#idk im insecure

[stanskissing]

some soft-ish standip shit for the soul. dipper finally getting the special boy attention he wants :3 dipper miiiight be ooc bu\UT if you squint its NOT because he is a young little baby and i am letting him be one and this is also very self-indulgent bcuz i can.

could be a part two of the jealous dip ask so mentions of stanbel too

dip and stan are curled up in stan's chair watching tv together, it started off a little awkward because dipper was nervous as all hell, but he eventually came around and curled up like a little kitten on stan's lap. his head was resting on his shoulder, back against stan's arm holding him up, legs kicked across his lap. he was half asleep at this point, just enjoying being close with stan and finally getting the special mabel treatment. he nosed stan's neck and curled in further, inhaling his scent and biting back a giddy smile. stan's free hand came up to rest on the side of dipper's leg, pulling him closer and rubbing little patterns into his thigh

stan was absolutely loving this. his little boy finally dropping the macho man act and letting himself be young and vulnerable with stan, letting stan dote on him like he's always wanted to. he tucked his chin on top of dip's head and spoke, you awake down there, kid? it had gotten decently late, mabel had gone to bed already earlier. normally he would've sent dipper with her, but he didn't wanna break him from his little bubble. he didn't get a verbal response just a little nod against his neck. the comfortable silence grew again as the tv played

dipper finally spoke up, um,, grunkle stan,,? dippers voice was quiet and he was clearly nervous, do.. do you think we could um.. do that thing that you and mabel do when you.. you um.. he trailed off after that, mumbling the rest of his sentence into stan's shirt, what's that, kid? can't hear a thing yur sayin',, dipper picked his head up finally, when you- you uh.. make her feel good and all squirmy- uhm-,, stan could tell he was getting himself all flustered, he squeezed dip's thigh, yeah. yeah, i know what youre talking about, his hand slip up further, r4esting on dipper's hip. s-sorry i know- i know it's stupid and it's you and mabels thing and-, stan cut him off, his gruff voice softer than usual, dipper, 's okay, i can take care of you too, if y'want me to. dipper hesitated.. and then nodded, letting stan's hand move from his hip to gently cup his half-hard dick

idk bye i dont feel like fiinishing this im embarrassed

[lucabyte]

heres your highly requested fluff you fucking animals

[sunlit-mess]

I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.

[iaf]

JW: Chaos Theory Spoilers

"You knew Brooklynn was alive and you didn't tell us!?"

Is this anything? Anything at all??

[sortasoh]

He's so migraine coded :'3

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Well anyways its not "I can fix him" or "I can make him worse"

Its about taking someone who is in a bad place and giving them all the love you wish you had gotten when you were in a bad place yourself. To give someone the opportunity to heal and grow because you understand how painfull it is to go through it alone. Maybe even to heal together..

Because if the big scary killer robot deserves your love then you deserve it too

[omatoxin]

trying something new

[bloomyblemy]

Sleep thoughts

You know? 

I was always confused when SJ immediately forgives and trusts YQY when he reveals the truth.

Nort because I don’t think the he wouldn’t immediately forgive him because as we know he would BUT in my (personal) opinion I think we should explore the broken trust you know? Because not only does YQY keep this very important secret (I don’t really blame him for that of course) but he also said things (wether intentional or not) to make SJ look worse  (YQY with his foot in mouth syndrome)  while making it look like he was in SJ side which he isn’t  not when it matters anyway

Like ok let’s look at this from SJ perspective 

You waited for your Qi-ge to come until you couldn’t Waite anymore already assuming he’s dead , working with the devil until finally you managed to escape , then then you see him. He looks cleaner , better -fancier- clothes , even healthy. And when you ask him ‘ why didn’t you come back’ he looks at you he looks at you as if you were an abandoned dog waiting for it’s owner to come back  , and the only thing the only thing he said to you was ‘sorry’ 

Why? ‘Qi-ge is sorry’

Why are you just apologizing? ‘ I’m sorry Xiao-jiu’

Did you forget about me?

Is it because I would’ve pulled you down?

Why?

Why?

Anyway time skip your a Qing Jing  disciple and your aiming for the top -maybe he isn’t telling you because you aren’t important enough? Well let’s aim for second in command! Then he’ll tell me-  maybe then he’d also stop calling you that 

And  then you do

And he doesn’t -to either of those -

Instead he treats you like a troublemaker who just won’t listen , he never asks if you actually did it or not he just believes them , so now your just angry

Time skip again he tells you the secret of why he couldn’t come.

And.

And you don’t know how to feel anymore 

You should forgive him right?

He did all of this  for you.

But.

Did he do it for you or for Xiao-jiu?

Is he even your  Qi-ge anymore?

Does he even want  SJ? 

Or does he only want Xiao-jiu?

Cause time and Time again he showed he never liked SJ.

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

A Travis Martinez Deep Dive/Character Analysis

Let’s talk about one of the most (if not the most) controversial characters in Yellowjackets! I definitely feel like many of Travis’ scenes and actions are misunderstood, so let’s dive in to his character and understand why he does what he does.

General Information

Travis Martinez is portrayed by Kevin Alves. He is described as being 16 years-old in the first drafts of the scripts, although it is unclear if he is still 16 in the final product or if he was aged up to 17 like the rest of the main cast in the teen timeline. His introduction in the script describes him as “lanky, sullen, teetering on the awkward, hormonal edge of impending hotness, a sensitive kid doing his absolute damndest to pretend he doesn’t care about anything.”

Travis attends Wiskayok High School in the (fictional) town of Wiskayok, New Jersey. His family consists of his father, Bill Martinez (who is the head coach of the Yellowjackets girls soccer team at WHS), his mother, and his little brother, Javi.

