#theres always a part of me that thinks im the worst person ever because of them its so bad idk

[snekdood]

so august 2018 is when my peak being-crazy-made art craziness happened, huh

[messymoonmad]

potential Eurymachus and Antinous ghost angst idea(s);

Their ghost forms wear something of the other person because it’s the last thing they touched of eachother. Antinous could be wearing some of Eurymachus’s jewelry because he could have been admiring it that morning and Eurymachus could be wearing Antinous’s cloak because he was helping him adjust it that morning before heading off

and for the angst part: let’s say they somehow do manage to get to the Underworld. They’re in different areas of the Underworld,always on the move trying to find eachother,just a permanent curse of always aching for the other and never being able to find them

Im gonna be honest with you i love angst but i hate "sad" endings. I know they are assholes and deserves a bad ending but hear me out ...

Theres a chapter in the odyssey where the suitors souls arrive in the underworld and antinous rants about it to agamemnon (i think or Achilles or some other hero). Meaning they all are together

NOW HEAR ME OUT. you know how hades' is called "the one who receives many" cause all the mortals end up there for eternity.... well now he is STUCK with the 108 arrogant suitors who are the worst guest ever

[calamarispiderart]

hello hello!!! random question before i get started on work haha

how do you come up with dialogue for ur hms comics? the back n forth of them feels so heavy and realistic. especially the casualness paired with the bleeding-brooding (alliteration for fun) violence makes everything just. hit. in a tragic and hopeless way imo. it’s so neat :0

i’ve been trying that kind of writing out a bit lately too. this is what i’ve managed with my iambic pentameter gang (hms but rain world iterator). MiND is being threatened by the rage pent up inside himself. and, strangely enough, it has the voice of HeART.

constructive feedback is welcome ^_^!

once again, hello hello! sending good wishes and all :]. i love ur work ^_^ 💛

oooo hmm... this isnt something ive ever really thought about trying to explain, thank you for the question! big fan of the posing in the piece youve added here btw, i like the alliteration in 'heliocentric heathen' B:•∆

honestly the way i go about writing them isnt something i feel i can put into words with a clear structure of process... often with my comics it starts with me simply having a vague idea of 'i want to make a comic today', and drawing what feels right to lead into it. the words typically link in with the actions as well - i usually draw something, draw the next thing, write a bit of dialogue, draw the next thing, write more dialogue.... not in that exact order but the words always feel to be a reaction to the actions and the actions are a reaction to the words (and/or, words and actions work in tandem). people rarely talk in a vacuum, especially when theyre having the conversation in person, so i find it helpful to see the actions as part of the dialogue and vice versa.

occasionally ive scripted out dialogue beforehand (always with actions included within the script.) but even with a script what actually is said needs to adjust with whats been drawn. when i dont write with a script (which is the norm), its often while im drawing the next frame that im thinking over whats being said. typically i just go over and over a sentence mentally, adjusting bits until it feels right, looking at it once its written on the page and adjusting it more if necessary.

perhaps a bit vague? apologies! i do have certain mental rules i try keep in mind for each of the threes characters while writing. 'how would heart respond, how would he word this? mind? i cant word it this way because i know he doesnt do this...' <subconscious questions and thoughts but they are important to keep in mind. i find it the most helpful to keep the core traits i personally see in them in mind, and let those traits kind of... guide what is said. if i think of how that collection of traits and facets would respond to something, the vague concept that creates can then go through the filters of dialogue traits i have in mind for them. ...ehhh, put more simply... 'what is the general response this character would have to this situation' and then 'how would they structure that response through words and/or actions?'.

i, being who i am, cccc being what it is, am somewhat naturally inclined to writing grim and bleeding-brooding (nice word) things. i also consider myself to be quite a grounded person, which i hope comes through in my work! however, natural inclinations aside, cccc itself is quite a bleeding-brooding album (at least it is to me). its one about depression and self hatred and it really doesnt pull many punches in that respect. or at least, thats my read on it! as a result, that becomes reflected in my interpretation of hms. however, id also note that cccc is silly at times, theres humor in it. all good grim things need a bit of levity to really make it feel Real... people joke in the worst of times, not just the best, and it really helps in writing serious things to have just a little bit of joke to it, even if its not immediately noticable... this is hard to really give examples of honestly but it is relevant i promise. im unsure if youve read much of my writing aside from my comics, but theres just a bit of absurdity and humor in both my cccc pieces that would make the writing feel sorely lacking without in my opinion. notable with how violent and tense both those pieces are.

lots of words now! hopefully helpful ones B:•] or at least interesting! ill try write out some of the core traits and details i keep in mind when writing hms so as to give better reference points to all my prior words:

heart: reactive, not instigative. he doesnt start fights, he finishes them. he also doesnt need an insane amount of prompting to get going... but he does need prompting. apathetic, a bit fanciful. hes depressed, and not in a cute way. he talks casually but he uses serious words. no point in simplifying his language - he wants to be taken seriously, and while he makes himself look small and weak at times he is Not weak and he is Not small. hes just as much of a wordsmith as the other two. he covers his mouth when he speaks sometimes, and he puts his hand over his chest... a bit defensive? muffling his own input, but notably he still speaks. lies by omission or by twisting facts - if full honesty helps his case, thats what he uses. if a white lie works better... i personally see him as a bit of a planner too. sometimes his reaction to things is built up to; it never comes out of nowhere, even if it may seem like it.

mind: instigative, less reactive. he still reacts to things but hes generally the one starting shit and hes honestly very bad at Not talking shit. uses contractions. <this is a small one but mind says 'dont' and 'cant' and i dont think ive ever heard him Not use contractions to any notable degree. kind of weak! hes proud of himself, very proud of himself, and even in the moments of the album where theyre getting along he cant drop his superiority complex. hes bad at making compromises that put him as the lesser one. hes also quick to point blame and to lie (even if hes a bit roundabout abt it). hes also not That smart - or at least, hes not any smarter than the other two. he Thinks hes smart and hes quite confident about that but that doesnt actually mean hes right lol. aggressive verbally, passive physically. hypocritical.

both of them tend to see soul as an afterthought, or as something to benefit from. note the 'something', not 'someone'. imo, they dont really see him as a valid living entity in the same way they see themselves. speaking of soul...

