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angsty-omi · 4 years ago

Text

second best.

tanaka ryūnosuke x reader; tanaka ryūnosuke x kyoko shimizu

genre: angst, heartbreak, cheating

word count: 1.5k

cw: insecurity

She was beautiful. Her silky black hair, perfect nose, nicely framed glasses, and a cute mole on her chin. Anyone could see it, every volleyball team in the tri-state area attempted to get her number. Kiyoko Shimuzu was her name, and you could not help but see the way your boyfriend looks at her.

The three of you went to school together, since primary. A trio, one would call it ever since the third grade. At recess, kids would say, “It’s no surprise that Y/N, Kiyoko, and Tanaka are all partnered together.” and during a specific game of soccer, you accidentally tripped over the ball and skid your knee. You bit your lip hard, trying not to cry in front of everyone. Your eyes were watery, at the fact that your knee hurt like hell and now everyone was staring at you. To your surprise, Tanaka ran over to you to help you up and guide you to the clinic. When you got there, the nurse sat you down and poured alcohol onto cotton balls. Tanaka offered his hand, and you gripped it lightly, with a slight shade of pink on your cheeks. It was a cute moment until the nurse dabbed onto your joint. Then, you tightly squeezed Tanaka’s hand and screamed some very colorful words. That night, your mom scolded you and sent you straight to your room. While you lay on your bed, you could not help but smile at the event that happened that afternoon. This was the start of your attraction towards Tanaka Ryūnosuke.

When you got to middle school, puberty started to hit you like a truck. The rapid growth of hormones made your face acne-infested. While everyone told you it was normal, you could not help but question why does Kiyoko’s face not look like this then? Her skin was clear and had a nice dew to it. The amount of money spent on drug store products could buy you a whole store. Acne was inevitable, already eating at your brain, and planting their seed called insecurity. Tanaka would always call Kiyoko terms like, ‘gorgeous’ and ‘goddess’ while you had what- ‘funny’? The summer going into high school, you decided to get medical help. Immediately, you were put on accutane. You did not want to see anyone during that whole summer, especially Tanaka. Accutane made your face very dry, crackled, and forced you to put on chapstick every minute. Locking yourself into your room all summer, made you lonely.

Sometimes, you could hear Tanaka and Kiyoko walk by your house and hear them say, “Has Y/N ever responded to your texts? It’s like she’s a ghost.” Tanaka asked.

“Nope, she hasn’t even answered to get our nails done, she must seriously be ghosting us,” Kiyoko responded.

You tear up at the guilt of ignoring your closest friends, but it’s hard when you’re in love with one of them and envious of the other. You did not want your toxic mindset upheld against them, so you justified that it was just for the best.

When fall came around, it was back to school. Your first year. The Accutane, though traumatizing, worked. In addition, being trapped in your room all day introduced you to makeup. Looking in the mirror, you actually started to like what you saw in the mirror. You’ve learned self-care and it paid off. Scanning the sheets on the wall, it looked like Tanaka was in your class and Kiyoko was in the honors one.

“Class 2-B” you read aloud to yourself and sat down at a desk. You left the one seat open next to you, just for Tanaka. When you saw him walk in, your heart skipped a beat. He looked different, in a good way. His hair was shaved, taller, and looked more mature. When you waved over to him, he just glared at you and sat at the seat farthest from you. This made your heart drop. Why was he acting like this? Did I do something? Does he not want to be my friend anymore? Questions rambling in your head. During lunch, you headed over to his desk and pulled the chair behind you to sit down. He just stared at you intently, furrowing his brows signifying anger.

“Ryo-channn, look what I brought,” you gleefully rang, knowing that he would never in a million years refuse your mom’s onigiris. When you took out your bento, you grabbed the onigiri with your hand and put it near his mouth. Still looking at you angrily, he took a bite from the onigiri in your hand and looked away from you.

“What’s wrong?” you worried. He did not respond, so you asked again. “You can’t just act like I don’t exist Ryo, especially if you’re eating from my invisible hand.”

“That’s funny, me acting like YOU don’t exist when you ghosted me for three months? I thought we were best friends, Y/N.” Now, you finally understood why he was so upset. Before you could speak up, there was a knock at the entrance, “Ryo, want to grab lunch together?” Kiyoko said in a monotone voice. It seems that Kiyoko too was also mad at you. You could not help it though, you and Kiyoko were basically sisters up until that summer. “Yeah, let me grab my stuff,” Ryo picked up all his belongings and left you in the dust.

That day, you waited for both of them after practice. Kiyoko was a manager and Tanaka was on the team. Two birds, one stone. When they walked out together, they both saw you. Murmuring to each other. You took a deep breath, “Listen, I’m sorry for not texting you guys back and not spending time with you during the summer. I-it’s just that I felt so i-insecure with myself, I didn’t want to bring you guys down with me y’know?” Tears started welling up in your eyes, you continued, “I would hear you guys talk about me when you passed by my house, and it took everything I had to not just run out and hug you guys. But, I couldn’t. I hated myself for the longest time and I was scared that you two would start to notice it. So, I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore, but you guys needed an explanation.” You sighed and started to turn around and leave. You fell to your feet, with two bodies tackling you down. “G-guys?” your eyes are still watery. Laughter emitted from their voices, “Don’t do it again or else we will kill you,” Kiyoko threatened.

It was the final set, both teams were tied. Yamaguchi was serving and Aoba Johsai hit it back with ease. The rally probably lasted around a minute, but to everyone, it was slowed down. Until, Tanaka passed the ball to Kageyama, and everyone thought he’d set it Hinata. Instead, he setter dumped. The crowd was silent, not realizing what just happened. Karasuno just won the preliminaries. Every student screamed and chanted at them. You and a couple of other people ran down to congratulate. You ran up to Tanaka’s arms and squeezed him. He swung you around joyfully, and you pulled your face back. There was a moment where it felt like it was just the two of you. The adrenaline of winning finally got to you, and you impulsively kissed him. It lasted maybe around a second or two before you finally realized what you were doing. Mortified, you were rambling with apologies.

“Can you please just forget this ever happen-” he cut you off. Warm lips were pressed onto your lips. You were shocked at first but slowly sunk into the kiss. This was the start of your relationship with Tanaka Ryūnosuke.

Kiyoko never spoke about her feelings about her best friends dating. In fact, she hated it. But it was out of character for her to be so opinionated. She could not stand the fact that you guys would cuddle during movie night nor how he would hold your hand during the walk home. She did not necessarily like Tanaka that way, but she did miss the attention he gave her. Who wouldn’t want someone calling you pretty 24/7? And to reject them was a power move. No one would ever know, but he was the reason why her confidence shot up. The confidence to reject handsome men on different teams. All started because of Tanaka. Although, now that he was with you, the flirting stopped. She could feel herself start to become jealous and it started to infect her brain. During practice, Yachi would gush about how cute you and Tanaka were while Kiyoko just had to listen.

“Y/N is too cute,” Yachi cheesed. Kiyoko couldn't take it anymore, “Listen, I am way prettier than Y/N and Tanaka could do much better” it just slipped out. She was surprised at what she just said, and even more surprised that she didn’t even feel an ounce of guilt.

“Like you?” a voice appeared. It was Tanaka. “R-Ryo,” she muttered. “We should talk outside.”

Once they were both outside, Tanaka spoke first.

“You don’t get to do this. You rejected me countless times and now t-that I’m with someone you can’t just profess your feelings for me.” Tanaka hissed.

“I-I know, it’s just- I didn’t realize what I had until I lost it. Imagine how I feel seeing you guys together, the man I love with someone else. Someone who is inferior to me.” Tears welled up in Kiyoko’s eyes.

“Do you even hear yourself right now? Love? Please. You don’t love me. You never will.” He bit his lip sharply.

Silence.

“Then look at me and tell me you don’t love me. Because not once have you said that you didn’t feel the same way, you only said that you were dating Y/N” Kiyoko sobbed.

“You know I can’t do that,” Tanaka whispered. Then, Kiyoko leeched on him, pressing her lips against his. He wasn’t kissing back, but he wasn’t pulling away either. He was conflicted. He was too dazed and decided to just give in.

Little did they both know, there you were watching at the scene. Well, now you were hiding behind a wall, peeking at them, kissing. You could physically hear your heart-shattering. After wiping the nonstop tears flowing on your face, you left.

Grief turned into anger. You threw every picture, gift, and sweater into the trash bag. Your eyes only saw red. Your room was left bare and cold. The bedroom door knocked in a rhythmic beat that only one person did. When he walked in, his eyes gazed at every spot in your room. It was empty.

You looked down at the ground, “I always knew I was second best in your heart.” You whispered, tears threatening your eyes. “What?” His face contorted in a confused stance. “I should’ve seen it coming y’know? But I just thought maybe— maybe he’d pick me.” You continued. He started getting worried, “What’re you talking about?” The fact that he was here, blatantly lying to you, gives you all the answers you needed.

“Please don’t act like that, not with me”

“Act like what?”

“Clueless. Ry-Tanaka,” you corrected yourself. “If you love her, then go for it. But don’t act like you’re still in love with me. It hurts-” Your voice broke mid-sentence.

“It was a mistake,” He pleaded.

“A mistake? No, mistakes happen impulsively. T-This whole thing with Kiyoko was premeditated. All my life, I have been trying to compete with her. Grades, appearances, and even you. And when I had you, I thought, I had won. I won the best prize ever. You. But now-” You dropped to your knees, “I don’t even have you.”

He wiped your tears with his hands, “But you do, you do have me,”

“No, no I don’t,” you denied.

“Yes you do baby, I’m right here. I choose you.”

You were not some decision, you were his girlfriend and yet, he thought that would make you happier. “Nonono, you don’t get it. I don’t want you anymore. These tears aren’t for you, they’re for me. Seeing you kiss Kiyoko? I felt nothing and that scared me. Maybe I wasn’t in love with you, maybe I just wanted to beat Shimizu that bad. Who knows? But, by the looks of it, I did win. I got to you first.” You punctuated every word, prying his hands off your face. Of course, you were lying your ass off. You’ve loved this man ever since that day in recess. Revenge had poisoned your heart though, and you wanted him to feel an ounce of you were feeling.

“We’re done. There I have let you go, now you are free to do anything you want with Kiyoko. Date her or reject her, it’s not my issue anymore.” Tanaka couldn’t even recognize you anymore. Though it was your voice and your physical look, it was like your soul had been drained, and in replacement was someone who was cold and emotionless.

A/N: I’m back! I’ve fixed my writing style so everything is capitalized properly. Requests are greatly appreciated! Just shoot a message. Also, this story was inspired by my drabble and a person actually asked me to write one for Tanaka, so here you go @aestheticno !

likes & repubs are greatly appreciated. :D

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #tanaka x you #hq tanaka #tanaka angst #hq kiyoko #tanaka fluff

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lov3nerdstuff · 5 years ago

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How long is forever?

*Tom Hiddleston x reader*

Parts: Oneshot

Words: 4.2k

Genre: flufffff

Imagine: You catch Tom's interest at Comic Con

Request: by @my-mind-was-lostintranslation I rly hope this is something you will enjoy 💗 I just never end up writing requests the obvious way 😂

______________________________

You had been reluctant about agreeing to come along. Reluctant about the entire idea of going to Comic Con, about buying tickets for way too much money, about your somewhat-friends wanting to randomly crash with some people they would surely meet instead of getting an overpriced hotel, about your one friend making you wear this skimpy green Loki dress because she thought it would go along nicely with your tattoos and skin color. And still, some demon had planted the seed of hope in your brain and thus you found yourself coming along, hoping to meet the only person at this convention you actually found any interest in. Tom Hiddleston.

You were dressed as one of his characters after all, even if not entirely by choice. Sure, you had seen his movies and shows and enjoyed his acting quite the deal, but what truly fascinated you about him was his own person. His character and opinions, smart thoughts and deep questions. He just seemed like a person you would love to get to know, for surely he was more interesting than any of your other acquaintances (maybe even than the friends you were here with… it was more of a community of purpose than a real friendship after all). And listening to Tom's panel was probably the closest you would get to spending time with a kindred mind.

Unfortunately your friends were more the anime and manga kind of people, definitely more than you were at least, and thus you found yourself going to Tom's panel alone. You weren't one of those girls who would sell their soul to sit in the front, or to ask questions… no, you were content sitting in the middle of the room and just letting life happen around you.

As an artist yourself, you had originally been fairly interested in the artwork you would get to see here, but all too soon you had been severely disappointed by the few artists who had even bothered to come to a rather small con like this at all. That someone like Tom was present for the day bordered on a miracle, really, considering the size of the convention. Maybe he had been in the region for shooting whatever film he was currently working on?

As you sat in the middle of the audience room, waiting for the panel to start, you found yourself mesmerized by the lightning situation on stage. It hit the objects in such a way that they just begged you to be turned into art… and you didn't have anything else to do anyway. So, thinking that you maybe just should've gone to the museum instead of this convention, you dug a black pen out of your bag, along with a small blank paper notebook and started sketching with a content sigh.

Once the panel started, having someone else talk first before Tom would come on, you went on to also sketch the portrait of the panel's host and the first guest, for listening was just easier while drawing. And when finally the time had come, and Tom was greeted on stage with thundering applause, you found yourself smiling to yourself as you flipped the page of your notebook to start on a portrait finally worth drawing.

_______________

Tom was tired. Very tired indeed, as he had been urged to come to the convention impossibly early despite having spent most of the night traveling and doing interviews. And now he was to go out onto the stage and smile and chat with people while pretending not to fall asleep any minute. It had been easy enough to smile and say hi and bye in a sinus curve of repetition while signing pretty much whatever people had brought, but now he actually was supposed to talk some sense, and avoid spoilers, and preferably also do some subtle and appealing PR for his newest movie. However all he really wanted to do was to have a nice cup of tea and get some sleep. But this was work, and this wasn't even half as bad as his tired brain made it out to be. He liked talking to people, to fans and interviewers and host, after all and this surely would be fun.

So he really only had to fake a smile for the first three seconds as he walked onto stage, for he had to smile for real from then on. It was a smaller convention, but the room was packed nonetheless. He enjoyed the fact that he could actually see the audience for once, and not only a black pit of murmurs and occasional flashing lights. It made the whole thing way more pleasant, and as he shook hands with everyone and sat down, he actually felt comfortable and ready to have a nice chat.

He answered some questions about the movie he was working on, had a couple laughs with the host, and then some time to let his eyes wander through the audience while the other guest was being interviewed. It wasn't a habit, really, but he liked to count the number of character he recognized from people's costumes. It was a good way to check if his pop culture knowledge was severely lacking or only minorly lacking currently.

His eyes flew over the audience members quickly but intently, and he found himself smiling in excitement a couple times whenever he spotted someone dressed as Loki. But otherwise, the crowd wasn't unusual in any way, to his eyes… Until they fell upon a young woman in a green sleeveless dress, scribbling something into a journal. Her eyes moved from the stage to the book, back and forth, again and again, as her hand moved quicker than Tom could begin to follow. She had drawings, tattoos, on her shoulders and arms, but Tom couldn't really tell what they depicted nor if they were real or part of the costume. But he could tell that, as his eyes moved on over the audience, they were drawn back to her within seconds, again and again. He tried ignoring her, scanning the rest of the audience part by part, but it was of no use… his eyes would always revert back to the girl.

She was still drawing, or writing maybe… Tom couldn't tell. But the tiredness in his brain was washed away more and more the longer he watched her, inspecting both her actions and her appearance.

