#a negative thought is inevitable and not something you can just stop. however you CAN decide from there how you let it effect you

[angelnumber27]

violently forcing myself to have better days

[alwaysanundertone]

Why try? | poly! marauders x fem! reader

angst / fluff

CW: brief mention of bully, negative self talk, some cursing (?) I think that’s all :)

word count: 1.4k

note: it’s my first mini series and English is not my first language, just wanted to say so in case you spot any error :)

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4 coming soon

“Why are they dating me?”

That’s the question that kept flashing in your head 24/7 for the past week.

It all started when you were sitting with your group of friends in the Ravenclaw common room. You had just returned from your secret date with the marauders; even though they wanted to love you in public, you didn’t. It was silly, really, but you didn’t want all of the backlash that it would inevitably come from dating them.

You knew, deep down, that if you were to love them in the open, everyone would be confused as to why they chose you. They were the marauders, for god’s sake, even you had doubts about this… thing that you had been going on, god only knows what everyone else would be thinking.

So you invented an excuse. You told them that your brother was protective over you, that you didn’t want to cause them trouble. You could have been spending more time thinking about a better story: your brother couldn’t care less about your wellbeing, let alone who you dated. It didn’t matter what he really thought, though, because they believed the lie.

It hurt to have to lie to the boys that you were growing fond of, but still, years and years of bullying made you this way. You never really viewed yourself as someone worthy of affection, let alone of love. You never really liked your physique, you hated your nose, you wished you had something special about your physical appearance but you couldn’t find it.

Even your personality didn’t seem worthy of being known, or at least you thought so. You were an A-student, but only because you studied hard. You had a lot of hobbies, sure, but you weren’t exactly good at them. All of this to say, you didn’t deem yourself worthy of their attention.

Now you were sitting with your friends, chatting, and of course, of fucking course, they had to start talking about james.

“I really don’t get how he can be so oblivious about my flirting”

This caught your attention. The girl talking wasn’t exactly your friend, however she shared her room with Emmeline, one of your best friends, so she started hanging out with you. Still, you didn’t know about this flirting until now. You chose to listen quietly.

“… I mean, I even went to his game wearing his damn number on my back. What do I have to do in order to get his attention?”

“I don’t know Aurora… Rumor has it they are all dating some new girl, though nobody knows who she is! They saw them hanging around near Hogsmade, but nobody saw her face. I really thought they didn’t want to include anybody in their relationship”

“Another girl?” Both you and Aurora exclaimed at the same time. This. This was a rather embarrassing situation.

“What Y/N? Decided to join the conversation?”

“Yeah, didn’t take you as a marauder fan?”

This is why you should learn to keep your mouth closed.

“What? Am I not allowed to be curious?”

“Yeah, not like they’ll ever consider you.” Em stared at Aurora blankly, you were sure your face was showing every little thought that was slowly, but surely, starting to crawl over your consciousness, making you doubt yourself.

“What? Don’t look at me like I’m the evil guy. It’s nothing personal, Y/N, but you are just a normal girl, they seem like the type to enjoy someone more… special?”

And that’s when the doubting started.

“Yeah… I think I’ll go study now”

You excused yourself, while you clearly heard Em starting to get angry at Aurora, but you just couldn’t take this.

It was one thing to doubt yourself, but if even your friends thought the same of you, maybe you were right, maybe you should just stop bothering them.

You ran to the library, to the farthest corner. Staring at the rain pouring outside your window, you started to do the one thing you were really good at: self loathing.

A hand made you jump.

“Hey there dovey, didn’t mean to scare my girl”

Remus was looking at you with that loopsided grin of his that made your stomach flip. He called you ‘his girl’, even though you weren’t official, your heart swelled.

“Hey Rem” You tried to smile, you really did, but for some reason your facial muscles couldn’t bring themselves to work. His face immediately fell.

“What is going on?”

You could have just told him.

Maybe you should have.

But you really weren’t one to just talk about problems, you preferred to just pretend.

“Nothing! Nothing I- I just-“ You stopped for a moment. Great job, Y/N, you were doing such a great job! You took a deep breath. “Nothing, I’m just a bit stressed about herbology? You know I’m not the best at it”

He seemed to believe you. “Well, we can study together then?”

Again, you should have said yes.

“I’m sorry I just- I mean, we hung out earlier? Aren’t you tired of me?”

He frowned. “No? Why would I be? Sirius and James are napping, I was actually looking for you? I feel like we hardly ever have some alone time together”

You wanted to cry, you wanted to talk about every little doubt crowding your mind. But you couldn’t, your tongue twisted.

“Oh…”

“But I mean, if you want some alone time I understand!

You simply nodded.

“See you around Remus”

“Okay then? See you around?”

He turned, stopping for a minute, likely pondering if he should just go away or stay to talk. He decided to leave.

You fell even further on the armchair, your mind flooded with doubts.

You sat at dinner, exhausted. You have been spending the whole afternoon running through the endless possibilities as to why they were willingly spending their time with you. Were they making fun of you? Were they just bored? None of your answers made you feel any better about yourself.

Now you were staring at your plate.

“Hey Y/N” Em looked quite concerned. “Are you alright?” You nodded, she frowned.

“If it’s Aurora who got you so sad, don’t worry, I kicked her ass”

You snorted at that. “No, don’t worry Em, everything’s alright. You know I get like that when the winter nears”

She nodded. It was exhilarating how everybody seemed to believe your lies.

Throughout the whole dinner, you sensed three pair of eyes burning through your back. You decided you couldn’t stay a minute longer under their scrutiny, pretending to eat, pretending to have fun. You simply stood up, exiting the Great Hall.

A hand grasped yours, making you jump.

“What’s up with you lot today? Trying to induce a heart attack?” James snickered, tugging your wrist and making you end up in his arms.

You noticed Sirius and Remus looking at you, the latter still sporting the frown he had in the library.

“Just wanting to check up on you. Moony here was quite worried about you, said you seemed sad. Is everything alright?” Sirius searched for your eyes, while you looked at your feet. “Did we make you uncomfortable in any way?”

“No, no it’s not that”

That’s it. You really were stupid.

Remus quirked a brow. “So you are sad about something.”

“Well, you know… the rain.”

James looked like he was about to laugh. “Well yes, it rains quite a lot in Scotland?”

“No, I mean I get quite moody when the weather starts to worsen” At that James hugged you.

“You poor thing, you should have told! Wanna come in our dorm and have a cuddle?”

A cuddle did sound nice, but then again the doubts started to flood your mind. They already had to spend time to someone as uninteresting as you, the least you could do was try to not be a burden.

“No, sorry I just want to take a shower and have some alone time, you know?”

They seemed worried. James looked like a lost puppy, not understanding why you were so suddenly trying to create space between you and them.

Sirius nodded. “Okay love, but if you change your mind you know where to find us, yeah?”

You wanted to cry. To actually sob into their shoulders and word vomit every single mean thing that you told yourself in the last six hours. Instead you just smiled, waved, and ran to your room.

And so began the worst week of your sixth year at Hogwarts.

[alchemistc]

I’m so SAD. But the hardest part is everything is just boring now 😭.

I’m a multi shipper at heart, started watching 911 for buddie (I thought it was a cannon ship, turns out I’d gotten it confused with Tarlos). But was barely in fandom, and then when Bi buck happened I was so excited and spent that first week reading both types of fics loving the boost in content. But, I really really quickly realized I had to block a ton of negative Nancys and without really meaning too started following almost exclusively bucktommy blogs.

I’ve had to take a break from that content for a while to deal with the breakup - so I’ve temporarily unfollowed a lot of blogs while the initial shock and anger is going on. I know that eventually I’ll be able to enjoy it again, although this may be a show I stop watching I don’t plan on abandoning the fandom for now.

So now my dash is so blank, and I got rid of all my other social media after Tuesday. I literally have nothing to fill my time right now!!!! It’s so damn boring. I need another hyper-fixation quick before my mental health nose dives.

Hi!

I'm giving you a warm hug. We had the rug pulled out from under us and I'm positive I am getting the least of the bvddie heat out most of the people I follow.

It's sad. It sucks.

It was astronomically bad writing and did not fit with the entire rest of the arc they gave us in canon.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I will tell you that last night I finally started listening to Fourth Wing while I prepped food for my weekend getaway, because at least I know it's gonna emotionally destroy me. After that I read some comfort fic from another fandom from my bookmarks, pet my dogs, drank some water, and went to bed.

We all get emotionally invested in things that don't have an end date when we start. It's just a facet of humanity that is so hopeful and beautiful and often bites us in the ass. Don't feel badly for feeling upset today, tomorrow, or in the future, when you thought you'd moved past it but something pings a memory - but grieve it, remember it for the joy it brought you, and try to move past it.

Some people will probably stick around. Inevitably some people will decide it is best for them to fully disengage. I'll be here, somewhere in the middle. So what's best for you. Take comfort in knowing that however long we were in this we were here together.

Drink some water, watch a comfort movie, find a book or show or movie that catches your attention. Cry about it if you need to.

Curate your community in a way that makes sense for you.

I've genuinely enjoyed getting to talk to and create for and cheer for the fic and art bucktommys created. I have discovered old friends and new ones because of it. I'm excited to see where they go next.

But right now it really sucks and it's okay to sit in that for a bit. I hope you can find the right balance and that the boring shifts into something that sparks joy for you.

♥️

[devildom-moss]

Celebrating the holidays/New Year headcanons (the others)

The second part of this ask by @angel6776

(Part 1: general + the demon brothers headcanons)

(Suggestive, except for Luke's part, obviously) (Platonic/familial for Luke)

Word Count: +5,300 (no wonder this request took so long)

Diavolo

He’s so excited to hear about your usual holiday traditions. He’ll invite you over for tea just so you can tell him all about it. Honestly, he’ll feel a bit disappointed if you don’t have any particular traditions or if you have negative feelings about the holidays. However, if that’s the case, he’ll be even more motivated to ensure that you have an excellent holiday season in the Devildom. Diavolo wants to build new traditions with you that you can cherish. If not for Barbatos and Lucifer, Diavolo would be willing to spend anything to show you a good time.

He will actually get his work done ahead of schedule if it means you can come over and decorate the castle with him. It sounds like such a fun couple-y experience and if he can’t do that, he’ll pout, and Barbatos will never hear the end of it – especially if the brothers or someone else mentions that you helped them decorate.

Schedules a date with you near the end of the year 2 or more weeks in advance and uses it as motivation to get through all his work. Although, on occasion, he gets scolded for daydreaming too much. He can’t stop imagining holding your hand on a chilly Devildom night or kissing you in the snow or wrapping his arms around you in bed and pulling you so close that your breath would warm his skin.

Brings an assortment of rare Demonus to the party, which puts everyone in a good mood. He drinks moderately and joins in on every possible activity everyone is involved in, and he tries to drag you into them too. “MC, you have to sing a duet with me. Please?” “Have you tried the cake Simeon and Luke prepared yet? Here, I brought you a slice. It’s delicious. I wonder if they would share the recipe with Barbatos.” “Would you care to dance with me?” “You should join our game, MC. Come, you can sit on my lap if you’d like.”

It starts to feel like even if Diavolo is involved in some other activity, he always has an eye on you. He just can’t keep his eyes from searching for you. He’s one of the first people to notice if you disappear with someone else, but assuming you aren’t exclusively together, he lets you have your fun. Just know that whatever state you return in, once he gets you to himself, he’ll be determined to unravel and fluster you twice as much as the last person.

He will get his chance to steal you away for a while. If he can’t find the opportunity during the party, he’ll ensure that he’s the last person awake so he can have you all to himself at the end of the party. If you’re out, too, then you’ll mysteriously be impossible to find the morning after the party.  

Gifts – giving: The man loves giving gifts, and while he’s usually fine handing out presents in a group, he preferers the intimacy of giving you your present alone. He’d give you a whole house if he thought he wouldn’t get in trouble for it. Instead, he’s likely to give you fine jewelry or clothes. He’s a bit like Asmo in that he adores dressing you up in items that accentuate your attractiveness. It’s also a thrill to know he’s the one who gave you the clothes that will inevitably end up strewn across his bedroom floor. If it’s immediately clear that you like the clothes/jewelry, he’ll chuckle, lean in, and whisper in your ear, “If you like it so much, wear it on our next date. I want to be the first person to see you in and out of it.” If not clothes or jewelry, he might do something more extravagant like importing some of your favorite plants to be displayed in a temporary exhibit at the Devildom botanical gardens. (so much research goes into this, too). Diavolo will invite you on a date to show you the exhibit before it opens to the public. He’d probably arrange it so you can go during off hours and enjoy the entire location by yourselves. He might also opt for sentimental gifts: photo albums, scrapbooks, or trinkets that will remind you both of some shared memory.

Gifts – receiving: Literally anything (well, almost. Don’t give him pickles or something he despises). Diavolo is too thrilled to be getting a gift from you to care about exactly what it is. That’s not to say that he doesn’t appreciate your efforts, though. Just show him that you care, and he’ll be a happy little prince. If it’s handmade or sentimental, he’ll love it – even things as small as a keychain from somewhere you visited. If Barbatos would let you, Diavolo would love to make you be his butler for a day (he would reward the thoughtful gift by being at your service all night).

Barbatos

He strikes me as a “I could do without the holidays” guy. Everything gets so busy and he has to scramble to finish up all of his work for the year – and on top of that, Diavolo’s desire to shirk his responsibilities seems to get worse this time of year. (Shit like: “Barbatos, the brothers had a snowball fight today. Do you think we –” “Did you finish that paperwork I handed you this morning?” “. . . no.” “Then, no.”)

