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hrtsdevils · 1 year ago

Text

dog-eared. | jh86

summary reader and jack broke up before he was drafted to the nhl. after years of watching from afar, jack finally sees y/n in person. past feelings are brought up to the surface.

pairing jack hughes x fem!reader

wc 2.6k

an my lovers… also another gracie fc sorry idk what to tell you! also for the sake of the plot pretend that the devils play the ducks on tuesday instead of vancouver thanks!!! loosely based off of everywhere everything by noah kahan ft gracie abrams

It had been years since you’d seen Jack. You broke up right before he started his NHL career as it seemed like your plans didn’t align. You’d be going to college in California, as USC had been your dream school your whole life. You dreamed of living somewhere where it was sunny and it was never freezing, unlike the weather in your hometown of Toronto. He dreamed of making it big in the professional league, which he was so close to achieving already.

The breakup between you two was mostly mutual. It happened in your 2005 Honda Civic, in the parking lot of a gas station after you had gone to buy soft drinks. The two of you could feel the breakup impending, and it felt as if the weather channel told you a meteor would be hitting Earth within minutes. As if the sun was about to collapse. The silence was deafening as you started your car, putting your drink in the cup holder. He followed suit.

“I..” He started before you cut him off.

“You think we need to break up?” You asked, giving him a soft smile. It wasn’t genuine, it was quite the opposite. You just didn’t want him to feel guilty, you thought it was the right thing as well.

He nodded softly, “I just think we’re on two separate paths… you know?”

“Yeah, I get it.” Your hands tensed under your thighs, as you were using them as hand warmers. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Buttons.” That had been his nickname for you since the 8th grade. You had a perfect little button nose, and it quickly caught on and everybody would use it for you as well.

The drive back to his parents’ house was in silence, as neither of you had much to say to each other. In about ten minutes, you were parked in front of his house. “You’re still going to come to my birthday party, right?” You asked. You were turning eighteen in a few weeks, June 7th.

“Yeah, I will.” He smiled sadly, “It’s not over. We’re just separating until we get brought back together.”

You huffed, “When’s that? Whenever fate decides?”

“Precisely. Call it a dog ear.. you like to read, right?”

“Yeah, I would never doggy ear my books though.” You giggled, “Bye, Jacky.”

That was the last you talked formally. He never did come to your party, texting you an excuse about how he had a training camp that day. You didn’t believe it, but you never said anything about it. It had been years, you watched him succeed from your dorm room and then to your small apartment couch. Your roommates never understood your love for the sport, but you always attributed it to being from up north.

That was a reason, but not the only one.

Every year you anticipated the Devils coming down to Anaheim to play the Ducks. That was practically the only time you watched Jack in person. You were particularly excited this year, as his little brother Luke would be playing too. You adored Luke, he was so sweet and well-mannered, especially to you. Trevor would also be there. He wouldn’t be playing as he was injured, but you’d caught him after a few games to catch up and he was your little piece of Michigan in California.

It was a Friday game, which met that the tickets were slightly higher and there were fewer of them. You finally got your good friend, Cecilia, to agree to go with you. She was familiar with your love of hockey, and she knew you went to a lot of games. She didn’t know you knew two players on the ice, and two players up in the press box. As you were buying your tickets with her, you got a text from Trevor.

trevor zegras 🐣 : hey buttons r u coming to the game? idk cause jacks playing

You hastily replied, trying to shield your phone from Cece in the most subtle way possible.

y/n buttons : yeahhhh i was jst about to buy my tickets bahaha

trevor zegras 🐣 : don’t buy them ❌❌ i have a club ticket right above the benches if u want it

y/n buttons : usually yes i’d love to but i’m bringing my friend cece

trevor zegras 🐣 : i have 2! i’ll send em to u later

y/n buttons : thanks trev i appreciate u ☺️

You put your phone down and closed your laptop. Cece was a couple feet away on hers, but looked at you when your laptop snapped shut. “Did you buy them?” She questioned, scooting closer to you. You shook your head.

“Kind of? Well, one of my friends is on the team and he’s injured, he offered us seats right behind the bench.”

Her jaw fell slightly, “You never told me you had connections!”

You smiled, “I don’t really, I usually buy my tickets. This was a first time thing, I think he might be drunk.” You tried to explain it in the least suspicious way possible. You didn’t want to seem boastful, but an explaination had to come from somewhere.

You two discussed the arrangements for a couple minutes longer. From outfits to hair to transportation, you were more excited for this game than you had been for any others. Maybe it was because it was Jack’s team, or maybe it was because someone finally seemed to share your admiration for the sport.

Who knows, it was probably the latter.

The day came quick, as it was only a day or two out from your initial conversation. The tickets usually dropped in price right before the game, but luckily you didn’t have to spend the money on it regardless. You lended Cece a Zegras jersey that he got you, while you chose to wear an unnamed 30th anniversary jersey. You still had a few hoodies with Jack’s last name on the back, from his time with USNDTP, but you wouldn’t be wearing those tonight.

You arrived shortly before warm-ups, but when you looked at your section and seat numbers you realized Trevor wasn’t lying about you being right behind the bench. He just never mentioned that it was the away bench. You watched from your seat as the boys entered from the tunnel. They weren’t facing you, but you watched to make sure they didn’t turn around at least not now.

You managed to go a little while without being seen by Luke or Jack, that was until Cecelia got extremely into the game. The Devils had a goal in the late first period, opening up the scoring. Luke was sitting on the bench about a foot to the left of Cece, and once they scored she started banging on the glass.

As he stood up to cheer, he turned around due to the banging. The first thing he did was make eye contact with you. His eyebrows raised, and he blinked as if you’d disappear when his eyes opened. He didn’t say anything as you tried to avoid his gaze, and simply turned back around.

The game continued on, and you didn’t see him say anything to Jack. Soon enough, it was intermission and you felt safer. Like eyes weren’t on you anymore, even though they never were. It went by fairly quickly as the two of you watched the silly halftime games that usually were played by young children. As soon as the Devils came back through the tunnel, Jack turned around and looked at you. He kept sneaking glances as they warmed up again before the start of the second.

The rest of the game wasn’t as fun, as the brunette kept staring at you. As if you couldn’t go to hockey games, his hockey games. As if he couldn’t help looking at you. As if he missed you.

It didn’t help that Cece kept shouting at you, telling you that the cute one kept staring at you and that he wanted you. You knew her best interest was at heart, but she had no idea the magnitude of your situation with said cute one. You entertained her teasing of you, and how she kept pointing at you everytime Jack glanced your way.

By the end of the game you were over it. You wanted to escape and go home before the off chance that you ran into Jack actually happened. It was relieving when you got into the car, but startling when your phone lit up with a single message from Jack. Cece was giggling to herself, looking up one of the cute guys she saw on Instagram. She was oblivious to the situation

jack hughes : hi why were u there

You tried to think of an excuse, but eventually you realized it wouldn’t matter if you told the truth or not.

buttons 🩷 : because i was given tix my trevor.. and i go to a lot of ducks games

jack hughes : oh no other reason?

buttons 🩷 : u think i went for u?

jack hughes : maybe a little. sorry for bothering u buttons.

buttons 🩷 : don’t be sorry. how long are you in anaheim?

jack hughes : tonight n then flying up to seattle

buttons 🩷 : where r u staying?

It was a twenty minute drive back up to your apartment, but with your speeding it was around seventeen. Cece didn’t question your urgency as you dropped her off at your shared apartment, and left immediately after. She was a little bit tipsy. As you drove to the Marriott in Anaheim, you thought about what you were doing.

Throwing away years of peace for the same boy who disrupted it all those years ago. If you started to have feelings for him again, who knows how much you life could be uprooted? Everything could be ruined. All the progress and the getting over Jack. Your Jack. You knew you were risking your own personal journey by going to see him, but at this point you didn’t care.

The hotel receptionist was reluctant to let you up, as she knew who was staying there. The skepticism on her face was present from the very moment you walked in.

“Look, I know him and I know his room number, so can you just let me go up?” You pleaded with hed. Going to a room usually wasn’t necessarily an issue, the issue here was that a sports team was staying. She might’ve thought you were a crazy stalker fan.

As she was about to answer, Jack exited the elevator and spotted you talking to the receptionist. “She’s with me.” He told her, as he walked up to the desk. “Thanks, though.” You had texted him a minute prior about the receptionist, but you didn’t expect him to rush down.

“Hi.” You breathed as you made your way toward the elevator, “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good.” He stopped before the elevator, “Would you rather go for a drive? I’m sharing a room with Luke.”

Your story paused in a car, so you were unsure how this would turn out. Maybe it will be different this time. “Sure.” You replied softly.

You two walked to your car in silence. You were about to get in the driver’s seat, but he insisted on driving. “You should drive slow around here, there’s a bunch of cops at night because of drunk college students.” You chuckled, “I’ll tell you when you can speed.”

You buckled up, and he started your car. It was an upgrade from your Honda, being a more recent model of a Nissan. “So, why’d you come to the game?” He asked as he pulled out of the hotel’s parking lot.

“I go to a lot of Duck’s games. Trevor plays, of course I go watch him.” You started, “He offered me club tickets, and I figured they were behind his bench. They weren’t, obviously.”

“So you didn’t go for me?” He questioned once again, “I don’t believe that, Buttons.”

You rolled your eyes, “I kind of did. I’ve been while you were playing for the last three years, but I still like hockey in general.”

“I’ll believe that.” The silence sat for a little while as he drove 25 down the city roads, the radio wasn’t even playing. “Do you think we could’ve done long distance?”

You shook your head, “No, not then at least. That’s why we broke it off. Maybe now.” You said the last part quieter, just enough so that if he wasn’t paying attention he wouldn’t have heard it.

But of course he was paying attention. You were his everything before, and possibly even now.

“Now?” He questioned, “What do you mean by that?”

“When we broke up, you said our page was dog-eared. Bookmarked. It was more like a pause until we were ready and mature, or at least that’s how I took it.”

He smiled, “I remember that. Do you think we’re ready and mature?”

You shrugged, looking at him. “Maybe, just this semester and then I’m done. I chose to graduate a semester early. I could move back east, we could be closer. Even without I think we’d be mature enough for long distance.”

The chances of this moment happening just weeks before you graduated was an alignment of the stars in itself. This could be everything you wanted, without disrupting your peace.

“If you need a place to stay, you can always stay with me and Luke.” He offered, “To get on your feet, if you come back.”

“Maybe.” You hummed. His hand was resting on the gear shift, even though it was an automatic. You made a move to lay your hand on top of his, squeezing it gently.

It was a soft step in the right direction. A step to getting the love of your life back, which is what you’d wanted since the minute you broke it off. It’s been a long three years without him, he was your best friend and you intended to make up for the lost time soon enough. You wouldn’t bring up how he never contacted you either, because it was far in the past. You were both kids at the time and you can’t hold a grudge about that.

