#idk surgery in general freaks me out

[that-was-anticlimactic]

i feel a wisdom tooth coming in. i am terrified. i am genuinely so scared of getting them removed😭 and i’ve been procrastinating bc it scares me so much😭

[yuridovewing]

i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.

what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.

in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?

obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)

[homosexchad]

accidentally educating well meaning but confused cis people seems to be my new vibe lol

im mostly stealth irl but since i'm getting top surgery this summer and a couple of irl friends were like "omg why are you getting surgery? are you dying? are you ill?", i came out to some of them bc fuck it.

anyway, one girl asked how it worked and i mentioned scar care and she was so confused. turns out she thought that every top surgery consisted of basically vacuuming the tit out and then being fine the same day. bruh.

my college tutors were baffled, but in a chill way. ended up turning my 5 minute "ok, here's how we'll tell your apprenticeship employer" meeting into a 45 minute deep dive where i accidentally radicalised one of my tutors because he genuinely thought transitioning was like a "go to the GP and you're done in a year" thing, and not a 4 year waitlist, 1 year diagnosis, blood tests, more waiting, hormones, then a constant uphill battle, a year of appointments for a referral, years of waiting for surgery, weight limits with no wiggle room, etc.

the weight limit thing really confused him, he was like "but you're not even fat!" and i was like "well, first of all, i am" and then explained the additional risks and how pretty much every surgeon in this country has a BMI limit of 30, which is part of the reason i'm glad to be able to go private bc i'd have to lose about 20kg to be eligible for most NHS surgeons, and going abroad is??? a bit too scary for me lol.

he asked about GRCs and i explained how they work and what they do and he was shook lol. i was like yeah bro, i've got 7 years of evidence and my statutory declaration but no NHS diagnosis, and they won't accept my private doctor's diagnosis bc they're not The List of Approved Doctors so i've been waiting for this NHS appointment for years.

"how much is it for you to go private?? it's hOW MUCH?? EVERY MONTH?? how much is surgery? IT'S WHAT NOW?!?! is there a payment plan? NO?!??!"

homie asked when the next protest was 😂

he said i can contact him whenever i want to get stuff off my chest about this topic and for once i was like yknow what. yes it's frustrating that there's an expectation for me to educate others, but also like. there's so much misinformation online rn about how transitioning works, what legal transition looks like, what the legal rights are, that it's kind of chill. i have the energy, and if it's a well meaning person that i know well enough i'm kind of chill with it.

[talesfromthebandgeekmafia]

Finally getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, everyone wish me luck and pray that I don’t say anything too bad under the laughing gas

[transexualpirate]

just the thought of the surgery that it would take to implant those makes me want to cry. i do think it's hot though but not on me. but if i saw someone with say a metal arm maybe with a red star on the shoulder or maybe made of vibranium id get on my knees immediately

Would you consider getting a cybernetic implant?

It could be literally anything, new joints, new spine, coprocessor for your brain, eyes that let you see in the dark, doodad that automatically puts a bunch of melatonin into your system so you actually go to sleep

*Note: for this question your implant(s) can't be hacked but it'll be bad if you went near an MRI machine

Also because I'm genuinely curious I'd like to know what you'd want

*like biomonitors, in built defibrillator, extra blood storage... stuff that would make it much easier to keep you alive

[johannestevans]

Hi, as an intersex trans masc person I was just wondering if I could ask/clarify a couple things about your posts about being referred to as "afabs"

This is entirely out of a desire to better understand other perspectives so I'm sorry if its a bother, it isn't intended that way

Is it that you generally dislike being referred to as afab because it references a gender that is not your identity, or is it specifically it being used as a noun that causes the issue?

If it is the noun issue, could I ask if you can elaborate on why?

I was under the impression that afab/amab were useful and accepted ways to refer to someone's physical sex at birth, which is what is relevant in discussion about pregnancy etc. Have I misinterpreted something here?

