#idk if thats even a valid tag but it Is Now

[pedrosgrogu]

Born Too Late - Chapter 8

pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak

Chapter 7 - Chapter 9 - Masterlist

Warnings: MDNI!! female masturbation, lots of angst, loss of parents mentioned, family issues, lots of tears

Summary: You prepare for Thanksgiving with Tommy and he catches you at an emotional point. Thats what friends are for, right? (1.2k+)

a/n: ok idk how this is gonna go over with yall but be gentle because this came to me in a dream, and through validation from @smellslikenevermore. i really dont have much else to say bc this shit is about to get juicy so buckle the fuck up. leave feedback, i rely on strangers validation because im not normal. xoxox

p.s. there will be another chapter posted at some point today, i just didnt want this one to be like 4k words lol.

Your phone rings, jolting you awake. You spit out a groggy “Hello?”. “Hey pretty lady” soft and southern, it warms you like a physical embrace. “Tommy. It is so early.” you say, rolling over and looking at the clock. “I know but I’ve gotta run to the store to grab some stuff for tomorrow, and wanted to beat the crowds. I was gonna see if you wanted to tag along.” You sigh, throwing the blankets off. “Sarah’s gonna come too if that makes it any more enticing.” he says, laughing.  “Yeah why not, give me about 20 minutes and I’ll be over.” 

You open your curtains, just like you do at the begining of every day. Joel’s are still closed, and have been for weeks now. You remember the first night you moved in and how both of your windows were the focal point of the evening. You walk into your bathroom and turn the shower on, extra hot. The steam filling the room makes you sweat, reminding you of your nights with Joel. Sweaty and suffocating. You strip down and walk to your bedside table, pulling out your vibrator. The numbing vibration on your clit makes you cum almost immediately, and the only noise heard is Joel’s name. Over and over. You cant seem to stop yourself, the relief each time better than the last. Imagining the way his fingers fit perfectly inside you, how his teeth left every inch of your skin nipped with passion, how his voice talked you through every step. Time has stopped and the shower is no longer steaming into your room. Your release on the horizon, you’re seeing stars and imagining every position Joel could put you in- KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. And its gone. As quickly as it came, its gone. You throw your toy in frustration, and throw a robe on. You make your way to the door, opening it to see Tommy and Sarah. “Woah lady!” Tommy says, shielding his eyes. “You said 20 minutes 30 minutes ago, what the hell have you been doin? I tried to call!” he says, making Sarah laugh. “Just wait on the couch. Ill be out in 10.” You say, closing the door behind them and walking to your room. You dont remember hearing your phone ring but then again, you were on a different planet, and time was non-existent. 

Piled into Tommys truck, the 3 of you head to H-E-B. “Alright, I’ve gotta get some beer, some celery, and some bread for the stuffing.” You throw your head in Tommys direction, with a look of playful disgust. “Tommy Miller, how is it the day before Thanksgiving and you dont have the main ingredient for stuffing?” you retort, giving him a light slap on the arm. “Listen, I don’t do the shoppin, blame my brother.” he says. You turn around, looking at Sarah. “And what did you forget?” you say smiling. “I wanted to make chocolate covered strawberries so chocolate and strawberries!” She says excitedly. “That sounds good Sarah! Let me know if you need any help.”  You write 2 lists, handing one to Tommy and keeping one for yourself. He’s in charge of beer and non-perishables. You’re in charge of perishables and wine.

In the store you both grab carts, and go in your separate directions. You grab Sarahs strawberries, Tommys celery, and sweet potatoes for yourself. If theres on thing you can cook, its a mean sweet potato casserole. You head to the alcohol aisle and meet up with Tommy, checking off both your lists. You grab 4 bottles of wine, 2 reds and 2 whites. “Does Joel even know Im coming?” you ask Tommy, watching Sarah grab marshmallows off the endcap a few feet in front of you. “Yeah, I told him.” Tommy says, not saying anything else. You’re trying to gauge his facial expression surrounding the question. “What did he-” “I got the marshmallows!” Sarah says, throwing them into the cart. You leave your sentence unfinished, checking off the rest of the list. 

The ride back is silent, Tommy keeps looking at you like he has something to say but he doesnt. You try not to think about tomorrow, unsure of if being alone is worse than being around Joel. Tears begin to well in your eyes right as you turn onto your street. You force them to stay put, helping Tommy unload the groceries. You help carry everything in with the exception of your things for tomorrow. Walking into the house, you’re immediately paralyzed by the smell, by his  smell. Sarah runs past you, into his arms. “Hi daddy! We went to the store and we got the stuff for my strawberries!” “Thats great babygirl.” he says, kissing her forehead. The tears are back, and theres no forcing them away this time. Your brain is flooded with images of childhood holidays with your family, back when everything was seemingly normal and everyone got along. You feel a tear fall down your cheek as you set the groceries on the island. The same island that he ravaged you on. You look up at him, hoping for any hint of how hes feeling, hoping he’ll pull you into him and wipe your tears, and tell you that everything is okay. But his facial expression is stoic, and he doesn’t move. No sign of any emotion. You wipe your tears and head straight for the door. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” you exclaim, trying to hide the pain in your voice. Pulling the door behind you before anything else is said. 

You grab your groceries out of the back of Tommys truck and trudge home. You fucking hate the holidays, they havent been the same in years. You turn the key to open your door, and feel a hand on your shoulder. “Sweet girl, whats goin’ on?” and you lose it. 

You drop the groceries and throw yourself into Tommys arms, sobbing uncontrollably. You hear the glass of the wine bottles shatter. “Shhhhh” he says, one hand holding your head, the other rubbing your back. After a couple minutes, you gather yourself and walk inside, leaving the broken glass on your porch and the groceries on the floor inside the door. 

“The holidays are just hard Tommy.” you say, sniffling. Hes in your kitchen putting groceries away. “Trust me, I know. I aint had a mama or daddy to spend the holidays with the last 10 years. And then Connie and Sarah came along, and then Connie left.” You dont say anything, but assume Connie is Sarahs mom. This is the first time either of the men have spoke about her, at least in front of you. You elaborate on your family as well. About how your father in convinced that your ex was the second coming of Christ, and was the best thing that had ever happened to you. About how it was his way or the highway. About his patriarchal ways in the goddamn 21st century. He sits beside you and just holds you again. Your tears slowly stop, but the feeling of sadness and emptiness still resides. You look up at Tommy and hes staring through you. His eyes a deep brown like his brothers, and before you know it his lips are on yours. And you dont pull away.

[oracleswarmer]

oh yeah baby its a vent post

How do you stop from like, relentlessly picking at your interpersonal issues. Accept that someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore ever again. Because i hate it and i don't want my memories and especially not my creative projects to be tainted in my mind by someone's decision not to talk anymore, i feel sick and it is not helping the anhedonia. My track record of "trying to rekindle friendships until they snap and block me and unintentionally forcing our mutual friends to 'pick a side' because of the sheer discomfort of my desperation for validation" is pretty bleak. Or if you know how to be socially perfect and get anyone to forgive you and start liking you again, that works too

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

Very basic character sheet for Yao 😊

I researched what Chinese people wore during the Xia dynasty and early Shang dynasty, but honestly there wasn't a whole lot of info out there. Mostly just that their clothing was simple, tended to be primary colours, and there wasn't a whole lot of distinction between classes (besides richer people being able to afford better quality and darker fabrics). There were a couple of diagrams, but I had to take some liberties with making Yao's clothes specifically - being more suited for travelling and keeping him warm. All this to say if there's anyone with more knowledge who can spot any issues pls let me know 😅

[evil-mcytblrconfessions]

honestly i just wanted to make a confessions blog. i have no clue if this is an original or even acceptable idea (im sorry if its not. thats why im not linking this to my main haha)

AHEM. do you love @mcytblrconfessions (unaffiliated)? do you get sad when they turn their asks off because theyve got a fucktonne of them (which is very valid, this is not me being upset at them for doing so)? do you wish that said blog was run by one (1) unstable dsmp fan who definitely doesnt write hermitcraft rpf? well too bad for you about that last one.