As he re-entered the hotel parking lot, you smiled at him. Your hands were now intertwined on top of the cup holder region, and you never wanted to let go. His hand was more rugged than before, matured and weathered, but it was still a comfort you had missed. He dropped it to shift the car into park.

“So, I’ll see you soon then?” He asked, as you got ready to get out. 45 minutes had passed between getting into the car and now. You conversed about your current life and your future. Your future together.

You nodded, “Yeah, hopefully. Keep in touch, okay? No ghosting me.” You stepped out of the car and walked around to the driver's side as he got out as well.

The two of you shared a hug, but exchanged little words. You could hear the cars around you, and the sounds of the city were still alive. “Bye, Jack.” You released him from your embrace.

“Bye, Buttons.” He smiled, “I’ll text you.” He turned around and walked back to the hotel as you watched, a smile gracing your features as well.

You’d love him forever, whether you got back together or not. You believed he felt the same. You were glad that Trevor had known about the seating on the tickets, and made sure they got to you. You were also glad Luke saw and recognized you. You were excited to see him. The end was over, and the new start was just beginning.

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imagionationstation · 8 months ago

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so I would like more ideas on the whole “2012 Donnie ends up in prison dimension” au thing.

if you don’t have any it’s completely okay!

just maybe…how are the 2012 turtles (and Splinter) holding up? And how would the 2018 turtles react when 2012 Donnie has to go back home? Does he? Or does he stay? I think it’d be fun if their were two alt endings. One where 2012 Donnie stays in the rise universe and one where he doesn’t. Idk

Srry I’m yappin’ lol

Oh, don’t worry. I’ve been poking at this AU all day.

I have, like, five scenes overlapping each other. Because I’m normal.

*ahem*

“So what if instead of merely erasing him, she decided to put him somewhere that no one could ever reach him? A dimension from where things are known never to return? A place where April could never get him back without her assistance?”

Lil’ miss overpowered demon would have wanted April to know that she shipped Donnie off somewhere instead of outright murder. Then, she could hold it over her head you need me to get him back to prevent her from ever shattering the Crystal. But considering that’s blackmail and April knew that the longer that freak was in her brain, the more likely it was that she’d obliterate New York- well, she was determined to find Donnie back without her help.

And so April assures that brothers that he’s alive. And they immediately begin a search ✨

I’m sure that there would be a lot of tension, fear, and worry, but they KNOW he’s alive out there somewhere, (probably suffering if Za-Naron’s vague taunts were true), so they’re going to get him back, and the sooner the better. *Insert car chase music*

And the best part is that the 2012brothers have never actually been separated for more than a few hours. Like, in any episode.

Imagine days apart not knowing if Donnie is even alive.

At least they have each other. Donnie, on the other hand…

I think how the Risebrothers react to their arrival to bring Donnie home would depend highly on how long Donnie remains with them. However, it’s not through an “we adopted him” standpoint.

Remember, Leon and Donnie were stuck in a crippled dimension for weeks. They were barely surviving, avoiding Krang at every turn, convinced that they’d never see their families again. Leon would have told Donnie about the prison dimension’s purpose and how no one could ever risk coming. How his family had to see to it that no one ever came through for the sake of everyone in his dimension.

They had to live with that knowledge for a time period that probably felt like an eternity.

A seed of doubt was planted and they coped in different ways.

Donnie, keeping them both alive and his flickering hope burning through each passing moment, holds to the stubborn belief that if they wants to make it out, he only needs to, “Try harder.”

And Leon, willing to fight for Donnie but unwilling to surrender to the pipe dream of getting freed, assists the fight with a timid, but unbudging, “It’s not about me.”

Then, when they get out, their perspectives will be entirely different.

Leon will be home, but a part of him, the part that was counting down the minutes ‘till he dies, will still be in the prison dimension.

Donnie will be safe, but everything in him, every minuscule cell in his being that prayed for release, will be yearning for home.

So, we have two options. And no, I do not believe one of them involves him permanently living in the Rise verse. (Many apologies.)

Option one: Angst ending (They find him fast.)

Okay, so, if the 2012brothers were to arrive within days of Donnie getting free, I have no doubt that a desperate Donnie would go home without a second of hesitation and Leon would lose his anchor. He’d be stricken at the thought, aware of how much Donnie needs to leave, crippled under the looming weight of that sacrifice. He only suffered lived so Donnie wouldn’t be alone in that hellhole nightmare, and now Donnie is abandoning him leaving.

He’d be stiff, silent, barely managing a weak “okay” when Donnie shares the news. The conversation distracts anyone from really noticing his state of mind. It’s only once the 2012 gang leave the room that Raphael makes the mistake of touching his shoulder. After they barely calm a flash-back induced panic attack that leaves him wheezing and pale, crying and bleeding on the floor where he’d attempt to flee from them, the Risebrothers decide that they can’t let Donnie walk out. Raphael and Michael are torn, because Donnie needs the familiar sights of home as much as Leon needs Donnie, but Don has no such limitations. I almost want to say the same for Lou. He sacrificed the world for his kids. This is nothing.

As you can imagine, family fights for custody never go well.

Option two: Happy Ending (Finding him takes time)

If the brothers were to arrive several weeks/month or so into the future, long enough for Leon to readjust to society and no longer need Donnie as a reminder that he’s home and not completely delulu in the brain, it would go much smoother. Obviously, Donnie would be more desperate than ever to get home. The kind of desperate that leaves him broken in their arms when they finally appear, promising through sobs that he tried so hard to get back to them he did he swears he never stopped he tried-

And considering the Risebrothers don’t have a single cruel bone in their body, they wouldn’t hesitate to let him go home. He’s welcome any time, of course, and Leo makes him promise to find a way back during one, big goodbye squeeze, but they accept that right now, he needs to go. Donnie kept their brother alive and helped truly bring his scattered brain home. Why shouldn’t they return the favor?

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ateriblewriter · 2 years ago

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"You can't just lose your temper like this every time you get a little bit upset!" With Luke Hughes please

😊 I hope this is okay, i feel as though i could have done better. its kinda messy. idk. sorry. first time really writing for luke. it's longer than the others blurbs for the celly but I was challenging myself. 😅

A Broken Glass

he was supposed to be better this season. better than the child he felt he was in the few games he played in at the end of the prior season. he made sure to put in the work over the summer, improving upon an already impressive skill set. but it still wasn't good enough.

luke was having a bit of a hard time recently, making mistakes that were in his words stupid and should never have happened. getting himself into trouble on the ice, uncharacteristic actions set off by the littlest things. he had been putting a lot of pressure on himself and instead of being better he was getting worse.

everything came to a head on a tuesday evening after the devils had lost again and luke gave another lackluster performance. once again on the brink of being benched for someone else who could perform at the caliber they were looking for.

jack had decided to seek the comfort of another human being, having gone over to their place for the evening. this left the whole place to just you and luke. which was great because you finally wanted to pick your boyfriends mind about how he was feeling about everything recently.

“are you okay?” you inquire watching him.

"i'm fine." he scowled.

"do you want to talk about it?" you ask starting to ramble. of course you didn't believe him and just because he shut you down right away didn't mean you were going to stop trying to get him to say more than a few words to you. "because you really should at some point. im worried about you. you don't even have to talk to me. is it the team? is it something im doing? is it-"

"just go away." luke interrupted you. he was so in his head, he didn't notice the glass he had been holding, slip from his hand and crashing to the ground. luke wasn't necessarily mad. he was mainly just frustrated with his situation and really didn't like talking about it. the way he showed it may not have been the best way.

you're too shocked for words at the glass on the floor, opting to crouch down to clean up the little pieces of glass from the broken cup instead of using your words. you tried to be as careful as you but while brushing the tiny bits together with the back of your hand, a little piece embedded itself in between you index finger and middle, causing it to bleed a lot.

you could feel luke rolling his eyes, frustration still radiating off of him. he was looking for an argument. you heard him mumbling something but couldn't really tell what was said.

"what was that? you need to speak up."

"i said that you don't understand the pressure i am under. i am supposed to be better. and i'm not. you wouldn't understand that. I'm not like you I just don't give up on my dreams."

"that's not true and you know it." you clench your teeth together, trying your hardest not to give into what he wanted, a fight. because luke knew you were an athlete and that you had big dreams of making it big. only to have them crushed by a devastating injury, that led you to pursue other dreams.

"you know what? call me when you want to actually talk and not start a fight." you grab your set of house keys to leave, the small cut in between your fingers still dripping little droplets of red stuff on the floor. you didn't want to be around him if he was going to act like that.

you didn’t go far that night. instead of going somewhere like a bar, you opted to go over to the neighboring apartment. where it just so happened that your best friend, since moving to jersey, lived. Of course she wasn’t home, but you still had a key and helped yourself to her couch for the rest of the night.

it wasn’t until the next morning that you started getting messages from jack. you hadn’t intended on responding to him but he seemed instant on talking, worried about his little brother and the girl who had become like a sister to him.

jack- where are you

jack- why is there glass on the floor and is that blood

jack- what happened dot

y/n- ask your brother

jack- he said you left

jack- what’s going on

you could have responded more to jack or you could just walked the few feet home and talk to him yourself. the later would most likely include seeing luke. you knew you'd have to talk to him eventually, why not rip the band-aid off now.

jack practically tackled you when you re-entered the apartment and luke was no where to be seen at that time. once he let you go, you told him all about what had happened the night before. he tried to reassure you that his brother was an idiot and that he didn't mean what he said.

"y/n? can we talk?” nodding you guide him over to the couch. "i'm sorry about last night. i shouldn't have said that. it wasn't nice."

"i know luke. but you can't just lose your temper like that every time your get a little bit upset." you cradled his head in your lap. you ran your fingers through the longer curls. "they are going to keep eating you alive if you do. and it'll only get worse."

"i know. it's just." it was hard for him to be this vulnerable, especially with you. but if he wanted to get past this bump in the road he was going to need to at times. "everyone is comparing me to them. and i try and be like them and im not."

"exactly. you're not like your brothers. you're luke. not quinn. not jack. you are luke. you need to play like luke. you need to be luke."

“how do i do that?” he turned his face to look up at yours. he still regretted his words and decisions from the night before. but he needed to find a way to find himself again and stop comparing himself to his family.

“i don’t know exactly lu. but we’ll figure it out together yeah?” you boop the tip of his nose with your finger eliciting a slight smirk and a head nod from him.

