#idk if i like this ending but ok
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tlou-reid · 2 years ago
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visitor's list ✰ spencer reid
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warnings ✰ angst, cursing, prison spencer
summary ✰ when spencer goes to prison, his visitor's list seems to be missing a name
notes ✰ idk if i like this but it's an idea i had since i first saw s12 lol i hope u like it!
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you don't know if anything has ever hurt as much as this. you've had emily prentiss tell you bad news before, this was definitely not the first. but, damn, this was the worst. every word felt like a gunshot right into your heart.
"spencer was found in mexico."
bang
"we are still trying to figure out how and why he ended up there."
bang
"he was, thankfully, extradited back to the united states due to a complication in the case."
bang
"we are still figuring everything out but for now he's here and he is safe."
okay, that part felt good. knowing he was safe was comforting, a little. but, that feeling did not last long. emily had that look on her face. her sad eyes with a soft tilt of her head. she was hiding something. "emily, what else?"
well, she was actually hiding a lot from you. she was hiding that there was drugs involved. she was hiding that reid was on said drugs. she was hiding that he decided not to take a plea deal and was going to have to remain in jail. she was hiding that the fbi would not be helping him at all. she was hiding that he is not in protective custody. she was hiding that you were not on his visitors list.
"we're still figuring everything out, there's a lot of details i don't know and even more i cannot tell you," she takes a sigh, "he has been allowed to have visitors, garcia is going to the first-"
"why not me?" you interrupted with a furrow of your brain. you were spencer's lover. spencer's person. spencer's other half. sure, you did not go out in the field with him. sure, you weren't equipped to handle the legal side, but you knew spencer. physically, mentally and emotionally; you knew spencer. he needed you. he needed you more than someone to talk about what he is missing on the field. he needed comfort, stability, love. all of these things only you could provide for him.
"y/n," emily says, her eyes even sadder, "there are some," she takes a breathe, letting the statement hang in the air for a couple seconds, "complications".
"what kind of complications?" your voice is harsher than you intend for it to be. the tears that have been welling up in your eyes since she knocked on your door are threatening to fall. your whole body is tense as you rush out each inquisitive statement.
"y/n, you cannot see spencer." her tone was more authoritative, but her look, that fucking stare, that was full of pity. full of sadness. god, you hated it.
"what the fuck do you mean?" you rush out, tears finally falling. they had changed their composition. the tears that had welled up in your eyes were full of sadness, full of fear. but the ones that hit your cheek were full of anger, full of distrust. of course you could see spencer, he's yours. he's more yours than any of the bau agents, that's one thing you were sure of.
"spencer, he uh, he had to create his list. the list of people who could go visit him while he is in prison. your name was never put on it."
bang. bang. bang. bang. bang. bang. bang.
emily tried to break the news gently, she did not want you to be hurt and she did not want to be the one hurting you. but there was no way to prevent it. your knees started to wobble and your hands started to shake. your breathing became ragged. this was a new feeling, one you'd never experienced before. you felt sad, angry, distrustful, resentful, jealous. you felt so many things.
emily reached out to put a gentle hand on your shoulder but you dodged it. "he chose not to let me see him." you declared, not leaving any room for emily to reply. emily prentiss is a smart woman, one who rarely doesn't know what to say or do. but she was speechless. she hurt for you. she was sad for you.
"i need to go," you stepped away from her, closing the door and walking into your house. she didn't come in when you invited her and now you knew why. she had nothing but bad news for you.
your tears were flowing freely. you didn't know what to do, so you sunk to the middle of the living room floor, trying to find comfort within yourself. what did this mean for you? what did this mean for spencer? what did this mean for your relationship? here you were, laying in the middle of your shared living room, surrounded by his books, the art he liked, the blanket jj's mom made for him. and yet, he was behind bars not even acknowledging your feelings, your hurt, your uncertainity. upon this realization, the tears turned into sobs, echoing through your home that now felt so empty.
but you were so wrong. so so so wrong. every single thought that wracked his brain was you. from the time he had enough clarity in his brain to think after coming down off of the drugs, you were on his mind. he had written his list with your name at the top, before recalling all of the things he'd been told.