However, your presence makes it all more bearable. He likes helping out and ensuring that everyone he cares about has a good holiday season but knowing that he can give you a good holiday brings him a unique, unmatched joy.

Barbatos will invite you to tea a few times under the guise of wanting your opinion on the party menu. If you can be trusted in the kitchen, he may even ask for your assistance – not because he needs it, though. His only need is you. His heart melts when you try his cooking and praise him. If you help with the cooking, he adores the feeling of working beside you. This man will absolutely charm you up in the kitchen: hand feeding you before kissing you to experience the flavor of the food combined with your lips, swiping sauce or icing along your skin just to lick it off, pressing his body firmly against yours while he peers over your shoulder to check your progress, and goodness all the things he could do for you while he waits for the oven timer to ding.

The quantity, quality, and variety of food this man prepares for the party should earn him head praise. For all the effort he put in, you almost wish he would do a bit more than sip at his Demonus and people-watch most of the time. He might play a few games or dance if you, Diavolo, or Luke encourage him to, but he tends to fade into the background.

Luckily, that makes it easier for him to slip away with you. He suspects that he won’t have much time, so once he gets you somewhere quiet, he makes quick work of improving your night. “You look lovely tonight, MC. I must admit, I’m quite taken with you. I’m glad you seem to be enjoying yourself. Please, allow me to make you feel even better while we have some time to ourselves.”

Luck may yet again be in his favor if he happens to get you all to himself just before midnight on New Year's Eve.

Gifts – giving: If you’re a fellow tea lover, you can expect custom tea blends from plants that Barbatos has grown himself. No doubt, they would be delicious. He may also use a bit of magic to give them a calming effect or to bring you happiness. Another likely present would be hand-made outfits. Affection swells in him when he sees you wearing something that he crafted just for you. “Oh dear, I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake. You look so enticing that I’m eager to get you out of those clothes already.” He would love to offer you his services for a day if you wanted it, but he may have to postpone that until after the New Year, when things are less hectic. In the meantime, he’s more than happy to prepare delicious meals for you.

Gifts – receiving: Barbatos is keen on more practical gifts, but he’ll appreciate a touch of sentimentality: custom kitchen knives with a sweet message engraved on it (a kitchen knife with something symbolic of love, affection, or even lust like a rose or lilac engraved on it would melt him); embroidered handkerchiefs, kitchen towels, or dust rags for him to use; human world herbs and spices; and tea blends that you created with him in mind. He’ll appreciate the thought and usefulness. Alternatively, if you just want to give him yourself, he has no complaints.

Luke

This sweet child is so hyped for the holidays. He wants to try whatever fun traditions you tell him about. That excitement is only compounded by the introduction of new seasonal foods becoming available. There are so many new sweets to try, and he can bake often with the cool winter temperatures.

He will be begging Simeon and Barbatos to teach him new recipes, and, of course, they’ll cave. Luke will be bringing you new treats every few days. When he isn’t bringing sweets to you, he’ll try to bring you to the sweets. Luke, Beel, Asmo, and Thirteen are up on many of the limited-time seasonal offers at cafés and bakeries. He’ll invite you to go with him to try something new. Sometimes he wants alone time with his parent #3 best buddy, but usually he’s happy to have Simeon, Solomon, Raphael, Beel, Barbatos, and/or Mephisto tag along (he’s fine with the others, too, but these six are his favorites).

Asks you to help decorate with him or offers to help you decorate. He has a great time making things look all festive – even if he is too short to reach some places.

Helps Simeon with the baking for the party – although he also prepares a few things on his own. Luke savors the experience of baking with his loved ones during the holidays; it seems like the cheer-bringing thing to do.

Juice, mocktails, and hot chocolate only! They’re good drinks, but the assortment was primarily prepared with Luke in mind.

He spends a lot of time playing games, singing karaoke with Levi, and eating with Beelzebub. Your son Luke is less clingy than most of the demons, but he makes sure to check in with you once in a while to ensure you’re having a good time. He’ll ask you to be on his team for games and he’ll even bring you food (especially the things he made).

Falls asleep relatively early on despite insisting he can stay up. When he wakes up before the others, he’ll start cleaning and probably prepare breakfast for everyone (because he’s the nicest son ever).

Gifts – giving: Luke would probably give you cute gifts that accidentally remind you what an adorable little angel he is. Items like plushies, matching keychains, and cute stationery are likely options. The latter would probably come with a sweet admission: “You’re always helping me study, and I’ve learned so much from you, so I thought something that made studying more fun would be a good gift.” If he has the time, he might ask Raphael, Levi, and/or Barbatos to teach him how to sew a plushie for you. He might also bake a box of assorted cookies for you (possibly more than you can even eat).

Gifts – receiving: Luke is easy to give gifts to. On the more practical end, he’d be excited to receive kitchen tools or serveware: cute animal-shaped silicone molds, cute bento boxes, a nice teacup, etc. Giving him books (I feel like fantasy, mystery novels, and cookbooks would be especially good) would also work. On a more sentimental side, getting him matching keychains or sweatshirts would have this little angel eager to show off. (Just imagine Luke in a big, cozy sweater telling Simeon, “Look, Simeon, MC gave me this sweater. They have one just like it. We match now!”) Additionally, you could compile a book of recipes for him, collecting all the recipes he’s learned and been taught since coming to the Devildom. He would cherish that so much he would keep it in a prominent spot on his bookshelf.

Simeon

Why does Simeon strike me as such a winter boy? Maybe I just think he’d look cute in cozy sweaters or baking in the kitchen? Anyway, he has a lot of fun learning about your human traditions, but he especially enjoys seeing you and Luke having a good time.

Invites you over to bake at least once before the holidays – just you and him. He’s much less outright flirtatious than Barbatos but he builds up romantic/sexual tension as if he was a smut author in his down time: his hands lingering on yours when he asks you to pass him something, brushing your arm or shoulder when he works beside you, a gentle touch on your back as he passes behind you, his warm breath as he contently hums over your shoulder at your progress, the feeling of his fingers grazing your lips when he offers you half of a cookie fresh out of the oven (that he deliberately split in half so it would be small enough for your lips to touch his hand). He won’t even kiss you while you’re in the kitchen, but he’ll leave your heart pounding. You’ll have to blame the rising heat in your face on the oven, or just tell him how you really feel, and have him drag you back to his room for a few minutes.

Helps decorate and does the second most cooking for the party, but he probably also prepares the most drinks. Simeon could make a cup of hot cocoa that would turn a bad day on its head, and he’d offer it to you with such a warm smile that you couldn’t help but smile back.

Hangs back with Barbatos, Lucifer, and Raphael during the party, but he’ll happily join in whenever you or Luke insists. He doesn’t drink much until after Luke falls asleep, but he keeps a good hold on his senses.

I wouldn’t put it past him to fake being drunk to get you alone again. If not that, he’ll ask you to get some air with him – probably (and only) in front of the ones least likely to try to tag along (Lucifer, Beel, Barbatos, Raphael, Thirteen, and Mephisto – the latter two mostly because they’d feel awkward around Simeon for that long). However, despite going out to get air, you end up more breathless than you were before.

Gifts – giving: I could see Simeon offering to be your personal chef for a week. He’d get so much joy about being your little househusband for a bit. If he happens to have a novel in the works at the time, Simeon might also present you with a signed first copy of it, only for you to find that he dedicated the book to you. Another likely gift would be jewelry – but it would probably be something matching or a custom piece (or both). This might be kind of messed up and maybe even yandere territory, but I imagine Simeon would probably burn one of his feathers and get the ashes crafted into glass or cast into resin for a custom piece (but he wouldn’t admit to doing that).

Gifts – receiving: Anything. Give him flowers and enchant them to last for a while longer than they are supposed to. He’ll think of you every day that they live and dry or press them as they begin to die so he can keep the memory of your shared holiday fresh in his mind. As far as jewelry is concerned, pendant necklaces might be a good option – probably for the same reason as Beel: keeping you close to his heart. Simeon would also appreciate quality or engraved pens. Even if he gets flustered thinking about you when using it to write, he’ll also feel encouraged to keep writing, and that will outweigh the occasional distraction. Speaking of writing, if you write him a letter splaying your heart on the page for him, he’ll be over the moon. The man just wants constant reminders of your love.

Solomon

Tries to bake for you during the holidays and must be stopped; even if he gets cute and pouty, don’t let him anywhere near the kitchen – unless he promises to just stand there and look pretty. Although, I do believe he can actually make a decent drink without killing anyone, so as a last resort, you could probably let him make you a seasonal drink. He might even be allowed to make a few drinks for the party if he promises not to cook any food while he’s preparing them.

Solomon won’t get super clingy, but he will mope around and bury himself in his studies whenever you don’t spend time with him. He’s trying to let you have your fun and freedom, but he’s so lonely, and he wants your love and attention.

Invites you over for a cuddly movie date but specifically plays holiday themed horror movies – even the truly awful ones (have you ever watched The Gingerdead Man or Jack Frost? Ridiculous trash. But he’ll throw some good ones in there, too.) He thinks movie dates are perfect for winter nights, but you should expect to stay the night, too.

If he could get away with it, he would try to invite you to the human world – in part so you might be able to celebrate some of your usual traditions (if you have any) and in part so he can get you all to himself.

He’ll be pretty chill at the party – mostly hanging back. However, Asmo will inevitably pull him into some of the fun. (He might even be feeling enough holiday cheer to give Asmo that kiss he’s been begging for all night.) Solomon would add to the party by using his magic to create beautiful visual effects (like shining, iridescent snowflakes cascading down from the ceiling). He does it as a party trick, but he would also use it to distract the others so he can steal you away for a few minutes. If you feel like you’re missing out on his magic, he’ll promise to recreate it just for you.

This little shit would definitely leave a hickey somewhere visible when he gets you alone, like he’s marking his territory. He finds it amusing sending you back to the party and stirring up chaos as everyone tries to find the culprit. If you want to make it easy for them, mark him too.

Gifts – giving: He is so soft and overprotective that he would give you enchanted jewelry that has a protection charm on it or something you could use to summon him to your side whenever you want him, even if your D.D.D. dies or something. He might also give you part of a matching set so he could subtly claim your heart in front of everyone. Solomon might also teach you a spell or potion that he concocted himself as a sign of trust and to show you that he believes you’ve progressed significantly. (He can’t get over the way your face lights up when you learn something new and interesting – when he teaches you something new.) Solomon is an incorrigible flirt, so he might give you enchanted sex toys (something that could connect to his body or that feel just like him), but he might present it as a joke, unless . . .

Gifts – receiving: Solomon would appreciate things that would further his magic research: rare herbs and flowers, magical tools and materials, rare books, etc. It means so much that you would get him something so difficult to obtain because he might be able to use it in his studies. However, he might pout a bit and wish that you had told him so he could have gone with you to get it. It would have made for an excellent date. Similarly, taking him out on a date and showering him with affection would also be wonderful. He’s also a sucker for domestic things, so giving him your homemade food or sweets would melt him – just beware: he might try to cook for you in return. Finally, at your own risk, you could offer yourself. Now that would be a present he could play with for hours on end.

Thirteen

She wants to take you to every café she can think of and share all the adorable winter- and holiday-themed sweets with you. Thirteen would even bring you seasonal drinks or snacks because she just so happened to be waiting in line (and not at all because she wanted to see you smile).

Doesn’t decorate her cave or anything unless she can make a trap to do the decorating for her. Work smart, not hard. However, she does enjoy sight-seeing and looking at decorations that pop up throughout the Devildom with you. She would hold your hand and pull you towards interesting window displays, her eyes lighting up the whole time.

She’s the most likely to be forgotten about when everyone is party prepping, which annoys her to no end, but she’ll pretend like she doesn’t care. To be fair, part of her just wants to chill at home in her cave, so she would consider not even showing up if not for you. She doesn’t need to spend her holiday with idiots, a sham of a sorcerer, and an outnumbered amount of decent people who she’d have to compete with for your affection. At least that’s what she tells herself.

In truth, she has a lot of fun. She even brings a few traps to see what gullible fools she can toy with. No one is safe except Luke. He’s just too precious for her to do that. Thirteen will also join in on the games, determined to win and show off for you. She’ll enjoy sampling all the food, and she’ll be so sweet and bring you drinks and food throughout the night.

Does Demonus work on reapers? I imagine it doesn’t, which makes the night even more entertaining for her. She’ll make note of who can hold their liquor and what they’re all like when they get drunk or tipsy. If nothing else, it’s good blackmail material.

Proactive about her need for alone time with you and gets you alone pretty early on in the night. Like Solomon, she’ll leave her mark on you, but she has the decency to mark you somewhere more inconspicuous. (Although to be honest, she also has the lack of decency to mark up your thighs and spends half of her alone time with you on her knees.)

She will probably fold and give Asmo a kiss on the cheek. It’s a holiday after all. (But if she kissed him on the lips, I can just imagine him commenting on how she tastes like you. Sorry. Throw me in the trash.)

Gifts – giving: Thirteen would give you strange traps and gadgets she made herself. Although most of her traps are designed to prank people, she might actually decide to make you something more practical. (She could probably build a functioning cuckoo clock if she wanted). Thirteen might also surprise you with date reservations at a nice café – possibly one that’s outside of the city so she has an excuse to steal you for an entire day. Other than that, she would probably give you clothes, especially cozy sweaters, shirts, or cardigans that she will inevitably steal from you. She’s the most likely to give you your present in front of everyone.