The dress probably was supposed to be a costume of some kind, but not a particularly good or detailed one… more of a jersey dress than a costume created with effort. Nothing that would cause his mind to cling onto her so much.

Suddenly every thought was stilled in the depth of his mind, as her eyes moved back to the stage and found his own. It had been merely accidental on both ends, he could tell by her surprised look, but now that their eyes had locked, Tom found himself unable to tear his gaze away. So did she, and they remained entirely focused on each other in complete stillness.

"Tom? You still with us, buddy?" The host's amused voice came crashing into Tom's muted mind and he almost jumped a little as his eyes left hers to look at his fellows on the stage. Gosh, he had completely forgotten that he was still very much on public display… no sleep wasn't too kind on his brain.

"I'm so sorry." Tom replied with an apologetic, breathless laugh. "What did you say again?"

For the next fifteen minutes, Tom answered the fans' questions. Ever so often, his eyes would flick back to the girl in the green dress for a mere second before coming back to the person he was actually speaking to. It wasn't very polite, he knew that, but he just couldn't stop himself, couldn't stop his mind from returning to her whenever chance allowed him. Unfortunately he didn't meet her eyes again, and the intriguing, time stopping experience from before remained a singularity.

Why couldn't she be asking him a question? Tom would've loved to speak to her, for whatever reason. Maybe just to hear her voice. Maybe to find out why he couldn't stop looking at her, wondering about her…

The questions that were asked, as usual, ranged from the boring things people could just have googled to the slightly more interesting things such as his favorite book quotes. But yet again, there was nothing all too interesting, nothing Tom really had to focus on too much. It was rare that people asked him things he actually needed to think about, but maybe that was due to the brief nature of the convention. Question, answer, next. In under a minute. Yes, maybe it was Tom himself who was too demanding in the things that would interest him. Still, he was grateful for everyone who bothered to come to his panel and to ask him a question, no matter how boring the question itself was. Just seeing the joy in people's faces when he answered them would be enough on most days to make him happy indeed.

But today, it wasn't enough. He found that while it did fill him with joy to see people being happy about his answers, he couldn't quite be content as long as he still hadn't spoken to the girl. At least hear her ask a question… since real conversation was so rare at con.

"I'm afraid we're running out of time." The host declared sadly, drawing Tom out of his thoughts. "That was the last question."

A loud round of disappointed 'ooh's from the audience made Tom smile ever so slightly, until his eyes met the girl's once more, causing his features to relax into neutral curiosity.

"Any last words, Tom?" The host asked dramatically, laughing at his own exaggeration.

"Actually…" Tom started, thinking that at least this once he would actually make use of him being a celebrity and thus having the ability to do a great deal of things that weren't planned and that would thereby cause chaos for other people. But he couldn't help it. "Actually, I would like to ask a question too."

"A question? To… to someone in the audience?" The host rose his eyebrows and Tom nodded, upon which the former continued. "Uhm, well, go ahead then. A question from Tom Hiddleston, everybody!"

People clapped and cheered for a moment and Tom turned in his chair to face the audience, to face the girl he was so keen on getting to know. Her eyes were back on the journal, jumping back back forth between the item in her lap and Tom on the stage.

"My question…" Tom started, heart picking up speed rapidly. What was he doing here…? Causing Luke problems, most likely. "My question is for the girl in the green dress who has been scribbling in her notebook for the entire duration of this panel. Twelfth row from the back, right in the middle."

The spotlight that had previously been fixed on the audience microphone moved over the crowd, until it halted right on the mysterious girl Tom meant to talk to. She looked up from her notebook immediately, looking around herself in mild panic first and then staring right back at Tom like a deer in the headlights.

Tom's stomach dropped, twisting in nervousness… he hadn't meant to make her uncomfortable, hadn't thought about putting her on display like that. Gosh, he really should've put more thought into this, he usually put way too much thought into everything… but now he had to follow through with it either way. What did he want to ask again…? Her eyes fixed on his had his heart skipping multiple beats and his mind fall silent for a moment… until he remembered that everyone was staring at him expectantly. He still hadn't come up with a question.

"Alright, my question for you is…" He paused very briefly, wondering how he could find out who she was with only one single question. But then again… maybe he only had to find out if getting to know her would be worth the trouble. "How long is forever?"

_______________

Murmuring erupted in the audience room around you, and your heart beat so fast that it almost jumped out of your ribcage. Was this really happening? Everyone was looking at you… some people were even filming the whole thing. And everyone was waiting for your answer. Great… How long was forever indeed? Right now, every moment that passed with Tom looking at you felt like an own eternity. That's when it clicked in your mind.

"Sometimes, just one second." You replied loud enough to be heard all the way to the front, actually pushing yourself to get over your nervousness. Easier said than done… you felt like fainting. Luckily you were sitting already, otherwise your knees just might have given in. And when Tom started smiling at you widely a second later, your insides turned into a mushy goo of nerves and excitement and tingles.

"Thank you." He said with the most adorable expression, and you bit your bottom lip to keep from grinning. Surely, you had noticed how he'd looked at you a couple times throughout the panel, but you had thought you'd imagined it. That he had looked at everyone that way.

But when your eyes had met, it had sent a bolt of liquid lightning through your veins, flooding your body with a new kind of excitement. Then he had gone on to say he meant to ask one single question to someone in the audience, and you had been sure it wouldn't be to you. Obviously you'd been wrong about that.

Almost in a haze, you observed how the host thanked Tom and the other guest for coming, before ushering both out of sight. The lights on stage went out, the ones in the audience room brightened, and people around you started to leave as if your heart hadn't just almost exploded.

Well, that certainly had been something. Didn't happen to you every day that people wanted to quote Alice in Wonderland with you, and even less that someone actually talked to you willingly, and still even less that this someone was a person you actually wanted to talk to as well. And yet even less that the person happened to be Tom Hiddleston. You closed your eyes for a moment to calm down.

Now that the adrenaline was slowly letting you breathe normally again, you flipped your notebook shut and stuffed it into your bag together with the pen, wondering why exactly he had asked YOU, out of all people, THIS question, out of all the things he could've asked. Your friends would never believe this.

Once you felt like you could actually walk again, you rose to your feet and made your way to the exit, only to be stopped by a hand on your shoulder.

With a frown you turned around, believing you might have lost something maybe, only to find a man in a suit standing in front of you. Your frown deepened.

"Excuse me, but you're the girl Tom asked that odd question, right?" He asked politely, withdrawing his hand from your shoulder the second you turned around.

"It wasn't an odd question, it was Alice's question to the white rabbit. But yeah, that was me." You replied before you could stop yourself from being a smartass, looking at the man curiously. He wore one of those badges that gave him access to the VIP and backstage areas… obviously he belonged to the staff. The suit alone was a poor indicator of that, after all… someone in a suit at Comic Con could also just be a man in black, or whatever incarnation of the doctor or anything really. His suit looked too expensive to be a costume though.

"Would you mind coming to the VIP area with me? Tom, that nut, begged me to do whatever it takes to get you over there and I really don't want to have him running around out here himself. Who knows what mischief he may cause..." The man sighed with a small smile and you felt your cheeks heating up. Tom wanted to talk to you. For real. What?!

"Uhm… Of course, I mean… sure?" You replied insecurely, and the man in the suit sighed in relief before walking ahead and motioning for you to follow. Three minutes later you had passed on into a different hall and ventured past a couple security guards, finally coming to an area that was completely closed off to the public. You felt only minorly nervous now, and mostly curious. Without a thousand people staring at you, it was way easier to think.

The man in the suit led you towards a group of people standing in a loose circle, talking and laughing. You actually recognized most of them from movies or TV shows as you quickly went over their faces, looking around until your eyes fell upon Tom. As he saw you approaching, his eyes lit up and he smiled in your direction.

"You owe me." The man in the suit said to Tom as you came to stand in front of him at last. "Don't do anything stupid."

"I would never!" Tom replied to him with a grin, upon which he rolled his eyes.

"I'm keeping an eye on you, Hiddleston." The man grinned back as he turned to leave again.

"That's what I'm paying you for!" Tom called after him, laughing and shaking his head to himself before finally looking at you with a small smile. "Hi."

"Hey." You replied, unable to keep from smiling yourself. "Did I answer correctly?"

"Oh, you did for sure. Don't worry."

"Good." You chuckled, looking to your feet for a second and then back at the man in front of you. Gosh, he really was too handsome for his own good.

"Am I making you nervous?" He asked reluctantly, giving you an almost concerned look.

"I'm not starstruck, if that's what you mean." You replied easily, actually not feeling nervous at all for once. "I'm just wondering why I'm here."

"Because I'm curious about you." Tom smiled, and you could swear that he was blushing a little bit. It looked rather adorable and your heart skipped a beat. "What's your name?"

"I'm Y/n." You replied lightly, taking in all the small details about him that you hadn't been able to see from the distance before.

"Y/n… that's a lovely name. I'm Tom."

"Yeah, I know." You laughed, biting your lip to keep from grinning too widely. Whether he was trying to make you relaxing by humor or if he really was just a dork, you found yourself to be comfortable with him.

"Of course you do…" He laughed too, looking down to the ground and shaking his head to himself. Oh, he was definitely blushing now, and it was freaking adorable.

"You observed me during the panel, didn't you?" You asked calmly, trying to ease his embarrassment a bit by changing the topic.

"I did indeed." He gave you an apologetic smile as he motioned for you to take a seat on the couch, before sitting down across from you. "I just couldn't help it."

"And here I was, thinking I'm making things up." You chuckled.

"What were you scribbling in that notebook the entire time? If you don't mind me asking..." He inquired curiously, eyes searching and finding yours. Somehow they held the power to stop time for you and leave you feeling completely mesmerized. Tom seemed to experience a similar thing, for he only kept looking at you while you looked back at him for a second bearing your own forever. Until someone dropped something on the concrete floor very loudly, making both of you jump.

"I… I was just sketching some random objects, some people…" You finally replied as you found your words again. "Nothing special."

"So you're an artist? Here at the convention?"

"Yes, and no. I am an artist, but not in a million years famous enough to be invited to con." You laughed, taking in the sincere interest in Tom's expression. It'd been such a long time since anybody had looked at you like that...

"May I take a look at today's work?" He asked with so much hope that there was no way you could've said no to him. Whatever it was he would ask of you.

So you handed him your journal, and he flipped the pages open at your bookmark. That would be the portrait you sketched of him.

"Wow, this is amazing…" He remarked, frowning as he focused entirely on the drawing for a moment. "You did this in, what, fifteen minutes?"

"Yup." You shrugged, feeling your cheeks heat up yet again. "I mean, you're too tempting not to draw."

Tom's eyes shot up from the page to meet yours as he pulled up one eyebrow and grinned at you, while you only now registered what you had said, closing your eyes and biting your lip in embarrassment.

"I just meant that with you as a sitter, every portrait would look good." You tried to make it sound right, only to find Tom still grinning at you in amusement.

"Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself." Tom spoke softly, and your skin tingled pleasantly at the warm depth of his voice.

"Oscar Wilde, nice." You smirked at him, causing his eyes to light up yet again.

"You enjoy literature?"

"Probably just as much as art."

"Literature is art though, wouldn't you say?"

"It is indeed." You replied softly, smiling. "Maybe that's why I enjoy it so much."

For the next hour, or maybe rather hours –who could tell how much time passed when so lost in each other's captivating presence?– you and Tom stayed sitting on that couch, ignoring everything and everyone outside of your conversation. Talking to him was so much more than you had ever imagined, so utterly intriguing and captivating… You had completely fallen for him before you knew.

"Y/n…" Tom started, velvety voice wrapping around your senses like liquid sin. "I…"

He was interrupted by an assistant stepping up to the couch hastily, letting Tom know that he needed to get to his signing table ASAP, being twenty minutes late already. Your heart fell upon those words, more than you would've assumed, as it meant that you would have to leave too. That the little time you had with Tom had come to an end. But you wouldn't be so foolish as to assume that any of this would lead to anything more than a nice memory.

With a sad smile you couldn't really brighten up, you rose to your feet, urging Tom to do the same.

"It was truly lovely meeting you, Tom. A dream." You said gently as you stood right in front of him, the assistant having left to be of use elsewhere.

"It is your dream. You decide where it goes from here." He replied in the same soft quiet, looking down at you in both affection and reluctance. "I'm afraid I find it rather impossible to part from you. What are we to do about that?"

"You will go your way and I will go mine… And by tonight you won't remember my name, my face or my words anyway. I'm one in a million, a passing star in an entire universe of equals." You smiled at him with a heavy heart, meaning your words to be encouraging rather than saddening. "While you, Tom, you contain multitudes all by yourself."

"I'm your equal, Y/n…" He protested lightly, frowning with an almost shy smile. "I want to be."

"You do?" Your eyes widened as gentle a shiver ran down your spine.

"Of course." His smile widened for a moment, and his eyes flicked down to the small gap between you very briefly before he looked back to your eyes and let his fingers brush gently against yours. The minimal touch left your skin ablaze in an instant, scorching liquid heat running wildly through your veins. Your breath hitched, and his smile widened even more. "I have to go to my signing now, or Luke will have my head. But I'm refusing to let you go, and I would be the luckiest man in all those multitudes if you would wait for me here. I'm gonna be all yours once I return."

With your stomach in pleasant coils, and your heart in his hands already, you didn't even need to think before nodding with the happiest smile. "I will be here. How long does the signing take?"

"Sometimes, just a second, my dear." He grinned at you, giving your hand a light squeeze before jogging off to where the man in the suit was waiting for him with a roll of his eyes and a smirk. And as you watched Tom leaving, winking at you once more before he was out of sight, you already couldn't wait for his return.

______________________________

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ask-the-clergy-bc · 5 years ago

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Hiya! So in your opinion what do you think it would take for the Papas and Cardinal Copia to open up and be vulnerable with a S/O? Would it need time and trust, maybe an event which caused them to have an epiphany, or maybe they get caught at a bad time and need some comfort? Thank you!

I accidentally made this into a giant character introspection, whooooooooooops!

Ooooooooooooooooh boy, this is gonna be a long one so sit down! There’s no easy answer for me to give without a thesis sooooooooooooooooooooo-

Papa’s and Copia - What it Takes to have them be Truly Vulnerable with an S/O

Character flaw and reflection time! I will warn you these men are all far from perfect!

There’s definitely a LOT of elements and circumstances for each of these Antipopes, so I will try my best to sum it up without letting it get too big! Trust will be the key word in opening them all up!

A super short answer for this would be a small chart. From easiest to hardest to open up genuinely to an S/O (regardless of the situation), it would look something like this.

Papa Nihil

Papa I

Cardinal Copia

Papa II

Papa III

Keeping this in mind is actually really important as a lot of it has to play into each personality and life experiences. Even then, this is a super tight race! They all don’t blindly trust and they all have a level of mystery they NEED to keep about them. So it’s a huge mix of their jobs as Papas and who they are deep down.

There is a reason such things like Prime Movers exist/ Having courtesans and harem members rather than proper spouses. A Papa could easily be compromised by a spouse. With either a partner using them to manipulate the Church, or straight up betraying them. A Papa has to be alert, smart, and VERY VERY sure when choosing a lifelong mate. They have to be able to know without a doubt that they can count on their partner with their very lives and the lives of others.

