#idk lmao!!!!! i dont fucking know anything anymore
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Law firm Specter Ross represent gay club in Seattle
#took my tags on the original image and ran with them 🙃#don't know the gay club scene in seattle at all ofc lmao so dont know if this one is fully fitting or not but! its logo was pink and square#so I went with it...they do drag nights.#and listen. listen#harvey and mike are out here fucking thriving!#harvey is a thriving bisexual...always has been but! now he's out here...has a firm with mike...is in a relationship with mike...#(per my headcanons 🙃)#gets to represent businesses like this (now maybe?). and just. enjoy himself. so fully#he's just happy! he had it all in new york except he /didn't/#and now he really kinda does#(they also probably just. go there. as well as representing them. idk which came first)#marvey#harvey specter#mike ross#suits#suits tv#suits usa#specter ross#harvey x mike#mike x harvey#also pre-emptively if this inspires anything for anyone (lol). run with it. be my guest#I don't even know if imma actually fold it into my main idea but. it's a fun offshoot anyway. maybe#// do people even still make manips anymore lol. this felt like such an older fandom kind of thing to do 😂
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START �� just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining#i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.
Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.
So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.
And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.
#winters ramblings#todd from bojack horseman im sure is SOMEONES version of asexuality but i dont see ANYTHING of myself in him#great character dont get me wrong but not relatable to me on any level including our shared sexuality#sex ed got a bit closer with their brief ace character although maybe she got more exploration in season three or four??#the latest one i havent watched lmao. but being closer and having a moment wjere shes told shes not broken#while DEEPLY vindicating isnt necessarily all im looking for either#like i wamt a REAL character thats ace or aro or both thats written by people who UNDERSTAND what theyre writting#not just well meaning people who dont know what theyre doing its kind of tiring#also idk why theres no dating shows with gay men because reality dating shows are ALL ABOUT who fucks who and who gets together#gay men would be hooking up ALL OVER THE PLACE and the DRAMA youd think reality tv freaks would be SALIVATING#but no none of that lmao. just ru pauls drag race and thats great it is like its not my bag but people love it#back on yrack though the weord blowback representation is getting is strange and its VERY clear to me#the people writing those posts havent gotten dozens on dozens of messages from people like them who found their writing#and haf their life altered forever for the better because someone who KNOWS what theyre talking about wrote a character like them#and it opened doors they never knew existed. doesnt even need to happen with fiction either i had a friend i had in toronto#tell me the info i sent to her on being aromantic changed her life- THAT'S the phrase i keep getting thats TELLING- because it describefld#described** how shes felt her whole life but didnt have words for. how frivolous IS representation if im getting these messages?#not very i dont think if some rsndom indie fic writer who hadnt written anything substantial in years can change someones life#REPEATEDLY might i add. ive been getting a LOT of messages like this lately and seeing this new bramd of discourse latetly too#like maybe YALL have enough that you dont care anymore but speak for your fucking selves
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fngfdjngjdfkng
#bro fucking stupid like why did i just not look at applying to masters until now#i'm so dumb like ig it was bc i ws just like i'm not gonna do masters im just gonna try to get a job#which like how the fuck am i supposed to do that lmao but#now i dont think i can even apply for masters at my school at least#bc i need fucking letters of rec and the deadline is the 15th#and i Barely have 2 ppl i would ask for letter of rec idek if the second one counts lmfao if she's not at my school#jfc im so why do i have to think about the future :c i just wanna do glowstick club things that's why i haven't been thinkign abt this lmfa#yeah so now i dont think i can do masters here :c which also means i dont have that as a reason to hang around and stay in glowstick clublo#i could still do that but#ugh whatever im trying to write a fucking cover letter rn for a job i hate this already i've barely done anything lmfao#i dont super understand the job description which is maybe a sign i shouldnt apply lmfao but it's like#data science w my year and i feel like i meet some of the qualifications so#just gotta somehow bullshit another paragraph of this cover letter together#i also dont even know if i actualy wanna fucking do a data analyst job like#i kinda wanna work for like a non profit or smaller org kinda thing all this shit sounds hella boring that i keep seeing for bigger#companies lmao which im not saying would no be the case for smaller but#idk i jsigsdfhjlbgpidwurhgbipwdhgfudjshlk why did i start this so late LMAO#i had a job opening that i was gonna apply for that looked pretty good and i felt pretty qualified for just based on the listing#and the deadline was the 15th but it fucking disappeared the job isnt there anymore ig im so sad lmfao#as;lkfngbjifbgqipurgipqhrgfipuaf i hate this :DDDDDD#jeanne talks
