#idk what this is but i felt like doing it after a long time
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everything abt ur work is so so soooo good!!! do u think if u have the time u could write smth abt chan making the reader squirt? hehe n ofc w the daddy kink too
anyways i love u have a great day!!
does it feel like a big one?
pairing: daddy!chan x princess!reader
genre: smut
word count: 2ss and ~1k words
warnings: daddy kink, pet names, squirting, fingering, toys, praise, edging
an: god i’m so fucking feral. idek if this is any good. i wrote it in a needy haze, i blacked out. idk what happened. anon, thanks for your request. loving you. ♡
masterlist
‼ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⚠︎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ‼ adults only • mdni ‼ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⚠︎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ‼
and that’s how you ended up here.
it had started off slow, your gentle daddy rubbing his hands against your skin, his fingertips ghosting over every inch of your naked body. he teased a little. his fingers would glide over your mound but only for a second, before they were traveling back up your tummy. he would circle his fingers around your bare nipples, squeezing your breasts softly in his palms.
he kissed your lips, smiling against them, before kissing down to your chest. his kisses feather light as he moved farther down. you thought he may put his mouth on your most sensitive area. you hoped he would. but it was just more faint kisses. more teasing.
“why are you so squirmy, baby? huh?”
you couldn’t keep your legs still, couldn’t keep your hips still. your body was in search of him. in need of him. you whined.
“nuh uh. no whining, remember?” he gently scolded. “daddy is just getting started.”
he spread your legs and knelt on the mattress between them. you were fully open for him and you were wet. he could see it, and you could feel it. the air in the room feeling suddenly cold on your sensitive lips.
he ran his fingertips along your thighs, up between your legs, ghosting over your damp sex, until he finally touched you. a real touch. with his index finger, he rubbed soft circles against your clit. he watched as your body reacted, your legs trying to clamp shut around his arm, but he held them in place.
“so sensitive, princess.” he breathed. “that’s good. that’s what we want for this.”
his fingers traveled down and dipped ever so slightly in your pool of arousal, but he didn’t penetrate. the feeling still sent shivers over your whole body.
“you are so beautiful.” he said, leaning down to kiss your tummy. he couldn’t help himself. he wanted to kiss you all over. wanted to shove his tongue inside you. but he had to wait. he had to be patient.
he leaned over you and grabbed the toy off the nightstand. it was just a little vibrating wand. you hummed in anticipation. “mm your eyes got wide at this, baby.” he said, clicking the device on, a quiet buzzing filling your ears. “you want this?”
you nodded, frantically. but that wasn’t enough. “words baby.”
“please, daddy. i want it. please.”
your begging went straight to his cock. your high pitched, watery pleas for him to give you what you want made him ache.
he pressed the toy against you clit for a second before pulling it away. your body convulsed. he pressed it to you again, only for a second. he did this a few times before finally leaving it against you, letting it do its work. it didn’t take long for you to reach the edge.
“don’t you dare cum, baby.” he warned. “you tell daddy when you’re close.”
“i’m close! i’m close!” you immediately yelled. and he pulled his hand away. he gave you a moment to relax, running the vibrator up your tummy and around your nipples before eventually bringing it back to your puffy little clit.
he held it there again, and after a minute or two, you were warning him again of your impending orgasm. he brought you to the edge 3 or 4 times before he slowly slipped his fingers inside your drippy hole.
you babbled incoherently as he slid 2 fingers inside you, curling them up to touch your favorite spot. “i think you’re ready, princess.”
his fingers felt so good, you were finally getting some stimulation. your body was so on edge. you felt so.. full. but not in the way you were used to. you felt full in a way that needed release. he started to slide his fingers in and out, gradually getting faster. he brought the vibrator back to your clit as he continued to finger you.
“oh my god..” you whined. “fuck..”
“careful with your language baby.” he warned. “it just feels so good, huh?”
you nodded, your fists gripping the sheets, your eyes squeezed shut as your head turned back and forth. he could feel you clamping down on his fingers, making it hard for him to move them.
“are you gonna cum baby?” he asked. “does it feel like a big one?”
“mhm.” you said. “it.. it feels like i need to potty.”
“that’s okay, angel. you just relax and let it go, okay? can you do that for me?” his fingers pumped in and out of you, your clit was almost numb from the constant vibration, and wet squelching sounds filled the room. “you can do it baby. cum for daddy.”
as you started to moan louder and louder, your body shaking, liquid started to pool around his fingers. he pulled them out quickly, leaving the vibrator on your clit. your release squirted out, coating the bed and his chest and arms in creamy little droplets.
“fuck.” he panted. “there you go, baby. good girl.”
it came in waves as your orgasm crashed over you. as your body convulsed, more would squirt out until you were empty. your body went limp. he turned the vibrator off, gently leaning down to kiss your skin, anywhere he could reach. your tummy, your chest, your neck, your jaw.
“are you doin okay, little one?” he asked.
you nodded, trying to catch your breath.
“you did it.” he said, kissing your temple. “daddy’s so proud of you. i knew you could do it. and it was so hot, baby.”
your eyes fluttered open, and you turned your head to face him. “really?”
his plush lips met yours. “yes really. you’re so sexy, baby. so perfect.”
“mm” you hummed, rubbing your nose against his. “love you, daddy.”
“i love you, princess.” he rutted into you, his clothed cock rubbing against your thigh. “you gonna let daddy use you now?” he asked. “i’ll be quick. let me fill you up, baby.”
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
i’m obviously not a squirt expert lol this is just from my experience.
♡ pls reblog if you liked it! it truly helps a lot and makes me smile :) ♡
©hyunjins-orange-slice-too i do not give permission for this work or any of my work to be translated, copied, or reposted.
