#idk. i have more thoughts bc i really badly wanted to like it!! i want to love doctor who again!
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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
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can't believe i, a certified musical enjoyer and woman who has seen all of glee, am saying this but. not enjoying the recurring musical numbers.
#they just feel. odd? out of place? not desperately well written?#didn't mind the one in the xmas special it felt like a zany 'fuck it might as well try' discraction strategy#but the twist at the end was like ??? huh. also can i be bitchy for a moment. if you're going to make your point be#'good music is back now! we've got lyricsm back!' well then said lyrics have to in fact be good#doctor who#may regret tagging this but fuck it im being an opinions haver#gibson and gatwa remain very charming and watchable if a tad underwritten. but it's early days there's time#idk. i have more thoughts bc i really badly wanted to like it!! i want to love doctor who again!#but it just didn't feel very who like? can't put my finger on it tbh. like i watched the 4 specials and they all felt very who!!#this...does not? like structurally and vibes wise#iona.txt#tag talk
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I'm still so mad that August Kitko was such a mid book and like I would go do far as to say maybe it was bad but it's likely it just wasn't for me.
And then I read Hell Followed With Us and realize hey now... there's a lot of similarities between these two books and wow i am enjoying this other book way more. I almost want to dig into that and figure out why. Can you ever dislike something so much you want to take a scalpel to it and dissect it to find the bloody heart? Yeah that's what I'm feeling with August Kitko... it kinda sucks but I need to know why it makes me so mad.
#cat rambles#both books are about queer people at the end of the world#both are written by trans authors and yet the queerness is handled so differently#i just.... hell followed with us manages to really get into the world building and it feels alive despite most of hunanity being dead#akatmfs just... it feels so surface level and the more i think about thst book the more pissed off i get#i really wanted to like it SO BADLY AND YET I AM JUST SEETHING#i did finish akatmfs and i was just disaappinted at the ending#there are moments in hell followed with us that made me shriek out loud like OH SHIT ya know???#i like it when authors do interesting things with their medium#andrew joseph white does that so well with the spirit bears its teeth and with hell followed with us#ann leckie also does this well just with how she writes the characters and differing perspectives#akatmfs just.... even with two main characters it just doesnt do anything interesting with that#LIKE FUCK okay#chapter 1 is from gus's pov which is good! then chapter 2 is all from ardent's persepctive iirc#thats cool!!! i like different povs but then it just starts changing pov in the middle of yhe chapter and that just.... okay i guess#i thought you were setting up this cool rhing IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO COOL#theres a part where gus gets kocked the fuck out#imagine if instead of having thet dull ass conversation with Infinite the chapter was just kike a single line of him passed out and then we#snap back to ardent#THAT WOULD BE THRILLING#THAT WOULD BE SUSPENSEFUL BC WE DONT KNOW WHATLL HAPPEN TO GUS#but no we get thus dumb ass concersation between gus and infinite that i just disnt care for#i read it all and god i just rolled my eyes becasue of course the book reveals the mystery of where the Vanguards cane from so fast#maybe i just gotta write an essay about this idk#i have thoughts
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#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :(#whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol#its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year#watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol#worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece#and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!!#i could go out and do just as much as he does!!!#but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :(#because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things#he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime'#EVERY SINGLE TIME#killing him with hammers in my mind#i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends#and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly#and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just#i dont know i guess i thought it would be different#anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time#and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say#you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me#and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me#and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him#you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him#i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize#cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me#and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol#or itll just be at shows and stuff#not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS#actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy#ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT#btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...
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You would not believe how badly history is repeating itself.
#at least i had half a mind to not continue the piece angry. but man. it is deeply upsetting.#a part of me really wants to catch up on feh too but like. i have 'if you're sick enough to stay home#you're too sick to play video games' syndrome. i wasn't even raised like that i do this to myself.#NO fun allowed. accomplish your task or flog yourself over it 10000 times.#whenever i wanna ref heikala's work i should take that as a Sign. that it's so over for me.#i had a coffee but i don't even know what to do now. i'm just going to seethe over it. forever.#like i cannot emphasize how badly i feel like i'm Not Allowed to do anything else.#i feel like there's no way i'm gonna make it. like. i've gotten a p good sense of how much time goes into a piece actually#esp from this experience. not something i've EVER done before. but i do sort of have a measure on it now#and can conceptualize a rough estimate. for like each phase of the piece.#if it were a simplier piece MAYBE. i'd make it. but there are a lot of factors here that are adding to time/effort needed#like i've gotten really good at coloring. but this one requires something slightly different. a new technique essentially#something i think i'd have to practice at least a few dif times to really feel confident in using on a Piece#and in all of this i have to do it x2. i thought i was cheating the way i did it but i think i just made more work for myself.#it's just.... SO deeply upsetting........ bc it's not even a responsibility. this is something that is so significant to me personally.#idk i think you should all throw tomatoes at me and boo me off stage. never let me do this again.
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i have a job interview!!
#the bin#and luckily its on monday so not a day im working#i want to work sonewhere else so badly oh my god#i KNEW this would be the case when i applied to a thrift store. a thrift store i already didnt like because it feels soulless and bad#i only ever went there to buy toys bc theyre priced pretty cheap usually (the only thing)#thrift stores are so important to me. before i had a job and never left the house all i ever thought about was how much i wanted to go to#thrift stores and how i wash there was more than just 2 chain ones around me bc they suck#and i knew working at one would make me so depressed becuas ei love theift stores so much#tbh tjinking about the joy of thrift stores used to make me so happy even just sitting at home and then i got this job and its gone now#i want to a new one recently and it was so fun and i remembered how to feel joy and now im so desperate to leave this job#i really hope i get this job and i hope they pay comparable. they didnt have pay listed so idk#im hoping i can know if i have a job there immediately because then i can just put in my 2 weeks as soon as i get back and be done with it
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what if you are a beautiful person and i love you. what then. will you not accept this love? will you take away this joy of delighting in your presence? how long are you going to say you aren’t someone beautiful?
#delete later#IT'S ON MY BRAIN OKAY. LET ME BE SLIGHTLY CRINGE ON MAIN AND LOOK AWAY FOR A SEC.#someone asked me how i was so good at compliments and i thought tbh i'm not good i just say them more#everyone i think is pretty good at seeing good points in others and loving them in their own ways but uh#they're just not used to saying it out loud#which is such a shame#i asked some friends the other day their most valued parts of themselves before asking their least valued parts#and they all struggled so hard for the first and had many answers for the second#and as a friend you must know how painful that is. but as a person you don't know how to be anything else. laying on my face brb#and i really do think so much of that lays in language and what we articulate#i'm fortunate enough that i get a lot of love irl and also bc i chose the amazing hobby of writing fanfic#but even for me if you ask me to think of the good and bad parts it's far easier to articulate the bad#not because i don't try to think of and love my good parts but bc my bad is articulated far more than my good#and if that's the case for someone like me who's received and receives so much love than how much worse is it for the average person?#i think it makes me angry but really i'm just. idk. i know we all have our egos and self-centeredness in certain areas but also like.#a bit more love received provides more overflow for love to be given. i think. it's compounding interest#annika rambles in the tags#been a hot sec since i used that tag but really it's just on my mind so much and i don't know how to say it in a way that's not arrogant#i want so badly to know the right way to love someone ughhhh growing up is hard
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i wish i trusted my own feelings more but here i am?