soul: hes difficult. hes a difficult and complicated guy. vague, fanciful, depressed, suicidal, tired... i personally see him as quite passive. both passive and active... hes violent, towards himself and towards the others. just as they dont see him as an individual, i believe hes too apathetic and burnt out to see them as individuals either. when he threatens to hang himself, thats a direct threat to the two if them as well - and it functions as one, seeing as they are all linked in that way! his suicidality isnt purely self destructive in the way it would be in other story contexts which i find important to remember. i see him as someone who sleeps a lot... and as someone who is treated more like a tool than anything else. but he is, simultaneously, idealistic. he hopes for the best and would do anything (Anything.) to try and achieve it. he wants things to Get Better or to Stop. most of the time when i write or draw him its within the 'Stopping is the only option to Get Better' stage of things. hes tired and he doesnt want to deal with things but he has to and he doesnt want to and hes at the end of his rope. honestly within the album he feels a bit like a ghost. hes granted a similar level of personhood as the shadow of what could be, which is both more and less than mind and heart get.... hes confusing! hea a difficult guy. honestly you can take a lot of my notes and thoughts on his character with a grain of salt because hes always been such a puzzle to me haha. i find him easiest to convey in art... OH yes one last thought/trait is hes a bit... arrogant? hes tired and hes careless. listen to me or fuck off and die. arrogant. what a guy.

ahaaha this kinda became me just rambling about my reads on the three but.. hopefully helpful!! this is all stuff i try keep in mind when im writing and drawing them. theres certainly nuances ive missed and things i havent worded as well as i could, but you get the idea i hope! all of that informs how i write them and... in a way they almost lead me through the piece.

also! this isnt something i often think about because its just a natural part of the process, but sometimes i end up scrapping stuff! entire paragraphs, panels and poses, because it hits a stasis where i cant find any way for one or the other to continue the interaction - theres a distinct difference between this and the interaction hitting its ending point. if ive written one person saying or doing something and none of the parties involved are able to respond in any way at all, thats a sign that ive conveyed their characters wrong and i need to go back. people *always* have a response to something, whether thats continuing the conversation or leaving or anything. if none of them can come up with a response that feels like them, ive messed up somewhere. dont be afraid to go back and rewrite things.

ummm yeah thats all i can think of to say now! thank you for the question, and thank you for the nice words!! B:•∆ im very happy my comics come off the way youve described, and very happy youve enjoyed my work enough to want to ask me about it!! means a lot to me B:•] your rainworld iterator hms concept sounds swag as hell, id just say to keep at it!! from what youve shown here youve already got a great start B:•∆ thank you again! hope you and anyone else reading this has a good week!

[ganondoodle]

i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)

i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-

and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)

by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)

its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )

i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that

what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 1

Propaganda why Dean Winchester is insufferable:

"This man is racist against anyone other than humans and abused the people he was supposed to love the most. He literally abandons Castiel at his most vulnerable and never lets Sam leave the whole hunting monsters thing. Worst part is that the fandom will get behind him and defend him because what, he’s pretty? Pretty much a terrible person, more like. I sympathize with his backstory but Dean has ZERO character development during the course of 15 whole seasons. When he DOES have development it involves abusing someone. Sam tries to be a normal person and always gets punished for it. The only hint we have that Dean might’ve been trying to change is a piece of paper in the final episode AFTER HE DIES. then guess what? Sam lives out his whole life and has a family 😭 that’s very, very telling."

"misogynistic scumbag. theres also a few different times that dean finds teenagers sexy with the most recent and prominent example that i can recall being the scooby doo crossover episode in season 13 where hes super into daphne who in the version they chose for the episode is 15-16 and is interacting with her as if shes a real person cause they got magicked into the episode. he treats everyone around him like shit and the only time the narrative agrees that thats a bad thing is when he has the mark of cain put on him and hes acting no differently than he does usually its just now acknowledged that hes treating others like shit. ive been rewatching the show for shits and giggles with a friend and wow he really does not treat anyone well but i wanna focus on how he treats sam for a second cause dude's hobby seems to be ignoring what his brother wants and lying to sam about doing stuff that directly concerns him the demon blood and souless things are reasonable cause those were both Bad for sam but theyre still part of a wider pattern and the most prominent example of this being when dean tricks sam into letting gadreel possess him and actually gaslights sam about it with the whole ordeal ending when its revealed gadreel lied about who he was and while possessing sam murders a friend of theirs. his voice is just also stupid as fuck im sorry this is just petty but he just sounds like hes trying so hard to be gruff n intimidating but he just sounds like a kid pretending to be batman"

"Dean’s list of sins is crazy long because of how long the show ran, but the key thing for me is that post-locking Sam in the bunker (season 4 I think?), I just can’t enjoy their relationship anymore. I normally love their sibling dynamic, but Dean’s ultimate worst past-the-point-of-no-return moment for me was demonizing (pun intended) his little brother for being “addicted” to demon blood, which only happened because of a series of events that were either Dean’s or someone else’s fault, not Sam’s. I also really dislike how the fandom treats Dean like this angel (pun intended) who has done no wrong and even tries to justify the MULTIPLE times he’s beaten up and otherwise abused his little brother. Canon Dean is like the polar opposite of fanon Dean: he’s homophobic and racist (jokes about a Black man being sexually assaulted in prison), misogynistic (take a shot every time he calls a woman a slur and you’ll die of alcohol poisoning), and abusive."

"Misogynistic asshole and too many of the things he does get treated as not actually bad or even good by both fans and the show when he violates peoples autonomy and is incredibly abusive to the people he loves the most. And it wouldn't be as annoying if people didn't justify so many of his behaviors or if he ever changed or even just was seen as a bad guy in the show more than he is."

">Was a misogynist (loved to call women skanks, bitches, hoes)

>Used gay as an insult multiple time during the show's run (idc if he's gay an homophobic, that's still insulting)

>Beat up his brother for being possessed

>Beat up his brother for losing his soul (not his brother's fault)

>Used dubious consent to get his brother possessed in a different unrelated possession incident after possession was being used (badly...this is supernatural after all) as a metaphor for SA

>Threatened to murder his brother when he was hallucinating (yay we aren't ableist)

>Locked a child up in a box

>Threatened to kill the child he locked up in a box

>Made a creepy, sexual comment about a barely-legal high school girl

>Got the woman and kid he was living with memory-wiped"

"Really mean to Cas (called him a child, zero respect for him, calls him family and casts him out when the angels are looking for him), and an absolute dick to Jack (threatening to kill him CONSTANTLY)"

Propaganda why Batman/Bruce Wayne is insufferable:

"Always has to be right. Does the most janked up stuff and doesn't care who it hurts. Imposes his will on others to the point of willing to bodily harm them if they do not comply (and yes, this does include his children)"

"I’ll also support Batman as a candidate because of the slapping Robin meme, which is annoying, and because he is just way too much. Too much all the time."