#daddy chan supremacy#daddy!skz#emmy answers#stray kids#bang chan#stray kids x reader#stray kids imagines#bang chan stray kids#bang chan x reader#bang chan x you#bang chan smut#bang chan fake texts#bang chan hard thoughts#bang chan hard hours#bang chan smau#stray kids fake texts#stray kids smau#stray kids smut#stray kids hard thoughts#stray kids hard hours#hyunjins orange slice too
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hehehe haiii twin 🤭🤭 making my yappery reblog comeback with this blurb because it’s so adorable and i’ve read it a million times already… also i’m not really sure if any of this will be legible because i’m half asleep with a migraine so… BUT I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE ELLIEBEAR HEHEHEHE
your relationship with her was still very new, full of shy glances, giggles, and tingles when your fingers grazed - both of you wanted to be perfect for the other. to not rush. but to say you didn't long to be kissed was a lie.
omg i’m gonna cry this is so cute… shy loser ellie I NEED YOUUUUUU 😭 the way i long to be kissed by her is crazy how did you know… sighhh you write her so beautifully it’s like she’s real and in my phone 😞😞😞
you stared at those pouty rosebud lips of hers, and dreamed about how they'd feel on yours. you counted her freckles and fantasized about ghosting your lips over each and every one of them, igniting her cheeks in a blush; a hue so deep it makes them vanish. luckily for you, the perfect moment was fast approaching.
stop this rn… bae… i’m sobbing… those freckles… the way i would kiss the shit out of her is crazy I WANNA SMOOCHY SMOOCH HERRRRRRRUGHHH omg i’m gonna throw my phone how are u doing this… literally every way you describe her is so adorable i’m 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 perfect moment fr i need her to be my new years kiss even though it’s january 4th
you two decided to watch the fireworks outside in a clearing, so you could stargaze before and after the main event. it was cold, and you felt her nuzzle closer to you-your heart skipped a beat. you nudged her with your shoulder, "ellie, it's almost time!"
:((((( now i wanna stargaze with her and get all cozy and cuddle with her and look at the sky and be warm and and and and…. give her a kith…
you were met with a dazed murmur, a grumpy sound. you shook the silly girl awake, melting at her adorable expression-sleepy as a nesting owl. she jumped when a sudden firework shot up in the sky, creating a sparkly golden trail. you looked at them too, but you were more focused on the glint in her eyes—a wonder and joy like none other. she turned to you, grinning as wide as ever, but you had other plans.
HEHEHEHE AWWWW her falling asleep is so meeeee i’m bawling i’m screaming i’m crying i’m sobbing 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 twin have i ever told you that you’re the best writer in the world… because you are… the way you describe this whole scene is so perfect i can see it so clearly it’s crazy… how are u doing that… need you to write a book next please and thanks!!!!!
"yay! happy new year! i—" escaped from her paired with a gleeful chuckle, only you cut her off by pressing your lips to hers without a warning, leaving her breathless. she was so soft, velvety lips and the warmth of her unsteady gasps fanning your face.
shortly, she kissed you back lovingly, sweetly, tenderly, as if you were made of precious ceramic, her hand gently cradling yours.
KITH KITH KITH KITH KITH KITH!!!!! i can’t take this anymore ellie come out where are you this isn’t funny bae… its okay i just want a kiss… and to hold your hand… and cuddle… and take a nap… please… dont make me ant on a stick rn… i need to give her a ninions kiss so bad omg it hurts… put my whole tongue in her mouth and blush like 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 until we’re both yellow… uhhhhh does that mean anything idk
you broke apart to smile at her, canines bared and everything, and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. your heart grew many sizes looking at her like this, you haven't felt such adoration for someone so fast in what feels like forever. your voice was shaky with emotion, nothing but positivity, and you whispered while you rested your forehead against hers, "happy new year, ellie. here's to a good one."
i adore her so much and i adore u twin i’m sobbinggggg I WANT TO KISS HER SO BAD… oh no what’s happening my lips are cold and lonely… if only i had her to keep them warm all year… and then again next year… and the year after… sighhhhh too bad she’s only in my phone… i guess i’ll just have to read through twins whole masterlist to keep myself sane…
i just know new years with ellie would be so damn special. have this i farted out in two seconds...i miss writing so bad.
your relationship with her was still very new, full of shy glances, giggles, and tingles when your fingers grazed—both of you wanted to be perfect for the other. to not rush. but to say you didn't long to be kissed was a lie.
you stared at those pouty rosebud lips of hers, and dreamed about how they'd feel on yours. you counted her freckles and fantasized about ghosting your lips over each and every one of them, igniting her cheeks in a blush; a hue so deep it makes them vanish. luckily for you, the perfect moment was fast approaching.
you two decided to watch the fireworks outside in a clearing, so you could stargaze before and after the main event. it was cold, and you felt her nuzzle closer to you—your heart skipped a beat. you nudged her with your shoulder, "ellie, it's almost time!"
you were met with a dazed murmur, a grumpy sound. you shook the silly girl awake, melting at her adorable expression—sleepy as a nesting owl. she jumped when a sudden firework shot up in the sky, creating a sparkly golden trail. you looked at them too, but you were more focused on the glint in her eyes—a wonder and joy like none other. she turned to you, grinning as wide as ever, but you had other plans.
"yay! happy new year! i—" escaped from her paired with a gleeful chuckle, only you cut her off by pressing your lips to hers without a warning, leaving her breathless. she was so soft, velvety lips and the warmth of her unsteady gasps fanning your face.
shortly, she kissed you back lovingly, sweetly, tenderly, as if you were made of precious ceramic, her hand gently cradling yours.
you broke apart to smile at her, canines bared and everything, and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. your heart grew many sizes looking at her like this, you haven't felt such adoration for someone so fast in what feels like forever. your voice was shaky with emotion, nothing but positivity, and you whispered while you rested your forehead against hers, "happy new year, ellie. here's to a good one."
