#idk what this is but i felt like doing it after a long time
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Part 3 for the fitclet I did for @keferon 's mecha pilot jazz au! (ďžâăŽâ)ďž*:シďžâ§
For those who missed it:
Part 1 || Part 2
This is probably the longest out of all the 3 parts, dear god, I went all in. It came out bigger than I ever expected it to be. I was not expecting it to go this far honestly, but the parasites in me, they begged for more. So here we are! :D
Again tho, idk how in character they will be here, but I tried my best ďźź(*Tâ˝T*)ďź. Also, kinda bullshitted my way through in worldbuilding bc idk how things work exactly- and I had to come up with stuff on my own, even tho I'm not that good in mecha world stuff, so I'm sorry for any inaccuracies ^^;;
Now, to give credit to those who so desperately deserve it:
My sister @saltynsassy31 for helping me when I couldn't write out some of my ideas and doing it herself (so consider this as a bit of a frankenstein monster of both our writing styles, mainly during intense scenes. If there is any fancy words in this, it's cuz of her) and being my beta reader for this part. Seriously yall, this wouldn't have been as coherent and well written without her help!
Also huge thanks to my online sister @yayadrawsthingz for helping out when I hit a few road blocks during this!
And finally, a huge huge thanks to my honorary online uncle @hexyz09 for helping me finish off the final fight scene when I got stuck during some plot holes and road blocks, or generally just writing myself into a corner and having to help me leave it, despite not knowing jackshit about the au, let alone the ship and characters themselves, but was still willing to help me through in working on the plot, in this crazy obsession of mine XD
Yall have no idea how much help these guys were. Probably wouldn't be able to finish without either of their help áŚ(òĎĂłË)á¤
Oh and an honourable shoutout to the song "Headlock" by Imogen Heap! Kept listening to this on loop as it kept my drive up to write this.
Now onto the fic!
---
Prowl ignored Jazz's various attemps to push out his servo from the cockpit. Despite the mech being weak himself, the human was still no match against thousands of pounds of metal, especially in his own weakened state.
Which was a matter of its own at the moment. Prowl knew he had very little time to be able to run ahead before the other humans caught on to them, having noticed the alarm bells ringing through the facility.
So he ran towards the exit Jazz had initially pointed out, the only plan they had at the moment.
...
"Prowl! Prowler, hey! I know you can hear me! Prowl!" Jazz shouted as he slammed yet another fist in a failed attempt to nudge the bot's servo out of the way. He hasn't said a word since picking Jazz up, and he wasn't sure how long that was, maybe not that much, but it felt too long yet too little at the same time (what a headache).
Sliding down, he gently hit his forehead over the protective servo and let out a sigh of defeat. No way he could get him to move like this.
Why was he trying to anyways? Didn't he want to be with Prowl? He certainly did, but somehow, something in him made him feel like he shouldn't just be accepting this.
And maybe Prowl also knew this, which is why he took off and hasnât said a word since. Both held conflicted feelings about the whole thing. If only things didn't feel so blurry right now!
Suddenly, a hard shift made Jazz stumble a bit, grasping at whatever he could so he didn't fall back, loud noises of metal scrapping metal could be heard as something got kicked open on the outside. Jazz scrambled over to the small crevice that opened between Prowl's digits, not enough for him to fit anything over other than his hand, but enough to get a glimpse of what was happening outside.
Prowl had kicked down the exit door to the lab ('not like he had the hands available to properly open the damn thing anyways' Jazz thought to himself). It was meant for mechas to exit the room after they finish off whatever it is they do in here, that Jazz knew, and if he was right, just down the hall there will be another exit leading to the backroom where they stockpiled the mech suits. No one but the technicians were usually supposed be there, it would be an easy fight to get to the big gate that lead to the outside training grounds, which is why Jazz had pointed for the mech to go down there in the first place.
There shouldn't have been a problem besides giving him time to leave unscathed. Which Jazz assumed would not be the case as he was currently inside Prowl and not buying him time to escape. But, to Jazz's surprise, nothing had come close to attacking them, yet.
The pilot did not have much time to contemplate it as suddenly he heard Prowl rumble an annoyed grunt.
"Don't move."
In shock, Jazz stumbled back as Prowl removed his hand and reached for the end of the overhead gate, seemingly alot harder to kick down than a two way door. The only thing it would really do would be to bend the metal a bit but it wouldn't give an open entrance. Jazz didn't dare leave, not like he could from this hight, but even if he could, Prowl would probably just pick him up again; it be a waste of energy really (just admit it, you don't want to leave him). But something about this felt wrong, so far they haven't had a single guard come down the hall, just this small pause would give them enough time to catch up to the two runaways, Jazz was sure that guards had been on his tail when he was under his rampage.
Unless...
Wait.
"Prowl! Wait don't open that gate!" But he was too late, the moment he uttered those words the mech had already been in motion and pushed the gate up with all his might and as quickly as he opened it a gun shot came through the otherside. They had been waiting for them, they knew where they were heading. The bastard he kicked down prior to this probably saw them and reported it, dammit.
Prowl let out a strangled cry of pain as the shot landed right on his left shoulder (like it wasn't damaged enough by the lack of arm), Jazz fell backwards with the harsh motions, hitting the back of the pilot's seat, the impact leaving his vision to go dark for a few seconds before he collected himself as quickly as he could. In an instant though, just as he tried to get back up to see what was outside, Prowl had put his hand back over the open cockpit.
No...he wouldn't be able to fight like this, protecting him as he is would only hinder the bot to more damage. And that's exactly what Jazz intended to express to the other. "Prowl! You won't be able to fight with your hand over me! Forget about holding me inside, I won't leave, I promise!"
"That's not the point!" Prowl growled, letting out another hiss of pain as more shots were loaded, someone shouting out for them to stand down.
Prowl couldn't risk leaving Jazz exposed. Unlike the human, Prowl could take a few shots, their weapons not being strong enough to inflict any serious damage to his plating (though perhaps a bit to his exposed protoform, though he could handle it for a little while longer). But it would take one lucky shot on Jazz to have him dead in an instant, and Prowl couldn't take that chance.
It seemed like Jazz got the message, not spitting back any sort of remark about Prowl's lack of explanation.
But the mech couldn't linger too much on those thoughts, he had to get out, and fast. He was losing too much energon, and his vision was starting to get blurry, which wasn't a good sign. It didn't help that his thoughts were a hazy mess, his usual ability to think logically overthrown by the panic of needing to get out of this place while ensuring Jazz's survival.
It's not like he had much to do, though. Any possible escape hindered by the fact he couldn't use his weapons unless he risks Jazz's life to one lucky shot. Perhaps he could make a run for it, knock through the mechas in front of him and let them tumble over as he reached the final exit; it wasnât the best plan perhaps, with at least a 19% rate of success, given he isn't in the best physical state at the moment, he probably wouldn't be strong enough to knock them over. Added to the fact the exit wasn't shut by a gate he could simply knock over easily either, like the previous one. He'd have to push it open from the bottom, and there wasnât enough time for him to act on it.
But he'd have his back turned to the shots, reassuring Jazz's own safety, so he could perhaps risk removing his servo to push the gate open once more.
With a quick warning from his HUD telling him his energon levels were getting dangerously low, Prowl decided to take the risk, with little time left, he took a step forward making a run for it.
The mechas seemed to ready themselves for his attack, quickly positioning their weapons to target him, closing any narrow space they had between each other.
What they didn't expect was for the mech to charge his whole body weight onto them. Despite not feeling any pain, they certainly could not fight against gravity itself. They all stumbled against each other as Prowl made a mad dash to the gate. He slid on his knees and made a quick reach for the bottom of the gate, anxiously removing his hand from over the cockpit, bending over protectively as to not have anything be able to aim inside.
He could feel his spark beating fast from anxiety, they were so close, they'll be able to leave soon enough. Jazz was most certainly having a good feel to Prowl's anxious beat, the loud thruming reaching the bot's own audials was most certainly deafening to the human sitting near it.
Then, a shot.
A pop.
A blinding light.
And the beat stops.
Jazz was curling in on himself as an instinct to protect himself from the sudden burst behind him. It only took a few seconds for him to realise what that was once he couldn't hear a single beat of a spark, or the burning sensation it left, feeling his own heart stop and drop to his gut.
It felt like the world around him suddenly stopped, everything going into slow motion, with no sounds to accompany the dread. Feeling as Prowl's body leaned foward to crash on the ground.
But just as quickly as the silance came, it left. Prowl catching himself from hitting the ground with a grunt, a slam could be heard as his arm and elbow made contact with the concrete floor. His spark beating, weakly, but beating nonetheless. What felt like hours of silance was only a quick few seconds of deafening dread.
"Prowl!" Jazz called out in desperation, reaching out to hold the edges of the cockpit, so not to fall out, but to also try and comfort his anxiousness as he tried to look up at the mech's face. The mech made a sound of acknowledgement, which came out more like broken static, but didn't make much effort to move, his face scrunched up in pain, optics shut. They shot him on his back, too close to where his spark would be, causing him to skip a beat, and busting a bit of his left doorwing, but it still seemed to function somewhat.
Suddenly, both of them picked up on the sound of something opening, giving no time for either to fully process what had just occurred. Prowl made a quick move to get his hand over the cockpit once more (with slight struggle as he stumbled and fell on his aft) as a thick metal slab emerged from above and beneath, right in front of the gate, shutting it close with a protective layer of metal. Guessing by the red alarm ringing around them, an emergency protocol to keep anyone from leaving. Slag.
The mechas surrounded them, guns all aimed to shoot at the alien mech if he didn't comply.
It was silent for a brief moment, in exception to Prowl's anxious beating spark (which wasn't a problem for Jazz at the moment, the burning warmth being somewhat comforting) and Jazz's own heart beating over his ears. Both catching their breaths.
"There's no point in fighting. So make this easy for all of us and surrender yourselves." A nobody pilot finally spoke out, weapon leaning a tad closer than the others.
