#but its still frustrating to hear the basic oh well thats really sad bit have you thought about like. letting go of that and getting better

[globodamorte]

like there's this alley where many ppl sell things and I could very well go there it seems like a space where I could get some sales done except I CANT bc someone I know that I've been ghosting for over A YEAR sells their shit there and knows everyone there so k CANT GO THERE. "well why did you ghost them" BC I'M INSANE AND DEPRESSED LEAVE ME ALONE. like I CANT I CANT GO THERE if I see them I'm gonna throw up on the spot

[raineydays411]

Kind of want this adventure to be over.

Bruce Banner x Daughter!reader

Summary: You have finally found your father...just not the way you expected. You sort out your feelings and have some realizations about people in your life.

You felt sick. 

You couldn’t believe it. There he was. Your father, the man who has been missing for four years. 

He was here, being forced to slaughter people as a gladiator on a whole different planet. 

So many questions were running through your mind. How did he get here? Why hasn’t he escaped? How long has he been the Hulk?

You watch as Thor attempts to talk to him, but... it was almost like Hulk...like the attention. You watch in horror as Hulk charged at Thor. Throwing him into the wall. Both you and Loki looked at each other in concern, then glance at the Grandmaster who watched in glee.

You felt dizzy as you watched you father pummel his teammate. It was like he didn’t recognize him. He fought viscously. You cringed when you saw him slam Thor on the floor.

“YES!” Loki shouts, startling you and the Grandmaster, “THATS HOW IT FEELS!” 

You both stare at him, alarmed at the sudden outburst.

“I’m just a big fan of the sport...” He chuckles awkwardly.

He sits back down and looks at you. Concerned as you looked grey, like you were going to be sick. 

He strokes your back comfortly, “ Y/n, if you need to step out...”

“I can’t...I have to stay...” You whisper, watching Thor get beat by the Hulk. You prayed that he would get up. Then it happened.

A bolt of lighting shot the Hulk off of Thor. Then he rises, lighting engulfing his hands. The two charge at each other, and Thor starts to gain the upper hand. You breath a sigh of relief. The audience eats it up. Chanting “Thunder”, but the Grandmaster does not seem happy. Just as Thor was about to finish the fight, he was stunned by something, leaving him motionless on the ground. 

You freeze, watching as your father leaped into the air and came down, smashing Thor into the ground and knocking him out. Finishing the match. You turn to see the Grandmaster lean back in pleasure. 

“So, how do you like it?” He asks casually.

You can barely speak. Too shook up to even form a thought. Seeing your unease Loki spoke for you.

“It was very intense. A very entertaining fight indeed.” He says with a smile.

“What’s wrong with the kid?” the Grandmaster asks taking in your pale face. “ She does not look good.” 

“Yes! Well, um, it seems as though she has eaten something that made her sick. Perhaps it was the jar jar fruit”

“Oh no,” The Grandmaster states, “This is terrible.”

“Yes well--”

“I had a whole bowl!”

“Yes...I’d better take her to her room. Rest shall do her some good.”

Then Loki rises and helps you to your feet. He leads you through the crowds of people. 

You can barely walk. You don’t know why you’re reacting like this. You knew your father was here. 

Maybe it was because of how gruesome this fight could have been. Or maybe because you knew that for four years, your dad has been trapped as the Hulk, murdering aliens as a gladiator for some old lunatic. And it seemed like he liked it. 

Your legs grow weak and you nearly topple to the ground. 

“Woah, easy.” Loki says, “ Darling, take it slow.” 

“I- I think I’m going to throw up” And then you lean over, throwing up into a plant. 

“Ew.” Loki says, watching you defile that poor plant. 

You wipe your mouth and try to stand, you sway a but, almost falling to the ground. Loki then sighs and scoops you up. 

Your face burns, “ I’m sorry...”

“Shut up. I shouldn’t have made you go anyways.”

You stay silent. Resting your head on his chest as he walks you to your room. 

“You know...my dad never did this...” You whisper. Loki looks down at you in confusion.

“Did what?”

“ Carry me to my room. Especially if I was sick.”

“Oh..” Loki says, not really knowing how to respond.

“My mom was the one who did all that. But then...she got sick and...” You trail off. It was rare when you thought about your mom. It hurt to remember all the good times the three of you had, so like your father, you pushed it all down. 

“My mother did that too..” Loki muttered. He walked into your room and set you on the bed. 

“Get changed and lay down. I shall be back in a moment.” Then he walks out, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

You change clothes and ay down. Trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

Your father was here. You found him.

But he was the Hulk and basically a gladiator. 

He’s been here for four years. Killing people for sport. 

“God, I may have seen some weird shit living with the Avengers but this really takes the cake”, You think to yourself, shifting under the covers. You sigh, laying on your back and staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments you heard the door open. It was Loki holding a tray of food.

“Here, this should make you feel better.” He says placing the tray in your lap. It consisted of a plate of some kind of soup, some cracker like snack, and a glass of water. 

“I know it looks heavy, but it made me feel better when I was a child and ill. Although, the one made by the cooks back home may have tasted better.” Loki rambles, “I do think I did pretty well, considering the circumstances.” 

Seeing this side of Loki was shocking. Sure, you both had your moments and you knew he cared about you, but you thought it was more like a forced partnership. But, he could have left you here alone and he didn’t. He went out of way to make you something so you’d feel better. You can feel your eyes water. 

And for the first time since you’ve been on Sakaar, you cried. You cried because you haven’t seen your father for four years. You cried because you were on a completely different planet, millions of light years away from your home. You cried because Loki was being so kind.  

You cried cause you were scared.  You felt like you were in over your head, like you can’t do anything but wait. You have no idea what you’re going to do from here on out and it terrifies you. 

Then you feel a cold hand on your shoulder. You look up to see sad green eyes. Then you’re pulled into a hug. 

“I know.” Loki says softly, “It is overwhelming, and you’re still a child.”

You take a deep breath, taking in the scent of leather and something sweet. You then closed your eyes sinking into the embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In another part of the castle, Thor had just woken up. Scaring the crap out of the women who were tending to his wounds.

He painfully stands up, looking around the room he was in. It wasn’t like the first cell he was in. No, this one was actually clean. It didn’t smell like body fluids or...death. It was red and white, with weapons and armor laying around. He can see a large bed and a hot tub in the room. 

Thor looks out the window, taking in the scenery and trying to figure out a way to escape. He’s startled out of his thoughts by a splash. He turns to see the Hulk in the tub, sitting in the shadows.

“...Are we cool?” He asks, holding his hands up in surrender. 

He doesn’t get a response, just a low growl. But he isn’t attacked so Thor takes it as a a sign. He goes to the window again and mutters to himself, “Huh, a Hulk in a hot tub.” 

Then he turns to Hulk, “ How long have you been like that?

“Like what?” Hulk grunts

“Like this. Big, green, and...stupid”

Hulk sits up slightly, half of his face in the shadows, “Hulk always Hulk.”

Thor doesn’t respond, opting to look out the window again, then he realizes,

“How’d you get here?”

“Winning” Hulk says proudly.

Thor rolls his eyes, “ Do you mean cheating? Did they have one of these shocky things on their necks? I meant, how did you arrive here.”

Hulk imitates a whooshing and crashing noise, “Quinjet.”

Thor gets excited, “ Yes! Okay and where is the quinjet now?” 

Hulk doesn’t respond, instead he gets out of the tub. The only problem is that he didn’t have a towel...or anything to cover himself. Giving Thor a good look at his goods.

“That’s naked...very naked” Thor says cringing. “ That’s in my brain now.”

“Quinjet.” Hulk says, pointing to where the plane is. Uncaring about the state of undress he was in.

Thor gets excited again, “Yes! I can get us home, off of this awful planet. You’ll love Asgard! It’s like earth but gold”

“Hulk stays.” Hulk grunts, taking a bit out of some fruit.

“What? No no no, I need your help to prevent Ragnarok.” Thor says desperately.

“Ragnarok?” Hulk questions uncaringly. 

“Yes, its the destruction of my home planet, the end of times.”

“Thor go. Hulk stay.” Hulk says stubbornly. 

Thor is desperate. He needs to get home before Hela completely destroys everything he holds dear.

‘Look, I’ll tell you what, you help be get to Asgard, and I’ll help you get back to earth.’

“ Earth hate Hulk.”

“What?” Thor exclaims, “ Everyone loves Hulk! You’re part of the team, you’re our friend!”

“Banner’s friend.” Hulk grunts, not believing a word Thor is saying.

“WHat? I don’t even prefer Banner” Thor says awkwardly, “ He’s all ‘ NUmbErs aND SCienCe’ and stuff.”

“Banners friend!” Hulk exclaims. 

By now Thor is frustrated, “Fine. You stay here on this awful planet. Besides this room his hideous. The red and white, like just pick a color.”

“Smash you.” Hulk grunts

“You didn’t smash me, I won that fight.”

“Smash you!” Hulk throws the fruit at Thor.

Thor dodges it calling Hulk a baby. He heads toward the entrance that is left open.

“Thor go!” Hulk shouts.

“I am going!” Thor shouts back, but before he can step out of the room he’s shocked. The obedience puck stunning him

 As he falls to the ground, he can hear Hulk laugh. 

“Thor no go. Thor home.”

He sighs, looking out the window. He briefly hears Hulk say something about training. Then he sees her. The woman who got him into this mess in the first place. 

She pays no mind to him, instead greeting Hulk like they were long time friends. 

They go train, leaving Thor alone with his thoughts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up in the dark room. It seems that Loki has left as you were alone. Your eyes sore from crying, you look around for your bag. You find it, pulling out your phone, earbuds, and journal. 

You write your feelings as you listen to music. 

You don’t know what to do. Part of you wants to go find your father and Thor, but another part trusts Loki and wants to stay. It doesn’t help that he has been the most fatherly figure you’ve had in a  while. 

Sure you had the Avengers. You could even argue that Tony has filled that role of father figure since your dad went missing. But, you and Loki formed a tight bond in a few days that took months for you and Tony to form. You both got along well, bonding over distant fathers, dead mothers, and theater. Not to mention you both had a sarcastic attitude. If anything, he’s taken over a big brother role, but nevertheless; betraying his trust was one thing that you couldn’t do.

You sigh, knowing what you were going to do. 

You were going to find your father.

So you get out of bed and change into your suit. You put your phone in your stuff in your bag and grab your weapons. 

You walk down the hallways, not knowing where to begin to find your father. Then an idea hits you. If you can find out where Thor is, you’d most likely find out where your dad is. So with that in mind you decided to ask a guard. 

“Excuse me.” You say to a red guard, “ Do you know where the …”Lord of Thunder” is staying? The Grandmaster allowed me to go and meet him. I am a big fan” 

The guard hesitated, not knowing who you were. But since you dropped the Grandmasters name, he pointed you to the hallway Thor was supposedly in. 

“Thank you!” You beamed, making sure to skip away as if you were a fan. You skip till you were out of sight and sigh, slowing down to a walk. You strolled down the hallways, throwing fake smiles at the guards you passed. 

Finally, you reached a room at the end of the hallway. You notice a woman pass you and walk staright into the room. You hide behind a wall and listen to the conversation. 

“Hey big guy!” She says, you notice that she has an accent similar to Thor’s.

“Angry girl!” another voice says...Your fathers voice. You can hear footsteps coming your way. You quickly pull out your phone and sit down, hoping they’ll walk right past you. You don’t need Hulk seeing you right now. If anything, he’d change back to Bruce and that’ll cause a whole bunch of problems. 

Thankfully, they pay no mind to you. You watch as they joke around and nudge each other. It’s strange, seeing the Hulk to at ease with another person. 

It kind of hurts, in the same way it hurt to see your dad with Natasha. It was like you couldn’t get close to either side of him. Or he chose not to get close to you. 

Pushing away your feelings, you get back to the mission, finding Thor. 

You head  to the room at the end of the hallway. Surprisingly, there were no guards or even a door blocking your way. You can see Thor, standing by the window. His back was turned to you but he was completely still. 

You walk through the door way, and look around the room. It was messy and kinda ugly. The red and white really didn’t clash well.

Then you were startled by Thor loudly gasping. You run up to where he was.

“Thor? Thor are you alright?”

He focuses on you, eyes widening at your presence. 

“Y/n?” He says slowly, “ Y/n?! What are you doing here?”

“The Dr. Wizard said my dad was here. So I came looking for him...” You say slowly. “ Are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.” Thor laughs, “ Have...have you been here this whole time?”

“Yeah, I got here the same day Loki did, so about two weeks ago. Since then I--”

“Wait, have you been with Loki this whole time?” Thor asks.

“Yeah, he’s the reason I’m still alive to be honest.” You say, “ He helped me get in favor of the Grandmaster and he’s been looking out for me ever since.”

“Loki?” Thor says in disbelief, “ My brother, Loki? He has been taking care of you?”

“Yeah, I didn’t believe it either...but he’s been so kind to me, Thor. Kinder than anyone has been in a while.” You say softly. 

Thor smiled, he was glad that there was still a part of the Loki he knew growing up. That you were alright. 

“You look awesome.” He says taking in your outfit, “Where did you get those clothes?!” 

You laugh, “ It seems like the Grandmaster likes to give make overs.” You look at Thor, “ Dude they cut your hair?!” 

“Yeah some creepy old man cut it off.” He says, suddenly he pulls you in for a hug. “ I am beyond glad to see you here.” 

You blush and hug him back, “I’m glad you are okay.’

Then you frown, “ My...my dad...he’s here.”

Thor freezes, “ Oh Y/n I completely forgot..”

“It’s okay... he looks fine” You say bitterly, remembering how chummy he was with that girl.

“ He can’t know I am here.” You say quickly, “ If he does, he’ll change back and raise suspicion.”

“I need help to get out of here.” Thor says, “ Asgard is in danger.”

“Why don’t you just walk out the door?” You ask

“Because, this neck thingy shocks me whenever I try to leave.” Thor says showing you his neck.

“Ohh so that’s why you lost the fight,” You say realizing what happened.

“I dis not lose” Thor said, “Your father cheated.”

You snicker, “What ever you say Lord of Thunder.” 

Thor sighs at the name, knowing that you weren’t going to stop calling him that. 

“Y/n, I need you to help me get out.” Thor says desperately. You furrow your brow, thinking of a way to get him out of here. 

“Okay...I have an idea.” 

You spend the next thirty minutes comin up with an idea. Revising and editing ideas that’ll get him out of here unscathed. 

That’s when you realized that you shouldn’t be here when Hulk gets back. 

“I have to go.” You say quickly, gathering all your stuff. 

“Wait, wait, how are you going to escape...” Thor says worriedly. “ Your father doesn’t even know your here.”

You sigh sadly, “ I doubt he cares. He seems pretty content here.” 

“Y/n, that’s Hulk, not Banner. Your father loves you.” 

You chuckle, “ You know, in last few weeks. Loki showed he cared about me more than my father has in all the years I’ve been alive.”

“Oh...that’s bad.” Thor says, because if you knew Loki cared about you and not your father...that was saying a lot.    

“Good luck Thor, I better go before some guards show up.” You say, patting his arm and dashing off. And again, Thor was alone. 

Running through the hallways, you bump into someone. You fall to the ground in a huff.

“Watch where you’re walking!” 

“Sorry dude, jeez don’t get your undies in a twist.” You say, getting up from the ground. You look up to see the girl who was with the Hulk. 

“Do..do I know you? You look familiar.” She says, closely looking at your face. 

“Umm, I tell stories to the Grandmaster.” You say quickly, “I better go.” 

Then you run off again, leaving a confused Valkyrie behind. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You finally make it to your room. Panting as you close the door.

“Where have you been.” 

You jump, not expecting anyone to be in your room. 

“Relax, its just me.” Loki says, rolling his eyes, “ Now, where were you? I came back into your room, expecting to find you in bed, resting.”

“Sorry, I... I went to see Thor.” You say honestly. 

“Y/n.” Loki starts, but you interrupt him.

“I know! I know I shouldn’t have gone, but I felt really bad and wanted to make sure he was okay.” 

Loki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked at your face, seeing your guilty eyes and frown. He’s demeanor softened, “ You are too kind for your own good.”

You chuckled, “Well, one of us has to have redeemable qualities.”

“Hey!” Loki shouts offended. You laugh at his face.

“I can get used to this” You think to yourself. You yawn, suddenly tired from all your activities.

“Get some rest.” Loki says,��“You’ll need it’” 

Then he leaves the room after ruffling your hair.

As you get ready for bed and finally lay down, you realize you can’t sleep.

 You have a crushing feeling that something big was going to happen the next day.

[ectonurites]

Conner Kent in Suicide Squad/the Infinite Frontier era: wtf is going on

Alright lads hello I just need to type out some theories/thoughts about what’s going on with my boy Kon right now. This is more for myself than anything else (just trying to organize my thoughts) but since some of y’all like to hear me talk about comics (and some of this discussion has already been happenin in my inbox) I figured i’d format it and put it on here too! its like 4k words and written over the last few days mostly at 3am. sorry <3 

this is basically just me going like

Also fair warning that like, I can be wrong and misinterpret things just as much as anyone else can, like I use panels to support why I think what I do but a lot of this stuff is subjective/complicated to understand so like... in general somethings should be taken with a grain of salt, especially because exactly what changes to the universe were made by Death Metal/Infinite Frontier haven’t been super super clearly defined yet. Also sometimes comic writers make the most random nonsensical shit happen, so I as a fan am also allowed to theorize about random nonsensical shit.

But to start: let’s backtrack!

Many months ago when Infinite Frontier was first announced they dropped some promotional art, and I remember being a little confused because. Well:

(Variant Cover spread for Justice League (2018) #59)

(Variant Cover spread for Superman (2018) #29)

Notice how Conner is back to his Teen Titans 2003 look up top, but in his YJ 2019 look at the bottom? This seemed weird to me! But then they announced that Conner would be part of the Suicide Squad ongoing title, in the T-shirt look, so I wrote this discrepancy off in my brain as ‘oh I guess that cover was just the last hurrah for punk Kon’ and moved on with life.

