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mejomonster · 2 years

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I started First Love on Netflix against my better judgement

Points against it:

1. I hate first love stories, I think the idea of ending up with one's first love is horrifying af (and while it can work in some people's real lives I like to avoid the fictional storyline like the plague)

2. I don't like fluff romance and that name implied it. But mostly first point, because I truly truly hate "fall back in love with childhood love again" stories. Hate hate hate. My only exception Sometimes is if the story is teens falling in love (so no adults going back to exes), or if it's friends to lovers and they weren't lovers prior (like Bad Buddy) and tjis second case ONLY if they were friends (cause I also nearly never can handle the "ran into each other as children and connected, now falling in love again" trope which is rampant in like 90% of cdramas and kdramas and a major reason I rarely watch fluff romance dramas)

But... the points for it?

1. Opened by saying it was inspired by 2 Utada Hikaru songs I like, specifically right in this time period of my life where I've been playing tons of Utada Hikaru songs again so. It feels fated.

2. I saw Testuya Nomura was set decorator and while I hope to high heaven its just a similar name and has nothing to do with the Tetsuya Nomura I'm very familiar with, the idea of kingdom hearts creator Testuya Nomura going to go decorate a romance show set made me laugh hysterically

3. The show opens with a regular aged adult woman, who it's implied has a kid and is over 30 and single, with a not glamorous quite realistic job, and this is not the typical romance drama lead. I appreciate the way she feels like a real person I'd know instead of a perfect person or the kind of hyper rich person I'd never meet. I also like the shows choice to go for set design realism as there was the choice to go polished upper middle class bright sets (which many a show does like Kieta Hatsukoi and Heartstopper both go this route), but instead it went for regular looking job and imperfect clothes and muted color scheme and basically more realistic over glamorize (it's okay to do the brighter than life most shows do, it's quite normal even Teen Wolf does it and Pretty Little Liars and even Buffy The Vampire Slayer put its characters in designer clothes). I personally like the choice for realism over polished beautified in this case, because it implies this will not be "fluff romance" which eases some of what could have made me hate this. It reminds me of My Beautiful Man in the color scheme and set choices.

4. Is the lead guy the same actor who plays Ruroni Kenshin???? I only saw half of Ruroni Kenshin but I loved what I saw and the actor did amazing and. Idk I went into First Love expecting a lead actor I'd be neutral towards or dislike if things go fluff city. But this guy... OH MY GOD I LOOKED IT UP IT IS THE SAME GUY FROM RURONI KENSHIN!!! ITS TAKERU SATOH oh my fucking god!!!! Well firstly, Kenshin really made him look delicate and lovely and just kind of otherworldly almost with grace. This show? He looks rough and real life like some dude you run into at the supermarket that gets up and walks off without hearing your apology. I knew that lovely face looked familiar though. oh my god ITS HIM. Well I can say with comfort now he is a solid actor, so his performance will be enjoyable. I can't believe it's him! I know like 4 japanese actors and I just happen to accidentally tend to watch things they're in apparently.

5. I'm pretty sure the cab ride sampled a Utada Hikaru love where their first love is called a sad story. And I sincerely sincerely hope this means the show will NOT go fluff city ahhh we were first loves so now we are destined to be together~~~ since "sad story" implies they broke up for a reason, they grew apart and aren't still friends for a reason. Which I hope means, in a best case (unless the writers can do better than my hopes which hey that'd be cool): they broke up as first loves for whatever sad reason. They remeet as adults and it's a bit bittersweet. They have to gradually get to know each other again and fall in love, it's not fate or a sure thing - they have to earn that love again and build it as adults who understand stuff kids didn't and can avoid past mistakes. And perhaps they also have to confront the pain of why they stopped talking before this newfound getting to know each other happens. That's best case I can imagine? Maybe writers can do better. Please DO NOT SPOIL ME.

So yeah. I'm terrified this show will go the fluff city first love idealized route I am absolutely horrified by.

#rant #first love #lb

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scare-ard--sleigh · 1 year

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tagged by @maplefiasco 8 shows to get to know me uhhhh in no particular order!!

tagging (no pressure tho!) ;; @cauldronofmorning @angellspt @spacephrasing @ambrwolf @wesninskijr @rolodextra @zapkilikan and anyone else who wants to do it !

what we do in the shadows: wwdits caters to me so heavily. it captures all of my genders. everyone's hot and fucking each other and they're all so fucking stupid. i've watched it 90 billion times and i still laugh bc the jokes still make me laugh.

midnight mass: we're setting aside my taste in men for a minute here. midnight mass does a really excellent job capturing the more horrifying aspects of growing up as an outsider in a very tight-knit religious community. i've never seen that done in a way that's resonated so much. i talked about this show a lot in therapy. plus okay fine; father skinnyjeans thee vampire [chef's kiss.]

the magicians: idk how to sum up the everything about the magicians in a few sentences. i have an eliot prayer candle lmao, his arc and his friendships and the way he does masculinity are so important to me despite the writing having a few missteps (mind the warnings definitely.) the fandom experience is unlike anything i've ever had, yes derogatorily but also in a really good way--my writing got so good because of the things that i created for this show.

steven universe / sailor moon: i combined them because while they're separately very important to me, it's for a lot of the same reasons and i don't feel right putting one without the other. i'm very saccharine underneath everything, i wanna believe love and friendship can heal anything. i grew up on sailor moon, and i think su would have had the same impact on me if i was the right age.

daredevil: where do i even start :( human disaster matt murdock is just like me fr. foggy nelson is who i wish i was (he also reminds me so much of my husband.) i almost went to law school bc of this fucking show. it's the first time i ever saw two guys crying during an argument bc they love each other that much (nelson v murdock is a treasure of an episode.) i didn't dig s3 as much and i hated the defenders but god the rest of it's so good.

bob's burgers: it's less because i think it's deeply telling and more because it's 100% comfort food. if i'm sick or stoned or sad or trying to find a crowdpleaser, bob's is always my go-to. their family and bob & linda's parenting methods are a lot of what i picture for myself when the time comes.

death note: death note was the thing i was obsessed with as a teenager and while i missed a lot of the point of it, it also is what started making me smarter about media consumption, interpretation, and analysis. mello is also like thee gender of all time.

succession: the latest and greatest "oh jeez that's me." like firstly i love watching shows about terrible rich people but to dig deeper: some of the dynamics hit soooo fucking close. i feel like the portrayal of mental illness and abuse are done almost too well: proceed with caution.

honorable mentions:

buffy the vampire slayer: buffy was the first show i ever got like really, really obsessed with (as well as the first canon i ever tried to make an oc for) but it's almost impossible to recommend for actual viewing bc of how badly it's aged. i didn't rewatch it for the many years, cringed through the last one, and am at permanent hiatus since we've entered the Joyce Is Dying arc which is just like painful to watch on top of the uhhh. joss whedon writing.

archer fx: i don't think archer's necessarily required viewing to get to know me, but i've definitely done some of my best writing for that canon and if you're willing to listen to me talk ad nauseam about archer and cyril's dynamic i'll probably love you forever.

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aardvaark · 1 year

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silly little post of me explaining what main song i associate with each of the following characters i like or relate to :) feel free to tell me if you have a song for one of them or someone else!!

