#idk why ive been thinking about this so much lately
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sry im always living in the past but has anyone ever acknowledged from an impdubs perspective how fucking crazy it was when king ren made bdubs kiss impulse’s severed head
#idk why ive been thinking about this so much lately#i know we were all laughing at the time because it looked like bdubs was drinking from the fountain of youth iykwim#but honestly that was such a crazy awesome moment#wheres that painting of like. a soldier and it looks like hes getting sucked off but hes really just holding his helmet u know the one#i need fanart like that of this moment#where it looks like rens getting his rocks off but actually its so sinister because its bdubs kissing impulses severed head#and showing it as an act meant to please the king ugh#does anyone know what im saying or have i lost it
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.
yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?
maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".
get a better joke
#toy txt post#god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones#let it flop..........pls#internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop#i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having#1 million bajillion disclaimers#virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word#disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word#grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used#to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023#and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like#im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild#i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you#but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay#god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil#but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful#and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like#hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine#and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr#and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like#and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay#its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat#? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty?#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right#stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny#whatever#if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll#i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.
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reading a medical document about indications for hospitalisation for anorexia and realising i hit multiple of the suggested criteria aaaaaaa
#certainly the blood pressure and heart rate stuff last week falls into that category but bc it dropped just enough my doctor was okay w it#but ig if its like that this week Well#Hm#anyway.#tw ed#my parents i think are somewhat scared because this is the worst theyve seen me#like im refusing SO much bc i cant handle it and i feel so awful#personal#prayer request#ig??? if you would#prayers that the medical team choose the best things for to happen for me ig#like i would describe it as uncontrollable at this point it no longer feels like a choice#like sooner and sooner lately i run into a wall that is just a big NOPE#not even 'i will eat this and feel horribly guilty' but 'i Cannot Eat This'#ive been getting more actively distressed about eating as well#i dont even understand why im hitting the medical indications either like ive been havingpretty close to recomended intake i think#idk whats happening and i am losing control#( <- chronic not acute sense)#(do not worry for me in the immediate short-term)
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I'm still thinking about Casey's husband because there's such a gold mine there...
No one looks surprised he didn't even raise an eyebrow when the kids went missing and got arrested or when Sky and Luca were missing and came back with Sky broken and Luca feeling awful. No one bats an eyelash at the fact that a guy that supposedly values his family more than anything didn't even text Casey.
Luca admits that he doesn't see his dad for half of the year and he's jealous that Sky gets to spend every day with hers, and the other kids don't even really bother to mention Peter. They're 7 and 8, ages where stories of parental woes and dads being dumb are a critical part of morning meetings on school days.
Casey is one step away from a nervous breakdown and at no point did anyone think to call her husband; no, instead, it was pure coincidence that had Derek come.
It seemed like George and Nora were barely aware Casey had a husband; they were calm and collected and obviously happy with the fact that Derek and Casey were getting along.
It's inferred that Derek plays hockey in college. Did Casey start going out with Peter to spite him? There has to be a story there; Derek hates it when his friends are into her.
Probably the most upsetting point of this whole thing is that Casey is running herself ragged because she thinks it's what marriage and such are supposed to be like and Derek can't even save her from herself because she won't talk about it.
#dasey#ry rambles#idk man ive been thinking too much about caseys fucking husband lately#casey mcdonald#life with derek#life with luca#like why doesnt peter really get mentioned much? why don't the kids seem that attached to him??#i need a five season life with luca tv show specifically so i can see casey leave peter#her getting with derek would be great but the main point is that she leaves peter
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MAN! AHH!
#its so crazy to realize that like#you actually do have a life you can go back to after removing yourself from a space that was actively making you miserable#i fucking love my friends so much. been talking to them a lot more lately#i feel like ive been neglecting them because ive been spending so much time lamenting the relationships that havent worked out for me#and just not even thinking about the ones that HAVE and actively DO#and its like. why do i hesitate to dive headfirst into the friendships that i already have and already feel secure in???#i think part of me thinks i dont deserve relationships where i dont have to prove myself#but im realizing that i can draw a distinct line between friendships where i feel loved as i am vs ones where i have to earn approval#and the latter is not where i should be focusing my energy#idk! love my irls. rubyrainacharlie forever#feels like im coming back to who i was pre-all the horrible shit thats happened to me in the last year and a half#like even just after the last two days alone#diary
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The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules
#the klock keeps ticking#i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter#cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟#a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts#and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it#plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice#i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of#commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out#but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just#wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts#aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally#i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is#and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route#cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet#its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately#and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing#and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god#like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better#she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years#like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex#and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn#and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset#rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions#and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand#that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good#character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let#her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’#but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make#everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED#ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING
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thinking about her a lot today
why we have a body, Claire Chafee
#my wretched posts#ive been missing acting so much lately and idk if i miss acting or i just miss playing lili#like reading this play and acting in it changed me so deeply and fundamentally#i am thinking about it always#why we have a body
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ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺
#lizzy speaks#THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH..#so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke#my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought-#a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me..#so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why-#i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else#like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them#also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally#analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful!#related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two#yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika...#IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!!#mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity#i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL#so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things'#there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!
