#idk the edits i have done it's like 'wait a second these are good actually'

[lordsardine]

.

[medium5]

The meower

[solbaby7]

I know that the bar is swamped, but if you find the time and have the liquor, could I please have a neat Manhattan with a salt rim?

(Idk how to say this but like, submissive neat? If you're alright with that)

lololol “if you’re alr with that” babe, i’m foaming at the fucking mouth for it. this is gonna be a wee bit more than a blurb lemme tell u.

not edited teehee

[ “don’t make me put you on a leash” + smut + sub!az ]

-> BLURB BAR <-

Usually, you don’t mind needy.

The grabby hands pawing at your thighs. Kisses that linger on your neck, nose tracing the curve of your shoulder. Hushed words crooned into your ear to distract from the way eager fingers graze at the stitching of expensive lingerie.

It was his reprieve.

Azriel’s favorite way to unwind after spending his days as the dutiful spymaster. With you, he gets to lay down his weapons. Turns off the killer instinct that never seems to comprehend the meaning of a break. Hangs up the battle worn leathers that eats, sleeps, and breathes the contours of Azriel’s body.

But, with you? With you, he doesn’t bother about trivial things like power or strength. He relinquishes his title, shuns his duties, turns his back on honor and responsibility in favor of sinking down on his knees and turning all that over to you.

And usually, you don’t mind.

But the day had been especially stressful; never-ending and the open mouthed kisses trailing up the soft flesh of your inner thigh wasn’t loosening the tight knots embedded along your shoulderblades. “Knock it off.” You grumble softly, an achy spine hunched over glossy wood while weary eyes struggle to decipher the words written on parchment. Knuckles rub against your eyelids, toes nudging at the neat taper of his waist to push him off.

The gentle correction does no good for an impatient pet and Azriel only listens for but a second.

He tries again, going a different route when applying pecks to prettily pedicured toes. A palm curls around your ankle, fingers digging into your soles until a groan of approval rips free from your throat without permission.

Just like that, the damage is already done.

One sound becoming the equivalent of throwing him a bone. “That��s—that’s actually…really nice, Az.”

The praise satiates a need within him, urging him to keep it up, to try harder—to do things that had you gasping and yelping and screaming out raving reviews. It becomes an addiction; fueling an obsession that teases the fine line between devotion and fixation.

Every touch is annoyingly controlled, a soldiers training bleeding into the bedroom when giving his all on a task. He strives to be the best when coaxing knots coiled deep within the muscle of stiff calves, swiftly distracting from the way he suckles marks into the softness of supple thighs. “Feels good?”

“Mmhm,” The grip on your pen wavers, loosens, then falls altogether when Az urges his shadows through your hair; phantom fingers applying generous pressure to your scalp until lids flutter closed and your back slumps fully into your chair. “Just what I needed.”

It’s like adding gasoline to a fire.

You forget yourself when indulging yourself in its warmth; ignoring now flames grow when stoked—how they burn when life is breathed into it. How it eats and eats; singeing and charring, wringing out the life from the air and replacing it with soot.

By time you realize the damage, Azriel’s too far gone. Already high on the kerosene you splash at him and happily huffing in the fumes. “Can make you feel better.” Curious massaging morphs into outright groping, his hands eating at whatever he can hold as his tongue follows behind to lick up the crumbs. “Please, let me taste?”

You should say no.

He doesn’t exactly deserve it. Touching without permission. Refusing to sit still. Begging for treats instead of waiting patiently like good boys should. Whining when you weakly start pushing him back. Growling when you attempt to close your legs.

They’re all red flags—behaviors that warrant correction and yet you ignore them all when Azriel looks up at you with those eyes.

Like vats of honey in the sunlight, absolutely oozing with sticky sweet submission; staring up at you like you were an angel gifted from the heavens.

You suppose the day had been long.

And even gods praise their most dutiful servants.

Teeth bite into the fat of your cheek as feet neatly perch at the edge of your seat, knees parting open as you give into selfish desire. “Fine.” He’s all but drooling before you can get the word out, staring at the skin bared to him. You glisten under faelight, ego inflating when you catch the way Azriel ogles the thin slip of cotton separating you from his prize. “Only a little though. Have to make sure you save room for dinner.”

Dinner be damned for the only feast Azriel craved was between your thighs and he wastes no time digging in once given the go ahead.

His tongue paints a trail up the seam of your pussy and the harsh line of your shoulders finally eases. Two fingers spread you open while the slick muscle circles the rim of your entrance and that rigid knot in your spine finally knows peace.

Satisfaction melts your discipline down more than acceptable, that much becomes apparent when Azriel’s muffled moans shift into sloppy grunts. His nose is all but buried in your cunt, arousal shiny on his lips and dripping down the curve of his chin.

It doesn’t take long for it to get sloppy. Spit sliding down the cleft of your ass, smearing along inner thighs and on the seat cushion below. But you forget to care when you notice the flush of Az’s cheeks, the shallow heave of his chest as the need to coax those wrecked sounds from your mouth outweighed the need to breathe. “Hey,” You huff out, peering down at him, stomach fluttering when he only burrows himself deeper, tongue fucking into a drooling hole. “You need to come up for air.”

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Common sense and rationality left itself at the door, tossed away intentionally out of sight so he has a reason to keep eating and eating and eating.

This time you don’t melt under the pleasure, thighs clenching around his head, smushing his cheeks as you ban access to your fountain of youth. “The mouth on you is pure sin, might almost make up for the fact that you’re a shit listener.” He’s a right mess, cheeks red and lips swollen. One hand furiously stroking at a desperate prick. His mouth opens to complain—maybe to beg, but your thighs only squeeze tighter, teeth digging into the soft part of his cheeks in gentle correction. “By the cauldron, I’ll leash you.”

It only stokes his fire, fresh logs added to keep the inferno from flickering away; abdomen flexing as his body reacts to the threat.

Please, please, please! Azriel’s eyes scream.

You should say no.

Though, restraint had never really been your strong suit.

“If you’re so willing to rob yourself of air for the sake of a cunt, then I suppose we’ll just have to see how long you can hold your breath.”

[fandom-susceptible]

TDP Rewatch S1E4: Bloodthirsty

I like the way the intro voice changes, I wanna keep track of that now. Pilot was Aaravos, Callum was the second or third? I don't remember the other one though. Viren is the fourth.

Editing in: listen if you like Viren, you may not like my commentary on this episode. I have absolutely no judgment if you do, have fun, go wild, but I personally love to hate him. He is a fictional character. My opinions on him do not reflect my opinions of anyone in the fandom or even the writers. Actually, I think the writers who created him are brilliant - they've successfully created villains that some people will like, who are complex and make sense, but who you can also just absolutely despise! And that's well-done! Anyways yeah I'm coming for Viren this episode, embody the old fanfic rules, don't like don't read.

Rayla is so goddamn cute. I love her so much. Also, feral Moonshadow headcanons are being fed by her first solution being to chew on the binding, not USE A SPELL. Since it's a MAGICAL RIBBON. Darling, dear, sweetheart, baby, Rayla, moonberry I'm wheezing. BOTH OF YOUR DADS ARE MAGES. Why was magic not your first solution darling?

They're also just . . . such teenagers in season 1? Idk, I'm nostalgic now, she really feels like a 15 year old watching this. When I first watched it when I was barely older than she is I was wrapped up in the story, but watching it as an adult, I want to wrap her up in a blanket and tell her she did a good job.

Oh Rayla really does curl her lip like she's showing teeth at Bait when they have a little stare-off, my feral Moonshadow headcanons are LIVING for this.

I love how her clothing design at this point has that little like. Heart shape at her throat, too.

At some point maybe I'll stop gushing over Rayla and watch the rest of the episode.

I think it's neat that her eyes match the shade of her tattoos in nighttime scenes.

Can we talk about Harrow managing to set up a funeral procession for Harrow THE NIGHT AFTER HE WAS KILLED? Less than a day? Poor Soren too, he just says "long night", but this has got to be hell on the guy.

"in his final hours, Harrow called me . . . his brother." YOU FUCKING BITCH. Shut the fuck up Lord Viagra. Lord VILLAIN. HE'S NOT EVEN DEAD AND YOU KNOW IT.

Also holy shit oooh yeah "the princes are dead" yes okay lord villain is a bitch in this moment but I also think he said that in a panic because he somehow thought his Nat20 on the Deception check was gonna propel him through the entire funeral, unfortunately Opeli's player finally rolled a perception check above a 3 and realized that the princes weren't there and he had to cover his ass. This is why he sends Soren to kill them later. He done fucked up and then had to commit to the bit.

I also think that Viren refused to allow Harrow to have a proper funeral out of sheer guilt. He's still him at this point, he hasn't even discovered Aaravos yet. Like he's really just this much of an evil bastard to begin with, but he's a self-centered coward. He can't allow a proper funeral to be had for a BIRD. He knows it would all be fake. He has to minimize this and bluff past it before anyone realizes what he's done, because he's still on edge and nervous because his original plan has gone so far off the rails. Harrow didn't listen to him like he thought, now the princes have absconded with what Viren thinks is one of his most powerful weapons, he's told the country that they're dead, and now he's just improvising and he's super not great at that.

Very teenager moment with the kids, Rayla not even waiting 2 seconds before calling Callum's name again. I also think it's cute that she checked to make sure she got his name right.

I love the fact that they're both fucking nerds. Like Callum's obvious but Rayla couldn't remember the word for whetstone despite also using swords, but she's out here giving a full on info dump about Primal Sources and magic and how it works at the slightest provocation from Callum. She is aLSO a nerd. (I like to think she gets this from Runaan. We see him giving lectures in Bloodmoon Huntress, and he references obscure history facts that Ethari thinks are just stories too, so I imagine he's that one guy who can and will give a complete history of the Moonshadow Elves if given a single chance.)

Rayla claims sky magic requires at least a strong breeze to cast a spell, but we never see other sky mages requiring that. Could be a retcon, but I'm gonna mentally patch it as her just misunderstanding how sky magic works because that's not her arcanum/instinct set.

I love how Rayla gets hit in her own insecurities by Callum's speech, like the shared parallel.

Rayla's clenched fist and recoil when Callum assumes they're drinking blood. "Is that what humans think we are? Bloodthirsty monsters?" Rayla, you say that like that isn't also what Skywing elves think of you, per the ones you met when you were 8. Like it's not a common story in Xadia, to the point that YOUR PEOPLE TELL IT ABOUT THEMSELVES. Granted there's actual history behind it from your POV, but yk.

Man . . . when I first watched this Amaya just was my sexuality for like a week, and honestly, the introduction holds up. (also, all my affection for strawberry boy Gren, the Army Commander who does not carry a weapon)

Actually side note about Gren, lmao, he really just caught Amaya's helmet like tossing it over her shoulder is a thing she does all the time, and I want to imagine honestly that it is. That's why he just catches Callum's staff when the boy throws it after finding out Amaya's engaged. He's just used to this family throwing things around him.

I have complicated feelings about the portrayal of Amaya's disability in the show. I've seen a lot of people analyze it, and the general consensus appears to be that it's mostly really good, but there's a handful of things that don't. . . quite make sense, especially her early interactions with Janai with no interpreter present. I will say for me, I could not figure out if she was meant to be deaf or mute until I read an outside source. The more nuanced take deserves its own post, it just occurred to me again with how she reacts to the boys without them signing or her bothering to look at Gren.

Moment of appreciation for Gren's admirable relaying of Amaya's intended tone and inflection, which you can also see reflected in her face. Also her soft smile at Callum when she reminds him it doesn't help to yell is so cute.

I just needed to appreciate the mimicry down to her expression here, complete with putting his hands on his hips to portray the bit she can't because she's using her hands to talk

Amaya really didn't notice the sheer weight in Ezran's backpack huh?

"I skipped breakfast?" THESE BOYS KNOW HOW TO PLAY THEIR AUNT SO WELL I love them so much, it's adorable. Weapons-grade fucking baguette, lmao. Amaya, did you expect the children to be able to yank your whole sword out of the table?

Amaya having the opinion of Moonshadow elves being the worst kind is interesting, given most of her interactions have been with Sunfire elves, based on what we see later. Makes me wonder what exactly happened to shape that opinion. Many little things, specific events, just information? It'd be interesting to find out, especially in the context of Runaan also having Personal Opinions about humans (that they're all liars/can't be trusted). What if their opinions were based off a conflict with each other years before this? It's not canon and I don't think it ever will be, but it'd be a neat idea to play with in a fanfic.

The kids' sheer exasperation at the suggestion they build a dirt man was hilarious, especially when we follow it up by Amaya's soldiers just casually becoming a construction crew to fix the doors she levelled earlier. Does she do this often? Is working for her just an endless string of "she just kicked down a door again. Fuck, now she's put a hole in the table. DID SHE JUST LEVEL A PILLAR?" (all things she did in fact do in this episode, all in like a day)

Callum warning Ezran not to tell Amaya was something I didn't get as a kid, because I saw how Amaya was later and thought maybe if Ezran got to her first, told the whole story before she ever saw Rayla, maybe she would go for it. Watching it now, no, he's . . . unfortunately probably right.

Amaya looming behind Rayla in that scene was absolutely terrifying I love it. Also, seriously Rayla, did you think leaping up to come down like that on a SHIELD was a good idea? That didn't work for you on Runaan, why would it work on Amaya?

I love Rayla sassing the guards with her four fingers joke, but also holy shit the one guard got blinded and just immediately came at her swinging with the sword. This could have gotten so bloody if it wasn't a kids' show.

Yeah no, telling her AFTER she's fought with Rayla wouldn't work.

I would have paid to see a conversation between Amaya and Rayla after this moment, where they talk about what happened here and what Callum told them.

"Puttin' everyone's lives in danger" is such a loaded line after what happened with the other assassins.

I love what a little shit Soren is with his father. "Crown hour. Crown o' clock?"

Harrow being in the damn bird makes so much sense. I fucking knew it. He's caged and refusing to make noise now, and looks away when Viren taunts him, the same way Harrow did when Viren was annoying him before.

I love the one old lady in the crowd who just looks Mad after she hears about the princes' "death", where everyone else is looking sad.

Notice how Viren isn't claiming the title of king? Just Lord Protector? Bitch knows the truth and it's under his skin.

Opeli sometimes hits me in the religious trauma a bit but her grin when Amaya announces the princes are alive gives me life.

[deluwoo]

2:00:00 AM

pairing ▸ partner!wen junhui x gn!reader genre ▸ drabble, domestic fluff, fluff, slight suggestive (?? idk man) warnings ▸ none !! [lmk if there are ] wc ▸ 485

eunhae's notes ▸ domestic fluff or nothing at all 🤌 ANYWYS !! ty for all the love :(( done w exams and i shall be giving more content asap 💔

A figure peeks into the bedroom. The only light in the room is the light of the clock, ticking it’s digital numbers into the night.

”Honey?” Jun whispers into the darkness in which silence replies. You keep your mouth shut, not replying to make it seem you are asleep. A few seconds pass before he closes the door.

Okay, you don’t have a problem or something, in fact you adored sleep. It just eventually became a habit of yours to wait until Jun arrives home to actually close your eyes. Despite other people’s comments and even Jun himself telling you not to.

”I love you, but no need.” He had said with a smile one day. A silent nudge to tell you to get some damn sleep.

Tonight, like any other one, just as you hear the door knob click and the footsteps of Jun quietly going to the bathroom, your eyelids instantly feel heavier and sleepiness start to take over your body. Fluffing your pillow and snuggling closer into the warmth of the bed you slowly drift off to dreamland.

The clock strikes 2 AM when the mattress dips from his weight. Work those days had been weighing him down and he rarely gets to see you. His heart honestly did flutter at your gesture to wait for him before sleeping but he knew it wasn’t good for you. The way you found ways of still showing him affection despite his hard career, he loved so much!

Jun, hair damp, chest bare, shifts on the cold bedsheets. His quiet breathing fill the dark room as he lays on his side, a delicate hand tracing the folds of your pillowcase. He rests a light kiss on your cheekbone, his soft lips leaving a stamp of love on your skin. Your eyes slightly flutter at the sudden movement on the bed and you slowly gain consciousness. His low chuckle sent chills down your spine.

“Let’s be honest, my love.” He intertwines your hands with his and kissed each of your knuckles. “Your sleeping act isn’t the best.”

A sleepy hum of protest answers him as you bury your face on the bed.

“If I go home early tomorrow, you’ll sleep early, deal?”

“Watch She’s Dating A Gangster with me then?” You whisper.

He sends out a hum of agreement, “Whatever your wish.” He kisses your forehead, in between your eyebrows.

8/10 times do you get to have these moments, a little key highlight of your nights. It calmed you– knowing he came through the front door alive and well, being able to survive another day. That’s what lulled you to sleep and comforted you on hectic nights.

NETWORK : @kflixnet TAGLIST : none yet (dont be scared to send an ask !)

reblog for a kiss from jun 😱 ©eunhae (edited formally from my old blog wonieweb. sunghoon -> junhui HEHE) © DELUWOO – 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞.

[thegeminisage]

UGGGHHH ok its star trek update time, Special Deep Space Nine Finale Edition

did not love the finale. mostly this comes down to two things 1. pacing bad 2. everybody's ending sucked

pacing problem: the pah wraiths came in at the last second, AFTER the big space battle was all done. it really feels like they should have been directly involved with the battle somehow, like that time sisko vaporized all those spaceships. also, speaking of that, wasn't not getting to rest on bajor his trade for making that happen? yet it didn't get brought up at ALL. ok. more on that later. anyway, the pah wraith thing seemed like a fucking afterthought, which was crazy considering we had winn and dukat scheming and plotting for all those episodes. one would expect the pah wraiths to be like. actually let out. to Do Something. to be scary. we have been building up to this! and yet. nothing happened. a lot of other plots were also wrapped up way too quickly - ezri's romance with julian, miles leaving, etc - but that's more a problem with the endings being bad - they did not have time to build up to what they decided on, or maybe they did and just chose not to utilize it wisely

endings - going thru this character by character

SISKO: this is of course is the very worst offender. avery brooks spent 7 years putting blood sweat and tears into a positive portrayal of a black father only to be contractually obligated to act out a deadbeat dad plot in the 11th hour? man, no wonder he was pissed. there was also no explanation of WHY he had to live in the wormhole, it was just more mysterious wormhole alien stuff. if it's punishment or a trade for what he did before, why not remind us? and i definitely get why avery brooks wanted them to do this rather than him just not ever coming back at all, but it's such a copout to be like "and then he has more adventures" when we can't conceptualize of what those adventures might be, and doubly so when there was no sure bet of having a ds9 movie later, bc they didn't get to have one!!! overall the entire wormhole alien plot in s7 got REALLY weird to me, with a tone shift + lack of explanations about literally anything, and wrapping up sisko's fate in their lore fell short because of that reason too. preferred ending for sisko would have been for him to die during the big battle, then come back right as everyone got overrun by pah-wraiths to save them. if he HAD to go into the wormhole, could his family had come with him? if he had to sacrifice something to win the battle, could it have been a future on bajor specifically, or connection with the prophets? idk, amnesia or something? his sight, like dukat? it was just a bad ending.

JAKE & KASIDY: putting them together because what the hell lol. the final shot of jake looking out the window while kira comforted him might as well have been ripped from the visitor...genuinely it's disappointing they enver found anything cool to do with jake, because i feel like there are a lot of good stories you could wring out of "journalist who covers the war and comes of age at the same time." i could almost see him teaming up with bashir to root out section 31 or something like that. as for kasidy, i've said this before, but it's so unfair to both her and sisko that she was basically invented to be his perfect woman and never got a personality of her own, and DOUBLY unfair to knock her up in the penultimate episode just to drag cheap tearjerker shit out of sisko's ending, which was bad. it's the same thing as having jadzia discuss a baby right before they kill HER. what is wrong with these guys??? plus, we didn't even a discussion of what they'll do now. wait for sisko on ds9? go to earth and live with grandpa sisko? remain together so jake can help with his new sibling? jake didn't even get to say goodbye to his dad. we got a scene with KASIDY, who, love and light, has even less personality/stuff going on than jake did.