#luke hughes #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes blurb #nhl imagine #nhl blurb #nhl imagine #ateriblewriter 200 follower celly #yes I’m still writing these

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whittlorestrash · 1 year ago

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waiwai do we have any hitch lore??- I need a recap on hitch’s lore so I can start thinking of the dynamics in shattered dream’s gang :3

AREGAHAHAHA yeaahh!!!! he does a have a small lore for now

basically, hitchprint is made out of ink's vials and error's strings. hitch which is an synonym of error and print which is related to drawing, printing, ink ect.

his extra abilities are controlling emotions, and he can even feel the other's one if he cares enough to "connect" with you - how does he do that?? he connects a string on both souls, yours and his and that's how he understands you— for example, if you're feeling sad but somehow can't cry, if he connects this string to you he'll feel the sadness but will also express it for you [that's when the term cry for you becomes real eheheee🗿] he can be very vulnerable, but you don't see him like that often, he's moody and neutral most of the time it's a mix of it ig, he's not too edgy but not so kind either BUT is very protective of his partners 👀 oooooo he doesn't show it though, and with shattered's influence, ig he's got some manners from him too lol

his other ability is to make artificial souls that he can control and pressure you with it, example if he makes a fear soul he will be able to paralyze you — and this in a certain distance, if you're further than the distance he's able to control you won't be touched by it BUT if he forces too much his eyes will glitch and will hurts asf, to ease the pain he will put his glasses on and cover his eyes with his hoodie + won't be able to use his magic for a few days. [that doesn't happen so much thankfully??]

and ofc, strings that he calls emotion strings, it randomly changes colors. other functions? idk yett

so, for his backstory

when hitch realized he was just an anomaly in every way possible he was really upset about it, he used to wander in the void since he had no idea how to leave, core!frisk was here when it happened, they searched for hitch for a while until finally founding him and brought him to the Omega timeline where he sort of got used to it.

he wasn't really comfortable there though, he felt it that it wasn't his place to be on, and he was really depressed at this period of time. so he didnt go out much, sometimes he would to take some fresh air, the reason he stayed was because of dream, he was the only person he truly spent time with and genuinely concidered him a friend.

until one day, he was woken up with a lot of noises, it was late at night, screaming could be heard and fighting could be seen, someone was attacking the area, it was shattered that was attacking the Omega timeline — hitch surprised by what he was seeing, ran toward the mess and asked what was happening, when he learned that it was dream he was dumbfounded and afraid for him.

despite that hitchprint somehow tried to defend the timeline, without laying a hand on him as he simply tried to get dream's attention, mostly because he didnt want others to hurt him. of course shattered caught him, somehow recognized hitchprint, then started to say how sad he was for him, that he understood, that he could fix his broken heart, his shattered dreams... if he joined him, of course core frisk and the people of Omega timeline tried to convince hitchprint but he ignored and left with shattered.. well he didn't have a choice at that moment as he had already teleported somewhere else.

hitch couldn't help but feel fear and excitment, was that really the same person?? he wondered why shattered didn't kill him or whatsoever but quickly learned that his power did intrested him and was the only reason he was spared, he felt heartbroken at the idea that it wasn't because of their friendship [or could it be?] but stopped thinking about it much with time, now as long as he was with him, he didn't care even though he was different.

THAT'S ABOUT IT I THINK I might add some stuff but for now it's just that haha hope it's enough, also you have to tell me yours too!! I need to draw themmmmm!!!! 😆😆

#undertale #sans au #hitchprint!sans #shattered dream sans

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thomatri · 5 months ago

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We Meet Again

Synopsis - you and Thoma were childhood friends until him and his family abruptly moved away. It wasn’t until you moved to inazuma that you get reunited

Warning - high school au/modern au, a Little Canon divergent for plot reasons, angst

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11 years ago

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I knock on Thoma door growing impatient. Suddenly the door opens revealing Thoma dad and I get excited

“Hello Mr.Ryūnosuke is Thoma there, he promised to play today” I ask with a wide smile. Thoma dad laughs and nods

“Thoma, y/n here come on!” Thoma dads yells with a smile for Thoma who rushes outside

He peeks behind his dad right leg as he always does and jumps at me, engulfing me in a big hug

“Come on I promised you an adventure today!” I say grabbing his hand running and giggling

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Present time

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I sigh as I fix my clothes my eyes drift off to the Polaroid pictures hanging from a vines in a curved way on a wall. Specifically a photo of Thoma and I. I sometimes think of the photo from time to time. Thoma up and left without a word at 8 years old. Not only him but his parents as well. They didn’t keep in contact and I’ve looked all over Mondstat three times over for them so I’m positive there not there. Well I looked all over Mondstat when I used to live there. You see I moved my first year of high school because my dad had a incredible work opportunity in inazuma and considering that I didn’t have any close friends in Mondstat and I felt like I needed a change in scenery I obliged now I’m here in inazuma.

———————————————————————

I walk to my homeroom. I make it a point to come super early so I can pick the best seats but as soon as I open the door I’m met with a familiar face I’d never thought I’d see again

“Thoma?” I ask and he looks up shocked and smiles awkwardly with a wave

“Heyy Y/n, fancy seeing you here” Thoma says and I grab his hand which is soft and warm just like it used to be

“I’d love to go on an adventure but we’re in school right now” he jokes and I pull him away somewhere private

“What the hell are you doing here” I ask a hand on my hip not really sure why I’m mad

“Well I switched schools from-“ Thoma starts

“You know what I mean, why are you here in inazuma and why did you leave me” I say feeling myself be overwhelmed with emotions

I put my head down but suddenly Thoma hugs me

“I was gonna wait to tell you but clearly it can’t wait” he says and I nod and he chuckles a little

“My dad moved to inazuma for a job opportunity to branch out his wine business, mom and I went on a boat to give him a gift but the boat crashed somewhere random. We never did find my dad and we had to start life somewhere completely new” Thoma explains and I feel bad I know how strict Inazuma was back then, foreigners were barely aloud

“So why didn’t you write or something” I say feeling myself bubble up with anger again

“Inazuma was stricter back then” he says with a shrug

“What about now?!” I say and he sighs and looks away

“I was busy I have a lot going on right now” he says

“You can’t just write a letter idk try to send a text something” I say getting more and more angry

He opens his mouth to say something but closes it still avoiding my gaze

“You mean so much to me Thoma even now it feels like a dream seeing you again, I was so worried about you” I say feeling my anger go away suddenly and walk away

———————————————————————

#thoma #thoma x reader #thoma x you #thoma x y/n #genshin impact masterlist #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic

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dearweirdme · 8 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/748664714672865280/anon-abt-the-dream-premiere-lives-again-idk-i?source=share

I personally think TK set their own protocols on "visiting" their homes. If they were just seen in public, that means many eyes are on them even after the event. Case in point, the "new" photo of them walking around with Wooga. People stalk them.

They are aware that stalkers are everywhere. So being out in public puts them more at risk of being tailed/followed. I don't think they go to each other's places after being seen in public but would go to their own places to minimize risk. This also happened after their public appearance at Hyoshin's show.

They definitely have ways on getting into eo's places without getting seen but that would be at risk of exposure if they do that just right after being seen publicly.

Maybe JK felt lonely afterwards because it really wasn't the most ideal situation specially after a night out like that, something that must have been huge for them. Plus them doing livestreams, as if to show that "hey, we went our separate ways". JK must have had a fun night but it had to end in a less than ideal way: having to separate ways for their safety against stalkers. I can imagine how that must have sucked tbh, taking a big step going out in public together and enjoying the night with Tae and Wooga, but having to cut your time together short, along with the happiness you felt.

Hi anon!

To some that might seem an extreme way of thinking, but I do think it’s rooted into something very real. Aside from the Tkk of it all, we know they have stalkers. Both Tae and Jk have had people come seriously close last year, and those must’ve been very scary incidents to them. So yes, when they’re out somewhere publicly I think they are very much aware that some stalkers and saseangs will take that information and await them at their buildings for when they arrive back home. In the case of Tkk the treat to their privacy that might be is even more of a risk.

I think Jk gets overwhelmed at times. I think he’s pretty sensitive. So a lot of that night might have contributed to why he was feeling off during his live.

#taekook #dream premiere

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blankerthought · 10 months ago

Text

transcription of george's stream

I wanted to put this somewhere so that people could access it, any spelling mistakes are my own error, i tried my best.

George states that he pre-recorded this due to several screenshots he has that add to his points and due to the fact that he wanted this to be done as perfectly accurate as it happened. He says he’s telling the whole story, so while some things may seem irrelevant, he’s including them to lay out all the facts.

TRANSCRIPT

Okay, so, this is my side of the story of the 2 times that I ever interacted with caiti in real life. So the first time that I met her it was in Dream’s hotel room at vidcon . To give context about Dream’s hotel room, essentially it was a bigger room than average, it’s not just a bed in a room like a typical hotel room is. Essentially it’s, there was a living room, there was a table, and the bedroom was separated from it. And for this reason we used his hotel room essentially as a place where all of our friends would hang out in. Vidcon is a 4 day long event, so we actually used it quite frequently throughout these four days, and we had creators, friends, in and out of these rooms throughout the whole event.

The first night that I actually met caiti, I was with Dream in his hotel room, and Dream was in a groupchat with 5 other people. These 5 people include: caitibugs, her best friend, and three other of her friends. Now, these five people, they were at an official vidcon afterparty and they wanted to, they wanted Dream to go meet up with them and hang out with them. But Dream didn’t actually want to hang out with them, and the reason is because at the time he was wearing his Dream mask a lot and he felt uncomfortable wearing it, because it’s just, the whole mask on your face, so he just didn’t wanna go to the party particularly. He even suggested that they shouldn't come because he was assuming that they were having more fun where they were.

[Image 1 appears on camera at this point, at the left side of the screen. It’s a screenshot from a text conversation (presumably twitter), though it doesn’t specify who the messages are from. Transcriptor will be referring to the person sending messages to the phone as 1 and the person whose phone it is as 2. It reads:

1- what if ghostie and caitie come back w me too

2 - maybe

idk what my friendos are up to

i’m still at corn dogs with some friends

but leaving shortly

1- wanna play that game from last night

2- it might just be us 4

for a bit at least

1- well make it fun

2- I don’t want to take them away from the party

The last message from 2 is highlighted. End image 1 ID.]

They reassured him that that wasn’t the case, they were bored, and they wanted to come.

[Image 2 appears on the screen. More messages, presumably same people as image 1.

2- are ghost and caiti having fun

1- not rly

[short message censored by a red bar]

would u be ok if we come over?

End image 2 ID.]

So now these 5 people are trying to come to the hotel, but the problem with that is, to get into the hotel you need to have a vidcon creator badge and only 2 of the people in the groupchat actually had this badge, that was Caitie and her best friend.

[Image 3 appears on screen. A vidcon creator badge is shown. End ID.]

[Image 4 appears on screen. Text messages from someone whose name and pic are blocked with a red bar. Their texts read: passed to the hyatt? passes? 2 out of 5. End ID.]