"Has to always be right, regardless of situation. Because somehow the billionaire has knowledge of how middle class people think."

"Obviously it's the writers who have screwed him over, but my gods the fact that he can do whatever he freaking wants and still be "the hero" bcs hes the main character is insufferable. He killed his son (slit his throat) in one canon, in the canon where said son survives, he’s beaten half to death by Bruce, who of course is "in the right" because B thought J had tried to murder someone. He can hit his kids, he can be a total asshat to people, and yet he's still framed as being in the right for doing so, simply becaude he's the protagonist. There's no character development, no "whoops maybe I shouldn't have hit dick/punched tim/beaten and exhiled jason" - and it's so damn infuriating. He used to be fun. He used to be a good dad.

Now he's just an insufferable prick."

"Oooh look at me, I'm brooding in my cave because my parents died and this gives me an excuse to be a bad father, he's SO ANNOYING"

"Always has to be right. Will literally alter the makeup of his kid's brain because said kid doesn't live the way he wants him to. Acts like his worldview is the only one that matters."

"he is always portrayed as good and right by the narrative even if objectively he's a pretty terrible person"

[jazzmckay]

davg day 6:

if anyone needs me i will be over here lying on the floor

i'd already collected all the wolf statuettes apparently so as soon as i got the last from the inky (!!!!!!) i was able to view all the regrets back to back to back to back....

so yes. the floor. im a fun mix of excited and overwhelmed and heartbroken. stunned to find a ton of my headcanons are now actual canon. how intense. poor solas, jfc, but also shiiiiiit the dagger and the titans, thats so damn rough. i understand why lace is as angry as she is. the dwarves absolutely got the worst deal ever here. they are, after all, the ones who have to deal with the darkspawn all the time, not just during a blight. i took so many screenshots during all this.... i loved that the whole team got together like a damn book club to discuss solas' worst memories omg... rip to solas he's been mega exposed. the mortifying ordeal of being known. but my rook is absolutely sympathetic. i'm constantly wishing i could go talk to him whenever i want :( solas :(((( (id REALLY like to write a missing scene where rook goes to talk to him after minrathous vs treviso because who the fuck else would understand the weight of dooming innocents on such a scale? part of her sympathy is because i, the player, am sympathetic, but i also think the harder being a leader gets, the more she understands the complexity of the choices he made)

the topic of curing the titans came up..... houghhh is it really possible? will it happen in this game? aAaAAA

and then im meeting someone in the crossroads with morrigan, who she called "she". am i about to meet mythal? in spirit form after solas took her power at the end of dai??? i realize i can get this answer as soon as i want lmao but theres soooo much i want to do at the same times always!!!!

TAASH. i need to know everything about you RIGHT NOW

during all these sequences, i found myself so intrigued by everything taash had to add. theyre actually... really fucking smart? brains AND brawn? my DUDE thats hot. i got this vibe from the "taash talks" stuff as well. there is so much to them beneath the Brutal Warrior vibe

also i got a giggle out of taash immediately being like "they were fucking" about solas and mythal, and i got approval for agreeing "oh they were definitely doing it" sdfgmf incredible

i did indeed get a continuation about taash's gender issues and i'm so in love.... it's actually really wonderful to see a character still figuring it out instead of already knowing. cathartic. the struggle of feeling "not normal" and having a different response to gender things than others. simply not having the frame of reference or the terminology, just knowing theres this Feeling. can't wait to see how it plays out

the way solas was responsible for this with the titans and then when he woke up in the current world with the veil, he felt like it HAPPENED AGAIN.... ACCIDENTALLY. TO HIS OWN PEOPLE im going to scream. the way its linked to tranquility. screaming and screaming and

honestly all of this was delicious in a ton of ways, including lace, bellara, and davrin just being present, leaning all this about the dwarves, the elves, and the blight. bellara and lace relating over the need to reevaluate so much of what they understood..... hhh and davrin probably now understands more about the blight than any other warden ever.

when bellara mentioned that solas might be able to possess someone to escape the fade my pupils went blown like an excited cat lol literally instantly "POSSES ME, SOLAS....."

yes yes we're supposed to be wary, we're expecting him to betray us of course of course but listen. rook and solas could be in one body fighting this together as a little treat. im just SAYING

so after this i did emmrichs personal mission in the necropolis gardens, which was fucking beautiful. i do actually find cemeteries really peaceful, personally. ive been to some old canadian ones and had a great time sitting in the grass between the headstones and writing in my journal. so i loved this very much. walked around quite a bit, not sprinting at all, just taking it in and doing the side quest there

also emmrich and bellara are team "upbeat and kind, reveal their traumatizing backstory, then go back to normal like that never came up!" omg they.... i wish there was a "hug companion" button

i went to the anderfels after but i was feeling a bit overstimulated with all the stuff i learned! but i will def play more later because i am dying to find out more

[vegantinatalist]

What are some poor experiences you've had getting to know men intimately? Just out of curiosity

thankfully never was raped or struck or anything but every one across the board was thoughtless in a dangerous way. medical emergency where i cant speak? they stand there blinking and confused and then leave with 0 concern, not just once but consistently no matter much i explain shit. frustrated? punch hole in the wall, trigger a panic attack in me. im crying because something shitty happened to me? "idk what to say". their friend is a raging dangerous asshole and dropping massive red flags? "oh idk hes not so bad, maybe he is but idk if its my place to say something"

if you ever try to be a real person around them they automatically get irritable. if you dont act like a happy stupid baby 24/7 they are uncomfortable. they are incapable of doing a drop of emotional labor for you and unknowingly expect you to do emotional labor for them 24/7 and will throw a tantrum if you stop. and even if you never stop they will still complain about how no one really emotionally helps them (because we cant reach into their brains and think their thoughts for them and make them emotionally regulated 24/7 with no effort on their part.) even just trying to hang and be friends is impossible because they like nitpicking literally everything and being contradictory or turning literally everything into something about them. they have 0 room for you in their heart and brain even if they really want to. they just dont understand how to think from other peoples perspectives or talk WITH people. theres videos of men admitting it took them like 10 years to realize their wife was a person with a perspective that was actually interesting and not something to just be annoyed at. highkey addictive personalities. women can be addiction prone too but my god i swear its worse with men. they have like 0 ability to resist addictions so on top of their regular personality theyre always pissy and distracted from sugar or caffiene or overeating or drinking or weed or multiple or worse shit. 0 accountability. they genuinely do not fucking think thoughts so you go through rounds of "is this guy fucking with me? is he an abuser?" and "oh wow no hes really just that stupid" on loop endlessly. you cant get them to work on issues unless you pretend its literally entirely out of their control and not their fault because thats how they perceive all their actions to be.

