#idk. i mean obviously i understand it
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*sees popular tumblr user realizing they have DID and talking about how lame and bullshit community terminology sounds and how the whole community is full of dogma and mysticism* wow, did i used to sound like this? holy shit i kind of sucked! anyway bye *makes out with block button*
#idk. i mean obviously i understand it#'i'm not like those WEIRD CRINGE PEOPLE who are CRAZY! i don't even think this is a REAL DISORDER!' is like#THE symptom#but god i really don't want to be like anywhere near that kind of energy lol. still trying to excise it from my own self#i also did not like this person for other reasons but felt kind of like blocking would be pointless#(also funny to be like 'all the terminology is so gay' like i used to and then use plural. literally my most hated woo term)#(truly all internalized ableism is built kinda different)#i'll delete this later lol i dont want to be a mean meanie it's just like. hm! wow!
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The whole transandrophobia discussion thing is weird bc it feels like it's a bunch of poc and jewish trans people being like "here are my experiences of how specifically being MASCULINE had affected me, and the discrimination and violence I experienced based on that. And here is how that relates to me being a racial/ethnic minority"
And then a few loud white trans people going "ohhh you wanna be oppressed so bad you *slur*. This is why there aren't any poc in your movement it's because REAL poc understand intersectionality"
#hot take white culturally christian or athiest leftests do not properly interpret white jewish ppl#like as a poc i and other poc understand that white jewish ppl often get racial privilege#but a) not always b) they experience oppression based off of their ethnicity#idk from my perspective it seems like white goyim either see jewish ppl as 'the disgusting exotic enemy' or 'basically WASPS but they#wanna feel special'#with no nuance. no recognition#look maybe this next part is bc i didnt grow up with jewish ppl and therefore didnt know until I was 18/19 that jewish ppl can count as#white. but like. idk how to say this. i dont wanna speak over white jewish ppl. but like.#jewish ppl that have obvious jewish features (whether Ashkenazi facial features OR they dont have those but wear eg kippahs)#arent like. white. idk pls correct me if this is antisemitic or incorrect or something.#but like. light skinned =/= white obviously.#i just struggle to see how my bestfriend with her lovely dark eyes and curls and nice nose counts as 'white' when ppl call her the k slur#across the street. ykwim?#like white doesnt mean light skinned. it means 'part of the in-group of white ppl'#like my ex who is white and jewish? yeah hes white. if he didnt wear his necklace then goyim wouldnt know. you know#like obvs he still experiences ethnic oppression but he doesnt experience racial oppression#but other ppl with more prominent eg ashkenazi (im singling them out bc most jewish ppl here are ash.) like i dont GET how they have racial#privilege.
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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.
#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me#let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#armand#this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand#and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want#or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around#I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic#you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you#and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others#even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode#as a means of control both external and internal#this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of#armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior#and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship#idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires#all of this also ties into louis and daniel#because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him#someone HUMAN no less#and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis#breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t#not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones#it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize#like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia#I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself#it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors#that ultimately result in your own abandonment#god this fucking show
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izzy hands with misplaced resentment towards jim because of the association with losing limbs in the night out of his control
#& the whole begging them to kill him thing and having that denied feeling like its taking away his autonomy in the situation#idk its something#i just think exploring complex emotions is really interesting like. obviously jim was doing it for his own good#and its not that izzy doesn't understand that. but hes been held down in the night and had things taken from him before#and its hard not to associate that sometimes#& maybe you can't be angry at the person you really want to be angry at but you need to be angry at someone#and maybe its easier to be angry at the people trying to help you#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd s2 spoilers#izzy hands#israel hands#jim jimenez