So eventually what happened is Caitie and two of her other friends came to Dream’s hotel room. This was my first time actually meeting them in real life, I didn’t even know who they were before meeting them. And then we essentially just were playing drinking games in the hotel room, we were just having fun, talking with each other, nothing crazy in particular.

Now one thing Caitie said retrospectivly, looking back at the scenario, is that I was flirting with her throughout the night and that she was uncomfortable with this because of our age difference. At the time she was 18 and I was 26. She actually assumed I didn’t know her age because she had never said it but then later I had DM’d her on Instagram and because of this she said that it is confirmed that I know her age. To give context to this scenario and to why I didn’t know her age, my perspective of things is that I am with people that are over the age of 21, in a scenario where we are doing things that people over the age of 21 are doing, like drinking, and also the people that came, came from an event where they have very heavy security.

This was an official vidcon afterparty and with previous vidcon afterparties I’ve even had problems getting into these events. There was one time where they didn’t let me in because they couldn’t confirm the legitimacy of my UK ID, they said they weren’t trained to look at foreign IDs, so they didn’t even let me in despite me being 26 at the time.

And also since caiti’s stream, I’ve gone back and reviewed texts from that time, and there was actually a picture where it was shown that they have this 21+ wristband on one of their wrists.

[Image 5 appears on screen. It is a cropped picture of someone’s arm with a wristband reading “Over 21” . End picture 5 ID.]

So from my perspective, it’s a bunch of 21+ year olds… hanging out. I had no reason to think otherwise. Other than her Instagram bio, but I just didn’t see it. But anyway, nothing actually particularly happened at this first night that we were hanging out, everything was very friendly, we went our separate ways, and that was the end of the first night.

Then the second time that we hung out was the next night after this. So we wake up the next day, we do vidcon stuff, after we’re done that’s the final day of vidcon, so vidcon is now technically over but we have one more night at the hotel before we need to leave next morning. And actually at this point I actually had a friend that I’d only known online meet up with me for the first time. And the whole time I had known him he had lived in a different country, he was actually living in Japan. And I told him I was going to vidcon and he actually just happened to be in California at the same date so the dates aligned and we made plans to meet up.

[Image 6. Screenshots of a text conversation between George and his friend. They will be referred to as G and F. Texts read:

G- I think you’re probably good to come but possibly if we go somewhere you won’t be able to get in and that would be an L lol

I have an extra bed in my room so you can stay extra if you want (winky face emoji)

I’m busy until like 5pm but should be good after that

F- Fuck yea ill be there sat

End image 6 ID.]

Now, he arrived early evening, I think it was around 5-6 pm. We were just hanging out in my room. Dream messaged me “I’m bored”, “can you come to my room, let’s hang out” essentially.

[Image 7. Screenshots of texts between Dream and George. Texts read:

Dream – or we can do something else rn

George – I have my friend with me

Japanese guy from TeamSpeak lol

lmd what we do

Dream – who’re you with now

George – Just my friend

Dream – are you just in your room

George – Yeah

Dream – do you wanna come to mine

1607

End image 7 ID.]

That’s what we did; me and my friend, that I just met- physically, I mean I knew him online- went up to Dream’s room and we were hanging out. And again, the same scenario happens from the night before. They are trying to get him to go out to another party that they were at, and same story, Dream didn’t wanna go but was open to them coming here.

[Image 8. Screenshots of a text conversation. Two people’s names are censored by red and blue bars, but Dream is presumably person being texted. Texts read:

Red – clay.

i can’t believe you didn’t come.

this is devastating.

Dream – the ops are here

are you still there

Blue -L

come

End image 8 ID.]

And again, that is what happened. This time, the friends were actually all able to get in, I don’t know how they did it. But Caitie, her best friend, and three other of her friends ended up coming to the room which had me, Dream, and my online friend that I’d just met. So eight people total in this room at this point.

This night was very similar to the one before, we were just hanging out, playing games, drinking, and just having a good time. There’s another thing I wanna point out before I continue with the rest of the story, it’s the way that she phrases some things in her story. Instead of saying that her and the rest of her friends had wanted to come to the hotel to come hang out with us, she said that one friend was invited by Dream but she didn’t want to go alone. So then they decided to go along with her because they were willing to go anywhere.

[Image 9. A screenshot of a series of texts between someone censored by a red bar and the person receiving the texts, presumably Dream. The first person will be nicknamed Red for brevity.

Dream - could you borrow a pass or two

Red – YES

[censored] JUST GOT ONE

LMFAOOO

Dream – try and get one for [censored]

Red – on a mission

(Saluting emoji)

End image 9 ID.

I just think that it’s important to know already that their story is slightly different from the reality of it and I’ll be mentioning this a few more times throughout the rest of the story.

[Image 10. Screenshots between four people; three are censored with light blue, red, and blue respectively, and the last is receiving the messages, presumably Dream. They will be nicknamed L, R and B respectively for brevity.

L – we’ll keep u updated if they removed the barriers

R – clay i need to piss SO BAD so whatever we are doing

we gotta speedrun it

B – that might be easier for us to get them in

HAHAHHA

Dream – yeah it’ll be quick

End image 10 ID.]

[Image 11. Screenshot of a single text censored by read. It reads [censored] and caiti coming back to hyatt. End image 11 ID.]

[Image 12. Screenshot of a text conversation between five people, four censored by different colors and the receiver, Dream. They will be nicknamed red, blue, green and light blue (R, B, G and L) for the sake of brevity. Texts read:

R – 13 min

our guy is speeding (skull emoji)

B – LMAOO

Dream – you guys are going to the parking lot, or where? we need to discretely give [censored light blue] a pass

R – idek

G – lets strat

L – kewl sounds splendid to me

G – good shit ok

R – my GOAT

Last text is cut off slightly. End image 12 ID.]

You can see in these screenshots from their texts at the time that they were all trying to come to the hotel and it wasn’t just “oh, we need to follow her” essentially. They were all in the groupchat, and part of the discussion to go to the hotel.

I also chose to mention my online friend, it doesn’t add to the story but she never chose to mention him or the eight person [at this point the words “she actually didn’t mention the 6th, 7th, or 8th person” appear on screen.] that she brought with. So, I’m just saying it because that’s how it happened, and I want to make sure the story’s straight.

Another thing that she talks about is how I insisted that she drinks more and that we insisted on playing drinking games when this isn’t the case. Again, they’d already been drinking at this party before they arrived to the hotel room, and they’d also been the ones that were asking to play the drinking games. Instead of us insisting that we play it, they were the ones that were asking us. And you can see that in the screenshots here.

[Image 13 ID. Screenshot of a text conversation between someone censored in red, Dream, and caiti. Texts read:

Red – clay what was that app you were using for the most likely to game

Dream – it’s my secret app that you can only access on my phone with me

ya know

Red – WOWWWW

caiti – stfu

i’ll find it

red – okay we’re going to the hotel right now to steal ur phone u fuck

caiti – (screenshot of the app Most Likely To)

End of image 13 ID.]

They actually texted multiple times, specifically wanting to play this drinking game that we’d played the night before.

[Image 14. Screenshot of a single text reading “wanna play that game from last night”. End image 14 ID.]

And at this point I was pretty drunk and so was basically everyone in this room. It was the last night of vidcon, vidcon’s a pretty stressful time, and honestly a lot of people are happy when it’s over. Not that they didn’t like it, but it’s just a stressful event, there’s a lot that you have to do, and when it’s over you’re just happy and you wanna celebrate.

So at this point we then move to the couch, there was a couch in the room, and I sit next to caiti. She also says looking back on the scenario that she confused her nerves for excitement when I sat next to her, but again at this moment in time everything was friendly, nothing sexual’d happened, I’m just literally sitting next to her on a couch. And during this she was laughing, smiling, gave no indication that she was uncomfortable with me sitting this close to her.

She also mentions that she was thinking about my age and that I was a lot older than her, again she was 18 and I was 26 at the time, and again to clarify I actually didn’t know how old she was, despite her claiming that I did just because it was in her bio. And it was clear to everyone there that she was not uncomfortable with me sitting next to her.

And eventually two of the people that came to the hotel room left. Then it was just down to me, Dream, my online friend, caiti, caiti’s best friend, and a 6th mutual friend. Next she says, this is a quote, “resorted to playing games on her phone to avoid the awkward situation”. Now I just don’t see how this is the case. She’s implying that she’s using her phone to essentially escape, y’know, such an awkward scenario that she’s in but that’s just not how it happened. And this is why. She brought up the phone game as a kind of a point. The game was a, honestly the central point of the interaction at this part of the night.

It was a very social thing, y’know, she was moving, passing the phone around, we’re all playing the game, and bantering about it, just having fun with the game. So I don’t see how she resorted to it and was using it in that context. She wasn’t being awkward at all, there was no sense of uncomfortablility from her, she was laughing and playing with everyone. And yeah, I’m not really sure why she phrased it like this.

[Image 15. Three images of George playing the game that they were playing at the party, his score, and a text of the image of him sent to caiti. End image 15 ID.]

We actually continued to send each other high score updates even weeks after the event. To add further context to this moment, we were all actually sitting on this couch in the hotel room playing this game on her phone. And during this, me and caiti were at the far end of the couch, we were cuddling together. We had been cuddling for, I’d say around an hour, at this point. Playing the game, talking, and just having fun. And for clarity I had my hand around her waist above her butt. So with her statement where she’s saying that she was resorting to playing games on her phone I just don’t really understand it and I think that the picture that she’s painting is really dark when in reality she seemed very happy with the situation. Just having a good time.

I also wanna address the fact that she claimed that confirmed that I would know her age, she said that she had answered a question about her age during a drinking game, that we were talking about sex and that she’d admitted to everyone in the room that she was 18 and a virgin at the time. I just don’t remember this happening, I’m not saying this to justpretend like it didn’thappen, I did not hear it happen. We’re not just all sitting down and not moving, you know, it’s a chaotic environment, I could’ve been getting a drink, I could’ve been talking to someone else, I just did not know that that was said.

Another quote from her stream I wanna address, she said “there was more alcohol in the room and we were encouraged to drink some more as they offered the bottles to us. They said they would join us in drinking and insisted on drinking games.” They had already been drinking before they arrived, they were drunk. And the way this is phrased makes us out to look like we’re kind of preying on them, and like forcing them to drink when they didn’t want to. When that’s not the case and as I mentioned earlier, they were even the ones asking to play the drinking games by the texts, before they even arrived.

But then this is when her most important claim happens, I’m just gonna read the quote, she says “Out of nowhere I felt him slipping his hand into my clothes, sitting next to him on the couch, in front of everyone. He disguised it with a simple ‘are you ticklish’, I coughed out a ‘no’ still staring at my phone. I was overly aware of the fact that we were in front of other people. The fact that everyone else was sitting around us, watching us, including my best friend, that his hand was inching further to places I hadn’t asked it to be.” Again, as I mentioned before, we’d previously been cuddling on this couch, for around an hour. But I did place my hand on her waist under her shirt. The way it was phrased makes it sound like it just happened out of nowhere when in reality we’d been cuddling for over an hour at this point and it was not out of nowhere.

