#idk im gonna stop ranting now
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#lyle the art guy#oliver queen#green arrow#haven't been posting cause i've been going through a bit of a mental health crisis#and i've been absolutely hating my art and everything i do as a result#(didn't even finish this one cause i just feel so shit about it even though i can see it's clearly fine)#but i've got a gp appointment about it tomorrow so hopefully ill get help#not for the arts sake obviously#but hopefully feeling better about my art will come as a welcome side effect#idk im gonna stop ranting now#enjoy my boy shooting arrows at off page baddies
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Honestly I feel for Sam but serves him right.
Even if we ignore the potential intermingling of the web or any other other spooky strings that are likely being pulled, there's a lot to unpack here.
I wouldn't say Sam "deserved" it, but Alice tried warning him for months. This is what he gets for sticking his nose in places it didn't belong.
Did I say the same thing about Jon in TMA? Yes and no. Obviously there isn't a story without someone doing something dumb, but I think Jon's situation and Sam's situation are a little different. Jon was an idiot, yes, but he (and everyone else around him) were forced to go in completely blind. He had no idea what he was doing and didn't have any warnings or help at all except from his creepy boss with ulterior motives.
Sam also went in blind, but he was warned several times by several people including the eldritch computer to stop and turn around. He could have avoided this if he just returned Alice's calls or looked at her messages.
But nooooo he had to poke around with his little crushy crush and get himself thrown into a portal to what we can only assume is the TMA universe. Serves him right.
#i have a lot of feelings about this if you couldn't tell#sam you little idiot#in many ways i get it#both from a personal standpoint AND from a writer's standpoint#he thought alice was being overbearing and blah blah blah i've said this before#i personally also hate overbearing people who helecopter me#BUT#there are a lot of moments where even i would have listened to alice's warnings#sam is a cave explorer in this scenario tbh#and he just got himself stuck in a tiny hole underground#because he didn't listen when someone more experienced said “dont be stupid”#its not a great analogy but its all ive got because youtube loves to show me that stuff apparently#👎#anyways i had more thoughts but ive ranted enough#im gonna stop yapping now#the magnus protocol#tmagp ep 30#tmagp spoilers#tmagp#jonathan sims#tmagp sam i still forgot his last name#alice dyer#celia ripley#the tags always give me the characters last names idk why i cant find sam's </3#to the person who gave me his name i owe you my life#samama khalid
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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i FINALLY have free time (homework list has been whittled down to only like 1 class :3333 thank GOD because homework is killing me) so i can FINALLY FINALLY FINALLLYYYYYYY start working on that halloween animation meme i had in my mind like back in september,,,,,, finally,,,,,,,, these r just sketches i made in preparation for the final thingy. i just decided to make them classic halloween esque themed bc how could i possibly resist zombie horror BRAIN IN SKULL!!!! so kewl
#i just need 2 draw them digitally and then animate it#i probably need to do backgrounds too i will NOT be caught lacking this time TRUST#this one's much shorter than the heavenly u animatic i did (and i have EXP now)#so i can put that experience to the test :333#i dont know what ill do 4 the final part bc it has 4 sections#so i might go killer horror dust and then i need to find something to do for the fourth section of the audio#and then the first intro part w the cards i found i can evenly split into 3s which is good#iNEED to figure out what i'll do 4 that section of the meme..... cannot just habe it be nothing#yall who put those bite marks onto horror and dust wtf who did that. not me tho what the hell who did that#idk if ill actually put the bite marks there in the actual meme it would be so mttpoly but also like ermmm#STOP SHOVING YOUR SHIP DOWN OUR THROATS TRIGLYCERCULS!!!!!#im gonna put them but make it barely noticeable trust#tricule rant
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Someone got so triggered that I'm considering making some extra money (or rather by that their unsolicited advice wasn't met with a ritual buttlicking on my side ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) that they ran to rant on me on their blog, to rant how bad making money on hobbies is because capitalism, #eaththerich, and endangering community...I guess?