(I'm also autistic so idk if I've missed some tone issue or sarcasm or implication here, I'm just trying to understand better so I don't offend others)

I hope you're doing well and thanks for your time x

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "PHYSICAL SEX".

And even if there were, right?

Calling me an "AFAB", the implication is meant to be that BECAUSE I was assigned female at birth and had ~female parts~, that means I must have ~female parts~ now, as if these things don't change with time and hormones and surgery, as if because I was erroneously described as female, I am the same physically as I was as an infant, and therefore I share in common everything with anyone else who was also described as female at birth, erroneously or otherwise.

Of course anything to do with being "female" isn't my fucking identity, as a man.

AFAB and AMAB stand for Assigned Female at Birth and Assigned Male at Birth.

Being assigned male or female was an event that happened in the past. I was also a fucking baby at birth. I'm not a baby now, am I? Just because I was an infant then doesn't mean you would prefer to me as an ex-infant or previously an infant. That has 0 bearing on my identity as an adult. It's bizarre to bring it up.

AMAB and AFAB are perfectly useful terms to describe that specific event - the event at birth when you were assigned a sex, incorrect or otherwise.

What relevance or frankly, business, is it of anyone's what sex a ten-year-old was assigned at birth? A twenty-year-old? A forty-year-old? A seventy-year-old?

There are loads of trans people who never went through the wrong puberty, and have had various surgeries. There are plenty of trans people who have been stealth since they were kids, where many of the people around them never had any idea they were trans and/or intersex, and they just went through the puberties they were most comfortable with.

There is no "AFAB" or "AMAB" experience that is universal to everyone based on what sex they were assigned at birth. That is a lie, it is a fiction, and it's not even a convincing once if you actually talk to a variety of other trans and intersex people. Words to the contrary are generally just based in gender essentialist ideology.

What does it have to do with anything, except that some freaks basically still think of assigned sex at birth as what you "really" are, or having a big impact on your current identity in perpetuity?

In a few years, the abilities of surgeons around uterine transplants will have improved. Within twenty years, I expect we'll see more trans women having pregnancies, and in general more people carrying pregnancies after having womb transplants and other organ transplants.

Just say "people who can get pregnant". Just say "people carrying pregnancies" and "pregnant people".

Stop trying to imagine that someone's ~femaleness~ or ~maleness~ is what the crux of the matter is here. Stop trying to project the male and female """"""biological""""" bullshit onto people when it doesn't apply to them.

There is no such thing as universal biological or physical sex under male and female categories, let alone shared experiences based on those categories.

Just eliminate that shit from your mind. It's a fucking cancer.

[goodhickey]

Okay soooo Terzo hcs when, nsfw solo but also just like random thoughts you have on him

HIII HI OKAY I HAVE A MILLION ..... nsfw in the down there part bc I'm embarrassed ⤵️ but I'll do general stuff up here:

worlds most transgender man. To me. post top surgery but has no plans on bottom surgery

he's canonically short and I think he prefers his partners like, absurdly taller than him. like. have to tilt your head up to look them in the eye absurd.

despite having a lot of partners, I think he's mostly aromantic, with omega being his one exception. other than him, I don't think he sees himself as wanting to be With anyone, and even with omega they're not like fully and wholly exclusive. romantically they don't really see a need to involve other people but they definitely both sleep around and neither of them care

I think he has a really big sweet tooth, pastries are his go-to but he also loves dark chocolate paired with anything.

on the topic of food - he's SUCHHH a wine snob it's a little excessive. will ask for the year of every wine at every establishment he ever dines out at, WILL swirl the glass and tell you about the "notes" and such. omega finds it endearing but his brothers find it annoying

again on the topic of food, I think he can cook very well, but he can't bake. (which sucks for him considering how much he loves sweets 😭) cooking is far more loose and fluid than baking, and while I think he appreciates getting down to detail he just doesn't have the patience baking can require of someone and it makes him mess things up.