THIS IS THE BLOG WHERE ALL OF THAT IS REAL! why is this evil? i dont fucking know; it just is. send in all of your confessions (vaguely) related to mcyt! honestly if you send in something completely unrelated but i find it funny ill still post it bcs idk why not

i am fully expecting to just fucking die within a week. tumblrs already ruined my mental health; lets go for round 2 WOOOO

im your host cedar (pronounced like cheddar) and welcome to making bad decisions with me !

actually important stuff (im gonna pin this post):

- we do polls now apparently. add the 🗳️ emoji to your ask and yeah a poll will appear

- i will be stealing parts of mcytblrconfessions tagging system. PARTS.

- this blogs asks will be open WHENEVER mcytblrconfessions asks are closed. no matter how many asks i have in the inbox. theyll be thrown in queue and answered whenever.

- this blog is only evil because its funny ! please do not be a deplorable person! do not send in things such as: discourse-related, nsfw, drama/ragebaiting, being a fucking weirdo. just. yeah, use common sense please <3 there is non-zero chance that i will just block you <3

- PLEASE mention at least once the thing/person youre talking abt so i can tag it correctly! this doesnt rly apply to duo names or ships, youre fine just mentioning their names and ill tag the proper group or ship. this applies to ccs and series. i dont know which blorbo or series youre talking abt unless you SPECIFY! even if ive demonstrably shown that i know what the thing is, SPECIFY! i am not telepathic yet. (does not apply to being intentionally ominous/vague.)

- yes thats a squishmallow in the pfp; hir name is éloïse.

[yonpote]

Honestly so relieved with the charity they picked. As an adult I spent a lot of time trying to not seek out validation for my political/social opinions from celebrities but I am so glad they're doing this. I don't mind him being apolitical online but it's nice to see he's doing this because it's important

yeah i think phil has always been good about this even tho sure hes not as vocal about his politics as dan can be. i was talking to some friends and i misremembered phil posting a black square on ig during the BLM protests for george floyd (which if u dont remember was just the absolute laziest form of performative activism) but they quickly corrected me that he actually posted a graphic that said Black lives matter and had a handful of resources in support of the movement and didnt tag it was blacksquare or anything like that and imo very clearly wasnt doing that for clout

i'll be real i was growing a little frustrated hearing about people who were really begging them to speak up about this, and i can understand feeling disappointed when your favs dont speak up about something important but ultimately sometimes thats a thing you just have to let go. and like this point is moot now because they are speaking up and supporting the pcrf and everything! i remember when people hounded dan for tweeting about a ceasefire? as in pro-palestine ppl getting angry with the way he worded his tweet? and like. idk i get it sometimes dan doesnt perfectly phrase things but like WE KNOW he has his heart in the right place so like what's the point in getting upset about the particulars of his choice of words.in general internet culture is so much about semantics and wording things rather than about actions and intent and impact on the world.

and its also very much a parasocial thing to where like, i think for ME bc ive figured out a healthier way to interact with my favs. i know how to separate them from me as a person so like, dnp's actions and statements don't say anything about me as a person or any of their fans. and i mean that's been proven with like, on twitter theres like all these fanartists doing incentives for ppl to donate for fanart and thats like so cool and like didnt need to be sanctioned by dnp or anything it was just something a bunch of people decided together ykwim?

[the-bonfires-ember]

ive been thinking about that thing people say about mental illness. yknow, 'its not a part of your personality' 'dont make it your identity' etc

but when you have a personality disorder, that doesnt really make sense anymore.

which makes my feelings on cluster b pride flags a little conflicted. coz, sure, it is fundamentally a part of your personality and certainly shapes your identity, but something about pride flags has always been off to me. perhaps especially as a person with aspd.

now, sure, on the one hand i get it. theres something appealing about having that kind of validation that you arent alone, especially when you are constantly masking and shifting who you are to fit the situation best.

we might have antisocial personality disorder but we are still, at our core, social creatures. we still desire community, we're just also afraid of it.

so yeah, a banner of community and others 'like us' seems fair enough, right?

BUT

theres still something... off to me about it. what it was, exactly, only came to me after a discussion with my partner about DID and PluralKit - yeah i know, im diving into plural drama now, lfg i guess

they showed me an infographic about the process of DID recovery which showed the progression from very disconnected and separated identities to a more blended 'final fusion' (a term they take issue with but thats a different story). i said that PluralKit must be confusing for people on the later ends of the spectrum they were showing me because, at that point, how do you tell who is blending with who? when the lines are blurry, how do you know who to tag yourself as? it seemed like an inhibitor to recovery if you were constantly cutting yourselves off from each other. (this is not me saying anything one way or the other about plurals and recovery in DID or whatever the fuck else, im just using this as an example. stfu i dont care about your opinions on any of this so dont waste your breath)

i think my feelings on aspd flags is somewhat similar. coz i mean, they are pride flags, right? and i think if you are taking pride in being aspd then you are far more likely to lean into your symptoms, and i think thats a slippery slope to go down and has just a very 'anti-recovery' vibe, if you know what i mean.

with that all said, i also very much think that if you dont want to recover, you dont have to. i dont think you can force anyone to recover and i dont think you should even try to. recovery is fucking shit and its hard and if you arent ready for it, you are just going to hurt whoever you are trying to make recover.

but i also think that you can have that opinion, whilst also being a voice for recovery, and be against 'anti-recovery' thinking.

because look, like it or not aspd is a fucking disorder. and at some point that becomes unhelpful or it wouldnt be a disorder. symptoms of aspd are debilitating and pretending otherwise that helps nobody. especially with all the 'all pwASPD are evil' scum out there.

so yes, i think the pride flags are... unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. but what about the other stuff? the creatures alla tbh creature and the plushiedreadful rabbit? (i think both of those designs suck btw but thats not the point)

idk those feel like they are in a different category. theres not really a sense of pride in those, more a sense of comfort. again, community, but also a sort of softness(??) that the pride flag things seem to miss - especially when they are like 'vampire aspd' or 'evil aspd' or any of the other bullshit things ive seen out there. i guess they are also just way more 'mental illness' coded than pride flags are.

pride flags have always been a 'we're here and theres nothing wrong with us' kind of thing. but the creatures and the bears are more lighthearted and sort of making fun of the conditions a little bit. highlighting symptoms and coping mechanisms. just look at the imocreature - specifically the worm one which is my favourite - and the way its able to be so pathetic looking and cute. its not meant to be cool or badass or whatever else, its just a lil guy that gets sad without supply.

which, yknow, relatable.

[todayisafridaynight]

to answer the question tho i think my dad should play daigo because my sisters only ever bully me about the fact daigo vaguely looks like him and he's also asian so it all checks out in my opinion

who can you see playing Daigo in live action I know this is wrong because it should be all Asian actors but I can see Henry Cavil.

you're right in that's wrong why would you have a white man play an asian man

[sanjidysphoria]

Hi agi I'm obsessed with your tags under that tmi post you're my idol please tell us more about bow you ruined this man's life

you know what. theres 30 mins left so i will. so the reason i got with him was is very confusing and it was obviously out of revenge.

back to elementary school when i had a best friend named uhhhhhh kate (not her actual name). so kate and me we were epic bffs because no one else liked us. however for very different reasons. see kate was genuinely just fuckign irritating while i was emo. i kinda actually hated her ass but since i had no other friends i was like sigh this will do. we went to different highschools and i had a friend in another class named dave. now those two through me got to know each other and they started dating. i dont know how cuz again this girl was fucking annoying but anyway. fast forward two years i basically dropped her ass since i got lowkey popular in highschool because i was openly gay and the highschool had a weird straight gay ratio, like i swear everyone was closeted. again fast forward to last summer they break up because dave couldnt take the long distance thing. and kate hits me up. like every day. and i HATE her ass okay she made me miserable through elementary and now for some reason she thinks she can just traumadump on me every day, and i dont mean like "im sad today :(((" she GENUINELY texted me shit like im killing myself today. i called her mom btw i was so sick of her. and she wouldnt leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!! so i go hm. how can i make her not text me ever again. and she gave me a wonderful idea cuz one time she was bitching about how dave never even liked her he had a crush on me like whatever man i dont give a shit. im gay. but then... what if i wasnt. what if i stole her ex man and she came to hate me and blocked me everywhere. this is where my childhood best friend, andrew came into the equation. because see i was nt rlly friends with dave anymore but i knew they were best friends so if i used andrew i could get with dave! again im gay. im just fucking insane and evil. so we start hanging out and this one time me and dave get very close to hooking up but then he says aw man but ur gay. and in my mind im like yeag thats valid but how do i let him know that im not? so i tell andrew hey im bi thinking he would tell dave. he didnt though and one time we got very drunk and he was like can we make out and im like drunk so i go sure......... and then we started like being a thang lowkey but the funny thing is dave didnt back down like???????? and andrew was like super jealous the whole time and im pretty sure i ruined their bestfriendship whatever i kinda always thought they were in gay love idk. but then kate got the idea that me and dave were also a thing despite me being with the other guy and she actually did block me everywhere so the plan kinda worked idk lol thats the lore