THEN there are so many personal factors and circumstances that come into play! It’s safe to say that all of them are emotionally guarded in some way, shape, or form. That comes with the territory of being a Hell Blooded man of power. You don’t know who REALLY loves you, who’s using you, or who wants something. On top of that, the emotional burdens of their work, their faith, personal fears, and the expectations put on them.

It can be VERY hard to gauge what really clicks for each of them to trust someone. So, as asked, we will take a look into each of them! :)

Papa Nihil:

If you caught him in his younger years, he might have been more trusting with a serious partner. Not out of naivety or blind love, but out of arrogance. Arrogance that a partner could not hurt him even if they betrayed him. Nihil had an ego to him and felt on top of the world- being Papa and nothing to stop him. Not even a broken heart! To him, the worst thing that could happen with an S/O would be heartbreak, and he refused to believe that was anything that could break him! Well… it ended up happening with Sister Imperator. So after she left, he understood the consequences of his actions and what that would actually feel like. It’s not something he’s too keen to feel again.

As he got older, he hardened. The only one who has really ever seen his softer, vulnerable side has been Imperator. She’s the only one he remotely trusts in the deepest sense, and even then- he has doubted her motives with the introduction of Copia! Nihil learned the hard way that putting your trust in the wrong people can have serious consequences to your life.

That all being said, two things really work with getting Nihil to be open to you with his feelings. First would be his “test”- not something he purposely does to make his S/O jump through hoops, mind you. Consider it an observation period where he sees how serious a relationship can be with you. Nihil doesn’t mind flings, and as Grand Papa, has a willing harem at his disposal. The first months or years with a single partner is him learning about them. This goes from seeing how serious YOU are, your intentions and sincerity, how well you both click, and how close you end up being. That, and making sure you aren’t just using him. Granted, he doesn’t mind the occasional arm candy or someone who just wants to have fun. Those are just the partners he doesn’t put extra effort into when it comes to emotions or deeper mental intimacy.

The second is just plain old time. If you two become serious, and stick by each other through thick and thin- you will learn about him. Nihil will slowly disclose more and more to you. Don’t go crazy, because the Grand Papa is always watching for any hints of betrayal (nothing personal, it comes with the job.) So the more you are trustworthy, the more he shares. There will be a few tough subjects to crack with him, like his relationship with Imperator and his sons. But the more you mutually talk and grow together, the more things work out. I will warn you, no matter how much he trusts you he IS a stubborn old goat and some information HAS to be pried from him- simply because HE WILL NOT ADMIT ANYTHING TO HIMSELF SOMETIMES.

Papa I:

Papa can be very open and trusting with a serious partner, that typically is not the problem. Granted, he’s very analytical so his own feelings are something he tries to approach logically. But that’s not the problem. The hurtle would just be you both getting to be a serious couple in the first place. As to him there is a vast difference between a sexual/romantic fling, casual companionship, and the workings of a true mate ship. The last of which is riddled with pitfalls due to his place as Papa and carrier of his bloodline.

Papa tends to let his sense of duty rule over almost every aspect of his life. He is one of the ‘purest’ followers of Lucifer, and it shows in everything he does! Because of that, he has not typically sat down to consider companionship past his carnal needs and having someone to spend time with. Typically anything deeper would mean something equivalent to our idea of marriage- and with “marriage” to a Papa brings up the topic of possible heirs brought on by the Ministry. When a Papa is heavily involved with someone beyond their casual lovers, the idea of heirs is ALWAYS discussed. The Bloodline HAS to be continued. Depending on the sex of the partner, questions will be asked such as- can the partner become a prime mover? If possible are they SUITABLE? If they can’t have children will they interfere in possible heirs being made? In short, Papa equates “Serious” partners to this duty to sow the seeds of the bloodline’s future.

That being said, Papa would actually prefer a partner he could be open with. The trick is that he has to snap himself out of thinking just for the family and ministry’s sake. Which is self admittedly a difficult feat for him, because he’s always in work and faith mode. That’s just who he is. The other just has to do with how he treats others.

Typically Papa is much more interested in what you, his partner, is feeling. This comes with YEARS of thinking of everyone but himself. Papa has had to consider his flock, the will of the high clergy, the will of his father, the wants and needs of his brothers, and those he considers friends or in need of his guidance. Papa knows how to take care of himself, so HIS feelings are almost inconsequential. Papa much rather let you talk and share how you are than consider himself. It typically just takes a bit of asking and prodding on your part to get him to open up if you two have been close for a long time. Being honest and to the point also helps, as it gives him a moment to collect his thoughts and express himself thoroughly.

Papa II:

Being emotionally vulnerable for Papa II is very difficult. Not because he CHOOSES to be a ‘wounded bitter old man.’ Even though he is very much that AND a known grouch and perfectionist; Papa just doesn’t know HOW to be. Papa does have emotions and he does feel them very deeply when he’s not trying to tough it out. But Papa has never been GOOD at expressing his feelings, even as a child. It’s not something he was in touch with, and not very comfortable for him to think about. Unlike III, Papa II just cannot seem to find it in himself to express his true feelings. Granted, he could put it into words as he is very eloquent. But… it’s difficult.

On top of that, Papa has never been one to let his weaknesses appear. Emotions are often embraced by Lucifer, as expressing them. But to Papa, these are his weak points and he prides himself too much in keeping all his weaknesses guarded. Papa has crafted himself to cover his vulnerabilities in such a way that they play to his strengths! For his emotions and true feelings, he detaches from them; giving him the ability to lead with a critical and objective mind not bogged down by empathy. As a Papa, this makes him an excellent and analytical leader. As a lover, this often bites him in the ass- especially in pursuing any SERIOUS life time commitments. Something he wasn’t keen on doing in the first place.

Papa is very aware of how ‘spouses’ work for the Bloodline. Bonding with a potential mate has always been in the interest of furthering the family, not personal fulfillment. He’s tried VERY hard to keep it that way. And like his father, he is painfully aware of those who would manipulate his feelings. And if we were being honest? The idea of genuinely falling in love scares the absolute shit out of Papa. The idea of being so vulnerable to a person who could crush your very soul, the soul of a demon blooded Antipope, is not something to take lightly! And it’s NOT like he has had any good role models to show how true love should operate…

To win him over, it would be a good idea to show HIM your vulnerable side first. Kinda like when a cat shows you its belly as a sign of trust. LEt him see the ugly side of you, the insecure- but slowly. Don’t hit him all at once with everything. You have to let Papa come to you. It might take a lot of time this way, but it’s a start- there is a reason he feels more comfortable with submission. It makes him feel so much more secure. Also showing your dedication and love through action and not words will be HUGE! Showing him you can be trusted, that you have a good head on your shoulders, and that you have his best interests at heart. Alternatively, if something life altering should happen to him, you supporting him is the ultimate display of your dependability. If you try to force him at any point he will pull back out of reflex. It’s one of the few times he lets your roles be reversed.

Papa III:

Many would accuse his older brother, Emeritus the II, of being the hardest to make vulnerable- yet many are surprised that it is actually him! But Papa has spent years weaving a huge web around himself. Papa has so many masks and layers to him out of fear that sometimes even he doesn’t know what part of him is genuine or not. He learned from an early age that he was the most emotional, and most likely to get hurt. And let me tell you something, Emeritus the Third is NOT a man who likes the feeling of being hurt emotionally. It’s practically unbearable for him. He already deals with a lot of emotional burdens from feeling as though he were the ‘weak’ one of the Bloodline. Truth be told, he hasn’t had the best relationship with his father, either.

What’s worse? As much as he likes to talk about himself, Papa does NOT like talking about his true issues and anxieties. Papa usually deflects in such subtle ways that those close to him THINK he is being vulnerable, when in truth he is being superficial. So when you hear him complain about how the Ministry treats him, or a minor insecurity brought on by an argument with his brother- you are only scratching the surface. And even if he loves you, Papa does not want you to see that ugly, miserable side of him. He doesn’t even want to acknowledge it himself. If he can barely stand these horrible sides to himself, how does he expect you to stay and accept him?

For Papa III, the key factor would be time and patience. But this is further made difficult with his fleeting interests and inability to commit. The natural way to his vulnerable side is by never leaving his side, assuming he doesn’t forcibly push you away. For example, one of the few who know him deeply is Omega and his eldest brother, Papa I. That’s because they have been around his entire life. Either you would have to be the same, or be there in a huge moment of weakness to have him even remotely come clean.

The best (or in his case, worse) would be you being there at his absolute lowest point. When he’s so far gone in his emotions that he can’t even muster up the energy to put on a show. When he can’t bring himself to be Papa, to be charming- hell even RUDE AND ANGRY. The best example would be like if you were around after he was stripped of the Ghost Project and made a fool out of publically. That was such a horrible time for him and everyone around him. But if you are there with unconditional love and he SEES that you love him through every facet of his identity, he will want to stick close and loyal to you. It will take MORE time, but little by little Papa ends up baring his soul to you. He’d be lying if he said he still wasn’t afraid to confide in you, least you up and leave...

Cardinal Copia/Papa IV:

Copia has struggled with trust nearly his whole life, and ALL of his career in the High Ministry. If we are being honest, as welcoming and loving as the church is, the upper clergy is full of deceit and cutthroat tactics. It’s as competitive and dangerous as any monarchy or noble circles. That’s because within it there is a LOT more at stake. Ministry members have vanished or been found dead thanks to inner politics, and Copia has his share of close calls. He’s had to learn to trust no one but yourself, and never EVER let your guard down too much.

Unfortunately, this does bleed into his personal life. Copia has had his share of bed mates and even lovers that have stuck around longer than anticipated. But long term commitments have been very few and far between. And to be honest, he HAS been burned before. From those who sought to betray him to partners who just DIDN’T LIKE who he really was underneath. Copia has buried that hurt and tried to use it as a reminder of why he needs to keep himself until he makes it to the top. Then NO ONE could hurt him the way they could when he was a mere Ministry member.

Copia has always been really cautious around lovers to the point of paranoia. Where he adamantly refused to let himself be weak at any point! He is always good to them, but is just plain scared of letting his guard down. But the difference between Copia and the rest of the Papas is that Copia CRAVES intimate connection like you wouldn’t believe. Sometimes he desperately wants that stability and trust with another person without fear of repercussion. Copia often feels like he can never have it, and it’s one of the few things he wants almost as bad as the Papacy. But he’s never had time or a chance to- far too much to do and too much to risk!

One of the biggest ways Copia ends up calming down around you and actually opening up is if you have been there for the long run. Especially if you two were some type of couple or close BEFORE he was ever chosen for the Ghost project. Copia needs that undying support and consistency to really warm up to you. If you’ve unconditionally been there from the beginning and have not changed since his Papacy, Copia is nothing but loyal to you in return. Copia is a very good actor, but he will still be skittish and reluctant to talk too much. You just have to be patient with him as he gets comfortable. I promise, he wants nothing more than to trust you completely.

#the band ghost #ghost bc #Ghost headcanon #papa nihil #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus i #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #long post #this is long and im not sorry #character analysis

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kyoyasbirkenstocks · 5 years ago

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Hi! Weird request, but could you maybe write a scenario where Kyoya accidentally walks in on Haruhi masturbating and discovers she's masturbating to him? Like she's saying his name or something. Maybe he even helps her finish? 🤔🙃

Notes: Not weird at all in my opinion! This was fun to write and sorry it went from being dirty to rather filthy (real quick) and hella long. I have a headcanon that Kyoya has a penchant for dirty talk and being fairly straight-forward in bed, which I think matches well with Haruhi’s personality. Also, I was just real excited to write a scene for my fav, Kyoya. Thank you for your request and I hope it’s what you were looking for!

Warning: Lemons below! Smut! 18+!

It had truly been a miscalculation of time on Haruhi’s part. She knew Kyoya was visiting her new studio apartment to study for several of their respective university courses. However she casually forgot that he was coming at 2 pm not 3 pm like she had written down. Usually this would not have been an issue, aside from the fact Haruhi had opted to indulge herself a bit prior to his visit in hopes of quieting the explicit images of him that had plagued her dreams for weeks. She tried not to ruminate on how stupid she felt having sex dreams about Kyoya knowing that he probably didn’t see her that way at all, afterall he wanted someone who would benefit his family through and through.

Needless to say, neither party was prepared to see each other as Haruhi rocked against the vibrator buried deep within her arousal while crying out Kyoya’s name. She barely heard his faint gasp as she opened her eyes and quickly tried to cover herself with her blanket.

“Kyoya!! Oh my god, you’re early!!!” Haruhi yelled, tangling herself in the blanket. Kyoya had quickly whipped around as there was no other room for him to go to.

“You said 2pm!! You said 2pm, I am on time! The door was unlocked!! You weren’t answering!” His hands over his eyes. Haruhi felt a sting in her throat. Only a few times in her life had she been so embarrassed she wanted to cry. She sat up and pulled her shirt down, feeling that the blanket covered at this point what it needed to. On top of all of this, she didn’t want to cry in front of him as a tear slipped down her red cheeks. Kyoya cautiously turned around, blushing furiously and sat next to her on the bed. He gently wiped away the tear that had reached her jaw line.

“Haruhi, it’s okay. I’m sorry I barged in. It’s a normal thing.” He said quietly, rubbing her arm. She let out a short forced laugh.

“You just walked in on me clearly getting myself off thinking about you, but I appreciate the politeness.” She finished lamely. He shifted lightly and sighed.

“So? Like I haven’t done the same? Really Haruhi, I can see how Arai struggled.” He laughed, but Haruhi’s mind was frozen. He thought about her? Sexually?! She thought she might implode.

“....you didn’t get to finish though. Maybe I could help?” He offered. He didn’t seem to be offering out of pity judging by the bulge in his pants.

“Are you sure?” She asked, feeling her arousal slowly returning.

“Absolutely.” He smiled as he crawled to hover over her body, gently kissing her neck.

“So tell me Haruhi, what do you fantasize about me doing to you?” He asked while pushing up her shirt to play with her nipples.

“Ah-h, you were...fucking me against the counter.” Haruhi gasped. This felt so much better than all of her dreams combined and he hadn’t even gone below her waist.

“Oh? Is that what you want? To bend you over and bury my cock deep in you?”

“Oh please, yes, I-I want that a lot.” Kyoya groaned at her response and tore off his shirt. Haruhi removed hers before their lips crashed together. He threw off the blanket and lifted her into his lap. Haruhi moaned into his mouth at the contact of his clothed cock against her core. He reached down to rub her folds before inserting a finger.

“Mm seems like your toy did a wonderful job at getting you ready. You’re so fucking wet.” He smiled against her lips before capturing them again in a heated kiss. Haruhi wondered briefly if this was a dream, but didn’t care any further when Kyoya pushed her back onto the bed, inserting another finger. She rocked against his fingers, desperate for more. He pulled out and she looked up.

“Can I taste you?” He asked as he removed his pants, leaving his boxer briefs on. She vigorously nodded and he wasted no time in pulling her to the down to the edge of the bed. He plunged his tongue into her heat and thumbed her clit in the process. She grabbed his hair as an attempt to keep herself from floating away.

“Ah...Kyoya! Yes! I-I’m so close” She cried out, knowing her orgasm was just within reach. However he abruptly stopped. In a haze she gave him a questioning look. He gently crawled back over her to kiss her, tasting herself on his lips. In a less heightened state of mind she would be shocked to know how...forward he could be.

“Why did you stop?” She asked between kisses.

“If I have the choice of you cumming on my cock or face, I think I’d like to feel you on my cock. Besides, there’s time for me to eat you out in the future, maybe even later today.” He whispered slyly in her ear.