In Suicide Squad right away we learn he’s very much so there against his will:

(Suicide Squad (2021) #1)

Which corroborates more or less what we were also shown in Future State: Suicide Squad, although admittedly it tells... a slightly different version of the events. When I first saw both of these together I just chalked it up to being a bit inaccurate as it’s shown as a memory in Future State:

(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)

Issue 2 we saw him in action with the Squad, trying to do his best to still be a hero despite the team, but things get a little more interesting in the following issue. It starts off with an account of his history

(Suicide Squad (2021) #3)

This page gave me a few immediate red flags, mostly minor things that had to do with coloring, so more irl problems than things to take seriously in-universe (Kon’s pants are the wrong color in the first Superboy shot, and Bart’s Impulse costume is in Kid Flash colors instead of the correct Impulse ones) but then also it just bugged me the phrasing “he joined Young Justice” when he was a founder of the team, he didn’t join it he made it with Tim and Bart.

But again, chalked that stuff up to just.... writers/artists being inconsistent/unaware of things that they should be aware of, or even Nocturna just not being specific with details. But it did still strike me as a little odd considering the very accurate use of villains in those same shots, Scavenger who was a reoccurring bad guy from Kon’s solo days and showed up basically nowhere else (even holding the Spear of Lono and everything!) and Billy/Harm (Greta’s brother) from Young Justice.

But then a few pages later we got this:

(Suicide Squad (2021) #3)

Which is interesting. My first instinct was to think he’s being drugged w kryptonite or something thats leaving him hazy/out of it, but my thoughts on that have kinda changed, we’ll get there in a bit. But in general the context of ‘something’s wrong’ made the slight discrepancies on some details of his own history make more sense.

I also want to then bring up the next part to this story, the crossover issue in Teen Titans Academy.

(Teen Titans Academy #3)

So a few things. Does it feel weird to anyone else that Conner Kent, a known previous Titan who literally has a framed picture of himself in a case there, would set off alarm sensors like that? Wouldn’t he be... recognized as a Titan not an intruder by their sensors? Interesting! Anyways.

He looks really pained looking at that picture, and sad, and almost frustrated, which ya know makes sense and hurts my heart because he misses them! He misses his friends and being happy. 

But, importantly for a criticism I wanna make thats less theory related and more just me bein annoyed at Tim Sheridan, that’s a picture of Conner. Right there. That’s Superboy, on display at Teen Titans Academy, so the people who frequent this building would know who he is and what he looks like and be able to recognize him, he’s even in the same outfit and everything. Alinta recognized him at the end of Suicide Squad #3. 

So why does only one person during this big fight then comment on his presence?? Why doesn’t it get a bigger reaction???

(Teen Titans Academy #3)

And after the fight we don’t see any on panel moment of Wallace going up to the staff Titans (who weren’t present for the fight) and saying like “HEY NIGHTWING UHHH SUPERBOY WAS WITH THE SUICIDE SQUAD?” we just see him talking with his friends upset about Crush leaving. We see Alinta talking to them but we don’t see the exact dialogue. So I do just wanna take the writer by the shoulders and shake him a little bit and ask WHY because that just feels like... something you’d wanna address on panel! This is like the first time since joining the squad that Kon’s at all in contact with people from his life before Waller got involved, I feel like not addressing those people’s reactions to it/not discussing it at least a little bit on panel (especially when Conner CAME UP in the previous TTA issue, Dick brought him up and everything!!!) is a really odd choice. Maybe it’ll happen next issue and i’m just impatient, but who knows. Anyways, gripes with Sheridan aside, lets move on.

I wanna bring up how Conner... doesn’t really respond to Wallace’s question? At all? Except to just fight him off, not even an attempt at a ‘Sorry’ or anything? (the ‘Ha! That all you got?!’ seems to be coming from Culebra not Conner, although the placement of the bubble is vague enough it could be that it was supposed to be Conner? but it seems more like what she’d say, especially as she’s grabbing Emiko like that) That just feels weird. It feels off. In general he speaks so little in Suicide Squad #3 and this issue. Tbh it almost feels like he doesn’t really recognize Wallace which I mean I suppose they never exactly met (they would have theoretically during Death Metal, basically all past/present Titans were together for a while during that), but Kon’s been back in existing long enough he’d have a sense of who current heroes are anyways.

But right, so, lots of little things that feel weird... that gets us caught up to the most recently released comics... but in this household we look at solicits as they drop. Which gives us some info on what’s coming up a few months ahead of time, albeit without full context obviously. Issues #4 and #5 don’t mention Conner in their descriptions or show him on the covers at all, because there’s just other plot things going on, so ya know seems things will be quiet for him for a bit.

But then we got the August solicitations and oh BOY it’s a doozey for him! And some things start to kinda connect perhaps!

I want to just take a moment to look at that specific wording. “The teen calling himself Conner Kent” I’m probably reading too much into it but that feels deliberate, like why wouldn’t you just say ‘Conner Kent’? Usually these kinds of descriptions are trying to keep a low word count, not add in extra words that don’t need to be there. It makes it feel like that’s a name he’s using that... doesn’t actually belong to him.

So the theory I want to propose (that has been floating around already) is that based on these covers and the description, and how the Conner we’ve been seeing in Suicide Squad apparently talks about his own personal history like he’s ‘reading a wikipedia entry’ and had little response to people he should be aware of like Wallace and apparently isn’t recognized as a Titan through a bio-scan and also bearing in mind those initial promo arts with two separate looks at the same time for him... I think we're looking at a situation where the Conner in Suicide Squad so far has actually been a clone of original Conner (like... like he’s Match 2.0 or somethin) the whole time, that’s just not aware he’s not the original. 

Now that’s the base theory I wanna work with and build off of, but there’s MANY different directions that could go in/ways that could work.

For example, one idea is that the Conner we saw in #1 who was chained up is the original Conner, and he’s been being cloned and held captive, so everything else with Conner in Suicide Squad so far has been this Match 2.0 

Another idea could be the original Conner in #1 is also the Conner in #2 who Waller had then commented wasn’t ready during the mission in Arkham and had zapped with a lil Kryptonite, and after that moment she took him off the field because his spirit hadn’t been broken enough to be obedient (as he was a lot quieter in Issue #3 & the TTA crossover compared to #2, and #3 is when the Nocturna thing with the history happened)

Or it could even be original Conner in #1, then in #2 was one clone that wasn’t ‘ready’ that after that point she stopped using him, and switched to a diff clone for #3, because like that first cover did show a LOT of clones. That could be more just ‘artistic interpretation’ or something, covers sometimes do exaggerate/mislead, but it also could indicate we’re looking at a lot of clones.

(Suicide Squad (2021) #2)

With all of those in mind I also wanna bring up this little bit from Future State Suicide Squad:

(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)

Again Future State is a ‘possible future’ so stuff from it isn’t set in stone, but the idea of ‘she still has his YJ 2019 outfit somewhere’ makes me think it could be something along the lines of like, Clone!Conner finds original Conner and frees him and he gets back his YJ outfit, which could lead to like the imagery on that variant cover/the idea from my very first part of this post where I was talking about Kon being shown in both outfits in different places.

Alternatively entirely from all that, another option is that she maybe got ahold of what was needed to clone Kon, but doesn’t even have the original Kon in her possession. (again with the Future State thing, she could be lying since elsewhere in Future State we did also see a copy of YJ 2019 Kon’s costume in one of the Jon-focused Future State comics in a display case 🤷‍♂️) Which could also lead to that confrontation on the variant cover & the promo art thing... and could also explain why we have seen nothing about anyone looking for him, because in that sort of scenario he wouldn’t have even been missing in the first place.

There’s a lot of possibilities! It’s still too early to solidly know anything, but I feel pretty confident we’re entering another cloning related plot with our Clone Boy so it’s... ya know. Clone time. On the one hand it’s annoying because god we have done clone/multiple Kons plots before. We’ve done them so much.

BUT on the other hand, I think it could be interesting to use this situation to tie into some older stuff from pre-reboot that I can see some connections to, because due to Infinite Frontier altering the world and people’s memories it’s all technically fair game storytelling-wise again (and like, the use of Scavenger specifically in that flashback way above, who’s not a super well known villain in general, makes me think maaaaybe the writer did do some of their Kon homework)

Something also just dawned on me that i’m not quite sure what it means but still is worth mentioning: The Conner here in Suicide Squad is back in his Teen Titans Vol. 3 outfit, and his history as he tells it stops during Teen Titans Vol. 3. And doesn’t... mention when he died? It feels like it... stopped before that, because like I feel if he was telling his life history (even the wiki version LMAO) the part where he died and came back would be pretty important to bring up?? And Nocturna specifically says that he didn’t explain how that stuff from TT Vol. 3 then led to him in his current situation. That’s a pretty big gap (like uhhh everything from resurrection until he got lost on Gemworld + all the rest of the Young Justice 2019 stuff?) So like.. there could be something funky going on here that has to do with that. 

Similarly when he flashes back in Future State: Suicide Squad to his past it also goes right from Teen Titans Vol. 3 to the current Suicide Squad run? Like I get it’s one page so they can’t show that much, but the fact that there’s now two places that flash back to that same specific time period and nothing past it until the Suicide Squad feels just... noticeable! Not concretely indicative of something, but noteworthy.

(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)

Like...this almost has me thinking maybe it could be something where like, they tampered with his dead body and cloned from that? BECAUSE, for those of you who may not be familiar with how Kon’s resurrection (during Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds) worked, when he came back there was time travel involved! He was brought back to life in the future (like. Legion of Superheroes era) because it was a process that took that thousand or so years to work/heal him (essentially because of his hybrid dna the process that healed Clark when he had died back in Death of Superman/Reign of the Supermen in the 90s just took a lot longer, but its the same Kryptonian healing chamber thing) meaning when he came back to the present alive again, his dead body was still also in the present just in it’s process of healing. Meaning especially if we’re bringing back stuff from before the reboot, Kon likely has his dead body just vibing out there while he’s goin around living life 🤷‍♂️

SO them doing something related to that could explain the choice to put him back in the T-shirt (since thats what he wore in the era his brain would be caught up to if we’re relating this to when he died) and why he’d recognize himself in a group photo with Bart, Cassie and Tim but maybe not someone like Wallace who didn’t exist back then. I don’t know, this branch of thought is still half baked. Will maybe come back and elaborate on this later. But I’m now really thinking there might be a connection to the early Teen Titans Vol. 3 era specifically because of it being referenced twice in stuff with this Suicide Squad.

ANYWAYS moving on, this is probably a shot in the dark and I only thought of it because I just was reading 90′s Superboy, but right away when thinking about ‘Amanda Waller’ and ‘Cloning Kon’ I was reminded of some stuff about the circumstances around the first clone that was made of Conner: Match.

(Superboy (1994) #35)

Match was created by an organization called ‘The Agenda’, that was after a while primarily under the control of The Contessa, Lex Luthor’s ex-wife, aided by Amanda Spence who had a personal grudge against Kon bc her dad was Paul Westfield the guy Kon was originally cloned from (before the Lex/Clark retcon). They were the big bad guys of an arc called The Evil Factory in Superboy (where Cadmus personnel got replaced with clones) which also then tied into the Sins of Youth event over in Young Justice (Remember how Match was posing as Superboy for a while there? yeah). After those plot lines finished the Agenda was pretty defeated (Amanda Spence was still out there and came back later but still) and... who got their hands on the remaining Agenda tech?

(Superboy (1994) #87)

Why none other than Amanda Waller herself!

If they re-canonized pieces of this (which also tied into Young Justice which ya know, YJ 2019 was all about re-establishing stuff from YJ even before Death Metal happened soooo) it would totally make sense for Waller to have complete access to the exact technology used to clone Conner before. 

Now, a thing to consider here though is what happened to Kon after he’d been cloned that first time, where his DNA got all destabilized by the process (and he needed to go through a procedure with Roxy as a genetic template to keep him together, which was how he got stuck at age 16 for a while). This was something where he was fine for a period of time before the side effects began to kick in. Now, I think it’s worth mentioning that was also back in the days where he was not yet Lex & Clark’s clone, but still Paul Westfield’s. So there could easily be a ‘now that certain Kryptonian genes have kicked in as he got his newer powers it doesn’t destabilize him the same way’ reasoning or something along those lines to avoid this problem. Alternatively, it could be an interesting thing to embrace rather than retcon away, especially if we’ve been seeing Clone Conner in action and Original Conner hasn’t been in our focus, things could be wrong with him that we just don’t know about.

Another branch of thinking that I think is even MORE a shot in the dark but could be interesting (or again even related to what I just said, could be a combo of things) is if this somehow ended up related to those clones that were reverse engineered from the remains of Match from the very end of Teen Titans Vol. 3

(Teen Titans (2003) #99)

All of them were then taken down with Kryptonite and killed in battle (by Rose & Damian) 

(Teen Titans (2003) #100)

But like... idk man if Waller got her hands on those corpses or even just the data from Dr. Caligan that he extracted from Match to make them... that could also be a potential way to make some new Conner clones, and that could be why the bio-scan thing at Titans Tower wouldn’t work properly because of the thing he says above about it not being a “complete match’

One thing I don’t think is the case, but has been brought up to me, is stuff with New 52 Kon. I’ve talked extensively about New 52 Kon in recent weeks because I read through all his stuff, but the thing that makes me shy away from him being part of this situation is the fact that... he’s not interchangeable with Kon the way I think some people think he is. He wouldn’t visually be recognized as Original Kon because he is literally on a genetic level a separate person. They’d prob look related, sure, like they’d pass for brothers because they both have Clark’s DNA, but New 52 Kon has Lois’ DNA and Original Kon has Lex’s. New 52 Kon would likely look more like Jon, rather than Kon. Lois specifically commented in an Action Comics issue that Kon had some resemblance to Lex, even. So like, things like Wallace recognizing him or him looking at his own matching reflection alongside the group picture at the Tower... those wouldn’t happen the same way if this was New 52 Kon.

Now I think it coooould theoretically be possible for Waller to have gotten her hands on that future N.O.W.H.E.R.E. cloning tech that had been used to make New 52 Kon, like I wouldn’t rule that out. Because she knows where the remains of their bases are as shown in Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #16-17, and like, Harvest is dead so she could easily just send teams out there to gather shit if she wanted. 

Onto some other things I don’t think are actually related but that I was reminded of/wanted to address:

I feel i’d be a bad timkon fan if during all of this discussion of past stories with cloning Kon I didn’t even bring up Tim’s cloning attempt stuff, but I think it would ultimately be unrelated. His tech was stolen from Luthor, and his attempts didn’t succeed because he was trying to build from scratch without Cadmus’ the data about how they altered the DNA from the original process. 

(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #34)

Then that initial cover for the annual really reminded me of part of the Hollow Men story from Superboy Vol. 5 just with like... Kon in a room full of copies of himself. I don’t think this story would be related either because it was more magic Tannarak stuff rather than regular cloning, but ya know. It’s the imagery.

(Superboy Vol. 5 #9)

It also really reminded me of the stuff from Hyper-Tension which was hypertime stuff not cloning but again just... visually.

(Superboy Vol. 4 #62)

In general I don’t think we’re EVER gonna see Black Zero or any of these multiverse Superboys again LMAO.

To try to sum up all of this in a way that might make sense here’s kinda a... flowchart of some of my main ideas for what the cloning situation could be/how the logic could work. Again this is borrowing stuff from across continuities because Infinite Frontier means theoretically anything’s fair game. (Also I don’t think I mentioned this earlier but I do mention it in the chart, but I think it’s also reasonable that Waller could get her hands on Cadmus tech if Cadmus is like properly made canon again. She just has funky government connections!)

Also I just now thought of this now several hours after I already made the chart and I don’t wanna remake it so sorry not incorporating it there but I remembered there was also that bit during House of Kent where Clark took Kon to the Hall of Justice and they were running some tests on him, so I’m thinking it’s also possible Waller got ahold of that data/that might be how she found out about Kon in the first place for this timeline. And they indicated that there was something wrong with him there, where he might eventually lose his powers or something, so maybe she tried to do cloning stuff to be able to have a copy of Superboy in his prime or something??? before that started kicking in. I don’t know, just more things to consider:

(Action Comics (2016) #1028)

ANYWAYS in conclusion: there is clone fuckery of some sort happening, I’m curious where it’s gonna go, and I just want Kon to be okay.

If you actually read this uhm. props to you bc this probably makes no sense to anyone but me its just word vomit <3 

[anythingandeverything1d]

Cherry

“Hey Haz.” you smiled as he walked into the living room, joining you on the couch. “Whatcha been up to lately? I feel like it’s been years since we've seen each other.”

Harry laughed and nodded. “It has been. I’ve just been writing and recording ya know working on this album and all that. I think it’s finally coming together now.” 

You leaned over and rested your head on his shoulder. “What are you working on right now? Anything you’re willing to share?” You batted your eyes and grinned, looking into his bright green eyes.

“Maybe.” He grinned looking back. “Maybe not though.”

“Come on, you've gotta have something for me...” you pried. 

“I mean I definitely have something...just not sure if its ready for ears yet.”

“Oh come on, since when have you not shared songs with me? Is this one written about me or something?” Harry didn’t say anything he just looked the other way and smiled nervously. “Wait, it’s actually about me?”

“Well one of them...you know we did kind of go through some stuff a bit ago...”

“Wait, can I actually hear it then? I’m curious now.”

“I don't know...I don't know if it’s finished or not yet.”

“Well I can always give you advice....” You smiled at him and leaned closer. “Pleaseee....I want to know what people are going to think about me.” 

“Okay, Okay.”

Harry handed you his phone with the recording and you put on a pair of headphones before hitting play. 

“Don't you call him "baby" We're not talking lately Don't you call him what you used to call me”

You closed your eyes thinking back to that time. You and Harry had been best friends for years, but suddenly that line had been crossed. You and Harry ended up going out a few times, and even dating for a few months, that is until Harry’s hectic schedule put a wedge in your relationship and you decided you could no longer work with distance. You had ended things, wanting to stay friends and see where things went, but when Harry found out a little later you had gone on a few dates with someone else, things had gotten worse. Harry thought the idea was to take a break, not see other people, and wait to reconvene once his tour was over. Your friendship was put on pause and he was really upset things weren't necessarily going his way. 

“I, I confess I can tell that you are at your best I'm selfish so I'm hating it

I notice that There's a piece of you in how I dress Take it as a compliment”

You bite your lip to stop the tear from forming. During your split with Harry you were doing really well. Things at work had been going well, this new guy seemed to be the real deal. Harry never called, texted, and your relationship with him was almost nonexistent. You never strayed too far though, always keeping up with him in articles and online. You also stayed close to his friends who let you know how he was doing and such. You wanted to reach out but was afraid he didn’t want to talk to you anymore and wanted nothing to do with your relationship in general. You did notice little things about his outfits, the fun pops of colors or patterns, the way he carried himself, but you had always assumed it was a coincidence.