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not to p*riod post but like. it came so late last month and it’s even later this month probably both due to stress (lol) and i mean i never “hope” i will get it ever but i was hoping id get it during the fall break so it wouldn’t mess up any of the things i need to do this week and i think there’s like a 90% chance im gonna get it tomorrow which is a jam packed day during which im supposed to give a campus tour to a prominent vice president an hour after getting to the office so. lol
#purrs#i don’t want to call it when i don’t even have cramps yet but if i wake up in agony im probably going to work from home. im trying this new#thing where i don’t push myself to do the usual thing if im in agony and i know there’s stuff that needs to get done but it won’t get done#well if im not well first so. yeah. i feel so bad like the tour is at 10 and im probably gonna… idk. i shouldn’t say im going to do when i#don’t know for certain yet but it’s not looking good. also i am kinda worried abt why suddenly it’s getting later and later like ive been#thru much worse stuff than what’s happening currently and it came maybe like 2 days late at most but im getting to the point where it’s#around a week late now and ummmmm. i don’t think that is normal 😃 but i am trying not to think about it that hard bc nothing else is ‘wrong#that i can tell it’s just it’s late. idk. im dreading it so much i always dread it it’s so so painful and i hate knowing im about to#experience such severe pain i cant function for like 24-36 hrs 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#delete later#probably gonna have to cancel the tour which will make me look like a flake but. 😐
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🦾
#blorbo thoughts... ive been so buckypilled for literal weeks (months?) now and idk where its coming from#i havent seen/read a marvel in years and even when i did see some of the movies#_I_ wasnt rly in the fandom it was my friend who always wanted to go see them#but oughhh bucky...... hes so important to me#hes so tragic and like ive been reading all sorts of bucky recovery fics lately#its very nice since theres a hundred thousand billion works on ao3 for him i get to be very picky#but idk how i got so attached???#like i said he was always my favorite but i never thought of him outside of the few hours i was watching a movie hes in lmao#now everyday im like waoww... this song is SO bucky#woahh im having a hard time picking what to eat... i bet bucky had a hard time making decisions after he was free of the brainwashing....#waoww a mask? just like bucky has sometimes.....#im not a marvel head but my friend did make us go see the endgame and every day im astonished at how they fucked it up so incredibly#like??????? first off i cant even think of steve going back to the past and leaving bucky in the present after all that hes lost already#cause it just breaks my heart in the same way end of the hobbit breaks my heart#and second of all what about peggys whole life in the past???? her whole agent carter tv show life???? her fiance????#are we supposed to believe a. steve just decides he gets to unwrite that timeline and marry her and b.#that undoing her whole life in favor of them being together is fair to anyone??? wheres her goddamn agency??????#its just so. but marvel movies are the epitome of undoing character development so idk why im even surprised#its just so incredible how theyre handed this super famous VERY FLEXIBLE beloved thing of MARVEL COMICS#and literal millions of money#and they manage to fuck it up so completely in every single direction#anyway im straying from the topic#i love bucky....... hes in so much pain and he gets to get better at least in my brain#my post#how embarrassing to get a marvel movie blorbo in 2024 but its not like i chose it to happen#i keep wanting to make a bucky playlist but i know itd have like 7 songs and thwn i never listen to it so i havent yet
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I gotta be less hard on myself. Annoyingly i know that my best work comes from when i am hard on myself. But i keep stopping myself from doing things i want to due to perfectionism. Annoying.
