#idk this is just a reminder that people can and do change. even in their late 60s

[from-the-owls-nest]

mhm. what if you're too broken, in too tiny pieces, even the base too shattered to rebuild from. what if there's too little good left.

*swallow* that... that probably wasn't the most helpful answer. but I know what you mean. and I don't really have a fix or anything.

*drily, like, ironically* should probably clarify that the you in that first sentence meant me and just me. so. before you get any more ideas. because of course for Me that's Different! At least for my chaos brain tangles.

[ooc: Philosophy Below. idk brain ran away with thoughts call me if u find it /silly]

*silence, thinking over the words again* I don't know. All I can hope is that - that sentence from the movie Aria likes. When we can see no future, all we can do is the next right thing. the next little ray of sunlight. the next little moment of peace.

And if none of that is possible... Wait, and hold on, and look for them, and hope they come back soon. This is just my thoughts - my little agreement with myself. I gotta try the best I can, even if the best I can is a break from trying to recover. And then I'll know that Past Me did their best for me now and that I owe it to Future me to do my best for what they might become. Even if they weren't very successful. Like deciding that however I am right now is me too, and so I am all these things and parts, the good and the rough ones, and they all together make the full me. It's these nice little shortcut across the self blaming and infighting that take a long time to work out but help wherever they hold.

But like. I think I owe it my future self to hold on, and to get through the storms. Our past selves have come such a long way, and who knows where we'll go next, what our future selves and lives might be like. So like. I do think that new paths open up all the time, possibilities. Even if the ones now are all bad, who knows where we can still go. And the only way to find out is to try, and to do our best.

*they pull out their diary, and from the front a little calendar page* Look. I... It's one of these pages I'll keep forever and ever because I need the reminder, and give to others when they might need it. I don't know if it's right. I hope so. and I think the only way to find out is to try and hold on.

For me that's enough. That, little hopes, little good moments, even just the memory of warmth and hope and the knowledge that all that was once can come again - in different forms, maybe, but it can. *turning to lay it next to Will's sneaker*

*more silence* But. Well. That's really big thoughts, and hard to see when everything is so dark. Hm. okay just to throw some thoughts out. You don't have to tell me, you don't have to think about it, just... some ideas. Little windows into that maybe, whenever you're able to look.

what do the voices say? can they maybe be talked to, or be both a little right?

is there anything you wish wouldn't stop? or come back? any little thing. ignore realism and context all that. if you were playing make-believe, your own little world, what would it look like? if you want to we can take turns. I play that game regularly cause, well, bad memory, and i probably should start again.

and... does it have to be a *bad* hurt? like. yes. you're different. stuff happened, and it changed you, and that really really hurt. you might not be the same person as before. is that a bad thing? or, you said nasty. sure. right now it's raw and painful and doesnt fit yet. but... could all these little shards grow back together and become something scarred and mended, and different?

I hope they could. I'd really miss you - not you from before, you however you are right now and however you want to be. Idk doesn't make much sense but - people if they change are still that person, right? just... changed, by a situation or because they got to know themselves better or whatever. Like Butterflies. I'd like to see the next chapter, with you if you want or just knowing there was one for you.

Image Credit @thelatestkate and her website

Love love love characters that present themselves as emotionally open social butterflies but the more you see of them the more obvious it is that they’re the most closed off fuckers in the story. Sure, they want to help you with your personal problems and messy emotions, but if you turn that shit back on them, they’ll shut down or deflect every time. Why are you sticking your nose in their business anyway? It’s not like it matters. They’re not a person, they’re just a role being played. They’re the guy who fixes things and saves people. Please ignore the man behind the mask, he’s fine. Everything’s fine.

[ittybittyremy]

"While all this is happening, Orym has gone full shell shock mode. He's not talking anymore. He's going to go slump down onto a rock and is listening to all the debating at this point and he doesn't know what to do. He's been so sure for so long, and doesn't know what to do. Going in feels so wrong to him. But he hears the logic that it's only a matter of time before someone or something, a day from now, a year from now, six months from now. And just let's them figure it out, because he's took all his energy to make it to this point."

- Liam, C3E118

[angelnumber27]

violently forcing myself to have better days

[butnotbubblegum]

using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

[mothmans-cumrag]

So ever since my step-dad stopped his chemotherapy, he really has been living his best life. He got chicken (Tristan, Kokoschka and Prillan), he is steadily gaining weight which has always been an issue for him, and, most importantly, he is learning how to cook.

Now this man got married to hist first wive at 18 bc he didn't wrap it up and has always had a woman providing for him. He's been working on his gender roles ever since me and my brother came out as trans, but he genuinely used to believe that cooking and cleaning is women's work, even during times when my mum had a full time job and he was unemployed.