It was also around until I started moving my hand further up and the way it’s phrased makes it seem like it happened pretty instantly and pretty quickly. There was nothing quick about it, it was very slow, and I was very cautious about it and making sure she was comfortable throughout the process. Me and caiti were very touchy, very cuddly, and very slowly got more intimate. I’ve always been overly cautious with consent and this is not just because I’m a creator. I’ve been like this since before I was a creator and I think this is just the way I am, just the way it should be. Nothing came out of nowhere, everything progressed very slowly, throughout the night. And also before I continue I wanna make it clear that the furthest anything ever got was under the shirt touching and cuddling.

Obviously people don’t typically ask if everything is okay, even such as touching someone on the waist under their shirt before they do it. But in this case I was extremely slow and she was engaging with me the entire time, laughing, cuddling with me, and even playfully fighting me through the game that we were playing. The quote that she said, “he disguised it with a simple ‘are you ticklish’, I coughed out a ‘no’”. She’s implying that I, with malicious intent, touched her and ‘she coughed out a no’ would imply that I should be able to tell that she was uncomfortable with it. She says “Later, he made it a game out of my embarrassment, where he would touch me in certain areas to make me lose the game I was playing.” Now, I actually remember this quite vividly, I remember she was playing the game and there were parts where it would be very easy to lose if you were distracted; and she’s right, I did do that. There were points where she was playing the game and there were points where it was easy for her to mess up, and I would tickle her, or like squeeze her and when I did this she would laugh, she would turn around and smile at me, or she would play-fight with me because I’d just made her lose the game.

She also says how, quote, “I didn’t speak or move, I remember being afraid to even breathe. I stayed there for a while hoping my stillness could make me disappear.” Now to reiterate, any time that I did this it was met with her either smiling, laughing, play-fighting with me, and there was no reason for me to believe that she was uncomfortable with it. She was not ‘not moving’, she was not ‘not speaking’. Of course, I don’t believe that silence is consent. I just want to make sure it is abundantly clear. She was visibly and physically responding well to everything that we were doing.

I also want to comment on how she said that she had to stand up after many minutes for it to stop. She did get up, multiple times, throughout the night, for example to go to the bathroom, to get a drink, also when her friends left she got up to say goodbye to them, and she would come back to the same scenario.

I also want to point out that her best friend was here throughout this whole… process, then afterwards he had to leave. And I think it is important to know that she made the choice to stay behind many hours more, and as I mentioned before, she did get up, say goodbye to them, and came back. They were even talking about staying up to 11 am which was the checkout time of the hotel, and because it was the final day we were like “oh I don’t know we wanna go to sleep for a few hours, might as well just stay up.” But that was not what ended up happening, and it’s at this time that caiti says, this is a quote, “I went to leave and the older guy then decided to leave too”. This is phrased in a way that makes me out to look kinda creepy, to be honest. She’s basically saying she left, so I decided to leave too, which is not the case. What actually happened is Dream had decided he was too tired and was going to bed, so the night was over and we all left.

She then goes on to tell a story about the elevator, and how I joked about it being broken to try to get her to go in with me. So caiti actually had her own hotel room on the same floor as Dream, so she actually walked over straight to the elevator when she didn’t have to, and said goodbye to me, which was nice of her. I did joke with her about coming in the elevator by pretending it was broken, I essentially went in to the elevator, the doors closed, and I would press the doors open button to make them open again. I did this a few times, and she didn’t go along with it, which I respect took, and I ended up going down to my room. She didn’t have to take the elevator yet she chose to walk with me to the elevator to say goodnight to me, which I think is interesting given how she’s saying how she was so upset with it.

But I also think these are comments of her looking back on the night and not her actual feelings at the time, and that’s essentially the end of the story, that’s what, she, the last time I’ve seen her in person was after those elevator doors closed.

We messaged for a bit after, through insta dms and snapchat and the way we talked to each other was pretty banterous, for example after the first time that we hung out but before the second she actually texted me and said “you better not be in Dream’s room tonight or I’m gonna shoot your leg”. Obviously she’s not gonna shoot my leg, we’re just messing around with each other. And I actually responded to her and said “guess what well I’m actually here right now”.

[Image 16. A single screenshot, timestamped for 3:31 AM. It reads: me [censored] and caiti coming back to hyatt. End image 16 ID.]

[Image 17. A screenshot of texts between caiti and George, timestamped for JUN 25 at 3:36 AM. Texts read:

caiti – if u come to dreams hotel again tonight i’m shooting ur leg

so don’t

George – Oh awkward

I’m in his room now

You’re not gunna do shit

The last message has been reacted to with a thumbs down. End image 17 ID.]

And yeah, after this we texted for a bit, sometimes daily, sometimes we would take a few days break, even a few weeks at some point. And at some point after vidcon we were actually both in London at the same time, and she let me know this through her DMs.

[Image 18. A screenshot of messages between caiti and George. Texts read:

George – (image of caiti’s contact. Underneath are the words “Business chat”. A Book now button appears.)

Stfu business

I can literally book you (skull emoji)

Caiti – WHAT

yeah i’m gonna need $10 bucks for this convo

please and thanks

George – I wouldn’t even pay $0.01 for this stupid conversation

You are a BAD business

caiti – yet your still here talking to my ass

dickhead

End image 18 ID.]

Now I will say she didn’t come out outright and say “I’m in London” but she did say that she’d gone to a place that was known to be a London thing, and I commented on that and asked her what she was doing in London.

[Image 19 ID. A screenshot of texts between caiti and George. Texts read:

George – You can’t say dickhead

That’s only for English people to say

Caiti – i just drank at spoons last night

I’d say i’m British enough

George – Oh shit maybe your are British wtf

Well I drank at Simmons bar last night and you probably don’t even know what that is so you’re less British than me

What are you doing in England

Caiti - rue said simmons bar was gay so.. awkward

and i’m living life!! The British way

parting cubbing.. etc

George - Using gay as insult

Typical from stupid business like u (rolling eyes emoji)

End image 19 ID.]

Just to clarify we did not meet up while in London nor make plans to do so. It was always extremely friendly to me, I was friendly to her, and honestly I was shocked to hear her say the things that she did say during her stream.

When I first opened up her stream it was after she’d already streamed it but not long after, so people hadn’t yet made the connection that it was connected to me, and when watching it I was like, I was actually interested in it, I was like okay, what’s this gonna be about? And then when she started saying more and more details I realized wait, this is about me. I was very, very confused, very shocked, and didn’t quite know what to think given I had no impression of any wrongdoing throughout this whole relationship that I had with her. Not at all, it was, if anything it was the opposite. I thought we had a pretty good relationship.

Despite the fact that we actually hadn’t talked in a while, I thought if I’d seen her in real life again, everything would be fine and we would be friends. It was actually around this point after vidcoin was finished that we were messaging and I found out her age. And since than I never pursued anything going forward, and essentially stopped messaging her. Our last message was august 1st, 2023 and I haven’t replied to her since then.

[Image 20. Screenshot of texts between caiti and George. Texts read:

George – (Image that reads “Your inquiry is pending”, scheduled for 2028)

Ok I scheduled an appointment for my next available time slot

See you then (thumbs up emoji)

caiti (sent at august 1st) – (two fuck you emojis). (Edited are the words “sarcasm” with an arrow pointed to the emojis.)

End image 20 ID.]

After I watched her stream I was pretty confused, I didn’t understand how her account of the story had been so different from what actually happened. A lot of the facts of what she said just didn’t happen at all, or were phrased in ways that just made me look as bad as possible. Saying things like “I insisted on her playing drinking games”, or that “she was frozen in place”, or that she was scared. She was having fun, she was enjoying herself, she was saying this with her body language, with the way that she smiled, with the way that she laughed, and just her overall general demeanor.

One thing that I think is very important to differentiate in here is that I do believe that she regrets being affectionate with me, and that really does make me feel terrible, I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or regret their interactions with me, or anything along those lines. Regardless of if it’s sexual or not, I am truly, really sorry if I’ve contributed towards that. But it’s important to differentiate that she was uncomfortable with this after the fact and not during. She says, quote, “at the time, I convinced myself that I was lucky. I was lucky that it had happened to me. I was exited to be around such big creators, to be at that convention in general”. I actually had a similar scenario to this, where I was in a sexual, I had a sexual experience with someone where in the moment, I was perfectly happy with it happening but afterwards I regretted it. And I’m not saying this to get any form of sympathy, I’m not looking for that, that is not the case at all, I’m just simply saying this because I can see this similarities in the situation.

Now, I’m not mad at the person I was in this situation with at all, I have no negative thoughts on them, I simply did not like how it ended up and if I could go back and not do it, I wouldn’t have. I wanted to do it in the moment but then changed my mind later. Which is completely valid, you’re completely allowed to feel that way. But what isn’t okay and I feel is completely unfair is to act as if I am the bad person in this scenario because you changed your mind later.

I also want to separate this from abuse and certain scenarios that other people have dealt with recently or just in general. I think it’s completely fine to come to terms with your abuse over time and realize that it was bad for you and a terrible situation to be in and then look badly back on that person. That is completely valid but this is completely different. Again, this all happened within a four hour period, three-four hour period and I was not given any signs of discomfort, unhappiness or anything along those lines. And again, it was the opposite of that. She was happy, she was smiling, she was laughing, and as far as I know everyone else in the room would’ve thought the same at the time.

So now what I’m thinking is why would she come out and say it like this, why is she saying this. Now I don’t think that she’s purposefully being malicious, or trying to hurt me, or ruin my career or anything like that. What I do think is that she is surrounded by a friend group that completely despises me and my friend group. And this is quite a specific scenario that probably doesn’t happen that much, especially in public, so it’s kind of weird, it’s kind of hard to talk about it. But I think after vidcon she, obviously told some of her friends about what happened, whether or not that was in a negative connotation I do not know, I wasn’t part of these conversations of course, but she fully told them about this scenario. And when these people who are around you all completely despise me and my friends, they’re obviously going to look on this poorly.

To add context in all of this she actually mentions in her stream, I’ll just quote it, “I remember a friend seeing me in the lobby on the way and they were worried about the way I was acting and asked if I was okay. I was really drunk and it was really feeling like they could sense something was wrong.” Now, this person is in caiti’s friend group, and they were concerned that a group of 5 people were going up to Dream’s room to join up 3 additional people. Which is an interesting concern to have, I actually heard from another source that overheard this conversation and thought it was quite strange that she was worried this. I think it feels very likely that after 8 months of you being around friends that hate me and my friends and are constantly talking badly about us publicly as well and privately, don’t know what they say privately but can’t be any better than what they say publicly, obviously that is going to affect the way that you look at that experience. And it’s going to make you look at it a bit differently, you’re going to second guess it, you’re going to be thinking about it, and clearly it changed the way that she thought about it. And I think it’s completely unfair to judge me and my actions based on how you feel about it now, 8 months later, vs how you feel about it at the time. Because at the time, you were not uncomfortable with it, and I know I’m repeating myself a million times but I have to, you were smiling, happy, laughing, playing along with it, everythting.