and this is all the least bad kind of man. going up from here you get super condescending and controlling men, delusional religion/magic believing men (who are always psychotically lusty for some reason?) and then just rage filled men who are beaters and rapists some of the worst personal experiences in getting to know men (all different men)-

-finding 4 terabytes of pregnant loli porn on their computer

-finding out they were a more hardcore nazi than any comedic depiction of one could dream of being

-realizing they just straight up left the room after watching me collapse on the floor mumble nonsense and pass out -telling me they want to rape me (i told him to think about optimus prime to calm him down and distract him deadass)

-telling me they want to threaten to eat an animal to make me fuck them (im a vegan animal rights activist) -telling me they fucked a dog before -telling me they groomed a dog to fuck them before (completely different guy from different part of the world)

-they told me my mom was faking it as she literally lay obviously dying (this is not exaggeration it was confirmed by doctors she was in fact dying) -finding out they tortured a kitten on purpose just to hurt all the girls he knew cause he just, didnt like girls (a little boy i thought was nice, no they were not abused in any way) -tried to physically stop me from getting my dog to a vet after he had an obvious neck wound because "im being dramatic" (his money was not on the line here, the neighbors were going to pay because it was their fault, he just wanted to be Right About Something)

-cheated on me ("im sorry i didnt know that counted as cheating!" not officially breaking it off with the last girl before you make moves on me? yeah thats cheating) -cheated on me with my bully and then when she called him a moron for wanting to be with me he told her im sorry (??) -told me to just gorilla glue a gaping infected wound closed Men are literally just illusions they literally dont even exist inside, just dont engage

[roseworth]

vote in my poll boy but also im gonna skew my own results by giving my opinion. here’s my personal ranking of rose writers

sean mckeever: FRESH HELL <3 literally THE rose book. also tt03 #57 slayed. he ALMOST gets knocked down on the list because a) the fucking shitshow that was terror titans and b) he backtracked on like 3 different character arcs as soon as he started writing tt and it pisses me off. but he redeemed himself with fresh hell

geoff johns: i hate johns so much. but he solidified sooo much about rose as a character that he has pretty much the definitive rose. what he did completely defined rose's relationship with her father and her attitude towards the titans/being a hero in general. whether they realize it or not, every rose writer after johns is writing his version of her. as much as i hate him he is one of the best rose writers and i will stand by that

christopher priest: i have not made it a secret that i love ds16. there are some aspects of his characterization that i dont agree with but for the most part he killed it tbh. hating her dad but still coming back to him, loving her brother but still keeping him at arms length, HOSUN!!! HER HMONG FAMILY!!!!!!! ily priest

ed brisson: SLAY. the only reason he's not higher is because i dont like the fact in general that she chose to be on stormwatch (she would not do that), and he used baby rose in ktr and didnt even mention lili (and DID mention that foster family. im still mad). other than that!!! everything about her struggle to be a good person in batb was soooo good, and so much about ktr was so good for her <3 thank u mr brisson

marv wolfman: i feel a little bad not ranking him higher given that. he created rose. but she doesnt really do much in the issues he writes. which is fair given that she was a new character that was just made to hang around on the sidelines at the time, so theres not a lot to judge in his writing. but he definitely laid the foundation that johns expanded on, and he was the one that made her so uh thnx marv

jt krul: i wish he had gotten more time :( i wish he had gotten to do whatever he was planning with lili, i wish we could've gotten to see more of his rose. his rose was def a different take than before given that she was more... mellowed out ig? it was a lot more lighthearted, just her hanging out with the team, being an older sister to damian (<3), and looking for her mom. hes not my fav just because i like it when shes a crazy bitch instead of a normal girl, but i completely understand why people like his rose. not to mention tt03 #77-78 slays so unbelievably hard

jay faerber: NANNY ROSE <33333 i love love love rose in titans 99 <3 this version of rose is DRASTICALLY different than any other rose, which is the reason hes in the bottom half, but i like it in the sense that its nice to know that she was just hanging out in between the two worst things to ever happen to her (her mom dying & slade drugging her). rose with roy and lian lives rent free in my head every single day of my life i love it so much, also that issue with rose & toni was so fun. titans 99 rose you will always be famous

adam beechen: he is going to hell for what he did to cass but for rose? he was fine. he helped with that one really good wilson family arc (tt03 #43-46), and wrote the only pre-52 rose & jason interaction (#47) so he gets points for that. and batgirl 2008 was pretty good for rose. but unfortunately he just didnt make enough of an impact on me to be ranked any higher

matthew rosenberg: unfortunately im mentally ill so i have a detailed explanation of what i think of rosenberg's rose but the short version is: i like him, he writes a good rose. its fun, shes well-written for the most part, but there are some :/ parts about it to me. i think if he continues writing her he'd be ranked higher but for now hes sitting pretty near the bottom of the list

devin grayson: i used to really like devin grayson's rose but. i have since changed my mind. it doesnt feel like rose. this is NOT the rose that stabbed her eye out because she thought slade was disappointed in her! shes too Quirky Girl here even though this is theoretically during the period where shes being drugged (honestly. i dont think grayson actually knew about the super soldier serum. and if she did it does not show) and we've seen rose in this era in tt03 and bg00, and this arc does not read as the same character at all. it was a good arc for her, and she had a lot of good moments here! but the characterization overall wasnt great

joshua williamson: i won't go on a whole tangent about the way williamson writes but. he has no sense of character voice, his characters all feel like blank slates to get the plot across, there are no character decisions being made besides what's needed for the plot. theres not a lot that i can put my finger on and say that its bad, but there are so few choices being made that its hard to say anything about his rose. to put a completely different character in rose's place in robin 2021, all you'd have to do is switch a few words around. williamson uses a vague idea of who a character is to guide what he wants them to do, and all his characters come out shallow. his rose wasnt BAD but it wasnt good at all

scott lobdell: every day i blow on a dandelion and wish for scott lobdell to kill himself

