#idk if that needs to be said but I’m paranoid about my art getting into the wrong hands :((

[camping-with-monsters]

uhhhh. ummy ache :((((

[f0xgl0v3]

I need to rant about my favorite characters and how I’ve characterized them, and my Camp Jupiter/ PJO Romans are-Imagining-

*Correction; I just rant about Octavian from HoO the entire time; I’ll post an Luke one and a Jason one and some other characters maybe later. Along with those Camp Jupiter things.

Guys this is written stream of consciousness (I think); so sorry :[ (I also kind of project of these characters but that’s what happens with faves)

Octavian-

My boy- my darling little guy. I love this little deranged war criminal; uncle Rick did him dirty; he was used as the butt of the jokes (like many of the Romans, I’m doing an entire Camp Jupiter re-imagining that I’ll probably post here) but he was a plot device too- but I love my guy. He’s poorly written (in my unprofessional opinion) he doesn’t have any characterization other than “I don’t like the Greeks, they aren’t cool >:[“ and I’ll be honest; I like Rome better (I am biased) but after we get a character written like Luke Castellan (I know- I know we aren’t supposed to like him, but like- cmon, hear me out) where he’s written pretty well in my opinion, with a clear tragic story and motivation. Octavian feels like a very watered down more comedic Luke; in the worst way. But I; as someone who needs as much information on something as I can and I’m not satisfied with just that, have scanned through the wiki; looked at all of his scenes and giggled in his general direction, and this is my head-canons (and probably art too let’s be honest) on the little guy

Octavian Cesaer-

My boy is 100% mixed in my heart. In my brain his father is Black and his mother is white.

BIG family; my man’s is the 8th out of 9 children (Julia; THAT Julia is also his younger sister. I saw that head canon somewhere and snatched it)

He has a really good and close friendship with Michael Kahale; they are genuinely good friends, and Octavian enjoys his presence

(In my Camp Jupiter AU, re-imagining? Idk- but in the thing, I’m re-searching actual Roman legion structure and rankings, etc. because from characterization of the Romans they would not be up to change anything about the legion) but Octavian’s working to try and rise up to the most important role (Praetors aren’t the most important position in my brain for the re-imagined) and only supported Jason’s name change idea begrudgingly is because that would make him Primus Pilus; and he wanted the promotion. (This headcanon may change once I continue to fiddle with how I want to interpret C.J)

Cannot keep his hair legion-regulation, Octavian has a rough love-hate relationship with the hair. He *really* does not appreciate it at times. It’s overgrown and pushed to the left.

I like to think of my Octavian (Octavian 2: electric bogaloo) as being somewhere on the Autism spectrum. It’s another head-cannon I adopted somewhere and have just clung onto. It tickles the right part of my brain.

Knows everything about Rome; like actually. And Troy; he really liked the Aenead(?) when he was younger, if anyone asked his favorite Trojan was Hector (it was totally Andromache, he felt really bad for her. And sobbed during Hector’s farewell. Yes I am somewhat projecting).

His family pressured him a lot into his roles, he does genuinely like his Augur role.

This man lives and breathes the legion. Genuinely loves his home and wants to protect it; just ends up coming off as kind of paranoid.

He didn’t get much attention as a kid (with his 8 other siblings) so he tries really hard for his voice to be heard and over-explains and tries to be very clear when he’s wanting to get his message across. Most people interpret him (as said MANY times in the books) as kind of desperate to be listened to and a little whiny

Really takes his rules seriously and doesn’t like when people don’t follow him. There has been a many ‘but that’s not fair >:[‘ with my little guy.

Octavian is a REGULAR at the build-a-bear in Berkeley. He mostly uses them for Auguries when he needs something fresher. But he does sometimes keep them (he impulsive buys anytime they have a bird one, he also literally stayed up refreshing the website when he saw the, “Wolf Pup build-a-bear online exclusive” and was one of like the first people to buy it.

https://www.buildabear.com/wolf-pup/029368.html (the plush in question if anyone wants a visual)

He bleaches his hair. That’s it :] I’m un-equipped to try and talk about a hairstyle I think he has because I am not the person to talk about black hairstyles without making a fool of myself. Though he does really like Hair rings, he thinks their a cool way to have some nice casual looking added bling to his usual outfits

This man wears majority of Hand-me-downs. Those shirts SWAMP him because his older brothers just had to be good archers

On that note about Archery- Octavian sucks at archery but is pretty good with other long-ranged weapons. Any spear/javelin/pole arm and he’s got it (based off of him being able to spear Gwen, from what I think was a ways away) and I’d like to think if the situation is dire he can throw his dagger pretty well.

He’s currently got the strongest prophetic powers in his family; and his family (I think this is mentioned somewhere- I dunno it’s late) goes back to being related to Augustus Caesar (the guy)

Isn’t a good artist. He doesn’t like not being good at anything artistic when he has things he really does want to paint or draw that don’t come out how he wants them to.

Octavian has problems with anger, totally. Stabbing stuffed animals isn’t really a good method to let out anger

People don’t give him enough credit for his part on the raid of mount Tam; sure Jason did the whole ‘topple Kronos’s black throne’ (which is a genuine achievement that Jason deserves and I love him-) but he also led the first cohort to battle against majority of the monsters; the first cohort were the first ones to storm of course-

I love him he’s so silly and goofy <3 uhhhhh. He’s also a people pleaser

He has a disappointed-mother-resting face.

Does the thing with the nose bridge pinching way too much.

He tugs on his hair when frustrated or annoyed or anything.

That’s all for now :3, I just wanted to get some of that out there. If anyone does pay attention to this account my next posts are probably going to be either Octavian art, more Calliope design things, or more likely stuff on my Re-imaging of Camp Jupiter/New Rome as someone with Ancient Rome as a special interest I really want to make my version of Camp Jupiter

[porcelainvino]

Okay, vino, I need to know more about why you despise Darren criss

surface level: i just think he’s really cringe 😭 one could argue that that’s not a real reason to hate, but i think it’s kinda funny LMAO maybe it’s because he’s a theater kid millennial? (no offense to the theater kid millennials)

here’s a brief, there’s definitely more i just can’t think of anything else right now, collection of his cringe moments IN MY OPINION:

> naming his kid “brother”

> using music metaphors to describe him impregnating his wife/his wife giving birth (fun fact, this was my first ever reason to hate him), “we’ve been making music for years… but this time we made a BEAT” and “💙 out now. 💙”

> doing an ad with shein

> joe biden getting elected tiktok

> frankly ANYTHING he posts on tiktok

> plays a character on hazbin hotel

> using ai art for an ad for his bar, which he deleted the post for after comments were hating on it, but i have the evidence:

some random stupid personal things that i dislike him for, like this effects no one but me:

> paranoia that he’s related to me- his mom is from kinda close to where my family lives, and even if i’m not related to him, i’m scared that my family’s friends with his family 😭

> paranoia that he’ll name his kid my irl name- my irl name is a traditional filipino name and i was so nervous that he was gonna name his kid that bUT he named him brother so idk which is worse but also what if he has more kids 💔

> cringing when he sings- this was really weird but i had an era where i genuinely couldn’t listen to darren sing without physically cringing like i could listen to BLAINE sing but not DARREN??????? i think i’m over it now though. maybe…….

> some mildly distasteful things he said about fanart- this kinda made me sad to hear and (tmi) i highkey had a panic attack about it because i was paranoid that chris colfer hates me because i gave him fanart, i’m fine now my friends calmed me down after. i do understand where darren is coming from though!!!!!!!! it’s just worded VERY poorly in my opinion

‼️ things that *genuinely* piss me off under the cut!! IF YOU ARE A FAN, PLEASE IGNORE!!! I GENUINELY HAVE NO HATE TOWARDS THE FANS!!! THIS IS MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, AND I BELIEVE I AM ENTITLED TO IT!!!‼️

i feel like he makes queerness about himself

(i was gonna make a list, but turns out all of my points fall under this idea so)

maybe he’s just a super passionate ally or something but like he consistently mentions that he’s straight like.. all the time………. and sure maybe it’s because people think he’s gay or something and he wants to clarify his point, but there are PLENTY of actors who are straight who played a gay character who don’t CONSTANTLY mention their sexuality!! idk why darren always feels as though he needs to talk about how straight he is. the way he talks about it makes it sound like all his “appreciation” for the queer community is insincere

the way he mentions queer spaces is just like.. off to me :( despite being cishet, he tends to insert himself into the conversation about being queer. he doesn’t bring anything important or necessary to the community, besides allyship i suppose, so like.. why is he here….. i just feel like the lgbtq community does not NEED darren with his weird performative activism if that makes any sense

here are some examples of this!:

> a. maybe you’ve seen it but recently he called himself “culturally queer”????? i’ve read the full interview, and i get he was essentially saying “i grew up around a lot of queer people and that effected how i see the world” but like.. “culturally queer”?!? girl…… why would you word it like that………..

> b.

this thing he said is like…. a little insane imo 😃 “none of the responsibilities”????? seriously dude?????????? like queer people have to deal with homophobic and transphobic bullshit every day and he gets to go out and say shit like this

> c.

this kinda shows the point i was making about how he just talks about the queer community weird especially when playing queer characters. like saying that playing a queer character as someone who isn’t queer “glorifies the power and struggle in that”???? like you have the privilege to vaguely understand queer experiences without having to actually have the queer experience i guess?? the wording is off to me :/ ALSO, this is an example of him calling himself “white” despite being half filipino. i know he’s white passing but he tends to bring up his filipino-ness when he want’s to pull the minority card. like he erases his ethnicity then brings it up whenever it’s convenient. i might just be picky with this one, but as a filipino, that’s how i view it

i hope.. any of this was coherent 😭 i’m not good at explaining the thoughts in my brain this just feels like a jumbled mess so i’m sorry if doesn’t make any sense 💔💔💔

in conclusion, i don’t like darren criss. i appreciate that he plays one of my favorite glee characters (maybe, LIKE I DON’T EVEN DRAW BLAINE LIKE DARREN,, NOT REALLY….). to be honest, i don’t think i TRULY hate him really?? which probably sounds stupid after this entire post, but seriously! if i was TRULY a hater, i think i’d block him on all social media, not interact with his fans, ignore any news about him, etc,, but i don’t! i think he’s interesting and deserving of his success, i just find a lot of the things he has done to be weird. i’ve seen a lot of haters be way more nit-picky about things he’s said and done, some criticisms i’ve seen come from strange/distrustful sources, and i’ve seen a lot of darren hate tied to hate on blaine, hate on his wife/family, and hate on other actors like chris colfer, which i believe is uncalled for. if anyone wants to see a couple more points about his attitude towards the queer community, feel free to dm me, but i won’t share those publicly because they’re kinda off and i have mixed feelings about them. so while i may agree with some points from random glee accounts from 2016 or something to an extent, what i’ve listed here is what i SINCERELY believe he’s in the wrong for. all in all, out of all the glee-cast-who-aren’t-actual-criminals, he’s definitely the one i dislike the most.

[veins-n-wires]

My emotions keep flipping over and over and over within seconds without a break. I’m so exhausted. Nothing is triggering it. It just won’t stop. Im playing games blasting music existing, then pausing to silent scream cry because my head won’t shut up, to numb staring, to back to games, to my head reliving every trauma, to imagining scenarios, to mentally cutting everyone off, to numb and empty, not being able to hold enjoyment in anything.

I’m tired.

Who can I even tell other than the void? No one will understand. It’ll turn into arguments of some sort of people thinking they did something wrong. It’s me, I’m what’s wrong. Then I’ll just get told to get help which is so much easier said than done. I don’t have a car, a job, health insurance. Online therapy is a scam. I can’t even trust therapists because of their authority over me being able to involuntarily hospitalize so I’m unable to trust them/tell them anything because my brain convinces me they’re against me and my bad experiences. Can’t tell anyone that though because that’s automatically labeled an excuse and I just “don’t want help” and want to “be like this forever”. Idk why I’d complain if I didn’t want anything to do with this. I’d love a medication to fix me, I’d be on it for the rest of my life despite almost all side effects it could give me. I have thought about electroshock therapy and decided if that was ever suggested and said to fix me I’d jump on it. It’s not like I’m not desperate. I just can’t be hospitalized. Friends have gotten irreversibly worse from it. Family has gotten irreversible PTSD damage from it with triggers that don’t even need to be related to hospitals. All I can think about is me disappearing into one and that’s when my elderly cat, my sole reason for continuing to live, dies. All I can think about is her thinking abandoned her in her last little thoughts. I get told that’s an excuse too. I’m too paranoid of things for sure, but none of it is about me being afraid of getting better.