And that’s all I really have to say on the matter. Still keep supporting victims.

#georgenotfound #this is to provide info if you come to me for opinions or say shit i dislike in tags you're getting banned #transcription

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hypnotisedfireflies · 2 years ago

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(DISCLAIMER: So this is more a thought to explore...rather than a prompt per say...but you could also treat it as a prompt if it inspires you!)

Our favourite bunnies go at it pretty fearlessly because Tess can't have any more children. How does that landscape change if she could?

I've read some fairly unreal Pregnant!Tess fics, that's not what I'm suggesting here. But I think it would be interesting to get the Arien treatment 😎 on maybe a conversation or a scare?

(idk, tbh, I really struggled with myself about this one, whether or not or put it to you, but then I thought, hey wth, why not!)

Hi! Thank you for sending this thinky piece to me! I’m going to answer it here rather than a prompt (hope that’s okay) as I’m not sure I could do this justice as a full story, but it is certainly interesting to consider. I’ve been turning it over in my mind for a few days to get my thoughts in order.

Making Tess infertile in Drifters was deliberate to avoid traversing into some very dark territory because, other than the killjoy of pregnancy scares, I knew I’d be looking at going into multi-miscarriage territory. I think given the diet, the lifestyle, the tension and the constant dangers, bringing a baby to full term would be extremely difficult. And while bringing a baby (or a dozen, given these bunnies) into the story could’ve had its moments, I think it would have ultimately drawn focus away from what I wanted to do. And I also felt, well, they had enough to worry about without tormenting them with that, too.

I’m also kind of untraditional myself, so the progression of in love = married = babies isn’t really my jam, even though I still find the concept kind of intriguing from a fictional perspective. (I mean, Tess and Joel as parents?? It is appealing. And I kind of flirt with that a bit with the fever dreams).

So with my rationale of why I did not do this out of the way I can now just give you a brain dump of Tessjoel pregnancy ideas that I might have done something with (and who knows? Still might somehow ...!) So trigger warning out there, this would be dark:

Tess finding out she’s pregnant between Missouri and Tennessee and hiding it for as long as she can, hoping it will just go away on its own or more likely

Joel figuring it out before she does because he is Attentive Father and Husband 101 and being like, “… is there any chance that maybe you might be … pregnant there, Tess?”

Violent morning sickness resulting in the trio holing up somewhere we didn’t see in the story – Tess quickly unable to travel, basically.

Everyone being extremely miserable and scared about it the whole time.

Tess ultimately miscarrying and then a whole lot of trauma and guilt because she wanted that to happen.

Joel not there when it occurs and Tess only telling him like, days later that it’s gone.

Joel wanting the baby the whole time, because his key jam in life is to be a father, and although he was sensibly scared about what this would all mean he actually felt good about it.

Tess then breaking things off with him entirely, not so much because she was afraid of falling pregnant again but because of the guilt being amplified when she realises that he really wanted it.

Meeting up with another group a few weeks later when they get moving again and Tess deciding that she’s going to leave with them.

I don’t know, maybe not seeing one another for awhile? Months? Maybe a year or so?

Finding one another again, maybe somewhere like Sioux Falls/if not actually Sioux Falls.

Naturally they’re at it like rabbits again, nothing has changed about the way they feel for one another.

Things are good for awhile, they’re careful.

She’d fall pregnant again and this time they’re like, okay, maybe this is something good, maybe we should do this.

Tess extremely stressed, maybe not so ill this time around but not really coping so well.

Joel being the one to have a handle on it, he’d just think she was so fucking beautiful pregnant it’d be sickening lol. He’d be rationing himself to give her the best food etc.

Another miscarriage, this time Joel is there and with her the duration.

This time it pulls them closer together rather than pushes them apart.

… I did say it’d be pretty dark, lol. So yeah, I think that’s probably the kind of journey the Arien Treatment would’ve given that storyline. It would have changed everything.

#driftersverse #tessjoel #joel x tess #tlou #asks

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age-ent-of-fangorn · 9 months ago

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Road to D-DAY Thoughts

I finally got around to watching Road to D-DAY,

which I only avoided watching because I knew it would be an emotional experience. I needed to be ready. I know I'm a sap about my feeling of connection towards BTS and their individual experience. For some reason I feel relatability especially with Yoongi, so I knew D-DAY would be hard hitting.

SO. Here are my thoughts (because I have to put them somewhere since yk I can't say it to him) in order of how they’re mentioned in the film:

When it was announced the members would be working on their own albums and individual projects, I was ecstatic. I've been a fan of the unofficial songs and solo works from the moment I got into BTS. I knew this meant they finally made their interests a priority, and Yoongi's right, they should've done it a long time ago. Of course, with the context of there already being solo music released during the time the group has been together I figured their choice wouldn't interrupt the bands plans to continue together. But hey, fear spreads fast.

It's hard to watch Yoongi's very, painfully accurate performance of “극야” aka “Polar Night” about observing society today. I often feel just as swallowed by the world, but he's a celebrity. He's not allowed to have an open, unyielding opinion. He's not allowed to interact, because the backlash is tenfold. That's the harsh reality of living in the spotlight. I can't imagine never being able to actually be a part of the world, in a specific sense.

Ever since I gained a slight bit of self-awareness I've feared losing my imagination/losing my passion for my dreams too. To even theorize about not wanting to ever make anything ever again is a terrifying thought.

I can't relate to the part of his life where he's been hoisted so high in accomplishment that he doesn't know what his dreams are, because I'm nowhere near accomplishing mine, but I do know what it's like to not know where to direct your voice, and it’s quite isolating.

I appreciate Yoongi for bringing this very vulnerable perspective to the world, even when he's aware how easy it is to slip into backlash. Everyone's heard that money doesn't buy happiness, **pause for laughter as myself and the rest of the lower class laugh through the pain**, but I personally haven't seen any real exposure to this type of reality from fame. Fame is glamor and gold or its hellscape of a reality is glamorized by television in the end anyway.

Here, you can really humanize Yoongi because he's not trying to glamorize anything about the situation he's in, even though he could so easily let his entire world be consumed by greed (idk about HYBE though).

"I didn't mean to make Korea proud," he said. Some might think he’s ungrateful but that isn’t the case. They've often reminded us they're all just ordinary boys from Korea, and that's never been a lie. They've only followed their passions. They did so with good intent and stayed true to their morals, but all the same they never intended to break barriers for everyone. They're just honest, good people.

My girlfriend commented something while I was watching D-DAY, that Yoongi seems to have a cynical view on a lot of things, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I replied with something along the lines of "that's why I like him. Everything he says feels relatable." I'm a cynical person in many ways. It's still up for discussion in therapy as to why I like being this way at times, although I know it's partly because it has kept me safe all these years.

When I initially saw Yoongi had written a song called AMYGDALA it hit somewhere very deep. As most BTS fans do, I've done my research on the members' history to understand them better. The members' experience with mental health has always felt personal to me, simply because it's very relatable. Yoongi, in particular, has consistently displayed a certain level of unapologetic vulnerability in his words. Even in his aggressive lyrics there are emotional truths that others may shy away from showing to such a big audience.

It's worth mentioning I feel so strongly about the band and the members because their attitude feels so personal. Having said that, the fact that Yoongi wrote a song about using trauma as a way to keep you safe speaks volumes to my own experience with trauma and anxiety. AMYGDALA is very relatable to a lot of people for different reasons, in different ways.

The fact that they're a boy band, and he's a member of one, means they automatically get dismissed by many because, as he said, it doesn't mean anything to them. And believe me, I was there once upon a time too. It's ridiculously easy to reject a new interest/part of life that you don't believe you'll like, simply because you tell yourself you're better than it in some weird way. It's elitism, because who doesn't want to feel their taste is superior? You can't blame people for thinking their reality is black and white/good and bad. However, speaking as somebody who's pushed so many artists out of my listening wheelhouse, simply because I was under the impression that I could only appreciate certain types of artistry or I wasn't "cool", I promise you, once you let go of what others think of you, you'll be so pleased you allowed yourself to find more joy. I often felt conflicted about my liking a korean boy band whilst calling myself alternative/goth, but the reality is that liking one thing does not take away from liking the other. All parts of me are me. I say this to highlight how easy it is to listen to that pressure of disliking something/pushing it away because you're insecure about what it means about you. In a sense, I'm glad Yoongi is aware that they will get heat simply by existing as a boy band. This way he knows that not all the hate is from sasaengs.

In all artists there's a drive that is so rooted in your personal world, you can barely manage to know where it comes from, you just know it's there. For Yoongi the recognition drives him, even though he feels disconnected from the world of achievement that he lives in.

There's a perfect example of artistic drive. He doesn't completely understand it, but he knows he has to keep going. He spends all his time on his music even when he has the opportunity to travel, despite the stress he’s putting himself under. There's a level of commitment that can only be described as a love towards it. I like to believe it makes the world wider, our passion to keep creating. Within this reality I find a very special comfort in how we seek the understanding of our own dreams. How can I not smile from ear to ear as I watch this incredible musician that I look up to, gush while talking to an incredible musician that he looks up to, about what keeps him making music. It feels like an indirect cycle of recognition, in a way. Soul healing.

Snooze was written to inspire and comfort aspiring artists like me, and I want to thank Yoongi for making it. I have never taken that level of appreciation and support BTS gives towards their fans lightly. Snooze and other songs are a significantly important gift to me. What other artists do you know that commonly write music to their fans like that?

Yoongi's personal drive to create is not far off from his attitude towards other aspects of his life. His ambition to move forward regardless if he understands what it will look like is a characteristic of a true artist. He mentions in this how America makes the best music. I believe this is because we have the opportunity of living in a melting pot. As Americans, we get to experience varied cultures. With the state of music constantly changing, it's clear to producers that the way to keep up with that rate of change is to integrate different sounds and genres together; to never tie yourself down to one thing. I believe Yoongi will always be successful if he keeps that attitude of adapting to the music world in his own way, with his own flair. One of the reasons I've felt I relate to Yoongi so much is because of his character and attitude towards music. Like Steve Aoki said, he's very "forward thinking."

What D-DAY is really about: The end of wanting to compete for knowing more. What are we living for?