[shigayokagayama]

maybe a weird question, but do you have any recommendations for non-mob psycho media? I’ve been in search of something that hits similarly/is as well made and I trust your judgement o wise one. I’m not super picky, so recs of any kind would be appreciated :)

im like the worst person to take media recommendations from because you have to tie me down to watch something new and then i get obsessed with it forever, in terms of things ive seen recently that hit the same tumblr is NOT lying dungeon meshi is really good and if you start watching now you're gonna be watching at the part where it starts getting crazy

other stuff ive been into (gets progressively less mob psycho and generally more depressing like the further down we go bc i tend to get into really, really sad shit):

-i <3 deltarune but everyone has already played that. deltarune good. if you havent played deltarune play deltarune. genuinely like it more than undertale. also if the last chapter of deltarune is just the confession arc i called it and deserve a million dollars

-same w spiderverse. listen usually i dont care about superhero stuff but god these movies are good and i really hope they stick the landing.

-everything everywhere all at once continues to be one of my favorite movies ever

-rainworld (video game, very difficult but skurry's playthroughs do a good job summarizing the plot and general vibe of each route if you wanna watch those. i watched my friend play survivor ages ago and ive been playing through survivor with a friend on multiplayer and decided to watch some playthroughs to get a feel for the map and GOD DAMN the story of this game. rivulet route almost made me cry.) fair warning this is animal death the video game.

-severance (live action tv show, general plot is some sort of dystopian future where they invent a surgery where you can seperate your work self from your normal self so you clock into work and then black out until your shift is over. except your work self is just stuck at work forever. only 9 episodes but very, VERY good)

-i actually really enjoyed the scott pilgrim comics and the anime i wish anyone ever could be normal about them. id definitely suggest comics (if you can handle the 2000s humor) then anime. also basically everyone knows this but fair warning that starting out the main character is in his early 20s dating a 17 year old, it is explicitly treated as a shitty thing by the narrative and theres nothing explicit and its made very clear that he has 0 feelings for her whatsoever and is just using her as an ego boost but if youre sensitive to that stuff i might skip this one

-lots of webcomics about animals. i read so many webcomics about animals its like. my main media intake. this is part of the reason that i dont understand complaints about the art style my favorite webcomic looks like this

its called doe of deadwood and ill think about it until the day i die. others im currently reading (since this one wrapped a while ago) are "what lurks beneath" (cat cult on an island) "waves always crash" (cat cult on the beach) "i didnt know" (cat cult in a barn), toufati sawa (hyena trying to avenge her clan) and africa (leopard trying to survive the harshening world with her cubs) warning for animal death with all of these and general abuse warning for all those cat cult ones bc. cults.

-i like warrior cats. do not read warrior cats. its not very good and youll get stuck here forever.

-pathologic but the actual game and not just people describing the game please watch someone play the actual game summaries skip so much of the meat of the story and the characters. or play the game if you can bear learning to strategically quicksave. fair warning there is a lot of racism depicted against indigenous people in these games and while the framing of it generally aires on the side of "racism bad" there are a lot of kinda shitty tropes that come with it.

-listen bojack horseman is one of my shows it is the polar opposite of mob psycho in like every way and i would never in a million years recommend it if you want something that hits like mob psycho but if we're asking for just things i enjoy this is one of them. heavy cw for drug usage and abuse with this one. might want to give "does the dog die" a look for this one bc people are not joking about how heavy this show is

-same with hospice. hospice is a concept album about a hospice worker and a patient and has had more of an influence on me than any other piece of media ever bc i found it at the exact perfect time in my life for it to be relevant to my circumstances and now its like part of my identity. heavy cw for abuse also

-speaking of concept albums hey have you listened to tyler the creator he has several. WOLF especially i really like because the plot is actually like. kinda intricate. he also says the f slur a lot in WOLF but hes bisexual so diversity win?

-succession good. tw for like. everything though. probably "does the dog die" this one.

-hey have you ever watched david lynch's 1972 film "eraserhead"

[cartoonrival]

Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 2

Propaganda why Clary Frey/Fairchild is insufferable:

"Here we go again: She found out she was part of a race that opresses pretty much every magical being ever and immediately jumped onto being as racist as people that were raised in that cultist lifestyle. She calls a man ""Warlock"" the way people say slurs.

Terrible friend. Poor Simon never gets a break. And she's an even worse girlfriend to him. He is understandably upset when he finds out the person she most wants to kiss isn't him and asks for some space, but no, not on her fucking watch. She won't stay away from his place all of a sudden. Despite never really having time for him prior.

Goes up to a closeted gay man and tells him all smugly she knows about his sexuality and acts like he's the problem for not owning it. He lives in a homophobic society where violent punishment and exile is normal.

Speaking of exile, almost gets a woman that was nice to her exiled so she can break the law.

Demands aforementioned warlock do necromancy and when he tells her about his trauma, she throws a tantrum. She never apologises. That and, she and her friend always go to him for their problems, and are never grateful when he helps.

Has the ability to wish for one thing only once ever, wishes for a shitty man to come back to life.

The incest thing. She wanted to fuck a man while thinking they were fully biologically related. Yeah. And technically they're still adoptive siblings. True love.

Her cringe evil arc.

Apparently she's worse in the books. Great to hear."

"I don’t remember much from the books but she was kind of annoying"

"She finds out about a magical world she's been unaware of her whole life and it takes her five seconds to jump onto the fantasy racism train. Constantly demands people do dangerous stuff for her. Causes so many problems and when someone points out that she's going to hurt someone they're treated like they're an asshole. Walks up to a closeted man like "I know what you are". Is a terrible friend to her childhood 'bestie'. Falls in love with her brother, one the worst men alive."

"Worst case of Main Character Syndrome you'll ever see."

Propagande why Kirito is insufferable:

"Edgy boy, but also very bland personality"

""Yeah, i was a beta tester. Yeah im better than you. This is something that is normal to assume because of the first fact” theres more but that shit is so wild to me it instantly made me hate his ass"

"Absolute nothing of a protagonist. Just plain annoying and unlike most shounens there never seems to be any challenge for him. He's just always the best at everything."