"You just gotta learn how to survive"
"But if you keep this up, keep thinking the normal rules apply in here, then I cannot help you"
"They're gonna beat you again. Might even kill you"
the first time he removed your name from the list, it was selfish. he was struggling in here already, how would he get by if they knew he had a beautiful, loving, kind woman coming into to see him? being happy he was alive? feeling protective over him? loving him? sure, he knew he was a good person, and he knew he was probably the smartest person in here, but he felt so weak. he felt exposed, vulnerable. he did not want them to use the one thing in the world that made him feel those things in a safe, positive way, and run with it. so, for the first time, he removed your name from the list. he was being selfish, he knew that. but he also knew he needed to survive. otherwise, he wouldn't get to come home to you. so, going a few months, just until his team proved his innocence, without you seemed like the best course of action.
once he got over those fears, he decided he'd need to see you eventually. he missed you. he missed your smile. he missed talking to you. and so, he put your name back on the list. he might've even smiled as he went to turn it in, thinking about the day he got to see you.
and then he pictured you. your radiant smile and bubbly energy, walking into such a dark, desolate place. he looked at himself in the mirror, and he imagined you. he imagined you with dark circles under your eyes, the smile wiped off of your face. he imagined you in his spot, weak, scared and unsure of the future. he ripped the list up, re-writing it one last time. to any normal person, it was irrational. obviously visiting a prison and being imprisoned are two very different things. but to spencer, it was the same. you were an extension of him. you felt the things he felt, you saw things the way he did. and he knew that him seeing you, and you seeing him, would not be good for you. so, the list was ripped up. then, it was rewritten with the bau members, then it was turned in.
and then it was forgotten. by him, at least.
as time went on, he had other things to prioritize. he was focused on his safety, as well as the safety of the other inmates. he feels as though he has a duty to protect them, so he moves on and takes action in the prison.
you, on other-hand, are never going to forget his list. the pain you felt because of that stupid fucking list.
so, you keep yourself busy. you work longer hours, picking up extra work in your job. you meet up with your friends, not spencer's friends, your friends. you don't tell them about where he is, just some off handed comment about his job when they ask.
your favorite activity becomes visiting ms. diana. spencer's mom has grown to love you, and you enjoy your talks, even if she doesn't remember all of them. you make it a point to be there when the nurse is taking her lunch, just because you know that jj comes later than lunch time, and you do not want to see her. so, naturally, you do not see the nurse or jj, getting to enjoy your time with ms. diana all by yourself.
you have not seen any of the team. penelope and luke have both left messages on your phone that you haven't bothered to listen to. jj has called and texted, you even answered one time. but when she told you she was on her way to see spencer, you quickly, but politely, ended the call. it wasn't that you didn't want to hear about spencer or didn't want to talk to the team, it just hurt too much. it's been over a month and you haven't gotten to see spencer, or even hear his voice. because of a choice he made. so, seeing those who did get those privileges was too much and you avoided it.
until rossi was knocking on your door, and luke was creeping in your windows. the knocks were quick and heavy, clearly indicating that they needed you. reluctantly, you opened it.
"y/n," rossi smiles, "we did it." you thought you knew what he was talking about, but just in case you were wrong, you furrowed your eyebrows and cocked your head. "reid's out," luke calls from behind rossi. they are expecting you to look excited, to move to the car to go see him right now. but you don't.
your body relaxes. it was a natural instinct. despite all of your feelings about this situation, knowing he was both innocent and out of prison was a comforting thought. a lot of the pent-up negative energy releases from your body once you know he is safe.
"he is coming to the bureau, we came to get you so you can be there when he arrives," rossi clarifies, slightly confused by your lack of excitement.
"he doesn't want me." you were going to say 'he doesn't want me there', but your brain stops you. it's not that he didn't want you at the bureau; spencer did not want you. he did not want you to visit. he did not want to call you. he did simply did not want you.
"what are you talking about?" luke asks. you were getting real tired of crying in front of fbi agents, but here you were. standing in your doorway, crying over spencer reid, just as you had done a few months ago. rossi's face softens, understanding your pain now.
"he didn't let me visit, he didn't call. he didn't want me, luke. he didn't want me when he needed me most and he definitely doesn't want me now." you feel bad for talking to luke the way you were, he was always nice to you. but, fuck, you were hurting.