Gifts – receiving: She would be content with strange gadgets you found. Thirteen could spend hours taking them apart, putting them back together, and figuring out how to replicate their actions. Sweets gift baskets are another good option, especially if you can bake and you fill them with homemade desserts. Thirteen would be happy with jewelry (primarily necklaces). She would adore those skull-shaped carved pearl necklaces. They suit her so well. Last but not least, give her yourself. Seriously, even a symbolic gesture, like couples’ items while you tell her, “I’m yours: my soul, my body, my heart. I’m all yours,” will have her heart pounding.

Raphael

He doesn’t have the emotional expression range to match the other angels’ joy, but a gentle smile will grace his lips when he finds you baking in the kitchen with Luke and Simeon.

If you want a date with him around the holidays, you’re probably going to have to ask. He just assumes you’re too busy for a date with all the party planning, so he doesn’t bother asking. He might stubble across you while he’s shopping and just tag along with you until you’re done with whatever you’re doing. He’ll even buy you a meal if it means he can keep you to himself for a while longer. A warm smile will find his face when he sees you enjoying your time out with him.

Raphael doesn’t decorate, but if someone asked, he would sew holiday-themed outfits for them. It would be fun for him, at least.

The wallflower whose vines are so tangled and cling to the wall so strongly that you can barely get him to join in on any activities. He mostly just leans back against the wall, sipping at his Demonus and observing the others. He might chat with a few of the tamer people or play a chill game of cards or chess.

He finds it easy to sneak you into some quiet hallway or empty room (he doesn’t even care if that room belongs to someone else) and make out with you. He probably drags you off somewhere because he got jealous after watching you enjoy yourself around the others, but he’ll claim he just got bored and wanted to mess around.

Pulls you closer than necessary when you spend time talking to him – especially in front of Diavolo or Lucifer. He does it by grabbing you by the thigh or waist.

Eventually drinks himself to sleep relatively late into the night. Falls asleep in a really weird, uncomfortable position (slumped over in a chair or couch, sitting on the floor with his back still against the wall, or using his arms as a pillow on a table).

Gifts – giving: Usually pretty bad at buying gifts, but he’ll give you nice, sewed items that he made for you – usually plushies or warm sweaters/outerwear. He likes making plushies for you because he knows you’ll look at it and hug it while thinking of him. When he can’t be with you, it’s a comfort to him to know that you’ll have the plushie. As for sweaters or outerwear, he thinks you look adorable in cozy clothes and layers (but he’ll never say that). Raphael never thought he would enjoy giving a gift as much as he does when your face lights up and you thank him for your present. He stifles his cuteness aggression so hard, but he desperately wants to pull you into his arms and bite you. Also, he probably blesses whatever he gives you.

Gifts – receiving: Even though someone told him that giving gifts was a common tradition during the holidays, he didn’t expect you to get a present for him. He would love fabric and sewing supplies. He finds it sweet that you’re supporting one of his favorite hobbies. It lets him know that you care. Raphael would also be pleased with gift baskets containing strong-flavored foods: super spicy hot sauces, extra sour candy, bitter snacks, Solomon’s cooking, etc. Lastly, he would be pleasantly surprised if you set up dates as a gift.

Mephistopheles

Only cares about the holidays because Diavolo seems so into it. It at least makes for some interesting newspaper content, though. Likely the second to last to get an invitation to the party – but it comes from Diavolo, so he doesn’t mind too much. He isn’t thrilled to be spending a holiday around Lucifer and his brothers, but if it means spending the holiday with you, he’ll come along. Once Satan invites him to join in on his and Belphie’s prank plans for Lucifer, he starts to look forward to the party a bit more. He’d be thrilled to see Lucifer embarrass himself in front of you and Lord Diavolo.

Uses his stalker journalistic skills to find you on days off and escort you around town while you go about your business. He might show you around if he has any insight into seasonal attractions that he thinks you’ll enjoy. Mephisto, then, invites you for a meal or a drink or back to his place. He’s such a gentleman when he wants to be, and he’ll help you carry things home or get you a ride.

He brings a few rather expensive bottles of Demonus with him, and almost gets kissed by Asmo for it, too. Mammon will throw an arm around him and thank him in a way that somehow annoys Mephisto more than if Mammon hadn’t said anything at all.

He hopes that at least one of the pranks he helped Satan and Belphie with will work, so he keeps an eye on Lucifer throughout the party, anticipating his humiliation. However, his eyes still seem to be trained on you. He follows your every move. Even when he’s talking to Diavolo, he still finds a second to follow your figure.

The only ballsy mf who steals you away multiple times throughout the night. It’s partly because he’s jealous, and partly because he wants you too much to hold back (and it scratches his exhibitionist kink), but he’s cautious until after he’s certain that Luke has gone to bed. After that, all bets are off. He’ll be all over you just behind a pillar in an open hallway – with barely enough room to obscure you and some of his body.

Gifts – giving: Sorry to be back on this foot fetish Mephisto HC but Shoes. Whatever style you’re into, he will get the perfect shoe designed for you. I’m talking more than one person is involved with the design and creation of these shoes. They will be custom made. You will not be able to find them in even the fanciest shops. They’ll be incredibly comfortable, too. If you are able to walk comfortably, they’ll probably include at least a slight platform or heel. He will even drop to one knee and offer to put them on for you. Additionally, he would make some kind of affectionate gesture while he’s down there (probably grabs your calf and brings his lips to your shin or thigh – depending on your height, mostly). Perhaps needless to say, he’s on the “gives gifts in private” team. Mephisto might also present you with jewelry: necklaces, bracelets, and for obvious reasons anklets. No surprises here, but it’s for similar possessive reasons as some of the others.

Gifts – receiving: If you can procure a bottle of Demonus that this man has not managed to get his hands on, not only will he be impressed, but he’ll be so delighted that he will kiss you on the spot and want to try the bottle with you right away. Other than that, you could flip the script and buy him shoes. He’ll be a mess, his cheeks hot and flushed, as you help him slip them on. You could also get him a custom cane. Mephisto probably wouldn’t use it daily though. Adorably, he would designate it for special occasions just because you gave it to him. I’m half joking, but collar him, please. Just imagine his precious face when you tighten the collar around his neck and pet his head and maybe attach the collar to a leash. “Are you trying to claim me?” “You mean I don’t already own you, Mephisto?” “. . . is the door locked?”

A/N: Congratulations on making it all the way down here. Hi. Anyway. I'm going to extend requests for the 1 year flash request event (more details here) for at least another day since I only have 3 requests so far, which is a bit of a bummer, but I'll still be starting with SFW stuff tomorrow. Please feel free to join if you feel like getting a short request. (Also, for real, the past few months/years? have been just bad globally, so I figure it might be nice to write some stuff that might make people feel something good for a while.)

[gaoau]

smth smth uhhh tsurune character analysis time wsg

i've never done this before in my life and i shouldn't even be doing it cause that's crazy tf BUT hi :blush: i'm Kisaragi Nanao's number one fan and hater simultaneously and i need to talk about it. chances are none of this will make the slightest bit of sense, cause thinking about his brain for more than five minutes usually has me going around in circles like a headless chicken. its been almost a year and i have not been able to stop thinking about him, not even in my most trying times so i might as well do the one thing i'm good at and write each and every single one of my thoughts down so the void can eat them all up. my friends are tired of hearing me talk about this so now its your turn, people in the tsurune but more specifically the Nanao tag on tumblr dot com. i'll try to avoid the Kaito talk as much as i can cause i wanna make this solely about Nanao, but i also understand that a lot of their character development goes hand in hand with one another, so it's sort of inevitable

to be completely honest, i wanted to be a Ryohei girlie so bad, i would've even settled for Seiya. i just knew the moment Nanao pulled up and was presented as the flirty annoying playboy, i wouldn't like him. i said it with my whole chest, firmly believing i would find absolutely no reason anywhere in his character to enjoy him. motherfucker i have never been more wrong in my life. at first glance, it doesn't even look like there's much to talk about, cause he doesn't do a whole lot in the first season. except he does. there's only snippets of depth in his character that exist, but he does not let show in order to watch over everyone around him. his introduction is loud and frivolous, especially with one of his first spoken sentences being about his "hakama beauty."

sure, he's good at kyudo, but he's not particularly excellent nor passionate about the sport. this, however, is not true, which builds up in his character as the first season progresses and eventually overflows in the second season. for a character that, in universe, is shown to be in the spotlight consistently ever since he was a child, he's none of that on the range, because that isn't his place. his position on the range is not as important as it is outside of it; he is the yonteki, he is neither at the beginning nor the middle nor the end, he cannot show off, he cannot be the centre of attention as he tends to be. it's true that he attracts a lot of attention and plays into it naturally, because he enjoys it and extroverts, however unfortunate, do exist, but he knows when to take a step back and when to go all out.

there's something i can't ever seem to quite put my finger on. although he is naturally easy-going and playful, this is only a ramped-up front he uses to watch from the back. it's like he's hiding, like he's staying nonchalant and uncommitted so things wash over him. he's blunt. he's so blunt. he really doesn't sugarcoat things, he just doesn't say them until he needs to. i don't wanna call it manipulation, cause that's got a rather negative connotation, but i do wanna call it manipulation, cause that's what it is. he knows how to manipulate responses and reactions with how easy he reads the people around him, and he uses all of that in a very level-headed way to keep peace, though it's always mainly Kaito. it's as if people are malleable to him. it's in the way he pulls Ryohei into doing that whole charade to get Kaito to like Minato, in how he straight up tells Kaito "yeah, it's cause you're being annoyingly tsundere, we're just giving you a push," or in how he tells Minato "yeah, Kacchan don't like you, but he's working on it."

he knows, he's watching, and he's making sure everyone is being accounted for without meddling too much. he sets things into motion with the right push, but he stays out of it, uninvolved. he keeps going on and on about how he's only doing kyudo with nothing but simple bull-headedness, like it doesn't matter all that much, like he can just shrug things off and let Kaito's impulsive comments not get to him. he plays it off, he plays everything off, leaning into that flighty, frivolous prince charming persona, but at the end of the day, he's the most mature and emotionally intelligent of the bunch. 

most of his development is built around connections. whenever Kaito reminds him that he is not taking kyudo seriously, that kyudo is not a game, that kyudo is more than just fun and looking pretty in hakama, Nanao keeps quiet. it's something he knows very well, because none of those are any of the reasons he ever picked up a bow in the first place. he has been watching over Kaito since they were children, going so far as to follow him into kyudo and into the same high-school. however, this is something that Kaito does not recognize for the longest time—not until Nanao actively blows up on him and spells it out for him. Nanao doesn't need for his efforts to be recognized, because he is only doing it to keep peace and read everyone carefully—not only Kaito—to figure out what makes who tick.

he supports his buddies from the back and intervenes only when it's necessary. he aims to please without being self-abandoning; he keeps true to his own self while being a perfect fit for everyone. despite claiming his reasons for shooting are frivolous and superficial, Nanao has an understanding of what sets the people around him off that makes keeping him around necessary, because he shoots for Kaito and now for this team, rather than the target in front of him. he knows, he's so perceptive of it all. there's a scene stuck in my head where Ryohei tries to speak up about the whole Seiya-Nikaido interaction that was bugging him, but he ended up going back on it last minute, and Nanao straight up went "bro, either you commit to it or don't talk."

idk!! call it his big brother instincts, cause that's another thing. things do kinda make a lot more sense when you consider that he is the only one out of everyone in the club (that we know of, cause there's not much about my girls) who is an older sibling. Kaito has two older sisters, Seiya has an older brother, Ryohei has an older sister, and Minato is an only child. Nanao is the only big brother. god i'm losing my fucking mind.

i called him loud and i'll keep calling him loud, but in all honesty Nanao is a lot more silent than he seems. he flirts with his fanclub and attempts it too with the girls in the club, he is quite loud with his "Merha!", he pushes and prods all around with funny comments because, at the end of the day, he is still an entertainer, a mood-maker, and most of all, he's a child. he's still a fifteen-year-old kid that's just dicking around with his friends cause it's not that deep. he's a kid. however, he is consistently reading everyone around him, keeping peace from behind them, working his way around everyone’s quirks and kinks. he's been somewhat forced into this caretaking role, taking comments like "it'd be nice if you and Kaito went to the same school so you can keep him in check" to heart. he too wishes he could be there for his cousin to reel him back in when he steps out of line. and he does, he tries, being the first one to react and try to pull Kaito back before he can bash Minato's face in.

he does things carefully in a way that won't put pressure on anyone other than himself, watching and watching and watching and being so hypersensitive to the smallest of mood changes from anyone. that one little sigh Ryohei gave, to which he immediately went, "what's wrong?" while nobody else batted an eye. when he is the one whose patience finally runs thin, he confronts Kaito about it with truths he has never needed to explain because Kaito would not have been able to digest them properly, and Nanao has always known.

he competes not to win, but to keep up, to stay with his cousin and his team; not approaching a sport with a competitive mindset would be a hindrance to the team, which does not mean he is competitive himself. and he loves kyudo, too, just as much. his expressions and mannerisms are subtle and soft in a way that anyone would miss, but he is happy to see the people that surround him stay on track, with or without his help.

i lose my train of thought every time i start a new sentence cause there's so much i have to say about Nanao. there's a crazy amount of points i go over in my head time and time again. the fact that his hit rate is so consistent, enough to keep up with Kaito and almost with Seiya. how he does not give one flying fuck about Noririn, but he indulges Daigo anyway cause it's fun and it works and he's got nothing to lose by showing a little bit of interest in some guy's idol obsession. how he was watching from the outside, because Kaito never told him what happened with Masaki or why he suddenly wanted to start kyudo, but he was so into it that he was going in all on his own. (i say "never told him" but there's that audio drama where he did, in fact, tell him and the boys.) how kyoani uses him as a sort of bridge between the girlies and the boys just cause he's that much of a social chameleon, i guess. how he's the only other character aside from Minato, the MC mind you, who has not one but TWO features in the character songs album. he's a bridge dawg he's a fit for everyone and anyone. i dunno man i have so many thoughts and zero words to articulate them, but i love this kid. shoutout to this kid, i hope he's having a great day and his lemon teas are always the right temperature. lil bro needs a pat on the back and i wanna be the one to give it to him.