I think he's a dog person... I feel like he gives cat person vibes to most people but. idk. maybe it's just cause I've interacted w so many different dog owners that I'm more inclined to think of ppl as dog ppl but. that's what I get off of him

I think he's a very talented writer, even outside of music. I'd imagine he has a nice prose

ok time for horny stuff. hiii freaks and weirdos

a switch, but a full time bottom. he might on very rare occasions whip out the strap but it is not with any regularity

size queen . glances at omega. need I say more

LOUD. it's hard for them to fuck in secret because terzo is a goddamn screamer

big time oral fixation. loves to be kissing, licking, or sucking something. but also wouldn't say no to being on the receiving end of any one of those things

SUPER sensitive, REALLY easy to get him riled up at a moment's notice. especially his neck and thighs..

barely has any limits at all. it kind of scares omega sometimes with how far he'll ask him to go, even knowing how hurt he could get (but he always gets what he wants anyway...)

[libra-stellium]

Visiting my Astrocartography Mars/MC line for a week

This is the description from astro.com which sounds like a great place to visit for me right now because I’m trying to either get promoted at my job or get a new job soon or both lol

For some reason people really hate their mars line???? All I kept seeing was people saying how horrible it was when they lived on it or visited it 😭😭 I was like damn I had great expectations! I only saw one short YT video saying how they love living on their mars line and have been more active physically and socially. I heard someone say that the second they got off the plane they were just angry lmao which is hilarious to me like you were just angry at nothing??? 🤣 and I also saw stuff about how aggressive men were and they hated it lol I don’t think the ones I saw said what their mars placement is and what aspects they have but honestly even if we had the same exact ones I think it may be about perspective and what you’re used to lol

I have my mars in Scorpio in 9H. I have Mars trine saturn in pisces and mars trine ascendant in pisces so no harsh aspects.

A general theme for this week was very mars like bc I did Knott’s Berry Farm, Disneyland and Universal and visited so lots of walking and action the entire week!

Sunday - literally at the plane doors when I landed in LA a male flight attendant pretend to grab my leftovers from my hands like “oh is that for me? Thank you so much!” 😂😂 I was like oh this is the aggressive men on the mars line! But I just joked back at him lol

Monday - I broke EIGHT nails!!!!! 😭😩 one was like 🙄 but by 4 I was telling my bestie “would you believe me if I told you another one is gone?” And she knew immediately that I was talking about my nails 🤣 none of them broke too far down so it wasn’t painful and I don’t think my mars line “made” then break lol I think they were weak and being held together by my nail polish so when I took it off bc it was chipped my nails were like “it’s time to let go” 😩 everyone was super nice so nothing else happened that day! I didn’t bring my work phone with me so who knows what was happening at work 🤷🏾‍♀️

Tuesday - i feel like there were some aggressive people throughout the day but not directed only at me lol bc it was the park workers at Disney just being like THIS IS A WALK WAY ONLY KEEP MOVING when we stopped to take pictures of the parade. I also found out that the shoes I wore the day before gave me a blister on the bottom of my toe which was so painful

Wednesday - I feel like this was the most mars line day tbh bc I got my period that morning and I did “surgery” on myself 😂 bc of where my blister was I had to pop it safely (TMI incoming) so I doordashed a first aid kit and a sewing kit and I sterilized the needle and drained the blister and it’s insane how the pain was gone right after that! Then I went to go visit the Observatory to see LA and the Hollywood sign and that was really cute but then a bee flew into my friend’s hair and she was freaking out and I’m allergic but I could see it so I had to do something so she didn’t get stung! I used my phone like a paddle and beat it out of her hair and it fell on the ledge in front of us and I pushed it off 😩 then we went to In-N-Out and some guy tried to take my order for his friend lol I was 7 and his friend was 12 and he was like oh I thought you said 12…..🙄 also on the day to the observatory I realized that I had a lot of requirements to fulfill before I could renew my bar license 💀 I deadass thought I just had to do the CLEs and pay but I have to find a mentor too?? 😩 so I was listening to the CLEs on the long car rides.