"He’s Kirito"

[carmenized-onions]

and i’m back with another yap session🤭okay okay, there were some parts that i forgot to mention last time so hopefully i can hit them this time and feel less insane😀

1. SYD AND TONY!!! i’ve been wanting to touch on them for a while but i never know how to do in a way that makes sense?? BUT THE FRIENDSHIP IS SO PRECIOUS, I CAN’T. they remind of the tiktok sound that’s like “we were girls together” and i literally can’t get that outta my head with them🥺 i think i just love reading about tony and the rest of the gang?? like i love seeing how they fit into the chaotic puzzle that was the beef– ESPECIALLY with all the new changes happening!! plus carmy’s reactions to tony’s dynamic with everyone is actually hilarious😭 like when he was so pressed that ppl have their own nicknames for her. like carmy, please remember to breathe LMAOOO

2. also the current chapters are still making me wanna run up my WALLS😭i don’t think i ever know peace anymore… WHAT DO MEAN THE WORSE DAY IF THEIR LIVES IS COMING?? SAVE ME?? IM SCARED??

3. and carmy’s so sick and twisted but like me too so it’s cool😎 but in all seriousness, it reminds me of that feeling of being in a 3 person friend group but knowing there’s a duo and you’re not apart of it (am i articulating this properly?? idk??) it’s such an odd feeling to be jealous of something that you know you probably shouldn’t be. like just because they’re besties, doesn’t mean that they care for you any less. but i also get his desire to wanting to be her person and not just the little brother full in but then again, you can’t even blame him for feeling like that cause WHO WOULDN’T??

AHHH THERES SO MUCH MORE I WANNA SAY but this is getting kinda long so i will hold off‼️again, just wanna reiterate how much your writing makes me wanna ascend into the divine plane; it literally so amazingggg😫 tysm for reading this certified long ass yap session🫶🏾

Cannot define enough how much I love these yap sessions, literally always feel free to send me any and all fleeting thoughts in the brain box.

aside: new chapter uhhhh Sunday probably? Maybe tomorrow possibly? Pending how fast I am. I'm trying to get the next two chapters drafts done together so I can refine the first one with the knowledge of what's gonna happen in the second. Cause n Effect, All That.

ANYWAYS, you can be incoherent-- Just so you know-- It's my job to make sense of what's in my inbox, u don't have to work on that. BUT YES I LOVE WRITIN EM, I am slowly more and more just writing bits and pieces of my own friendships and isms into them. So, they're a delight of memories, to write about. AND VERY MUCH SO WE WERE GIRLS TOGETHER. I think that's literally a line, in delivery fees, something like 'you become girls, together' cause it's just ! regress! in a good way hehe.

I love writing Tony with the idea of a season 3 Bear-- Because it's this weird thing where she is simultaneously new and old-- And everything to her is also new and old. It's this weird fucking neo-nostalgia that's really fun to chew on. AND YES HE'S SO CREASED.

I try to put myself in the perspective of the perspective I'm writing for, with whatever, and when I was writing Carmen's chapter I was like this stupid motherfucker Richie got to do all this shit and hae all these stupid nicknames why the FUCK DO YOU WANT TO SAY HI TO HIM?? RICHIE!!!!?!?!??!?! And then reading it back now, a week or so later, I was like Wow. Kind of a lot, bro. Lets both take a step back.

2. Your fears are valid. Well. Is that what I'm supposed to say here? Hm. Here's what I'll say, I haven't gotten to the bad bad part, yet. So like, it could end up being not that bad, to you guys. To me it's bad. It's really bad. But like, maybe you're fine. ALSO 3RD OR 4TH WORST DAY I SAID-- JUST THE WORST FRIDAY. Because I had to give them Top something, I just needed to get specific.

3. As the littlest sibling, 100%. I can't see myself being friends with any of my older brothers' friends, so the idea of becoming one of their friends and posthumously finding out they were best friends with my brother? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? DID THEY TELL YOU ABOUT ME? DO YOU THINK I'M LITTLE BABY LITTLE STUPID? And it's also like, just being friends with All of The Beef is like ohhhhh, I remember it took me a long time to warm up and make my way with them, but for you it was probably so easy cause you're just like that, which is why I like you so why do I feel angry about that !!!

AND ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU THANK YOU, FEEL FREE TO YELL IN MY INBOX WHENEVER. P.s if anyone made it this far, u got me. I'm makin' a taglist. Reply/DM/Ask to be added!

But if you wanna be added,,,, you gotta send an essay in with it baby, or I simply won't it's the RULES!

p.s i really do love u so dearly for sending in your thoughts thank u thank u angel <3

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

I am sending you Aya Shameimaru. she is here in your ask box now. chirping

..no im kidding, i would never want to repel our pure and honest reporter despite her everything

General opinion/How much I care about them: so theres a strong bias due to the fact that my very first exposure to touhou as a whole was hearing pofv's Wind God Girl back in 2009, and by extension Aya herself was the very first character from the series I came to know. I dont think i immediately came to obsess over her or anything and probably only came to like her for real much later... That said i feel like ive known her my whole life and she's top contender for my single Favourite character. It used to be that she only competed with Seiga for that title but i guess there's a lot of characters i could go just as if not more nuts about given the right time of day...

her schtick as an earnest but kinda shady reporter of the ''''truth''' has never gotten old and im pretty sure she's only gotten even more despicable in her methods over the years, but i love all that about her. the tengu has a whole in gensokyo have gotten a whole lot of expansion but i still consider aya to be our main focal point of that group and its always fun to think about how role as an exceptionally long-lived youkai and her perspective on both tengu society and gensokyo as a whole.

Also how lucky was I that i chose Aya, an actual important recurring character who will reliably keep showing up in canon, as one of my favs? I'd be living so differently if i had latched onto like, Medicine or Yuuka instead 😛 (then again i did mention Seiga above and I kinda dont expect her to ever be relevant again so its a matter of context 😝)

A ship I love: There are a bunch of Aya ships I know of and even like, and the ones I most often think about are probably Hatate and Reimu.