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Mmm thinking about Liesel now. She’s a very calculating character clearly and she’s the one who most blatantly suggests that El isn’t quite a person. She admits to Aadhaya that the reason she has sex with El is because El is powerful enough that she could absolutely destroy the world, probably even without meaning to, and when someone is that powerful it’s important that she has people she cares for enough that they can pull her back from the ledge. It’s this really interesting in-between of acknowledging the personhood of El, of acknowledging her as someone with feelings and desires and someone who loves and cares, and also treating her as someone who needs to be managed, which would be way more insulting if it was anyone but Liesel. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I just can’t stop wondering at how Liesel imagines El, if it’s all a means to an end for her and El is little more than a chess piece or if there is true acknowledgement of her as a person from the person who seems to have the greatest understanding of what exactly El is
#(all this assuming that liesel is right about El being an ‘entity’. whatever that means)#the scholomance#idk i’m just having a ‘go wild about people so powerful they aren’t necessarily a people anymore’. it’s so fascinating to me#one of my favorite types of characters#i am inclined to think it’s the second btw. liesel sees el as a person she understands that her feelings are true and real and powerful. she#just also is pragmatic enough to understand that the nature of el’s power means someone needs to be there to keep her from going off the edg#and we’ll it’s liesel so obviously no one but her can be trusted to do this right. lmao
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This isnt new or original at all but i gotta say some of my favorite characters are always those absolutely awful charismatic bastard villians who in fiction I enjoy but if I met in real live I would punt into the stars. Bonus points when they get their inevitable and extremely satisfying comeuppance and get their ass handed to them
#bill cipher#william afton#dr robotnik#good trio of these kinda guys#there are of course more#and this isnt like#anything new or original#as i said#but i think it should be reiterated#especially in an era when like people really struggle understanding that liking and enjoying a villain and depicting them as fun or likeable#does not in fact mean that you support anything that they are about#or that you wouldnt either punt them into oblivion or just quietly skulk away#idk its wild to me ive seen so many people getting angry about people liking bad characters#and obviously there are nuances and such but again we must recall fictional characters arent real#but yeah characters like these are like fucked up barbie dolls to me#fun to play with and pose and dress up and also somehow quite satisfying to rip their head off or watch their head get ripped off#i think the joker could also qualify but hes more dicey bc people cannot be normal about him#i think joker fanboys might be why this opposition to people enjoying villains comes from#welcome back to posts where an essay is hidden among my tags#i like the format it lets me ramble#uhh there are definitely more guys in here#the joker#and dont get me wrong i dislike certain villians too and it sometimes squicks me out to see people being so obessed with them even healthily#but like i just keep it to myself cause thats a me thing#belos definitely fits into this but only sometimes for me#sometimes i just get irritated seeing him but again#me problem therefore keep it to myself#this is so chronically online but yeah#jekyll and hyde#victor frankenstein
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I love Bendy and Cup's friendship bc they give the vibes of after everything and having their own lives or whatever, one of them will randomly walk in through the door at 2 AM and crash on the other's couch bc their bud's house was closer from the bar they were at then their own
And the other just wakes up the next morning like "Really man? Did you at least lock the door?" "Ya duh who do you take me for? An idiot???" "Well clearly bc you left my milk open on the counter last night" "Oh. Ya sorry I was drunk"
#orb ponders#I need someone to understand what I mean#This is an image that is so clear to me#Like Bendy's s/o is just like “Why is Cup on our couch????” “Idk he does that sometimes. Should we have breakfast here or at a diner?”#“Wait is Cup having breakfast with us?” “I mean. Obviously. He's still here. Would be rude not to.”#Bendy needs to marry Alice bc she's the only one that's going to vaguely understand that dynamic#They're the dynamic of “My husband and Best-Friend-In-Law”#Cup is an in-law through pure bestie merrit
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always wild to get the most horrifically transphobic comments from someone then check their profile to see they have “she/they” in their bio.
#and it’s so weird bc they always come from this odd place of being defensive of womanhood#like in a very te/rfy way#like ‘well you’re a MAN now so you couldn’t POSSIBLY understand what us FEMMES go through’#like bestie that was literally me a year ago#i fully do understand#it feels very ‘silence gender traitor’#and like#idk how to say this in a less abrasive way#but changing your pronouns or being nonbinary doesn’t mean you can’t be transphobic#bc in the past few weeks i’ve experienced a WEIRD amount of transphobia from non transitioning nonbinary people#who just REFUSE to get that our experiences are different#or who look down on me for making the ‘wrong’ choice in my transition#and like obviously not all nonbinary ppl are like this#but a lot of non transitioning ppl who were afab tend to be vulnerable to falling for te/rf rhetoric#just by virtue of their life experiences and which communities they often start out in#and like this is obviously part of a larger conversation abt ra/df/rn rhetoric in queer spaces#but it’s just one of those things i wish i could talk abt without ppl immediately jumping to conclusions abt my views
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Different forms of the same sentiment: How can we love each other if we are not equal in our eyes?
