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that-sarcastic-writer · 4 years

Text

Once upon a time in NYU- MGG AU

Fandom: MGG, Criminal Minds

Pairing: College!Matthew X College!Reader

Summary: you couldn't stand Matthew, and he couldn't stand you. But you couldn't say the same when you were in his bed

Warnings: alternative universe, enemies to lovers relationship, cursing duh, hair pulling, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, bad writing basically

WC: 6.1k

A/N: so I saw I think it was @eideticmemory write an enemies to lovers college fic and like a light just went on in my head, and I really wanted to that because I've always wanted to, but also give it my own twist and touch of course, so I guess this my attempt at writing a multi-chapter Matthew fic. Will I succeed? Probably not. But it's a good excuse to write smut after a year so we'll see. ALSO HUGE TW I understand posting this now might be a bit of a bad timing. So if you think that reading this will trigger you in any way, just go ahead and skip this one. I dont want to trigger anyone in any way, I just want to entertain you guys and myself in the process so yeah, read at your own risk and please please stay safe. And this is going to be a bit long so strap in yall and enjoy the poorly written sin.

Andddd huge huge thanks to my friend Kara (idk if shes reading this but yeah) for helping me edit this, she helped me make this so much better for you guys and she literally so amazing for actually spending the time to help me. So yeah,

You know when something bad happens, you’re always told to see the bright side of things? That maybe that unfortunate event isn’t as bad as you feel it is? Yeah, well, that doesn’t always apply, and it certainly didn’t when I found out I was partnered with the one person I was hoping I wouldn’t get paired with for my end of the semester film project.

Seriously, out of the nearly hundred students that were enrolled in my film class, I had to get paired up with him, him out of all people, literally the one person I was praying wouldn't get paired up with. Not only because I was forced to work with someone, because honestly all I wanted was to work alone, I had to get paired with Matthew fucking Gubler.

You know when people say God has his favourites? Yeah, well I certainly wasn't one of them.

Now, I didn’t necessarily hate Matthew Gubler. I didn't hate him for no reason, I didn't just wake up one day and decided I was just going to hate Matthew. There was a time where I actually liked him, I liked him more than I'd like to admit, deep down I still did. And I knew he liked me too, he did then at least. And we were good together, it was fun, we had a fun first couple of dates. To this day, they were the nicest dates I ever had, because he knew just how to make them special. I mean, when a guy takes you to the Neue Galerie here in New York and have nice long walk through Central Park, a walk filled with laughter and bliss, it has to be special, and in a weird way, he was special too.

And as much as I wanted more than just two or three dates, I would've been perfectly fine if he had told me what he wanted from the start. If he had suddenly changed his mind about me, I would've accepted it, and I would've been able to live a happy life as his friend if that's what he wanted.

But he didn't, and instead I found out he had other interests. And I didn't hear it from him, I heard it from my friend. She didn't even need to tell me who it was, because the minute she told me where he took her, I knew. He took her to the same place he took me not even two weeks later and then acted like I was nothing the next time he saw me. And my god did that fucking hurt. It hurt me in a way I had never been hurt before, because I thought he was different, I was hoping he was. And convincing myself that I hated him was much easier than facing the fact that it hurt. And I never addressed it ever again, not that Matthew cared enough to actually talk about us, or, whatever we were. So instead we just made each other's existence miserable.

No, what I felt for Matthew wasn't hate, it was just the strong need to stay ten feet away from him so I wouldn't shove a five foot pole up his ass. That's how I felt about Matthew Gubler.

And now, here I was, aggressively shoving my laptop and notebook into my bag so I could leave the auditorium as quickly as possible, or at least quick enough to avoid Matthew, because knowing how he was, he would come straight to me to rub our partnership in my face. And I was right, because the minute we were dismissed, I spotted his lanky frame starting to come down from the top rows where he usually sat, and he was headed my way.

Screaming a big nope in my head, I strapped my bag over my shoulder and headed straight for the exit. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, especially now but, I just needed a minute to mentally prepare myself to deal with him, a minute and probably a bottle of booze. But I didn't get either because the minute I was out those doors, I heard the unmistakable sound of his voice calling my name.

Great.

"Y/N! Y/N wait!" I heard Matthew call out, followed my rushed footsteps coming from behind me.

"Hey, partner, I'm glad I caught you before you left. You weren't trying to run away from me were you?" He teased, throwing one of his particularly long arms over my shoulder.

If I had rolled my eyes any harder they probably would've gotten stuck there. I groaned, grabbing a hold of his arm and unwrapping it not so subtly before dropping it beside him, "first of all, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't touch me, and second of all, just please go away, Matthew. I have a class I have to get to." I muttered, walking slightly faster and keeping my gaze forward, refusing to even look at him.

If there was something I've learned about Matthew in the two long years I've known him is that he usually goes away on his own if I don't give him the attention he wanted. I was hoping this was one of those times, because I was not in the mood to deal with him right now.

But alas, he didn't, he walked faster, staying beside me the whole time. "But I wasn't even doing anything. I was just saying hi." He defended, and I could just hear the smile on his face even when I wasn't even looking at him.

I rolled my eyes harder, letting out a small breath through my lips, "what do you want Matthew?"

"When can we meet up? I already have an idea for our project and I think you're going to love it."

I chuckled sarcastically, finding his words actually hilarious, "If you came up with it I seriously doubt it." I sighed heavily, digging my teeth into my bottom lip before speaking, "tonight after I finish my shift, I guess. The quicker we can start, the quicker we can get it over with, soo..."

"Great. It's a date then, see you tonight, sweetheart." He hummed, ghosting his lips over my ear, his lips smacking loudly as he pretended to kiss it before he quickly took off in the other direction before I could even say anything.