#me: i feel this way (: someone i like: um... are you sure? i think you feel more that way#me: oh shit... maybe i do? binch i gotta think this one through now..........#i dont think my answer will change but its uh... worth another look#oliver said a while ago he thinks i'm in love with fabian.. and immidetly i said very confidently apperantly that i dont#and now ive been thinking about it and im like....... ok but am i?#told oliver again and he was like 'what i thought you said you werent? you sounded very sure about it'#yeah i mean...... at one hand i am but also...... i think my brain can do a lot of shit to keep me away from things that will probably end#badly. and genuinly i do not think me and fabian would have any chanse even if somehow he would be into me too#i'd never feel good enough for him. so i may just have gone into the whole thought of#its never going to happen so you obviously just like him in a friendly way. the end. idk#as usual romantic feelings for me is a mess. i dont divide love in that way naturally. for me love is love. if i love you i love you#i'd do anything for you and anything you'd want with me i'd be down for unless we are very unlike character wise#i just can see myself liking almost#all my friends in a romantic way? i can imagine it from my pov but its theirs i cant#not something i actively think about tho its just.... something i have and i know?#maybe this actually isnt how i think but theres another explanation (like oliver said 'being afraid of others leaving so youre willing to do#anything they want to keep them aorund) but until i learn otherwise this is what i keep thinking. i feel like a freak tho bc i dont think#anyone can really... understand it unless they feel soething similar ? or are super open or such. the friends ive told i think got a bit#scared. makes sense... but i cant make it sound better or more normal like yeah. everyone is safe from me romantically but also#almost everyone is welcome to hmu if they wanna try dating i guess. i speak big but i do have some exceptions#mainly bc of character meshing :'))#miranda talking shit
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here bc of ur recent post to request soft dom mark smut!!! maybe like morning sex idk i’m not good at requesting and being super specific😭
req 4: mark lee x f!reader
wc: 2.5k
warnings: reader gets off in front of mark, fingering, morning sex, missionary, light overstimulation, pretty tame actually, softdom!mark, sub!reader
a/n: i am crazy but free. u gave me too much freedom to write what i wanted and now i realize just how much i want mark. mark please answer my calls
- ��︎
when you wake up, you can feel the heat between your legs as you squeeze them together.
mark came home late last night, practice keeping him longer than he was expecting. you know it’s not easy for him, shaking your head when he tries to apologize to you. it didn’t matter how needy you felt, your boyfriend’s health mattered more to you than anything. he says he’ll make it up to you soon, but you hush him as you both lay down.
his arms wrap around your waist, his head nuzzling against your shoulder as he falls asleep. it’s easy for him, but his warm breath on your skin causes you to squirm around. you tell yourself to calm down, you’ll live if you don’t get fucked now, and try hard to go to sleep.
and you do, except that your dream involves mark fucking you into the sheets, whispering praises in your ear as he does so. when you wake up, it’s almost too much for you to handle. you can feel how drenched your panties are, how your cheeks are warm from how real the dream felt.
you’re not sure what you should do. you know mark is still sleeping, and you know you don’t really want to wake him up this early. he deserves his rest, but you can’t help the need building inside of you. you can only squeeze your thighs together, trying to fight off how badly you need him.
would it be so bad if you got off in front of him? you could sneak off to the restroom, but it’s warm under the blanket, mark’s scent surrounding you. your hand slips under your sleeping shorts and panties, fingers slowly circling around your clit. your hand slaps over your mouth, stopping a moan from coming out.
you know mark’s fingers would feel better than yours, but you have to make do with what you have. your fingers dip down to your entrance, two fingers sliding in easily with how wet you are. your mind drifts to mark catching you like this, wondering how he’d react to the sight of you like this.
you have to bite down on your tongue when your fingers move in and out of you, your palm digging into your clit. it’s too much and not enough, and if you could just wake up mark, you’d have everything you want. you fight against it, your hazy mind falling into how good you’re feeling.
when your fingers manage to hit the spot inside of you, you moan out louder than you mean to. even with your hand over your mouth, you know it might’ve been a little too loud. your ministrations still, your fingers inside you as you hear mark inhale deeply behind you. he groans a bit before he stretches a bit, his arm moving back across your waist.
his morning voice makes you clench around your fingers, “morning, baby. slept so good knowing you were at my side.”
you don’t know if he knows that you were getting yourself off, quietly clearing your throat before you speak, “good morning, mark. i’m glad you slept good.”
he pulls you close to him, head falling to the junction of your neck, inhaling your scent. you can feel him smile against your skin, touchy from the comfort of the morning. you’d call him cute, but your fingers are still inside you, walls clenching tightly just from mark being so close.
it’s quiet for a few moments, subtly shifting your hips to try to get your fingers in a little deeper. it’s not ideal, not when your boyfriend is right there, but what can you do.
“hey…” he starts, murmuring against you, “you feel a little hot, you okay?”
your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. do you tell him that you were just getting yourself off to the thought of him. is it too early to really do anything about this? he calls you again, this time his morning voice calling you baby.
you can’t help the whine that comes out of your mouth, slipping your fingers out of you as you turn to face him. he looks so good, and it’s still morning. his eyes look a little concerned, watching your face for any signs of discomfort. he realizes when you grab his hand to put it over your heat.
his fingers twitch, feeling how wet your panties are, mouth opening in shock. his eyes meet yours, and although they look tired, you can see desperation shine in them. he licks his lips, pupils dilating as he presses his palm against your clothed clit. “baby… do you- do you want me that badly?”
you quickly nod, grinding down onto his palm, trying to get any type of friction from him. he chuckles at the sight, “i kept you waiting too long, hmm? you needed me so much, and i kept you waiting, baby.”
he lays you onto your back as moves to sit in front of you. he slowly peels off your shorts and panties, not wanting to rush despite your hushed pleas. he shushes you softly, his thumb meeting your clit as his fingers prod at your entrance, “what’s gotten you so worked up?”
you answer quickly, “you. i dreamt about you, you fucked me so good, couldn’t help it.”
you can hear him suck in a breath at your words, his fingers sliding into you, satisfied with your answer. he doesn’t try teasing you, realizing just how badly you need him. you watch how his cock twitches in the confines of his shorts, feeling your walls clench around his fingers. “do you want my cock, baby? want me to fuck you?”
“please, mark. need you so bad, been needing you since last night.”
he watches as your hips chase his touch, trying to get his fingers deep inside. his hooded eyes meet yours again, “i’ll give you anything you want, want you to feel so good.”
a whimper escapes you as his fingers scissor inside you, opening you up for his cock. you can hear the lewd squelch of his fingers inside of you, your slick spilling out of you. his thumb circles around your clit, quickly trying to get you off. you can feel tightening in your stomach, your hands gripping onto the sheets.
before you can cum, you call out to him, “w-wait, mark. don’t wanna cum just yet, wanna cum on your cock, please.”
he shudders at your words, feels how his cock presses against the front of his shorts. “i k-know baby, i just… i might cum too fast, want you to cum now.”
at his words, his fingers press into your sweet spots, triggering your orgasm. his cock throbs when he feels your walls tighten around his digits, watching you moan out, curling into the sheets under you. he finds you so pretty like this, prettiest thing he’s ever seen.
he helps you ride out your orgasm, moving his fingers inside of you. he slowly pulls them out, watching them slowly as they slip out. his fingers are covered in your arousal, slowly bringing them up to his mouth to lick it all up. he moans around them, “tastes so sweet, my girl tastes so fuckin’ sweet.”