[monstrouslyobsessed]

…tumblr can you go and soak yourself in a burning pit of hot sauce…i never even got notifs of any of the older asks i got…

so very sorry if you've been waiting for like two months on my answers;;; and here i was wondering how dead my inbox was last month…rude, tumblr, very rude. all the asks are under the cut!

just a quick note, to the super sweet asker who send in two very long asks v recently, ima answer them separately after this one, if thats okay!! &lt;3

tw / tags: dirty confession, monster fucking, breeding mentions, implied noncon, brief pregnancy mentions, long post, beastfolk / beastfolks characters mentioned: lady hyena, the lioness, conservative lion, papa bull, duke, cerelos, father fox, velarius

I love Daddy Bull and Duke, (along with so many other of your works!), do you have any plans on doing a confrontation between the two bulls and the reader? My thirst is dryer than the Sahara for these two bulls. I need more content. I’m a desperate whore… 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。 —anonymous

hm i'm STILL chewing on how this saga should go tbf because it really could go any way!!! i might just bite the bullet and write au's of papa bull and duke saga, even if i feel a little weird making varying storyline au's of my characters.

it was just supposed to be a bull daddy enjoying his little human, how did duke end up there lol

I know everyone is dying over Baldur’s gate rn but have you heard of Lustful Desires on itch.io? I just got into it and I’m dying to talk about it. They literally let you have a poly relationship with 3 different werewolves it’s so good —@flameshadowwolf

i've never heard of it! ima have to check it out now, thanks for the rec &lt;3

Sorry if you consider this a request, but I'm very interested about your OC's yandere MBTI types (from @ddarker-dreams), so if you feel like it, can you identify them in this system? —anonymous

i…ah, am kinda bad with these mbti things. idk if its because i'm older than most writers i know (hi lock my love!! hope you're doing fantastic!), but i guess i can make my best attempt…? i'll just pick a few characters and list them for ya. if you want more specific characters or want me to make an official post with expanded explation, lmk and i'll make my best attempt

here's the link for anyone who are interested

lady hyena: reverent, delusional(?), manipulative (?), lenient, rdml the lioness: reverent, aware, honest, and strict(?), rahs conservative lion: cruel, aware, honest, and strict, cahs papa bull: reverent, delusional, honest, and strict(?), rdhs duke: cruel(?), delusional, manipulative, and strict, cdms father fox: reverent, aware, honest, and lenient(ish), rahl valerius: reverent, delusional(?), manipulative, and lenient, rdml

that's just a few! and they're all beastfolks since they're more fresh in my mind, aha. i tried my best hhh

Thirst chat thought: Have you ever thought that Cerelos could just find a way to tie up his wife underneath him as a cock sleeve, gag her, and just walk around a bit for the day doing royal duties and stuff? The man already has a equine skirt he wears, so he can easily hide everything underneath… (Also I’d happily give this man a dozen babies because I am a simp for him 💕) —anonymous

i think i touched upon that at one point! i wanna say he did that during a large meeting, maybe with his darling magically gagged? lemme see if i can find that post…

found it! its super brief but still

well, now i wanna write that…that's one more to my long to-do list, aha.

also you're valid

I am a simple man all I desire is your happiness. Tis all. I noticed you were feeling sad lately and I thought man next time I have extra money I'll kofi MO but recently I acquired a small fortune and I was happy to find a way to repay you for the time my friends and I giggle and go horny over your works Re-Reading your works is payment enough ….but if you wish to repay me I wouldn't mind maybe a dilf monster vampire (kinda like what you did for wolf pack? but Victorian times) or sequel to snake movie star or sequel/prequel dragon But I would rather you do what you are passionate about! Share your creations with the world! Rejoice in your delights! —anonymous

hi i love you and i swear i answered this before

i did the snek boi just for you <3 i hope you (and your friends!!) enjoyed it! he's a difficult boi to get through but i had fun writing him and his weird camera hobby

link: SMILE FOR THE CAMERA

Also increase your kofi goal —anonymous

im…okay. i didn't really have a goal target in mind so i hope thats sufficient??? sdfkdfj

Which of the beast folk are most likely to mate with humans? Like what about big cat beastfolk? —anonymous

it'd be fangedfolk, since they're canine (dogs) and are most attracted to the humans'…hm , simplicity and openness, i suppose you could say? and possibly treefolk (primates). i based my beastfolks' basic common grounds with irl animals, as canines are pack animals and dogs are more emotionally connected to us. as for primates, humans have evolutionary connections, similar social intelligence, and the shared abilities to solve problems and such.

that said, while fangedfolk are the most likely to have a human "companion", they are also most likely to have a poly pack with their human. whiskeredfolk (feline) are probably in the top-middle of that list, if we were to have a most-to-least likely ranking, with toothedfolk (rodents) due to their prey/nervous natures and seafolks (aquatic) on how dangerous/rare they are to communicate with, at the very bottom. the reason why i feel the whiskeredfolk being in the top-middle is that they can be fairly arrogant and being independent, but adores the complete attention their human can give them and how easily they are to manipulate.

that said, this is extremely generalized list, since the list is not really factoring in specific sub-groups under these categories, such as lions being social animals and are more likely to acquire a human lover, cheetahs more likely to need a service human pet to help with their anxieties, maned wolf being solitary type, etc. and other facets, like countries/areas, cultures, when/which eras, political affiliations, etc.

hope this answers your question, love!

Hello, I've been binging your Masterlist and I just want to say your OCS are exquisite —anonymous

i think you're exquisite as well, love! <3 thank you~

Are you eventually going to do more father fox content?? He's my favorite and I love him so much ♥️ —anonymous

ye! i have couple requests for more hcs for him~though they're all kinda pretty broad. if you have anything more specific for a hc request, hmu! i'd love to write a full piece of him someday too, since i think his quietly manipulative personality is fascinating to work with.

Daddy Bull and Duke content soon? I NEED these two fine beasts in my life!!! And can’t wait till the cute baby arrives!!! And hopefully many more…😋🥰 —anonymous

send in a request then~! preferably something a bit less broad, aha, but yes!

i especially would love to write a full story of those two someday, maybe as a book?

Hi hey sorry to bother you, hypothetically if I wanted to make an ai bot of one of your beastfolks, would that be alright? If not I totally understand, I just want to make sure! —anonymous

as long as there are proper credits included, go for it! just please be sure to link back to me if you do make one &lt;3

whewwww, i...really hope i didn't miss anyone. most of them were (or looked like) a request of some kind and two i wanted to put into their own posts for me to answer soon.

hope yall are doing wonderfully and are having at least a decent holiday season!! ima try and get something nice out by christmas so heres hoping!! just...gonna decide on which i wanna do...lol.