Vile me, looking on semi-empty stomach at 5.54pln left on my account week before next payment, wondering how I can squeeze a few bucks extra because through next few months when I have even more medical treatment spendings.
Vile me, being a writer. Maybe it would be forgiven to me if I were a craft maker or artist. After all, no one says a word on merch or art commission, or fanzines... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyway, if making money on fics is too much of a "black market" for you & you don't like seeing your favorite writers struggling, many of them have a ko-fi! So do I! Tips are legal, safe, and make everyone happy! ❤
#yeah pouring money into hobby drains the joy and love#but you know what drains the joy and love even faster?#FUCKING EMPTY STOMACH AND PRICES OF MEDS#from what i saw op is so triggered by the fact that i blocked them that they keep ranting with 3rd or 4th post now#i stopped counting what my friends send me LMAO#all of that because a stranger on the internet didn't want unsolicited advice stuffed down their throat 😂😂#bas mumbles#EDIT: people started reblogging the poll with vile intentions so i closed it & deleted it#not sure what will i do next & how exactly i will distribute access to those fics (unlike what the drama thrower assumed I *am* aware#of the grey sphere state and that i need to be relatively discreet#idk did they think im gonna sell it on amazon or what lol gimme a break)#but before those clowns started their circus majority of poll was for yes#so i will keep it in mind)
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i will never understand the "stop casting straight actors as gay characters" argument. people just wanna out gay actors so they can have a better grasp on who to hate.
#like this is notttt the argument u think it is#'gay roles should be reserved for gay actors' TURN ON UR BRAIN#i understand wanting to have more queer actors and to have them get more recognition. that's completely fine and im all for that.#what im NOT for is trying to enforce that every gay character has to be played by a gay actor#like did u guys learn nothing from kit connor#or all of the other actors that were forcibly outed due to this argument. like seriously.#im sorry im ranting but dear lord man#i just saw a clip of a decently popular influencer saying shit like this and it makes me so upset. esp coming from a queer creator.#celebrities owe us nothing. absolutely fucking nothing.#they dont owe us that knowledge abt themselves and we should not feel like we're entitled to it just bc two men kissed on screen!! goodness#celebrities are people and they deserve their own privacy and to have their journeys on their own time just like everyone else#they dont even need to have a journey!!!! they don't have to do anything!!! they can just live their lives!!!!!#idk man this really gets under my skin#stop trying to force people to come out just so u can make sure the very little amount of queer media we get is 'genuine' or whatever#like u sound ignorant and bigoted dude cmon now#am i gonna get hate for this i swear#anyway rant done its 1:30 am im gonna go back to! writing!#long tags#rant
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took my meds yesterday and today. slept like shit. nauseous. starting to notice a connection.