“please hurry, mark. wanna feel you in me already, wanna make you feel good now.”
he quickly slips off his shorts, not bothering to take them off all the way. his cock slaps against his stomach, precum at tip, begging for your touch. he watches you try to reach for his cock, but quickly swats your hands away. you pout at him, and he just sends you an embarrassed smile, “wanna make this about my girl, i know how much you need me.”
you nod at him, not trusting your voice with him so close to you. he pushes his hips against yours, pressing his length against your cunt. he rubs it against your slit, feeling how your slick wets his cock. his tip presses against your clit, causing you both to moan at the same time. you can tell mark is getting lost in the feeling, leaning towards you as he glides against your pussy.
he doesn’t realize how much he’s teasing you. you clench around nothing, wanting nothing more than his cock to fill you up. you try calling out to him, failing when all that comes out is a moan of his name when his tip presses against your entrance. you look at him expectantly, hoping he’ll slide in.
he doesn’t, his mouth falling open as he continues grinding against you. you can feel frustration build up in you, your boyfriend unintentionally keeping your orgasm from you. you stop him once you hear a deep groan fall from his lips, you whisper-shouting his name, breaking him away from the feeling of your warmth.
his eyes shoot towards yours, a light blush painting his cheeks as he lets out a shy laugh. “sorry, baby. just felt so good, didn’t mean to keep you waiting again.”
you reach for his hand, intertwining yours with his. he smiles at the action, lining up his tip at your entrance. he slowly slides in, biting down on his bottom lip to try to conceal any noise, but fails. a deep groan falls from him, “fuck, baby,” his hips slightly stutter against yours, “feel so good in the morning, sucking me in.”
small whimpers fall from your lips, moaning his name once he bottoms out. you can feel him twitch inside you, getting used to the feeling of your warm walls around him. he reaches out to your swollen clit, “been so long, forgot how tight my girl is.”
you nod, your eyes closed shut as you adjust to his cock. he calls out your name, your bleary eyes looking at him. “want you to look at me, baby. want you to see how good i make you feel.”
your hands make it to his shoulders, nails digging into your skin as he starts moving. his thrusts are slow but sharp, wanting to take his time with you so early in the morning. his eyes watch how his cock disappears inside you, watching how his hips press against yours. he can’t get enough of your pussy, can’t ever get enough of you. he’s missed this.
you pull him down to kiss you, lips pressing against each other as he thrusts into you. it’s slow, but it helps with your aching cunt, feeling so full with his cock inside you. between kisses, you speak out a confession, “mark, making me feel so good,” a moan cuts you off, “i was- i was touching myself before you woke up.”
his eyes shoot straight to yours, waiting for you to continue. “just need you so bad, didn’t wanna wake you up.”
“t-that’s so hot. fuck, you’re so hot.”
he pulls you into a kiss, slowing down his movements. his thrusts are deep and slow, letting yourself feel his cock against your walls. you moan into his mouth, his hand reaching under your shirt to grope at your chest. he tweaks a nipple between his fingers, a satisfied groan leaving his lips as you arch up to his touch.
he can feel your walls begin clenching around him, watches how you throw your head back against the pillows as you moan at his name. even through the haze in his mind, he thinks you’re the prettiest like this. he leans down to your ear, “are you gonna cum for me? is my needy baby gonna cum all over my cock?”
you let out a small yes, stray tears falling from your eyes as he wipes them away with his thumb. at the sweet action of your boyfriend, still caring for you so early in the morning, you cum. his thumb quickly rubs circles against your clit when he feels your walls clench around him.
he has to physically stop himself from cumming too fast, his hips stilling as your walls suck him in deeper, trying to milk his cock of all his cum. he’s not sure how he can hold back when you feel so good, when you call his name so sweetly, or how pretty you look cumming under him.
he calls out to you with a shaky voice, his head falling to your shoulder with a groan of your name. with a few quick thrusts, he cums inside of you, filling you up with his cum. you pull him close to you, and he can feel your hard nipples press against his chest. he’s letting out moans, pressing kisses against your skin as he rides out his orgasm.
“you’re so fucking tight, missed your pussy- missed you so much.” he grinds into you, feeling how your walls clench from overstimulation, “you were made for my cock, we were made for each other.”
he can’t help the sounds coming out of him, not when you clench around him so nicely. he moans in your ear, babbles of how good you feel and how much he’s misses this can only be heard. you can feel his thighs shake against you as it gets too much for him, causing him to still as his cock begs for him to slow down.
he takes a few breaths before he pulls out. he lazily sits back, watching your twitching cunt drip with his cum. he has to stop himself from pushing his cum back into you, fingers twitching at his side as he watches your cum slip down to your sheets. you kick him a little, a shy whine coming from you, embarrassed from how hard he was staring.
he laughs at you, joining you at your side. the sun fills the room, the warmth of your bodies together. he cuddles into your side, taking a deep breath, inhaling your scent. he takes a quick look at your face, thinks you look even prettier after you’ve cum in the morning. he smiles to himself, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.
“think i might have to make you cum every morning if it means i get to see you like this.”
you shove lightly at his shoulder, “you’re so weird-” he laughs hard at your whining, “can’t you just say i look nice and go?”
“can’t be normal around my girl, you make me go crazy.”
his head falls to your shoulder, fingers dancing across your skin, goosebumps raising at the feeling. your hand makes it to his hair, pushing it back as you press a kiss to his forehead. it’s quiet for a few moments more, your heartbeats syncing up from how close you are to each other. you could fall asleep like this.
mark realizes how heavy your breaths get, watching your covered chest rise and fall. he looks at you, so close he can count all the eyelashes on your face. he presses a kiss to your cheek before cuddling up next to you. he follows you back to sleep, a dream of you next to him playing in his mind.
#asks#reqs :3#nct smut#nct 127 smut#nct dream smut#mark lee fic#mark lee smut#mark lee x reader#mark lee scenarios
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just remembered i have rice cakes!
#i bought them before relapsing juat bc i think they are really really yummy bc i like bland foods#well. i guess at least my autism keeps me from liking most high cal foods but it also means i hate most low cal foods aswell#i would rather die than eat a yucky food. dont matter if its carrots or apple pie#ghey are both horrible and taste like dying#i need to order some honeybush tea so i have a better drink to have#im gonna text my mom next week and see if she can send me more money since shes behind a month anyway. i want a scale#i wish id of brought my scale when i moved >:( accursed recovery#im actually glad i had a year of recovery bc my bidy so badly needed that break. i thought id regret it but i actually dont#im like. happy to have a fresh start. my metabolism should be fairly ok i think. im not all mest up from starving for months on end#idk. im just feeling good about this even though i know it wont last#i know that ill be miserable soon enough but whatever.