This fucking guy.

~~~~~~~~~~

"I seriously do not understand how you fucking dated this guy, he's so obnoxious and annoying, how could anyone want to date someone like that." I complained to my friend and roommate Liz. I met her for a quick lunch break before my afternoon class and I just had to let her know how unhappy I was about my partnership with Matthew. She was amused to say the least.

"You make it sound like we dated for years, we dated for a few months, but he's not even that bad." she argued.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest and leaned back into my seat with an unamused expression, just waiting for Liz to bury herself further up Matthew's ass. I always had the feeling she still had feelings for him, as much as she insisted it was just a meaningless relationship. And as much as they were just friends now, I just knew she wanted more with him. But it wasn't really my place to question that, not that it mattered to me anyway.

"He's a pretty cool and fun guy to be around, you just never gave him a chance. You've hated him ever since you met him for absolutely no reason, you never gave yourself the chance to get to know him better." Liz insisted, she always did. She always insisted Matthew was such a great guy I never gave the change to get to know.

I had let out a heavy sigh in annoyance of her defense of Matthew before responding, "yeah well, it doesn't really matter since I'm being forced to anyway. And he's coming over tonight to start our project. Can't fucking wait."

I could've sworn I saw Liz's expression change into a mixture of surprise and something I could've easily confused with jealousy. She pursed her lips together and her eyes darted everywhere, like she was avoiding making any kind of eye contact with me.

But, it couldn't be jealousy? What even is there to be jealous of? Her and the whole world knew how I felt about Matthew, her out of all people knew it better than anyone.

"Oh, he is? Well, I'm not really going to be home tonight, I would've given you company so it wouldn't be so awkward with him." She frowned, she sounded disappointed, angry even. She looked uncomfortable, like she was deeply bothered by something, by something I said.

It was weird, I wasn't exactly sure what to say, I wasn't really sure why my news seemed to bother her as much as it did. It's not like I was going to sleep with Matthew while she was away or something. It didn't really matter though, I didn't have time to answer. Thank God.

"I'm sorry Liz but I have to go, I have class in like ten minutes." I excused myself, eating whatever was left on my plate in a matter of seconds before I stood up from my seat and gathered my belongings, "I'll see you later and wish me luck." I said quickly before taking off, not giving her the chance to respond.

~~~~~~~~~~

Usually, I pray for shifts to be over as soon as possible, for it to be slow so I can go home early. Today though, today I prayed for just the opposite. I was hoping the end of my shift wouldn't come, and when it did, that it would be too late and I would be able to cancel my meet up with Matthew.

But like I said, I wasn't one of God's favourites. And today out of all days, it was the slowest it has ever been and my shift ended rather quickly, quicker than I had hoped.

Groaning loudly at the evening that awaited me, I walked down the long halls of my floor, standing outside of my dorm room, dreading my evening already.

Figuring I should just get it over with, I went to get the key on the lock of my door, but noticed it was already unlocked. Liz probably forgot to lock the door, again. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at my stupid roommate before turning the knob, opening the door. And my jaw dropped the minute I stepped into the room, not believing what my eyes saw.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"Matthew, what the fuck are you doing in my dorm and in my bed!? How did you even get in here?" I nearly screamed at the tall brunette that was carelessly laying on my bed with what I figured was one of my books in his hand.

Matthew turned his head towards me, a carefree and calm look plastered all over his face before his eyes went back to the pages in front of him., "oh, well, Liz let me in before she went to work. I hope you don't mind." He responded nonchalantly, continuing to flick through the pages of the book he had in his hand.

I stared at him with absolute disbelief and a loud scoff left my lips as I slightly pitched the bridge of my nose, trying not to throw the nearest object at his face, "yes, I do mind, in fact. You can't just come into somebody's dorm, lie on their bed and go through their stuff. Seriously dude, what is wrong with you?"

I just couldn't believe this guy. He just knew how to get on my nerves without even doing anything.

Matthew, of course, couldn't have cared any less about whatever I was saying. And it wasn't that he wasn't listening, because he was, he had that stupid smile on his face that proved he was in fact listening to every word I was saying. He just didn't care, or he did, but he just liked getting on my nerves. He loved pushing every single one of my buttons until I snapped. And I had no idea why. I had no idea why he liked annoying me so much.

I exhaled heavily through my nose, closing my eyes slightly as I ran a hand through my hair exasperatedly, "I just can't fucking deal with you. I can't." I huffed, dropping my bag from my shoulder and walked to the opposite side of my room, facing away from him, not even wanting to look at his face.

"Tell me something, sweetheart," Matthew spoke, curiosity and a slight bit of amusement lingering on his words.

"What."

"Why do you hate me so much? You've hated me ever since I dated Liz back in our first year of college and I never truly understood why," he questioned with genuine curiosity, but there was also a certain playfulness in his voice. I opened my mouth to answer, still not facing him, and I was so ready to tell him off, god knows I've been wanting to but he cut me off. "Is it because I never slept with you?"

My eyes instantly widened at his words, a clearly offended scoff leaving my lips as I turned around to face him, "what? No, of course not, I—" my words got caught in my throat when I saw his tall frame towering over me, my eyes getting stuck on his chest before they traveled up to his face, and he was close. Extremely close. I swallowed thickly, feeling slightly cornered by his significantly taller frame so I stepped back, trying to create some kind of distance between us, but he simply followed me. "I, uhm, that's not why I don't like you, Matthew. I don't like you because you're an insensitive asshole and—"

"Oh, I know why you hate me," he cut me off again, slowly running his tongue to wet his perfectly pink lips. "You hate me because I dated Liz and not you."

His proclamation made my eyes grow even wider and my mouth hung open as I stammered for words. I wanted to disagree, I truly wanted to tell him that he was wrong. But honestly, he wasn't altogether wrong. I couldn't say some of my resentment didn't come from a deep rooted feeling of rejection. Because while most of that resentment came from that place of genuine hurt, my resentment was fueled by frustration and a shameless sense of envy.

But it was just easier to convince myself that I hated him than to admit that I still liked him and that it hurt me that he chose my friend over me.

But of course, I would never admit to that, especially not to him.

Avoiding eye contact, I looked down and shook my head, running my tongue to wet my suddenly dry lips, "of-of course not. Why—why would I care about your dating life? You can fuck whoever you want, I don't care." I wish I sounded more confident when I said that. But my stuttering words and my unsteady legs gave him exactly what he wanted.