Relationship with His Family

We get a very brief glimpse into Travis’ home life before the crash in the Pilot episode, but it does give us a few hints of the conflicts present in his family. We see that Travis’ parents seem to have a distant relationship, with Travis’ father attempting to give his mother a kiss goodbye and her initially being resistant to it, but giving in only when she sees Travis watching. Travis rolls his eyes at this interaction, telling us it’s a common occurrence. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m definitely getting the sense that Coach Martinez has had some extramarital affairs and that Travis’ parents are only still married for the sake of keeping the family together.

Travis confesses to Nat that Coach Martinez was “a shit dad” and that he “didn’t even like” Travis. I think, at least in Travis’ mind, he has never been good enough to measure up to his father’s expectations. We get to see a brief sample of what Coach Martinez's parenting style may have been like in his scene with Jackie, in which his version of a "pep talk" is telling Jackie all of the ways in which the other girls on the team are better than her. I have a feeling Travis' dad often took the same approach with Travis; a gruff, "tough-love" demeanor that only resulted in a deep sense of inadequacy.

This dynamic has affected Travis' relationship with Javi, as well. My interpretation of their relationship is that, while Travis does deeply love and care for Javi, he also harbors some resentment towards him for receiving more softness and support from their father. This resentment only grows when the plane crashes and Travis is left completely responsible for Javi. He's feeling the pressure of having to be an example of masculinity for Javi and his new role as a father figure for Javi, all while dealing with the grief of his father's death. He's overwhelmed and afraid, and therefore he takes this out on Javi, which we can see particularly in the scene where he makes Javi spit out the gum their father gave him.

Travis is likely replicating the harsh parenting style of their father with Javi; it's all he knows. But, underneath, Travis loves Javi; enough to put himself through the trauma of digging up his father's corpse to get a ring for him and to trek through miles of snow in sub zero temperatures for months looking for him after he runs away.

This is why it is so, so heartbreaking when Travis loses Javi just as he's learning to show how much he loves him. My heart breaks at the thought that Travis will have to come back home and tell his mother that his father and little brother are dead.

Toxic Masculinity

It’s no secret that Travis is deeply, deeply insecure. And, as is the case with many young men, this insecurity manifests itself through sexism, unhealthy stoicism, hostility, and anger. It is important to remember that Travis is a teenager in the 90s, a time in which the sexualization of women in media was rampant. The Third Wave of feminism was underway, and with it came an increase of misogyny and backlash from men. Sexist jokes and comments were the norm, and Travis was likely surrounded by them in high school. As a result, we hear him call the girls "idiots," we hear him compare them to girls in porn magazines, we hear him tell Nat she should stick to "folding laundry" and "sucking ___" (we all know how that sentence was going to end). There's no true excuse for it, it's abhorrent behavior and it's unacceptable no matter what time period this is.

However, if we look into Travis' past, we can definitely find an explanation. Much of Travis' behavior can be drawn back to his insecurity and feeling that he is not good enough. We know he was bullied throughout high school as a result of Bobby Farleigh's "Flex" comment and we know that he feels like his father never really liked him; that he never felt good enough for him. Another aspect of Travis' insecurity can also be linked back to the idea of masculinity that has been fed to him by society: the strong, macho, stoic ideal. And it's clear (especially in Season 2) that Travis just does not fit this ideal. He's soft and sensitive, and because this goes directly against what he thinks he should be, he feels shame and embarrassment in himself.

And what do men do when they feel shame, insecurity, and/or sadness? They lash out. Men aren't allowed to show vulnerability, so they instead replace it with a more acceptable emotion: anger. And we definitely see this in the way that Travis lashes out at the people around him. And to make matters worse, Travis is one of the only men out there in the wilderness, making him feel even more pressure to be the strong masculine figure society expects him to be.

Reaction to Trauma

The pressure Travis feels to be "manly" bleeds into his response to trauma, as well. Travis has just watched his father die in a brutal and gruesome manner right before his eyes, and now he's out in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of teenage girls and a little brother to take care of. Most people would break down and cry.

Travis, on the other hand, is strangely apathetic. His only expression of emotion is anger. He snaps at Nat when she suggests that he help his brother, he yells at Javi and forces him to spit out the gum that is his only connection left to his father, he steals food from the others and blatantly insults them, and he essentially tells Javi to "get over it." Travis' coping mechanisms are clear: he distracts his grief with anger and he pushes away anyone that could possibly offer him support.

We see this again with another very significant trauma Travis endures: his sexual assault the night of Doomcoming. Travis is sexually assaulted by an entire group of girls, he clearly begs for them to stop (and they don't), and then he runs for his life and is almost killed. No one ever acknowledges this trauma and the next morning Travis is back to his usual ways, snapping at Natalie when she tries to emotionally support him and attempting to hurt her feelings to get her to stay away from him.

But it's clear, in both of these instances, that, underneath, Travis does care, and he is hurting. Despite him yelling at Javi, he wants to get his father's ring to make it up to him and support him. And when Nat doesn't budge and insists on helping him, Travis breaks down sobbing and admits that he "didn't want to" and that he is in love with her. (And in the script he even says that he wishes that Shauna had killed him that night, that's how strong his pain and shame are after Doomcoming!) Travis' hostile and abrasive behaviors are really a front he puts on to avoid being vulnerable, letting people in, and admitting to himself that he's struggling.

Relationship with Nat

Given Travis' tendency to push people away and hide his vulnerability, it’s not surprising that he forms a romantic connection with someone who mirrors his response to trauma: Natalie.

