#idk though maybe im just reading into things too much
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what if stomper is harry? traveling, staring at the sky, interacting with fans, getting on stage, being carried off stage, learning to fend for himself, powering off when he connects back with the other side of himself that allows him to rest in outer space themed outfits…
#i cant be the only one who thought of this#but like im a big fan of the split harry: the public’s harry and the private harry#and i feel like we’ve seen that before in mvs and discussed how harry sees himself as a different person on stage and off#idk though maybe im just reading into things too much#like a classic english teacher whete everything has to have double meaning :)#mine
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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I think everyone wants to own a complete works of Shakespeare and I want to get everyone a complete works of Shakespeare that is right for them
#as long as it's not one of those dime a dozen copies w squished text and no notes 🖤#b&n book annex don't interact. canterbury classics don't interact#i have a friend that i went antiquing w recently who got a decameron illustrated by rockwell kent#and their birthday is coming up and my toxic trait is that i wanna get them the complete works illustrated by rockwell kent#even though im not sure that's the most readable copy for a 21st century reader to begin with#i havent actually read a play in one of those admittedly. i know they have the cambridge notes in the back of the book#but that's a lot more work than having it at the bottom or side of the page#idk if they'd be down for that much flipping tbh. i know flipping isn't my favorite#especially in a big book#and idk if the cambridge notes would even be that approachable for them? idk the annotation style#tales from diana#ive been trying to get a taste for more editions of shakespeare lately and mostly that's just been within copies of individual plays#and i feel like this is a journey i kinda started too late#like i read titus andronicus in a folger edition which probably wouldve been gamechanging to me in 2018#but as a reader w years more experience it was just kinda giving me more than i needed. i found it excessive#versus when i was a beginner i often felt lost even w the notes in my riverside shakespeare#i felt like it was still above my reading level (and it was) especially when it would reference things i was barely familiar with#whereas in 2024 it's like my riverside is my baby. and but for its large unwieldiness and perilous condition. i could read from it forever#i read not a shakespeare play in an arden edition recently but philaster by beaumont and fletcher. same editing team though#i thought the notes were sometimes a little excessive but they certainly weren't kinda basic like folger's#i thought at times maybe they could split it up w some of those historic or cultural commentary sort of notes#like those were what i would rather flip to the back to read later. as opposed to taking up like half the page#oxford english classics kinda does that too but w their longer annotations i think flipping to the back makes sense#bc arden somewhat is flooding the white space abd straining my eyes. even though other than format it's very similar editing#i like my rsc complete works and what ive read of the individual plays a lot but there's just one thing about the complete works#that i have a qualm with. i respect that they have a single column for the text#as opposed to two-column... i understand for some it scans better and helps w comprehension#i wish the notes on the bottom were in two columns though. bc the way they run on w such a wide margin#i genuinely lose my place a lot. in the small text. kinda hate that part of the reading experience#and when there's lines of prose it can also be harder to scan
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pretty minor thing to think about, but i find it interesting how chapter 7 is the first chapter illustration to show chizuutan as chizuru (instead of chuutan)
like, i get it’s a flashback chapter, but we hardly got to see her as chizuru in the previous few chapters thus far… maybe we’ll get to see more of her as her true self after the hiyori fight/make up? only future chapters may tell, i guess…
#there’s like 5 weeks to go till chapter 6 is released into the rest of the world and i m n o t r e a d y—#man. chapter 5 still manages to ruin my mood no matter how many times i read it… man.#i was having so much fun with renren and concon and the 3 stooges and th e n.#imagine putting on a (somewhat) perfect/cute act to hide your true self because you know you’re unlovable the way you are#but then someone else runs along and screws up every step of the way without putting on any airs and is adored for it anyway…#i imagine chapter 6 will be much worse. especially since the start of the flashback begins there…#i sincerely hope the flashback ends in chapter 7 bc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#though. considering where we are now in the series. i think there’s a chance that vol 2 will come out at the end of december#ch 8 will prolly start to drop somewhere around the later half of november so it seems about right…#b u t if there’s the preorder bonus manga for vol 2 in dec can we have santa girl chuutan in it p l s—#i think we’ll need an incredibly cute bonus feature to lift the mood from whatever the heck’s going on with vol 2’s chapters#bc. idk. im sensing some self hatred with this one chizuchan… it’s as though she can only love herself if she’s dolled up as chuutan…#like. even in her aizo self-insert delusions she’s thinking of herself as chuutan… maybe im reading too much into this. hm.#but then again she even puts on makeup when she’s at home in her own room…#w a i t a sec what if this wack behaviour only came about bc of what’s about to be revealed in the flashbacks. wait. no. w h a t if—#i hope manga chizuchan will be able to love herself properly soon… we all love you chizuchan~~~~~~~~~~#this. too. is our oshi no—#dammit why is something set in the same universe as the [redacted] anime making me feel things??? i hate itttttttttt#anyways. wh. what if one of the h10w turns out to be an anime adaptation of the chizuchan manga#and they’re just waiting on. like. the final vol to announce it.#it’d make the most sense for an anime series at this point… since chizuchan is marketable and it’s set in the same anime verse#so there’s no inconsistencies to retcon and such…#but!!!! most importantly!!!!!! we’d be able to see animated renren and concon!!!!!!!#…but something like this will only appear in my delusions huh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#mousou dake no kawaikute gomen anime#ok that’s enough thinking for the day; back to kimikawaii mv g o o d b y e~~~~#chizuutan chizpost