Every month it seems I start searching for legit online therapy again. Legit online testing for various mental health problems so I can finally know what other than depression and anxiety I have, if anything, and how to cope whether it be with medications or whatever else. I try and search for the dumb sites like HERS that will just prescribe me shit. It’s all so expensive or too sketchy. I’m just so tired. I feel so alone in searching. I ask for help but I’m left with “I don’t know” “it’s not my job” “you need to be independent” people don’t even see my face or posts or typing changes and see something is wrong. I hardly hide it anymore. On public socials I repost about how depressed I am. I don’t talk to hardly anyone anymore. I hardly leave my house. I hardly play games with others. You can see how little I listen to music. I don’t post art anymore because I just can’t get myself to do it. There’s endless obvious signs I’m disintegrating as a person and everyone’s just walking by forcing me to beg to look at me disappointed for asking. It feels like no matter how I handle anything I’m in the wrong and a disappointment in some way or another. I’m tired of telling people how to love me and especially tired of them still not doing it.

I am going to be lonely surrounded by people my entire life. My body is giving out. Idk how deeper into feeling tired my body can handle. I don’t know who I am anymore. I have no personality other than every human emotion at 100% every second of everyday so intense that eventually it’s numbing. Like sticking your hand in hot water and getting used to how it feels to where it doesn’t even burn anymore but you know it’s still hurting you.

I’m so tired.

[saturnsstufff]

okay as a chubby girl myself I struggle with how I see myself and this idea makes my heart KSHDHSJS

okay so imagine IMAGINE

Request maybe 🤔🤔🤔

Okay,, you’re standing in the mirror yk in your mirror at technos house/cottage in your underwear and stuff, grabbing at the chub and stuff looking upset and not feeling good about yourself, and techno walking into the room and seeing this. yk him being upset that you feel that way Bc he thinks youre just so pretty 🥺.

IT COULD EITHER GO INTO A SMUT( 😏 where he SHOWS you how much he loves you and how pretty he thinks you are in the mirror) OR FLUFF WITH SOFT WORDS AND CUDDLES or both idk

*slams hand on desk* IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS

I went with both, because I like options. I also based this off a little personal feelings so I hope it works!

My Goddess- Technoblade

Warnings: self conscious reader, swearing, NSFW

   The mirror. Your best, but worst nightmare imaginable. Some days you could look into it and see beauty within your curves. Spend endless minutes hyping yourself up. 'Man I look good' 'I am the fucking shit' 'damn look at that' all little things you tell yourself in pride. Because in those moments, you feel powerful. In those moments you feel like you own the world, that others are just lucky to breathe within your presence.

   However, there are bad days. There are days when looking into the mirror brings shame. Days when all you can do is grab at your stomach, and ponder of what you could have done, or what you will do. Its pressed that everyone is perfect in our own imaginable ways. Yet when you look at others, you cant help but be envious. Others can get away with wearing tight clothing, baggy clothing, any type of clothing. Yet when you try it on all you see is a box, if you wear tight clothing, every roll and muffin top pops out. It can be embarrassing.

   Techno never saw your curves as embarrassing however. He loved them. He loved the plush, soft skin of your tummy or your thighs. Your hips? don't even ask what he thought on hips, as long as they were yours. They were perfect.

   With that said, when he saw you saddened about your form he was slightly hurt. You thought he was beautiful, a hybrid of a monster. But yet you couldn't find the beauty within your rolls? Your plump little form? The very thing that made up you? If he ever found out who planted these seeds of lies in your mind, he would have words.

   If you felt confident enough to take the world by the horns, he let you. He would build you up with sweet words of encouragement. 'Well don't you look amazing...' 'you are looking beautiful as ever'. They were small phrases but they meant a lot to you.

   Techno isn't verbal with his love, or compliments really. He chooses to show it, words are just that. Words. Actions are done, are shown. They are physically put into motion. That's why he prefers it. But he also understands sometimes words are needed. They are needed to ease your nerves and doubtful mind.

   when he catches you glaring at your plump form in the mirror, he cant help but quickly move to your side. Kneeling and kissing up your body. Your arms, your thighs, everything. In the beginning he would let you look away. The idea of someone liking your body type left you uncertain, many times you would ponder if his endless kisses were done as a joke. But each and every time he would reassure you that it was real. That him loving you, loving your body. It wasn't in pity, it was in genuine love.

   Tonight was one of those bad nights. With Techno in the bath, you were left to change for bed. Wait for him to come out, and then cuddle the night away until the sun kissed the horizon.

   But well you changed your eyes fell to the mirror. Your eyes casually roamed your body. You were used to looking at it so nothing stood out of course. But as you shifted, you caught a few stretch marks within the candle light. They looked like streaks of lightning that were dragged across your skin. With a quick glance away, you pulled something over your form. Wanting to cover your body and deal with that mental baggage later.

   Of course the Hybrid that stood tall within the door frame held other ideas about that moment. The one thing that always put you at ease was Techno's size. Before you were in a relationship with him, you feared you wouldn't be able to wear your lovers clothing. Being a bit plumper meant "one size fit all" did not fit all. But luckily, with your roughly 6ish/7ish foot Piglin Hybrid of a lover, all of his clothing was a bit baggy on you. Technoblade was a very Built man, this came from his never ending training and his natural born strength of course. But even with him being built and big, the first time he asked you to sit on his lap had you hesitant. What if he found you too heavy? The idea of him asking you to move off would leave you completely mentally ruined. Of course when you finally sat he didn't utter any words besides praises. His hands running gently over your thighs, with a tight grasp he kept you close. When Techno saw you ease into his lap more often, he took pride in knowing you were comfortable enough to do it on a daily basis. That was when he upped the bar again. The day he asked you to sit on his face was the day you had a heart attack. You were so paranoid you would crush him. Of course he was all bemused smirks well you tried to think of excuses. Yet this man was able to ease your nerves and reassure you until you were comfortable once again. You would never forget how giddy he was to be between your thighs. That was the day he found his favorite spot.

   Before you could ease some bottoms over your underwear, this man had his arms around you. Pushing against your hands. His nose was nuzzled into your neck muttering gently "Please, leave them off for now..." with a brow raised you complied. You let the shorts drop to the floor, assuming you would be coming for them in a brief moment. You could smell the lingering sent from his shampoo. The fresh smell giving you great comfort.

   Techno moved you back to face the mirror, his head moving briefly so he could see you face yourself. With a light stubble scratching against your neck you felt the goosebumps rise. Your eyes met his ruby ones within the mirror. "Do you know, how beautiful you are?..." he asked rhetorically. Dragging out the words that he felt were important. You wanted to say no, but knew he wouldn't want that answer.

   "I think I'm alright..." you said softly. He hummed and pressed a loving kiss to your neck. His hands slowly fell down to the buttons of the shirt you were wearing. Skillfully he undid them without thought. When you had pulled a shirt on you didn't think much, but now saw that it was his you wore. Of course he didn't mind, he never minded.

   With the buttons undone he opened the shirt to expose your naked form. Every curve and roll on sweet display for him "You are beyond 'alright'... alright is basic. You know my goddess is beyond mortal definitions..." you gave a gentle smile at his charm, glancing away from his eyes. He didn't allow this tonight however. Instead he took your jaw and gently redirected it to the mirror. Meeting his gaze again.

   "My love... My goddess, you know your body rivals the gods, yes?..." you slightly shrugged, unsure if this was true. With another loving kiss he continued. "Persephone had rolls... She was just as plump as you my love..." you fallowed his eyes gently. Him comparing you to the beautiful goddess left you feeling better. If someone so divine could have rolls why couldn't you?

   He didn't stop there however. "If you cant see your beauty. Let me show you how beautiful you are..." his tone was pleading. Like a animal begging for spare scraps. You watched his eyes, his finger and thumb having control over your chin. You thought on his words and gave a brief nod to him. Trusting him and whatever he had planned.

   Instead of immediately kissing you all over, he pulled away. Firmly telling you to keep your eyes on the mirror. You felt a bit awkward standing there, your legs shifting closer underneath you. He soon came back however, his crown in hand. You could also see he had a simple gray towel around his waist, showing he was fresh from the bath.

   Your curiosity with the crown lingered, but you watched as he put it on your head. "You are a queen... My Queen... You will always be reminded of your everlasting beauty for as long as you are with me..." for not complementing a lot, tonight he was on a roll. Your eyes ran over the crown. The delicate and bright stones contrasting the shimmering gold well against your skin.

   He walked around to the front of you, leaning down to meet your lips in a loving kiss. His hand found a firm places on your hip, and on the plush skin of your ass cheek. With a gentle, but firm grasp he moved and rolled the skin beneath his hand. Loving how soft you were. With his hands working soft whimpers and moans out of you, his mouth devoured them. Eating every noise you made, cherishing them deep within his heart.

   Leaving your lips swollen he moved down. Kissing your jaw and neck. Planning to leave you a work of art. A show of how much he loves you.

   After your neck it was your chest. Soft plump breasts fitting ever so sweetly within his hands. With firm grasps he had you flushed red whimpering. Your eyes half lidded with the sweet lingering pleasure. Yet you still watched yourself and him, knowing to not disobey him.

   With soft kisses placed to the tops of your breasts and nipples he moved to your stomach. This is where you craved to look away. Wishing to hide yourself in his neck.

   "T..T-Techno..." he hummed acknowledging your words. But he still pressed light kisses down to the hem of your underwear.

  “Keep your eyes on the mirror." He said, pulling them down. Helping you step out of the discarded clothing. You couldn't see his face. Only his backside was facing the mirror, and even then his long wet hair hid most of his toned back.

   His fingers ran through your slit briefly. His rings offered a major temperature difference between your heat and the cold metal. With a little squirm his hands moved and held you in place. Desiring to keep you in place before he moved his head in and started to devour you. Eating you out like it was his last meal on earth.

   With a ever so sinful cry, you gripped at his hair. Begging for your knee's to not give out. With one hand on his head, the other one flew to the crown on your head. Trying to keep it on well you easily hunched over from the overwhelming pleasure. Techno never failed to leave you speechless- or should we say, he never left you quiet. Even if you could see yourself, you didn't think you would be able to focus much. Your eyes were tightly shut well your mouth ran between being in a 'O' and being locked shut.

   He did pull back from your folds to speak. Earning a cry from you. You were getting close and him pulling away was painful. "You can cum. But you have to keep your eyes open" you nodded profusely. Agreeing to anything if it meant feeling his lips back on you. He lingering a moment. Making sure your eyes opened before he leaned back. Taking his time to show your clit attention before going back to his main course.

   With your eyes looking back at you. You were unsure if you were ashamed with how blissed out you looked or happy. The whole scene in itself was erotic. You were incredibly small compared to the giant between your legs. His only drive to please you completely. Your eyes never left the mirror as he ate you out to your climax. Your hips stuttering and bucking, but proving no use to his iron grip. When you came he waisted no time at cleaning it up. He had no shame, that your cum was running down his chin. He was happy when you were pleased. And he knows you are definitely pleased after that climax.

   But he wasn't finished. With your legs weakening he helped you down onto his lap. He let you collect yourself against his chest for a few moments his hand ran over your back.

   "Doin' ok there Princess?..." you nodded slowly. Your chest rising and falling fast well you try and calm yourself. "Think you can do one more?" You nodded again well he pressed a kiss to your forehead, acknowledging your response. Adjusting his crown on your head, he moved so the mirror was beside you two. Showing both of your bodies, with the towel acting as a thin barrier.

   When you both were situated he did remove the towel. With a strong arm he lifted you up and positioned his hardened cock at your entrance, wasting no spare moment to fill you up. Well you did try to hide within his neck, it proved no use. He made sure to turn your head to the mirror.

   With your eyes hitting the mirror you saw how his head was beside yours. Your cheek was pressed to his chest well his was pressed to your forehead. His eyes lingeried your body. Drowning in your blissed out form. He found you utterly perfect.

   Well your bodies were connected, it almost looked like art. With techno's sharp gaze and your blissed out reddened cheeks, the contrast was there but yet they went together in perfect harmony. With the roll of his hips he made sure to keep your eyes on the mirror. Wanting to drag out every cry and moan you could utter. He set his pace at a rhythmic thrust, wanting to not only pleasure you, but himself as well. Well you griped to his sides, he kept his hand on he back of your head gently. Wanting to keep your head facing the mirror. With sweet sinful praises he coached you to a second orgasm, his fallowing close behind. He kissed your head gently, keeping you close to him well he felt himself soften. when his eyes met yours in the mirror he smiled softly. 

“Look at how beautiful you are... Always so, so beautiful Princess...”

[awhst-alt]

I HAD THE BEST BYLER DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I REALLY WANNA SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL

it's so long (literally 2k words) so im gonna put it under the cut haha <3

so basically this would take place after mike and will start dating or something, idk exactly the time frame (i picture them being like 18 or something and this is the summer before college) and will goes to this summer arts program for like 2/3 months (i dunno how long american summer is but something like that) and its all the way far from home so there is dorms and stuff and he's "not in hawkins anymore" (no pun intended)

mike and will decide after will finishes his school they'd go to college together (cuz they're gonna be comic book artists together bc thats boyfriend shit) so throughout these months he's practically just waiting for will (<333333)

so one specific scene i remember from my dream involved will and mike getting off the bus to the school and then they hug and then mike grabs wills hand and brings him behind the bus and then he gives will a biggg kiss bc he won't be able to kiss him for 3 months. then they say they love each other and will gives him another quick kiss and is like "two kisses". they agree they'd call each other every day.

so will goes inside and mike goes back on the bus and goes home.

and basically the whole day is a whirl, until the end of it, in which mike is sitting in the kitchen near the phone waiting for like 3 hours for will to call, and will doesn't end up calling.

