#idk. this is probably me being very weird. analyzing too much

[heartbeetz]

I can't even really explain what it is about Anton's voice that I like so much. But I like it. It's good.

[ariseur]

'Ello luv, it's been a while since I saw someone writing for DMC ugh, miss when dmc(5) was trending... What a good time!

I don't know if your requests are open or not, but catch up with me!! Our pretty girls and boys with a vampire!reader! Or or— A WITCH! BOTH

Like, you choose if it's a bunch of headcanons, blurbs, a full one shot with a character or not, I just really want to see it!

Well, obviously if you can do it honey, if you can't it's fine <3

dmc crew dating a vampire 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

devil may cry x reader

┊ ˚➶ notes ｡˚ 🎼

this was actually my first request on this blog!! i don’t know why i put it off for so long bc it’s literally so cool?? i ended up just doing a vampire instead of witch/vampire witch so i hope you guys enjoy considering my phone crashed trying to copy n paste this from my notes to tumblr 💋

┊ ˚➶ warnings ｡˚ 🎼

blood (but in the vampire way ykyk), fangs and mentions of sharp teeth, intended lowercase, kinda spoilers for dmc5 in v’s,

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓓ANTE — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ you are literally so hot in DANTE’s eyes, you could honestly do no wrong.

❥ i think you guys already know what i’m gonna say..

❥ if you feed on blood or need it for some sort of sustenance, dante will gladly volunteer. he thinks it’s the hottest thing ever.

❥ although, i’m not sure if vampires much like demon blood..

❥ eh, oh well. dante will still think it’s attractive, especially if you have fangs or some sort of sharper canines.

❥ only downside to being a vampire and dating dante is that you’ll occasionally hear a super bad transylvanian accent. like.. really bad.

❥ but!! if you’re also a demon hunter like him— and you have some cool freaky powers like draining blood or energy from empusas or really just any ability that’s useful, it’s heart eyes all around from him.

❥ you could be covered in blood or feasting on something and then you’ll spot dante in the corner wielding devil sword dante after defeating like seventy fuckin other demons and he’s just.. mesmerized.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓥ERGIL — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ VERGIL’s much more curious about your species. do you have any weaknesses? are the fictionalized versions of your kind portrayed accurately? what are you exactly?

❥ luckily he’s a lot more quiet about his curiosity compared to, maybe— nico. his staring is intimidating, though. when he sits with you or near you, he’ll usually just study you. maybe it looks like he’s judging but he’s really just analyzing your appearance. especially if you have any distinctive features.

❥ if you have that dark ruddy aesthetic, he’ll likely admire from afar even if red isn’t exactly his favorite color.

❥ if you really needed it, he’d let you feed off of him although it’s definitely not his first choice. he’s not really a fan of being bitten, especially if you need to bite his neck or something like that.

❥ probably finds some esoteric artistic poem or painting with an underlying meaning of having to do with vampires and thinks of you every time he looks at it.

❥ his gothic poetic side is showing

❥ ugh i just wanna kiss his scowl so bad but i also wanna punch him.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓝ERO — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ nero literally thinks it’s so cool.

❥ he might be a little wary once he first meets you? like are you gonna tackle him rn and sacrifice him with your own lil blood ritual?

❥ but once he finds out you’re docile or that you pick and choose on whom you feed on, he’s like, “oh okay that’s cool”

❥ probably like dante where the only version he knows of vampires are the hollywood adaptations of them. so like.. he’s confused if you can go into sunlight? or you can eat certain foods? or if you can go near churches??

❥ he, too, thinks you’re super hot. however!! very iffy about you drinking blood or feeding in front of him. not like it grosses him out but it’s kinda.. weird to watch for him?? idk.

❥ another thing is that he doesn’t want you biting him at all. he’s like vergil where he’ll be baffled if you even ask, except he’s super hesitant to offer himself unless you’re super injured and in dire need of it.

❥ just step on him to shut him up atp

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓥 — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ V’s goth ass won’t shut up about how divine your species is and how fascinating he finds you.

❥ curious on your feeding habits and what you essentially need to survive, tries to find any and every book that he can about vampires so he can learn about you even more.

❥ he’s like those people who romanticize the 1800s or the salem witch trials or greece or ethel cain or lana del rey while kicking their feet and posting about it. he will find a way to make the situation poetic, trust me.

❥ finds it amusing if you’re annoyed by griffon’s teasing and threaten to eat him first if you were to ever go rogue, you might even be able to get a close mouthed chuckle out of v.

❥ utterly fascinated by just your very being, even if it’s just mundane traits. especially loves to see your fangs, dunno why but they’re just aesthetically pleasing to him.

❥ considering he’s kinda like a deteriorating human that’s basically turning into a husk, i wouldn’t recommend feeding on him unless you plan to kill him—which who would wanna murder our emo bae right here? (capcom)

❥ the type of person to roll his eyes at false folklore and representation because he’s literally in love with an actual vampire?? how dare they portray you like this??

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓛ADY — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ LADY also finds you super hot!!

❥ also interested because she’s probably never seen a vampire outside of media— so it’s a nice change of pace rather than being face to face with demons all day.

❥ despite all this, after the initial introduction, i’m not sure she’d care too hard? like— sure, you’re considered a supernatural being and all that.

❥ and although she thinks it’s super dope, i feel like it wouldn’t matter as much to her. she’s seen and done a lot of things at such a young age, i feel as though she’s almost desensitized?

❥ she’s so badass she can’t even care. she’s literally respected by dante, whom is titled ‘the legendary devil hunter’. (dmc5 did her dirty with her lack of part in the storyline 💔)

❥ she’ll respect any of your needs, and ngl also thinks you biting into her neck is hot.

❥ kinda surprised that you’re able to go out into sunlight even if she’ll never tell you that 😭

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓣RISH — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ another one who doesn’t care that much. it’s not like TRISH is dismissive of your species and where you come from, but she’s literally a full on demon who’s probably seen everything.

❥ you guys r so hot though, like the ultimate power couple.

❥ oh, and if you’re a devil hunter, too? you guys r gonna kick sm ass together. she’ll invite you to roll around with her for a while rather than with dante, although if you’re associated with devil may cry then that’s fine too. she’ll put up with dante’s ass just to visit you more often.

❥ i don’t recommend feeding off of trish?

❥ idk how vampires take to drinking demon blood

❥ but shit, if you have that red aesthetic and are just a total femme fatale (or other gender equivalent to that), trish is in charge of your outfits now.

❥ don’t even fight it, you will end up in the outfit regardless.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓝ICO — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ oh boy

❥ if you’re lucky enough to survive the first meeting with NICO and you end up actually being in a relationship? you are def a trooper.

❥ when you’re first introduced, she bombards you with questions.

❥ where did you come from? do you have powers? are you like a demon and are there more of you? if so, can she harvest parts for a new bio-weapon? do vampires reproduce the same as humans? are you gonna suck her blood??

❥ she’s just a curious lady cut my girl some slack

❥ she thinks you’re so cool though!! wants you to tell her everything you know about vampires so she can log it. even if you’ve been in a long term relationship, she still can’t help but ask more questions.

❥ but!! as cool and hot as she thinks you are— like nero, she does not wanna see you feed and does not wanna be fed on!! (except.. maybe just one time to see how it feels.)

❥ ugh she just loves you sm please indulge her

[changbinsboobs]

What's something that annoys Changbin in each member

Changed the name/theme of the reading cuz it didn't go according to plan.

Ok so...🥲 first of all i asked a pretty general question about what tee he has to spill and of course he had to involve his love life😂 it was all over the place and i wanted to narrow it down a bit and asked what the anon requested, like tea about the members. Guess what - he's like "they're good guys i have nothing bad to say about them, very hard working and diligent" ... now thats a bit hard for me to believe cuz almost any time i read foe changbin he has to rant about something and i end up writing 10 paragraphs for his turn thats sometimes not even on topic. Now that i specifically ask him he has nothing to give me💀 im pretty sure if i ask about something specific there'll definitely be lots of stuff gushing out once again, but i feel like too general questions don't work so good on him like for example they work with chan. With chan is such a pleasure asking open ended, broad questions like that cuz he really does spill all the tea😂.