/disclaimer: this doesn’t really reflect my music taste or every character i like, it’s just for fun and i amn. so so sensitive. be kind i beg/

characters: dr "bones" brennan, emily prentiss, camille preaker, sarah reese, root (poi), faith lehane, dr lisa cuddy, parker (leverage)

dr temperance "bones" brennan (bones): literally so hard for me to pick a song for her for some reason. she’s just not a person who can be described in a song, idk. people watching by conan gray would cover her whole relationship with booth. a pearl by mitski, too. easy on me by adele is a lot about her feelings. foreigners god by hozier really reminds me of her too. first love/late spring by mitski is kind of her life just before she and booth were together, "please hurry leave me, i can’t breathe/please don’t say you love me".

emily prentiss (criminal minds): okay there’s two for prentiss that i feel very strongly about. firstly, brand new city by mitski. especially during the doyle arc, the lines "i think my fate is losing its patience/i think the ground is pulling me down" are so relevant. but mainly because prentiss does indeed run away and "move to a brand new city" whenever she’s cornered. from interpol to the bau, from the bau to france, from france to the bau again, the bau to interpol (england?) again, back to the bau. and then she starts packing her house up when she gets in trouble again, and spencer has to talk her down. so the words "i should move to a brand new city/and teach myself how to die" is just… so her. secondly, bad things by cults. "bad things happen to the people you love/and you find yourself praying up to heaven above/but honestly i’ve never had much sympathy/cause those bad things? i always saw them coming for me"… do i even need to explain further? she def feels doomed in her early seasons, and then the "bad things" being all the cases, and "praying up to heaven above" reminds me of her religious trauma.

camille preaker (sharp objects): dollhouse by melanie martinez. for uh. the obvious reason, if you’ve read sharp objects or seen the mini series adaptation lol. her sister loves that dollhouse. but also because the dollhouse in the story and the dollhouse metaphor in the song are very similar. the idea of a picture-perfect family being fake or "plastic", in a beautiful house that really contains so many years of suffering for her, "everyone thinks that we’re perfect/please don’t let them look through the curtains". and of course "no one ever listens" and "i see things that nobody else sees… the town sees her mother’s facade of perfection, but she sees the horrific things that went down behind the scenes.

dr sarah reese (chicago med): i am not a robot by marina. literally just the sentiment of "i am not a robot"… they all treat her like she’s just a medicine machine and/or a thing that needs to be fixed. i wish she was on the show long enough to resolve that. i wish she had yelled at them not to treat her like that.

root (person of interest): gasoline by halsey. literally just her life. "you are part of a machine" literally… she’s the interface of The Machine. lol. but also arms tonite by mother mother… she would say all that to shaw without blinking. "don’t you think it’s kind of cute/that i died right inside your arms tonight" like tell me that she wouldn’t say that to shaw!! but THE root x shaw song is like real people do by hozier.

faith lehane (buffy thé vampire slayer): the archer by taylor swift. not a "swiftie" or whatever they call it, but this song does fit faith. "i ride off alone/i never grew up/it’s getting so old" cause she literally has no one tbh, and she just drags buffy down but she can’t help it. "and all of my heroes die all alone" being the Slayer seems to mean being alone, means dying young. a heroic death, but a death nonetheless. it’s her fate. what a horrible thing for a teenage girl to already know. "cause all of my enemies started out friends" well yeah the scooby gang. "i’m ready for combat/i say i don’t want that but what if i do?" her Big Problem was always really that she liked the fight too much. and then obviously "i’ve been the archer/and i’ve been the prey" cause she’s always stuck between being this incredible hero who kills vampires and being a scared child who was thrown into a war, between being supported by her fellow Slayer and being the enemy. i imagine her being the narrator and the "you" in the song being buffy.

dr lisa cuddy (house md): my alcoholic friends by the dresden dolls. the friends being house obviously. i feel like the vagueness and confusing sorta lyrics represent how we don’t actually know all that much about her past so it can be ambiguously interpreted. but the last verse is what makes it her song. "should i choose a noble occupation?" shes a doctor. "if i did, i’d only show up late and/sick and they would stare at me with hatred" she often feels clearly overwhelmed with her work, with the decisions she’s forced to make, with working in a place of so much death… the doctors talk about her, obviously especially house. they do stare at her in one scene and that always comes to mind but explaining that would be spoiling things lol. "my only natural talent’s wasted/on my alcoholic friends" her natural talent of being the only person to even be able to remotely rein in house, and she wastes her time dealing with his problems so much. in the earlier seasons especially, she really doesn’t get to have a life - she is too well suited to working in her role and dealing with house, and she basically has to babysit house all the time.

parker (leverage): i haven’t finished this show, in fact i’ve only recently started it, so i don’t know exactly. but i’m obsessed with parker, she’s so me!! rn i would say that some songs fitting her would be - hermit the frog by marina (vibes), bubble gum by clairo (her and hardison/sad vibe when ppl tell her she’s weird or needs to stop talking), treehouse by alex g (vibes), my ordinary life by the living tombstone (she’d listen to it while stealing), boy in the bubble by alec benjamin (her youth), liability by lorde (ppl say she’s crazy and a liability), a mask of my own face by lemon demon ("who’s alice white?"), i need to be alone by girl in red (she always likes being alone lol), this is home by cavetown (her youth), and are you bored yet? by wallows + clairo (vibes).

#wren speaks

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tepre · 5 years

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Prompt: they're just fooling around, so where did that "I love you" come from and WHAT DID IT MEAN?????

*clickbait voice* you’ll never guess what SHE MADE OF THAT

ok so here’s your classic “9 times Draco said ‘I love you’ and 1 time he didn’t” because CLASSICS ARE CLASSICS FOR A REASON, RIGHT?!?! Also: Rated M! Warnings: blood, ghouly stuff, general October spoopiness 🎃👻

~*~

The first time he said it was sixteen hours into the undercover mission.

The one he didn’t want to be on. Not with Harry, not in this muggle ditch of a town, not on the wettest days of the season, and certainly not while all of it felt an awful lot like they were being punished for the drama with the last case—even though Robards insisted it was nothing like that.

So when he first said it was purely to annoy, purely to needle at a stoic and still-pissed-off Harry. To make things harder than they already were, than it was necessary for them to be. When he first said it it was when they’d run into a small pub to escape the rain, when they’d sat down to eat while they were there, and the way he said it was like this:

“I do love you, Midge, but we’re absolutely not having venison for lunch.” He said it more to the waiter than Harry, then added, “Make that a clear broth and a side of bread, thank you, yes. No, no, certainly not beer, we’re not farm hands, thank you. And you can take the menu, we shan’t be ordering further, thank you.”

The waiter stumbled over the words yes and very well as he took the menu from Draco. Harry sat with his jaw clenched tight and a hot flush up his jaw. He stared at the table cloth, and Draco guessed he was counting himself down, which felt like an achievement but also like not nearly enough.

“Oh, cheer up, Midge, would you,” he said, stretched out a leg and let his ankle brush Harry’s, smiled around the room—as though surveying for nothing in particular.

“Jim,” was Harry’s correction, flat, tense. “And you’re overdoing it.”

Draco waved merrily at the couple sitting several tables over: the Gladwells from the B&B, whose room was two doors down from Draco and Harry’s and who’d spent the previous night trashing the place, foaming at the mouth, possessed by a band of wayward ghouls.

“Nonsense,” Draco said, still twisted in his seat, and the Gladwells hesitantly waved back.

The second time he said it was two days into the mission. It was after a long night where the Gladwells had left and the Berendsons had arrived and had been promptly used as vessels for a low-level demon trying to enter into the human realm.

Draco found Harry in the kitchen with the owner, asking questions in a way that was supposed to be subtle and curious but was nothing of the sort: Harry was stiff and steely-eyed and brooding, firing off inquiries at an increasing speed.

“Midge, my dear,” is what Draco said, coming up behind Harry, a soft hand at the dip of his waist. “Why are you bothering our host? Hasn’t she been lovely to you?”

“Oh,” started Mrs Till, a breathy giggle. “Surely, Jim didn’t mean it like—!”

“I’m awfully bored,” Draco told Harry, feeling him tense under the shift of his fingers, light on the fabric of Harry’s shirt. “Come, my Jim, come take me on a walk.”

Harry gave him a short look, lip curled like he wanted to growl, and Draco let his grin turn soppy, added a sweet, “Do love you, though,” and tugged a seething Harry back into the dining room.

