#idk if this helps but it's late and i'm tired
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Hello!
Sorry if this has already been asked before, but do you have any tips for writing Ford?
Thank you and I'm sending you a virtual hug <3 🫂
Hey!
Thank you so much <3
I'll put some of the stuff I find helps me below here. I find it really hard to describe sometimes so if it doesn't make sense or if you want clarification then let me know :)
Be familiar with the source material. This might sound silly but I've seen fics where the a/n is like 'yeah I haven't read Journal 3 or finished the show but I wanted to write-' .....Please. Just. Finish the show and the Journal. The Journal gives you TONS of useful insight into Ford's actual personality and I think you see a lot more of his mannerisms in it. Rewatch his episodes. Use what you've got of canon stuff.
Watch other stuff with JK Simmons in. It'll be helpful for you to pick up how he sounds and then make it easier replay his tone in your head and make your dialogue more accurate. I don't actually know how helpful this tip is bc I brought this up to my partner (RE: Hearing the character's exact voice in your head as you write) and they said this isn't really something people do, so I'm not sure if I'm alone in that technique or not....? (also sorry Mr Simmons but a lot of your movies are d o g s h i t! So, suffer through them as much as you can for the sake of research. Whiplash isn't in the bad pile though btw, it's one of the greatest movies ever made. Just watch that 14 times in a row until you can quote the entire thing by heart. Or use Portal/Cave Johnson audio. Much more fun.)
Know the Ford you're writing. Is he younger, likely at college? Is he research-era? Is he post-portal? Ford presents (at least to me) as multiple different versions of himself over the course of his journey. He has fundamental traits but the degree to which he displays/shows/acknowledges/applies them varies dramatically depending on where he is in life and who he's around.
Balance him. He's strict and sharp and sometimes rude, but not so much that he's devoid of all other emotion. He's funny and he likes to get silly sometimes. We're literally told that exact thing (quite a lot actually) in the canon material. This is especially relevant if you're writing post portal Ford or pre-Bill/pre-obsession-with-work Ford. Again, he isn't all the time but he definitely is more than people give him credit for. If you're writing Ford during his Bill obsession stage then he's going to be erratic and harmful, more than anything to himself. He's going to be acting poorly because he isn't in his right mind, so extend some sympathy to the guy. You don't have to make it okay that he might be lashing out and hurting others, obviously, but there's a reason behind why he's acting like that. He isn't just 'a bad guy'.
However, he is also an asshole sometimes. Everyone can be. He's very diverse. This diva HAS the range! (He experiences the world in a very different way to most other people, I think, so his behaviour can be perceived as difficult to 'normal' people).
Ford is never one emotion at a time. No character is. If he's angry, there's going to be a reason behind that anger and then several emotions behind that reason. Is he telling someone off because he's intrinsically and irrevocably an asshole? No! He might have been afraid of them getting hurt and snapped at them, and the fear shows as anger. Maybe he's frustrated with them and doesn't know how to appropriately address that frustration. There's always a reason.
If he is just being a bit of jerk, because that's plausible, it's not going to be the case that every time he does something that can be perceived as being jerky, that he is being so.
He is very full of love. For his family, for his work, for his friends, for his object of affection (these tips apply to him in general, if you're writing ship stuff or reader stuff or gen). He is full to the brim with it, he just struggles to identify it, to know how to show it and how to express it.
I think that for Ford, acknowledging his feelings is a bit like touching a hot stove: He recoils from them immediately because feelings are painful and intense, and they're hard to handle. They hurt and he's going to be loathe to keep touching the thing that reliably burns him every time he goes near it. Ford isn't very good at being bad at things and he IS bad at emotions. Really bad. They're not finite or logical or able to be proven like science is. They're artistic and available for interpretation, and they're often nonsensical. That's hard to get your head around for someone who likes to view everything from a black and white perspective.