Thursday - Another Mars/MC day because I was listening to more CLEs during car rides and I looked up who I could email and ask to be my mentor! I was at universal that day and nothing major mars like happened lol and honestly idk why aggressive men was something that people emphasized bc they were all really nice to me 😂 even the Grinch! This girl did have an attitude towards me while we were watching a show bc we were standing there for 30 min and she shows up and tries to stand in front of me and I’m 4’11 and she was at least 5’5?? And she motioned for her bf to come stand in front of me too and he refused and told her to come back and she was brooding the rest of the show 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ After that our Lyft driver was so nice bc the app sent him to a different location than where the park told us to go get rides and he came and found us instead of canceling! 💕 and his car was so nice and smelled so good!

Friday - traveling day! Again dealing with really nice men 😂 bc I was in line for this place to get coffee and a pastry and the person skipped over me bc she couldn’t see me and the guy behind me was like “someone’s down here” 🤣🤣 and then later this other guy was just making small talk with me while we waited for our stuff lol but the cashier??? Who was a girl literally told me she wasn’t “spelling all that out” when I told her my name and spelled it out and she said I would have a nickname for the day 💀💀 my name is 5 letters long lmao she shortened it to 3? Like okay I guess?? 😂

Now I’m home and I checked my work phone and nothing happened while I was gone but today they sent an email congratulating the intern (who was there for 4 months and is still in law school) for accepting an attorney position in our office and I’ve been there for 2.5 years and it did make me feel some type of way bc 🤔🤔🤔 no one offered even after I got barred but they offered it to the person who hasn’t completed the degree yet and doesn’t have a bar license yet…?? I have been trying to get out so 😂 I’m not toooooo mad bc also that’s not the field of work I want to be doing long term but idk it’s the principle lol also I don’t remember which day but I saw something about the federal cost of living being increased for 2024 and I think fed govt employees get a pay increase bc of that?? I’m hoping that contractors like me do too!

Overall: Mars/MC line was a fun little time and productive trip! I feel like if you’re quick to anger I can see where you’d end up being really angry on your mars line but I just be looking at people in disbelief tryna figure out what possessed them to act like that towards me and then I just laugh and move on lol I didn’t like LA that much it was way too crowded for me omg but I’m not a fan of New York either and I feel like they’re similar 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would definitely go back and visit other parts of California tho!!

[irishais]

i am so tired that i can't even like. think right now. it would be truly lovely if my body let me be a functional human for more than twenty minutes after work, and not burn all my energy for the day sitting in a chair and staring at a computer screen.

if nothing else, my boss pulled me into his office today to generally just compliment the hell out of me, make sure i'm fully aware that he's fine with me needing to leave early or work from home whenever i need to (i HATE sitting in the office tbh and am done with 99% of my stuff before lunch anyway, which is generally when my Wall of Fatigue hits, so I'm almost non-functional afterward!)-- and also freak out about what is going to happen when i'm out for at least a couple weeks after my surgery bc i'm apparently the only person holding the department together haha.

they're also fully willing to let me work like extremely partial days as i can afterward-- a few hours here and there, or in the mornings or later in the day, just so i don't have to burn through all my PTO and go stir-crazy sitting around doing nothing.

so, you know, fingers crossed that my annual review comes with an actually significant raise this time. or a promotion. something. the office that's been empty for like two and a half years now. idk.

(at least i finally got the second monitor i needed to take home so when i do work from home, it's not just on the smallest fucking laptop in the known universe. so, slight progress.

did i drop said monitor when i got in the door? perhaps. does it seem fine? maybe!)