[the1975attheirverybest]

To/for all fanfic readers and writers, with lots of love ❤️:

Hey friends 💗 so, as many of you already know, a lot of fans (many of them fanfic writers) have been leaving tumblr lately and our community has been affected by a lot of negativity and stress for the compounding effects of multiple reasons. Though this is by no means the ONLY reason, fanfic writers have recently dealt with a lot of undue hate, unnecessary drama, and not enough appreciation.

Writers don’t only write for validation. HOWEVER, the experience and practice of writing comes with a lot of feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome. Moreover, writing is primarily a mode of connection. Al of art is. People who write, paint, make music, build stuff…we all do so as ways to express ourselves and connect with others. And getting to share what you write at the end of the writing process adds a layer of meaning to what you do that wouldn’t otherwise exist if you just saved it in a little folder somewhere on your device. So, when writers feel more stress and drama than appreciation, support, or any sign that the connection they reached out for has been made, it naturally makes us question what we do.

It pains me (and I know so may of my mutuals share this sentiment) to see so many talented and beautiful souls leave the fandom space because the culture of community and support that used to be here is no longer inclusive of everyone. It seems, these days, every time I log on, I’m seeing more and more mutuals saying that they’re going to leave, take a long break, or stop posting. I don’t know about you all, but I know I speak both, as a reader, and a writer, when I say that other people leaving is not good for them, for me, or for anyone who loves this fandom and this community.

What can we do about this?

Writers:

Hello my babies ❤️ I love you all. I see you all.

PLEASE OH PLEASE KEEP WRITING.

You’re doing amazing. You are the glue that holds this community together. You make art. Inspire conversations. Stir other people’s imaginations.

Art produces art. I started posting on here because I read the writing of other talented people on here that MADE ME want to start doing it.

Whether you write little blurbs, take request, writer multi-chapter, long, thousand + word fics, or just concepts; whether you write smut, fluff, angst….whatever it is that you do, you are valid. Important. Needed. Necessary.

When the inevitable “hiatus” occurs or even in between shows….who do you think this fandom depends on for keeping the energy alive? Writers.

Writing can be a lonely and self-loathing experience. We need each other. Reach out to other writers. Lift them up. Support them.

Share your work with one another. Discuss. Fangirl. Celebrate yourselves and each other. No, no, no ,no!! I heard that. I heard that sneaky voice in the back of your head telling you that you don’t have the right to call yourself a writer or to celebrate cuz you’re not even that good. FUCK THAT SHIT. YES YOU DO. YES YOU ARE.

Readers

Y’all are so so so special. ❤️ yes we write to entertain ourselves. Yes we do it cuz it’s fun. But when I tell you that there is no greater joy to me than reading y’all’s thoughts in the tags when you reblog, or seeing your comments or asks….literally means more to me than anything.

Do NOT let anyone make you feel bad or guilty about enjoying fanfiction.

If you like a fic, engage with it. Like, comment, reblog, reach out to the writer and let them know that you liked it.

Bonus points if you let them know WHAT you liked about it. I promise you, you’ll have that talented and slutty and sweet mf kicking screaming twirling their hair and smiling for the rest of the day if you tell them you enjoyed what they wrote.

You are never bothering us. We never get tired of your kindness. It’s never repetitive. It’s never meaningless. Any time that you say something, your comment will pop into our head when we next question whether or keep going or not.

Sooooo….what do we do about this?

I encourage you, whether you’re a new writer or a writer with a platform, please don’t stop because some childish killjoys with inferiority complexes wanna take your shine away. Post your work. Enjoy the unique pleasures of making art outside of the structures of capitalist consumption. Nobody is paying you for this. Nobody is estimating the value of your worth and trying to market your labor. Do you know how rare that is???

Writers support writers. Lift each other up. Share each others work. Give each other feedback. Remind each other of each others talent when you see someone starting to doubt themselves or haters getting under their skin.

Readers: like, COMMENT, FUCKIN REBLOG. it takes an extra second. It’s worth more than you know. Do it. It’s the least you can do for someone who has poured their heart and soul into something and delivered it to you on a silver platter.

Writers, readers, shitposters, fans a like: look out for one another. Take care of each other. Have each others backs. If you see a hateful comment, if you see someone trying to gate-keep, shame, or alienate anyone for any reason, CALL. THEM. OUT. Actions have consequences. If you’re so cowardly as to take yiu hate from one platform to another, you don’t have the write to make people feel like shit and ruin their hobby without consequences. You’ll be called on to answer for your bullshit.

There is no hierarchy within the fandom. You don’t get to tell someone how matty will feel about them as a fan and you don’t get to judge the way that someone participates in this fandom.

This month, a lot of your favorite authors will be posting October/ fall/ Halloween themed fics because of this. I think it’s the perfect time to revisit the way that we do reader and writer appreciation around here. I encourage you all to engage with fanfiction more personally and help make this fandom safe for everyone.

[anonzentimes]

do you also get so so so sick of "my fandom sucks" jokes? i got into sonic last year and the series is awsome but the fandom (mostly on twitter) is annoyingly full of "dont mess with us sonic fans we dont even like the games", and then i got into danganronpa and the exact same thing happened. people dont allow themselves to just enjoy anything for some reason????? as if they had to have a justification or apologize for having fun with a thing perceived as annoying by non fans??

anyways i really like your posts, thoughts and rambles so for that and as a fellow sonic and danganronpa enjoyer i want to know what your thoughts on this whole "haha i hate my fandom *stays in the fandom*" phenomenon are. i find it rather confusing personally

DUDE. OH MY GOD KINDA SAME??? Okay, I got into Danganronpa 3 years ago now and only recently last year got into Sonic, Well more like I finally got out of denial about the fact I could be a Sonic fan since I always cared and researched about the franchise more than somebody who wasn't a fan would LOL.

Anyways, It really depends on the context of the joke because I think it's funny when people don't even remember basic information and it's used there? But otherwise it's kinda weird and pointless. The reputation of the fans with media I liked alongside knowing someone who viewed their own interests negatively caused me to become really embarrassed about my interests for a while. I'm finally just kind of embracing myself again and not caring much anymore, I think the jokes and general feeling of people trying to apologize for enjoying something is a lot more harmful than people think. I can say a few of my joking "I hate the fandom," sentiments but it's always followed by SOMETIMES or a PART of the fandom when referring to any drama or specific people misunderstanding things. Every generalization has exceptions and I think it's quite unfortunate people kind of put themselves in a corner like that sometimes.

Honestly it also depends on what the person means when they say it too actually, because sometimes saying that means from the person that they've admitted they have this "bad" status as a fan of something and kind of have accepted it? Like they accept they have that status, say the status is bad, and then stick to it because they've accepted that they're "bad" and enjoy the thing. It honestly is kind of an interesting phenomenon. I don't know, it just kind of all depends on context I suppose.

Just overall I think the attitude people have of bunching status together because of reputation is kind of harmful but inevitable. I do know that whatever phenomenon it is I've been recently stopped being harmed by it from embracing myself lol. I still understand it has a reputation and I may say something like "Yeah, I'm a sonic/danganronpa fan" in a teasing way when it comes to cringe culture jokingly, but genuinely like I'm not sorry or guilty for enjoying anything anymore at all. I mean like, I'm the person who's gone out in public with my surprisingly comfy monokuma jacket and sonic backpack before LOL I don't care what anyone says I'm just having fun and living my life happily with the time I have in this world. I don't need to waste energy thinking about the reputation of the fans of the thing I'm enjoying as long as I'm enjoying it, and honestly life has been so much nicer after that finally solidified in my head again. Nobody lives forever and I'd rather spend it being myself and enjoying what I want to.

Basically my conclusion is this: It can be funny depending on context, primarily when someone isn't having great media literacy, and I think it's fine when exceptions to a generalizations are considered. HOWEVER in general I don't enjoy the negative tone people have towards themself and the guilt about enjoying something that is created with the negative attitude sometimes. We're all just like people on a floating rock I don't think anyone cares if you like the silly hedgehogs, and if they do then they're kind of a loser for getting upset over your enjoyment they should be more concerned with themselves and their enjoyment loll.

Sorry if this has typos or anything lol I was about to go to bed but this resonated with me so i wanted to get my thoughts out right away. Thanks for the ask!! <3

[nihilnothings]

Aight I know some may groan considering love debates tend to go awry but considering how romance and ship teases have been a part of this fandom for too long it is inevitable that discussions for this shall arise.

Source: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/109469704

Note 1: This post was partly inspired by the thoughts of a blogger who goes by Kanae who believes that is possible for the three heroines: Ruby, Akane, and Kana to represent three types of love: "Familial", "Romance", and "Admiration"

Note 2: If you're curious on their views, head over to their blog to hear their interesting perspectives on the dynamics between the Quartet (Aqua, Ruby, Kana, and Akane....though it's mostly Akane/Aqua considering how most misinterpret their dynamic a lot)

Kanae's Blog: https://skania.tumblr.com/

Note 3: Just because I defend this theory doesn't necessarily mean it comes true, I just find that this view makes sense and is coherent with the story but who knows if Akasaka might pull off something that'll throw this theory off

One of the criticisms that I notice regarding the "Akane Love Interest" theory is the fact that people find it as "derogatory" or "limiting" her scope to just that.

However, this may be considered a hot take by some, but I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with being a "Love Interest" because she isn't just a "prize" or "narrative McGuffin", she's a love interest character with a thematic and narrative purpose, whose done a lot by progressing the plot, develop characters, and entertain the audience with her personality and character dynamics.

Seriously, it can be difficult to find "designated love interests" in shounen to ever contribute to the plot in the same way Akane does, most of them tend to not even interact with the male lead and kinda is just there as a "prize".

People need to understand that certain characters are created for a purpose, just because a character doesn't have a current overarching goal that involves a career or mending/breaking familial ties it doesn't necessarily mean that it degrades their character. If let's say that they are created as a love interest, it's not a big deal as long as they show instead of telling why they're a love interest and move the plot going. There's a narrative and thematic reason to why Akane's development is tied to Aqua in comparison to most characters with Ruby being a runner up in that department. Even with her breaking off from Aqua her goals still involve Aqua despite the fact that she can choose not to follow through but instead she chose to plunge herself back into danger and Aqua for all his talk of cutting her off is still drawn to her in spite of his efforts to hide it.

(Read this: https://skania.tumblr.com/post/720497617513201664/can-we-please-talk-about-how-silly-aqua-is)

Kind of a weird comparison but I consider her as something akin to "the Joker", where both characters are a lack of a better word "Entertaining Narrative Devices", they embody a certain theme and move the plot while having a personality which keeps the audience entertained. They also are glued to the main lead where they both are at the same wavelength yet are different at the same time alongside having goals that often tie back to the main lead.

I guess if you really want a goal then patching things up with Kana can be considered one but I feel like that isn't the same as an overarching goal of "I want to be an Idol", "I want to be an acknowledged actress", or "I want to kill my dad." Patching up with Kana shouldn't be a slow or difficult endeavor considering that both do not really have negative feelings to harbor in the first place. I guess breaking off from Aqua but the thing is she already is away from Aqua and is choosing to go back and stop him out of her own free will instead of being ordered because she cares a lot for him.

Whether or not they end up together is anyone's guess as it depends on how both of them will resolve this issue at hand during or after the revenge plot (I can safely say that the revenge plot would not be interrupted with a romance as the killer genuinely needs to be stopped considering how he's life-threatening to entertainers everywhere.)

Edit 1: Late edit but changed the wording of the disclaimer a bit to accurately represent my source's thoughts.

[library-of-crow]

5+1: Billy and Aviva

Generally speaking, there was no Billy without Aviva. This information was widely known to any who crossed paths with him. As they listened to endless stories about her beauty or were incessantly reminded of her many strengths and talents, it was quickly made apparent the depth of love he held for his Aviva. 

Casual ‘I love yous’ were popular between the two. He reminded her of this fact daily, perhaps even hourly, and she’d return every single one. That being said, there was a time before domesticity settled and Billy struggled more with the concept of love and feelings. 

Here are five times Billy didn’t say ‘I love you’ and the one time it mattered the most. 

The first time was not long after they’d reunited. It had taken Billy some time to find Aviva after she finished school but he was determined to keep his promise. Granted, he barely knew her outside the couple of weeks she’d spent stopping by his cage and extending the first kind hand he’d seen in awhile. That, however, was enough for him to come crawling back like a wild animal that had gotten a taste of domestic life. 

When he found her, he joined her travels. It was awkward at first. He didn’t talk much, she couldn’t talk forever, they both understood this. Yet, eventually, their conversations grew longer and Billy’s more curious side overtook them. He asked her all sorts of things that were otherwise mundane to Aviva. Why would you use a fork? What made trees grow so tall? How could she love a fruit?

“What do you mean?” She asked, the pleasant sound of her amused laughter filling the space over the crackle of the fire. 