They spent that evening having a hushed fight under three different silencing spells, Harry furiously insisting Draco was wasting time and Draco telling Harry in no short terms that he was single-handedly ruining the investigation and then all the tenants on the second floor had turned into mice and the conversation was promptly put on hold.

Third time Draco said it was a week into the investigation and less to annoy and more for show and perhaps also to do with the three odd glasses of wine he’d chased through over dinner. They were still sitting at the table, they and the other guests and Mr and Mrs Till, too, and someone was telling a story and Draco was woozy and had a distracted hand in Harry’s hair. Harry was peeling an apple for himself, no longer tense under Draco’s touch, oddly loose and slow. He sliced off a wedge of apple, gave it to Draco, and Draco accepted it and leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. As real lovers might, as lovers who slept in the same bed and not on transfigured heaps of pillows on the floor, who looked at one another, held one another, who put their lips on one another, who—

“I do love you, dear,” Draco told him, a whisper, still to the hollow of Harry’s cheek.

Harry turned, a minute movement, his short breath tart and sweet and his eyes cast down to Draco’s mouth. In the middle the hubbub of the long dinner table they shared a kiss: a soft one, a clinging peck, Draco’s hand still in Harry’s hair. It sent his heart beating fast, a drumming below the surface of his skin.

“Yeah,” Harry said, voice rough. And, “You’re really selling this.”

Draco wanted to say something more in reply, to say something like, I haven’t even started, to drag Harry’s mouth back to his, to lean into him, to feel him, but then a small circle of hell opened at the centre of the table and all the guests went black-eyed and blood started dripping from the walls and so there were other matters to attend to.

The fourth time was a week and a half in and they’d just saved the Rothbergs’ baby from being stolen by a half-goat creature and they were frantically making out in the hay barn, right by the patch of ashes that once was the goat man. Harry held him like Draco, too, ran the risk of melting into the underworld at any second: one hand under Draco’s shirt, one clamped at his thigh, hauling him half off the ground, half against the wall. He would not lean out of the kiss, kept it close and wet and their breaths were damp between them. It left Draco dizzy and breathless and blushing, even though it felt as though this was no time to be blushing: surely the blushing would’ve stopped at the first heavy glance, the first touch of lips? But blush he did, running hot and hotter still when Harry grumbled,

“Good job on the goat man,” into the soft spot under his jaw.

Draco made a sound, a horribly humiliating sound, and answered with a broken, “Not bad yourself,” then added a throaty, “Oh god,” when Harry pressed closer, the bulk of him a heavy anchor, a safe one. A dear one. “I love you,” he said, stupidly, and Harry said,

“What?”

And Draco said, “I’d love to,” all in a panic, and, “I’d love to do this with a, a bed involved.”

And Harry breathed into the crook of Draco’s neck, like he was smelling him, taking him in. It made Draco shiver. “Let’s,” Harry said. “Let’s go involve a bed.”

“Yes,” Draco said, rubbing his chin to the mess of Harry’s hair. “Let’s.”

The fifth time was later that night, with Harry asleep against him and under him and under the blur of sheets and there was just so much skin, so much skin, all of it warm and scarred and freckled and Draco was horrified, absolutely horrified.

“I love you,” he whispered into the dark, aghast. “Good lord, I do.”

Harry exhaled a deep breath in his sleep. His toes curled and uncurled against Draco’s calf, again and again.

“Oh lord,” Draco said, and put a soft hand to his mouth, fingers to his swollen lips. “Oh no.”

The sixth time was two weeks in, after they’d taken a walk down the cliffy path to find a safe communication spot to tell Robards that it most probably, certainly, most probably certainly the Tills’ teenage son who’d probably, accidentally, in a fit of rage, opened a few odd doors to hell in down the B&B storage basement.

Robards said, Oh okay then, and asked if they needed backup. Draco said yes as Harry said no and they’d squabbled over the loud sea winds until the wand-o-gram connection fizzed, and broke up, and then disappeared altogether.

They argued some more and then made out against a tree. Draco’s hair flapped about and his hands were so cold and he kept them warm under Harry’s arms, under his jacket.

“Backup would just create chaos,” Harry said when Draco was catching his breath, face buried in the heat of his neck. “Bring attention to ourselves. We should find out more, first, make sure we know what we’re—”

“It’s not safe anymore,” Draco mumbled. He had a more sophisticated argument at some point, but it’d been worn thin and syrupy in his mind at the feel of Harry’s mouth below his ear.

“I’ll keep you safe,” Harry said, a horrible smile in his voice, and the image of his from that morning flashed through Draco’s mind: when Draco tried to get out of bed and Harry, waking up, asked him where he was going. Draco had said, To wash my face, and Harry’d muttered a simple, No, and pulled him back into the warm sheets. They’d been slow and stupid and Harry had looked so vulnerable without his glasses. His eyes bright, impossibly green.

“I love you,” Draco confessed with the cliffs behind them, but the wind stole his words and carried them away and Harry didn’t hear.

The seventh time was after they’d managed to open the door.

The black hole gaping behind the frame was sucking the contents of the house into its maw, chairs and tables and vases, and Draco had pressed himself back against the wall. The noise was overwhelming, and the debris flying around made it hard to see what was going on.

Harry kissed him on the mouth, once and hard, before making to jump into the void.

“I love you!” Draco shouted, and then Harry was gone.

The eighth time it was after the void spit Harry back out and with the gates of actual literal hell cracking open in the storage-basement floor of Mr and Mrs Till’s destroyed B&B.

Their son, Victor, was lying unconscious in a corner, his face pale and a trickle of blood running down his temple. But he was breathing. Thank god, he was still breathing.

“How long has this been going on!” Harry shouted over the roaring din of a million demons set on fire.

“Hard to say, really!” Draco shouted back, his raincoat dancing wildly in the storm. “It sort of just came out and then it was like, all right, I guess!”

“You guess!” Harry shouted, the steaming heart of the netherworld rising up around them. “You guess you love me!”

“Yeah!” Draco laughed, madly, shook his head. “I guess I love you!”

Harry laughed in reply, just as mad, looked up—at a loss—then held out his right hand for Draco’s to take: palm up, the diagonal cut still bleeding. “Okay!” Harry shouted. “If we make it through this, remind—!”

But Draco didn’t let him finish. He took Harry’s hand into the cradle of his own slashed palm. He lifted their grip over Hades’ creaking jaws, and held on tight.

The ninth time was when Harry was alive and not dead, as he too often was, far too often, Draco thought, laughing and crying as Harry blinked awake, his head in Draco’s lap.

The remains of the B&B were still coming down in flecks of ash around them. A few fires were burning nearby. A few feet over, Victor was hugging his mother, weeping into her arms.

“Hello,” Harry croaked, cracking a wobbly smile up at Draco.

“Hello,” Draco sobbed, his hands on Harry’s face, pushing his hair back. He leaned down to kiss him, laughed again, said, “Hello, you daft bint.”

“You love me,” was Harry’s reply to this, as though he’d just remembered their last conversation. This followed quickly by a groan as he tried to move, lean up into Draco.

“Lord help me,” Draco said, pressing his forehead to Harry’s. He whispered: “I do. I do.”

The tenth time he didn’t say it out of principle. He held the words back like it hurt him, like stones held below the tongue, ones he could not swallow, could not spit, and so they made him quiet: at St Mungo’s, holding Harry’s hand through it all. In Robards’ office, when he wanted to reach across the divide of their chairs but couldn’t. Back at Harry’s cottage, in the kitchen, when Harry hovered close but would not kiss him, just held his face in his hands and their foreheads pressed together and had them breathe together, noses brushing.

Not in the aching silence of Harry’s bedroom, when it all suddenly felt impossibly new all over again and made Draco nervous, made him shake under Harry’s touch. He closed his eyes against it, sucked Harry’s thumb into his mouth, listened to the seagulls outside and the beat of Harry’s heart thudding against his back.