#i missed yapping even tho this was small but i had to attack twin with my first long rb of the year#hehehehehehe#i’m taking some ibuprofen now and drinking lots of water and gonna think about kissing her for the rest of the year probably#😞😞😞😞😞😞#hehehehehe twin is back with the blurbs i think we need to celebrate#WHOS WITH MEE#enna’s favs#enna’s favorite favs!! ♡#mwah a kiss for my plubear
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can i make an angsty request where wanda brings reader to one of stark’s parties as her date & reader excuses themself to go to the bathroom only to come back and catch wanda and vision sharing a kiss? maybe reader starts to leave when wanda catches her out of the corner of her eye and tries to explain.
idk if this is any good but this would be cool to do bc i kinda want to cry a bit haha
If Only
Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader
A/n: This is my very first time writing an angst so please be kind 🥲
Warnings: angst, harrasment
Summary: where hope and dreams turn into sadness as you see your biggest fear come true
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You were absolutely over the moon.
After months and months of pining, longing, stolen glances and shared smiles, you finally found the courage to ask out Wanda Maximoff.
Wanda was everything you were looking for. Kind, smart, funny and witty. Beautiful with a smile that could light up the whole room and emerald green eyes that sparkled when she talked about something she was passionate about.
See, the thing is, you have been having a crush on Wanda as soon as she joined the Avengers. Long months were spent dreaming of her and hoping she would one day give you the honor of dating her.
You still weren't sure why she said yes when you asked her to go as your date to one of Starks parties. But you were so glad she did.
As you were getting ready, putting on your best dress, Wanda send you a text.
'Be ready in ten, detka. x W'
You smiled. Detka. That one word already had your cheeks hurting from how big your smile was.
As you were putting on the finishing touches on your makeup, you heard a soft knock on your door. You opened the door to your room and there she was.
A stunning red dress with black high heels to match with them. A golden necklace with two gold bracelets to finish the set. Red hair put up, revealing small diamond earrings and makeup done to perfection.
So goddesses do exist. And one was standing right in front of you.
Wanda must have thought something was wrong because she looked at you worriedly.
"Y/n, is everything alright?"
"You... you look perfect."
Wanda blushed, clearly flustered by your compliment.
"Well you don't look so bad yourself, ma'am"
You giggled, quickly getting the last of your things so you could head to the main floor where the party was held.
As you two walked down the stairs, hand in hand, you couldn't help but think that this felt right. You and Wanda, holding each others hand and being next to each other.
You didn't want to get too ahead of yourself, but you couldn't contain your smile.
"What's so funny over there?"
You gave her a cocky smile and a sly wink in return.
"With a little luck you will find out later"
As the two of you stepped in the big crowded room, you started feeling a little overwhelmed. Big parties and busy crowds were never really your thing, but Wanda was worth it. She would always be worth it. You turned to Wanda.
"You stay right here, and I'll get us some drinks, okay?
Wanda gave you a little kiss on your cheek, making you blush furiously.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, detka"
You smiled and you made your way over to the bar as you ordered your drinks. A strawberry daiquiri for Wanda. Pretty and sweet, just like her.
As you were waiting for your drink your mind began to wonder to your plans for later tonight.
Wanda didn't know, but you went up to the balcony earlier today to hang up some fairylights and a little blanket for you to sit on, so you would have your own little starry midnight sky.
You were hoping tonight would finally be the night where you would feel Wanda's lips on yours. You were so sure that would be what true happiness would feel like.
As you took the drinks and made your way over to Wanda, your heart dropped.
There he was. Wanda's ex, Vision. He was with Wanda and they were making out against the wall.
You felt your heart shatter into pieces. Surely you were insecure, but you were so sure Wanda felt the same about you than you did for her.
Perhaps you shouldn't have allowed yourself to have hope. After all, hope is only seconds away of crushing reality kicking in.
Your legs were starting to feel weak and your hands let go of the drink, clattering to the floor as you let out a poorly concealed sob. Wanda suddently jumped off of the wall she was pressed against.
"Y/n, this isn't what it looks like!"
But it was too late. All sound got quiet, and you felt a panic attack rising. You needed to get out of there, now.
"Come on baby, this is what we both want"
As Wanda saw you running she tried as hard as she could to get out of Vision's arms, who has started to rub his hands all over her body. Eventually she got out and followed you, running as fast as she ever did.
See, the thing is, Vision cornered Wanda. He had pinned her arms down and had forced his lips onto Wanda's. She tried with all might to do something, scream, hit, anything. But she couldn't. Until she heard you.
Vision even had the audacity to look at you and smirk.
With all her might Wanda tried to catch up to you, but as she walked outside all she could see was your car speeding off.
Was the one thing that could truly make Wanda happy ruined before it even had a chance to start?
As you drove off, your eyes began to swim with tears. How dare you be so stupid to believe you actually had a chance?
As you turned left, you put the volume of the radio to the max. You needed to hear something, anything, other then your thoughts.
Maybe your parents were right. Maybe you weren't deserving of love. After all, they were the ones who never went out of their way to show that to you, starting at an early age.
Was any of it Wanda showed you real? Were the little inside jokes only meaningful to you? The small hints that Wanda wanted this as much as you did?
If only you weren't so naive. Maybe then you wouldn't be feeling how you are feeling now.
If only you didn't believe in love and happiness. Maybe then you could have been at peace with yourself, making a happy little life with just yourself.