“They rot and sour over time.” Billy shook his head, sticking his tongue out from behind his mask. “Terrible thing to travel with. No sense in enjoying them.”

“Well, you can enjoy them before then. Besides, some soured fruits can be turned into new things. Just because something’s gone bad, doesn’t mean it's without any value.” She shook her head lightly, that smile never leaving her face. “And you can love things that are not perfect all the time. You just have to love them in spite of that.” 

At that moment, Billy felt something inside him shift. He stared at her for a moment, listening to her light chuckle and truly taking in the way that the flames flickered off her face. Did that mean she could love other things that weren’t necessarily perfect? He wondered if he could too. He wondered if he should tell her that he could love her like she loved fruits, but decided not to. 

The second time was over a meal at an inn. It was late. The two had been traveling together now for a little over a month. Billy had removed his mask before and occasionally left it off when they walked alone. Here, he wore it. 

“It's going to be difficult to eat with that on, and I know you’re starving.” Aviva pointed at him with her fork. Her eyes were sunken with exhaustion but her teasing smile lit up the space between them. Still, he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. 

“I’m not starving.”

“You absolutely are.”

“I’m-” His stomach interrupted him. Proudly, she pointed at him again and didn’t have to say anything. He groaned. “Not here.” He gestured to the fairly busy inn with his head. Too many eyes.

"Alright, then.” Aviva stood up. Her form was followed by a confused set of eyes as she grabbed both of their plates and began towards the exit. “Well? Come on.” Obediently, he stood and followed her out. She didn’t stop until they were around the side of the inn, in the shadow of the building, with nothing but the moonlight to illuminate the both of them. Only then did she sit down, legs crossed and unbothered by the dirt. She gestured for him to do the same. He did.

“Why?” Billy asked, accepting his plate of food from her hands. 

“So you can take off the mask. Now eat.” She urged, returning to her own food without a second thought. Confused, Billy hesitated. He waited for the inevitable negative side effect that he expected from moments like these. It never came. Slowly, he reached up and removed his mask. His eyes never left her as he folded it and set it aside to move for his first bite of food. She didn’t return the eye contact, instead focusing on eating her own meal.

This continued for a few bites until Billy fully believed that she meant him no harm. The two ate in silence, protected by the walls of the inn but otherwise hidden from view, and Billy felt comfortable in a way he’d only ever felt around Aviva. He thought back to things he’d learned from her and considered breaking the silence to tell her that he loved her for doing something like this for him. He settled for, “thank you,” whispered softly in her head. 

The third time occurred when Billy somehow found himself in the presence of high society. It was the first time Aviva had been summoned back home and insisted that Billy joined her. The last time, he resisted and opted to wait in a nearby town until she was ready to leave, but this time she’d convinced him to join her through a series of well thought out promises to be fulfilled. Most of them involved foods he enjoyed, at least one involved a basket of his new favorite fruit. Now, however, as he stood in the stuffy reception hall surrounded by little girls staring at him with wide eyes, he wondered if it was a good idea.

“Why are they staring at me?” His voice reached into Aviva’s head, earning him only a stifled laugh in return. “I fail to see the humor in this.”

“They’re just curious about a new face.” Aviva crossed over to where he stood and ruffled the twins’s hair before shooing them off with gentle shoves towards the other end of the hall. “They won’t bother you too much. Maybe a little bit, but not too much.” She covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled a little bit. Billy did his best to remain stoic but the corner of his mouth twitched up in betrayal. 

“Do they have nothing better to do?” He questioned, rolling his eyes a bit to return to his more natural grumpy state. This earned him a firm pat on the chest as Aviva then turned to go about doing her own thing.

“No, they don’t.” She called over her shoulder, waving to him as she headed down the hall. He looked to either side, noting the soft sound of giggling children from behind a nearby pillar, then chased after her to avoid further interactions from the kids. 

As expected, Billy found himself constantly looking over his shoulder. The soft pitter patter of little feet running off would always sound when he turned in any direction. He’d killed horrors beyond anyone’s comprehension but children were an entirely new beast to conquer. Following a stiff and extremely uncomfortable family dinner, he’d followed Aviva for a walk around the castle to detox from the encounter. As expected, they were never truly alone.

“And then, of course, we could-” Aviva halted mid-sentence. Billy moved to speak but she put a hand up to stop him before bringing it to her lips in a soft ‘shush’. He didn’t fully understand it. After all, it wasn’t like he was going to talk out loud. “There.” She pointed with the same finger that had hushed him to a set of suspiciously lumpy curtains. The curtains giggled quietly before hushing themselves. Without saying anything, Aviva stepped lightly in their direction. The giggling swelled. “It's rude to,” she threw the curtains back to reveal the twins clinging to one another in a fit of laughter, “eavesdrop on people!” 

Billy watched with a tilted head as she jokingly scolded them, earning more laughter and mock salutes in return. When she invited them to join their walk, he groaned softly to himself but followed along nevertheless. The conversation shifted towards extravagant stories that held their sparkling eyes on Aviva as they walked. Billy trailed silently behind, lest he startle the girls with a voice in their heads. 

“What about him?” Aiyane asked bluntly, pointing in Billy’s direction as they slowed to a stop. Instinctively, Billy looked behind him then turned back pointing to himself. “What is he?” Aviva scolded her candid question and pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“This is Billy, you met him earlier.” She reintroduced him, circling around him and giving him a soft pat on the shoulder. He straightened. A couple bones in his back cracked. 

“Okay?” Aeries looked unimpressed. “Does he like, love you or something?” 

The world faded to a distant echo for a moment as Billy mulled the question over. Vaguely, he could hear Aviva once again scolding the girls for being so outright, but it was no more than a whisper in the back of his mind. Did he love her? What is it to love someone? Like really love someone? No, he really shouldn’t. That wouldn’t be fair to her. His eyes flicked around as he thought it over. Aiyane noticed this. Billy said nothing. 

The fourth time was back on the road. More specifically in the middle of a fight against some particularly nasty creatures. The two of them were ankle deep in gore and death when an ogre joined the fray. They were both exhausted, having taken numerous hits over the course of the fight, and neither was in any shape to take on a creature quite so large. With no other choice but to fight, they got to work on the beast. Each of them hacked and slashed until they could feel their arms holding on by a mere tether. Then, it all went wrong. 

Billy, from the other side of the beast, heard a stuttering noise and a quiet ‘shit’ spilling from Aviva’s mouth. Something had jammed Intervention. She was kneeling, prepared to shoot the creature for a finishing blow when it happened, so the sound was quick to alert the beast to her predicament. 

“Aviva, move!” He yelled, watching her head shoot up to see the creature approaching her with its weapon held high. She scrambled, trying to get out of the way as Billy moved to make an attack. As if swatting a fly, the ogre sent Billy into a tree with a branch firmly implanted in his back. The pain was excruciating but he felt nothing as he desperately tried to push himself up and rush back to her side. He was too slow.

Aviva had hesitated when Billy went flying, putting her in a less than favorable position as the ogre reeled his weapon back and struck her down. Billy didn’t hear anything from her as her body slumped to the ground and immediately feared the worst. With a devastating scream, he ripped himself from the tree and felt dark energy surge and crackle through his body. His veins blackened as every eyeball on his body turned to watch as an eldritch blast ripped from his soul and tore through the ogre as if it was nothing. The eyeballs cheered him on, their voices meddling in his mind like swarming rats. His throat constricted as he felt Seiran’s grasp on him tighten but he didn’t care. Two more bolts sent pieces of the ogre flying across the woods before Billy was finally brought to his knees. 

The world was hazy as he desperately tried to catch his breath. “Aviva..” He called, hands gripping the dirt as he forced himself to crawl towards her. He felt his body ache and tire but he pressed onwards until he made it to her side. He cradled her head with bloodied hands, brushing her hair from her face. Even with blood dripping from the crown of her head, she was soft and beautiful. His head dropped to touch her forehead to his own, wrapping her close to himself in a protective hold. “Aviva.. Please…” He sounded again, wanting any sort of reply. 

Aviva’s hand twitched ever so slightly. He caught sight of it just out of the corner of his eye. He dipped down further, pressing his ear to her chest to check for a heartbeat. The soft, rhythmic sound came as a comfort. He felt his entire body relax. He was spent but he couldn’t leave her side, not like this. “Aviva, I-” He started to croon into her neck, picking her body up slightly to find solace in listening to her pulse there. Aviva groaned. He stopped short of finishing his sentence.

“Bloody- What in the hells happened?” She asked, groaning but otherwise staying limp in his arms. He got the feeling it was more comfortable that way. The sound of her voice, however hoarse it was, sent relief through his body. He peeled her back far enough to just look at her. 

“You died.” He joked.

“So it seems. I’ve found myself in the arms of an angel.” She retorted, smiling at him.

Billy said nothing.

The fifth time happened much later in their time together. By now, the two of them walked and talked like an old married couple. Everyone they crossed paths with assumed they were together but the two of them had never felt the need to define their relationship any further. They took pleasure in each other’s company and that seemed to be enough. This night was unlike any other as they sat around a dwindling campfire and watched the embers spark and jump in the darkness.

“Tomorrow, we should get a room at an inn.” Billy’s voice broke the quiet as he stretched his arms above his head with a resounding crack as his elbows straightened. Aviva watched with a bemused smile.

“What happened to the man that preferred ‘roughing it’? You used to scoff at the thought of a bed, gods forbid we have a roof.” She wiggled her fingers at him with a laugh. His head tilted ever so slightly as he fondly listened to the sound. He never tired of hearing it.

“That man is dead. I want a feathered bed.” This threw Aviva into a fit of laughter as she doubled over and slapped the log she sat atop. He wasn’t the joking type but his attempts at humor were always well received by her. She had told him once that it made her feel closer to him. He huffed a chuckle but was far more captivated in watching the way the fire danced on her features. He cursed the shadows that hid parts of her face but praised the ones that highlighted every crease of her smile and squint of her eyes. 

“Hey? Come on back now.” Aviva had calmed her laughing and was wiping tears from her eyes when she noticed him drifting off. She waved a hand in his face, to which he jumped a bit and turned away. “You’ve been doing that a lot recently. Dazing off, staring forward. You alright?” She asked with hints of concern permeating her tone as she leaned forward to stare back at him.

“Fine.” He attested but firmly avoided looking back her way. A small part of him was grateful for his strange undead status. He didn’t exactly blush because of it. “Just tired.”

“Then you should head to sleep. I’ll take first watch.” She reached forward and prodded at the fire while he pushed to his feet and crossed to her side. He wouldn’t argue with a bit of sleep. At least, not anymore.

“Goodnight Aviva, I-” He looked down as he started to pass her. She looked up. There was a twinkle of expectation in her eye as she stared at him just waiting for the end of his sentence. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He patted the top of her head lightly before continuing on his way. She nodded, humming her response with a subtle smirk on her face. 

Aviva would never tell him that she heard him cursing himself as he walked off.

The one time his confession mattered, was long after the two of them had pursued a romantic relationship. In fact, they were long married and doting ‘I love yous’ were so common between the couple that they hardly seemed significant when they were exchanged. They took the place of farewells and greetings. They were peppered in between kisses and shared in quiet secrets. Billy even went as far as dropping them in Aviva’s head though the two were on opposite sides of the castle. There certainly were perks to his strange abilities. 

All in all, the pair were happy. Billy was happy so long as he had Aviva nearby. For awhile, even, he had forgotten the pact he was ensnared in as he let his warlock duties slip into the back of his mind. Aviva had taken precedence. 

Unfortunately, ignoring a pact was no way to go about escaping it. Tired of his thralls slipping away, Seiran yanked Billy’s chain. The lich had brought him into his realm for the first time in a while and brought him to his knees. Billy’s body burned as iron chains held him in place and wires crushed his throat.

“You will not disobey me again. Should you even consider it, I will burn everything you hold dear.” Seiran’s voice sliced through him like the sharpest blades. His resolve buckled under the weight of fear.

When he returned to Aviva, he clung to her in a way she’d never seen from him. His hands shook as his grip on her clothing went knuckle white. For once, she didn’t know what to say. 

The next few weeks were dedicated to brainstorming ways to free him of his pact. Billy, naturally, didn’t participate in these conversations and instead was the perfect little warlock to appease his nasty patron. Aviva led these discussions, asking Anri and Nerys for their thoughts, reading extensively on warlock pacts, eventually ending up at Wyn’s door.

“Have you considered the Raven Queen?” Wyn asked with the subtle tilt of her head. Aviva mimicked it in a questioning gesture. “She’s mentioned him before.”

“We’re trying to get him out of a pact. I’d prefer not to throw him into another one.” 

“Wouldn’t be one.” Wyn said firmly, taking Aviva’s arm to walk with her. Aviva didn’t resist. She’d piqued her interest. As they walked, Wyn clarified that the Raven Queen could protect Billy from Seiran while asking for very little in return. She explained that the Matron had allegedly taken notice of Billy, as his mere existence was enough to land him on her radar. While Aviva wouldn’t have made a decision without consulting Billy first, this route felt the most viable for ensuring he was safe and happy. 

That night, she brought it up to him.

“I thought I was getting out of a pact, not-”

“It's not a pact.” Billy cocked an eyebrow. How’d she know he was going to say that? “It's a way for us to keep you safe and keep Seiran off your back.” She explained, before delving into the semantics Wyn outlined to her before. She paced around their shared room as she spoke while Billy watched her from his seat on the edge of the bed. 