[elviraaxen]

im new here, so im sorry if this is a question youve answered before but tumblr's search bar failed me in finding this to be previous answered but.. uhmmm

c... can we make ocs/personas for Felt World? or would you rather we not or we hold off until further in?? bc i would love to make a puppet give our cowboy a smooch before he is, i assume bc he is a fucking catch and a half, taken off the market in canon lol i assume he wont still be single by the end. im a tad bit too embarrassed to ever post such drawings, but i wanted to know in case i ever did become brave enough to make them public if such you would be welcome to be tagged in or if that would make you feel uncomfortable

and also, for that purpose: as someone with disabilities, im really curious how disabilities are translated into Felt World? obviously not all of them, that'd take forever. but i was curious if they use mobility aids just like ours or if they use ones we could not have (an example of what i mean could be like "seal-chairs" in "Witch Hat Atelier"? they are chairs with hooves that run and jump, as opposed to wheels). and i know you said music is really powerful in this world, in both singing and instruments, but i wanted to also ask how in a world with so much focus on sound are the deaf/hard of hearing accomadated? deaf/HoH people can still play instruments, obviously (the most famous example being Beethoven), but i meant other than that

(also, if i recall accurately you once said that "the puppets have to speak to be considered sentient beings"? i was wondering if in the future could that be amended to "have to be able to communicate"? because i assume nonverbal puppets would still exist, as well as puppets who just dont speak much (whether thats a facet of deafness or nonspeaking shutdown or just a quiet personality). or would that break Felt World's world-building's logic in some way? that's a genuine question. i wasnt sure how to word it in a way that would minimize the risk of one being put on their back-foot, but i tried my best, it really is a genuine question)

(also, because i never like to assume fluency in disability-knowledge: if you need a resource on media portrayals of disability at any point, i highly recommend the youtuber, Oakwyrm. they do a lot of really cool analysis videos on disability. i do apologize if i am overstepping, and you are already largely fluent in disabled portrayals in media and/or already aware of Oakwyrm's existence. i just like to shout at least one resource out because i know many people have no idea where to look to learn more about general disability representation advice and whatnot. you do not have to watch their videos if you do not want to ♡)

also a bit of a tangent, idk if this is just a "for now" aspect of Donna due to her adjusting or if this is a core pillar of her personality but... just, thank you for making a feminine character who cries a lot and is emotional with Big Feelings. ive always felt more connected to the Dorthy Gales, Cinderellas, Clarisse de Cagliostros kind of heroines who are a bit of a "damsel in distress" (tho i do think that term reduces a lot of their agency and bravery) and i feel a bit lonely that we dont see many emotional-vitality-driven heroines who need some help as much as badass heroines or sassy heroines, both of whom are fully capable of getting shit sone alone. makes my cry-baby disabled ass feel a little pathetic (im very physically weak because of my chronic health issues, and am the type of Autistic ADHDer who is very sensitive to getting big feelings), even tho i know those types of heroines are valid and needed. i resonate a lot with AJR's lyric about "But I'm weak. And what's wrong with that?" even though i know im taking it out of context

and im sure Donna will prove herself capable of being on her own and having her own agency, same as all the heroines ive listed, i dont assume she will be stagnant, but i just wanted to really thank you for making a character that i relate to. i dont get that often. it makes me feel a bit abnormal and strange, and i mean moreso than the "well youre neurodivergent and sickly" kind of abnormal that would be implied. like. Weird Kid sitting alone at lunch kind of strange. so its really cool to see Donna and feel less lonely, is what im saying. i wish there were more heroines like her for people like me nowadays, rather than the archetype being reduced to "archiac stereotypes" (which i both do and dont understand the logic of. it depends on context and the example given) and therefore shelving a type of heroine we dont see in a lot of contemporary media (in exchange for a heroine we didnt get to see often (if at all) in past media, the sassy and badass ones, i do get it, and im glad theyre being used more as they should have always been. there are a select few of both camps that feel like "women have to be as stereotypically masculine as possible to be worthy of being called 'a strong character'" when i think strong characters have less to do with personality and more to do with "do they direct the narrative's plot? do they have agency?". but i could be wrong about that and i am getting off-topic)

but yeah. just. overall: thank you for introducing Donna to be like she is. it means a lot to me to see a heroine like her in contemporary media. im really excited to see what youll do next ♡ but yeah, i know im babbling a lot here and you dont need to reply to this half, i just really wanted to stress my thanks and WHY you have my thanks ♡♡♡ i really appreciate having Donna sit at my metaphorical lunch-table with me, even if she has to go sit somewhere else later. its been really nice to be beside her

thank you ♡

ps. i wasnt sure how to format this Ask because i know some people like to have each section have their own Ask for compartmentalizing/tag-organization reasons, but others like it all to be together so they know its all from one person as opposed to the anxiety of "ahh why did i get so many Asks all at once, did i do something wrong, do people hate me-- oh. its fine. i went through that rollercoaster for nothing. dear lord, am i drained now". so i tend to rather assume the latter, just in case; but do feel free to screenshot and section these out into their own posts if you are the former, i wont mind if youd rather do that ♡ have a nice day!!

Oh my goodness what a long message!!! 0.0!!

I had to take a few hours to think about everything to make sure I answered everything. But I should start off by showing my gratitude for the amount of time and effort you put into formulating this! So thank you, this was a really cool ask to receive <3

As for OCs, absolutely you can! I've already had a few who've made theirs, and I have no rules at all when it comes to shipping or self inserts or anything, as long as everyone is being respectful towards each other ^^

As for the disability aspect, I have a few key points that I want to explore in regards to especially deafness and muteness (is it called that? muteness?), but that's further along the story and will be introduced later! Also how song vs instruments work in this world is a part of the lore itself that'll be explained further down the line too, so no need to worry about our fellow mute or deaf/hoh peeps!

I have of course thought about mobility aids and other disability accommodations (because they can be born with defect, illnesses, and be injured pretty much like us, their bodies are a bit more fantastical but there are still rules) but i must admit didn't think further other than to give them similar mobility aids that we use. But clearly it would make more sense to make something more fantastical! I'll give it a thought! That's probably gonna be a fun design exercise ^^

I'm not sure if I can answer the entire ask in a way that does it justice, it's quite frankly the coolest message I've gotten, I'm gonna try and not let it get to my head (lol),

but i'm so glad you and seemingly many others seem to like Donna and appreciate her specifically for being sensitive and reacting strongly. It shouldn't be but it's really daunting to write female leads because as we know people just don't like women in media generally, but I eventually just got over it because I realized I was starting to write a character that demanded the audience cared and respected, rather than showing a story that I had fun telling, in a world worth exploring.

And not to spoil but I've already decided I do not want Donna to go through an arc where she's forced to abandon her emotions or go through something physically traumatic in order to "become tough" to be respected, that's not only overdone but lame and harmful wish fulfillment. So no worries in that department!

But anyways, I don't think I can properly say how appreciative I am of this ask!!! It really warms my heart that you and other people are going out of your way to send me asks about my little story that I came up with on a whim!!! It's truly the best compliment as a creator.

<3

[artdcnaldson]

cat…light of my days…i have an update. for the pillow talk tag (i can’t remember the exact name)

so i was using pebble in the shower this morning and i recently had a really shit experience at an OB’s office 1) because i’m trans and 2) because she wanted to do a transvaginal ultrasound (to see if i have endo or other harmful tissue growing outside) and i’m a virgin and the thought of medical devices up my body makes me wanna cry (i did cry!) but anyway.

i was using pebble and i decided “fuck it” and i grabbed my lube and got it on my boykitty and i put my pointer in and disassociated immediately. i didn’t even finish with pebble it was so weird the horny dial turned all the way down immediately. it was really really strange and idk how to feel like i’m not grossed out, i’m not turned on, i just am… and my boykitty feels really weird right now…

That’s so valid! It may have been a headspace issue or it may just not be what you personally need to finish! Thats so incredibly normal and I hope you’re in a better place mentally after a sucky obgyn visit :(

[rin-and-jade]

Im so happy to see you taking a break and I hope the break is very nice!

I understand there might be a delay in responses but thats okay, please take your time your health is more important !!