So yeah for Changbin if any of you have any specific ideas what i could ask about please comment that and i might do a pt. 2 some time but for now im just gonna go about each member or stuff i come up with and see what comes out.

For Chan it seems like it annoys him when he's too blind to his obvious surroundings, by his own ambitions and "greed" for success and creation. Maybe sometimes Chan really wants to do something with their music or concept that no one else agrees with, or at least changbin thinks so, or it seems to changbin the the obvious and logical, evidence-based even way is this, but Chans so blinded by his vision that he can't see the obvious and i think because of that there might've been some tension in the production process and this is definitely something that annoys changbin consistently.

For Lee Know its just lack of understanding and relating i feel like. Its just that on certain things they are WAY too different, so mich so that Changbins shocked how Lee Know can be like that and gets a bit icked out. I wouldn't say its the same type of annoyance like with Chans case but still something that baffles and annoys him a bit, how Focused and inwards focused lee know is. How self sufficient and unbothered he is.

For Hyunjin it was REALLY weird cuz i got the 8oW with the energy to it of "ugh there's so many i can't even count them" but then when i asked for clarification really weird stuff came out about how well they get along and how much he admires him for his art and stuff? Hääääääää (as we like to say in germany😂) Im getting the feeling that he loves being philosophical, analyzing stuff, ranting about stuff, but when its about people close to him he hesitates. I don't feel like pushing any further but i just find some cards and the energy with them in his whole reading really weird, getting that for the first time with him actually.

Moving on, for Han he's annoyed at his greediness. Not just talking about wanting but also clinging to his. I don't think Han like sharing and this really pisses changbin off😂 he likes feeling special and i think he often hopes there to be an exception for him and when there isn't he's like "how can he be so petty" or something like that😂 also i think that he gets a bit annoyed at his cockiness too, i think bin thinks that hans indeed really talented but the way he speaks about himself of boasts sometimes rubs changbin the wrong way - i think its more in regards to some friendly competition they have i think they've mentioned that a few times too. Like he feels probably a bit offended or disrespected about how Hans so sure he'll win or be better cuz he feels underestimated by that.

For Felix it annoys him how he falls into dark places so easily and how youngish he sometimes feels. Idk how to explain it but despite them having just 1 year difference Felix still feels like a teenager to him oftentimes. I think this is something that annoys him, just because. I think Changbins someone to get annoyed at small insignificant things and the way people live their lives if he doesn't agree with that. Like - he won't intervene or nag, but he'll wonder to himself on the inside and have a feeling of annoyance towards certain behaviors of people he doesn't agree with.

For Seungmin he doesn't like his sharp tongue & jokes sometimes or maybe if he's someone to give backhanded compliments or something of that sort. Like im seeing sharpness and meaniness hidden behind kindness but its not a mask with a purpose of masking - the smile is part of the insult type of way idk how to explain it. But changbin feels its unnecessary to be this "mean" and thinks if u want to insult someone insult him in a bad way, at least the he can respond properly. Or if you want to make a compliment make it warm you'r heart not sting. He doesn't like the confusion that comes with that mix of contradicting energies.

For I.N i think he gets annoyed with his frustration in love? Like the way i.n proceeds in romantic stuff and does his things and processes break up or rejection and stuff like that i think that annoys changbin and he thinks he lets himself be too vulnerable and weka and open with it all?

[arcadekitten]

Hello, arcadekitten! I've recently been grabbed and dunked headfirst into your games and am currently hyperfixating on them(First hyperfixation that hasn't been my ocs in years lol!) and am currently on the grind of trying to figure out Reginald's weird plot! I've only got about a page of notes so far in my doc, more questions than answers but I thought it would be neat to share, so here are some things I've noticed! **Spoilers for My Wishmaker and Cemetary Mary for anyone reading lol** Reginald strangely isn't affected by bad injuries too much? Seen in My Wishmaker as he has his whole arm chopped off and can walk seemingly ok without a tourniquet or anything to stop the bleeding? Ik having your arm chopped off doesn't affect walking around but my goodness he's awfully chill in this situation. In Cemetary Mary in Twylas good ending when he is shot in the leg and eventually stands back up on both of his legs to walk over to Mary(But I guess this could be explained by him having adrenaline from the whole ordeal, or if you're my friend ''it's because he's crazy and has uber demon warlock time god powers'') Also at the end of the prologue, he is shot twice and(seemingly maybe) gets back up again after the purple text(Eye fellow most likely) I don't have an explanation for this, as I could very well be overanalyzing it and it could be cartoon/game logic or the characters having different anatomy but I think maybe it has something to do with our purple eye fellow, whether it just some strange effect/gift they have/gave or if Reginald is born with some crazy pain tolerance lol, or if he maybe he asked for it(After rereading this I am definitely over analyzing but we'll leave my crazy rant up LMAO) Reginald says the eye has an affinity for objects like the clock, which makes me believe that our purple-eye fellow was definitely in Cemetery Mary the same way he is in My Wishmaker. The scenes that come to mind immediately are Reginald's vanity(I think that's what it's called) and (less likely maybe) the coffin at the church funeral. Obviously whatever it is makes Mary feel not too great so I wonder why it's only her and (seemingly) not Reginald(Although again maybe it's that crazy pain tolerance lmao). Mary is definitely connected in some way to the eye but I don't know how yet other than maybe her just being around Reginald, he says he doesn't want her to ask about that silly stuff as she could end up in a similar position to him and it wouldn't work out for either of them. So I wonder what that means. Eye fellow says they thought Reginald was better at this(Killing people maybe? Reference to Cemetary Mary?)(The eye looked forward too when he responds with ‘’Oh yknow..’’ which like..fourth wall break?) Idk just smth I thought was neat There is so much more stuff I can talk about and I will probably go back and scream because I've put more points together or I forgot to mention smth but this is all I'll put since I've already written a lot and I don't want this to be too long aa so ill end my midnight ramble here But anyway I really enjoy your games and I can't wait to see more from you in the future!! (Tho one last question does the eye have pronouns I feel as if I'm misgendering the purple eyeball lmao)

So many observations and notes, I am so fllattered! I miss I could say more but I don't want to spoil anything! You'll just have to wait and see for more answers! ♡

As for the eyeball character, they go by any pronouns but will most consistently be referred to as "they" and "it" !

[quartztwst]

Hii, sorry if this is a weird question, but it seems like you know Azul's character rlly well, so I wanted to ask - Do you think he'd be more of a tsundere in any kind of relationship (platonic or romantic) or open about his feelings? Have a nice day!

OHHH NO YOU ASKED THE WRONGGGG PERSONNNNNDKFJNAKADJSFNSNDKF i literally characterize Azul so bad i literally wrote him cooking meth and him being silly……. There’s plenty of people that do a much better way of understanding Azul’s personality and his relationships like @/pianostarinwonderland and some others nfasdfkjsk

I am the LAST PERSON TO BE ASKED THIS BC I DO TOO MUCH STUPID SHIT WITH HIM HRELPRL but I’ll give you my opinion!! Btw it’s not properly typed bc i love rambling

FIRST… AN (ATTEMPT) UNDERSTANDING OF AZUL (BECAUSE I CANNOT “ANALYZE”) IN HOW HE VIEWS RELATIONSHIPS:

From what personal stories and the game shows, Azul views relationships as transactional. YES I KNOW EVERYONE HAS SAID THAT BUT IT’S SUCH A MAJOR TRAIT IN HIS PERSONALITY. It’s just the truth.

In his stupid PE uniform R personal story, Azul sucks at flying (AS EVER) and Vargas pairs him up with Jamil to help his pathetic attempts. Jamil is obviously annoyed and proceeds to try to help Azul but Azul replies with a “what do you want?” CLEARLY THINKING THAT JAMIL WANTS SOMETHING OUT OF HIM FOR HELPING AZUL FLY ON A BROOM. Jamil doesn’t.. Like he doesn’t care he just wants to get this over with

But you get what I’m saying. Azul’s way of relationships isn’t really.. HEALTHY?? He views relationships as beneficial and transactional. You give and you take… but with friendship!!! It’s not a very healthy way to live but hey, what do you do when you’ve been bullied into nothing. He’s probably been in the “hey, my friend likes you” joke that “those” kids do.