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i've been listening to a lot more fat liberationist stuff recently and like...
so obvs i already had some backing in a lot of the basic theory, stuff like institutional anti-fatness in medicine, fashion, travel, etc, but like
so as a really thin guy who's always found it impossible to gain weight, its been unbelievably emotionally and mentally liberating to hear people talking really casually about the disability that's associated with thinness
so like being really thin, you lack additional joint and bone support - if you fall, you have less padding and less STRUCTURE to protect your bones from breaks and fractures, right?
obvs theres plenty of fat people that do have issues with bones and joints, im not saying thsres not, its just that normally i feel like im the lone person saying "being this thin is bad for me and is part of various health problems i also have"
and idk its just like. my whole life i was such a sickly child lmao
like i couldnt stand for long periods except "long period" would often be like. any period. i didnt understand how my peers were just standing for so long and just weathering that, bc to me it wasnt possible at all - i breathed badly, my joints were fucked etc
and looking back and realising as i get more disabled like the extent to which i was similarly disabled in my youth, and how i lacked the language to verbalise or sometimes even recognise my own pain and struggle
but also like
the treatment of me as so evil and lazy because i wasn't exercising, or because like. a PE teacher would pick me out as an example because i was so thin, and then be furious that i wasn't remotely physically fit, and that i was disabled
i remember multiple times esp from cis female teachers just. frothing rage at my diet and the things i ate, or when i wrinkled my nose at talk about diets, bc i was so thin so i had to be doing The Right Things, and if i was that thin and doing bad things i had to be punished
and its bc a lot of these ppl thought of fatness and being fat as a punishment, a target for abuse that people deserved, and bc i was a young disabled trans guy like. i deserved punishment for my laziness and nonconformity, and it became a lot about my weight
like expressing that i wanted to gain weight, that i was cold all the time, that i had no energy etc, that eating was hard but that i enjoyed food, all of that was met with such fuckin aggression and really sharp policing, esp from PE teachers and esp from women
and obvs all that is to do with the way that diet culture particularly targets women and those perceived as women, and the desire to engage in lateral violence to police others into complying with gender roles etc as they were upholding them
but idk like. fat liberationist politics is imo inherently tied up with disability liberation, because of the way that "health" is weaponised as a symbol of being good or deserving, and how fatness and disability are both used as targets and symbols of evil and punishment
MOST OF ALL for fat & disabled people
but for nondisabled fat people disability is often threatened as punishment - if you don't become less fat, you'll (deserve to) become disabled
and for disabled thin people, if you don't act less disabled, you'll (deserve to) become fat
and its not a punishment to be fat or disabled or sick. its just how some people are. its not BAD to be this way - and what makes things hard for us is not something inherent to the badness of our bodies, but instead the lack of kindness and accommodation anybody is willing to extend to them
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bark like you want it !
ft. ryomen sukuna x fem!reader
cw: 18+ content, pet play, true form sukuna, sexual slavery(?) sukuna has a harem p much, degradation, oral(m!recieving), double penetration, p in v, anal, creampie, objectification, size difference, biting, barking, almost soft sukuna for a second, sukuna is his own warning tbh
a/n: idk i'd bark for him.. feedback/rbs always appreciated, esp this one bcs... i felt like he was hard to write and would love any feedback on him :3 this is ONLY smut btw. not proofread.. sorry :/ jjk works now being uploaded to @puppykento
word count: 1.5k words
Sukuna's gaze flicks across the row of kneeling concubines, analysing each of their features to see which one would be most suitable for his needs tonight. As he walks alongside the row of undressed women, he stops occasionally to have a closer look at the ones that particularly interest him. His hands explore them, groping every inch of them before he's lost interest once more, skulking further down the line.
He looks at you curiously once he reaches you, all four eyes trained on your body. He kicks your knees wider apart with a foot, tilting his head.
"You aren't completely hopeless." He says as he examines you, his two lower arms keeping your legs spread as he squats down. One of his other four hands begins to roughly grope one of your tits while his final hand explores between your folds, his fingers gathering up the slick that's begun to drip from you.
“With me, pet.” He orders after a moment, giving you a slight squeeze before standing up. Pet. That was all he had ever addressed any of you as. He did not learn the names of those deemed lesser than him. Your name would never register in his mind - you'd remain another pet for him to use and discard once he was bored. You keep your gaze down as you follow after him, staying quiet. It was best to be obedient when captured by Sukuna - something you had learned after witnessing the many punishments he'd made women endure.
You hadn't been chosen before. You could feel yourself shaking slightly as you were led to his chambers. He sat on the bed with his legs spread, letting his robe fall open. Your eyes widen at the sight, a tremble developing in your hands. You'd heard the stories, but you thought them to be exaggerations.
Sukuna laughs at your reaction, clearly amused. “Impressive, are they not?” He muses, languidly stroking one of his large cocks, his eyes trained on your face. He thumbs over the leaky tip, his grin growing as he watches your gaze trail the movement.
“On your knees, pup.” He waits for you to comply before tugging you even closer by your collar - the only thing you were permitted to wear. He looks down at you, his eyes trailing your form. He slips one of his legs between your thighs, then pushes you down by your shoulder so you're practically seated on his ankle.
“Such a drippy cunt.” He teases, tapping the head of one of his cocks against your lips until you open up, pushing the head past the entrance of your mouth. “Go on, puppy. You look like a bitch in heat. Hump it and show me how badly you want your master.”
He laughs harder when you start to rub your pussy against his leg and desperately try to suck his cock. Your jaw is stretched to the limits to accommodate his girth, and all you can really do is suck on the tip.
“Is that the best you can do?” He grunts, pulling you off his cock with a look of dissatisfaction spreading across his features. “You're more of a dirty mutt than a pup, really. An entirely pathetic little thing. Can't even suck cock right. Are you sure you're one of mine? Usually I have a talent for picking sluts…”
He lets out an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose like your very existence is an annoyance to him. He clicks his tongue, hoisting you up and onto the bed unceremoniously by your collar. “Not that it matters. A bitch is a bitch. They all take dick the same.”
He has your legs dangling off the edge of the bed, your ass in the air. He settles between your legs, spreading your folds with two thumbs. “Humans are such fragile things.” He murmurs, sounding like he's talking more to himself than he is addressing you. He fucks two fingers into your weeping hole, scissoring them open. “Need to make sure you can take me, little one.”
You hear him spit, a sudden wetness hitting your tighter hole that makes you flinch, your eyes widening. “Don't give me that look, pup. You have two perfectly good holes for my cocks. I'm going to use them.” He grunts, and then he's pushing a finger past the tight ring of muscle.
It takes a while to adjust, your chest heaving with heavy breaths as you grip the sheets beneath you. You open your mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a pathetic whine, your brows pinching together.
“Good dog.” He coos, doing his best to stretch you open. His patience wears thin after a few more moments, and he pulls his hands away from your body, stroking his cocks. “Want a treat, puppy?”
He grabs a handful of your hair and yanks your head, shaking it up and down to mimic a nod. He grins at that, pinching one of your cheeks before he's rubbing the tip of one of his cocks up and down your folds, parting them before he presses his hips forward, filling you up inch by inch.
He bottoms out with a low groan, his hand lazily stroking his second cock as he focuses his eyes on you. “Such a fat pussy, pup. Sucks me in so good…”
He pulls out so just the tip is in, but he doesn't thrust back in like you expect. You make a noise of protest, arching your back and trying to push back against him. “Such a greedy fuckin’ dog. I told you you're taking both my dicks tonight, so be fuckin’ patient while I get it in. I've torn sluts in half before, and I'll do it again.”