O'BRIEN: this was the only ending (besides worf's) i actually liked/understood, though i feel like it didn't get nearly enough screentime. war's over, o'brien has served long enough, it's time for him to go back to the safety of utopia with his family. i like his plot about not being able to tell julian goodbye, it reminded me of the mash movie, but i wish they hadn't wrapped it up in the MIDDLE of a battle scene. like, what??

JULIAN & EZRI: i absolutely HATE that ezri became julian's replacement miles. i almost understand why they got together because when i tried to conceptualize my ideal ending for ezri it was ??? because i don't know enough about her passions and desires. where does ezri dax believe she can do the most good? where does she want to spend her life? with whom? obviously i'm into ezri/quark and ezri/worf, and i would have been fine with her staying with either of them, but with julian? and he just...stays on ds9? i was so sure julian was gonna dedicate himself to taking down section 31 or fighting for the rights of genetically enhanced people. him fighting section 31 would have been a great ending because he could have said something like "i'll ring you up for advice as often as i can" to garak or something. just...hanging out on ds9 is boring if everybody else is gonna leave.

WORF: also mostly acceptable, though i still think he should have been chancellor. i guess then he can't just randomly show up in tng movies lol.

GARAK & DAMAR: it's such a fucking copout to kill damar. that speech garak gave, where he talked about the rich history of cardassia being reduced to ashes? where he talked about how some people would say cardassia deserved it for what they did to bajor and other worlds just like it? that should have been damar's speech. kira's "yeah damar what kind of people give those orders" was setting him up as someone who goes through what the bajoran people did and learn empathy from it. dukat could have never done it because he cares about himself first, but damar actually has principles. furthermore, giving garak the speech doesn't make any sense because for all the crimes garak has committed, they were ON CARDASSIA. he wasn't out doing the colonizing. he's done crimes but not those crimes. it makes no sense for him to have to live with them. GARAK'S moment was when he realized mila was dead and his house was about to be leveled and you can never actually go home. THAT was his moment, and it was incredible. he didn't need that double beat. i think a better idea for garak is to have him decide he doesn't want to be on cardassia anymore (kind of like klinger deciding he's not going back to america after all) and joining bashir in taking down section 31. not even just for shippy reasons, though there's that too, but i think he'd insist julian would need someone like him around, and he would be right. meanwhile damar leads cardassia, and he and kira being kinda-friends now means that they leave bajor alone and become allies in the future

KIRA AND ODO: what the fuck girl...ok, you know who needed the "i'll be back" ending? odo. "maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, but i'll be back" should have been odo's ending. i get him leaving. i even agree with him leaving. he's got to cure his people or he wouldn't be odo. and he deserves to spend a little time in the great link like he's always wanted to do. but part of what makes odo so compelling is that even though he loves his people, he condemns what they do, and he has come to love his found family more. if odo rejoins his people permanently to keep them on a leash then he's just another changeling. odo who every day chooses to be with and love people who are so fundamentally different from him is what's compelling. it's what makes his and kira's relationship so beautiful. as for kira, nothing could be lamer than her quiet no-rage acceptance of odo breaking her heart and giving her no goals or ambitions outside of that. i think she should have tried to work towards bajor joining the federation in sisko's absence, since that was his goal in the pilot. like maybe not NOW, but something to work for in the future.

DUKAT & WINN: so i was really hoping winn would push dukat into the fire, and it's very sad that she did not do that. i also have mixed feelings about her mini-redemption, since it was ultimately useless. if anything, winn should have thrown herself in with dukat to spare the emissary, like IF you were gonna redeem her. let's fuck the devil but for like ever. in hell. on the other hand, i would have preferred if she unceremoniously had dukat killed and then got possessed and became the final boss. i think an unceremonious death for dukat is kind of fitting because he wants to be important. if not unceremonious, at least something where he fucked around and FINALLY found out, you know?

NOG: he didn't? get?? an ending?? i think that final vic's scene should have been with nog instead of quark, because they were such good friends. they could worry about...

QUARK: while his goodbye to odo was PERFECT, i kind of wish there had been some emphasis on him being one of the few people to stay behind. in an ideal world, it's just him and nog and kira, and vic too i guess. even his brother is going back to ferenginar! he has no one to take care of or snipe at! i liked his final scene with kira, but i would have liked to lean a little more into it. if quark/ezri, he wouldn't mind being left behind because she'd be there with him, but if not, his talk about making everyone happy but himself includes creating a space for them to come back to. and since he can't have this chat with vic, he could have it with...

MORN: come on. ONE line of dialogue! it would have been so funny.

overall it still wasn't the worst thing i've ever watched. there were some positives. it was well acted. i was very fond of everyone. even though "the way you look tonight" went on a little long for me it did give me an emotion. i liked the flashbacks even though i missed jadzia (o'brien's and julian's was really gay). but jesus christ, what a mess!!

[squarebracket-trickster]

I am exhausted as all fuck right now (the chronic fatigue is kicking my ass). But I am going to try to write anyway. It's been too long since I last added to my manuscript and my brain is getting itchy. (You know, that kind of itch that's like: there are too many thoughts inside you right now and you need to get them out. But also, the itch that's like: at this rate you'll never finish this draft, you need to work on it now. And also, the itch that's like: look at all the amazing things other people are creating, doesn't this fill you with yearning? - that could be your stuff *ahem*.)

I have like 10 million better things I could be doing right now, but I've spend the past few weeks not writing when I wanted to because I was doing those 10 million other things. So sorry, life responsibilities, but you'll have to wait. Besides the only thing I actually have the energy for right now is scrolling on my phone. Which. I have done enough of today. If I have to look at one more TikTok I swear to god

Normally, I don't like to write unless I have the energy to make it good, but at this point I don't care. The other night, overcome with an urge to write something, anything, I just started typing without thinking too hard, and it was actually decent when I reread it a few days later.

All that is to say, the exercise has filled me with hubris for what I can accomplish while in the midst of a fatigue flare.

Alas, writing sesh goal for today:

I'm starting with 50755 words (not including whatever I've done of the OOB scene). Idk what percent of /80 000 that is. I have exactly 2500 words worth of second draft (and OOB scene) that I had pasted into my 3rd draft ages ago so I could rework them, which I started doing but have yet to finish.

Today's word goal is not a percent or a number, it's just to finally get rid of those second draft scenes (and be all caught up to the OOB scene). I am tired of not being able just to use the word count meter at the bottom of my doc without having to do math.

And remember, Square: just fill in the missing worldbuilding, description, names, continuity etc. Cut out anything that doesn't need to be there. You can monkey around with the pacing and line edits if you see an easy fix, but no. perfectionism. no. If the sentence doesn't come to you within a minute, leave it. That's what draft 4 is for (that's future me's problem hehe).

--

Oh, the other good news is that I just had a shower and my hair is very soft, so soft. you have no idea. peasants

[livingdeadhorse]

my only issue with 1-3 is that from a doylist perspective the third mystery should not be this simple and from a watsonian perspective, taka being framed for hifumi's murder is a more logical conclusion than yasuhiro being framed for both murders. i dont have an issue with it being convoluted and i think it's good for her character for it to be but it really should have just been hifumi imo

anyways. I really do like Celeste and I love just how much fabrication she's done for herself. rejected her birth name and created a whole new identity for herself. huge to me how the money isnt her motivation. she's just always wanted to get out day one and was waiting for the right opportunity to get out of there. the probability of winning every single hand of poker is so low that i fully believe either her or hope's peak made that up. the most important person to her is her pet cat that she overfeeds. celestia <3

I totally hear you! I don't like chapter 3, but I definitely don't dislike it as much as others do. I reserve most of my animosity for chapter 2 lol.

On one hand, as a mystery itself, it's not that great. But on the other hand, I think the stupidity of the plan is just so Celestia. Taka being framed IS the more logical conclusion, it's what someone who's actually cunning would've done. However, Celestia tries SO hard to be interesting that she's basically feeding everybody else around her what they should think of her. She constantly paints herself as this intelligent, intimidating diva, when she's actually insanely lame lmao. She's an average ass girl who has a knack for spinning tall tales that people don't even believe. Makoto OFF RIP doesn't believe anything she's saying. People often group her in with Togami and Kyoko even though she's more akin to characters like Makoto and Mondo. She has stated outright that her "talent" is just luck.

This is a girl who has a flair for the dramatic and believes her luck will save her from any gamble. The fact that the murder plot really is style over substance with errors so glaring that they're mindboggling...idk it just seems really fitting. That's just me though lol

Also, I totally agree that her motivation wasn't only money. This is where I'm just kinda rambling and going into hard personal interpretation, but I honestly think she lost faith in the class by chapter 2. In the beginning of the game, SHE was the one who suggested the night time rule (which would've stopped both murders if people actually followed it). IIRC, she even made a really cruel and callous comment after Chihiro's death because she was annoyed Chihiro broke the nighttime rule. And then the self-proclaimed leader of the class mentally checks out. We already know she was silently freaking out the very second all ts started and that the adaptability shit was a facade, so this was probably her "yeah gotta go NOW" moment. The money was just an incentive.

IDK where to put this but this self-depreciation over being "ordinary" is such a common thing in the franchise.

Also idkkkk this is js me rambling but her talking about this "rank" she has of people in her head and then seeing her kiss Togami's ass in Chapter 2. EMBARRASSING. You embarrass me. I love her. She wants to be cool so badddd, she doesn't even like mentioning she likes Gyoza.

Honestly, I think she dismantled that little rank in her head during her time at HPA because this is the same guy she treated like shit. And they're both comfortably joking around. This larper thought she had what it takes to get out everybody POINT AND LAUGH. She even thought her DEATH was going to be interesting and instead it was a car crash. Like top 3 most common ways to die. Junko saw right through her. #FRAUD

AND HER CAT IS SO STUPID LOOKING ITS SO CUTE I HOPE THE POOR THING IS OKAY.

Edit:

Because I was nervous I was misremembering LMAO

[dnalt-d2]

SO QSMP PRISON, RIGHT???

Day 1 Edition lmao

To start off with, I'm really happy to hear my little theory about the Prison essentially being the safeguard for the Islanders against the Eye Workers was correct (Or at least seems to be so far)

But now for my thoughts on TODAY

THE FIRST DAY OF THIS FOUR THREE(?) DAY LONG EVENT (More on that later)

First off, who else thinks it's incredibly weird the Watcher was suddenly British?? He was DEFINITELY not British before, and unless this was just some unavoidable thing they had to do for just today, that probably means something

Specifically that this might not actually BE the Watcher. Or at least not the same Watcher. Even aside from the voice difference, the way he talked seemed to be a little different to me. I'm not sure what this could mean Lore-wise, or if it means anything at all, but I just really wanted to bring attention to it in case it was

Secondly, am I the only one who felt like today was just too…Casual? For lack of a better word. This didn't feel like some big thing the way Purgatory did. For better, in my opinion. But it's still strange that this feels so lackadaisical considering the circumstances. All the Islanders, and the Eggs are locked up, with the Federation keeping them under lock and key and being MORE THAN GENEROUS with the use of deadly force

(RIP BBH and IronMouse. RIP Over and over and over and over-)

Idk, the vibes here feel really weird to me, and I'm not sure what to make of that either. Like maybe someone's trying to downplay how serious this is all gonna be in the long run. It's hard to put into words

Though I will say they were very FUN vibes regardless. This was fucking hilarious and I enjoyed just about every second I saw of it. Short as it was (Poor BBH once again, having his time cut short. What will he even do for the other 20 hours of the day if he only gets this much time in the server? Certainly not sleep, I imagine lol)

There's also the mystery of that ghost (Cellbit) that's haunting the place, but again, Idk if this is a lore thing, or Cellbit wanting to get in on the action even though canonically, his character is off being insane on Purgatory. He might be kinda the same way Abueloier is most of the time, you know?? I feel like he's definitely gonna be related to any lore that happens, but at the same time, I'm not too sure I'd be surprised if that wasn't the case either

(Just to point out, I don't think Abueloier is related to the Lore. Roier just wanting to screw around, and frankly, power to him. Even IF Ratoier would've gone hella hard here. Fuckin rat in the prison robbing people at gunpoint would've been HILARIOUS and I really hope to see it before the event is done)

Though this kinda brings me back to my second point, that I'm actually having a hard time telling if stuff that's happening is Lore, or just players/admins screwing around or changing things for the sake of content or otherwise

Usually, I'm pretty good at discerning what is and isn't incidental, but here, I've said at least a few times now that idk what is and isn't lore. And I think that's kinda what's contributing to this whole thing feeling off to me. (Not in a bad way, I wanna reiterate. I'm having a hell of a lot of fun here)

So yeah, to wrap up my thoughts on this, Prison is fun so far, and I can't wait for the insanity to continue tomorrow

(And note: I do have one additional thing to say about this event as well, but I wanna put that in a separate post so I can make sure I've got all my thoughts together)

Now back to our own Purgatory of waiting for Day 2

[galaxythreads]

Is there anything specific to figuring out what to write for the start of a story? People say like “start while the characters are doing something” and it’s good advice but idk how to figure out *what* they’d be doing. I loveee your writing and clearly you know how to get past this so..

Great question! Thanks for reaching out :)

What people mean when they give that advice isn't have the characters be making a sandwich (although that is a great option) it just means have your character already immersed in the world. Don't wait to give them a thumbs up that they can go.

For example, using my own writing, lets look at what I consider to be one of the worst openings and one of the best:

So in If Lost, Please Return To Peter (which I have actually edited out the worst of this like 2 years ago, when it was posted and was the bare bones it was awful), here's the opening paragraph:

"Peter is pretty terrible at making friends."

and like this part is good! It asks a question. Why is peter terrible at making friends? Why are we thinking about this? How is this relevant to what's going on?

and then it immediately gets bogged down by the following paragraph:

"Okay, understatement: Peter and making friends crosses over that line of "beyond horrible" that hits that stage where other people are embarrassed for him. It's wondrous. Honestly, he doesn't even know how to approach people; Ned accidentally dumped his jug of water on Peter's painting when they were in second grade and, feeling guilty, Ned had followed him around apologizing (though Peter had long forgiven him) and it sort of moved on beyond that to actual friendship. Michelle just started showing up wherever he and Ned were towards the beginning of the school year and acted like it was a coincidence."

Why do we care about this? We don't. It drags the story. It's not relevant to what's going on. And what is going on in this scene that is the point/task I want the characters to do? Loki is on top of a roof about to jump and Peter is going to talk him out of it. It's a really heavy scene. Opening with something light-hearted wasn't a bad choice, but the problem comes here:

it takes me 5 paragraphs to have Peter do anything, which is yawn. This paragraph that I'm pointing to should have been the opening sentence because PETER IS DOING SOMETHING. We are ENGAGED in the story. I could have put the following five paragraphs literally anywhere else in this scene and it would have worked so much better. He literally just thinks for paragraphs and paragraphs at a time.

Like to be clear this isn't unreadable. People will and do make it past terrible openings. Clearly. I wouldn't have nearly the ao3 following I do if they didn't, lol.

Okay, so we have that.

then there's FOUR MORE PARAGRAPHS OF THOUGHT BEFORE WE HAVE ANOTHER ACTION

so we are now like 8-9 paragraphs into the story (this would be page 3-4) and Peter has done this:

Thought and thought and thought (which is bad because he's not distressed and has no reason to be caught up in his head)

Yawned

fired a web

and said a single line of dialog.

It takes until almost page 5 before Peter and Loki interact. Which was the task of the scene. the Point. I know when I was younger and more inexperienced, a writer I knew told me that the story couldn't start until page 3 cause you needed to know the character, so I felt an obligation to just ramble and ramble until I got there before finally feeling relief that the story could pick up. Like if you go read the rest of the one-shot, the pacing is much better. Because that's what the problem of this opening is: the pacing. That's why it's important to have your character start with doing something because it helps with the pacing. Usually that something the character is doing is a task they need to complete and once that task is over, the opening scene is also over.

so compare that scene in the one-shot to this one from Scar Tissue, with is an Avatar the last airbender fic I'm working on right now. Chapter 1 is one of my favorite openings I've ever done.

"Despite Aang’s frustrated insistence ten minutes earlier, Sokka is not beach moping. He’s sitting, calmly, thinking very hard about how miserable he is. There’s a difference. And it’s not even a beach. Agna Qel’a doesn’t have anything that really passes for a beach anyway, just what feels like an endless amount of docks and ice, so there."

So this is the opening paragraph. The character didn't start doing something. Sokka is not making a sandwich. But what I HAVE done to pull the reader in is two things

a) I've made it funny. People are automatically drawn into something that's a little funny. And it also answers the question of whether or not our senses of humor are going to match like immediately. I have a really dark sense of humor in writing that not everyone enjoys and this subconsciously answers that question right away.

b) I've made you ask a question. Why is Sokka beach moping? What is beach moping?

c) Sokka is already tethered down. He mentions that he's been talking to Aang, which implies that this scene has not existed inside of a void. Something happened right before the scene started. In my acting class, my teacher refers to this as the "before moment." What happened BEFORE the scene started? This is a great question to ask yourself when you start an opening scene. Because the before moment lets you know why you are starting it at that exact moment.

Okay, good first paragraph, then it continues:

"Not beach moping. 

Impossible to be beach moping, technically. 

“Are you still beach moping?” Katara, behind him, already sounds exhausted. More than that, she sounds pre-done with Sokka’s feelings, and they’ve barely spoken today. This is just some task she needs to check off before she can go to sleep, and the idea of being that much of an annoyance makes something desperate curl in Sokka’s stomach with panic.""

^ What did I do here that was different than the Peter one? Read that, then read this:

Okay, understatement: Peter and making friends crosses over that line of "beyond horrible" that hits that stage where other people are embarrassed for him. It's wondrous. Honestly, he doesn't even know how to approach people; Ned accidentally dumped his jug of water on Peter's painting when they were in second grade and, feeling guilty, Ned had followed him around apologizing (though Peter had long forgiven him) and it sort of moved on beyond that to actual friendship. Michelle just started showing up wherever he and Ned were towards the beginning of the school year and acted like it was a coincidence."

Peter rambles on something that is not relevant. Does painting ever come up in that one-shot? No. It does not. In the Avatar fic, Sokka beach moping is the point of the scene and is the inciting incident of hte story. The task I've just assigned Sokka is a conversation, which is the EXACT SAME TASK i gave Peter in the one-shot, but unlike the peter oneshot, it takes Sokka like one and a half paragraphs to do something:

and Sokka's is relevant to what's going on. The conversation has started. Peter still has like 4 more pages to go with rambling and doing nothing. The reason I chose these two scenes to compare and contrast specifically is because they both have the same thing: they're really really thought heavy. But the difference is how relevant those thoughts are to the story I'm trying to tell. For Sokka, it's that he's depressed about anxious about the aftermath of a battle and losing his girlfriend. For Peter, it's...not that. HE thinks about paintings with his friends, he thinks about May, he thinks about ANYTHING EXCEPT THE POINT OF THE SCENE.