He's retired now and my mum still has her job and one of three children living with them, but due to him being basically incapacitated first by the cancer and then by the chemo, he still didn't really do a lot.

However, these days whenever I visit them, he shows me pictures of the bread he baked or the dishes he made, proud as anything. My mum and sister were away this weekend and when I had breakfast with him he was so so proud of the fact that he'd managed to keep the kitchen clean despite actually cooking and eating more than just toast, it was adorable!

My mum said that one day he came up to her and said that he watched a video on the internet about all the different ways you can cook cabbage and was really excited to try them. She knew and frequently did a lot of these ways, but apparently handling him is like handling a kid who comes home from school telling you that elephants are grey. You can either nod along excitedly and encourage them to learn more, or you can tell them that you already knew that and make them shut up and stop trying.

Anyway, I just think it's beautiful how much this man who I used to loathe and who is the reason for some of my trauma and the fact that I moved out as soon as I legally could is changing and growing. First him coming to terms with my and my brother's gender identity and now him overcoming these walls himself.

I am proud of him.

[kateis-cakeis]

people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh

(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)

[itsays]

i didnt get the job and im mostly ok as long as another coworker didnt get it instead. like it has to be someone from outside of the company or im QUITTING

[apollos-boyfriend]

autistic confession. i’ve never understood the hype behind undertale’s “despite everything it’s still you” line

[snekdood]

anyways tired of this mean spirited ass website

[no-one-hears-me]

I miss all my old friends and it's sad to think that they probably don't feel the same way

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

got really svicidal for a bit there oops

[sepiasys]

Hey.

Had a fun lil crash, but… better, ig.

I should've tried to talk internally instead of expecting others (irl/externally) to be able to help when I don't even know what kind of help I need :<

…🦊 came by and helped me out... Specifically, he went out of his way to type stuff out (Ellipsus) so we could talk. Long-haired look instead of the typical way they're drawn, if u wanna know, but that's just a little extra detail.

I apologized to her again about… everything, ig :< I was stupid, I forgot that we're supposed to work together and that I should be able to ask the others for help 😞 He forgave me, and in their own way shared that she understands that I go through a lot. A hell of a lot.

So… I guess things are kinda ok now. He even tried a joke, in his own way (which usually when they joke or anything, it kinda comes off sarcastic or rude in some way. But I know they meant to be lighthearted about it.)

It makes me… kinda sad, ig, that I'm the main one who does all this talking. Or ig is the one who needs it this much. I still regret not talking to anyone internally of my own volition at first.

Glad 🦊 was here, ig… Not that I hate em. I actually think we haven't... really had much of a relationship? We're usually close, in a sense, but I think that's more of a... trauma, trigger thingy, for why we might front close together. I don't know if anyone remembers how our relationship would've been before, I just feel like she might've hated me at some point? But I don't have any memory of past interactions, nor of their side of it. I don't know if they remember, either.

I'm glad they were there for me, atleast.

[robinsnest2111]

tfw I find out that some problematic behaviours, thoughts, and urges I experience when in a stressful/triggering situation are actually considered black and white thinking

hmm. interesting. I wasn't aware that that's what I'm doing.

[glass-clown]

[ID: A screenshot of tags by @faelovers that reads, "It's interesting seeing this as someone with a big interest in dolls and closely follows the market trends and companies, cause like if you follow these brands and their releases you know that toy companies have been struggling. The manufacturing costs are increasing and kids are less interested in physical toys and for a while collectors have been very disappointed in releases from Mattel specifically, while their rival company MGA has been very successful recently with the collector and tween market for their Bratz revival and with their Rainbow High brand which took a lot of inspiration from the success of Mattel's success with Monster High in the 2010's. This movie seems very much made to appeal to nostalgia and the 'kidult' market interested in Barbie again. After a long time of her being either the lame sister to Monster High or a brand collectors are giving up on, these corporations are really wanting adults to buy into their brands and Mattel's only play atm is nostalgia and the Barbie name brand because Barbie products haven't been on par with their competitors for a long time. This is so boring and corporate but I've been following these trends since I was like 12 lmao. Autistic gals got to be boring about something." /END OF ID]

is the creativity in the room with us right now .

[gibbearish]

inside you are two wolves. one is deeply paranoid about accidentally getting parasocial at people and also about trusting any internet personality anyways because so many of them turn out to be shitbags. the other is deeply paranoid about supressing its interests when it don't need to because it might have ocd and can't tell if its behavior is actually parasocial and it's just noticing it now or if this is just normal looking-up-to-someone-who-inspires-you behavior and it's just obsessing the compulsings, and furthermore thinks that with every shitbag it can think of, there's always been a trail of signs leading up to the breaking point that either got ignored or justified or forgotten, and it has yet to see a single sign or red flag despite being on high alert for them the whole time its been watching. you are a mentally ill hbomberguy fan.