Weren’t you in a suicide prevention course before?” like he meant to say, it would have 3/4

been a completely different story. That’s why trigger warnings are important. They give the survivors who need them the ability to face those topics on their own terms. Please don’t underestimate the value of that. I think the vast majority of anti-trigger warning rhetoric comes from ignorance of what exactly trigger warnings do and who they’re for. 4/4

I understand what you’re saying, but I think you’re misidentifying the problem here, the core, root issue: your father was a tactless dick. Putting it bluntly.

It appears he knew about it and just gracelessly blurted it out. You even said yourself that if he’d framed it differently, it would have landed differently. That’s the problem. If you and he had discussed it before - if either of you had told and talked to the other - even his original statement likely would have gone differently.

Or, put another way, what kind of trigger warning would have made you comfortable with him saying “weren’t you interested in suicide before?”

==

Additionally, as you had a panic attack and had difficulty recovering, this seems like something that could be addressed more helpfully and healthily with something like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or other techniques which are intended and specifically designed to help manage exactly this kind of thing.

The original “Coddling” article goes into the actual psychology of trigger warnings:

[..] there is a deeper problem with trigger warnings. According to the most-basic tenets of psychology, the very idea of helping people with anxiety disorders avoid the things they fear is misguided. A person who is trapped in an elevator during a power outage may panic and think she is going to die. That frightening experience can change neural connections in her amygdala, leading to an elevator phobia. If you want this woman to retain her fear for life, you should help her avoid elevators.

But if you want to help her return to normalcy, you should take your cues from Ivan Pavlov and guide her through a process known as exposure therapy. You might start by asking the woman to merely look at an elevator from a distance—standing in a building lobby, perhaps—until her apprehension begins to subside. If nothing bad happens while she’s standing in the lobby—if the fear is not “reinforced”—then she will begin to learn a new association: elevators are not dangerous. (This reduction in fear during exposure is called habituation.) Then, on subsequent days, you might ask her to get closer, and on later days to push the call button, and eventually to step in and go up one floor. This is how the amygdala can get rewired again to associate a previously feared situation with safety or normalcy.

Trigger warnings, and legitimizing fears by giving them a valid social status, causes the brain to stay rewired in that traumatized state. This is the opposite of what needs to be done.

I’ve said before that people resorting to their gods to find comfort and/or escape their problems is nothing but a placebo. But the thing is that placebos actually work. My argument is that they should find a healthier replacement, because we also know that placebos can be effective no matter what that placebo is, and whether or not you know it’s a placebo. And ultimately, they need to actually address the problem.

On the other hand, trigger warnings aren’t even placebos. They actually reinforce and exacerbate the problem. What you’re suggesting is not mentally healthy.

From: https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2020-06-16/trigger-warnings-may-do-more-harm-than-good-study-finds

"We found that trigger warnings did not help trauma survivors brace themselves to face potentially upsetting content," said lead researcher Payton Jones, a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology at Harvard University. "In some cases, they made things worse."

Trigger warnings seem to increase the extent to which people see trauma as central to their identity, which can exacerbate cases of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in the long run, Jones and his colleagues found.

"We found evidence that trigger warnings increased the extent to which trauma survivors saw their worst event as central to their life story," Jones said. "Seeing trauma as central to one's life is not a good thing."

From https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30843709/:

We meta-analyzed the results of 5 experiments (N = 1,600) conducted online, and found that trigger warnings did not cause participants to interpret the photos in a more negative manner than participants who were unwarned. However, warned participants experienced a negative anticipatory period prior to photo viewing that did little to mitigate subsequent negative reactions.

When you’re told about a trigger, that sets you up to be anxious about what’s coming. Isn’t saying “trigger warning: suicide” going to make you think about suicide?

Aside from which, it’s particularly not fair to obligate other people with the responsibility of your happiness or mental wellbeing. A mental health management plan that relies entirely on other people to avoid upsetting you is one doomed to failure. And possibly some resentment from being tasked with this imposition.

==

As far as censorship, the thing is that even if trigger warnings aren’t explicit censorship, what’s probably even more insidious is that it causes self-censorship. As Bret Weinstein pointed out:

It is also true that when people self-censor because they’re afraid of stigma, they may never get around to the place where somebody blocks their speech, so there may be no technical violation, but nonetheless, the effect is exactly the same.

There is also a problem in the sense that the conflict is really between members of the audience. One section of the audience is deciding what other members of the audience can listen to. The person’s speech who is inhibited is almost beside the point. It’s a question of whether you can choose what you want to entertain as a concept.

Even as far as trigger warnings, as opposed to outright blocking things being talked about, you end up with people second-guessing whether they can talk about it at all.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/ :

In an article published last year by Inside Higher Ed, seven humanities professors wrote that the trigger-warning movement was “already having a chilling effect on [their] teaching and pedagogy.” They reported their colleagues’ receiving “phone calls from deans and other administrators investigating student complaints that they have included ‘triggering’ material in their courses, with or without warnings.” A trigger warning, they wrote, “serves as a guarantee that students will not experience unexpected discomfort and implies that if they do, a contract has been broken.” When students come to expect trigger warnings for any material that makes them uncomfortable, the easiest way for faculty to stay out of trouble is to avoid material that might upset the most sensitive student in the class.

Especially since you may only find out after the fact, at which point it’s too late.

