#if you struggle with certain disorders and such it genuinely might be close to impossible for you to actually be able to have that control

[angelnumber27]

violently forcing myself to have better days

[bondsmagii]

I have to disagree with the idea that some autistic people are genuinely incapable of learning and respecting boundaries and consent, that's kinda infantilizing and honestly kinda ableist, even those who have low empathy and difficulty fully understanding boundaries can learn what's appropriate and how to respect people's boundaries (also most autistic people reject labels like "severe" "mild" etc bc of ableist implications, it's less a sliding scale and more like a salad bar of symptoms) (1/2?)

HOWEVER, in the case of Chris Chan it is true that she'd likely already have issues understanding boundaries and consent but what really makes the difference here is that, from the sound of things, she had so many people around her actively and maliciously destroying and distorting her conception and understanding of boundaries and consent which is an important factor in understanding the situation I think

(just to confirm this immediately -- "consent" is not just something for sexual situations. when I discuss consent, here as in the other asks, I am referring to all situations. I get the feeling that some people may be reading my responses through the lens of only sexual consent, which is not and has never been what I've been talking about.)

I gotta ask, just to clear things up: are you saying that when it comes to autism, there's no "salad bar" of symptoms possible that would make a person incapable of constantly and consistently learning and respecting boundaries and consent? I ask sincerely. I don't think it's ableist to say that when it comes to autism (and other things, like certain mental illnesses, personality disorders, or behavioural/developmental disabilities) there can arise situations where a person has symptoms so severe that they are incapable of acknowledging and understanding consent. this is not a malicious choice on their part, nor is it a conscious one -- it's merely an effect of a symptom. if an autistic person struggles with social cues and non-verbal communication, like Chris does, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that she cannot therefore deduce from body language alone that a woman does not want Chris to touch her arm. this is the kind of thing I'm referring to, by the way -- Chris is not groping or molesting these women. she's standing too close to them, looming over them too much, touching their arms, etc. I don't think it's ableist to say that her autism might have influence over why this was an issue for her.

going on from the constantly and consistently thing I mentioned before: this isn't a black and white thing. it's not "this person either understands consent and adheres all the time" or "this person doesn't understand consent and is incapable of respecting it". it's more a case of, to use some examples:

"this person understands consent most of the time, but when they get excitable they forget and become highly animated, grabbing their friends and pulling them around and being highly physical, despite their friend having told them in the past it makes them uncomfortable."

"this person understands consent most of the time, but when they become highly distressed they are prone to meltdowns, and this causes them to violate people's consent by, for example, barging into a sibling's room when they have been asked to stay outside."

"this person struggles to interact socially and has complex interpersonal issues which causes them to have difficulty relating to other people and understanding their thought processes, which results in them repeatedly doing something upsetting or harmful while genuinely not realising or understanding why it is upsetting or harmful."

"this person is totally fine with all issues of consent apart from one particular thing they consistently forget, despite their best efforts, resulting in them constantly interrupting their friends when speaking no matter how serious the situation is or how many times they have been told to stop."

"this person is aware that they don't necessarily understand social interactions or cues and has been trying to teach themselves how to improve, but because they have been self-teaching they make mistakes, such as always assuming you go in for a kiss at the end of a one-on-one interaction with a girl."

all of the above examples are ones I have witnessed or been guilty of myself (I am not autistic, but I have ADHD; the second-to-last bullet point about interrupting is a personal example). I really don't think it's ableist to acknowledge these things and keep them in mind, nor do I think it's ableist to point out that for many of us, the statistics on autism and associated behaviours are skewed. many autistic people on this website are... not like Chris. it's easy to look around and see your autistic friends and mutuals and safely say "no autistic person would ever act like this/have problems with that/misunderstand this". I know that none of my autistic friends and mutuals would ever act like Chris -- nowhere near. but there are many more autistic people out there who, while they might not necessarily act like Chris, they also might not be as capable of assessing situations like you do. there are autistic people out there who do struggle with such things, who will struggle to understand these things, and can and do cause people harm. it isn't ableist to acknowledge that with something as complex as autism, everyone's behaviour and needs are different. it is also not ableist to say that sometimes the symptoms of something cause a person to act inappropriately, or cause harm. at no time have I said all autistic people struggle with this -- just that some can and do. acting like this isn't the case is speaking over people who have been hurt by this kind of scenario.

as for the second part of your ask, totally agree. it's absolutely impossible to expect Chris to work out how to act appropriately when her entire world is being constructed by trolls encouraging her to believe falsehoods, advising her to always act in the worst possible way, pretending to be her friend, and taking absolutely everything she does in the worst faith imaginable. every time she tried to improve herself, they beat her back with increased ridicule and emotional abuse. it would be dishonest and outright malicious to view her behaviour without this context.