Before either of them knew it, they were standing in a large room. At the front stood an altar to the Raven Queen and Wyn to the side of it. Billy had been ushered to the center of the room as Wyn recited some words that Billy didn’t fully understand. He looked back at Aviva, who smiled at him encouragingly, then up towards Wyn. Only when he turned, he was met with the visage of a large white mask peering down at him. The floor below him gave way to reveal himself held gingerly in a pair of great hands. 

No words were exchanged as he stared up at the Matron, entirely awestruck by what he was staring at. The moment he moved to speak, he felt something tighten on his throat. He reached up to feel an iron collar sizzling his neck, connected to a long chain that vanished into oblivion after a certain point. Another white hand wordlessly reached and crushed the chain to dust. Its particles turned to black feathers that rained onto his body from above. Air rushed through him as the collar disappeared and he felt himself overcome with a strange new sensation: safety. The bone wings on his back flapped, revealing themselves to be freshly coated with feathers he’d lost long ago. Hands touched at his torso, now devoid of peering eyes and coated only with the scars he’d received over time. Checking his shoulders, he saw smooth skin where horns had once protruded. She’d let him keep the ones on his head, though, he couldn’t help but like those. 

Billy started to thank her, to swear fealty, to bend the knee in her service, but was interrupted as a wave of understanding washed over him. Nothing needed to be said. His eyes fell shut and when they reopened, he was back in that room with his lover standing above him. 

“Billy? Billy? Are you alright?” Aviva’s face was twisted in fear and concern that he could just barely see through his squinted eyes. He couldn’t recall at what point he’d ended up on the ground, but he was there now. “Billy, please, are you alright?” She repeated as he started to blink more and return to the present moment. 

As if it was second nature, Billy started to open his mouth in reply. Then he paused. Why had he done that? Could he.. No, he couldn’t possibly. A sound croaked from his throat and he looked surprised for a moment. Aviva was confused but she didn’t let go of his hand as he propped himself up and turned his wide eyed stare her way.

“..Vi..va..” Billy barely managed, his voice hoarse from decades without use. “..Lo..Lov..” He grimaced, agitation present on his features. Why was talking so hard? He took a deep breath, calming himself and turning his attention back to her. 

“I.. Lo-Love you..” It was awkward as he opened his mouth in odd shapes to try and approximate the sounds, but the point got across. “I love..you.” He repeated, this time with more confidence. “I love you.” He said again, his voice beginning to sound more and more like his own.

Aviva was awestruck. He could speak. For a second, she didn’t say anything. Eventually, her shocked expression broke into a wide smile as she tackled him back to the ground with her arms wrapped around his neck. Billy hit the ground with a soft ‘oof,’ but was quick to wrap his arms around her in return.

“I love you, too..” She whispered, squeezing him gently. The first words he’d spoken, and they were meant just for her. 

“I love you..” He continued repeating as his eyes fell shut. “I love you.” He nestled into the crook of her neck. “I love you, Aviva.” He squeezed her close, but this time he wasn’t afraid to lose her. This time, he was just happy to have her near.

[redjadethewriter]

Zero Tolerance: Stopping Bi-phobia and All Forms of Bigotry.

Hello there, social media-loving peeps.

Lately, I have felt compelled to write about abuse, although I'm not entirely sure why. It could be because I feel ashamed of making assumptions about certain individuals in the media who claimed to have been victims of abuse. At first, I doubted their stories, but it turned out they were indeed victims of abuse, and the evidence was undeniable. Unfortunately, no one believed them. Reflecting on this, I realized how wrong I was, especially since I dislike it when others make assumptions about me. I want to apologize for allowing my own trauma and triggers to cloud my judgment of others. It's important to note that intuition can sometimes be mistaken for triggers, leading to inaccurate assessments and hasty judgments. Believe me, I have learned my lesson. I thought I was a compassionate person, but now I see that I have a lot to learn about not jumping to conclusions about someone's character. The reason I hastily judged these individuals in the first place was because they exhibited certain traits or behaviors that reminded me of my abusive ex-partner. Although she may not have physically harmed me, she caused significant emotional and mental damage. As a result, even a minor trigger led me to doubt another woman's claim of severe abuse, preventing me from acknowledging the injustice she endured and the losses she suffered. To address this misconception, I used examples from two TV series, "Interview with the Vampire" and "Agatha All Along," to demonstrate that there is no such thing as a "perfect victim." If you're interested, you can read more about my thoughts on this matter in those blog posts. 

There's No "Perfect Victim" In Abuse: Interview with the Vampire

Agatha Craftedly Unmasked: My Take on Agatha All Along

Now, I am writing this blog to express my grief about various issues, which are all related to the topic of unfairly judging people based on biased assumptions. It has been a year since I ended my long-standing friendship with someone who I considered to be like a sister to me. And yes, I am still grieving. We had been friends for nearly ten years and had shared in each other's successes and failures. We even experienced similar life events. I got married first, and a year later, she followed suit. When I went through a divorce, she also went through one a year later. There were so many instances where our lives seemed to align that we both believed if something happened to me, she would inevitably face the same fate. We even had an inside joke about how people should not only save money for their wedding but also set aside a larger budget for the divorce, based on our own experiences with the financial challenges it brings. Divorces are definitely more expensive than weddings, but that is not the focus of this topic. 

I'm feeling heartbroken because of the reason we are no longer best friends. It all stems from misunderstandings, past traumas, triggers, and negative experiences, including the fear or aversion towards a certain  word–phobic. This isn't the first time I've encountered people close to me who have shown biphobia. I’m not bi by the way.  But It's not just limited to that, though; there are also transphobes, homophobes, and perhaps even heterophobes. It's disheartening to see how our society is divided due to preconceived beliefs and unpleasant encounters. However, what caused the division between my best friend and me was her biphobia. We are both lesbians who have been in relationships with bisexual women, even marrying them. The difference lies in our perspectives: she attributed her ex's negative behavior to her bisexuality, whereas I recognized that her ex had serious mental health issues that she refused to address. This ultimately led me to end my relationship with my ex, as she was taking out her issues on me. 

As I mentioned earlier, I have unfortunately encountered bi-phobia from someone close to me before. My first girlfriend was incredibly biphobic, which stemmed from her own negative experiences. Even in my twenties, I had a better understanding of how to address her concerns. I told her, "Hey...you were her rebound," as a woman she was upset about had recently ended a marriage and was simply exploring her sexuality. However, despite my ex identifying as a proud and out lesbian, my she had significant mental and emotional issues which caused her to be unkind when triggered. In her eyes, you could only be either a lesbian or straight, with no middle ground. This was my first encounter with someone who was possessive to the extent of questioning and contradicting my own sexuality based on my choice of friends. Since I had both male and female friends, I faced constant scrutiny. Therefore, I empathize with individuals who endure such levels of mental and emotional abuse from their insecure partners. However, I want to clarify that I never labeled her as "crazy". She was simply a woman controlled by her personal issues. Now, I also have my own struggles with my personal demons. In response to another blog post about cold people, I wrote a blog entry of my own, because of people's preconceived beliefs about me. That’s why I could relate to Rio’s character in Agatha All Along, when Agatha made backhanded remarks about Rio not having a heart and no scars. When in fact Rio has an emotional scar from hurting the one she loved, who is Agatha, by the way. The blog title: My Critique of a Blog About Cold People.

I used to be someone who was emotionally detached and disconnected from my feelings. In my twenties, I wasn't even aware that this was an issue, so I didn't realize how it was impacting my relationships. It also prevented me from standing up to people who displayed inappropriate behavior, whether it was directed at me or others. I never confronted those close to me who were being disrespectful. It bothered me when some of my friends were unfaithful to their partners to varying degrees. The main issue for me was witnessing actions that went against my personal beliefs. Specifically, I found it disrespectful and a breach of trust when a person in a committed relationship allowed someone else to flirt with them and engage in inappropriate acts. I never wanted to be involved in that kind of behavior. As a result, I distanced myself from those friendships and stopped spending time with them. Maybe it's due to my unique way of thinking, but I simply don't comprehend why people engage in such actions, or why friends would support their friends' negative behaviors. More importantly, why do family members enable bad behavior from other family members? It's no wonder why things are so messed up. We have come to accept and normalize these negative actions, and worst of all, we have normalized cruelty.

After all these years, I challenge people's preconceived beliefs and refuse to tolerate biased behaviors rooted in phobia. Therefore, last year, I made the difficult decision to end a long-standing friendship with my best friend. The reason behind this was her deliberate expression of bi-phobic views towards a bisexual woman she  was talking to at the time. Over the course of several months, I repeatedly attempted to dissuade her from engaging in conversations and flirtations with women she had no genuine interest in dating. It became apparent that she intentionally sought out bisexual women even though she desired only a relationship with a lesbian. This final incident served as the tipping point for me. While I am still grieving the loss, I have reached a point where I can no longer tolerate such behaviors from people, even though I understand they may stem from trauma and insecurities. 

Writing these blogs is like a journey through my thoughts, a way for me to express my grief. It also serves as a tool for self-reflection, allowing me to delve into my beliefs, thoughts, and hidden emotions. I remember a conversation I had with my ex-bestie during our last hangout. We were driving to the grocery store together, planning to buy some snacks for our movie night. She mentioned how she wished she could switch off her emotions. Looking at her that day, I felt compelled to share my perspective. I said, "Trust me, it doesn't bring any solace to life. By doing that, you lose the ability to experience joy, happiness, and other positive emotions." It was a topic she knew I struggled with, yet she longed for it. I expressed my own desire to feel the full range of emotions again, and I acknowledged her fortune in still being able to feel and celebrate her accomplishments, like when her play was adapted into a live performance. When I create something, I feel nothing. That's how valuable emotions are. So, I hope that one day she finds inner peace and resolution. I am constantly striving for my own, as I need to challenge myself too. 

[lavienbleuuu]

Armed with a Mind

The mind is its own place, and itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven, aye? I’m at the office and a little loose at work, so I decided to pure my anxiety into this shit. As a human being, we must have experienced suffering. No matter how fucking rich or noble your parents, even if your grandma’s queen Elizabeth or your father is Elon Musk. As long as u human, u will suffer and it’s inevitable. Mark my word.

I often listen to the stories of my friends. Usually they vent about things that make them suffer, such as love, career, family and so on. What really attracted me to listen to their stories wasn’t actually their storyline, or my fondness for seeing their emotional outbursts. However, my interest is more to “how can these things cause them to suffer and where does the suffering really come from?” As I listened to stories about what made them suffer, I came to one conclusion. A conclusion which is of course based on my personal opinion which has not been tested theoretically. The truth is up to you. However, this is my perspective on suffering.

If wealth, occupation, knowledge are not guarantees for someone to avoid suffering, then what is it? With my sense of naive, I would say it is our thought. Based on my personal experiences, I tend to complicate things that are actually simple. For instance, I was a person who likes to complain about things that I really don’t need to complain about. This complaint then makes my day worse and ends up making me suffer. The part of the chicken that doesn’t match with my request, the traffic jam, the coffee that’s too sweet, slow internet, and complicated client for example. These things often becomes the cause of my suffer which it shouldn’t be. The chicken is not wrong, but my mind is.

We live in a world of thought, not reality. Sydney Banks once said “Thought is not reality; yet it is through thought that our realities are created.” Each of us lives through our own perceptions of world, which are vastly different from the person right next to us. For example, you could be sitting in a coffee shop having a fucking quarter-live existential crisis, completely stressed out of your mind about how you have no idea what you’re doing with your shit when it seems like everyone else has.

Without our usual thinking about a particular event or thing, our experience of its completely alters. This is how we live in a world of thought, not reality, and how our perception of reality is created from inside out, through our own thinking. Therefore, you can change the reality by changing your mind.

My advice is, don’t fight your mind, its just futile endeavor. The analogy is like quicksand. The more that we fight our thinking, the more it amplifies the negative emotions and the worse it gets. The same is true for quicksand. if we’re in quicksand, the way out isn’t to fight it. If we panic and frantically try to fight it, it only makes things worse by tightening the grip it has on us and pulling us under faster. The only way out is to stop struggling and allowing the natural buoyancy of your body to take over to bring you back up to the surface with ease. The only way to break free from our thinking is to let go and trust that our natural inner wisdom will guide us back to clarity and peace like it always has.

Our reality is neutral event, but we put our meaning, thinking, or interpretation to it so it becomes something -either pleasure or suffer. Any meaning or thinking we give the event is on us and that is how our perception of reality is created. This is how our experience of life is created from inside out.

It’s not about the events that happen in our lives, but our interpretation of them, which causes us to feel good or bad about something. Maybe this is how people in third world countries can be happier than people in first world countries and people in first world countries can be more miserable than people in third world countries -remember calmness is the orientation of eastern philosophy. Our feelings do not come from external events, but from our own thinking about events. Therefore, we can only ever feel what we are thinking.

From there, if I can only feel what I’m thinking, didn’t I need to think positively to feel that way rather than complaining about the part of the chicken that doesn’t match with my request? Hmmm…

[worldinshadows]

This sadness and anxiety is paralytic. I just... don’t feel like doing anything; however, I know that by not doing anything, I’m spiraling deeper and deeper into anxiety and depression.

But I just don’t know what to do.

I journal, I write, I try to distract myself with games and exercise, but ultimately, I still feel its grasp around me in the time that remains. It’s this persistent foreboding feeling of being ‘alone’. Sharing time with just me in isolation brings about these feelings of criticism and overthinking. I hate it. I don’t want to think about these things. I don’t want to continue making myself sad and projecting my worries and fears onto other people.

