#idk man i may try to do a little
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chiens-loups
#''it strikes me that i know that girl'' <- lines that sit in your head forever and ever. narrative parallels of all time#thoughts#my art#les mis#javert#eponine#victor hugo said we've had nice parallels between a middle aged man and a young girl. now it's time for fucked up parallels#i had a whole collection of these w the two of them about parallels/cycles/javert perpetuating the same system that hurt him. but#they're barely sketches so i'll just post this on its own#there's a version of this with ghostly dogs things curled around them which was fun to do but felt a little too silly/reductive/unclear#so i took it out. altho i had a fun bit abt how their different collars represented their character#also not completely sure how i picture eponine but trying things out. i was really thinking abt how in her first appearance hugo emphasizes#that she is still a child even though she doesn't see herself that way & she's been forced to grow up quickly & was sort of trying to#reflect that. the odd area in mid teenage idk#still not Entirely happy with how i've structured/positioned it but it's been sitting on my computer for weeks so i may as well post it
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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"im nervous" "I'M NERV—YOURE NERVOUS." "where's my helmet?" sasha cracks like he isnt 10 seconds away from breaking the skin on his forearm from how hard hes holding it
also sasha being a wisecrack in the midst of his nerves is my favourite thing yeah (the anxiety is all-consuming but who will make the boys giggle? exactly)
Sasha Cup Day | 7.31.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#“is phil in on this?” “idk man but he is standing over there and that may as well be considered him condoning all of this.”#it is personally heehee haha to me seeing sasha try to be so chill when hes in fact very antsy about all this#just a girl feeling a debilitating sense of anxiety (hes just like me)#“hey guys should we really be doing this?” he says as he continues doing it#what a little daredevil#but i also think of the rest of the finns being present for this and all of them just leaving him to his own anxious devices#our captain worrying himself sick? just another tuesday eh boys?
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itty bitty mariiiii
#.jpg#qsmp#elmariana#i’m messing with art style stuff once again and i thought this was cute#basically trying thin lineart and like#simplifying stuff#i feel like. it may be a little obvious who a main inspo is rn. but don’t worry about it#i’m just trying stuff i’m just trying stuff#kinda trying to draw in a way that feels more natural? because a lot of the time i like#try to force stuff to be Correct to the point where it’s less fun#and i’m just having fuuuun here#idk man consistency is my enemy i’m just doing whatever
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um personally i think that if your girlfriend is insecure over you being friends with another girl you should run far away really fast. but i may be misreading the situation. i don't think i am though.
#i may be misreading. all i know is she got pissed at my friend while we were hanging out but friend has mentioned that she's 'got#trauma over being cheated on' which is understandable but we have been friends for a year and also i go out of my way to try and make this#girl understand i want to be her friend and i'm not trying for anything. i have a fucking bf. she has met my bf. she has seen how i am#around my bf vs around her gf. we r legit just friends. what the fuck man. please be normal and don't stress ur gf out like this. it's mean#:( idk all i know for sure is she said something that upset her while i was out of earshot but im using context clues and im not stupid.#genuinely i think she is misreading some stuff. yes me and her gf/my friend get along really really well but it's like.. two kids who met i#a playplace kind of way. we do shenanigans and talk about stuff. i do not want to fw her. i am not willing to fw such a heavy smoker.#i love her dearly but sometimes i think she is- love and light- incredibly pretentious in a way that irritates me a little. fine for a#friend. intolerable in a partner. many reasons why i would never. also I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. THAT I AM SO SERIOUS ABOUT.#insulting to me. honestly. but i could be misreading but i don't think i am.#and insulting as fuck to her gf who is head over heels possibly blindly in love with her my god.#idk i just don't trust that she isn't still insecure about me. and i don't like that she said something upsetting while we were having fun.#i don't like it.#girl i dont want your gf for so many reasons. also i am in a relationship what the fuck girl. what the fuck do you think of me. and also#have some fucking trust in your own gf. insane behavior. insane. she would never ever cheat on her she is possibly one of the most honest#and like. morally sound people i have ever met. she would never. it's so fucked up to think that of her.