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I'm so burnt out my dudes
#explains why the past two weeks ive been at my limit/only have like 2 spoons to deal with after work and by god do they go fast#like the tolerance i have for anything is so low lately and im sure it's autism burnout :/#and idk what to do ab it bc i can't bring up the tism to my therapist bc oh youre not autistic. bitch i mask well ive had to for 20 years#straight! and i only talk to you for an hour once a month so like... how would you know#anyway i have 0 tolerance for like anything anymore and it's so frustrating#and sometimes i give into that and will seek out shit that will make me mad so i have SOMEBODY to blame my anger on#i dont interact other than reading/lurking but i sit here irl bitching to myself like 'yeah that happens bc youre a little fucking brat'#and most of the shit is stuff id roll my eyes at and scroll past in a good/neutral mood! but the burnout brain is like no theyre doing this#on PURPOSE they're like this to piss me off specifically. and it's like... how do i channel this energy into a non harmful way when#im so fucking burnt out? aside from stepping away from social media bc id seek it out elsewhere lmao trust me id pry ab my#cousins bc they are so fucking stupid and rude and the 'perfect' ones to latch onto and bitch ab bc my brain needs something to#justify this rage and anger and it's so stupid but sometimes that anger feels good? idk it's stupid but like i said i never interact#directly bc im not an asshole lmao im not gonna like call my cousins and be like lol yeah thats all your fault xoxo hope that helps bitch!#marquilla#idk where i was going with this lmao#this barbie has autistic burnout!
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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its that time when i hate how i draw people and agonize over it with my head in my hands
#gughghghghhh im TRYING to draw why cant my mind leave me alone...#granted ive only been drawing em seriously for like 3 or 4 yrs but#i feel so inferior and like idk where to go from where im at. idk how to shape my style or anything#its so hard#i feel like ive been cutting corners adn just scribbling without learning anything like ive been imprisoned in my comfort of a simple style#when ive yearned for something so much more. like man its ur own fault u havent gotten anymore detailed on ur works. ur scared#and u dont know where to go from here or what to study#i feel so insane and its burning me out terribly hence lack of art despite skool holidays etc etc#and now im back at skool with like. nothing to show for whatever ive been working on over the last like 2 months idfk. im just#mad at myself. like super mad#whatever#vent#i guess. fuck dammit lmao bbs first vent#prolly will delete this later just gimme a year. or twenty#shutuplance🧡
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.
#i have been debating making a post about this all day because ive been trying to just not deep it#because people are stupid and you cant do anything about it#but i cant TAKE THIS ANYMORE SPONGEBOB#anyways here i go#i do not GET this fucking animosity and Literal demonisation of animals. like i hate it to my fucking core#i was just talking about how i like snakes because i think theyre cool but would probably never have one because as much as i love them#they creep me out lmao#anyways cue this fucking moron being like “oh you know snakes are so bad and like theyre literally the symbol for the devil” and yada#yada yada. the story of adam and eve was also brought into it#and im literally sitting there like. so this one snake was bad in a story. and iT WASNT EVEN A REAL FUCKING SNAKE IT WAS THE L IT ER AL#DEVIL!!! and you are like all snake bad 👎#like bro snake have no thots. head fucking EMPTY.#like i dont know how to even explain properly how dumb this is. its that stupid#it just makes me sad because i was always taught that you respect all creatures because they were made my god#and you cant blame them for things because they do not have morals like humans do!! they legit just work on survival instinct#and idk its just soooo fucking annoying because its these same people that give so much weight to other stupid thoughts and yeah#idk how to conclude this properly but there you go my ted talk.#snakes are cool animals and they deserve to live and are NEEDED just as much as any other animal uwu#le text post
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It's gotten harder and harder for me to even give a shit about art I iust dont want to fucking do it anymore
#not fallout#kal talks#like i dont want to quit quit but i need a break fr#its been so long since i wanted to do a project and then came out with a finished product that i felt really good about#like the kallista painting is good and i like it im just. idk#i just dont have any creative energy anymore#usually when this happens i get super frustrated and angry but im like idfk i dont even want to try ill iust sit on my phone#and watch youtube#its like im just bored with art#and i think its because i know i need to do studies and stuff and work on what makes me unhappy with it#but i iust dont want to#i definitely think part of it comes from like. doing art for a living?#because that is truly soul sucking#its exhausting#and it leaves no room for me to care about anything else in my life#fuck man i just need to schedule another therapy appointment lmao
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women and femmes is like. what the fuck r u talking about lol.