If you've ever heard someone complain that it's taking forever to get to the point, this is what they mean. It's not so much that the scene is long or rambly, it's how relevant it is to your story. Sokka is beach moping. When Sokka's conversation about WHY he has been beach moping is over (whether or not he reveals that to Katara isn't really relevant), that scene is over. The point of that scene is that Sokka is moping and BECAUSE he is moping, he finds Iroh and Zuko floating in the water. It sets up Sokka as a character FIRST. Then the inciting incident of the story. PEter's current mental state wasn't set up, which is what those rambly thoughts should have done instead of tell us childhood stories.

Here's another opening that I really like from Not One For Chocolate Anymore, I See: (why does this title have I see, has it always had I see?? lol)

anyway, so this communicates the same thing: Setting, character, TASK.

They're in a walmart parking lot on Christmas morning, very early, it's cold, the character is Tony, Tony is looking for Peter. When Tony finds Peter, the opening scene is over.

Same thing in Scar Tissue:

Setting, character, task:

Setting: Agna Qel'a, the dock, it's cold.

Character: Sokka

Task: Beach mope, talk to Katara, deal with panic attack.

Ideally, the first couple of paragraphs (within the first page or so) should provide those three things ^

which is why this opening didn't work

setting: ??????????????????

character: Peter

Task: ??????????????????????????????

I don't love the opening of You Screamed For So Long We Forgot To Care Anymore and it's kind of because it takes a second for the story to roll forward:

Setting: ?????????

Character: Clint

Task: Calling Jane, see where Thor is

---

TL:DR

Give your character something to do that immediately engages them in the story. Don't wait around to get to the point bogged down with useless details. Give us the setting - even if the setting is that the character doesn't know where they are - who the story is about, and the task the character is trying to do. Even if that's making a sandwich.

But also bare in mind that people will and do read through some of the worst openings on the planet and then later find those same terrible openings deeply comforting. (If anyone changed the terrible opening on my beloved fics that I have the sentence structure memorized on, I would be devastated.) Most people make it at least half-way through chapter 1 of fics before giving up, so as long as you can engage them by that point, you're good. I don't love all my openings and it IS something I am still learning to do better because it's definitely a skill you need to develop. But guess what! You CAN develop it. What really helped me was when I started paying attention to the openings of my favorite fics and figuring out what they were doing and then mimicking it.

A huge part of becoming a better writer is deconstructing writing and then regurgitating it in your own style. Did that answer your question? You can say no, absolutely, but I just want to make sure I was actually helpful. XD

---

ON FIGURING OUT WHAT THEY'D BE DOING: setting up your character's current place, then the inciting incident. Remember, the first chapter of a multi-chapter fic (first scene-ish of a one-shot) is setting up WHY the story happens. So what they'd be doing should be relevant to why the story happens. That's why I had Sokka on the beach, so he could find Iroh and Zuko. THat's why I had Peter out fighting crime so he could find Loki and they'd talk. And Tony was in the parking lot to find Peter, and etc, etc. The task they're trying to accomplish is the reason that scene exists at all, if that makes sense?

[nejackdaw]

Coming right back at ya for the ask game 👀

How about 🪐(name 3 good things going on rn), 📚 (last thing in your notes app), and 🍦(three good things about a character you hate - I love asking this one whoopsies)

💞💞💞🌹🌹🌹 ty!!!! This got long so I'm adding a cut lol

Hmmm, three good things. Well, I'm almost done with The Color of Revenge, which is a recently (in English) released followup to the Inkheart trilogy!!!! My parents gave me the set back when I was, like, SEVEN (it was written for an older audience, but I was at a high school reading level so most of my books were) and Inkspell and Inkdeath were INCREDIBLY formative to me. I'm 23 and it's still my favorite book series. I reread it last Nov/Dec and I have been WAITING for TCOR to be translated to English. I'm almost done with it! I've never read it before but it still feels like coming home :) I've also started watching Vox Machina (the show, not the campaign version) and ouagh. Forgot Taliesin never misses with the characters. Idr the last time I wanted to binge a show but I watched all of S1 in like three days. AND as a third thing I've made a ton of progress on the baton display!!! For someone who wasn't a crafts guy beforehand I've been loving the whole ordeal

Last thing in my notes app 🤔 it's either some half incomprehensible reminder or like. A wip idea lemme go check hang on. APSNOANSOANS OKAY SO ACTUALLY IT WAS A THOUGHT I HAD THAT I WANTED TO SHARE WITH MY ROOMIE BUT THEY SAID THEY WANNA WATCH VM TOO SO I CAN'T SPOIL PERCY'S BACKSTORY TO MAKE THE OBSERVATION. IT'S KINDA KILLING ME CAUSE IT'S A GOOD ONE. (Head in my hands) They gotta watch VM bro I gotta tell them

Three good things about a character I hate 🤔 okay NEVERMIND I had an ENTIRE response drafted about "idk if I even hate any characters" but

YOU

Okay so obviously I lost the plot a little editing the meme I kinda forgot what I was making it for it's FINE. I haven't played Doom in forever man. Fucking. Hayden. Don't even ask me about his lore from Doom Eternal the only thing I remember from watching Jack play it is that I fucking Pavloved myself and now whenever I eat pizza rolls I wanna watch Doom. Three good things about Hayden, who I barely remember aside from the fact he's a little bastard 🤔 mad scientist is one of my favorite genres of guy, so like. He's got me there. There's so much wrong with him I want to study him. I want to shrink him and shake him violently in a jar. Iirc him and his research are the ENTIRE reason the game happened. Like I think it's touched on more in the sequel but I watched Jacksepticeye play it in I think the Covid year so like. Idr. Like what the hell, man. Kinda obsessed with the way he stands by his work and his research. He's surrounded by blood and corpses and humanity itself is at risk of being wiped out and he's like "okay, but hear me out--"

A second thing would have to be the like. Man idek how to describe the weird fucking relationship he has with the Doom Guy in 2016. Basically you're a rat in his maze and he's doing simultaneously beneficial to you + iirc bad for you beneficial to him experiments (argent energy suit upgrades) but ALSO you have to do what he fucking wants for the most part, and your interests are BARELY aligned. Like you guys want the same person dead is about where it starts and ends. I just. I'm fucking chewing on it. I spent the entire office visit cutscene thing judging his office decor and trying to shoot him (I could not fire the gun.)

The third thing would have to be the actual fact that I dislike him so bad. Usually I might not like a character, but like. The fucking "YOU" reaction I immediately had when I remembered he exists isn't something I get for any other ones. Like I took his little self serving bastardism PERSONALLY. ESPECIALLY at the end of the game. I literally watched Jack play Eternal because I wanted to know if we got to kill Hayden. Like. Points for getting me to feel so strongly negative about him. I wish he was still flesh and blood so I could wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze ya know. Fucking Griffin style

[m1ckeyb3rry]

AHJSJSJS TUMBLRS A BITCH BUT YOU DONT NEED TO APOLOGIZE ITS NOT YOUR FAULT i was also getting some things done i just took a quick break and saw Jeirin’s post LMAO (epic crossover fr HAHA) so i didn’t have the time to notice but also even if i did id probably assume you were just touching grass (which you were LMAOOO)

L is now trademarked by otoya yup he doesn’t have any Ls in his name so he had to make up for it elsewhere (haha Lswhere I’ll shut up now)

SUHSJSSH WAIT OK GOOD I wasn’t sure if it was a shitty kid bully teasing or like a cute friend teasing it’s good that it wasn’t bullying though because if anything it is a rather cute nickname I just didn’t know if you had trauma from it SHSHSHSH

Ah 2022 jjk era….yk back then I definitely would’ve been like “NOOO DONT END SOON” now I’m like “yeah fucking finally” it had its good run back then now it’s fr just kinda insane also it’s actually so sad that at some point I ended up just full on saving the TikTok’s I knew I needed to reference back to later on just in case they disappeared forever SHSBSNS I have so many random

tutorials saved on there too like I’m not losing this hack

- Karasu anon

HAHA sometimes i do see your asks but i’m like “i know i’m going to write a super lengthy response to this so let me save it for later” LMAOAOA like i know for a fact i’m going to ramble and have to whip out my ipad for it meanwhile i can post my silly two sentence thoughts and responses to comments in five seconds on my phone so i’ll be active just not answering-asks-active if that makes sense HAHAH but yeah idk why tumblr does that with longer asks especially it just freaks out 😭 maybe one day they will resolve it…

LSWHERE PLS no yeah it’s his letter honestly he’s lowkey chill i think he would find it funny that we slander him sm…idk how to describe it i just have this hunch that if he knew he’d think it’s his rizz at work or smth

yeahhh i never got mad i thought it was so cute as a nickname!! pls i was too mean to be bullied…i was rlly shy as a little kid so i got bullied when i was like really young?? not like making fun of me bullied but forced to do stuff by my “friends” because i didn’t want to hurt their feelings by saying no 😭 but i got new friends and ended up moving for middle school anyways!! and at that point i had developed the most villainous mouth ever i was actually lowkey evil with some of my quips BUT only to people who deserved it so like it cancelled out 😩 mostly everyone liked me so it was def meant as an endearment thing like aww cutie pie mouse mira hehe especially because that was back when the guys were just starting to hit their growth spurts and they loved to do anything to show off that they were now 5’7 instead of 5’3 so they’d pat me on the head after singing the little song LMAOAOOA icl looking back it’s lowkey unreal but then again what in the mira lore isn’t

REALLLL 2022 jjk era was so diff i also thought back then that the manga would go on for much longer so it was a diff vibe?? tbh i still can’t believe it already ended tbh i feel like it had such a short runtime for a manga…like attack on titan i know ran from before 2013 (because that’s when s1 of the anime came out so it would’ve had to have been before) and the manga ended in 2021 and that’s not to mention the ones like one piece that have been going on FOREVER ofc idt jjk should’ve gone on for quite that long but it def could’ve done with some extra time i think 😩 did you see that gege straight up released a new character LKSDJFH like what even

no that’s so real half of my saved tik toks are edits and the other half are makeup tutorials…ngl i never use them though because the only makeup i can ever do is a tiny bit of pencil liner, mascara, blush, OCCASIONALLY highlight if it’s smth super important/a special event, and some color on my lips!! so like all of the foundation/contour hacks are very useless for me and same with the eyeshadow tutorials but that doesn’t stop me from watching and saving HAHAH

[eigwayne]

I finished both Heroes (2022) and My Sassy Princess today. Heroes is the better show, imo, and more for people who are into plot, whereas My Sassy Princess is for the romantics, with scenes that are surprisingly steamy for a 2022 C-drama. Both had action scenes and fairly cohesive aesthetics and a female lead who vacillated between annoying and interesting. And fantastic theme songs! Otherwise, they have nothing in common, lol.

Heroes got a 4.063 on my scoring scale, which exactly ties with Word of Honor. Which I guess makes sense, they're both really enjoyable but clunky in some respects, with endings that are... something. WOH gets better if you watch the epilogue. But Heroes has an ending where you're like, "Okay, that fits, I'm good with that" and then you remember the 'foreshadowing' in the first episode and you're like, "Wait a minute, what the fuck?" So yeah, Heroes is a slightly tropey jianghu-but-not-pure-wuxia tragedy with a confusing ending. I think they forgot about their first episode- it would have been fine except for that scene. I still enjoyed it, overall, but I'm a little mad I wasted the whole show worrying for nothing.

Please look up trigger warnings if you're going to watch Heroes, btw. There's some common triggers in it. Personally, I think they could have done without but it was in the source novel, so I guess they felt obligated or something, idk. And the resolution to that arc was a bit disappointing. Seeing the resulting fight scene would have been more fulfilling for the viewer.

Anyways!

My Sassy Princess ended up with a 3.5 score. This ties it with Ming Dynasty, Mystic Nine, Lost Tomb 2.5, Ever Night, Falling Into Your Smile, and Love of Thousand Years. All shows that were fun to watch but with flaws in the story or characters, or the CG, editing, or effects, or that are just painful to contemplate rewatching (looking at you, Ming Dynasty). Overall middle of the pack dramas. I've already complained a bit about My Sassy Princess's flaws. The acting was more solid in the last third, but the plot was not strong. I heard they lopped off like ten eps during editing or pre-airing review, and it shows. It's overall clumsily executed. Ending was well suited to the story/characters so that was okay, and the soundtrack, especially the themes, was really nice.

Judging by the reviews, a lot of viewers besides me seemed pleased by the kiss scenes, which were not steamy by Western standards but were far more sensual than more Chinese dramas. I think I've only seen two or three kiss scenes in a C-drama that were more sensual (one was in Mystic Nine, actually- Foye and the missus had a good one the second or third time they kissed onscreen. Definitely not the first one, but the second or third). They were still more in the realm of "mash faces together and hold still a bit" but there was some effort here to play pretend. So if you're a sucker for romance with onscreen kisses, but don't like tongue, this might be the drama for you.

And I did not think I would be spending my Saturday evaluating onscreen kisses, but here we are.

[vitaminwaterreviews]

Red Velvet - Chill Kill

I’m kind of disappointed at the sheer lack of red on this album, but I didn’t exactly get my hopes up either (just look at how much red vs black is on the cover art lmao). I was hoping for something like I Just on Perfect Velvet - a song that’s particularly bright and synthy to contrast with all the moodiness, but we didn’t really get that. Regardless, Red Velvet do velvet incredibly well. If Shinvi had done this album then all of the 7’s would be 5’s, which is a testament to how Red Velvet have really improved on the SM sound. No single song stuck out to me – I remember saying that Underwater is probably my favorite, but Underwater doesn’t stick out from the album so much as it’s just my favorite song out of the songs on the album. The album is sonically cohesive in the same way that Twicetagram is sonically cohesive, except unlike Twicetagram I felt like this album didn’t do enough to set certain songs apart. Regardless, I do like Red Velvet, and if you like Red Velvet then you’ll like this album. Average of 7.2 which feels about right. It’s good, it’s not Perfect Velvet, at least not for me. Which is ironic because this album is way more velvet than Perfect Velvet!

Edit: I don’t usually add an edit, but I was listening to Underwater just now with earbuds, and it sounded wayyy worse. So definitely listen to this album with good headphones or speakers, the details matter.

Chill Kill

Did I stay up until 4am to watch this MV as soon as it dropped? No. But did I happen to be awake until 4am on accident, perhaps subconsciously because I wanted to watch this MV? Yes.

This is actually my second time watching the MV and third time hearing the song but oh well it still counts

Super bright clothes in a muted color scene is very RV

The intro might as well be something out of one of the first gen groups, but when that bass hits it’s SO modern

I’m still not totally sure what’s going on in this MV. I guess the implication is that they’ve just murdered someone?

This bass is just so good

The timbres feel very … contrasty. We’ve got such pretty fun synths alongside that Bass.

The bridge is cute

And now they’re on a bus? And now they’re burning down a house?

And now they’re dancing in front of the cops!

I need to check out the lyrics

7/10, I really don’t know what to think about this song. I think I like it, but it’s really weird, even by Red Velvet standards. I’m sure it’ll grow on me.

Knock Knock (Who’s There?)

This bass is the same bass, or very similar. Reminds me of Illusion.

Are those like, distorted strings in the background of the pre-chorus?

This chorus hits though

This song feels like the sequel to Chill Kill, which I guess happens often on albums

It isn’t particularly catchy, but I do love the way that it sounds

There’s the obligatory high note. I did just listen to Isak N Jiyoon earlier, but I can totally hear the resemblance

7/10, pretty much the same as Chill Kill, idk what to think

Underwater

There are a certain set of sounds that sound like underwater, and the intro contains those

The first verse hits like a truck

This whole album is Bassy, at least so far

I do love how Red Velvet’s vocals are mixed. It’s completely different from the first gens, maybe with the exception of INJ

This chorus is really fun

This song is very velvet. Maybe the first songs were Red Velvet, but this song is velvet in its purest form, maybe like Kingdom Come but darker and bassier

I love how breathy they are

Now in the outro that’s contrasted with a couple of pretty high notes

8/10, I liked this a lot, so far out of the first three this is the one that I’ll be streaming the most

Will I Ever See You Again?

Here we are, this is my style

That intro synth was so great

Actually this kind of reminds me of modern Twice so far?

No wait oh my god this sounds exactly like something but I cannot place it

Empty chorus – will they add to it or keep it empty?

I totally buy the samples used here, this shit is anthemic

Dude imagine them singing along to the synth in the chorus like Peek A Boo or I Just

The bridge also feels very modern Twice

No? They’re not gonna sing along to the synth? Missed opportunity

Yeah, the outro too, very Twice to me

7/10

Nightmare

Well my first thoughts when this came on were in fact “Nightmare before Christmas” so that part is working

Actually, what’s the deal with Red Velvet releasing Halloween songs in November? Like c’mon SM, if you’re gonna make Halloween concepts, make them for Halloween

The same bass lmao, did they tell the producers that they had to use this bass in every song?

This rap is so cool wtf

Lol the chorus is actually so upbeat for a song called “Nightmare,” that’s very Red Velvet

Also this is in 6/8 or 3/4 which is cool

I just wish these songs were redder. I feel like they’re all leaning hard velvet with hints of red, but give me some red with hints of velvet

7/10

Iced Coffee

Plink plonk

Okay, this is mixing it up a bit, quiet and reflective

There it is

Another 6/8 song, is 6/8 a velvet trope that I’m not aware of?

“Yeah you got me like iced coffee”

“I don’t need the sugar and don’t need the caffeine” yeah that stuff is bad for you

I do appreciate food- and drink-themed songs

I wish the vocals were a bit higher in the mix

The strings feel so excessive to me, and its a slow jam, meh

6/10

One Kiss

Okay so completely unrelated but earlier today I heard Dua Lipa’s One Kiss in public for the first time in ages, so it’s funny that now I’m hearing a different One Kiss for the first time ever

I’m getting massive Zoom vibes from this

“Oh my god he’s a really bad boy”

Yeah lol this song feels very Red Velvet purely because it reminds me of other Red Velvet songs

The kiss sample is funny

Honestly this chorus is cute, I could get on board with this

Fun, upbeat r&b, this is good

8/10, very creative

Bulldozer

A red velvet song opening with a rap? That doesn’t happen often

This beat is so fun, the humming alongside the bass

And then it just drops out completely

Wow that prechorus was cool

The chorus didn’t live up to the prechorus haha

I do love “lalalalala” sections because they’re easy to sing along to as someone who doesn’t speak Korean

“Vroom vroom vroom vroom vroom hahahaha” omg that was hilarious

I really don’t know what to give this song?

8/10 I guess?

Wings

Well let’s see them do this intro on Killing Voice lmao

I think I heard that the last song is gonna be a ballad, so I guess we aren’t getting any Red on this album. But that’s fair enough, the name “Chill Kill” makes it pretty obvious the styles that it’s gonna contain

I just realized I haven’t typed a word about this song yet and I’m halfway through

It feels just like the rest of the album to me, maybe a bit more upbeat. Par for the course for album design I guess

Judging by the english lyrics, it’s probably a happy song though which is nice

Oooh, these ad libs at the end, these are fun, yeah let’s 100% hear this on Killing Voice please

7/10

Scenery

The guitar here is cute

I’m actually kind of getting Jaljayo Goodnight vibes from that initial section

Definitely not now

The vocal effects on the “lalala” feel a bit too strong for me, a bit out of place for the clean guitar

These vocals are actually so pretty though. You know the part.

Wait this song is also in three lmao

The outro is incredibly pretty, I expected nothing less

7/10

[squarebracket-trickster]

I have officially stayed up way too late writing for the second night in a row (I have work tomorrow - why do I do this to myself?), but the goods news is:

I have done it! I have finally finished the Only One Bed scene. AH HA HAHAAHA AT LAST!