Be prepared for a huge wall of text so sorry in advance-

But, i have a few things im just itching to ask gahhh

Firstly, we originally believed we had little to no amnesia (believing osdd-1b) BUT since then we realised the amnesia is so much heavier than we realised, we figured bc we could recall general events and it was calm in a sense (we saw majority of the time when people experience amnesia its distressing and the loss of all memory) but, the memories are not memorying, so now we are assuming just DID, and that brings me to the second part...

fragments and subsystems, so, idk how valid this is (mostly bc my assumptions are based off vibes/gut instinct) but im fairly sure a subsystem occurred a few months back from a split where that alter just disappeared, which is unusual from what we have documented from the past 1.5 years (most splits the alter detaches from the stressor and those stressors mould a new alter to deal with it in a sense-) so from the recent odd split i believe a subsys was created as such? i have no clue except the vibes, in which it feels like a bunch of fragments in a sense? like i believe ive been fronting for months on my own for now, but there are some parts of my days where i just blank anything that happened, so im curious if there is-

and its not the only time as such where we have had this dreaded gut feeling there were more parts that might be dormant or even very separate, or even parts we dont even notice due to the nature of disorder being a whole lot of forgetting and the disorder pretending to not be the disorder and stuff ;-;

im so sorry for the huge rambles, if you have any advice or explanations or even resources i can read through to draw my own conclusions that would be so cool, bc as of right now im so scared to say this as i feel like im actually faking it for attention and theres no way i was traumatised enough for this and yadayada

tldr: should i trust my 'gut instincts' about system related information, or is my brain being silly?

I don't see the point on invalidating instincts, they're subconscious pattern detectors, so if you feel off, you bet it IS off. Though it's healthy to back it up with evidence preferably, and if there's no evidence yet, then you prowl like a predator in attempt to search for the truth scroll... cough--with a help from me whenever you need it, i mean im not going anywhere.

Also, you can check wether you have did or osdd by jotting down logs or patterns wether: you're memorying more or memorying less, the things you forgot, how often do you find yourself black/greying out, how distinct your personalities are, and wether you can easily remember other part's memories or able to grasp another facet of yourself (if you do not, or is really hard too, im sure this is 'did' from first impression)

--

Right, and for the advices, further explanations, or even resources are all answered by my previous edu posts where its compiled in the #jeducates tag,, i'd love you to just swim in it and process all my information like a sponge.. and come back the second time with more specific questions if you still need confirmation or assurances.

Let me know how it went, i'll be waiting for ya's update!

- c

[sporkberries]

I saw your post about Tim and Jason and I’ve never agreed about something more. We need more fics where them getting closer is at least canon adjacent instead of the stuff we get in fanon. A lot of their fanon content really grosses me out because it sort of reads like Tim developing Stockholm syndrome for Jason who repeatedly abuses him but can’t be blamed for it because of “pit madness” 🤢. That might just be because of my personal experiences but it really grosses me out a lot of the time

YEAH NO I 100% AGREE. I think portraying Tim as automatically forgiving Jason for the awful things he does(TO TIM) and ohh Jason wants to hurt him but its not his faulltt. Is so fucking UEGH. I think its not only a disservice to both of their characters but a really weird dynamic to tag as “fluff” and “hurt/comfort”.

I especially dislike the Titan’s Tower stories not just because they misrepresent the actual scene(which is very ridiculous imo) but because having Jason beat the shit out of Tim and then WRITE ON THE WALLS WITH HIS BLOOD and then being like ohh no he’s his care taker now is so 😨. Like imagine someone beating you so bad THEY CAN WRITE WITH YOUR BLOOD and then them kidnapping you and “taking care of you” thats so fucked…

I think the fandom in general can turn Tim into a bit of a punching bag which… fair. Im not going to pretend like i dont like angst BUT when portraying these traumatic events or his interactions with the people around him they kinda make him… spineless? Which IS a valid trauma response but its not Tim. Tim can be literally on the verge of death and he’ll still probably be shit talking you y’know? He can be self sacrificing yeah but… come on.

IDK. Jason pre reboot is kinda not a great person and i think the fandom WANTS him to be and they want to twist it into “pit madness”(which isnt a long lasting thing) or “he protects women and kids”(does he?) when it just… isn’t true?

Fanon Jason as a whole is just kinda an OC with bits of current Jason mixed into him, he doesn’t exist outside the fandom. This is why i sometimes joke about being a “jason todd hater” when i dont really have much against the character(other than most his comics being shit 😔) but because i dislike some aspects of the fandom he represents.

I do think Tim and Jason have the POTENTIAL to get along. They’re both snarky bastards and that dynamic is fun to write and mess around with but there is A LOT of baggage to unpack. Titans tower stuff aside Tim broke Jason out of prison which resulted in Jason donning a batman suit and killing a bunch if people which Tim feels EXTREME guilt for. So even if pre reboot jason wants something to do with Tim(which i think he does as he continually reaches out to him) there is a lot they would need to work on. Which i admit would be interesting to read but sadly a lot of fics dont really follow the comics that well.

Anyhow closing this off i also want to mention again how the fandom prioritizes Tim’s largely fanon(or lobdell written so shouldnt be acknowledged ) relationship with jason over his long lasting canonical relationships with female characters( Cass and Helena[HELENA IS SUCH A VICTIM OF THIS OH MY GOD AND FANON JASON STEALS SO MANY OF HER TRAITS AN-]) 😔

But yeah fanon jason and tim is weird and i’d be interested to see an actual brotherhood develop between the two but i think it would take a lot of work from the both of them(which DC will definitely not put in 😔)

[causenessus]

good morning, evening or afternoon my loveliness!! how’s your day been? have you eaten? MAKE SURE U EAT !! today i just had pasta in the morning like i literally JUST got off work and i was like okay okay time to reply to my dearest ness(ill probably have pasta again)(like ill be eating in between writing this LOL) but OH MY GOD MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW HOW LONG MY LAST ASK WAS LIKE IM LITERALLY I YAPPED SO MUCH IM SO SO SORRY LOL i was like i genuinely went😧(AND THATS EVEN IN THE SMALL FONT!!)(deepest apologies to anyone who had to scroll pass that)

OFC I NOTICE THINGS ABOUT U !! i think it’s like a like my mind mentally notes the things you say and i kind of catch onto your mannerisms?(IS THAT WEIRD??)(like in a GOOD WAY ofc) and i just kind of recognize the way you write !! like i feel like if the roles were reversed i would 100% be able to tell who you are by the way you write(IN A GOOD WAY ALWAYS IN A GOOD WAY)(all love for my one and only always always) also yeah! i don’t live in the states but i think our timezones are the same or like one hour apart so I TOTALLY GET IT the assumption is valid! DONT APOLOGIZE AT ALL i would’ve done the exact same thing or honestly if someone said “i have the same time zone as you” i would probably be like omg stop they’re my neighbour LMAOO

THE RESTAURANT CHAOS SEEMS SO REAL like i’ve never worked in a restaurant so i can’t really imagine the environment but hearing the experience from you and my friend who works at olive garden i’m like… maybe i SHOULDNT complain about my retail job LOL LIKE IT SEEMS SO CHAOTIC? but that’s so true!!(sorry you probably have no idea what i’m talking about) LIKE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN MAKING SURE THE CUSTOMER IS OKAY like ill be running around the store holding like pounds of clothing and ill have a customer come up to me like “erm do you have this in the back?” LIKE MA’AM RESPECTFULLY NO IM SORRY CAN YOU TALK TO ME WHEN IM NOT BUSY but i CANT say that so i just end up saying “im sorry whatever we have out here is all we have :)” then i scurry away like IM JUST A GIRL?? also also idk if this is a common thing too but lets talk about some of the WEIRDOS at work right so i know im 18 now but when i was a minor i had some weird interactions with MEN(let me just give you a little description of mango anon right so im like 5’1 and i have a baby face like “going into places saying i’m 13 for it to be cheaper” type of baby face)(but this is when i was like 16 i don’t think that trick will work anymore LOL) but tell me why i had GROWN MEN come up to me USING MY NAME(curse name tags) be weird? like i had this one guy literally tell ME(I WAS 16 OR 17 DURING THIS) “you’d make a good housewife!” when i was folding his clothes and at first i was like yo okay that’s a bit weird but then he was like “how old do you have to be to work here?” THEN i was like okay okay that’s personal information! so i was just like “oh haha idk” like awkwardly and he’s like “so do you have to be over 18 to work here” and i was like SIR okay your total is $18.67 how would you like to pay today! anyways it was weird, my other coworkers also had a lot of weird interactions so like one of my coworkers who was older than me just told me to not wear my name tag like our managers won’t make a huge deal out of it and whatever so yeah that was that, lesson of the day! don’t be a weirdo!