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it
#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags#nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk#anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes#but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ???#and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal#overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks#and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun#its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles#and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus#and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend#because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3#well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum#also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying#regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always#knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually#and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes#(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them)#and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something#overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain..#my expectations also werent very high in the first place#so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk#and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more#like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this
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ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess
#avil plays hsr#idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out#but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM#i gotta line these pieces up first#i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false#UH#ill just tag this as#hsr 2.1 spoilers#because thats the ramble in the tags#but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you#so i just have to wonder too#and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound?#sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder#he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed#so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise?#how did you fool people?#ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER)#at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true#i want to believe those are true even despite his false front#the things i want to talk about is like#well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony#and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time#and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor#but how did the family come to be?#how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME)#ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer#unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said#SOMEONE PROBABLY DID#but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles ✨#my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS
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(*・ω・*)b♪
#I'm a bit late but :)#Mmmhh lots of thoughts about this episode. Nothing really relevant though lol#I like it... Mostly. Well‚ I like Atsushi‚ and I like Atsushi screentime.#I always forget that there's actually a one week timeskip within the Guild arc#I think these chapters were generally better executed in the manga.#But even then it's just...#Why do the make the Guild / Fitzgerald so. dumb. Why do they make them act so wildly irrationally and at the protagonists' advantage#It really gives villain acting entirely mindlessly to make the plot advance and the heroes win. It's really sensless.#I mean especially when Atsushi yielded. Why didn't Fitzgerald take his offer. For real!!#For real. He had NOTHING to gain from proceeding with his plan. He already obtained for Atsushi and the ada to collaborate.#Now they are NEVER going to help him‚ and that's agreat loss for him.#And idk. i hear that little Tumblr post in my voice saying “why would you complain about characters acting irrationally!#Do people irl never act irrationally?”#And yeah I get Fitzgerald was frustrated for losing Mitchell and his fight with Hawthorne. Okay I understand.#But that's definitely too much. That's him acting downright stupid at the heroes' advantage and it's just pretty underwhelming to read?#That said. It's just general notes I'm not particularly annoyed because like. That's just b/s/d to you. Dumbing down the villains a second–#so the author can escape the trap they put themselves into. Very Marvel-esque move lol.#On that exact same note WHY WOULD LUCY HAVE THE DOLL.#The doll is the whole premise for your plan working why would you not protect it with everything 😭😭😭#I'm not getting in the Lucy / Atsushi scene itself. I love Lucy but I swear every time that scene gets played a femminist dies#(it's me. I'm the femminist dying every time.)#Mmmhh a couple more things. I dislike the ost choice in the scene where Steinbeck is torturing Q it feels so out of place#And I really don't get what's the deal with the Hawthorne / Fitzgerald convo it's so confusing to me. Like it It looks like Hawtorne is–#blaming Fitzgerald for Mitchell's condition (both in health and for her family status) but...#Objectively neither of those things are Fitzgerald's fault? Idk maybe I just have very little media comprehension for this arc because–#a lot of things just seem to happen with no sense. But it's okay#Im complaining a lot lol but its mostly irrelevant things (or like with the dumbification of villains things I've learnt to live with lmao)#But the episode was generally nice. The animation this season is consistently very pretty.#random rambles
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what are your interests that aren’t yakuza
uhm. a lot !!! I think !!!