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dip pen ink comm round 3! for one Bakugames, one Mouse, and one Sol
#commission art#bakuspecial#mmmm. the nib is Doing Things this round babeyy#I! dont hate it! but it is definitely not the Delicate Pretty Lines it was doing before lol#idk why. I dont get it. might be the ink again#I'll try and switch back to the old ink to see#if it really is the ink then its gonna suck a bit lol cause I bought that bottle of indian ink while I was in france#gonna be Something to try and get it from where I am now#but. well. once again! result not bad. I dont hate it. its just. a bit more aggressive? just gotta get used to it#ok ok remember!! in around five hours!! if u wanna get one of these for ur own little guy#gonna be reblogging that post too lol#ok now I go and re-grind the freecell streak I had before. I had to clear cache for the airplane ticket thing and lost my freecell score#it was over 1k man. Im a bit mad. but everything can be rebuilt. its like my own timeloop story for me#have a good night lads! I may nap or I may not. but either way it is in fact dark out
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“what even is the plot of bsd” dude. what is the entire story- oh my god. what. what is that word…story? what story? story? As in like a book? Like the one they keep mentioning throughout the entire fucking story- oh shit there it is again what! story!? what is this show even about!? books!? the book?? There’s a book?? and stories relating to different books??? that’s insane!! what!!
#like. cmon man.#THINK for a sec#the entire series is abt dead AUTHORS who have abilities named after BOOKS and they’re trying to find a special BOOK#WHAT is not to get#im sorry. this shit just makes me laugh a bit. It’s just very ironic to me#bsd#bungou stray dogs#‘why is there vampires all of a sudden’ idk man maybe just MAYBE it could have sm to do w the fact that Bram Stoker#author of DRACULA. a story abt VAMPIRES. is in this series.#I’m losing it a little#I May b a bit sleep deprived#I’m going to bed
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I find the thought of putting all of Eleni's characters in a room together really funny cuz on one end of the room you have normal kind of rude people trying to live their lives and then on the other end, you just have the most unimaginable ungodly creatures trying to kill them😭😭
#I imagine theres a lot of screaming and yelling#because 1: “OMG WHY DO YOU HAVE MY FACE?!?!” and 2: “OMG HELP ME THIS WEIRD LANKY CREATURE ISS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!'#Taylor Tanya Daniella and Michelle just SCREAMING in the corner with like a broom or something trying to keep the rest away from them😭😭😭😭😭#Toma too ig?????? IDK anything about Bravo Team tho so </3#Supermassive Games#The Dark Pictures Anthology#The Dark Pictures#Bravo Team#???#Hidden Agenda#The Inpatient#Man of Medan#Little Hope#House of Ashes#The Devil in Me#Switchback VR#Eleni Miariti#Daniella Cárdenas#Anna Bennet#Jenny May#Tanya Clarke#Taylor Little Hope#Tabitha Milton#Clarice Stokes#Michelle Morello#Belial#shout out to Eleni Miariti characters most of yall are either villains dead unimportant or fake but yall always find a way into my heart <3#I love it when women turn into ungodly creatures and try to eat you like yessss you go girlllll
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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oh, but imagining the potential for warmth and also perhaps some humor in the scenario that misao decides she wants to try to cook something for someone she loves while they're over is currently making my heart happy. like i'm not going to lie — misao has honestly not cooked a day in her life since she just simply never had the need to, being a jorōgumo and all, but she would want to at least try to show she cares for them by attempting to cook their favorite dish or something whenever they're over at her home. and this would still apply to her even if she ended up completely failing at it at first because one of misao's love languages is acts of service. thus, of course she would want to provide them with something as integral as food. but GAHHH, picturing it from misao's loved ones perspective is also equally as sweet to me, because them guiding her on what to do while reassuring her that it's okay? and them eventually just deciding to cook together because misao may or may not get overwhelmed by the fact that she has such little knowledge about what to do because she wants everything to be perfect is... idk. it can be either incredibly romantic, or make for a very wholesome platonic moment between her and another character, which i LOVE
#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#i just had to post this once i thought of it because i feel as if all i've been posting on here is angst SO have this little wholesome-#character study / random drabble from me about how misao would try to do something that she has no idea how to do just to try to make-#any one of her loved ones happy. which honestly just mentioning that is making me go 🥺 because misao would absolutely be putting their-#needs above hers in this scenario and that is kind of what love is all about right? plusss her tendency to strive for perfection in-#pretty much everything she does being revealed like this to another muse / character is sort of intriguing to me to think about. cooking-#seem like a rather minute thing to some after all but wanting to cook for someone to me shows a lot of love on their part and it is-#intimate to sit down with someone and eat with them which as you all may know is exactly the kind of thing that misao is afraid of doing-#someone but the fact that she'd essentially getting out of her comfort zone here for them demonstrates that she is capable of growth-#and maybeee is getting less afraid of opening up to heart to people? idk but i think it just shows development on misao's part for her-#to willingly put herself in a spot like this where she is vulnerable around them bc she isn't good at cooking BUT she still wants to do it-#for them even if that requires help. so yeah. it's just kind of wholesome to think about the implications behind this happening and also-#just the event itself. like AHHH😩 the rare moments where misao just lets herself open up to people is most where she seems like she might-#not be entirely evil and more than just this man-eating yōkai y'know? and i honestly kind of love that for her