AND THEN IT GETS SPICYYYYY

so meanwhile at the arts program will asks like the front desk or something if he can call mike and they say phone is offlimits and they don't let him call mike

so then will goes to sleep and he's paranoid that he thinks mike is gonna hate him or something like that

mk than the next day in class there is this girl (they didn't reveal her name in the dream, ill call her stella) so stella is basically looking at will the entire class but will doesn't know it

so when they exit the class stella's like "hi" and will says "hi"

then stella says "i like your painting."

will is like rlly weirded out so he goes "thanks?"

"i um- hope this doesn't sound weird but i have no friends, do you want to be mine?"

"sure"

and then end of scene (this does not sound like a normal conversation but it's my dream so it doesn't have to make sense"

so BACK AT HAWKINS mike is still sleeping even tho it's like 3 pm because yk depressed boyfriend shit but then the PHONE RINGS and mike gets out of bed frantically and goes to the phone and he picks it up and is like "will?" and then it answers "it's el, idiot"

i feel like this is important for context but el speaks english very well now and hoppers back and she lives with hopper and not the byers anymore. ANYWAYS

el says "how's will?"

mike says "idk he didn't call"

"he didn't?"

"no, he didn't"

"okay. well maybe he will call later"

"yeah mb"

"wanna come over"

"ok"

so mike hangs up and gets changed and goes to el's house bc they r a couple o' besties and when he gets there it's like a therapy sessions bc mike usally talks to will every single day and he can't for like 3 months (unless will calls, but he's not going to) so he accepts he's gonna be depressed for 3 months and he's just talking to el about how he's gonna miss him so much and no be able to see his face and that shit

so el's like "well do u wanna do something to take ur mind off of him"

and mike's like "no im not gonna replace will" (I SCREAMED IN MY DREAM SRSLY)

but than el says "okay. guess im gonna go to the mall by myself" (ig starcourt is rebuilt by now)

and than mike bolts up and is like "fine"

"we can by something for will"

"okay yay"

so then they go to starcourt yasss!!

anyways back at the art school will is having lunch and stella is with he friends (even tho she said she doesn't have any friends) and one of her friends is like "omg did you see _____ he's so hot"

and another friend says "YESS! but ____ is cuter"

"what abt u stella? who do u have ur eyes on"

she says "byers" BUT NOOOOOOO WILL IS MIKES MAN

and they say "ew that kid who came back to life"

she says "yea. but he's cute, and shy, and once i wrap them around my finger i can get them to do anything"

so then she goes to sit down next to will at lunch

"hi will"

"hi"

"hru"

"im good"

"okay. good." and she gets upset because will goes ask how she is but she keeps her urging rage inside. and than they have this weird conversation and will is uncomfortable the whole time bc shes all like flirting with him and will is seeing someone obvi

but then she puts a hand on will's shoulder and he's shaking and then says something (idk what it is it wasn't explaining in my dream) then will stands up and runs to the bathroom. so he's just sitting in the stalls crying.

okay back at starcourt this part wasn't shown in my dream but im just gonna make up that mike and el go looking around starcourt for something for will (sort of like the mike/lucas/will montage where they were looking for stuff for el) and then i guess they find something for will and i don't have the slightest idea what they could have got for him BUT THEY GOT HIM SOMETHING GOOD

so mike's all happy but they'res still that depression inside of him lol

so fast forward a week, it really isn't explained but ill just make up that will still hasn't called mike, and he's super sad and all sleeping in but decides to look through his good ol binder full of will's drawings and in the arts school will and stella have a few more interactions im sure which are still very uncomfortable

okay so it's lunch again in the cafeteria and somehow will and stella are talking again but somehow it ends in stella kissing will and will like pulls away immediatley and is like "what is wrong with you!?"

and she says "what?"

"i'm seeing someone!"

"oh i uh- i didn't know."

the whole cafeteria is staring at them

so will's freaking out almost on the verge of a panic attack "idk what to do, he's gonna hate me and-"

"he?"

will has the look on his face like shit shit shit oh fuck no

"you're gay?"

"i-"

and will runs off once again. and everyone in the whole cafeteria knows that he's day and ofc with everybody being homophobic will knows it's not good at all bc everyone's gonna bully him

so then the next day he goes to class and the teacher is like "does anyone care to tell me where ___ is?" (it would be like a math question like 'where x is' but in art idkkk) and then the teacher calls on "will? can you tell me where ___ is?" and they'res a pause and then the teacher says "or perhaps you'd want to find your boyfriend instead?" (giving me anne with an e vibes prolly cuz i did a rewatch last weekend but i won't explain more in case some people haven't watched it but) anyways will stands up from his seat, everyone is looking at him, and he's shaking and so concerned but then he goes "fuck. you" badass will yeaaaa thats my boy

so then he runs out of the classroom and out of the school in a really cool montage way but then he realizes he's like 2 hours away from home but he runs and runs and he goes to a random bustop (it's not even garanteed if it takes him to hawkins but whatever) he gets on and tries to go back to hawkins.

and soon enough, he gets there, and immediatley goes to the wheelers because he needs to see mike and apologize for everything. so he's at the wheelers, and rings the doorbell, realizing he's still in his uniform lol but karen answers and mike is upstairs in his room sulking (i picture it would be 8 pm by now) so will asks for mike and karen calls mike. mike groans obviously because he doesn't know it's his boy, but he comes down, karen gets out of the way and as soon as he sees will they have a really big hug and it's super sweet and my heart UFHEIOSKA

mike says his usual "are you okay?" and mike is still confused as shit but will says "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" and mike says "you don't have to be sorry for anyrhing" but will says "ill explain"

so then they go to will's room, side-by-side on his bed and will starts explaining everything

(this is mostly improvised by me but it's still pretty similar to the dream)

"i hated it."

"the school?"

"yeah. there was no you, (mike blushes lmao), everything was terrible, i felt so lonely, they didn't let me call you-"

"what?"

"they said the phone was off limits. i wanted to talk to you so bad and i thought you'd hate me"

"i could never hate you, will, even if i tried." will smiles

"and then there was this girl, and she hit on me and i didn't know what to do bc i'd be the face of the school if i told her i was dating you and was gay and today she kissed me"

"WHAT"

"im sorry im sorry i didn't kiss back and i was so scared bc i never was in a relationship before and i was so scared it was considered cheating-"

and mike LAUGHSS

"what? mike? what's wrong?"

"if you don't do anything back, it's not considerd 'cheating'"

"oh. good. are you mad at me?"

"what? no! no never!" so mike opens his arms and says "come here" so will and mike hug or something like that and then mike says "do you need me to beat her up?"

and will says "you can't even beat eggs. besides, your noodle arms wouldn't be able to do harm to even a fly"

so mike laughs and says "i'm glad your home"

so will blurts "i cursed out a teacher"

"you? cursing?"

"yes."

"might have to start calling you a bad boy now"

will just smiles and says "i love you"

and mike says "i love you too"

AND THEN END AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BC I LOVE THIS DREAM LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN THOUGHT OF THIS BUT IM OBSESSED

ALSO ONCE I FINISH WYBMFFAE ILL PROBABLY WRITE THIS INTO A FULL BLOWN FIC BUT AHIHFUSAH

edit: i have no idea what mike did with the present him and el bought for will but i guess they ended up giving it to him lol

[absconditus--praenomen]

I’ve Been Toying with Some Ideas

TL;DR [minus the unapologetic tangenting (I regret nothing)]:

   I’ve been entertaining the idea of recording my voice to practice reading/reciting poems, narrating pieces I find interesting in general, and maybe even singing/music as well.

I find it to be an intriguing option for many reasons ranging from personal growth, to the chances for simple celebration of art, and to the potential it could hold as a platform for human interaction, interaction that could very well go beyond me, or any single human for that matter, really, because it’s interaction that’s born from existing as humans along side one another. But no, say I really were to consider playing with this idea in a more serious sense, maybe bring it to life, would anyone happen to have suggestions for reading material to record with, or perhaps something more musical for me to record vocals? Seriously, I’m curious, ahaha! :)

_- -____________________________=____________________________- -_

I’ve been thinking about practicing reciting/reading poetry (and any reading material I find interesting, really) aloud and recording myself. I love to perform actually, fun fact ahaha! But no, I was thinking about doing that, as well as singing perhaps, and then I considered it might be fun to upload it (here or on YouTube channel I’d make specifically for this blog and link to it in the pinned post) and just see what happens.

While I am no stranger to public speaking, and even enjoy it in ways at times, I think it’d be helpful practice and a good learning opportunity for me. I have an auditory processing disorder, ADHD, and dyslexia so (in regards to my personal symptoms/experiences with said conditions, of course) it’s not too surprising that there’s some aspects of language that have an increased tendency to trip me up. It might be interesting to practice in such a fun way. 

Also, and more specifically in correlation to my hearing impairments, I’d be fascinated if I could learn anything about my voice or sound as a whole. While I do of course research these things that interest me, there’s still value in more anecdotal(?) research, and there’s still a difference in practice versus study. My hearing is impaired as a result of my brain not processes sound as it should which, for me at least, entails a variety of interesting repercussions-

(Do you appreciate my partially/mostly accidental, loosely existing percussion pun? I do. I mean it’s not my strongest pun but that’s certainly no requirement for me to appreciate the beautiful example of language arts which puns stand as evidence to!)

 [Fu*k, now I need to remember what I was writing, one sec. And yes, we are going to ignore the suggestion that my comment at the end of my previous sentence is in some lights unnecessary, not because it is invalid to suggest things but because I have considered such a suggestion already and have deemed it completely irrelevant to my enjoyment of spontaneous and debatably inconsequential tangents. Sure, I could edit this out but I’m quite, perfectly happy to leave this artifact of humanity, this thing which we collective agree to be the tangents of an extraordinarily derailed conversation. Though let’s be fair here, ‘extraordinary’ isn’t honestly all that accurate. This really isn’t an impressive tangents given my capabilities. To say I have extraordinarily derailed this conversation would be a gross underestimate of my skills. Not that I have particularly been trying to derail this line of conversation, just that I’m aware of certain habits I’ve been observed to possess and proficiency in expanding the field of conversation, so to say, as well as any of the other things which I could from my, evidently, no shortage of further additions I could continue this list with, a list which I admittedly only remember the purpose of thanks to my oddly specific, good memory and not my piss poor figment of an attempt to keep track of what I intended to be a brief mini tangent before I started wrapping up my main surprise secondary topic of conversation. So back to why we’re ignoring the theoretical suggestion at the beginning of this tangent in brackets (--> [ ]*). We’re going to ignore also because my quiet laughter in amusement from the notion of creative time fuckery which could be borne from a blog post and fully embraced choice to indulge in confident, blatant tangent-ery is, perhaps not so shockingly, prime kindling for some hot topics to visit with this train of thought, and therefore not conducive to actually remembering where I was in my main point. Ah, ok, I got it! I was about to mention how my hearing impairment impacts the way I interpret speech and voices such as my own!] 

-such as how I perceive voices, including my own. Basically what I’m getting at is I can’t really describe voices or pick out vocal characteristics too well, this goes for my own voice as well. So I’d be totally fascinating to see if/what I could gleam about my voice, and my hearing itself from the experience if I were to bring my experimental ideas to fruition. 

It would be interesting to see if this would be a good outlet for emotional and/or artistic expression or perhaps a good way for me to keep up with practicing and maintaining singing (and vocal skills in general too come to think of it!). 

On top of everything though I honestly just would be interested in this sort of thing myself ahaha! And also I so think it could totally provide a potential platform for some seriously cool human interactions, you know! But no, I’m thinking I may consider these ideas in some earnest. 

Obviously I would remain anonymous still (it’s a personal preference of mine). I mean, I don’t believe my voice to be all that recognizable; any time I’ve heard my voice describe I’m told it’s calming/soothing but I don’t believe it’s been called unique/distinctive in particular. Sure, there’s been times my voice was describe as relaxing/soothing (maybe something else - “nice”? idk, I’m neutral to my voice for the most part as purely a sound (I love it because it’s mine, though)) so I can’t say I personally understand but I appreciate the thought given in their observations and their compliments regardless, but I doubt my voice sticks out, so to say, or leaves an impression.  In other words, I think I could possibly comfortably maintain my anonymity if I ever were to legitimately try my hand at voice recording. I am a bit of a paranoid bastard admittedly though ahaha! 