#atm i feel like im just chasing interest after interest after interest#ive been working on my mimecraft base a lot but i have. complex feelings about the base atm#im happy with it and its paradise.#its too paradise that it makes me unsettled#which is nonsense its my place and my build#but i feel a lot of pressure to make it perfect#even though I and vee are the only ones who go there and i dont really care about the likes on my posts anymore#it still makes me feel. odd.#i love the work though i love the style and i love using it as a means to imagine a better world#atm im really enjoying just spending time on the server hanging out with vee#but i get into my own head a lot about the base#its not even just the base im talking about everything but the base is the example#i built a bit of a weird interior today i just went crazy with the terracotta and the plants and a pool of water#and i keep thinking on if it was the 'right' thing to do#and if i will be able to complete it properly to a high enough standard#it also doesnt help that ive improved over the course of the last 2 years in building#so now my house looks off and weird and theres trees that need to be taken down and paths that are over textured#but i find the process of doing it and the feeling of completion really deep and important#i dont know. i feel like im constantly in a battle of pushing myself to be better but limiting myself at the same time by having fun or sthn#i feel like i should be making youtube videos or at least prepping to#but i havent because i cant figure out how to organise mods and its freaking me out. theres just loads of excuses stopping me#i dont know.#the annoying thing is pushing myself creatively has resulted in massive benefits for me lately creatively#partly i think why im feeling odd with the base atm is because ive suddenly gone for being barely able to play an hour a night to having all#the time in the world so its created a sudden influx in development#idk. this is rambly#fish talks#i want to download a minec@ft map and remove the suburban housing to replace with higher density properties becsuse ive been watching too#much socialist urban planning videos again and c1t1es skyl1nes just isnt cutting the cheese rn#thats the wrong saying. fandoms censored to avoid crosstagging
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I dont need these things but i wanna get those like finger pulse oxygen readers and the like blood pressure wrist cuffs. I dont need them i go to dr appts all the time and ive never had issues but like all of a sudden i feel like i really need them and i need to know these stats daily
#we technically have a blood pressure cuff my mom wanted one and then we kept it around before we knew i had sezuires cause we#were worried cause id just have episodes and nearly black out so my dad had me check it a lot#but its the arm one and i dont know how to use it#also ive been like worried a lot lately abt getting seziures which idk why cause theyve been very controlled for like year n half 2yrs now#so theres no reason i should be concerned but i am and i think taking my vitals everyday would make me feel much better#cause like nevermind the fact i havent had a deep breath in like 5 years and im constantly lifting like many many pounds of stuff#all at once all day long and like getting a workout essentially my slightly elevated heart rate means im just gonna like#drop to the floor n black out or like explode or something like theres no reason i need to be taking my pulse like 10 times a day#but it makes me feel better and i will give into that#much like spraying my house with lysol constantly or having to do my door lock routine like 3 times a night it makes me feel better#and i will totally give into that#like thats relatively normal i feel like#i wore a watch for like 2 months straight cause in my mind that was the only thing preventing nuclear war and like i dont wear watches#like that but alas i had to cause im built different (incorrectly) and it was my job to prevent nuclear war#wow im so normal about everything
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people who try to gatekeep music make me so fucking angry. i posted smth on my story about listening to punisher by phoebe bridgers on repeat and my friend responded “ur so late lol”
like. i dont care? that wasnt the point of the post? im not listening to music because it’s a “trend” and i don’t care if it’s not “trending” now. im listening to it because it’s inherently good and makes me feel every human emotion.
#besides it’s not the first time ive listened to the album??? like idk why she said that like im listening to it for the first time since#its been a trend#like no.#i simply started listening and i can’t stop?? it has nothing to do with being late to a trend pr wanting to seem trendy#anyway thisbis just for me to rant bc she actually annoys me so fucking much#she did this before when i posted about listening to boygenius and it made me mad before#anyway gonna go back to listening to punisher on repeat 🫶#FUCK people who only think u listen to music cause of trends#berryspeaks
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Flapping G Spot Vibrator for Women：‘’Layla‘’ Adult Rabbit Sex Toys with 9 Flapping Modes 4 Tickling Modes Waterproof Clitoralis Stimulator for Clit Nipple Anal Stimulation Rechargeable Adult Sex Toys
listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.
yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?
maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".
Get This > Flapping G Spot Vibrator for Women：‘’Layla‘’ Adult Rabbit Sex Toys with 9 Flapping Modes 4 Tickling Modes Waterproof Clitoralis Stimulator for Clit Nipple Anal Stimulation Rechargeable Adult Sex Toys
get a better joke
#toy txt post#god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones#let it flop..........pls#internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop#i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having#1 million bajillion disclaimers#virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word#disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word#grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used#to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023#and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like#im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild#i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you#but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay#god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil#but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful#and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like#hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine#and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr#and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like#and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay#its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat#? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right#stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny#whatever#if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll#i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2023
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All this me-posting is a side effect of me coming to terms with the way my brain works and what it can handle and also handling some revelations that mightve been accelerated by the acid i dropped on my birthday and dealing with all of this without a ride out to some scenic spot late at night with an old friend where we stare off into the distance and talk about anything and everything for 3 hours
#wheh#something about late stage capitalism and adulthood making it harder to do things like this#idk i feel like i used to have a lot more moments like that 5+ years ago#im thinking maybe it's why i feel like ive been struggling so much more lately with sorting through and vocalizing how i actually feel#at least in person. texting i can like. take my time to think out what i wanna say#but if im doing Real Talk i want to see your face i want to be able to hug you i want to be able to hold onto your hands and squeeze-#them like theyre the only thing that's real. i want to hear your voice and the little jokes you wouldnt think to say if we were texting.#im normal /cope
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