#snap chats#dont think its a surprise to say i love sonic. i dont post bout it anywhere but i do very much love sonic#and kirby !!!! i love kirby .... and like. other videogames 💀#i like talking about comics with my bro. we rewatched all the xmen movies since i was leaving for college and that was funny#i get legal rights to mention that today cause someone did a minedai ver of a lipstick ad james mcavoy and michael fassbender were in#i did scream and cry when i saw it. btw. its bookmarked in my heart and on my twitter but moving on#dragonball's alright. i GUESS. i GUESS i like dragonball ... i havent been keepin up with it but daima's droppin oct 11th so i heard#maybe i oughta go back to reading manga .. thatd mean i go into a bookstore again vjaLKAJ#i also like reading :) but i dont exactly make fanart for reading jvELKVJA#SO FUNNY THO my library was giving away free dupe books and i know the librarian scared of me walking away with two piles#lets just get back to videogames that was easier. i like metroid :) gonna throw up when MP4 comes out#though. VERY funny that they didnt remaster MP2 and MP3 for the switch before but whaddya gonna do i'll live#metroid fusion is real fun ...... i really like metroid fusion ... yk maybe i dont have a lot of interests#MEGAMAN I LOVE MEGAMAN and resident evil …… capcom gang ……. ace attorney omg them too 😩#i always think AA is sega but no its not. criminal but it does mean phoenix wright shows up in MVC so thats alright ig#at least not. franchise? interests? like i like sports and Reading As I Said but i aint bloggin bout that#yeah idk. 'what are yuor other interests' is such an odd question cause i HAVE other interests i just dont think about it#yk. unless i have a blog for it LOL but for most of these i dont#but yeah i guess. theres that !!!!!! its like 1AM im definitely excluding things i like but vjlaekvjaeklJVELAKJ
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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i love cj!evelin they're so gender
#warning for the next tags: i just start rambling#i saw vik post their ref sheet a while back somewhere and i just went oh em gee? new blorbo obtained?#i didnt read the comic at that time time though i didnt know jackshit about cjau im sorry im late to things#i bingeread it last night cuz i was bored as hell and was like hey. didnt i say i wanted to draw eve. hm. and so i got to scribbling#im not even into tmc anymore but some aus just get a grip on me help#i also havent been drawing much in recent months so i tried to get back into the groove#so i tried to use this absolutely iconic to my brand brush of mine again cuz coincidentally i haven't used it in a hot minute#but i kinda just. went insane with it i think.#ALSO I WAS LISTENING TO JJBA STONE OCEAN OST DURING THIS AND I THINK YOU CAN SEE IT IN THE ARTSTYLE CRYINFFFF#tbh though. i think eve would like jolyne as a character...........#sorry sorry my autism. i have a jojo's bizarre adventure special interest#btw i added some headcanons have fun looking for them#the wing isn't one of them though that was just a stylistic choice#like. yknow how some people make some part of the body lighter cuz it's like not in the front ? yeah i guess i was trying to do that#fyi im not posting this to twt :saluting_face:#maybe i will on priv or something idk i'll see#xerv signing out now i talked too much
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Hi! im not sure if you read tags on reblogs. But your recent drawing of Steve in trans colours.. was that meant to be a reference to the Vibes he has, or is it a confirmation of anything...? He'll still be transition goals no matter the answer, but i was just curious how /hj or /srs it was.
It's serious! He's trans. Got transed by werewolves.