(Okay idk why I said that its actually hurting me while thinking that I’m literally taking damage)

Anyways, what I’m saying is that he’s been treated as a joke by his peers and he probably does his contract deals to be treated seriously. I know it doesn’t sound irrelevant because I’m fucking typing what’s coming to mind but I feel like it’s connected to how he views relationships.

Also take a note on how he also views the tweels. (YES THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS THEY JUST DONT WANNA ADMIT IT). They aren’t servant and master like Jamil and Kalim but they are together like a business deal. They assist Azul and in return, it better be fun for them. (AND THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE AZUL I SWEAR THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS THEY ARE-)

We also need to take a note on how his parents are divorced. This can also affect a child’s view on relationships. (YES HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIS BIOLOGICAL DAD JUST LET ME SPEAK)

He has never spoke of his biological father and praises his step father in which he calls “father.” It’s either Azul doesn’t give a fuck about his dad or just forgot about him which is understandable. (Why remember when he doesn’t serve a purpose in your life but your birth?)

But it seems like his mom and step father have a good relationship since he mentions that they get along well and are a good couple which probably will inspire Azul

So what i will piece here is that Azul finds relationships and friendships as transactional but if he were to find an actual SERIOUS romantic relationship, he’ll try to make it work. Also him and the tweels are besties.

SECOND… THE ACTUAL FUCKING QUESTION… TSUNDERE OR OPEN???:

(This is in a Azul Ashengrotto x Reader (Prefect) way)

Personally, I kinda like tsunderes……………… so like a tsundere Azul I would love a lot. Idk i love it when characters get flustered but I wouldn’t think Azul would be a tsundere unless it depends on the person.

In friendships, he would probably see you a business transaction. Someone that will benefit him but he would be kind of sweet??

I MEAN LIKE in a way he would gift you a small souvenir from a school trip.

You know during the City of Flowers trip, he bought the Tweels a souvenir. I would like to think you were at the level of the tweels………. But you’re not.

He gifts you a sweet souvenir and he suddenly says you owe him LMAOOOO

He offers to tutor you and you suddenly owe him

He offers to give you a SMALL discount and then you suddenly owe him

A LOT OF TRANSACTIONS but he cares about you and it benefits you.

He would probably tease you a little too

HOWEVER… ROMANTICALLY IS CONFUSING..

Let’s say he has a crush on you. He’s kind of embarrassed and probably tries his best to hide it a lot BECAUSE HIS ASS IS BY THE TWEELS ALL DAY. A SENSE OF WEAKNESS AND HE’S PROBABLY TEASED LMAO.

Floyd: “Hey, Azul, why are you staring at Shrimpy for so long?”

Azul, has no idea what the fuck is happening to him: “.. Me either.”

At the start, it’s probably so confusing for Azul.

He probably had crushes in elementary school but since he was bullied, he probably saw himself as undesirable which made him keep the feelings to himself to prevent further bullying.

So he’ll try to hide it. SO like OH HE’S FACING YOU?? He’s turning away. He was a bit too comfortable to you?? BYE YOU NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. He brushed his hand on yours? Omg he’s like 6 feet away from you. I’M EXAGGERATING but he’s a little distant.

And it’s not like he’s visibly flustered. He’s very good at what he does.

I wouldn’t say he would be tsundere but shy and fucking scared LMAO

He’s trying his best to not show signs of affection to you because he doesn’t know how you feel about him

After accepting it, he doesn’t know what to do next. He doesn’t know if he should confess or just let it fade away because his previous crushes faded away.

Azul is a very observant mf so I feel like he would try to observe how you act around him to make his judgement on if he should make his move. (Ew that’s creepy.. but i meant it if you actually feel comfortable around his company or if you feel hostile around him)

His FIRST MOVE… is a FUCKING TRANSACTION.

Azul: “Prefect, I’ve been noticing how awful your study habits are! I’ve been wondering if you need any tips or assistance with it. I would be happy to help you study and be your tutor! … F-For a price of course!”

He’s trying ok. Take it or leave it.

He thinks as long he is beneficial to you, you might find him a bit worthy to have your attention and also it’s to up his confidence

He continues to make these small and helpful transactions and deals until he gets a little more confident.

I feel like he would think his flirting is obvious but his reputation pictures him as a sneaky guy that it doesn’t look genuine.

He is trying his best to look genuine but with his reputation… ermm.. sure buddy.

Azul probably has a plan to get you to date him idk like not in a EVIL SCARY way but in a desperate and pathetic attempt

So basically uh

HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE OPEN 👍

When y’all start dating i feel like he’ll end up more open to you. Gifting you stuff and being on dates.

I adore tsundere Azul still

This is mostly just rambling and things i would think would fit Azul in MY OPINION I’m not good at writing Azul seriously

[drifloonz]

Omg hi! I very recently got REALLY into Strangled Red so finding your writing for it was such a nice surprise, it's feeding my hyperfixation for this man so well. I love how you write and portray him especially since I'm a sucker for character phycology. If you're still up for it, could you maybe give some headcannons for Steven reacting to the s/o reader being hit on and not being into it? I just think it has nice writing potential and I'm a sucker for jealousy/possessiveness and overprotectiveness when the character has good reason to be. If you don't feel up for it I completely understand that, and just know that I've loved all the writing you've done so far! :)

ty sm.. i fucking love Analyzing steven hes like a petri dish algae or something that im putting under a microscope. he means so much to me and i love picking him apart like the little freak [lovingly] that he is.

i am very glad i make ppl think of him and give ppl food that is my Goal . Give people good steven food. steven food makes it sound like stevens a creature u need to feed. thats s!3v3n not steven /j

ALSO SAME HERE i love jealousy and possessiveness and being overprotective within like. Normal means. Maybe its bc i have bpd idk but i also like when ppl are jealous in regards to me or clingy... makes you feel important sometimes and thats nice to some people including me hehehe.

anyways !!

jealous steven x s/o reader!

__

♡ steven's not one for going out with you - he prefers to rot in his house. it's awful, but, at least you visit him and are there with him a lot of the time. or he's with you in your house rotting a little less. either or is fine to him.

♡ although, recently he's been trying more. maybe you have a job and he likes to visit you because he gets lonely - he's not all too dissimilar to a growlithe or a clingy litten waiting for their owner to get home. except he's a grown ass 6-or-7' man that tends to intimidate everyone just by being around, so how clingy he is sometimes is kind of jarring. gap moe.

♡ or maybe you just go out a lot and he likes to tag along, because well. he likes you. and you're probably dating?

♡ .. and because he's scared that something will happen to you when he's not around.

♡ . . . he won't admit that part, though.

♡ he'll often be overaffectionate when and if you visit him when you haven't for a while, too. clingy overaffectionate. lots of cuddling and silent affection from the big guy.

♡ he especially doesn't like thinking about the fact that other people can possibly see you and have less than great thoughts about you or possibly be making passes at you when he's not there - you're his, dammit. ... and he's all yours, not like anyone else is competing for him these days.

♡ so when he is there, and when someone does, and has the balls to do it around or in front of him?

♡ well. probably when he's around but not immediately close to you. and as such...

♡ he'll probably stand up if he overhears it / sees it, or just thinks anybody's being just a biiiit too friendly with you. goes behind you, maybe while you're still talking to the person, busy and unaware that he's Approaching.

♡ he's so tall the shadow of his figure looms over the person who even dared to try.

♡ he'll just glare at them, until they fuck off. honest to god. he hates talking to people, especially strangers, and his resting neutral face being turned into slightly more of a resting bitch face sends the message better than anything he could say ever would.