“Don't you call him "baby" We're not talking lately Don't you call him what you used to call me

I, I just miss I just miss your accent and your friends Did you know I still talk to them?

Does he take you walking 'round his parents' gallery?” 

You blinked, making sure not to make eye contact with Harry who’s green eyes were watching your every move and expression. The song was cutting deep. Not talking to Harry had really hurt you, but you assumed that him not talking to you had no affect. Clearly you had been wrong and knowing that made your heart ache a little. You also didn’t know that he missed you. You has always assumed he was over you, and that he just thought there was nothing left in the relationship. The fact that he cared enough to talk to your friends was something that really made you want to cry. Like how did you really not know any of this. How did you not fix things sooner.

“Don't you call him "baby" We're not talking lately Don't you call him…”

When the song finished, you replayed it once more. The ending had your heart skipping a beat. It killed you that Harry cared and you didn’t even know. It hurt you that he felt these things and you never even considered what you jumping into another relationship would do. You didn’t even know he cared that you were with someone else..you always assumed he just moved on as well.

 You finally pulled the headphones off and looked over at him. “What did you think?” Harry was anxiously tapping his foot on the floor, watching you for a reaction. You didn't know what to say but you felt like crying. You felt like you should’ve been there more for him during that time, like you didn’t do enough or try enough to make things work. You felt a tear drop down your cheek and Harry quickly caught it in his finger. “You didn’t like it?” At first you said nothing. Did you tell him exactly how the song made you feel or do you just go with the basics? It was something that you didn’t know how to go about. On one hand, telling him the truth might express more feelings to him which he was always asking you to do...and on the other you wanted to focus on the song being well written and beautiful, which it was. “It’s that bad?” Harry asked, his head falling.

“No-No.” You shook your head, frustrated that more tears were forming. “It’s beautiful. Everything fits so well with the music and I its great.” 

“(y/n)...”

“Harry I swear. I really do love it. You’re an amazing writer.”

“Then what’s wrong?” Harry tugged you into his arms and you cried more, feeling stupid for crying in the first place.

“I just never knew what you were going through...If I had known I-”

“You couldn’t have known. I was just as absent as you were. All that matters is we made it back to where we were before.”

You nodded. “I just wish I had known....I feel bad that I hurt you like that.”

“It wasn’t all your fault love, I was pissed things weren’t my way and thats something I had to work through. I’m just glad we are sitting here together listening to my new album like we did with the last...” Harry smiled and shook his head. “Stop crying! I don’t like seeing you sad...”

You wiped your eyes and smiled. “I’m sorry....”

“(y/n) we can’t change anything. That time made us who we are and it proved we needed each other because clearly we are still here now...there’s nothing to be sorry for. It was my fault as well. We can’t dwell on that anymore though...we have so much more to look forward too...”

“I know...” you hugged him tight. “I love you. Don’t let me make you feel that way again okay”

Harry laughed and rubbed your back. “Okay.”

“Are there any other songs about me, that I should know about....”

“Well-” Harry began with a soft laugh. “There may be a couple...”

“Can I hear those too?” 

“Once I record them yeah, this was the one I started with....”

Your mind was moving a million miles a minute and you looked up. “There is one thing about the song I think you could improve upon.”

“Really?”

“Why don’t you use the voicemail.”

“You mean THE voicemail?”

“Yeah, the one I left you....the one that brought us back together...it could end the song on a high note and would really tell a story well.”

“Hmm maybe...” 

“Come on, when have I ever been wrong about something like this.”

“You’ve never suggested something like this.”

“Well that means my track record is pretty good then!” Harry laugend and snuggled up into you. “So what’s the other song called? The one about me...”

“Falling.”

---

I got this request and thought it was cute! Hope its kinda what you were going for.

xoxo

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[insidetheacademy]

Say You Love Me || iv

pairings: peter parker x reader (both peter and reader are 18+!)

summary: Peter found out that reader is moving away

warnings: angst, explicit language

gif credits: tomholandd

part i part ii part iii part iv part v 

-

you were sitting on a stool just painting on your perfectly laid out easel. envisioning the scenery that you had in your mind. frank ocean was playing in the background, basically you were just vibing to the whole scene that you’re in right now. brushes were gently dragged across the canvas while you sing along to frank ocean.

as you were about to drag your brush that was covered in purple paint, someone had rang your doorbell. it was odd as you dont usually get visitors ever. you think it wasnt appropriate to bring guests over since your place looks like it belongs in a dumpster– you dipped your brush in your jar that’s filled with water and walked over to your door. you opened it slightly to take a peek at who it was

and there he was in all of his glory; Peter Parker. you opened the door wide and greeted him, “Parker, hey. didnt know you were coming over,” you said nervously, his lips curved into a smile “yeah! thought i would surprise you,” it was shocking, yes, you hadnt even told him whats your apartment number. he must have stalked you when he’s being Spider-Man.

you invited him in and turned the volume of the radio down so it wouldnt be noisy. you walked over to your small kitchen to make some tea for the two of you. “so, what brings you here, Peter?” you curiously asked him, “i was just about to ask you out for lunch. i didnt know you were busy,” he said while looking around your cozy apartment.

you took out the teabags from their container and dunked it in the teapot. you then took out two cups and pour the tea out. “i wouldn’t say i’m busy. plus you should’ve called me before coming over,” you handed him his tea. he took a sip and shrugs his shoulder

the next few hours, he hung out at your place, you ordered pizza for the two of you while he was sitting on your couch watching a movie that you had put on. “so, what are you up to nowadays?” you asked Peter, he swallowed his pizza and said “well, i’m just doing superhero stuffs, you know?” you raised your eyebrows and laughed at his statement “as in what?” he crossed his arms and said “i’m actually working with Happy now. believe it or not, he gets on my nerves,” the both of you laughed

“ ‘kay, I’m gonna go to the bathroom” you put down your tea cup and your phone on the coffee table and headed to your bathroom. your phone dings and Peter couldnt help it but to take a small look on who it was, it read “congratulations y/n, on getting a job in Paris!! your father and i are so proud.” Peter heart drops as he read the first few lines. he felt as if he had been betrayed.

you walked into the living room “hey, so what do you wanna do for dinner? i can make mac and cheese,” you stopped in your tracks when you saw Peter holding your phone, “what are you doing with my phone, Pete?” you asked calmly trying not to burst, “y-you’re moving?” he asks almost heartbroken like, you nodded to his question which lead to him being furious. Peter asked yet again “when are you leaving?” , y/n looks down on her feet and said “tomorrow,”. he kept bombarding with questions not planning to stop until he’s got all the answers that he needs, “were you not planning to tell me?” he said you walked to him and snatched your phone away, “it’s not a big deal, Parker! what the hell were you doing looking at my phone anyways?!” you shouted at him

“its not a big deal? this could change your life, y/n! where am i gonna fit in after that?!” Peter scoffed, you were offended at his words, “where are YOU gonna fit in? let me remind you, Parker, you are not my boyfriend so stop acting like one!” you spit at him. as if he wasnt satisfied he shoot back “so you dont even think of me as a friend anymore?!” you rolled your eyes, “for God’s sake, Parker, you stopped calling and texting me when you fucked Jane! you were the one stopped being there! so, no! i dont even think you are a friend. what kind of friend ditches their OWN friend for a girl?” you tried swallowing it but tears just rolls down your cheeks,

the world then fell into this huge awkward silence. what you said to him really went through his head. you were right, he was the one who left you to fend on your own. he could’ve just rejected you and still be friends, but why did he had to ignore you altogether? you sobbed into your hands and said “I think you should leave,” Peter tried to hug you and say sorry “leave.” you said at him with anger and sadness in your voice.

he took his jacket and said “thanks for the tea,” and left. you were shocked, what kind of human being just say that after they had a fight?! you took one of the cups and throw it at the front door wishing that it would hit him. on the otherside, he didnt walk away easily, he stopped to think about his actions in front of your door and was startled to hear a shattering noise. he punched a wall to let out his frustrations only to realise that this isnt his apartment. he ran out as fast as possible before he got caught.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

what the hell were you thinking?! Peter thought to himself. he continues to make you distant from him without even trying! he wanted to be happy for you but everything seems impossible only because of his stupid actions. he lies on his bed in the dark just hugging the life out of his pillow, getting everything out of his system.

the next morning, Peter woke up with swollen eyes and dry throat. he heads into his bathroom and splashed a bit of water on his face. words from yesterday creeping on his mind, replaying like a broken record. he walked to the kitchen to get something to eat. maybe a pop tarts for breakfast? he sat down and thinks to himself, what the hell am i gonna do? should i apologise? suddenly there was a knocking on his door, he gets up to open it, “May!” he exclaims with surprised in his eyes, “hey! did you forget that i was supposed to come over today?” May asked raising her eyebrows,

May walked inside and took a good look around Peter’s apartment, “I thought you were planning to decorate it?” she asked, Peter crosses his arms and said “I-I’ve been busy, May” May gave Peter a weird look as he moved out two months ago and he’s still sleeping on the floor. May walked to Peter and cusped his face, “have you been crying?” Peter nodded only to break down infront of her, “shhh.... shhh... tell me what happened,” May said trying to calm Peter down

Peter told May the whole story, “what do you think I should do, Aunt May?” he asks desperately for an advice, May took Peter’s hands into hers, “she’s leaving today right? go and send y/n off. don’t let her go knowing that she ended things badly with you.” May smiles. Peter stood up from the couch to get ready.

May was right. Peter cant let you go to Paris without apologising to you. this was his fault for acting out and he’s going to make things right. he kissed Aunt May on her cheeks and made his way to your apartment.

Peter is now at your front door just fidgeting with his fingers. he went ahead and ring the doorbell. he waited for a few seconds hoping that you were still sleeping in. he pressed the doorbell yet again but there was no answer. suddenly he heard a voice, “are you looking for Y/n, dear?” she asks in a most loving voice, Peter nodded “I’m afraid she’s already gone to the airport,” Peter’s face drops even more knowing that you had left. “Oh, thank you then,” he walks by her.

“though, you might still can catch her at the airport,” Peter stopped and turned around to face her, “I talked to her this morning and she said she doesnt get on the plane until its 1:50pm,” the old lady smiles at Peter. Peter swore he could feel his own spirits lifted, he thanked her with the hugest grin on his face. He drove right down to the airport. not trying to waste any moment more.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

You had just arrived at the airport, the cab driver was kind enough to lend you a helping hand. You smiled and bid thank you. Suddenly there was a big commotion, people were honking their cars and screaming “hey!”, you turned back to see that it was Peter. You tried walking away from him damn it he’s too fast,

“Y/n, wait!” He shouted, “what do you want, Parker?” You asked in an uninterested voice, he took a deep breath and said “I cant let you go. Not like this. I am so sorry for what happened between the two of us. The truth is, I missed you. At nights, I think about the words you said to me when you confessed. I have been a dick and I am so sorry. I know nothing can erase my actions but let’s start this over again?” You were shocked to say the least, you couldnt believe he came all the way to the airport to say that.

You pulled Peter in for a hug. “I forgive you,” you mumbled against his neck, you let go of him and said “I’m sorry too.. for not telling you any sooner,” he wiped the tears on your cheeks, “hey, its okay. I was the one who had no rights to get mad at you,” you smiled at him and he smiled back.

For the next 40 minutes, he had helped you checked in your plane and carried your baggages around. You were both now sitting in Starbucks just trying to forget about what happened. “I have something for you,” you spoke, Peter was excited to see what it was, you took it out from your backpack and showed him. It was a painting. A painting of him as Spider-man. Peter took it in his hands and admired the painting, “this is awesome, y/n!” Peter blushed knowing that you had spent your time making a potrait of him on top of a building.

“Don’t think I had never saw you looking at me when you’re on the building thats infront of my apartment window,” You sipped your coffee, Peter was embarassed to know that he was caught stalking her. “How long have you had this?” Peter asked, “A month ago when we met again. I knew immediately that you were gonna, quote on quote, keep me safe, like you used to,” you winked at him. You were right, Peter sometimes do that to people he loves. Just lingering near their houses to keep them safe.

40 minutes has gone by so fast and now it was time for you to go. “So this is it!” You said with nervous laced in your voice, “I’m gonna miss you,” Peter smiles at you. You leaned it and gave Peter a kiss on the cheek, you then took your bag from him, “I’m gonna miss you too, Spider-boy,” you smirked at him and went to the gate.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

a/n;; hii i am so sorry for the late update, my phone is fucked ;w; and i cant do anything about it since the whole world is in lockdown but here’s an angsty part 4 to make it all up! thank you all for waiting patiently!

say you love me taglist

@imawkwardandhereweare @canyonmoonspidey @thebadassbitchqueen @thequeenreaders @averyfosterthoughts @a--1--1--3

[the-dumbest-po3-au]

part 4 - the dumbest po3 au

its been. nine. montsh im SO SORRY GUYS LMAO

for those of you who dont know what the dumbest po3 au is, click this link

for those of you who have not read the summaries for power of three, part 1 - part 2 - part 3

alright!!!!!!! dovewing time

the fourth apprentice

the book opens w/ ivykit and dovekit in the nursery. ivykit suggests going out to explore the territory and dovekit is like “wow. that sounds like a fantastic idea ivykit you are so smart"

whitewing says No Absolutely Not, and leaves at some point to go make dirt. they sneak out and not 5 minutes later they get lost. dovekit gets blames ivykit for suggesting it and they get into a fight. they both get really mad & dovekit runs off. because shes like a stupid 2 year old gets distracted, rams her head into a rock and passes out. rip dovekit. she wakes up and sees a fox kit coming towards her. she screams.

her head hurts and shes tired and now shes going to die. out of nowhere a huge cat beats up the fox and scares it away. dovekit passes out (again)

when she wakes up, she is next to a cat messing with a bunch of weird plants. the cat sees that she woke up and introduces himself as littlecloud. he asks what her name is. “dove… dove…?? i dont know” says dovekit.

he asks her how she got there, and if she has any family. she does not remember. so littlecloud tells her she’s gonna have to stay here for the time being. he asks her if anything hurts, and dovekit says she thinks may have hit her head.

he gives her some of the weird plants and she goes back to sleep. when she wakes up her head has stopped hurting and she feels a lot better. she gets up to go walk around and is immediately introduced to the tawnyspawn.

tigerpaw is stupid and friendly (and hellbent on being her future best friend). dawnpaw is obnoxious and a bit (read: extremely) condescending but interested. flamepaw is nice and also the only one with half a braincell.

they take her around and introduce her to the rest of the clan. she sees blackstar and is like. “im pretty sure thats my dad” tigerpaw gasps. flamepaw and dawnpaw are like. “What.” “he saved me from the fox im pretty sure thats my dad,” says dovekit

they go harass blackstar. dovekit follows him around like a puppy and the tawnspawn follow her. he has this train of literal 2 yr olds trailing after him and is wildly unhappy about this development. russetfur is also definitely siccing the kids on him to make him mad.

dawnpaw gives dovekit a passionate speech about the clans, but mostly how evil riverclan kicked completely innocent shadowclan out of their home, and how shadowclan has to set everything right and deliver justice to those cringe fail fishheads, or something.

a few days later the tawnyspawn are off doing their own thing and dovekit goes to see whats going on. dawnpaw tries to shut tigerpaw up but he spills the beans anyways. “we’re going to attack riverclan on a Secret Mission so that we can win back shadowclan’s honor and become WARRIORS so you cant tell anybody”

dawnpaw sighs. “dovekit this is for Big Kids Only, so you cant be here.” flamepaw is trying to talk tigerpaw out of doing this in the bg but tigerpaw is being stubborn. dovekit is sad about it but goes back to sulk in camp (and to harass her new dad).

a few hours later tawnypelt runs over to blackstar and is like. “blackstar my children are missing nobody knows where they went”

"oh!! they went to go attack riverclan to get back shadowclan’s territory!” informs dovekit helpfully.

“what.” says blackstar, tawnypelt, and russetfur in unison. the sky immediately opens up and starts Pouring. tawnypelt freaks out. dovekit is like “why cant we just follow the sound of their voices??” but everyone ignores her bc they think shes just being stupid.

“Fine!! ill just go find them on my OWN” says dovekit, following them by the sound of their voices (theyre proally arguing over something stupid).

now four of shadowclan’s children are missing. “you brought that kid here so you get to deal with her,” says russetfur. blackstar sighs dramatically and goes off to find his new child.

dovekit runs into an old man cat. “whatre you doin here??” says old man cat. “im looking for my friends!! whats your name :0? im dovekit!!” “my names purdy!”

blackstar shows up and is like. who tf are you. “this is my new friend purdy!!!” says dovekit. blackstar doesnt even know how to respond. “look we’re going to go back to the camp right now and we’re not taking this dude with us.”

dovekit is like “??? no??? we have to get my friends theyre right over there??” she says pointing in their direction w/ her tail. blackstar is ready to cry. so blackstar and purdy follow dovekit as she leads them closer to riverclan territory where they hear the tawnyspawn screeching like banshees.

they run over and find several cats w/ the tawnyspawn who are pinned down. “if you breathe in my direction ill kill all three of these children,” says a snotty dude.

“who tf are you” says blackstar

“im darktail you insolent snot,” says darktail.

one of his cats grabs dovekit and blackstar snaps. he lunges at darktail while purdy beats up the dude who snatched dovekit. the tawnyspawn take advantage of the moment, escape, and dogpile the other cats. its a disaster.

darktail swears revenge on blackstar till his dying day or something. nobodys really paying attention to him at this point. he runs off w/ his crew. “alright then” says blackstar. this has been a really weird and long day for everyone. blackstar wants to leave purdy but all the children immediately start crying. they bring purdy home.