But i'm gonna vary it up and talk instead about Aya/Nemuno, something I wish we got even a little more scrap of back in th16. I mean every other player character got some with their matching season character! I choose to believe that even after that one meeting, Aya still makes regular visits to that cave, having designated Nemuno as her go-to yamamba contact despite Nemuno gripping about their supposed non-interference treaty. But Nemuno doesn't mind that much (since she usually doesnt chase Aya away with a cleaver) and comes to begrudgingly kinda like her, which i guess is the reaction to Aya in every ship of hers?

(I also think she's got complicated layered history with megumu which i talked about a little in an older post!)

A non-romantic relationship that I love: actually maybe i should have talked about reimu or hatate above and then saved nemuno for here. i actually want to say ahead of time for this part of the asks that even if i might not immediately default to romantic in a relationship, it uh... wouldnt take a lot for me to see it that way if needed.

That said, i like the thought that both Marisa and Sanae are regularish visitors to whatever hidden tengu infrastructure is in the mountain. Sanae because shes a neighbour with a pass and Marisa because she goes wherever she pleases. Aya being the tengu closest to humans is typically the one tasked to handle their needs or deal with them, with which Sanae she probably gets along with fine, though with Marisa theres probably more hidden ire going on there with how she's typically intruding (the hypocrisy of how aya's always hanging around the human village is always brought up by marisa in response)

The NOTP: gonna say this regarding this part of all these asks, outside of questoinable stuff like incest or so on, there usually aren't ships that i am Against. At worst, i may just not personally see the appeal or much prefer a different dynamic of the relationship.

so um.... ive never really managed to get excited over Aya/Momiji? Like I think they have a very funny potential back-and-forth, but begrudging tolerance is the usual best i see from Momiji's side and i actually much prefer the angles you cold go with Momiji/Hatate. (aya/hatate/momiji love triangle...? 🤔)

My biggest headcanon about them:

she's Old. 👵 Like, thats not just headcanon to me but is actually vital to her character that she is not just long-lived by youkai standards, but shes one of the few tengu around who lived through their developing history, watched their society and gensokyo changed in real time, and adapted in turn with it all. This goes hand in hand with how she simultaneously has great pride as a tengu yet also holds bitterness towards some of the ways they have changed (or havent changed).

Also after messing enough with kappa-made cameras over the decade, she now also fiddles with custom models with her own self-made modifications 📷

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: Talking about ideas is kinda embarrassing for me because i mean... what if i never actually do any of em? 😅 well whatever gonna try not to let that bother me...

for a story about her specifically, there's probably a neat tale to be had like a few decades prior to her being assigned the odd role of 'reporter' and bitterly taking to it, but then gradually coming to make it into her own passion more than any other crow tengu... Imagine the first time she looked at a particularly nice photo she took and imagined the story it told, and her heart fluttering in a way it had never done so before.

Something that makes me thing of them: every journalist archetype in fiction i've seen since and even before 2009 😄 No but if i say i think of her every time i see like, a camera or newspaper, how insane am i going to sound? girls who only thinks about aya going "getting a lot of aya vibes from this"

[arachnidmilez]

!!VENT!! heavy tw [sh , suicide , general mental illness] also extremely edgy

i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this i seriously dont i was supposed to be dead in november and yet im still here going through the same cycle every single day and im expected to keep doing it every single day and its driving me crazy. ive been trying my hardest to keep things together but the more i think the more i realize just how horrible things still are, and the worst part is that i cant talk to anybody about it. if i do ill just feel even more guilty and attention seeking. ive been spotting more symptoms of BPD, im not going to self diagnose but im starting to get concerned. ive done intense research and ive checked off damn near every single symptom and its scaring me. even as i write this i cant stop thinking of how bad its been, and the guilt is literally eating away at me. i pushed my ex away because i couldnt bear the thought of her bonding with anyone but me and i let my jealousy ruin the entire relationship. i literally told my little brother that i hated him because i was stressed and he wouldnt leave me alone and i still hate myself for that every single day, i couldnt stop apologizing to him and no matter how much he hugged me and told me it was okay i still despised myself for it. ive been lashing out to the point where its dangerous, i recently got frustrated while detangling string lights so i broke them, causing my other lights to rip off the wall, i started crying so hard i couldnt see a thing, i started physically beating myself with the closest blunt object i found which almost caused me to break my arm. im genuinely such a horrible person and as much as i hate the thought of being abandoned sometimes i genuinely wish all of my friends would just leave me and find a better friend to replace me. i dont want to be here anymore i seriously cant take it. i serve no worth i have no life, i barely have the energy to leave bed anymore and ive become uncomfortable in my own skin. i keep telling myself that ill forget about everything tomorrow and ill be fine again but ive just gotten worse. i cant think straight, i cant sleep properly, i keep seeing and hearing things that arent there and it just makes everything worse. i know this is painfully edgy but there is seriously not a day that goes by where i dont think about killing myself or beg God to kill me in my sleep. ive gotten so depressingly desperate that ive resorted to putting things on my life knowing that im lying. i truly pity myself, and the worst part is that i LIKE feeling this way. i get a sick high from hating my life and knowing somethings wrong, it makes me feel valid in a way, but i know ill never actually be seen until im gone.

i was simply just born unlucky. i was born with a heart condition that has been visibly worsening and will likely lead to heart failure so i KNOW i dont have much time left. everybody says that God will never give you a battle you cant handle but i truly cant handle anymore. my entire life ive been rendered down to knowing i will NEVER be normal like everyone else and that no matter where i go or who i surround myself with i will always be counted to odd one out every single time and theres nothing i can do but sit and accept that i will never be taken as serious as everyone else, nor will i ever be anyones first choice.

i miss my abusers, i want to be used. i like being mentally ill. i love the sudden silence after doing or saying something i know ill regret. i love thinking of how people would react after finding out im dead, its something i GENUINELY take time thinking on. most importantly i love knowing that i have nothing to lose and that theres nothing actually holding me back from doing it.

i REALLY hate myself

[pezpenser205]

wait thats actually kind of wild i have like. the opposite of that. im great at making people as comfortable as i can when talking to me and can do like. step one of Make A Friend but it just doesnt develop, and in the instance it does i always like people way more than they ever like me. feels like the instinct to talk to people never really hit me, theres an Awareness that everyone else in the world is more connected to each other than i am to anyone. i do suspect this is due to being a #revolutionary secondborn (everyone on earth thinking i was a total cunt as soon as i was old enough to have a personality that wasnt just fawning like my older sibling)

long ass poast warnang!!! tldr at the bottom

i also have that awareness but i think thats just my Curse (autism). i also had the "all my peers fucking hate me at worst and dont gaf about me at best and treat me as subhuman when i try to talk to them but i try to love everyone even though they all keep leaving me" childhood. everything youre talking about all basically used to be me actually.