If only you would have seen the car on your right running the red light.
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Let me know if you want to be added to the Wanda taglist! If you have any requests, send them! Reblogs are much appreciated :)
Taglist: @wandanats-goodgirl
#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x y/n#wanda x reader#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff imagine#asks#wanda maximoff x fem!reader#wanda maximoff x female reader#angst
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Idk if you’ll write this but hear me out……
Stepbrother!Nat entering innocent virgin!R room and realizing they sleep naked. They’re too sleepy to understand what he’s doing and he shamelessly touches them. ☺️
you know what. i WILL write for this! i would say this is a guilty pleasure of mine but i'm not catholic so it's just a pleasure. enjoy! / stepcest, somno
stepbro!nat who wasn't exactly excited about the idea of having a new dad and a step-sibling, but the moment he met you, all his opinions changed.
stepbro!nat who gets obsessed with you so quickly. he tries to convince himself that he just thinks you're cool, that he really just wants to get closer to you like a brother would, but it gets harder and harder to pretend that it's platonic when the night comes and he can't stop fingering himself while thinking of you.
stepbro!nat who becomes a HUGE perv after just a few weeks living with you. when you're in class/work, he'll sneak into your bedroom, go through your things, even masturbate in your bed while sniffing your sheets. sometimes, he'll even be a little daring and steal some clothes, hiding them in his room and pretending not to know about it when you ask.
the first time he sneaks into your room while you're asleep, he just lays beside you, taking in the sight and commiting it to memory. slipping under the blankets, the gasp he let out when noticing the lack of clothes was almost enough to wake you up. he couldn't control himself, hand running down his own body and touching himself, imagining it was you instead, picturing your fingers playing with his tdick, your hands on his chest, your mouth on his neck.
after that, it was impossible for him to think about anything else. you slept with your door unlocked and naked, it's like you were just asking for it. when he heard one of your friends teasing you about being a virgin, that's when he knew he had to be the first person to ever touch you.
so, one night, he slipped into your room again. he didn't waste any time, going straight to your bed and carefully lifting off the blankets. he was throbbing in his boxers, so desperate to have you that he could cum just from touching you. at first, he started slow, carefully, hands roaming through your chest, thumbs circling your nipples and even leaning down to press a few kisses to them. getting bolder and bolder, to the point that he wasn't caring anymore about waking you up.
when his hands finally reach between your legs, thumb circling your clit and a middle finger teasing your entrace, you do wake up. you feel a weight next to you, a warm hand between your legs that feels surprisingly good, but it's hard to tell what's actually going on through the sleep-induced fog. "shh, it's okay, let your bro take care of you, yeah?" is all you hear, followed by the feeling of a finger sliding inside your cunt. the words don't really process in your brain, drifting in and out of consciousness while nat slowly works his way inside you.
seeing that you're not fighting back or calling him a creep, he goes all out. pushing his boxers off, moving awkwardly until his cunt was against yours, his tdick against your clit. nat desperately tried to stay quiet just in case your parents were still awake, but it was so damn hard when it felt so good. he managed to somewhat muffle his moans and grunts, but the bed's creaks were loud, echoing through the room. it hardly took him long for him to cum all over your cunt, using a few fingers to push it inside you. before you could actually wake up and understand what was going on, he was slipping out of your room and back into his own.
it became routine after that. nat always slipped into your room late at night, touching you and fucking you while you were half-asleep, before disappearing again. for a while, you were convinced it was just some weird, hyper-realistic wet dreams you were having, but when you caught him red-handed slipping out of your room, you knew that it was way more than that, but it just felt so good that you never bothered to actually confront him about it.
#mdni#yellowjackets#natalie scatorccio#natalie scatorccio x reader#tw stepcest#📟 — ask#🗞️ — freak news
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hi aj !! i have a question i dont want to sound rude please know im not trying to be rude. i came back to simblr after a long time and its been really hard not to get discouraged. :/ my account is really dead no one interacts with me anymore. stuff is so different. i remember you used to be kinda popular but how do you deal with people not interacting with you as much as they used to?? i dont mean that in a mean way!! i dont want to quit simblr but idk how to get back to how things were
Hi! Don't worry, I don't think you're being rude, I understand where you're coming from. ♡ My response will be long because I have a lot to say about the topic, hopefully, it will help you.
If you were mostly active when I was in my "prime" (assuming that's what you mean by "kinda popular"), like 2018-2021, things will never be how they were then. The community, trends, and how we interacted with each other was so much different, I don't think it will ever go back to how it was then. I am kind of happy about that. Although my relationship with that time on Simblr is nostalgic (despite being too young and miserable to enjoy it), I think the community is in a healthier place now (mostly). I have had to adjust to a couple of things since coming back. One is that the content looks different now.
In my "prime" people were just getting into editing (that was a time before ReShade). Heavy editing and experimental editing were really celebrated, partly because everyone was learning and learning from each other. We just wanted to see what was possible. Now, maybe partly in reaction to that trend and how demanding it was, people have found an appreciation for the base game, simple screenshots with really only ReShade/gshade, CAS screenshots, etc. Not to say the former doesn't exist anymore because it absolutely does and people have become truly incredible at it. In some regard, it is an acquired taste especially if that's all you do. I've thought to myself many times should I stop editing the way I do, does that impact the way people take in my content? Do I have editing blindness? lol I like how I edit, I enjoy the process and, even if I do have editing blindness, I like how it looks. Even being an alpha creator, they are fewer and fewer as people opt for MM and MMix. I've thought, do people really not like alpha content anymore? Even my story at times felt like it didn't fit into the current story ethos. I thought about stopping it. I bring that all up to say, when you're coming back to a very different Simblr it can feel like what you used to make doesn't "fit in". And it might not. I don't think that should be the goal. The community now is so much more diverse, content-wise, that anything you want to make is possible. If you sacrifice your artistic vision, you'll end up leaving again. You have to make what speaks to you, regardless of the other noise.