And the bastard actually chuckled. He fucking chuckled.

"But you do, you do care. You care because you haven't stopped thinking about us and me since our first year." He grinned, digging his teeth into his perfect lips as he brought a hand to cup my face, lifting it so I had no other choice but to look at him.

And I was fucking gone.

It was like, all of that anger, frustration and hatred just vanished and instead turned into longing want. Want for him to just take me and do whatever he pleases with me. I was practically nothing in his hands, and I was nothing waiting for him to make me something. Waiting for him to make me his.

And that absolutely delighted the bastard. He found amusement in having the power I never allowed him to have. But right now, I just couldn't fight it.

I always knew that if I ever found myself alone and in this situation with Matthew Gubler, I would lose, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise.

And he knew that too.

"That's it, isn't? You want me to fuck you like I fucked your friend." He smirked, almost like he was proud to say it. And he stared, his usually soft amber eyes now brown and darkened with want.

Who the fuck was this guy and where did Matthew go? Matthew Gubler was the most awkward and disgraceful guy when it came to women. The poor guy couldn't even flirt his way out of a wet paper bag. And yet, somehow, here he was, with this new found confidence and the ability to turn me into a shaking and stuttering mess. Who fucking knew.

Once again, I stammered for words, I truly wanted to tell him otherwise. I wanted to scream in his face and push him away, but I couldn't. Not that I wanted to.

He took my lack of response as the answer he was looking for and brought his other hand to my waist, backing me up against the nearest wall, caging me between the hard surface behind me and his body, which right now, seemed so much bigger than mine.

My breathing instantly skyrocketed as I felt the same hand that was on my waist sneak its way past the ends of my dress and up my bare thighs, ones that shook like an earthquake as the pads of his fingers slowly rubbed the tense skin. Like he was testing the waters. Testing how well my body reacted to his touch.

And it wasn't subtle. At all.

"W-what—what are you doing?" I almost squealed, my voice practically betraying me.

"Oh? Well, I'm just giving you what you wanted. I'm giving you what you've been wanting for years." He stated so casually, like he had no idea what he was doing to me. And just as casually, he slowly ran a finger over the thin cotton fabric of my underwear, touching me, but definitely not in the way I needed to be touched.

I wished my body didn't betray me like it did though. I couldn't even hold back the breathy moan that escaped my lips when his fingers made contact with the thin material. But Matthew certainly loved the response I gave him.

"Because this is what you've been wanting, isn't it? You've been thinking about how my fingers would feel buried inside your little cunt. Or how good you would feel around my cock." He taunted, it was almost cynical just how easily those filthy words rolled off his usually reserved tongue. "I'm not gonna lie, I've thought about it too, you have no idea how many times I've thought about having your filthy mouth wrapped around me. Or how pretty you would look begging me for more."

I opened my mouth to speak but my words instantly got caught in my throat when the sneaky bastard pulled the fabric to the side and dipped his fingers into the soaking mess that was my core.

And if there were any rational thoughts still hanging in my head, all of those just went straight out the window when another moan erupted from my throat and my head fell back into the wall behind me.

"See just how much easier things are when you just shut the fuck up and stop fighting so much?" He almost whispered, his lips ghosting over the skin on my neck as a lithe finger gathered my wetness and spread it over my clit.

Despite being a complete whimpering mess at that point, I managed to spit out a surprisingly harsh, "fuck you."

It was a pretty convincing retort. One that didn't exactly have the effect I hoped for though.

I could feel him smirk into my neck as his lips left wet and sloppy kisses into the skin before he pulled back, just so he could see the look of utter want and frustration on my face.

"Hm, sorry sweetheart, I can't do that. I'm too busy trying to fuck you instead."

I swear to god, he was the biggest asshole I have ever met in my entire fucking life. But he was an asshole who immediately slipped two of his sinfully long fingers into my dripping core. I instantly choked on my own breath as he began working his fingers around the muscles, stroking the digits inside me at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Because that's what you want don't you sweetheart? You want to me to fuck you into that mattress until you can't keep your eyes open?" He continued, his filthy words making me pant like I ran for fucking miles. "I do too, trust me I do. And I will, I promise. But I want to make up for all of the lost time. Don't you?"

I wasn't even paying attention to whatever filthy proclamations were coming out of Matthew's mouth, with my eyes nearly closed, my mouth slightly open and my mind only focusing on his fingers working diligently inside me, how could I?

But Matthew was expecting an answer this time. Because I could feel his darkened eyes glare into my face and his fingers immediately stilled inside me. Earning a loud whine from me.

"I asked you a question, answer me."

It took me a minute to remember his question before I quickly nodded, "yes! Yes! Is that what you wanted to hear?" I nearly screamed at his face, my hands coming to clutch his shirt, needing something to relieve some tension.

"I want to hear you say it. Say it, tell me you want me." He demanded, his eyes locking with mine as he waited for what he wanted to hear.

He wanted me to beg, he wanted me to give up that control I never allowed him to have. And was I going to?

Absolutely.

I needed to.

"I want you, Matthew, I want you to take me and fuck me into that mattress until I can't walk straight. Please."

I guess that was the answer Matthew had been looking for because his fingers immediately began to work diligently inside me again, stroking the digits until he had me whimpering and begging for release.

It wasn't long before my head started to spin and stars began to blur my vision. Words were no longer an option at that point, nothing would come out, not even Matthew's name. All I could manage to let out were pathetic, strangled moans. But he could tell I was close, or I figured that much because his fingers only worked faster around my tightening walls, determined to finish me.

"C'mon sweetheart, come for me." he encouraged through gritted teeth as his fingers were anything but still inside me and his palm applied a crushing pressure into my front. And even when my eyes were half closed and my mind had turned into dust, I could see the look of utter determination on his face, his eyebrows were furrowed as his teeth dug into his perfectly plump lips. It was like his only focus was on driving me over the edge. And he succeeded.

The second his fingers curled, I was fucking gone. My orgasm hit me like a tidal wave. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I cried out his name like a praise, my body nearly spasming against the wall. But his fingers didn't stop until my whole body shook to the point where my legs no longer supported my weight and I practically slid into the wall as I tried to catch my breath.