accutane + developing an obnoxious and conspicuous style + getting broken up with + wearing my hair different + getting simultaneously kinder and more assertive/bitchier to assholes irl + being more "thin passing" because of puberty or whatev basically changed how people see me entirely, and shifted me over to whatever tf im doing now, which i think sucks!!! i was 100% being sarcastic in my tags. dont be like me i think this is a nightmare. i dont think it was worth losing myself over and it still is kinda haunting to think everyone irl who likes me now and compliments me is probably the kind of person who wouldve giggled at little 12yo me who wanted a friend more than anything in the world.

people see me as equal to them often even though i still feel that invisible wall there just like you and dont feel like a "real" person at all bc that stuff still lingers. the uptight cis dudes uncool people dont really like me that much bc im very clearly a tranny, but they dont often look at me like im a thing whos too stupid to understand them when theyre talking about me anymore. they look at me like im annoying and gross and deserving of violence. which to me, is infinitely better.

i still wish awkward and weird little guys were treated as equals by default and i relate to you a lot, because i was also kinda treated like a pet, always cared about other people way more than they cared about me, and couldnt tell that all my "friends" were using me or just didnt like me that much.

i have experienced the isolation you feel and i know you dont deserve it, because no one deserves to be disconnected and/or dehumanized. even though i sucked more within my last relationship, and DID deserve getting broken up with at that point, i dont think me before that "deserved" to experience the things that led me to thinking that was an okay way to act towards people.

you shouldnt have to remake the harmless parts of yourself at all and if anything youre definitely perfect as is, save for maybe needing to learn to value yourself, learn to be okay with taking up space, learn whats okay socially and within relationships, and learn how to communicate properly— all things you cant do if youre isolated! you also probably just havent found the people who really click with you yet, or you have found them but feel too out of place to initiate. being the "opposite" of me is definitely a good thing because im kind of a collage of a person rather than a real human being, so the opposite of that would be a really earnest person who needs a few hundred nudges in the right direction.

i do encourage you to just go crazy with reaching out to people even if you dont think its "right," because youll never know whats "right" if you dont try a bunch of things that are "wrong" first. its not something that can be observed or explained, you MUST get experience. if you start online and work your way up to irl as long as youre nice the worst they can do is think youre weird. you miss every shot you dont take and if youre born with Low Accuracy Disease (being raised isolated, neurodivergent, trans), youre gonna need to fire so many more shots than the average person anyway to land a good one so you might as well invest in a machine gun lol. i believe in you and im 100% sure youre awesome and cool and i think everyone should be nicer to you immediately ^_^ <3

tldr; i relate to you a lot and you deserve love. youre perfect and change nothing about yourself but your strategy for reaching out to others. the right people will find you.

[thrileikur]

I just found your Tumblr and went through all/most of your Adventure Time/Fubblegum stuff and liked what I saw. Finn/PB is such an interesting, muddled, and under focused part of the show and they always fascinated me. They're the most interesting knight/lady duo I've ever seen and I think the show creators made them that way on accident, it's so odd. And unhealthy in many ways? I don't know but I do like people examining them, and your stuff is very fun to read. I'll get around to all the fics you wrote at some point. I don't know if I can view them as romantic at this point just because the show spent so much time going NOOOO THIS IS BAD DON'T LIKE THIS!!!! through its run, but if that's the direction you lean for them it will be cool seeing how you portray it. And no matter what they have tremendous impacts on each others lives even if they're never romantic. Also personal headcanon I think that in canon Finn never stopped being madly in love with her, he just realized it would never happen and got over it. But if a miracle ever happened and she was like "Finn lets get married" or whatever he would drop everything and instantly go for it. Just wanted to share this random stuff with one of the other 4 Fubblegum enjoyers left on this Earth.

YOOOOOOO another ask that i also ignored bc i had other shit going on :pensive:

and yeah i dont really know how much of my own fics or analyses here prove it, as if it needs to lol, but the angle i go for with them does sort of deal with them being not the most ideal partnership in the shipping department, i think thats sort of the spark i get when it comes to the pairings i give my attention to. like the piece of media does tell you off about it as you mentioned but it isnt more of a strict rule than an in-land border if you think theres other ways, less conventional stuff to put your hands into it and make something compelling. if theres a will theres a way i guess. i cant blame you for not seeing it as romantic, admittedly theres plot point specification going on to help keep things interesting for me that i dont think works as well for others in the community.

the writers definitely did it on accident, otherwise thered be far more than 4 people i can turn to speak to about this lmao. but idk, ive managed to fit myself into that insecurity rather than letting the seams tighten. its gonna be harder convincing people im not at all crazy if media consumption stays the same or builds directly from this outer interpretation of bonnie being OBJECTIVELY the worst for finn, as if every other princess never mindlessly lusted over him and she wasnt specifically more cool headed about it comparatively. im not sure, but people take in reality a bit too much for this show when the point is that it takes place in an outlawed wasteland feigning a jolly look… you cant take the morality route all the way

interesting headcanon, do *i* think finn ever stopped being infatuated? huge point of debate in my head imo. if they werent so written like a romance without ever committing to it, id probably say itd be easier to say it was the manner of action. i feel like the case was that pb implicatively got with marcy anyways (or at least, that was what shouldve happened if you think the storyboards with scrapped dialogue mean anything) during the log cabin arc and finn was a supportive enough bystander in it so they werent trying to make the viewers think about it much at all. but theres a scene i never got off my head since i got to the episode where finn has the cursed eyes or something that turns people irl into how he see them, when it got to pb i remember she was dressed like a dude/“one of the boys” as they might say. it does fit within the thought you brought up but i see it as a showing of his unchecked misogyny where he cant fathom the idea of simply being friends with a girl. sorry i went there but there is grounds to it, adds to the unhealthiness of it all.

but fuck me, i wouldve wanted a happy ending if i was watching the show while it was still ongoing. thats why nearly all my public fics are about it. ive only ever written one other ship romantically (phoenix and maya from ace attorney… im never beating the “you just take the male/female mcs and call it a ship” allegations)

thanks for asking! i still wanna expand on some of my older works if i can bring myself to