So, stats:

(By the way, for future me: I started this writing session at 10pm and ended at 12:30am).

word count: 55 066, page count: 91, words since last writing session: 1865, word equivalent in draft 2: 52 207, page equivalent: also 91 lmaooo, word count difference: 2859, projected total word count: 77 049 + 2859 = 79 908 (still under word count goal!!)

percent/80 000: 68.8%

percent/77 049: 71.5%

percent/79 908: 68.9%

percent based on draft 2: 52 207/77 049 = 67.8%

milestones: 55K!!! OOB scene done (all the frogged scene snippets are officially cleared from my document - except like one paragraph that's been there for half a year but we don't talk about that)!

goals for next time: idk, I just really want to hit 60k asap. I have no idea how these next scenes are going to go. I feel like I rewrote them considerably in draft 2. I'm nervous to see if they still hold up.

Thoughts: god I can't wait to line edit draft 4. The OOB scene can still be tweaked, of course - I'm a perfectionist, what do you expect - but I can't deny it's already pretty strong. I'm actually quite happy with it for now.

[astralis-is-typing]

Ok this is well over a thousand words of me simply losing my shit over this chapter dghfhjd. Such a masterpiece from my wife (real). I’ve been promising you this rb for WEEKS and I’m finally done editing my thoughts into (barely) cohesive sentences. Enjoyyy❤❤

Content warning: I am shamelessly and irretrievably obsessed with this story so mind how feral I am. The author (my wife) already knows but this is just a warning for anyone listening in vhfgdhsbxf

The way I have waited for this chapter pls… 21k??? So much to unpack and I’m ready (mostly)

If I don’t make it out alive bro tell Jeongin I love him

The thing that’s haunting me the most is the blood lock thing. I’ve been fixated on that ever since they found out that was the only way to get into Miroh. Like you know how the romance distracts me bahah, but today I’m FOCUSED fr✊

They best get to district one alive pls I hope no one dies

-

“Flooding back as you became aware of the strong arms wrapped tightly around your body, the warm breath grazing against the back of your neck.” Hdhdjskckmsmchddf

“In another world, far away from the one you had always known, you might have turned around his embrace” PLS PLS PLSSSS GO AHEAD!! NOTHING IS STOPPING YOU

(okay that’s not entirely true)

(Getting side tracked here… can I just do what I said and stop being a hoe for rebel felix? Can we do that Jules? Just for one chapter istg)

“Stopped by an insistent force holding you back, preventing you from moving even an inch further. You glanced down at the determined hand clasped around your wrist. Firm, but gentle all the same.

Silver rings against calloused fingers.”

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL RN

-

The whole scene where they’re planning on which is the best route just got my heart racing. The urgency is TANGIBLE. Especially when Felix came in and erased the line she’d drawn, because I guess that’s where his demons lie and he doesn’t want to expose the rest of them to such danger.

Also, The scene with Minho, followed by hanging outside with Changbin is so well written. I can SEE it

-

“You’d made a promise, after all.

Don’t let me love you.”

This is so DEEP??

“Because you had been able to protect Felix last night, but you wouldn't be able to save any of them from the impending threat hurdling toward you now.

In less than a second, the world around you descended into chaos.”

I CANNOT GO ONNNNNNNNNN??????

I CANNOT DO THIS???? NO NO NO

“Just as his fingers brushed against yours, a bullet whizzed between the two of you, forcing him to stumble back.”

I’M SO UNSTABLE RIGHT NOW WHAT

I’M ACTUALLY PANICKING HELP ME

I need a min to remind myself this is just fiction.

-

“Felix!” You called out, strained voice breaking in desperation as the fear of losing him tore at your soul once again. His head whipped around at the sound of your voice. With a final look in your direction, his eyes conveyed unspoken reassurance, a silent plea to trust him, and a promise that you couldn’t fully understand in that moment.”

I’M SO UNWELL I CANT I CANNOT I CANNOT I SIMPLY CANNOT I DON’T WANT TO READ IDK IDK SEND HELP

I'M ACTUALLY SO SCARED RN

“And it's probably a good thing you weren't in his position, because you never would have been able to leave the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes behind. Not when it meant leaving a part of yourself, behind too.”

ALEX PLS STOP THIS MADNESS IM CRYING THIS IS SO OVERWHELMING! Ok but now they definitely know she’s in love with him.

-

YEONJUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

CHOI YEONJUN IN OTDE? MY STAYMOA HEART IS FJJDNVNVMD

-

“you avoided the woman's gaze when you told her that your name was Jisoo.” Watch this woman be Jisoo’s mom are something 👀

“Because as Hira walked you through the lower level, hushed whispers and soft murmurs floated through the air, accompanied by occasional gasps of pleasure.” HELLAUR??? ARE THEY FR IN A BROTHEL RN💀💀💀💀💀

Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess🤷

“…meeting the eyes of individuals in various states of undress whose beauty was contrasted by the sadness in their eyes.” THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN

SHUT UP THIS IS ART

THIS IS SO WELL WRITTEN??? WHAT THE ACTUAL DUCK

GOODBYE!!! Buddy this!!! thissss?!!!

-

“For the same reason you had chosen to sit by him the first night around the fire, something about Seungmin's presence made you worry just a little less.” Vocalracha stans are really being fed with this chapter sjcjvkfkfnvnms. Like this and the Jeongin focus earlier has me😻😻

I love otde Seungmin btw he’s my favourite. Like, even over Felix (well, almost).

-

“As if your feet were shackled to the ground by invisible chains that warned of the danger that came with exposing the extent of your feelings to everyone in the room.” WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GREAT WRITER WHAT THE HELL BUDDY

PLS PLS!!

“I was just...doing what needed to be done.” He answered, voice husky and low, eyes dark and inviting.”

I want to SCREAM. I always say this but the mc is sooo much stronger than me I’d have let him give me backshots against the table right then and there idc.

Like I actually do not care anymore. Sanity? Who’s she?

“He really did. It’s just that he’d narrowly missed about 17 bullets today…”

FAVOURITE LINE IN THE WHOLE CHAPTER SAVE ME PLS PLS PLSSS I LOVE THIS IT ADDS SO MUCH DESPERATION AND A FUCK IT MENTALITY UGHHH

This is so funny fhvj jjdjcbvnf

-

I AM ON LIFE SUPPORT AFTER THAT SMUT SCENE I CANNOT KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS

And then you have the AUDACITY to be like "oh I can't write smut" like gurl what do you even mean?!😂

-

Alex you are so good at naming chapters omg like the last few lines so accurately relate to the title it’s insaneee.

Also what’s going on with Hyunjin and Felix lmao. Are all these focuses on them spoilers oooh? The part where you talk about Hyunjin getting onto the bike behind him… I found that interesting. The way you took note of their proximity. Because I assume all the rebels are close and have been physically close as well multiple times. Y’all there’s a REASON behind this focus and I’m dying to know.

To end this rant, I just want to say you totally KILKED this!! The plot has so many twists and turns and the way you pace them is mind blowing. It seems I survived another episode dhfhdgd can't wait for the next chapter!! (Even though I'm definitely won't be ready🤒)

off the deep end. (05)

~(part 5) the weight of the world~

pairing: rebel!felix x reader (f)

genre: non-idol au, post-apocalypse/dystopian au. wc: 21.1k (i have no explanation for this, pls forgive me)

series rating: 18+ **minors do not interact**

chapter warnings: violent mature themes, mentions of murder/death, choking (sexual and not sexual), explicit sexual content (consensual, unprotected sex, oral sex (m receiving), fingering), breeding kink if you squint, oppressive government, fighting, weaponry (gunfire, knife use), injury, blood, language, angst!!!, please lmk if i missed any!!

a/n: thank you all so much for your continued support, i have been absolutely blown away by the kindness and interest you guys have shown for my little story :) it truly means the world to me and as always any feedback, likes, and reblogs are more appreciated than you know. i hope you enjoy.♡♡

~series masterlist~

"because time is a merciless force, far more precious than anything tangible in this world. no matter who you are, no matter where you come from, it always runs out. no matter what you do once it is gone, you will never be able to win it back."

“Don’t let me love you.”

Had he really said that?

Had he really dared to speak it into existence? 

Felix squeezed his eyes shut so tightly he saw stars behind them. Stars that reminded him of the night sky, just hours before, with your bodies intertwined on the rooftop underneath it. The steady rhythm of your breathing against his forearm as you slept. And he couldn't lie, the temptation to fall asleep next to you, to let the weariness overtake him was more than strong. Not to mention the fact that Felix was certain it might just be the best night’s sleep he would ever get. But he couldn't afford to fall asleep last night, because he knew what would happen if he didn’t wake up in time. 

And yet, Felix didn’t necessarily mind the need to stay awake. Because instead of being kept up by disturbing memories and his own tormenting thoughts that surrounded them, as was the case on most nights, he'd had something else to anchor him to consciousness last night.

You. 

Felix spent hours underneath the moonlight lightly brushing the hair from your face whenever the breeze blew it back. He traced over the faint bruises on your skin, bruises left by his fingertips, a stark contradiction to your angelic appearance. 

You may not have been an angel in the eyes of the gods above, considering that the things the two of you had done together tonight were far from pure, but you certainly were to him. In that moment, you were an angel to Felix who was everything opposite of what it meant to be one.

You were his angel. 

Another gust of wind caused you to shift even closer, seeking refuge in the warmth of his chest, and suddenly Felix was thankful that he had always been warm blooded. He pulled his jacket over you when he noticed the goosebumps decorated across your skin. The wind pushed your hair back once again, and his eyes fell to the deep purple mark on your neck. 

Another trace of his cursed touch, burned into your skin.

Stupid.

Stupid how badly he wanted them all to see it. Not just the seven boys downstairs, no, the entirety of all nine districts. He wanted them all to witness the traces he had left on your body. A selfish, dangerous desire that threatened to consume him whole.

If it were up to him, Felix would've spent the rest of eternity in last night. But time had never been a friend to Felix, and he was all too familiar with the fleeting nature of happiness. So when the morning light broke through his half-lidded eyes, he furrowed his brows. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to slip from your arms. A soft whine escaped your lips, and he wondered if you would think he had left by choice when you woke to find him missing. He wondered if it would make you regret last night. 

Maybe it would be better if you did.

Felix unwraveled your bodies, carefully lowering your head back down against the blanket. He stood and collected your clothing, folding it and placing it into a neat pile beside your head. And then, after one final glance, his eyes lingering a little longer than they should have on your sleeping form underneath his jacket, he turned to leave. 

Because a promise made to the devil can’t be broken.

And the devil waits for no one. 

And when Felix returned from hell to find you standing inside the entrance of Yellow Wood next to Chan and Minho, he knew he wasn’t making it out of this unscathed. He knew he was done for when he felt his heartbeat quicken at the mere sight of you with his jacket in your hand and his mark on your neck, left exposed by your hair that probably still had his scent in it.

Don’t let me love you. 

Perhaps his words hadn’t really been meant for you at all. Perhaps they had been a desperate plea to some higher power above that he’d never even been given the chance to believe in. 

Perhaps they had been meant for himself, instead. A final request before he crossed a line he was never meant to cross. Before he made choices intertwined with consequences that he couldn’t even begin to understand.

After he watched you disappear with Chan through the front doors, Felix stumbled back down the staircase, making himself comfortable with his back to the railing. The rooftop had since been occupied by Jisung, Jeongin, and Seungmin, and in all honesty he didn’t really feel like talking (or smoking whatever their chosen substance might have been today). Although he couldn’t fault them for it, considering what you were about to get yourselves into. Ever since the nine of you had returned together from the palace, there had been a shift in the atmosphere. Something unspoken between every single one of you. Fear, maybe. Apprehension, sure. That and the gut feeling that something permanent was coming. And he couldn’t blame the others for wanting to make the most out of every fleeting moment of normalcy they had left. 

He certainly had. Last night, with you.

You weren’t his first, but part of him wished you had been because he'd had no idea it was supposed to feel like that. After last night, Felix was positive that he hadn’t been your first either, and he certainly knew better than to think he would be your last. Although he did like to entertain the idea of you belonging solely to him. Even if only for the remainder of your time together.

Fuck, what was wrong with him?

He crashed his head back against the railing, letting out a frustrated groan that echoed throughout the empty space. 

The time passed slowly as he waited for you to return with Chan. Somewhere in between messy thoughts that blurred the lines between reality and desire, between the way Felix wanted you and the way he knew he was never meant to have you, he drifted off into a light sleep. Slumped against the staircase, it must have been several hours before he was abruptly awakened by a shout that rang in through the open windows. 

Had it come from the backyard? 

And was it Chan’s voice? 

His eyes snapped open, his ears perked up, and he stood immediately, locking eyes with Hyunjin who rushed in from somewhere on the main floor. The two made eye contact only briefly before Chan’s muffled voice rang out once more. Felix was all too familiar with the tone it carried. He dreaded that tone, and he knew Hyunjin did too. 

Without exchanging a single word, the two crashed through the front doors. Hyunjin was faster, not by much, but enough to pull ahead of Felix and make it around the corner a few seconds earlier. And it was only when Hyunjin stopped and took a step to the side that Felix saw the reason for the distress in Chan's voice. 

His entire body went rigid. His heart stopped beating. His lungs refused to grant him another breath, and he failed to see anything other than the figure pressed to the ground in front of him. And Felix couldn't move a muscle, but he could feel you there. He wanted to look for you, to pull you in and shield you from the man at his feet. He wanted it more than anything but he just couldn’t bring his body to move. As if his muscles had been paralyzed by something far more wicked than fear, because he knew why the man had followed him here. After all, their meeting earlier hadn’t exactly gone as planned. And if he was being honest, Felix had known for a while that this was coming. 

Or at least, he should have known. He should have known better than to let his guard down, even for a second. For fucks sake he should have known better. Its just that he'd thought, he’d hoped, that if the group left for Miroh soon then it wouldn’t matter. Because by the time the man came for him, the nine of you would be long gone.

But time had never been a friend to Felix. 

As his mind raced with worry and regret, Felix was suddenly ripped from his trance when, out of the corner of his eye, he registered you standing in front of him. Before he knew it your hand was against his cheek. Your touch was tender, the skin of your palm impossibly soft, unlike his own calloused hands. A stark reminder of the differences in the lives you had lived. 

You whispered something to him, a single word, and it didn’t even matter that he couldn’t register what it was. Because just as if you had thrown him a lifeline, Felix was freed from the restraints of fear. Finally able to move again, he wasted no time in shifting his gaze down to meet your own.

But it only made things worse. 

Catastrophically. Worse.

Because when Felix met your eyes he was forced to confront the fact that it wasn’t his own life he was afraid for. He could handle the thought of himself being destined for some kind of horrible fate. He’d come to terms with it years ago, long before he had ever met any of the others.

But not you.

The thought of you being dragged into the same poisonous web that he was caught in filled him with a dread so profound it was as if a physical weight was pressing on his chest.

So he decided in that moment that he would sacrifice himself a thousand times over to keep you safe. The world could destroy him, the man at your feet could drag him back to hell, but Felix would not let the devil lay his hands on you.

And so, after the argument with Chan and Minho regarding whether or not to let the man live, an argument that he couldn’t have cared less about because he’d already made up his mind, Felix knew exactly what he had to do. With every once of determination left in his body, he forced his legs to take him outside. To the backyard, where he told Jisung that he had been instructed to keep watch next. And of course Jisung believed him, because he would have no reason to suspect that the stranger tied to the tree wasn’t really a “stranger” to Felix after all. 

As soon as Jisung disappeared around the corner, Felix crouched down. He assumed the most threatening expression he could manage, devoid of anything but pure venomous hatred, which was more than easy to do. He steadied himself, steadied his breathing so that his voice wouldn't come out shaky. 

And then, Felix proposed a deal with the devil. 

He would set the man free. Untie the ropes that bound him, toss the gun aside, and go back with him willingly. 

And the man was more than eager to accept his proposal, however, what Felix hadn’t realized is that he had come to Yellow Wood without any intent to bring Felix back alive. 

And so after the gun was cast into the woods, and the ropes were untied, within seconds his hands had found their way to Felix’s throat. They clamped down with a merciless grip, forcing Felix to come face-to-face with another crucial decision. 

Even if he somehow managed to break free from the man's grasp, which seemed increasingly less likely with every passing second as his vision began to fade and he lost feeling in his fingertips, Felix knew that it wouldn't matter. Because if he lived tonight, then the man would be back tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after. He would bring the rest of the ghosts from Felix's past and they would never stop looking for him. Which meant that they would never stop looking for you. And for Chan, and Hyunjin, and the rest of the boys. Such a small handful of lives, and yet they were the only thing that mattered at all to Felix in this world. Seven, no eight precious, precious lives that he cherished far more than his own.

And so he slowly loosened his grip around the hands at his throat, granting them permission to press further into his windpipe. Because if Felix gave the man what he wanted tonight, then he would have no reason to return. He would have no reason to come after you, or to learn the truth about who you really were and what you really meant to Felix. And you, and Chan, and the others would have one less obstacle to face. You would be free to save the world just as Felix knew you could, and you certainly didn’t need him to do it.

And as his consciousness wavered, Felix was certain that it must have been due to oxygen loss when his eyes lulled open and he saw you standing over him, outlined by silver moonlight. If angels really did exist, then surely he had been right to think that you were one. Sent to take him somewhere far away that he could finally rest his tired eyes and numb his mind.

It was only after the cool air flooded back into his lungs and he regained consciousness that Felix realized the vision of you standing before him hadn’t been a figment of his imagination or a heavenly apparition at all. That it really was you, in the flesh. Tangible and real. Vulnerable and terrified. 

With a bloody knife in one of your hands, and his beating heart in the other. 

“So let me get this straight. You’re saying that he just freed himself?” Chan's voice overflowed with skepticism as he stared at Felix with a narrow, unwavering gaze.

Shadows cast by the setting sun had overtaken the world once again, including the forest to your back that had lost all of its earlier charm. You stood shielded behind Felix while he attempted to explain to Chan and the others why there was a dead body at your feet. 

“Bullshit. I tied those knots so tightly he couldn’t even move," Changbin interjected, crossing his arms where he stood next to Chan. 

And you remained silent, despite the fact that you had your own doubts about Felix’s explanation of the events leading up to the man’s escape. Even if you hadn’t witnessed anything prior to walking in on the stranger with his hands around his neck, his life hanging on by a thread, you knew he was lying. The way his eyebrow twitched slightly when he spoke, how he hadn't looked up from his feet since the others had joined you outside. And Changbin was right, the man wouldn’t have been able to slip out of the knots he'd tied. The mere suggestion that he had freed himself sounded quite ridiculous, actually, and the very thought caused your anger to return at full force. 

Because why the hell would Felix have released him willingly?

“Does it even matter how he got out? He’s dead. He deserved it anyway,” Minho huffed, stepping up beside Chan. 

“That’s not the point," Chan shook his head in frustration, "if we go around killing people, no matter who they are or what they deserve, then we aren’t any better than those in power now.”

Those in power now.

As in your father, casting his own shadow on the conversation. A constant reminder that, whether you wanted to acknowledge it or not, he was still a part of your life. And he always would be. His presence would persist, his ghost would follow you wherever you went, until he was removed from this world for good. Permanently.

Chan sighed, low and heavy, in an obvious attempt to control his anger.

“Fine, Felix. Let's say that he did somehow manage to free himself, although I hope you realize how absurd that sounds-” 

It does. He knows.

"It still doesn’t explain how he ended up like that.”

He gestured to the body that lie motionless on the ground, and you braced yourself, preparing to face the moment you had been dreading. The fragile trust that you'd begun to build with some of the boys—Chan, Jisung, Seungmin, maybe even Jeongin too—was about to blow to pieces. Your actions would expose the darker side of yourself that you longed to bury, the part that mirrored the ruthless monster that had brought you into this world. Even if you had acted to protect Felix, it didn’t erase the fact that you’d taken a man’s life when you could have chosen to injure him instead. Not that they would have known that, but a stab to the back so deep that it went all the way through to the chest didn’t exactly come across as self defense.