The atmosphere felt heavy, they were pinned down. Really, the only thing they could do was surrender, but Jazz would sure as hell be reprimanded for his actions and Prowl.....he didnât want to think about that. No, he wouldn't even allow that thought to become any sort of reality.
"Prowl" he whispered, knowing only the mech would hear him, leaning a gentle souch to his servo as if to beg, "I know you might not have alot of trust 'n me, but this might be our best shot." There was a tense shift, not too noticeble unless you could see the mechanisms from the inside, Prowl knew what he was about to suggest. "You need to let me pilot you." He cringed as he felt the other's servo stiffen, he wasn't pleased with the idea, and neither was Jazz, but he knew this place alot better than Prowl did, and knew how to properly defeat the mechas, knowing their weak spots. And Prowl was all too aware of that too, Jazz knew it. They both were very aware of it all.
"Please," he begged, leaning his forehead on the mech's servo yet again, "I can't lose you again." There was slight shift, Jazz looked up, though he obviously couldn't see the mech's face, the sigh he let out was loud and clear. The controls on the pilot's seat shifted, Jazz got the message:
'Alright'
He couldn't help but let a small smirk creep over his face, making way to sit down and start piloting.
"Under one condition though," Prowl suddenly whispered to him, though it was alot louder to Jazz on the inside.
"And what would that be, partner?" The title flew out too fast for Jazz to stop himself, feeling so natural to call Prowl partner once more. The mech didn't seem against it though.
"No removing my hand."
Jazz was left stunned for a quick second, though it felt like a minute for Prowl as he waited for a reply eagerly.
"I can work with that." Prowl let out a sigh of relief at that, allowing the human, his partner, to take control of him again.
It took a moment for Jazz to adjust himself, in the meantime, the people waited outside anxiously for the other to make a move. When Prowl finally started to shift around to stand up with a small grunt, everyone raised their guns and loaded them up, but didn't shoot just yet. The mech looked up at them with a deadly glare, but made no move to attack, his remaining arm not leaving the open cockpit for a second, he simply stood up with a slight slump to his posture, doorwings drooping down slightly. In all possible ways, he looked weak and defeated, no signs of fighting back.
One of the mechas walked closer, gun still aiming at Prowl, but it was lowered slightly. They reached a hand out expectantly.
"The pilot, hand him over." They demanded, no sympathy whatsoever.
Prowl clutched his chasis, anger pooling over in his spark, doorwings twitching up slightly, but he made no move to attack. Not yet. He heard Jazz speak to him in a low tone so only he could hear it, with a sigh, he relaxed. He slowly, very slowly, drew out his hand from the cockpit, the action in itself having the other mecha have their body relax slightly as they approached the mech, weapon being put down slightly enough, and so did the others around them. Jackpot.
Before he fully removed his servo, the mech made move to crouch down and in a swift motion swung a peed over to the mechas own, catching them off balance and knocking them down. Jazz let out a small hiss to the action, forgetting his own injured leg, but pushed on regardless.
Using the thrusters of his doorwings, they were able to balance themselves back up, Prowl's servo going back into fully protecting it's pilot once more. With most weapons being aimed up and not down, it took a delayed second to aim correctly, but it was enough time for the human and cybertronian duo to twist themselves out of harms way.
Before the fallen pilot could attempt to get up, Jazz made move to aim over the weak spot of their mecha's knee and stepped hard enough to break its mechanisms so they couldn't stand back up easily. But the glory was short lived as more shots were fired their way.
Jazz's hand twitched to move and use its weapons, but he resisted the urge with a slight huff, "Man, 's hard to fight without an arm!"
"This is none negotiable, Jazz." Prowl hissed as they made move to avoid more shots.
"I know, I know! Don't mean it makes it easier!" Jazz tried to analyse their surroundings, though it was made difficult with the many HUD warnings from all the injuries (the pilot couldn't help but mutter a broken "I'm so sorry" to his partner, whether the mech heard him or not he wasn't sure), but pushing through it, he took note of a few key details. There was a metal catwalk grate near above the mechas' heads, running with a few on ground troops, the bastard of a boss being one of the few amongst them. Near a corner stood an elevator to go up and down the area.
How that could help, Jazz wasn't sure yet.
A shot hit Prowl's arm, pain flowed through the mech as he moved out of the way once more. Jazz looked around in a frenzy to find a place to shield themselves....the mechas! Making a run for to the lifeless husks, he swivelled around between them and hid behind the many rows of mechas knowing full well that they would not risk such precious resource and money just to reach them. At least he hoped not, because he just needed a little bit of time to figure something out.
Hearing the big man call out to hold their fire was good enough indication that his idea worked.
"Ok, now we just need somethin' to distract them long enough for us to make a jump to the ceiling." Jazz explained
"The ceiling?" Prowl inquired, not so certain about his partner's ability to properly think at the moment.
Jazz rolled his eyes, but didn't make mention of the mech's tone. "It's the weakest point here, plus" he made way for Prowl to look up to where he remembered the area to be at, "there's a trap door for flying mechas and emergencies. One quick press of a button will open it up, even under "safety protocols."" Prowl let out a hum in thought, seeming to analyse the situation.
"Possible, but where is this said button?"
"Behind the elevator, by the catwalk grating on top. There's a control panel, and one big red button, can't miss it."
"Would smashing it still get it to work?"
"Yes."
"Then I don't have any complaints."
"Good, now," Jazz went back to scanning the area, "how to cause a distraction?"
"Would that broken pipe be of any use?" Prowl made an effort to twitch his head over to the direction of what he wanted Jazz to see. And just as the mech stated, there, by the first floor of the elevator, stood a broken pipe, steam coming out of it.
Jazz smirked "it would actually. If we can get somethin' to shoot at it, we might cause an explosion, giving us time to jump up without being the target anymore."
"Sounds like a plan." Prowl shrugged.
"Don't have anything to add?" Jazz asked a bit surprised.
"No, I don't." The pilot didn't push.
"Okay. Well, let's get these bastards shootin." In quick motion, they made way to the elevator, already hearing the commands to shoot fire, 'but watch for the machines!' Weapons were loaded from above as well, shooting down at the two runaways once again.
Jazz made sure to move swiftly behind the mechas, making sure they were shielded properly. Any gaps they had to cross was a small risk they needed to take, scrapes and scratches being left in its wake, but tried not to do it too often, just enough that they could follow them. They eventually reached where the pipes were, Jazz took a deep breath.
"Ready, big guy?"
"Ready."
They stepped foward, making sure to call the attention towards where they were, but quickly retrieting back behind the mechas suits as they shot directly where they wanted to hit. "Bingo."
Quickly, activating Prowl's thrusters, they leaped over to the metal grates that stood above them as the pipes behind them burst, causing a huge commotion as empty mechas fell down and whatever machine near the crossfire tumbled down. Prowl let out a gasp as he felt the world around him spin, the grating beneath them not being of any help as it shook with his weight. Jazz was quick to hold on, helping the mech stablise himself before aiming with his left foot to kick the big red button with their ticket out of here, the motion causing his vision to flash in pain, but he bit his toung until he could taste iron and pushed forward.
Hearing the metal door above them open up, Jazz readied himself, but hesitated with the warning he'd received from Prowl's HUD from his low energon levels. He didnât even get the chance to fully check on it though, Prowl quickly pushing them out of the way himself.
"I'll live, just one more push." The mech hastily reassured the human. Jazz wasn't inclined to belive it though, feeling the other's spark beat anxiously (and for some reason that made him feel slightly dizzy. Though he chalked it up to it being his possible concussion).
It took one shot to slip an inch away from Prowl's face for them to finally snap out of it and jump. One more push from his thrusters as they flew up through the trap door and landed on top of the roof with a grunt, the mech's left wing finally giving out.
But they werenât in the clear yet. Looking out, a wasteland of a forest awaited them, with dense trees at the bottom.
"We'll have to make a jump for it. If we're lucky enough the trees will be big enough to hide us." Jazz supplied.
"45% of that happening. But we don't have much of another option at the moment." Prowl added
With all that being said, Jazz moved into action. With so much at stake, he had to, he couldn't waste another second in debating. Hefting Prowl up, he used all remaining strength to jump where they needed to go, but as the training grounds began to get closer than anticipated, Prowl knew they didnât make the jump and that made the mech almost freeze.
Though Jazz had other plans, because as their impending flat doom approached in rapid speed, Prowl's remaining thruster burst to life and gave that final impusle they needed to reach the slope. They both braced themselves as they were thrown up and over to their intended destination, Prowl having half a mind to tighten his hold over his chest so none of the debris and impact could reach the fragile human still in his care.
They rolled down the slope, Prowl just barely being able to shift himself so that he was sliding on his back instead. The aggresive motion of going down a not so smooth path causing bigger cuts and slashes against his already damaged frame. But the only thing he could think of at the moment was that they made it.
Jazz was quick to let go of his control over Prowl, who in turn made an effort to sit properly. Though the sudden slamming to his servo made him look down worriedly, moving it slightly to see Jazz leaning on it desperately.
"Prowl-" he heaved, "Prowl put me down I'm feeling sick."
The mech panicked and quickly made move to help the human down, gently placing him on the grass below. Jazz made no effort in being graceful as he hurled over and puked his guts out, luckily avoiding Prowl in all of this.
Clutching his stomach in pain, his heaving and coughs agitating the injuries on his abdomen. Everything around him felt blurry and muffled as his body made sure to get everything he had eaten in the past day out of him.
What made him panic was the sudden taste of iron in his mouth as he coughed up whatever he had left inside. That's not good. And that definitely didn't escape the giant mech's notice, who kept a hovering servo near him.
"Jazz! Is that blood?!" His voice sounded so broken, static lacing over his words.
"Uh- Yeah. Yeah it is." He wasn't sure how to deny that really, and he felt too light-headed to try. But his attention diverted to the sudden pink glow that landed at the side of his vision.