Their relationship starts off on shaky ground, marked by Travis' initial misogynistic remarks and even an incident where he points a loaded gun at Natalie. Despite this, Natalie is the only person who seems able to see through Travis' anger. Her own experiences with trauma—particularly the loss of her father—give her a deep understanding of what Travis is going through. Like him, she has developed a habit of distancing herself from others, driven by the pain of watching her father die and the lingering guilt of feeling responsible for his death.

This shared trauma—witnessing their fathers’ deaths and carrying the weight of guilt—creates the foundation of their connection. One pivotal moment that cements this bond is the scene where Natalie makes her first kill. Kevin Alves has explained that when Natalie and Travis kneel beside the dying deer and exchange a knowing look, it symbolizes the shared grief they both carry. In this moment, they are not just mourning the animal but, more profoundly, mourning their fathers together.

This scene serves as the emotional cornerstone of their relationship, which stretches over the next 25 years. Both Natalie and Travis are driven by guilt, shame, and self-loathing, and they both struggle with showing vulnerability. They have a pattern of pushing people away before anyone can get too close—a tragic cycle that defines their bond. They are trauma bonded and similar in all of the worst ways, which is what makes them so codependent and enmeshed, as they believe that no one else will ever understand them the way they understand each other.

Of course, Travis’ insecurity finds its way into his relationship with Nat, too. When Nat and Travis discuss having sex for the first time, Travis infamously asks Nat how many guys she has slept with. Nat immediately bristles, thinking that Travis is implying that she’s a “slut”, but, as the scene unfolds, we realize that Travis is actually just insecure about his own virginity in comparison with Nat’s sexual experience. He’s worried that, because of Jackie’s previous comments about Nat, sex with him won’t mean anything to Nat, whereas it would mean a lot to Travis. We can see how much relief he feels when Nat assures him that it does mean something to her, and “especially with him"; when she affirms he is good enough.

Travis’ tendency to get in his own head unfortunately makes itself known again when they actually attempt to sleep together; when Travis can’t get it up and runs out of the room. I think the script for this scene reveals a lot about what is actually going on in Travis’ head:

Travis’ feelings of inadequacy are spiraling here. He’s in awe of Nat and doesn’t feel good enough, and the pressure he’s putting on himself as a result is too much for him (and other parts of him…) to handle. As time passes in the wilderness and Travis lets go of some of his insecurity, we can see he becomes more communicative and releases some of his ego and insecurity as he discovers his spirituality (which we'll get into more in the next section).

Travis's love for Natalie is undeniable, but their relationship is inevitably toxic due to their shared trauma and self-destructive behaviors. After the crash, both turned to drug addiction as a way to numb their pain. Though they’ve tried to help each other stay clean over the years, their connection often pulls them back into destructive patterns. Every time Travis seems to be on the path to recovery, Natalie reappears, and she drags him back down with her again.

Javi’s death will create a huge, irreparable rift between them. It’s likely that Travis harbors deep resentment toward Natalie, not only for surviving when Javi didn’t but also for being a constant reminder of his lost brother. Yet, paradoxically, she is all he has left, and the thought of losing her, too, is unbearable. Despite their genuine love and care for each other, their relationship is fundamentally harmful.

Spirituality, Relationship with “The Wilderness,” and Development of a More Feminine Sense of Self

Season 2 marks a major shift in Travis’ character, and much of this is due to his newfound connection to Lottie. Travis’ desperation to find Javi makes him crave a sense of hope, and therefore makes him open to the idea of The Wilderness. Travis begins attending Lottie’s rituals, and expresses gratefulness towards her for the blood tea and reassurance that Javi is alive. As Travis becomes increasingly attached to Lottie and The Wilderness, we also see him become kinder, softer, and more vulnerable. Travis’ connection to The Wilderness allows him to release the societal norms and expectations that previously guided his toxic behaviors. He can let go of society’s idea of manhood and become a more authentic version of himself. We see that Travis has started to let himself show weakness, express emotion, and is much more open-minded and willing to consider other perspectives.

Lottie definitely becomes an important person to Travis in Season 2. I want to make something clear right now because I feel like it it very often misinterpreted. The writers have stated that Travis’ connection with Lottie is not meant to be interpreted as sexual in nature. Rather, Travis’ scenes with Lottie are meant to represent his spiritual connection with her and his need for guidance. The infamous sex scene between Natalie and Travis in which Travis has visions of Lottie present in the room is not Travis wishing Lottie was in Nat’s place, rather it is meant to represent the internal battle Travis is experiencing between his romantic love for Nat and his need for hope and spiritual belief. Lottie is being shown as a spiritual, religious figure in this scene. She’s not depicted in a sexual manner in Travis’ visions, but rather in a nurturing, holy light.

Nat and Lottie are directly opposed in this Season, with Nat representing pragmatism and Lottie representing faith. Travis is caught in the middle with his romantic connection to Nat and his faith in Lottie. While Nat tells him his brother is dead, Lottie tells him she knows he’s alive. Travis loves Nat, but it’s clear their differences in faith are creating a rift between them, and this rift is symbolized visually in their sex scene.

While Travis’ turn towards faith and spirituality does bring out a better, more likable side of him, it does, unfortunately, directly lead to his death in the adult timeline. While we likely won't get to see any more of Travis' story in the adult timeline, I am looking forward to seeing how he continues to develop in the wilderness and how his newfound spirituality and increasing disconnection with society will change him as a person.

Overall, while Travis can certainly be a deeply dislikable character at times, his development over the past two seasons has been fascinating to watch and he definitely has some hidden complexities that are starting to reveal themselves to the audience. Here's to Travis continuing to connect to his feminine side in Season 3!