“holy crap!!! purdy!!!!!” says tawnypelt. “why are you here??” but then she sees her children. she and rowanclaw give them a very stern lecture about Not Running Off Without Telling Anyone (in which tawnypelt is a massive hypocrite but to be fair god told her to)

in the meanwhile, blackstar asks dovekit how tf she knew they were there. “i could hear them, Obviously. ???? cant u not???” blackstar just looks at her. dovekit realizes that probably not everyone shares this ability. blackstar shoos her off and calls a meeting w/ the senior warriors.

dovekit goes off to bother purdy for stories and play w/ the tawnyspawn. nothing particularly interesting happens. blackstar and russetfur call her over later and start assessing her abilities. its only slightly a disaster because shes wildly distracted 80% of the time and her powers are unwieldy bc shes a kit.

cue training. there is a lot of trial, error, and tears (on both sides) but it works out in the end (mostly).

time skip. its been a few months. dovekit becomes dovepaw and blackstar mentors her b/c of her powers. at this point shes gotten control of how to pick out numbers, locations, troops, etc. basically she is a living radar.

blackstar calls another meeting w/ the senior warriors and afterwards calls a clan meeting. “alright losers we’re going to take back our territory and kick riverclan’s butt”

they go over the clan w/ all the cats and begin the trek home. another time skip because that takes a while and nothing particularly interesting happens.

when they get back, the clan stays outside the border while blackstar has dovepaw do a sweep of the territory. she finds a patrol led by a black cat named reedwhisker. blackstar picks a patrol out and they go to ambush the riverclan patrol.

the shadowclan patrol takes reedwhisker + the patrol hostage, but lets one go to tell mistystar. mistystar takes a patrol and comes over. “if you dont give us back our territory i will kill your son” says blackstar. mistystar is like “bro. i dont even want your stupid crusty territory anyways. screw you.”

she takes her son and the rest of the patrol and leaves. another win for shadowclan, obviously. maybe they have a party idk. end of book.

fading echoes

cinderheart has not been doing well. she’s been doing really badly, actually. her best friend died and she blames herself. she’s still grieving and continually lashing out at everyone around her. poppyfrost and honeyfern attempted to be there for her but after the continual rebuffs they decided to just give her space.

unfortunately cinderheart. doesnt have any other friends in thunderclan, so the only person she can talk to is lionblaze. unfortunately theres only so much he can do from windclan, so mostly shes been just been going into a downward spiral.

ivypaw hasnt been doing great either. she feels extremely guilty because she thinks its her fault that dovekit ran away, and when dovekit is never found, it gets 50x worse.

but she also doesnt want to say anything about her involvement in fear of getting punished. as time goes on, she starts getting babied by the clan (almost like leopardstar when she was a kid) because her sister disappeared and she took it really hard.

and like on one hand, she likes the attention, but on the other hand its too much a lot of the time. she starts adopting this “stop babying me!1!1!!!”/kinda edgy persona. the clan takes it like shes grieving, and she’ll grow out of it, so they dont say too much.

so the book opens w/ ivypaw and fernpaw’s apprentice ceremony. brief context about how fern was recently found by the thunderclan border w/o parents and taken into the clan. fernsong is apprenticed to brightheart. ivypool is apprenticed to cinderheart.

firestar probably thinks that they might be able to bond/break through to each other because they recently lost a sister/adjacent sister. neither of them are particularly enthusiastic about it.

cinderheart isnt particularly invested in ivypaw’s training. ivypaw can tell and gets rightfully frustrated, bc brightheart and fernpaw are getting along great and making lots of progress, while ivypaw is falling behind becuase cinderheart is being a terrible mentor.

ivypaw starts fighting back (disobeying, talking back, etc.), partially because this is the only time she gets paid attention, and partially because shes just mad, which makes cinderheart mad, which then makes ivypaw fight back more. this causes cinderheart to become more and more distant. in short: ivypaw’s apprenticeship is a disaster.

at some point during training, theyre practicing climbing trees and cinderheart tells ivypaw to do something. to spite her, ivypaw does the opposite and ends up falling, dislocating her leg. cinderheart panics and cinderpelt emerges.

cinderpelt basically possesses cinderheart and relocates her arm. they go back to camp and take ivypaw to the medicine cat den, gives ivypaw some poppy seeds and ditches.

“wow um. wtf was that” says cinderheart. leafpool is like, “hahaha………… about that. you’re um… cinderpelt reincarnated.”

“what.” says cinderheart

“CINDERHEART IS CINDERPELT REINCARNATED???” screams foxleap at the top of his lungs in the middle of camp. whatever was left of cinderheart’s life shatters.

so now instead of ignoring her, the entire camp won’t leave her alone - except now they just treat her as they would cinderpelt. “hey cinderheart remember when [enter something that happened in the old forest here]??” “hey cinderheart can you fix my paw??” “hey cinderpelt-” “are you going to become a medicine cat then??”

to pour more salt into the wound, cinderheart now gets a free commentary on everything in her life!! (this definitely includes lionblaze) there used to be sort of a barrier between cinderheart/cinderpelt but since cinderpelt emerged/took control, it shattered.

so between cinderpelt complaining about all the terrible decisions she’s made and the entire clan pretending that she’s cinderpelt instead of a Completely Different Person, when hawkfrost shows up w/ an invite to fight club on the weekends cinderheart is more than happy to take him up.

sure hawkfrost is wildly annoying and clearly hates her guts for some reason (no matter how hard he pretends not to whenever tigerstar is around) but this is great for three reasons.

1) nobody in the dark forest has any idea she’s cinderpelt. 2) warrior training!! emphasizing she is a Warrior not a medicine cat. 3) time away from cinderpelt!! they arent the same soul so they cant read each other’s thoughts (unless theyre trying to communicate) and cant share dreams

so she might be purposely oblivious. whatever. she doesnt even know who hawkfrost is b/c anybody outside of riverclan immediately forgot about him because he really was not very effective at all. and its not like hes about to start spilling the beans until shes ready to be indoctrinated w/ dark forest propaganda.

meanwhile, tensions between shadowclan and thunderclan have been rapidly rising. again. prey is being stolen, scents are on other territories, patrols get into skirmishes often.

firestar is hurt because he was trying to get mistystar to lay off on the territory and blackstar is mad because they literally Just got back and thunderclan is ALREADY trying to reinstate old rivalries.

cinderheart really isnt paying attention to what’s going on cuz shes. more than a little wrapped up in her own problems. until it turns into a war.

this battle feels way more vicious than normal. cinderheart tries to recall how this whole thing started and realizes she has absolutely no idea what tf is going on???

throughout the fight she notices weird stuff happening. mousewhisker and redwillow nod to each other. ratscar + blossomfall swap glances. applefur pulls snowbird off thornclaw’s back. literally wtf thinks cinderheart

and then russetfur takes a stab at firestar. out of nowhere, thornclaw goes for her throat. cinderheart barely saves russetfur in the nick of time - the injuries are bad enough that she is forced to retire.

“screw literally everyone in thunderclan except u” blackstar says pointing @ cinderheart “and i hope the rest of you rot in the dark forest.” he rounds the rest of shadowclan up and then leaves.

“well that was weird” says cinderheart. she goes off to find ivypaw and realizes that shes. not responding. oh thats a lot of blood-

cinderpelt pops up again and works w/ cinderheart to patch up ivypaw until she’s stable. they bring her into the medicine den together and let leafpool look her over. she says that they made it in time and ivypaw will live. she leaves to go look after the other patients, leaving cinderheart with her apprentice

cinderheart realizes that this is her fault. had she actually paid attention to ivypaw and given her proper training, this wouldn’t have happened. she resolves to try a lot harder to be a good mentor for ivypaw’s sake.

cinderpelt approves and apologizes for being so intrusive on cinderheart’s life. she really doesnt want to be in here either - this was a decision the idiots in starclan forced on her. she was taking it out on cinderheart, which wasn’t fair for her.

cinderpelt promises to try to give cinderheart as much privacy as she can (while trying to figure out how to get out of her brain). cinderheart thanks her. there’s a brief bonding moment.

cinderpelt says that since ivypaw seems stable she’s going to go to sleep now, since she exhausted herself earlier.

just as cinderpelt goes out to the back of cinderheart’s mind, blossomfall comes storming in about how cinderheart messed the plan up and how cinderheart screwed everything up for everyone & she’s a traitor to the cause, Honestly cinderheart you’re so useless-

“literally wtf are you talking about” says cinderheart

“you saved russetfur,” blossomfall says. “if we take out the leaders and deputies, we can destabilize the clans enough that taking over will be a piece of cake. are you a dark forest trainee or not, cinderheart?”

end of book

[a-man-possesed]

Just a joke

Roger Taylor X Reader

summary: you are Brians close childhood friend, you get along with all his friends, his family and his band mates but you have problems understanding the drummer of the group - Roger. There is always this awful tension between the two of you and you hate it, or do you?

warnings: smut, reference to sexual acts, involvement in sexual acts, swearing, drinking, arguments

A/N: this is my first Roger fanfic, and the first smut i ever posted so bare with me. I would very appriciate if you in any way like this monstrosity. Also if you want me to write something, don´t hesitate to ask me - i´m open to anything

This was a normal october night for you. You were at work, going through the pile of books on the floor, the table all the chairs and aranging them alphabeticaly on the shelves. You always loved books, the smell of parchment, the leather bindings and the absolute bliss of just plopping yourself somewhere book in hand and going in for another adventure. 

This job was perfect for you, the whole day surrounded by books, the lack of customers allowing you to read through them, but then once in a while being able to talk to someone, who has the same passion about written pages as you have. Not that you didn´t have any friends. You had in fact a best friend. His name was Brian and he was there for you since day one. Your parents knew eachother very well, they visited one another frequently and went on holidays together. You spend your whole childhood and teenage years with Brian and none of you got bored of the other. You were very close, no one could deny that. He brought out the light in you, made you step out of your introverted bubble a bit. It was nice really. He always talked about how he wants to form a band. ¨

"you know it´ll be great, i´ll play the guitar, you´ll sing! you love singing, and you are bloody good at it" he laughs, and falls down on the soft mattres of your bed. You´ve had this conversation countless times, it always ends the same.¨

You can´t change. "Bri, you know that won´t work, i can´t sing in front of a crowd." you say quietly - almost guilty. 

"But you always sing in front of me!" he exclaims and looks at you, seeing the sadness behind your smile. "think about it" he points a finger to your chest and gives you one of his warm looks. 

The memory makes you smile a bit. Brian did fortunately acomplish his dream of forming a band. His bandmates Fred, Deacy and Roger helped him achieve it. Ofcourse Brian rocks the guitar, Freddie who sings like a god is obviously the lead singer, Deacy plays the bass with bliss in his eyes and Roger bangs the drumms. You are good friends with them, but you don´t get along well with Roger, that´s also why you don´t call him by a nickname. Its simply because you are not fond of his arrogance, his cocky confidence, the way he makes you feel dirty just by the way he makes fun of you. Saying you can´t have fun. He says fun, though he means getting absolutely drunk, partying and having sex with girls he doens´t know the names of. He is so full of himself, and all these girls only raise his ego. Althoug you don´t really understand what it is, that he has against you, you don´t have enough courage to ask him about it, so you just end up arguing with him everytime you meet the boys.

But now you are very busy balancing yourself on the wooden chair as you try to make yourself taller to place the book in its place. You hear the door bell singnaling someone has stepped into the shop.

"I´ll be right there to assist you, just when i get this b-ook t-there." you huff as you lean more forward to finally let the book go. You know your jeans covered ass is exposed to the new customer, but you try not to think about that too much, hoping the person isn´t looking. You relax as you get off the chair and turn to face the customers only to be greated by the boys. They all have smirks plastered across their faces as they look at you.

"May i say, that was a nice greeting." Brian jokes as you approach them. You hit his shoulder with a laugh. You hug him and great the boys.

"Why are you here, you know i´m working?" you ask as you turn your back to them and pick up some books from the floor. Roger scoffs, you know exactly what he thinks, but you are glad he kept to himself not wanting to argue with him the second they showed up. 

"Darling, we know you finish in a couple of minutes, or hours, doesn´t matter, and we also happen to know nobody ever comes to this shop, so basically you have nothing to do here." Freddie almost sings out. You smile, he´s always been really kind with you, helping you when you´re in need, alaways being there to offer some advice. But he also likes to joke around.

"Why are you here?"

"Well you see Y/N we are here to ask if you´d like to join us at the pub." Deacy smiles sweetly, looking at the boys for some reassurance. They nod. 

"The plan is to get you drunk and then you´ll shag Roger." Freddie jokes about your "fights" with Roger. They always make jokes about the sexual tension in the room rising whenever the two of you meet.

"If thats the plan, i´m sorry to dissapoint, but that´s not happening." you look at Roger, his blonde hair is rough, his clothes are too. The jacket he´s wearing reminds you of the summer holidays you spent together. Countless fights, spilled drinks and the smell of cigarettes reminds you of how you feel about this particular jacket. However his face looks beatiful. You have to admit that indeed he is a very attractive man. His blue eyes and scrunched up features compliment his tough look. He has a small mark under his eyebrow from when he had a fist fight with a random guy in the pub the other day. It still looks fresh. You admit you were worried about him. You asked if he was okay,  if he needed help but he told you to piss off and angrily went through the backdoor. Even if you don´t understand him - you still consider him as your friend and care about him.

"I´m just joking love" Freddie expands his hands switching his gaze between you and Roger. 

"You always do" you whisper and he winks at you.

Finally you decide it´s best if you finish and call it a day. You write a note incase the owner, who is also your boss shows up. You write down, how you´ve finished all your work, and that you´ve gone home early. You walk with the boys to your appartment. They´ve been here countless times. You step to the door and take your key out to unlock it. You open it and everyone gets inside. All of them immediately drop on your sofa, except Deacy who prefers to sit in the old leather armchair that doesn´t really match the style of the colorful sofa. You get into your bedroom opening your small closet.

You take out a black see-through blouse and black leather shorts . You brush your hair, and put on some lipstick. You keep your four rings on. They are some kind of luck charm. You look at yourself in the mirror before getting back to the living room. The boys sit up and eye you down.

"Wow, you don´t know what this does to me do you?" Deacy commented with awe. Your cheeks flush as you motion them to get up. You take your keys and step into a pair of high heels. Brian opens the door for you, which makes you laugh. You head to the pub.

You know this place well. Almost better than your parents house considering you have spent far more time here than in that bloody place. All of you order a drink at the bar, and sit down at the nearest table. You are glad there are no mobs of crazy fans. It´s already late and this pub isn´t where the boys usually play. This is a place you always go to together. 

You clank your glasses and chug down the bitter liquid. It makes your body shiver, the taste lingers on your tongue and you instantly want more. You may seem like a bore with all your books but you do love a good drink. You are sitting between Brian and Deacy, Freddie and Roger are on the other side of the table.

You enjoy the company of them and the alcohol in your blood. You think about how it´s unusual of Roger to not start a fight with you. You wonder if everything is alright, if he is perhaps upset about something. You shake the thought off and order another drink.

"Let´s play a game my darlings" Freddie proposes. None of you are against it, probably due to the drunk state you all are in. 

"truth or dare" Roger says. You roll your eyes. He always suggest this game.

You are anoyed to say the least. You know he will make those remarks about your sex life and pressure you into spilling the truth. He notices your distaste and scoffs. Deacy takes a deep breath. "Here we go"

"Oh, let´s hear it Y/N. What is the problem this time.." Roger places his hands on his chest. You laugh. "You always pick this game, don´t you know any other game?" mocking his gesture, you place your hands on your chest as well.  

"but you enjoy it, i know you do" he smirks to himself. You know he is right, the adrenaline feeling you get is so contrasting to your other evenings you spend reading books.

"you aren´t as innocent as you like to think of yourself." he adds, you see Brian trying to get him to shut up, but Roger isn´t one to let things go that easily.

"i can´t even imagine, not that i would want to, what goes on inside your little head.. it must be outrageos." you start to feel emmbarased, your cheeks are heated. You feel frustrated, the tension between you two is growing by the minute. You stare in his eyes, trying to make up his feeling. what does he mean?

"It must be outrageous not getting any attention, or satysfaction." he sounds so arrogant, it makes you angry. what has he to tell you that.

"That´s none of your buisness! maybe i don´t want to distract myself from work. You wouldn´t understand" you say clearly getting angrier by the minute. You feel hurt, you don´t want to argue with him, but he gives you no other choice.

"If you´re so sexually frustrated why not take a piece of me?" he laughs while taking a sip of his drink. You´ve had enough.

"Rog, i think that´s enough.." Deacy tries to save the situation but it is already late.

"I can say whatever i want, i would really advise you to take my offer. Hundreds of girls would be so jealous of you right now" You ask Brian to move, he looks worried and asks you if you´re okay. You don´t want to talk about it, you take a hold of his shoulders and cross his legs trying to get as far away from this table as possible.You storm towards the exit. Not rasponding to the calls of your name.

Outside the bar there are some people talking, not as much noise as inside. The cold hits your skin as you shiver. 

Should´ve brought a jacket. 

You stare at the glowing moon and stars around it. It calms you a bit, you feel at peace finally. You replay what happened back there in you head, thinking about the whole situation.

The funny thing is - you started to develop some feelings for Roger. You didn´t know how it was possible, considering he is probably the most arrogant and selfish person you know. But you do like the way he is around Brian and the boys, he can be sweet and gentle - only not to you. He gets angry very easily that´s true, but in general, if you don´t start he is not the one who will. You can´t forget the fact that he is insanely handsome. You laugh to yourself. 

How could this happen?

You were getting so hurt about what he said earlier because you knew, but you couldn´t admit it. Even to yourself. 

You are falling for Roger Taylor. 

You stay like this, watching the beaty of the night sky, the glow of the street lights setting the mood. You feel composed again, until the door opens and you hear the boys yelling at eachother from far away.

"You´ve gone too far Rog." Brian scolds him.

"Again" Deacy adds.

"Can i ask you something, are you perhaps the sexually frustrated one?" Freddie jokes.

"Yeah, you haven´t had a girl in a long time. do you need help?" Brian laughs loudly.

"Very funny. Don´t need your help shithead" he states, his voice clearly annoyed. Freddie chimes in again.

"The tension between you and Y/N was almost.." 

"Arousing" Deacy whispers but you still can hear it. 

"John!" Brian scolds him too. 

You turn around, they all look at you trying to figure out what you´ll do next. You ask them if they want to accompany you at your appartment. Brian helps you walk, which you appriciate.

"I´m freezing." you shake a bit. What comes next shocks you - Roger offers you his jacket. You look at him. He looks like he might regret what happend back there. He holds his hand out, squeezing his jacket in his palm. You don´t know what you do, you stop and watch him closely. He doesn´t look at you, until he feels a bit emmbarased.