Energon.
Quickly looking up, he finally got a glance at his partner's battered condition. Energon leaked from many different parts of his body, but the main source being from his missing arm. Jazz couldn't help but cringe at that.
But what hurt him the most to see was the weak light from the mech's optics, which still held visible concern on them. Despite being close to going into offline, he still looked at Jazz as if he's about the crumble into dust and leave him. Which he honestly, maybe, felt like. But seeing Prowl's optics flicker as they fought to stay online, Jazz panicked
"What 'bout you?!" He called back, catching the bot off guard. "You're losing too much energon! You look like you're about to go offline!"
Prowl cringed a little, not having anything to counter that. "Well that's because I-"
"No! I'm only a little bit dizzy, but I'll live. We need to patch you up right now!"
"I can help with that."
The new voice catches the duo off guard, Prowl immediately reaching out to Jazz, hand shielding the human from whoever that might be. Jazz looked down from where he was looking at Prowl and turned to see who it was that the voice came from.
There standing in front of them was a human carrying a simple tool box and a huge backpack strapped over one shoulder, filled with questionable things.
---
BEFORE YOU LEAVE, a little something I would like to point out for the fic, that some of yall with either like or not, during the process of writing this, I've seen a few posts keferon made about the spark being radioactive and such, and it sorta made me think a bit while developing Jazz's condition. So well, take Jazz's health in this as you will with this info :)
But anyways, yippie!! That's all for today folks! I hope yall enjoyed this one bc I definitely had a heck of a time writing this one XD
It got alot bigger than I anticipated and took much longer to finish than I originally planned (was supposed to be done 2 days ago).
Now, I know I keep saying "not sure if I'll make another part to this" but then proceed to do so anyways. But I mainly do so because everytime I shared it someone said something that added to the story somehow and gave me ideas to continue foward.
So like, if yall liked this and wanna see more, don't be shy to suggest/add anything to this as it may help inspire me to add more onto this, cuz honestly idk what the fuck I'm doing rn, I'm just going with the flow á( á )á
Also, a bit of note for the doodle, holy shit I did not expect it to look this good!! Tho I suffered with Jazz's suit, plz ignore any inaccuracies tee-hee. Prowl's knee and hands were hell too, especially his knee, but i could like, hide most of it lmao. Actually mainly struggled to not have his hand cover Jazz too much bc it kept covering the parts I actually wanted to show off lmao.
Oh and the guy at the end? Yall can take a good guess as to who it is :)
But since he doesn't have any official design, I kinda went with whatever felt right lol.
I also really wanted to draw out more scenes to add to the fic, but then it would take me a lot more time to actually post the fic as I figure out how to draw robots :'). But maybe I can try and doodle them out another time if I can, no promises tho-
#mecha pilot jazz au#oh god I'm so nervous about this one#i hope yall like it#and plz plz share whatever thoughts you have on this (as long as they're positive ofc bc my ego is very fragile YwY)#cake writed#yeah that's a tag now#cakes art#transformers#tf jazz#tf prowl#jazzprowl
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Kinktober 2024 â Werewolf Alex
â ⧠pairing: Alex / F!Reader â ⧠genre: smut 18+ â ⧠word count: 6,856 â ⧠warnings: noncon, werewolf, A/B/O, knotting, pet names (pup), established relationship, breeding, size difference, biting, cervix fucking â ⧠synopsis: you were never meant to and he didn't mean to. you have to understand...
â ⧠A/N: we are SO late to posting this but yknow what. it's posted. thats all that matters. thank you for waiting for me mwah mwah much appreciated please enjoy idk if its good or not i havent written in so long thank you x
â ⧠kinktober masterlist
The end of the month is always a difficult time, right? Itâs hard to relax when knowing that the next working period is just right around the corner, haunted by visions of dirt and hay in the corner of his eye. Like a ghost of continuous hardshipâ he assumes itâs that way for everyone, though not least for him especially. Completely spent, hours toiling over ripe landâthe life of a farmer, he knows, he isnât complaining beyond reasonâhas left his muscles all sore and aching, straining against the skin surrounding it with bulging exhaustion. If heâs feeling this weak and tired himself, then he canât imagine just how bad you must feel every month⌠A pang of guilt leaving him momentarily breathless as he considers his appreciation of you; he can do better, no doubt.
But he especially feels lacking tonight, cosied up in bed with you beneath him, moonlight pouring in from the forgotten about blinds in the dead of night with stark remembrance. Itâs a little cold, he thinks. A shivering running up his spine at the chill that envelops him whole, one that he tries to spare you from lest youâre forced to endure the unkind nature of the night with him.
Well, any more than youâve already had to, anyway.
Heâs sure that the nights are long for someone like you, manual labour wearing you down day in and day out⌠Perhaps the number one thing you look forward to is those comfy bed sheets you currently lay upon at the end of every night. Soft and sleek, slinking over your body with only the utmost of careâ it sounds nice! Real nice. Heâs aware of how hard you work and, subsequently, how hard you must rest. But selfishly, he thinks that nights like these might just be a little more difficult for someone like him, for someone undergoing his predicament.
Farm work is hard, but have you ever experienced complete and utter transformation in the light of the night? A horror in its own right, from scraggly fur to his shortened temper⌠Itâs scary for him too, yâknow? Exhausting, actually, to go through such change in such a short amount of time. Just a little window of moonlight, thatâs all it takes for him to forget about his humanity, even in the face of your utter innocence. Have you ever felt the hardship of turning into that which you hate at the end of every month? Regardless of your own wants or wishes?
No, he didnât think so.
Heâd warned you beforehand at the very least. Given the state of things, he felt he owed you the bare minimum of that. He wouldn't be a very good boyfriend if he hadnât, right? Now, he knows that heâs not responsible for his actions after the fact! He did his due diligence and you decided to ignore him. Itâs not his fault. He did his best.
Oh, but as he stares down at you through hazy eyes, taking in the sight of your big wet puppy stare back up at him, he can feel the remainder of his humanity beg for a much needed break. Fluffy wolf ears twitching in contradictory excitement when you whine up at him in assumed confusion, long well groomed tail swishing from side to side eagerly behind him when you avoid his half-lidded gaze. He fucking warned you, little pup. Fucking knew that this would happen at some point, though he thought heâd have taught you better by now. Advising you against his pearly white fangs that shine in the moonlight swimming in from your bedroom window, urging you to leave him and his sharp claws all alone tonight like every end of the month, but oh, they look so nice when digging gently into your soft skin, right?
And, more than anything, he warned you of his inability.
Heâs always prided himself on his ability, first and foremost. Strong, well cared for muscles bulging under the weight of the moon tonight, his efforts to be reliably strong for you have paid off in the worst ways possible, right? Knees firmly planted by either side of your hips, half his weight keeping you pinned atop the soft bed sheets heâd helped you pick out one day in town. You were right, they are pretty, and they do compliment you well⌠particularly when youâre wriggling around on them, attempting to worm your way out of the sticky situation youâve now found yourself in. Because donât be mistaken, this is your own fucking fault, pup.
And yet still, here he is, utterly incapable. The complete opposite of everything heâs ever wanted and strived for, an ache clawing at his chest far deeper than he claws at your waist at the realisation that heâs failing you right now. He wants to be better for you, chewing on his bottom lip enough to taste just a sting of metallic as his brows furrow in sheer concentration of the taste, veins popping in his arms in a subconscious attempt to hold back in spite of your stupidity tonight.
â⌠Warned ya.â He eventually mutters mid leering, huffing to exhale a stagnant sigh he hadnât meant to hold. As if doing so would somehow temper him, keep you safe on the pretty bed sheets in his strong arms like you were earlier, back when he was frantically warning you to get awayâ âSorryâ I jusâ, fuck, would ya quit fuckinâ squirmin at leastââ
Cause youâre making it worse. Not just for him, though his fat cock throbs with barely restrained want at all the wiggling around youâre doing; even if itâs useless. You havenât a hope in fucking hell of escaping him, not with how hard he trains his muscles just for you. But also, youâre making the situation worse for yourself⌠You really should have left him when heâd given you the choice, escaped somewhere, fuck, anywhere but right next to him, let alone in your own fucking bed. All youâre really doing is riling him up further simply by existing, pushing him closer to the edge heâs so dangerously perched upon, pleading for him to take that final plunge. And like the loyal little mutt heâs always been for you, he wants for nothing more than to please you. Give you exactly what youâre asking for, panting and pleading for the opportunity to, really.
Which is unfortunate, because he really canât help himself when it comes to you. Never has been able to, and he bets he never will be able to. That is, providing you stick around him after tonight⌠Of which heâd never blame you for rejecting the offer, given how mean heâs been to you thus farâ and thatâs while trying to stay composed, too. Youâve got no fucking idea what the night has in store for you, and the thought alone has excitement welling up in his already racing heart. God he loves you. Fuck he wants to ruin you.
Donât ever fucking leave me. I need you, you donât understandâ
âMateââ he growls at you, chest rumbling with obvious affection, throat tight with choked up lust. âMy mate.â
âAlexâ W-wait, pleaseâ!â
You sound so soft right now. Scared, like a little animal. A mere pup to his much larger wolf stature, shivering with inherent submission as he paws and plays at every inch of skin he can reach. The moon hangs high in the sky for him, whispering sweet nothings down his ear with promises of foreverâ all it takes is one night to secure his place by your side forever. Forever and ever, his half lidded gaze stuck on your tummy as you attempt once more to flee his bruising grip, though the attempt is pitiful. He could fill you up so well yâknow? Give you so many cute little pupsâ oh, and he just knows with a twitch of his cock that youâd be the best mama in the world. His perfect little mate; donât you want that as badly as he does? Donât you wanna be his pretty princess pup forever? He always imagines it, yknow. Thinks about it every time he fucks his fist silly, especially during his red hot heats when heâs left to fend for himself. Always thinking about you. Always wanting you. Just you. And the way youâre gasping and shaking from under him tells him that you like the lewd idea just as much as he does, right?