“You’re really out for my heart aren’t you?” Haruhi laughed.

“Maybe I am.” He chuckled while picking her up and positioning her against the counter.

“Haruhi, I don’t have a condom, do you?” He asked.

“Shit, no I ran out awhile back. Um, well I am on birth control, can I trust you to pull out?” She looked around in case one was laying out.

“Yes, I will. Does this mean you’re okay if I cum on your ass?” He asked while removing his final piece of clothing and leaning to kiss her neck.

“Ha, sure. Is that what YOU fantasize about?” She teased, feeling more playful.

“It might be one of the ways I’ve fantasized about you.” He grabbed his cock and gently rubbed it against her entrance, causing her to moan.

“Please Kyoya, fuck me.” He answered her by thrusting up and she realized he had more girth than she thought. He was starting gently, but she heard his shaky breathing loud and clear.

“You… you can go harder. You saw how I was with my vibrator.” She panted. He let out a small laugh before pulling her hips back. He pounded into her, moaning and swearing under his breath. Her apartment was filled with the sounds of their pleasure as their peaks built.

“Fuck Haru, you’re so tight. I’m not gunna last much longer. I want you to cum. Touch yourself for me?” She didn’t need to be asked twice as her hand darted to her clit. She gasped at the sensation of being completely filled and touching her already sensitized clit. She felt her walls closing around him.

“Kyo-I.I’m cumming!” She cried as her orgasm washed over her, squeezing his cock even tighter. She began to come down when Kyoya gasped and pulled out.

“Oh fuck Haruhi.” She felt the first spurt of warmth hit her back and she glanced over her shoulder to see him jerking the rest of his seed onto her back. A sight she wanted to catalog away forever. A few moments of silence passed.

“So….did….that live up to your expectations?” Kyoya asked between pants, his hands on the counter, supporting him from collapsing onto her.

“It definitely was better than that fantasy, I guess I’ll have to see how you do with the others.” She laughed and he playfully smacked her bottom.

After the clean up, they both found themselves resting naked in her small bed.

“Ah, looks like I might have broken those novelty salt and pepper shakers Tamaki gave me. I won’t hear the end of that.” She lamented, letting her head fall back onto her pillow. Kyoya attempted to peak over the bed to see but couldn’t as he was laying on his stomach.

“Just tell him the movers broke them.” He closed his eyes and laid his head back down.

“Oh I’m sure the truth would be a pleasant chat. Sorry Tamaki, I accidently pushed them off the counter while Kyoya fucked me within an inch of my life.” She snorted sarcastically. Kyoya just smiled before drifting off to sleep.

#Trigger: smut #Trigger: lemons #lemon #smut #Kyoya x Haruhi #kyoharu #kyoya ootori #Haruhi Fujioka #ouran #ouran high school host club #ohshc #let's enjoy

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mermaidsirennikita · 5 years ago

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That succession finale omg!! tell me all of your thoughts!

UGH YES OKAY.

I think it was SO GOOD first off.

People are kind of deluded, in my opinion, if they think this was all some Grand Master Plan of Logan’s. Firstly, he is definitely kind of proud of Kendall and has more respect for him at the end. Kendall may jumped out as the potential successor, even if his resentment will override his logic and he won’t move forward with it. (Conventional wisdom, and Roman’s showing in the finale, would say that s3 will be the season of Roman+Gerri.) But people vastly overestimate Logan’s abilities and see this show as like, a Game of Thrones type piece in which everyone is trying to outmaneuver each other in chess. No. Logan is a good businessman, and he is smart, but this season more than ever has hammered home that he needs to step down. He is overly protective of himself; he would have looked better had he just copped to his own issues and stepped down willingly. He showed real fear after that phone call in which he was told to step down, and there was no one for him to act for there. He’s an old man, outdated yet still in power, which is one of those things the show is trying to make a point about. I feel that Logan thought that Kendall was past his sell-by point; he’d given him chances to bite the hand, but he hadn’t... So he assumed that he wouldn’t. There’s no way Logan knew that Greg would flip with the documents.

But all of this has been seeded. I don’t think Kendall had a master plan; I think that he decided to snap in the moment as he realized that this accidental killing he’d been wracked with guilt over never mattered to his father. His father would literally not respect him unless he became an even worse human being, and Kendall has been trying to be BE A BETTER PERSON lmao. So he went all in. You want me to be a killer? CHILL. His metaphorical deliberate murder of his father paralleled, of course, his literal accidental killing of an innocent. I also feel that when we saw Kendall beg Shiv to look out for him, that seeded it to. That was his one request, and she would have been smart to keep him on her side--he has value. Shiv’s fatal flaw is that she deludes herself into thinking that she’s sO DIFFERENT, so much smarter than her “dumb brothers”, but she’s not. All the Roy kids have their strengths and weaknesses and probably work better together a a cohesive unit, as seen when Shiv and Kendall teamed up to make Rhea look bad. But Shiv wanted to keep Tom close, as he was slipping away, more than she wanted to keep her brother, someone who is much more potentially dangerous, in the fold. Tom would have taken the hit and walked away. In fact, I think it would have borderline been something of a relief for him to have an excuse to leave. Shiv knew that, and in a sick way she does love him--though I also think that it’s about control, about needed that “safe” person with her. Tom has so much less power than Shiv, and she likes that. Shiv’s downfall of the season was in this blunder, and in the fact that she revealed herself to be a daddy’s girl through and through. Please save him, getting all emotional right before Kendall motherfucking axed her lol. Her downfall was not as dramatic as his, but when you see her watching Logan, you know that he couldn’t be less impressed with her in that moment, and more comparatively impressed with Kendall.

We also, of course, had everything seeded with Greg. Greg is a somewhat normal-ish person still, and he can see, like any outside person can, that Kendall is being abused in the worst way by Logan. I think he could also see that Logan was probably going to feed him to the wolves, and almost did... Whereas if he gets in good with Kendall from the start, he may have more longevity. Now, I am a believer that Greg will Bran Stark this shit and win the long term, but I’ve also thought that a beautifully complete arc would be Kendall shadow mastering Greg’s reign on a level. Like, for whatever reason he can’t be the public face, but he’s lost his soul completely and is maneuvering shit from behind the scenes for Greg. Similar to Logan with Kendall, tbh. This only solidified this being a possibility, which I loved. Kendall knows that Greg has the documents; Kendall has also, intentionally or not, done things over the season to draw Greg in. He may have thrown Gatsby parties in Greg’s penthouse, but he’s still casually letting him stay there. He and Greg probably do coke together now lol. It lines up.

I’m excited to see where Roman goes. He’s fully with Gerri now--I was impressed to see him throw down the gauntlet for her, which I didn’t fully expect. Roman is still too close to his father, and too vulnerable, to really have that “killer instinct”. I think that he’s a creative guy, a big picture guy. The interesting thing too is that he is the only one who really stood up for Kendall--which BROKE ME, those two really do love each other--but Kendall kinda fucked him, and knew he would, I think, as Roman pushed against “killing” him. Roman just got a promotion from Logan, and he’s more in this company now than ever, just as Kendall puts a dagger in its heart. So though Kieran gives Roman a bit of a smile as Kendall flips, it’s bittersweet. He’s happy that his big brother DID SOMETHING, and deep down all the Roy kids know their father deserves it. But they’ll be adversaries on the business end of things, for sure.

Other little things--beautiful moment between Shiv and Tom as he expressed how little her love really made him happy. It’s toxic. He’s a pet to her. She’s leaning on him, he’s a crutch, but she doesn’t care for him. A lot of people don’t seem to realize how abusive their relationship is, and Tom finally called that out. “You told me you wanted an open relationship on our fucking WEDDING NIGHT”. That was so calculated and emotionally abusive. Matthew was amazing with his material in this episode.

Marcia really is fucking pissed, huh?

I really have no idea where Kendall goes from here. The show has opened the door for a lot of possibilities.

Shiv could definitely rise from the ashes, like Kendall, but this was a huge blow of an episode for her in a way I don’t think people get. Like. She basically looks like a clown in front of her father right now, and is very much in his power. But what does his power even mean anymore? She backed the horse that got shot crossing the finish line, too--what now?

#succession #Anonymous

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hey-mrsunshine · 7 years ago

Text

“What is your opinion on...?” | Baekhyun x Reader

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Smut

Tag: Cumplay, cockwarming

Word count: 1785

“I’m always curious, some people like to keep their dick warm, what that feels like?”

It is a random question that pops up on your mind in the most random moment. You two are currently watching Netflix, with you are lying on Baekhyun’s chest, with him playing with strands of your hair, twirling it around his fingers.

Baekhyun chuckles, “But baby, you don’t have one.”

“That’s why you can describe it to me,” and it makes Baekhyun chokes on his own.

“W-what?”

You sit straight and look into his eyes seriously, “I’m serious.”

Baekhyun licks his lips and smiles awkwardly, “Emm...”

“Aren’t you curious?”

Baekhyun bites on his lower lip. Well, he is not that curious...He knows that feeling as he sometimes does not slip out from you after sex...But trying it without having sex is really making Baekhyun nervous. What if he can not hold himself and starts to thrust into you without any preparation? What if with just a small movement from you, or from him, drives him to the edge and he accidentally slips out moan?

“I-I-Not really,” Baekhyun laughs, very awkward.

“Oh well, I’m still curious...” you say as you get up and take off your pants, together with your underwear.

“B-babe,” Baekhyun chokes again, “I’m seriously not that...curious?”.

“But I’m curious about myself,” you shrug. Your hand reaches for the band of his pants and you glance at him, “Can I?” You just want to make sure that he will not regret it. Even though you are dead curious, you do not want to force something to your boyfriend. It would be just the same with rape, right?

Baekhyun gulps and breathes out. He unsurely nods his head. He is curious, dead curious too, but he will try his best to not suddenly thrust into you or make any movement that can turn you both on.

He bites his lower lip as he watches you take off his pants for him. You grab his half-hard dick (due to him being nervous - fuck, he can not even control his hard on now) and slip it into your raw pussy slowly.

The feeling is bliss, with him penetrating you without any preparation. He is not that hard so you do not feel any pain, but you can feel warmth emits from his manhood. Baekhyun feels just the same too. Suddenly being wrapped with your warmth makes him closes his eyes and leans his head backward. All of sudden, he feels really comforted by your warmth.

“Now, don’t move too much,” Baekhyun warns as he hugs you from behind. But just with that small movement, one that does not need for his hip to move, takes effect on your connected part too. It is just a small friction, but it makes Baekhyun bites his lower lip and you sigh in pleasure.

As you both watch Netflix again, you start to get curious again about what Baekhyun feels.

“Hmm, it’s warm...comforting,” Baekhyun murmurs, “How about you?”

“Just the same with you Baek,” you smile and accidentally move yourself to get a more comfortable position.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun hisses, literally throwing his head backward because of the shocking friction. He can feel himself getting hard in you and he is sure you can feel it too, his head is literally nudging your wall.

“This is fucking hard,” Baekhyun sighs. He can not even focus watching the film. All he is thinking is to not thrust into you.

“I’m sorry,” you grin sheepishly.

Eventually, both of you finished the film safely. The credit title rolls and you want to skip it. As you have been too comfortable, you lean forward to grab the remote, forgetting that Baekhyun is still inside you. The male lets out string of moans as when half of his length slips out from you.

“Is something wrong?” you ask as you glance backward, then you look downward at your connected part. You right away know his struggle.

“Fuck this babe, I’m sorry but I can’t hold it anymore,” Baekhyun hisses as he grabs you by your waist and starts to thrust into you.

“Mmhh- B-baek~” you moan, starting to lean your back against his chest as he moves you up and down.

Baekhyun pushes away the hair on your shoulder to the other side and places his lips on the crook of your neck. As he keeps thrusting into you, he gives your sensitive spot kitten licks before digging his teeth there. In reflect, you throw your hands to grab Baekhyun’s hair, pushing his head deeper onto your neck.

“Baekhyun~” you gasp as he hits your g-spot down there. Baekhyun smirks, knowing what he has just done and right away thrusting into you with that angle. Faster, harder, sharper than before, making you moan even louder. Your wall clenches around him, pushing himself to the edge too.

“Oh babe, I’m close,” Baekhyun hisses as he watches how his dick disappears into you for every thrust.

“M-me too,” you reply, in between your moans.

Baekhyun’s fingers reach to your sensitive pussy and spreads your pussy even wider for him. It makes him able to see the pinkness of your pussy even more and clearer image of his length thrusts into you.

“B-baek!” you gasp as you cum all of sudden.

Baekhyun does not cum inside you, instead, he raises you up and lays you on the couch. He lifts your shirt together with your bra upward, revealing your bare stomach and breasts. He straddles you while pumping his cock real fast and hard. Knowing what he wants, you intentionally pushes your breasts together. Baekhyun heaves as he keeps pumping his length and finally shoots his load on your stomach and chest.

You bite your lower lip and moan softly as you watch how his cum paints your body. The warm feeling of his liquid makes you bothered. Baekhyun literally spreads all of his cum on your skin with his hands, spreading it like a lotion.

“Oh, Baek,” you sigh, feeling how sensual his touch is.

Baekhyun leans his face down and places kisses on his stomach, tasting a bit of his cum mixed with your sweat and sweet scent of your body. He trails kisses upward, reaching for pair of your lips. He places a soft kiss before licking your lip and you can not refuse to open your lips for him.

“Mmmh Baek,” you moan softly into the kisses as he literally sucking your tongue, wrapping his around yours. HIs fingers slowly inching toward your pussy and enters you with two digits right away.

The sudden pleasure at your sensitive pussy makes you pull away from the heated kiss and right away moan his name. But Baekhyun can not let go of you - he captures your lips again, shutting your mouth off from moaning his name.

Your arms are around his neck, pushing him more into you while your fingers are gripping his hair, literally tugging it because of the pleasure he is giving to you.

“M-more,” you moan in between the kisses and Baekhyun obliges. He adds the third digit and for bonus, he speeds up his thrusts into you too.

“You are hot,” Baekhyun whispers against your lips, “And wet, all soaked for me.”

You bite your lower lip and look downward, watching how his fingers are glistening because of your leaking juice when he pulls out. You cry when he thrust into you and folds his fingers, making his nails scratch your wall.

“I see you like it,” Baekhyun chuckles as he does it again and your head right away flies backward.

“S-shit shit,” you curse as you feel you are inching closer to your second orgasm.

“Cum, babe, cum,” Baekhyun orders and you cum after several pumps of his fingers.

Baekhyun pulls out his fingers, they are glistening even more, now your cum has covered them. The male brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks on them while looking at you.

“Wanna taste?” Baekhyun asks as he offers his fingers. You open your mouth for him and he places his fingers, which you gladly suck for him, not forgetting to wrap your tongue around them. All of your cum actually has been cleaned by Baekhyun, but you still taste it a bit. That salty taste actually turns you on.

“But I like yours more,” you say lustfully, glancing how his length is hard again.

Baekhyun looks down at his dick that is literally leaning on his stomach and he shrugs his shoulder, “Have it babe,” he says as brings his dick closer to your mouth.

You give his slit teasing rubs which able to makes the male groans before you wrap your mouth around his head. Baekhyun grabs a fistful of your hair as he watches you try to suck on his cock while you are under him.

“You look so fragile,” Baekhyun whispers as he rubs your cheek. You want to smile, but you can not as his cock is filling your mouth completely. You wrap your fingers around his base, pumping the length which you can not cover with your mouth.