Still, say I were to some day play with this idea in a more serious way, would there be any suggestions for my subject material you’d like to offer? Hypothetically speaking, of course ;)

[lesbiancarat]

Haha its fine! Im book anon for a reason so take all the time you need! Before I start, I wanna apologize for the possible asks you got about the merch and hybe in general. I didn't intend to cause stress and need to be careful bdjahdsj so slap me with a fish!

Onto the ask! But agreed, I mean before the big kpop boom we saw, this was very common. Build a decent fanbase and then move to Japan or China. (Of course sometimes you see INSTANT movement in other countries but that depends on the company and such but you know what I mean) but since we do have the more global kpop era, we may see more companies do America which isn't a bad thing. It makes sense buisness wise so they will jump on it after debut or something. Thus I don't see it a bad thing for kpop groups to promote in America because hey, if in Korea they do sell western artist music who also tour there, kpop groups can also do the same ya know?

Now onto the hybe comment, I will try not to speak too much on it so I will try to summarize. I think my theory is due with merch from their main artist, they think maybe it could work with svt which maybe could but svt has a different fanbase so throwing on random merch won't make fans really want to buy (not saying some won't which kudos to you! As a fan you are allowed to consume what you please except not be a bad apple about it) so thus like the infamous water bottles which was done for bts, they thought why not do it for svt because bts fans sold it out apparently for a 2nd wave of it being sold again. (Which to this day idk why someone in the hybe team thought this was smart. Like...this is just in bad taste imo) I do wanna agree that it appears that hybe doesn't seem to have a proper art team for svt because while sometimes wild, I do know for their main artist they do have thoughtful merch based around say an album concept I recall. Kf course they will make mistakes i.e. the water bottles. I do wish it can improve because even though it is capitalism, I think fans do want decent merch. We have seen interesting ideas like svt making their own magazine and selling it lol. Of course it is hard to please because some fans want subtle merch ideas while others don't mind the vibrant pastel colors we got or some want wild ideas like svt figurines or something. Overall I hope I didn't drag this too much as I just wanted to respond back to you, I agree with many points you said so yeah cx I say let's also wait as this is barely what, a year or even less of svt being under hybe properly. Especially when hybe had its rebranding and expanding so things are being changed, I know fans are worried about this which is valid but let's not panic just yet. Let's come back in a year to this and see what has improved and what hasn't. (OK but peldis sold the boys rings!? :o since when!? I haven't heard of this actually, when did this happen if I may ask?)

Oof yeah sadly with streaming, many view "oh you don't stream it means you aren't a fan" when isn't the case (which is why I personally don't like when certain companies also do "listening parties" which seems a bit ???) I do remember this popped up big in 2017 but many fans called it out so it quiet down a bit. Like we didn't see it so often where fans were causing problems over it so idk why this returned nor what the cause of it was.

But thank you!! It really was a nice closing chapter, I think when I have personal stuff settled I will try maybe get a new bunny? And oohh congrats on the album! (Note to hybe or pledis. Please make the us store a more common thing, it makes things so much easier! Am happy it was at your place quick so kudos to the us store. Oohh wonderful choices! I think for many fans anyone or heaven's cloud seems to be the popular picks? For me, I may have to say game boi or heaven's cloud as well! Those songs make me just so happy? Like game boy is just so creative with the way it was made. As a video game nerd, it is perfection. I could make an essay about this song lol and heaven's cloud is just...wow. I feel so at ease with the song, comfortable and soothed. Like you are on a cloud lol. Also that is totally fine! Rtl was a grower for me (I blame the mv, it didn't do the song jusitice) but it is a bop and can't stop humming the chorus at random moments. Overall a great summer album. Just imagine any of these songs performed live ndjansns

lol don't feel too bad about it! honestly they weren't that bad + i can always delete asks if i really don't want to answer them, i just always get a bit paranoid that things will get out of hand so i may end up getting more serious in those situations OTL

and yeah i agree! i don't think it's a bad thing for groups to promote in the US, as you said, it's similar to groups expanding their fanbase by promoting in china or Japan or other asian counties, it makes sense from a business standpoint and there's nothing wrong with promoting in different countries. i just wish that some kpop stans understood that western and/or global popularity is a bonus and not a requirement for success. while they do have a global appeal, at the end of the day kpop's main audience is korea, and groups that achieve popularity in Korea have already achieved what they set out to do. but there's unfortunately a decent chunk of international fans that prioritize western popularity over anything and can't fathom that a group can be successful without being popular in the US. or they just talk as if their groups western achievements are more valuable than their Korean ones and to me that starts to look like xenophobia... (sorry if I'm repeating anything i said before in regards to this, i feel like i am but I'm too lazy to go back and check OTL)

since you sent this ask hybe released the caratland merch which was actually really nice, and today they also announced that there will be birthday merch for cheol (and presumably all members from here on out). we don't know what the bday merch is yet but some carats are already a bit miffed that hybe is even thinking to capitalize off the boys' birthdays... i bring both of these up bc i feel like the caratland merch proves your point that hybe is capable of designing good and thoughtful merch, and honestly this does reassure me a bit. but on the other hand them trying to capitalize off the boys' birthdays also proves that they still don't fully understand carats wants and priorities as a fanbase. which, if the future of seventeens merch is gonna be quality merch with some shitty cash grabs in between, i can live with that. I'm not gonna like the shitty cash grabs and i think it would be in our best interest as a fandom to not go crazy buying those shitty cash grabs, because if we don't then hybe will hopefully stop wasting their time and put more effort into /quality/. but if we get quality merch for important events like concerts and fanmeetings, i can live with it. as you said too, it can take time for these things to change, and we should all recognize that. but at the same time merch specifically is market driven, so i don't think it's a bad thing if people like @ hybe on twt about any bad merch that comes out in order to drive that change dhfkfj

but also on a maybe more fun note in regards to the merch... with some carats being upset about the bday merch i was thinking about what hybe could do for merch instead that would fill the niche of being at intervals throughout the year that could still be limited time drops but that carats wouldn't be mad at them capitalizing on and then i was like duh! they could literally just make merch off of going seventeen! honestly I'm surprised they haven't yet. maybe not merch for every episode, but they could have a line of permanent gose merch w a basic logo or something and then release limited time merch themed around some of the more popular episodes at various points during the year. I'm actually kind of obsessed with this idea now and for once I'm like hybe/pledis please capitalize off of this!! dhfkgjg

they never actually sold them, but for seventeens 3rd anniversary, pledis planned to sell replicas of seventeens rings. after it was announced carats were understandably upset since the boys worked so hard for those. luckily pledis heard carats concerns and put out an apology and didn't manufacture them in the end. I'm glad that at least they listened to carats even though it would have been better if they had never considered the idea in the first place :(

oh yeah listening parties are definitely just another marketing technique to boost streams. i think like with a lot of marketing techniques, it just depends on the execution. imo if they're done well it can be a good way for fans to connect while listening to an artists music, which is mutually beneficial for the company, but i can totally see a situation where companies get greedy and push it too hard. i don't know anything about what happened with them back in the day, but if you're curious why SVT had listening parties leading up to your choice, they were set up by UMG, the American distributor that SVT worked with for this cb. in this case the listening parties weren't just for boosting streams, but also likely for UMG to gauge interest. SVT isn't officially signed to a US label yet, but UMG's data from the listening parties could be used to show US labels whether or not there's enough interest for them to be signed. which if that happens we'd almost definitely see a more permanent US shop!

ahh yes, once you're ready I'm sure it would be great to have another bunny companion 🥺

yes! heavens cloud and gam3 bo1 are both such feel good songs! my sister actually added heavens cloud to their Spotify after i made them listen to the album in the car dhfkf it's now one of 6 kpop songs they have saved (4 of which are SVT... my influence 💅 DHFJFH) I'm certain we'll see some of the songs from your choice at caratland this year, hopefully it's all of them but I'd especially like to see heavens cloud and wave 👀 I'm also still crossing my fingers for an i wish live performance bc i can't believe my favorite SVT b-side is one of the TWO tracks they haven't performed live not including the new album (the other one being network love, which i would also like to see live!)

[paintedvanilla]

paintedvanilla’s good omens fic recommendations

here we have something I’ve been too shy to make for a while because. to be straight with you. more than half of these are explicit. and well. yeah.

works listed in escalating rating order (general -> teen -> mature -> explicit)

everything is completed unless otherwise noted.

Title: Bowties

Author: dvldegg ( @caerdroia )

Rating: General

Word Count: 776

Summary: “Newt needs help tying his bowtie. Crowley makes fun of Aziraphale. It's just a typical weekend.”

My Notes: This fic caused me to overdose on domestic cuteness.

Title: anywhere i go you go, my dear

Author: chamaenerion

Rating: General

Word Count: 1,533

Summary: “After the Apocalypse-that-wasn't, Crowley is reluctant to leave Aziraphale's side.”

My Notes: I will literally die i swear to god this has nervous and protective crowley and he’s clingy and overall I just wanted to scream I love him I love my boy and they’re so in love and they should always be allowed to be together

Title: Getting a Wiggle On

Author: Kedreeva

Rating: General

Word Count: 7,293

Summary: “Crowley's prank to leave Aziraphale with fake eggs to babysit does not go remotely as planned.”

My Notes: You’ve probably seen this concept floating around tumblr but this fic made me GENTLE because i have daddy issues and whenever people are like “crowley and aziraphale as parents” i have a fucking heart attack

Title: Adopt Don’t Shop - A Good Meowmans Fanfic

Author: lucky_spike

Rating: General

Word Count: 12,434

Summary: “Inspired by Chekhov's cat AU comics 'Good Meowmens', here is a fanfic in which Anathema and Newt are humans, and Aziraphale and Crowley are cats. Not disguised as cats, not trapped in cat bodies, just actual elderly cats that are inseparable.”

My Notes: I know some people think au’s like this are kinda weird but this one is so fucking charming to me idk??? I literally ate this shit up I love being gentle and reading about cats who are in love.

Title: Not Alone

Author: superqueerdanvers

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 937

Summary: “Crowley and Anathema are supposed to meet Aziraphale at the movies, but they can't find a parking place, and they have a heart-to-heart about disability.”

My Notes: I experienced feelings and also emotions while reading this and now i’m a different person

Title: bastard child of water

Author: smallredboy ( @smallredb0y )

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 15,622

Summary: “After a grave mistake, Crowley, a merman, is transformed into a human and exiled out of the sea. Issues crop up as he grows used to his new body, to his new friends and to his new job. But when a merman he's seen in passing pokes his head out of the water one afternoon, Crowley will fall for him and look for a way to regain his body.”

My Notes: THIS FIC MAKES ME LOSE MY SHIT i bribed dave with real life money to finish it and every day i’m thankful i made that decision because this fic is SO. FUCKING. GOOD. IT’S TENDER!! IT’S GENTLE!! IT MAKES ME LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND!!!!!

Title: Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach 

Author: Nnm

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 99,423

Summary: “As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following:

His clothing was expensive and stylish;

He wore very strange but noticeable cologne;

His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;”

He looked angry;

He was wearing sunglasses.”

My Notes: OH!!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!!! THIS FIC DESTROYED ME EMOTIONALLY!!!!!!! IT RIPPED MY FUCKING HEART OUT AND FORCED ME TO DEAL WITH #ISSUES AND JUST OVERALL TURNED ME INTO A DISASTER!!!! I READ THIS SHIT IN ONE SITTING!!! I WAS HOOKED!!!! EVEN NOW JUST THINKING ABOUT IT IS DEALING PSYCHIC DAMAGE!!!!!! PLEASE READ THIS!!!

Title: The Odd One Out

Author: RainyDayDecaf

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 2,948

Summary: “It takes being thrown into another universe and meeting other versions of himself to make Aziraphale realize there is something wrong with the way his Crowley treats him.”

My Notes: A product of the shit-script, literally had me feeling emotions but also giggling because movie!Aziraphale deserves to be LOVED.

Title: A Single Feather

Author: qwanderer

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 2,521

Summary: “Here's the thing. Demons must be good at improv, at hiding reactions, at carrying on no matter what. They can’t show a moment of vulnerability, not to each other, and certainly not to angels. They were supposed to be tough, untrusting, paranoid bastards, or else.

So Crowley had developed a highly honed skill of automatically bullshitting, boasting, and mocking while covering up his true emotions, and it was in full force now.”

My Notes: I’m a simple woman. I see a nesting fic, I click on it. And it makes me emotional and afterwards I have to lay face down on the floor.

Title: Untouched

Author: Etaleah

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 3,531

Summary: “A demon's life is a lonely one. What Crowley wants is so simple, yet he can never have it.”

My Notes: I will literally fly into the sun if I see the tag “touch starved crowley” i will scream at the top of my lungs. Somebody please hold this demon.

Title: Penance

Author: Blissymbolics

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 5,910

Summary: “And for a while, it’s enough.

It’ll happen, Crowley tells himself. This time, it’ll finally happen.”