"You´re making me feel stupid, take the fucking jacket." his voice cracks finally making eye contact with you. His look is completely different from the one he had at the pub. You feel bad and stupid for making such a fuss about it.

"I´ll gladly take your jacket Rog" you say. Now he looks dumbfounded. You brush against his hand softly as he shivers, your hand is cold as his hand burns like fire.

"I was just a bit taken back. thank you." you express quietly.

"Did you just call me Rog?"

You´ve never called him Rog.

"It´s just..you´ve never called me Rog.." he looks down.

"I like the sound of it though.." he smirks. You blush but turn your face away so he won´t notice. 

"Ehm, guys, can we continue walking now?" Brian snaps you back to reality.  You nod fast and push away the emotions you are feeling inside right now. The others start talking again, meanwhile the both of you don´t say a word till you get to the appartment.

"truth or dare?" Freddie asks you. You don´t think to long about it.

"dare." you´ve been sitting in your living room for the past 2 hours, drinking anything that´s in your cupboards, finally feeling a little drunk. And ofcourse - playing that stupid game. Brian and Freddie have taken the sofa, Deacy and Roger fought who gets to sit in the armchair. Roger won, so now you and Deacy are spread across the dark red carpet.

"I dare you to sit on Brians lap. it´s convenient, after all we don´t have enough space for you on this couch and to be completely honest, even though that carpet looks absolutely ravishing, i doubt that it´s comfortable down there." Freddie says as you get up from the floor. 

"Bri, Do you mind?" 

"Not at all." he gestures to his lap and you instantly drop in his arms, not being able to stand for so long. His arms move around your waist and hold you close. You don´t mind either. His embrace is warm, safe and calming. You feel much better now. 

"Your turn darling" Fred points to you and takes a gulp from his glass of whiskey. 

You take in the scenery before you. Deacy is half asleep on the carpet, Brian draws small circles onto your sides. Your gaze meets Rogers.

"Rog? truth or dare?"

"christ, truth Y/N" 

You don´t have to even think, you wanted to know the answer to this for quite a while now.

"Why did you punch that guy the other day?" he freezes, there is a look on his face you don´t really know what to think of.

"He called you a whore." he says simply. "he said he´d bang you so hard that if it were me and my drums i´d break them, he talked about doing all these things to you. It was disgusting, he doesn´t even know your name, yet he had so much shit to say. i hated that. i hated the way he talked about you like that"

Your heart skips a beat. He defended you? You are a bit shocked to be honest. Obviously you didn´t expect him to explain what happened, and you certainly didn´t expect that fight to be about you. You feel flattered, you can´t think straight, maybe because of the ammount of alcohol in you blood, or maybe because you didn´t know Roger would defend you in such a way.

"Would you bang me like you banged your drums when you broke them?"

Freddie chokes on his drink, spilling half of it on his clothes. Brian forgot how to breath for a second and smacked your thigh while trying to catch his breath. Roger is just blinking his eyes trying to prove to himself you really just asked that. The only noise filling the room are Deacys snores. All of you are silent for a bit. You don´t really know why you just said that, and in this moment you don´t especialy care either. Roger looks so good in the dim light of your living room. His hair a complete mess, his eyes look tired from all the alcohol he consumed. The way he arrogantly sits in the armchair would normaly make you roll your eyes, but now you only get more turned on.

"I think i´ll take off my soaked pants, not that you should do the same Y/N, but i think Roger would very appriciate it." Freddie gets up, setting the drink on the table in front of him. You can hear him enter the bathroom. Brian stiffens, still being under you.

"I think i´ll leave you guys to it." He remarks as he pushes you off him to the free space that has formed beside him since Freddie left.

"Deacy wake up" he shakes the sleeping man.

"What is happening?" he asks sleepily.

"the prophecy"

They leave you and Roger alone in the living room, they make their way to your bedroom as quick as they can. Roger clears his throat, realizing he hasn´t said anything.

"What?" he mutters.

"I´m not going to repeat myself, you heard me." you comment crossing your legs. He watches every movement you make closely. He stands up form his seat and walks straight to you - sitting down on the sofa. You put your legs in his lap, he strokes them slowly, tracing his fingers along your skin ever so slow, savouring the moment. 

"We shouldn´t do anything you´ll regret tommorow when you are sober." he says gently, surprising you.

"like you care." you note.

"no" he says sternly "i do care Y/N, even if you think of me as the biggest asshole on the planet i am not so bad."

"That´s such a you thing to say" you hit his chest playfuly, he opens his mouth pretending to be hurt, it makes you smile. You don´t know if you thought about it before, but you like spending time with him. When he throws his arrogance and need to impress everyone around, he can be really gentle. However make his remarks at the same time. Only that this time they don´t annoy you, not only because you start to realise you may have some other feelings for Roger, but also because right now in this moment he isn´t trying to impress anyone else but you. There is no one else in the room so his jokes make you laugh because you know he is right. He notices your different behaviour.

"Hey Y/N why are you acting so different now?"

You think about what to say next. You don´t want to make things awkward between the two of you, don´t misunderstand, all these sex jokes really mean nothing. Most your conversations with Roger end up with talking about this topic anyway. So what is it that you are scared of? You don´t want your feelings to show. You don´t want him to know. Feelings and sex are two really different things, you  don´t put them together in conversation, even if they in fact come as one.

"I guess your personality rubbed off on me, Taylor" you sit up, your face only inches away from his. You feel his hot breath tickling your nose, the smell of vodka driving you insane. You want to kiss him. You want to run your fingers through his hair. You want to do this so bad it hurts. He looks as into the moment as you.

"I just don´t want you to regret this" he said "i mean, we are polar opposites, peace and chaos, not that i don´t like this, - i fucking love it."

Fuck it.

You closed the distance between your lips, placing your hand on his cheek. He responded to the kiss within seconds not wasting any time by putting his hands on either side of your face, running them up your back and resting them on your hips. You finally run your hand through his hair, tuging on his roots. You break the kiss.

"God." you breathe out. He smirks at you as he pushes your back on the sofa, pinning your hands above your head. He attacks your neck, giving you little love bites and sucking on it gently - leaving his marks.

"I didn´t know you were so gentle Rog." you laugh. His hot breath tickles your neck as you shiver beneath him. You squirm your hands, you want to run your hands all over his body. Feel his chest, his heartbeat fast. He has one of his legs between yours nudging you slightly, which makes you even more heated. "I think i´ve fallen for you." you mutter inbetween breaths. He stops and looks you deep in the eyes.

"What do you mean Y/N?"

"I have feelings for you Roger, that´s why it hurts so much to argue with you all the time. I just hope you don´t hate me" you say as you decide to tell him the truth. You rub his muscular arm. He looks at you with such a puzzled, yet sweet look that makes you want to kiss him all over again.

"If i didn´t have feelings for you already, i still think i couldn´t say yes to that." he says, his voice is deep, filled with lust and desire. He smirks at you as he slowly takes of your blouse. You lift your hands allowing him easier acces. He appriciates the beaty of your half naked form for a bit, moments later attacking your lace covered breasts with hunger. He places rough kisses down your chest, ending by the waisband of your shorts. He looks at you.

"May i?"

You nod, taking his hand and placing it on the button on your shorts. He takes your pants of and admires the way you look. Beneath him, on this shitty sofa in your small appartment. He takes in the moment, smiling to himself as he has finally got the girl he so desperately craved. You unclasp your bra, throwing it across the room. It flyes and lands in the pot of your plants. He plays with your nipples, he licks them, sucks them.

God he does all sorts of things.

He gets more rough, he puts his hand into your panties and yanks them down your legs, spreding your thighs on it´s way. He makes you realize you had all these desires that you didn´t want to act upon. You thought this would interfere with your work. But, god, fuck work at this point.

Or even better.

Fuck Roger Taylor.

Now you´re the one pushing his back. He doesn´t insist, he doesn´t fight back. In fact he likes you like this, being in control. You strandle his legs, rocking your hips on his lap. You just realized he is still fully clothed. 

"Hey why am i the only one naked?"

You start to unbutton his shirt, leaving little kisses as you go along. He moans, and grunts also being fond of the feelings. As Brian pointed out earlier Roger hasn´t been with a girl in a long time, so he´s a bit 

e x c i t e d  

to finally feel some satysfaction. You can see that clearly on his pants. A big bulge has formed - his crotch. It feels like forever to Roger until you get him out of his clothesm leaving him in his boxers. You take your time.

It´s fun to tease him.

You play with the waistband of his boxers, maintaining intense eye contact as you do so. As you slide them down you gasp a little.

"First one you´ve seen?" he laughs at your clear reluctance.

"No, i´m just impressed."

He places you in his lap again, his boner pokes your thigh. You both are to worked up for foreplay, not that you need any. He conects you lips again.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. Make love to me like the madman that you are."

And so here goes nothing.

He slips his hard member into you, a sound of lust leaving his lips. You rock your hips as you enjoy the feeling of being completely filled out. You moan his name countless times not caring that the boys can probably hear you. In this particular moment you don´t care about anything else than Roger. You don´t care about the way you look, how bad your hair is. He doesn´t care either. Sweat drips down his face, his hair falling across it.

You love this. You absolutely fucking love this.

You cannot say anything else, there is no other way to put it. You begin to understand all the girls who have fainted over Roger, but you can´t think about that right now as you feel your orgasm slowly approching.You feel the oh-so-familiar tightening of you stomach. The feeling completely washing over you as you try not to let in just yet. You enjoy this so much, you don´t want it to end.

"Rog, i-i´m cl-ose" you manage to squeak out. He holds you in his arms, thrusting into you, panting and groaning at his own movements and sensations. You can´t hold it anymore, so you let go. Shaking and moaning on the way. This tips Roger over the edge, cumming his heart out too. You both lay there breathless, you on top of him. He runs his fingers up and down your spine.

"I think i love you." he says as he plants a kiss in your messed up hair.

The next morning is even messier. You wake up as Freddie puts a blanket over the two of you. You jump a little, he silences you, gesturing that it´s okay. You nod, agreeing to talk about it later. 

"I told you that was the plan" he mouthed as he walks away to the bathroom. 

You look over at Roger, he looks so peaceful while he is sleeping. His lashes are so long, his mouth in a slight pout as he exhales through his nostrills. You get up, scrambling up your clothes from various places they have ended in and putting them on. You decide making breakfast is a good option, but unfortunately you don´t have much in your fridge other than some eggs.

You decide, an omelette it is!

You are so focused on cooking that you don´t notice Roger getting up and slipping in his boxers until you feel two hands around your waist and a head plop into the crook of your neck.

"Mornin´ watcha cooking?" he says in a cheaky tone that makes you laugh. 

"Don´t know, doesn´t look good."

"It´ll taste great im sur-Ohh my god what in the heavens??" Brian enters the kitchen not believing his eyes. A partially naked Roger with hands around your waist.

"Am i still dreaming?" 

"What kind of sick dreams do you have in mind Brian?" Deaky comes in. Great. This is a group party, everyone join! 

"Everyone, take your pleasure seats and wait for our darling to bring you breakfast" you turn around and thank Freddie for trying to twist the conversation in a different matter. Roger smiles at you and joins the boys.

"Should i be afraid to sit on the sofa?" Brian comments, the room erupting into laughter. You included. You finally get it. It´s not about the jokes. It´s not about the tension. It´s simply just the way you look at life. Roger made you think, and maybe he was right. You could loosen up a bit. Or life will be what happens to you, while you´re busy making other plans.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[shymeg]

Sk8 don’t walk /skate or die. This is merely to help @thugheadjones & @theheavycrown or anybody else that wants to write that sk8ing AU. I can’t write. I am not going to look this over so be prepared for bloody eyes due to errors and me writing so fast. I just need to get this out there before it drives me insane. @aunt-imogene i’ll tag you as well since you got inspired by gleaming the cube to make the newest gifs and it was your gifs before that, that inspired the skateboarding AU. This is bad horrible and should be burned just sayin’

Skate don’t walk/ skate or die

Jughead Jones was 7 when he saw the older kids at Sunnyside trailer park using the pool he swam in last year for skateboarding. The town insisted it needed to be shut down. It was a lot more maintenance and they weren’t flipping the bill.

Jughead was sad because he loved going out on warmer days and swimming. So when he saw the older kids skating in the pool he wanted to try it.

He went home and asked his mother “Mom can I have a skateboard?” Her blue/green eyes stared into his as she was holding Jelly Bean and rocking her to sleep. “Go ask your father Juggy I don’t think we have the money for it”

Jughead went searching for his dad hoping he could get a skateboard. He found him at his dad’s friends house one his mom told him not to go in. So instead of asking his father right that minute he went and watched the older kids skate. One of them came up to him, “Hey, Kid you wanna try?” Jug smiled this big toothy grin, “Yes Please” the kid that spoke to him before smiled, “Do you know how kid?” Jug shrugged his shoulders, “No, but I’m willing to learn” the other boy handed Jug his deck, “Thats the spirit kid, I’ll help ya”

So the other kid who Jughead found out was called Zander and he was 15 taught Jug how to stand on the board. He told him to push and Jug did. He fell a lot but he didn’t care and Zander was pretty impressed that each time Jug tried he got a little bit further. “No tricks today kid just the basics.” Jughead understood after all he was just starting out. Jug found out on a vert or the pool which in skate terms is called a bowl that when you drop down its called a drop.

Jughead heard his mom calling him and ran back home. He told her all about his day and what he did. His dad wasn’t happy when he heard Zander’s name. Jughead wasn’t sure why. So instead he ignored it and asked his dad “hey Dad can I have a skateboard?” He knew his son wasn’t much into anything especially sports. So if his kid wanted to do this he was going to find away. “Hey Jug we’ll see ok?” all Jughead did was nod an understanding.

The next day FP went to Fred with his predicament they didn’t have money for a nice skateboard. Jelly Bean’s medical bills were adding up. They were pinching pennies as it was. Yet to see his kids face light up. He wanted to give it to him.

Fred smiled, “FP we can use some left over wood and Archie got a new pair of roller skates we’ll just use the old wheels from his old pair” FP was ecstatic, “Oh thank you Fred”

A week later FP brought the skateboard home along with a used Bike helmet Fred gave him it was engraved with a Crown and the Skateboard on the back had a Crown with an S. He handed it to Jughead. His boys eyes lit up like the 4th of July.  He hugged him for a good 5 mins. FP knew his boy wasn’t a hugger so he almost wanted to cry.

Jughead went to the pool and showed Zander, “Hey look I got my very own board” “Radical man inpressive home made is the best” Jughead didn’t get the home made part cause he thought his dad had bought it. So he figured he’d ask him.

Jughead was still just doing the basics. Putting the board to the edge with your foot on it and dropping into the bowl. He heard Zander call it the free fall. However, you had to get enough speed to make it to the other side. Jughead has gotten close but hasn’t made it yet to the other side.

13 years old

Jelly Bean was 8 and he wanted to teach her how to skate. After all anything he can do she could do better. She was smarter, cooler and so why not?

He wasn’t going to start her at the bowl like he did. He loved the feel of the bowl but he loves to street skate. Its not enclosed and you can use literally everything. So one day when his mom and dad were fighting he took her out to skate. He showed her how to step on the board like Zander did for him. He showed her how to push with her foot. He was only going to teach her that for today. Tomorrow he was hoping he’d teach her how to Ollie and the best part is she is using Jughead’s 5th skateboard. His first one got Thrashed along with the others. Its not that hard to do on a home made board and if you do a trick wrong or even right. His dad wasn’t over zealous but luckily it was just the boards mainly and not the wheels.

He was now on his 10th board. All home made. All he could afford were new wheels and they had to go to Greendale to get those. He started a paper route just in case he needed new ones. Along with new shoes and pads for his knees. After all they couldn’t afford a lot of jeans plus most of his jeans were used already.

 Now it was Jelly’s turn and he was excited to teach her. He put on his first helmet his dad gave him and he found Toni’s old dance pads for her legs and arms.

She started pushing with his help. She smiled this goofy smile, “Look Juggie” he smiled back his sister was having a great time. He found out quickly she simply liked to hear the wheels on the gravel. She didn’t want to do tricks and sometimes she’d push but most of the time she wanted Jughead to hold on to her waist and push her on the board as she stood up. He laughed but he figured this way when mom and dad fight they can go outside. They can avoid the tension indoors. He loved Jelly and if she wanted him to push her that is exactly what he’d do. 

15 years old

2 years later Jelly was gone. He was writing at Pops as he often did. He skateboard there. Doing minimal tricks cause obviously his prized possession his computer which was old & used was all he had. He came home and Jelly bean was gone so was his mother. He ran into Jelly’s room and there was no clothes nothing to say Jelly Bean Jones lived there, they left without a trace not even a note. He was heartbroken. His mom didn’t take him and for the past 4 yrs he has been the one to take care of Jelly. He took it to heart that his mom had waited for him to leave and be gone so she could pack them up and go. Without a fight. He broke a lamp in frustration and started to cry. He heard FP stir on the couch a bottle clang probably cause his dad stepped on it. “Hey, Boy you home?” Jughead remained silent his dad’s tone was clearly drunk so if his dad see’s he shattered the lamp there will be hell to pay.

His dad got up and saw the mess on the floor. Jughead was terrified. He didn’t know his dad was on the couch he wouldn’t have broken it otherwise.  His dad came towards him staggering clearly drunk most likely Jack and coke.  He pushed Jughead against the wall, “You answer me when I call for you and you pick up this mess right now” he had Jug by the throat he could barely breathe. This was the 3rd time this week. He got why his mom moved out with Jelly Bean he just didn’t get why she didn’t take him. He had started working at the Drive in when he was 14 cause it was under the table work. Nobody else worked the booth and he had the keys. He’s been abused off and on but he couldn’t live here. He’d fuel his dads rage and well Jelly Bean was gone he no longer had to protect her. So he decided to live at the drive in.

That was the night he was so angry and hurt he put on his headphones under his beanie and Pennywise’s song  “Bro Hymn” came on  he started to move the board in away he never did before. He danced with it. Turning his arms this way and that way, one minute he’d kick the board and his shoes would be on the wheels the next he’d kick and he’d be back on the board like normal. He did a few spins. It was sick and he wanted to do it more. Yet, he had no idea he had it in him or what those moves were called. He knew skate dancing was popular in the 70’s and 80’s and he could see why. It may look easy but when he tried it after the first time that night. He struggled. He decided in the morning he’d start anew.  He got his bed ready in the projector booth his new home for now.