Your heart pounded in your ears, your palms became sweaty, and you could hardly stand the silence as their eyes bore into you, looking through you. So you went to take a step around Felix. You opened your mouth but before you could gather the courage to confess, the freckled boy intercepted your movement, blocking your path.

“What do you think happened?" He spoke firmly, matter-of-factly, with a hint of irritation laced in between words, "He came after us.” 

All eyes suddenly fell to Felix and you closed your own, waiting for him to continue. To seal your fate by exposing to them what you had done. But to your surprise, that moment never came. 

“He came after us, so I killed him."

I killed him. 

I.

His sudden revelation caught you off guard, and because you were actually physically stunned, it took several moments for you to conceal the astonishment that had fallen across your face. When you turned to look at him he remained stoic, resolute, as he avoided your inquiring eyes.

Why would he take the fall?

Maybe it was best to let him. 

Chan observed the exchange between you and Felix, he studied it, before landing his eyes on you. A lump formed in your throat and you swallowed hard, searching for the strength to meet his eyes. With a slight nod, you confirmed Felix’s lie. Chan didn’t know you like he knew Felix, which meant he couldn’t read you as well. And you hated how easy it had always been for you to lie. Just another trait inherited from your father, another reminder of the darkness that flowed within your veins.

Chan turned around slowly to face the others, and you couldn’t help but feel a small pang of regret at your decision to allow Felix to take the blame. You didn’t want to lie to any of them, especially not Chan, but in that moment you were more than thankful for the temporary escape from the consequences of your actions. Whatever they may have been.

“We need to get rid of the body before morning. In case any of them come back,” Chan spoke with authority as he addressed the group. 

Minho and Changbin came forward immediately, and you took a few steps out of their way. As they reached down to lift the body, Chan instructed Hyunjin to find something they could use to dig. 

“Everyone else get inside. We leave tomorrow for Miroh. We’ll load the supplies in the morning, so just get some rest. Pack your things, and bring it all….in case..." He trailed off because there was no need to finish the sentence. His unspoken words hung heavy in the air. 

In case we don’t make it back.

With solemn expressions, the group dispersed, footsteps muffled by the earth beneath their feet. Jeongin trailed behind Seungmin and Jisung as they moved quickly toward the building. Casting one more inquisitive glare between you and Felix, Chan joined Minho and Changbin in carrying the body.

Felix was the first one inside after his hurried footsteps had taken him to the front of the group, and you had a feeling you knew just where he was headed when he hastily climbed the staircase, hands in his pockets. Jisung hesitated a moment, looking back to you as if he wanted to say something before ultimately deciding against it. With a tender glance in your direction, one that made you think he might have wanted you to follow him, he wandered off into the main floor. Jeongin leaned in and whispered something to Seungmin who hushed him as the two followed each other up the staircase. At the top, they walked off in the opposite direction that Felix had taken. 

And there you were, left standing alone with a choice to make. 

Beyond drained at this point, both physically and mentally, you probably could have collapsed right there in the entryway. Or maybe you could claim one of the many empty rooms upstairs. There were certainly enough options to find a secluded place for yourself, and yet, despite how frustrated you were with Felix, despite your anger at him for the events that had unfolded tonight, part of you desperately longed to be by his side. After all, you were the only one that knew just how close he had come to death.

And so the choice became an easy decision.

As you ascended the staircase, you traced the railing with your hand. Every step you took down the hallway, every rung on the ladder you climbed, brought you back to last night. Impossible to ignore the way that you could literally feel yourself there, just twenty four hours before. And it might have been surprising, how much could change in a single day, if the course of your entire life hadn’t been turned upside down over and over again in the span of less than a month.

Grabbing onto the final rung of the ladder, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to find him there on the other side. Its not like you had any desire to talk about what had happened tonight. There was just something indescribable that compelled you to be next to him now, overpowering any hesitation that might have crossed your mind.

After pulling yourself up onto the rooftop, your heart sank when your eyes fell to the shadowy figure with his back turned to you, lying on the harsh ground with his dark hair splayed out against the hoodie that he used as a makeshift pillow. The thin blankets lie untouched next to him, almost making it seem as though he’d left them there on purpose, as if he had been expecting someone to join him. You stared at his back for a moment, picturing the faded scar that lie across his shoulder underneath the thin material of his shirt. 

You weren’t sure if he was asleep at first, and when he stirred you froze, debating on whether or not you had time to leave before he turned around. But he didn’t move any further and after a moment of silence, eyes trained on his steady figure, you took a few tentative steps. As quietly as you could, you crossed the still air over fallen leaves and thick vines that stretched along the rooftop ground. After lowering yourself to sit beside him on the blankets, you glanced down at his profile, illuminated by the moon. Plush lips parted ever so slightly, his features cascaded down into a gentle frown even in his sleep. You hovered a hand over his face before lightly brushing the hair from it. After a moment longer, you decided to stay, settling down on the blankets with your back against his. 

Just a short time ago, you might have allowed yourself to succumb to tears. Tears of frustration, fear, grief. Grief for the version of yourself that you had lost tonight. Frustration at the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes, and the debilitating fear that washed over you when you thought you really were going to lose him. But you had changed so much in such a short span of time. You could feel yourself growing numb to the pull of your emotions as they became easier and easier to ignore. So holding back the tears, you kept your eyes open for as long as you could until exhaustion began to outweigh the images in your mind of a dead body at your feet and your mothers knife, bloody in your hands.

After ten minutes, maybe twenty, maybe an hour, you felt a warm hand snake around your waist, lifting you from your blissful state of semi-consciousness. You remained still and kept your eyes closed because if it was a dream then you would have given anything to stay asleep just a little longer. When the grip around your waist tightened, pulling you into a protective embrace, you were almost certain that it was a dream. Nothing more than a fragment of your imagination as your subconscious longed for some form of comfort.  And just as you began to slip back into the welcoming darkness, you could have sworn that the tone carried by the wind sounded a lot like the voice your ears had come to crave.

“I’m sorry, princess.”

It was the last thing you remembered from that night as you allowed his words to fade into nothing, still questioning if he had really said them at all.

The moon never stayed for very long. 

When you woke the following morning, it was barely morning at all. The faded glow of dawn struggled to find its way through the clouds, casting familiar shades of gray across the sky above. Your eyes fluttered open to momentary disorientation, wondering where you were and why you hadn’t been met with the walls of your bedroom, but it took only seconds for your memory to return. Flooding back as you became aware of the strong arms wrapped tightly around your body, the warm breath grazing against the back of your neck.

In another world, far away from the one you had always known, you might have turned around his embrace. Repositioning yourself to face him, you might have taken the entire morning to memorize every detail of his delicate features. Might have stayed there all day with him on the rooftop, entangled in each other as if you were the only two souls left in existence. 

In another life, you might have leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before drifting back off to sleep beside him. Warm, protected, safe, and entirely at ease. Because you wouldn't have a past to run from or a burden the size of the world on your shoulders. You wouldn't have been reminded of last night when you sat up and made note of the red mark etched across his neck. 

In another life, it wouldn't have been there at all. 

You winced as you turned away, deciding that you needed to get away, before tempting yourself with one more second alone with him like this. And so with a heavy heart, you resisted the urge to crawl back into the embrace that felt a little too much like the home you had never known. 

Shivering slightly when the cool breeze hit your skin, you ran your hands through your hair, ignoring the emptiness in your stomach and the thirst on your tongue. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, but it wasn't enough to erase the images burned into your memory from last night. You wondered if anything ever would be.

When you put a hand on the ground to push yourself up to stand, you froze. Stopped by an insistent force holding you back, preventing you from moving even an inch further. You glanced down at the determined hand clasped around your wrist. Firm, but gentle all the same. 

Silver rings against calloused fingers. 

You traced the intricate details of the bands with your eyes, considering the offer they represented, but you couldn’t accept. You couldn’t stay, no matter how desperately you wanted to. If you had to sleep next to him every single night for the rest of your time spent together to ensure his safety, then so be it. But you would always make sure to leave in the morning. Because you couldn’t afford to offer him anything more than that. You’d done more than enough damage to the both of you two nights ago by allowing yourself to succumb to such primitive, selfish desires. And it scared you, no no it absolutely terrified you, to feel the way you did last night as you watched the life drain from his eyes.

And so in one harsh movement you withdrew your wrist from his grasp. 

He didn't say anything. Not when you stood. Not when you found the ladder and took hold of the first rung. He didn’t call out for you, and you didn’t look back.

After making it inside, you allowed yourself a moment of solitude as you passed by the rooms that stretched along the hallway. Most were empty, although you did stumble upon Jeongin and Seungmin fast asleep in one. Jeongin seemed to have claimed the entire space for himself as he lay sprawled out with an elbow in Seungmin's face. The sight caused a smile to tug at your lips, almost enough to distract you from the uneasiness that had found a permanent place in your chest.

Almost.

It didn’t take long for you to come to the conclusion that you could have spent forever within the walls of Yellow Wood. Surrounded by the remnants of a past that had long been forgotten, just like the souls who had left them behind. Shelves that stood hardly intact were lined by books, with many of their pages loosely scattered across the ground. You wondered what secrets they held, and as you continued on you wondered what secrets each of the boys had made inside the walls of Yellow Wood. Cherished memories, favorite places to hide, where they went to be alone when it all became too much. 

When you reached the main floor you found your way to the room that you had been locked outside of last night with Hyunjin. Where Minho and Chan had argued about the fate of the intruder..before you solidified the decision for them.

The door was open, and when you entered you found Chan alone inside. He was leaned over a long table in the middle of the room, hands resting on the surface. A number of documents lay scattered in front of him. One particularly large sheet stretched nearly the entire length of the table, curling at the edges. It appeared to be a map, and you made note of your fathers journal where it lay open on top of it amidst the chaos. A small candle that was no longer necessary lie on the surface of the table, nearly burned through.

When you found your place at his side, Chan handed you a small canteen. You gladly took him up on the offer, putting it to your lips and taking a few sizable gulps, and it wasn’t until the lukewarm liquid trickled down your throat that you realized it had been sore. The water tasted stale, at best, and anyone from the palace would have spit it out in an instant. But you liked the taste. It helped to ground you, reminding you where you were and what lie outside the walls that surrounded you now.

“Didn’t sleep?” You turned to face Chan, who had circles so dark underneath his eyes it looked as if it had been a lot longer than just one night since he had gotten any sort of rest. And rightfully so, because while you might have assumed the weight of the world on your shoulders only recently, Chan had been carrying that burden for far longer. 

“Couldn’t,” he responded without looking up from the table, squinting as his eyes remained fixed on the pages strewn about beneath him. You reached a hand out to move some of them around, and he straightened his posture before turning and unraveling something from a cloth at his side.

"This is yours, yeah?"

Your gaze dropped to the knife in his hand as he held it out to you. Your knife, your mother's knife, that you had carried with you for as long as you could remember. The knife that you’d left lying in the grass last night after using it to end a life. You took it from him without a word, tracing your thumb along the intricate floral design carved into the handle. Making note of the dried blood that saturated the blade. 

"Want to tell me the truth about what happened last night?"

Your eyes fell back to the table as you slid the knife into its usual place in your waistband and took your bottom lip in between your teeth. Chan studied your face for a moment before coming to the conclusion that no matter how much he pried, you weren’t going to give him what he wanted. With a sigh, not wanting to push you too far because of the fragile nature of your developing relationship, he brought a hand to his forehead where he pressed a few fingers against his temple.

“Look, y/n I get it. I don’t know what happened and you don’t have to tell me now if you’re not ready. Just remember that if we’re going to have any chance out there then we need to trust each other. Completely.”

Tell that to the others. 

You nodded without looking up from the table and after a moment, he spoke again.

“Recognize this?” He pointed to your father's journal and you nodded for a second time. The map that lie underneath it resembled the map on the wall in your fathers study, although the one in front of you now was far less detailed. 

He must have taken note of the way it caught your attention, brushing some of the papers away to expose it further.

“We’re familiar with the inner districts, but anything beyond is pretty much unknown. We haven't been outside of six in years."

He picked up a loose sheet of paper from the table and looked it over before handing it out to you.

You recognized the words on the page. You had seen them before. Scribbled on the missing pages of your fathers journal, and you could only assume that Chan had been smart enough to jot down the contents before handing them back over to you to return to your father’s study. When you looked up from the page he pointed to a spot near the edge of the map and your eyes followed. 

"Here."

He tapped his finger against it once.

"If this is all correct, then it should be right here..” 

"Miroh." You whispered underneath your breath, and he hummed in agreement beside you. 

"And we are..." He lifted his finger back up and brought it to the opposite side of the map, closest to where you stood. He picked up a short wooden pencil and drew a line loosely connecting the two points, and suddenly you understood why he hadn't slept. 

Because it wasn't going to be an easy journey to get to the supposed location of Miroh from your current position in District 6. It wouldn’t be as simple as turning around and heading behind you. As the districts were arranged in concentric rings, reaching Miroh where it lie at the border between Districts 1 and 2 meant that you would have a choice to make, with several possible paths laid out in front of you. 

"So we either...." you trailed off, tracing the thin line he had drawn over and over again with your eyes. 

“Move straight ahead and cross back through District nine”, he finished your sentence and you swallowed dryly at the mention of your former residence, “or we take a longer route, we stay in six and trace it around until we spit out on the opposite side of nine. And then we head straight back into the outer districts that way. Of course, the biggest problem with taking the longer route is..." 

He took a swig from the canteen, and you took the liberty of finishing his sentence for him this time.

“Fuel."

He gave you a confirming nod. "Fuel. Fuel and supplies..among other things.”

So it was a choice between the lesser of two evils, really. 

Heading back into the heart of District 9, swarming with your father and his guards, meant certain death for every single one of the boys if you got caught. Then again, tracing along the border of District 6 raised concerns regarding fuel, supplies, and prolonged time spent in the unknown. 

Visually displayed out in front of you like this, it all seemed so much further away.

Together, the two of you spent the better part of the morning trying to come up with the best route to take, relying heavily on your knowledge of your fathers favored routes and Chan's experience in the districts. You sat at the edge of the table tracing out the routes that you knew your father and his army frequented. Information you had gained over time from eavesdropping in on important conversations and studying the maps in his office. 

As time passed, the rest of the boys began to trickle in. Minho and Jisung came in first together, followed by Changbin, and before long you were surrounded by seven familiar faces. 

All except for one. 

It quickly became apparent that the amount of fuel you'd managed to obtain from the palace wouldn’t be enough to get you to Miroh and back. Minho expressed concern about whether or not it would even be enough to get you there in the first place, but he didn’t say anything further when Chan reminded him that the best option to save fuel would be to cross straight through the heart of District 9 at the start of your journey. Which you had all collectively agreed was not an option. 

You suggested heading inward, following inside District 7 or 8 instead of 6, but Chan was worried that it would still be too close to your father, and that people there would know your face by now, and he was probably right. Changbin suggested heading into the outer districts from the start, beginning with 5 and so on, but Chan shut down that idea too.

Your apprehension grew with every passing moment as the boys offered each of their opinions. A slight adjustment had to be made when Jisung reminded Chan of the brief encounter where he and Seungmin had come across the supposedly abandoned shack with the liquor stash, and he’d almost “had his dick shot off” by the owner. Chan rolled his eyes as he erased that part of the route. 

“What about this,” you reached for the pencil and he placed it in your palm. You traced a faint line the opposite direction. 

“-Not if you plan on making it alive.”

The pencil slipped from your grasp as your head shot up in the direction of the door. It was a natural response to sound of the voice that had become one of the only constants in your life since finding out the truth about the world. The voice with the bittersweet allure that you both longed to hear and wished you never would have known, as it brought out emotions that you only hoped would remain buried forever. Emotions that rendered you vulnerable, weak.

Felix stood in the doorway, leaned against the frame with black strands of hair cascading down into his face. Jawline sharp, arms crossed, dark eyes heavy set. The room fell silent as tension creeped back into the air. Tension that lingered from last night, as you were fairly certain they all suspected that he hadn’t told the full truth about what had happened. Or perhaps it was tension that lingered between the two of you, after you left him on the rooftop this morning following your breakdown in front of him last night. Either way, his sudden presence only magnified the strain in the air. 

He lifted himself from the frame and stepped out into grey light that filtered in through cracked windows. He took a few purposeful steps and you held your breath momentarily when he passed behind you, lightly brushing against your back. There wasn’t much space at all for him to squeeze in between you and Chan, but he made it work, and you forced your eyes to look anywhere other than his arms as his muscles flexed when he leaned over the table. 

“Anywhere but there,” he emphasized, while you stared at the wall over Jeongin’s shoulder. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Felix erased the line you had just drawn, using the other end of the pencil to create a new one. 

And with that, the path to Miroh was solidified. You would follow District 6 around, avoiding the inner districts at all costs, until you reached the point where it would be a straight shot back to Miroh. 

When Chan folded the map, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of your stomach as the solidification of a route made the daunting journey ahead that much more real. Not to mention the fact that the distance to reach your destination seemed far greater and more vigorous than you had originally pictured in your mind. 

Despite your uncertainty about the future, one thing had become clear through your time spent planning a route.

The unspoken bond between the boys.

It made you long for whatever it was they shared, the unity that propelled them forward as a team. And not a single one of them had brought up the fact that what you were about to do was insane. 

Which it was.

It absolutely was.

The air outside hung heavy with an eery stillness. The world lie motionless as if it was waiting, watching.

In silence you helped the boys hurriedly load the rover with everything that would fit, throwing bags in through the open roof or the open frame and onto the seats. 

Apprehension wove its way deeper into your veins as you glanced over your lifeline of miscellaneous supplies. If Chan was right, if Miroh wasn’t a myth and your fathers journal held the truth on how to reach it, if your blood really was the key that would get you inside, then there would be enough provisions there to keep you alive until you were able to come up with the next part of your plan.  

But if one tiny detail went wrong along the way, if you experienced even the slightest disruption among countless unknowns and potential threats…well it didn't really matter, did it? Because it was a risk that at this point, none of you really had much choice but to take. 

After heaving a particularly heavy bag into the vehicle, you wiped the sweat from your brow and looked up to see Minho stepping out of the building with a small black duffel bag slung around his shoulder, his arms piled high with what appeared to be very basic medical supplies. You took a step back as he approached the side of the vehicle. When he went to toss everything inside, a roll of gauze slipped from his grasp and you kneeled to pick it up, handing it out to him. As he reached for it your eyes fell to a thin bracelet around his wrist that looked as if it had been crafted from a very fine, expensive material commonly used to make accessories in District 9. The bracelet must have held significant meaning for him to have left it on, considering the fact that wearing such an item outside of the Inner Circle would make him a target for anyone looking to make a considerable profit.

When you glanced up your eyes met briefly before he turned away. 

“There's more supplies inside,” he grumbled, pulling his sleeve back down before heading in the direction of the building.

Ever since you’d found out the truth about Minho, maybe because you felt some sort of estranged connection to the way his past vaguely mirrored your own, curiosity tugged at your thoughts whenever you saw him. 

Why had he left District 9? 

Was he driven by similar reasons as you? Or had different motives fueled his choice to leave behind a lifestyle of comfort and safety. Maybe it hadn’t been a choice for Minho at all. Either way, whatever it was, you didn’t have much confidence that you'd ever get to find out because despite your similarities, his resentment for you ran deep. That much was clear.