♡ he can look scarier if he wants to, maybe make his eyes glow red and give a bit more of a snarl - but just his resting face seems to scare people off real easily. good. he doesn't want to put in too much effort- plus, it might look wrong, or odd. him emoting in any good or bad way more than his usual resting face tends to look weird. he has no idea how he used to do it so much more when he was younger ... ( HE'S SUCH A FUCKING LOSERRRR . sorry continue on . )

♡ and after the fact - or if they somehow don't get the memo from that - he'll try harder.

♡ some possessive touches - a squeeze of the hand, pulling you closer to him, maybe resting his hands on your hips or shoulder - maybe even his head resting on your head... anything that silently tells other people that you two have something deeper going on.

♡ he doesn't want to actively scare them off. it'd cause a scene, and steven already hates being in public and around people as much as it is, especially because he can feel everyones eyes always on him like he's some freak. which he is, but ... it makes him feel Some sort of way. reminds him of how everyone stared at him, almost as if he was some laughingstock of kanto, when miki had-

he can't keep thinking about this. something'll happen. he doesn't want to get like that in public again, ever.

♡ anyways.

♡ even if the person already left, steven will be quick to make it clear to everyone else and you that you two are an item. he doesn't want anyone else to look at you or talk to you in that way.

♡ ... he doesn't want to lose you. you're about all he has these days, and he doesn't think he's the best choice of a boyfriend or even anyone you should be dating at all - always scared he'll do or say something. always scared of what he did back then coming back to haunt him, always feeling guilty and like you should know about the things he did. he thinks he's awful, honestly. he keeps things from you, and things you should probably know. he's not the greatest person.

♡ steven could go on and on in his head about why you should not be dating him of all people - you're so beautiful, too. you deserve better, to have anyone you want.

♡ but you are dating him. and he's happy. happier than he's ever been, and he feels loved, and lucky - but also scared. he has something to lose, again. and he's terrified.

♡ so he has to work to show you that he loves you. cherishes you more than the world. this is just one of those small ways he does it, even if in an odd way and due to him being possessive and clingy. but he's like that for a very good reason.

♡ because you're everything to him.

♡ sometimes he's glad that people are scared of him. he can protect you that way. even if he can never fully integrate back to society - not that he ever even fucking wants to - he can at least be around you.

♡ you joke about him being like your personal bodyguard sometimes.

♡ there's a faint smile when he hears that.

__

i hope u enjoyed i went kind of crazy. I think about how much he'd be scared to be dating someone again sssoooo badly LIKE HE HAS SOMETHING TO LOSE AGAIN. HE'S TERRIFIED OF LOSING YOU TO SOMETHING HE CAN'T CONTROL!! like. Especially death or some freak accident like with miki and mike but from also, just not being good enough, being a bad partner, someone charming you more than him... etc. this all comes to a head in how clingy and possessive he is.

He has no idea how he'd deal with it either and doesn't even want to think ab it because if he did he'd tweak ( go s!3v3nmode and lock himself in his room about it. )

he will Not lose you because he cannot fucking lose you and if it means being a fucking loser and getting protective of you if anyone even so much as tries to flirt with you, then so be it.

I LOVE EXPLORING THIS SIDE OF HIM. HE'S NOT A YANDERE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE JUST HAS INSAAANE ISSUES. TRAUMA. PTSD. AND BPD. and also Really bad paranoia. Probably some other shit too maybe ocd fuck if i know He doesnt know either but basically he has. Issues. and doesnt know how to handle them esp since hes been isolated so hes Working on it. Kind of.

ty for requesting ^-^ its good to get in the writing groove again. altho my keyboard feels a little weird and wacky which doesnt help and i Should clean it but thank god i can type properly again.

[confusedgayscreeching]

Hi! It’s been a while lol- I’m gonna try to get back to posting semi-regularly but I make no promises! I am currently feeling very frustrated about the arguments about Stolitz I’m seeing verywhere and I need to rant so here we are!

Okay so one thing I think a lot of people trip up with in analyzing this relationship is comparing them in the way of “who is worse.” To me that’s weird and not a realistic or productive way to talk about out this. They both suck in their own ways and it makes more sense to analyze how they effect each other and themselves rather than arguing over something so subjective, especially since even if we were able to come to a conclusion as a fandom about who is worse (which again is not possible to do objectively) it wouldn’t do anything or move the conversation forward at all.

Blame shifting and villainizing characters because you relate to one more or understand one more might make you feel good but it doesn’t actually contribute to the conversation. They both do fucked up things at different points and they both suck sometimes, but to me it makes more sense and is more interesting to look at how they both effect each other and their psychology, especially because trying to assign morality to any actions in a show like this is redundant and misses the point- looking at it from an outside lens and saying “x is bad so they are bad” doesn’t mean anything within the context of the show or the relationship and it never has.

I know a lot of us love these characters and/or relate heavily to them but starting arguments online because someone suggests your poor little meow meow possibly isn’t perfect is genuinely just dumb and doesn’t move the conversation forward at all, nor does it help us resolve or continue the conversation in a satisfying way.

This show and these characters are fucked up. They’re meant to be fucked up. They do awful things that can’t be justified and that’s just the point. When you make it a competition it doesn’t do anything for anyone and all you end up doing is invalidating other people’s feelings and opinions whether you mean to or not.

We all need to try to be more neutral and just acknowledge why each character might feel a certain way without feeling the need to justify that feeling or make them a martyr. Just like with people in real life a character’s emotions are just their emotions, they don’t need to be justified or have an arguable reason for feeling that way, feelings are valid no matter what, and what matters is how they handle those feelings.

Idk about anyone else but one of the reasons I fell in love with Hazbin hotel and helliva boss is because they’re all awful and irredeemable but they’re still sentient beings who are written in a way that shows they still deserve empathy and love, the show isn’t trying to force these characters to justify their existence by being good and that’s beautiful because the idea that human decency is conditional is far too prevalent.

Idk this will probably seem preachy and long winded but it just feels silly and disingenuous to try to talk about right/wrong with these characters or this show in general, especially considering that it ignores the more emotional inner reasons for why these characters act the way they do, which is so much more interesting to explore.

[littleshysheep-at-da]

Do you happen to have a discord account? There's a Kumo Desu discord. It's really not the most active nowadays, but it's there

I do actually! But I have probably the smallest social battery in the world and am also just a person who is INSANELY introverted, so I’m a very infrequent conversationalist. (Just a heads up to everyone I tend to give my Discord as a method of Content at Cons but uh… If I ever meet you in person and add you pls don’t worry if I don’t message you, I’m not trying to avoiding you or trying to ghosting you I’m just anti social and a dumby).

But honestly? I avoid general Fandom Servers (and ESPECIALLY Reddit Subs) like the plague. They’re just… too… unfiltered? Like I’ve come to learn how in Fandom everyone has different things they’re interested in. So you can be into the same Series but just completely incompatible, and that’s not that incompatible people are not bad people at all!!! You just have vastly different focuses and therefore not a lot to talk about! And since I’m mostly a Character Analysis Shipper type (and particularly a DIEHARD OTP/OT3 person) I tend to avoid more Gen stuff cause Shippers often get shit. Like excuse you Shippers DO care about Analyzing the Media!! But a lot of people in Kumoko are really in to like… Power Levels? And I mean yeah it has a lot of Stats and stuff so I don’t think that’s like an invalid point of interest!!! But it’s just never been my thing.

Plus with Kumoko I once checked the Reddit (mistake on my part I know) and (if I’m being honest about my bitterness, so heads up this next part is full of spite I’m sorry) saw people going for Ships I hate with such a passion I had to question if they even Read the Series or are Literate at all. Like my god I have never had NOTPs THAT STRONG. Like not liking the same Ships doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker (really depends on what they are though)!!! Like usually Ships I don’t like fall on a scale of “I could see it but it’s not my go to” to “that kinda icky but I knew it would be gross” but this was a “I have never questioned someone’s Reading Comprehension harder in my life and I want murder”. And do not get me started on people who Waifu Shiro and dumb her down to a Dere girl when her best quality is being insane. And people on Reddit are often mean and idk if Discord Servers are the same.