Because where you might babble for a break, your body is at least being more honest with him in place of your verbal lies. And he forgives you for that, for letting your inherently needy nature communicate with his own whether intentional or not. You canât hide from him, heâs your mate, remember?
But to shut you up for a moment, he pinches at your waist a little harder than necessary. He doesnât mean to, baby, but you have to understand his position hereâŚ
Cock rock hard before you, standing tall and proud as it bobs with precum adorning his red hot tip, arms tense and muscles taut under the amount of restraint he has to exude in order not to split you in half right this very second. You have to understand, that as the moon shines upon his back and his wolfish tail wags happily from side to side, that heâs no better than a mere predator animal right now. The man youâve come to love and adore is there, distantly, behind the wolf mask smirking down at you.
Youâre lucky he even gave you a warning at all, yâknow? Not many of his kind would offer you the same sanctuaries.
Heâs not sure where your sudden bravery has came from tonight, but heâs not one for complaining. Youâve left him to deal with his heat all alone on many occasions as per his wanting, and things have been just fine, right? Youâre still with him for the time being, still consider him your boyfriend, right? He doesnât understand why youâd ruin it all tonight, everything heâs worked so hard for previously. Doesnât get why youâd prompt him into pinning you onto the bed with teeth bared and cock out; he can never stand the feeling of fabric rubbing against his heated skin every time his heat comes along. All scratchy and wrong, and besidesâ doesnât it feel better to be bare? To be in your most natural state possible? It makes sense, given his animalistic nature.
And itâs only a once a month annoyance anyway. Trivial in the grand scheme of things, no? You really should have been a good girl like how you usually are and stayed the fuck away from him given his genuine pleading, but alas, here he tugs on your pretty skin just for idle fun until you settle down a bit. He can only hold off his instincts for so long, yâknow?
And never long enough for you to go back on your stupid decision, thatâs for sure.
Yâknow, it was just so easy for him to undress you too, like you secretly wanted this to happen deep down. Hell, he has half a mind to actually believe that despite your thrashing around as he pulls and tears items of clothing from your heated body, that you do want this. Maybe youâre just playing hard to get, offering him a little fight to help kick start his prey driveâ nothing but the best for you. And well, he can hardly blame you if thatâs the case, given how hard his heart thumps with sheer awe upon gazing at your shivering naked frame, gaze glued to your perfect tits that his paws automatically grope at as if magnetic. As if home; heâs only doing what comes natural to him. And he could never be blamed for that, right? Whatâs natural is never wrong, surely.
âSorry,â heâs not really, itâs just the he doesnât know what else to say in the moment. Doesnât understand how he could possibly bite back the moons influence on his hormones, a shiver running up his spine at the way you inadvertently rub your exposed tummy against his hot cock. Tip just drooling all over your front, a copious amount of precum to help aid in his sole goal tonight. âDonât mean tâmake ya wait.â
You just look so pretty when struggling for him like this, writhing around on the sheets with a wobble on your lips, you wear fear so well, such a little fucking tease arenât you? The way your brows furrow before him in concentrationâor is it upset? He doesnât care much either way, reallyâis so fucking hot to him, has his cock twitching and trembling against your soft, breedable body with insatiable need.
âAlex, Iâ Iâm sorry, okay? I didnâtâ Didnât mean to, I didnât knowââ
Bullshit, he seethes to himself upon hearing your lies, huffing with an air of arrogance while rolling his eyes at your misfortune. You fucking knew. Knew exactly what you were getting into tonight, and heâd even go so far as to claim that you want it too. After all, after tonight, youâll be his pretty puppy mate. And nobody knows his mate better than he does, right?
Which is why he takes to cooing down at you gently. A sickly sweet attempt to warm you upâ though heâs sure his excess pheromones will do much of the heavy lifting for him. Exuding his scent all over you, wrapping his tail around one of your legs to softly soothe and relax you into compliance. âShh,â he whispers down at you, though he can feel the way his expression tugs into one of pain and suffering. Because it hurts to hold himself back for you, physically fucking pains him to keep himself in check for your own safety. If he had it his way youâd be face down ass up on the bed at this point already, but heâs not so far gone as to act the simple animal just yet. Thereâs still time. âSâokay, lemme take care of yaâŚâ
The weight he pushes down on you from sitting on your lap is enough to keep you in one place for his affections, letting his cock rub along your tummy and pelvis, smearing precum all over your front as if claiming you in the meantime. His claws, once digging into your hips, take to travelling lightly up and down your sides to lull you into a false sense of security. Opening you up to what will come whether you like it or not, simply because itâs in your best interests to lay there and fucking take itâ God, fuck⌠heâs already so hard for you, dripping his stink all over your pretty body to assert his dominance over such a lowly pup such as yourself.
Though whatâs important is that youâre his lowly pup. All mine, mine, mine.
And the little squeals and kicks you let out only serve to turn him on further, cock pulsing and fucking begging for more, to feel the too tight squeeze of your cunt as a promise of shared devotion so late at night. Itâs almost romantic, he muses to himself, if not for the brutal aspect of his transformation. His ears instinctively turn downwards at the thought, an unspoken apologyâ though he doesnât stop. Canât, really.
All hunched back and muted growls, he simply towers over you. Thereâs no chance of escape, no way you could ever get out from under him. And that, the complete and utter lack of control you currently have in the situation, turns him on more than anything else. Having you rely on him for anything and everything, just fucking gets to him, yâknow? Tail travelling over your legs to leave your knees all wobbly before wagging eagerly behind himself.
Youâre lucky heâs been able to hold back till now.
Heat overtakes him at the sight of your attitude, warmth swallowing his lungs whole with a mere gasp escaping him. Its like a light switch goes off in his mind, spurred on by your petulant demeanourâ a deep rooted need to prove himself to you, to have you submit, preferably willingly, under his rough touch and leering eyes. The moon commands it, he simply perks his ears up to listen to her call.
âSit still a minute,â he hums at you, tongue poking at the inside of his cheek to puff it out a little, a subconscious display of dominance as he manhandles you into proper mounting position with such ease even heâs a little surprised at himself. Causing you to squeak as he flips you over so that your face is squished into the soft pillows below, and his bulging arm can hook under your tummy to hoist your ass up in the air for his own selfish enjoyment. The heat, no doubt, has increased his strength. Always does, which is in part why heâd rather youâd leave him alone when the full moon comes. Your pretty little human body is no match for his fur coat.
Little lamb just wanted to offer herself up for the slaughter, didnât you?
âAlex,â you cut him off with such a scathing tone, the tasty fear dripping your words as he shifts himself to be in a better position to give you exactly what you want in spite of your bodily actions has his heart skipping a loving beat. Like yeah, you should be scared of me. âIââ you attempt to follow up with something less important than his growls, but his harsh hand shoves your face further into the pillow below to shut you up once and for all, to teach you not to interrupt his concentration, or his begging cock that pushes and rubs pre all over your ass cheeks now that heâs primed and ready to mount.
Though he can still feel the twinge of sorry caught in the back of his throat, the way his cock twitches against your shivering frame when he dips the tip down automaticallyâinstinct imploring him to go on, take whatâs rightfully yoursâthe more beastly side of his existence easily convinces him to continue. Pointing his ears in your direction to hear those yummy muted sobs as the tip of his cock grazes against your soaked little slit andâ oh, his pheromones are working, right? Either that, or, like he thinks, you fucking want this. Somewhere, deep down in that sexy little wiggling about body of yours, you crave his pups, donât you?
And, well⌠Even if you donât, youâre gonna get em anyway. Because your body is at least asking for it, and he promised to look after you. Every part of you, regardless of whether you ask for it or notâ itâs the job of the alpha, right?
Poor little pup, he sighs to himself, one hand keeping your face smooshed against the pillows, while the other automatically takes to wagging his cock between your legs, teasing that puffy little cunt with his sheer weight and size. Everything about him increases during his heat; an attempt to secure a good mate, he thinks. Certainly not to attract a human such as yourself, but alas, heâs hoping that the meagre teasing he provides to your swollen cunt will be enough to help you take him somewhat at least. Heâd ordinarily want to, and does, offer you far more in the way of warming you up to his sheer size, but the night wont last forever. And he can feel the ache of need well up in his tummy the longer he stares down at your slit with lust filled hearts in his eyes. Ogling at the tiny little peek of cunt your arched back position offers him, biting down on his bottom lip to suppress a lewd groan from escaping at the shiny slick that coats his cock all sticky with the shaking he doesâ tail and all.
Heâs got alpha appearances to keep up with after all.
Precum oozes from his tip as he idly wags it against you to tempt your submission, humming groans and growls down at you in the meantime. âBehave,â he huffs when you still yet attempt to escape his grip, only prompting him into adding more pressure to your head to help pin you in place. âYouâll get it, fuckâ wanâ it so bad, dontâcha?â he lulls, mind fogged with lust as the ache in his balls grows bigger and bigger andâ
Ah, heâs rutting against you now. Itâs hardly surprising given how hard you tug around his cock, writhing around like a little slut just for him. Itâs nice, that despite how much your lips lie against the sheets, your pretty puppy pussy drools honesty all over him. And he wants so badly to lap it all up for you, clean you up empty with flat tongued sucks and greedy gulps, but his cock fucking hurts when pulsing against you. An insatiable need to breed buried deep down in his soul, a tutting scold escaping him when he realises just how long heâs made you wait. Thatâs not very nice of him, is it?