#i dont know if its just like the influx of chemicals from not taking my meds consistently#but every time i start taking them again i get nauseous#and now its making my gummy not work#so :/#gonna try to take them for about a week to see if it gets better#but if not my mom had the idea to stop all of them and then slowly add them back in#like one at a time to figure out which one is bothering me#i havent been nauseous like this since high school#and the only med i was on then was birth control#and every time my obgyn tried to increase the estrogen in my bc#because im on a progesterone one#but when we tried to switch to loloestrin or w/e it was instant nausea.#i think maybe my body just really doesnt like my hormones#idk what the fix would be.#anywayyyy rant over
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ok time to try to blame someone else instead of me
#being dramatic but idk im also trying to think abt why i am this way#in part to the fact that i inherently view myself as a burden and always have since a child since i could like. comprehend the things my mom#was going through for my life & moving the america etc etc#but like yeah i was basically as independent as couldve been in the PH bc i had multiple ppl who could take me places and take care of me#but in the US it was just my parents and our family and our X amnt of cars#idk i just keep thinking about how much i miss doing anything in my life and how i used to be a dancer a martial artist a potter like#there was so much to me and now because i refuse to learn to drive and get a car i just. am locked out of everything#bc my aspirations cant work out on 1 vehicle in sparse & spread ohio#like idk maybe its the fact that i always was just like im not allowed to have friends im not allowed to go out in the summer#im not allowed to visit friends or extra places or events#never really been independent until i basically ran away and even now im just#only partially independent bc sure i have money and i have my own space but. im dependent on a driver and other ppls schedules and it just#idk i cant not see myself as a burden all i can think of is that im not a good enough woman let alone wife and thats something no one wants#like i barely know how to cook i barely eat i dont clean i barely wash i barely provide like. yeah idk also ever since i had a breakdown#i feel fundamentally just. changed especially about food. and idk i have been asking for others to cook for me more but i still am waiting 4#the next time someone says you can make it yourself and i starve for the next 24 hours#idk dude i literally cannot see myself as not a work of labor. its all mama ever ranted at me about. very verbally very constantly up until#i stopped being difficult with her being the head of the family of like 12#whatever. whatever#im done blaming someone else im gonna eat my words with regret and shame :/
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what medication do you think you need and why
honestly I have no clue but I do know I need SOMETHING. I for sure I know I have depression. as for any other diagnosis I'm unsure but my friends have told me (who are diagnosed with these) I probably have quiet bpd/autism🧍🏻♀️
#letters 2 me#of course this is assuming im getting therapy as well but i can't afford that with everything going on rn#my mom got diagnosed with lymphoma recently and my hours are down bc it's slow season for food service and theres just no way#if i personally had money to help myself i would use it for my mom or just for rent before it went towards myself#i feel so bad because my friends want to do all these fun things but I just cant rn#i wish i lived in solitude sometimes in a cabin in the mountains so i didnt have to worry about money or anything. thats the dream#or maybe i should just sell a non important organ on the black market and make bank idk#LOL sorry im gonna stop ranting now#im looking into overnight retail rn i need out of food service and something more stable
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Holy fucking shit the dysphoria is dysphoria-ing right now. I feel physically nauseous oh my fucking god. I’m gonna fucking kill someone maybe myself rn I’m gonna lose my shit holy hell.
Doesn’t help that I’ve been incredibly overstimulated the past few days every sound is like a fucking cheese grater in my ears oh my god.