#utsukushii kare#utsukushii kare eternal#Utsukushii kare 2#my beautiful man#my beautiful man 2#mr. heart#japanese bl#korean bl#when I saw this scene today my first thought was ‘oh shit kiyoi gave him the mr. heart treatment’#so obviously I had to make this#And since idk how to make gifs y’all get this homebrew shit#hira x kiyoi#riku hagiwara#yagi yusei#you tell him kiyoi!!!#also specifically kiyoi saying ‘don’t call my man a pebble’#!!!!!!#Hira not understanding that Hira and kiyoi being together means they should do things together and not just for each other#and Hira not understanding that him insulting himself is insulting the person kiyoi loves#BONK go to self worth jail
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okay like the thing is that suicide jokes and such are probably not that bad or that big of a deal if you're not really suicidal but if you're For Real suicidal or have been before and are not doing well mentally and you keep making them and start finding comfort in the thought you could kill yourself if you wanted to. be careful
#like i'm being serious rn 😭😭#it genuinely became my only source of comfort and i ended up feeling like that was the only solution#and it wasn't even necessarily bc i wanted to be dead. at least not most of the time#but it felt like the only way for things to change?#i was so stuck and in the extreme act of killing myself i could see change i could see moving forward#which like. yeah but it's obviously DANGEROUS i mean i could've died for real#sometimes i wish i had blabla but mostly i'm glad i didn't but it was still all so awful to go thru?#and idk sometimes i think if i'd not normalized the idea of suicide in my head for so long i wouldn't have gotten to that point#ik that genuinely most ppl who make suicide jokes are gonna be fine it's not gonna affect them much#but some of us are severely mentally ill 😭😭 i've been suicidal on and off since i was 13 or something#and it's just not good for me and i just want to be like. if you're also mentally ill please analyze if it's bad for you too#bc ah brains are fucked up !!!!!!! like i have a personality disorder and my brain has probably never been Not fucked up so i have to accep#that i have to be gentler towards it bc it'll start having fucked up beliefs easily lmao like the amount of things i rationally understand#but emotionally i believe and feel the opposite and it does NOT help to just rationally know !!!!! which sucks#but i'm working on it with a professional bc yeah i can't just get rid of the bad thoughts and negative shit on my own which i guess is ok?#okayyyyy.. back to football
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#killer bee sweepppp sndnsj#anyways killer bee bc hes so fuckin irritating i dont even want his tailed beast i would just kill him#jiraiya bc he mughtve once been funny but in his old age he let himself go. just an old creep now pip pip#kushina bc her rage and resentment over failed dreams is understandable but her abusiveness is not#fugaku bc those two lines under his mouth piss me tf off and hes the reason itachi had to do that. also he was mean to bb saske insta-die#those two elders are fuckinng everyone else over to satiate their need to conquer their own trauma. like is it enough. could it ever be#danzo idk his pissy litle voice and the fact that he tries so hard to be cool but hes just not. obviously hes living thru his little boytoy#hiruzen he just pisses me off. like in general. like ur not the hero and u had ur son murdered bc ur obsessed with a little boy. so#sakura dont get me wrong shes the epitamy of complicated mostly shes just annoying bc she wants to be different but then it doesnt happen#gai i like gai dont get me wrong but he does get annoying sometimes and i have issues with him and tenten idk#obito is literly incel annoying like he used rin as his sunshine power a complete lack of self awareness and hes that type that like uses#girls as like little cheerleaders like theyre just supporting characters for His Life and not actusl people#rin is so annoying too tho like damn girl i Understand the torment of having to hype up a mid guy that cheesed on you. like that was legit#probly harder for u than the exams but shes annoying bc she then used that role and idk something grody about her manipulating them but ma#naruto
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Idk why the fucken... Divide between "it was alternate universes" & "Paul is just trans" ideas for Petscop has to be torn into a cavern. Paul being trans DOES make sense, but requires you to ignore huge details that immediately make it not work. The alternate universes DO kind of make sense, but require you to extrapolate out a lot of info purposefully left unshown.