âSâokay,â he reassures you with a full fanged smile on his lips. Itâs short lived, wiped from his expression the moment he leans into the slow thrusts against your slit and fuuuuckâ heâs so fucking sensitive, shit. Got the heat to thank for that, pleasure shivers running along his spine to leave him gasping for air simply from a little petting. Like heâs the pup, and not the wolf his appearance dictates otherwise. âGonnaâ fuck meââ he canât fucking focus, cutting himself off as his eyes roll to the back of his skull as if to signal that the transformation is complete, that he is now the wolf in sheeps clothing. Dragging his hips back to let his cock run along the line of your slit, pushing it upwards so that your folds wrap around his girth andâ yeah, yeah, âThatâs it,â he huffs from behind you, tip pressed dangerously close to your twitchy hole. This is it, God, he canât wait to fucking take what belongs to him. âAtta girlâ! You got it, promise tâtake it real nice anâ slow frâya.â
Heâs smiling wide and toothy to try and hide his lie, because he knows that he wont be able to last like that. Not with his favoured mate bent over before him like a bitch in heat.
He supposes you are now, at least in theory. Soon to be practice.
And itâs so easy for him to let go in the end. Disregard those well intentions heâs spent so long building up for you, casting your wellbeing aside in the selfish pursuit to do only what comes natural to him, which is to say⌠Itâs so easy for him to tilt his hips at the right angle so that his tip catches on your hole, and the resulting squeal you sound from your pillow muffler has a fat bead of milky pre rolling out to leave you stickier than before.
Remember: he gave you his warning. Whatever happens tonight, itâs your fault.
But he doesnât blame you too much, not when he starts to push his soaked with pre tip inside of sopping cunt, letting it dip into your hole enough to hear you gasp at the unnatural stretch already. Poor babe, heâs struggling too! Holding his breath as a means to concentrate on just how unreal you feel right now, immediately squeezing down on his throbbing cock, choking every slow inch he manages to shove inside of you with impatient minuscule humps. He even whines in sheer sexual frustration over just how much he wants it, how badly he needs to split you in two on his cock, desperately in puppy love with how good youâre making him feel. Got the big bad wolf keening for more, like he was a filthy fucking virgin all over againâ
Ah, but youâre just so tiny, and heâs just so big. Comparatively, at least. Little puppy cunt doing her best to accommodate his girth, but no amount of lube could ever hope to have him squeeze in his full size any time soon. And though he may be lost in your tight heat, hazy eyes struggling to take in the sight of your sobbing frame, heâs not evil. Not even as he forces you to endure the burn of his cock humping into you bit by bit, the veins running along it throbbing with every squeal and mewl you let out in response to his bullying, he doesnât want to hurt you. Not intentionally.
Then heâd have no mate to play with, yâknow?
Selfishly, he hunches over you, âaccidentallyâ fucking more of his cock inside of you until you sob in too much pain. Mumbled sorries drip from his puffy lips, bitten bloody from how downright difficult it is for him to treat you with any ounce of respect, especially when his body is practically screaming at him to rail your shape into the mattress under you right this second, to fuck you straight into next week with wobbly legs. But the new angle he provides is a deeper one, greedily so. Instincts kicking in full swing when you wiggle around to attempt getting comfortable on the end of his fat cockâ heâs barely even fucked any of it inside of you yet, puppyâŚ
And yet, he finds himself gasping for air alongside you. Forcing his way inside of your too tight little cunt with eager huffs and knowing growls. Youâre just so soft and squishy, like what a good little pup should be, gushing around his cock as he pours precum against your hot insides. His tail straightens in his efforts, as if to help him worm his way inside of your tight cunt just a little more, fully gasping for air as the tightness and wetness of your creamy cunt has knocked the wind out of him.
For such a big alpha wolf, all it takes is one little pretty princess pussy to render him stupid, huh? Truly fucking dumb, tongue lolling out from his open maw as he moans openly in enjoyment, pleasure prompting his toes to curl as you attempt to claw away from his unfair little humps, but heâs far too strong for you, isnât he? Got you pinned pretty in place, hovering over you to completely encase your meagre frame under his much larger statureâ he can see the swish of his tail from side to side cast in the shadow he causes above you.
He shifts his weight around a little, letting his sweaty front rest heavily upon your sweaty back while he pins your wrists above your head. Surely causing you to fall off balance and fold into the sheets a little more in the process, but itâs this action that finally allows his sopping tip to kiss against your cervix, and a low howl to escape his dry throat in utter enjoyment. All scratchy and rough, crawled up to his lips automatically as his grip on you tightens, claws digging into your soft skin for better leverage.
âFuckââ escapes him, hushed and whined with a droop of his ears. Maybe you were right, maybe he should be fucking you for every rut, right? The sobs of pleasure you let out upon the pop of his cock filling your poor little angel cunt right up convinces him to continue, humming to himself as he pats your ass once or twice as encouragement. Youâve got him feeling better than heâs ever felt before, stark hot stimulation coursing through his veins as your tiny hole squeezes the life out of him so wellâ âFeels good, right?â he huffs just as much for himself as heâs trying to rile you up some more too, taking in the sounds of your gratification before matching you with his own happy sounds. Smiled moans pressed right against the shell of your earâ of course youâre enjoying being filled to the brim with his fat cock, yeah? You wouldnât be shivering otherwise, he thinks to himself. Wouldnât be mewling his name over and over again all pretty like that, high pitched and broken, vibrating with excitement as he lets his fat wolf cock rest heavily inside of your hole for a moment or two. Not for your own benefit or anything, but because heâs sure that if he were to move immediately, heâs bust a load before even getting to fully enjoy himself.
And he wants to fuck you into submission too, remember? He cant rightly do that if he cums within seconds like some sort of loser. No, heâs your alpha wolf mate. And he intends on taking care of you, because itâs whats best for you, especially given the way your cunt leaks all over his cock all pretty and sticky like that, dripping down the length of it and onto his balls, andâ
Oh. Heâs only managed to fuck half his cock inside before youâre fit to burst. The remaining half still pulses outside, jealous no doubt of the warmth his tip his currently experiencing. Itâs a shame, of course, that this is all you can manage at the moment, but heâs willing to wait for you. Willing to fuck you again and again during this heat, and for the future heats heâs sure to experience. Thereâs no escaping them really, so you should be happy to deal with that which youâve caused. Willing to fuck you until your meek little body learns to accept his full fat cock.
Heâs happy enough to fuck you wide open eventually, internally promising to himself to train your cunt to accept his affections sooner rather than later. But itâs difficult to deny just how good it feels to know that heâs so much physically bigger and stronger than you are, as well as the obvious ego stroking your cunts doing to him right now. Stroking him almost as well as she does his cock, squirming around him so well that he has to hang his head lower against you in sheer enjoyment, a greedy curse escaping him in the motion, prompting a small huff to escape your squished lips.
He canât help himself any longer.
âGonna ruin you,â he starts, voice low and tense, just like his muscles as he tugs on your body to get you situated perfectly on his cock. Still his hands remain on your wrists, keeping you sufficiently pinned in place, but his other hand spreads your ass cheeks apart so that he can enjoy the sight of your hole twitching around his assaulting cock. âAnâ donât be shy,â he teases, flashing his fangs as a display of dominance even if you canât see him right now. Surely you can hear his taunts loud and clear through your babbles and bubbles of sobs, picking up on the dominance of his pheromones, right?
âWanna hear jusâ how much yâenjoy it, kay?â
And he doesnât give you much of a chance to respond before taking what he wants from you, well past his limits of holding back by now, all thanks to how inherently lewd youâre being for him tonight. Ignoring his well meaning warnings, wiggling your ass impatiently on his cock, and sobbing for moreâ itâs obvious that he couldnât refrain from indulging in your sweet scented cunt; he can practically taste the want dripping from your twitchy hole.
Relenting to his natural wolfish instincts, he gives you exactly what you need.
A good dicking down, yeah? A nice, breeding, fuck.
Thereâs no tenderness to his actions as he pulls his hips back once more, letting just his tip remain inside for you to cry about so sweetly that his cock trembles against you, and thereâs similarly no love to be found in his full force slam back insideâ unfair in his affections, selfishly seeking to fulfil his sole reason for existing through your tiny little body; God, he could fucking eat you right up if youâd only let him. He just might anyway, regardless of your consent.
Because thatâs how fucking feral he feels right now. Unable to listen to reason, or even his own humanity for that matter. Turned into a useless fucking dog at the whim and mercy of his precum coated cock. For all you probably care, heâs a mere tail wagging, drool spilling, hips swinging, fucking dog right now. Fucking into you at such a brutal paceâ you arenât so used to the strength he gains from heats, heâs made sure of that, though he normally has a decent weight behind his thrusts when fucking into you like an animal, there's just something more about him when he inhabits his instincts, right? Complete brutality, an utter disregard for anything other than how good he feels. The bed immediately creaking under your shaking body to match your girlish squeaks thanks to his rash thrusts, fucking as much of his cock inside of you as he can; which is merely half, still, despite the endless supply of lube he offers you. Tiny little puppy, youâre sooooo fucking cute, itâs unfair!
And for a moment heâs choked. Cock and throat, really. In awe at the way you do your best to take him in spite of the stupid size difference, his knees digging into the sheets below to keep himself stable enough to fuck you raw and heavy. Fuck you like you deserve to be, ruin that pretty little pussy, yeah? Heâs only returning the favour considering the sheer amount of overstimulation your tight cunt is sucking him into right now has truly ruined him from spending his heats alone. This is what you deserve, yeah? For not leaving him alone like heâd asked.
Oh, but he forgives you for it. Truly, he does. For if not for your stubborn nature, he wouldnât get to experience the sight of your cream frothing a ring around the mid of his cock like youâre doing right now, body jerking up the bed from how heavy his frantic thrusts are inside of your tight hole. Heâd be disallowed from listening to your cute cries for more if you hadnât been so adamant on sticking around, the mix of no and stop sound so pretty and broken when falling from your lips, got his hips pumping in and out faster out of pure need to hear you make more of those pitiful sounds alone.
You truly are the perfect mate for him.