If you think he has a disorder (autism, BPD, NPD, HPD, whatever) and you yourself don't have that thing, then RESEARCH THE FUCKING THING! Ask people who do have it for advice. Treat it with respect. People that have 'negative traits' from these types of disorders (and believe me, people do think you're awful if you have a personality disorder or autism) are not inherently bad people and them enacting their symptoms doesn't make them evil, provided they know how to acknowledge their wrongdoing post behaviour and try to do better in the future. If I split on someone and act out by starting a fight, it is my responsibility to return to that person and apologise for inappropriately starting a fight once I've cooled down. It can be hard, it can be done through gritted teeth, it will be uncomfortable, but it must still be done because I'm an adult. Obviously, when it comes to things like this, we're always working on a sliding scale because people with complex mental health issues don't always know they've made a mistake so they may not feel like they need to apologise/may not even know that they've done something wrong if they're in a really bad episode. That's difficult to get right however, and I would not recommend writing intensely detailed stuff like that unless you're very used to/accustomed to the disorder.
HE KNOWS HOW TO SAY SORRY and he knows when he's fucked up. This is a skill he's learnt better over time. I think it would be most relevant to use if you're writing him post-portal, though. I don't think this was a skill he had when he was younger/pre-portal and if he did apologise, it was something that had to be really dragged out of him.
Show that he's tender and capable of empathy. I think it was only really during his obsessional years that he locked off that part of his brain, and even then it was more out of pure delusion and trauma/self-protection than it was an inherent drive to be evil. He's never been evil, just misguided, betrayed and a bit of an ass at times.
He does more through action than through talk. In comparison to Stan, who is all mouth and uses verbal communication frequently, Ford is more physically inclined. He tries to be very esoteric but he gives away a lot in his behaviour instead of talking. I don't actually think he knows he does this and that's why he thinks he's super mysterious.
If you're stuck on a scene, play it out as him. Not yourself. It's not so much how am I going to do this, but how is Ford going to do this? What do you think Ford would do in that moment, according to what you've seen him do in the show?
Don't be afraid to make your own Ford, to a certain extent. I'm not writing about a strictly canon!Ford. He's informed by canon for the most part, but he's also my little barbie to dress up and be silly with. I don't necessarily have to solely make him do what I think his canon counterpart would do. I think canon!Ford is aroace/just not interested in romantic or sexual relationships. I don't think he has interest in much of the stuff that my fanon!Ford does, but this is fantasy land and Ford isn't real so we can do whatever we want. He'll feel more real if you give him his canon traits and then add some of your own spices to the recipe on top.
Be nice to him. This isn't advice, I'm just begging you LMAO. When you're writing him talk about his science stuff or whatever, have your other character (reader, I presume?) be engaged and happy to listen to him. I wouldn't be interested in someone who annoyed me with their passions, so don't write it as though he pisses you off because the audience can tell if you don't actually like him that much. They will pick up on how you really feel about a character as the author unless you're an excellent liar and it's really hard to actually lie like that and retain a sense of genuine love in your story. Just treat him with love and care. Treat any character with it.
Okay anyway WHEW that's a lot! Sorry. These are just things that I do and they're not my view of how to write Ford 'correctly' or anything, they're just what I find helps me characterise him for my fics. I'm sure plenty of people would disagree with my interpretation and that's fine, we're all receptive to art in different ways so there's not really a 'right' way to be for the most part. Just listen to what he tells you/shows you about himself and the way in which other characters speak about him truthfully.
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I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.