Harry was slow as he moved inside of him, his breaths short and hot against Draco’s neck. Draco kept his lips pressed together, moaned with his mouth closed, his hand twisted behind him, holding on to Harry’s hair.

“Do you regret it?” Harry asked, later, his eyes restless on Draco’s face. He had his thumb to the plump rise of Draco’s bottom lip.

Draco closed his eyes, and blushed at his own words before he’d spoken them: “Would you say it?”

Harry’s thumb moved to the corner of his mouth. He leaned in to kiss Draco in that same spot, kissed the plump of his bottom lip. The wet cupid’s bow of his top lip. He breathed, “That I love you?”

“Yes,” Draco whispered, helpless, returning the kiss. Harry’s hand slipped to cup the back of his neck, the scarred slash on his palm dragging against Draco’s skin. Draco licked into his mouth, rolled his body closer, hitched his leg up Harry’s thigh. Harry pulled back for a moment to say,

“I faced literal hell for you.”

Draco smiled, shakily, eyes unfocused. “Surely not just for me. Society, the world as we know it, the good people of—”

“No,” Harry said, kissing the tip of Draco’s nose. The corner of his smile. “Just for you.”

“So you love me?” it came out small, half into their next kiss.

“Mmm.” Harry rolled them over, settled between Draco’s legs. “I must,” he said, playful, then chased it with a softer, a truer: “I do.”

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thechangeling · 2 years

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Kit doesn't really care for tv shows since he grew up on books and movies alone

Ty however secretly watches "trashy" teen/young adult shows(total drama, greys anatomy, friends, how i met your mother, riverdale) when he's bored or can't sleep

The only tv series that kit watches are the ones he watches with ty; sherlock, merlin, schitt's creek, the good place, buffy, b99, and bones

Idk. I am very much team Kit is a tv person not a book person. Movies definitely but books idk. I'm projecting my ADHD reading burnout onto him and honestly I make no apologies for it/lh. He's a video game person too.

Ty I could see definitely having a thing for trash tv. Honestly same lol. I love the idea of him and Aly watching binge watching shows like Pretty little liars and Teen Wolf together. I also love the idea of Ty introducing Kit to Buffy because Alyssa got him hooked. I also think they would all love Elementary.

We don't talk about BBC Sherlock. Ty would HATE that show.

#asks #mutuals!#ly!#i know it's not that deep but i have OPINIONS

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

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Can I ask you something? How did you figure out you where bi? Because I've been questioning myself for a while now and I still haven't really come to a conclusion. I have never been in a relationship before, but I have definitely had crushes on guy's before. I don't think I ever had a crush on a woman, but I sometimes think about that I find a woman attractive and I have thought about what it would be like to make out or sleep with a woman. I'm a little unsure how to tell if I'm actually attracted to women also, because it feels different from the way I'm attracted to men.

of course <3 i will put this under a cut cause idk it might get long and it's obviously personal

when i was growing up, bisexuality wasn't something i knew about or was familiar with. i knew about gay and lesbian people, but bisexuality just... wasn't talked about. like, at all. one of my favorite tv-shows was (and still is) buffy the vampire slayer. one of the characters on there dated a guy for a while and then starts dating a girl, and she then states she is "gay now" and insists she will never be into guys again. (i am being vague because i have friends who are watching this show for the first time ssdfhshf) and this was the example i grew up with.

i am trying to paint a picture as to explain why it took me a very long time to realise i am bisexual. because when i look back at my childhood, the signs were always there. my first tv crushes were on both a guy and girl from the same show. i always had the 'do i want to be her or do i want her?' confusion whenever i felt some type of way about a girl. i kissed so many girls when i was drunk because it was safe because i could hide behind the 'whoooo drunk girls kissing, am i right?' defence, cause i knew a lot of 'straight girls' did that so it wasn't weird. yet something tells me that the fact that i craved it, longed for it, and tried everything to get to kiss girls when i was drunk, is probably not a universal experience. yet i always kept telling myself 'no you're not bisexual. you like guys way more than you like girls. maybe bicurious, at the most.'

when i got into fandom and joined tumblr etc, i started to slowly realise that being bisexual doesn't literally mean you are 50/50 into guys and girls. hell, it taught me that a lot of people don't identify as any gender at all to begin with. you can say what you want about tumblr culture but i did learn a lot about myself and for the first time i started to feel comfortable calling myself bisexual. because i AM attracted to girls, and i HAVE had feelings for women, even if it doesn't happen as often as it has happened with guys. and like you said, your attraction to men and women is different, the same goes for me. i can't even explain it but it *is* different for me.

i just wanted to end this by saying: you don't have to know right now, how you would label yourself. in fact, labels aren't important in the grand scheme of things, and they can change over time and with experience. there are lesbians who still get attracted to some men, there are straight people who have crushes on the opposite sex, sexuality is fluid and there are no rules. it's okay to be questioning, even though it might be frustrating for yourself. just know there is no rush, you have your whole life to grow and evolve and figure yourself out <3

#i hope this made sense #personal #anonymous

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aspicystrum · 3 years

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Embarrassingly, last night I wrote an exceedingly long and sickeningly heartfelt email to some Netflix people (executives? Idk) based on advice from #saveteenagebountyhunters. It felt important, so I decided to share.

Hi there, friend.

I don't usually do this, because writing in to a studio about a show that you just watched seems a bit over the top, and potentially just a drop of salt water in a river that somebody has already built a bridge to get over.

However, on the off chance that this email might make a difference, I just want to say that it would be really, really, super-mega-cool if you guys changed your minds about renewing Teenage Bounty Hunters for another season. I finally got around to watching it this week, and I want to firstly, congratulate you for such a stellar piece of work, and secondly, implore you not to leave it unfinished. Not only is it fantastic and hilarious, but I also think it's kind of important, and I'm going to apologise in advance for the length of time I'm going to spend on telling you why.

I'm definitely not a teenager anymore, but I was definitely a young christian questioning her sexuality when I was a teenager, and there was just nothing remotely like this on TV at that time. If there had been, I think it might have been a bit easier for me to figure myself out. Much easier, even. I dislike clichés, so I don't like that I'm basically saying the same thing that most queer people over 30 are saying about new media featuring queer representation, but the thing is, there's a reason that we're saying it. And Tropes Aren't Bad. The only thing that was around when I was growing up that had any gay women in it was porn and the L Word. Buffy too I guess, but I never got into it when it was airing (I'm not even sure if I'd have been allowed to watch it, to be frank) and later on, I wasn't interested in the drama and heartbreak. And of course, because I was a young christian, I thought porn was bad (I mean, it's terrible if you're looking for accurate romantic representation, but it's certainly not morally wrong like I thought it was) and because I don't live in the US, I never came across the L Word until I managed to pirate it in university. And while the L Word was massive and so important for representation and visibility... Honestly, I never really liked it. I didn't relate to a bunch of lesbians having sex and being bitchy in LA.

But Teenage Bounty Hunters? Shit. That would have been young Alex's obsession. Or lifeline. Cup of tea. Addiction. Breath of air while feeling like I was drowning? I don't know. Pick one. All of the above. I grew up going to an Anglican, semi-private high school. So while lesbianism wasn't wrong per se; (God still loved the gays - they weren't wrong for loving who they did) it definitely had to be wrong for me. Because it also sure as hell wasn't good. It was definitely no path to happiness. Lesbian was an insult that you used against girls you didn't like on the opposing soccer team. It wasn't until I went on exchange to France when I was 17 that I met girls who were out and proudly, wonderfully, sweetly dating. It's not even like it was illegal or anything, or that the LGBT+ community weren't tirelessly working to be visible and represented. I live in New Zealand. Generally, we're a pretty open, progressive, liberal country. I like to think that most of the time kiwis make pretty sensible decisions in terms of governance (though, believe me, there's always room for improvement). But, there's a difference between what's allowed, and what's socially acceptable. Especially in high school. Especially when you bring religion into the conversation. Or politics. It just wasn't done. Even in public school, you'd be asking to be an outsider.