It was almost dizzying just how quickly Matthew withdrew his fingers from me and hoisted me up on his slim torso. He wasted absolutely no time in striding over to my bed across the room. My whole body collided with my bed so quickly and forcefully it knocked the air out of my chest.

Matthew was practically ripping away his clothes before I could even sit up or catch my breath. Like he had this urgency to do what I've been avoiding for the past two years. Like he needed to do it, right now, like something would happen before he got the chance to.

"Matthew—"

"Shut up, I've heard enough shit from you for the past two years, and I'm fucking tired of it." He almost growled, his usually soft voice coming out so low and dark it actually stroked fear in my heart. It was scary just how quickly his demeanor changed.

Matthew didn't really waste much time in discarding his clothes, he was down to only his boxers and was on top of me before I could even blink. He brought a hand to my chest and he pushed me down until my back was flat on the bed, but his hand stayed there, pinning me there as he hovered over me, trapping my significantly smaller body under his own.

He wasted no time in grabbing a hold of my dress and pulling it over my head. And I could've sworn I saw pure awe and infatuation flash through his eyes as they shamelessly eyed over my newly exposed skin. Come to think of it though, this was the first time I was this naked in front of him, and even then, I wasn't fully naked. Not yet anyway.

After a good minute, his eyes flickered back up to meet with mine, his previous look of awe quickly replaced by this feral look of want and pure desire. And I couldn't say it didn't excite me to see it.

He brought a hand to my face, running his smooth fingers over my face with a surprising amount of delicacy before he deep rooted them into my hair and slightly tilted my head back before he brought his face into mine, our lips crashing into a deep fervent kiss. I didn't realize we have never actually kissed. No wonder there was so much desperation and hunger within that kiss. We've been wanting this ever since we met, and ironically, I wanted it more.

His mouth was harsh and fervent against mine, his tongue wasting no time before it quickly slipped between my lips without much of a warning. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth and took as much control as he wanted to as he brought one of his hands to discard my brassiere, he struggled a bit at first but he managed to unhook it and discarded the flimsy material along with the rest of forgotten clothes. He pulled back to capture the image of my newly exposed skin. And he wasn't subtle, at all.

I almost felt intimidated under his deep and penetrating gaze as he shamelessly ogled my exposed body. I was completely exposed to him, completely vulnerable and right now, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with me. And that scared me, it scared me just how quickly he took control over me after years of fighting against it.

With a hard swallow and a bob of his Adam's apple, Matthew slowly licked his lips, scraping his teeth against his slightly swollen bottom lip in a way that almost made me roll my eyes back into my head. But I didn't, instead I just locked eyes with him as he brought his face down and wrapped his lips around one of my breasts and his tongue swirled around the sensitive bud almost expertly, using one of his hands to toy with the other.

"O-oh fuck." I couldn't help but helplessly moan into the air as my hands found their way into his mop of brown curls. This reaction certainly delighted the bastard above me because I could feel his eyes burning into my face and his lips curving into a smirk around me before he slowly pulled back, latching on to my nipple as he pulled off it.

"You have a very filthy mouth, jeez." He tisked, slightly shaking his head disaprovingly but still had that fucking smirk of his.

Clearly, I wasn't amused, in the slightest, so his stupid comment earned him a nice and concise, "fuck you."

But then again, it didn't have the effect I hoped for.

"Mhm, yeah, you're about to." He retorted one last time before bringing his face back up to mine, capturing me in a heated and messy kiss that only worked as distraction from the journey Matthew's hands took down south. I was only brought back to reality when I felt my underwear being ripped away and the cool air hitting me. And he was quick to pull down his own boxers and allowed his length to spring free. And I couldn't even play off the fact that I had to stare, my mouth slightly hanging open at the sight of him.

"You're so cute when you stare." He taunted, his words being fairly tame in contrast to his very dark and not innocent tone. The sound of his voice made me flicker my eyes to meet his face. Big mistake, because the borderline devious smirk on his face didn't help, at all. And it certainly didn't help when he positioned himself between my legs, rubbing himself on my already dripping heat.

"You do have condoms here, right?" He asked, but I wasn't paying attention, with him rubbing himself on my slick, I couldn't really pay much attention to anything. "I could just fuck you bareback, I'm clean, so I don't care. But it's up to you." He spoke again, slightly teasing my entrance with the tip of his length, hoping to actually get my attention, and I actually listened this time.

Biting my lip, I mentally cursed at my lack of sexual activity because it just so happened that I had no condoms. Matthew gave me an expectant look, not to pressure me, but just waiting impatiently. I knew if I told him to stop he would without a second thought, but he would just leave. I wasn't going to make that mistake twice.

"I'm clean too, just," I chewed on my bottom lip, already shuddering with anticipation as I hooked my legs around his slim torso, pulling him closer, "just take me, please just fucking take me already."

I didn't have to say it twice.

Without a second thought, he propped himself up on his arms and pressed his face against mine as he slammed into me in one swift motion. A strangled moan erupted from my throat as he buried himself to the hilt, stretching me open at once. And fuck, the feeling of him inside me was intoxicating, addicting even, I don't think I've ever felt like this before.

This was so fucking wrong. So wrong, so wrong to be fucking the guy my friend dated, so wrong to be fucking the guy I swore to everyone I hated. It was just wrong. So why the hell did it feel so right? It was so perfectly right the way our bodies felt together, like they simply belonged there, buried deeply within one another. I never wanted to stop feeling like this.

It was almost dizzying just how good he felt. And with the quick and fervent pace he set for himself right from the start, I knew I probably wouldn't last long. With my eyes rolled into my head, my open mouth and my body sprawled out on the bed as I tried to find something to hold on to, he probably had one hell of a view. And he enjoyed it too, because his thrusts only became harsher.

"Fuck, sweetheart, you're so fucking beautiful," he cursed through gritted teeth, his hands holding my hips down with a vice like grip, making sure I couldn't move. And it wasn't for lack of trying. My body shook and shuddered like a fucking earthquake around him but he simply held me down as he continued.