My Notes: Listen. This fic destroyed me, it made me tender horny and just overall ruined my night in the best way possible. I’m having a crisis over it as we speak. 

Title: Starved

Author: Fyre

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 6,351

Summary: “The first time the angel touches him, it’s as they descend from the walls of Eden.

It’s nothing, only a hand put out to steady him. A kindness. And yet a thousand memories from life below make Crawly flinch instinctively at the contact. It’s stupid, really, and he’s sure the angel doesn’t notice. He doesn’t stop to consider the fact that the angel’s hand was soft and for a moment, his skin tingled where it touched. Not right away, anyway.”

My Notes: AHH!! Crowley really said “I am touch starved please love me” like!! Imagine craving someone’s touch for SIX THOUSAND YEARS!! I’D GO BONKERS!! THIS FIC MADE ME GO BONKERS!!

Title: can you keep me close (can you love me most)

Author: taizi

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3,268

Summary: “When his angel stretches out a hand, cupid’s bow mouth curved into a familiar smile, Crowley knows better. When he’s led to his own bedroom, pushed down amidst the silk sheets and hastily miracled pillows and a sinful duvet, when Aziraphale leans over him and the whole world seems to hang right there in his eyes, Crowley knows that this is not his to keep. It’s not for him to have this.”

My Notes: I can will and must LITERALLY EXPLODE the tension in this one is palatable and I snort hurt/comfort like cocaine.

Title: please, could you be tender?

Author: deadgreeks

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 6,262

Summary: “The first kiss is only the beginning of a relationship. Crowley and Aziraphale need to talk about things. That is not their strong suit.”

My Notes: I ache and I yearn for this type of content they are literally. They are LITERALLY… I’m going to burst into flames.

Title: The Quiet, Persistent, Gnawing Unease

Author: LillipopCop

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 20,850

Summary: “An exploration of the serious toll Hell's physical and psychological grip has taken on Crowley since his Fall.”

My Notes: Fics where Crowley experiences emotional distress own my ass.

Title: Make a Little Birdhouse in Your Soul

Author: Zolac_no_Miko

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 10,573

Summary: “It was a compulsion that he couldn’t quite define. A burning in his blood, a tingle on the palms of his hands. A restlessness that drove him to art galleries, antique stores, and street markets, seeking some object that would please Aziraphale. Something beautiful, or something useful—something he would want to keep. It started with little things, small tokens that didn’t require a special occasion: an embroidered silk bookmark; a rare and delicate tea from the highlands of China; a steel pen and inkwell to replace Aziraphale’s quill pen, and then a fountain pen to replace that. And then things started to get out of hand.”

My Notes: Another nesting fic that almost wiped me the fuck out.

Title: Crown of Thorns [The Walls, the Wainscot, and the Mouse] 'Verse

Author: irisbleufic ( @irisbleufic )

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 275,000

Summary: ““D’you realize,” [Crowley] said, “that we never tire of things humans get bored with on the regular?” Aziraphale shrugged, lazily basking. “I’ve always assumed it’s that we don’t tire of each other.””

My Notes: Please for the love of god and all that is holy if you have not read this fic, read it. I consider it canon.

Title: fires of the flesh, both literal and figurative

Author: mercuryhatter

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2,726

Summary: “Pretty standard "there's a sex curse and Crowley has to have way too many orgasms or be discorporated" stuff.”

My Notes: Yeah this is. Where I’m gonna start to get shy about my notes. It’s funny and it’s hot. Yeah.

Title: The Understanding

Author: Zetared

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 37,918

Summary: “Crowley is untethered. Aziraphale knows how to secure a knot. (He’s read many books on the subject, after all).”

My Notes: In which the underlying plot is a little strange but the overlying porn is very good.

Title: Come Fuck Me Hips

Author: AgentStannerShipper

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,471

Summary: “Crowley has had a fantasy about Aziraphale for centuries now. Too bad the angel would never take him up on it. Except, as it turns out, he absolutely would.”

My Notes: Everybody has read this and if you haven’t then you better because it’s. It’s good.

Title: If I Regard Iniquity

Author: elektratios

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1,912

Summary: ““Aziraphale…” Crowley’s mouth worked a bit but no more words would come out. He cleared his throat. “Aziraphale, there’s no,” he gestured vaguely, “iniquity here.” He winced at his choice of words. “No-one is watching, no-one is judging. It’s just us.””

My Notes: I will literally dunk myself in the trash holy shit. It’s. It’s good.

Title: that pulse of my nights and days

Author: Ark

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1,694

Summary: “Aziraphale laughs, the delighted, breathy giggle he gives after his second bottle of champagne. “Such a shame we didn’t come to this sooner,” he says, pulling back and—oh, naughty angel!—increasing the length and girth of his cock when he pushes back in. Crowley gasps, and Aziraphale—greedy, too!—tilts in to swallow the sound from his lips, flicks his tongue against Crowley’s as though chasing after the flavor of this elongated pleasure.”

My Notes: This one is uh. This is a dirty one. It’s good but it sure is filthy.

Title: A Home at the Beginning of the World

Author: stereobone

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5,867

Summary: “"Oh," Aziraphale says. "I think Crowley might have moved in with me."”

My Notes: Everyone has read this one too but for good reason because it’s fucking amazing and makes me wanna scream.

Title: The One In Which Crowley Discovers Wanking

Author: for_autumn_i_am

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5,784

Summary: “It began, like most memorable events in Crowley’s life did, with a bad decision; like most bad decisions, it involved poor impulse control and copious amounts of alcohol. The Antichrist had been born, and he put on lipstick and kitten heels to deal with it, but knew that the clock was ticking, and at times when time was slipping away, it helped to hold onto a bottle of gin.”

My Notes: It’s what the title says and it’s hot.

Title: Love Hath Made Thee A Tame Snake

Author: thehoyden

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,484

Summary: “He was the bloody Serpent of Eden, and he wasn’t going to stand for this kind of flagrant trespassing.”

My Notes: It’s uhhhhhhh… it’s hot!

Title: A Bolt From The Heavens

Author: coloursflyaway

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11,235

Summary: “Aziraphale is going to show Crowley just how much he is loved. Through touch.”

My Notes: I will LITERALLY collapse on the floor… it’s too much for me

Title: Say Amen

Author: SinningPlumpPrincess

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1,967

Summary: “Despite being in a relationship, they still long and yearn for each other.

Despite being in a relationship, Crowley can't get over that Aziraphale loves touching him.”

My Notes: I’m a very simple woman. I see a fic tagged “dry humping” and I click on it.

Title: Praise Be to Crowley

Author: FishingforCrows

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2,306

Summary: “A simple comment from Aziraphale gets an unexpected reaction from Crowley. Aziraphale is curious to see what happens if he repeats the same comment in the bedroom.”

My Notes: It has praise kink crowley how am I not supposed to find it hot.

Title: Tea for One

Author: Kaesa

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,072

Summary: “Crowley doesn't have a lot of complaints about sex with Aziraphale, but he can't help being miffed when Aziraphale stops just to have another sip of tea.”

My Notes: A two for one: funny and sexy

Title: rest yourself with me

Author: sabinelagrande

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,380

Summary: “Crowley has a wonderful invention that he's just dying to try.”

My Notes: It’s funny and it’s hot what more could you ask for?

Title: let the rivers fill

Author: focusfixated

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4,996

Summary: ““Darling,” Aziraphale answered. “I’m here.” His hand stroked through Crowley’s hair, teasing out the snarls of red that tangled around his fingers, matted with sweat and knotted where Crowley had thrashed his head against the pillows. “Can you turn over for me, love?” Weakly, Crowley’s eyes flickered down, and he saw the angel blushing, as if now, suddenly, of all things, he had succumbed to reticence. He was sat back on his knees, and the soft accordion folds of him were dewy with sweat and moonlight. His heart constricting somewhere in his useless chest, Crowley turned over, and spread his legs.”

My Notes: I see overstimulation and I fucking floor it. Please never stop writing fics where they have limitless stamina.

Title: sweet just like frustration

Author: teatales

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 7,174

Summary: “Crowley danced on the line between self-serving and selfless when it came to Aziraphale. He would do anything, anything for the angel. Anything he asked, anything he suggested, anything he needed but didn’t say aloud. But Crowley was also a terribly, desperately greedy thing. And oh, how he wanted. Wanted Aziraphale with every damned fibre of his infernal being. Wanted to be good for him; so, so good that he would never want to leave. Crowley wanted to be the best, his only, his everything. As much as he wished to lie there in exquisite rapture - he was nothing if not lazy - he needed to at least attempt to communicate all that he felt. To make Aziraphale feel even a quarter of what he experienced. He had to try.”

My Notes: Just LOOK at that summary. How can I read that summary without being expected to fucking faint. Jesus christ!!

Title: The Human Way

Author: battle_cat

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2,780

Summary: “They're finally about to fuck on the bookshop couch and Aziraphale wants to know what Crowley wants.”

My Notes: I SEE A FIC WHERE CROWLEY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS AND IS JUST TRYING TO MAKE AZIRAPHALE HAPPY AND I BURST INTO FLAMES

Title: We Waited Long Enough

Author: syrupfactory

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4,170

Summary: “After a few months of (finally) officially dating, Aziraphale is a little hurt when Crowley seems amused by his eagerness for sex. Why? Because Aziraphale actually wants way, way more. Fortunately, that's a fun problem to solve.”

My Notes: THEY EACH THINK THE OTHER ISN’T AS INTERESTED IN HAVING SEX AS THEY ARE AND THEN THEY HAVE MARATHON SEX AND I’M SWEATING.

Title: As Advertised on TV

Author: Mr_Customs_Man

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1,045

Summary: “Everything that Crowley knew about sex, he learned from watching movies. As fun as movies are, they don't provide a comprehensive sex education. Needless to say, he has some misconceptions in regards to the act.”

My Notes: This is NOT a sexy fic!! It is sad and it wrenches my heart and I WORRY. Crowley please communicate your NEEDS.

Title: until you say it out loud

Author: attheborder

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 6,293

Summary: “And Aziraphale is realizing now, to its fullest, something he’s suspected for nearly as long as he’s known Crowley: the demon is no silver-tongued devil. He is no weaver of words, no smooth talker. It would fit in with his image, certainly— shouldn’t a man-shaped being dressed like an oilslick have speech just as dark and slippery— but there’s very little of either of them that’s as it ought to be, really.”

My Notes: This fic ignited me and I burst into flames. You’re probably starting to see a trend in what I like to read.

Title: Coitus Interruptus with Paperwork

Author: mountagrue

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,780

Summary: “The one where Azira Fell (directly onto Crowley's dick, did not pass go, did not fill out the appropriate forms).”

My Notes: Scream this is funny and horny Aziraphale falls and immediately gets to dicking down his demon while Gabriel suffers the aftermath. 

Title: What Crowley Wants

Author: crookedashes

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 7,022

Summary: “Aziraphale wants to give Crowley what he wants most. It goes a bit sideways.”

My Notes: I die for this content can they communicate like normal people for FIVE MINUTES? Ft. Crowley feeling inadequate and me flying into the sun.

Title: All The Rest

Author: darlingred1

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11,416

Summary: “If it weren’t for Aziraphale’s persistence, they wouldn’t have had a sex life at all, and Crowley was a demon, for goodness sake! Aziraphale didn’t understand it. (Aziraphale has the communication skills of a doorknob. Crowley isn't any better.)”

My Notes: Aziraphale and Crowley are like *has horny communication issues* and i’m like *nuts*

Title: and in this way their love rewrites the universe

Author: leaveanote

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 9,503

Summary: “They've been desperately in love for a year since the world didn't end, and they've been making little miracles happen for each other. Crowley's latest? A date outside of London, at a drive-in movie theatre in the South Downs. Yes, they have sex in the Bentley.”

My Notes: IT’S SAPPY IT’S TENDER IT’S HORNY IT’S ROMANTIC THEY INVENTED LOVE!!!

Title: sanctuary

Author: leaveanote

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 6,779

Summary: “It's about making a home together. It takes some getting used to, to take all this longing and transmute it into love, into something shared, but Aziraphale is here to help him get used to it. Especially on a stormy day in the cottage.

What better way to spend it than making love over and over and over?”

My Notes: I am literally a mess I read fics where they’re madly in love and want to stay close and I explode

Title: The Skin And Bones Of You

Author: entangelednow

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4,001

Summary: “In which Crowley has spent six thousand years wanting something he doesn't think he deserves. It's only natural to assume he won't get to keep it.”

My Notes: I swear to god i will SCREAM!! IT’S TOO MUCH!! PLEASE NEVER STOP WRITING CROWLEY AS INSECURE.

Title: love like the dawn

Author: leaveanote

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,755

Summary: “This is sleepy, romantic, domestic morning sex in the South Downs Cottage. Crowley's still getting used to a love this good, the way it remakes him, the way it remakes the world.”