[colorisbyshe]

Hey! I just found some of your posts bc I was searching scleral buckle in the search bar… you had one post that said retinal detachment is usually for people in their 50s+ but I am 27 so heeeeyy ❤️ I just had surgery last Wednesday and was wondering how things are for you since it seems like it’s been like 10 or so months since you had yours done? Maybe im wrong idk but I literally do not know anyone irl with this, or online either. Hoping for some words of advice and also maybe to hear that there’s light at the end of this horrible thing im going through rn

Hi!

It’s actually been a couple of years since my surgery, I got mine riiiight as hospitals were getting overcrowded and restrictive cause of Covid so it’s been a hot second!

In the immediate wake of my surgery, I had double vision. A freak out about puss that had me going to my specialist just to affirm that it’s okay. And I hated the recovery period and spent time trying to remove the arm off al old pair of glasses so I could lie on my side and watch tv lol. I wasn’t in a good place, it sucked. Eye horror affected me very badly for the first ~2 years because the sight of my scarred eye freaked me out

But most of the awful bits were over within a month, maybe bits lingered for two but I honestly don’t remember.

As for longterm consequences, my right eye (that experienced the holes/detachment) is slightly worse than my left eye prescription wise but it’s not a major difference. Some peripheral vision is weaker in the sense that there are small patches at are a bit blurry. I can feel a bump where the incision was when I’m rubbing my eye sometimes.

And when I’m suuuper tired or my eyes are suuuper dry (which happens more often now but I might just be aging lmfao), sometimes the dread Black Curtain around the edge of my eye sight comes back. My specialist says it’s fine.

I went from monthly check ups to every three months to every six months but I will likely be going to some specialist at least yearly, if not twice a year, for the rest of my life.

But otherwise… life is normal. My eye doesn’t look weird, though they’re never been even even before this. I can read with both eyes open or even with my good eye closed, though perhaps the text is SLIGHTLY blurry. I can drive safely. No more holes have appeared.

Just don’t do anything that will involve potentially hitting your head. Head injuries, even mild ones, are high risk. That said I went on some roller coasters that threw my head about and I’m fine. I have no other advice—listen to your surgeon and know it’ll be okay on the other side.

We are higher risk in general for some issues down the line but four years in I haven’t hit ‘em yet so. I think we’re both gonna be okay for a while yet!

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

summer makes me pay a lot more attention to my top surgery scars because I am wearing fewer clothes, and the other day i found the folder on my computer where i put all the pictures of the healing process. and damn they were GNARLY to start with, my nipples looked extremely grim, i remember at the time that i regretted even keeping them because they were so gross looking. as someone who is quite squeamish and also particularly dislikes nipples, it is hard even to look at those pictures because they are so unpleasant

but now, irl, they're just like. fine. idk. maybe slightly oddly pigmented. very unremarkable though. i don't think they'd turn heads. and if i had any chest hair you'd probably barely notice my scars even though it's been less than 18 months, because they're pale now and it wouldn't take much to hide them. yes, even the small lumps at the ends of the scars. now, since i am incapable of growing a body hair you Do notice them, but not in the way you would've in the first couple of months when they were so vivid and red and i feel reasonably confident that with time they will become ever less noticeable

and i mean, i am not trying to hide them, i think there is a celebration in embracing them (but also I hold that belief always alongside the fact that i don't wanna get hate crimed on public transport, yunno?). but it does make you realise how transphobes when they're scaremongering about surgery, they only ever use the new pics, the "just got the dressings off" pics, the "first month without tits" pics where everything's bound to be a bit gnarly and gross looking because it's fucking surgery, dude, things do that

and they never post the pics from a year later, two years later, five years later, because those wouldn't scare people. seeing my current scars, <18 months after surgery, when i was freaking out right beforehand would've helped so much, bc i thought they wouldn't look like this for YEARS because I'd only ever really seen those early post-surgery pics

but actually what your nipples look like when the stitches haven't even dissolved yet and they're all crusty with scabs and generally gross? NOT WHAT THEY'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE FOREVER. my chest is not perfect! the scars are not totally smooth! i do have a weird dip on one side! but oh my god can bigots stop acting like we're gonna walk around actively bleeding for the next thirty years? jfc

[zenyteehee]

(Imma start off by saying that I appreciate all of the people in my life and I know I have so much support, that some of the people I know I can go to for support will probably read this and I appreciate you so much but I feel bad always coming and dumping on people so for today Imma just shout into the void).