#dysphoria#gender dysphoria#sensory processing disorder#tw emetophobia#for the nausea mention#idk if that’s needed or not#but yeah I’m about to tear off my fucking skin and jump off a building I am losing my fucking mind#it’s so over#lmao my brain is fucked i genuinely wanna off myself over this shit#and my mother keeps refusing to even entertain the idea of getting my name changed on the school role#even though all my teachers and friends call me Alex and that’s what I’ve been going by for a few years now#and it would make things significantly easier for everyone because it would fix my email name as well#so that’s not helping#and she was talking about my period and being all “it’s okay all WOMEN get these ❤️ you’re just becoming a beautiful woman#and now she keep being rude to my sister because she uses men’s deodorant (because it works better) and doesn’t really wear dresses#(because she finds them annoying and inconvenient)#and is being all “hurr durr you’re copying your SISTER stop being so masculine”#like fucking hell#shit talking me and harassing my sister all at once#man I want to fucking kill myself im so done with this shit#and I’m so overdue on school work and I feel so overwhelmed and stressed this fucking sucks#and I know the school work and stuff is fully my fault for forgetting and slacking off but I can’t bring myself to do them because the#stress of fucking up and just how much of it I have to do is pushing me to my damn limit#I can’t even bring myself to start on my film and media assignment that’s a week overdue because I’m so fucking stressed just thinking about#it and I’m so overwhelmed I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t. and I know I’m at fault for procrastinating and being too lazy and stressed#to bring myself to start working on it#and things are just gonna get more and more difficult#so yeah. rant over I guess. sorry guys#did not mean to rant in the tags this much dysphoria is just killing me and so is general stress#tw suicidal thoughts
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the absolute chokehold that lord of the rings has on me is insane
#im not even 100 pages into the fellowship of the ring yet and i love this so much#and ik im gonna love it so much more once yknow the plot starts#but ugh oh my god i love it so much#(way more than the hobbit honestly)#((i feel bad saying that but like idk the way it was written just didnt jive with my brain v well))#i was actually on a rant about that to myself last night abt how the hobbit is the first time ive preferred the movies to the books#like i def feel it couldve been more plot accurate in some places but like the dwarves are at least actual characters and not just names#bc like very few of them get characterized in the book#anyway im gonna stop putting a whole second post in the tags now 💀#january 2023#jrr tolkien#the hobbit#lord of the rings#lotr#reading#booklr
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Ppl gotta understand that just bc you do x thing because you're mentally ill, doesnt mean your actions dont have the same effect if you weren't. Like if you've been manipulative to your friends, you cant get mad at them for not sympathizing entirely with you when you go on about how they dont accept you for your mentally ilness. Regardless of your reason, you were still manipualtive, you fucked with peoples trust. Theyre still gonna have trust issues about you even if its bc of whatever mental illness you have.
#im not saying its cool for them to abandon you but cmon. you have to consider sometimes other people and what they can handle#bc if you keep manipulating your friends or whatever theyre gonna get used to being manipulated and expect it from other people#whatever the case. people have limits. your friends have limits. im not saying theyre always justified. im not saying your friends are#never abliest. but they do have limits. and if you're yelling at them all the time about being perfect or whatever you cant exactly#be surprised when they dip out.#like for example. im a p aggressive and angry guy. clearly. if youve seen any of my posts.#ive always got something to rant about. and while im not quite as much like this irl its still a thing about me. im very very vocal about#whatever injustice i percieve happening to me or others lol. but i can understand why me being intense and angry and ready to throw hands#at the drop of a hat would make some people want to avoid me. i understand it makes some ppl feel scared and unsafe.#its not something i try to do. i dont try to make ppl i like feel unsafe. i try not to be that way around ppl w those kinds of issues#but im not gonna throw a fit and be like 'you guys are okay with bpd until i get really really angry and call you a cunt'#like... uh... yeah. i dont blame ppl like that for dropping me entirely if im getting angry all the time around them and it triggers them#and i dont seem to stop or be able to stop.#sure its not great. sure i dont want to be as aggressive and angry around anyone let alone ppl afraid of that sorta thing. but this is#the current state of my being. its something im working on. and i can understand why some ppl cant handle me right now as i am.#idk. just. shit like that man#another example. im hella hella HELLA bad at communicating via technology. unless you're in front of my face my mind just forgets we were#even talking sometimes. this naturally will cause issues. how am i gonna get upset at someone for being mad i stoped responding#in the middle of a conversation? sure i didnt mean it. this is purely unintentional. however that doesnt change the fact of my actions.#it doesnt change the fact that that person might feel unwanted. i can apologize day and night but until i actually try to be more attentive#of my phone this is just gonna keep happening yknow. how is it fair to get mad at other ppl for getting mad at you over that?