#hitting all my characters with my trans beam#looking at adam: 'hes got a he/they type beat...'#also yes i do read tags! but then idk if its weird for me to respond to tags so i dont#but i do read them.#also yeah this is why he's a werewolf. so maybe it will come up#just yknow... shapeshifters... thing that makes you hairy... not an uncommon trans allegory#plus also adam and steve.... yeah.........#uhhhhhhhhh#i dont think about the logistics too much though because to me it feels invasive#i dont think he as a person would tell me about it so i just dont know#also if anyone asks me about whether he has balls ill kill you im sick of people asking me that#also he DOES have pretty severe amnesia#so jts not like he can uh... remember about jt.#but theres like 60 more episodes or something to go so who knows#if theres a way for me to put it in canonically... i will#complicated when its magic trans + a guy who doesnt communicate his feelings + has amnesia#but on god its canon ill make sure of it#asks
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gross
#tomgreg#THEYR E SO CUTE IM GONNA actually be sick.#i hate so much tom's fuckin. laugh here bc its so high pitched and heS NOT HOLDING BACK. AGAIN.#something something he's his true self around greg something something after years of repression he feels alive again something something#schoolboy tom makes another appearance. he's so playful!!!#AND TOUCHING GREG'S SUIT AGAIN. just like the tie before in fucking UHHH i cant remember the episode. but s2 i think.#he does it really quickly though. like he remembers they're in public and he's gotta stop treating greg like they really are spouses.#and abt the next part don't worry i'm gonna be. talking. about That. but this part gets its own bit bc!!!!!! man#OH AND DONT THINK I DIDNT NOTICE GREG TOUCHING TOM TOO. TOUCHING HIS ARM UNNECESSARILY. they're so touchy here. sigh. sigh.#yet not a hug. just light touches. a hug would be too friendly. if that makes sense? these touches are more. spousal.#like you'd hug your mate at a party right. and sure you might hug a partner or spouse. but idkkk idk it reads more.#just the touchings of the suits. oh you look nice tonight dear. don't wanna spoil your pretty outfit. that'll happen later at home. GODDDDDD#BECAAAAAUSE OF WHAT THEY SAY NEXT!!! THE WHOLE. PROVE IT THING! OH HH GODDHNWEW#my head cracks open. ok okok ig ot ta go i'm going i'm fucking. bye#im so fuckin pressed about the nero sporus thing IF TOM HADNT SAID THAT BULLSHIT I WOULDNT BE THINKING SHIT LIKE THIS#i mean maybe i would BUT I WOULDNT ACTUALLY PUT ANY STOCK IN IT BC HE WOULDNT HAVE SAID IT OUT RIGHT. god. i'm in pain#lord send the plagues. end my suffering
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i cant post the full of these until tommorow but bweeeeeee isnt he so cuteness
#did this comic relatively fast for me and i like about 50% of it#which. its getting posted tommorow morning so yknow itll have to do#experiencing one of those 'idk how to draw this without it looking bad' 'guess itll just have to look bad :sunglasses:' moments#BUT i think these expressions are cute and theyre more in line with what i want to be doing in general anyways? pushing it in a#direction i feel like ive struggled with before. i like cartoon overbites though i think theyre so adorable. maybe this is just what growin#up on the simpsons does to a motherfucker. anyways#my boyfie. baby style#trying to decide in my head how old i actually want him to be in some of theseeeee#because iirc. again im not going to check. the new official timeline puts him at being 20#but the way I had the timeline before in my MIND. he wouldve been a little older. not so much but like. 26-28 yk.#and fish wouldve been closer to 20-22#which idk i think its a little bit different of a dynamic to have 28-20 instead of two 20 year olds. so it would change things#but also i just idk i dont think him being that young works with how they talk about him pre-wasteland in. any of the official stuff#its just because he has terminal old man disease i think but like. idk i feel like even 28 is too young but thats like as far as i feel goo#squishing the junkertown timeline down to#and even then i think. that it breaks ? something else?#ive never done the maths but i think it breaks junkrat. because hes supposed to have been born in like. a more or less fully formed#junkertown? and with jq in charge for like. half of his life.#this part of the timeline doesnt work anyways#it barely works with the official read#theres not really a good way to have my cake (older boyfriend) and it eat too (everything else makes sense in my mind)#🐟
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honestly i get embarrassed i don't have like. a single other interest I'm as into because i just know everyone around me is probably sick of it