So I can't satisfactorily express how incredible it was for me to experience the relationship and character arcs of April and Sterling. A couple of staunchly christian girls, falling in love and unashamed of that. Albeit fucking scared. Their storyline resonated with my queer little soul. I was Chapel Prefect in my final year at school. I was an overachiever like April, and I had no idea how potentially gay I was, like Sterling. I wanted to kiss boys and sort of ignored all the crushes I had on the girls I went to school with. I wanted to be a good student and above all, a good person. I believed in a god. In fact, I wanted to believe in a purpose for existence and God so badly, that I chose to continue to believe, even while I wanted to kill myself in my first and second year of university because I felt like I was a bad student and a bad person. I still believe and it still keeps me alive from time to time.

All this is a very dramatic and unfortunately slightly sad way to say that you've got something incredibly special in Teenage Bounty Hunters. And that's just from one perspective. There's so much else that the show brings to the table. So much that it has the potential to. I could talk about racism, or adoption, or classism, or so many other things that I don't really feel I have the experience or understanding to give voice to, and do them justice, but you get the picture.

Finally, I just want to say, I think I got my first recommendation for this show after you'd actually officially cancelled it. And it wasn't from your algorithm, it was from a male co-worker. Somebody I wouldn't have expected to recommend something like this show. Both based on judgements from before and after watching it. And I'm not going to lie, I heavily judged the title when I heard him talk about it, because I thought it sounded pretty frivolous and mindless. But certainly after searching for the show (I'm kind of shocked it was never recommended to me actually), and watching the trailer, I was immediately interested, because it's fucking hilarious. Now, after watching it I'm curious to know what he liked about the show too. So if your algorithm is designed to target viewers you think might be in a show's intended demographic, I feel like it needs tweaking. Also, I feel like you need to give more than two months grace-time for a show after releasing it, before you decide to cancel it. It's kind of tragic finding out about and deciding watching a show even though you know it's cancelled and then having your suspicions confirmed about you loving it. Very Fox and Firefly. Congrats, I guess?

Anyway, I do genuinely want to say thank you for the work that you do and the joy that you've brought me and others through Netflix. I do hope the decision does get reversed, but it is a small hope.

If you made it this far, thank you very much for reading all of this. You're clearly a generous person with your time.

Sincerely,

Alex

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charmedslayer · 4 years

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Who of the scoobies do you think had the best development?

first of all, thanks for the question!!

you know Willow is who immediately came to mind cause i think they did a really good job setting up the abuse of power/magic like if you watch the whole show beginning to end before she even starts learning magic you can tell she likes having power whenever she gets a little bit of it (interrogating Jonathan, being a substitute teacher) and then when she starts to learn magic she pushes herself past her limits very early on and i think it really set up well for her magic addiction storyline, however i think we needed more time for her recovery post s6, i don’t think one season was enough (don’t get me wrong i love the “oh my goddess” moment in the finale) but like a lot of other people have pointed out we needed like 2 more seasons after s6 to deal with the fallout of it.

now despite saying all that i actually think Tara may have had the best development despite appearing in less episodes and not being a main character but a secondary one. she went from this shy kind of meek person who didn’t really have the self confidence or self worth to stand up for herself let alone others to the complete opposite. over time she learned to be more self assertive and stand up for herself and say enough is enough which grew into her standing up for others too, like Buffy and Willow in “older and far away” (6x14).

i do think unfortunately the writers maybe stumbled a bit towards the end of her character arc by having her take willow back at the end of “entropy” (6x18) which they obviously just did so they could kill her off in the next episode and start dark!willow’s arc. Tara knew they needed more time to heal:

“There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides”

“It's a long... important process"

and i think if it weren’t for the dark!willow storyline, they would have given them the time to actually properly heal and get back together down the line. so yeah to just throw away tara’s character growth by having her say “can we just skip it?” is a bit sad and made all the more frustrating when they kill her off in the very next episode.

having now said all that i’m not sure anymore who i think had the best character development tbh... it’s been awhile since i’ve rewatched the show start to finish so idk maybe on my next rewatch i’d end up with a different answer.

but i guess Tara and Willow are characters i consider to have some of the best development (though really i think the show had pretty amazing writing and pretty good character development for all the characters).

also given that you said scoobies i did keep my answer to the buffy characters and their time on buffy. but cordelia is technically a scooby and if i were to consider the whole buffyverse i would have said Cordelia and Wesley, their character development from their first appearance on buffy to their last appearance on angel is amazing (although cordy’s s4 storyline onwards was :/ so.... but let’s not talk about that lol). i guess then whole buffyverse, no character assassination: Wesley.)

#anon #asks #answered #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #tara maclay #willow rosenberg #i feel other people could probably have worded this better than me #i was never good at essays okay

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laufire · 4 years

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Supernatural s1

my dash: decries Supernatural every five posts.

me: time to watch it seriously for the first time in my life.

-First thing first: it’s an amazingly well-crafted season of tv. I’m a character-focused watcher, not a plot-focused one; I never connected emotionally to the Winchesters (still haven’t and likely never will, as interesting I might find them as character constructs), so I feared I’d be bored and would want to skip scenes. Nuh huh. I was many things, but none of them were bored xDD. Each episode was a lesson in good pacing and the entire season another in proper build-up. There are one or two or a few dozen tv-writers I would like to show it to, ngl.

-Another thing it excelled at was in its portrayal in abusive family dynamics. The way Dean went mellow and so unlike himself when John gave an order (and what a SHOCK it is in the later episodes when he finally stands up to him!!). How Sam said HE would apologize to his father when they saw each other again, or how he made apologies for his father because “it could have been worse” (at least John didn’t beat them up, like it happened to that poor kid!). John showing Sam more “““respect””” (as far as he’s able at least) simply because Sam already proved he’s capable of leaving him; the way John controls the information he gives them and when and how and how much and how small they feel when they reunite with him. Dean knowing his father had been possessed by a demon because it wasn’t reprimanding him and belittling him. Dean’s psychic shapeshifter (?) expressing his resentment towards Sam for getting to escape. Dean’s quickness to resort to violence when Sam says something that makes him angry, or how he tries to severe ties between Sam and his college friends, or how he guilt trips him when Sam says he plans on returning to his studies, or how he minimizes Sam’s experiences with John or how Sam criticizes Dean’s compliance... (I don’t think Dean’s being consciously manipulative. I think it’s intuitive. Which is far, far scarier. He’s the Elena Gilbert of Supernatural and a walking red flag for controlling behavior). How it’s paired with ~honeymoon periods. The way they use the families around them to highlight their issues. It’s... chilling and terrifying and I can’t look away. I won’t get into the shit John pulls in 2x01 because that’s for the s2 POV, but oh my god I’m so happy he’s dead.

I wasn’t all that sure of how self-aware the creators were about this trend (especially because of how centralized and validated Dean’s POV is in his conflicts with Sam IMO. OTOH... characters like Dean and actors like Ackles are the type to take over a show by charisma alone tbf. The way he swoops in in the pilot and starts disrupting everything, including Sam’s relationship, reminding me of both Angel in BTVS and Chuck in Gossip Girl, Doylist-wise. This comparison is going to make sense to like three people I talk with regularly xDD). At least on early seasons, since certain spoilers about the later ones make me think it grew over time. I’m still unsure but I think they are a little self-aware because of this quote:

Eric Kripke said of Buffy: “I loved ‘Hush’ and ‘Once More, With Feeling,’ but overall, Buffy really taught me about effectively using metaphor in genre. For Buffy, it was ‘high school is hell (literally),’ and Joss Whedon did such a masterful job of grounding his horror and fantasy concepts in this notion, and ultimately telling allegories about high school, which turned what could’ve been B-Movie material into an all-time classic. I used that same philosophy on my run of Supernatural, with the mantra ‘family is hell (literally),’ and always grounded my horror episodes around the notion of families, to the show’s benefit. So thanks, Joss Whedon. I owe you a beer. (Credit: The WB)

everyone wants to be Buffy lol.