"You feel so good too. I can't believe you made me wait two fucking years for this. Fuck." He nearly shouted, slamming into me with an insane amount of force and clenched his eyes shut, almost as if the thought made him angry, "two fucking years to take what was mine."

His. He called me his.

Fuck, I wish those filthy words didn't have such a strong effect on me, but boy did they make a number on me. I couldn't even hold back the guttural cry that erupted from my chest as I nodded feverishly, not really realizing what I was nodding to.

"Yes! Fuck yes, Matthew, I'm yours!" I almost screamed, saying whatever incoherent thoughts flashed through my mind, letting the whole floor know just how much fun I was having and with whom. And with my mind and thoughts being too clouded by the feeling of him, I didn't even think about what those words entailed.

But it didn't matter because they served their purpose regardless. I wasn't expecting just how much the words actually affected him, because his hips began to falter, his thrusts becoming longer but impossibly deeper. And I could see how concentrated he was, with sweat forming on his forehead, his teeth digging into his bottom lip and his breath was hard and short, like this was a task he was determined to finish. He was determined to ruin me.

Letting out a guttural and nearly animalistic groan, Matthew grabbed a hold of my hips and raised them so that each thrust would make him bottom out inside of me, knowing just how close we both were to our release. "Yeah, that's right, sweetheart, let the whole floor know who's making you feel this good," he growled as he gave one last final but brutal thrust, digging his fingers into my hips so tight I just knew I would have bruises tomorrow as he held me down on him, "let the whole floor know you're mine."

And just like that, my orgasm crashed into me, Matthew's harsh words of ownership sending me into a euphoric state of pleasure, my lips chanting his name like a mantra and my walls tightening around him as he came deeply into me, my own name rolling off his tongue in a quiet praise. And the utter and absolute look of ecstasy on his face made up for the bruises I would have to hide for the next few days and for the two years we've made each other's life a living hell. Because right now, seeing that look of being completely fucked, I just wanted nothing more than to just stay like this.

The second we were no longer blinded by our highs, he fell forward, nearly crushing me under his weight as he struggled to get himself up. Yeah he looked fucked alright. Despite knowing damn well he could've easily rolled off me, he didn't, he simply rested his head on my chest and closed his eyes like he was just going to sleep there. A small smile made its way to my lips at the sight of his tousled brown curls on my chest, ignoring all logic, I ran my fingers through the messy locks, and they were in fact as soft as they always looked.

Realizing just how bad this was for me, and just how vulnerable I actually looked, I smacked his forehead, successfully earning a glare from him once he lifted his head, looking dead at me with his now soft amber eyes.

"You're crushing me, you ass, get off." I breathed out and rolled my eyes, being too exhausted to try and get him off myself. And knowing just how easily he corrupted me, I didn't need another thing to make this harder.

"Okay, okay, jeez." Matthew rolled his eyes, letting his head back into my chest exhaustively and groaned tiredly into my chest before he gathered just enough strength to roll off me and collapsed beside me, his reddened and sweaty chest still rising and falling unevenly as he was still trying to steady his breathing. And I was trying, too. And we just stared, we stared at each other, saying nothing. There was nothing to be said. It was better that way.

After a long long while of silently staring at each other, he brought a hand to my face and rested it there, his thumb mindlessly rubbing over the warm skin of my cheek and he smiled, he simply smiled. And it felt good, it felt comforting, sweet even, it was a funny contrast after what he just did to me.

"So.. About our project.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list:

Matthew Gray Gubler

All- @aberrant-annie @marauder-exe @vquezada84 @boiled-onionrings @writeronkeyboard @l0ve-0f-my-life @mariaramz @soederberg

OUaT in NYU-

So I'm starting a tag list for this fic because it will be a mini series so let me know if you'd like to be added to the once upon in NYU tag list

#criminal minds #mgg #spencer reid #mgg x reader #mgg smut #mgg fanfiction #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler x reader #Matthew Gray Gubler smut #x reader

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flashfuture · 3 years

Note

The only thing Hal and Bruce can agree on is yeah Clark is hot, but the other can’t know they agree on this for it wound both their prides.

Yeah sometimes Hal’s general unfearlessnes is actually quite scary, I mean if he scared for him if he was like..a real friend. But in a character sense I do think it’s fun to compare that, once again, to Kyle who was pretty dang afraid of shit but leaped anyway. One has no perception of it so does not register it, while the other has perception but goes anyway. That’s a bit of an oversimplification but idk it’s very intesting in a meta sense because if you really don’t have a perception of something when it bites you in the ass like with Hal and Parallax, it bites hard. Idk if that makes sense but it’s like...yeah

God conn and Kyle are so funny, but like for superheroes their friendship seems very...idk? Legitimate and like (real-ish) like so many friendships I have are like that where it’s like in-depth discussion on some kind of deep topic then haha funny meme. Really, I think it’s fair to say Kyle is Conn’s Maniac Pixie boy if I’m being honest. Like random hot dude shows up and is emotionally avilable and pretty and sweet, yeah not a bad catch for a first relationship (he legit falls out of the sky).

Also I will always narc on Kyle for being *surprise pikachu* at his parentage when in relaity it’s very obvious. Kyle does give the vibe of someone who really loves nature but also enjoys the hum drum of city life as well, he really couldnt pick. He just likes places, which I know is a weird thing to say but like, yeah.

Ya know when Jess debuted the first thing on earth Twitter was “finally coast city lesbians, we ride tonight.” (I kid I kid)

John looking Ganthet dead in the eye while flames burn behind him is such a mood, ironic, brilliant, his mind...

Also gonna note that Clark and Bruce look very similar according to canon like so much that people can mistake them for the other. Which narcissism much, Bruce? Lol yeah they can’t know. It would be offensive to even consider having something in common

That is the difference between Hal and the others tho. He doesn’t see a bad idea or a stupid dangerous stunt he sees a way to win and goes for it. Kyle is like welp this will probably kill me but here we go anyways. Parallax was a massive retcon that sort of never made sense because Parallax!Hal wasn’t scared. he was angry and he was mourning but he wasn’t scared so whatever. but yes say the fear entity did get into him well Hal’s never fought fear like that before. (Not to say Hal hasn’t been scared but that’s more in the moment panic. His dad dying, Barry being in danger etc) It doesn’t last. That’s why I genuinely hate them trying to give Hal fear because it made him unique. he wasn’t putting on airs or being arrogant it was something uniquely Hal.