Two, you have to find your reason for making your art. For a moment, I really lost touch with what I was even doing here. I took some time to figure it out. I first started because I wanted to tell a story that talked about intimacy through the lens of a sex worker and someone who had no romantic or sexual experience. I wanted to do this without over-sexualizing my sex worker character and infantilizing my other character. I wanted to write some of the dialogue I was having internally. Way back when that was all I wanted to do, I didn't struggle with being seen as much because I was posting with a purpose. That purpose wasn't likes or reblogs, but to tell a story and have a conversation. Everything else came after. Anyone coming back (or looking for a reason to stay) has to find, within themselves, why they want to be here and what they want to get out of it. I promise you if you reconnect with that, posting will be easier regardless of the outcome.
I know I took a lot for granted way back when. Asks about me or my characters, comments, tags, and even people wanting to join me in a Discord server or stream. Sounds like we both, a one point, wish we could go back. That just means it's something to appreciate more now. You can be and make really whatever you want, which wasn't always possible. Maybe think of coming back as a small rebirth and trust that if you keep at it, you will find your people. I am still in the process of finding mine but I trust they are out there. If you're passionate people will feel it. Best of luck and I hope something in this novel helps you! ♡
#✎ Thoughts ⭑.ᐟ#💌 Mail ⭑.ᐟ#anonymous#Long Post#I ramble I know I know#I just wanted to get all that out.
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・❥・ ── 𝒥AKE 𝒟ASH
pairing. idol ex-bf! Jake Sim x fem!reader synopsis. Jake messed up, and now he’s determined to win back your forgiveness even if it means becoming your personal Door Dash. genre. exes-to-lovers, fluff, humor, redemption arc wc. 2,347 notes. this is something I came up with at 4 am so idk
jake sim was standing on your doorstep. again.
“you’re late,” you said, arms crossed as you leaned against the doorframe.
“by, like, two minutes,” he muttered, holding up the bag of takeout. “cut me some slack. traffic exists.”
“excuses,” you shot back, snatching the bag from his hand. “but since i’m feeling generous, i’ll let it slide. for now.”
jake rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. he never did these days.
this wasn’t some casual arrangement. no, jake was here because he had to be. he’d been showing up with your food almost daily for weeks now, and the only reason you tolerated it and him was because he was paying penance.
“why are you still doing this?” you asked, leaning against the doorframe as he lingered awkwardly on your porch.
“you know why,” he said, his voice soft.
and you did. jake felt bad. no, jake felt guilty. ever since your breakup, he’d been walking around like a kicked puppy, and it wasn’t even you who’d done the kicking. he was the one who screwed things up, the one who let you down. and for some reason, that guilt had manifested into this ridiculous arrangement.
it all started three weeks ago when he’d shown up unannounced with boba tea.
“what are you doing here?” you’d asked, glaring at him from the doorway.
“i…i just wanted to apologize,” he’d stammered, shifting on his feet. “for everything.”
“and you thought bubble tea would fix it?”
“no.” he’d sighed, running a hand through his hair. “i just… i don’t know how to make it up to you. but i’ll do anything. seriously, just name it.”
you didn’t know why the words left your mouth. maybe you were still angry. maybe you wanted to see how far he’d actually go. either way, you’d looked him dead in the eye and said:
“be my personal door dash.”
jake had blinked. “wait, what?”
“you heard me,” you’d said, crossing your arms. “you want me to forgive you? then prove it. deliver my food whenever i want, no complaints, no excuses. maybe then i’ll consider it.”
and to your absolute shock, he’d agreed.
now, here he was, standing on your porch for what felt like the millionth time, looking equal parts tired and determined.
“don’t you have better things to do?” you asked, taking a sip from your drink.
“probably,” he said, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket. “but i don’t care. i messed up, and i’ll keep doing this as long as it takes for you to forgive me.”
you stared at him, the straw frozen halfway to your lips. he was serious. he’d always been serious about you, even when he’d screwed things up.
“jake,” you said quietly, “you don’t have to do this.”
“yes, i do,” he said firmly. “i hurt you. and if being your door dash is what it takes to make it right, then that’s what i’ll do.”
you hated how your heart clenched at his words, how that stupid sincerity in his voice made you want to believe him. but you weren’t ready to let him off the hook just yet.
“well,” you said, leaning back against the doorframe, “as long as you’re here, i could really go for some dumplings tomorrow.”
jake’s lips quirked into a small smile. “you got it.”
maybe one day you’d forgive him for real. maybe one day you’d stop making him run all over town to bring you food. but for now, you were content to let him work for it.
after all, the boy owed you more than just dumplings.
© tokkette
#∿ 𝒕okkis 🐇#໒ 𝒕okkette 🥕#enhypen#sim jake#enhypen fluff#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen oneshots#enhypen drabbles#jake fluff#enhypen jake#jake x reader#jake drabbles#jaeyun fluff#enha fluff#sim jaeyun#jake oneshots#enha x reader#jake sim
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Hii!
Could I request platonic Boothill, Gallagher, Sunday and Blade with a teen reader that kind of just stuck to them because they have no parents?
(idk if I can request platonic hcs, pls lmk if not <33)
hello!! thanks for your request, I hope you like it!! <33 and it's fine really, I also enjoy platonic hcs. sorry for the bad grammar
Boothill
- When Boothill found you, you were heavily injured, bleeding. Alongside you, there were two adult figures, both lifeless.