-My absolute favourite thing was how competent the Winchesters are (I’m even reluctantly including John here. That bastard). They’re sneaky with local authorities, crafty about fake IDs, credit scams, research abilities, DIY supernatural detectors xDD... I loved the lack of an audience proxy, the fact that the story throws you into the deep end with people that already know their shit. And that the other side is competent too, like when Meg & YED’s plan to trap John relied on the Winchester being competent; on Sam immediately going into the defensive because, what are the chances of finding that cute weird girl a second time, miles away?; on John suspecting it was a trap and only revealing himself after Meg appears to be dead... Another scene that I loved in that sense, from 2x01 (I watched until 2x03, I wanted to see Sterling K. Brown’s first appearance lol) was how upon discovering Reapers are shapeshifters, Dean immediately knew that cute ghost he’d befriended was the one after him. I get the feeling this aspect will get lost in future season and it’s a pity, tbh.

-Related to that, some of my favourite moments: Sam straight up bribing a guy to get into the morgue when Dean’s arguments are failing (with Dean’s money!); Dean’s plan of “well, if this guy is haunting the house and there’s no other way to kill him, we burn the house. No house no haunting”; Dean telling that kid to fake appendicitis to get his parents out of the house; John blessing the tank of water knowing he’s walking into a trap with demons... I dig this stuff.

-I get whiplash sometimes, with the show making a point of (very briefly) telling you racism, homophobia or pro-life attitudes are Bad(TM) and the brothers are Against them (the Racist Truck episode, the one where a woman used a Reaper to exchange “virtuous” lives for those of sinners...), when the rest of the show is err... what it is lol. Dean is toxic masculinity’s poster boy (I was so disgusted by how he acted with Jess omfg), in s2 we don’t get the monsters’ perspective on hunters until we’ve conveniently met our first black one (I love the episode AND the character but it’s fucking true)...

-I need to make a note of paying attention to the writers credits/Bts stuff because I find this show’s progression fascinating on a metatextual level. The only problem is that audience reaction seems to have played a big role (which is a problem on one or two different levels imo xD), and tracking that down is sliiiiightly more difficult lol. Oh well (I don’t even think I want to see too much of this fandom, even to satisfy my curiosity. Some of the glimpses I’ve caught of it are disturbing to the extreme).

-The detail about dead people’s blood being toxic to vampires is SO COOL OMG. I’m tempted to steal it xD

Some random stuff:

-The monsters of the week were some legit creepy stuff.

-I love that Meg has her own hellhounds. Is that still a thing when she returns?

-Dean: you and dad are reckless and I’m going to have to be the one that buries you. / Me, with the power of foresight: 👀

-Also Dean: sometimes it scares me how good I am at killing. / Me: it scares the shit out of me how good you are at killing, too, fam.

-I get the impression Sam loses his demonic-in-origin powers later on, right? What a waste, I love those.

-I’m pretty sure at one point it’s implied John used Dean to honeytrap monsters (when he sends him as a trap for the lady vampire that stole the Colt) and I really don’t know what to do with this information.

-Cassie was GORGEOUS and even make Dean likeable for me while they lasted xDD. But given this show’s track record I’m considering the lack of more appearances a blessing.

-So many guest stars. Everyone’s been on SPN. Especially if they were on the Buffyverse first (I totally get the impulse of casting Buffy actor after Buffy actor lmfao).

-Funny how Luther Hargreeves is exactly who a lot of fans think Dean was (Dean is far, far colder imo), and yet one is constantly called pathetic and evil and the other woobified. Very Funny Indeed *coughs* (funnier still that the character I often see Dean compared to is Wynonna Earp when the parallels are kids-pool deep at best and offensive at worst. Dean is not a Wynonna. Again, Dean is an Elena Gilbert xDD).

-The two paranormal investigators were dumb as rocks, but their motto was “What Would Buffy Do” so I like them (if they ever change that to What Would the Winchesters Do or something like that I’m going to be furious lmao).

-When I want to ~chill I dress about exactly like Dean (minus the flannel I’ve seen in later seasons, you can’t pay me to wear flannel). Like, I think I have a couple of shirts that look exactly like ones of his. I don’t know how I feel about this xDD

-IDK how I’ll feel about Bobby later on (I get the impression every long-term character on this show has their hateful phases xD), but in his introduction he said the last time he saw John he threatened to shoot him (“he causes that reaction in people”), so he’s so far the most relatable character around lol.

#talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #the writing tm #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #and others #abuse mention cw #here be negativity warning lol #spn s1 #the winchesters get to have a tag I GUESS

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chaoticdisater · 4 years

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if you wanna go off about andi mack,,

Oh? I mean like yes of course, I loved andi Mack, I think it was a really good show

So I probably started to watch when cyrus came out but I remember watching the trailer on Disney channel and literally going ‘her sisters gonna be her mom’ like I don’t know if they were trying to hid that or not but I got it right away.

My problem, (there is actually a couple problems I have) is that it randomly would drop story lines they didn’t care about or forget about, or change it because it no longer fit how long they thought they had to keep the show going.

Realistically I knew they weren’t gonna write it where buffy actually leave for a long time but, I wanted to see where that went, not just “oh it didn’t work so now I’m back in shady side” I think I would have liked it if buffy and her mom actively boned and buffy started to tell her how much shadyside meant to her and maybe her mom makes the choice to choose a different job because she knows how much it means to buffy.

I wanted to see cyrus in a relationship, I didn’t need to see them kiss if that’s to progressive for Disney but even one ep, hell as scene after the last ep titled “the next day” and complete confirmation that cyrus does end up going out with tj, that doesn’t annoy me as much because Disney is i didn’t expect much.

I liked Andi, I thought her character could grow stagent in places but most of all I liked how the show didn’t end with her getting the guy, because that’s not what she needs in her life.

Tj was and still is my favourite character like even when he was being mean I liked him, I wanted more from him, (ngl I have a thing about the mean characters they interest me)

And like The main difference between cyrus with tj and cyrus with buffy and Andi is that tj believes that if cyrus give it a shot he could probably do it but since buffy and Andi grew up with cyrus they believe he can’t do anything

Which isn’t nessarly a bad thing but I believe if the show had gone on for longer we would have gotten an episode about cyrus getting frustrated that Andi and buffy coddle him, like tj maybe did fuck up because his friend had a gun or that he hung out with people who would do that but at the same time, he’s not responsible for everything his friend does, and he did at the least deserve to explain him self, tell cyrus he didn’t know and idk if someone I was close to had a gun I would not leave them alone to get hurt, (maybe that is because I have personally done gun safety course) but by cyrus expecting Tj to just leave reed and Lester to do what they wanted was some what irresponsible of cyrus.

Yes cyrus felt unsafe and he should go, but tj knows these guys, and in some regard it’s part of his responsibility to stay to either call the cops or talk them out of going through with it.

Anyways I think the show should have been another season I’m not fully sure why they ended it but I felt like a lot of the characters where half finshed in there archs. Yeah they are only 14 but it still felt like a rushed ending

#andi mack disney #andi mack #andi mack tyrus #tyrus #tj x cyrus #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #buffy discroll

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theholycovenantrpg · 4 years

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CONGRATULATIONS, ALYX! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF ARAEL.

Admin Rosey: Oh god, I think Arael was one of the characters that caught me by surprise. But the absolutely mastery of this application, did not at all surprise me because only Arael could - and should - be so effortlessly captured within the span of a single application. Tragedy, as you said Alyx, is woven into Arael’s bones and the fact that they recognize it and are so unbroken by it in their countenance says absolutely everything to me. The plots that you have lined up only feed into that tragedy more and I, for one, am absolutely here for it. I think that Arael is ripe for evolving and I completely trust this beautiful starlit character in your capable and loving hands. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Alyx

Age | Taylor Swift vc: Idk about you, but I’m feeling 22!