#messyr#doodle#vent art#idk what im feeling but im just really tired- pessimistic and agitated lately#overthinking stuff about growth as a person LMAO. Envy that builds inferiority then dissolves into insecurity ew#ive yet to accept the truth that it will never get better- so i can only be there for others until i watch them go.#And I walk back to the same cage where I grew- bc the cage is all I know. I'd watch from afar and wait- wait for what? Idk#Genuinely happy and proud to those who worked hard for that success-- an ugly thought whispers to me thinking why cant I have the same#well- people w the same situations as me- knows how unfair life is so we work twice as hard. but sometimes... It's-- not enough.#And to an unfortunate fate- it'll never be enough. and it feels as if you amount to nothing.#I've been stuck for so long- I'm convinced enough that I cannot be helped. Still I cling onto the tiniest spark of hope.#bpd#abuse mention
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Okay lads here's the deal
I've been flirting with one of my friends for literal months now, and she flirts back a lot but ALSO has been giving some signs she's interested and some that she's not so I'm kinda confused. But the last time we hung out one-on-one she was talking about how people should be confident with their feelings and... idk what to do. also we drunkenly made out one time but idk if that's relevant. she instigated
So here's the plan! I am considering maybe telling her how I feel but idk if that's the right move so. please weigh in. I will be seeing her one-on-one again in a few weeks time and the context of this meeting is very likely to give me a good opportunity so. thoughts?
actually please elaborate on any of your answers I have never confessed to anyone I've caught feelings for and I have 0 romantic experience idk what I'm doing
#usually i would never even consider doing this but#idk#she makes me braver#I'M SO COOKED SEND HELP#the lesbian herself#also please feel free to rb this i want a wide array of answers#also hi hello i'm not dead i know i have a couple asks and things to answer but i have been very busy and tired lately#i will do it though!#just not rn ahaha#too busy having a gay crisis and running on too-little sleep as is#polls#poll
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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weughh,,, exhausting...
#just thinking thoughts...#woke up to construction noises literally outside my window this morning...#then spent several hours sick with worry abt vege guy.#then another stressed hour waiting for him as I realized we were going 2 be late to the appt.#and then I got a bad grade in dentistry...#the doctor said that I could brush closer to the roots. there was a lot of stuff they had to clean out this time so it hurt more#but I think it's understandable... the period of time right after I got my tooth pulled I was probably too delicate in brushing my teeth#and then we got nice dinner!! which was super lovely and nice!!#and then we went shopping which we are both really bad at. I had to go to the bathroom for half of the time but there was none...#I should really at least shower before going to bed but I think I'm too tired for it...#well maybe I should try? I think I'd have more energy to like. idk. post chorus or something if I went to shower.#yeah I think I'll go shower. showering always helps
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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Throws this at you and then disappears again
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I'M ALIVE GUYS DW I'VE JUST UH BEEN LURKING#I've been rlly overwhelmed lately noise is rlly stressing me out and stuff :((#doing this all in my last hr helped me calm down a bit tho :33#any and all interaction is tiring and overwhelming tho so ermmm I'm gonna try to do all of the twst event tonight#(has not done one but of it yet)#and uhh idk when everything stops being overwhelming tiring and making me want to throw up my insides I'll be back#I'll probably yap more abt him on my oc blog when I can I didn't even write down most of his lore and it's forever changing!!!! egh
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Why am I like this
#I'm so frustrated with myself#I wanted to have dinner two hours ago but I just didn't#and now I've sat around for two hours really hungry doing nothing#so I've wasted two hours I could have been productive during#and now I'm barely even hungry anymore I just feel kinda sick and so angry with myself#and I really doubt I'll manage to get anything done once I've finally cooked and eaten dinner#because it's late and I already feel tired#and the fact that I'm so upset with myself certainly doesn't help either#I can't focus when I feel like this I just want to cry and scream and hurt myself#which sounds so dramatic over absolutely nothing I know it's stupid#but I just get like this sometimes#I was already feeling kinda on edge all day and it's just getting worse#everything is so loud and I'm stressed and overwhelmed#my head already really hurt but I just hit it so hard god I'm so stupid I wish I wasn't like this#as if giving myself more of a headache was gonna make anything better#god I can't do anything#and why does this man need to watch tv with the volume at max#I fucking hate it here#and now I don't want to eat the thing I was planning on making but there's nothing else and I'm hungry but also not#and I know I can't do anything else until I've eaten but I just don't wanna idk I'm too upset to eat#I wish I was normal#personal
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cw pet injury, pet death
nothing more unnecessary than losing your 3 month old kitten to a tilted window (or your 14yo diabetic cat to hypoglycemia because for some reason you waited another three hours after finding her comatose, cold, and barely breathing in your garage, and merely covered her with a blanket. When she came in, our thermometer refused to give us a reading, she had a heartrate of 40, and a blood glucose of 0.7mmol/l.)