The drive in when not in use was his skate haven.

 The next week he decided he should visit Zander. After all Zander let him use his board when nobody else did. He found out when he was 13 that week he helped Jughead learn to skate he had got inducted into the southside serpents and that’s why his dad wasn’t happy. Yet, Zander never mentioned the serpents around him. He did tell him some rules to live by Skate abandoned places, not busy places and if you want ask businesses if you can’t skate their rails and steps that way the cops can’t arrest you for you have the businesses permission. If you are going to ride your skateboard to school which Jughead often didn’t he didn’t want a lot of people to know he skated he liked keeping that to himself to wear protective gear. So, if he did skate to Pops Chock'a lit shop he always did just that. Jughead didn’t need to be arrested especially after the incident where he was accused of murdering Jason Blossom because Jason bullied him. The great reasonings: He was writing a story about the town and mainly Jason’s death. He had a Juvi record for starting a fire yet he didn’t start it but he took the blame and to this day he won’t say who did. Cause everyone believes he did it. Plus he’s homeless. So getting arrested was not on his to do list. Yet he smirked thinking of Schlong’s version of Gee Officer Krumpke and just switching it with Keller. Keller always had it in for him & his dad. He was leary of Kevin due to that fact. He knew Betty liked the original West side Story’s version she even joked saying, “Jughead don’t get any ideas” he chuckled to himself as that memory flooded. He really hasn’t talked to Betty a whole lot. He knew she was there for him always but they were mutuals via Archie. Plus she had Kevin, Veronica and the River Vixens so unless he stepped foot into the blue and gold for his share of the paper whatever story she wanted done or photo’s cause he was good with a camera he had an eye for photography. He never went in there. He liked being his lone wolf and rather not fall for Betty Cooper. She deserved someone better than a gutter punk.

It was the week his drive in home was going to close down. He wasn’t sure where he was going to live. Maybe crash like Fangs did. His dad was a raging alcoholic and back in deep with the Serpents. He kind of was glad his mom had enrolled him in Riverdale High before she left she at least knew he was smart and knew her son needed better than Southside High.  Yet, he thought all those kids deserve better.

He put on his headphones and “My Right from Screetching Weasel” began to play. He found himself doing a kick flip to a pop it shove it and worked his way into a nollie .  He found an old picnic table and for the first time did a dark slide. He stopped smiled a wicked smile and to himself stated that was fucking gnarly.  That was the first time he did that. He was use to caspers because of dancing with the board but never a darkslide not like that. So he worked his way into it again he slowly moved into a fakie  did a heel flip, hip ollie to a kickflip under flip. He wasn’t going to stop there that was his first time doing that trick as well but he needed to release this tension so he moved to a pop shove it into a pressure flip this whole time skating and pushing like no one was watching and into a hardflip. He finally grew tired and stopped. Just pushing the board on the cemet and watching it roll.

His life was crashing down and all he had was this damn skateboard and his computer.

2 weeks later. 16 years old

His dad was arrested for Jason Blossom murder. Now his world was really going to go to shit. He was living in the school thank god for the abandoned closet.  Yet, now he knew he couldn’t live there. He quickly moved his stuff back to his dads so it looked like he been living there this whole time. Little did he know Betty was at Riverdale High when she saw Jughead and she followed him. She saw him go into that closet grab a bag and head for his house. She was going to confront him when she saw him take off in FP’s truck thank goodness for her mother’s car. She realized he was at the old Drive in. Her mind wandered and she thought, “Did he live her first?” When she saw something she never in her life thought she would see. She took out her phone to tape it. Jughead skating.

Jughead was soo angry his life was crumbling that he picked up his,board. He didn’t care if he wrecked the damn lumber for this stupid project. So he did a pop, pop shove it, got some nice air landed and grinded the lumber. He did a kick flip on the way down to a backslide landed.

He found his motivation when Operation Ivy’s, “Sound System” blared in his headphones he did a pop, pop shove it got the air he needed landed right back on the lumber and did a hip ollie, air walk to an alley oop, a casper slide, a casper flip a dark slide and finishing with a kickflip under flip.  He than started to spin he started doing a lot of pops, to caspers, to darksides to another kickflip under flip moving his arms like he was truly dancing with the board he ended with a spin.

Betty was shocked not only did she not know Jughead could do that but he was beautiful. She knew he had talent when it came to photography and writing yet this could be another way out for him. He could be a stunt double if they needed a skateboarder maybe even professional with what she saw.  She was in her own thoughts when Jughead approached her, “Ah Betts what are you doing here?” She was mortified he wasn’t suppose to know she knew. Yet seeing that sweat fall off his forehead and that one piece of black hair that refused to stay in the beanie he always wore and she adored. To his piercing blue/green eyes. She reacted by kissing him. “Omg I’m sorry Juggie that was just so hot, what you did” now she almost saw anger but it quickly disappeared, “You followed me Betts why?” It was hurt in his voice. She took her hand and gently put it to his face, “I saw you at the school Jughead. I saw you head to your dads. I was going to confront you but than you got in his truck. So I followed you here and saw that magnificent performance.” He moved away from her slowly heading to his dads truck. “Jughead wait, why didn’t you tell Archie & I you were homeless we could have helped you?!” He shouted, “I wasn’t homeless, I had a home I refused to stay there.” She knew at that she was entering territory he’d never get into. So she said, “Juggie, can you teach me how to skate?” Her eyes lit up like Jelly’s and he being one that can never refuse Betty Cooper said, “Sure Cooper tomorrow 5 p.m. Sunny side” He walked to his dad’s truck and drove away.

She knew his dad had problems but she knew Jughead knew his father didn’t kill Jason. She was going to help him prove his dads innoncence whether he like to or not and she was going to learn to skate. She was falling for Jughead. Jughead never commented on the kiss kind of like how she didn’t the day after they found Polly. It was like they liked each other but were pushing each other away. She wasn’t going to let him do that. Tonight she had a mission to find a contest to enter Jughead in via amateurs because he was really good and she wanted the whole world to know it.

He had a used skate deck that Betty could use. She wanted it filmed so she could show Polly. He shrugged but didn’t object. He got on his board and showed her how to stand. She didn’t like that so he switched her. She liked that postion he said, “Thats goofy” she looked puzzled, “Why is this goofy its comfortable” He chuckled, “No Betts thats the postition. See I ride Reg left foot in front right in back you ride goofy right in front left in back.” She giggled he liked her giggle, “oh okay now what?” “Now Push the board with your left foot like this "only Jug was using his right. She did she was having fun. "You want to try to do an Ollie?” “Can I do that tomorrow I’m not ready for tricks yet I just wanted to get on the,board and not fall” he chuckled, “well you did that.” Betty saw the pool, “Hey Jug” he looked at her with his beautiful eyes they looked like they were dancing in the sunlight, “Can you skate that?” She was pointing to the bowl. “Yea Sure but I prefer Street and Vert over the bowl.” “Oh” she looked at him with adoration, with a teasing tone, “Why Betty do you want to skate the bowl” she shook her head so fast he thought her pony tail was going to whip him, god he loved that pony tail “No way Jug I’d fall.” He smiled a lopsided goofy smile, “Why Betty I fell plenty only way to learn is by crashing and burning” she just nodded.

“Hey Jug since you taught me how to skate my treat for dinner. Everytime we have a lesson in fact Pops on me” she smiled a toothy grin. He faltered, “Betts I don’t need your charity.” He started to walk into his trailer she grabbed his arm spun him around kissed him, “Jughead Jones it is not Charity its me paying for my lessons and I know the way to your heart is through food” He looked stunned, “Betty why did you kiss me?” she laughed, “It shut u up, got you to listen to reason and Mr. Jones I like you and I think you like me too. Now lets go to Pop’s I’m Starving”

Within the weeks Betty, Jughead and Kevin were hard at work proving FP didn’t kill Jason. Kevin even cornered his boyfriend at the time Joaquin because he remembered at Jughead’s disastrous birthday him at FP snuck off for,a good half n hour. He found out he was shocked that his boyfriend played a role more as clean up duty. That FP was on to his son and had him followed. That made Jughead sick to his stomach and FP and Joaquin torched it and took the weed out before Keller could get there. His dad was god damn guilty of many things yet Joaquin had told him FP didn’t kill Jason and there was proof. They found the proof within Jason’s jacket. They watched it and were all quite shocked to see Clifford Blossom be the killer. Well as soon as Cliff found out he let FP know he went against his word and his son would no longer be safe. He hung up the phone. Shortly after that FP was screaming for Keller who Alice Cooper had just brought the evidence too.

Keller heard a high pitched murderous scream and ran, “FP what the hell” FP looked like he was clawing to get out and his eyes were literally bulging, “I agreeded to this so my Kid was safe, my kid is no longer safe they found out Clifford did it and now he’s after my son” Keller and Alice ran out taking two seperate cars. Alice was trying to call Betty she had no idea what Jughead’s # was and Keller was trying to call Kevin.

Jughead was walking home in the snow so skateboarding lessons and skating itself was off until spring.

When Clifford drove up, “Get in the car Son” Jughead started to run he wasn’t getting in that car no way in hell 11th hr by Rancid started to play in his head. He got home locked the door. He heard banging on the door along with a chilling hauntingly voice, “Jughead come out come out wherever you are” all of a sudden it stopped. He heard a gun shot ring out he screamed. He was going to die. Yet there was a knock on the door, “Jughead are you in there this is Sheriff Keller speaking” Jughead let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and opened up the door. He looked out to see Clifford’s body on the ground. “Son, he was going to kill you he pointed the gun at me. I told him to put it down he turned on me I shot him before he could shoot me” Jughead was in shock, “Is my dad ok?” “Jughead he’ll still have to do time for covering up the murder but considering Clifford was using you against him I’m sure the judge will give him a lighter sentence for his crimes. I mean we got him saying it on a police line and well we got the tape of him killing his own flesh and blood partly because of you”

Spring had come and Betty finally found a contest one for the final run of Warp tour they were going to have some unknown skaters skate with the Pro’s during professional time vs when they were done all you had to do was sent a tape and 10 lucky winners got to do the whole tour otherwise 1 lucky winner from each state would be picked to rep their state on the final tour. Jughead loved this music and he loved to skate. So Betty sent it to both Vans and Thrasher Mag who would help find the contestants. She wouldn’t let Jughead know unless he was a winner and well he had a 20% chance.

Betty herself liked grinding down rails but didn’t want to try any other tricks with it. She still didn’t want to do the bowl. On the ground she could do an ollie, a kick flip and a backside she was getting better everyday. Jughead did a nose grind down the stairs and she looked at him seductively, “Hey babe instead of nose grinding that rail you can just grind on me” he pulled her in for a kiss one they both needed, “Lets go back to my trailer as he bit her lip and kissed down her neck.”

Jughead was falling for Betty. He never thought he wanted anybody but Betty turned him on. She supported him. She faught for his dad before he even did. She loved watching him skate and day by day she got more daring. She let him take more risqué pictures of her but only if they stayed between them. They lost their virginity to each other. When he had nightmares of Clifford finally getting his revenge cause in horror movies the villians always come back even if its for one more scare. She’d answer her phone or open the window to let him in. They found out FP had to serve 3 yrs for his part better than 20 to life. When Cheryl didn’t apologize to him like he did to her Betty held his hand an reinsurance that Cheryl was sorry she just had way too much pride to show it. He loved her a lot and even though he had foster parents he lived in his parents trailer house even if neither were coming back anytime soon. He talked to Jelly Bean at least once a month he missed her. Yet, it was a little easier with his therapy dog Hot Dog and his Girlfriend Betty Cooper.

Betty got an email from Thrasher magazine letting Betty know they would like to meet with her and Jughead Jones. She added a few tricks to his video the fact he was in fact poor, that his mom left, a crazed killer tried to kill him and his dad was in jail. The skate dancing which she decided at last minute to throw in and him being patient with her. She smiled so bright she also got an email from Vans saying he was one of the top and they can’t wait to meet him. Now she had to break the news to Jug and she knew exactly how to do it.

“Jughead I want to go in the bowl” his lip quivered was he excited his eyes lit up, “What really?” she nodded, “Really” so they skated towards the bowl and he said, “K Betts, you want to drop in like this” and he showed her, she tried, but she fell on her butt and the skateboard went rolling away. Jughead grabbed her board, “Babe you ok?” she laughed so hard, “Where do they come up with some of these names? Were they on drugs when they made them?” She sat on her board so he did as well, “Whatcha thinking about?” “How I get out of this pool it has no stairs” “really that’s what you are thinking about?"Jughead smiled as he said it. They could do a few things in this pool. Nobody uses it anymore just him really.

She grabbed on to him kissed him slow, "Forsythe Jughead Pendleton Jones the 3rd I have entered you into a contest and they are coming tomorrow to let you know if you won. If you won Baby you get to go to Warp Tour the final hoora free, can you believe it. Oh yea and getting out of this pool” he was stunned she wanted to take a snap shot of his face he was speechless when he finally did speak, “Elizabeth Cooper never ever call me by my full name/nickname like that you scared me plus my first name is off limits to anyone but my mother and father and they rarely use it and what did you just say about a contest?” “I sent in a tape Juggie of you skating. You’re so good and after everything that happened I think you deserve this break.” He picked her up, spun her around. Lifted her out of the pool. Threw their skateboards up and lifted himself out. Kissing her all the way to the trailer locking the door.

The following week Jughead had a magazine shoot for Thrasher Magazine to let the skateboard world know he was one of the elite 10. Thrasher gave him clothes and everything.

Vans had made a specialized shoe just for Jughead the tags still said off the wall but his design was his crown beanie and on the other side an S. World Industries hooked him up with the deck logo of the Crown Beanie in the middle Jughead Jones with the S being his signature S. He was psyched. Vans also gave him clothes. Spitfire provided the wheels. The teachers allowed him to do his homework on the road the end of may-beginning of June.

He couldn’t believe the line up he was going to see he has never been to a concert and to perform with professionals was off the wall he must be dreaming. Yet he was excited to see the descendants, Dickies, Agent Orange, Drop Kick Murphys, Nofx, Rancid, the transplants, Bad Religion, Pennywise and so many more.

He was even looking forward to see Tony Hawk, Mullens, Bam Magera they were skating for fun but he looked up to them. So knowing they were going to be there for the elite 10 along with the 50 others just on tour for a day was beyond Gnarly.

[rqs902]

now im watching last week’s ep of tco4 bc i havent had time to get to it yet and i need to take my mind off snzm 

UGH its sad to hear xy, fsc and xiao huang talking about their rankings rip but their laughing makes it even more sad

UGH NOT FRUIT PLANET I REALLY LIKE THEMMMM sigh i gotta face the reality that theyre likely gonna get separated... but PLEASE AT LEAST SOMEONE SAVE XIAO ZHI PLEASE THATS ALL I ASK, im not gonna be greedy :(

oof i respect ma zhe saying that he doesnt want to win bc he recognizes other kids like FRUIT PLANET KIDS, zy and xiao zhi, are so skilled. he knows winning is just a numbers game and would not serve as proof of his skill. thats a tough place to be in, and it isnt uncommon but i think i rarely hear a contestant say it like that. “i dont want to win bc im not worthy” “i dont want to win bc i know im not as talented” 

wow i was a little confused as to why they were doing these solo spotlights but actually this is really nice! its nice to see them really going hard at their strengths and really pouring their all in to show off a bit. it can be hard to do so in a group setting all the time, and really it reminds you that there a lot of really talented musicians among these kids. i think itll also be good to remind the kids who are picking later what the other kids’ skills are and what they’re capable of. 

oh whoa i thought about there only being 2 bassists, i didnt realize there are only 2 pianists too

hm maybe im just biased but i thought xiao li’s playing was a litttleee bit cleaner than szb’s heheh but i respect that they attempted to even play a duet from across the room, thats a challenge 

i respect muji’s playing 

LOL why do xiao huang and zhao ke’s voices singing together sound so strange to me LOL 

LOL switch to ljt’s group and im just !!!!! HIS VOICE !!!! I LOVE LIAO JUNTAO’S VOICEEE and also the cafe vibe is so him LOL this group is so him

wait so someone explain to me why ljt wasnt in the solo section? is he considered a vocal? but what about his guitar skills?? 

im kinda sad jym isnt smiling when drumming anymore :\ 

YAY FRUIT PLANET !! i love how happy xiao zhi and wsh look when playing hahah 

AW talking about xiao zhi being like a dad and 包容 and taking care of them im ughhhh UGH THIS IS A MINI XIAO ZHI FEATURE IM CRYINGGGG THIS CHILD DESERVES THIS “the one who’s left standing when everyone else falls down” hes just so supportive and warm.. ugh watching him break down crying thinking about all he couldve done better and you can tell he feel so guilty and blames himself that fruit planet isnt doing well

HAHAHAHA EVERYONE WANTS XIAO ZHI !!! except szb lol but at least i know if they do get disbanded, hopefully xiao zhi will still be safe :’) im glad they all recognize his talent and the importance of having a bassist!!! 

oof xiao xiong talking about hyt being overbearing and reminding him of his ANGRY DAD thats a big ouch. it is true that xiao xiong’s skill level may not be up to hyt’s standards, but i can see hyt doesnt respect him enough as a team member. the more familiar hyt gets with him, the more he isnt afraid to show his true feelings of frustration. esp bc theyre in such a stressful situation, it must be rough as a leader. also seems rough for xiao li to be stuck in between this. from the beginning hyt has shown himself to have high standards and he demands high quality so he isnt gonna be the soft, encouraging leader xiao xiong probably would prefer, unfortunately. ouch the way hyt straight up says “this is going to be painful” like theres nothing he can do about it and they just have to accept it. like ps says, he’s not good at understanding other people’s feelings, like he doesnt seem to be willing to try to understand xiao xiong’s. 

the way hyt lists what other people are doing and then asks xiao xiong “那你呢?” ouch........ that seems really mean? manipulative? harsh? but at the same time, we dont really know all the context so this is just want tencent wants us to think.

hyt also wants xiao zhi???? I cant imagine xiao zhi in this group, even tho itd probably be good for his possible debuting prospects, but xiao zhi gives me such a laid back, warm, taking care of everyone, creating a nice, supportive environment type of leader, and this group is literally the opposite of that??? ugh and yet, despite their superior group environment, fruit planet is at risk of getting disbanded... so sad. 

man with the way these votes are trending hyt is gonna win and ljt wont debut? :(

lol tencent cutting the speeches of less popular contestants not surprised 

wait wat. isnt qiang ge very popular??? what happened to his votes? wait what. im confused. what???