After the supplies were packed tightly into the vehicle, the boys ran back inside to collect the last of their belongings. All except for Changbin, who remained outside with you because he "didn't have anything worth bringing, anyway.”  His powerful demeanor held a hint of uneasiness that mirrored your own doubts.

As the two of you stood in silence, you glanced down at the small backpack in your hand, realizing that in your panic to gather essential supplies for the group you’d managed to neglect your own needs. It contained only a handful of your own clothes, and you wished you would have taken the time to pack at least one more pair of pants or maybe a sweater. Something a little warmer than the light jacket you sported now because of the unpredictable nature of the weather. But you'd only been given so much time and weapons and food were far more important than your own comfort in the bigger picture.

With a deep breath you adjusted the straps of the backpack and put your arms through, securing it to your back.

After the vehicle was topped off with fuel, a moment of stillness settled over the group as the nine of you stood in front of Yellow Wood. Your eyes shifted between the boys, taking in the faces of the only individuals in the world you would have no choice but to trust from this moment on.

When your gaze fell to Felix, you were surprised to find his piercing brown eyes already staring back. It was a fleeting moment, a stolen glance lasting no longer than a few seconds, but it caused your heart to ache nonetheless. Because in his eyes you detected something bordering along the lines of a plea for understanding. Almost as if he’d recognized the gravity of what he had done last night, and the choice it had resulted in you having to make. 

And yet, your disappointment and frustration with him lingered because last night had left you even more conflicted about your feelings for him than the first night you shared together on the rooftop. It wouldn’t be easy to forget the fear that gripped you the moment you turned the corner and saw the stranger with his hands wrapped tightly around his throat. It would be even harder to dismiss the overwhelming relief that flooded your veins when you found your way back into his arms.

A stolen glance turned into a battlefield of emotions. And you had no intention of losing the war.

Ripping your eyes from Felix, you took one more glance at the building that towered above you. Chan brought everyone back to the present moment when he announced that he was going to run back inside to grab one last thing he had forgotten. 

This prompted the rest of boys to begin piling into the rover, with Jeongin and Seungmin first to take their place in the very back amongst the supplies. You trailed Felix with your eyes as he disappeared around the corner of the building, returning only moments later atop the bike, revving the engine and commanding your attention as if it didn't already belong to him. The trace of softness in his eyes had been replaced by ready determination. He brushed his hair back, revealing the sharp features of his face as he tied the signature bandana around the lower half. When you took a few steps in his direction, he looked to you with unspoken expectation that you would join him on the bike as it had become something of a routine between the two of you.

But this time, something within you resisted. 

The freckled boy had a blatant, persistent disregard for his own life. Something that you weren't willing to let go of just yet, despite the fact that you weren’t willing to acknowledge why it bothered you to the extent that it did. 

But it did. 

With every fiber of your being, it did.

So instead of taking your usual place behind him, you crossed right in front of the bike, stepping up to the rover where Jisung was seated in the middle row next to Changbin. You stole a quick glance back at Felix where you found his stare fixed straight ahead, refusing to meet your eyes. 

Minho, who had been watching your calculated actions, snickered from his place in the passengers seat. 

You put a hand against the open frame of the vehicle and pulled yourself up, glancing between Jisung and the empty seat beside him.

"Thats Hyunjin's spot, but you're more than welcome to take it," he smirked playfully as the taller golden haired boy approached the vehicle behind you. 

You shrugged and plopped down next to Jisung. Hyunjin glared at you before surveying the space inside the vehicle. After coming to the conclusion that there wasn't enough room for him amongst the supplies, he sauntered over to Felix who now had his hands clenched tightly around the handles of the bike, posture rigid, as he continued to stare ahead at nothing in particular.

Hyunjin swung a long leg around the bike behind Felix, and something unexpected fell over you when he wrapped his arms around the younger boy's waist. The feeling grew when your intuition told you that it wasn't the first time the two of them had been this close. 

When Chan came running back outside, the heavy doors to Yellow Wood slammed shut behind him for the final time, demanding your attention. He took a quick glance between you and Felix, taking note of the peculiar seating arrangement before handing something out to you.

“I knew we had one more lying around somewhere."

You reached for it, running the soft fabric of the bandana through your fingertips. It matched those that the others had worn the night of raid, the ones that each of them had begun to tie around their faces now.

"Put it on, and don't take it off for anyone. Pull your hood up and tuck your hair in too." He spoke firmly, with no room for negotiation. Not that you would have argued anyway. You were well aware that concealing your identity was just as important as making it to Miroh.

You offered up a simple “got it" in return, acknowledging his instruction.

Satisfied with your response, Chan hopped into the driver's seat in front of you where he proceeded to secure his own bandana around his face. You watched from your position as he glanced down to Felix. 

"We stay together, Felix, I mean it. Don't do anything stupid,” he emphasized. “If you see any of them out there we handle it together. Like we always do."

Them.

Including not only your father and his army, but the monsters from Felix's past, however many more of them there may be. And you couldn’t help but wonder just how many additional enemies the boys had made out there—enemies that were now yours too, by default. With Chan’s warning, the possibility of separation also creeped in to your mind. The mere thought of someone discovering your true identity sent shivers racing down your spine because the consequences could mean forced separation from the entire group, including the freckled boy staring at you now.

You took a deep breath as the engines roared to life. With one final glance to Felix you had the sudden urge to explain to him that your decision to avoid joining him on the bike was nothing more than a desperate attempt to protect him from the danger that was now inevitable for anyone who came too close to you.

You’d made a promise, after all. 

Don’t let me love you. 

Your fleeting regret was swallowed by your world falling to pieces again as Chan stepped on the gas pedal and the vehicle jolted forward. You lifted your arms behind your head and tied the bandana around the lower half of your face. In the rearview mirror, you watched as Yellow Wood disappeared behind you, keeping a part of your innocence with it. Buried somewhere with the body in the backyard. 

Even if you never laid eyes on it again, you would be forever thankful that it had allowed you one night of euphoric ignorance before taking the plunge into the unknown. Even if that ignorance had ben ripped from your fingers the moment you thrust your knife into the back of a stranger. You just hoped your memories of the night on the rooftop with Felix would be strong enough to distract you from whatever darkness lie ahead. Yellow Wood wasn't good or evil, it was a place. Nothing more than a temporary refuge that had served its purpose for those who had known it lifetimes ago, for eight boys who called it home when they didn’t have anywhere else to go, and for you in your short time spent sheltered inside its walls. 

Nothing more, and yet, the loss tugged at your heart as you watched it slip away.

But it certainly wasn't the first time you'd felt this way. And so you decided that maybe there is always a part of yourself left behind when you leave a place permanently, with a gut feeling that you'll never make it back.  

You pulled the hood up as the vehicle raced through the trees and down the hill. You leaned your head back against the seat while the wind whipped through the open frame against your face. With half-lidded eyes, you kept a steady gaze on the motorcycle in front, allowing your shoulder to rest against Jisung's. Partly due to the cramped space, but more so because you were vulnerable, and scared, and desperate for any form of comfort. 

Like Felix who's own touch you had begun to crave in moments like this, Jisung’s touch was comforting too, just, in a different way. And if you were being honest, in that moment it did little to ease your nerves. But you kept your shoulder pressed firmly against his nonetheless, digging your nails into your palms, counting the minutes in your head. 

Before you left, Chan informed you that District 6 was often considered as a kind of physical border between the inner and outer districts. He had also warned you about the unpredictable nature of its atmosphere, and it didn’t take long for you to realize just how right he had been. The air that surrounded you now only magnified the feeling of lifelessness amidst the desolate landscape. 

As you ventured further into the outskirts of District 6, once abundant grass gave way to a predominantly barren expanse. With very sparse patches of green, it was a stark contrast to the forest that surrounded Yellow Wood and the thicker vegetation that you were used to seeing deep within District 9. The breeze was cold but the air was stuffy. And it smelled like mortality, and death, and loss, as if even the earth beneath your feet longed to be brought back to life. The atmosphere around you hung low and heavy with a palpable weight. A mixture of smoke, ash, and decay collected against your skin, wrapping you in a suffocating hold. It was smothering and seemed to fall in waves, alternating between thick pockets of dense fog and areas of cleaner air where you took every opportunity to fill your lungs. Each breath you inhaled caused you to cough, and it didn’t take long for the soreness to return to your throat as the pollution in the air left a bitter taste in your mouth. You figured the boys must have been used to the toxicity and the way it clawed at your lungs because although they cleared their throats frequently, they were nowhere near as affected as you. 

Felix looked back in the direction of the rover periodically and you met his gaze every single time. Scanning his face for any hint of distress, hoping he wasn't able to sense your own discomfort. Occasionally, his eyes flicked behind him to Hyunjin before returning ahead. 

When you came up upon a particularly dense patch of haze covering the earth ahead, Felix slowed the bike and looked to Chan for direction. After quick assessment of the situation, Chan brought a hand up, signaling to Felix to keep moving forward. You gritted your teeth, shifting uncomfortably next to Jisung, and after another quick glance your way Felix took the lead once again. The roar of the bike’s engine echoed throughout the silence in the air when he accelerated.

When the air around you turned heavy and your incessant coughing resumed, Jisung decided he’d had enough of your suffering. He turned you into his shoulder and pulled the hood higher up over your head so that you could breathe into his shirt. You stayed like that for a while, burying your face further into him despite the fact that you didn’t like not having eyes on the horizon or more specifically, the motorcycle up ahead. But you didn’t have much of a choice as taking slow, deliberate breaths through the fabric of his shirt acted like a filter, bringing a significant amount of relief to your aching lungs. 

As the moments passed, it felt increasingly foreign to share such an intimate moment with someone other than Felix. Not that you were comfortable with him yet by any means, you had never really been comfortable with anyone that wasn’t Jisoo, but part of you wished it was him that you were clinging to instead. And even if you couldn't deny the importance of the bond you were beginning to form with Jisung, somewhere buried deep down, a very selfish part of you wished it was Felix instead. 

The rover tore up the ground as it moved and when the atmosphere thinned around you once again, Jisung tapped your shoulder lightly.

Slowly, you lifted your head to meet his eyes. 

“You good?” he called out, raising his voice to compete with the sound of the engine.

Your head was beginning to throb, you felt more than a little dizzy, and with every bump the rover came across your stomach churned violently, but you managed to give him a soft nod in return. Keeping the bike in your peripherals, you locked eyes with Chan in the rearview mirror. He studied your face for a moment before leaning over and shouting something to Minho that was inaudible to you over the roar of the engine.

Minho pushed the heavy gun in his lap to the side as he bent down to grab something from the floor in front of him, coming back up with a canteen in his hand. 

When he turned around and handed it out to you you could have sworn that you saw the faintest glimmer of sympathy in his eyes. Although you quickly acknowledged that it was probably just the lack of fresh air messing with your senses….because there was no way in hell that Minho of all people gave a shit about your condition. As far as you knew, he was probably getting some sick sense of enjoyment out of your misery.

As the minutes blurred into hours and the hours blurred into each other, impossible to track when you couldn’t see the position of the sun in the sky through the clouds, the landscape began to change again before your eyes. Up ahead, the earth transformed into a gradual incline, taking the shape of a towering hill that stretched far and wide. Making note of the change in surroundings, Felix brought the bike to a temporary halt, allowing Chan to catch up once again.

The freckled boy pulled down his bandana and raised his voice, shouting over the rumble of both engines as they idled. It was difficult to hear but you managed to catch a few of his words, leading you to believe that he was suggesting that he and Hyunjin check out the area up ahead before the rest of the group. His proposition made you tense, and your heart quickened when Chan accepted, instructing Felix to stay within sight. Earning a nod from both boys in return. 

Taking note of your concern, Jisung leaned down and responded with an encouraging “They’re just going to check it out. Don’t worry, its all good,” before landing a hand on your knee and squeezing for added reassurance.

Felix tensed as he observed your interaction. And it didn't matter that he couldn't feel the warmth of the sun against his skin, because he felt searing flames rise up inside of him when he caught a glimpse of the way you looked at Jisung. Maybe he deserved to feel like this.

His heart skipped a beat when you turned from Jisung to met his own eyes. He held your stare until Chan asked for the second time what he was waiting for and he swiftly turned back around, replacing the bandana over his face.

You watched intently with the rest of the boys as the bike climbed the elevated landscape up ahead. At the top, Felix turned to Hyunjin and the two appeared to share quick word.

Felix looked back.

The motorcycle engine revved. 

“Don’t do it…” Changbin muttered from the other side of Jisung, and your grip on the edge of the seat tightened as the bike took off in the opposite direction, descending down the hill and out of your line of sight. In front of you, Chan spat out a curse before slamming the key in the ignition and restarting the engine. 

It wasn’t until the rover reached the top of the hill that you caught sight of what had captured their attention. On the other side, the earth descended into a wide valley that looked as if it might have been home to a mighty river once. It was now dry and almost entirely barren, aside from a handful of dying trees and brush. At the bottom, a small beige tent sat partially covered by faint gray smoke that rose up from a pile of dying embers at its side. You spotted Felix and Hyunjin beside it, already inspecting the seemingly abandoned campsite.

Minho leaned over to speak to Chan who you watched in the mirror, far too focused on the scene before you to respond. He gripped the steering wheel, ultimately coming to the conclusion that he had no choice but to step on the gas. He brought the rover to a stop beside the tent at the valley’s lowest point as the engine’s rumble faded into silence. 

“Nobody touch anything,” Chan warned, his eyes scanning the surroundings for any signs of hidden threats, “-and stay alert. We shouldn’t even be doing this, we need to keep moving.” 

But the boys were hungry and eager to stretch their legs, so they got out and began rummaging through the bags of supplies in search of one with food in it. Changbin pulled out a sizable gun from the back, his fingers gripping it confidently, and Minho cocked his own weapon when his feet hit the earth. Seungmin slung the bow around his shoulder and loaded an arrow, heeding Chan’s warning to stay alert. 

As soon as you dropped down from the vehicle your eyes went right to Felix who, despite his quick decision to approach the campsite, appeared visibly uneasy. His eyes scanned the area repeatedly until they landed on you at which point there was a subtle shift in his demeanor, a flicker of vulnerability in his expression. After a moment, he subtly made his way over. You noticed the slight twitch of his fingers as his gaze traveled up and down down your figure, almost as if he wanted to reach out to you, but he held himself back. 

Part of you wished that he hadn’t.

Because the vulnerable moment between the two of you was quickly shattered when Chan came storming in from behind you, shoving Felix's shoulder, causing him to stagger slightly.

“Did you not hear what I said about staying in sight?!” He exclaimed, his voice rising with every syllable that fell from his lips.

Felix steadied himself and took a step back in defense before responding, his voice tinged with a hint of defiance. “We needed to make sure it was safe, you should have stayed behind until we knew it was clear-"

“-We could have gone another way!” Chan’s words rang out as he closed the space between them again.

“There isn’t time!" Minho interjected, hurrying over and positioning himself between the two, firmly reminding Chan to keep his voice down.

The group behind you fell silent as they witnessed the exchange. And Minho wasn't exactly wrong. After all, the campsite did appear to be abandoned and to completely avoid it would have taken more time, more fuel, more risk in changing the route. Although that didn’t necessarily imply the need to come down and inspect it up close..

"Fucking reckless. Both of you." Chan shook his head at Felix and Hyunjin before turning around to address the group as a whole. “Let’s just get the hell out of here. We can find somewhere else to stop and rest after the sun goes down,” he continued. 

And because the unsettling scene before you made your skin crawl, you were more than eager to oblige.

You went to take a step in the direction of the rover when your foot caught on something, causing you to stumble and collide into Hyunjin at your side. You looked up at him with wide eyes, lifting your hands from his firm chest, bracing yourself for a particularly unpleasant reaction, but you were surprised to find his gaze fixated on the ground behind you instead. Following his stare, you spun around where your eyes landed on something at your feet. 

A small gold medallion lay nestled in the grass. You bent down to pick it up and your stomach twisted sickly as you ran your thumb across the surface to wipe off the dirt.

There, in your palm, engraved on the medallion lie your family crest.

The sight sent a shockwave throughout your body as you staggered backward, dropping the medallion, and clutching your chest. The startling realization that the campsite belonged to your father's men, that they had stood in this very spot, that they had been this close, absolutely shattered your composure. 

In an instant, all eight boys surrounded you, although you hardly registered them at all as your vision tunneled back to the medallion on the ground.

“Everyone get back to the vehicles. Now.” Chan commanded after examining the pendant for himself. His voice came out as stable as he could manage, but the worry was evident. 

In an instant, before anyone was able to take another step, Hyunjin swiftly reached for your arm, his touch was abrupt and forceful as he yanked you backward. A gust of wind brushed by your head, followed by the sharp crack of a bullet embedding itself in the tree to your side. The close call sent adrenaline coursing through your veins and you looked up in shock, locking eyes with Felix whose expression mirrored your own horror. Without a second to thank Hyunjin for quite literally saving your life, all nine of you snapped your heads in the direction that the bullet had come from. The silence that followed the gunshot was shattered by the deafening roar of an engine. 

A second rover, identical to the one that had brought you here, emerged over the top of the hill on the other side of the valley.

Nothing you had been put through up to this point could have prepared you for what flooded over you at the sight of the vehicle. Not the final execution you had witnessed at the palace, or the feeling of the knife in your hand as it ripped through a stranger. None of it could ever have compared to the terror that gripped you in that moment.

Because you had been able to protect Felix last night, but you wouldn't be able to save any of them from the impending threat hurdling toward you now. 

In less than a second, the world around you descended into chaos.

Sounds blended together into an incomprehensible mess. Unfamiliar voices rang out from up ahead, intertwining with the distant engine of the vehicle and the thundering of gunfire. Chan, you thought, yelled out again for everyone to get back to the vehicles, although his words were quickly swallowed by the madness. 

It made sense why your fathers guards would resort to shooting without hesitation. Nobody outside of your father’s army should have had access to a rover like the one parked just feet from you now. Nobody except for the only group of people they knew did have access to one. Because they had watched them use it to escape the night of the raid.

And because of your partially concealed face, how ironic it was that the guards had absolutely no idea that it was you they had almost put a bullet through.

Paralyzing fear took over your body as you watched them close in, rendering your legs immobile. You turned back around, locking eyes with Felix who began to step toward you with his hand outstretched. Just as his fingers brushed against yours, a bullet whizzed between the two of you, forcing him to stumble back.

Suddenly, you felt a powerful tug wrench you away from Felix as Changbin seized hold of you, forcefully guiding you in the opposite direction toward the rover. His voice bellowed out through the chaos as he shouted at Felix to get back to the bike. The freckled boy nodded curtly, eyes trained on you as you fought against Changbin while he tried to push your head down in an attempt to further conceal your identity. Your body resisted his hold, instincts pulling you toward Felix as you desperately wanted to break free and join him on the bike, but it was no use. Changbin was far stronger than you. With one arm around you, Changbin swiftly tossed Hyunjin his gun and without hesitation Hyunjin mounted the bike behind Felix as the engine roared to life. 

No matter how much you struggled in Changbin’s grasp, his hold on you remained steadfast. Without a choice, you yielded to his guidance as he pulled you up into the rover. Jisung quickly took the empty spot beside you, but your eyes never wavered from Felix. You watched intently as he turned the handlebars of the bike. Pointing them in the direction of the approaching vehicle, he tightened his grip on the throttle and accelerated a short way before skidding to the side and turning back around. He began to trace a daring path back and forth, kicking a thick cloud of dust into the air and drawing attention to the bike as Hyunjin took aim at your father’s men. 

Despite your initial shock at his actions, it soon became clear that he was trying distract the guards. To obstruct their vision and buy enough precious time for the rest of you to escape.