also i swear run and props is like favourite for tech theatre WHICH I GET like when i was in high school a lot of people liked being in run and prop because idk they like the big role or something?? i think also costumes and makeup was also pretty popular but like i remember one time the director flipped a switch on us because like the makeup crew was actually people from our cosmetology class and they would like fool around A LOT like they did the makeup but they would be like yapping a lot so one day my director was like IF UR NOT GONNA DO UR JOB THEN WE’LL HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT !! and then everyone was like oohh okayyy(we got yelled at A LOT tbh for little silly things)(tech theatre ptsd ill tell u) and omg the kid who wanted your light job like CALM DOWN(i am now too spiteful against them)(i will hire the etsy witch to curse them for you) like i swear i’ve met some of the worse people in tech and its CRAZY like the ratio of normal people to absolute arrogant weirdos is CRAZY(ill be generous and say 1:3)and literally yeah like i didn’t want to continue with tech because of the toxic environment like i literally CAN NOT, i know people in uni would be a little more mature and like take tech more seriously but i STILL CANT LIKE there will always be that one person that will ruin it for everyone so i had to blow out the torch and unfortunately say goodbye to theatre </3 UNLESS ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE I HEAR YOU DROP THAT YOURE GONNA BE WORKING AT A THEATRE i’ll literally buy my plane tickets and sign up to be sounds and go be with you like YOU WILL MAKE IT BEARABLE and we’ll literally be the ultimate lights and sound duo like no one can compete idc if the other person has more years of experience than me I WILL STILL SQUEEZE MYSELF IN !! ALSO OMG IN MY THEATRE DAYS (in my good old days) literally most of the people who did take it serious were WOMEN like we are tech mothers!! we are women in STEM!! the majority of people who got on my nerves were men(i apologize to any men reading this)(but unfortunately it is the truth for me </3) ALSO PLS ITS SO FUNNY HOW YOU HAVE AN ICK FOR EVERY GUY YOU USED TO LIKE (i 100% get it) i love hearing about it too LOL ALSO THAT DYNAMIC OF STAGE MANAGER READER AND LIGHTS HEAD SUNA?? i can literally imagine suna being so silly and teasing while the reader has to take it seriously since yk.. it’s her job LIKE ITS LITERALLY LIKE MANAGER READER X SUNA BUT THEATRE-IZED (if that makes sense) also PLS DONT WORRY!! u have so much stuff lined up like take your time and don’t worry! at the end of the day everyone should be thankful that you’re even here sharing your amazing talents with everyone <33

also oh. my. god. if i heard someone say “ITS UP TO ME TO SAVE THE SHOW” i think i would die on spot like id stare at them in genuine disbelief and be like.. alright… alright everyone pack it up our HERO is here to save us like ?? omg and i literally had the same experience right so we were doing the shirley holmes play right and our lead just would not SPEAK UP LIKE ill admit. their acting was pretty good and stage presence was good but WHY CANT YOU SPEAK UP??? like literally so many times i had to like try to read her lips because i literally could not like it was so frustrating, and i couldn’t even be mad at her because she was good EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE COULDNT PROJECT and yk why yk why she was like “im saving my voice for show night” like… excuse me… EXCUSE ME?? (anyways i have a lot of old rage from tech)(this is why i quit!!!)

ONLINE GROUPS ARE SO FUNNY LIKE I SWEAR ITS THE SAME LINEUP LIKE the oldest which formed the group, we have the middle area then the random minors who are like 10 years younger than everyone LOL but socks if you read this im so sorry </333 idk if i liked you back i was like 15 at the time but i promise you i wasn’t ghosting you </333 i was just trying to see what you said I DIDN’T MEAN IT !! ALSO DONT WORRY ABT UR TANGENTS BCUZ ME TOO i literally ramble and yap so much sometimes im ASTONISHED LMAOO

ALSO IM GONNA GO BACK MEMORY LANE FOR A SECOND BCUZ THAT ANON THAT ASKED YOU ABT THE ORIGINAL LOVENOTES STORY AWAKENED SOMETHING IN ME so i remember the first ever ask i sent in was when you were first making love notes like the intros were out already and everything and you were talking about how like having suga in the storyline was kinda messing you up a little bit and you were saying how you were second guessing yourself on it so i sent in a little anon ask(I CANT REMEMBER PROPERLY BUT) saying basically “hey !! you can still change the storyline because it is ur story !! just write what you’re comfortable with” SOMETHING LIKE THAT and u were literally so sweet and then that’s when you changed it and i was like omg ness is literally so sweet what then a few days later i sent in just a small like “hi ness how are you ! did you eat yet?” (i think those were my exact words i actually don’t remember) AND YOU WERE LITERALLY SO SWEET?? LIKE I ALMOST CRIED BCUZ LIKE you were like “tell me what you ate and how you are!” and i thought it was literally the sweetest thing ever so i made it my life obligation and role to make sure you were always taking care of yourself from now on like even if im busy i will always send a little “make sure to eat!! take care of urself!!” (i’ll literally be ur guardian angel from now on) i also think you put it in ur favourites and i literally MY HEART MELTED I WAS LIKE HHHHHH BUT YEAH anyways that’s the origins of mango anon LOL but anyways omg i yapped so much this took an hour to write (IM NOT COMPLAINING I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY)(but to be fair i ate between writing these) it’s so funny bcuz an hour passes by but i don’t feel like it’s an hour like i swear i black out and i just type type type and im like omg im done!!

ANYWAYS i hope you’ve had a good day today and that you’ve eaten well!! U DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST make sure to take care of urself I APPRECIATE AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH SO MAKE SURE YOU TAKE CARE OF URSELF!! always and always <333 xoxoxo

MY LOVELY MANGO ANON I MISSED U SM <3 HELLO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON HELLO CAN U TELL I MISSED U (like it wasn't my own fault i haven't been able to open my inbox until just not BUT NONETHELESS I MISSED YOU </33 LIKE I WAS WORKING AND I WAS LIKE "i haven't seen anything from mango anon yet </3" BUT THAT'S NO PRESSURE ON YOU!! IK YOU WERE BUSY AND ALSO HAD THAT 9-5:30 SO I TOTALLY GET IT OKAY NOW I'M GOING TO GO BACK AND READ YOUR ASK!!!)

I HOPE YOU ATE AS WELL!! dw i've once again been eating my depression meal staple BUT TODAY my toast had almond butter on it bc i'm just really obsessed with almond butter <3 SO I THINK I ATE GOOD TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUR PASTA WAS GOOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON AAA I MISSED U 😭 AND IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A DAY OR ANYTHING SINCE WE TALKED BUT I JUST MISSED U PLEASE DON'T WORRY ABOUT LONG ASKS AT ALL!!! PEOPLE CAN DEAL WITH IT AND SCROLL PAST YOU ARE MY ONLY PRIORITY <3

and i totally get what you mean!! i catch onto a lot of people's mannerisms/habits as well and always remember like super small details they'll tell me about but i feel like i've never met anyone else who does that 😭 YOU AND ME BEING TWIN FLAMES AGAIN MANGO ANON I'M IN LOVE WITH U <3

AND PLEASE AS SOMEONE WHOSE WORKING IN THE RETAIL AND FOOD INDUSTRIES RN </3 THEY BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS like yes men are weird 😔 i can't tell if i appreciate the fact that like 50% of the sushi chefs i work with have/have had a crush on me and the way they all stare 😭 or find it uncomfortable BC LIKE on one hand they are very nice!! and it hypes me up!! like most of them are just "aw you look like ur mother <3" since i work at that job with my mom (unfortunately) but then the one's who like me are like "do u want me to cut watermelon for u 👴" LIKE NO BRO GET AWAY 😭😭 AND LIKE FRFR THE TERRIFYING INTERACTIONS I HAVE WITH OLD MEN ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS A MINOR???? THAT WAS NOT GOOD AND THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED READING YOU TALK ABOUT THE MAN THAT SAID YOU'D MAKE A GOOD HOUSEWIFE LIKE??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? LITERALLY WHO SAYS THAT TO ANYONE AND EVEN MORE TO LIKE SOMEONE YOUNG WORKING A RETAIL JOB AND LIKE 50K MORE REASONS WHAT IN THE WORLD 🤮🤮🤮 it is literally horrible that like you have to not wear a nametag just to prevent those interactions 😭 but at the same time nametags suck!! and i never wear mine bc i just don't care LMAO