I mean… I guess this me having to come clean that I am… weirdly over protective of my Character Reads and Ships in Kumoko. Like a lot. Like a “I genuinely don’t understand why I get worked up about it so much?” (My best guess is left over Bullied Kid Trauma but I ain’t about to Trauma Dump rn) So ummmm there’s that… (my other all time Fav Series is Persona and idk cause it’s a Game I kinda expect there to be lots of people with bad takes cause people do Play Games without Reading the Dialogue at all (I know it’s super weird) and it’s a big enough (much bigger than Kumoko) Fandom for there to be people of all takes…) honestly Posting on Kumoko content has been super good for me cause it’s making me feel more comfortable talking about my Opinions? So I always have to give a BIG Thanks to people who send in Asks and Like my Posts.

… SORRY THIS REPLY GOT SO LONG AND PERSONAL GAH! Basically I didn’t know there was a Server but I’m not super interested. I’m gonna instead try to cultivate (with an emphasis on cult lmao) the kind of very specific Content I want to see on my own Blog 🫡

Basically I’m a Post about Shiro x Ariel and there three kids Mera, Kyouya, and Sophia as well as my Shun x Katia x Kyouya Agenda until you all go insane and it invades your brain.

[hotchfiles]

Hi sweets, so only you obv don’t have to answer this if you don‘t want to, I just have a question!

So how do I start being me unapologetically?

Like I mean even online (tumblr, twitter, etc) I‘m so scared of being perceived, especially in a way I don’t want to be perceived but I so badly want to interact with people that I share the same interest with!

I’m so so socially bad that I usually look at other peoples posts to see how it is acceptable to be online, like when I do answer someone’s tweet I literally analyze how they interact with others and try to mirror that so they won‘t think I‘m weird or whatever. And I know that alone is probably weird/creepy? But idk I just always have been bad at any kind of social interaction, I only learned how to mirror behavior and well you get older and understand more lol

You are you, as you should, so freely and I just want this too but what if the people I like think bad about me and don’t want to interact at all and I don’t notice it because I don‘t get social cues? (I don’t think I have to mention I‘m neurodivergent :‘) )

so..any tips haha?

first of all, thank you so much for thinking of me for this, it makes me genuinely happy that my personality does show thru my posts

now, I think maybe an autistic person might give better advice on this, because I might be wrong for assuming this but such an extensive struggle with what you described is very prevalent with autism

as someone with adhd, I did mask for a lot of things, but my impulsiveness makes it pretty impossible to not be me, I just be talkin and posting, really, no thoughts behind these eyes

I've also built my personality online, I got my first PC way too early, and also my first smartphone, I was a chronic twitter user from 2009 to last year, so I've used my space online to be the person my parents wouldn't let me be, always, I guess that helps with being so unapologetically me

I'm sure you're more you than you realize, and that you are more similar to the people you like here then you think. but what really matters is that If anyone thinks bad of you, they are not your people

most people are here to make friends, and you will hit it off great with some, and the conversation won't flow as well with others, but that won't mean they don't want to talk to you, it's just how we are as people, some friendships bloom quick, and some interactions don't flow that great (I post a lot, for example, but I'm a terrible DMer, anyone here can attest)

anyway, I don't know how to help you be more you, but I'm sure letting go of those fears is a big part of it

[love-addybug]

this is gonna be more stream of consciousness writing than like a well put together post because i want you to analyze this the same way i am.

as i have started to find the terminology ideologies that have made up the beliefs i’ve held about humanity and our coexistence my entire life i have come to find myself disgruntled with the way that some of my peers in political spaces approach their inclusivity.

also this is probably not going to be very pc at all and i do not aim to offend anyone with what i’m about to say, if you feel like i am missing something i would love to talk about it as i’m trying to learn and grow as much as i can <3

so there are four main things i want to talk about: differences in beliefs regarding motherhood, the approach of community and grassroots activism, and PRACTICING WHAT YOU PREACH and i say that very very loudly oh my flipping goodness

motherhood

a lot of the women on the left, especially those my age both online and off are very confused when i say that my dream, like ultimate perfect life would to be a SAHM.

- “don’t you have career aspirations?”

yea duh. i LOVE teaching because

i LOVE kids and i LOVE learning and i think it is so incredibly important to inspire children, especially, to pursue knowledge. but if i could pick anything to do without consequence it would be to fully invest those loves into my own children’s lives full time. to raise them with magic brushing their spirit.

also it is so weird to me that people on the left still only really value paid labor. domestic labor is real work too.

- “aren’t you scared of being dependent on only your husband’s income?”

oh for sure it terrifies me. but i am determined personally to have children

with a man who i trust enough to be their

father, which matters more to me than anything else in the world. if he cannot be a good husband, i would not choose him for their father to begin with. and i know i cannot truly predict the whims of life. the ebb and flow of the world, but my selection will be of the most careful variety and sometimes you have to trust that things will work.

- “why would you demean yourself to only the biological implications of womanhood?”

hm. so this feels veryyyyy icky to me, idk why but when my friend asked me this i couldn’t help but feel a ball of nervousness form in the back of my throat. saying that my pursuit of motherhood, of bringing new life onto the planet (or adopting and hopefully giving a child a home they need), is a mere biological implication of myself feels so utterly dehumanizing. it is a life, a voice, a spirit, and through it i will attach myself permanently as a source of reliance. additionally while many women and other folks have the ability to get pregnant, it doesn’t mean it is their like lifelong destiny.

- “what if you get lazy?”

i think motherhood is a domestic labor so undervalued that it is drastically effecting the shape of families across the world. there is no such thing as a ‘working mother’ ALL mothers work,

and tirelessly at that. not only are their jobs without rest, but come with an emotional load closer to the heart than any other job on the face of the planet.

- “won’t you look back and regret not doing more?”

oh my bad i didn’t know raising the next generation of people was such a menial job to you.

i truly feel that many people with all different sorts of ideological convictions underestimate the value of mothers to our society. so to my friends on here: please please please consider that it isn’t a conservative value to want to put your children first. motherhood is just as noble a pursuit as any paid job and if you think otherwise maybe your beliefs aren’t as removed from capitalism as you think they are.

community and grassroots organizing

i am about to get cancelled by my like 12 followers on tumblr

1. go to the church-led event where you can serve the needy. as someone who has a very complicated relationship with religion i still manage to make it to every soup kitchen, food bank, clothes swap, and charity drive that my hometown church puts on. that is because over my own needs, i place the needs of my community. i know they need my hands to help, my ears to hear, and my heart to fellowship. my discomfort is les important than not taking the opportunity to serve my less fortunate neighbors.

2. your outspoken republican neighbor is still astronomically closer to your class interests than almost every single one of our representatives. keep in mind your real enemies are the people preying on those neighbors’ miseducations to turn a profit and encourage the cyclical war machine. a real socialist considers class war before anything else and sympathizes for those people while simultaneously making an effort towards their re-education. some of y’all love hate way too much, you would be surprised what NOT using buzzwords does :)

3. obviously organizing should be a constant effort. but it won’t be if you don’t know the people in your community. go outside, actually touch grass. go to those community events, or host them! even if it means going to a church led function. (i said it again)

even if we can’t have universal healthcare, we can always offer our neighbor our own excess and kindness.

ACTUALLY DOING IT

- it starts in the home. i have realized that many of y’all (ESP THE MEN) will get on here and yap self righteously about how much a progressive they are, how labor is undervalued by superiors and society at large etc and then that’s it. do the dishes, the laundry, the cooking, stop talking about how much you loveeee communism or socialism or anarchism when your mommy still bleaches your tightywhities for you.

*obviously on occasion, there are times when work isn’t gonna be split. but you should aim to normally do what you should and then 1/2 of the things your partner would have that aren’t ‘your jobs’ yes they are now, shoo”

- stop demeaning inherently leftist things because they aren’t intellectual enough for you. gardening, cooking and feeding people, mending clothes, doing crafts with children, are all just as or even arguably MORE beneficial for the movement towards a quote unquote radical society where everyone has what they need.