[muckyschmuck]

women en

[oceanwithouthermoon]

maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying

[bookishjules]

anyway seems to me like a flaw in basing your book about 17yos who've been to hell and back on the characterization of the baby-faced adaptations of them at 12 would be that well.. they aren't 12 anymore

[cyberels]

IT WILL COME BACK

(you know better, babe)

𖦹彡⋆｡˚ summary: ellie makes it her goal to talk to you again after a one night stand.

see part one here

𖦹彡⋆｡˚ warnings: nsfw (implied), language

𖦹彡⋆｡˚ a/n: this is the worst thing ive ever written please god do not base my skill off of this i lost inspiration 😭😭😭😭 pleasee im so sorry..,,,.,. also no smut in this part my bad sorry gay people

alsooo readers username on ig is hoezier if you don’t like it simply pretend it’s something else😁

reader is female with a reputation for one night stands

this is also very much loser!ellie idk man idk she gets more confident later in the fic tho

ellie was fucked - no pun intended. you literally just gave her the best sex of her life and immediately after you were pulled away from her without even so much as a goodbye.

if ellie ever finds out who called the cops, she swears to herself that she’s going to punch them right in their fucking face for cutting her time with you short.

there was something about you that made her yearn to have you near her again. she was trying to forget about you, but you were becoming a craving she couldn’t shake, despite barely even speaking to one another. your small encounter with ellie left an impact on her.

she knew basically nothing about you besides your name, but she did learn that you were… very experienced. she could gather that much based on how confident you were, and how it took you just minutes to figure out how to make her feel the best she’s ever felt. you knew what you were doing, and ellie didn’t even try to resist your advances, letting her body be taken by you.

ellie was not submissive, she barely even let any of the other people she’s slept with take the dominant position… so why did she let you, of all people, take control without her even putting up a fight? you were under her skin like an itch that was impossible to scratch.

ellie arrived back at her dorm later that night, but the feeling that she left something unfinished hung over her like a shadow.

she pulled out her phone, which was a shitty attempt at a distraction; no matter how many tiktok videos she watches, ​her thoughts were consistently and stubbornly directed to you. her brain couldn't wrap around how you became entrenched within her mind so easily.

she needed to tell someone about this and get if off her chest. she opened up her contacts and her thumb hovers over dina’s number. she debates on even telling her friend about this for a minute… falling for someone she barely knows is definitely not something she ever wanted to happen. she sighs, and presses the call button, very painfully aware of how embarrassing the situation is.

“hey!” dina answers after a few rings, “what’s up?”

“dina, i’m dying. i’m screwed.”

“what’d you do this time?”

ellie groans before explaining the situation that unfolded just hours before, words gushing forth as she explains the events of the night.

dina interrupts ellie’s rant after a few moments, laughing as she speaks. “—okay, slow down. what’s her name?”

the second your name spills out of ellie’s mouth, dina inhales in a sharp breath of air.

“what? what’s wrong?” ellie asked, “do you know her?”

“if she’s who i think she is… i wouldn’t get attached.”

“…why?”

“i’m sorry, i just— she’s slept with a few girls i know and she usually does not ever talk to them again.”

“well it’s too late for me, i’m already attached; you don’t know the half of it. but there was something there between us, a spark or whatever. i don’t know, maybe she felt it, too.”’

“that’s not a spark. that’s a fire. because your brain has got to be fucking burning down if you’re even considering reaching out to her.”

“…do you have her instagram?”

“ellie. no.”

ellie sighs, kicking off her shoes and flopping on her bed, “i’ll just say hi and see where it goes. she probably won’t even respond, it’ll be fine.”

“i want you to know i think this is a terrible idea… but i sent you her username.”

“fuck yeah! thank you, dina.”

fuck your reputation, ellie was gonna make you hers one way or another.

you stare at your screen for a second.

ellie… that’s a pretty name.

it suits her.

she went out of her way to find you, it’s kind of sweet. half the other people you’ve hooked up with don’t give a shit about you after you’re done; you can’t be mad at them, though, considering you do the same.

ellie was just a rare case, you’ll forget about her in a few days.

…right?

you know that getting attached is never a good idea, that’s why you barely bothered to learn her name. in all honesty, you didn’t really care to learn the names of anyone you’ve slept with, the only reason why you did was because you didn’t want to look impolite. despite feeling like an asshole, you set your phone down on your bedside table and attempt to shove the thoughts of this girl—ellie—away. you were already constantly thinking about her, messaging her would just make this whole situation harder on you.

you refuse to get more attached than you already are.

unfortunately for you, your attempts to get ellie off your mind are proving unsuccessful. you’d never admit it, but she was getting to you more than anyone else you’ve been with before.

it’s a struggle to go about your day normally when you’re constantly on the lookout for this stupid girl you cannot get your mind off of for some godforsaken reason; you did not want to run into her and make this situation more awkward than it already is.

the stars are not on your side, apparently, because when you enter the coffee shop you usually do homework at, you see her in the corner. she’s on her phone, scrolling idly through it.

great!

your body cries out for her touch, the invisible string of attraction that tied you to her pulled you in closer and closer and you mentally curse yourself for feeling this strongly about her.

you can’t shake the feeling that you should go over there and say something, anything. but what would you even say?

“hey, sorry i ignored you, you just make me feel things i’ve never felt before and it’s making me question everything because i’ve never felt this way about any of my other hookups.”

…that doesn’t seem like the best option, so you inch closer to the door you just came in from before turning and leaving completely.