#usually i manage leaving work things at work just fine#but some cases just come home with me uninvited#and idk.#i'm just numb#my therapist once said that the numbness is a natural response#basically the brain protecting itself#because i had witnessed something that should've made me feel a lot of things#but it didn't. there was just nothing at all.#and well. by now i know this won't last#at some point the feeling returns#and lately it's been so much anger#i just don't get it.#what have those animals ever done to us.#aren't we supposed to take care of them? keep them safe?#isn't that what pet ownership is?#you take over the responsibility for another living being#that can't or can only partially take care of itself#then why do so many of them have to pay for their owner's carelessness and mistakes#tbf the owner of that diabetic cat seemingly hadn't received proper instructions from her usual vet#which somehow made it even worse because while i can't expect her to just magically know what to do#i can expect other vets to train people to spot disease-specific common emergencies#that's just standard procedure#don't mind me i'm just tired and disappointed and sad#i'll go and listen to music for a while. always helps
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I can't sleep again.
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#лёва паспрабуе АДК#it's not about that. i'm just tired.#(stayed up too late for the first time in a while)#well... it compounded the issues.#i look like some guy with my blurry vision and yet its not enough and i dont know WHY#i do know why. have you ever not been seen?#flipped the coin from independence within my grasp to nothing is ever going to get me out of here#not even 'getting out of there' got me out#i can't wait for guard season again but i'm worried it's only going to put me right back into the depression mines#... seasonal depression notwithstanding#i need to make a choice at auditions and its whether i will be out; as me - and hopefully have a better season because of it#or just... stay like this. forever.#... my consult is right before second auditions pretty much. schedule that month is looking full..#anyways its not fair of me to expect anyone to check in on me#especially when one of my housemates seems to ... Also be going through it#and i can tell you now which of us is actually likely to talk about it and its NOT me#i'm not built for this idk. i never should have taken her up on that job offer.#...... i'm thinking about relapsing again. more seriously considering it.#i KNOW it's not good i KNOW it won't help but i dont know what fucking else will!!!!#remember when it felt like i was getting hobbies again?? so much for that..#.. i need to pull life into my *own* control but i need help to get there#and i can't even imagine being fully independent#... even if i'm taking all the right steps to get there#the MOST annoying revelation was that i could Maybe Actually benefit from therapy and the second most was that if i tell her this there is#almost no way any therapist she finds will be queer friendly#going to dig myself out of it. as always. mostly just not pushing myself right now but GOD does it suck.