"he loves you so much," rossi starts one of his speeches, "he was scared, y/n. please, give him a chance. the spencer you knew was not the same spencer in prison. he asked about you every time anyone went to see him. he tried to explain and apologize. not seeing you destroyed him. please, just come with us."
you had never heard rossi beg for anything before. you could see the sincerity in his eyes. right now, rossi knew spencer better than you did. you felt like you didn't know anything about him. so you decided to listen to the person who does. you climbed into the car, letting rossi and luke take you to see spencer.
you arrived before him, taking the elevator up to the bau floor. you were familiar with this room, having dropped off plenty of lunches that spencer had forgotten at home. your eyes fell on his desk. there was a picture frame that you knew had a picture of you and him. despite keeping a neat, proper desk, he always made sure to have a way to show you off. everyone in the room was looking at you with sad expressions.
what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes passed before the elevator dinged, signaling his arrival. when he stepped out, his eyes immediately fell on you. he looked so tired. so scared. so weak. he didn't even glance at anybody else, making his way straight to you. as he approached, you looked at his chest, too sensitive to bring your eyes to meet his.
"i'm sorry," was the first thing he said. he couldn't imagine the pain you were feeling. he had a million things to say but also nothing at all. he let this statement hang in the air before he continued, "and i love you. so much."
you finally looked him in the eyes. you didn't say anything, just looked at him.
"can i hug you?" he asked cautiously. you hesitated and then nodded. you were quickly enveloped by his arms, his scent, his love. him.
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sparemoon · 5 months ago
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RELEASE THE DA2 VARRIC ROMANCE ENDING BIOWARE
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turtletoria · 3 months ago
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the krampus incident from the book of bill if it was out of character and stupid
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teh-inggris · 27 days ago
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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goomyloid · 9 days ago
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got uty au pilled again, sorry... more info under the cut
an AU where ceroba, in the end, refuses to inject kanako with the serum. even after all her research, she just can't trust that it's totally safe. while kanako accepts this, she still wishes she could eventually be of use somehow, and indirectly blames herself for her father's death.
despite all this, with kanako alive, ceroba is able to grieve chujin in a far less desperate way, still having her daughter by her side. as the years go by, ceroba devotes more and more of her time to finishing chujin's research in hopes of finally making a serum that can save the underground. kanako is determined to help, too -- together, they clean up chujin's lab and make it a far nicer place to work, because they're in this together now. well, in theory.
ceroba still certainly takes care of kanako and does her best to be a good mother, but as time passes, ceroba spends more and more time in the lab trying to find an answer. kanako, being the social butterfly that she is, can't bring herself to always stay shut inside like her mother; she travels daily to Oasis Valley, making friends and becoming the town darling. as ceroba spends more time working, kanako spends more and more time taking care of the estate, trying to spend time outside whenever possible.
but it gets kind of lonely. the ketsukane estate is off outside of Oasis Valley, and not many people come by. she's worried about her mother, who's been shutting her out as she becomes more desperate to find a solution. there's only so much to do at the house.
then, clover falls into the underground and explores the dunes. there are barely any other kids at this spot in the underground -- finally, someone around her age! she's immediately entranced by them and determined to become their friend, even after finding out they're a human -- that just makes them cooler...!
but there's a problem; kanako has seen her father's tapes, she knows that a human soul would be extremely valuable to producing the serum. of course, she wants to help save the underground, and she wants her mother to finally be rid of stress and be able to spend time with her again... but after spending time with clover, kanako knows there's no way she can let clover die. they're like the sibling she never had...
and kanako can't even let her mother know that clover exists, either; she knows exactly what will happen if ceroba finds out there's a human here. and yet, a secret part of her wishes and hopes that maybe, just maybe, ceroba could find value in clover as a person and then they could all live in the ketsukane estate together. it would be a dream come true! maybe there's even some way clover can help ceroba without having to give up their soul...?
but things aren't destined to work out that way. any number of things could happen.
clover could peacefully move on in their quest through the underground, leaving a sad and lonely kanako behind.
or, ceroba finds out about clover in one way or another, and things are not looking good. but would she choose to take clover's life at the cost of her daughter's one and only friend?
what if clover didn't come in peace, but in vengeance?
or maybe ceroba somehow accepts clover, growing to respect them after all is said and done, and she tries to experiment on a living human soul?
or maybe, wracked with grief and loneliness, kanako discards her mother's warnings and takes the new, updated serum herself, determined to become the hero for her family like she always wanted...?
or, something else could happen.
what if, after an unhappy ending, kanako wakes up on that same day again, waiting for clover to come by the ketsukane estate for the first time? she doesn't even know how it's possible, reliving the same few weeks over and over. she just wants to find her happy ending, and she'll search and search for as long as she needs to.
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how long can she watch the same endings play out over and over?