TECH THEATRE PTSD </33 IMO I ALWAYS THOUGHT RUN/PROPS WAS SUPER POPULAR JUST BC IT SEEMED LIKE THE EASIEST THING TO START IN IF THAT MAKES SENSE?? LIKE LIGHTS/SOUND ALWAYS SOUNDS INTIMIDATING AND FOR MY SCHOOL (going to stop talking in caps bc idk why i'm screaming all the time like for what?? calm down ness it's ok) we had like a SINGLE person on makeup (and so our tech director would do specials) and like just a few people for costumes. sound was usually like two people, lights was a bit bigger (unfortunately)(i HATE working with people)(except if i worked with u <3 i would be jumping for joy and my life would be sunshine and rainbows <3), but run and props was always the biggest. like i started there bc it seemed the least scary!! so i think that's a lot of other people's thought process too 😭 WE ALSO GOT YELLED AT A LOT FOR STUPID THINGS or i mean idk if it was stupid we kind of deserved it bc like theatre kids yap SO much but like my director during tech week would always be like "we must preach patience and kindness guys!! everyone is stressed during this week so please be patient with each other ❤" and then HE'D be the one to blow up like my freshman year when i got thrown into ASMing for our spring play backstage like someone on my side was talking and my director like LOST IT and came into the wing from behind me and started yelling at us and literally gave me a panic attack 😭😭 like i had to leave bc i could NOT breathe and luckily someone found me bc i was fully about to pass out LMAOAOAO AND THEN my junior year is when i started lights and so u probably get this but like yk lights and sound is always in a booth (which i think are always behind all the seats, right? or at least that's how it's been for every theatre i've gone to) and so our director lost it again bc someone was talking i think but since i'm in the booth we watch this middle aged bald man get up and go behind stage and we're all like "oh no."

like that rehearsal full on stopped everyone started hiding LMAO OUR PEOPLE WITH HEADSETS BACKSTAGE PUT DOWN THEIR MICS SO WE COULD HEAR WHO HE WAS YELLING AT but everyone in the booth went on lockdown like our spot op ran up to hide in the booth and then we locked the door and i hid on a speaker bc i was NOT getting yelled at again but then we resumed rehearsal and our director never came up so my stage manager next to me and me were like "oh thank goodness he didn't come yell at us" AND THEN HE POPPOED UP RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR BOOTH WINDOW AND I SCREAMED 😭😭😭 AND HE CAME IN AND THEN JUST WENT

"okay how's it going? what do you need from me?" i need you to LEAVE SIR MY SOUL JUST LEFT MY BODY

ANYWAY THE 1:3 RATIO IS SO GENEROUS LMAOOO there is so much toxicity there 😭😭 so i totally get it. when the theatre world comes crashing down u and i will make our comeback mango anon!! we'll go in as a fire lights and sound duo together and beat all the professionals despite only having high school experience LMAO

I ALSO HAVE A LOT OF OLD RAGE FROM TECH THAT'S WHY I'M STILL MAD AT THE KID WHO TRIED TO STEAL MY JOB 😭 i will never get over the "it's up to me" quote like literally i remember that and the RAGE THAT FILLS MY VEINS OMG anyway 🌸 "i'm saving my voice for show night" HELLO??? I BET SHE DIDN'T EVEN SPEAK UP DURING THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCES OR NOT THAT MUCH LOUDER AND LITERALLY LIKE IF UR VOICE IS THAT SENSITIVE GET OUT OR FIX IT OR SOMETHING IDK BUT LIKE U CANNOT DO THAT (i am with u completely on the still having old pent up rage as u can see)

ONLINE GROUPS ARE DEF FUNNY AND THE RANDOM MINORS BEING 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE IS SO REAL 😭😭 pov 2020 when i was on a shifting discord server.....and there were people of all ages....what a time that was....i don't want to think about it anymore....

AND AAAA MEMORY LANE <333 I REMEMBER EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE ASKS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE SWEETEST!!! like i could not tell you how much it meant to me to have someone checking in to make sure i ate bc that's just something super like ??????? sweet to me <3 like i felt so loved reading your asks AND I STILL DO!!!! TIME FLIES WHEN UR HAVING FUN!! (barf. never saying that agian. way too cliche. BUT YKWIM) I LOVE LOVE LOVE THESE LONG YAP SESSIONS!! THEY ARE MY FAVORITE THING EVER <3 I'M SO GLAD YOU DECIDED TO START SENDING IN MORE ASKS BC YOU HAVE LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE AND MADE ME SO HAPPY MANGO ANON I'M SO THANKFUL FOR YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IF YOU COULDN'T TELL <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 (that's a lot of threes but i just spam threes as a way to get out pent up love/energy. it's like my way of stimming through the screen LMAO)

I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY!!! TODAY HAS BEEN AMAZING NOW THAT I'VE HEARD FROM YOU MANGO ANON MY LOVE MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER MY SOULMATE LOVE OF MY LIFE <33333333 you deserve the entire universe and more!!! you deserve a sky full of shooting stars and thousands of wishes and for all of them to come true <3 i love you sm mango anon!! please make sure to take care of yourself too or i'll simply have to book a ticket and fly to you and take care of you bc i'll gladly be ur housewife <3 🥰 IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM U!! AND HAVE A LOVELY DAY TOMORROW AS WELL <3333

[wifiwuxians]

sorry for the late reply! im the songxue anon! just saw your responses a few minutes ago and my gosh, you're really very sweet ;; im sorry to have caused so much of a fuss but thank you for being so compassionate and kind ;; (also i adore that crying xue yang omigosh what are you talking abt how can you think thats not amazing its perfect i love it). also the tags? on your first reply??? people are mean to song lan????? WHO IS MEAN TO SONG LAN??? WHY??? HOW????! i'll be honest, i tend to avoid getting involved with fandom discourse At All Costs bc i dont need that kind of stress in my life, so mainly i just look at fanart and fics i like and stay in my lane so i had no idea there were people who hate on song lan???? like??????????? how????????????????? okay, i love xue yang, he's my baby, but i TOTALLY understand people hating him. he has no rights and he deserved everything bad that happened to him and so much more. i just happen to adore him and wanna spoil my stupid lil meowmeow. like it makes SENSE to be mad at xue yang but like.................................. how can anyone hate song lan?!?! HE DID NOTHING WRONG?????? LITERALLY HE JUST GOT HURT, OVER AND OVER, FOR NO REASON????? im sorry for going on such a tangent over a very short tag you added but im a lil flabbergasted that anyone could hate on Best Boy. also while im going on tangents about tags, your 500 aus are part of what i adore about your art oki. like you have such a wonderful and vivid imagination and the way that you give life to the ideas with your art is breath-taking. even if its a concept i dont think i would enjoy just hearing the idea, when i see your execution i am 100% on board because my gosh you have such a beautiful way of bringing life to things.