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Concept for a hilarious and extremely chaotic but also excellent 2024 language goal: Watch Goenkale and Pobol y Cwm simultaneously
#listen i was thinking and i was like i need to get more input for basque and welsh or i'm not going to get better at them what can i watch#and this hit me like a lightning bolt i'm actually a genius#i will probably have to find a bootleg of pobol y cwm though because british state media complications from outside british isles#which may prove to be a problem because idk who'd bootleg an 8000-episode welsh soap opera that's run like every day since the 70s sdhfjksd#but there's enough welsh learners abroad that i'm certain someone's got it somewhere#(also for those who are unaware: pobol y cwm is a legendary welsh soap opera and goenkale is the basque version)#it's so so many episodes that idk where to start but goals are itziar ituño gay arc??? and ioan gruffudd#<- trying so so hard not to imprint on random guy for being welsh and playing my favorite wet and miserable little man#anyways i'm going to do this it's just a question of logistics at this point but i can iron those out by jan 1 and no one can stop me#perce rambles
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Eughhh… 😬
I think I just encountered one of those middle schoolers operating at a fourth grade level that tiktok teachers have been talking about.
#Like he’s clearly trying his best but it’s like basic instructions leave his brain after 5 seconds#he’s not getting frustrated or anything but I sure am. he may be holding it together bc his mom is watching over him#I was performing a pre-test at a medical office that involved a camera and he just…. could not stop moving#and I’ve dealt with kids. little baby kids. all ages of people with different things going on but this one just felt different#it’s hard to explain but I’ve been doing this dang test for long enough that I know the difference between behavioral issue and adhd#but the way this kid was felt like neither. like he understood the assignment but it was like that understanding wasn’t being comprehended#the instruction was ‘look at the x and please don’t move’ and the camera takes 10 seconds if that to take a photo#but he’d always move at the last second. like he’d look around or move his jaw (which unfocuses the camera) or he’d straight up just#shift his whole body before settling back in. like. it’s like he couldn’t comprehend that ‘look at the x’ meant don’t look away from the x#that ‘don’t move’ meant ‘don’t move at all even if you come right back’#like it takes all of 10 seconds and his inability to follow directions made the process take like 5 minutes.#and his mom said NOTHING! most parents will repeat my instructions (bc let’s face it. kids listen to their parents more than a stranger)#they’ll gently scold there kid with a little ‘hold still buddy’ or ‘don’t look away’ but she did NOTHING#and maybe that’s part of why this felt different. why it felt like one of the kids the tiktok teachers talk about. idk man#apple talks#to the tune of spam
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I have been on semi-haitus bc I recently got diagnosed with hypertension (at 24!!!! what da fuck!) so I've been trying to reduce some stress in my life while also trying to like figure out what I need to change diet/lifestyle wise and get all the testing done that I need to get done and figure out medication w my Dr. it's been kind of a lot
#im still SO stressed but that is because i suffer from shit life syndrome and there is little i can do about that#like im in pain all the time and also autistic and also my cat is terminally ill#and also i cant work because of the disabilities so im still living at home with my parents and idk what im going to do with my life#also living with my parents is a special kind of hell no offense to them but 🙃#so the STRESS#i just realised that i was stressing a little about updating CTTD and i am NAUGHT going to worsen my health over fanfiction#so ive gone on an impromptu tumblr/ao3 haitus#idk when im going to be BACK back#but im still on here reblogging shit sometimes#just not rly making nendo headcanons or screaming in tags#i dont have the energy im SO stressed hahahahaha fuck#i have to get tested for diabetes???#so my stepdad has been on my case about how much sugar i eat bc i always crave sugar#ive been trying to cut down like ive got zero sugar syrups for my (decaf!!!) coffees#and im trying to eat less chocolate#idk its hard man. my life already sucks and now my mundane little joys are slowly being cut out one by one#idk#anyways thats my life update!#saiki k fandom i love u all and i may not be active or in any of u guys notifs gushing about fan art or neno rn#but KNOW that i am still just as feral about it i am just half dead and so tired i am so sorry <3#dogbunni diary log
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You seem similarly insane about Brian Murphy as I am and I love you I pay for a dropout subscription 70% because he's on it sometimes he makes my brain go crazy I'm not parasocial about this (but I am so close)
hiiiiiii hiiiii hello yes i'm super duper normal about brian murph murphy (lying hard!!) ur so valid anon, there's a lot of Great content on dropout but how much of it do i use to just rewatch the murph adventuring academy and the first 10 min of "it happened" adv party where they talk about murph murphing all over the dice? honest answer is: Too Much.