Your heart beats faster at his threat, and you instantly still your movements. You feel the head of his cock nudging your ass, and it's not long before he's pushing forward, splitting both of your holes open on his cock. The pain of the stretch has your eyes watering. You feel like it's hard to suck in a breath, your body shaking as the air is fucked out of your lungs.
He's brutal. He doesn't give you a chance to adjust. This isn't for you, after all. You're his pet. His property. He pounds you into the mattress, pulling you harshly into his thrusts with his grip on your hips, using you like a fleshlight.
“Speak, pup.” He hisses through gritted teeth, yanking you back repeatedly as he fucks you on both of his cocks. The nails of his fingers dig harshly into the flesh of your hips, leaving marks in the skin.
“S'good, feels so-” You're cut off as he yanks your hair back painfully, making you yelp. Your body is folded in half, your back arched almost unnaturally as he drags the upper half of your body to be flush against his while he thrusts into you from behind.
“Stupid mutt.” He grunts out, one of his free hands grabbing at your stomach to pull you closer to him. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, biting down harshly. “Dogs don't talk. Try again.”
Heat creeps up your face and neck as you register his command, your heart dropping to your stomach. You bark once, as if just testing the waters. Clearly you've pleased him, cause he moans loudly in your ear and adjusts his hips so he's pounding relentlessly against that gummy spot that makes your stomach tighten up.
“Good… good fuckin’ pup. Just like that. Make some noise f’me.” His thrusts are slow and deep, knocking the air out of you each time he bottoms out. You bark again, and he speeds up, making you keen and arch into him further. You feel the coil tightening in your stomach, your mouth hanging open as he uses your cunt for his own pleasure.
A bark is forced from your lips every time his hips smack the fat of your ass. It isn't long before you cum, your eyes rolling back as you moan loudly, shaking in his grasp. Sukuna growls loudly at the feeling of you clenching around him, your walls fluttering around his cock while his other cock gets milked by your tight ass. He pins you to the mattress with his large frame as he forces his way balls deep into you, filling you with an inhuman quantity of cum.
He pulls out with a shuddering breath, cleaning himself off before slipping his robe back on. He watches your holes leak his cum with satisfaction, giving you a moment before addressing you again.
“Up, pet. Time to go.” He murmurs, patting your ass a few times. He seems to pause for a moment, his expression softening almost imperceptibly as he looks at you.
“I'll have someone run you a bath.” Is all he says before he waves you off, his eyes lingering only a moment too long.
#sukuna x reader#sukuna#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna#sukuna smut#sukuna ryomen smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n
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thinking a lot of thoughts about bf!gojo :(
he will be the sweetest bf ever.. it's a bit concerning with how attached he is to you, bordering on codependency but he just cant help it he loves you too much :(( everytime youre both together on something like lunch with friends or hanging out the sight of you two is enough to give anyone who spares a glance cavities.. his eyes are so in love and hes always got that dopey smile on his face, his touch is always gentle and caring despite him being a teasing asshole sometimes 😭
and behind closed doors ... dear god this man is INSATIABLE.. always has to have a hand around you and touching you !!!! and his sex drive.. erm.. yeah.. idk i see him as the type to want to do it everyday because he just loves you too much and he doesnt know what to do with himself and all this love he has !!!! theres something sweet about him just always wanting you and wanting to make you feel good eufnhffhehrjfnf
the stark difference between you two being such a sweet couple in public but also .. having seen each other INSIDE OUT quite literally is so hot and cute.. :( that level of intimacy .. :((( BF!GOJO WE NEED YOU !!!!!! ok this has gotten too long im sorry HAVE A GOOD DAY THANK YOU
HIIII MY SWEETHEART I'M SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!! BUT I'M HERE I'M HERE I'M HERE!!!!! I'M HERE AND I'M FEELING TERRIBLY SOFT FOR HIM AND I NEED TO HAVE HIM IN MY ARMS RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!!!!! i agree with everything you've said nonnie!!!! and i am covering you in kisses as thanks!!!! mwah mwah mwah!!!! wait also!!!!!!!!!!!! more exclamation marks!!!!!! please please please don't apologize for rambling!!!!!!!!!! i will always hear you out!!!!! i want more actually!!!!!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok everybody get comfortable bc i have some of bf!gojo headcanons for you!!!!
his pupils are literal hearts whenever he's with and whenever he's Thinking about you!!!! (i'm saying that his pupils are always like that)(he is simply unable to get you off his head)(he's not even trying)(he's so fucking in love with you).
he's constantly resting his head on your head or on your shoulder. this just came to me. he wraps his hands around your middle and he always gives you a squeeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a kiss on your neck. and he probably (read: definitely) smells you. and then hums into your skin. omfg i need to hug him so badly. i am losing my mind here nonnie...
okay and i just talked abt him taking naps with you too, right? and i just can't stop thinking about him always taking pics of you whenever you fall asleep on top of him:(((((((((((((( drooling or not, he's taking the pic!!!!!! AND i truly believe that he has begged (literally begged down on his hands and knees) shoko and suguru, so that they'll take pics of the two of you together aswell!!! satoru has a folder with like a THOUSAND pics of you both just napping together:((( he goes through it whenever he's really missing you:(((((((
ok and he loves taking showers and baths with you. loves, loves, loves. he just wants to sit under or in the water with you, just feeling your skin against him. feeling your heartbeat against him. he likes the intimacy of it all. it's so tender and so soft and so loving and he just wants to do everything with you. he's gonna take a fucking piss with you if you'd only let him.
he loves your smile sm. this is such a basic little concept but he does. nothing else in this sick world brings him as much joy as your smile and laughter. and oh my fucking god his heart feels like it's going to explode whenever he makes you laugh (which is all the time let's be honest he's very fucking funny and he is not afraid of making himself look like a fool just for you<3). he loves it when you laugh at cat videos, he loves it when you laugh at whatever the fuck is playing on the tv and he loves it when you laugh at a joke one of his friends make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he goes a little insane whenever he sees you having fun with his friends:((((((((((((((((((((( it just means the world to him:(((( and you and the younger ones too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omfg when he sees you coddling gumi and yuuji and nobara:((((((((((((((((( stop, he literally feels like he's going to cry every time i am also crying i can't do this anymore
btw he always swings your hands whenever his fingers are interwiened with yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh!!!!!!! and he has that big dopey smile on his lips again and his dimples are showing and he's laughing so loudly that everybody is turning to look at you both on the street but you couldn't care any less!!!!!!! how could you when your boyfriend is making your heart grow twice the size it was before and you just feel so giddy and so full of love and you want to kiss him stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he loves spending his morning with you. i actually think of him as more of a morning person actually idk how popular that concept is but yeah. don't get me wrong - he refuses to let you up from the bed for at least an hour after you wake up but he does have a lot of energy. he wants to kiss and he wants to hug and he wants to tickle and he wants you to play with his hair and he wants and he wants and he wants and you will give and give and give!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's a little lovesick puppy and he needs your attention like he needs air!!!!!
and then he wants you to brush his teeth for him. yes. you read that right. he sits you down onto the bathroom counter and bares his teeth at you like the puppy that he is and HE'S SO FUCKING CUTEEEEEE FUCKKKK CUTENESS AGGRESSION IS SO REAL I NEED TO JUST SQUEEZE HIM A LITTLE AAAAAAAAAAA I NEED TO PINCH HIS CHEEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!! he still looks sleepy and his smile is so fucking big and his hands are resting on your hips, his thumbs are drawing hearts into your skin. and he most definitely kisses you before he actually rinses his mouth.............. and then laughs when the toothpaste gets all over you. it's a mess and he's laughing and you're in love.