My Notes: I can’t with this like they’re just so in love I’ve lost the ability to breathe this fic stole my lungs and left me for dead

Title: to sleep, perchance to dream

Author: starkhasheart

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,023

Summary: “Crowley has a kink. Of course Aziraphale is going to indulge him.”

My Notes: Uhhhhhh it’s. Uhhh. Consensual somnophilia is uh… yeah.

Title: on the same page

Author: Chekhov

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: ~85,746

Summary: “Aziraphale Z. Fell is a rising star of the spiritual literary genre - the next Eat Pray Love guy - and his version of Chicken Soup For the Christian Soul is flying off the shelves. It's not that he's not grateful, but it's one thing to enjoy a career in writing and another completely to be pigeonholed into a specific genre, so much so that you are almost forbidden from writing anything else. So yes, maybe he has a bit of a secret. An outlet for his less... appropriate urges. And yes, if his typical readership got word of the sort of paragraphs he could put out on a particularly inspired night, they might suffer some form of heart attack typical for their age. But all of that is well hidden, and there is absolutely no way anyone would ever find out about his Arrangement with A.J. Crowley - the most debaucherous romantic fiction author of the decade. That is... until they have to pretend to be married to each other.”

My Notes: THIS ONE ISN’T FINISHED YET BUT IT’S A HUMAN AU AND EVERY UPDATE MAKES ME FOAM AT THE MOUTH

Title: be mine

Author: leaveanote

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4,994

Summary: “It's their first Valentine's Day together, and Crowley is trying to pick out the right present.”

My Notes: I SCREAM I actually did not realize how many of this authors works I had bookmarked and HOLY SHIT!! THEY ARE JUST SO IN LOVE!! AHHHHH!!

Title: do we get what we deserve

Author: Smalls

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11,064

Summary: “Crowley had not been a particularly good angel.

Unfortunately, Crowley had never been a particularly good demon either.”

My Notes: Cannot lie this had me openly sobbing on a Friday morning and left me emotionally raw

Title: Renting Crowley

Author: Amorous_Flammetta

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8,018

Summary: “Crowley acts out Aziraphale's Victorian-era fantasy of taking a rent boy home for the night. Their little game includes costumes, champagne, dirty talk and explicit sex!”

My Notes: ITS A RENT BOY FANTASY BUT IT’S ALSO TENDER AND LOVING AND IT HAD ME SWEATING AND MADE ME EMOTIONAL

Title: do me right and do me wrong (give it up, give it up)

Author: seashadows

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 10,828

Summary: “Crowley copes with attention starvation, tries out some new hobbies, and discovers that asking for what you need is better than the alternative.”

My Notes: I’M GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE THIS ONE MADE ME SCREAM LIKE I JUST CANNOT HANDLE IT ATTENTION STARVATION WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

Title: For The Longest Time

Author: darlingred1

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 20,370

Summary: “Crowley kind of misses the pining when it's gone. Aziraphale comes up with a solution.”

My Notes: It was hot and funny and lasted just long enough to really make me antsy for the conclusion.

Title: Clementine

Author: Mussimm

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 49,073

Summary: “The seaside neighbours AU exactly one person asked for.”

My Notes: HUMAN AU WHERE THEY LIVE BY THE BEACH AND FALL IN LOVE AKA BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

Title: Gentle but Intoxicating, Nervous but Tender 

Author: ShortInsomniac98 ( @devilsss-dyke )

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2,868

Summary: “Crowley x vulva-having reader. // It wasn’t what you’d expected when you agreed to come home with him. What you’d expected was a maybe a quick, clumsy fuck, then out the door. Not some nervous but tender man who stammered out an, 'Is this okay then?' This was much nicer, much sweeter.”

My Notes: No comment besides uhhhhhh [sweats]

[spiralesbian]

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!

[shadowturtlesstuff]

Does anyone else have irrational fears?

Mine is spiders and insects and stuff

Like the big ones are beetle and spiders

I can’t stand them

If I see one I panic, my heart feels as though it’s about to explode and my hands shake for the next like three hours even if the things gone.

But I’ve always been like that. And you’d think by now my family would stop laughing. I say all of them, my dad doesn’t care that much. He’ll just kill it if he knows about it and move on. Which I guess is good?

Now I’m not saying I don’t get it. None of them have the fear so they done understand and I’ve never been able to express it without just ending in ‘I just hate and I just can’t.’

But like I’m pretty good at hiding it at school. Only those close to me would know. Whenever there’s a spider and the freak outs start I usually just stay silent and try to ignore everything till it’s over. I can talk about them but if I’m on my own I freak. I have coutless stories where I’ve ran out of the room cuz I’ve seen one and then I’ve had to stand there and calm myself before I ask someone to kill it for me. It always ends up with them saying ‘it’s just a spider.’

Like yeah I know, but doesn’t mean I ducking want to see it.

My most resent terrors are beetles, that has definitely gotten worse.

I had one like months ago just appear at night. I could hear it scurrying around and I tried to kill it. I thought, it’s 2am, I can manage this. I got my boot and stamped on it. Left the room to get tissue whilst also calm myself and came back and it was fine. Now @fang1rling-again can attest to the amount of panic I had that night. It was the fucking worst and it still rattle me. But both my brother and mom laughed.

In the end they both apologized and stopped. That night. In the morning that made some small jokes. My brother imitated the sound and I felt sick. But obviously just laughed along with them.

Like a few days (maybe even 1) there was another on my wall. (I have no idea why there are so many but I hate it.) it was on my art works and I panicked so much. Cuz like, I can’t squish it on the wall cuz then I need to get rid of my artwork (of feyre) but I’m really proud of it, that’s why it on the wall. So I sort of leave and pace for a little knowing full well the ridicule will follow. My mom comes upstairs and funds out. She’s kinda pissed she had to kill yet another one but does it anyway. (The drawing was fine, the creature moved off it whilst I was pacing. )

Again couple days later there’s another one. Right next to my bed. When I say that I mean next to it. I have a sofa bed which is low to the ground and next to a wall. So where I sleep it was on the wall to my left. Once again the panic was there. Once again my mom has to kill it. Once again she laughed, and said it’s only a beetle. Even tried to move the tissue that it was dead it towards me. That day I just wasn’t in the mood for it and just died inside slowly.

Now next is a spider story. Which is actually funny (ish) (only because like the day before something actually scary happened outside my house that we had to call the police for and I wasn’t scared at all) but anyway I was outside next to my front door, I finished watched a polandbananabooks video and was about to write more judeXcardan. But I look up and there’s a spider. So my mom has to kill it. But she misses and it dissapears. Cuz of my fear I stop using the laptop till the next day. However whilst in the living room my mom tells my dad who sighs and goes to try and find it. It wasn’t there. So eh left it. I haven’t seen it since and I sort of hate sitting there even tho it’s like my fav space cuz it’s just me and the laptop, with YouTube or writing it tumblr.

Finally cut to tonight. For the past week I kept hearing the sounds out a beetle and I just thought I was paranoid so I ignored it. But tonight I was fed up so I tried to look for it. Turns out it was in a can in my bin. I panicked, cuz obv. But also it’s in a energy drink can which is not allowed to have but do. So my options are wait till I take the rubbish out, make the thing fall out and kill it. Or move it outside my room in a box and wait till I can take my rubbish outside. That way it’s not in my room and I can finally go to sleep without hearing it and making my head explode. So that’s what I did. My brother actually suggested it cuz I let him know I was freaking out. He was actually good, didn’t laugh, didn’t mock. I think he finally gets that it’s an irrational fear that isn’t going away, that drains me and genially messes with me. I try and keep it hidden bc it’s so stupid and I hate it so much. But here I am, writing this to see if it helps just trying to explain it slightly, crying ever so slightly whilst listing to Hamilton to cheer me up. It’s so weird, cuz I don’t consider myself to be easily afraid. But my entire life I have always been afraid of creatures. I have countless, COUNTLESS, stories of times I’ve seen one and ran. My paranoid brain still thinks I can hear it.... wait. Idk if it is actually in the can outside my room or if it got out whilst I left to talk to my brother. I hate this

Apparently this isn’t a reminder about fears it explain as it happens. But idk if it actually is. Imma check the can..

My mom came upstairs and now knows. She seemed annoyed I didn’t tell her but hasn’t really done anything. She belives it’s in the can and told me to go to bed. So the can is still there (she allows me to drink energy drinks my dad doesn’t, so that’s why it still has to be there till I can take my rubbish out) (it’s a whole thing that kinda sounds stupid but yh)

So it’s there, maybe. I think my brain was messing with me when I thought I heard it. Idk. But my mom didn’t laugh at me this time. Which helps. However she did keep asking about the thing like I dared to peer into the can and look at it properly to know everything about it. Even tho in reality she knows I barley touched the can as I moved it

Anywayyyy, rant over? Is this a rant? A reminicence Of fears or a walk me through experience of it. Either way I think it helped me slightly. I’m not shaking any more, and now I can hopefully start sleeping without hearing it and my brain messing up.

[txthots]

An estimation and analysis of Beomgyu's chart

firstable....... beomgyu has so many sun aspects. and his big 3 (his sun, his moon, and his rising) are water signs. So by default, this means he’s most likely sun dominant, and water dominant. These feel like 2 totally opposite ends of a spectrum lol... so I’m assuming his emotions are really all over the place. But! Being sun dominant means he’s very bright and energetic as a person, very cheery, and just so <3. And water dominant ppl (in my opinion) make the best domestic lovers. Best at cheering up his partner in literally every aspect, and when he says “I’m txt’s energizer” he means that shit quite literally lol

-sun in pisces, moon in scorpio. I bet he can pick up on another person’s tastes very quickly, so he’s most likely going to know you and your body like the back of his hand through your body language. Both pisces and scorpios are pretty intuitive signs. He’s most likely placing a lot of emotion into it when he gets intimate, so he doesn’t just do it with anyone. That person’s gotta be special. He places a lot of emotional value and intimacy into sex. Also a major sub. probably into roleplaying and the thought of being /yours/ so whoever has him better mark him up good.

-cancer rising. Beomgyu is bout the prettiest and softest boy i done seen he gotta be a cancer rising. He’s so gentle and fairy like!! and he’s sweet and caring, too.  But cancer risings tend to be pretty hard on themselves and criticize themselves a lot, despite giving so much love to everyone. For example, do you guys remember when he hurt his ankle and cried during that showcase? All I can think about is how much he put himself down because he thought he screwed things up and it made me so sad :((( like he needs a hug and to be told that he’s doing a great job. With his venus square his ascendant, it’s probably super important for him to make good impressions. That being said, he needs a lot of praise and he probably has a praise kink. He most likely is really into being called baby boy, he probably lives for affection when you two get it on, and he reaalllyy appreciates a gentle voice just telling him what a good job he’s doing on someone. Also, again, major sub.

-Mercury in Aquarius in the 8th house. He thinks it’s important that you tell him if you find anything wrong with what he’s doing, and vice versa. When mercury is in an air sign, there’s a pretty logical communication pattern and he’s probably pretty emotionally mature once he’s comfortable with projecting his opinions. However, because his merc is square saturn he probably is a little scared to bring things up at first. He wouldn’t be as reluctant as Yeonjun would be to talk about things, all he really needs is a tad bit of coaxing. Is good at staying set on his goals so... when he says he’s gonna make you both cum hard that night best believe that he means it lol. His merc being in the 8th house makes him a little paranoid, so again, he needs a lot of reassurance. Like Soobin, he’s also the type of person to ask “Is this okay? Did you like that?” But it’t not out of responsibility like Soobin seeks to get. It’s just second nature for Beomgyu. He’ss genuinely so scared that he’ll do something wrong :(((( it’s so cute.  Kind of curious, so he’s willing to try new things.

-Venus retrograde in the 10th house in aries. Tbh..... will probably like spending money on toys klefEKGAEKJN but on a serious note he’s one to feel really deeply about things, and is a tad bit dramatic. A bit shy when it comes to doing it with his partner the first few times, and it’ll take a lot of reassurance and praise to get him comfortable. Self love is also an issue for him so make sure to tell him how nice he looks!!! Once he’s truly comfortable he will flirt a lot, and it’s quite charming tbh. and the art of making love is a very passionate and deep thing for him, it’s not just fucking to him. He wont ever have one night stands, thats for sure. He most likely gets jealous really easy because his moon is in scorpio and his venus is conjunct juno.

-Mars in sag in the 6th house. I know yall thinking about his size... He’s an average size. His mars is close to scorpio and his pluto but it’s completely opposite jupiter. Mars in sag makes him naturally athletic so the stamina is high. He’s really just a ball of energy omg :’) He’s also really spontaneous and is one of those guys who will surprise you. And dare i say we have another bratty bottom lol.... He’ll be the type to just say whatever to his partner just to rile them up just so he could get someone to put it down on him once he’s truly comfortable with a partner. an even bigger brat than soobin. demanding when he feels confident, but not in a mean way he probably just asks for you to do more to him. Expressive and a bit loud in bed, and he probably likes angry sex but not where he’s in a position of control. If you ask him to dom in that situation he wont be that harsh but he can sure look the part, if that makes any sense.