- no more getting offended when i say some wack violent shit. as Kwame said, “in order for non-violence to work your opponent must have a conscious” that’s right and our opponent is? the super mega duper crazy powerful warlords that run our country mhm. mhm. so let’s just let that marinate. because when i say “ocean gate is god’s wrath” y’all didn’t take kindly to it. and that feels very silly to me. as someone with so much appreciation for quality human lives, i could care less about any of those people who spent a gazillion dollars to go in a shitty submarine.

anyways i’m done and i’ve been teasing this post forever so here it is. i don’t even think y’all gonna like it. and i especially don’t think y’all are going to like my next nerdy post because it is about the B-I-B-L-E

i know, crazy right?

[marshmallowprotection]

hi!!! i hope that you’re doing well <3

i really love how u analyze the characters (and saeran especially!!) really thoroughly (i actually used to read everything saeran related on your blog before i go to sleep lol), so when you open match up i got really excited🥰🥰 im so sorry this is going to be a wall of text, i didn’t think it would be THAT long 😭😭.

i’m currently still a student, and i am infj 2w3. I’m heterosexual (i love men and im scared of them at the same time). about my personality, a lot of person view me as a golden retriever, which seems completely the opposite with my mbti LMAO, but i do agree with them to some extent (i think i’m more shy than outgoing, i can only be outgoing if i feel like i could join in the convo😣, if im alone with someone than i will probably be sooo awkward and stat silent). to be honest i don’t think i understand myself that much, so i always try to find meaning in things i do to figure out what im like😭. i like helping others, but i can’t say no so that makes me a people pleaser 😭😭😭 and that’s a really bad habit of mine. i enjoy hanging out with my friends, but i get drained out easily. i think i also get jealous pretty easily, because im really insecure and i guess im a little bit posessive…:P (but i usually just brush it off because i know it is not good to feel that way). i do care about my friends, my family and people around me a lot, like i love being a part of someone character development and help them, i want to be someone trustworthy and precious to people (in other words i need validation lol). HOWEVER i also get pissed off easily😭😭😭 especially with someone that’s half-hearted in whatever they do, because i appreciate those who work hard a lot, or it is just the little things that annoy me. there is also a weird thing about me that is when someone like me and they show their love publicly i would immediately door slam them and i get very scared… i did try to think why i do this, idk if it’s because men are scary or because i really value friendship and i don’t want something volatile like a romantic relationship would ruin it (or both). i would say i’m also very hard working and i always put my mind into everything i do, even if it’s for my sake or other people’s sake. i’m also very responsible, and that’s prolly the reason why i get good grades in school, but there’s no subject that i like so that makes me kinda ambitionless, like i dont know what to do with my future😭😭😭. i also think i’m a type of person that’s afraid to step out of my comfort zone, i think that’s because i think too little of myself and i’m a coward lol. im also really good at judging people LIKE I MEAN IT, like my intuition is pretty good, but i’m bad at explaining so nobody gets me😭😭😭 also i prefer text over call when explaining something or talking about things seriously because then i have time to actuallg think over it. i’m also confident that i could comfort people, because when someone tell me something, i know that they trust me so i always try their best to understand them, put myself in their shoes and give them the comfort that they need (i’m too dedicated because i wish someone would do the same thing to me💔💔💔 sometimes i think im too good as a person too). i’m good at talking, just like casual talks tho, so i can make friends easily, but i dont have many close friends because as they get to know me more they will know how twisted i am. even tho im good at talking but im not good at communicating my feelings and what i want, so there are always misunderstandings between me and others, and i always feel hurt, but i’m too afraid to talk about myself.

my hobby. i have a lot of hobbies but i don’t have any talent, so i abandon most of them and i’m afraid to commit to any. i like playing sports (i prefer team sport), BUT BUT BUT I LOVE ICE SKATING SO MUCH BECAUSE IT IS SO ARTISTIC, ELEGANT AND YOU CAN FEEL IT. other than that i also like drawing, cooking and baking (i actually very invest in cooking and baking but im just too lazy to wash the dishes later). i also like drawing, but i’m also not patient enough to learn it😭. one thing i am very passionate about is singing, and i actually wanna be a singer 😭😭😭 but the job is unrealistic for someone like me, so i also just brush it away… i wan’t to get into floriography reallyyyyyy bad (definitely not saeran influenced), but i cannot make time 😭😭😭. my fav season is winter, i like to tug into my cozy bed, and i like xmas, this is also the time where u get to spend time with your love ones so i like it alot!! i also love reading and watching (romance related stuff, but i prefer if it is animated lol…), i think they are very comforting for a hopeless romantic like me lmao. i also like listening to music bc it always cheer me up!

my love language. i love to receive words of affirmation and i also like to give my partner words of affirmation. but since i’m not good at talking verbally, i like to express it through letters and gifts (so words of affirmation and gift giving combination?). i can also be very clingy and i love being coddled hehe

my appearance. im kinda chubby but i have been told that i have a pretty face, so im quite happy with my face 🥰 (im glad my self confidence got better these days, im still insecure w my body and my side profile a lot, but i will try my best to work on it). my hair is currently red right now, and i have curly hair, like 2b? but it is fluffy so sometimes i hate it a lot because no matter how much i style it it just doesnt stay in place. i have brown eyes, long lashes and squishy cheek (why am i being so descriptive about myself i hate it so much). i also wear glasses ARGHH WHICH MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A NERD and i feel like i look better without glasses because people say i have pretty eyes.

what i want in a partner. i think there are a lot of grey areas in a relationship, so i have a lot of expectations for my partner, but at the same time i don’t wanna be double standard 😣. i have thought over this a lot, and i hope that my partner would be understanding and love me as much as i love him, because trust is important in a relationship and it has to be mutual to keep growing 💗 it would be nice if my partner could be nice to everyone around him, because i loveee kind people 🥹🥹. BUT SERIOUSLY THO my ideal type is saeran, he is so kind and loving 😭😭 and there is just something about him that makes me want to love him and pamper him for the rest of my life 🫂

I match you with...

Saeran.

You sound like you have a lot of passion and zest for life. Sometimes, you're not sure if you want to come into something because you want it to be right the first time, even though it takes time to learn how to do something the right way. Frankly, there is no right or wrong way to do a hobby, as long as you're not putting your body in harm's way, so you should try to enjoy doing what makes you happy even if you're not the best at it.

Having a hobby isn't something you should do because you want to be the best, it's something you should do because it's fun. It might be easier for you to try something with someone you love. That's the case for Saeran, too, you know? He doesn't want to try everything by himself, and at the same time, he wants to try everything. He wants to have the experience of knowing that he can do something without being afraid of there being a target on his back... and he wants to get those moments under his belt with you.

Even if you're just standing by his side while he does something, or vice versa.

That feels like home.

[sukifoof]

(this is my main lol my other acc is @princeyralsei) I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW U INTERPRET FLOWEY/AZZY like so many utdr fans dont get him at all and it's so hard to find ppl to talk ab him with i just love him sm!

idk if u associate him with this but I like to compare his trauma to dissociative disorders, since his journey with feeling numb really helped me come to terms with my experiences with something similar. Maybe deltarune azzy just has a dissociative disordee this time instead of being a flower XD. Ofc the situations are VERY DIFFERENT LOL but yeah.

I love his and papyrus' friendship too bc i relate to papy a lot and very much want to form a fan club for Flowey too 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Anyway those are my thoughts I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR MORE OF UR HEADCANONS AB HIM. AND UR ART IS AWESOME!!

