#idk. i also dont make things easier for myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lhavibid · 3 days ago

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decided to make one for Watsuki too with extra info and art that arent worth posting on their own. i also finally figure out what clothes they wear cuz that took so many tries.

#keyframes vn #keyframes fanart #keyframes oc #keyframes mc #deja lamarre #perseus tozaki #jamie porter #elio kealoha #the more i draw her the more attractive he becomes and idk if its a good thing or bad thing #i dont think i can handle it once i start drawing anything romantic with them and the boys lol #id like to yap about watsuki more since its easier but i dont want to make this post long #plus some stuff i want to make a comic of #it also took me a long time to pick out info i wanted to share because i dont want to retcon myself #edit: edit for the spelling errors in pics

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globodamorte · 1 year ago

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like there's this alley where many ppl sell things and I could very well go there it seems like a space where I could get some sales done except I CANT bc someone I know that I've been ghosting for over A YEAR sells their shit there and knows everyone there so k CANT GO THERE. "well why did you ghost them" BC I'M INSANE AND DEPRESSED LEAVE ME ALONE. like I CANT I CANT GO THERE if I see them I'm gonna throw up on the spot

#delete #like im aware this situation is entirely my fault ok i know this. just let me complain a little please #and like idk it was kinda tiring. not thwir fault but they just didnt get it (of course they didnt)#like i would constantly be sad and upset and down and not want to hang out and when we hungnout i would suddenly just drop #and feel miserable and ruin the whole mood #and if i tried talking about it it would either get too heavy or too frustrating #i know its hard to talk to ppl who are deeper than rock bottom #but its still frustrating to hear the basic oh well thats really sad bit have you thought about like. letting go of that and getting better #and also one day they kinda said something thats made me spiral in the middle of a birthday party #they said “when you talk like that it kinda drains away my wish to help” <- or something like that translation is hard #and i know (do i? now im questioning it) they meant like “if youre so negative all the time i start losing hope as well and dont know what #i should do to help“#but it hit really hard and made me miserable #idk. i also dont make things easier for myself #like. idk man #the last time i met this group of friends i regretted it so hard #bc the vibes were like “i mean this so respectfully but can yoh pretend youre not traumatized and depressed and suicidal for a second #were trying to have fun here. we love you and we hear you“#yk?????#i wouldnt say theyre bad friends. im the one who needed to go #i know how exhausting it is to deal with ppl like me #so its fine I guess #i just wasnt expecting to like. not ve able to go to this famous commecial street bc of this . sucks.#fuck me. as always

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ganondoodle · 3 months ago

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i dont know what the plan is now, i have never had a plan for anything, but i dont want to delete the previous posts bc it feels like im trying to sweep things under the rug or act like they didnt happen

#ganondoodles talks #personal #i wish it was easier to know when to stand my ground and when to see i am wrong or when to ignore things #i am a chronical self doubter so even for the most obvious things when someone talks against me theres a moment i am hit with doubt #someone could tell me 'ganondorf is actually a perfectly true representation of all arabic people at once (somehow)'-#and i will go 'wait is he??' no hes not you idiot you know it isnt you spend alot of time learning about it the fuck #if it werent for those horrible scary (rare-not online) meltdowns i think how easily i am to doubt myself and be influenced by others is-#-what makes me feel the most childish #idk if thats an autism thing or just a me thing #even when theres a belief or opinion that is cemented into my brain unchangibly i still doubt if its right or if i am allowed it somehow #its such a contradictory thing again. easily influenced and made to doubt myself but also immovable .. even on dumb things #like theres nothing that can change how i feel about totk but i still doubt it anyway #what if i am wrong and an idiot and everyone saying the opposite of me is actually more right?? (still doesnt change opinion but doubt tm)#also can tumblr plese stop recommending me suicidal tags when i type 'what if' in here???????????????#i am trying to get OUT and AWAY from that as far as possible i dont find it funney hehe #(and i dont think i typed any of those phrases before)

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rohirric-hunter · 4 months ago

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Something something not to be a Feanor apologist on main but Feanor saying that destroying the Silmarils would kill him is not actually over the top and melodramatic as many readers tend to assume but perfectly reasonable because, much like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum at the grocery store might have just experienced literally the worst thing to ever happen to them, the long lives of the Eldar doesn't undo the fact that they were living very close to the beginning of the world and didn't have the wide cultural experience that other people (and the real life reader) benefit from. Specifically Feanor lacked the ability to moderate his emotional responses by saying, "But bad things happen and that's a part of life," to himself because he had the great good fortune to live in a time and place where the bad things that happened were mostly very small and mostly didn't involve people dying and mostly weren't a part of everyone's everyday life. He'd already experienced more loss than most Elves of his generation and was faced with a lot of people who genuinely didn't understand (and in some cases showed little empathy for) the struggles he was facing. This doesn't justify the actions he took that made those struggles worse, or that hurt other people, but part of the tragedy of the character is that while he could have made better choices, he didn't really have a lot of the tools that make that easier, as he was sort of discovering the consequences of his actions in real time. Also there's a very real chance that destroying the Silmarils genuinely would have killed him and I think people forget that too.