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If another person compares me to Wednesday Addams I will embody her entirely and taze them
#joking#mostly#im gonna fight people tho#try and stop me#i did the dance as a joke because of the reference and now i may never recover my image#im friends with security here at work#and he heard about it and said he was probably gonna find it on camera#help#low key crushing on him so idk if thats a win or not#Wednesday ily but you're ruining my image#anais rants#all in the tags tho
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swapinverse posting again tell me why crash is like. a rebound for error after he totally fucked things up for swap in askerror. why am i writing these guys in vice.ser's lore to have error compare crash to swap ALL THE TIME and say he's lowkeyBETTER than the dumb berry,,,,, bro,,,,,, swap come get your mans the error version of cross is STEALING HIM. oh shit wait you're in the omega timeline living your best life while your ex friend is sulking over his guilt my bad king keep grinding ‼️
even in another multiverse cross remains the most perfect shippable man im afraid. i already got lowkey crink in this what's next crerror??? i havent made the muse twins meet crash yet but if they did it would be cream and crossmare (but better because melpomene's not a total cunt compared to nightmare)
#eye to eye was added to spotify my mtt xxtha song playlist is COMPLETE and you KNOW ive been listening non stop#next year's spotify wrapped is gonna have those 3 songs at the top TRUST idc if xxtha's not vocaloid we will be dethroning pepoyo for top#im grinding swapinverse through an amazing self reward system that involves eating sweet delicious soft amazing poundcake#this is what happens after you rewatch askerror people. you get filled with a great sense of error love#i have no idea if i'm writing error correctly this is just what im doing after watching askerror#and reading like. 5 different character analysises on tumblr after searching up error sans character analysis#error's so real though listen if i had to choose between error and horror as my realest most relateable characters it would be him#oh yeah i finished vice.ser's digital art 2!!!! yes!!!! now just need to write ref sheets 4 those that are not the mst.....#i dont think vice.ser is savable guys he's too far gone unfortunately#nobody can save him i fear.... his body his mind his self is too fucked up#unlike the mtt vice.ser can never get a happy ending sadly#because like. bros LITERAL ONLY PURPOSE now is to destroy the multiverse#and it's not like he could be convinced not to because he'll just reboot at any sort of major inconvenience to keep himself focused#and because his body is so abstracted and scattered that there's nothing he can do to stop the rebots but thats another thing#golly who knew that being an error and falling into the void would be TERRIBLE...... surely not me........#vice.ser's hivemind soul connecty dream thing for all the undertale continuation aus totally isnt inspired by hi3's part 1 finale noooo wha#dude steals classic varients. controls them to have access to soul. puts them in dream/reliving memory state depending on whats needed#bodies are now empty and funky so he's got a little army while also having the perfect performance stage#see creators! he has all these different aus that you like so much! he can make them play out any story you want!#can you just end it all now and stop creating and destroy everything since clearly manually destroying doesn't work??? PLEASE?????#this is his only purpose now bro can't even kill himself like error can because he's TOO DAMN MESSED UP!!!!!#what a tragic tragic soul. i love him he's so pathetic. grovel at my feet more creation. perhaps i'll cease my creating if you please me#listen if vice.ser just acted out every story i wanted to see of the mtt i would gladly stop creating#but unfortunately he's not real and the muse twins would just stop him anyways#have idea of twins going into the hivemind and having to break sanses out of the memories/dreams while trying not 2 get caught by vice.ser#how do siphon and crash fit into this??? idk crash goes up to vice.ser and is like dont do this pookie.....#and then they all live happily ever after in a poly. errorcrink real#tricule rant
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Ohh im obssesed
#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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ughhhhhh 😔
#guys im so frustrated :((((#what if ppl stop trending bts is 7 and just start supporting them like wtf are those hashtags gonna do when the hl songs are freefalling off#the charts right now???? every other business day u see ‘bts is 7’ ‘mhj out’ trending on fuckass twt but no one moves a damn muscle when it#comes to supporting the main job and passion of the boys which is by streaming their music like ?????? wtf do u mean ibt lost 1.2m streams#on the second day of tracking UGHHHHHH#anyway this fandom is so weird when it comes to supporting all the boys equally ://#and it is sooo apparent for the hyung line :(( like let’s start treating them equally :( these boys love each other so much and treat#one another like a real family :(( but this fandom is vile and sick and it’s so frustrating lollll#i already ranted over at twt but idk i feel like tumblr is my safe space and i want to vent my feelings here </3#fiz pops up#dl
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