‘god’ you think, ‘what the fuck is happening to me?’

unbeknownst to you, ellie sees you. she sees you walk in, look at her, and immediately leave.

ellie is well aware of your reputation, but it still stings that you don’t care the way that she does. she knows that you probably don’t care much about anyone that you’ve slept with, that it’s not just her you don’t seem to care about, and she tries to be okay with it.

she packed up her stuff, unwilling to sit in the coffee shop while she was sulking, but as she was doing so, her phone lit up with a notification.

‘take that, dina,’ ellie thinks, ‘she wants me… i think?’

[justaz]

lance who has always hidden his insecurities under grandeur and humor. a huge ego paired with an inflated sense of pride. he is someone who is confident and cocky, but he exaggerates it in response to the deep rooted belief that he is not enough, that he is ordinary at best, lackluster at worst. he grew up as the baby in a huge family which came with a lot of coddling, yes, but his achievements had been made time and time again which made them expectations rather than milestones. the first time he truly shone was when he got into the garrison, something no one in his family had done before, something to be celebrated. he worked his ass off at the garrison to be top of his class, to be a fighter pilot, to reach the stars - to be the first of his family to reach space. who could too that? no matter how long he spent studying or training, he still tested into the cargo pilot class. it wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t what he wanted. he fell short by a measly three points. it was infuriating.

lance worked his ass off even more. he wanted to be something, he wanted to be noticed, he wanted to be praised, he wanted to be celebrated. he never made it. there was one student that caught his eye though - keith kogane. a living, breathing legend. he tested at the top of their class. miles above the other students. completely untouchable. despite his reputation, his grand achievements, keith never cared. he was never in the library studying or spending his free time on the flight sims. he rarely made it to class on time. he didn’t care. yet he was the best of the best. iverson gave him a hard time but it was clear to everyone that even iverson admired him and his skill, his talent. even lance admired him. he wanted to be like him, he wanted to be him. he was rejoiced, he was celebrated, he was praised, he was admired and he didn’t even try. lance pushed harder and harder but only ended in burning himself out. he crumbled under the pressure while keith didn’t seem to notice it. lance loved him but also hated him. then he was gone. and lance was a fighter pilot. barely.

iverson, now with one less eye, loathed that. he gave lance scorn and belittlement, compared him to keith at every turn and went on and on about his failings, about how he’d never be keith, about how he didn’t deserve keith’s space in the class. lance hated iverson, lance hated keith, lance hated himself. he just had to try harder. he was more deserving of all of it than keith. he never cared, he didn’t want what he was blessed with. lance fought tooth and nail for it. he deserved it. he rose a bit in the fighter pilot class and kept fighting, iverson kept ridiculing and humiliating, keith’s name remained at the top of the boards. as the year passed, his name overtook name after name until he was below keith, three points behind. almost, almost, almost, almost…

then they were in space. kidnapped by giant, sentient, mechalions. fighting in an intergalactic war. unable to return home. the years of resentment lance held for keith came to surface in close quarters with the man and he relished in every challenge that he won and despised every challenge he lost. he worked his ass off to get better until he could rechallenge keith until he won. he wasn’t sure when their rivalry became tinged with friendship, but he didn’t hate it. he should’ve, but he didn’t. it was keith’s disregard for his own amazement that infuriated lance. he was gifted and never cared for it. he was everything lance wanted and it was like it meant nothing to him. like he would trade it all at the drop of a hat if he could. yet, keith was fun, in an odd way. awkward and funny, a little prickly around the edges but a soft, gooey marshmallow heart under it all. lance knew it. he saw keith tear up at a couple of cute babies of some species on some planet as they played.

then shiro went missing and keith was forced into the role of leader and he very clearly did not want it. again, lance felt a flicker of annoyance. the role of black paladin, the pilot of the black lion, that was something lance had wanted. not at the expense of shiro, not at the expense of anyone, but he could be leader. he could lead the paladins of voltron in the fight against the galran empire. he could be revered on every planet they freed from tyranny, his name would live on forever. no one would overshadow him. yet, now keith stood in the shadow of the black lion, his face pinched and his eyes dark. he had lost his brother twice now and was being forced into leadership, he was now the one to make all the decisions for the team of (mostly) teenagers against the empire that had terrorized the universe for over ten thousand years.

lance stomped on the flicker of annoyance and put it out as he strode forward and stood beside keith. he spoke lowly, gently. he wasn’t sure how, but the right words spilled forth. keith’s shoulders relaxed and his scowl eased to a faint frown. he stepped into his role as leader. he was still as impatient and impulsive, he was quick to anger and often blinded by it. lance was there for it all. he held keith back, became his patience and impulse control. he quelled his anger when he could and talked sense into him when keith was already fired up. in return, keith gave him trust and gave him power. to outsiders, it seemed like it always had since the birth of voltron - the black paladin, the leader, and the red paladin, the right hand. but in all actuality, it was more the black and red paladins, leaders of voltron. the final decision rested with keith, but he never made a choice without lance’s input. lance made the plans and keith approved of them. lance talked at the diplomatic meetings while keith put on a brave face and played nice for a few hours.

then shiro came back and keith stepped down. lance felt as if he had finally found his footing. lance and keith, leaders of voltron, best friends. and now keith was leaving. lance watched keith walk away as he supported hunk and his tears. lance retreated to his own room and found traces of keith in every nook and cranny. hell, the damn castle ship could be traced back to keith in lance’s mind. ever since he stepped foot in the garrison, everything was tied to keith - the school legend, top of the class, best fighter pilot in their generation, the crazy man breaking into a government facility to kidnap legend takashi shirogane, the conspiracy theorist with the odd sounds in the desert, finding the blue lion, ending up in space fighting a war, red paladin of voltron. it was all keith. yet he wasn’t here. lance loved him, but he also hated him. he wasn’t sure how many more times he’d end up feeling that same sentiment.