and you don't need to apologize for anything btw! it's totally oki to assert boundaries and i really dont speak for anyone other than myself. i just saw a few "dont tag as ship" things and i was like "ahh... oki they prolly wouldnt like me" cuz im an anxious bean and i also dont wanna reveal myself as a gross loser who likes weird ships to one of my fav artists, ya know? so you were 100% just doing the good selfcare thing (which much approval, we stan) and i just got the wrong idea cuz im a nervous weirdo. as for revealing myself i feel a bit embarrassed to do so now after being such a weirdo at you oaeurhgiauehrg but one way or another, your are IS getting reblogged, especially now that i have permission to look at some pieces disrespectfully oiaerhjgohre (not SUPER disrespectfully, just maybe a lil bit of 'they're in love your honor' oki) (a silly random thing but im a bit happy to know you dont hate songxue oijghiouehrg its silly but knowing my favorite 'songxue artist' (not-really-songxue-but-i-totally-see-it) doesnt hate my otp is kinda nice 😊 i thought the irony of it was a bit funny before but i also felt guilty for seeing stuff that your didnt really intend with your art and yeah eoirjgioejrg basically my initial asks were all that struggle so its just kinda nice. its not a very popular ship so its cool when its not disliked, even if its not actively enjoyed. idk if im making sense LOL sorry) ohergiuearhg sorry i feel like i went on a bunch of tangents instead of responding to you properly and i think maybe i have a problem of Talking Too Much so i swear i will really try to keep this one short. i love your art, youre completely valid and wonderful, im doing okay and im really happy you responded to me so kindly despite my strangeness, i think you're neat and you deserve a ton of people showering you with praise cuz damn, you make things great. and i'd like to take a moment to express how you can really influence people with your art: i never even considered wen chao x xue yang before your art and now i think they're a really funny couple, and thats completely bc of how lovely your creations are. please believe in your ability to make people love the things that you love through your beautiful art. be proud of how incredible you are. you make everything a lil brighter just by existing but the fact that you exist and choose to share your beautiful art (and fics, ive read some of them and i Love your writing, its incredible) you make the world a whole lot brighter cuz damn, now i get to look at this stuff and just smile and feel warm inside. so thank you for making my life a lil happier and please be confident in yourself!

okay sorry to put em all together but also i felt it was best so let's begin,

^me

1- you've caused no fuss at all so don't worry about that!! i just wanted to make sure it wasn't a ships in the night situation LOL i wanted to make sure you got my response! :) (I'M GLAD YOU ENJOY THE MEME LOL) as for song lan meanness, that's what i'm saying THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING and YET! this is why i stay out of the tags all the time. there's just too much shit out there in the world and sometimes i fail at just gritting my teeth and letting people say their thang, and it gets me in trouble... but maaaaaaan i really need to say it's a shame you wanna stay anonymous because i think we'd get on like a house on fire! you've summed up exactly how i feel about both of them + how i wish others reacted to them haha (but no pressure to reveal yourself! just know i think we'd get along)

and as for 500 AUs... i'm so glad 😭 i am an AU machine, i have so many i can't keep track and they bring me so much joy, but i admittedly feel sort of alone in making them haha SO THIS MEANS A LOT!! especially you complimenting my execution like i think i may just melt into a puddle and pass away jfghsjh thank you,, so much

2- but seriously, don't worry about the tag thing, it is 100% a boundary thing and the only time i think i'd dislike someone for it is if they saw i said not to tag it as something in the body of the post and did it anyway! 'cause that's just rude (and then i feel despair bc what else can i do to get people NOT to tag LMAO) it's for my own comfort, i'm not trying to dictate what people can or can't ship or feel, it's just i'd rather not hear about it :p especially when it's not what i drew! but also i'm a favorite artist? 😳

you haven't been a weirdo at all! no pressure to go mask off but please don't let anything be because you think i think you're a weirdo or a loser, ok? it's not true! hooray reblogs my NUTRIENCE.. THANK YOU! (but haha this isn't a 'theyre in love' type of piece but the one i personally look at most disrespectfully is when i drew sl straight up eating xy's flesh off his ribs... i know cannibalism isn't for everyone though and neither is gory imagery! just... sharing... oversharing...)

for the aside: no problem! i will say for transparency purposes that my relationship with it IS complicated and that i personally would need it to fit a very uncommon mold (that i do not often see) for me to be like 👍 which is why i tend to stick to my own stuff + what a chosen few friends make when it comes to them in general, but my god you're a rare breed! i've never met anyone who had it as their otp!! you're braver than any US marine because it's such a rarepair it didn't make it into the like top 11 mdzs ships on ao3 or whatever...

3- i love talking though! i really appreciate your messages and i hope this response wasn't a complete jumbled mess ahhh...

thank you so so much for all the lovely praise and encouragement, getting these messages actually helped me break out of my funk a little and do some chores, so know your words do have an impact too! 💕 i need to remember more often that as long as even one person smiles at my work, it will have been worth it. i promise i'm trying ;; sometimes i get caught up in the numbers still and i'm very ashamed of that, but damn, you took time out of your day to let me know that you love and appreciate what i do, and that's honestly made me tear up a little, so THANK YOU AGAIN !! i'm sorry i'm failing at expressing myself and my gratitude properly kgjdklhjkgh (also, thank you for the xuechao support, like THAT's what i call a RAREPAIR! (canned laughter) i really try to spread the joy with those two)

i'm really floundering on how to say thank you well enough so... maybe i can show you some birthday art i made for a friend who also loves xy and sl and xy/chao (which of course now im being nitpicky about but the friend loved it so idc LOL)

[dykeomania]

i remember one of my first experiences reading tlou fics were with your writing as far back as late 2021/early 2022 (and if im misremembering when you first started writing, then you definitely fit in the early 2022 bracket hahaha). yours and others fics were things i looked forward to when i had some downtime. im white and always appreciated seeing fics specifically catered to black/POC fans and fics that never specified race, weight, gender expression, etc. it felt extremely inclusive to everyone involved and there was something for everyone to enjoy. i wont knock what others may be interested in because thats scummy and probably not what you want said on your behalf either, but these tags feel significantly less inclusive now and only fit the same exact mold of a hypothetical person involved with abby and/or ellie. its genuinely hard to come online and find anything worth reading because of how little diversity there is in whats being written. its far from what it used to be, hence why i still go back and read fics of yours and others from that time period. i am so sorry you and other black writers had to witness whats gone on recently. this is meant to be a safe space for queer people who enjoy tlou and fun little fantasies that should mean no harm to anybody. you guys do not deserve to have that tarnished and more needs to be done to change what this community has turned into.

i’ve like been thinking ab this and other asks that i’ve gotten expressing something like this because tbh, like,

i just,

idk i thought about it and like i don’t know really what to say. but, i do understand.

niche reader inserts are in fact, niche, yeah. (cont)

it’s really awkward when like the tag is filled with like, one specific perspective, and your personal experience or your desires just doesn’t click with that — like it relies a lot less on the sexual or romance aspect of things and more into bending into a particular role, a particular lens of desire and/or being desired, etc — and when it’s like one strain of that all of the time, people are bound to feel left out. right? (cont)

and it’s common sense, like that’s just how it is. like, back innnn idk early?????? mid???? ‘22, the tag was only filled with like dom!ellie fics. a big thing at that time was like, oh i wish there was more sub ellie fics, dadada, i’m a top, there’s nothing for me, and like, that was really real, and now we have more sub ellie stuff. cool. i think all of the shit that happened just speaks to the fact that not everyone can really like, vibe with certain things on here like that, and they would like to be able to. i dont think it’s appropriate to like shit on that vibe or anything like that, but it is a valid complaint to have. so, yeah, i’m really hoping that in light of all of this, more diversified content is added to the tag — not even pertaining to a particular race or ethnicity but things that just deviate from a particular aesthetic, trope, and other common things that are typically seen nowadays on the tag. that’s not to say that erasure is necessary because now you’re just dtm but like ideas get circumvented pretty quickly and tbh that’s not exactly harmful, but it’s nice that there is some change that is happening that’s allowing people to settle into something that’s comfortable for them. i’m not even saying this just cause you like my stuff, but i think what you + some other people are grated by is pretty valid and, yeah, i hope that when you do sift through the tag in the future that it’s easier for you to find a story that you can feel more comfortable in and it incentivizes you to come back.

and like, on the fuckin.. being black and being here thing as of rn thing…. hey. like, i mean….. the way i saw people telling black women how they should feel about like some black girl receiving racially motivated hate was absolutely nuts and the fact that people were either motivating others to either look past it or were trying to tell other people how they should feel about things / what they should do was. Sick. LMFAO. but i mean! hey. just… hey. juuustt….. yikes. and the way it’s (like random people policing black people on this app) still going is just so… ghetto i just….. yyyikes. little bit too comfortable, in that chair. i think that’s a bit of an understatement.

i just, yeah. i don’t have much to say. justtttt… justt.. just… yeah LMFAO