he loves it when you baby him. he does ask for it as a joke but when you genuinely do it he gets a little flustered. the tips of his ears always turn into a shade of dark pink and he's looking at you like puss in boots. you know what i'm talking abt. big eyes, fluttering eyelashes - he loves you so fucking much. he loves it when you tuck him in bed, he loves it when you kiss his nose, he loves it when you pinch his cheeks i am biased i just said i want to do that don't look at me, he loves it when you tickle him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT STOP HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU TICKLE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! HE WANTS YOU TO STRADDLE HIM AND TICKLE THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF HIM HE WANTS TO LAUGH WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i died
he also loves it when you cling to him. in any way. hands around his neck, around his body, around his arms - it does not matter. he wants you to quite literally climb him like a tree. he loves it when you snuggle into him and when you refuse to let him go. and when you hold his hand and try to stop him from leaving. he's not going to go. it doesn't take a lot for him to give into you. he's folding immediately. he doesn't want to go either. he loves it when you're needy. he loves it when you whine. he loves it when you tease him. he might pop a boner. at everything you do. he just loves you sooooooooooo muchh!!
18+ HE IS INSATIABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS THEE LOVERBOY!!!!!! i think he does like to get a taste of you every single day, no matter whether it's actually having sex or it's eating you out or it's just making out or it's entertaining you with his beautiful slender fingers or it's dry humping etcetcetc. he wants to touch you, he wants to feel you - it's a must!!
i already said it but he loves intimacy!!!! like yeah ofc he likes his freaky sex as much as the next guy (he most definitely likes it more than the next guy) but he loooooves when he can just be in the moment with you!! he's always savouring you - holding your hand when his burying his dick deep inside you, he's snaking his arm around your body as he grinds into you from behind. he's licking and nipping at your skin because he just can't get enough of you. he's sucking on your tongue, he's pressing your hips down against his, he's kissing every fucking inch of your body. i truly think he wants to eat you and he wants to devour you and he wants to merge the two of you together forever<33
okay i have officially melted away... i am a puddle of love Goo... ily nonnie
#WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#HE'S SOOOO SWEET:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((#I AM FEELING SOOOOO SOFT ABT HIM RN:(((((((((((((#MY BABY MY LOVE MY DEAREST OF THEM ALL#ok didn't mean to make that rhyme but go off ig#i luv him i luv him i luv him#i want to kiss him i want to cuddle him i want to live with him i want to spend every second of my life with him i'm fine#mickey is daydreaming#angel boy#gojo satoru#gojo satoru headcanons#gojo headcanons#gojo fluff#bf!gojo
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Half Hatake Tobirama where he took after his mother really strongly instead of his father, while Hashirama took after their father and not their mother.
Ok but now give Hashirama imposter syndrome about it.
He's technically Hatake too, but not "enough" to be recognized by the clan while for some reason his brother is
He's wild like the trees, not the wolves, and they can smell it on him
He's not one of them, even if he does have the same amount of their blood in his veins as Tobirama, and no matter how badly he might want to be </3
Hashirama living vicariously through Tobirama's stories of visiting the clan, and Tobirama is going out of his way to ask questions and do things while there he knows his brother will like hearing about
Idk I just think there's potential there. A lot of half hatake Tobirama fics will directly mention that they're full blooded siblings but then not go into how Hashirama might feel ab Tobirama's closeness to the Hatake while he's apparently either not afforded that same closeness or had never tried to reach for it
Which ofc is a valid take and makes things easier writing wise but like !!! I wanna see him have thoughts about it !!!
The Hatake join the village and Hashirama got weirdly emotional about it (bc this might finally mean he can interact with his mother's clan) and no one can really understand why, except Tobirama who's kind of the reverse of him with being too Hatake for most Senju. But even then it's not the same
Play with it some more, say he did inherit some traits and habits from the wolf clan, just not enough for them to really recognize him. But enough for some of the Senju also kind of side eye him sometimes.
He's too Hatake for the Senju but too Senju for the Hatake.
He has to mask any Hatake traits he has to make people more comfortable when around others, but then doesn't know how or what to try and exaggerate to get the Hatake's approval
Picturing like, when the boys were young and there mother was still alive. And their aunt, the Hatake clan head and their mother's sister, coming to visit.
And she spends time with both Hashirama and Tobirama, then when leaving tells the boys that Tobirama is welcome to visit the clan lands once he's of age
And Hashirama kind of pipes up and asks if he can come too and she just sort of pats him on the head and says something about not thinking it was really "for him"
And later that night Hashirama approaches their mother and asks why he couldn't visit either, and why their aunt seemed to like Tobirama so much more than him.
And his mom has to struggle with how to say "The Hatake are a very private and protective clan, and you aren't not Hatake enough for her to let you into her home" in a way her like 9 year old son can understand while still being nice about it (she tries her best but years later and that one conversation is still one of Hashirama's strongest and saddest memories of his mother. He has a lot of conflicting thoughts about it)
But yeah !! Give him cultural imposter syndrome and jealousy of not being enough to count as one of them
#birds fic talk#naruto#hashirama senju#senju hashirama#tobirama senju#senju tobirama#hatake clan#half hatake Tobirama#half hatake Hashirama#hashirama#tobirama
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I really want sansa to meet brienne to see what she thinks of her. both bc she’ll meet the “true knight” she’s been praying for :’) and also bc brienne will challenge her views of women’s role in society. but what do you think brienne would think of sansa ?
yes i'm really looking forward to it too! I think I wrote something about this a couple years ago but their stories click together in such a sweet way.
Sansa entered the world thinking that beauty = virtue, and received such a harsh awakening that she's unsure whether there is any goodness left in the world. and Brienne has likewise insisted to herself that there is, and yet finds it's not always enough to defeat the horror of it all. I think in TWOW she's going to find herself in a similar position to a young Jaime, feeling somewhat nihilistic. I like the idea that their oath to Catelyn ultimately saves both Jaime and Brienne from this outlook - they both mean to see it fulfilled, no matter how bad things get.
so Sansa and Brienne kind of find each other at precisely the right time. Sansa is falling deeper into Littlefinger's machinations and losing sight of who she is, in the midst of all he wants her to be. life isn't so much a song anymore, but something more cynical. meanwhile Brienne is finding that the world is so much darker that she'd believed, and that good intentions aren't enough to save it.
but i think they can save each other in a way that noone else really could! where Brienne and Sansa have reminded Jaime and Sandor respectively that true knighthood exists, they're now at a point where they can remind one another of that.