[fairycosmos]

idk how to validate myself?? when i was struggling before i was even a teenager, i never would’ve said i had depression bc i didn’t feel like i mattered that much. (i know people make it seem like it’s nothing but even at that age i had enough common sense to fuckin know it was big) bUT i’ve been struggling w purging for a few years now. i never binged bc it’s too scary to me but i’ll throw up a lot & still would never say “i have an eating disorder” idk /: i think that counts as bulimia ??

hey love. yeah dude, consistently making yourself sick is definitely bulimia. your mind is using this tactic of avoidance and manipulation to prevent you from seeing how bad it's getting. struggling with purging is literally one of the hardest things in the world but the fact that you are now beginning to recognise it as a problem is a good sign. just like with your depression, you realize that you have a tendency to downplay your issues as a way to continue into self destruction. it's a pattern that a lot of mentally ill people end up adapting. when you've lived a certain way for so long, nothing about your routine shocks you. and you can't even BEGIN to show enough self compassion to take yourself and your problems seriously. this might be why the concept of getting help seems so forefin and difficult and unreachable to you - but now that you're here, and you understand on some level that none of this this is right - i'd urge you to at least consider it. you don't have to make any big desicions right now, but you also don't have to allow your kind to ignore the idea completely. the bottom line is that this is an illness. it has the potential to be just as life ruining as any physical problem. if you had a broken leg, you wouldn't keep running on it and expect it to get better on its own, right? you have to try to see this in the same light. talking to a professional about what's going on will enable you to grasp the seriousness of what's going on in a new way. it will show you that coming to terms with your eating disorder is a necessary and inevitable step. i know it's scary, and i know it's all a lot easier said than done. but i promise that reaching out will not end as badly as staying silent will. whether it's through your doctor, a hotline, a support group, even just your parents or someone you trust to begin with - you need to start being realistic. you need to try your hardest to identify when your brain is trying to trick you into believing delusions, or harming yourself for no reason. you've lived with this for a few years, and so maybe you're afraid that you don't know how to exist without it. but i promise that happiness and improvement is more likely when you are actively working on looking after yourself, than it is when you are engaging in ED behaviour. it's all a cycle, you feel bad so you purge and then the purging makes you feel bad eventually, so you purge again. doing something differently is the only way to break it. a professional will be able to get to the root cause of why you've developed bulimia, while working closely with you to create a care plan to help lessen the intensity of the episodes you're experiencing. you sent this ask because on some level you're fuckin tired of dealing with this and i'm telling you from an outside yet unbiased perspective - you don't have to anymore. even if you just begin with looking up coping mechanisms and practicing them a few times a week. or taking a moment to admit to your eating disorder, and the illogicality of the side effects, whenever you feel like purging. it's ok if it takes time, and your progress doesn't have to be linear. but making the choice to really take your mental and physical health into account before its too late is paramount. no matter what your mind is screaming at you. self hatred never leads anyone anywhere. most of us experience it, but we can learn to understand when and why its bullshit. it just starts with you and where you choose to go from here. like i said, i get that it's daunting, and it feels impossible. i really am just asking you to think about it right now, to have a genuine conversation with yourself and to accept that you have an issue. you are not some exception to the rule. you deserve help and support just like everyone else does, and it IS out there. use this newfound awareness to try, in any way you can. even if you have to cry and scream and be pissed off before you get to that point. i really hope you're okay and that you're able to start honestly healing from this, love. there's so much more to your life and your youth than the stress of policing your body 24/7. i'll be rooting for you and i know you're capable, even if you don't. you're not alone and you don't have to confront this as if you are. let me know if you need a friend or want to talk about it, i'll be here.

[themanicdepressivelesbian]

It's honestly just surreal. Waking up in a different bed. Starting a whole new routine after mastering one. Your life gets flipped upside down, turned inside out. Change is an awful thing most of the time. But the best thing you can do I learned, is just pick up the pieces and move on. Dwelling too long on things can destroy you.