LOL FRUIT PLANET IS SAFE IM SO RELIEVED HAHAH okay i know i came into this show for ljt but xiao zhi has become one of my picks too, i cant deny anymore LOL and also xiao li -- but hyt’s group’s dynamic makes me feel uncomfortable at the moment. but yea ljt, xiao zhi, xiao li are my top 3... too bad they DEF wont be in the same group / wouldnt mesh well in a group together LOL 

i love fruit planet group dynamic :’) watching them talk to each other just makes me smile

OH MY GOODNESS XIAO LI IS LEAVING?????? i can understand though, this grouping is not ideal from a music making standpoint either, like why are there so many vocalists lol but also i respect that hes putting his music first and he knows what he wants and needs for his music. even if it means leaving hyt who is basically a guarantee for popularity on this show. im so surprised xiao xiong isnt saying he will leave too.. or even hyt himself at this point. theyre all just... crying.... but honestly how can they make music without xiao li??? 

AWH my heart.... xiao li asking xiao xiong “你會恨我嗎?” i have never felt “do you hate me” hit me in the feels like this before. its such an OOF. and xiao xiong saying hes super close to xiao li, you can tell hes been under such emotional duress and xiao li has supported him through and now hes just conflicted between betraying hyt (who he wouldnt be here without) and suffering with hyt without xiao li there to help. this is so sad to watch..... ok but honestly just seeing how in this emotional time, ma zhe and xiao xiong are talking to xiao li and NOT hyt says something about how theyre afraid to touch him. 

what xiao li says about hyt being kidnapped by his popularity makes so much sense, with what hyt said about chasing after his expectations and trying to live up to them. hes really not relaxed. ever. and i think thats what xiao li doesnt want to work with. i respect that he wants to be recognized for his music rather than just be recognized. 

wat is this show doing why did they just stop and let them wallow in their feelings for hours??? wtf?? i mean i appreciate they respect that its a difficult and important decision but shouldnt they make them move on more efficiently?? what a waste of everyone’s time...

lol hyt learning some eq? yes you have to take care of your group members’ feelings, theyre people....

L O L XIAO LI GOING BACK ON HIS DECISION IM DYINGG HAHHAHAHAHHAHA WHAT A WASTE OF EVERYONES TIME HAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS SHOW. but okay yes i respect xiao li for having the guts to say he wants to leave, bc that hopefully gave hyt the wake up call he needed. BUT ALSO i do think staying with hyt makes sense career-wise. gaining popularity first isnt a bad thing. and he can always (continue to) prove his worth and make all different types of songs in the future, whether during or after his time with hyt. but staying with hyt = exposure, and thats never a bad thing. its just... hopefully they can resolve their emotional issues from here on out.

technically the smart move is to pick a popular contestant like zhao ke, to boost your group’s popularity overall. BUT hyt is so popular it really doesnt matter LOL 

L O L xiao li being like well i cant get the group i want anyway, so idgaf lets just keep on “戲劇化” HAHAHAHHA he gives no effs anymore

but also i cant imagine them with another non-instrumentalist LOL and what kind of style will they have now? 

ok wait let me go back to look at this:

hm yea the only other person of choice that would be helpful for votes is qiang ge. but i also cant imagine him on fruit planet???? ugh i wonder if qiang ge turned them down bc he feels like he’d ruin them like he blames himself for ruining his past groups. 

i cant believe xiao li said he tried to talk to qiang ge for 3 hours until 6am... to convince him to come to fruit planet? wild. 

UGH so sad that fruit planet didnt get a successful pick but honestly i am kinda glad mty didnt agree bc i kinda really would like to continue seeing xiao zhi play bass..... but ofc i guess it would be nice for him to show other skills too, ah im conflicted. but he really looks so carefree and like hes having so much fun when playing bass, id hate to take that away

LOL BASICALLY SZB CONFESSING TO MUJI HAHAHHAHAHA IS THIS A HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA ALL THE SUDDEN HAHAHHAHA actually i havent seen them interact before but i can kinda see muji’s personality meshing with their group’s, like hes kinda quirky and strange too LOL its cool they do get along tho

OOF SO MANY REJECTIONS. but also muji’s right, last time he wasnt strong enough, so i respect that hes really trying this time. 

omg szb throwing a tantrum and trying to force muji’s hand is not very respectful to muji’s wishes and it makes muji look like a bad guy :( im glad muji’s standing his ground tho, this is not the time to indulge a child’s tantrum lol

on the bright side, i love xiao zhi’s laugh, so at least we got something out of this LOL

LOL xy so easily pulling fsc over LOL why cant they all be like this LOL save tencent editing time LOL 

i knew there were too many emotions on ljt’s team........ i cant believe as soon as szb is like marginally okay, jym is like NOPE....... L O L 

.....i cant believe..... they’re just.... cutting it off...... like this....... WHAT IS THIS SHOW AHHAHAHAH okayyyyyyyyyyyy thennnnnnnn 

oof wasnt 車站 ljt’s last song before elimination? i just got hit with a wave of sadness and memories oof i wasnt ready 

man its so interesting bc i feel like on other shows, the contestants are always like “i dont want to get eliminated!” but here its like “i dont feel like i can fit into their music, id rather be eliminated.” its an interestingly different type of setting. i respect that they respect their own music, but i guess theyre not thinking enough about their future career progression? if they really want to make it in the music industry? idk. its interesting bc i feel like ljt has struggled so hard since getting eliminated from the first season that i assume / hope he has more of a mindset of wanting to make it to the end.

anyway im kinda surprised fruit planet made it so high LOL but yay for them, i really wonder what will happen with them picking their 5th member. im surprised qiang ge’s votes are so low? itll be sad if he really leaves though. ugh only 2 out of 4 groups successfully regrouped and one of them took an extra 2 hours to decide.... lol. i still dont understand why that was allowed in the first place but okay. this is the most struggle elimination ep ive ever seen LOL 

[pldubrahs]

anyway, this has been a While coming and now im back in new orleans so LOTS OF GUSHING ABOUT THE LIGHTNING THIEF MUSICAL, UNDER THE CUT

the ambiance of the theater, dim and filled with soft storm sounds

this show does really beautiful things with overlapping singing and w harmonys and its So low budget but still so good and the cast is small but amazing and literally everyone but chris is cast into several roles and its just amazing

if u dont wanna read this whole thing, just scroll down to the end for a Special Surprise

ACT 1

the Bitter, Angry, Sad music, ltm is truly the Emo Rock Musical we deserve

i seriously almost fell out of my chair when chris mccarrell came out. he honest to god was SUCH a good percy, so fidgety and all his expressions were ON POINT

“CHROOONOOOOOOOS”

ms dodds in General she was hilarious for the literal 3 minutes she was onstage

the pen to sword transformation is literally just: chris hides the pen and grabs the sword from somewhere else onstage. during my show, in the ms dodds fight scene, the sword was on the back of chirons wheelchair and it got stuck so he had to trip after the chair as chiron wheeled off and TUG it off to fight

DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVED CHRIS MCCARRELL AND HOW AMAZING HIS VOICE WAS? BECAUSE I DO AND IT W A S

sally is a BLACK WOMAN 

just in general, this show was Amazing at raceblind casting

sally sprayed febreeze after smelly gabe, like he leaned to look in the fridge and she stood behind him spraying febreeze directly at him for like 30 seconds

“he was handsome and strong and before too long- you came!” percy was roasting marshmallows and looking out towards the audience and sally was rubbing up and down the sides of her body during this before “you came!” and it was v funny

Strong in general was Great bc WOW IM LOVE THE “NORMALCY IS A SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED MYTH” MESSAGE

grover and percy meeting outside camp

“oh look a goat” “percy!”

“he met a furie” “youre all furry! what happened to your legs”

the v cute friendship bickering, overlapping voices thing that percy and grover v often did. this was the grover and percy friendship that we always needed

during the weird dream when he sees annabeth and hes like “gee whiz shes the most beautiful girl ive ever seen”

and then when he officially meets her after hes not out of it, he says “youre my dream girl!” and then backpedals and its great

ANOTHER TERRIBLE DAY. DEFFS ONE OF THE TOP FIVE SONGS. MR D IN GENERAL WAS JUST AMAZING, GEORGE SALAZAR ROCKED IT

he kicked the chair over so much and then there was a part after his camp halfblood intern thing left so his chair didnt get reset behind him and so he kicked into the air, got frustrated, and put the chair up himself

“of course, who am i to give relationship advice, im literally the god of alcohol”

“you can hate it here, but i HATED IT FIRST”

so so so many Soft sex jokes and bc im a Child i loved them 

chiron is just a guy galloping with a horse tail its the cutest thing and everyone laughed bc like imagine a kid galloping w their legs high and w/e, but on an adult and slow motion

“you’ll get used to mr d. he can be a bit... well, he hates children”

luke was Very attractive and ALSO he had a lot of chemistry w percy and w annabeth and i, who remembered shipping percy and luke back in my Youth, was Living

annabeth deffs had a crush on luke dont @ me

also luke was Softly bitter. like he sounded like a modern kid, bitter and upset but saying it in a joking way; totally makes sense that no one suspects that he’d do anything w chronos bc all the kids are upset and he doesnt get dark until the very end of the show

“are you ever going to wear pants again?” “Nope!”

luke: “havent you ever played capture the flag?” percy, excitedly: “not with swords!” *makes swooshy lightsaber noises* annabeth, suffering, full of regret: “It’s not a lightsaber.”

“sexist much?” “no, i love girls” [muffled luke and grover cackling in the background]

CLARISSE, LOVE OF MY LIFE! her song was so so good

im sure everyone has mentioned this but the LEAF BLOWERS BLOWING TOILET PAPER TO REPRESENT WATER LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE

the campfire song

percys Soft concern for annabeths story about running away “wait is that true”

grover starting to cry during his part

“my father is chronos.... remember my lecture, he ate his children””....... chiron wins”

APHRODITE'S DAUGHTER’S STORY “godess of love, my moms aphrodite... i bring home a boy and shes there in her nightie! oh nooooo” “she steals my mascara and all of my dates!” wonderful

percy sings nicely about his mother and everyones like “hes doing it wrong”

“we dont care where our parents may be, as long as you are here with me!” FRIENDSHIP MAKES ME EMO

“havent you noticed that there arent any other little sea godlings running around? any sons of hades or daughters of zeus? the big three gods arent supposed to have kids!” i loved this tiny easter egg i love my big three kids

“look at the boy, hes clearly not a thief!” “oh, yeah no yeah yeah yeah no no yeah yeah no yeah no, youre right! you cant fake being that stupid unless youre a brilliant actor, but im also the god of drama, so i can tell you HES NOT”

“his lightning?” “yeah, we're not talking some crummy tin foil zig zag from some off broadway play!”

GOOD KID IS EVEN BETTER LIVE THAN IT WAS ON THE RECORDING IT RUINED MY LIFE

Killer Quest! is an amazing end of act song and v upbeat and cute

“so where is the underworld actually” “look for doa records” “its a record company? actually, im not surprised”

ACT 2

WE’RE LOST IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE IN NEW JERSEY AND WE’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT TO LA

“half bloods to monsters smell like mickey ds, like tacos or take out vietnamese”

“dude are you talking to the squirrel?” “satyr powers, be nice. this squirrel knows every corner of the woods, maybe he can help us” “really? because i think that seems kind of nuts” [silence] “you hurt his feelings. tell the squirrel youre sorry.”

medusa in general, what a Good scene

ensemble members shaking maracas to make snake noises for her

medusa cant say “nemesis”

“ive done everything to prove to the gods that im the best and you- i mean, you dont even know how to hold a sword” “yes i do!, yes... i do...” “no, hands here *adjusts percys grip*” “i didnt ask for any of this: gods, monsters, quests- oh, wow, that is a lot easier”

my grand plan is the most annabeth chase song ever and i love it its such a good look into her character and i love her so much

“when boys mess up they always get another chance”

“cause most girl never win if theyre polite”

THE COMMENTARY ON HOW WOMEN HAVE TO BE IN TODAYS SOCIETY IN ORDER TO BE TAKE SERIOUSLY HELL YEAH

“the gods will think we’re impertinent” “we are impertinent”

the squirrel gave them three amtrak tickets

DRIVE IS A COUNTRY SONG AND I FUCKING LOVE IT IM HONESTLY SHOOK

i hate country except for this One Song

ITS ONE FOOT FORWARD AT A TIME; DUST OFF ALL THAT GRIT AND GRIME; WE STILL GOT A LOT LEFT TO DOOOO, CAUSE PEOPLE ARE COUNTIN ON US AND IM COUNTIN ON YOU! DRIIIIIIIIVE JUST DRIIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIVE STAY AHEAD STAY AHEAD STAY ALIIIIIIIVE

“is that chihuahua?” “its a chimera!”

“maybe if you hadnt brought all those dam snacks” “uh it was the hoover dam and i was hungry!”

ares drives them to las vegas and when they get there he says “this is where i... get off” and its HILARIOUS i love lowkey sex jokes

gentle easter egg to bianca and nico re: may 1st 1939

“the oracle can can it ill save my mom and savE THE PLANET!” im love percy so much

tREE ON THE HILL IS ABOUT THALIA AND IT MADE ME CRY GOD WHAT A GOOD SONG and grover feels like a failure and annabeth is like “no u saved my life ur a good friend and a good guardian <3 friendship”

THE FERRYMAN TO THE UNDERWORLD FLIRTS WITH GROVER

“you wanna hear my demo?” “uh-” [loud music plays] “im sorry i couldnt hear you over this SWEET ASS RIFF”

YOURE IN THE D.O.A. AND YOURE HERE TO STAY YEAH YOURE STUCK FOREVER NEVER GET AWAY NO HOPE FOR SURVIVAL YOURE DEAD ON ARRIVAL

“oh! do you have any josh groban?” “we will.” I CACKLED

DJ CEBERUS W A COOL 3-HEADED DEADMAU5 ESQUE MASK

the ferryman also attacks them all like “youre not gonna save the planet, you wont protect your friends, you wont be remembered”

everyone says this but “i think this pit is tartarus” “LIKE THE FISH SAUCE?”

“why would chronus want my shoes?” “they were really cool shoes”

bitter, sad hades who just wants people to stop thinking that hes the bad guy and for his brothers to come visit him

“one does not simply walk out of the underworld”

W H A T  B E L O N G S  T O  T H E  S E A  C A N  A L W A Y S  R E T U R N

small reprise of good kid as he considers hades offer and then the melody cHANGES and percy realizes that the seashell, a gift from a god, can SAVE THEM and its beautiful because SON OF POSEIDON IS A GOOD SONG

“maybe my dad was a screwup too, his best laid plans always falling through... maybe he never knew how to care but hey, thats life, and life aint fair... but i think my dad mayve thrown me a line, and better late than never, ill finally get a sign!”

its a good song kids

the kids get to the oceans and they FIGHT ARES and ares and percy are both singing, percy singing The Son Of Poseidon chorus and ares singing Put You In Your Place and its b e a u t i f u l

THE TOILET PAPER THROW- basically they bring in like 6 leafblowers w toilet paper rolls attached and the first five rows get covered in toilet paper. as someone who was in the fifth row, it was amazing

poseidon comes in, they have a Heart To Heart, he brings sally back to life, he flirts with sally, its hilarious and awkward

“the gods are unfair but we’re not total dicks”

percys like “you dont have to stay w gabe anymore” and sallys like “smh boy u cant solve all my problems. you saved my life, now i have to figure out how to live it”

he gives her medusas head

“what is this” “its a... do it yourself scupture kit” “oh! *begins to open it*” “no no no its, um, medusas head”

“well, as my official protector, you can officially escort us back to camp” “and youre conscience this time!”

chiron is also cast as poseidon so like he runs into the camp scene after a quick change and says “i hoofed it here as quick as i could!” 

last day of summer happens and w/e its cute but whAT REALLY MATTERS IS LUKES BETRAYAL: okay so the music slows and goes into the minor key and percys like “we still dont know whos working w chronos :/” lukes like “yeah it sucks” and he starts singing about how he doesnt trust the gods and how the gods hate them and how they need to take over the world and put the gods in their place--he and percy do their handshake fist-to-the-chest thing and luke is serious and percy does it but hes v confused and it Hurts. this is the first time in the show that luke sounds just Bitter and Angry instead of jokingly deprecating and its quite the effect

THE DARK GOOD KID REPRISE 

“ill do anything, i dont care if i hurt anyone, it doesnt pay to be a good kid, a good kid, a good son" GOD IT HURTS luke has so much pain and i feel so bad for him like yeah hes evil but,,, hes had a hard life

annabeth comes in and DISARMS LUKE but PSYCH luke has a small switchblade and STABS PERCY IN THE BACK (bc they cant use scorpions onstage)

percybeth moment interrupted by clarisse’s loud coughing and grover

percys like “we cant just sit here and wait for our parents to fix things.”

“the gods will say we’re impertinent” “we are impertinent” goddamn that symmetry

“are we ever gonna once have it easy?” my poor poor kids

percy- “feeling ready” annabeth- “feeling stoked” grover- “feeling queasy”

THE SEA DOESNT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED

bring on the monsters is just a Good song

also hey if you got to the end of this, congrats! i have a ltm audio and either in a message or in an off-anon ask and ill hook u up

[scarletrebel]

more destiny oc stuff: avias past and yr 1 destiny timeline

totally inspired by @mrpinstripesuit‘s post last night, also featuring their guardians, also @nattiebug14 and @lostinthehaywoods oc’s carver and cornelia

(im making a lot of assumptions on how grier and avia met btw pin so if theres anything you disagree with or wanna change thats cool!!)