-Jupiter in gemini in 11th house. His jupiter is opposite his pallas. I’m gonna try and say this in the nicest way possible, but beomgyu is a bit of an airhead alfhanlska and he most likely doesnt get subtle hints. You’ll most likely have to be specific with him and explicitly tell him what you want. that’s probably why once he gets comfortable with someone, he takes communication seriously. He’s also a bit of a romantic!! that’s so cute :(( loves to be social.

-saturn in taurus in the 11th house. Not very impulsive at all. takes a lot of time making moves and if he brings something up that he likes/dislikes, he’s most likely thought about it through and through. Than being said, he probably really doesn’t like being judged about things and really doesn’t appreciate being kink shamed!! He’s also the type of person to be friends with you before he becomes your lover. 

-neptune in aquarius in the 8th house. very loyal and does not like to be controlled, so if anyone doms him they cant /dom/ him.... idk how else to put it. like you have to be very nice to him and make him feel safe, dont make him feel like a belonging, just like make him feel special. also i dont think he’s completely straight either given that neptune is in his 8th

-uranus in aquarius in the 8th house. again, just the type to take a lot of your feelings into consideration and makes sure youre good too. likes to go with the flow of things. I hate that i keep saying this but it really does take a lot for him to get completely comfortable lol, but when he does he’ll be truly happy because he’s the type to love freely and without boundaries. when he expresses something that he likes or dislikes to you, its a big weight off of his shoulders so please take him seriously!

-pluto in sag in the 6th house. Again, doesn’t like to feel constrained. now that im thinking about it, things like bdsm or any type of sense deprivation are probably a no for him. He wouldn’t be opposed to trying it, because he does like trying new things, but he probably wont really favorite it. 

in summary, beomgyu is soft subby babie

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[riskeith]

hehe, hi!! hope you slept well even if you stayed up until 3-4 am (?) also what fic... what paring... 👀

genshin charas be like: *wavy beautiful flowy deep hair* tbh and we just gotta accept that. just keep practicing and i’m sure you’ll do them more than justice. your stuff is already great so far!! I JUST SAW HIS ISLE ANIMATION RAZOR IS LITERALLY BEST BOY? also his voice actor... ☹️🥺 razor is catboy we love it.

i’m gonna run around with him and just think about you always i promise!!!! [as if i don’t do that already hehe 😏] some day it will be i’m actually hopefully they’ll do it. too many people want cross server they cannot pass that up.. :(

thank u!! hehe, it’s a tododeku piece and it was one of my first bnha fics i started working on. basically it’s a radio au? i love those so much... midoriya’s a radio host and todoroki listens to him to help his insomnia and they start talking and it’s basically Yearning... jshdjdhdkd this one is actually one of those fics ive always wanted to do but felt stuck with multiple times shdjdsshdh but i don’t wanna let it die just yet so we’ll see what i’ll do with it. and yeah!!! long fics are super intimidating. i agree with everything you said lmao. the stuff i post is actually only one shots. multi-cap scares the fuck out of me bc what if you just lose motivation and then there are people that are waiting for updates and aaah. when i used to do longer fics i used to write it all out before posting the chapters that way i was Sure it was all done. most of my longer fics just end up never leaving my drive account because of that reason.. i literally have fics with over 20k words that have just died out... yikes. hahahah. and omg imagine a wip dump i’d read them all!! who knows what gold your big brain has hidden from us....

YOU HAVE A STUDY? now that’s just sexy of you. stop i feel like people that study at home in a specific office are studious. there’s something super fancy about having a work space at home... and a bookshelf my god what a dream... 😍 books are the most important!!!!! my makeup is hidden in a makeup bag so it doesn’t touch them. i’d literally cry if anything happened to any of them shsjdjk. your bookshelf said 2013 vibes and i adore it. all of those are such good vibes tbh i can’t believe you have them at home... awww <3 do you like the movie adaptions as well?

what happens after 12 yo? do you have secondary school?

I HAVE NO CLUE... god albedo so gorgeous. we’ve just been praising him for days and i’m still not tired of him. he’s so perfect!!!!! if he comes back another time i’m definitely gonna go for it. also AHH? i cant wait for the razor pic aaah you made me so excited now... <3

i made a asia server acc earlier!! god it feels so weird to start anew sjdkdhdk all the tutorials.. not having wings... nothing. just paimon and me running around in the whispering woods. kind of tedious actually but gotta do it for the wifey.. 🥰 i’m thinking i’m gonna hustle hard this weekend to hopefully get up at least to level 10 or something. omg we are literally gonna be that meme where the short person stands in front of taller person and says “they asked for no pickles”... have you seen them? i suck at explaining shjdjdjd anyway. CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU PLAY... 😍 the homoerotic tension in the domains... 😍 also i was thinking,. we get a lot of primogems early in the game and i’m gonna try to spin for xingqiu so we can have that date after all... 😏

YOU HAVE 5 ACCS? my girl is booked and busy. can i ask what for help... also do you ever tweet the wrong things on the wrong accs? and idk what a moment is but i’d absolutely watch that. i wanna see ur cute screenshots... 🥺 YOUR THEME IS SOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD!!!!! ohdhsjshsjshsjsj it’s soooo fucking nice I LOVE IT the colors and the pose. THE MOON ABOVE HIS HEAD. mark me as in love... 🥺

it’s me who cannot wait to hear from YOU. i can’t stop thinking about how soon we’ll run around together aaaah... <3333

i finished responding to your ask at like 3am and slept then!! it was.... drarry 😳😳 they’re legitimately all i read these days even tho i have like one (1) knowledge about hp and its lore FHDKFHSDFJSDKKHSD just the enemies to lovers dynamic you know??? ugh 😩😘👌

fjksdfh thank!! HE’S THE BESTEST BOY!! lil pup 🥺🥺 AND HERE’S THE IMAGE: 

LOOK AT HIM M.A. LOOK!!!!!!!!!!! dont you just want to give him everything <333 all the wolfhook he wants... all the good pats... 😭😭😭😭

hehe <33 and hopefully some day!!! i think realistically they wouldn’t, but one can hope hfsdkfhkdsjkh

:o concept! oooo does todoroki know it’s midoriya or is he just pining for the mystery radio show host 😩🤪 i hope you’re able to keep it alive! ahaha ganbatte plus ultra 💪💪💪 you 🤝 me sticking to one-shots. fjdslfkj damn writing it ALL before posting tho requires so much patience... that’s so admirable.... im legit so hungry for like attention and validation from my fics i can’t not post fhdsfsdhsdhk even if it’s still a wip... and the giving up on a multichap i’ve done that LOLLLLLLLLLL i was so in denial about it too even tho i knew i was never gonna go back to it i went from pretending it didnt exist to announcing a hiatus to then announcing its discontinuation fhdskfjsdkjfskdhfdsks

FHSKFHSDKJ ye!! ahah actually now that you say it like that ... makes me sound so profesh 😩 nice! that’s good protect the books first and foremost hfksdhkfs. 2013 was a vibe too i reckon.. that was when catching fire came out <333 which relates to your question, i do *mostly* like the movie adaptations! if i watch the movies before the books then it’s all good, but if i’ve already read the books and then i go into the adaptation..... yikes HSHAH but sometimes it’s been so long i forget the book plot so it’s alright. i do think the hunger games adaptations were really good though!!! hbu do you like the movies?

yup we call it high school!! and that goes from 13-18 yo. 

albedo... always on the mind 🥰🥰🥰 i think once i get xiao i might maybe roll of every banner after? just to try LOL idkk. 

!! im so sorry you have to go through all that tedious stuff again 😭😭😭 but im so thankful 😍😍😍😍 once you reach co-op levels dw we can do all the quests together so you won’t have to suffer through them with difficulty 🤪 and no i didn’t know that meme but i just looked it up and omg that energy... can’t wait for that to be us :p XINGQIU!!! im so excited omg.. that was one of the other reasons i was willing to start again so i could try roll him fshfksjd. channeling luck for you so you get him again!!! and then chongyun can be with the boyf <33 

5 but only 3 i use!!! my kpop twt, anime, and then my ‘main’ (for posting just fics and art etc). the other 2 are basically just there to save URLs hfskdfhskd. and no i don’t!! im super conscientious about that bc im so paranoid hfkshfsdfhsdfjksdhfks y’all won’t catch me slipping 🤪 and a moment is basically just a collection of tweets! but i realised you actually need to tweet them first for that to happen fshfhsdkfd but here are some thumbnails!

THANK UUUU chongyun really is my muse.. who needs irl photography when i can do all this in game <33333 

ME NEITHER!! you got me smiling like a fool just thinking about it... hope you slept well! mwah :*

[technicolordeams]

So some things happened this past week since I wrote my last entry and I'm rethinking my stance on leaving or not. I was able to talk to the one girl who is befriending me and my pastor had a long talk about what makes me me and what I struggle with. I followed what my therapist told me to be which was to be more assertive. I felt very awkward and scared to do it but if I didn't, I'd end up right back where I was feeling anger and abandonment. So for now, I'm still on hold on what to choose to do.

But a couple other things popped up. Not too big but unsettling. My mind just blanked on one of them so I'll just type about the one that's stuck out the most to me right now since it happened literally within the past hour.

So obviously I have problems eating enough to keep my weight stable, let alone gain any without a LOT of work. I've been struggling with it since my gallbladder decided to take a shit on me and demand to be removed which happened on my birthday. During that time I started getting suicidal again and I hadn't dealt with those intense emotions regarding it in several years. But since December it decided to rear it's ugly head and bite into me as hard as it could ever since. It's been 8 months now with very little improvement. And during that time span my health has tanked. I developed breathing problems after my surgery which was horrific enough as it was (imagine not being fully awake but aware that you are out of control of your body and unable to utilize your coping techniques. Just like having a massive panic attack like seizure feeling but you are barely able to be aware of anything besides the viceral fear and blackness because I couldn't wake up. Just... Out of control. And you have no idea how long you were in that state before the nurse could sort of pull you out of it and even communicate more than like two words and slowly peek my eyes open a fraction. Yeah, that's what happened. I had major fear over that for at least a month. Sleeping was hard enough from the surgery and adding in that... Yeah no.) Anyways, since that started up and obviously after surgery it's hard to eat and stuff like that normally. But after the surgery I was (am) having breathing problems. I would have endless coughing fits that would even hit me and make me unable to take a full breath without coughing horribly whatever air I could get right back out. It also made me almost throw up several times (which is my biggest phobia that triggered my eating disorder to go out of control and send me into hospital stays and feeding tube hell). So at least I lost 10lbs since the surgery or even before that. I creep closer to 15lbs though most likely. I haven't been keeping track of it very much because of how much distress I've been dealing with. And I've been dealing with A LOT. Things I wonder if I will be able to get up from without more intense medical help that I probably can't get because of covid.

I've gone through several tests to see why I'm having coughing fits and every answer is that they don't see anything wrong. Well, the ENT appointment I went to the day before I went to see the pulmonary doctor really screwed me over tbh. The ENT doctor gave me steroids that day that I took that same night and told me that the pulls wouldn't affect the asthma test they were going to perform next day. It did. So I had to wait like two months before I could go back and be re-tested. But then covid hit and those practices have been closed ever since. So I can't get an accurate reading on what's going on. They did spot that I had some breathing abnormalities but because of the steroids, they couldn't say for sure. Mind you I had to literally book these doctor appointments and tell my dad you have to take me to these because he didn't think it was that important. Which has pretty much been like everything doctor related that has come up this past year. Just had to put my foot down and tell him I NEED to go to these and I'll be going whether you agree with me or not. Which adds to the distressed feeling and like I'm overreacting and being too paranoid or some shit. Also because I couldn't get actually tested for asthma properly, my regular doctor had to prescribe me with an inhaler but insurance won't help because I have not been diagnosed with it. So I had to cough up (almost literally) over a $100 for medicine that we don't know is right for me or not or whatever.. so that's like $60 every two months? Idk. Which is a lot considering I have a bunch of other bills to pay which includes when I got my wisdom teeth removed (ALL FIVEEE because I'm that extra) which cost $3,000. I have to pay my mom back for another at least year? I don't even know anymore at this point.

I've also been dealing with vision blackouts recently where I almost pass out when I get up here and there. My blood pressure tanked and went to like 70/52 and pulse all over the place. That's better now at least. Chronic fatigue, dehydration, can't sleep very well... Etc. Vitamin D and B12 are on the lower side of the normal range and my body isn't producing enough carbon dioxide.