Honestly Conn and Kyle have one of the purest relationships to me. Like it was built on the past of Hal and Ollie but became so much deeper in that they had so much in common and Kyle told things to Conn he admits he’s never told anyone else not even his girlfriends so. Just their friendship I love it and I miss it and I’m angry every day about it.

Oh my god like okay they don’t draw Kyle with particularly tan skin but pssh they white wash Conn just fine and he’s very dark skinned so I’m ignoring that. But even consider Kyle’s eyes are naturally brown (the rings turn their eyes green you see it with John too it’s very sexy of DC to give us that) and his hair is black. Buddy, baby, darling how could you have thought you were totally Irish.

Why kid you’re right. They were. Jess is also Earth based generally so she becomes more popular on twitter than Hal and he’s not bitter he’s really not.

John is just the best.

The Guardians are like: And we forbid you from interfering

Hal: What no fucking way

Guy stomping on Hal’s foot: Of course we will go be productive elsewhere

Once they’re outside

Hal: John we can help fix the

John: Shut up Jordan- go get Kyle. I’ll find Guy. Rings up in 5

That’s the whole dynamic it’s the best

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kvngjoong · 5 years

Text

mingi + nsfw a-z

you can tell who my bias is after this, but i’m not apologising. I actually considered myself a soft mingi stan but after this i’m not sure. If this is how i see mingi, my soft baby, idk what hongjoong’s is gonna be like

A: Aftercare

he probably wouldn’t know what to do really, but he would make an attempt. honestly the aftercare would be more centred on him and making sure he is okay bc he is smol and needs to be cared for. but he would still check you’re okay and honestly, the majority of aftercare with mingi is you both making sure all is good, cleaning up a little and probably doing something dumb afterwards like nothing even happened

B: Body part

he likes his shoulders because you like them and for him that’s a big plus. he really likes it when you leave marks on him there because it’s sensitive and because he likes to have a hand in your hair as you straddle him and tell him that he’s a good boy. as for you, he really likes how generally small you are compared to him and that you can still put him in his place and tell him what to do. also probably likes your ass/tiddies since he’s a bit of a newbie

C: Cum

he cums more than the average guy, but he’s good at listening to you and wants to please you, so whatever you want him to do with it, that will happen. he’s a fan of cumming either in your mouth, or on your chest - but he regrets telling you that because now you only let him do that if you think he’s been good enough

D: Dirty Secret

he kinda, really, wants you to choke him. he’s not sure how to approach it, mostly because it’s a topic that isn’t the easiest to approach (and he’s not just gonna say btw babe can you choke me tonight). he tries to encourage it a bit, he’s extra loud when you’re rough with him and you bite him a little harder, but he really wants you to just put your hands around his neck and choke him a little. he would literally cum on the spot

E: Experience

he seems like he would be one of the least experienced in ateez, but that might be wrong. like, he knows what everything is and probably knows about the whole dom/sub thing (hence why he knows he’s a sub, and automatically subs when you guys first do the yanno) but he’s yet to have actually tried a lot of it

F: Favourite Position

as long as you’re on top, he is very content. he likes seeing you bounce on him, so cowgirl or reverse cowgirl is a preference of his that you’re happy to oblige to. he rarely tops (that doesn’t mean he can’t) but when he does he likes it too because he thinks it’s more intimate and again, he likes how small you are underneath him (he can take care of you sometimes, too). so it depends on the mood he’s in, really

G: Goofy

he can be, but he’s not usually. when he’s in a sub mindset he’s there to please you and listen to you. if it’s less of a dom/sub situation, he isn’t impartial to crack a joke here or there, or make you laugh over some weird ass comment he makes. he feels comfortable with you and it shows in his actions. he will mostly roll of your energy though, so if you’re in the mood to take things less seriously, so will he

H: Hair

probably doesn’t shave or manscape, just kinda leaves it. he didn’t know what to do with it so thought doing nothing was the answer, which is fine

I: Intimacy

he can be intimate, but it’s not always. there are special times when he is extra soft and just wants to hold you, which lead to sex and he will top and that will be soft and he will tell you that he loves you and stuff, but that is occasionally and not each time. that isn’t to say there is no intimacy in everything that’s done - he knows that there is love and trust behind everything you do together

J: Jack Off

this is talked about more for yearning, but mingi has been taught by you that to be a good sub he needs to ask you for permission and wait for you before he does anything. he would get a bit of a guilty conscience, especially if you’ve been together a while, if he was to jack off without you giving him permission to do so. this isn’t always the case and he will still occasionally succumb to his urges and run to the bathroom, especially when you’re not around or you’re busy and he needs some relief

K: Kink

considering that, when i started writing san’s version of this, i had to stop to write size difference in all caps on mingi’s version, i think that it is pretty clear mingi has a thing for how small people are next to him. not just height, his everything is big. but he’s also a massive sub. like the biggest sub in ateez. he isn’t a power bottom, he just wants to please and he’s all ears for what you want him to do. he probably doesn’t have it in him to actually dom unless you teach him how to (and maybe he would enjoy that, but he would always be too afraid to actually dom you). other than that, he would be pretty vanilla - but he’s game for anything you want to introduce. he would be pretty vocal if he didn’t like something and he’s not afraid to use the safe word for the reason you introduced it. he wants to please you, but he’s not gonna do something he’s not comfortable with - not that he actually doesn’t like that much in the end, anyway

L: Location

prefers the privacy of his/your own home, though is open to anywhere with a locked door or at least some cover from other people seeing. his favourite is and always will be when you’re at home and things are comfortable. it gives you both some breathing space and you’re free to do whatever you want to, without the real world distractions and people disturbing