the team…drifted. hunk and pidge paired off while allura and shiro paired off leaving lance and coran. coran was a nice, funny, odd man that reminded lance of his father back home. coran’s crazy, kooky exterior melted away when it was just them two and lance felt the same happen with him. coran talked of altea before it all, his husband and their son. lance talked of home too, every detail he could remember from earth and his family. lance busied himself with training or helping coran around the castle. he tried with the rest of the team, but things were pretty tense and his loud, jovial nature wasn’t exactly welcome all things considered. he tried to be shiro’s second as he had been keith’s. he offered his input and his plans but they were tossed aside without a moments thought. he was belittled for sticking his nose where it didn’t belong when he tried to speak up at their meetings. he was not shiro’s second, he was keith’s piss poor replacement as he had been at the garrison. he quieted and kept to himself. he stuck to the walls with crossed arms or locked himself on the training deck for hours at a time. shiro was off, a but different but lance couldn’t put his finger on it. the way he looked at them all sometimes was eerie. his eyes were empty and void and unsettling. after being shouted at on the bridge during a meeting,

he really couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself. he thought getting it out in the open would ease the worry off his shoulders and, if it didn’t, then whoever he spoke to could laugh off his worries to properly ease his mind, help him see sense. lance told coran. coran did not laugh. he did not brush off lance’s worries. he all but confirmed them. he said how he had found shiro’s behavior odd and the shouting really sent the point home. shiro before had never yelled, not like that (bar slav but that was understandable). the rest of the team also sought lance out to share their same opinions. lance took it all in stride despite the heavy dread settling over his shoulders. in agreement, the team trailed down to the bay and sat in front of the black lion. instead of the slow, patient meditation where they would ascend into the astral plane, it felt more like they were snatched and hauled up into it. they found shiro there, the real shiro, the dead shiro. they weren’t sure who was on the ship, but it wasn’t their leader. they all remained in the astral plane as they talked over a plan.

lotor considered their line of questioning and shared the witch’s experiments while he was there and gathered that if shiro was anything, he was most likely a clone. there were other options such as shapeshifter or droid disguised as shiro but both were easily disproven as if shiro were a shapeshifter, there would’ve been moments when he tripped up and either didn’t remember something or acted too different from the shiro they knew. if shiro were a droid disguised as shiro, well…their capabilities of such a thing were lacking. the droids the galran empire had were only good for fighting and even then they were pretty lackluster. the witch had an odd fascination with life and death so the chances of shiro being one of her experiments at recreating life were incredibly high.

lance didn’t trust lotor either but he knew they needed all the aid they could get so he bit his tongue and allowed lotor to remain in close cohorts with all of them. they staged a coup and overpowered the shiro on the ship. unable to kill him, they froze him in a pod and kept him locked in the floor of the infirmary. with the loss of her spy, haggar launched an attack on voltron. tens of hundreds of galran ships warped to their position but their appearance was quickly followed by hundreds of thousands of rebel ships and military ships from those in the coalition. the blade managed to send a few ships, though at lance’s poking and prodding, kolivan relayed that keith wouldn’t be there as he hd been out of a mission for the past couple of weeks and hadn’t returned yet. heavier dread settled over lance but he had no choice then to ignore it and fight with the rest of his team against the galran attack.

with a great sense of deja vu, lance found himself locked out of the red lion. he groaned and complained to him as they didn’t have time for this but red didn’t budge. lance spoke to coran through his comms that red wouldn’t let him in and the older man appeared in the bay at frightening speed. they talked it over and red allowed coran to enter and pilot him. as coran stepped into red’s maw, black let out an ear-shattering roar. the deja vu was never ending as lance found himself rushing toward black and taking a seat at the helm. the castle ship was put on autopilot, it kept its shield up as it fired at passing galran ships whilst the rest of the team flew around in their lions taking on ship after ship. as rebel and coalition ships began to fall, the team formed voltron and took out the ships with ease.

it was odd, finally being in charge. finally being recognized. being turned to for guidance with unwavering trust. it was something he had always dreamed of, something he envied keith for, something he truly didn’t want when he finally got it. how could they look to him? how could black choose him? he was just a boy from cuba, one out of a family of seven, twelve counting his sister in law, niece and nephew, and grandma and grandpa. he was a cargo pilot who had no business being in the fighter pilot class. he became a paladin by sheer luck, luck attributed to keith kogane. even now, as black paladin, he only received that position because shiro was out of commission and keith was on a mission for the blade. the moment keith returned, the lion would return to keith and lance would go back to being his second, ignored at best, yelled at at worst. as of now, he was keith’s stand in. he just had to make it until keith returned. problems arose practically ever minute and lance tried to imagine keith and how he would respond before making a decision. he’d stand still as he took in the information, pointer finger and thumb brushing together as he thought it over, and finally respond.

he checked practically every minute of every day for a response from keith or a change in status from kolivan, but neither ever came. keith was still on a mission. he had been for weeks. lance stood on shaky legs as he led the team. he hesitated and was indecisive. he froze up when they turned to him to make a decision. he was not a leader. he wasn’t who they were looking for. they needed keith. he needed keith. lance would spend his time in the bridge, a line ringing endlessly in hopes of keith finally picking up, as he looked over the battle plans and made tweaks and adjustments as he saw fit. allura joined him once and merely watched as he worked. she chuckled to herself suddenly and mentioned how with the clone as their leader, she had forgotten what it was like with keith as their leader. she had forgotten that lance was once their strategist, that he had been part of the duo that made all the decisions for the team.