As Greg Lukianoff observed:

But as of 2013, they have to worry about what the least charitable, most easily offended student or class would think.

This directly affects what is being talked about, discussed and taught in aociety.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/ :

In 2013, a task force composed of administrators, students, recent alumni, and one faculty member at Oberlin College, in Ohio, released an online resource guide for faculty (subsequently retracted in the face of faculty pushback) that included a list of topics warranting trigger warnings. These topics included classism and privilege, among many others. The task force recommended that materials that might trigger negative reactions among students be avoided altogether unless they “contribute directly” to course goals, and suggested that works that were “too important to avoid” be made optional.

It’s hard to imagine how novels illustrating classism and privilege could provoke or reactivate the kind of terror that is typically implicated in PTSD. Rather, trigger warnings are sometimes demanded for a long list of ideas and attitudes that some students find politically offensive, in the name of preventing other students from being harmed. This is an example of what psychologists call “motivated reasoning”—we spontaneously generate arguments for conclusions we want to support. Once you find something hateful, it is easy to argue that exposure to the hateful thing could traumatize some other people. You believe that you know how others will react, and that their reaction could be devastating. Preventing that devastation becomes a moral obligation for the whole community. Books for which students have called publicly for trigger warnings within the past couple of years include Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway (at Rutgers, for “suicidal inclinations”) and Ovid’s Metamorphoses (at Columbia, for sexual assault).

Among things for which trigger warnings have been demanded or implemented....

[..] including but not limited to: misogyny, the death penalty, calories in a food item, terrorism, drunk driving, how much a person weighs, racism, gun violence, Stand Your Ground laws, drones, homophobia, PTSD, slavery, victim-blaming, abuse, swearing, child abuse, self-injury, suicide, talk of drug use, descriptions of medical procedures, corpses, skulls, skeletons, needles, discussion of "isms," neuroatypical shaming, slurs (including "stupid" or "dumb"), kidnapping, dental trauma, discussions of sex (even consensual), death or dying, spiders, insects, snakes, vomit, pregnancy, childbirth, blood, scarification, Nazi paraphernalia, slimy things, holes and "anything that might inspire intrusive thoughts in people with OCD".

In Duluth district schools, “To Kill a Mockingbird” and “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” have been removed from required reading. Books that directly deal with the issue of racism have been removed because of how accurately they portray it. Almost like they don’t want to actually understand it, just feel virtuous by banning a book that honestly explores it, on racial sensitivity grounds. #Ironic. To say nothing of them being classic, touchstone American literature.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/ :

Jeannie Suk’s New Yorker essay described the difficulties of teaching rape law in the age of trigger warnings. Some students, she wrote, have pressured their professors to avoid teaching the subject in order to protect themselves and their classmates from potential distress. Suk compares this to trying to teach “a medical student who is training to be a surgeon but who fears that he’ll become distressed if he sees or handles blood.”

From Jeannie Suk’s essay: https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/trouble-teaching-rape-law :

But my experience at Harvard over the past couple of years tells me that the environment for teaching rape law and other subjects involving gender and violence is changing. Students seem more anxious about classroom discussion, and about approaching the law of sexual violence in particular, than they have ever been in my eight years as a law professor. Student organizations representing women’s interests now routinely advise students that they should not feel pressured to attend or participate in class sessions that focus on the law of sexual violence, and which might therefore be traumatic. These organizations also ask criminal-law teachers to warn their classes that the rape-law unit might “trigger” traumatic memories. Individual students often ask teachers not to include the law of rape on exams for fear that the material would cause them to perform less well. One teacher I know was recently asked by a student not to use the word “violate” in class—as in “Does this conduct violate the law?”—because the word was triggering. Some students have even suggested that rape law should not be taught because of its potential to cause distress.

Lawyers are going into the world only able to help people with “nice” issues. Trigger warnings and over-sensitivity are putting fewer lawyers into society who can actually give people the help they need.

Trigger warnings affect how - or even if - society as a whole deals with uncomfortable topics. Not just the person seeking comfort.

==

And quite frankly, at this point, they’ve been weaponized.

https://heterodoxacademy.org/coddling-of-the-american-mind/

For instance, one op-ed justified the physical violence during the “Milo Riot”, by arguing that condemnation of the actions taken to shut down Yiannopoulos is akin to condoning his ideas and thus supporting hate speech (e.g., mind reading), and that his mere presence on campus would result in “broken bodies” (e.g., catastrophizing).  One, therefore, must pick a side (e.g., dichotomous thinking).

https://www.thefire.org/catching-up-with-coddling-part-one-introduction/

This is when terms like microaggressions, trigger warnings, and safe spaces started to become popular, and the demand for greater restrictions on speech were often framed in terms of mental health rather than political odiousness. Speakers critical of feminism, for example, like Wendy McElroy or Christina Hoff Sommers were opposed not simply because of some students’ strong disagreement with their positions, but because their presence on campus was perceived as psychologically damaging.

There’s no easier way in the current climate, to shut down things you don’t like than to claim it “triggers” or psychologically “harms” yourself, someone else, or merely a theoretical anyone.

Someone less ethical and moral than you could readily demand a forum on suicide be shut down because its existence made them feel triggered, anxious and unsafe.

==

To be clear, this is not the same thing as a graphic content warning, covering visual or audio depictions of physical trauma, injury, death, etc, as these put the viewer in the position of being a “witness” to the events, of sorts.