M: Motivation

kind of typical stuff, really - likes it when you send him pictures to tease him, and sometimes it’s a though that pops into his head and he’ll tell you the thought in the hopes you will incorporate it. when he’s bored his mind might drift off and he’ll recall when you did something he really likes and he’ll remember it for later. he initiates things quite a bit, since it doesn’t take all that much for him to get going

N: NO

one time you suggest a threesome to mingi and he was umming and ahhing about it for a while, but after careful consideration he realised that he really doesn’t like it for two reasons: he wants you to himself and he is pretty shy and doesn’t particularly want anyone involved in what he’s doing. nothing personal on them, he just doesn’t anyone involved in activities like this unless its you (because he loves you), nor does he want to see you treat anyone like you treat him. he won’t be told otherwise

O: Oral

loves when you suck him off but knows that you’re not always gonna do that unless he asks really nicely (or he’s done something that impresses you, turns you on, or pleases you) so it isn’t the most regular thing - as in, it does happen, but not every day or anything since you both can do foreplay in loads of different ways, and when it does happen he really enjoys it. also likes giving because he likes when you pull his hair and likes getting you off, too. does he have some kind of pain kink? probably. likes it when you pull his hair hard

P: Pace

you control the pace, not him. he likes it slow and then fast towards the end, but he told you that and now you use it against him. whatever you’re in the mood for - you’re in control with him

Q: Quickie

not impartial to them, happy to be part of one, but prefers it not to be. he doesn’t mind when you give him head under the table, but since he’s a sub it’s a bit more difficult for a quickie between the two of you. unless you’re telling him exactly what to do and you’re instructing him specifically on picking you up, pushing you against the door and rawing you, then there’s not much else to do

R: Risk

the poor bby does not want someone walking in on him, despite his confidence. mostly because he shows his sub side to you and only you. it would be weird if one of his hyungs (especially 98 line) ever caught him being your sub. so he likes to do things away from people he knows. he’s not so bothered if there’s a risk of someone he doesn’t know catching him, like one of your friends that he doesn’t know. so maybe you could get away with a cinema hand job

S: Stamina

i keep saying that they are performers so can go for a while, but mingi is on the same level as san when it comes to stamina - he can go a couple of rounds and then still go out afterwards to get food or whatever. he has a lot of energy and usually doesn't use it all during sex. he may, however, get kinda tired during overstimulation and whilst he will ask you for more, he can barely keep his eyes open and he does kinda just wanna lay down for two minutes so he can collect himself. whatever you want him to do though, he can and will do it

T: Toy

he’s not the biggest fan? but he honestly doesn’t have a preference. if you like using them on him then it’s cool, as long as you tell him first and don’t surprise him with it. when it comes to you it’s a bit of a different story. one time you ask him to use one on you and he has no idea what to do with it, but with some instructions he’s got it down and knows what he’s doing. he liked watching you get off but he’s not sure if he’ll do it again because he knows you asked him to use it instead of him getting you off himself. he has a love hate relationship with them

U: Unfair

he’s not a tease at all, at least not intentionally. he does it more as a joke and he takes pride in knowing that you think he’s really fucking hot when he’s performing. however that doesn’t mean he will do things intentionally to tease you. he usually does it to show off to you (like, baby check out my abs on national television) or to get some kind of reaction from you. he won’t admit to it, but he does kind of like it when you tease him. he likes the build up

V: Volume

he’s loud, and there’s no stopping him on that. he will usually whine and moan, but he’s talkative too. more so than most. he doesn’t ever talk back to you but usually he will be happy to answer you and you will never have to ask him to use his words because he’s way too eager to not speak. even when he’s laying back against the headboard and you’re overstimulating him, he’ll still have it in him to ask for more (he will never say stop)

W: Wild Card

mingi likes to be told what to do. he wants to please you so appreciates the help that you give when you tell him how he can get you off, however when it comes to eating you out he likes to take a bit of the control away from you. he goes off when he’s giving head, he loves how sweet you taste and he will always find it in him to put all of his effort into pleasing you, without needing you to tell him what to do and when to do it. he watched videos and everything on how he can improve. like before, he does really like it when you pull his hair and the feeling of the pain, like when you bite him or leave marks on him, turns him on way more and keeps him going for longer. he will probably tell you he likes it in the hopes you’ll do it more often

X: X-Ray

look, there’s a video which is pretty clear, so it doesn’t need much explaining - you know my thoughts on this given how big he is

Y: Yearning

he’s probably a bit more on the needier side. he needs a lot of attention in general, but this also applies to sex. he can go a while without anything from you if it’s completely unavoidable, but if you’re both free then he’ll be wondering why you’re not together? that being said, he does have a lot of self control, mostly that you taught him, and he can be patient when needed. it’s a wonderful ability you’ve taught him, because now when you send him pics on snapchat he isn’t having to run to the bathroom (mostly because you told him he can’t do that without permission, but that’s another story)

Z: ZZZ

he doesn’t often sleep straight after sex, mostly because he’s a ball of energy that can’t be contained and afterwards he would be super talkative and just want to chat shit with you about whatever. even if you’re just laying there he will find something to talk about. if you’re up for it though, he is down for a late night/early morning walk (or smth cute like sitting on the balcony or window sill looking up at the stars talking about space and life etc)

#mingi smut #mingi scenarios #mingi imagines #mingi reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez #a-z

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theartoflivingalways · 4 years

Text

i’ve been awake for over 24 hours

I haven’t been on tumblr in years. i stopped using it after high school, but I don’t know why. but now I’m back tonight, because I needed someone to talk to, but I have no one to listen. i have friends, i have family, i have a boyfriend. i have a therapist. but no matter what: i feel so unheard, so unseen, and so ignored by everyone in my life that i literally feel like i have no one to truly turn to. for anything. so, here i am. hope i get a warm welcome!!!

here’s the thing: i’m NOT a depressed person. i’m not sad, i don’t have any major mental health issues apart from anxiety and some adhd. and before you take that the wrong way, please don’t. i just got my master’s degree in social work and i’ll be starting my new job as a therapist in a couple of weeks.