Sansa will see again that true knighthood doesn't look as she once thought it did, but that it nonetheless exists. I think that through getting to know Brienne, she might also feel closer to Arya, realising that the differences between them aren't so great a chasm. Brienne's chafing with society might remind her of her sister too, and help her consider a different perspective so that there's a new openness when they meet again. and also I really really want Brienne to be able to tell Sansa how much Catelyn was thinking of her and how badly she wanted to be reunited.... like Sansa hasn't received any true empathy for the loss of her mother, and now here's Brienne who has mourned Cat herself and can offer true comfort to Sansa.... i cry
and then for Brienne's part, I really want Bri to have the satisfaction of knowing that she's fulfilling her oath to Cat, that she wasn't a fool to believe she could, and that in so doing she's found a girl who, though outwardly very different, is a lot like Bri herself. they both love songs and knights and want to believe the world is kind, and they can prove to each other that it is. and also Brienne has often experienced contempt from other girls and women (Cat was one of the few who didn't treat her with such), so I think it'll be nice for her to have a meaningful relationship with a new female character, and to feel accepted and respected by that person. idk I just feel like Sansa represents so much closure for Brienne and that they can really fortify each other.
that said I do think they'll initially be very confused and sceptical of each other lol, like Sansa is in disguise and has had to ally herself closely to Littlefinger, so she's going to struggle to open up to a stranger, much less go off with them. and Bri's going to wonder who the hell Alayne Stone is and also... apparently she's fine here in the Vale? i imagine lots of miscommunication where maybe Brienne has come all this way only for Sansa to be like... you can leave I have this under control.
but Brienne knows who Shadrich is so I imagine she can prove herself to Sansa by taking him out in some kind of mini boss, and then we know that GRRM's notes for AFFC said that Sansa will resolve at the end of her Vale arc to be Sansa Stark, and take the North. so can imagine Brienne helping her to return home, and secure Winterfell. the North will have lost the figurehead they'd believed to be Arya (but who was ofc Jeyne), who had kind of rallied them together... and I think Sansa's return will be where they find a new one out of left field. the kid they considered lost to the south, but who is returning north, maybe with the might of the Vale to help secure it once more. idk.
in any case, I've believed that Brienne and Jaime holding the two halves of Ice represent the fact that they will be helping to secure Winterfell again, and the futures of the Stark children. have said before that I do not see Brienne as a perpetual bodyguard for any Stark kid, but restoring them is a big part of her role for the remaining two books imo. I'd really like to see her meet Arya as well, I think the two will have really great rapport.
anyway that was a long answer but yeah in short. im excited about them.
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hii!! i commented about making a fic of coryo w or about the song haunted by beyonce, i was thinking maybe something smut if ur comfortable! if not its okay but the fic could be academy!coriolanus x academy!reader and theyre school rivals both working hard to beat each other and theyre obsessed with each other but they hide it with the fact they wanna win but they j wanna fuck (or get together) maybe theyre both possessive and jealous or coryo is the one thats really extra with it,, the story could go rlly slow too and then theres just a part where the facade and tension goes away and theyre needing each other so badly at that moment rushing everything, just like how the song goes idk if i made any sense :o im so excited to see the result!! this song just gives me coriolanus vibes
You Must Be Haunting Me..
a/n note: hii!! yes, i loved your idea and i mostly stayed with your vision, only changing some minor things so the situation makes sense and dw i managed to deliver 🫡 hopefully you like it!! tysm for your idea and i look forward to seeing if there are some things you want to expand on (maybe with little blurbs on this dynamic bc i absolutely LOVE this trope!) & i'm totally comfortable with smut so dw about sending me kinky asks or requests. i totally accept them!!
Pairing: Academy!Coriolanus Snow x AcademyRival!Reader
Summary: Y/N Y/L/N and Coriolanus Snow have been academic rivals ever since the beginning of their journey in the Academy. It’s no secret that both Y/N and Coriolanus are the two top students of the Academy, both of them only being able to beat each other, the rest are just no competition for them. However, they genuinely have no idea why they're doing this constant battle against each other. Little did they know, both of them always think about each other behind closed doors and are obsessed with each other, each equally impressed at the other at how intelligent they are. One day, things just boil over with how Coriolanus constantly riles Y/N up and they explode in a huge fight which results in a turmoil of deep, rough and passionate sex.
Fic Type: Smut (NSFW) 18+, Enemies to Lovers trope, dramatic behaviour from both of them, a wee bit of angst (mostly derived from the name-calling but in my head this is more funny than it is angsty 😭😭😭)
Warnings: unprotected sex (don’t do this guys, use a condom. reader is on birth control), rough pushing, harsh words used from both Y/N and Coriolanus, degradation (use of whore), cunnilingus (female receiving), squirting, lmk if i missed anything else
Word Count: 2k
I do not own Coriolanus Snow or Y/N Y/L/N (cuz it’s you, boo). All credits go to Suzanne Collins and her team. Song credits also go to Beyonce and her team.
I do not allow my works to be republished or translated under any circumstances. Any instances of this happening and YOU WILL BE BLOCKEDDD.
Also, ageless and empty blogs will be BLOCKED as this is a 18+ fic. Report my fics and you’re blocked cuz if u don’t like it, LEAVEEEE.
Y/N Y/L/N and Coriolanus Snow began this disastrous journey from the age of 11-12. Both students entered the Academy with an air of poise and elitism about them as they knew what it took to defeat the competition in the Academy, most students not even being a possible candidate to them. It was all fine and well, until one year, Y/N and Coriolanus were put in the same class for the year, and the rivalry then started..
The first assignment of that year was an individual project on what each student thought the Capitol looked like during its earliest times. Each student was tasked with coming up with a drawing with their thoughts on said topic. This was their chance to go up against each other. Both Y/N and Coriolanus would stay up in the library after school and collect piles of books and do their research and by the time the task was due, Y/N and Coriolanus obviously submitted the best sketches.
After acknowledging this, the professor asked the class to vote for who’s sketch was the best. Small pieces of paper were given out to write either Y/N’s and Coriolanus’s names and as the professor then collected the papers, making both students anxious. As the professor counted the votes, Y/N’s heart was beating out of her chest, Coriolanus’s as well. It was then announced that Y/N won, which made Coriolanus furious as he spewed a full speech on how much he hated her. “You’d never be as good as what they say you are. You’re just dirt under my feet. God! You’re such a bitch!” He screamed as the professor and the class started at him in astonishment as they’ve never seen him lash out before.
Y/N was heartbroken when she heard this as sometimes when Coriolanus wasn’t looking, Y/N would sneak glances towards him and she started to be enamoured by him. Their time together after hours in the library would usually end up in them having conversations about their day and this time together helped them bond better. With this in mind, Y/N truly thought Coriolanus was at least civil enough to be respectful towards her. Y/N felt tears well up in her eyes as she ran out of the classroom, the professor telling her to wait.
Coriolanus, still blind with rage, kept on screaming and yelling obscenities about Y/N as he stormed off to his seat, his face red and his whole demeanour fueling with rage. Unfortunately, this fateful day was what started the vicious rivalry between Y/N and Coriolanus as the two would fight over who got the better grades, which teacher favoured which student more, the differences in their scores in each assignment every single day.
As of current, both Y/N and Coriolanus are 18 and in the midst of graduating. One of their last assignments was unfortunately a pair assignment. Dr Gaul once scoped out the Academy and witnessed one of the fights between Y/N and Coriolanus and she noticed how by getting them near each other, she could make them into the power couple of Panem and have them continue the Hunger Games, which inspired her to whisper in the ear of Dean Highbottom to get them to be in the same class and for them to share a table together until they graduated. Both Y/N and Coriolanus were very unhappy about this, both choosing to ignore each other while they were in their seats.