The hardest part about living with a mental illness is being and becoming destructive. Dealing with manic episodes, depressive episodes. Dissociation probably has to be the worst. Or maybe it's actually when you just can't feel literally anything. Actually, I take that back. Hurting those you care about is the worst. Being so capable of so many feelings and being so empathetic. When you hurt those you care about, you tend to hurt yourself just as much. This doesn't make it okay though. Nothing could. The thing about mental illnesses and destructive disorders, is you genuinely have to learn how to handle them. If you don't take the time to master the art of preventative care, then you're going to be in a constant downward spiral. You need to learn to pick and choose who needs to be in your life, keeping the good ones around; cutting loose those who have earned no right to be there. You need to prepare a supportive ring of positive people around you. People who are willing to help you change, and people who are ready to take on whatever it is you might throw at them. Depression, manic disorders, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders.. When you put then all together it's a ticking time bomb. One that rapidly heals itself and prepares to counter every decision you make. One minute you can be on top of the world and ready to take every challenge head on. The next though? You might have no way of knowing.

An important thing to do with mental illness is seek help. It might not get better with out help from those around you. And it's important to know that sometimes you will need help, or have to help yourself. So be careful who you build those walls around and between.

Communication with your disorder(s) is the hardest thing to accomplish, if you want me to be honest. Once you learn those little cues that tell you a shift is about to happen (this took me months to even get close to predicting, but I vividly remember the first time I predicted, reacted and prevented.) You need to be able to tell those around you. It's as simple as saying "hey, I feel an episode coming on, so I'm going to go do *insert distraction or self treatment to help yourself through it*." Or "hey, you know what? I'm not feeling well, I'm going to go lay down."

Sometimes self treating and preventing is as simple as meditating, or blasting a song that brings back good memories. Sometimes you might need to scream into a pillow or just burst into tears. And sometimes, you just need to be held, or surrounded by people who empower you. But it's important to learn how to prevent these things. It's also important to take responsibility for when your demons win the battle inside your mind. This is where your empathy plays a big part. If you're an empathetic person, it's a lot easier to hold yourself responsible for how you treat others. I've come a long way in terms of empathy. I've always been empathetic, but dissociation can make it hard to hold on to your empathetic quality. My biggest policy has also always been honesty is a necessity. Because it is. Little white lies, even as simple as saying you're fine, when you're not can destroy you. It can make people distance themselves from you and close up because they learn to distrust you, fear you. Or even think you distrust or fear them. Bottling up your feelings is another thing you need to toss aside. When you bottle them up, you burst. You don't get to control when that happens either. The last thing you should do is hurt those around you because you're hurting. It's so hard to master the ability to prevent it from happening.

Another extremely important thing to remember is that asking for or needing extra help does not make you weak. Not everyone can do this on their own. You aren't weak if you have to take a pill. You're sick, your body functions and works different than healthy people. Think of medication like a vitamin. Some people have calcium or iron deficiency, so what do they do? They Take vitamins, medications. Cancer patients get treatments such as chemotherapy. Your pills or therapist does not make you weak. In fact, it's the opposite. You made the decision to win this. To become bigger than yourself and the demons in your head. That's another thing. You need to choose help. Help does not always just fall into your lap.

The biggest complaint people like us have is that no one cares until it's too late. Five hundred people will come together to grieve over your loss, but no one will send you that text first or call to make sure you're okay. But think about that. That doesn't make them a bad person. How far and how well have you become at hiding your emotions? Wearing that fake smile and having that giggle and uplifting tone when you say you're fine. No one can read your mind. You need to choose to let people in. It's going to hurt at first, especially because you’re going to realize a lot of people may not be able to, or want to be there to help you. But that’s okay. That’s what I touched on earlier, those are the ones you need to cut out, or at the very least distance yourself from. Just remember to let people in, and not shut them out. It’s hard, it’s terrifying. But it is so damned worth it. You’re worth it.

Self love is another incredibly important thing. This also touches in line with getting rid of people who are toxic and have no place in your life. Self love is one of the hardest things to do for people like us. Our mind constantly poisons us with the thought that we aren’t worth it, we aren’t beautiful. Especially when and if you have scars. Self love can also be terrifying. Trying to change the view you have of yourself is oh so easy though. It seems difficult at first, but once you learn how to control your thoughts, your emotions.. God does it come easy. 