Nobody else would have him acting this unruly, fucking into your tight little cunt like a man starved, unable to keep up with the brutal pace heâs set for himself as he humps your hole raw. And God, heâs never felt so fucking good before, completely giving in to his selfish desires as he lets go of your wrists now that youâre sufficiently fucked out on half his cock, only to immediately paw and grab at your pretty hanging tits as they bounce in his clawed hands and fuck, he can feel the tacky sheen of sweat line his forehead as he gulps for air andâ
You sound so pretty too. All high pitched and cracked, voice barely able to escape the stupid bout of whines and gasps his girth fucks out of you, but pretty all the same. Like you canât handle his cock, struggling to take his utter adoration of you as he forces his cock shape against your insides, throbbing inside of your hole with seedy intent. Feels good, too fucking good, so unfair in the tight suck of your cunt, heâs got no choice but to give you his all, right? Growling down at you when you yelp at his rough tugs and pulls on your tits, prompting his hips to stutter just a little against your ass as he huffs with feigned annoyance.
âBe a good girl,â he almosts warns you, though he doesnât intend on it. Itâs just that your cunt has him so riled up, heat radiating from him to meld where his cock pounds into you, a rough tone to his voice as if communicating just how downright fucking desperate he is for you tonight. Like he always is, of course, but this time is different. Itâs more feral, isnât it? All teeth and claws and disregard for human nature. Fucked like a filthy animal, so fucking hot, right?
âBe a good girl anâ cum frâme, yeah? Wannaâ shit, wanna feel ya so bad babeââ he punctuates his begs with greedy fucks forward, incidentally knocking you a little off balance to fall further into him. A welcome mistaken, given that it allows him further leverage to fuck you open, the feeling of your insides squirming around his fat cock is enough to have him on the edge alreadyâ which reminds him. âGotta feel ya cum around me, kay? Jusâ once, promise, Iâ oh fuck, thatâs itâ I, I promise, jusâ once baby, câmonââ
To be honest, heâd say just about anything to you right now if it meant youâd cream his cock, any sordid lie or exaggeration, fucking anything to feel the way your walls choke his cock off so well like that, fuck.
And heâs close too, can feel the way his thighs start to shake and his tummy tightens under the strain of your submission. So cute when youâre being so obedient for him, laying there without a care in the world, just so that he can use you to his hearts content. Itâs what he deserves, he thinks, for being suck a good alpha for you, right? Leaning over you just that little bit further so as to clamp his teeth down on your neckâ not too hard! He doesnât intend on harming you from biting, but his fangs are deep enough to promote your compliance, to keep you in place long enough for one of his hands to sneak between your thighs to rub at your clit. All messy and sloppy, barely coordinated from how lightheaded and dizzy he feels thanks to your tight hole sucking him off so well, but he nonetheless urgently attempts to get you off before he busts himself.
He slurps and sucks around your neck wound, making sure to clean it all up for you before you have a chance to cry about the mess, cooing sweet dirty words down your ear and huffing moans for you to hear just how good youâre making him feel, how thankful he is to finally have a mate to spend his heat with. Flicking at your clit the way he knows you enjoy, incidentally fucking into you a little deeper given the way your cunt pulses harsher around his cockâ âThatâs it, mâso close too, câmonââ he urges you, listening intently to the loud wet slap of his balls against your slit; he can only imagine the puddle of slick gathering under your creamy cunt. And suddenly his throat is dry with want to suck it up from the sheets immediately followingâ âGive it tâme, feel sâfuckinâ good, holy shit babeââ
Itâs a good thing that you cum almost as soon as heâs finished provoking you, and the confirmation of your returned affections is enough to trigger his own orgasm. Pumping you full of his fat wolf load as deep as he can; itâs an attempt to mark his territory. To claim you as his own pretty pup, his cute little mate thatâs currently creaming his cock, gushing around his girth as he offers you meagre little thrusts to make sure as much of his seed stays inside with breeding intent.
His tail wags the whole time, clearly happy with his work as his cock swells and heâs forced to wince at the displeased sounds you let out in response. Heâs barely caught his breath enough to reassure you with âI know, I know babe, jusââ fuck, jusâ hold on a minuteââ all breathless and moaned, still yet painting your insides white as you come down from your high and come back to your senses. âKnow it hurts, Godââ he sighs, blissfully unaware of just how much he must be stretching you out on his knot, because heâs too busy feeling the gratification of successfully breeding his perfect pet. âJusâ wait, youâll get used to it, promise.â
Keeping you locked under his weight, it doesnât really matter whether or not you want to get used to the feeling of his knot. All swollen and locked inside of your cuntâ you canât get away from it. Forced to lay there like the breeding bitch you are to him right now until heâs fully empty, letting his seed pump copiously into your already full little hole until it inevitably dribbles out and down his balls, the feeling of which causes him to whine with frustration.
What a waste, he thinks to himself.
âWill give yâmore, donât worryâŚâ he whispers down your ear, humming gently to the sound of your weary weeping.
#alexđ#sdv smut#stardew valley smut#kinktober#sdv alex smut#stardew valley alex smut#sdv x reader#stardew valley x reader#kinktober2024#kinktober 2024#i think thats all the tags idr lmao
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Jude chapter 3 silly but kinda detailed summary
ę° Ö´ Öş âš @ notice âš Öş Ö´ ęą any pretty translation you may see in here may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. this is a sort of summary as well. if you enjoy, though, please consider reblogging, but please donât repost these or claim these as your own!
kate successfully completes sortin out letters so she heads to the port where jude is talking with the foreman. its there she sort of thinks back on her time at raven co and the long and short of it is that jude, as the ceo, is actually really outstanding, and he acknowledges the efforts of those who work hard, produce results and whatnot, and rewards them in turn.
(that said he could work on his wording ,,)
time skip to night after judes done and they all walkin back tgt where kates like âi think iâll be able to have a good dinner todayâ and jude scoffs at her callin her a twit. and shes all defensive like hey whats wrong with wanting to eat good food and judes like when did i say that was wrong?
all of a sudden they stop in their tracks and jude tells kate âon the count oâ three, crouchâ and kates all panicked like tf is going on but jude already starts counting down so she crouches anw (in a panic!)
some guy in a suits out to kill jude. god knows who too bc apparently jude donât know him either đ
Jude: Who are ya? Canât say ya look familiar.
[ insert some lines im lazy to tl ]
Jude kicked up at the manâs chin, causing the manâs body to do one smooth flip before collapsing onto the ground.
Man in a suit: Jude⌠Jazzaââ!
Jude: Nâ like I was sayinâ, who the hell are ya?
ok turns out jude does remember him in the end, its just another dude who broke his contract with jude and was selling up some illegal drugs and whatnot.
Jude: I told ya, didnât I? That if ya breach your contract Iâd show ya so much oâ hell youâd wish you kicked the bucket?
J: I fulfilled that promise for ya. Havinâ a grand old time in hell, arenâtâcha?
omg he pried open the wound on the mans face and he let out a cry to the night sky that could shake anyoneâs soul silly.
kate then thinks or foreshadows (yk how like ikevil stories r kinda told like kate is recalling the past? like âi didnât realize it then, but xyzâ kinda like one of those moments) that what she witnessed that night was but a prologue of whatâs to come bc they get attacked over and over again.
kate and jude get into another argument like âi feel im gonna die every time! im at my limit!â and judes like âwell ur in the way loiterin round like thatâ then jude just yeets off w/o listenin to another word.
she does feel something bothering her tho
(For someone like Jude, he should be able to avoid these grudgesâŚ)
When I thought this, I came up with a theory that relieved me of this unsettling feeling.
(âŚCould it be heâs making himself an enemy of many on purpose?)
âYeah, right,â was what I thought, but also, somewhere in my heart, I felt such a theory may also be true.
shes like thereâs not enough info rn but if i do know anything its that
Kate: At this rate, if I stay with Jude any longerâŚa hundred lives would not be enough!
and so shes like i gotta learn self defense! so she goes knocking on a certain someoneâs door like pls teach me le jutsu of self defense!
Ellis: Okay. ďźâšâĄâšďźâĄ
turns out ellis was also thinking of teaching her some stuff abt self defense soon.
so ellis takes kate to the lobby and kates like why the lobby and ellis goes to a bookshelf to take out a book which actually reveals vics weapon collection and takes out a gun, telling kate to try and hold it.
idk if this is a real gun or not (as in it exists irl), apparently its made of silver with a wooden grip.
ellis thinks its well suited for kate. like its lightweight yk. hes like you may need to use it jic. and then hes like
Ellis: But, itâs kind of refreshing.
E: Other than me, Jude seems pretty adverse to putting people by his side.
E: So, maybe he wants to get along with you?
kates like mmm doubt but at the same time she has this question in her mind w/o an answer of why he went and wrote a whole contract and let her stay by his side then? shes abt to cook up a theory in her head whenâŚ
just then jude comes in.
Ellis: AhââJude.
Jude: We got a job to do.
so they head off to some noble mansion.
Jude: How do ya do, weâll be here a while.
Nobleman: Ah, Mister Jude?
apparently this nobleman is connected with the guy in the suit jude beat up in the beginning of the chptr. he made him spit out info.
Jude: If ya just were sellinâ somethinâ shady Iâd let that off the hook. Illegal drugâs some childâs play.
J: However.
Jude raised one leg and rested it atop the long table.
Jude: I seem to recall the contract prohibitinâ the sellinâ and buyinâ of humans, or am I wrong?
ko-fiâď¸ â commsđ¤
#ikemen villains#ikevil#ă¤ăąăĄăłă´ăŁăŠăł#ikevil jude#ikevil jude jazza#jude jazza#ikemen villains jude#cybird ikemen series#cybird ikemen#cybird otome#ikemen series#otome game#otome
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Hello! I'm kinda new here in your blog and I saw those "what if a human ended on Cybertron" and I just love those stories they're so good
No need to do it now cuz idk if you are taking requests but could you make More of them? A part 6 with souls prime and amalgamous prime
hello there! thanks for letting me know that you like my stories and i will try my best as i am sort of new to Transformers. i got in to transformers thanks to Bay movies, Transformers prime, transformers animated and now Transformers One. So please forgive me if i might be incorrect. i will do my best.