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Can y'all guess what these untitled documents are of
#I really need to get into the habit of titling my fics before or as I write them#doesn't even need to be the finishing title#just at the very least something to help me differentiate the fics better :'D#some of these I don't even remember writing???#I WAS GONNA WRITE A FIC FOR THEM FOR VALENTINE'S DAYYY...#WHY DIDN'T I FINISH THAT IT'S JULY IT'S TOO LATE NOW#uhhh next year ig?? xD#AND KYOSAYA DURING REBELLION???#SO MANY OF THOSE HERE#and some epic fights and angst yayaya#ughhh I should actually continue writing them.... mmmfff#I'm too tired rn :(( but maybe tomorrow#or I'll try and write another shorter fic for them#so I have something else to post#BCZ THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS#I wish I could say this was all of them but it's not :p#these are just the ones I didn't write a title for#some of them have placeholder titles idk why all of them don't#and some of them are on different google doc accs I didn't feel like going on HWHWJSS#and some of them are written in my journal so they're not digitally anywhere#ughhh I think abt kyosaya too much I cannot function if I don't write something abt them#or draw them#I have so many sketches of them#send help#wahwhaawjsjwhdjnwsj
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Gonna b honest. I kinda preferred being actively and pressingly suicidal to whatever the fuck I've got going on now. At least then I knew what I could do to keep myself reasonably safe. Whether I'd do it is another question entirely but at least it was cut-and-dry and made sense. Idek what my brain is doing atp, much less what it needs from me
#like. I think this is mostly the same as I felt before starting the antibiotics but like. kinda worse?#like I don't wanna die I'm just tired of being alive. I wanna make myself live but suffer almost#and it's like. I don't Really want that. but my brain thinks I do and idk how to deal with that#I thought I did bcuz I've been dealing with it literally my entire life but it's like. it feels Different now somehow?#like it feels like now that I know I'm capable of doing it. I almost don't trust my brain to stay in the passive mode?#like im reading too far into my 'normal' thoughts/feelings.#which doesn't entirely make sense bcuz I have 'attempted' in the past. but I didn't actually Do anything ig. just prepared it but didn't do#idk. idk how I'm feeling or what's going on or which meds if any are doing this and I don't like it and I want it to stop#or at least go back to being active abt it so I can say hey listen I'm gonna do this pls take the dangerous stuff away for a bit or smth#idfk man I'm just so fucking sick of my brain. I hate everything it seems to be doing lately. it can't fucking work or cooperate or anything#I'm trying to be nice to my brain since I know there's a lot going on with it but it's like. brother. can you help me out here At All.#armchair speaks#suicide mention#tw suicide mention
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youtube
#diana's music diary#🌨️#okay I actually do feel better now#good morning :3#sleep is the cure to all#yesterday I spent the day helping my partner set up her DAW so she could stream with it#and then also set up a cobblemon mod pack for us 😊#it's not actually done yet but it's pretty much there#just needs some finishing touches#will maybe skim it a little today too idk#there are probably some unnecessary parts I added yesterday in my hyperfocus so idk#it went surprisingly well and smooth though#feel like I got some things done yesterday which is always nice#sleeping at a reasonable time works? what?#who would have thought......#I'm still having a lot of trouble actually staying asleep actually but it's working either way somehow.. I'm used to being tired so it's ok#thinking about it the only bad part of yesterday was a panic attack near the end and being in pain...#that doesn't sound like a good thing but for me lately especially that's actually good.#let's try to make today fun and cozy and painless...#will make sure to take my pain medicine#if you are reading this I hope your day is good especially too n_n#also on the music... I think I'm on my touhou music shit again... been listening to Koishi music a lot and this one Alice album...
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Being a trans guy with a big chest has never been more torturous
#binding is impossible for me#i got rejected for top surgery#what the fuck do people want me to do#I haven't been this dysphoric since highschool#I'm just so tired of being surrounded by transphobia constantly#idk i just feel so hopeless lately and as usual the Internet isn't helping#no one takes me seriously anyway idk why i even bother wanting change it's not going to happen lmao#vent#don't rb please
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#my posts#you know how this usually goes#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general#what i do isnt good enough#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently#or at least not this bad#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me#but like.. more than usual#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse#or they i will regret lmao#i. wont do any of those#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die#not against it but its not the only option#just lay there and float..... also not against it#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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Had a horrifically dysphoric week and it's made me even more frustrated and pissed off with the state of Gender Affirming Care in the UK and that it'll be a minimum of three years before I can even start on the path to T/top surgery, not to mention the fact that the cost of living crisis just has me completely broke, and I can't work because I'm just a mess, like just the idea of it gave me a massive 3 day long panic attack... I'm just feeling very frustrated and exhausted lately 😔😔😔
#max rambles a lot#idk what this even is maybe just a scream into the ether#having an absolutely savage period when i'm feeling super shit about my gender is def not helping#i'm just soooo tired and frustrated lately#also my back has been really bad at the latter end of this week which has NOT been fun#wishing i just had a magic wand to suddenly just be male presenting rather than just existing like this#just feeling crappy ✌🏻
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