- petra and avia become part of the queens guard - uldren takes an interest in avia, potential for her to become a crow, which she really, really doesnt want - reef wars, petras sister dies, avia begins to question the awoken, why this happened 

- petra grieves, avia is alone for the longest time and becomes frustrated, wondering what they're even fighting for - petra is promoted to the corsairs and avia has mixed feelings. petra needs the direction but avia doesnt think a promotion will fix anything, also if avia was a corsair uldren would Leave Her Alone.  - tries to convince petra that everything is bullshit but petra just hears jealousy and treason - uldren pulls her up on it, and that's when she knows she needs to Leave - steals a harbinger at the first opportunity she gets - gets out of the reef and into our solar system before the other harbingers find her - it's a long ass fight, avia is able to evade them for the longest time until they shoot her engines out somewhere around the moon - she dies. the harbingers leave. a ghost is born, shakes its shell, and starts searching. - the remnants of her ship, with her nestled in the cockpit, break orbit of earth and crash land in the cosmodrome - she's revived with her memory in tact and her heart broken to pieces - she rejects her ghost and the light at first but her ghost is persistent and she gives in and follows him through the cosmodrome to find a ship - they make it to the tower and she's so fucking scared. the awoken do not speak highly of the guardians. - but her ghost leads her gently to cayde and he welcomes her jovially. doesn't much care for her past (only because he doesn't expect her to know it) - going through the D1 story is what gives her the direction she needed and begins to ground her, making her realise she can be a better person than she ever was at the reef - afterwards she admits to cayde that she remembers everything, after figuring out that it's not a Thing amongst guardians because she's Confused. he's supportive and passes her onto Ikora - huge mistake - she loves Ikora - cayde is kind of sad about it (jk) - Ikora tells her about the thananotauts and at the concept avia kind of puts her nose up to. it sound stupid and weird to her and refuses to explore it, like ‘oh hey actually I don't care that much I'll just keep being a guardian who has my memory as a bonus yay’ - avia kind of wanders around for a bit, patrolling and running strikes with guardians she never keeps in touch with. this is where she learns that she really, really doesnt get along with a lot of other hunters.

- petra comes to the tower as the queens emissary. avia doesnt recognise her at first but petra recognises her and its

- its not a good time for avia. petra tries to speak to her but avia bails all the way to venus and has a good old fashioned breakdown

- ikora calls her back and puts her on a mission to find tolands scattered journals. she fears the worst ones may still be out there and she doesnt want any wayward guardians finding them and abusing what power may lie within

- little does avia know she has another warlock, scarlet-2, searching for them as well. 

- this is how scarlet and avia meet, with avia acting like a cat who caught their own reflection whenever scarlet is around 

- scarlet doesnt much care even though this pint sized hunter constantly trying to one up her is. amusing. 

- petra tries to approach avia again when shes in the tower with scarlet and the warlock very gently diffuses the situation, and has figured out by now that avia likes to Run Away and so she takes them to the cosmdrome 

- avia doesnt give a lot of details, but basically explains the situation to scarlet and mentions that ikora wanted her to talk to the thananotauts and scarlets like ‘ew. you dont need to talk to them. they’re weird and desperate for answers youre fine the way you are.’ 

- and a friendship is born 

- petra venj leaves the tower. 

- a fireteam takes on the vault of glass, and avia is only slightly disappointed she wasnt there

- avia spends a lot of time with scarlet and by extension lots of other warlocks too. she becomes a running joke to the vanguard mentors that she chose the wrong class. 

- so scarlet and eden met after twilight gap, they both helped build the wall and they became really close buddies. scarlet tells eden that she may have finally found a hunter for their fireteam and eden is so. excited. 

- eris morn returns from the moon, and avia sees this funny little warlock awoken talking with her all. the damn. time. 

- eden and avia meet, and avia is overwhelmed. she thinks that eden must be a new guardian and doesnt care to ask anything about her and wonders how the hell her and scarlet of all people are so close

- she doesnt really give the friendship a chance (although eden is patient and knows avias type all too well) until zavala asks eden to do routine sweeps of earth and the moon to make sure these blades of crota are kept at bay

- of course, eden drags avia along with her and it takes a wayward mention of building the wall for avia to get off her damn high horse and start taking eden seriously 

- they dont really take part in the dark below campaign, just keep on top of the rise in hive activity whilst scarlet talks to ikora and eris and studies the hive at the tower, in the middle of one of her ‘not leaving the tower’ phases that eden tells avia about

- which causes avia to a) worry about scarlet and b) begin to realise shes starting to care for people 

- emotions are weird you guys 

- avia starts to ask eden about the wall, twilight gap, everything that came before she got to the tower. eden answers all her questions with a raw truthfulness, although she doesnt know the specifics and laughs that scarlet would be better to go to for the history of the guardians and such, but avia is just fine with what eden tells her 

- and avia tells eden about her past, about dying but still remembering everything and petra. eden is very chill and happy for avia that shes somewhere better now, that shes trying to be better. 

- yay now avia has TWO whole friends. they become an official fireteam and eden is far too excited about it. 

- avia starts seeing that funny little awoken warlock less and less, and asks scarlet about him. she knows hes gone missing but kind of shrugs it off as a thing that warlocks do. avia says if scarlet ever does that avia will Hunt Her Down. scarlet just laughs.

- (she says this in earshot of ikora) 

- crota is killed. again, avia wanted to be there. she needs more friends

- avia basically sticks like glue to scarlet and eden, kind of refusing to run strikes and missions with any other guardians which is a problem

- avia meets carver and cornelia through eden and scarlet but is still really prickly. her fireteam are at their wits end. 

- ikora straight up forces avia on a mission with another warlock, and of course its the funny one who went missing a while back 

- she sees something in ikoras eyes when they meet for the first time but knows better than to question it 

- this. kid. is. a. handful. 

- their mission is something hive related, a big risk on ikoras part but avia guides them through safely. 

- ‘ooh a hive thing!’ ‘do we need to know about the hive thing?’ ‘no, but I-’ ‘then lets move on grier.’ ‘but-’ ‘now.’

- ‘youre mean, avia.’ ‘im also keeping us alive.’ ‘you dont have to be mean about it.’ 

- ‘fine, i will stop being mean if you start doing what i tell you to. deal?’ 

- idk i kind of imagine grier latching onto avia for reasons that i cant explain bc grier isnt my character but hes basically exactly what avia needs at this point in her life, a funny little warlock who gets under her skin. 

- she massively underestimates him, reminding her of what she did with eden so she loosens up and gives him a chance. 

- they run more missions and strikes together. she asks questions about his gun, his attire, why he likes the hive so damn much.  

- he tells her about toland and the hive, and the weapons of sorrow whilst explaining bad juju. she makes a mental note to keep an eye on him whenever he uses it (and somewhere ikora smiles gently to herself. it scares cayde.) 

- she tells him about the journals she found in the wild and he just :oooooooo asks a lot of questions about where and what was in them and what that could infer

- ‘wait avia, i thought you didnt care about hive stuff?’ ‘what? no, i just... dont like getting off track during missions.’ ‘oh. then does that mean you also actually like me and arent mean to me cause you dont?’ 

- she begins to find him quite endearing. 

- he gets them out of a lot of jams during missions just from his practical know-how and shes impressed too. 

- also asks a lot of questions about his sunsinger abilities and esp reviving himself. shes only ever seen scarlet be a voidwalker so sunsinger amazes her endlessly. she sees grier as a lot more powerful than he sees himself, and again, its totally endearing to her. 

- he introduces her to rook and eve. avia steers clear of rook at first, even though she finds him handsome straight off the bat.

- they play a few iron banner matches together, a mixture of griers fireteam, hers and carver and cornelia. avia starts to develop a crush after realising how laid back and relaxed rook is.

- also how freaking good at crucible he is. 

- he’s really easy to be around, she can be herself around him, around another hunter which is something she never thought she’d have. i imagine that means they talk about their class a lot seeing as avia never really did that with anyone else, or really cayde for that matter. it helps to get an insight into what being a hunter is all about from a guy who doesnt take it so seriously. 

- the flirting starts, playful and nothing serious and we allllllll knowwwww where that leads to

- then the wolves revolt. 

- before the tower even find out, she receives a message from petra, apologising. asking her questions about being a guardian, how she is. avia ignores it, the first of many. 

- she Refuses to get involved. 

- not even scarlet and eden can convince her. or ikora. or cayde. 

- but grier comes back from the reef one day and looks really dejected and hurt and avia is just. who hurt you. what happened. and he explains that none of the awoken at the reef like him??? he thinks a couple of them looked at him weird he couldnt tell it was all confusing and avia kind of sighs and. explains some things. 

- she tells him that she used to be Awoken and that she knew petra and basically tells him everything about her past whilst explaining that the Awoken have a very high opinion of themselves  - they go back to the reef together, but she still doesnt want to get involved in the uprising. 

- she goes and patches things tentatively with petra another day. its a case of avia explaining how she became a guardian and petra explaining why she was forced to become an emissary after accidentally killing a team of guardians. its an amicable, but strained relationship. they basically realise that they were never friends, just competitors. theyre both happier where they are now.

- avia grows closer to grier to the point where they’re inseparable, she flirts with rook, runs missions and strikes with her fireteam and really starts to come into her own as a guardian 

- she runs a lot of prison of elders with cornelia and carver and grows closer to them too, eventually apologising for being a little standoffish when they first met

- now avia has SO MANY FRIENDS and gets really emotional whenever she thinks about it 

and then taken king and rise of iron happen and they deserve posts of themselves tbh but!!! avias D1 experience!!! i love this kid so much

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[gulescamisade]

Minnesota:  Day 4

JAKE: -Another night is going by, he's pretty sure. And he's so sweaty, hungry, and thirsty. If their captors had left food or water for him, Jake promptly turned it down as he felt was the NATURAL THING TO DO. He heard what became of those mushroom tests from LOWAS. None of this was exactly ideal... He groans miserably, rubbing his tum of awful hunger pains. The headaches and dry throat.-

JAMES: -continuing his meditation and fasting. Energy continues to be conserved and though he is hungry, it's not the worst he's experienced. He only hopes the fact that it's gone quiet these past few hours can only be a good thing. No news is good news, James tells himself. It's the only thing he can do.-

ROXY: =Things seem quiet..... she leans against her wall and tap tap........ who's next to her. TAPS=

JAMES: -The only one who is paying attention is James. Leans back to the wall and taps in response.-

JAKE: -curled up in a ball, having cried himself into another headache nap.-

ROXY: =Baby no........ she taps out [HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTT] in morse code then POOFs over into the next cell.=

JAMES: -sitting crosslegged with his whole button up and slack combos. Professional even in these dire circumstances. James looking a little haggard what with his hair out of place, but still alert. Ready for action if need be.- ROXY.

JAMES: ....I AM RELIEVED TO SEE YOU.

JAMES: YOU ARE NOT HURT, ARE YOU?

ROXY: =She's definitely been sweating but she didn't wanna flaunt her powers too much since they expect shit of her but... she can't just. Let them go without. Whoever else is here. She rushes over to him too= glad 2 see u too im fine

ROXY: u gotta grocery list? im ur gal call me target cuz wal marts 2 trashy and im the height of supermarket class

ROXY: not whole foods class tho thats borderin in2 pretentious

JAMES: -knits his eyebrows.- ...ARE YOU OFFERING FOOD?

ROXY: anythin u need that u can hide and food definitely

JAMES: -nods promptly- WATER. DRIED FRUIT. CRACKERS. PROTEINS. ANYTHING WITH NUTRITIONAL VALUE.(edited)

ROXY: gotcha =she finger waggles up a storm dropping two sturdy sacks of water, dried fruits in thin bags along with crackers and little bite-sized pieces of protein bars=

JAMES: -seems to be wiggling something out of the sole of his shoe.-

JAMES: -as it turns out, it is a single playing card. Flips it over the supplies as kind of single-slot emergency sylladex and stores it away.-

JAMES: I CANNOT EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE. BUT QUICKLY.

JAMES: TEND TO THE OTHER PRISONERS. JAKE IS HERE.(edited)

ROXY: =That's so cool... and a good idea= hope u dont mind me stealin ur idea.....

ROXY: =gestures to the other wall= is he over here u think? =taps??? TAPS=

JAMES: IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE. -What with hearing him yowl up a storm before.-

JAMES: TREAD CAREFULLY.

ROXY: never but ill try =two finger salute and BLIPS into the cell next to James'=

JAKE: -lying huddled in his corner like a sad dog, his back turned towards the door. Something about the BLIP stirs him awake, however, and he begins to wake up. Squinting with a bleariness around.- ....Rock and rolloxy?

ROXY: .....baby...... :C

ROXY: i gotta make it quick but do u need a hug?

JAKE: -it even hurts to cry but he's doing it anyway, rolling up to sit.- Yes... 8'C

ROXY: awww cmere =quickly shuffles over to give him a big strong hug=

ROXY: tell me wut u need and we can work it out... idk where we are and idk how many of us are in here....

ROXY: idk where everyone else is

JAKE: -weeps into her shoulder. Two smelly baras hugging it out.- Ive no idea either. Its—

JAKE: Cant i know if my sons are alright?? Oh rox its so cruel.

ROXY: i... wish i knew jakey boy.... if i could id get us a thing to try n get in2 this system but... that needs time and theyd be onto me lol...... not lol

ROXY: but well get outta this mess

JAKE: -scrubs at his face, so blotched and red with tears.- Well... well bust out of here! I know we will!

JAKE: And when we do they wont even know what hit them!

JAKE: Id do so right now if you gave the word. -looks off.- Maybe...

JAKE: Someone can help us?

ROXY: maybe but right now we can help each other =cups his face and kisses his forehead= ROXY: ill go scopin later.... try 2 see whats up

ROXY: maybe i can find every1

ROXY: but rn tell me what u need

JAKE: -smiles for the first time in a few days, warmed by the gesture. But then remembers what he's doing.- Shit uhh—

JAKE: Water and substantial edibles i think is a good start. -rubs his sad empty tum.-

ROXY: its the best start =smiles back at him then gets to work just giving him the same supplies she gave James= just hide em when someone comes u kno

ROXY: prison smugglin drills

JAKE: !!!

JAKE: Cripes this is just like magic...

JAKE: ... -looks around his cell.-

JAKE: Where ought i hide it?

ROXY: mmm ..... i might hafta steal a idea i saw from james hes ur neighbor btw

ROXY: =focuses......... tries to make the one dump sylladex card= this might work i think slip it in ur mustache lol or just like somewhere discreet

JAKE: Holy moly! -accepts the 1 dump sylladex card if she manages it.- Is this what i think it is?

JAKE: -Automatically believing that it's a 1 dump sylladex card so whether she DOES manage it, the card is already what she intends it to be.-

JAKE: -giving it a look over- :D

JAKE: -tucks it into the safety of his back pocket. Sitting on it now.-

ROXY: =bless u jake= good beans bby

ROXY: ill be back sometime keep ur spirits up ok?

JAKE: Yes ma am o whamma! -salutes her swiftfly. His spirits are in much better places than they were before.-

ROXY: good! =poof, she's outta there=

JAKE: -brimming with hope now and makes swift work of these dried fruits. Chugs what he can of the water.-

JAKE: -wiping off his mustache, he feels his willpower RENEWED. Better than ever.-

JAKE: -And if Roxy can pull her magic off, why the blazes can't he??? Jake rolls to stand, channeling that spark of hope to manifestation.-

(DIRK): -he puts the MAN in MANIFEST. extends leg, here is brain ghost dirk.-

(DIRK): Hey, that's the first time you summoned me consciously and not as the result of a homoerotic fantasy. Good job.

JAKE: -jumps as his voice comes up but brightens his scruffy self up immediately.- Dirk!

JAKE: Brain ghost! Youre here!

(DIRK): Yeah.

(DIRK): What are you gonna do with me now that I'm here? -lol and then what-

JAKE: -swiftly whaps the ishades off his face.- Give me that!

(DIRK): What the fuck. -covers his face. DON'T LOOK AT ME. he's being ironic mostly-

JAKE: -thrusting them onto his own face. Instant computer.- Hoo. Alright now. I need to contact the crew.

JAKE: Mind if i hornswoggle you of your pester client? Of course you do! -logging into his account.-

(DIRK): My pester client is imaginary, but alright.

JAKE: Huh? No its not? -It's not, Dirk. Look at it working. How??? Magic is how.-

(DIRK): -fucking incredible-

(DIRK): -obnoxiously hovers behind him-

(DIRK): It's almost like you have the ability to make anything a reality.

JAKE: -typing frantically, heart hammering as it actually DOES seem to work.- Shut up will you???

(DIRK): A dude summons you into his realm of existance just to tell you to shut up. Nice one.

JAKE: -Seeing everyone online makes his insides lurch painfully so he's only half paying attention to BGD. His franticness making his eyes water again as in the middle of the message, the connection severs.- Its—

JAKE: Its breaking up! -says with his concentration fizzling.-

(DIRK): Well don't give up.

(DIRK): Do something about it.

JAKE: Im trying damn you! Cant you see?? -says, clutching at the shades.-

(DIRK): And I'm telling you to try harder.

(DIRK): You have it in you to do this.

JAKE: -practically choking with frustration and wills the last bit of connection out of sheer spite. The last message gets through before cutting off completely.-

(DIRK): ...

(DIRK): There you go.

JAKE: -He is just never going to stop being tearstruck at this point. Obligatorily hands BGD his shades.-

JAKE: -His vision is swimming as his hand drops, looking at brain ghost now. Dirk knows Jake loves him doesn't he? Of course he does, a voice tells Jake predictably. It's what he wants to hear, it's the truth that he knows deep down in his heart and it's what BGD was basically scripted to say.-

JAKE: -So why was he still so miserable? He's gotta ask anyway.-

JAKE: He knows i love him right? Id do anything for him?

(DIRK): ... Of course he knows that.

(DIRK): He's probably driving himself up a wall cuz he can't tell you the same thing.

JAKE: -wipes at his nose.- I miss him something tremendous.

JAKE: You would think dodging near death experiences on a regular basis would make this easier to bear. But it doesnt.

JAKE: It really doesnt.

(DIRK): They're coming for you, you know. -he knows this because jake has to know this.-

(DIRK): ... -offers jake his hand to hold-

JAKE: -takes the hand, too dried up to cry in earnest anymore. His shoulders only sag.- At least i have you.

(DIRK): You'll always have me.

JAKE: -keeps their fingers twined together but gives up once their shoulders brush. Just rests his head against BGD, tired all over again.- Jeez louise dirk....

JAKE: Youre always so.

JAKE: You.

(DIRK): It's no coincidence. -leans on him too-

(DIRK): That's the way you want me to be.

JAKE: Shucks. Then i must be stock full of good ideas. -lets his eyes start to drift closed...-

(DIRK): Must be. -yes shhh sleep. it'll get better soon. just believe in that, jake-

JAKE: -having close company to fall asleep with is infitintely better than sleeping alone. Jake has decided this here and now.-