THANK U!!! i feel like i also really struggle to find other people who interpret him the way i do so i am always so pleased when someone agrees with my many paragraphs of analysis on him <3 i think dissociative disorders make a LOT of sense for flowey!! i always like to see other people who have been able to come to terms with their Various Struggles thanks to flowey cuz. Me Too Man. i've had Extremely Similar Experiences to flowey when it comes to our type of trauma and the ptsd that comes with it and it's really touching to see a character like flowey handle what exactly that kind of loss and the aftermath feels like. like yeah man flowey u get it. which i think is probably why i analyze him so much i look at him and the spiderman meme pops up in my head we point at each other and go SAME TRAUMA??? hes a very special character to me i love him dearly

ALSO THANK U!! i love talking about flowey so much.... one of my hcs is that the only person hes Like That (extra edgy and dramatic) around is frisk cuz theyve already seen him when hes. Having A Moment. but i also like to think papyrus is the only person he really feels calm around cuz hes. u know. papyrus. while with frisk i imagine he doesnt really wanna reopen old issues so hes just their weird edgy older brother who sits at home all day. "just let frisk live their life" yeah thats frisks loser brother who WILL throw rocks directly at ur face if ur mean to them cuz only HES allowed to bully them. i also think he probably tries very hard to stay away from his parents cuz he doesn't know how to go about That issue... but i think one day he'll finally be able to open up and maybe calm down a bit. and yet he still tries to kinda... take care of things Behind The Scenes like making sure asgores plants dont die if he forgot to water them or making sure toriel is taking care of herself. i think about him a lot

ALSO!!! i have been thinking about an au where he comes back and hes pretty much flowey but hes still in Goat Form which i might post later so if u are interested.... 👀

[overflowchute]

musing on a venty topic but not so much being like fucked up abt it just thinking about it

i think one of my most fundamental social problems is that if i want someone to like me or want to stay in someone's favor i will almost never ever tell them they upset or hurt me even if i get really mad about it and vent to other people, lol. obv there's people i trust and am willing to speak seriously to but i think it's part of what makes me end up in toxic friendships sometimes. obviously this is an "abused" thing and a "lonely" thing and a "there's no point raising the issue when someone isn't going to care" thing. but it is still kind of my fault if someone does something like this and i just try to let it flow off of me instead of being earnest and standing up for myself.

i'm kind of cowardly and always try to dodge around something in conflict avoidant ways b/c i really really HATE getting into arguments or justifying myself to hostile indivs. but it also means that i can build up a lot of, like, frustration with people that i refuse to show? and i think if people are aware of that too then it makes nobody able to trust me because they know that i go out of my way to not be irritable about ppl i enjoy knowing. maybe that's more a paranoia i have because of my whole "ppl who don't like me but don't realize this" issue, but idk i think logically if someone else can't trust that i don't secretly dislike them then it'd cause a lot of trouble. n i mean that in a "i need to be up front" way

it's just way harder when it's someone who i'm pretty sure cares about me way less than i care about them, and it's like, this connection is just spider webs like all the others. with some people you can brush off cobwebs and disappear into the darkness without much effort. but idk, i have a bad habit of sticking with people that make me upset all the time, and not saying anything, until finally i hit a breaking point and find a way to just disappear without warning. to some degree i feel an evil sense of glee about it? like i'm soooo good at hiding my intentions and my feelings regarding ppl who upset me. obviously no one reading this is one of those because otherwise i wouldn't say this in front of you btw

at the end of the day this is probably another trust issue. i don't trust that people actually care about me, let alone enough to want to change for my sake. i don't trust that people know or want to change. and i don't trust myself to properly feel bad when i should. instead of just feeling bad when i'm being annoyed about basic human living and interacting with essentially innocent people, all the time... so i guess you could say i don't trust in anyone's ability to solve these things, i dunno.

logically i understand how they should be handled, though. i think ultimately the answer is to just make more healthy friends that you can have earnest communication with and get experience having normal friendships irl with people you respect. but that is rather hard. i am a very weird mix of extremely pointy and paranoid and neurotic and hard to speak to, and also, a person who i think legitimately can be a good and interesting friend (notice i just slipped interesting in there trying to advertise bc i innately do so) and i have a hard time synthesizing those elements with my self-image b/c i don't want to be seen badly by ppl i desire respect from. i don't want to let people down or be seen with derision

unfortunately my brain tends to view positive compliments as popcorn and criticism/negative experiences as life-changing issues i have to constantly examine and analyze to figure out exactly what the problem is and wind through over and over for days on end... not sure how i end up fixing that one. maybe i just need to become really truly arrogant. idk. anyway

[midnight-train-of-thought]

My thoughts ranked on where I store them:

Level 1:

Audience = strangers/teachers/untrustworthy relatives/classmates

Content: surface level thoughts, not too controversial, not at *all* vulnerable, jokes that are guaranteed to make people laugh or smile/not very original ones, barely any original thoughts, people pleaser powers activate!, usually stay on topic/don’t say anything unless I need to

Level 2:

Audience = Instagram followers, close family members, friends (but not *best* friends)

Content: My real thoughts and opinions (tho heavily edited and vetted so as not to reveal my REAL real thoughts and opinions), silly/adhd/maybe insane side of me occasionally is let out of her cage (but only on special occasions), try to act like a normal person, speak about issues that are important, these people only see what I want them to see

Level 3:

Audience: Close friends (that I contact/see a few times a week), roommate(s), possibly sibling (depending on how much of a jerk they’re being in that instant)

Content: true feelings on outside issues, controversial? Sure, ik these people will agree with 90% of what I say, but nothing that they could use to blackmail me, occasionally I’ll throw them a personal fact and analyze how they react and what they do with the info, we joke together w/o worrying (too much) about what they think of me, I will occasionally care about my appearance around them, but it’s not the end of the world when they see me looking horrible

Level 2:

Audience: Bestest friends in the world, sometimes tumblr

Content: My truest feelings on things, how I am feeling, very vulnerable, my worries and anxieties, small things that give me joy, love life & crushes, people I came out to first, I would trust them with anything, I would kill for them, confess traumas, tell them about sensitive family issues, about friends’ problems/drama, about issues with other friends, medical things

Level 1:

Audience: My one best friend in the entire universe that I’ve known since 2nd grade and knows everything about me and I know everything about them and our hopes, dreams, values, dream wedding, etc.

Content: Everything. Literally every thought I have. Unless it’s super inappropriate or weird or scary. To spare her. My dreams, deepest worries, crushes, what I am feeling at all times, the bug that’s flying around that I named, horrible dinner I cooked, drama of the day’s class, annoyances about other people, people that are hot, elementary school nostalgia, gossip, validation for anger and laziness, she decides all my decisions when I’m unsure, if she isn’t aware of it it is not worthy of her thoughts

Level -1:

Audience: tumblr.

Content: My deepest sadnesses that I don’t want my friends to know about bc they’d worry and it’s embarrassing. But maybe it’ll help someone else out there. It certainly helps to write it down and occasionally get a comment. Would not be doing this if it were not anonymous. If any I know irl found my account I would delete everything on it and block them just to be safe.

Level -2: My diary. My physical, locked diary.

Audience: Future me. Maybe future grandchildren or something that find it in the attic in 80 years.

Content: My absolute cringiest, most embarrassing thoughts. Generally about love, crushes, & romantic dreams. Gay stuff before I came out. Also traumatic stories about my friends that they told me in confidence but I needed to write down to process/remember. And passwords. If anyone that was mentioned in it ever found it I’d probably throw it in a lake or a fireplace. Or eat the pages.

Level -3: My brain.

Audience: Me. Unfortunately.

Content: … Wouldn’t you like to know.

Generally stuff that’s too scary/weird/insanely embarrassing to risk having traced back to me in any way whatsoever. Sometimes thoughts that would never be something I would willingly think/say aloud bc they’re rude/mean/would make people I love feel bad. Or like, would not be socially acceptable. Idk how those get in there. That’s why I throw them out immediately.

[shewantedtoandsoshedid]

This man text me to check on me after the storm...

I'm a little upset he didn't text me before the storm, but I didn't even think to text him at all tbf. I don't even think that he text his girlfriend beforehand; their relationship is so weird and distant to me. Far be it from myself to understand the intricacies of being Catholic and modern dating... Anyways I think her and I are probably the only two people he text... Our mentor probably text him.

Idk... Either I'm his only friend or there's still something there. Like if he gets married, his brother will be his best man, but who else will be standing up there with him as a groomsmen? He's too traditional to have a woman up there and honestly I wouldn't want to. Does she have so few close friends too that it works out? Will it just be uneven? Probably boy cousins if he has any... I'd join for a bachelor party, that he'll probably get roped into and hate tho.