Baekhyun lifts his hip a bit. He slips both of his hands under your head and whispers, “Be ready babe, I’m going to thrust into you.” You gulp and nod your head a bit. The male takes a deep breath before thrusting into your mouth. You grip tightly onto the couch as he fucks your mouth, trying your best to not gag at how his cock is hitting the back of your back with so much power.

“Shit,” he curses under his breath as he starts to feel he is closer to his second orgasm. You moan for him and the vibration you made drives him closer and closer to his orgasm.

“D-don’t swallow,” he says. Baekhyun finally comes into your mouth with a groan, which makes you throw your hands to his ass, literally squeezing those soft ass of his as he keeps shooting his seeds down your throat.

You do not swallow, as he ordered, and let your mouth opened even after he pulls away so he can see how his cum is filling your mouth. HIs cum is flowing out from your mouth, too much for you to hold eventually. Baekhyun smirks in pride. He places his fingers under your chin and pushes your mouth closed. With that cue, you swallow all of his cum.

Baekhyun smiles and leans down, kissing your lips, whispering how you are being a good girl for him.

“So...what is your opinion about cockwarming?” you ask after he pulls away from the kiss.

Baekhyun kisses your lips again, “Great, maybe we can do it more.”

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unofficial-underfell · 7 years ago

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Whenever I see Chara being portrayed as a murderous demon child, I just want to hug them so bad! I won't get angry at other people's opinions, but I still don't like it! I relate to them so much!

Dude I TOTALLY Agree, like, I get the only time you see their physical appearance is in a negative light, but at the same time, following the heavy evidence towards the narrator chara theory and analyzing their motives and emotions a little bit, we can see that the kid is a lot more multidimensional than people give them credit for!

Gonna ramble for juuust a minute here but they say stuff like “Cactus, truly the most tsundere of plants.” and “Scandalous! It’s Toriel’s sock drawer.” Like that is a kid who is funny, probably has some dry wit, but they tell PUNS too.

“Mandanna” “Leg, Hero” “Bisicle/ Unisicle”

This is a kid who probably picked up on the general light-hearted humor of the family since their time staying with the Dreemurrs, as well as some cultural osmosis I would think, being that anime seems to be an extremely important cultural aspect of the underground (that is a sentence that was bizarre even for me).

And they have a little bit of dark humor, as evidenced here by thier “dirty joke” towards woshua

It doesn’t make much sense until you realize they were telling a joke about a kid who took a “dirt nap”; why would Frisk to tell a joke about a dead child? Now, it would seem out of place unless you look at the Chara is the narrator theory, putting the thought of that into their mind.

There was a pink hand knit sweater, probably made my Chara and Asriel, that said��“Mr. Dad Guy” for Asgore! And he’s kept it all those years. I know it may have been knitted by Toriel, but Chara pauses before finishing that sentence, almost as if they needed a moment.

Oh yeah, demon children with nothing but Chaos and destruction on their mind draw FLOWERS, and no, before Flowey, so no dramatic cruel irony, just probably saw a pretty flower and drew it.

The kid hated humanity, but any child who hates humanity was probably undoubtedly wronged in some way by them, especially if the parents were negligent enough to allow their child climb the cursed mountain where “Legends say those who climb the mountain never return.” They also say shit like, ‘If you look cute, monsters won’t hit you as hard.” Like, what kid who hasn’t experienced something like that says, well, something like that?

Nobody is born evil, and I think that, well, considering characters like Flowey, that’s a big point Undertale was trying to drive home. Another thing I picked up on Undertale was that good people can do bad things with good intentions, even if all the motivations were not pure as gold, as evidenced by Asgore and Toriel.

Asgore killed children to bring hope to the monsters, bad thing for a good cause, but he was also motivated by his fear of humanity. Because of the atrocities humanity had committed against monsterkind, he was afraid. The death of his beloved children? He was greiving. Sadness and fear, as well as duty to the kingdom, encouraged him to put aside his morals to prevent crisis.

He is a kind man, silly sometimes even, giving Alphys a lizard cup he thought looked like her (a professional under his rule, he’s like her boss and Alphys is comfortable enough to have a crush on him), and forgiving, giving Alphys a hug and forgiving her for being afraid of confessing about the amalgamates, because in the end she did the right thing. *cough* But according to Toriel she didn’t do the right thing soon enough *cough*

And speaking of Toriel, Toriel had left him when he decided to kill the children, stating that there was another way. But people were dying of the loss of Hope, waiting on another child to fall and die of old age wasn’t an option for most of them, not when the whole kingdom was stricken with grief. Toriel stated that he could have taken just one child’s soul, and taken to to get help from the humans, or perhaps to get souls from the sick and dying, but is she not a boss monster as well? When Asgore failed to step up to the task, Toriel failed too. Where was she when the underground was collapsing, falling down?

She got into the throne room easily enough to attack the king, it’s not like coming back wasn’t an option. Fear and Pride are her motivators, and she did not want to admit she was afraid, nor that her morals were in fact, fallible.

Granted, she did change her mind later, coming after Frisk in the end, but we gotta remember, six other humans weren’t as lucky as Frisk.

I believe some motivation as to why she protected humans who fell down to was make up for the fact that because of her and her ex- husband’s cowardice, they would be killed later. Motivated also by wanting to relive her happy past perhaps, she stays in the ruins after all, and has not changed furniture around for what can be assumed to be a century or longer. Perhaps she blames herself as well, and I would honestly like to see that explored more, but back to Chara for now.

Now, if they liked the Dreemurs even a little bit, think, for one second, that maybe a 9-year old is not a manipulative demonic mastermind, and enjoyed having a loving family who showed them love and friendship and kindness, things they probably were lacking on the surface, that could add an entirely new motivation. Asgore kept telling them they were the hope for humans and monsters, they probably learned about souls, basic monster history and what human and monster souls did, they could have killed themselves, and knew their soul could be used to free monsterkind.

But Chara did want to go back just to kill the humans, say they were just a vengeful, hateful child for what humanity had done to them, whatever that may be, even if you think it’s minor, this child felt so STRONGLY about it that they took their own life. That’s strong evidence that this was a child struggling with something deep within themselves, that they couldn’t come to grips with, and they wanted to end the pain. A child was driven to suicide out of hatred and vengence, and people are going to completely and utterly demonize that?

So, Chara killed themselves to free the monsters, but was also motivated by vengence to get back at humanity for what happened during thier time on the surface. A person did a bad thing with good intentions, but all the motivations were not pure as gold. Seems to run in the family don’t it?

And the way they killed themselves?

Buttercups.

The same thing they accidentally poisoned Asgore with, the same thing he almost died from, and where they learned about that poison. Just because they laughed didn’t mean it was funny.

Going to assume tears also ran down thier cheeks when Asgore got poisoned too.

We all know Chara had a daggar, it would have been quick that way, they could have made that look like an accident. There’s other kids of poison probably, something faster, maybe. There’s a lot of ways. But instead they decided to die slowly and painfully, with stinging and itching poison, the same thing they hurt thier dad with.

Now, as for Chara’s relationship with Asriel, there’s plenty of evidence Chara and Asriel had good times together, Chara’s the only person Flowey cares about as a soulless husk, for one. The Best Friends Forever amulet, the Memorial which is highly believed to be of the soul-fusion before they dusted (Memory plays, which is Chara and Asriel’s combined theme), and even when the Asriel Dreemur Memory Sequence happened, those memories were a combination or Chara and Asriel’s memories, There is no possible way Frisk could have known those memories were there, Frisk probably wasn’t even alive at the time. And the only other people who could have shared some of them were the newly freed Lost Souls, Toriel and Asgore, and they weren’t there for half of them.

Chara and Asriel were not the healthiest sibling relationship. But relationships AREN’T always black and white, abuser and victim, sometimes people just aren’t good for each other. And it’s unfair to paint Chara as abuser and Asriel as victim, they were children, they probably didn’t realize all the nuances to unhealthy relationships, heck, if Chara had experienced abusive behaviors in their time on the surface, (ie. Big kids don’t cry) then they couldn’t see a pattern with what they were doing as unusual, especially given Asriel’s idolization of them and his willingness to enable them to do things that miiiight not be the best idea. (Making a pie without thier mom’s help, killing themselves, little things). But just because they weren’t the healthiest relationship didn’t mean Asriel and Chara didn’t CARE about each other. Chara and Asriel TRUSTED each other, Chara for Asriel to carry out the plan, Asriel for Chara to go through with thiers.

And over the years, even after Chara caused Asriel to lose his ability to love, even after he lost his body, he did not hate Chara. He put the kid on a pedestal, and they are a multifaceted kid, they are not a beacon of perfection, and even according to Asriel, they were not the best person. But even still, there’s no way he would put the kid on a pedestal for no good reason. They probably had lots of good, happy times together, and as his time as Flowey, he remembered them, he clung to them, like sticky seeds that don’t want to let go. And he MISSED them.

And dipping into Badtime territory, Sans and Asgore are killed automatically, however

It is the PLAYER who must click to follow through with the killing blow. It is NOT an immediate action on Chara’s part.

Also lest not forget the ONLY fights during pacifist the narration gets into “Serious Mode” for are the fights against the Dreemurr family; the fights hold a lot of weight in regards to storytelling, so that is a possible motive for the activation of serious mode, but it is also Chara’s family. And that’s a fact that I don’t think should be outright ignored.

When Frisk fell off the bridge and landed on the pile of flowers in waterfall, Asriel’s first words to Chara played. Every time Frisk dies, Asgore’s words to Chara to Stay Determined, ring through Frisk’s head. This is IRREFUTEABLE evidence that throughout pacifist, CHARA. IS. THERE. (also that there’s heavy evidence they are the narrator but I digress)

And they are there, NOT guiding Frisk to do genocide, not encouraging violence, they are there, commenting on how Frisk plays in the leaves, calling pie Buttspie, makes jokes as to Frisk’s greed from taking too many pieces of monster candy, they emulate FRISK. And who controls them? YOU.

They look for guidance from Frisk. And what Frisk does is what we have them do. The true enemy of Undertale isn’t the evil “demon that comes when they call it’s name.” YOU called their name and YOU guide them through paths with Frisk.

All that reloading and resetting even after getting fucking obliterated by sans a gazillion times? That was the player doing that, Chara is just looking to you for what to do next. At ANY point, except until the very end, when you’ve fully brought Chara back under your quest for curiousity, when the world is erased, you could stop, and Chara comes along.

Perhaps Chara and the player share the same “human soul” and ‘determination”, but note the quotes, I believe that what Chara’s referring to is the game constructs of those concepts used during your run.

I think a big mistake that gets made when characterizing Chara, especially for things like comics is that they try to seperate the player from the equation, but like Chara says when you complete genocide a second time,

They then proceed to tell you that you, the player, are strange for wanting to keep recreating and resetting, they can’t understand what you, the player is feeling, because they can’t understand this sense of utter completionism that comes from knowing everything and everything.

The reason they think this was the way to go was because you WILLED this ending to happen. YOUR Guidance. YOUR quest for power. YOUR views as all of monsterkind as the enemy that needed to be eradicated. They took ALL of it to heart, they took all of it as a guide, as they do pacifist. Chara is an impressionable child whose ideals you warp with your genocide route.

And the part where everyone likes to assume Chara was the grand mastermind?

Well, unless you’re masochistic enough to actually enjoy playing through the genocide route through all it’s frustrating grinding and impossible two boss battles, then you kinda let your determination and curiousity get the better of you, huh?

You weren’t even able to control yourself.

Chara is not someone who did nothing wrong, nor is Frisk, following along with all these plans of yours, perhaps for once they decided to follow instead of lead and see how that turns out. They are willing to be complicit in the deaths of all thier loves ones and follow what you say, but sharing your determination and soul, I would say thier choices by themselves are pretty limited.

Going back to what I think is a common trend with people handling Chara’s character in UT comics is that they like to combine Chara with the metaphysical concept known as the “Player”. However a big part of the player’s motivation is simply CURIOSITY and COMPLETIONISM, whereas Chara makes it clear they wish to erase the world, or to even get back at the humans by taking your soul and going to the surface.

The one thing I tend to dislike about removing the player from the eqution is that people also tend to remove Chara’s capacity for good, making them wholly responsible for the genocide route, which i feel undermnes another big lesson from the game, which is Your Chosen Actions have Consequences.

Granted, some instances of this have been done skillfully and tastefully (such as AFAC, which I follow closely because thier Chara is an amazingly done morally dark grey character) but others painting them as a soulless and ruthless murderchild with no room for redemption make me sad because there is so much more to them than that.

Chara can vary wildly depending on what run is done, and whether you complete pacifist or genocide, they’re going to learn lessons based on what they learn from your actions. I believe that the true hero/villain of undertale is YOU, but only if you want to be. Only if your curiosity doesn’t get the better of you. You lend Frisk your determination, and what they can do with it is up to you.

The player’s Determination creates a happy ending, and their Curiosity takes it all away.

I love to see lots of morally grey and even morally dark grey Charas, but it’s gotta be done with sense and taste, depicting Chara as chaos for chaos’ sake makes no sense because, as stated before and what I believe is a big part of UT, No one is born evil. And personally, seeing some softer Chara’s is cool too, we don’t see enough of Chara showing off thier childlike side, and I think it’s great in getting people to see Chara as more of a morally complex character.

But hey, that’s just my 2 cents

whoa geez this is long make that like uhhhhhh $1.36 on the matter

Of course other people have different headcanons and all of my thoughts on this don’t always align with everyone’s headcanons, but I hope you enjoyed my little ramble nonetheless. I want people to be able to see Chara as complex and interesting; despite not being related to the Dreemurrs, they sure tend to be the scapegoat for a lot of the player’s actions less-than-tasteful actions, yet not for any of the good ones. Feel free to add your thoughts to reblogs and such, I love analyzing this game, and I know I probably didn’t get everything right but hey,

*peace sign*

-Mod Avery

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hebina · 7 years ago

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More Man Than Machine - on Tarkin & Vader’s relationship

One thing that really really sticks out to me about their dynamic in current canon is that Tarkin is one of the only people, if not the only one, who liked Anakin Skywalker as a person both before and after becoming a Sith Lord.

It makes sense for this to still be somewhat underappreciated since their relationship in Legends was apparently very negative, but Disney-era Vader and Tarkin have an astoundingly friendly and healthy personal dynamic. So because I can never shut up about things I like, here’s a long collection of their best moments / essay-ish post of rambling about their new-canon dynamic.

The seeds of this are certainly already present in A New Hope (however accidentally, since at the time of filming the whole plot wasn’t yet planned..).

The movie very clearly demonstrates that Tarkin knows who Vader used to be and this is an established fact between them. They have talked about this before, maybe often, as there’s no uncertainty or confusion in their dialogue. Vader is comfortable with Tarkin knowing this much, too, and sees no need to distance himself from Anakin in this speech (which he does even with Luke or Palpatine). In front of Tarkin, he uses first person to refer to his old life.

This makes clear that there is trust between them by ANH time, whether it be with this private knowledge or with military strategy (after all, Tarkin trusts Vader’s homing beacon plan, which ironically gets him killed in the end).

That is picked back up on in the Darth Vader comic series set after the movie:

We know that Vader thinks of the Death Star as a “technological terror” that he doesn’t approve of, yet he defends Tarkin’s plans for the battle station against Tagge without hesitation. Vader may not like the Death Star itself, but that doesn’t diminish his respect for Tarkin’s military ability.