From his place in the driver's seat, Chan caught on to Felix's plan just as soon as you did. His eyes widened with realization before he forced the key into the ignition. You tried to stand despite Changbin and Jisung pulling you back down. Raising your voice, you yelled out to Chan as he started the engine, fighting against the boys.

“What are you doing?! We can’t just leave them!”

Your heart pounded in your chest as time surrounding the rover stood still. Every single one of the boys around you held their breath as Chan hesitated, hands trembling slightly against the steering wheel, conflicting emotions evident on his face as he looked back to Felix and Hyunjin. The weight of the decision bore down on him, the responsibility of every single one of your lives in his hands, and for a moment it almost seemed as if he wasn’t going to be able to make the choice. Until Felix looked back, his deep voice booming throughout the chaos. 

“Go! Get out of here!”

Chan’s voice cracked as he yelled out in response, “You know where we are! Meet us-“

“-I know! GO!” Felix shouted back, voice laced with urgency. “We’re right behind you!” and then he ducked to avoid an incoming bullet as Hyunjin swiftly fired back in the direction that it had come from. Minho stood and joined him in sending a few bullets toward your fathers men before he bent back down, hands reaching for the steering wheel as he jerked it to the side, yelling out to Chan that you needed to go now. 

When the vehicle began to move, your heart was on the brink of exploding within your chest, as the weight of the world on your shoulders threatened to engulf you completely.

“Felix!” You called out, strained voice breaking in desperation as the fear of losing him tore at your soul once again. His head whipped around at the sound of your voice. With a final look in your direction, his eyes conveyed unspoken reassurance, a silent plea to trust him, and a promise that you couldn’t fully understand in that moment. 

A promise that he would find his way back to you. 

And then he tore his eyes from yours as Hyunjin shouted at him to “move!”, directing him to use the bike to create another diversion for your escape.

With only a moment to spare, Chan spinned around in his seat and placed a firm hand on your shoulder.

"Look at me, y/n look at me,” you turned to face him, eyes glossy with tears, “Felix knows what he's doing, he's fast with the bike and Hyunjin is a near perfect shot,” his panicked words were meant come across as reassuring but the expression on his face sure as hell wasn't. 

Either way, Chan was a leader, and he did what leaders were supposed to do. He made the impossible, life-altering, split-second decisions. And so with a stern glance to Changbin who tightened his grip on you, he turned back around and stepped forcefully on the gas pedal.

And it's probably a good thing you weren't in his position, because you never would have been able to leave the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes behind. Not when it meant leaving a part of yourself, behind too.

You couldn’t breathe.

You really couldn’t breathe. 

As the rover surged ahead, racing into the setting sun, your focus remained fixed on the valley as it disappeared behind you. Panic coursed through your veins, constricting your chest and clouding your senses. After you had gotten far enough away, Changbin released you and you leaned forward immediately, raising your voice to reach Chan's ears.

“How could you leave them behind!? We have to go back-we have to-“ As the words tumbled out from your lips in a frantic rush, you looked around to the rest of the boys behind you. They remained still, even Jisung avoided your eyes now.

 “What are you doing?! We have to-” you turned back to Chan but before you could form any kind of a coherent sentence, he jerked the vehicle harshly to the side, causing you to grab onto the frame above until it came to a skidding halt. As the dust settled around you, Chan whirled around to face you. His resolute expression did little to conceal how shaken he was by having to leave the boys behind. 

“Do you think that was easy for me?! Do you think that was easy for any of us?!”

His words carried through the air, and a pang of guilt struck you when you saw the burden of the responsibility that he carried reflected in his eyes.

“If one of them had recognized you…“ 

Your stomach twisted as the guilt intensified, because deep down you knew he never would have left Felix and Hyunjin behind if it weren’t for you. But he didn’t have a choice. If any one of your father’s men had recognized you it would have meant disaster in the form of certain death for every single one of them. 

The weight of the boys’ emotions pressed down on you. Not a single sound escaped their lips as they watched your interaction with Chan. Not even Minho took the opportunity to further solidify the fact that this was all your fault.

“Where we’re going, we’ll be safe for the night. It’s close, and Felix has been there before so he knows where to go,” Chan cleared his throat before adding “they’re right behind us.”

And then he glanced to the skyline over your shoulder but you didn’t need to do the same to know what you’d find there.

They weren’t right behind you. 

“Where...." your voice trembled as it took everything in you to fight back tears.

“Someone Felix and I have known for a very long time. An…acquaintance,” his own voice faltered on the word “acquaintance” before continuing. “I was trying to avoid it, but we don’t have a choice. We can’t stay out in the open tonight.”

Trying to avoid it. 

Likely meaning that it was one of the areas he’d crossed out earlier when you were planning the route. A place he had originally hoped to steer clear of, but the circumstances had evidently forced his hand.

“We will find a way back to them, I promise.” This time, Chan wasn’t just speaking to you. He was also addressing the boys who were equally as shaken, but his words weren’t enough to ease the doubt in your mind.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Chan. 

You sat back without another word, turning your focus up ahead where something caught your attention.

Two figures.

Shadowed by the setting sun, riding atop two powerful animals that as far as you knew, had been extinct for hundreds of years. Animals you couldn’t remember the name of because you never really paid much attention to your private tutoring lessons, not that it mattered. The sight of them was enough to render you speechless. 

Chan spun back around and you studied his face in the mirror as recognition fell across it.

“It’s her….” he mumbled under his breath, looking to Minho seated beside him. 

Her. 

As the figures drew nearer, you realized that the one leading the way was a woman. 

Chan addressed the group quickly, conveying that he and he alone would handle the conversation. He locked eyes with you, pausing for a moment before reaching out to pull the hood back over your head. When Jisung and Changbin settled in closer to you, you looked up to Jisung, finding brief solace in his eyes before putting your head down. 

Unable to resist the curiosity when the strangers reached the side of the vehicle, you shifted to catch a glimpse of the woman from underneath your hood. She possessed an air of maturity, with long dark hair that cascaded down her shoulders and sides, streaked heavily with grey. One half of her face exhibited what appeared to be burn scars, extending all the way down her arm. Her presence exuded a quiet strength that demanded respect, and her beauty was evident even despite the scars. The male to her side was younger than you had initially thought. Several decades younger than her, he seemed to be around the same age as you and the boys. Reddish hair fell down to frame the enticing features of his face, and you were beginning to wonder if it was this common for everyone outside of District 9 to possess such ethereal beauty. He sported similar attire as the woman. Fairly well put together, their clothing was obviously worn but not nearly as much as you’d expect for someone who resided in District 6. 

As they brought the animals to a stop, the woman appeared to recognize Chan immediately. Alone, he stepped down to greet her as she remained atop the animal, tightly gripping its long mane. 

“Chris," her voice carried a velvety, alluring tone, "its been quite a while, hasn’t it?” 

A silent exchange passed between the two, characterized by familiarity and a touch of tension. The strange name she used to address him with left you even more curious about the actual depth of their relationship.  

The woman turned to the rover, scanning the faces inside. When her eyes fell to you, they widened ever so slightly. An eyebrow arched in intrigue as her lips parted, and you quickly leaned into Jisung once again.

“It has, Hira.” Chan acknowledged her before turning his attention to the male at her side, addressing him as “Yeonjun.” The two shared a quick greeting before Chan, or Chris, began to explain the nature of the group's situation, carefully selecting which details to share and what to withhold. He told the woman, Hira, that you were in desperate need of a place to stay for the night. When she asked where the group was headed, he replied with “District seven, in search of a permanent place to settle”. When she asked how you had obtained the vehicle, he offered an explanation that was even more vague. Stating that the group had just “come across it, abandoned, fully stocked with supplies.”

How ridiculous.

Even you would have been able to come up with something better than that..and you were worried there was no way in hell she could be gullible enough to believe the lies that spilled from his mouth.

Chan concluded his explanation by revealing the separation from Felix and Hyunjin, at which point you couldn’t help but steal another glance at Hira. She appeared to understand the gravity of your situation without him ever needing to mention your fathers guards or why the group had been forced to split up in the first place. 

As she processed his words, her eyes gravitated to you once again. A shiver descended your spine as they bore into you, as if she was trying to catch a glimpse of your soul. Unsure of exactly how much she knew or what she could unravel with a single glance, it filled you with unease. When she looked back to Chan, a haunting smile fell across her scarred face. 

“You know that you and your people are always more than welcome to stay with me and mine, Chris. Take as long as you need. I trust that you remember the…conditions to my hospitality. That-"

"-there is always a cost." The two spoke in unison, the woman and Chan.

"Ah yes," she smiled again, pleased with his response. "The weapons you provided Yeonjun with last time were in pristine condition, they have already sold for a generous sum." A flash of greed danced across her eyes as they fell to the gun in Minho's hands. "It seems as though you've come prepared this time. How long will you be staying?"

“Just the night,” he paused before adding, "we will be able to compensate you fairly.” And then he reached out and motioned for Minho to toss him the gun. After Minho obliged, Chan handed it over to the woman. She examined it closely, eyes gleaming with satisfaction as she turned the weapon over in her hands. "And i trust you have more where this came from?" She looked to him and he nodded.

"Three more. Four in total," she proposed.

"Two more. Three in total," Chan responded, a hint of reservation in his tone.

She contemplated his offer, narrowing her stare when they locked eyes.

"Deal, but only because of the impeccable condition, such remarkable craftsmanship..." She ran her hands across the cool metal once more before adding "You can follow me back to Clé, it’s not far from here as I'm sure you know.”

She then turned to address the male beside her. “Yeonjun will ride ahead to collect your friends." 

The mention of Felix reignited the ache within your chest. The sudden appearance of the mysterious strangers had provided a fleeting distraction, but with each passing moment in their presence your longing for him began to resurface at full force.

The woman’s lingering eyes stole one last glance at you before tugging on the animal’s mane. The sound of hooves filled the air when she turned and began to lead the way. Yeonjun followed her command, guiding his own animal behind you in the opposite direction, and you watched until he disappeared into the shadows cast by the setting sun. 

As the rover began to move, Minho leaned in to Chan and the two engaged in hushed conversation. You listened intently, trying to pick out any words you could but it was no use. Sinking back into the seat between Changbin and Jisung, you closed your eyes and pictured the freckled boy in your mind, desperately clinging on to whatever fading shred of hope you had left that you would ever see him again.  

The sunset painted the cloudy sky with fiery tones.

And Hira was right, it didn’t take long, fifteen minutes maybe, before you spotted the silhouette of a small structure in the distance. It stood alone against the backdrop of scorching orange and red hues, appearing as though it had become one with the unforgiving terrain over time. A forgotten outcast, sheltered among dying trees with branches like skeletal fingers reaching up to touch the sky. 

Following her lead, Chan brought the vehicle around to the backside of the house where Hira tied the animal to a nearby post. When you hopped down, the loose dirt beneath your feet emitted a satisfying crunch. Looking up, a jolt of surprise coursed through you as you were met with Hira's dark eyes. Taken aback by her close proximity and fascinated stare, you stumbled into Jeongin, who had just landed on the ground behind you. You reached behind, grabbing onto him for stability as she lifted an arm and carefully removed your hood, taking a piece of your hair into her hand.

She studied it between her fingers as if she were utterly perplexed before muttering underneath her breath "beautiful." 

Chan cleared his throat, and you looked up to see all eyes on you. As if nothing had happened at all, the woman released your hair, seamlessly joining Chan in leading the group to the front of the building. It might have been the first time you had officially interacted with Jeongin, but you only tightened your hold on his sleeve as you moved. Thankfully he didn't seem to mind as he stuck by your side while the rest of the boys formed a protective barrier around the two of you. During the brief introductions that took place as you approached the building, you avoided the woman's gaze when you told her that your name was Jisoo.

The two-story structure before you stood as a testament to the relentless passage of time. Its frame, originally crafted from wood, bore the marks of age through faded green paint, chipping away like scars left behind by countless years. Open windows had been sealed off from the inside by sturdy wooden boards, creating an air of secrecy. The door, no longer a solid barrier, was covered by a long tattered curtain that matched the colors of the setting sun behind you. It swayed gently in the breeze.

In front of you, Hira brushed back the curtain to reveal a candlelit interior. The ceiling was low, creating a sense of confinement. In a way, it reminded you of the tavern in District 7, although the atmosphere inside was stagnant and held an air of something far less innocent. 

It became evident shortly after stepping inside that this was a gathering spot for people who had found themselves on the fringes of society, seeking something more than just refuge. Because as Hira walked you through the lower level, hushed whispers and soft murmurs floated through the air, accompanied by occasional gasps of pleasure. You caught glimpses of intimate encounters through cracked doors, meeting the eyes of individuals in various states of undress whose beauty was contrasted by the sadness in their eyes. 

After passing through a small area that appeared to serve as a kitchen for Hira and her guests, with a wooden table and a few mismatched chairs, you found yourselves back at the main room. Just inside the entrance.

Under the premise of supposed safety, your longing for Felix turned insufferable. Because you didn't really care if any of you were safe until you knew that he was too.

As if Chan had been plagued by the same thought, his voice split the silence.

"Its dark now..it might be safe enough for me to…maybe I should go out and look for the others..." His words were directed to Hira, although you couldn't be sure whether he was asking for permission or informing her of his intention. Either way, his growing concern was evident. 

With firm resolve, the woman responded with a simple "No, that won't be necessary." And as if he had been expecting her response, Changbin stepped forward immediately, ready to argue, but he paused when she raised a hand and addressed Chan once more.

"Something tells me you know that it is wiser for you to remain here. Yeonjun has never failed me in a request, and I trust that he will return with your friends." Changbin stepped back and Chan fell silent. His usual authority seemed to vanish in her presence, leaving you even more curious about the dynamics between the two. About the experiences they'd shared while you were eating seasoned meals and taking hot baths to cleanse skin that was already clean.

Time had never moved so painfully, agonizingly, slow. Your profound understanding of the very real danger Felix and Hyunjin were in ate away at you with every passing second. Unable to sit still even after the others had settled down on the floor or the worn out furniture, you paced the room until Jisung silently called you over, patting the ground beside him against one of the walls. Your leg continued to shake uncontrollably even after you sat down, and it wasn’t until Seungmin came over to join you on your other side that you were able to stop. For the same reason you had chosen to sit by him the first night around the fire, something about Seungmin's presence made you worry just a little less. 

As everyone anxiously awaited the return of the boys, even Hira had her eyes trained on the door whenever she wasn’t looking your way. Her not-so-subtle fascination with you only added to your overall unease, mostly because you just couldn't shake the feeling that her interest in the groups wellbeing went far beyond an innocent desire to help. Even if her and “Chris” happened to be old friends. Or acquaintances, or whatever the hell he’d called her. But you didn't really care about trying to decipher any of that right now. Not when all you could think about was the freckled boy who you'd let slip through your fingertips earlier. 

Who you had failed to protect.

After a seemingly endless stretch of time, the curtain covering the door shifted ever so slightly and the room stood in unison, yourself included.

It was pulled back by Yeonjun now standing at the entrance. You took a step forward, gaze darting past him immediately. Desperately searching for any glimpse of dark hair behind him, your eyes were met with gold instead.

Hyunjin.

You released a steady exhale. Aside from a few smudges of dirt on his otherwise flawless features, he appeared to be relatively unscathed. Your nervousness eased at the sight of his familiar face, but it wasn’t until Felix stepped through the threshold behind him that you felt like you could breathe again.

For the first time since you had been forced to leave him behind, you could breathe.

You leaned forward as your eyes scanned every inch of his figure. He appeared slightly more disheveled than Hyunjin, with tousled hair and a small cut to his cheek, but he was alive, breathing, unharmed. The sight of him standing before made you ache to wrap him in your arms, but you remained rooted where you stood. As if your feet were shackled to the ground by invisible chains that warned of the danger that came with exposing the extent of your feelings to everyone in the room. So you masked your relief with a faint smile that lasted only a fraction of a second. 

But you were certain Felix had seen it.

A low sigh escaped his lips, barely audible despite the silence in the room. Unbeknownst to you, it was a breath he had been holding since the very moment you had been torn apart. Nobody else seemed to notice the way you looked only to each other, or maybe they did, but you didn't really care.

Chan approached the boys first. He put an arm around both of their shoulders and whispered something to them before turning around to thank Yeonjun for their safe return. Hira nodded in acknowledgement when Chan introduced her to Hyunjin, but there didn't appear to be a need for introductions between her and Felix. The familiarity between Felix and Yeonjun was also apparent, although whatever it was between them came off as more of an uncomfortable, awkward tension than anything else.

Before the rest of the boys had a chance to approach Felix and Hyunjin, Hira commanded the room's attention. She guided the group back into the kitchen, over to a receded staircase in the corner that you hadn't noticed the first time. Yeonjun swiftly found his way to her side and you eyed them cautiously as they engaged in hushed conversation at the front of the group.

Wooden steps creaked underneath your feet as you climbed the stairs, worn with time and countless journeys up and down. At the top was a long hallway lined by closed doors, peeling wallpaper, and flickering candles. You made note of what appeared to be a supply closet just off the landing. The door was slightly ajar and you observed a small pile of blankets and crates stacked inside. Nearly empty, aside from a very meager handful of supplies.

Hira pointed out two rooms at the end of the corridor where you and the boys were to sleep for the night. Chan and Minho shared a glance, acknowledging that they didn't have much choice but to accept.

And Felix never left your side. 

Or maybe you never left his. Either way, whether by conscious choice or something less deliberate, you mirrored each others steps the entire way up the stairs and back down again. The subtle brush of his arm against yours spoke volumes, but you were desperate for more. To to hear him tell you that he was okay. To feel the warmth of his skin against yours.

Bodies weary, the group followed Hira back down the steps into the kitchen where the small table now held an assortment of miscellaneous scraps of food. You were each offered a bowl, and you gladly accepted. Without enough chairs for everyone around the table, Jisung, Changbin, and Seungmin made themselves comfortable on the floor with their backs leaned against the wall, bowls in hand. Just as you were preparing to join them, with Felix right on your heels, Hira's voice cut through the air, interrupting your action. 

"No, dear, sit here by my side. I insist." You glanced up to where she sat at the head of the table. Her words were accompanied by a very poor attempt at a welcoming smile that only caused you to recoil backward into Felix.

You looked to Chan for direction and when he nodded you hesitantly obliged, walking over to take the seat to her right, directly across from Chan who sat at her other side.

Without waiting for his own invitation, Felix slid down into the empty seat beside you. Jeongin ended up across from Felix, with Yeonjun positioning himself the other end of the table across from Hira. Minho opted to lean against the doorway to the kitchen, while Hyunjin claimed the spot on the floor that you had originally planned on taking next to Seungmin. 

As dinner progressed, Hira spoke solely to Chan. She brought up stories of their past encounters and the atmosphere tensed further whenever he let out an occasional bout of strained laughter. The rest of the group remained quiet as they feigned interest in the scraps of food that had been placed in front of them, and you did the same. Gritting your teeth as you stared at the bowl because the faster you got through this night, the faster you would be able to get the hell out of here. 

The faster you would be able to find a moment alone with Felix. Which was the only thing that mattered to you now. 

Throughout the meal, Hira's eyes continuously fell to you, just as they had from the moment she'd first caught sight of you earlier. And despite the fact that she was supposedly listening to Chan, she didn't seem to have any interest in him or their conversation whatsoever. 

It became increasingly evident that you weren’t the only one aware of her strange behavior. Beside you, Felix’s grip on the roll of bread in his hand tightened with every second that her eyes remained fixed on you. As if a protective instinct was taking hold of him in response to her unwavering interest.

Just as Chan began to cautiously navigate his way through a story about a time several years ago when he'd crossed paths with Hira in District 4, she curtly interrupted him, turning to face you directly. 