#lotr #like would it have made him a hero? yes #but idk i feel like people often confuse 'the right thing to do' and 'things we have any right to demand of other people'#and to be fair no one demanded it of him #but he was well within his rights to say 'no im not going to sacrifice myself for the rest of the world'#i dont feel like the narration brings any judgement down on him for that #just regret since the narrator has the benefit of hindsight and knows what comes of it #i think this also ties into the question of why elves seem wiser and more grounded and more detached in lotr #they finally got that cultural experience that made it easier for them to make grounded decisions #humans have an advantage in that department since their lives are so short #many generations faster means more mistakes faster and more learning faster #as for dwarves... well they presumably made their own mistakes but they did it in private and it was less embarrassing for them

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bangcakes · 11 months ago

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#so like is the rest of my life just gonna be Yearning from now on NZNXNXJXNXMX #ok maybe not the rest of it. but the forseeable future. god how do ppl do this. how have ppl BEEN doing this.#ignorance is truly bliss like. i talk to my friends about him n they dont like fully understand bc theyve never liked someone so mucg #its just so embarassing to talk about n i just BDNDJDJNDJD #i just !!!! always imagined myself single. and would Say Stuff about not wanting anything like that but now im a big clown JDJDJDJJDDJ #BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ITD BE LIKE THIS. GOD #im also like. trying to talk myself out of it. like oh maybe its all in my head JDJDJDJDJDN #but like just too much has happened. idk. im just........ im feeling impatient 😭😭😭😭#but like. its progressed well so far with me just progressing things when they feel Right. hhhhh god #and like things wouldnt have progressed this far without him liking me at least a little????#idk !!!!!!!!!!!! this stuff is so hard. and like i cant even see him now without making plans hhhhhhhhhhh #it was so much easier before we graduated NDJDJDJDJDMMFMD #ah well..... soon i guess. soon #itd be really nice tho if he like asked me out. but i have a feeling that maybe im not being obvious to him?? maybe i gotta spell it out idk #he also said (in ref to a job offer tho) that he wouldnt take it unless it was for sure #and i have a feeling......... that maybe hes not sure ????????? god idk #rip to my simple life. guess i gotta wait til i see him again hhhhhhh #personal

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phagodyke · 5 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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lemongogo · 1 year ago

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ahyways hi . liteally hey .whats up

#ive liteally been doing nothing . except for a jigsaw puzzle n then my brain like exploded thtree times over until i finished it #watche a few mahito clips perchance ..#i acrually watched fhe first four eps of kny swordsmith season can u believe it #i ACTUALLY . sory .my very first kny hater moment . SHOCKKQ. JAWDROPP #i dont think it needs to be as long as it is . 4 eps in n i was like yawn.. THEY R DRAGGING ITT ONWNNNNN #probably my least favorite season or like .. installment .movie included #not the actual storyline i LLAUUVRRREE the kotetsu muichirou tanjirou genya mitsuri development #ESPP HANTENGU AND GYOKKOOOOO #but idk . so mny points in the episodes where u can tell they r kinda stalling for time to meet the requirement #like i wouldve been fine w a smaller season two had uzui cour taken the majority and then swordsmith take like . 6 or smth and then go into #the sun conquering finale from swordsmith #anwyays . ANWYAYAYSSSTTT #ive also been kind telling myself tht i want to #maybe potentially possibly apply for a con in a couple of months from now #but ONLY IFFF I CAN MAKE ENOUGG STUFF BY THEN . as a test . bc if i dont have like .. artworks 2 be converted in2 posters then nvm all of t #that #AWUUGG AUUGGG .but i rly want this so T__T mayve i can plan things out and it will feel easier #i guess ill just have to see if i have the time 2 even do it T__T #sry i just saw so many cool any/c posts i ws like I WANT TO DO THT SOOO BADD

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drifloonz · 7 months ago

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one day ill be annoying ab my selfship again . although i enjoy that ppl enjoy my writing most of this is entirely self indulgent, projection, and for me . being so real .

#wispy chatters #i will never write inbox requests ever again ( /j... but only maybe executive dysfunction hits. )#( i dont know what to rlly write or hc w steven anymore and im in that weird kind of clingy to my interp era where like.#nobody seems to characterize steven right and i feel like im the only one but i dont wanna be a dick but most of its self indulgent so #ill keep it to myself. )#also bc i think i like. already put out all of the imporant steven hcs anyways LOL #ALSO also because ive been busy writing and rping selfship stuff w my friend involving steven instead of writing proper. which #preferable. this was mostly a side hobby to explode all of my hcs onto while i was struggling mentally #and had jack shit else to do.#sorry that i ramble a lot. no im not. this is my fucking blog . But yea #ive also been kind of negative or like. able to be interpreted as negative recently. which. yea kind of #lot of things and interpretations i do not fucking like in this fandom esp ab steven i just keep it to myself.#i just dont like fandom in general esp fanon and steven is such a fanonized character. which. yea he doesnt have much to work with #but hes got enough. idk #life goes on and all . maybe ill make a selfship blog... ill probably snag the url and then never use it.#im talking like im quitting the blog . i do that a lot. im not i just always do whatever i like even if i have 500 unanswered asks.#was easier to focus on writing any char i could in my depression era #its a little sad to see writing and hc posts and im like... i could get in on that. people totally think im a dead blog.#but idk what to add all of the main steven stuff has been squoze outta me.#not entirely but i put my full 100% steven into my self indulgent embarassing thoughts.#buuut yea thats kinda whats been. going on w me ig? Not really? fuck if i know

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autisticlee · 7 months ago

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I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.

i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)

it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.

the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)