- Boothill was in the middle of a mission that just happens to be in a place that was recently attacked by Anti-matter Legion. He couldn't help but notice your figure, somehow still alive.
- He took you with him to treat your injuries. When you woke up, you were scared, noticing to be in a place that isn't your home, your parents missing and with a cowboy cyborg man watching you.
- You asked where your parents were, but Boothill just sighed, admitting that they won't be with you so soon.
- You got the message and immediately started crying in pure despair, you were alone. Alone in this world with nobody to lend you a hand.
- Boothill could only remember his time when he lost everything, when he lost his kid and family. He felt the closest feeling to what should be an ache to his chest, and suggested that if you wanted to, you could stay with him. He knew he was being impulsive, as a teen living with him could only mean putting them in danger, but he could never let someone who desperately needs help like you to be left behind.
- You were wary about his request at first, but you didn't see any options beside accepting it, as you had nowhere to go.
- And so Boothill became your reference.
- To ensure your safety, he taught you how to handle guns, how to aim in the right spots to take your enemy down, and practiced your reflexes so you wouldn't be easily hit.
- His trainings were all strict, but it was all to keep you safe. He always tried to cheer you up with jokes and reassured you when you weren't doing well in your practices.
- Even after so many training, he still would be really protective of you, being able to beat his targets while also looking after your safety
- "Don'tcha worry kid, while you're with me, no one's gonna hurt ya." - He winked while you both were preparing yourselves to another mission.
Bonus: On your birthday, Boothill would gift you a similar hat that he is using to you, after all you were teammates now, right?
Gallagher
- Gallagher found you by pure chance while strolling the streets.
- He saw a teenager sneaking through a store and and carefully putting something in their pocket while leaving.
- He follows you and eventually corners you to ask you questions.
- You explained that you are only doing that for survival. Your parents sacrificed themselves to keep you safe from an unknown attack, making you completely alone.
- Gallagher listened carefully and couldn't help but also somehow identify himself with you in his darker times, completely lost, without a place to go.
- He told you to bare with him a bit and follow, while he has an idea.
- After a long discussion with the Bloodhound Family, they allowed Gallagher to watch over you with the condition that you don't interfere in any of their duties.
- You were truly surprised at first, as Gallagher didn't miss a beat to somehow take care of you. As much you were suspicious about second intentions, you rather try and see if that was a trap instead of refusing and choose to live only by surviving.
- He said you both will be living by an accord: he would take care of you and guarantee a better life, while you promise to never cause any sort of trouble again and also giving back the thing you stole it. For you, it was a win-win situation, so you had no complains.
- Gallagher was a mysterious man to you, full of secrets, always with a tired look. But even so, he was always ready to teach you many things and tips so you can grown up and be a wise adult.
- Also, in any case of potential danger, he was always prepared to keep you safe, hiding you in perfect spots, or keeping you behind him while he takes care of the threat. He was a silent but caring parental figure to you.
- "I didn't have much opportunities to have someone to guide me to be a better person. I don't want you to be like me, kid. I want you to be whoever you want, and better." - He said one day while sipping a drink he prepared and you also drinking a juice he made.
- You didn't get much of what he said, but you knew he was always trying to teach you only the best. He was hiding a lot and you knew it, but you believed it was for your own good.
Bonus: He teaches you the basic of mixing drinks and sometimes you both have nights where you can experiment combinations of drinks all you like! He always drinks everything you create even when the taste is questionable.
Sunday
- Sunday and the Astral Express decided to relax a bit at a nearby stop when he found you.
- You were wandering, with a hollowing look in your eyes, seeming completely lost.
- He decided to approach you, asking if you were okay and where your parents were.
- "I lost my parents. I lost everything. All it remains is.... void. Nothing. I am nothing."
- Sunday eyes widened at the realization you were just a teenager, lost and unprotected making him remind of his sister, and his deep fear of losing her and let her all alone.
- He asked you to follow him and if you wanted to stay with him and his crew for a bit. You just shrugged off, "it's not like if it matters or not", you thought.
- The Astral Express welcomed you with open arms, touched by your situation, and told you can stay as much as you like until you find somewhere you can call a home.
- Even if the others were extremely kind to you, Sunday was the one approaching you the most, including you in every situation. He couldn't help but try to make you see him as an older brother figure to make you feel safer.
- It took a while for you to open up, but as Sunday keep tolding you his and the others stories, making sure you were always comfortable, and reassuring you to take your time to adapt to the new environment, you finally felt like everything is ok.
- As you discover that Sunday would be temporarily in the Astral Express, you insisted that you want to go with him when he finally finds his promised land. Sunday was surprised, specially because you called him big brother as you stated your wish.
- With a tender smile on his face, he promised he will always be with you, and you both will be searching for this land together.
- "Don't be scared little one, the future is uncertain, but as long we stick together, we don't have to fear anything."
Bonus: Sunday writes a letter to Robin saying he wants you both to meet each other, stating that the family got bigger. He cannot wait until the moment you three can be together.
Blade
- Him and the Stellaron Hunters were traveling around following Elio's script when they found you, almost on the verge of death.
- Kafka already knew it was part of the destiny to finding you, and asked Blade to handle the situation.
- He was confused at first, not knowing much what to do, but even so he scooped your fragile body onto his arms and took you alongside to the Stellaron Hunters.
- After some weeks you finally opened your eyes and saw Blade on your side. He told you he knew you would wake up today and was checking up how you were feeling.
- You said you were lost, and still feeling pain, but you remembered a strong man carrying you to safety. "It was you, right?" you asked.
- After you were completely recovered, Kafka always made sure you were always by Blade's side, making Blade teaching you the basic of self defense, even if against his will.