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shummthechumm · 2 months ago
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jack-o-scourge for october's shop relaunch
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stuckinapril · 4 months ago
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guys does it not scare you that romance is actually dead like even at my age i don’t see anyone else having those whirlwind romances and just having fun w it. it all feels so trite & transactional
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halflifebutawesome · 5 months ago
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I am a good person. I am a powerful person, I don't believe in evil. I think that evil is an idea created by others to avoid dealing with their own nature. I understand my own nature, good and evil have nothing to do with it.
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swordmaid · 1 year ago
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a girl who is a noir detective man and a guy who is a femme fatale
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heartorbit · 10 months ago
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always by your side
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jackshiccup · 8 months ago
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Omg, you bound a fanfic? Can we see the finished project? It must be beautiful!
hello hehe yes i did :) i was only going to show friends but i guess this is a good excuse to post pictures of it 🫶🏽
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it’s my first ever hardcover bind so i was prepared to make a lot of silly little mistakes and this one definitely does, but i love how it turned out still, i think she’s so cute .. i’m also just happy to finish a personal project that took up so much time to make 🥹
anyways, enjoy the pics and most importantly: stream otnwas on ao3 and youtube teehee🤞🏽❄️!
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unluckedtj · 2 months ago
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something bad’s about to happen to me
why i feel this way, i don’t know maybe
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hoshiina · 5 months ago
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pairing: narumi gen x gn!reader (no prns)
summary: he's always thought that anyone would do if he just wanted to find love but he realizes you're the one he wishes for, inspired by pop song by yonezu kenshi
warnings: some profanities from narumi
wc: 1300
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Narumi Gen hated a lot of things, but one of his least favourites of all time was "true love". He despised when people would describe their love for another as "true love". It couldn't possibly be that serious. Just say you loved your partner. That was probably the extent feelings got to anyways— you just so happened to like each other at the same time. To him that was plenty of a feat alone, why would you have to make it sound like more than it is? For the sake of love? Ridiculous.
To him, that was truly all love was. If there was someone who liked him when he happened to like them too, that was enough. No need for years of pining, no need to get attached to some unrequited love. All that noise about love and destiny surely wasn't all that necessary.
Now, this wasn't to say that he didn't wish to find love— because he did. Like any other person, he truly wished to be loved. It was just that what he had in mind wasn't some deep pure love that'd last forever, nor was it a promise for eternity. He just wished for a light-hearted "I love you" here and there with someone he found special.
And for that, anyone would do. He'd find someone who fancied him along the way, and hopefully he'd like them back. That was all there was to it.
This meant his plan for finding his partner was sitting around and waiting. As horribly lame as that sounded, because he was Narumi Gen, this wasn't that hopeless of a plan. So, that's what he did. He'd go around saving people and doing his duties (to the absolute bare minimum) while making sure he was constantly trending, hoping that one day, someone would like him.
Today he was standing around for a solid five extra minutes after he defeated the honju with ease, hoping the media would snap some nice pictures of him, or he'd finally charm someone this time.
"Captain, you ought to stop that," you said. "It's rather embarrassing, you look desperate now."
"Oh, would you shut up," he said. "You're ruining my good name!"
You snorted. "What good name," you scoffed.
"I'm starting to think its your fault I'm not charming anyone. Perhaps if you didn't stop me every time, someone would have found me by now," he said.
"Yeah, right. Captain Ashiro seems to be having no issues charming people and I've never seen her try to," you said.
"You little shit," he said.
"Besides they're going to be utterly disappointed if they think this is what you're like and then they find out what you're… actually like," you said, and he was starting to think you wanted him to fire you. "It's okay. Someone will see how you're actually lovely at times soon."
"What?" he asked, shocked by what you said.
"What?" you replied, confused.
"You— you said lovely," he said quietly. Suddenly he felt flustered.
"Oh," you said, looking away and avoiding eye contact. It wasn't like you didn't mean to say that, but you didn't think it was that big of a deal. Rather, how flustered he sounded took you by surprise. “Well, you’re a little lame but you’re a good guy. Like you pretend you only do it for the media, but I know you’re always checking the alleyways that don’t have as much surveillance just in case, and checking alleyways isn’t something a captain has to do. And we both know the media isn’t writing about anything you do there. Things like that.”
“You never know!” he said, and you snorted.
“Alright then,” you said. “You do you, Captain.”
“I will!” he said back, trying to sound proud.
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A week had passed and here he was, doing what he always did after arriving fashionably late to the scene and taking all the kaiju out in a matter of minutes: standing around trying to look good. Because he wanted love, and anyone would do. Anyone who liked him was supposed to do.