What if human ended up in Transformers one.
part 6 (requests)
Solus Prime
(reade in this situation are female)
Being the first fembot of Cybertron is nothing easy, especialy when you have this much weight on your shoulders. Even if she found joy in creating things, the constant need for weapons was becoming exhausting. thankfully Megatronus were there to comfort her, even if they had some fights here and there, it was something good. So when something small and week showed up on surface of Cybertron, being chased by Quintessons, the injustice towards such pathetic creature fired Solus right up and they took care of those pathetic, ugly, disgusting bug creatures. They smashed them all with their hammer, letting their fiery side out along with all the frustration, all while YOU scrambled for safety to let those huge creatures duke it out. Though you did not stayed hidden for long as you wanted. A servo reached in to the hiding spot you were in, apparently not small enough for them to reach in at all, easily puling them out. After expecting this small creature they were shocked to see that it was as same frame as her, meaning she must be not the only fembot, even if in weird fleshy body. A small creature with no clear way of defending them self against harsh environment of Cybertron. So she takes you with to Iacon to keep you safe from anything dangerous and started working on creating something to help communicate. it is a bit hard as your little chirps were hard to decipherer, but signs were easy to learn. And let's just say you were also subjected to her little experiments as now SHE had a whole new reason to create.
Amalgamous Prime
Being the most unserious of all thirteen, Amalgamous felt a bit out of place time to time. he just wanted others to be a bit more... unserious all the time, this constant monogamy of data pads, meetings and fighting was surreally exhaustion for every one. He did felt a bit jealouse a bit of Solus and Megatronus since they started seeing each other, even if it was "privet secret" between 13 primes, he still wanted something else. He would venture to surface time to time, just exploring away, watching strange deer creatures "graze". Or change in to something else and joing his "subject" and wonder around Iacon. he found you in one of dark markets that he knew was illegal, yet still something about you caught his single optic. Purchasing you along with some book about "hoomans" he returned to the palace, knowing that now he had something to break the rutine. At first it was hard as you most of time hid away, to scared, but overtime you grew used to this strange bot, snickering quietly at his "tricks". after some time you were comfortable enough to laugh along side him at his little pranks.
Zeta Prime
So much responsibly for one bot - having matrix of leadership, being leader of 13 Primes, taking care of entire civilization and defending them from quinteson will be a tool to any one, no mater if they were born to do this. at first Zeta refused to believe that HE - the matrix bearer - was tiered, but in the end no one can escape the truth. It did not helped that a suden raid on Quintessons ship brought a small flesh being in to his existence. so much needed to be done so taking care of something so small and fragile was really not in his plans. But he was sort of stuck with you and just kept you in a cage, for your own safety of course, he does not want any bot to step on you by excident. If you behaved and did not flipped him off or yell something in strange language - you would be reworded by being let out of the cage and let to wonder his table while he was buissy. He would drift away from data pads just to play with you, rolling pen between him and you, chuckling seeing how hard you had to push just to roll it towards him, or simply watch you doodle inside one of the pads he would push towards you, giving the smallest pen he could find to doodle in, finding that it was one of a few ways you can communicate with him through doodles. and apparently he has a new name - Crown, about which he did not complain about.
part1 part2 part3 part4 part5
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how are you doing after the last 3 episodes of arcane
full spoilers for act 3 , long rant ahead ( sorry ŕ´Śŕľŕ´Śŕ´ż (áľĚ´ĚśĚˇáˇďšáľĚ´ĚśĚˇáˇ
) ). apologies if this is incoherent i ended up pulling an all nighter to watch act 3 and have had a busy few couple of days so i am a very gleeby little maddie atm..
i'm mostly upset and angry about it because it was just handled so poorly... like it was genuinely so ( ._. )"" i've talked about it elsewhere but i don't even really know what to say. i'm so upset about the way they sidelined the important character arcs and actual plot for timebomb sillies and a goofy over the top mel arc that was extremely rushed and didn't even bring the closure it was meant to about her dad and all of that. also 90% of the act being jayvik and it completely ignoring isha , sevika , and for the most part jinx , caitlyn , and vi... it's so disheartening i'm honestly not taking it well i feel just sort of upset and overall down. arcane has meant so much to me and it feels like all of the characters who i love so much just didn't even matter like i went on this journey with them all for nothing. there's so much more i could and would like to say but this is already getting long and i just feel an overwhelming amount of negative emotions at the moment. i'm going to continue making content for arcane ( mostly focusing around maddie , maddiecait , and maddiecaitvi because autism goes crazy ) but i might need a day or two to gather my thoughts and process everything. this act was super disappointing in every way. like i love mel and for the whole rest of the season was curious about her arc but it went from 0 to 100 so fast and was so campy it just didn't even feel like arcane. i think it's so insane that sevika didn't even speak once and that isha wasn't even mentioned like i just can't get past that. also they rushed caitvi's relationship so badly like we needed to see caitlyn's arc fully wrapped up with her coming to terms with all that she'd done , taking responsibility and apologizing to vi. we didn't get any of that though which is baffling to me..... also the implication of vi being a cop , sevika being on the council , vi just brushing over jinx's death ? it's so out of character. also with maddie , i have mixed feelings. i was hoping she'd do something big and i think i can definitely get behind the idea of her being a spy but it just doesn't line up with what was shown onscreen ? it felt like a major copout idk. i have many maddiecait and maddiecaitvi thoughts that i'll post on my main having to do with it but i'm just REALLY wishing we got to see more of maddie behind the scenes and that she got to be more fleshed out onscreen and not just through implications. like i like timebomb they're cute and all but episode 7 just felt so pointless and wasted like we could've used that time to actually be able to flesh out maddie or focus more on caitlyn / caitvi or on jinx and isha. i just don't see the point at all of that episode and i can't get past them just pretending isha never existed in favor of having a cute little timebomb au episode. : \
#ŕł maddie's .ŕłŕż*:シ#ŕł askies .ŕłŕż*:シ#arcane#arcane act 3#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#arcane season 2#caitvi#maddie arcane#maddie nolen#maddiecait#maddiecaitvi#isha arcane#sevika#vi#jinx#caitlyn kiramman
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oh, sweet religion. the potential of a cgcu heaven and a cgcu hell. like 90% of the characters are being sent to the realm of fire and brimstone, including wayne.
i have little to no thoughts on the afterlife itself. i donât know what happens after you die. but heaven and hell? i can work with that. wayne isnât making past the pearly gates.
so in those brief moments between his death and rebirths (plural is crazy) (like was jesus even resurrected that many times? idk iâve never read the bible) heâd experience hell. the worst torture known to mankind. not dissimilar to what he put cam through, for âi like torturing my favsâ crowd (itâs us weâre the crowd).
for the first time ever, wayne was scared. even though his visit was brief, it still terrified him. he experienced real torture for the first time, raw fear and pain and nothing else. when he was brought back, he was relieved. so fucking relieved. he took a brief break, bc yk. just got back from being resurrected. needs time. but maybe, cam wants him to keep pranking. and he does, just less on cam and more on the other characters. he canât risk going back to hell.
but when he goes off and pranks justin (top ten biggest mistakes in history and it isnât 2-10!), heâs scared again. he doesnât want to go to hell. even though heâll probably get resurrected again he still doesnât want to risk it. he canât go through it all again. he canât.
riffing off your ideas, i donât truly believe wayne thought his situation was that serious. maybe, deep down, he understood. but he tried to make light of his situation. he didnât treat it seriously, as he does with most things. so he tried to escape. sure, justin was prepared for everything, but wayne didnât think so. he underestimated justin. he knew that there was a chance he could get caught and he was a bit scared of what could happen if justin found him, but his confidence took over. he tried to get out, but he was too reckless. justin found him and forced him to watch a cloning process. safe to say that was a huge wake up call for wayne. again, wayne felt true fear. what would happen after heâs taken over by the microchip? would he be sent back to hell? that thought terrified him.
the showing of the cloning process, i think justin would be selective on that. if they tried to escape, and if justin thought it would ruin their morale, he would. otherwise heâd just do some other method of making them stay. what that method is idk go ask justin.
and the gap between his second death and second revival had to have been longer, right? jctm1 takes like 1 day but we donât know how long it takes for robin and max to figure out richard has god on speed dial. they probably took a small break or something to digest the justin stuff too. either way, itâs the longest wayne had been dead. and heâs more fearful then ever. you think at some point he might become desensitized to all the pain, and maybe thatâs true. maybe he gets used to it, but physical isnât the only form of torture out there. his mind keeps him occupied. he thinks of everything heâs done. he thinks of how heâs hurt everyone he knows and that this is all deserved. all these feelings he hid deep down, for the first time, surface. they all bubble to the top, and itâs all wayne can think about. his mind is torturing him.
i think iâve said this before but cameron doesnât like wayne at all, he only keeps him around for views n stuff. he doesnât kill him because he doesnât have a valid reason to other than âheâs annoyingâ. he came up with the perfect excuse to do so, but he brought wayne back. and wayne died again. and he was brought back again. itâs a cycle of wayne going tufar, getting killed, and being brought back. if that isnât suffering i donât know what is.