Personal Pronouns | She/Her.

Activity Level | hopefully pretty active? I have work and classes but I’m taking less hours and my internship is done so I’m hoping I have more time to be on the dash.

Timezone | CST.

Triggers | REMOVED

How did you find the group? | I saw plenty of ads for it on my personal.

IN CHARACTER

Character |

Arael: “Lion of God”; She couldn’t remember her original name. Her memories of the cold abyss of the galaxy came to her in bits and pieces that she latched onto as one would latch onto an extended hand. She could remember that feeling of peace within her falling star. She could remember that acceptance as her annihilation came nearer. She could remember the rage and melancholy that took over her being as she opened her eyes and examined the wings that protruded from her back and the knowledge that her destiny was ripped away from her. The name Arael was a reminder of that original loss. She was never supposed to be a lion of god. She was never supposed to be an angel stuck on Earth. God had claimed her for himself. He claimed her to be a lion, and all she could do was set her icy gaze on her surroundings and roar until her voice grew hoarse and the burning in her chest faded away.

What drew you to this character? |

To be honest, I lurked on the admins’ blogs as the RP was originally being promoted. I tend to search for characters I like by quotes and images posted to their tag, and there was one quote on Arael’s tag that caught my attention. I don’t remember what exactly it said, but I knew it meant Arael was a character I needed to keep my eye on.

I love characters with tragedy built into their bones. There’s something so compelling about a character going through hardships and how they react to those hardships. Arael’s power alone showed me that she was a tragic character. To be able to hold everyone’s hope in your hand aside from your own? It seemed like a twisted gift from fate. As I read more, I realized that she was a creature of tragedy. She was pulled from the night sky against her own will. She was made into god’s image without her consent, and forced to endure the knowledge that she had lost her home and her destiny. She stared at the night sky, but she was never truly able to go back to her original home.

I like playing around with grief and how it impacts a character. I like seeing if they drown in their feelings, or if they rise above the grief and move forward with their lives. I think Arael is drowning in her grief. She’s stuck in this tunnel of rage and revenge that will consume her if she’s not careful. She’s blinded by this need, and I find that incredibly interesting to explore. Will she burn out? Will she start a war between the three parties? We’ll have to see.

Her story also kind of reminded me of Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not in a direct way, but there was a storyline where Buffy died and her friends brought her back from heaven and Buffy talked about being in peace before they brought her back. Arael being torn from her fate and made into an angel reminds me of that. The melancholy and grief they both felt from being ripped away from their rightful place. The way everyone notices that mourning. It gave me parallels.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character? |

“Why are you full of anger? Because you are full of grief.”

→ She was happy. For so long, Arael didn’t know what that feeling entailed. She had looked upon her existence as a punishment. She stared at the realm of heaven and only saw a jail cell. Her body was crafted by god, yet all she felt was unfamiliar in her own skin. Uriel had changed that. She had brought a smile to the otherwise stoic angel’s face. She was warmth wrapping itself around Arael’s cold heart. She was that flicker of hope that Arael felt in other people. She was hers, and someone had ripped that away from her. As she stared into her lover’s empty gaze, all she could think about was doing the same to whoever had killed her. She will rip the world apart if that’s what it took to satisfy the grieving of her heart. The only question will be: who will be spared in the end?

A big part of Arael is her dealing with that loss of her lover and that need for vengeance. I definitely want to explore her seeking out the answers to the murder. I want to see her dragging suspects to be interrogated in the hope that one day the right person will tell her what she wants to know. I want her to endanger innocent lives in her quest for justice. I want her to be so consumed with rage and grief that either herself or others get harmed in the process. She is a star on a collision path, and I want her to burn and burn out during this journey. Most of all, I want her to find the person who did it. I want her to find them, and I want her to kill them. It's the only way for her to be satisfied. It’s the only way for her to put her grief behind her and search for that glimpse of hope again

“You turn the pain into power.”

→ To some, her powers seemed like a blessing. To be able to hold onto someone’s greatest hope was to understand what truly made someone feel at ease. It was the way their eyes sparkled whenever their favorite person walked in a room. It was the passion that would surge through an individual during that last battle of a war. It was a glimpse behind the mask that people often wore, and Arael held all that at her fingertips. To her, this power was another way fate mocked her. She could feel what people’s greatest hopes were. She could fill them up with so much hope that they would be blinded by that desire. She could do so much for other people, but it would never be done for her. She couldn’t fill herself up with that hope. She couldn’t understand that blinding urge that she gave out. What does one do with a gift that serves to remind someone of the very thing they’re lacking?

I want to explore the depths of her power. I think that there’s more to be discovered with her abilities, and I want her to discover exactly what she can do with her gift of hope. I want her to see if her power could be used in the opposite direction. Could she drain someone of their hope? Could she blind someone with utter hopelessness to the point that they see nothing but their dreams slipping from their grasp? I think it would be a dangerous discovery if it were possible. I would also like to see a situation where her gift is irreversible— whether it be gifting hope or taking it away. Perhaps anger clouds her abilities and she over exerts her gift. Perhaps she’s trying to find an ounce of her own hope by filling someone up with so much hope that they become a shell of their former self. I want to push her powers to its limits, and I want Arael to see what sort of consequences are dealt from that discovery.

“You allow your anger to blind you.”

→ Arael’s been in a fragile state since the death of Uriel. To feel the small hint of hope get ripped out of her hands by an unknown assailant left her in a state of brokenness. She’s blinded by this ideal that she’ll be satisfied with vengeance. She has it built up in her mind that the death of this assailant will bring her the peace that she almost had with Uriel—- the same peace that was ripped away from her by god. What do others feel about this mentality? Do they find it foolish? Do they understand her mentality? Or perhaps they see an opportunity hidden behind those aching eyes?

I want to explore the concept of manipulation with Arael. I’m usually not fond of manipulation plots, but I feel like Arael’s in such a vulnerable state right now that it might be possible. I want someone to see that anger and despair. I want someone to see this utterly terrifying, broken angel and use it to their advantage. She’s the perfect weapon if used correctly. Her tunnel vision for revenge could easily be directed towards someone’s enemy if they whispered the right words to her. She could start a war if the correct side twisted her enough. I want to see her revenge used for someone’s personal plans. Maybe she kills an innocent person because she was led to believe they were present during her lovers death. Maybe she drags an innocent victim to Abaddon because she was led to believe they had valuable information. I want to see that manipulation, and I want to see the fallout of it.

“You reach for a soul that forever escapes your grasp.”

→ Arael loved Uriel, or at least it was the closest she ever got to love. The angel had gifted her a slice of hope that she had lacked since her creation, and Arael has been seeking a semblance of that hope since her departure. She feels lost, like she was back to her first years as a star-turned-angel, and she hates that feeling. She hates the emptiness that fills her heart as she watches the mortals her companion once adored. She hates the way she feels so distant from the other angels. Most of all, she hates that their love story ended so abruptly. She misses her with every fiber of her being. One often wonders what they would have their final words be to a loved one, but what if she could have that do over? What if she could catch a glimpse of her again?

I want her to approach Ryuk about contacting her dead lover’s soul. I think there’s a variety of reasons why she would want to talk to Uriel again. I think the most basic one would be that she wants to see her again—- even if it’s only through Ryuk’s words. This was the one person that broke her out of her shell and showed her that the world was worth more than mourning. The most plot related reason would be that she can ask her what her last memory was. Arael has exhausted her options when It comes to possible suspects, so perhaps Uriel could remember who was around during her death or who even caused her to perish. I also like the thought of Uriel advising her against this revenge quest, and Arael refusing to listen. She doesn’t realize that this isn’t what her lover would’ve wanted. She doesn’t realize that she’s doing more harm than good. It’s overall a more personal plot, but it’s good development for her and helps lead to either her collapse or her breakdown at realizing what she’s becoming.