- Somehow, after passing so much time with Blade, you got attached to him, seeing as some sort of big brother figure. You wanted to follow his steps, be strong and relentless as him. You admired him.
- Blade, on the other side, tried to push you away as much as possible. Firstly because he thought you were a hassle to handle, but then he realized it was because he wanted to protect you. He was a monster, and that was no lie to him, and the last thing he wanted was ending up hurting you somehow.
- He didn't know how to handle you most of the times, as he was not used to deal with teenagers, but even that, he started to enjoying your company, even if never admitting that.
- "Listen kid, one day, when my journey reaches to an end, I am going to die. Don't think that as a bad thing. It's my most deserved rest. Until that day, I am going to make you stronger. You will never be like me, but take that as a blessing. You will continue your journey on your own, but this time, you won't need to be scared. Take the obstacles of your journey as challenges to reach your highest potential. Don't waste anything, got it?" He said that to you one day.
- Even if you were scared of losing someone you cared for again, you already understood everything he said. You smiled, and promised to be the strongest warrior someone ever seen.
Bonus: On the beginning of your training, Blade was teaching you how to reach for the enemies weak spot and made you stab him on his chest. You were terrified as seeing the sword crossing his body completely, your mind going blank. Blade couldn't help but laugh as he takes off the weapon watch your reaction as his body regenerates. It was the first time you thought he was super cool.
#boothill#boothill x reader#honkai star rail#gallagher#gallagher honkai star rail#gallagher x reader#sunday honkai star rail#sunday x reader#blade honkai#blade x reader#honkai headcanons
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i never got very far into the comics because adhd is a harsh mistress, so i don't really know anything about brainstorm. what are your favorite things about him?
Aw man there's so many things I love about him, and I'll try to avoid spoilers but there is a certain in the story that really flipped the switch about how I thought of him kaksdf- Also this will get very long winded and incoherent very quickly bc uh I love this stupid asshole and he occupies 90% of my brain at all times: (i apologize in advance)
Surface level wise, I love his stupid arrogant humour and how seemingly absorbed with himself he is- I love how much of a ridiculous scheming little prick he can be gahgh, idk I think I just really like that character archetype?? At least going off of characters from other media I immediately get attached to lmao
He's just so sillyyyy and a menace and a prick and a stupid little annoying asshole but then he's actually really caring towards his friends and I want to shake him and rattle him and throw him out a windoww (He'll be fine, he can fly)
He's a trickster and he does science for the love of the game- Experiments with everything and everyone, builds whatever stupid idea just for the sake of building it, and idk I relate to that ig and I respect that
His stupid moldy egg colour scheme. (idk that's how I always see it) idk why,, I just like it. but also I don't like it. but also I do... but also I hate drawing with that colour scheme
HIS WINGSSS HIS STUPID WINGS AND HIS HEAD THAT ARE ALL PISS ANNOYING TO DRAW BUT I LOOK AT IT AND GO "yeeehaheehe he's so annoying i hate him i love him wow i love airplanes" I love airplanes so much, I love how he has a jetpack that he barely ever uses, and an airplane altmode that he also barely ever uses, and I love that he can fly, I love flying characters, I love flying animation, I just love anything that can fly, I like flight and flying
That stupid silly prick little annoying scrunkled lovable punchable face he always does:
like don't you see that and want to sock him directly in the face <33
Nerd. i like nerd characters. and he is quintessential nerd. loud mouth babbleton yapper info dumper extraordinaire and I wouldn't have it any other way
HE'S SO GIGGLY AND ADORABLE SOMETIMES. AND ANNOYING. AND A PRICK. AND GRGHRGHRHHHH WHY IS HE LIKE THAT I WANT HIM TO SHUT UP AND NOT SHUT UP.
His friendship with Nautica and Percy <33333 Their little science trio is so adorable and fun and the stupid silly science antics potential is through the roofff- Like look at Nautica and BS aghgghgh they're so adorablee <333
Simpatico. i. idk why but something about that ship makes me so damn happy- like somethign about Brainstorm being so goofy silly, constantly trying to prove his worth in contrast to Percy's super analytical no nonsense attitude, eventually drifting towards Percy mutually respecting the silly fella makes me so happyy.... It's a really funny dynamic to me, and there's that point in the story where I feel like you can see Percy start to really admire BS.. it really flipped a switch for me- Also that final simpatico panel in the last LL issue makes me so happy bc they both look so happy and I love seeing happy characters :D
Edit: Forgot to mention, but also something about post-war Percy finally returning to science work, after years of being a sniper? To me at least, it felt like Percy was relearning his love for science outside of his duties, and Brainstorm's little arc + Nautica's arrival helped him gain new equals to work alongside with- They bring a bit competitiveness and discovery to science that helps reinvigorate Percy's intrinsic love and interest after years of strict duty
Brainstorm's angstt.. his internal conflicts, lack of self-worth, being so absorbed with his work that it ends up harming him, and the way he cares about people he's close to which eventually all leads to his arc all are stuff I really relate to heavily so i chomp it down with salt and pepper
His weirdness,, like he's sorta funky weird and I appreciate that a lot, because it all makes sense or no sense to him and him alone, and yea that makes my brain happy :)
His own little hyperfixations/general fixations like researching time travel, the dead universe, sparkeater stuff, multiverse stuff etc. etc. (like who else goes: oh huh this creature almost killed me, lemme go make a gun that makes more of those things :D) he just like me fr fr
His deceptiveness, sneakiness, and doing shady things under the table (I can't get too into it bc it's pretty heavy spoiler stuff so yea) Also his weird moodiness sometimes
His friendship with Chromedome,, they seem to care a lot about each other, but are also in the midst of drifting apart??? Old acquaintances/ coworkers/ friends who've been working together for ages and know deeply about one another, including the crappy things they've done in the past, but are now kinda distant? Yet they have a certain flavour of sad care to their dynamic which feels real and melancholic,, also the way you can kinda feel how his experiences with Chromedome's past sorta influences how he sees Nautica's decisions later in the story gghhgughhh
This bozo idiot getting partially Mike Wazowski'd on the cover of MTMTE #28
His MTO backstory and theorizing about how he ended up doing science??? How'd he get there? Why is he so adverse to calling himself an MTO? What was the Operation he was born into about???