The situation with Tagge is especially nice to view in contrast to Vader’s relationship with Tarkin, as Vader is technically placed under Tagge’s command in the comic. Which... Tagge repeats in, uh, very clear words.

Vader is... not taken with this. For understandable reasons. He does not need a hand to wield his lightsaber - at least not this hand.

But that puts this situation in a very stark contrast to Leia’s (also very.... interestingly worded) line in A New Hope.

Unlike Vader and Tagge in the comic, Vader and Tarkin don’t outrank each other. Tarkin holds no official command over Vader - and even if he did, Vader tends to undermine command anyway. Tagge certainly suffers through that. Yet, it appears Vader listens to Tarkin often enough for this to be known outside their immediate military associates. Tarkin is the only person except for Palpatine that Vader ever shows this much deference to.

We also get to see this in action during the movie, when Vader releases a man who insulted him personally on Tarkin’s request. The wording “as you wish” also seems to imply he’s doing Tarkin a favor more than following orders.

Vader listens to Tarkin by choice. That is more than even Palpatine can truly say.

Looking at them this way, Tarkin calling Vader ‘friend’ starts to look less and less like merely a casual figure of speech - and the new EU expands on that.

They first meet in The Clone Wars, when Anakin is still a Jedi Knight and Tarkin is still a captain in the republic military. Anakin’s group rescues Tarkin from the Citadel and they don’t initially seem to get off on the right foot, yet...

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Anakin: Trust me. Tarkin: I reserve my trust for those who take action, General Skywalker. Anakin: Then let me remind you, we rescued you back there. And I reserve my trust for those who understand gratitude, Captain Tarkin.

At the end of this confrontational dialogue, we are pointedly shown Tarkin’s smirk. He is evidently pleased that Anakin matches him in verbal confrontation, so in the end the impression Anakin leaves on him is not negative.

This confirms itself as, less than a full episode later, this exchange takes place:

Anakin: Captain Tarkin, haven't you learned to trust me by now? Tarkin: You may have earned my trust, General Skywalker, but my faith in your comrades is still lacking.

Despite Tarkin’s marked dislike of the Jedi order, Anakin impresses him in the shortest amount of time. They have immediate chemistry.

On Anakin’s end, he finds himself surprised to hear someone openly voice the same opinions about the Jedi order that he himself holds in secret.

Anakin: You lack faith in the Jedi. Tarkin: I find their tactics ineffective. The Jedi code prevents them from going far enough to achieve victory, to do whatever it takes to win, the very reason why peacekeepers should not be leading a war. ....Have I offended you?

Anakin: No. I've also found that we sometimes fall short of victory because of our methods. Tarkin: Well, I see we agree on something.

Sadly, I can’t embed a clip here because Youtube doesn’t offer me any, but the tone of voice in which Anakin denies being offended is very soft and full of surprise. This is not an issue he expected to relate to someone over and he is pretty ecstatic about it, as evidenced by a later dialogue with his team:

Ahsoka: Why did Master Piell have to share half the intel with that guy? It's like he's not even grateful we rescued him. Anakin: Captain Tarkin feels the Jedi should be relieved from the burden of leading the war effort. Ahsoka: That's ridiculous. Anakin: Maybe, but we aren't soldiers. We're peacekeepers.The Jedi code often prevents us from going far enough to achieve victory. Obi-Wan: A rather simple point of view. Anakin: Either way, he is a good captain.

Anakin both defends Tarkin from his fellow Jedi and even quotes the exact wording Tarkin used earlier, displaying his longing for someone else to put into words what he only felt (and wasn’t allowed to feel) before.

These episodes also mark the beginning of a long era of Anakin defending Tarkin whenever someone questions him. Here is another one just from this arc:

Tarkin: I am beginning to admire the design of this fortress. It's rather formidable to evade. Ahsoka: How can you admire such a horrible place? Tarkin: Ah, you reveal your shortsightedness. This ordeal only demonstrates how effective facilities like the Citadel are. Pity it ended up in separatist hands and not ours. Anakin: He has a point.

And though Ahsoka saves Tarkin’s life over the course of these episodes, Anakin remains the only Jedi Tarkin holds in favorable regard. In fact, he goes so far as to basically compliment Anakin for Ahsoka’s achievement:

Tarkin: My thanks, Padawan Tano. [to Anakin:] I see you've trained her well.

The arc then finds its resolution in a very firm and charged handshake.

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At this point, Obi-Wan picks up on the positive tension between Anakin and Tarkin so clearly that he feels the need to warn about it. (You can practically hear the air quotes around ‘new ally’, too). Anakin, again, defends Tarkin. If you go back up to Vader’s dialogue with Tagge, you can see that this pattern of defensiveness lasts for the following 20 years. (Another example is his immediate topic change when Tarkin is incriminated by Krennic in Rogue One.)

Later, in the Tarkin novel, Tarkin describes what he felt for Anakin as “grudging appreciation”, for despite his dislike of the Jedi, Anakin had proven himself to him. Both of their opinions and/or circumstances should make them dislike each other, yet the two forge an immediate bond. As it turns out, this chemistry can even endure a fall to the dark side and the total destruction of Anakin’s self-image.

Beforehand, of course, Tarkin winds up the prosecutor at the trial of Anakin’s Padawan Ahsoka which results in her leaving the order entirely... This lets their relationship take a huge one-sided hit as it appears Anakin can’t forgive this even years into his life as Vader (see: Tarkin novel). Tarkin meanwhile, never changes his mind about Anakin.

So now that we have established their baseline during the Clone Wars, onward we go towards Tarkin and Darth Vader. I’d like to start this off with a quote from the Tarkin novel:

Nothing about Vader seemed natural - not his towering height, his deep voice, his antiquated diction - yet despite those qualities and the mask and respirator, Tarkin believed him to be more man than machine. Although he had clearly twisted the powers of the Force to his own dark purposes, Vader’s innate strength was undeniable. His contained rage was genuine, as well, and not simply the result of some murderous cyberprogram. But the quality that made him most human was the fierce dedication he demonstrated to the Emperor.

I took this posts’ title from this line, because it reverses a much more prominent quote from the original movie trilogy:

Even Obi-Wan, who used to be so extremely close to Anakin, chooses to think of him as something that has left humanity behind. The rest of galaxy seems to echo his sentiment. The topic of whether Vader is droid or human at core is brought up over and over again in Star Wars canon and most characters decidedly reach the former opinion. Tarkin doesn’t.

And this is despite the fact that when Tarkin first sees Vader as Vader, two of his mechanic limbs are in plain sight, which is a more clearly robotic appearance than most people have ever seen on Vader.

When they then meet officially as both are introduced to the Death Star project, they immediately reconnect in a way. The Tarkin novel goes out of its way to give a lengthy description of how Tarkin feels that Vader “regarded him with clear recognition”. This is incredible because, as we know, Vader wears a motionless mask. And yet, despite this, they somehow manage to stare so intensely at each other that this wordless communication takes places.

This alone makes Tarkin suspect Vader is in fact Anakin Skywalker, a suspicion that then hardens when he sees the way Vader interacts with his troops or fights with his lightsaber. This, admittedly, isn’t all that weird for Tarkin who is extremely used to observing people, but it still speaks of him paying more attention to Vader as a person than is the general average.

Wordless communication continues to be a theme in the novel as well. Tarkin is rather skilled at reading what’s going on behind the mask, and if he’s not able to then he still makes the attempt. Where most people see Vader as his mask, as the terror the mask represents, Tarkin always puts his priority on seeing past the mask because to him, Vader is a person. Vader’s general existence doesn’t intimidate a man like Tarkin, so he has the leeway to look at who Vader is and used to be. He gives Vader a human treatment that is largely missing from his life otherwise.

And knowing who Vader used to be doesn’t diminish his appreciation of him at all. It’s sad in the novel he holds Vader “in high esteem” and “[hopes] Vader [feels] the same towards him”. His appreciation only rises during the novel, too. After Vader kills a large group of people it is explicitly said that Tarkin finds himself warming to him, so... isn’t it nice they’re on one wavelength in cruelty? Hah...

In turn, Vader gravitates towards Tarkin even in a time period when he’s still mad at him regarding the Ahsoka trial - the novel goes out of its way to show Vader initiating what is extremely close to small talk with Tarkin ("We haven’t stood together on Coruscant for some time, Governor”; “How is life on the Sentinel moon, Governor?”).

During the novel, Vader also learns to relate more to Tarkin. This is thanks to Palpatine, who by the way has canonically spent years (since the Clone Wars!!) trying to set up Anakin and Tarkin to get along and forge a great partnership. I’m just going to paste this paragraph here so we can all see the great determination the Emperor has to make Vader like Tarkin...

Palpatine ends this conversation requesting Vader to ask Tarkin why he named his ship Carrion Spike and thus indirectly to ask about Tarkin’s past.

By the end of the novel, Vader does just that and is treated to lengthy backstory. Interesting about this is the way Vader acts while being told as much. Though normally he is hard to read, in this dialogue he goes out of his way to look down to Tarkin and make sure the other knows he’s listening. He also asks a great many specification questions. Vader is interested in Tarkin and more than that, he wants Tarkin to know as much.

This is the turning point in their Empire Age dynamic, this is where Vader accepts Tarkin fully and they enter a proper two-sided connection. By the end of the novel, Vader appreciates Tarkin openly and shows it by delivering Tarkin’s regards to Tarkin’s enemies and even staging said enemy’s execution as a homage to a famous execution Tarkin staged in his youth.

All of this is before they ever truly talk about Vader’s identity too, though Tarkin makes numerous references to his suspicion throughout the novel - which Vader never denies. But somewhere in those 15 years between the novel and ANH, they have to have laid it out in the open to be able to speak like they do on the Death Star. Their relationship isn’t static, they steadily grow closer and more trusting of each other over the long time they both work for the empire.

Their great co-operations during the following years at least find some appearances in canon (Tarkin delivering prisoners to Vader, their cooperation in assassinating Minister Tua, the whole of Krennic-bashing...), though I am certainly sad we don’t see them have the private-ish conversations that they logically have to have had in this timeframe.

Their relationship is an amazing one because they genuinely like and respect each other as people. To Tarkin, Vader isn’t a war machine he’s an appreciated coworker. And in return, to Vader, Tarkin is someone he can be human with, someone with whom he can afford to say ‘I’ about Anakin Skywalker. It’s subtle and certainly not alike to the hearty friendships we see on the rebel side of things, but they are as close as they can be with their personalities.

I admit that some of the scenes I covered here have alternate interpretation options, but I don’t feel like the overall point is all that off-the-mark. Vader and Tarkin in current canon just get along very well in a fashion that is more genuine than most of their relations to other people.

If you read this to the end, thank you so much. I hope I could share a bit of the fire-y love I have for them together. And a warm thanks to @skywvlked for not only dragging me into Star Wars but also helping me IMMENSELY with writing this whole thing <3

PS: on a shippy end-note, comparing Tarkin POV descriptions of Vader, like ‘rich bass of his voice’ and ‘midnight orbs’ (with regards to his mask’s eyes), to descriptions of Palpatine, like “many thought [his voice] sinister, but to Tarkin [it] merely sounded strained”, is... also something.

#star wars #darth vader #anakin skywalker #wilhuff tarkin #star wars meta #vadarkin #I HAVE ONLY TWO STAR WARS FOLLOWERS AND ONLY TEN FOLLOWERS TOTAL BUT IT WON'T STOP ME FROM SLAMMING THIS DOWN #HI BYE LOOK AT MY GARBAGE MEN WHOM I ADORE

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kalasinambrosius-archive · 7 years ago

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LOST IN TRANSLATION → KALFAB

TAGGING → Fab Pepikrankenitz (@itzfabi) & Kalasin Ambrosius

TIMELINE → Monday, October 23, 2017

SETTING → Halloween Festival Corn Maze

SUMMARY → Being lost in a corn maze is like a bad dream. Being lost inside with your ex is like a full-blown nightmare.

Kalasin had thought that she could get through Halloween without being overwhelmed by it all -- just take deep breaths, pretend that it was some crazy commercialized mortal holiday and not something that witches and wizards more like her sister and father took super seriously, forget it was the first holiday where she wouldn't have an other half to dress up with... She didn't know why she thought it would be easy, but after a couple hours of fun at the carnival it seemed like every little thing started to be a trigger. The couples strolling arm in arm, winning each other carnival prizes, the people dressed up as weird mockeries of witches, it was like she couldn't escape, until finally she ducked into the corn maze, figuring some time alone inside would clear her head. Kally had been inside for nearly an hour, and it was helping, actually -- or it had been, until she turned a corner to what she thought was the exit and found herself faced with another dead end instead. "No, seriously?" she whined, huffing as she turned around to start retracing her steps... only to find herself face to face with Fabi, of all people, and her heart dropped into her stomach.

Fab had decided to hit up the carnival for the food, mostly. He wasn't really a Halloween kind of guy -- costumes didn't really appeal to him unless they were funny, and candy wasn't really his thing (all sugar, no flavor usually). But food was something he could deal with -- caramel apples, wild popcorn flavors, fun spooky-themed snacks. They were all enticing to him. So, wearing his jack-o-lantern t-shirt just to be festive, he went to the carnival alone. This was his first Halloween in Walt as a single guy. He should have been excited to go to costume parties and hook up with girls or something. But he was mostly just emotionally eating everything he came in contact with. He'd ducked into one of the corn mazes with a large bucket of popcorn to be alone with his thoughts and, after a while, realized he was lost. Fabwas about to call one of the attendants for help, but then saw the familiar brown curls of his ex. He was fully prepared to dive behind the nearest cornstalk and hide, but it was too late. She saw him. Locking eyes with her, Fab sucked his teeth, trying to wriggle any popcorn kernels out of his gums before smiling a slightly-forced smile. "Hey," he said. "You lost too? I tried to do the 'put your hand on the wall and let it lead you out' trick but I think I did it wrong."

Kally nodded her head, at a loss for words. If it weren't for Fairy Godmother making sure magic didn't work inside of Walt, she might have thought she'd accidentally drawn him to her, for all the thinking about him she'd been doing today. But that was impossible; it was luck, probably of the bad variety, that had brought them together, not anything of her own doing. "Hey," she echoed back, scuffing the toe of her shoes along the ground, trying to keep her eyes focused on him instead of awkwardly dropping them down towards the ground. "Yeah, I guess I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going, it was so quiet in here and everything outside was... too much." She shrugged, swallowing a lump that had formed in her throat. She didn't know how to talk to him anymore -- that was probably the hardest part of all of this, although it felt like she was changing her mind on what the hardest part of not being with him anymore was on a daily basis. "I haven't tried that yet, but I was hoping maybe if I looked at where the sun is I could like, guess which direction the exit should be in." She shrugged, feeling like there was no real polite way to split up now, and she awkwardly mumbled, "Um, should we try to find the way out together? Two brains are better than one."

Fab wondered if this was some kind of sign. It wasn't every day a guy got literally trapped with his ex in the middle of a corn maze, unable to escape. It was funny -- Seven months of weirdness seemed to overshadow five years of togetherness. It was almost impossible to figure out what to say when he'd done it with such ease for nearly half a decade. "I get that," he nodded, noting that the scarers and performance stuff the fair had to offer was a lot less fun by himself, and he figured Kally could relate. "Interesting technique!" Fab tried to say enthusiastically, and it maybe came out a little too enthusiastic for his liking. His mind was probably trying to overcompensate for the way he was feeling, which was 'awkward'. Clearing his throat, he nodded coolly at Kally, thinking her plan was a good one. The more brainpower they had, the faster they could get out of there and out of this situation. "Sounds like a plan," he said as he began to walk in the direction he came from. "So -- who you here with? Dagny?" he asked, knowing that if she knew he was there alone he'd look kind of pathetic. But Dagny was their mutual friend, so if he lied and said he was with her when she was actually with her, she'd know he was lying.