Lupus doesn’t get to win the war, but it did win these battles. It involved my heart. I believed the worst was behind me. I was working through my imposter syndrome at being well-controlled/in remission. I had started working out again. I was working on my me tak health, which I had been hiding from. I took risks and lived my life. I was making plans to train for a triathlon, what I had been doing when I got sick in the first place. Then the lupus involved my heart. In hindsight, it probably has involved my heart from the very beginning, but I have definitive proof now. Pericarditis minimum. Maybe myocardial involvement, we’ll have to see what the echo shows. I’ve had this proof for a solid month. Meds have been making it better. But I feel no better about it, because the meds are a literal poison and if I don’t waterlog myself during the day, I spend the night feeling like I’m being poisoned, not that I do anything with what little time I have to myself anyway because the bout of depression the lupus brought with it has dragged me away from all my hobbies as well.

I feel bad. I have no stress tolerance. I haven’t been treating the people in my life well. I’ve been shutting people out. When I do talk to people outside of school/work, I end up dumping on them even when I tell myself I won’t talk about lupus this time. But what else am I supposed to talk about when my life consists of going to work, studying, and then lying on my bathroom floor because colchicine makes me so sick but at least I can lay down now. Otherwise my hobby is getting baked so all the bad feelings go away. Which isn’t so fun to admit. And I hate the people around me that talk about working out and goals and “they’re not pill people”.

People tell me they’re hopeful for me and I know they mean well and I should be hopeful, I want to be hopeful, but I’m not. I’m fucking devastated and I don’t think I’ve let myself fully realize how devastated I am. I wanted to be a surgeon. Idk if that was the right path for me or not but I was considering it. I wanted the choice. I don’t have that now. Lupus made it for me. I’m too sick to be a surgeon. That’s the truth. I’ve been saying “I like hobbies more” blah blah but I wanted to be a general surgeon. Nothing has ever made me feel as alive as that. Lupus stole so much this time. I had hope and lupus stole it. I try to have hope, adapt and conquer, I can find happiness right where I am, I can build it, but I still hear how short of breath I get. I see how my animals look at me, like they’re scared, freaked out, because they know what my heart should sound like and it doesn’t sound like that now.

I’m still in medical school. I’m still a full time student and a full time worker. I will go to residency in something and I will build myself a life but this will never not sting. I don’t know if I would have picked surgery or not, but above all I wanted the choice. And lupus stole it. And I hate being the sick one, the chronically ill one, the lupus patient. I hate how so much of me has become that. But how can it not.

[recallback]

Tagged by @woolydemon been forever since I did one o these tag memes, but heyo, I am autistic and I Love questions and answering them.

Relationship status: Single + not actively looking

Favourite colour: Baby blue :]

Something I want right now: Is it too much information to say whatever the uterus removing surgery is. Mate shark week is killing me. Send help. Or frog pics.

Song stuck in my head: Tomcat Disposables. It's MY turn on the mental illness.

Three favorite foods: Beef Stew with dumplings, peach ice cream, banana milkshake.

Last song I listened to: Walking by Steampianist

Last thing I googled: what animals get periods (I was fact checking a joke while being dramatic)

Dream trip: Toronto, I wanna visit my North American friends and Canada is a place I possibly wanna live so <3 It would also be so nice to just have my friends come here too though? Have a little holiday up in the north. I love going around the beaches and forests here, it'd be so much more fun with friends, I know all the best places and best ice cream vendors--

If you had the opportunity to [safely] become a cyborg via body upgrades, would you take it?