AAAAAAAAA JUSTIN CASE UPDATE??? WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID HE JUST POST RHE SPOILERS TO THE NEXT INSTALLEMENT OF THE STROY RIGHT THERE INSREA DOF BEING LIKE YEAH IM DOING IT IM KILLING CAM RN FUCK ME (ron intended)
anywayssssss
nathaniel is dead, not very skibidi sigma of him at all but iâm not too surprised, camâs been trying to get rid of olâ nathan for a WHILE (besides, look at his last name. it was inevitable)
cam added a mary sue self insert oc thatâs basically a god into the cgcu whoâs summoned by racism and sexual jokes. damn.
i get the ending and itâs alright, but also seems anticlimactic. like cam shows up and tells justin âdude youâre a fictional made up character on the internet youâre already immortal đâ and justinâs like âoh fr then ig iâll stopâ which isnât that satisfying at all. i donât like that ending the discordâs ending (ask me for an invite link if ur interested in the server, weâre all very cool) is much better since yk. it has actual character development.
personally? i donât like this ending much and i am unsatisfied. it might be better if he actually posts it but i still donât like it much. if onlyâŚâŚ.i finished the goddamn animationâŚâŚ..ughhh
alsoâŚâŚâŚ.max? whipping it out? right there? cam you better film this part or else /hj
#wayne has committed like every sin ever (except sloth and probably lust)#oh wayneâŚtheyâre going to have to build another circle of hell just for you#cameron gender#me when iâm just a toy to you my love just a thing to play and then throw away /lyr#ok but now that i do think abt it this feels very âa humanâs touchâ by twrp#not very itâs actually a little#max is a little freak i wouldnât be surprised if he just carried it everywhere he went like his keys#also#Immortal Wayne in the sense that he keeps getting resurrected#Wayne isnât scared of death until it actually happens#<<<THIS?????#OH WOWOWOWOWOOW#my thoughts exactly#heâs immortal#cam essentially made him immortal#he still fears death#sure cameron will come back in and save him and patch him up but heâs still traumatized#wonder how far cams god powers go. if he can erase memories maybe he can untrauma wayne#schrĂśdingerâs shithead. donât ask me what this means i donât know myself
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fexi ig au part 20345: a very merry dump of posts from their various holiday seasons together as a married couple
(in loving memory of angus <3)
#idk what this is but i felt like doing it after a long time#so if theres still fexi lovers out there lmk#fexi#fezco#fezco o'neill#fez#fez o'neill#lexi howard#lexi x fezco#fez x lexi#lexco#euphoria#euphoria edit
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls đ)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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writer's block is debilitating atm. i want to write soooooooooo badly but im just sitting here staring at google docs with 0 neuron activation
#also i hate to admit it but ive felt kinda weird writing phanfic lately :/#bc idk. seeing them irl at tit kinda made me think about it too much i guess#plus the revelation that they (or at least phil) lurk and they might see it ldsvlknlsknvlsfn id have to kms#im still debating deleting after the âsomeone on tumblr will write about thatâ comment#still trying to convince myself it wasnt about me but i will never know for sure and now i always feel mildly uncomfortable on here :(#maybe im also self sabotaging a bit because i dont really want to finish any of my wips#bc then i should post them. but i dont want to bc what if they flop dslnlnsnvlknvl#i am starting to resent these wips but at the same time theyre still my babies#i always used to think writing was like my Thing. but now im starting to feel like i cant write for shit lmfao#and it's really hard to write if writing just makes you feel stupid#maybe this is just seasonal depression idk#when phil said in his fanfic video rpf is fine as long as you dont cross certain lines#i thought the line was trying to make them aware of it/taking it beyond fan spaces. but now im second guessing everything i write#one of my wips is kinda dark/very angsty and im worried that it gets too deep into mental health stuff#even though it is an alternate timeline au so it's really about 2 fictional characters based on them. but still im worried it's too serious#especially since someone mentioned the bluebird fic recently. i havent read it but now im stressed that my fic is too dark#in a similar way. spoiler alert lmao but this fic was supposed to culminate in dan getting outed by a friend and having a breakdown#but now im wondering if im doing too much and i should just drop this whole idea ugh
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Magenta.
#i lost my job#even though they're not saying its because of my disability it is because of it#I've been applying to places and some of the safety nets i had fell through#im scared right now and feel very betrayed#i got enough to get me through the month but beyond that idk what to do#i have resources im looking into and as most know that doesn't put a dent into finances#i need help#i feel bad for asking and i know i preach people shouldnt feel ashamed#but i do get where folks are coming from with that#the shame is powerful especially when you pride yourself as someone that takes care of themselves#im open to ideas opinions whatever folks want to say#i haven't felt this triggered ptsd wise in a long time past homeless experience and work abuse has been creeping in#I'm trying to get to the good but its really hard seeing it right now after getting screwed for the millionth time#for something i can't control with my body#i guess on a good note that partnership meeting went well#it seems like an excellent opportunity but its also an investment and i don't have the means to put into that right now
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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.
And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...
And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!
I shall simply write fanfic about it.
#speculation nation#pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died#and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What#but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman#and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state#but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it#thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..đđ AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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i should be able to call in sleepy to work
#so so unbelievably sleepy for the past week straight what is going on w me lol#all day long im so sleepyyyy#i keep going to bed early but its not helping#i haye calling out of work tho#i only did it once when i was literally puking and miserable and could not physically come in but i tried i got up and started getting ready#but it just wasnt happening#and then i requested time off for my eye surgeries and did my second one yon friday#it got approved at the last second and i felt so insanely stressed and guilty for taking time off for a necessary surgery lmao#idk how im going to use my vacation time bc its the use or lose kind but they really dont want u to use it tbh#also its combined w the sick time so when i tried to request the day off it showed it in the negative like you cant do this lol#but i requested it anyway#but i think that means i wont have any vacation timer left after all my surgeries#??#or something#its confusing which i think is the point to make people take less time off lol#this has been a shitpost
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the thing about each pjo book is that each of them is uniquely the best in what it sets out to do. each is so monumental in what the story ends up amounting to, picking a favorite is almost like pointless. you could not have all 5 work so well if one was missing
#tlt introduces the world and the main trio and the main antagonist#fun adventure in wacky world. normal#som piggybacks off the already established status quo of the world (fun wacky adventure) and builds relationships upon it#explores characters more. more introspection from percy and a lot raised (and answered) about annabeth#plus solidifying percy's bond w grover#ttc was my least fav for a long time because it just felt like idk off#and i now think it's bc it's where the story pivots a bit and becomes more serious#it's still v much haha fun adventure bc it's children's lit after all. but it is once again meant to solidify#percy's bond w annabeth; percy's devotion to chb and his feelings towards the prophecy#as well as being the climax of thalia's character and kind of settling the fact luke really is evil and doing some real shit#exemplified by the fact this is the first book where protags die#and thalia pretty much kills luke. like he doesn't die but she couldn't have known he wouldn't die#so percy now REALLY has an idea of what he's up against#notice how the following two books really couldn't have happened w/o this kind of certification from him#botl is like. AHHHHHHHHHH it is my fav for a reason#i just really love how it doesn't lose the footing w the pace and the fun hijinks but still manages to deepen the relationships between#the characters#especially with the focus on percy's feelings towards nico and annabeth's towards luke#like *chef's kiss* that book is so fucking good please#and with a foundation so strong there really was no way tlo could have been bad lmao#but still the fact the book takes time from Teh Final Confrotation vibes of it all#to make a point to show percy going back to his mom's. luke going back to may's. hestia's presence in the middle of all of it#rick was like this series has a theme and i will show it to you NAOW#and the action scenes in this one??? UNPARALLELED. tlo and botl the most riveting to read#if you remove one of them the story stops making as much sense!!#(i can hear you all going yeah like every other book series and NO. esp ya/childrens lit has SO MUCH filler)#ME? pjoposting in 2023? it's more likely than you think#pjo
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Recent things.. mostly just writing screenshots lol
#There's a water problem in the apartment so thats been taking most of my attention lol.. the way maintenance happens here is just#this big long vague wait with no clear communication. You just send in a request to the apartment building and then you might hear from the#any weekday from 8am - 4pm any time after that. Sometimes it's quick but sometimes its like days before you hear anything. So then#you just have to be operating under the assumption that at any time during working hours you might get a call or a knock at the door#Like if you were expecting company at any time for a week straight ghjhj.. ANYWAY.. I've been working on making a little discord#server thing for the game maybe for playtesters to communicate in initially i guess but then also after it's out or... something like that.#no idea how all of that works. but you hear about people doing it. or something... Still not entirely sold on the idea since I'm not really#a big user of discord format speaking (like little chats and stuff) but.. again idk.. seems like.. common.. for things...(< socially odd#hermit fumbling through trying to imitate what '''normal''' people do/enjoy/desire lol..). Since I think my biggest issue is I am very bad#at socializing and thus marketing since a lot of that is social. The type to just google ''what do people do about games once they've#made them'' and just go after whatever the top 10 things apparently are hjbjhbjh... But like I said. still unsure it will be utilized. it#all feels very awkward to me. then again most things do. But that's what the ''overall progress'' screenshot is from. the little channel#where I've been posting updates to myself lol. Also ''coding'' in that being used very lightly consdering it's ren'py and I'm only using#the very bare bones most basic functionality of it lol. Extremely intense highly daunting master level coding such as ''if x then y''. gbjh#slacked on writing a lot due to the evil maintenance and such things... and just general... appointments... events... aughhhhhh#I think it's Goose Time here or something because nearly every day I hear big V shaped rows of geese flying by like multiple#times a day and they're so pretty and neat to watch. They've really inspired me somehow. Today it was rainy and gray skied and high winds#and cold (some of my favorite most beautiful weather) and I went out to check the mail and like 6 or 7 rows of geese fluttered#by in the air. I felt like that meme image of that guy that looks kind of weird (william dafoe??) and its like black and white and#he's looking up at something almost teary eyed wide eyed in awe.. The goose... those are my goose.. the universe sent those gooses just#for me and the high speed winds blowing my coat open and chilling my face... a tender platonic kiss from the world is often delivered#by way of chilly weather and bird formations.. peace and love on planet earth truly..#OH and of course.. boy with boy!!!! shout out to those little mcdonalds toy animal plushies from like 2006 or something. I found the#gray cat one and was like.. hrmm.. I have one of those as well (a real life gray cat). surely they're friends now.
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