I suppose it’s a feeling I’ve never really been accustomed to. I feel like throughout my life, I’ve either had a crush to distract myself from ...myself, or I’ve been dating which accomplishes something similar. It’s something that shifts the focus away from me to someone else. Now that all this is gone, I’m just... left with myself again.

The worst part this time is I feel like I can directly see the effects of my self-sabotage or my anxieties affecting the people around me. I feel like I ruined something that could’ve been fine if I had stopped projecting my insecurities. I feel like my anxieties manifest as self-fulfilling prophecies where I tempt reality into whatever negative outcome I expect because my brain thinks ‘it makes sense’. Maybe it would’ve inevitably gone down this route, but I do think I’ve made it considerably worse by bringing up my fears the way I did especially when you’ve given me no reason to believe them.

I don’t really know what to do. Both with regard to the anxiety as well as what is happening with you. Do I pass the time until you get back and hope for the best? Will you even want to talk to me or hang out with me? Will you be interested in someone else or not be interested in me anymore? What happens if nothing happens and I’m, in the end, left to my own devices again?

These are the thoughts that go through my head and they’re all... things that I can’t answer. Things that no one can answer. A lot can happen in 2 months. All I want at the end of the day is to be comfortable being alone without looking for a distraction. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin when I’m single with no crushes. I don’t want to feel so dependent on other people.

[fmhiphop]

A Livid Latto Speaks Out Against Blogger

Everyone has something to say, but it doesn't always mean they should voice it. However, on March 1, Latto took on a YouTuber whose unsolicited opinion riled her up. The Issue Latto seems to be the nucleus of some negative sentiments in the cyber sphere. And it was only a short time before everything went nuclear. A blogger's tweet went a little like this: "I thought y'all said this was the one! It didn't even break Top 50! Let alone Top 20, 10, 5, 3, or NUMBER 1… I was wondering why it was so quiet. 😂😂😂.” https://twitter.com/ArmonWiggins/status/1630774487456296963?s=20 While such a statement could have been ignored, Latto wasn't in the mood, so she hit back. Making the Charts Isn't Easy No one denies that being a chart-topping artist requires a lot of work. Predicting where you will place on the chart is far easier than achieving that goal. One must always consider the fact that people drive the numbers, and people can be fickle. Jay-Z nailed it perfectly in the lyrics of his hit song Holy Grail. As Justin Timberlake sings in the chorus, "I just can't crack your code. One day, you're screamin' you love me loud, and the next, you're so cold.". Frankly, the energy of fans changes quickly. So does the music they vibe with. Latto Responds Latto took the time to remind Armon Wiggins what it takes to make it on the charts. In so many words, she's been about her business while others are minding hers. Latto held nothing back as she vented her frustrations. In her words, "I'm really sick of y'all LOW LIFE GROWN ASS MEN speaking on me! P####! ain't doing HALF of what I'm doing but want me to be ashamed of my accomplishments? https://twitter.com/Latto/status/1630870265881313280?s=20 Reportedly, the exchange continued, and the longer it ran, the hotter it got until Latto relented. In Latto's words, "I quit! For I catch a case!" That still wasn't enough for Wiggins, who snuck in one more jab. Latto The Success There is so much drama to digest here. But one thing is sure; Artists never have to justify who they are. Their success speaks for itself. Latto has had four releases fall within the top 100. While her last three fell further in the rankings, according to Billboard, her "Big Energy" release made the top three and remained there for 51 weeks. She's living the life many only dream about. She's more than proved what she can do. And in reality, some individuals thrive on negativity. For some, it's nothing personal; this is their bread and butter. Fundamentally, this discourse went on longer than it should have. But kudos to Latto for speaking up for herself. Haters will inevitably hate there is nothing anyone can do to stop them. As long as Latto has fans who adore her, she's making money and consistently breaking the records she sets for herself; keeping that big d*** energy, that's all that matters. Written by: Renae Richardson Read the full article

[marveltaughtmetoread]

Okay, I didn't think I would have state this but I have now been accused of it multiple times by Pro-Jedi stans so here it is

Just because I think the downfall of the Jedi was inevitable doesn't mean I think it was right or good

The Jedi did not deserve to be slaughtered, let alone the younglings, the younglings were innocent and the Jedi still deserved to live

I may see the Jedi as bad and flawed but they didn't deserve to die for it, nobody deserves to die for their sins

However, I still view the Jedi's downfall as inevitable, why, because the tragedy part of the Prequels is honestly compelling

The Prequels is about a young boy full of "negative" emotions, found "too late" for the Jedi to save him, manipulated by one of the few people he is closed to, and failed by an institution that doesn't know how to help him (because whether you liked the Jedi or not, it was clear they couldn't help him, why is where we disagree), and unchallenged by the woman who loves him (Padme tried her best but quite frankly they were too distant from each other, and that's part of the tragedy)

He was thrust into violence and tragedy so he wrought violence and tragedy

This is compelling, it's execution might not be the best, but how can you look at this and not think Anakin's downfall was inevitable, how can you look at this and not wish there was a way to save them but know, because the tragedy is well thought out, that there was no way to stop it without fundamentally changing the story

That's a good tragedy, that's how they work

We don't have to think it's good to see it as inevitable, in fact the entire point of a tragedy is that we don't see it as good, we are saddened by it, but we also understand that there was nothing that could be done to stop it

It's like with Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, or Oedipus Rex getting the crown was never going to override Macbeth's guilt, Romeo and Juliet were never going to be allowed to be happy because of their families' strife, and Oedipus was always going to kill his father and marry his mother, these stories are tragic because we wished we could change the ending but know we can't, the story is already set in stone before there is a chance to change it and that's what makes them compelling

The fact that I say the downfall of the Jedi is inevitable is a testament to George Lucas'ability to craft a good story, for all I dunk on him for his many, many mistakes and bad choices with the Prequels, I genuinely think the bare bones of his story, like the characters and the plot where good

The downfall of the Jedi is tragic, it is supposed to sadden you and leave you wishing you could change it, and a good story leaves you feeling upset whilst also feeling that the ending is a natural progression of the story, me saying it is inevitable shows that I think it was a natural progression, it shows I think George Lucas actually did something well, it reveals nothing about my personal beliefs on the morality of the in canon events

I also don't see Anakin as a good person, contrary to what some might believe, I don't think killing people, even if they are those I dislike, makes you a good person, personally I think it makes you an awful person, who should be held to account for committing genocide against an entire group of people

But Anakin's morality is not why I find his character compelling the character, I find his character compelling because he is a good example of how repressed emotions only leads to more suffering, but that doesn't make him forgivable, his reasons behind committing genocide doesn't negate the fact that it is still genocide, having motivations and complexities just makes him interesting

I can find the character compelling without agreeing with them morally, in fact I enjoy his character because I don't agree with him but I can see how he ended up the way he did and it makes him compelling to watch

And I really, really don't think he was redeemed by killing Palpatine and saving Luke at the end of the Original Trilogy, this man directly and on-screen killed children, probably directly murdered millions, if not billions, and was indirectly responsible for hell knows how many deaths, turning against his master should have been the start of his very long and never ending road to redemption not the end but Lucas clearly has a different worldview than me so here we are

[sk2lton]

IT’S MY FAULT﹙☆﹚— TWST 

you confess to cater and get rejected.

— warnings: being anxious/nervous, rejection, negative self perception (not detailed), but ends happily/reader gets reassurance, cater is kind of ooc, semi proofread

— characters: cater

you could tell by the way cater winced, that your feelings for him were not mutual. although his facial expression didn’t show a hint of disgust, nor did it imply any aversion, you couldn’t help but think you had possibly ruined a perfectly good friendship. how you loathed yourself for it as a wave of pure embarrassment washed over your entire body, sending heat straight to your face. it was awkward, as each passing moment went on in complete silence. the only noises to be heard were those of the botanical garden, which you were both currently in. 

ㅤ

you had thought it to be a great place to confess, however as you stood there uncomfortably listening to the leaves rustle from the gardens few inhabitants, you couldn’t help but regret your decision. not only did it make you paranoid that somebody could be overhearing your conversation from a nearby bush, but it always made you so desperately hope that a large animal would jump out and swallow you whole. so quickly, that cater would fail to even see what exactly happened. surely, it would be rather confusing for him to explain to crowley that you simply went missing. however, you could only hope. 

ㅤ

“sorry, i just thought you should know,” you stammered, attempting to save any bit of grace you still had left. so, instead of continuing to gawk in silence with cater, you decided to slowly step away, but cater quickly stopped you.

ㅤ

“wait,” he spoke. feeling that anxiety you felt before confessing started to come back. it was like a plant’s seeds had been scattered in your stomach, and its roots were beginning to grow which resulted in you feeling sick. “i’m flattered,” cater said, his smile faltering for only a second. 

ㅤ

i’m flattered, was something you’d say if a stranger came up to you and asked for your number. it wasn’t something you’d say to your close friend. maybe you were just nitpicking everything that came out of his mouth and would continue to do so. your reasoning was you knew the inevitability of your rejection. so, any words until that rejection were only prolonging this awkwardness and your eventual hurt. 

ㅤ

“i really don’t know what to say,” cater spoke much differently than how he usually does. you could tell he was more careful when choosing her words, and a lot more serious. “i don’t want to say something that will hurt you,” he was right. he wasn’t dealing with something silly, he was dealing with your feelings right now. 

ㅤ

“don’t worry about it. i’ll get over it,” you already knew you were being rejected, but you needed to hear the words from his mouth to actually accept it. even though it may seem cruel, pushing cater to verbalize the fact that he didn’t feel the same, if he truly didn’t want to hurt you, it was the least he could do. it would be much more harmful if he didn’t, and instead let you continue to think that you possibly have the slightest chance. if he doesn’t say “i don’t like you back” now, you might find yourself making scenarios in your head of you both before bed. a mind roams when it’s left to wander.

ㅤ

“i really love you as a friend. i don’t feel anything romantic to you... but i want us to remain friends, if possible.” and there it was, through cater’s sheepish smile (which was a new look for him), what you had wanted ever since you saw him wince at your confession. a definite refusal. 

ㅤ

although your anxiety depleted, it was replaced with a cruel kind of sadness. one that differed greatly from what you’d experience after losing a sports game or getting a poor grade on a test. it’s a cruel sadness that reinstated all self doubt. at least when you get a bad grade or lose a game, you can always do better next time. but, this was different. was there something wrong with you that led to being rejected? you knew it wasn’t cater’s fault that he didn’t feel the same way, so it must’ve been yours. there must be something wrong with you. 

ㅤ

“yeah, that’s fine,” you said after realizing that you had been uncomfortably silent for the past few moments, which had caused cater to awkwardly shift his weight from leg to leg, waiting for you to respond. upon your answer, cater seemed to breathe out an inaudible sigh of relief. a small smile returned to his face, representing much more the cater you were used to seeing. 

ㅤ

even as you two went your separate ways, to your different classes, there was one recurrent thought in your brain that was absolutely tormenting. 

ㅤ

‘was there something wrong with me?’

ㅤ

yet as hours passed, and you continued to dwell on that exact thought, it soon transformed into: ‘what is wrong with me?’. maybe your eyes. the way you spoke. your personality. your fashion sense. your interests. your unique habits. or— possibly all of the above and more. while it may be nearly impossible to guess, that didn’t stop you from trying to. however, you had nobody to confirm or deny these guesses, which led to you confirming each and every one of them. each time you’d think up a trait of yours, after a moment of (more or less) deep reflection, you’d simply add it to the pile of things totally, and utterly horrible about you. 

ㅤ

after this thoughts begun to consume you, you started to avoid cater as if your life depended on it. you wouldn’t have been caught dead in the same room as cater. you just didn’t know if you would be able to handle it; the sadness it brought. the last thing you need in a time like this is to start crying in front of cater because you felt horrible about yourself. that would just make everything worse!

ㅤ

however, cater must have picked up on your avoidant behaviour and he decided he would let this slide. partially, he felt responsible for whatever it may be that you’re feeling right now, for whatever is making you avoid him. if he had said something that truly hurt you, he wanted to make it right. if he had ever made you feel like he didn’t care for you, he wanted to reassure you that he did. despite the fact that he rejected you, that surely didn’t mean that he still doesn’t care for you. you are one of his closest friends after all, one that he confided in very often, so it would be hypocritical if he didn’t let you confide in him. 

ㅤ

hence why you found yourself face to face with cater. all of your efforts for the past few days to avoid him having gone to waste by one simple run-in with him. while you perceived it as accidental, it was surely not accidental on cater’s part as he had moved his schedule around in order to bump into you. 

ㅤ

“can i talk to you?” he asked. it would be very childish of you to ignore him, so you agreed despite your brain desperately telling you to not. it didn’t take long for cater to bring you to a quieter place, and fortunately for you, it wasn’t the botanical garden. 

ㅤ

“so, what’s up?” you asked hesitantly. 

ㅤ

“why have you been ignoring me lately?” he cut straight to the point, even though you had hoped he would be slightly less blunt. 

ㅤ

“oh, i have? sorry,” you tried to play it off but the way you fidgeted with your hands wasn’t necessarily giving the image of an honest and completely relaxed person. 

ㅤ

“huh? that’s it?” he looked at you with a confused expression. “no reason? ‘cause if there is one, i’m willing to listen.”

ㅤ

a sigh slipped passed your lips causing cater to stare at you in anticipation. “you don’t have to worry about it, cater! it’s my own problems,” you reassured him that it had nothing to do with him, which was very much true. they were your own issues, nothing that cater had any part in. 

ㅤ

“you say that, then continue to ignore me. so it seems like it’s my problem too,” cater spoke calmly, but you could tell there was some level of hurt and irritation behind his words. his voice expressed that. 