...
And yet he wished for you.
He wished that when he woke up, the first thing he would see was you. He wished that you'd smile at him everyday with love and genuine joy the way you did to others, and he wished that you’d smile that way to him alone. He wished that after a long day, he was the one you came home to. He wished from the bottom of his heart that you would always be safe and no harm would ever come your way. He wished that your days were filled with laughter and smiles and he knew he would risk his life to protect that.
It was so unlike him in a way he absolutely hated. True love was supposed to be nonsense and someone being ‘the one’ was supposed to be some dramatic line in a movie. It upset him, that he was so utterly fond of you. Yet, no matter how much it upset him, it didn't change the fact that he was, and he couldn't deny it anymore after trying to ignore it for the full week.
So here he was, acting stupid again, hoping that you’d scold him again or tell him he’s embarrassing himself, because that’s what it’s come down to. He just wanted another reason to talk to you.
But you wouldn’t come to stop him after 10 whole minutes.
“Why aren’t you stopping me?” he asked, irritated.
“Pardon?” you asked, utterly confused.
“Why aren’t you telling me to stop?” he asked again. He was aware how silly he sounded, but he was pissed off that you meant so much to him so he had to take it out on you.
“Because you told me to stop last time??” you replied. “I thought you were going to keep this up until you found yourself a partner.”
“You’re the one who told me to find someone that saw how I was…. lovely…. at times,” he said, but said the lovely very quietly. Remembering that you had described him as lovely made his cheeks burn and he’d rather die than let you see that.
“I mean, yeah. I do think you should,” you said.
“Don’t you notice, though?” he asked quietly, avoiding eye contact. There was a moment of silence.
“I do,” you said, and immediately he looked up to face you. You had a grin on your face and you looked so proud— you looked like you had won a game. Oh, how he hated you.
“You’re so annoying,” he said, and you raised an eyebrow.
“Rich coming from you,” you said.
“So, do you—,” he started to yell before cutting himself off. Carefully, he tried again. “Would you please… uh… be mine…?”
Oh, this is so embarrassing, he thought. Perhaps you’d laugh at him, but he wanted to do this properly, or at the very least try to. He’d be far more than just stupid to mess this up now. He was finally in love.
But your laughter never came. When he looked up your eyes were wide and you looked so flustered, but soon you had the most beautiful smile on your face.
“I would absolutely love to,” you said.
So he kissed you right then and there, because there was nothing he wanted to do more at the moment.
He laughed a little.
“What’s wrong?” you asked.
“No, nothing,” he said.
There was no way just anyone would do— it had to be you.
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expelliarmus · 1 year ago
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jade-len · 11 months ago
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i think it'd be funny if someone transmigrated as xin mo. the goddamn evil sword. instead of taking it seriously, they just really fucked around with bingge. and, somehow, ended up having the opposite effect of what it's supposedly rumored to do.
picture this: bingge, on the quest for revenge and power, comes across the almighty xin mo. this demonic sword killed everyone that dared to even try wielding it. and, the few who were lucky enough to have it by their side, eventually succumbed to the swords' will.
it is said that the sword is unlike any other, that it etches into your head and eats away your brain, until eventually it consumes you whole. it whispers, speaking in lust, greed, and hatred. it slowly beckons the wielder into giving in to the worst part of themselves and feeds off of pure sin. but to him, it is no matter; luo bingge will surely tame it.
and then he gets to the sword.
demonic qi practically oozes from xin mo. the aura surrounding it makes every part of luo bingge scream, "run; get away, away from that monster." his gut prods at him, begging bingge that this is probably a really bad idea. it's a little terrifying, how even luo bingge, the determined, vengeful demon, is now getting second thoughts about wielding xin mo from just being in its presence alone.
but luo bingge is too, a monster. so he ignores the screams of plea; pushing every thought of doubt in the back of his head, and tightly grips onto the handle. the world around him seems to spin and shake, tumble and crack, from the amount of force bingge needs to use in order to pull the sword of sin out of its place.
when bingge finally has it perfectly fit into the palms of his calloused hands, he hears whispering. he knows that the sword has accepted him as its new host.
the sword's language crawls up to him, as if it were feeling around his body and mind. checking every nook and cranny for it to settle into bingge's form, truly becoming one with the embodiment of sin. the words flow through his brain like a tragically broken guqin, a melody that holds him in a frighteningly familiar trance - all while simultaneously eating away at his brain in the worst ways possible, akin to a child and their favorite snack. it seems to beckon something, but even with luo bingge's impressive hearing, he cannot make out any words from the tone-deaf musical notes xin mo sings.