coran also joined him after allura left. he let lance ramble aloud about the plans until he ran into an issue he couldn’t resolve quite yet. he stood still as he rubbed his thumb and pointer finger together. coran smiled and exhaled sharply. he said softly how he had not seen lance “like this” in quite some time. at lance’s questioning look, coran explained how lance had been so confident and sure of himself when he led with keith. under the clone’s leadership, lance had been shaken and wasn’t sure of himself anymore. the lance of the past few months was quiet and hesitant, unsure and unsteady, whilst the lance who led with keith was confident and self-assured. he made these decisions for the team and didn’t second guess himself once. yes, he thought over his plans from every angle to ensure the team was as safe as could be, but he never doubted himself. coran supposed it was keith’s unwavering faith, loyalty, and trust in lance. keith followed lance’s decisions just as much as the team followed keith’s.

lance watched coran leave after ruffling his hair and slowly turned back to the messy draft of a battle plan. lance’s gaze shifted over to his stilled hand where he had been rubbing his thumb and pointer together since running into the issue. he had been doing the same motion since becoming black paladin. it was oddly familiar. he swore he had seen…keith do it. it was keith’s unique tick that he did when stressed or emotional and trying to compose himself. lance had stolen it. allura and coran’s words echoed in his mind as he thought back to the short period of time with keith as black paladin. lance had felt like he finally found his footing there. he felt seen and heard and appreciated as he and keith led the team together. keith’s trust in his decisions, lance’s ability to match each of keith’s weaknesses to balance the team. here lance was now, leading the team all on his own, and he felt his own weaknesses exposed to the elements at the loss of his samurai.

well, the whole time he had been thinking what would keith do. he had been leading like he still had keith. perhaps that was the problem. he was leading like half of a whole rather than black paladin. lance looked up at the trilling line on the screen of the bridge. keith was on a mission. he was not on the ship. it was lance and his team. lance reached up and ended the ringing line. he had to lead like it. lance watched lotor closely for days but still couldn’t find any issue with him. weeks passed and things sailed smoother than before. lance still froze up in meetings and hesitated before making big decisions, but he stopped looking to his side for keith’s input. just as they fell into the new normal, keith returned. he flew into the castleship with a teleporting black and blue wolf, a tall galran woman that looked suspiciously like him, and (most peculiar) an altean. as well as a growth spurt that came with bulging muscles. not that that was important. what was important was that keith finally gave lance the reason why lotor was so hard to trust.

in the hours waiting for lotor and allura to return, lance lead keith to the infirmary to see the still clone body and retold everything that had happened while he was gone. keith’s face cycled through a few emotions but he quickly forced them back behind a mask of indifference and he nodded. the two of the returned to the bridge to wait for lotor to return to confront him. allura was heartbroken and enraged at the news and had taken to fighting lotor herself. outnumbered and surrounded, lotor surrendered and allowed himself to be taken to the dungeons of the castle. it was unnerving that the castle had dungeons and lance never knew despite his wanderings over the years, but he let it go. lotor was taken into the belly of the castle in chains while keith mourned his brother once more. maybe it was the news of her people that had survived only to be farmed for experiments that gave her the idea, but allura thought of a way to bring shiro, their shiro, back.

the clone’s body was taken down to the bay where allura pressed her hands to the black lion. she began to glow and she walked toward the limp body and placed her hands to it’s chest and head. the light around her body flowed down her arms and hands and into the body on the table. after a few seconds, the body took a breath and cracked open it’s eyes. lively eyes. loving, kind, and caring eyes. shiro’s eyes. shiro was put back in the infirmary as he got used to being alive again. coran stepped back from the red lion and turned the mantle back over to lance without complaint. lance did the same with the black lion to keith. instead of it feeling bitter, lance felt more at peace. being a nobody was horrible, unbearable, but being the somebody that everyone turned to for help and guidance was not very fun either. he was content to be second in command, right hand man, three points behind keith. only, keith took back the black lion but didn’t let lance fall back into the shadows. they fell back into the same dynamic they had before, two halves of one whole, two leaders that complimented each other, that met one another’s weakness with their strengths, that balanced each other, that made a damn good team.

[pup-pee]

no1s mad i drew more konbart right?

last drawing is nirvana au // also i gave up on the 1st drawing mayb? i might return 2 it

[kierancaz]

Crowley Having To Be A Dad For Once (Crowley Comforting Yuu)

I don’t know what this is, I was just really bored and it happened so if it sucks I’m sorry. I used they/them and she/her pronouns throughout the whole things, idk neither sounded right if I used just one set of pronouns so I just used both T_T.

Also yah ik Crowley is ooc bc he’s basically a deadbeat uncle but this is MY fic and I’m a SUCKER for parental Crowley and the idea of him not really being good at it at first but as he grows to care about Yuu more he becomes more willing to try and be a good parent for them.

No trigger warnings, ig this is fluff? Uh probably not very good but it’s ok I still hope u like it. Oh and this takes place at the end of Book 6, also reader is referred to as Yuu.

It was finally over. Everything was finally ok. Grim was back with Yuu, all of the people who had been brought to Styx were back in their dorms, a little banged up, but safe. Yuu was finally home with the people they considered their family.

Crewel, Trein, and the others had given them a major scolding when they got back. Being sure to pull Yuu aside into the headmasters office to yell that them specifically, but Yuu couldn’t find it to be mad or even upset with their scolding. Yuu couldn’t be upset when she felt cared for again. The only one missing from that meeting was Crowley, but Trein as assured that he would be back soon. Which brings us to where they are now.