It's hard to describe what i want to say, here -- i do think Paul being trans makes sense, 'splains why he & Care "look eeriely similar," you could argue he's just thoroughly blocked out that part of his life enough to have forgotten Care entirely, etc. I like it, & i keep it as i also say "Yeah, it's that & the universes theory." It's not two switches that demand you can only flip on one of them -- you can have both. You can have neither. Do whatever
#em.txt#petscop#i think my big thing is just that. I don't think it was intended#& it is not my job as a queer person to sweep up crumbs from under the rug for proof that is not there#if a creator wished to create a trans character i would enjoy if they would say as such. but mr. petscop has not said as such#& while i love the theory. if i see one more mfer say 'this is OBVIOUSLY canon & if u say otherwise ur LYING'#or 'omg ppl gotta make up crazy theories before they believe a queer story is queer ���' i will bite you.#i understand you are used to no queer rep so you take these scraps of dust as truth.#but do not mock people that don't agree with the plate of nothing you're serving.#discourse#yeah i think I'm being petty enough to deserve this tag. i am sorry for being mean#paul transgender is inherently based but u r stretching as much as me#I don't think the universe theory is canon or intended. I don't think there is an answer to petscop#i think it just exists & doesn't matter what it was abf#the plot of it is chasing windmills & ending up nowhere forever & ever to waste your time & be miserable#why do we want a conclusive answer from that? the explanation of petscop is this:#idk wtf was going on here. but i sure am glad Paul got tf outta there
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this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring
you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.
first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.
i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.
so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.
but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.
and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.
keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.
lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.
#mintcaboodle#klance#voltron#ask#the old child/young adult metaphor is also like. so lance-core. AND THE 'I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME' LINE!!!!!!!!#im in my feels tonight i'm sorry the lance analysis is not fully cooked#also like obviously lance doesn't always feel this way. it's more pertinent closer to the beginning when he#starts to fully realize the depths of his feelings and he's freaking out because he's beginning to understand what it means to spend#the rest of your life with someone and that is a TERRIFYING thing to want and imagine when you're only 17/18#lance does get better though and his insecurities die out the longer and more stable his relationship with keith is#though sometimes those same insecurities crop up now and again#i talk a lot about pining keith and how like tumultuous his experience is. but once he starts dating lance things even out for him#whereas lance is relatively chill in his pining and then begins to flounder after they get together and after he's realized the Love word#otp: we are a good team#katiecanons#idk i guess#keith#lance
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kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it
#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you#youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying#and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away#like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right?#like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine#peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that#in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids#by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to#which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering#things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much#idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it#like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch#so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling#like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right?#and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression#bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad#and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn#so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference#idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough#just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more
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JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE JULIET BURKE SCENES COMPILATION!!!! CRIED!!!!!!!
#THANK GOD I DIDN'T WATCH THE WHOLE SHOW#i still dont understand sooooooo much stuff lmao#what do you MEAN dylan minnette is her son????#i am going directly to ao3 to search for the kate/juliet tag thank you for asking <3#but seriously though!! i actually loved this!! i didn't need to know more!! fully loved watched her so much!!#it's amazing because SO MUCH stuff happened!!! i watched her do so many things!!! we fr don't get enough with new shows that are only 8 eps#also yeah i did cry that wasn't an exaggeration#i dont have that many strong opinions because well i feel like im not allowed because I obviously dont know the whole thing#i still think she deserved so much better#and i think Elizabeth Mitchell is the greatest <333#i AM curious about a few thing so i will. idk read the wikipedia page or something#but yeah this was a lot of fun and i will be doing it again <3#also i will be annoying about it for a few days thanks for tuning in <33
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Today's Lost Media upload is a video below the cut for anyone interested. Same view as the previous two, hands and arms only, a bit of chest for like 3 frames, and a messy computer desk.
This video I, unfortunately, don't have much information on, other than being 98% positive this was uploaded toward the middle to end of 2011. It was titled "Let's Wake the Neighbours Pt1" but if it was a part 1, I do not have the second part.
#lost media#circa 2011#song lets wake the neighbours pt 1#this is one of my favourite original piano pieces he's written#idk if its because i can see his hands#or if i genuinely like the piece lol#i mean its both obviously#but you understand what i mean
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