😔 it's embarrassing how long i've been stanning white boys but in my defence, uuhhhhhhhhh. look i just love someone who is just A Guy and then also knows a lot about stuff and also likes doing a lot of work. exactly my type. it's probably the gender envy idk
anyways yes i think murph is v cool and neat and i try to be a Normal Amount of Parasocial abt him but also he's just neat i think !!!!! he's an awesome dm and when he talks about dm-ing and d&d stuff i think he can say some pretty helpful things, even when the gang's bein silly! and he writes cool campaigns and plots and encounters and makes characters that aren't afraid to be sillysad or cringefail pathetic etc. and yes i like it when he's knowledgeable about mechanics and stuffffffff so anyways the conclusion is bRING MURPH BACK ONTO ADVENTURING ACADEMY- *gunshot*
no but pls just let him talk about stuff i just wanna hear him talk abt stuff just let him back on adventuring academy so i can have an hour of him (and brennan ig) talkin about his d&d dm stuff pls
#am i supposed to have an ask tag#brian murphy#<- that may have been a mistake but i'm lookin for the murph stans soooo yeah#anon idk if we're mutuals already but i hope we are ! :D#i just think it's neat when murph talks abt his d/&d stuff!!!!#if i was a white guy i'd wanna be murph#<- ok thats pretty jokey but like. genuinely#there's a lot of myself that i relate 2 him in what he's talked abt on nadd/pod n stuff [/parasocial]#as well as there being a lot abt him that i like. aspire to be ig. that sounds a little cringey silly but yknow?? idk#also my chances of being normal about him were fucking Gone once i heard him say uhhh#“nothing comes to me without insane effort” [from a hbs short rest btw]#bc yeah i relate so hard. it's just nice to have a guy out there doin it well who said 'i have to try rlly hard to do things' bc me too man#but ya. i cld talk abt this white man extensively (😔) but i try 2 reign it in somewhat#bc if i Must be horrifically parasocial i will try to do it not in public#ah yes the other thing i have in common with murph is that cardinal sense of shame 😌#mine is lessened bc i've been on tumblr so long but believe me it's definitely There lol
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im tired of being nice
#💭. mutters !#// both irl and on tumblr.com#// listen it's not even a big annoying question thing#// but ive had two people ask me how to do the gradient text#// and if they were my mutuals#// id very happily explain but also im just so done with being friendly to people i don't know lately#// like ok it's courtesy to answer the asks and shit but also there's info like everywhere on how to do gradient text#// also idk whenever i help people on this site they have the tendency to ask to be mutuals#// and im going to be honest; im not into making more mutuals on here#// i may seem social and shit but im really not and hate the idea of a very large friend group#// hypocritical of me a little bc my friend group is quite big#// but yeah idk man#// maybe it's just bc im really tired#// but ive given up on trying to be nice to people i couldn't care less about#// like; if you aren't a friend of my friends then kindly and in the most polite way possible: screw off
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... man i just remembered how last night i had a dream by the end of it there was a cat, and in it i said "oh she looks exactly like tigra!! are you also an attention seeking dumbass like her?" and it was so i may have actually dreamt about her
#my posts#my dreams#sorta i dont care about the rest of that one dream#..... i miss her she was the best creature ive ever met#like yeah i may be allergic to cats. yeah she did basically want to be constantly near or on top of me like a baby#which ended up with me struggling with allergy a lot. but she WAS my baby#... itd be her bday next month. and last month was the anniversary of her death. so im not really surprised#this happened once before and it was even sadder so its not the worst case scenario sdighds#but i miss her that little dumbass made it less than 3 months to be a 21 y-o cat#..... that. means shes been gone for 4 years now huh#man.#theres a cat nearby on a house that i pass when i take the bus for class and depending on the day when i come back home#her name is michy and shes a calico like she was but her face is more of the flat type and her eyes are dif color#but shes also an atention seeking dumbass and she is very sweet and always meows at me when i see her#she is making me both want a cat a lot again and also letting me live vicariously through someone elses pet siuhsug#...... idk what im doing im just rambling im trying to be a bit less sad i guess sghsiguhsg#im gonna watch some stupid videos and then im gonna return here to be bisexual over middle aged men maybe#i just had to get it out of me bc yeah i miss her a lot
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