Anywhere you direct your attention these days, it's maddening. It's so angry, it's so clashing. I often think of the comment that the world is too mean for neurodivergent people when I think of the world or look at my phone. Like Yoongi, I get stuck in the despair of it all. You cannot contribute to the issue of the fight against knowledge superiority, because you just get shit on for thinking your knowledge is correct. It's not a valuable way to live life. It's feeding into a bottomless pit of negativity, of which I get caught in more than I'd like to admit. When so much of our world that we know is dictated by our phones/computers, when all of our information is accessed that way, it's pretty damn hard to ignore how horrific the attitude is. I wonder if there ever will be a day where it genuinely feels like the world is capable and ready to celebrate differences. When can we move forward from this in a fulfilling way?

My final thoughts on the whole film:

Yoongi puts a lot of thought into everything he does. He is a lot like me in a way. Neither he nor I can really relax like we want because we feel a sense of never-ending responsibility. He has a harsh view of the world but through that there is a reality that carries hope for our words and our actions. If there are people who can understand his thinking, that it is not inherently negative to recognize bad the way he does, it would give me hope for change. His view is a driving force that makes the good that much more meaningful. Through the trees the sun is brightest, and damn, does he know how to paint the sun.

Additional notes:

I write this for myself but on the slight chance it can, to inspire and bring comfort to others who may feel just like me. The artistic fan, spooning inspiration one lyric at a time, hoping that one day it pays off, and you can thank the people who helped you remember your own passion.

There's a very special place in my heart for Halsey and BTS' friendship. I'm so happy they can have that safe environment.

"The sounds that are filling up this world" makes me think of August Rush. Making something creative out of the sounds around you is such a humble way of appreciating life/making the best of what you've got. I love those who see/hear things that way.

So many were comforted by "people." Personally, I also listen to it to cry and to calm down. There's a specific type of pain that sits somewhere in between grief and hope, that's what "people" feels like to me.

"So why am I shackling myself when no one is telling me to" is an incredibly poetic line and I will definitely be stealing it.

Ultra down to earth people scrape their hearts the most- we feel it too much.

#agustd dday #bts #bts army #agust d #min yoongi #suga bts #mental health #mine #ot7 #bts ot7

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sylvies-chen · 9 months ago

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20 QUESTIONS FOR FIC WRITERS

tagged by my favourite ladies in the whole world @sisterofficerlucychen and @ameliagiovanna0 thank you guys 🥹

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

38 and counting

2. What is your total ao3 word count?

543,895 (holy fuck?? that’s a lot)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently the fandoms I will write for are all listed in my pinned post <3

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Hopelessly Devoted To You

Seven

I’ll Think of You Before I Fall Asleep…

Where the Mind Wanders

handle me (I’m a liability)

5. Do you respond to comments?

If it’s a quick “this was so cute!!” or something really small then no but I always always always try to respond to the ones where I can tell some thought has been put into it or which are especially nice. All comments mean the WORLD to me!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooh that’s a hard one because I hate angsty endings and I rarely write them, but glimpses of us, Watashiato, a blood brother’s promise are all pretty angsty I think??

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mean probably Hopelessly Devoted To You, it’s just the most joyful sappy gushy mushy lovey dovey cutesy fanfic ending I could come up with.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Never. I keep my haters muzzled and silent 🤭

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don’t think I’ve ever written pwp or smut for smut’s sake but I’ve incorporated some smut into my fanfic before for sureeee I’ve got to feed the people and they want what they want

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve never written a crossover but I really want to, I’d just need someone with a very specific idea in mind to bring to life

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No one would ever dream of stealen the insanities that I have written

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but wow that would be an honour! Any takers?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but again, that would be an honour! I’m so scared that I would end up being insufferable to work with (I mean I’m really not but why risk it)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Please never ask me to make this choice again even thinking about picking a favourite is extremely upsetting and disturbing to me and my peace 😔

15. What’s a WIP you you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Definitely never going to finish SUNLIGHT which is a shame because I have the entire thing planned out somewhere and it was the brettsey proposal fics of my dreams. In my head it’s finished already because I planned so much of it out lol.

And then of course I’m starting to have doubts that I’ll ever finish Of Sun And Stone because I love it so much and I’m writing for it right now but there is literally YEARS of plot that I want to put my little chenford babies through in this AU and it’s like… the most massive undertaking of a fic I’ve ever had.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I make the words pretty✨

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t write enough anymore to have writing weaknesses lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Would love to incorporate some French dialogue somewhere because I’m bilingual, or conversational Spanish idk. But I’m always wary of simply translating dialogue into other languages because I can never rely on my syntax or the translation to be correct. Totally support it though!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Anne with an E!! my most beloved first fandom ever!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I think The Möbius Strip has to be one of my favs because it’s so short but so sweet. I love Lokius and what little good parts of the MCU are left so this felt like an underrated gem of mine lol

AHHHH HELP IDK WHO TO TAG FOR THIS OK @crockettmarcel @kim-ruzek @theflyindutchwoman @awkward-fallen-angel or anyone else who wants to do this??

#tag game #my fic #fanfic tag game #chenford #the rookie #chicago fire #ofmd #lokius

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rriavian · 1 year ago

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I remember reading a meta post you wrote about the Corinthian, and somewhere you made a disclaimer that you hadn't read the comics. And I was just shocked because I read your Baiting the Trap series before I ended up finishing TKO and, no spoilers, but after reading it, your series and Dream's characterization and some of the choices he made just made even more sense to me. So to find out that you hadn't even read the comics... idk I was shocked. All this to say, I love the way you write Morpheus and your fics exist in my mind as part of a list of fics that have heavily impacted how I view the source material

First of all…this ask inspired the most incredible feelings of happiness and delight thank you so much. I legitimately had to put my phone down for a moment and just breathe before I read it again. You’ve also reminded me that I was going to start writing more meta because I really loved exploring my thoughts outside of fic. And I just opened the doc I was using to draft things and realised I have a lot of unposted stuff!

In truth, I’ve still not read the comics (though I have been almost entirely spoiled for canon events) so I’m still writing from a similar place. I tend to lean into canon rather than away from it when it comes to characterisation, even in some of my sillier AU’s, but that's just personal preference. I think some of it comes from my own issues with hating being misunderstood, and wanting to represent the fullness of a character no matter what.

I think that Dream was my way ‘in’ to the Sandman universe, and in many ways he is still how I relate to it, the one whose story we followed first and who I connect with the most. Credit must be given to Tom’s absolutely incredible performance, how effectively he was able to show exactly who Dream is, but outside of that he’s just always made sense to me. When I watched the show I was like yeah I can see exactly why you make the decisions you make. I was never perplexed, just felt a strange sort of kinship, a strange sort of recognition.

I’m really pleased (and incredibly humbled) by how my work has impacted you. For all I love playing around in a different universe this really is the reason why I write, and knowing it’s resonated with you is the highest compliment I could receive. Just…I don’t think I could ever tell you what it means, but I will say that whenever I feel down, or have a hard day, your words have now joined what I remind myself of to lift me back up.

Though I do have a question! My characterisation of Morpheus has been (again to my delight) very well received. So is it alright if I ask what in particular it was that struck you about it? And I'm also very intrigued by how that affected how you read the source material?

#asks #this is so lovely #thank you so much #this fandom has been so kind and welcoming to me

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icyfox17 · 1 year ago

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🛤️ 👻 🔥 ✋ 🌸 🏞️ 🛣️!!!!!!

Lonesome Dreams 🛤️ — What is your most frequent recurring dream, and what do you think it means?

oohh uhh hmmm i dont really have recurring dreams, like idk if i've ever had the same dream twice? I mean recently i had two dreams in a row about me meeting up with online friends so there's that?? i think it means i really want to meet up with my online friends LMFAOFDSKJK

The Ghost on the Shore 👻 — If you were a ghost, what place would you haunt?

OOOOHH this is such a cool question. i'd love to be a ghost that haunts a forest or not to like steal from the song but a beach. i just love the imagery the song provides, but i also love like. the place i feel most grounded in and stuff are forests. like i love digging my hands into the dirt and stuff, so i could totally see myself just haunting a random forest up north where not a lot of people go to.

She Lit a Fire 🔥 — Describe a stranger that you only met once but have never forgotten.

i feel like there are so many but now im blanking?? i love interactions with random strangers, it makes me feel hope in the world. i mean there was this really nice time where i was like . super into the music i was listening to lmao, i felt on top of the world, and i noticed this other person on the train staring at me LMAOSDFKJDKSJ it was kinda off putting but like . they just were smiling at me and stuff and i could tell that my enthusiasm was infectious and idk i just felt like that was a really nice moment we both shared

Dead Man’s Hand ✋ — What would be your reaction to finding a dead body by a desert road?

uh . panic LMAO i think my gut would drop and my heart would start to feel faster and i'd look around quickly to see if anyone else were nearby and i'd probably immediately text my friends being like "I JUST FOUND A DEAD BODY??!?!?!????" and then call 911 LMAOSDFKJDSKAF help i have my priorities straight

my hands would probably shake like i am not good with gore at alllll, i'd also probably find it kinda cool and probably analyse it (as much as i could without feeling sick) to see if there were any initial outside wounds and try to see if i could figure out the cause of death

La Belle Fleur Sauvage 🌸 — What flowers do you want in your grave?

honestly i love all flowers :D but my go to fav are lillies so... those?

Wait by the River 🏞️ — Where do you go to collect your emotions?

(pssttt what does collect emotions mean? HELP does it mean like . to remain calm, to get in touch with them, to control them?)

im gonna go with like . what do i do to calm myself down when i get overwhelmed and uhh, going on walks really helps. especially if it's raining or cold outside. if it's hot outside than that doesn't work and i'll lie down on the tile floor and help that cools me down. but yeah i'll go on a walk. there's a park close to my house that is really nice so i'll go there and just sit next to a tree and listen to the birds. it's really grounding. another grounding thing i tend to do is put my hand on trees. idk why but i've always felt... more stabilized when i do that. it makes me feel connected to nature which makes me feel more at peace and stuff. same with me digging my hands into the dirt as i mentioned previously. i dont know i just really like being one with nature lmaoadsfjkaskdjf (that being said i do not like getting muddy .)

When the Night Is Over 🛣️ — What is your favourite thing to do in the rain?

OOOH in the rain? as in outside? probably just stand in it. and let it seep over my body. i love getting absolutely soaked (when i want to LMAO if i have to be somewhere or whatever or i get caught in the rain then it is not fun. but when i go on a walk and i know i can be home relatively quickly, then i love getting soaked).

on rainy days in general? i love curling up on the couch, under a blanket, and drinking tea. now whether im writing, watching a show, or reading, doesn't really matter tbh. i just love comfy couch vibes with tea. it makes me really happ :))

#THANKS FOR THIS GRACIE !!!#this was really nice eueueue #grace tag #foxieasks #ask games

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dokpetra · 1 year ago

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Ive def been in a slump lately and its hard to admit that :(

I had a mental breakdown following my birthday, I've had to move apartments, and I've had some intense family stuff going on. Helps to externalize it.