Kally tried to smile in response, but she knew that it didn't meet her eyes, and her cheeks were probably puffed out -- a usual tell that she was faking it. He knew that about her, too; she was sure that she couldn't fool him, even now when it felt like they were practically strangers. Her memories hadn't just washed away like a sandcastle hit by high tide, and Kalasin had to believe that his hadn't, either. If they had, life was just playing a cruel joke on her, making her remember everything while he was allowed to forget and move on first. "It probably works a lot better on like, a regular hike and not one through man-made walls of corn, but it was the best I had," she said nonchalantly, missing the days where they might have tried something sillier or more off the wall to get out... or better yet, they might not have even minded being lost, so long as they were together. She walked a few steps at a quick pace to catch up with him, jamming iher hands in her coat pocket to resist the old muscle-memory instinct to reach out and take his hand when they were side by side like this. "Dagny? Yeah, I'm -- " she started to lie, then shook her head, saying, "No, not Dagny. I'm with, um..." More lies rolled around in her head, ones to make it seem like she wasn't just kind of pitiful and lonely and unsure what to do with all the time she'd used to spend with him. But what was the point in tossing out names like Napoleon and Nate and Toby and anyone else when it wasn't true? "Just me. I'm with just me," she admitted, asking with a barely concealed hint of curiosity, "What about you? Your cottagemates seem nice."

Fab took note of the way Kally smiled at him. It was...different. Not exactly something he was used to seeing from her (at least not pointed toward him), and he didn't want to make any judgments but it didn't seem genuine, either. Maybe she was nervous around him -- it made sense that she would be. Or maybe she'd changed. He knew he had. Fabi gave a nod at her words, popping a fistful of popcorn into his mouth to avoid saying something stupid. What that was, he wasn't sure, but he wasn't about to wait around til he found out. "The corn is man-made?" he asked instead, furrowing his brow as if serious even though he'd always had a suspicion that it was. He just felt like joking...maybe finally breaking this tension. Fab had never felt so claustrophobic around Kalasin...It was so odd. From their first day as friends, it was like instant comfort. And now? Instant discomfort, sweating, and nervous-poop feelings had taken the place of that. He started to be very thankful that he hadn't said he was with Dagny when it seemed like Kally was. But then she fumbled over her words a bit, before finally admitting to being alone. Like him. He knew that little fumble was her trying not to seem alone, like him. Shrugging nonchalantly, Fab answered. "I'm with 'just me', too." There was a sadness in his voice that he hadn't expected, despite the fact that he was trying to show solidarity with her -- there was no shame in being alone. "I would've come with Kale or something but he's got his friends. Other than that, I didn't have many options to go with and I really wanted to try the food."

Kally nodded her head vigorously, curls bobbing up and down as she realized that for a change, this was a topic she felt fairly at ease talking about with Fab -- one that wasn't filled with painful memories or awkward tension, just something she felt comfortable giving an opinion on, something neutral enough that the weight squeezing on her chest made it feel like she could actually breathe again. "Yeah! At least, I'm pretty sure -- I mean, there's one too many suspicious 'don't eat the corn!' signs around for it to be real. And it's not like they just ran around sprinkling seeds and grew it up overnight... if it were back home where Gani could like, magically grow it, maybe, but here I'm so sure there's got to be an element of fakeness to it." She liked that, though; Kalasin took comfort in all the hokey mortal things that people did to celebrate Halloween, just like she took comfort in the fact that she had just said a few whole sentences without overthinking or second guessing. Baby steps, right? Maybe someday they could even both hang out with Dagny at the same time again... but her stomach was straight back to being in knots, trying to imagine something that still felt so far off and hard to picture. Still, her smile seemed a little more genuine after that, and she nodded. "The food's all right... I just come because it makes my sister mad, how inauthentic it all is. And I wouldn't be a good little sister if I didn't deliberately do things to aggravate her every once in a while, right?" she joked, finding it was easier to talk when she was staring at the maze walls, peering for holes or... clues, peering at anything that wasn't Fab's stupid, cute, distractingly sad face. "If we ever get out of here, are there any foods I should make sure I try before I go home and marathon weird claymation movies while I finish making my costume?" Kally finally dared to glance back at him, although she ducked her head back to look at her feet again almost instantly; costumes were like another gaping wound, since it was the first time in years she'd had to make something without him there as her matching other half.

Fab laughed out loud when she pointed out the signs. He hadn't really noticed how blatant they were, nor had he put together the dots that that meant the corn was fake. "Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm not a thief who was planning to make creamed corn tonight! I would've been in for maybe the worst surprise, ever," he chuckled, feeling his tense body relax just the slightest bit. Joking felt nice -- Maybe not with the same comfort as before, but not mortifyingly awkward either. "How I wish I had a sibling around to annoy!" he exclaimed, calling out into the sky with hopes of somehow shaking the cornstalks with his volume like it would in a cartoon. But it was looking like not even a Bugs Bunny-style gag could get them out of there, now. "How is Gani, by the way?" he dared ask, hoping that the question didn't stir the awkwardness back up between them -- it felt rude, to have been pretty much part of the family for so long and not ask how her sister was doing. "I mean, aside from you going out of your way to annoy her," he smirked. Fabi cocked a brow at Kalasin's question, his heart doing some weird flip when he realized she'd asked him about food. She still valued his opinion on food. "Ahh...Nothing to die for, really." Ba dum tss. "Except maybe a candy apple. Nothing special about them, except they're kinda cute for your Instagram or whatever," he chuckled, feeling a heat rise in his cheeks when she mentioned her costume. "What are you gonna be?" he felt himself blurt before he could really think about whether or not he wanted to know the answer. Either way, it was going to be without him.

Kally shuddered at the idea of Fab just eating melted down plastic corn for dinner; it sounded like a surefire way for a person to end up in the hospital for like, toxic chemical ingestion, and even though it wouldn't have done any good inside of Walt, thinking about the chance to protect someone she loved -- or had loved, at least -- from that kind of unfortunate mishap was one of the rare times where she wished she was brave enough to conquer her fears and learn to use her magic to help people. "Good thing you've got something better on the menu, then," she replied meekly, blushing when he asked about Gani. It had always felt okay to rant about her sister when they'd been together, when she could trust him with anything that crossed her mind, but now she scrambled to try and put together the polite version, the kind that you told to a stranger on the street who didn't really care how you were doing, they just asked as a pleasantry. "She's good, she started working at Le Pub right when she turned 21 and I think she's having fun with it," Kally guessed, although she was pretty sure her sister spent more time upset she couldn't take her cat or brew things magically than she spent having fun. "And, um -- yeah, she's good," she concluded, feeling lame as she pulled her hands back out of her pocket to hang awkwardly by her sides instead. "Have they set up stations to decorate their own yet? I've been saying they should do that since like, freshman year of high school," Kally blurted out without thinking, although she always felt like she'd stuck her foot directly in her mouth when she mentioned happier times like that. "Oh, um -- I'm going to be a cereal killer," she explained, adding for clarification, "Like, wearing cereal boxes and stuff. Um, what are you going to be?" she asked to be polite, fear flitting through her when she realized she was dressing up completely on her own and he might have a squad or even a new girl to dress to match instead.

Fab gave a shrug, matching her meekness with his own. "I always do," he offered. Maybe he meant that he literally always had something better on his menu -- because he did, and creamed corn was actually pretty gross to him -- or maybe there was some weird subtext to it that even he didn't quite understand. Despite all they'd been through lately, Fab still wanted Kally to know that he was doing okay. Not that he was in any way better after their breakup, but he wasn't doing bad. He always found a way to be okay. Nodding, he couldn't help but chuckle at Kally's update on her sister. "Sounds like Gani -- conjuring up drinks behind the bar seems like a great way to get out her witchiness here." He finished his popcorn and crumbled the paper bag between his hands, not exactly sure where to toss it, so he just kept the trash in his hand, hanging at his side. "No! I think they just don't want anyone to show them up on their treat-making skills." Fab shook his head with disdain, but also a bit of amusement. Because he agreed -- DIY was always more fun, and he could decorate a candy apple better than anyone at this carnival. Raising his brows at Kalasin's answer, Fab couldn't help but let out a huge laugh at the hilarity of the pun. "That's so good! I think I'm gonna borrow a prop stroller from one of the drama clubs and put a bag of sugar in it -- Sugar Daddy," he shrugged with a smirk, a little proud of his own pun.

Kally nodded, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she wondered if she was reading too much into Fab's statement or not. Did that mean he was better off without her? Did that mean they were literally just talking about food? These were all the kinds of thoughts that drove her crazy if she started to let herself think about them too much. Instead, she tried to force the smile back onto her features, but she was sure it faltered as she said, "Here's to hoping that whatever happens to her, she isn't bartending on my 21st birthday, I'm sure she'd try to slip something into my drinks that would like... force me to go back home and resume magical training instead of staying in Walt." She made a face, both because of the thought of her sister's pressuring and because she wasn't sure if she'd started to veer into saying too much, and she wished that she could go back to the casual conversation -- it hadn't been that hard, had it? Maybe she just needed to stick to safer topics like food and the carnival and whatever else. Or even just on getting out of this maze; she'd help up fairly well by normal standards, but it was far from the best conversation she'd ever had with Fab in her life. Kally kind of assumed that no conversation they ever had again would be all that great, and the thought depressed her all over again as she stepped closer to the corn wall, trying to hear the sounds of the outside of the maze or something that would get them out of her sooner. He caught her off guard, though, and she was shocked to hear the sound of her own laughter, bursting out of her at his costume. "Oh my God, Sugar Daddy's fantastic, you're going to have so much fun with that," Kalasin told him, and just like that there was another flash of the normalcy that she craved so much. Without thinking, she blurted out, "I miss talking to you like this. About like, normal stuff, you know?" Maybe it wasn't quite true to say they'd been friends firstwhen they'd jumped into a relationship fairly quickly when they'd gotten to Walt, but Kally knew that they'd been friends too, like any good boyfriend and girlfriend should be -- and maybe they hadn't been great at the end, but they had been once upon a time. "Do you think we'll ever be just like -- not weird anymore?" she asked bluntly, figuring things had already been awkward enough, she couldn't make it that much worse.

Fab let out a laugh. He could imagine weirder situations than being bartended by your sibling on your birthday, but knowing Kally and Gani’s relationship, if she did decide to go to Le Pub, that birthday would be a memorable one to say the least. “Hey, no spell or potion like that would work here. You can hide from the magic all you want out here and no one can stop you.” He never understood why Kally was the way she was about her power — he always thought it was cool. But that was, of course, an opinion coming from a mere mortal. He didn’t know what witches went through, or what kind of pressure they were under, so he always supported her. Besides, the best parts of her had nothing to do with her powers. He was happy to hear her laugh when he shared his Halloween costume plans, her smile eliciting his, as well. He mirrored her amusement, a bit of heat rising in his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, I try...” Fab offered, before Kalasin finally addressed the elephant in the room — er, the elephant in the corn maze. The heat in his cheeks burned harder, but he was still smiling nonetheless. He agreed with pretty much everything she had to say. “Gosh...” he sighed, shaking his head, “Same. Like, it’s weird that I don’t have anyone to laugh with like this.” He gestured between the two of them. Sure, he had friends like Dagny and Kale, but Kally had to know that what was between them was different, romantic or not. “I mean...I really hope so. I miss you,” he shrugged, downplaying his own honesty. “But I think we will.” He nodded. Now that they both were on the same page, they could certainly try to make things not-weird.

Kally pursed her lips together, trying to stop herself from saying more about Gani or about her magic or about all of the things that felt too personal to blurt out to her ex boyfriend in the middle of a corn maze. They were definitely a lot harder to deal with these days without him there as her support system, though; even when they weren't talking about what was on her mind, it had been reassuring to just know that he was on her side when she needed him, and that even if he didn't get it he cared about how she felt about things. "Probably a good thing, I might have like blasted this corn maze down and ruined the fun for everyone by now," she grumbled, although things were starting to look familiar again to her... Maybe? Who could really tell when they were just surrounded by green and yellow stalks and treading indistinguishable dirt trails. She kept walking forward anyway, though, because it was better than stopping and dragging out the awkwardness any longer. Kalasin wrung her hands together as she listened to Fab -- and even as he mimicked back words similar to her own, she waited for the other shoe to drop, for some kind of but or reason that they could never be even close to the same. She had to swallow the nervous lump in her throat to even speak again, tucking a stray strand of hair that had been blown by the wind behind her ear. "Laughing's good," she agreed, remembering when his laugh had been one of her favorite sounds in the whole world. "And I miss you, too, I just... get so lost in my own head, thinking I'll do something to make it worse or make it weird and then I don't do anything and..." Kalasin sighed deeply, saying, "Maybe if we ever get out of here we could just try to do something like... normal sometime. I don't know what, but I'm sure we could figure it out, right?" Her brain screamed at her that that was asking for too much too fast, though, and Kally's hand went right up to the cornstalks, tracing gently along the maze wall and quickly rambling, "I feel like there's starting to be more like air coming through? Maybe that means we're getting closer to the outside."

Fab noticed the change in Kally when he'd started talking about her magic. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything -- he knew it was a sore subject, but he just wanted to show her he was still supportive. She must have felt all of the pressure from the entire world wanting her to be more into her magic, but he never expected that of her, and never would. He was always on her side with that. "Okay, ruin the fun maybe, but at least it'd get us out of here," he chuckled, inspecting their surroundings for what felt like the millionth time. Every cornstalk was starting to blur together to him, he couldn't keep track of where they'd been, so he just followed her lead. He never expected to be reconnecting (he used the term loosely) with his ex in such circumstances, but maybe it was some kind of sign. Fab had felt incomplete or something without her companionship, romantic or not. Maybe this was the universe's way of letting them know they belonged in each other's lives regardless. Exes did that sometimes...right? "Me too, like, I'm always thinking 'is this okay to say?', 'is this crossing a line?', 'can exes act like this together?'" He spoke fast, though it overlapped with Kalasin's rambles as well, so Fab was almost certain that he didn't really hear what she'd said anyway until she swiftly changed the subject. ".....Normal! Normal sounds good. We could get Dagny and go grab ice cream at Elsa's or something," he shrugged. That was something they used to like to do, as one threesome instead of two twosomes. "I think Dag would appreciate it." He rolled his eyes a bit, acknowledging the fact that Dagny was kind of their 'child of divorce' in this breakup, and it was silly that they let it shake their friendship dynamic for so long. Knitting his brow, Fabi felt the breeze Kalasin was talking about and nodded his head eagerly. "Yeah! I think so, too," he smiled, walking faster with his hand along the wall of corn. "Eureka!" he grinned, finally seeing the way out in the short distance before them.