I hate to sound cliché because one of the lines people like me hate the most is when people tell you to get out and exercise or just go do something you enjoy. However, this is another thing that is so important. If you have any of the mental illnesses I do, your brain has an incredibly difficult time producing certain chemicals. Exercise can release endorphins that help you feel better. Medication can help you produce serotonin. Therapy can you understand yourself better. It doesn’t have to be professional therapy, it might be as much as discussing something with a close friend. Just remember, you are not their sole responsibility and they have themselves to look after as well. So you need to make sure you don’t rely solely on people who have their own stuff to deal with. Also remember that other peoples thoughts and lives can be just as difficult as yours is. So don’t be put down if they don’t respond right away, can’t help or don’t know what to say. Everyone’s life is different. You never know what someone might be going through. 

“None of us can make everyone better, all we can hope for is that we positively influence anyone who crosses our path.” 

Let that sink in for a moment. Especially if you’re new to self help, or any aspect of this. You yourself can be so hurt or put down by the littlest things, you know how terrible it feels. Why would you ever wish that on someone else? Or maybe you’re reading this because you know someone who struggles like I do, and in that case? You see how negatively people like me can be influenced by certain things. It might hurt you to see someone feel like I do. Yes, sometimes it’s over stupid things, and no you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells. If you hurt someone over something you did not think would have that negative effect on by doing something, be empathetic. Sometimes all you have to say is “Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know this would hurt you that way.” Words can go such a damned long way. So can taking responsibility for your words. Try to always be uplifting and positive. Some days that might seem impossible, but honestly? There is already so much negativity in this world. Don’t be another downer. You can only dig down so far until you hit the core and melt away, or you succumb to pressure. But lifting up? Some people say the sky is the limit. It’s not. Another thing to remember, no matter which side of this situation you are in, is that space is important. Some people need more than others. You need to learn to respect peoples boundaries and needs. This can be challenging at first, but the things that come the hardest are always worth the most. Challenges can be so rewarding. They may be difficult, but a lot of things are. 

Bottom line is remember to take care of yourself. Try your best to think about things before you do them. Stop letting the demons in your head control your thoughts. At the end of the day, you may need a lot of outside influence to get better. But YOU need to choose that path. 

Smile, let the sun shine. Even on your darkest days, the sun will still rise. Do not let your own life bring you down. In death, we remember everything we wanted to live for. So do not let yourself get to that deep dark pit. The journey is exhausting. But it is SO worth it. 

Be strong. Be uplifting. Become the things that this world needs to become a better place, especially for yourself. 

[ghosterne]

Why I Deleted My Social Media Accounts

 When social media sites began to emerge, I was completely invested. I loved using Facebook to connect with my siblings in different states and adored catching up with my favorite celebrities on Twitter. I was young, and everything was new; it never crossed my mind what these platforms were doing to my mental health. Why would it?

At the beginning of 2019, I had a meltdown that made me rethink the ways I used my favorite apps. Facebook brought out the anger in me. Twitter was consuming most of my days. I fell victim to Instagram altering my perceptions of beauty, though I'd convinced myself I could never let that happen. Do I completely blame social media sites for negatively impacting me? Of course not. Do I think they significantly contribute to harming my mental health? 1000% yes.    

 I'm not an expert on digital wellness, but I do know that surrounding yourself with things that make you think or feel negatively isn't good for you—especially when you can control it. Here are some things I did to better my mental health, become more productive, and work towards living a positive lifestyle. Even if you don't struggle with digital wellness, decluttering your social media might be something to look into.

TLDR; I have decided to use my social medias intentionally, starting with deleting my presence from sites I no longer use and being conscious of who I follow/who follows me. By replacing social media apps with wellness apps, I’ve increased my productivity. Below, I describe my personal experience with various platforms. While this helped my symptoms immensely, it has not “cured” anything. Nonetheless, I am still progressing.

Deleting Facebook. Facebook was my introduction to social media in middle school. Though I have fond memories of being on messenger until 3 am and running a failed photography page with my best friend, the site eventually began to evoke anger within me. I started off deleting everybody I didn’t know, didn’t talk to, or didn’t want viewing my personal life. For those I couldn’t delete, I muted. Though this helped tremendously, I realized I don’t use the site for anything anyways, and checking notifications wasted my time. I disabled my account, and never looked back.