His strange spookiness- like he isn't scary per-say but sometimes he's just kind of a spooky menace creature and I love that :) It's like adding layers of mystery to his erratic goofy outer-personality and it's really intriguing (kinda like cuddling with a cat then watching it stare you down from the dark corner of a room an hour later)
In conclusion: I want to kick him into the stratosphere out of spite and love <3 thank you for coming to my incoherent, likely uninformative Ted Talk :)
#he makes me go do zoomies around the room :D#and go yippee yeehaw weehee yahoo o)-(#stupid idiot bozo dumb genius smartass creature <33#pain in the ass to draw tho
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fexi ig au part 20345: a very merry dump of posts from their various holiday seasons together as a married couple
(in loving memory of angus <3)
#idk what this is but i felt like doing it after a long time#so if theres still fexi lovers out there lmk#fexi#fezco#fezco o'neill#fez#fez o'neill#lexi howard#lexi x fezco#fez x lexi#lexco#euphoria#euphoria edit
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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Magenta.
#i lost my job#even though they're not saying its because of my disability it is because of it#I've been applying to places and some of the safety nets i had fell through#im scared right now and feel very betrayed#i got enough to get me through the month but beyond that idk what to do#i have resources im looking into and as most know that doesn't put a dent into finances#i need help#i feel bad for asking and i know i preach people shouldnt feel ashamed#but i do get where folks are coming from with that#the shame is powerful especially when you pride yourself as someone that takes care of themselves#im open to ideas opinions whatever folks want to say#i haven't felt this triggered ptsd wise in a long time past homeless experience and work abuse has been creeping in#I'm trying to get to the good but its really hard seeing it right now after getting screwed for the millionth time#for something i can't control with my body#i guess on a good note that partnership meeting went well#it seems like an excellent opportunity but its also an investment and i don't have the means to put into that right now
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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.
And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...
And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!
I shall simply write fanfic about it.
#speculation nation#pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died#and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What#but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman#and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state#but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it#thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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#well I just submitted my essay for my history class so I'm finally done with finals#I wish I felt happier or relieved or something but I don't. I feel awful. my body hurts from the incredible amount of tension/anxiety I had#trying to finish it before 11:59. I submitted it at 11:55. I have never come that close before and I hate it#the amount of anxiety I had you'd think the deadline was hunting me for sport#and what's worse is I felt all this anxiety and put all this work into it and I'm not even happy about it#I spent two days trying to figure out what he wanted us to write about because apparently he just seems to be really bad at instructions#like I thought maybe it was just me overthinking but I spent two hours talking to my mom about it and in the end even she couldn't figure i#so then I had only two days to gather notes make an outline write an essay. while burnt out and barely able to focus.#and while not knowing exactly what I was doing like is this what he wants. is it not. who knows I literally don't have time left#to figure it out I just need to write something and hope it works#but I hate being unsure it makes everything harder#especially because I really wanted to make a good grade. this was the class where I made a 78 on my midterm#which brought my class grade to a B but I'd been able to get it back to an A and I'd be able to keep it if I got like an 80ish on the final#the essay turned out okay idk if it's what he wanted but whatever at least I got the other requirements like word count and sources#but the CITATIONS...we had to use chicago which I'd never used before and let me just say. mla is the love of my life after this.#actually chicago might not be that bad if I got used to it I think my violence should be directed toward every word processor#that links footnotes. it is so STUPID that there isn't an easier way to make them different#if it hadn't been for trying to figure out footnotes on google docs I could've submitted it like ten minutes earlier#and with phenomenally less stress#I eventually had to make a choice as to what I'd give up: (1) submitting it on time (2) perfect citations or (3) word doc#which is what he wanted it submitted as#except when I tried that thank goodness I looked at the preview before I submitted it because I saw that it'd messed up the citations#I ended up submitting it as a pdf. on time. with perfect (maybe) (I didn't have time to double check) citations. but not as a word doc.#is it the end of the world? idk probably not but not meeting a professor's requirements is like. anathema.#all of that is to say that I'm going to cry and then let it go and get to bed and just. idk. I've reached that point where#I'm so tired and numb that it feels like I'll never feel better#anyway#maybe I hurt because of my meds and the side effects decided to kick in now because the grace of God held them back long enough#for me to finish#earl crow ramblings
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i should be able to call in sleepy to work
#so so unbelievably sleepy for the past week straight what is going on w me lol#all day long im so sleepyyyy#i keep going to bed early but its not helping#i haye calling out of work tho#i only did it once when i was literally puking and miserable and could not physically come in but i tried i got up and started getting ready#but it just wasnt happening#and then i requested time off for my eye surgeries and did my second one yon friday#it got approved at the last second and i felt so insanely stressed and guilty for taking time off for a necessary surgery lmao#idk how im going to use my vacation time bc its the use or lose kind but they really dont want u to use it tbh#also its combined w the sick time so when i tried to request the day off it showed it in the negative like you cant do this lol#but i requested it anyway#but i think that means i wont have any vacation timer left after all my surgeries#??#or something#its confusing which i think is the point to make people take less time off lol#this has been a shitpost
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