None of this is actually my problem. They might be engaged already at this point, tho on his salary? I doubt it. I am one two people he cared enough about to make sure that I was alright and offer help to, outside of his family. Well if they've been dating this long, I suppose that makes her family... Okay so I'm the one person outside his family. Lol

Idk man. Someone said when you make guy friends effortlessly, it's called pretty privilege and you just have to make sure that your guy friends have the best intentions. Idk that that's true. I've always felt more like one of the guys, but maybe all the guys never saw me that way? Maybe I projected that they only saw me as one of the guys and really they saw me as a pretty and chill girl. As an adult most of the men I've been friends with have shot their shot or indicated that they wanted to at least.... Fuck, why did nobody tell me I'm pretty after like age 10?! That's when we need to hear it most! Yanno, a friend was talking to this guy on my behalf once in high school and asked what he thought of me... And his answer was, "she aight". I knew enough about self esteem to walk away from that dude, but I don't know that I ever let go of that mentality (funnily enough, his cousin was head over heels for me; but I'm fairly sure he just wanted to fuck, I bet he was pretty annoyed that I liked his tall, dark, and handsome cousin. Oh well, maybe don't be a lech; cause like this to be clear, the lecherous cousin wasn't ugly on the outside). I was not gorgeous, but not ugly, just me; just aight.

And so when my ex came along calling me beautiful I thought here's someone that sees me and isn't afraid to say it, but everything she ever said was just lies for her own personal gain. So where does that land me...? Determining my own worth again, someplace I'm very well acquainted with; but struggle to navigate. And honestly, while physical features have moved me, they've never been the most important thing I sought out in partners. All of the gorgeous men I've been friends with had to have good personalities as well; call me greedy.

What I want is the express opinions of every man I've ever met so that I can analyze all the data and draw conclusions. Especially if they found me attractive from the start or only after they got to know me, like I suspect. 🤔 I'm discounting the opinions of women because in general the women I hang out with would find anyone beautiful I think. They'd never call someone ugly because of their physical features. I also have to acknowledge the how much racism and exoticism might have factored into my experiences. 🙃

The data may be imperfect, but I still want it. I want to understand how others see me; how they value me. Sure I'm smart, that's never been in doubt, but what else do you value about me?

[bisluthq]

Harry and Taylor clearly hooked up on and off for a very long time. There are whole songs about it by both of them. That’s not a love story for the ages, but denying what’s spelled out is just… weird.

You don’t have to be a Haylor or like them together to analyze the evidence and come to an objective conclusion. I don’t even like Harry and never have. I also don’t dislike him, I guess? He’s just there for me. I don’t think they fit together, I don’t find them particularly compelling as a couple. Context aside he’s probably one of the least interesting exes she has for me, right behind Conor Kennedy and Taylor Lautner.

But that doesn’t mean that if she says she thinks about jumping off a building to see if he shows up, I’m gonna act like “yeah I mean, I’m sure there were some feelings involved.” Like, you guys want to avoid being Haylors so much you end up being the other side of the same coin.

He wrote really devastating songs about her that he ended up not even releasing, probably because they were a bit much. None of us know the actual truth aside from Taylor and Harry, but my god, the woman said in an interview, when talking about Style, “it’s about that person that comes in and out of your life and you feel like the narrative is never truly over.” And there are pictures of them at the same party, dancing side by side, weeks before she got with Calvin.

Yeah, of course she dated Matty in the middle. Harry was literally dating some blonde model as well, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t hook up. Neither is a bastion of morality when it comes to this sort of thing and I doubt either of them were in committed relationships with those people anyway.

Why else would Calvin have such a visceral reaction to Harry? Cause idk if you guys remember but he used to block people with his face as their profile picture on sight. And when he and Taylor broke up, around the time of his tweeting rage about her, he followed Harry on instagram, who the hell knows what he wanted to accomplish. But it seemed like a pointed attack.

Harry legitimately wrote a sob song about Taylor dating Calvin a year into their relationship. You heard it, I’m sure, you talked about it.

“She dated Matty in 2023, so she couldn’t have hooked up with Harry in 2014/2015” is not a logical conclusion. Truth of the matter is that whatever she did with both or either of them was kept private and we’re all speculating, but there’s reason to believe one thing and absolutely nothing to back up the other.

As for Question, I fear you’re analyzing in too much detail with “I don’t think Harry is that confusing.” First of all, that’s not a reason to dismiss him as the muse lol. And second of all, she spells out how confusing he is in soooo many 1989 songs, an album written pre-first Maylor iteration.

Taylor is pretty straightforward with her Easter eggs and cross references. She interpolated a song that’s 100% about Harry, and then referenced lyrics from said song. And the song actually does fit Harry, and this thematic of “we always end up together” that she’d talked about in the past.

It’s possible it has Matty elements as well. I personally don’t see it, but I’m not gonna become a shooter against it bc I don’t actually care that much, but if she’s referencing Harry/his songs in it, then it’s most likely about him, and everything else is just cope from fans who don’t want it to be about him, for whatever reason.

And no, I don’t think Matty and Taylor were “super unserious and it was nothing hahahahaha” like some Swifties insist on saying, trying to erase the fact that she legitimately said “I love you” on stage. I just don’t think the first iteration of the relationship was that deep. There’s no indication that it was ever more than anything physical that happened a few times. I don’t think she was pining over Matty fucking Healy for 8+ years and close proximity while working on the album blah blah blah.

AT MOST Taylor and Matty hooked up for 2 months, given the timeline. Then it was Calvin, then Tom, then Joe, with basically no breaks in between, not really time for them to explore anything further.

With Harry they started something in the spring of 2012 and were on and off (most of the time off, of course) at least until fall 2014 with possibly one last encounter in early 2015. She admitted a bunch of stuff about Harry both in the OG 1989 and in the Vault tracks.

I also don’t think she was pining over him, or that she has feelings for him now, or that she wrote Question because of a 5 minute encounter at the Grammys.

I think Question was a result of seeing him in what looked like an adult serious relationship and also not feeling particularly good on her own. Wondering if things would be better if that person who she once thought would interrupt her wedding came sweeping in and saved her from how awful she felt in her current situation.

It’s not about Harry in particular. I don’t think she has delusions that they’d be compatible now. But it’s the most normal thing in the world to be sad about a partner and reminisce to good times with an ex. Obviously Calvin doesn’t elicit good feelings, Tom was a nothingburger, Matty even more so, at that point, I don’t even have to explain why her brain wouldn’t go to Conor, and who else is there? Joe Jonas? Married with a child. Jake and John? Who she knows had inappropriate relationships with her? Taylor Lautner? Also married.

It’s a process of elimination her brain probably did on her own. She explained what the songs were about quite well, and I tend to believe her and her very direct allusions and hints.

I think either extreme about Haylor is just fans wanting to bend reality to their perception, and I love you, but you always tended to minimize Haylor to a point that was almost like “they fucked a few times.” And then both of them had songs released/leaked that had you having to adjust your perception of them in real time. And I think, honestly, that you still have some leftover hesitance from then.

Admitting that they probably went on hooking up for quite a few years, even with long breaks in between, and that she allowed herself to think what if while having her heart shattered by who she thought was the love of her life does not mean you think they’re star crossed lovers and it was right person wrong time or whatever the fuck Haylors believe lmao

this is very well argued. I don’t necessarily agree but I am happy to respectfully disagree if that makes sense? I think you’ve made some excellent points. I genuinely do. The main reason I think Question is about Matty is because they’ve kinda said that? He had it on his pre show playlist and took it out when they started going on the fritz. He was also around when she was working on Midnights so while I agree she might’ve thought about other people and situations (including Harry) to me the song seems to pretty explicitly be about Matty and wondering if they could’ve worked out (which she then actively tried to do lol like shortly after). I think context wise it does seem like it’s about Matty? And she does rededicate songs regularly so I wouldn’t say something being “explicitly” about someone is necessarily proof it always will be. Love Story was explicitly about a specific guy but now it’s about her relationship with her fans yk? So I don’t think interpolations are proof of anything idk.