and then, it is clear. the land around him settles, and everything is still. xin mo itself seems to be.. content. at least, that is what luo bingge believes.
the language of this wretched sword reflects the state around these two monsters.
luo bingge expects it to demand for bloodshed, for the erotic ecstasy of multiple women, for bingge to steal the last of the finest gems of these horrible, vast lands.
instead, he hears this:
"yoooo damn that shit was crazy. did you see what i did there? man, you know, it feels so fucking good to get out of the dirt. hey, do you know if people can like, feed their swords or something? i'm kinda craving something spicy. we never know, in this wack world! wait, don't hold me like that, buddy. it'll make things real awkward."
but luo bingge is determined to get his revenge, so he puts up with the swords' constant rambling about.. whatever the hell it's thinking.
"wait, dude, did you seriously fuck a dying girl? that's wild. yeah, like i know she was dying but it doesn't sound like you wanted it. yo, listen to me, consent is very sexy."
"HAHA hey, dude, sir, man. you wanna play some 'i spy'? we don't have anything else to do. no? too bad, we're playing it. i spy a loser who doesn't wanna play i spy. hint: he's holding me right now."
"okay i know i'm supposed to be this super evil sword and beg to be used - woah that sounded real wrong - but can you at least clean me when you're done killing shit? if you don't, i'm gonna refuse to respond to you and you'll look like a dumbass trying to wield me."
"i can't hear you lalalalalalala you're not being very it girl right now lallalalaalalalla-"
somehow, this is worse than if xin mo was actually eating away at his brain.
weirdly enough though, as luo bingge starts spending more time with this weird ass, seemingly possessed sword, it starts to become more of a.. comfort to have it by his side than pure annoyance. he finds himself responding to it more, like, actually having full on conversations with it. it puts him at ease, wielding xin mo. the hatred doesn't consume him, instead, it seems to soothe the burning rage (and, admittedly, just replace it with small irritation) that holds onto his darkened heart.
xin mo is actually quite kind and caring, for a sword that's supposed represent and be the literal embodiment of sin. sure, it is a hassle to have it cooperate with him sometimes, and it does just ramble on and on about the most random things ever, not giving a single shit if bingge was in the middle of sleeping with maidens and slaying those who get in his way. for the first time, bingge feels so comfortable around something.
it's.. odd. what was supposed to be the turning point in his life, a big step in his plan for revenge, is now something akin to an... acquaintance. not like mobei-jun, or any of the women he's come across, but an actual, dare he say, friend.
sometimes, he finds himself thinking all of this delusional. is this what people were driven mad by? perhaps they simply could not handle dealing with a talking sword. he understands that xin mo was undoubtedly unbearable to be around at the beginning of their alliance, but it has never actually beckoned for blood, power, and sex. if anything, it does the opposite.
maybe he's the delusional one. maybe this is xin mo's way of getting to him.
maybe, xin mo should be considered a thing. the thought feels terribly laughable, as if he were witnessing a person horribly explain themselves. it also makes his teeth grind together in pure agitation.
"hey, you know, you didn't deserve any of the things they did. it wasn't your fault, binghe. the fact that you're half heavenly demon doesn't make you a monster, or any of that wild stuff.. uh, i'm here for you, okay? i know you don't really like talking about all of this or opening up, but i just want you to know that you can.. talk about it. it's not like i can tell anyone else, anyways.
hey- shit i didn't mean to make you cry! wait, wait it's okay to cry! you need to let it out anyways, i promise it doesn't make you weak. there, there. i don't have any hands, so me patting you on the head with my handle will have to do. there, there.. everything will be alright, you'll be okay. i'll be here every step of the way, even if you want to get rid of me."
xin mo, the demonic sword, is more of a person - a good person - than anyone he'd ever come across.
...and then bingge and the xin mo transmigrator become besties or he falls for the damn sword. knowing him, he probably doesn't even know the difference between platonic and romantic attraction anyways. maybe bingge gets a plant body for xin mo using airplane's wack writing. idk i typed all of this down in one sitting.
(plot twist: it's not that the transmigrator xin mo had the opposite effect, it was literally just a placebo effect. luo bingge thought that, and thus it actually did help him lmao)
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quirkle2 · 1 year ago
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whoever designed her ,,,,,,,,,,,they knew what they were doin
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