#idk i probably shouldn't have to feel bad about my interests but i annoy myself like oh my god please read something else talk about..#..something else. its not like i dont like other media; i think pathologic is really freaking cool even if i havent had the time or patience#to play either game yet; i love derry girls it's a really good show; i have this attachment to firefly despite its issues#it's not like i can't get into other things#but nothing has had the chokehold on me that the legendarium has had/still has years later and it's almost frustrating sometimes#like i used to be really into gravity falls for instance. also cuphead; also bartimaeus and lockwood and co. oh and seraphina#but while i still really like all those things and theyre nostalgic for me; i can't...so easily fall back into those worlds in the same way#maybe it is also kin related but it's almosg like i get embarrassed to be so fixated even though it's been such an enjoyable part of my life#as cheesy as that no doubt sounds. i wouldnt be the same person if somebody (i dont even remember who anymore) hadn't been like “hey..#“..middle schooler aimenel you should read the hobbit” (actually i think i mightve read lotr first i dont remember anymore)#idk why it bugs me; why im like “oh no people will be annoyed by the constant posts” as if anyone couldnt just unfollow or block#im probably always going to be like this to some extent and i dont know why i cant stop feeling embarrassed by my attachment to certain..#media. its not even an “oHhH nOoOo its problematic in some ways” thing because i really dont give a shit for the most part#i think its literally i feel like people are going to at a certain point go “arent you too old to like this”#which isnt even going to happen probably so i dont know why i care. i dont know why i care when im honestly cringy as shit all the time#its funny ive becomr someone a much younger me would call cringe and just trying to be special or whatever
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i have so many things i want to do on here!! oh my goddddd!!! i want to be unapologetically me! i just get so nervous and i fear like im being too much on here !!!!!
like!!! i want to post silly incorrect quote stuff on here :( and talk about my selfships and silly fandoms i love .... and my silly self insert that makes me so happy ... and post MORE AND MORE AND MORE BUT IM SO NERVOUSSSSSSSSS
it makes no sense !!!!! i mean i guess it does..... having someone who kind of puts you down all the time for the things you share with them makes you terrified to do literally anything and thats actually sooooooooo frustrating.......... wahhhhh
besides ........ i really wanna do something for my birthday blargh!! >_<
#ok sorry everyone i just needed to get this OUT#im no longer friends with that person which is good! but they still are THERE haunting my thoughts all the time#i dont like venting about the SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN I REALLY DONT#but this time i dont think i can just Not#like i just.....#they were not supportive at all even if they said they were#they were supportive when it benefited them#i dont like talking about them but this is how im trying to process how horrific and traumatic that friendship probably was.......#theres always a part of me that thinks im the worst person ever because of them its so bad idk#i wish i didnt feel like this sometimes.......#but in a good way: i can be a bit happy on selfshipping without feeling as if im a laughing stock to them#i dont think they even read anything i sent them in regards to literally anything#selfship or not#try not to talk about personal stuff almost at all i try to never speak about Me ever because i feel overbearing and a lot#but i just feel bad i guess...#in all honesty though: yall are so sweet and i appreciate every single one of you !!!#i just can never articulate my thoughts correctly#and i feel too afraid to show things because of how things were in the past :(#but i really do appreciate everything i just ...#im not good at talking about Me ... like i said previously i think#i think though a good thing is finally being able to enjoy the things i like even if its kind of semi public so i think thats a huge step!!#i just.... feel too much. i feel things too intensely....#maybe i should write things on paper instead of typing things out#idk... uh thinking out loud here sorry#rambling but um i think i got everything out ?? idk :thumbsup:#but i do mean it though: thank you for being nice and patient with me ^_^#i know my fear gets in the way and im trying TO FIGHT IT#going to PUNCH FEAR going to attack fear with hammers#this is so long i apologise ........#ashley talks
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