Deleting Snapchat. High school me used to believe Snapchat was stupid, and vowed to never download the app. I wish I had never escaped this mentality. I struggle with how I look on a daily basis. It is embarrassing to admit, but I hid behind the filters, because of how much I hated my features. At the peak of my disordered eating, I lost the ability to conceptualize what I even looked like, and seeing my face every time I opened the app made me physically sick. As soon as the filters slipped off my face, I’d whisper, “do I really look like that?” I felt obligated to stick around, as this was my main source of communication with most of my friends. Eventually, enough was enough. Why should I continue using something that doesn’t make me feel good? Though it was a difficult goodbye, it was one of the best things I could’ve done. 

Remaking my Twitter account. I am, unfortunately, a Twitter addict. I knew this one would be impossible to escape, because most of my favorite creators (like myself) rely on the platform. I started off by remaking my Twitter account—this was the easiest way, for me, to delete all of my tweets, remove ghost followers and people I didn’t want seeing my personal life, and mass unfollow without hurting feelings (this also gave others the opportunity to not follow me again if they didn’t want to). I have a “business” account I use to follow old friends and promote my art. On my personal, I follow the people I interact with daily and what personally interests me. I remember hearing someone say that Twitter is a space where people spew a bunch of negativity about themselves and others. I know this was applicable to my personal experience, so I try to keep it as positive as possible. I don’t have the app on my phone to prevent me from impulse-posting something self-deprecating (I save that for my journal). I don’t exactly set a limit on how much time I spend on the site, but I do tend to only scroll for five minutes at night while I’m working on my computer. This way, I can still stay updated on my favorite creatives while still using it intentionally.

Remaking my Instagram account AND making people unfollow me. Any of my close friends will tell you that I’ve recreated my Instagram account upwards of three times (sorry for messaging you to follow a random account at odd hours of the night). I can’t exactly put into words why I do this. I have my best experiences with the site when only people I am close to follow me. When people I don’t talk to anymore and people who have never exactly “liked” me follow my accounts, it adds a level of anxiety. I become self-conscious of what I post to my feed and fear sharing things in fear of feeling inferior. If I followed back out of kindness, I tended to become envious and would leave the app in a terrible mood. I’m not really a self-conscious or envious person, so this was out of character. I would deactivate my account and make a new one so people I knew didn’t get upset with me unfollowing. This is so unbelievably ridiculous. If someone gets upset with me unfollowing them, that is nothing I need to be ashamed of. If someone eases my tension and helps me redefine my relationship with social media, why should I not do it?  I also get caught up in following the extravagant lives of people I don’t know. I follow people I wish I looked like, people with lives I want, and people with my dream job. Sometimes, this works well for me! I like following people who inspire me to achieve my goals. Other times, following certain people feels like I’m “punishing” myself for not being as successful, attractive, motivated, etc. I scrolled through the people I follow and unfollowed the accounts that made my experience negative.

Deleting social media apps from my phone. As previously stated, I am a Twitter addict. I know I’m not alone in laying in bed for hours, mindlessly scrolling after waking up. I can’t lie; I was genuinely scared of how much time I was wasting in my bed on that darned electronic device. These days, I actually find myself getting bored with my phone now that there are limited apps. I love it! Because my biggest goal for 2020 is to read more, I put the iBooks and Audible apps in place of my most visited sites. Instead of wasting time, I’m better able to work towards my personal goals in my downtime while still doing something I enjoy. 

Following positivity accounts. I mostly do this for Instagram and Tumblr, because they are my favorite places for inspiration. Some of my favorite accounts on Instagram are:

@honeysoleilpodcast. This account for the HoneySoleil Podcast is run by Siena Mirabella (@siena_mirabella). Siena’s posts help me to be aware of my thoughts, worth ethic, and motivation. 

@lohanthony. I have been following Anthony for years. Anthony’s account transitioned into a beautiful, positive space full of mindfulness. I love his content, and can’t wait to see what else he does.

@schultzzie. Sierra Schultzzie is a mental health and body positivity advocate. I found her through a YouTube video unveiling her experience with Facetune. This woman’s content has helped me reshape my thinking and remind me that size does not equal worth.

@jessiepaege. Jessie (who also owns the page @healthismentalandphysical) is an advocate for mental health, the LGBT community, and eating disorder recovery. I love Jessie’s page, because she constantly posts about self-love.

I didn’t intend on writing an essay, but this has become something I’m very passionate about (sorry for sounding like one of those mom bloggers with a feed in that filter... you know the one). Mental health is just as important as physical. 

If you read this far, thank you! Stay healthy and safe.