"You know dear, there is room for you here," she purred, reaching out to place a palm over your clenched fist where it rest on the table. 

Her cold touch sent an icy shockwave up your arm.

Chan stopped talking mid sentence, Jisung nearly choked on his food behind you, and your entire body froze. Your eyes widened as you lifted your gaze from the bowl in front of you, looking to Chan for help. But his expression only mirrored your own shock as his mouth fell slightly agape while you stared at each other in disbelief. 

Before either you or Chan could find the words, Felix's voice sliced through the tension in the air like a blade. Resonating dangerously low, it nearly shook the room beside you. 

"She. Stays. With. Us." he growled through clenched teeth, putting sharp emphasis on each individual word. The roll of bread in his hand crumpled beyond repair as he used every muscle in his body to keep his restraint. 

Hana's gaze flickered from you to Felix, engaging in a silent standoff, until her eyes began to shift back and forth between the two of you. A sly grin fell across her face as she pieced together the fact that there was something more between you and Felix. Something that went far beyond what you had with the rest of the boys. Far beyond camaraderie or the mutual need to depend on each other for survival. She looked back to you with envy in her eyes, a lingering possessiveness, and after a few more moments of uncomfortable silence she did something not a single one of you could have expected.

She began to laugh. 

A chilling sound that started out quiet before building loud enough to echo throughout the entire room. Felix's stare spoke volumes as his eyes remained trained on the woman at your side, piercing and unyielding, making it more than clear that he didn't find anything funny about the situation at all. Your heart pounded in your ears, your breath caught in your throat, and every single hair on the back of your neck stood on end before her laughter ended just as abruptly as it had begun. Her facial expression shifting once again to that of an eery stoicism.

“You all must be exhausted after such a long day. Rest well tonight and replenish your strength,” she addressed the group as a whole before turning back to Felix. Her final words were directed solely at him. “A tired mind is dangerous companion.” 

Without another word she rose gracefully from her seat, the scraping of her chair against the floor only adding to the unsettling feeling in the air. She swiftly exited the room with Yeonjun following closely behind. 

Every single one of the boys remained motionless. With their eyes glued to Chan, they waited for him to offer any form of direction but he appeared to be just as taken aback as the rest of you by her actions. By her offer to you.

When he finally regained the ability to speak, it was barely above a whisper. “She's right...lets just take the opportunity to rest for a few hours. We'll be safe here for the night.”

Why does he keep saying that. 

We aren't safe anywhere.

Chan stood, and just as Yeonjun had hurried after Hana, the boys mirrored his actions. They got up and approached the staircase at the other end of the kitchen. At your side, Felix was the only one who had yet to move a muscle.

Chan’s knowing eyes said it all as he looked back at the two of you one last time before leaving you to yourselves, ascending the staircase behind the rest of the group. Probably a mistake, on his part, to leave you alone. Not that he could have known the depth of your emotions or the fleeting nature of your self control. 

Felix sat rigid as he fixated on the wall in front of him.

Something brought you back to this morning, when you’d refused to join him on the bike in an attempt to push down your growing feelings. Stupid, stupid feelings that threatened to ruin everything whenever you found yourself alone with him.

You remembered the promise you had made to him on the rooftop. 

Don't let me love you. 

Slowly, you got up from your chair. 

Felix did the same.

Just walk away, y/n. Turn around. Go upstairs. Go to sleep. 

Walk. Away.

Standing beside you now, facing you, inches from you, he looked you up and down. He reached for your wrist and ran his thumb over a small cut on your forearm that you hadn't even realized was there.

Without a word, he set your arm back down at your side and took a step past you in the direction of the staircase.

Don’t look back. Just let him go. 

Let. Him. Go. 

Fuck-

“-Wait” You muttered, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him with you across the kitchen to the foot of the staircase, partially hidden in between the recessed walls. His eyes darted upward as the boys retreated into their designated rooms. And you stayed like that, pressed up against him in the small space until the doors closed behind them. 

As soon as they clicked shut, you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Are you fucking insane?! What the hell were you thinking earlier? Staying behind like that.” Struggling to keep your voice down, the words came out a bit more accusatory than you had originally intended. But now that he was in front of you, now that you knew he was safe, you couldn’t help but express a little frustration.

“I was just...doing what needed to be done.” He answered, voice husky and low, eyes dark and inviting. Your brow furrowed as you searched for the right response. Literally anything to convey how much his continued disregard for his own life drove you absolutely mad. But no words seemed adequate enough.

Maybe you would have come up with something eventually, if the growing closeness between you wasn't making it impossible to concentrate on anything other than how badly you wanted him to rail you senseless.

For fucks sake. Get it together.

After a moment, a subtle curl formed at the corner of his upper lip.

"What, were you worried about me princess?" He mused, poking his tongue into his cheek.

"I'm serious!" You shot back in a rather poor attempt to conceal the fact that his accusation and such a simple, simple action could have you so impossibly weak at the knees. 

"You heard Chan. We were supposed to stay together. All of us, which includes you. Because we need you."

Because I need you, idiot.

The smugness fell from his face as his expression began to soften.

“And yeah, maybe I am tired of watching you try to get yourself killed but that doesn't mea-" before you could finish reprimanding him, Felix leaned down and captured your lips between his.

You pulled back, eyes wide. 

"What are you-" but your words were cut off again when you went to take a step back and nearly tripped on the staircase behind you, instinctively reaching for his arms to steady yourself. 

Amusement spread across his face, as if he was proud of himself for making you fall apart like his. His reaction made your cheeks flush hot with embarrassment but before you could utter another word he moved in again. Your hands betrayed you as they pulled him closer, but instead of kissing you again like you’d expected Felix ducked his head to your neck where he began to pepper the sensitive skin with a number of light kisses. You glanced upstairs where the boys had retreated for the night, then back down across the kitchen where Hana and Yeonjun had disappeared only moments before.

“What if someone-” You pulled back for a second time. 

"Let them,” he mumbled against your skin. "Its not like they don't already suspect it,” he added while running his tongue along the fading mark on your neck that you’d forgotten was there. 

“And you’re alright with that?” You nearly moaned out the final word when he began to suck lightly at the tender spot on your neck, barely having time to finish your sentence before he forcefully reconnected your lips.

Felix was more than alright with that.

But of course, its not like he had meant for this to happen. He really did have every intention of following the others upstairs. He really did. Its just that he’d narrowly missed about 17 bullets today, half of them aimed at his head, which had him fairly convinced that he might actually never get to see you again. So the sight of you in his arms now, lust and concern etched beautifully across your face as you looked to him as if he was your entire world, had him overcome with the need to be inside of you.

And you really hadn't meant to end up like this either, shamelessly pulling him in by the collar as he cradled your face in his hands. Succumbing to the magnetic pull that urged you to follow him as he took a step backward up the stairs. There were so many things you wanted to say to him about his past, to ask him why he had taken the blame for killing the intruder, and you still weren't done scolding him for his decision to stay behind earlier. But none of it mattered in that moment. Because he was safe, he’d managed to find his way back to you, and you wanted nothing more than to show him just how thankful you were for that.

"m' glad you're okay" the words slipped from your lips on accident between kisses as you followed him up the stairs. You swallowed quickly before adding “I-I mean because, you know....they were worried about you..the others.”

“Oh really?” he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip, and you hummed in agreement before granting him access. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck from where you now stood on the step above him. When he looked up into your eyes, a conflicted expression washed over his features before he lifted his head to kiss you again. 

"Lix," you mumbled against his lips when you took the last step at the top of the staircase. 

"Yeah, princess?" He breathed out, meeting you on the landing where his hands slid down to rest at the back of your thighs, just below your ass, pulling you closer. You spoke against his lips when he moved in to reconnect them to yours.

“This doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you." 

"Mhmm" he tightened his grip on your thighs.

"It doesn't mean I hate you any less," you continued, nipping at his bottom lip and pulling it back in your teeth. "Because I do, you know?”

And his eyes were dark when you opened yours to look back at him, pupils blown wide. 

"Whatever you say, sweetheart." 

That was new.

And then, with a firm squeeze at your thighs, Felix effortlessly lifted you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as your arms circled his neck. His hands cupped your ass and you kissed him like that for some time. Shamelessly giving in to the uncontrollable desire that had brought you together in the first place, in a dim candlelit hallway, surrounded on either side by rooms full of sleeping travelers and the rest of the boys. And none of it mattered. You would have kissed him until your lips bled, running your hands through his hair, your tongues battling for dominance. 

But Felix made it very clear that he wanted more.

He moved until your back hit the wall behind you and you gripped him tighter to keep yourself upright. When he pressed his hips further into you another weak moan fell from your lips. He shifted and you looked down, realizing that that the wall to your back was actually a door. 

The supply closet. 

Felix maneuvered your bodies so that he could push the door open with his back. 

As he carried you into the cramped space, you placed a very gentle kiss to the scratch on his cheek. Inside, shut off from the rest of the world, you were free to lose yourselves in each other completely. Candlelight from the hallway spilled in through the wide gap beneath the door, enough to cast a faint glow inside the room. And the door barely had time to shut before both of you were halfway undressed.

Felix picked up a blanket from the ground and threw it across the stack of crates that took up the majority of the small space. He set you down gently on top of them, bending over to keep your lips connected while he shoved his pants down, and you did the same. Frantically pushing your own pants and underwear down before tossing your shirt to the side, and it didn’t even have time to hit the ground before he was pressed up against you again, reaching around to unclasp your bra. Just as you had struggled with the buckle on his belt, he fumbled with it briefly and you smiled against his lips. But he was determined and it took only a moment before he stripped it from your body and the stuffy air hit your skin. When you shifted on the crates, your exposed breasts bounced slightly, immediately drawing his attention. He licked his lips as he devoured them with hungry eyes.

“Like what you see?” You mocked, reaching down to bring his hands up to your chest. He squeezed the soft flesh and you gasped when his fingertips pinched lightly at your nipples.

And it was in that moment that Felix decided he would never be able to get enough of you, so willing to expose yourself to him like this. So desperate for his touch on your bare skin, for his cock buried inside of you. You didn’t even need to say it out loud because your eyes were begging.

One of his hands trailed down between your legs and he slid a finger through the wetness of your slit. 

“Fuck, princess...so wet already,” he murmured against your jaw, and you let out a stifled moan into his neck when he pulled you closer and pressed his thumb to your puffy clit. He rubbed slow circles before inserting a finger inside of you, followed shortly after by a second. The skillful movement of his fingers made you melt into his touch as you rolled your hips to meet his hand. As your head went dizzy and your vision blurred.

Between his fingers pumping in and out of you at just the right speed, his thumb adding pressure to your clit, the squeezing of your breast in his other hand, and the sloppy wet kisses he continued to press to your neck and jaw, your body was already threatening to spill over the edge. To prolong the pleasure, not ready to let go just yet, you shifted. He licked your juices from his fingers when you brought his hand up to his mouth. "You taste so sweet princess," he muttered, accent heavy in his current state as you reached down to release his cock from his underwear. It sprang free and you pushed him back gently, dropping from the crates, your knees hitting the ground. He looked down at you as your hand wrapped around his pulsing cock. You swirled a bit of precum around the tip before licking a stripe up his shaft and taking him into your mouth. 

As you hollowed your cheeks around him and began to bob your head, running your tongue along a thick vein on the underside of his cock, Felix leaned back against the door. His head turned to the ceiling as his eyes lazily fell shut, and he wondered how much you'd had to practice to get it this right. But he didn't want to think about that now. He only wanted to think about you on your knees for him. A whimper escaped his lips when you swirled your tongue around his leaking head, across his slit. The unexpected sound from him and the salty taste on your tongue had you rubbing your thighs forcefully together. 

Felix let his mind go empty with nothing but pleasure as he fucked your face. He glanced down with hooded eyes to meet your own, and the sight of your pretty angelic mouth stuffed with his cock as you made eye contact with him nearly caused him to blow his load right then and there. But Felix didn’t want to waste a second of you like this. Because he'd almost died today. He'd almost died nearly every day for a very long time, and he didn't know if he would ever get the chance after tonight to have you like this again. And so, when you suddenly released his cock with a pop, he leaned down and pulled you back up by the arms. 

His touch was gentle. 

His tone wasn’t.

“I’m going to fuck you now, and you’re not going to make a sound. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?” He spoke down to you, as if he already knew that you wouldn’t be able to oblige.

“Y-yes” you somehow managed to get out. And he wasted no time in lifting you back onto the crates, his strength evident as his muscles flexed. 

You steadied yourself before spreading your legs for him as wide as the cramped space would allow. You ran your eyes up and down his naked form, his defined abs, his toned chest, and his right hand as he brought it down to pump his cock a few times before aligning it with your dripping core.

“Please…” you panted under your breath as he smeared your arousal with his tip. And your desperate plea was all he needed to give in, sinking into your aching entrance and bottoming out inside of you with a carnal mroan. You gasped, reaching forward to pull him closer. He wrapped an arm around your back, slamming the other against the wall behind you. His head fell to your neck and your legs wrapped around him as he began to rhythmically move his hips. 

Filthy sounds filled the space as he rutted into you, and in that moment it was easy to let yourself go completely. To let him take you however he pleased, in whatever way he pleased. Because you were safe with Felix, here, like this, when it was just the two of you. He made you feel like just a person. Without a past to run from, without a burden to shoulder. Just two careless young lovers who in another life might have stumbled across this very place seeking refuge. Who might have called it home for a while before leaving again together.

And this time was different from the first time on the rooftop as his hips slapped fervently against yours, hot skin against skin. Because of your earlier separation, tonight was more desperate, more needy, more primal. 

“Feels so good, Lix” you whined when he brought his hands down to tightly grip your waist, allowing him to fuck up into your swollen heat even harder. When your head fell back, he took it as an invitation to bring a hand up around your exposed throat, shoving his fingers into your mouth when you let out a strangled moan.  

"F-Fuck, princess-" he hissed, “you have to be quiet, be a good girl for me, yeah?” He squeezed harder at your throat when you cried out again but was instantly made into a hypocrite when you clenched around him and he let out a groan deep enough to vibrate the walls. 

His thrusts grew sloppy which told you he was just as close as you had been since the moment he'd laid a hand on you, and yet he still managed to hit the right angle every single time. Between his thick cock brutally pounding up into your drooling hole, low grunts against your ear, the sound of the crates thudding against the wall behind you and the risk of being caught at any moment, it all had you reaching your own climax faster than you could control. 

"So pretty all fucked out like this,” he growled, ”the world in the palm of your hand and here you are reduced to nothing by my cock. I should fuck you full, make the world mine too."

"Fuck, F-Felix, don't stop I'm close-"

“I know, baby," he groaned, "me too.” And you could feel the truth in his words because of how fucking hard he was, but before he could pull out you wrapped your legs around him tighter.

"Need your cum, please, fill me up. Please Lix make me yours."

"Shit-"

Your plea sent him over the edge. His cock throbbed where it was buried deeply inside of you as he pumped milky white ropes of cum into your cunt. A deep groan that was far louder than any of the moans he had scolded you for fell from his lips, and as your own orgasm took over you buried your face in the sweaty skin at his neck. Holding onto him to ground yourself when your vision went white as you sobbed out his name repeatedly.

Heavy breathing and light whimpers from both of you were the only sounds that filled the air after the harsh string of low curses that fell from his lips.

After a moment, when you began to come down from your high and Felix stopped twitching inside of you, you unwrapped your shaking legs from his waist and dropped down from the crates. He helped to steady you on your feet, and the gravity of what you had just done set in as you felt his hot cum begin to trickle down the inside of your thigh. 

Fuck 

Fuck fuck fuck-

Felix reclaimed your attention when he leaned in to place a breathless kiss to your lips. You jumped when the cool metal of the rings on his fingers made contact with the sensitive skin at the inside of your thighs when he put a finger between them to swipe some of his cum away. He brought it up, smearing his release against your bottom lip before you took it into your mouth and licked it clean.

"That can never happen again,” he murmured, his eyes intently focused on where his finger had disappeared into your mouth.

He might have been referring to the sex, but you were fairly certain it had more to do with the fact that by spilling every last drop of his cum inside of you he had just put both of your lives in substantially more danger. Because if Felix got you pregnant, the repercussions would be catastrophic.

"This, us is…it can’t..” He trailed off. 

“I know.” You glanced up to take in his disheveled appearance. His long hair a mess, sweat on his forehead, lips puffy and swollen.  

“Never again,” you whispered, and it was at that moment that Felix realized he was never going to be able to get over you. That he would belong to you until he took his last dying breath. 

And it wasn’t until you met his eyes that he understood just how selfish that made him. 

How badly he had screwed up. 

Because Felix had made the fatal mistake of allowing you to develop the same feelings for him, and he wanted to protect you from the sadness in your eyes when you looked up to him with silent understanding that you would never be able to be together. Not in the way you wanted to be, not without consequences. Felix wanted to shield you from everything in this world that could hurt you, including himself. Especially himself. He wanted to protect you from his own selfish desires more than anything, but the situation between the two of you had begun to spiral far beyond his control.

And the damage was already done. 

Felix led you by the hand to the end of the hallway where he lightly pressed on the door to one of the rooms that Hira had pointed out to you earlier. When you stepped inside, the floorboards creaked loudly underneath your feet. You could make out shapes through the darkness but it was difficult to tell which of the boys were in the room you had just entered. 

You followed Felix, taking extra care to step over the sleeping form at your feet, as he led you to an unoccupied space in the corner. He shook off his leather jacket and pulled you down with him. Folding the jacket, he set it on the ground next to you and you immediately undid his actions, unfolding it enough so that there was room for his own head to be cushioned by the worn out fabric as well. You lie down facing each other, trailing your eyes up and down the features of his face, bringing a hand up to his hair, tracing along the sharp line of his jaw, while he looked at you with painful longing that you would never have been able to put into words. Only a feeling, in a stolen moment that you had so selfishly claimed for yourselves. But you understood everything that it meant.

"y/n?" His voice cascaded through the silence and the use of your name, his use of your name, tugged painfully at your chest.

“Yeah, Lix?” You responded, tracing your fingers along a patch of freckles underneath one of his eyes.

“I’m glad you’re okay too.” He spoke so faintly underneath his breath that you weren’t even sure you had heard him right until you met his gaze. The look he gave you absolutely shattered your heart, and you forced yourself to hold back the words that you wanted so desperately to say to him in response. You watched in silence as his heavy eyes closed while you combed through his hair, kissing him gently once more when his breathing steadied and you were certain that he had fallen asleep.

Don't let me love you.

It was quite a simple request, really. Or at least it should have been. You should have been able to do it, and yet you could literally feel your promise rip to pieces with every kiss, every touch, every breath you took in every moment you spent next to him like this. Moments that you burned into your memory because you were afraid they would be your last. 

I'm sorry, princess.

"I'm sorry too, Lix." You whispered.

Sorry you couldn't keep your promise. Sorry you hadn't tried harder. 

Sorry there was nothing you could do to stop the time from slipping away. Sorry you couldn't make it stop. 

You fell asleep shortly after he reached for you, subconsciously pulling you into his chest. You breathed in his scent and it eased every aching muscle in your body. In that moment you were his, and he was yours, and that was enough. Even if you would never be able to belong to each other for more than a single night at a time. Just for tonight, it was enough. Because eventually, one way or another, you knew that your past would catch up to you. You’d begun this journey knowing from the start that the future had never really been yours to claim. Knowing that that your time with Felix was just as limited as your freedom. Because as someone had told you once, the problem with time is that it is a merciless force. No matter who you are, no matter where you come from, one way or another it always runs out. 

Part 6 coming soon...

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