Kally let out an annoyed huff at the maze and the way it never seemed to end. "This is even worse than freshman year when we got lost for a little while and I had to go to the restroom, but everything was still like... new, and I didn't want to admit that's why I was in such a hurry," she laughed; she'd nearly forgotten about that until right now, and she hoped that it would be an amusing anecdote instead of a weird one. She was never sure anymore, though; she hated that she was never sure, so instead she kept talking a mile a minute, like if she didn't give him much time to react it would be as if she'd never said anything at all. "Note to junior and senior year me: it might be time to let the corn maze craze die and not go inside." Kalasin let out a breath of air she didn't even know she'd been holding in when he said out loud all the things she'd been thinking; it was almost as if he'd read her mind, or could see inside of her heart into exactly how she was feeling. But they didn't do that anymore, right? He was just feeling the same things as she was, and it already felt like she could breathe a little easier. Even if it still took some time to adjust, maybe some good would come out of this stupid maze after all. "Uh huh, you're just saying that because you think I won't steal your ice cream anymore, but that totally doesn't go away just because we're just friends now," she warned, and though the words stung a little bit still they didn't have the same bite to them that they'd had since February. "But I never say no to ice cream, and I'm sure Dagny would be relieved that we're not like... splitting custody anymore, I felt so bad," she admitted, her smile brightening at the sight of the maze exit. Although she was glad to be out, she was also kind of glad she'd been trapped long enough to finally say what had been on her mind for months now to Fab. Maybe things worked the way they did for a reason; life didn't need magic to work in mysterious ways. "Well, uh -- I should probably get home so that my cottagemates know I'm not dead, but we'll do that ice cream thing soon, right?" she asked hopefully as they crossed out of the maze and back into the open air of the festival.

Fab couldn’t help the laugh that burst through his chest when Kally reminded him of Freshman year. “Oh, God — That’s why you wanted to get out of there so bad?” He clapped his palm over his face as he laughed harder, now pairing that new knowledge with his own memory of the event. They were so new then. And by the time the most recent Valentine’s Ball had rolled around, they had felt bored with each other and their new lives...But it seemed like he was still learning new things about her, even now. He waved off her statement, still a wry smile on his face. “Nah...If you stopped going in these things you wouldn’t have these kinds of adventures anymore,” he teased. Wrinkling his nose at mention of Dagny, Fab nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it’s so not fair to her. What were we thinking?” He sighed, realizing now that the last few months he’d been so consumed in his own feelings, he hadn’t considered his friends’. As they neared the exit, Fab sped up his walking a bit to reach the fresh air as soon as possible, and inhaled a breath that he was sure he needed after the incredibly awkward few minutes they’d had in there. “Yeah! I’ll text you or something,” He starter to back away from her, hugging his arms in defense against the slight breeze that he felt. The chill in the air said it wasn’t really ice cream weather, but he would be damned not to accept this little slice of normalcy.

Kally felt like a gigantic weight had been lifted off her shoulders, being able to see Fab laugh like that again around her. Maybe in the grand scheme of the hundred or more years she'd live it wouldn't be a big deal, but right now someone being a huge part of her life for the last five years meant a lot to her, and she wasn't ready to give him up yet. She nodded her head to his question, laughing along with him, glad that for the first time she really did see a sliver of hope that they'd be able to stay friends after all. "Ugh, you're right, I'm sure I'll be back next year -- who knows, maybe next time we'll bring Dagny and she'll make sure we never get lost in the first place, I trust her sense of direction more than mine." She didn't really have an answer to what they'd been thinking, putting Dagny in the middle like that; Kalasin still didn't have a lot of answers for things, but right now she felt like she didn't need them. "Well... see ya," she offered him a genuine smile this time, resisting the old temptation to hug him goodbye as she waved instead, feeling lighter than she had in months as she walked back in the direction of her cottage.

#itzfabi #para #para:fab #fab #para:lostintranslation #para:fabi #fabi

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somelittlewhitelies · 8 years ago

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1 thru 75 except 57 lol

1. Are you a side, back, or front sleeper? Side sleeper, definitely

2. When you hum random music what song is it? Probably something from Hindemith’s Symphonic Metamorphosis

3. Explain your username. I was 15 when I came up with it and I’m too lazy to come up with something better

4: Explain my username. What?

5: How did you fall into the tumblr hellpit? My friend k8 talked me into it

6: What fan interest of yours would you least prefer to explain in your workplace? Gymnastics

7: What fan interest or yours would you most enjoy explaining in your workplace? The X-Files lol

8: Last song you listened to? “Hell on Wheels” by Cher

9: Weirdest thing on your dash today? I don’t know, I scroll through my dash mindlessly the few times I actually get on anymore

10: In a perfect world, what animal would you most like to adopt? A cat

11: What animal would you most like someone else to adopt? Dogs?

12: What’s something trivial you have strong opinions about? No bake cheesecakes. Because they’re not actually cheesecakes. They’re just shitty, refrigerated desserts.

13: What would your super-villain finishing move be? Idk laughing?

14: Explain your icon. It’s my mouth

15: You meet your true love(s) today. Possibly again. Describe your ideal hilarious romcom meetcute. (can be aromantic). Umm we run into each other in line somewhere, we start talking and hit it off? Idk I’m so bad at this

16: Your comfort food, and why. Mac and cheese because why the hell not. Alternatively, the student special from Sitar because my roommate and I get it when we both have shitty days.

17: What type of mad science will you Show Them All with? (ex: mad chemical engineer, mad library scientist, mad linguist). Which of your creations will probably turn on you?

18: Favorite cheesy trope? Idk I’m really distracted and can’t come up with one because my idiot cat keeps trying to eat q-tips

19: Favorite trope nobody writes enough of? Domestic scenes I guess?

20: Rec me a book, comic, or anime, or other piece of media you wish there were more like. Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

21: Wierdest tumblr drama you’ve been a part of or stumbled across. Idk there’s so mych of it??

22: You know those things from a million years ago your brain suddenly reminds you to feel embarrased/guilty/bad about in full technicolor? Tell me one of them. I told one of my guy friends back in high school that I’d rather vomit than kiss him. Which wasn’t true.

23: What is something you collect? T-shirts, I guess?

24: Pens. Do you know where the one closest to you came from? Would you be distressed if someone took it? My mom bought it, so not at all

25: The last game you played is crossed with the zombie apocalypse and now going down outside your window. How boned are you? Umm terrified

26: What was the last thing that made you cry? I used to be a stone cold bitch who couldn’t cry at anything, but I’ve recently started getting emotional about amost everything lol. So yeah, it was Simone Biles’s performance on Dancing with the Stars about her adoption

27: Most embarrassing/weird/personal body thing you’re willing to talk about. I can’t taste anything on the right side of my tongue

28: Your icon is now the voice of your inner therapist. How is this gonna go? LOL NOT WELL AT ALL BECAUSE IT’S ME

29: Name a kink you only like hypothetically. Monagamy lol

30: Name a kink you find bewildering. Feet???

31: You have acquired: a mouse, a lizard, a rabbit, a spider, a domestic fox. Name them! Who gets to sleep on the bed? Mouse-Cheese. Lizard-Snake. Rabbit-Apple. Spider-AAGGGHHHH. Fox-Ace. The domestic fox sleeps on the bed

32: What was your favorite childhood toy? Do you still have it? Lincoln Logs and yes, some of them

33: Hit “shuffle” on your media player and tell me your favorite lyric from the song that comes up. “Paranoia strikes deep/Into your life it will creep/It starts when you're always afraid”

34: What fan media (of yours or someone else’s) would you most like to see art/fic for? I don’t know, I like most types of art honestly

35: What do you ship that you think would be hard to explain convincingly to other people? Attempt an explanation. Mulder/Scully? That my only ship right now and it’s not hard to convince people to get on board with lol

36: What meme gets on your nerves? So many

37: Showers or baths? Showers

38: Who was your biggest childhood nemesis and why? I don’t think I had one

39: First writing prompt that comes to your head. I am so uncreative and cannot write.

40: Least favorite color. Orange

41: What was the last thing you got really obsessed with? I’ve recently got re-obsessed with Cher because I realized that she’s gonna die one day and I got scared lol

42: What’s the weirdest experience you’ve ever had on a mind-altering substance? (prescription, recreational, otc, or food) One time in Colorado I took too many hits off a grav and I started breathing colors

43: Shuffle up a random song on your media player. Now tell me what ship/story goes with it. “Landslide” and again, I am uncreative

44: What’s making you happiest recently? :) Spending time with my best friends

45: What’s scaring you these days? :( realizing that I’m probably gonna die alone

46: Post a funny video for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMJWL1CczMI

47: Did you ever have a dream/nightmare that stuck with you for years? Nope

48: What’s a movie you thought you’d hate but you turned out to love? Oh god I don’t know. Probably Inception but I didn’t love it, I just liked it more than I thought I would

49: Tell me a really obscure fact you know. You can replace the strings on a french horn with dental floss if a string breaks and you’re in a pinch

50: Hot or cold? Cold

51: How did your parent(s) punish you as a kid? What do you think of that? I got time out and it was fine

52: What’s something you thought was true about yourself that your feelings have changed on over the years? I used to be a lot more conservative lol

53: Write a story in seven words. The sun shone brightly over the river

54: What is your favorite curse word? Shit

55: Favorite food for every color of the rainbow. ramen, oranges, yams, green beans, bread, indian food, vermuth ( I am so sorry I am dumb)

56: If you were a poltergeist where would you haunt and what would be your preferred style of prank? I would haunt practice room 222 in Moody and shake people’s music while they’re trying to practice

57: What is an art style, craft, or skill that you can’t do, but you really admire in others? I DID THIS ONE

58: What is a skill you have that people probably don’t know about? I’m pretty good at tie-dying?

59: Name a pet peeve you have, and something you do that is probably a pet peeve for others. Loud chewing noises

60: Dragons, dinosaurs, or aliens? Aliens

61: What was the last big fight you had with someone about? My mom about something, I don’t really remember

62: Insult the asker of this question creatively. You’re an inconsiderate son of a bitch (I’m sorry I’m so bad at this)

63: In an ideal world, what would you like done with your body after you die? I’d like my ashes to be put in a pod with a tree seed so that I can become a tree

64: Find me a weird stock photo and post it.

65: What was your bedtime ritual as a kid? Did you have one? Wash my face, brush my teeth, get in bed

66: What are the three traits you value the most in others? Honesty, loyalty, and humor

67: What are the three most interesting wild animals you’ve encountered in your life? Snake, fox, squirrel?

68: What is a word you really enjoy saying? Shit

69: Answer number 60 like it was a “fuck, marry, kill” rhetorical. Fuck aliens, marry dragons, kill dinosaurs

70: Describe something that happened to you today as if you were a narrator in a film noir, nature documentary, or 50s teaching video. My cat woke me up this morning by licking my face

71: Create five new nicknames for yourself as quickly as you can. layruhs, lala, lulu, laura lou, cat mom

72: Shorts, pants, skirts, or other? Pants

73: What’s a song you hate and why? Most country songs

74: If you were a superhero, what would be your one weakness? My knees lol

75: Describe a weird encounter you had with a bug. I accidentally inhaled a gnat a week ago

y’all this was difficult

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climbingclover · 8 years ago

Note

Do all the evens!

2. Who have you hurt the most?

God, probably a friend I had my freshman year of highschool. I was admittedly I pretty bad person, and I couldn’t control my mental state very well, so they ended up seeing far too much of my bad mental states- which I’d imagine was hard to see.

4. What do you want out of your life the most?

I want to make people happy. Also I want cats, dogs, and a snake- as well as to spend the rest of my life (hypothetically of course) With my current boyfriend.

6. Who had the biggest negative impact on you?

Most likely my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I was with for over a year, or someone I still see regularly, and who many people I’m close to like, but I can’t name them incase any of them see this.

8. Who have you harbored (Any kind of!) secret feelings towards?

A deep seeded fear and borderline hatred to the person mentioned above, whom I can’t name because people who know me irl and like that person a lot follow me.

10. Who do you wish you’d treated differently?

My best friend for our first two years of highschool. Going to separate highschools was really hard on our friendship, and we didn’t talk much. Now she basically lives at my house once again, and I’m so sad that I missed out on that for two years. I love her to bits.

12. What’s your greatest fear?

Abandonment, anyone taking advantage of me, me accidentally hurting someone, or being hit. Also heights.

14. What’s your biggest regret?

Not telling my family that I needed mental help soon enough.

16. Describe your personal hell.

It’s really cold, the same song is playing on repeat for eternity, I’m always reminded that no one loves me, and I have no control over what I can do. Also it’s very high in the sky.

18. What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?

I ripped my shorts one time in dance class, and I was in such a hurry to get back to the locker room, that I accidentally punched a male parent in the balls because my arms were flailing.

20. What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?

When one of our dogs ran out the back door and got hit by a car. I thought it was my fault and it absolutely killed me for the longest time. I still think it’s my fault.

22. What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?

Any time symptoms of my mental illnesses start to show, I feel like no one will accept me and that everyone hates me.

24. What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?

I was downtown pretty late at night and saw some guy yelling at his date for the evening (he was clearly drunk off his ass) and I walked up to them, offered to walk her to her car, and then did. I felt pretty brave even though I was super scared, yanno?

26. What’s the worst case scenario for you future?

I can’t transition at all, I don’t get into a career I love, I can’t have kids, and I end up handicapped sooner than I’m supposed to.

28. I’m skipping.

30. Describe a time you felt like a traitor.

I called the cops in the seventh grade on a friend who said she was going to harm herself. She always gave me shit for it, but I know I did the right thing. She got help, and got better.

32. Describe a time you felt inhuman.

I??? Don’t know??? How to answer this one?

34. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

Punched a person. I hate violence, but it was in self defense.

36. What’s your relationship with your family like?

Interesting. I love them, they love me- we have major differences in opinion, and they don’t believe in my lifestyle, but we love each other.

38. Talk about someone you’ve lost.

My great aunt Barb. One of the sweetest women I’ve ever known. She loved me regardless of anything, and wanted life to be as beautiful as it could be; for every person. She marched in protests with Martin Luther King Jr. Truly a remarkable woman.

40. Talk about a desire you have that scares you.

I’m very power hungry.

42. What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?

I’m always afraid that I’ll turn out to be abusive in some way. I don’t know if that’s really the answer to that question, but yeah.

44. Describe your worst heartbreak.

I dunno. I feel like if the relationship I’m in right now ended, that’d be my worst heartbreak. Because I truly love Shawn, and I’d hate to lose him. I’m not sure I knew what love was before I loved him, and I don’t want to lose love or him.

46. Have you ever taken a fall for someone?

Dunno what this means? I’m sorry

48. Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?

No, and I plan never to cause serious physical harm to anyone.

50. Have you ever self-harmed?

Yes. Burning, cutting, bruising myself. But I won’t go into further detail than that.

52. Have you ever stolen something?

When I was really little, yes. But I returned it right after, because I felt bad.

54. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes. I refused to have sex with him once, and he got mad and fucked one of his friends. It hurt, and I hope no-one ever does shit like that, because that is horrible. I won’t ever cheat on anyone.

56. Have you ever seriously considered killing someone?

No. Never. I’m not a violent person.

58. Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?

YES. I’ve had a glitch in the matrix experience, and several encounters with spirits and the like. My grandmothers property and house are haunted, my old house is haunted as well as the property, and a friend and I were once walking in a very old part of a cemetery and he was getting really freaked, because he felt someone grab his shoulder, and sorta whisper in his ear, and then a tree almost fell on us a few minutes later by a family set of tombstones, and something, god knows what, essentially screamed in my ear “Leave” and I almost passed out, according to my friend. I fell on him for support, and couldn’t breathe right.

#Asks #thank you anon!#i love asks #personalidk #possible trigger warning #abuse ment #self harm ment

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