Grim was in Pomfiore sleeping soundly, but Yuu was standing in the wreckage of Ramshackle. Staring the remains of their only home here in the face. She knew it was bad, the remembered it all from the Chirons attack, but somehow seeing everything destroyed after the dust had finally cleared after the whole situation made reality hit that much harder. She took a deep stepping through the door looking around at all the damage.

“Yuu!” The ghost came speeding toward them, they couldn’t hug her so instead the just zipped around her a could times. She laughed, the ghost coming to a stop in front of them, “we’re so happy you’re back! We thought you guys were leaving us for good!”

“Where’s Grim?” One of them asked looking around with concern, the others followed suit like maybe he was just hiding.

“Don’t worry he’s fine, he’s back in Pomfiore sleeping off his big adventure.” Yuu chuckled and the ghost relaxed and smiled, happy to hear their little friend was safe and sound and would be back with them in no time.

Yuu looked around again, at the huge holes in the walls and ceilings. At the stray cauldrons that had broken the floor and the way the stairs that lead to her bedroom were completely destroyed. She pressed her lips into a line, tears starting to well up in she eyes.

“Yuu? What’s wrong?” One of the ghost asked. And that’s what did it, she broke down crying.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out wiping her eyes and trying to breathe even. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry your home is destroyed, I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it—”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. It’s not you’re fault.” One of the ghost said. Yuu just shook her head, crying to hard to say anything coherently. There wasn’t much the ghost could do besides remind her it wasn’t her fault the house was destroyed and that it’ll be rebuilt and everything will be ok.

“Yuu?” The new voice made her go still and the ghost silent. Turning around Yuu saw none other than Crowley standing in the doorway.

“Oh- Headmage- I, uh,” Yuu struggled to wipe their eyes free of tears and steady her voice. She hiccuped as she tried to breathe but with a deep breathe she was able to sound at least somewhat normal. “Sorry headmage, is there something you need?” She asked, turning to face him fully.

“I- no. I was just making my rounds on campus to see the damage. Trein informed me Ramshackle was badly damaged, I can see he was quite right.” Crowley said as he walked through assessing the damage, stoping when he came to stand beside Yuu.

She chuckled weakly and sniffed, tilting her head down and swiping at her eyes again. “Yeah… yeah, sorry.”

Crowley gave a questioning hum, “what’s there to be sorry for?”

“I- I don’t know… just am,” they said, their voice quiet.

“Yuu,” Crowley said. His voice more gentle than usual, more concerned. “Are you alright?”

There was hardly a second after Crowley asked before Yuu practically launched themselves at him, throwing their arms around him in a tight hug. Crowley stumbled back with surprise, his arms raised awkwardly like he didn’t know what to do with them.

Yuu was crying again. She just felt so powerless against everything. There was nothing she could do to fix her dorm, there was nothing she could do to stop the Chiron’s from taking the house wardens, nothing she could do when they took Grim. All of the feelings she had been pushing down for the sake of staying focused during the whole Styx mess finally boiling over.

“I- I guess I’ll take that as a no…” Crowley said tentatively.

Yuu apologized again, but couldn’t seem to bring herself to let go of him. Why him she had chosen to break down in front of she didn’t know. It’s not like he had ever been a comforting figure in her time here, or even a very useful one. But slowly, unsurely, Crowley hugged her back, patting her head in a soothing manner. It was enough to make her want to cry even harder.

It was silent between them for a while, with only Yuu’s sniffling and hiccups to be heard. After a few moments Crowley seemed to relax, trying to be gentle as he hugged her back and pat her head, telling her that it was ok and Ramshackle would be fixed and her and Grim would be back here in no time at all. He didn’t know how he would do that but he would get in contact with Styx and work something out, after all they made this mess.

After some time Yuu let go, stepping away from him and wiping their tears and taking a deep breath. “Are you… ok? Now?” Crowley asked, Yuu nodded.

“Better… thanks.” The air was slightly awkward. Crowley didn’t exactly know how to recover to his normal ‘aren’t I so gracious’ personality after watching his most situationally unique student have a full break down.

He cleared his throat before walking over to them and placing his hand on their back, guiding them to the door way. “Why don’t you go back to where you’ll be staying and get some rest. You do have a place to say until Ramshackle is fixed, correct?”

Yuu nodded, “yeah I’m staying in Pomfiore…” there was a long silence, like maybe she wanted to say something else. But she didn’t. “Thanks, I’ll, um, see you in class.”

Crowley nodded and watched as they left down the steps before calling out them. He only spoke when they stopped and turned to face him. “Don’t worry about Ramshackle. I’ll handle everything and make sure it gets fixed,” he said spreading his arms, “after all I am very generous!”

Yuu just blinked at him for a moment before breaking out into a laugh. After some time they had grown to find Crowley’s antics annoying, but after the moment that just happened his usual return to form was much welcomed. She waved at him as a final goodnight and started her walk back to the mirror chamber feeling much lighter than she had before.

Crowley was left with his many thoughts standing in Ramshackle, but he didn’t dwell on anything for to long. But he would check on the prefect and Grim officially tomorrow, that he made sure to promise to himself.

Yuu snuck back into Pomfiore, back into the empty room she was staying in. Grim was exactly where they left him curled up on the bed under the fluffy duvet. She smiled as they climbed into the bed, curling around Grim to cuddle him as he snuggled sleepily back into their arms. For once though, they believed Crowley would follow through on his word with Ramshackle, and that everything would be alright.