ㅤ

“i’m fine, honestly,” you poorly attempted to convince him that nothing was wrong. but, cater knew you better than that.

ㅤ

“is this...” he coughed, “about me rejecting you?” he slid his hands into his back pockets, awkwardly rocking back and forth in some kind of anxious manner. 

ㅤ

your expression changed for a split second. from discomfort to nervousness and cater had caught that. so, he didn’t believe you when you told him, “no, it’s not to do with that.” ‘that’. you couldn’t even call it what it was. rejection. heartbreak, even. 

ㅤ

a moment passed by. then a minute. “well,” cater mumbled. “go on, explain what’s wrong! we aren’t leaving here ‘til we do so.” he playfully exclaimed.

ㅤ

“huh?!” you cocked your eyebrow at his absurdity. “what if i just leave? it’s not like you can keep me here.” although he knew he wasn’t serious and was simply trying to make the atmosphere a little bit less pressuring, you decided to joke as well.

ㅤ

“oo, so there is something wrong!” he called you out. his amusing remark had turned out to be a trap he had set. you let out a groan. “come on,” he whined.

ㅤ

“it’s not that big of a deal. i guess i just think there’s something wrong with me,” you explained, refusing to make eye contact as the subject was rather sensitive for you.

ㅤ

“what do you mean? are you sick?” he asked, worriedly. 

ㅤ

“no, no, nothing like that. it’s just,” you paused, trying to think of how to word this. but, you decided the best way would be honesty. “ever since, well, you know i confessed and stuff. i just kind of thought maybe there was something wrong with me..?”

ㅤ

“why? is it my fault? did i say something?” cater tried to look into your eyes but failed when you stepped back.

ㅤ

“no, cater. don’t worry. i just.. it doesn’t make any sense. i don’t know. i just thought that maybe there’s a reason you didn’t like me back? i know you can’t control your feelings for somebody, so i don’t blame you. but what if i act weird or look weird? what if everybody perceives me as somebody who’s unlikable. i just think there could be something wrong with me,” you rambled on. 

ㅤ

cater seemed surprised at what you had told him. however, he didn’t let his shock stop him from providing you comfort. “are you serious? there’s nothing, and i mean nothing, wrong with you! i love who you are and i love having you around. so i felt really bad when you started avoiding me. just know that i’m glad to have you, and i know many other people find you very likable.” 

ㅤ

“i’m sorry for avoiding you and thank you, but are you sure?”

ㅤ

“i’m serious, duh! i never could have asked for a better friend by my side. i know plenty of people are nrc that find you very lovely!” he seemed so stunned that you would even dare to think of yourself in such a negative light. “please, next time tell me if something’s wrong! i know it’ll be hard, but i always wanna be there for you. us against the world, of course— or at least nrc because taking on the world would be too tiring.” you chuckled at him getting slightly off track before he continued on the original subject. “honestly, care less about how other people perceive you, ‘kay? ‘cause i guarantee it’s only you who thinks that way. and even if somebody does perceive you badly, just know that i see you as a very cool and fun person. so who do you believe more! a stranger or me!” that wasn’t even a question, you believe him more and you always will. 

ㅤ

“i will, thank you, cater. i feel better now.” before you knew it, cater had pulled you in for a hug, as he made sure you knew how much you were appreciated through the sheer tightness of his hold. he hoped that with his reassurance, you’d be able to view yourself the same way he views you. even though he knew it would take some time, eventually, you’ll get there. 

[reciprocityfic]

#5 for amylaurie

5. that emotional moment that you can't find a plot for.

He’d never had a particularly happy life.

From the beginning, it had been marked with tragedy. He adored his mother, from what he can remember. But his memories, unfortunately, are few and far between. He tried to keep her smile, her laugh, the feel of her hugs and her hand wrapped around his tiny one locked away in his brain and his heart, but over the years, they inevitably began to fade. Before he knew it, he couldn’t quite get the tenor of her voice right, couldn’t remember the sweet words she used to whisper in his ear. She was like a beautifully painted picture, rather than a human being.

If there was someone who adored his mother more than he had, it was his father.

His father took her death the hardest. He tried to find a salve for his broken heart in all the wrong places, began gambling too often and drinking too much, frequently leaving his son alone late into the night to go out and drown his pain in whatever way he could. When his father was home, he could hardly stand to be around him. Everything about Laurie reminded him of her - his eyes, his hair, his nose, his smile. He reached his breaking point eventually, and then he sent Laurie away.

School had never been particularly hard for him. He was smart, he supposed, and he didn’t mind the company of his tutor. Boarding school was different, though. He never quite found a way to fit in. He was too quiet, not quite as rich, and Italian, which mattered in a way he didn’t understand. He always found himself at the center of negative gossip, the butt of too many jokes. He hated it, so he stopped trying to assimilate and let himself fade away into the peripheries of his peers.

When his father died, it was almost a relief; at least the man wouldn’t suffer any longer. But again, it threw him into a world of uncertainty and unfamiliar territory. It sent him to America, into the hands of a grandfather he had never met. As he grew older, he’d come to subtly resent his extended family for disowning him and his parents, and wondered if this grandfather would resent him back.

He didn’t. But his grandfather also wasn’t warm, a product of living so many years alone, Laurie supposes. He knows Mr. Laurence has experienced his share of heartbreak as well; there’s a beautiful piano that sits untouched, that the servants tell him belonged to the old man’s late granddaughter. The few times he tried to play it he’d catch his grandfather looking at him in a way that wasn’t particularly pleasant, so he stopped.

John Brooke - his new tutor - was pleasant enough, earnest and determined to please his grandfather by giving him the privilege of an excellent education. They often butted heads when Mr. Brooke tried to teach him; he couldn’t find him in himself to care much about learning anymore. Couldn’t find it in himself to care about much of anything.

Then, he met Jo March.

His grandfather had noticed his melancholy and sent him to a party to try to lift his spirits. He doubted it would work - how exciting could a party in Concord, Massachusetts possibly be, after all - and quickly found an empty side room to disappear in for a while until he’d spent enough time there that he could plausibly tell his grandfather he’d made an effort to be sociable.

It was there that Jo literally stumbled into him, and changed his life forever.

He’d never in his life met a girl like Jo March, one that was so boisterous and bright and unapologetically herself. In his world, every girl was trained from an early age to be prim and proper and polite, so that someday she might make a good wife and a fine young woman. Jo was anything but, and when he met the rest of the March family, he learned that they all were, in their own way - whether it be Meg and her unabashed love for dramatics and pretty things, or Beth sitting at her piano, playing until her fingers ached.

Or Amy, marching around in a pair of fairy wings and declaring that one day, she would be the best painter in the entire world.

His childhood memories of the Marches were all Jo, her fire and harsh edges and iron will, but Amy was always there at the edges, making herself known. She always seemed to be at odds with her older sister, but he thought that was because the two of them were the most alike in a way, like two opposite ends of the same string. He would always take Jo’s side when she recounted their latest feud, of course, but he couldn’t help his amusement at some of Amy’s antics. He remembers, when Jo told him that Amy had burned her novel, how his sympathy for Jo had existed right alongside of his wild amusement that little Amy March had the gall to even come up with such a thing, let alone follow it through.

But even though Amy was there, along with Meg and Beth, Jo was undoubtedly the main attraction, the sun at the center of his universe. His world was filled with her, with her smiles and laughs and hair and voice, with her words and her thoughts and ideas, and soon his heart was, too. He didn’t know much about love, but he knew he loved her. He knew he wanted her to be a part of his life always.

So, he’d asked her to marry him. It was the only thing to do, wasn’t it?

When she turned him down, he almost hadn’t been surprised. A part of him almost expected it; he hadn’t been particularly excited to ask her, after all. Rather, he’d dreaded it, dreaded the moment that the delicate balance they had built would have to tip one way or the other. He’d always known there was a chance she’d reject him.

That didn’t mean it hurt any less, though. He thinks it hurt even more when she left; he’d always known Jo to dive into every challenge head-first, but then she ran away to New York. She ran away from him. So he followed her lead, as he had learned to do so well over those years with her.

Heading back to Europe was much more bitter than it was sweet, and even the grandeur of cities like London, Paris, and Rome couldn’t stop the vibrancy from slowly bleeding out of his life. What had become a kaleidoscope of colors was now just grays and blacks and whites.

So he drank, and smoked, and gambled, and fucked his way through life, and in a macabre way, never felt closer to his father. Except he wasn’t heartbroken, not anymore - he realized more and more that he never expected her to say yes, not really. That she was right, as she usually was - it would have never worked.

He just felt lost. Unmoored, with nothing to anchor him. And he started to believe that maybe he was simply supposed to live his life this way, alone and adrift and apathetic.

Then, Amy March came barreling back into his life.

She was different, of course - namely, she was no longer little. She had traded her fairy wings and braids for beautiful gowns and carefully coiffed updos, and all her lofty childhood wishes had been replaced with a stoic, resigned realism. It would have worried him, that the world had taken her and hardened her, but he knew that the woman that threw her arms around him and happily shouted his name on that Parisian street, the world around her momentarily forgotten, was the Amy he had always known and cared for, however proper she might be now.

And she was proper, but he found it didn’t bother him like he thought it would. Instead, he admired her for it, that she had managed to grow up so gracefully. She was lovely, he decided. Lovely and refined and determined, so much so that it got him in trouble with her, sometimes. She was constantly after him to be better, to stop his drinking and laziness and make something of his life.

She wanted him to respect himself. He’d never really done that; all his life, he’d known himself to be a bother or problem, a thorn in someone’s side. He didn’t really know how to respect himself, but for her, he wanted to try.

The problem was, it was getting harder and harder to leave her side. She painted in his life with strokes that were insistent, but soft, and he found that her world was just as colorful as her sister’s. It was her own, of course; if Jo had been a red flame, then Amy was a golden glow, like sunshine. But he found that he didn’t mind the differences, that he maybe even preferred Amy’s version. It made him warmer than anything he’d known before.

He doesn’t know exactly when he fell for Amy. It happened slowly, gently, and before he could stop it, she’d taken up all the emptiness in his heart, filled it with light and life and love. Not that he would’ve wanted to stop it; he found he was quite content belonging to her. Even when she rejected him that first time, he didn’t try to remove her. He didn’t resent her, as he had temporarily resented Jo. He knew it was futile, that he was irreparably hers, and he decided that if he couldn’t be with her, he would at least make himself someone she could be proud of. He wanted to be someone she could respect, if he couldn’t be someone she loved.

But then, God had smiled upon him - for perhaps the first time - and she’d changed her mind. She loved him, she wanted him, she loved him. And when he kissed her that first time, she ignited something in him that no woman ever had before. He loved her, he wanted her, her and her only, he loved her, he loved her, he loved her.

His heart sang for her with its every beat. Every breath she took gave him purpose, every smile gave him joy, every kiss and moan and tug on his hair made his blood run hot through his veins. He was so full inside, wanted for nothing. He felt like all his life he’d been trying to shove himself into places where he didn’t fit, whether it be at school or with his father. With Jo. But there was a spot beside Amy, one in which he fit perfectly, like it was created with him in mind. And as long as Amy was beside him, he could do anything, be anything, survive anything.

One of the things that he loves most about her is her beauty. He can’t help it; he is only human. A weak one when it comes to Amy. When she hugged him that first time in France, he’d noticed how the autumn sun had caught the strands of her blonde hair, her cheeks flushed from the way she ran to him. He first let himself realize it in her studio, when she went off to meet Fred Vaughn. There was something about the way her cream-colored blouse laid against her pale skin, the way the blue accents brought out her eyes. How her pinned-up hair showed off her neck. He could do nothing but smile shyly at her, any coherent words suddenly caught in his throat. And every time he saw her, he noticed something else that added to her beauty, whether it be the delicate way she sipped her tea, her lips a pretty pink against the white china, or the way she blushed when he complimented her. Eventually, in a room full of women, she was the only one he could see, as captured as he was by her.

Almost three years later, nothing has changed.

He wakes up in the middle of the night to find her side of the bed empty. He’s almost positive he knows where she is, and almost rolls over and closes his eyes. But he can’t get her out of his head, so he gets up and throws on his robe. The moon shines bright enough that he doesn’t need a candle, and he leaves their bedroom, creeping to the next door down the hall. It’s ajar just slightly, and he slips inside.

And there she is, just where he thought she would be. Standing at the window, staring out into the night. She’s barefoot, dressed in a white nightgown, long hair cascading down her back. The moonlight illuminates her hair and skin. She’s breathtaking. More beautiful than any painting he’d ever seen.

Cradled in her arms is their newborn baby girl.

He doesn’t want to startle her, so he knocks gently against the door. She looks over her shoulder and smiles at him, but quickly goes back to gazing at the newest addition to their family.

He walks over to the two of them, placing a kiss on the top of her head before wrapping his arm around her shoulder and embracing her. There are a multitude of reasons why she might be in here - the baby could’ve been crying, it could’ve been time for a change or a feeding, or Amy simply could’ve missed her, could’ve wanted to hold her and watch her breathe. He suspects it’s the last one, but he doesn’t ask. He doesn’t want to disturb the peaceful scene in front of him.

He reaches a finger down to their baby, taps at her hand, until she opens her fist and wraps all of her tiny fingers around that one of his. Amy turns her face and nuzzles his shoulder, relaxing against him.

He’d never had a particularly happy life.

But standing here now, both his wife and his daughter in his arms, he knows nothing but.

send me a number and a pairing (preferably laurie x amy) and i'll write you a mini fic!