Now along with all of this bag of shit, I have lost every friend I thought I had and the feeling that I can call anyone friend anymore. I am terrified of calling anyone a friend now because I am afraid that if I let someone in, I will be taken advantage of and lied to like I have in almost every type of relationship I've had since I was little. I am afraid of speaking because I am afraid what I say will offend or upset or whatever someone when all I do is mean well (usually unless you're an asshat). It has made me regress back to my childhood where I couldn't trust anyone and I had nobody except for a penpal on the east coast to keep me company through msn messenger, emails, or rarely phone calls. She was the only one I could call my best friend for a long time and the only one I could open up to about things and the only one who tried to consistently cheer me up when I was hospitalized at 16 by spamming me with emails. I will forever love her and no matter how far we've drifted apart over the years, I will still love her and respond to her as quickly as possible if she ever needed me again. But if we never talk again I'm okay with it. We were there for each other during really bad times in out lives and I like to think we kept each other somewhat sane. She has done more for me than I could ever ask anyone and I'll always be grateful to have "met" her.

But since all of the shit happened with my ex friends... I don't feel safe to get very close to anyone or open up to anyone. Even the girl who defended me and stuff when I was being bullied and manipulated hardly speaks to me now. I wouldn't want to talk to me very much either if all I had to talk about were extremely negative and talk about dying. I can hardly go to my parents about things. I am home alone with just my puppy that likes to get into mischief about 80% of the day. Hardly interact with people online. Usually I just now watch YouTube videos about what's going on with people. I find very little satisfaction playing video games or anything honestly. I have lost art, something that I loved dearly and way too much. I cannot go out most often due to my health. I am stuck at home. I can hardly go outside too. It's too hot (sometimes heat can trigger flashbacks), I found out I'm allergic to grass, and last week I broke out in hives from God knows what so I can't go outside even more. I was put on steroids again for 6 days which causes your immune system to weaken so it won't produce histamines that causes the INSANE itch because every topical and oral medicine OTC would barely help at all. All I do each day is very basic hygiene, sleep when I can, eat as much as I can, and try and relax while taking care of my puppy.

Only two good things has come from all of this: one, I can finally work with a trauma therapist. Hopefully she can help me. Two... Ah I forgot what the second one was actually. Maybe being able to talk to my psychiatrist more frequently? Not sure. I'm very tired right now again lol.

All I know is that I feel very much alone and there's nothing I can do about it. The world outside is extremely dangerous and I am trapped inside my mind too frequently. And there is no extra help I can get.

So all of this led up to my main grievance for today- so far at least lol long ass story to tell just to explain what I'm upset about. My mom earlier asked me if she could give me advice. I told her it depends on what it's about. But she said it anyways. Told me to check my weight each week. She knows I'm not in the most stable state of mind and she knows that me checking my weight constantly can cause a panic attack of it goes down. (thankfully it hasn't really in a month. Only reason why I know is because I had to go to my doctor's twice the past month) I told my dad what she said and he just told me to say okay and leave it at that.

I know I don't want to go back to the state I was in in 2017. I don't want to go through that hell again. Even if I did want to, there'd be way more restrictions with the threat of covid ravaging our place and infecting everyone there. When I pass the eating disorder clinic that I was forced in when I was 16, there is literally nobody there. Maybe a couple cars but they obviously are not treating kids right now. I may be wrong but it would be very dangerous. I know over at the ERC I went to in 2017 is extremely limiting any visitors from coming. The apartments when you graduate to living in temporarily while you go to just a day program only allow maybe two people to stay there at a time and instead of walking to the van pickup spot, they pick you up at your apartment. Psychiatric wards here, or at least one of them that my therapist and I talked about going to, is still slightly operational, but it's over Zoom. So you literally can't get very good support. If you fall off the deep end while at a meeting nothing can be done to help you right there and then if you run away from the meeting.

My psychiatrist told me that if I do feel that I'm in grave danger (I think the trauma therapist I met also said the same) was to go to the ER. But I am afraid to go to the ER and then be turned away quickly and also take a chance that I might catch Covid while there, not to mention the price... And since my parents are essential workers, any one of us could come down with it at any time or be a carrier without knowing. So I'm isolated from people in real life and I don't feel safe talking to anyone online as well. Even if I had someone who wanted to talk to me to begin with that isn't some creepy horny guy wanting pixel sex... I can't think of anyone who I could potentially talk to about anything in my life... I'm just so lost and afraid of both the virtual and real world... Who can I turn to besides my therapist, psychiatrist, or maybe parents depending on what is bothering me, and of course God? I'm told I need a support system. But I can only talk to the doctors so much and my parents aren't very good at being compassionate... I have no one.

I also think about how badly I want to be hospitalized for a little while just so I can get fluids and rest and proper care but that most likely will only happen unless suicide was a big risk.

I am utterly alone...

If anyone reads this long post to the end, you're a crazy human being. xD Going to stop rambling now and put the dishes away and put the pup away for his nap and try and get one in myself.

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Matchup ♥

Heyo!! Hope you are all doing well! and I HOPE YOURE TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELVES ♡︎ 

Heyooo! I would like to request matchups for Inuyasha, Fairytail, and Fire Force, please!♡´･ᴗ･`♡

I am a heterosexual female!

I’m a Leo, and a combination of ENFP/ENTP (if that helps with characterization), but I’m becoming more ambivert as the days go by. But I still act like a crackhead (making up new words, making random sound effects out of boredom and roasting people playfully, having airhead moments, for examples) and a lot of people irl do get put off at how “obnoxious” I can get, but I do know when to “flip the switch” and become serious/quiet.

I have really low standards for humor idk I laugh at my own jokes it’s honestly astounding, but cursed memes/images are somethin else💀 Dark jokes are always open in my ally👀

Ironically, I canNOT stand horror, I will legit be so paranoid or freaked out and start overthinking and just cry and DIE—

I’m very open, almost TOO open, but ask me literally anything and I’ll usually tell everyone my honest opinions/thoughts, but I know how to deliver words tactfully and articulately. Debating, (public) speaking, writing, and understanding concepts are my strong suits; likewise I suck ass at math (I have no idea how tf I passed my Calc ap exams, I just— 😭)

Speaking of writing, I write poems whenever I feel like it, I have a whole collection HAH. My love of expressing comes from my tendency to play the devil’s advocate in interpreting and arguing for almost all perspectives in topics. So you can probably guess how I don’t get offended really easily and welcome both playful and serious banter (despite the crackhead persona, I’m very observant of people and their values expressed and how they tick, so I know when to back off especially when they get uncomfortable with my aggressive debating/personality). Need advice? I can use what I’ve gathered from different people and help anyone in their particular situations.

I know I can be overwhelming to alot of people at first impressions and I CAN get very passionate when talking about many things that might scare the hell out of people, but if they tell me to tone it down, I’ll gladly do so; again, I’ll honestly notice if they’re not comfy with it/are overwhelmed based on body language and even from the way they text…. super intuition or something?

And speaking of expression, I love fashion and makeup! I love being able to express myself through use of presentation and have fun while doing it! hehe (k-fashion, asian beauty 👀) HELL YEAH I’M DOWN FOR SHOPPING—

I like to dance yeehaw, and I was on a competitive dance team (well that was before when the corona hit the milly rock a little TOO hard and put all the dancers out of commission😔🤝😭) I’ve also been in my own highschool’s dance club for 4 years!!

I’m a console gamer :0 Big fan of winding down with video games, but books are the best if games aren’t an option.

Music is a huge part of my life; I played the flute and the viola for years before and been surrounded by music through dancing as well; while I’ve been in a choir before, my vocals aren’t stellar oof, but at least I’m not tone-deaf.

Can’t cook to save a life ooooof, that’s where my airheadness REALLY kicks in. I literally burn myself making instant :>

I’m not phased by sexual innuendos/conversations/kinks because I see them objectively as unique characteristics of every person, but I’ll crack up at a sex joke or a cringe flirt line with friends. And like I’ve said, I’ll share them myself without objection if ANYONE asks. But the moment someone actually TRIES to make a move on me (like what!!¡¿), I’ll first play it casual but then bolt for the door because it’s hard for me to actually imagine that ANY guy would see me in a romantic light LOL but i’d get used to the advances quick and if it’s someone i liked back, i’d tease them the same or raise up the antics ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

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Hello and thank you for submitting with us! I hope that you are also taking good care of yourself as well, and I also sincerely hope that you like who I match you up with!

I’m sorry this is so late!

>Admin 𝕋

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𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽…

I ship you with the sweet Arthur! I feel as though with your energetic personality and his somewhat energetic yet dimwitted personality could really mesh well! If your humor is everywhere and lowbrow, then you should see Arthur’s! Your and his sense of humor are quite alike, and you both can definitely laugh at the weirdest things, but it’s cute! He will think you are cute because of it! And Arthur, he is open minded too, he is a very accepting person, and he would be very accepting of you and your quirks! And he will also be impressed that you can be so articulate, unlike him lolol. 

He will think it is so cool that you write poetry for fun, and how you love expressing yourself through the arts. He may not fully understand the extent of your content, but he will understand that they are very important to you, and will cherish them too! Arthur will love the fact that you are so intuitive and observant of people, because well, he isn’t. That’s why he think you are so cool, because he wouldn’t be able to pick up on those types of cues! He will also be so impressed with your fashion and how you express yourself through clothes! Arthur will definitely like if you wear medieval inspired clothing! A queen for his king!

He will think being in a dance group would be so cool! He himself can’t dance to save his life, but he would love for you to teach him, so that he can get good enough for you to dance with him! Arthur will also love the fact that you love games! He loves playing them, and would like to play with you! He would show off his favorite video games to you! 

You’d tell him that music is important to you, and how you play the flute, and he’d definitely relate it to the medieval times in some way, and would want to hear you play something from that time. And when you do, he would find it amazing, impressed with how well you play!

All in all, with his own airheadedness and bravery, Arthur would be such a good fit for you! He is kind, and warm, and someone that you can rely on when you need someone to lean on! He will be impressed with everything you can do that he can’t! Arthur will treasure you as his Queen!

I choose manly and chivalrous Koga as your Inuyasha boyfriend! I know this might seem like a good pair, but when I was reading through your description the first person that came to mind was Koga. He is someone that can be super serious in one second and super lighthearted in the next! He will see your airheadedness as something that is cute and charming, but he will also appreciate the fact that you are super observant and have great intuition! He would love for someone like that to be his wolf tribe leader wife! He would love to use your power to help the tribe communicate better! He will see it as a very beneficial characteristic and will be quite impressed!

Koga wouldn’t understand the notion of poetry, or reading, or writing, but when you explain to him, he will then think that it is pretty cool. Something that he wouldn’t actively pursue, but he will see that it is something that you very much enjoy and will do anything in his power to make sure that you have the tools you need so that you can properly be artistic! He will also see that your artistic expression also goes to your clothes and makeup and would be very impressed with the fact that you work it so well! He would comment saying that he could never look that good in makeup, saying you are the most beautiful he has ever seen in it, you just do it so well!

I believe that once Koga founds out that you dance and play flute, he will get super happy. Seeing as he the leader of a big demon tribe, he will have the need for entertainment in his down time, and guess what! You’re the entertainment, but in a good way! He will want to listen to you play the flute, and see what kind of melodies you play! Later on, he will have someone else who can play, so he can dance and teach you traditional demon wolf tribe dances!

All in all, Koga is more serious and calm, but with your loud energy and kind-hearted soul, he will just be sucked in by it. You will be the one to show him how to really have a good time, and you will be able to show him that sometimes you just need to take a breather and forget about the difficulties in life, especially when you are a demon leader!

I chose the loud and energetic Natsu of Fairy Tail to be your boyfriend! Seeing as you are super energetic and he is super energetic and loud, you guys would be the perfect pair! Natsu will see that you are so boisterous and can’t stay in the same place for a long time, because he is the same. So he will feel a sense of bonding! When it comes to you being serious and quiet, and knowing when to be, he will think it is really cool of you, only because he doesn’t have a filter, and doesn’t know when to shut up, so maybe you can teach him a few tricks! 

When he sees how open you are, he will feel happy about that! He has been in dark times, and so have many of his friends, so when he knows that you are accepting of any type of person, he will love that, and would feel comfortable introducing you to his friends! Natsu will also be surprised yet impressed with the fact that you are so observant. He is only really observant when it comes to battle, and not really when it comes to people in everyday settings, so when you show him what you can do, he will have a shocked expression the entire time! He will also love the fact that on the other end of the spectrum you can be very loud and passionate!

When he sees you are very artistic with poetry, writing, and reading, and even with your makeup and fashion, it would show him that you aren’t afraid to express yourself and be yourself, and he would absolutely love that! He will want to see the things you write, and the things you read, and the things that make you you, so he can get a better understanding of you! And when it comes to the dancing and the music, and the fact that you can play the flute, he would be impressed and hella jealous that you can do such amazing things! He would definitely ask you teach him in the future!

All in all, I think that he would be a very loving and very accepting boyfriend for you! He will take you on all of his adventures and tell you all of his secrets, and treat you like treasure, like you deserve to be treated!