“Anger was better than tears.”

→ Mortals were the envy of God’s creations. Angels were tasked with protecting them like a dragon protects its treasures. They razed cities, enacted miracles, all for the species that found favor in God’s eyes. Arael was never a mortal. She never understood the significance of their kind. She had no attachments to the beings aside from those tasks formerly given to her. She didn’t care for them like Caphriel did. She didn’t despise them as others might. Her feelings towards them might be classified as indifference. However, the stance changed after the death of Uriel. Eyes that might have had a glimpse of care for the beings shifted into anger at the thought of one of them murdering her beloved. Eyes that casually looked over the beings stuck to watching them with careful eyes. One human in particular has gotten caught within her storm. The question is: will she shatter the tentative peace that held the world together? Perhaps a bigger question is: will she have any regrets if she does?

Personally, I find the thought of Arael killing Bastien quite sexy. This would be completely up to the Bastien player, but even if it didn’t go that far, I still love the connection. I like the thought of Arael breaking that peace between the three factions. She sees Bastien as this arrogant fool, and she’s bothered by his position of power. How does her Uriel, gentle and kind, die while men like him thrive? It frustrates her. I’d like to see her knock him from his place at the table. Whether this be done through violence or jeopardising his spot amongst the ten would be up to the Bastien player and what they feel comfortable with, but I can work with either one. Arael’s desperate for some sort of vengeance. I think the more she struggles to find the one who killed Uriel, the one she’ll lean into these desires to destroy someone else, and Bastien is the unfortunate victim of her wrathful gaze.

“You’re a being of isolation.”

→ She is the only one of her kind. No one else knows what it’s like to live amongst the stars. No one else knows what it’s like to be plucked from the night sky and recreated in someone else’s image. No one knows the loneliness that comes with such a fate. The other angels are her brethren, her allies, but they don’t relate to her on that level. She’s a solitary creature, a lone star stuck wandering the earth, and it’s a painful existence. Will she ever figure out that some stars lay in clusters? Will she ever realize that she has the opportunity to shed that loneliness? It’s hard to say. It’s hard to pull herself out of the isolation that she chose from the start.

I want to explore her dynamic with the other angels. I think Arael struggles with connecting to them due to her origins. She doesn’t have that connection of being formed from the Earth or reborn as an angel. She’s different from the others, and that caused her to separate herself. I want to see how they take her quest of revenge. Surely some of them were close with Uriel, maybe even close with Arael, so perhaps they would support the mission. On the other hand, I’d love to see that disapproval. I want to see them trying to temper her anger only to be met with an icy glare. I’d love to see someone try to talk her down from her grief. She’s blinded by this mentality of an eye for an eye, but she doesn’t realize how that affects her fellow angels. I want them to show her how it affects them. Let them get caught in the crossfires of her vengeance. Let them struggle to pull her away from the brink. I think the angels quietly realizing that this fallen angel, this hollowed soul, might do some real damage would be delicious to watch.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Absolutely!

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation |

They say the story of Arael is a tragic one. She was a burning star plucked from the sky and formed into god's image. She was placed among the angels, meant to stand holy and divine alongside her new brethren, yet she found herself standing alone. This angels story isn’t built on blessings. Her story isn’t a fairytale told to the young mortals in an attempt to sooth them to sleep. No, her tale is built on loss, and that’s what motivates her throughout her journey.

Her original loss is the loss of her original destiny. She was stripped of her purpose, ripped away from her original form and forced into a foreign body. She stared at her reflection and a stranger peered back at her. She examined her wings and only saw the fragments of her former self embedded within her feathers. She destroyed cities on God’s behalf, and yet all she could feel was a hollowness in her chest. Loss was her mentality within this point. That acknowledgment of what she’s become and how to endure that was her guiding factor in her initial years of life as an immortal being.

The next stage of loss was the loss of her hopelessness. Uriel had dragged her away from that hole she tucked herself in. The fellow angel opened her eyes to the possibilities of life, and for the first time, Arael’s world wasn’t a bleak landscape. She had color in her vision. She had a slight light in her eyes. Her smile wasn’t forced. She was learning what it was like to look at life as an adventure rather than a chain wrapped around her ankle. This stage of loss was a good thing. It was a stage of growth for the distant angel. She lost that depression that overcame her during her early years. She lost that emptiness that had wrapped itself around her like a blanket.

This latest stage of loss is the cruelest of them all. This burning star, this cold-eyed angel was finally learning the most human of experiences: death. She felt that small sliver of hope rip away from her as she held Uriel’s prone form in her arms. Her body shook with anger as she realized she was once again alone. Her motivation stems from the impact of that loss and the grief that nestled inside her heart. She’s driven to revenge. Her eyes are blinded by the need to punish the person that ripped that hope from her. A part of her knows this is a dangerous path. She knows what happens to stars that burn too brightly. Yet, the loss keeps her locked in its grasp. If she is to burn out, if she is to be destroyed, let it be with the knowledge that she has conquered the loss that has been trailing after her for years.

In-Character Para Sample |

“I brought another one.”

The history behind her statement was not lost on her. Each week she’d latch onto a lead. Each week she’d drag them into the heart of the black cells. Each week she’d watch Abaddon pull out any sort of answers they might have buried in their chest. Each week she’d feel the bitterness of disappointment settle on her tongue as she realized she reached another dead end. It ended the same every time. It couldn’t end the same way this time.

Her eyes traced over the features of her latest endeavor. His porcelain skin and almost white hair reminded her of Uriel, but the resemblance wouldn’t help him out of his fate. She had plucked him out of the crowd in hopes that he had any recollection of that fateful night. With each individual, She wanted a direction. She felt herself grasping at ghosts as the figures from her memory dwindled, and this feeling of loss was becoming all too familiar.

She released her hold on the boy and watched him try to scramble his way out of the cells. Mortals always seemed to have that reaction. Their fight or flight kicked in, trying to make sense of the location they were forced into, before finally realizing the fight was for nothing. They will leave once she gets the answers she’s seeking.

And yet, the boy wasn’t providing those answers. She watched him endure the torture despite the pain it brought him. She watched him fighting back tears, denying pain until it couldn’t be denied anymore, and yet still the answers remained behind clenched teeth.

“Again.”

Her voice was strong as she stared at the bleeding, frightened human before her. She refused to accept that she had reached another dead end. She clung to her quest with sharp claws, and she refused to release her grip for even a second. She was a vengeful angel, a flame with no mercy in sight, and all would endure the burning until she felt satisfied.

Her eyes flicked upwards to meet Abaddon’s, but she didn’t turn away. She didn’t care if the demon saw the hurt in her eyes or the flash of desperation that would spill out every time a mortal came to her with no answers. Maybe the demon had the same look when they got tossed out of god’s favor. Arael didn’t ask. Their relationship wasn’t built on sharing stories or reminiscing over almost forgotten memories. Their relationship was a mutual understanding--- a knife and the being that wields the instrument.

“Do it again until I say otherwise.” Do it again until I can hold any sort of answers in my hand. Do it again until the ache in my chest disappears for a second.

Arael watched the mortal flinch at Abaddon’s nod with cold, unfazed eyes. The scream that erupted from the boy’s mouth would make others grieve, but it only reminded her of the hollowness inside of her. She felt nothing as she watched the pain on his face. She felt only her own rage trying to crawl out of her chest. Perhaps this is what it meant to be a star. Perhaps this was her destiny all along---- to burn from the inside out until nothing but a hollow shell remained.

And perhaps she’ll succumb to her destiny, but only after the grieving in her heart is satisfied. She’ll burn up, but she’ll bring the person responsible for her demise with her.

Extras |

Inspo tag: https://elidclochan.tumblr.com/tagged/insp%3A-arael

Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/aesthctics/insp-arael/

#accepted #accepted: arael

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