like ppl will be talking about shit that effects me but postulate it as something that effects only women and femmes, two things i am not lolol
#its like even the video essay girlies i like say this kind of stuff#women and femmes or women and nonbinary#or women and femme presenting#like that doesnt mean anything what the fuck r u talking about lolol#maybeee women and people percieved as women#or sometimes people with marginalized gender identities maybe depending on the topic but like idk#its just something i still being used even by well meaning people#and it sucks when the converstions their having are important and good but like#idk idk man#women and nonbinary people is like the fucking funniest to me#but also i remmeber someone was talking about how woman and femmes would techincally include men cause men can be femme presenting#and like u know the girlies who say shit like women and femmes arent talking about men lol#idk i just think people should like think a little bit more before saying things and using words they dont understand lmao#like u wouldnt men and masc presenting people cause thats fucking stupid#masc presenting would include women whether u like it or not and masc women arent exactly treated the same as cis men#same with femme men and cis women lol#masc women and femme men are treated like shit for their mascunalnity and femininity but cis ppl do not fucking care about that#whatever anyways theres a lot you can say about htis shit but im kind of stupid and bad with words and idk waht the fuckim talking about#anymore just wanted to rant a lil#anyways its just like afun reminder people dont respect nonbinary people or people who arent what they think a man or woman should be
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idk if people on tumblr know about this but a cybersecurity software called crowdstrike just did what is probably the single biggest fuck up in any sector in the past 10 years. it's monumentally bad. literally the most horror-inducing nightmare scenario for a tech company.
some info, crowdstrike is essentially an antivirus software for enterprises. which means normal laypeople cant really get it, they're for businesses and organisations and important stuff.
so, on a friday evening (it of course wasnt friday everywhere but it was friday evening in oceania which is where it first started causing damage due to europe and na being asleep), crowdstrike pushed out an update to their windows users that caused a bug.
before i get into what the bug is, know that friday evening is the worst possible time to do this because people are going home. the weekend is starting. offices dont have people in them. this is just one of many perfectly placed failures in the rube goldburg machine of crowdstrike. there's a reason friday is called 'dont push to live friday' or more to the point 'dont fuck it up friday'
so, at 3pm at friday, an update comes rolling into crowdstrike users which is automatically implemented. this update immediately causes the computer to blue screen of death. very very bad. but it's not simply a 'you need to restart' crash, because the computer then gets stuck into a boot loop.
this is the worst possible thing because, in a boot loop state, a computer is never really able to get to a point where it can do anything. like download a fix. so there is nothing crowdstrike can do to remedy this death update anymore. it is now left to the end users.
it was pretty quickly identified what the problem was. you had to boot it in safe mode, and a very small file needed to be deleted. or you could just rename crowdstrike to something else so windows never attempts to use it.
it's a fairly easy fix in the grand scheme of things, but the issue is that it is effecting enterprises. which can have a looooot of computers. in many different locations. so an IT person would need to manually fix hundreds of computers, sometimes in whole other cities and perhaps even other countries if theyre big enough.
another fuck up crowdstrike did was they did not stagger the update, so they could catch any mistakes before they wrecked havoc. (and also how how HOW do you not catch this before deploying it. this isn't a code oopsie this is a complete failure of quality ensurance that probably permeates the whole company to not realise their update was an instant kill). they rolled it out to everyone of their clients in the world at the same time.
and this seems pretty hilarious on the surface. i was havin a good chuckle as eftpos went down in the store i was working at, chaos was definitely ensuring lmao. im in aus, and banking was literally down nationwide.
but then you start hearing about the entire country's planes being grounded because the airport's computers are bricked. and hospitals having no computers anymore. emergency call centres crashing. and you realised that, wow. crowdstrike just killed people probably. this is literally the worst thing possible for a company like this to do.
crowdstrike was kinda on the come up too, they were starting to become a big name in the tech world as a new face. but that has definitely vanished now. to fuck up at this many places, is almost extremely impressive. its hard to even think of a comparable fuckup.
a friday evening simultaneous rollout boot loop is a phrase that haunts IT people in their darkest hours. it's the monster that drags people down into the swamp. it's the big bag in the horror movie. it's the end of the road. and for crowdstrike, that reaper of souls just knocked on their doorstep.