With both of them getting older, both Y/N and Coriolanus started noticing certain things about them. Coriolanus noticed how Y/N’s facial features were more prominent, how her ass got bigger, her breasts more plump, making him unable to control a certain urge at times which led him to mastrubate thinking about her sometimes. Y/N also noticed a few things about Coriolanus. How he started to grow muscles, how they cling to his academy uniform whenever he took off his academy jacket, how his jaw was sharper, how his nose was becoming more emphasised, how he lost his baby fat. She can honestly go forever and forever about how attractive he is.
That being said, there was one particular day where everything just blew over the water. Y/N and Coriolanus were taking notes during Dean Highbottom’s lecture when Y/N felt Coriolanus’s elbow dig into her arms whenever they got to writing. This obviously made Y/N frustrated as she harshly whispered to Coriolanus to stop a few times, which led to a hushed debate between the two before it grew louder and louder until they were screaming at each other, making the whole class look at them and Dean Highbottom staring at them in shock before yelling for them to stop and stay after class for detention.
Both Y/N and Coriolanus felt embarrassed as they were lectured by Dean Highbottom after class before an assistant of Dean Highbottom requested him to join Dr Gaul for a meeting about the Hunger Games. Dean Highbottom sighed as he looked at the two young teenagers, “Look.. I feel that you two are now old enough to know what is acceptable behaviour in class. I’ll be back soon, do not kill each other while I’m gone.” As Highbottom left the classroom, the tense atmosphere began to build as the door closed behind him.
Almost immediately after he left, Y/N and Coriolanus stared at each other with the most hateful expression ever. Y/N menacingly glared at him while saying with gritted teeth, “See, Coriolanus! If you’re long ass elbow didn’t fucking dig in my arm every single time, that old fart wouldn’t lecture us for one fucking hour! My god, you’re truly dumb!” Coriolanus glared at her before stating, “It’s not my fucking fault that happened with you were taking over the whole goddamn table with your arms everywhere! Geez, Y/N! I thought you’d be more modest!”
Y/N looked at him, shocked, “ME?!! You’re blaming ME for something YOU did! That is so fucking misogynistic coming from you, a man! I swear to god, this is discrimination towards women at its core! Grow the fuck up, Coriolanus! We’re not children anymore! God! I’d be spending my time with Sejanus right now if it weren’t for your stubborn ass!” Y/N huffed while rolling her eyes. Coriolanus stared at her, his face full of jealousy before gritting out, “Sejanus? What the fuck are you doing with Sejanus?! You’re such a fucking whore! Ugh, you’re such a bitch!” Y/N looked at him, offended, “Bitch, weren’t you just fucking Clemensia a few weeks ago? Yeah, I heard about that! Everyone was practically talking about it! Don’t pretend to be so innocent, Coriolanus!”
Coriolanus looked at her, his expression turned dark as he stalked towards her, her taking a step back until her back had hit the wall. Coriolanus leaned towards her, lifting one of his arms to go above her, bringing the other hand towards her chin and lifting it. At this point, the height difference became very apparent as her head was tipped far back, her still glaring at him. “Are you baiting me, Y/N? You talk so much for someone who just fucked Felix Ravinstill of all people a few days ago..” Y/N continued to glare up at him, “At least I had the decency to keep it in my pants longer than you! God, I hate you!” Coriolanus looked taken aback as he muttered while leaning in to cup her cheeks, her face wiggling to be let out of his grip, “Well, I hate you too, sweetheart…”
Coriolanus leaned in as he captured Y/N’s lips with his, their mouths fighting for dominance as they kissed each other as if they needed each other to breathe. The previous tension broke into a more sensual type of tension as Coriolanus wrapped his hands around her hair ravenously while Y/N’s hand made friends with the back of his neck. One of Coriolanus’s hands found its way to Y/N’s waist as he dragged her away from the wall, pushing her towards a nearby desk before propping her up on the desk and spreading her legs, allowing him to be closer to her, not once breaking their kiss. Y/N broke their kiss as she moved her lips to Coriolanus’s neck and trailed them down his Adam’s apple while taking off his blazer and unbuttoning his shirt, Coriolanus doing the same to her.
As they undressed each other, they continued to slide their tongues against each other, the sound echoing around the classroom. They managed to undress each other down to them both only wearing underwear before Coriolanus kneeled down so that he was face to face with the apex of her thighs. Coriolanus leaned in and captured his teeth to her underwear as he slowly pulled it down, revealing her aching, dripping pussy. Coriolanus licked his lips as he roughly shoved two fingers in her cavern as he curled his fingers in and out her folds, creating a beautiful sensation as he found her G-spot with no difficulty.
Y/N moaned as she threw her head back and slid her hands down to Coriolanus’s hair and tugged on it while pulling him closer to her heat. “Oh my gosh.. Coryo, it feels so good…” As he kept pumping his fingers in and out of her, he suddenly attached his lips onto her clit as he sucked on her clit and pumped his fingers harder, each movement feeling more and more intense for Y/N. He kept on going as he curled his fingers one final time, which made Y/N yell out as she squirted and covered his fingers with her wetness.
Y/N sighed in satisfaction as she helped Coriolanus up and gave him a deep, passionate kiss while tugging down his underwear and hooking her legs on the bottom of his back, Coriolanus leaned in closer as he aligned his erection with her heat, tapping his dick on her clit a few times before pushing his hardness in her heat. He only pushed in half of it when Y/N suddenly exclaimed, “Coryo, it’s too much! I can’t take all of it!”
Coriolanus leaned down so his forehead was laying against hers before whispering in a comforting tone, “It will fit, Y/N. Trust me, trust me..” He closed his eyes as he leaned in to capture her lips with his as he pushed in slower this time, now being able to fill her pussy with his cock to the point where their hips were against each other. Coriolanus groaned as he slowly pulled out before thrusting in again, “Fuck, Y/N… You’re so good. Such a good girl..”
Y/N moaned at hearing him praise her as he started to thrust his dick in faster, each time harder and rougher than the last. The room started to echo with the sound of her moaning, his groaning and the sound of skin slapping. Y/N closed her eyes as she moaned, her mouth forming an “O” shape as she threw her head back once more and arched her back, needing to feel closer to him. Coriolanus wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her in closer and kissed his way all around her neck, leaving furious red hickeys which would soon turn purple.
The pace in which he was fucking her got rougher each time he would thrust his aching hard dick into her dripping pussy, the slapping sound really turning them on and his balls slapped to her ass, their moans becoming louder and louder each time. The furious force in which he was fucking her started to reach a boiling point as Coriolanus moaned, “Ugh.. I’m fucking cumming, Y/N. Oh.. You’re such a good girl. Such a tight and wet pussy..”
“Ohh.. Coriolanus… So good, so deep… I’m gonna come, gonna come.. OH MY GODD!!” Y/N screamed as she came. Coriolanus groaned as he came inside her, sighing as he tried to bask in the afterglow of his orgasm, holding Y/N tight against his chest in the process. Y/N left kisses and hickeys around his neck as she looked up at him with a dazed but satisfied expression and kissed his lips however, this time the kiss shared between them wasn’t one full of hate, it was one full of love.
As they pulled away from each other and started to get dressed, Coriolanus faced Y/N and said, “You know, if you wanted to fuck me, you could’ve said so.” He said with a smirk. Y/N turned to look at him, acting shocked as she huffed in feign frustration, “Oh shut up, Coriolanus!” She smacked his chest as both of them gave each other a silly grin before hurling in laughter.
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