It's weirding me out to confront all the stuff I had my identity tied up in, that isn't carved in stone. Like I am not my bedroom. I am not my job, I am not my biofamily. Idk. Identity is seedy territory for me in a pretty lifelong way, in this age of identity I think it's come front and center for me that my self concept is like a piece of swiss cheese. I attach parts of myself to people places and things around me, and when those things change, so do I, and changing hurts sometimes.

But a lot of that has been in flux for me, for a minute I was unable to work and worried I might not be able to come back to it, I hadn't ever lost my mind as bad as I did a couple months ago, it was really frightening to be newly limited in my daily functioning due to my mental state.

Coming back to a new normal now, and idk, everything in my life is in relief, I'm looking all around me and feeling the ever faster passage of time, looking at how much energy I have in a day, and just going "how am I going to build the life I want?" And feeling like the numbers just don't add up.

But I'm not giving up on myself. I don't do well with change, I gotta be gentle with myself through that. And I can get to a place where I have more energy, and I know steps I can take to get there. And I can accept also that I have lifelong depression etc etc, and to some extent this may put a cap on my energy level.

Part of it is, before everything went topsy turvy, I was making a really concentrated effort to work on composing music daily, releasing stuff for the first time too. As far as things that I take on as part of my identity, this is an important one, and I haven't been giving the time I need to it. For sensible reason, moving sucks, especially in your 30s it turns out, and starting job again and being there for my family. And as was saying earlier, I want to make sure I don't push myself too hard, have tendency to do that. Still, it's feeling like, urgent to get my studio station set up and get right back to it. I don't expect anything from the music I release, I just need to do it, it's who I am and when I'm not doing it I'm not being myself.

Guess part of this puzzle for me is reckoning with how I am both bigger and smaller than I used to see myself as. Like, the combo of ego problems and low self esteem is so ironic. And the process of breaking down your ego while building your self esteem, it feels so wonky. But yeah, I matter. I only matter as much as the next person, but me and the next person both matter. And someone who feels like they matter is more likely to treat others like they matter. So it's important work.

Couple months ago I spent the better part of a week in my bed, not able to eat or sleep, on an internal manic fugue, lost myself on a fundamental level. To be back from that, I wish I felt more triumphant, but I'm just tired and sad about it. I can't glorify that suffering. It happened and I came out the other side a different iteration of this person. I saw how traumatized I actually am and idk, I'm more determined than ever to come up to bat for that person. My self.

So I may have felt like my ideal life was in closer reach prior to all this upset, but I don't think that's true. I believe that I believed it, but it wasn't accurate.

And what good is my dream room when it's packed with plenty of heavy memories and too expensive for me? Could it be better to be in a smaller, brighter room I can actually afford? I'm still resistant but I know it's true.

Healing can be humbling and the humbling factor can feel unfair when you're already down on yourself but... Idk! If my spirit made it through the trials of that week in bed hell, it can get through these transitions.

It's okay to be in limbo because limbo can lead you somewhere new.

So I feel kinda crappy at this juncture, and also, I believe in myself going forward, I know I can make my life into what i dream.

#personal #long ramble

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sentavoarts · 1 year ago

Text

Laufey album thoughts.

so today laufey posted a LOAD ton of new songs and i'm here to say what i've felt from these songs!! (caution this will have a lot of ramblings and some mentions of some irl stuff of mine so excuse me)

1st- Dreamer

so dreamer is the first on the album and honestly i LOVE it. It gen HITS like how the acapella hits at the start then the instrumental comes in gently is so MMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

This song feels like recovering from a heartbreak and finally gaining hope again and the ability to continue dreaming. Overall its amazing and it may have climbed it's way onto my favorite songs.

2nd- Second best

now this is where the irl stuff may come in. Generally the song has a gentle start and somewhere halfway some more instruments start playing. And the way that the strings kick in give it such a chill giving factor that i love in her songs.

This song reminds me of when i had this really big crush that i was so delulu about because i thought he was giving me so many signs (spoiler he didn't like me at all he liked my friend instead). Anyways this song feels like the haze after crying your heart out and the strings part is the climax of it all when another sudden wave of tears and sadness hit you and leave you so so tired. Overall the song is another BANGER.

3rd- Haunted

i find this song pretty interesting because the chord progression sounds similar to Bewitched but in a lower tone (idk i think im just crazy) and i find that so... brillant? if it actually is similar i find it gen so great considering how the songs are almost polar opposites.

and so i think that Haunted and Bewitched is like two sides of a relationship. Bewitched being the high of it and Haunted being the lows of it. "I know he don't love me quite like I love him" Is a lyric that i gen think that. This song feels like the doubts you can have in a relationships. I also perhaps think that he could refer to the other party or the doubts. Overall i really like it it has a jazzy kind of feel to it.

4th- Must be love

this song is another hit for me. I love the almost vintage vibe it gives off and how gentle it is at the start then slowly getting more confident at the end. the backing vocals and the pizzicato is so GOOD.

This song is actually amazing. At the start the gentleness is as if they really are asking "Must be love?" and the end getting louder in a way is as if they've solidified their decision as if saying "Must be love." completely sure that it is,indeed love. Overall amazing again.

5th- While You Were Sleeping

THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD. It has a warm tone to it with again gentleness and a bit of bashfulness? It genuinely is so good like the structure and how all the instruments come and deliver the same message.

This song is genuinely so me. This reminds me of the time i somewhat realized i fell in love. I remember that night after talking to them for so long i laid in bed and LITERALLY THOUGHT OF THEM. I thought of how it would be like to be with them and realized that i indeed love them. This song gives off that vibe of daydreaming of them going on a date with you during fall while in the afternoon's softer sun. Overall amazing it made me remember all the indescribable feelings i felt that night.

6th- Lovesick

This song IS SO... SO SO SO... AMAZING. gen started crying tears. everything is so PERFECT in this. It really describes how it feels to be so hopelessly in love with someone and constantly on the high from them talking to you.

This song feels like running around in a field of flowers and grass while holding hands. Then resting against a large rock and having a picnic as you watch the golden rays of the sun illuminate their eyes as they turn to you with those precious eyes so full with joy and love for you as they hand you a sandwich they made for you. UGH IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS!!! i would name my fiRST BORN CHILD AFTER THIS.

7th- California and Me

Laufey is so genuinely evil for putting this after lovesick because LET ME TELL YOU HOW IT HURTS. This song is so gentle and hurtful. it feels so raw and i love that.

This song's gentleness feels like giving up after trying so hard to keep everything together and even after trying so hard to be perfect for them you feel the hurt and the sting of still not being chosen. (it reminds me of A glass wife/ that Vyn ff on tiktok during the early stages of the reader) It's like sitting in a dark room against a window as it softly rains outside. Overall i love it but whoever hurt Laufey like this WILL PAY I SWEAR.

8th- Nocturne (interlude)

i found it. The song i want to walk down the aisle too. Its as it says an interlude. Its a wonderful mix of California and Me, Bewitched and i think promise too? Even though it doesn't have lyrics it's still so full of emotion.

This song fills me with so many emotions i can't even explain. It's so good. Idk if ya'll will find it weird but i think songs without lyrics can hit harder because sometimes there's never the right words to explain how you feel and music like this is feels like the key to understanding. Stories can be told without uttering a word at all and sometimes leaving things unspoken is a path to understanding.

9th- Promise

oh boy. I LOVE THIS SONG. the build up, the start, the vocals she delivered, EVERYTHING. It genuinely feels like hopelessness and hope at the same time and it does it so well. THIS HITS DEEP IN THE FEELERS.

this song really does a good job at delivering what it's supposed to. It really makes me feel the isolation and how you want to distance yourself but not being able to stop the urges that keep pulling you back. Overall AMAZING AGAIN.

10th- From The Start

i LOVE this song. Its really jazzy?? in a way and really light despite how it talks about desperateness and unrequited love. It's really good like every time i hear it i want to start doing a little dance.

This song is really catchy and is so real tbh. It really feels like your in love with someone with the lightness of it but your not trying to make a big deal or a show about the unrequited side. Like your trying to convince yourself it's fine. Overall i love it (i love it so much i technically have a ff in the makes named after it).

11th- Misty

It sounds so serene. Like it doesn't take place on this world. It feels so cold and somewhat warm in a confusing but comforting way. Its so jazzy and i LOVE that. The way she delivers everything in such a silky smooth way is PERFECT. the " I i in love"part SCRATCHES MY BRAIN

This song makes me feel unexplainable things. Like it feels like a blanket wrapped around you during the cold times while drinking hot cocoa while snuggled up on the couch watching a movie or reading a book. Overall im IN LOVE with the whole thing and her tone.

12th- Serendipity

this song hits. My thoughts when i first listened made me think that it would be so heartbreaking in a sad way but it isn't. It's heartbreaking in such a fluffy way. Like the gentleness and the love in her tone is making me cry.

This song sounds like my midnight talks with them and how the midnight talks are so comforting and soft. Like a soft hug on a chilly morning. It feels like the early hours of the morning when both of you are laying in bed staring at the ceiling while softly talking to each other about anything at all. Talking about that time you tripped and hurt you knee or that time you accidentally got mistaken for someone. It just feels so warm, like its home.

13th- Letter to My 13 Year Old Self

my exact thoughts when first listening to this was as followed: "im scared ooohh? this sounds interesting aw oh oh. oh this hurts OH. THIS HURTS."

This song is so so so comforting. It's like she's a parent reassuring her child expect she's actually caring for herself in the past. I love how its all completely calm and stays like that until the end. I love how everything in this song complements each other.

This song makes me remember when our teacher made us write letters for our future selves to come back and read. When i get mine back i wish to write a letter responding to everything my past self has worried about and asked to let them and myself know that it's okay. That we've grown so much and that the worries will all be okay for us. Overall it's so heartbreaking in a comforting way.

14th- Bewitched

LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVEEEE THIS SONG. its my everything. it's all so full of love. i want to propose using this song and have my wedding dance with this song. Everything delivers so well to convey the pure emotion in the whole song. The pure love and admiration being expressed.

This song makes me cry every time i hear it because of how sweet it is. This song feels like being content with your life and slow dancing with your lover at night as you both stare into each other's eyes and smile like idiots. But again as i said in the Haunted part of this, this song feels like the good side of a relationship. This song is like it portrays the relationship that people crave and fantasize about. Overall I. Love. This. Song.

-Overall on the album

Overall i really like this album and how it feels like a rollercoaster of emotions. It feels like falling in love then going through heartbreak and recovering. my overall rating of this album is def 10/10 i loved it and every song was a BANGER.

anyways that's all from my yapping session today!!! byyeeee

#sen's random posting #live laugh love laufey #laufey lin #review #album review #yapping #album thoughts

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