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hmm
feel like I've lost myself somewhere but not sure where and what to do about it
#shut up ray#its so annoying cos i have all these things ive wanted for so long#i should be happy and be able to do the things i want to do#but i dont want to do anything#i feel so much anxiety every day abt how few hrs i have to do all the things in#but then i just put everything off#because i cant get myself to do it#havent touched my guitar since i stopped the adhd meds#they were great at focusing me#but only for a few weeks then idk i started to feel wrong#like i wasn't myself anymore#but even after stopping i still feel kinda off?#rlly hoped my ongoing identity crisis wouldve stopped by now...#is this just what your 20s are??#ive heard ppl mention it lmao#just rlly feel like im lagging behind again#but this time i dont even know what im lagging in#ive achieved all the achievable life goals#i dont rlly have any other goals#i wonder if it hadnt been for the gender bullshit i couldve gotten this identity crisis over with earlier#perhaps in my teens when everyone else seemed to be figuring shit out??#but i just seemed to be delayed over and over again on the whole teen development years deal#ugh idk man#cant even keep hold of friends anymore#i think i have one#count em ONE#at this time. and i dont seem to be much of a priority anymore#i worry that i may have finally started succeeding in pushing even her away#someone who forced her way into my life back in 2011 and has refused to leave it#fucking hate this asocial shit ive inherited from my parents
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I need to just shut up forever
Idk if Dad has good news at the doctor I'll try talking to mom
#maybe ill study stupid vard booklet again#so hard for me tho i learn theiugh my hands readinf dowsnt go in why am i so fuxking stuoid lmao#fuck fuck fuxk i want bash my fuxking skull in#wish could just not have to do a driving test like fuxj that also makes me anxious#wish i xould just ride a bike or feel safe at night than i can just get a job and fucking idk#im gonna admit it nowndidnt yesterday but i want to fucking die fucking rot#idk i just dont know anymore#i want a drink#if someone does read this ill be okay#normally am#im struggling so bad with emotions idk how feel towards anything
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i hate being on the verge of tears in public !!! and it’s about fucking kpop i need to get a grip!!!!!!!$;73&38&2$.!’$/$3!/‘j$€{€!{£&jhhdjdhwijwgeieiehhejeiddggdneiwiwhuwjeieuebidnejskaowhhrbdieiruruidieieiehndozi&$:$£7:)3&k$$;$&jhdhiahJh
#only feeling a little bit upset tho!!!! RJUDJDK#HAHAHA I DONT EVEN CARE#I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE RESEARCH BEFORE GETTING MY HOPES UP LIKE THIS#HONESTLY FUCK KQ SO MUCH#OBVIOUSLY THEY SUCK BC#DUH ALL KPOP COMPANIES DO#AND I HATE THE THINGS THEY DO MOST OF THE TIME#BUT GOD#IM STILK UPSET#why did i expect anything decent god#basically since last tour i’ve planned and saved up to get vip tix!#ofc to be closer to the stage since i was in nosebleeds last time#but also because vip had hi touch and maybe even meet and greet if those are different idk whatever#and i was so so set on getting hi touch next time they toured#and now their touring and there is no hi touch or meet and greet whatsoever#and the prices are like triple compared to last time#and presale is tomorrow and i don’t even know what to do for tickets anymore#obviously i’m so so excited and lucky and privileged to be able to see them at all#as long as presale doesn’t sell out before i get anything lol#but still#i’m just having trouble getting over this part of it right now :((#and every time i think about it too hard or look at them or listen to their music i get real close to crying!!#i’m just really disappointed and i’ll probably sob about it when i get home to start getting over it lmao#anyways i don’t have any feelings about it tho!!#again i recognize this is such a spoiled thing to complain about and im sorry if its annoying to read abt!!#i so get that#i used to think i’d never even get to go to concerts at all and ik some people can’t#some people can’t even buy albums and that kind of thing so i do apologize for complaining about having money basically#i just saved up for so long and got so excited :((
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