Unclear. Like for the bit, sure haha. Realistically, my phobia of the general medical profession would make that a bit difficult and freak me out. I feel like if I just had robo parts attached to my flesh, that'd freak me out.

And I'm supposed to tag folks here but idk who to tag, no idea who I know like that. If you see this and you know me/we're mutuals then you can go ahead n tag me <3

[slabofrawmeat]

ik my whole family wouldnt be accepting of it cos ik theyve made fun of it so many times but idc i litro dont care im gonna slowly transition if i continue feeling this way esp w clothes once ive bought them ill only wear masc clothes n feel how comfortable i am w it and if i feel validated w it , next plan is to get something similar to beabadoobees hair (maybe) and if i feel comfortable in that ill get it shorter and my end goal is like a masc wolf cut (i may dye it black cos ive wanted black hair for a while) and along the way ill do workouts of whatever (my friend said planks widen ur waist idk stuff like that) n start getting buff in general, ill get a binder cos im not getting surgery it freaks me out and makes me feel faint and ill eat stuff that boosts ur testosterone but ill only go the full way if im 100% sure

today i wore two outfits,, one was my baggy jeans w a teeny crop top and i hated it i hated wearing it so much i felt awful in it so when i went out again i put on a baggy top ontop and i felt so happy like i felt like i was in my own skin and i only ever feel like this in masc clothes i rly should go out n buy more stuff i rly should get more masc fits

[sl33py-g4m3r]

I'm being too cautious, lol

anxiety has made me way too cautious when it comes to stuff like this... especially medical stuff in general

at least I got a new thing to tell my therapist about~~

the paperwork was the worst part, lol and took the longest for my visually impaired butt

then the anesthetic, then the pulling was a lot less long than a cavity fill. the crunching tho.... O_O;; and I gagged either cause the crunching or because blood going down my throat.

there hasn't been any pain~~ maybe cause I took an ibuprophen (?) before the anesthetic wore off...

was afraid to go to bed, was afraid to change the gauze on my own for a while, almost freaked out on mom telling me over text how to fold the gauze cause I didn't want to do it..... and wasn't sure I was doing it right. I was~~~

I'd been overly cautious about eating even soft foods, like mashed potatoes and broccoli i made for my sibling last night. I tried a little bit of the potato and was like "nope" so I didn't eat.

did cold broth before bed, cold vegetarian chicken flavour broth isn't too bad.... slept better than I thought and the gauze didn't move around much. hindsight and family told me I could sleep without it, but better safe than sorry tbh....

now I need to get comfortable eating now; I did a protien shake that sibling had, they gave me a chocolate one in their fridge, but I took a strawberries and cream one that they didn't like. I liked it, lol. but I guess a protien shake can only go so far and I actually need to eat something and stop being a coward, lol.

so ye tooth surgery run through and update~~~ I am ungauzed now all I need to do is keep stuff out of the hole, ignore any itching, don't screw with it and let it heal....

and go get food, lol.

I did it scared~~~ so very scared~~~ like they asked if I needed a minute and I did but also wanted to get it over asap.... and it was fast.

now it doesn't hurt and is just a weird feeling.... I'm avoiding the hole to the best of my abilities~~ lol. a lot less freaked out now tho. so back to normal behaviour~~

sorry for all the updates on dentist stuff~~~ hope by typing it out here it'll get out of my system faster and I'll be a lot less freaked out... certainly am much less freaked out than yesterday that's for sure~~

and didn't need to use ice so maybe there was no swelling~~ so they knew very well what they were doing~~ or no swelling that I noticed anyway...

so~~! take care of your teeth people~~~ idk how that tooth of mine even died but it did... didn't feel it dying so that's good?? i guess?? now it's out of my life forever~~~ lol

long update on dentist recap~~~ I go food now~~~

[megapicross]

waaaa i want to go home :(((