but, i’m also NOT a happy person. tbh, i can’t really describe my overall ~mood~ or whatever you wanna call it. i kinda just wake up and survive the day, every day. i take it one day at a time ... kinda like what AA says to do; but no, before you ask or the thought crosses your mind, i’m not an addict. at least not a alcohol/other drugs addict ??? sorry

maybe this is why there’s no one to listen when i need them to. i fucking ramble about literally nothing before getting to the point.

it’s weird that i’m writing right now (ok, typing???). i haven’t done this since i was little. it feels good to do this, to have some sort of outlet when you feel so fucking unseen and unheard by every. single. person. around you.

so i haven’t slept in over 24 hours. it’s my own fault for sure and i have adderall to thank for that (yes i’m prescribed). i decided to start a blog again because i’m sitting here, still wide awake in my apartment, alone, while my boyfriend is sound asleep in my bedroom.

so what’s my fucking problem??? why do i want someone to talk to?? i don’t know honestly. i just feel like lately all i do is listen to others, help others, give myself completely to others. and in return, i get nothing. nothing even close to what i give, or to what i’m capable of giving. which is sad. not for me particularly (maybe?), but for others, yes, i think so.

i’m not saying that i expect anything in return for helping others, because i don’t. i didn’t enter the field of social work for the fucking money. and i know a lot of fucked up shit is going on in the world right now, and in no way do i want to minimize ANY of that. i’m just feeling a little lost and lonely, so i’m hoping this is a new outlet for me to sort out those feelings.

the last couple of hours, i’ve had a LONG string of thoughts. if you read through, you’ll eventually found out how they started. but one of the things i’ve been wrestling with in my mind is the type of person i am.

you see, it’s difficult to be “that” person for others your whole life, especially all the fucking time. if you’re anything like me, you know what i mean by that. and if you aren’t anything like me, well, first of all congrats!!!!, and secondly, i’ll explain what i mean.

when you’re “that” person for others, like myself, it’s easy for other people to walk all over you. take advantage of you, take you for granted, expect you to ALWAYS be there no matter the cost. and of course, why wouldn’t they? you’re always there to help. you’re ALWAYS there to offer support, guidance, and advice. you’re nurturing. you listen. you’re a fucking irreplaceable, loyal to death friend. if you’re VERY much like me, you’re also the one person in your family who isn’t a total fuck up (at least not publicly?)

you’re also nonjudgmental, and you were blessed with the curse of being empathic towards others at all times. empathy of course is beautiful and a very good thing to have in this life, but do you know how hard it is to feel for every single person around you.. and not have anyone feel for you???? damn

also, you never let anyone down!! ever. you’re reliable, dependable, trustworthy to the point where it’s almost sketchy because like??? who can be that way to everyone else at all times? you guessed it- people like me and people like u!! (if this is even semi-relatable, i’m sorry)

but people like us, like you, like me, tend to do this thing where we keep the same shitty fucking toxic people around that have hurt us, continue to hurt us both indirectly and directly, and who have let us down time and time again, because we continue clinging on to the fucking useless hope that “someday they’ll change”. someday, they’ll realize how fucking important you are to them and how shitty their lives are, and would be, without you in it.

you- we - also live by honesty and truthfulness, and assume others just live by this as well. but then you’re proved wrong over and over and over again, yet you never fucking learn your lesson because you are STILL hopeful that somewhere, somehow, deep down, other people DO stand by the morals you try so hard to stand by in life. most of the time, though, you’re completely avoiding the reality of other people and their experiences and who they really are, only to try to fit your own narrative of how you see things and how you think things should be.

if this sounds anything like you... i’m sorry. i know it all too well.

i grew up as the “golden child” in my family. not just my immediate family. my entire fucking family. the pressure to be perfect has lead me to develop debilitating anxiety in my 20′s, and it is what it is, but like, why the fuck couldn’t i have anxiety in high school like a normal teenager? why now?

so yeah my anxiety’s pretty bad. it’s pretty bad tonight, which is why i turned here. to tumblr. to try to write out my thoughts. which, by the way, i’m sorry, because this is an absolute fucking mess and makes no sense. if you are reading this, though, thank you. thank you for listening when no one else seems to.

anyway. growing up with the pressure of being *perfect* has a cost. at least for me it did: 1) anxiety of course, and 2) perfectionist tendencies. these have literally- LITERALLY - ruined my entire college and graduate school experience. perfectionism combined with anxiety is a recipe for fucking disaster, and i’ve been cooking it for years.

i am deliberately writing this without proper punctuation/grammer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit, not capitalizing my letters etc., because i want to not have to be so perfect all the time on here, if this is something i’m going to stick to. i know that sounds silly but it’s actually been very difficult for me to write in all lower-caps and i’m very worried that no one will even read this and HEAR ME because of my literacy negligence (i have no idea if that’s even a real thing or if it even has meaning but it sounded right)

do u want to know why i decided to write this though, truly? what lead to me feeling like i’m “spiraling” - apart from no sleep in over 24 hours now? well, get ready to laugh, because i truly think i’m pathetic and going crazy.

i went to dinner tonight with my boyfriend and his fam. our waitress was a girl i used to know years ago in high school. my boyfriend knew her too. in fact, he knew her VeRY well. for the sake of my anxious overthinking, i don’t feel like going too much into the details of *that* situation, so thanks in advance for understanding.

anyway. this corny bitch made a joke about the current political environment. i won’t say what exactly, because i’d really like to keep my identity as concealed as absolutely possible on here. but long story short, no one really laughed - every one just kinda smiled awkwardly. but you know who did laugh? my boyfriend :)

TO ME, it seemed intentional. she wasn’t fucking funny, for one. she made a bad - no, a very bad- joke. like one of those corny dad jokes. not even a dad joke actually. a step-dad joke, except your step-dad is a loser that you hate, who treats ur mom/dad bad, has no sense of humor or a horrible sense of humor and idk, just fucking sucks you know ???

sorry that got kinda dark and it was unnecessary but do u know what i mean??? and no, that was literally not relevant to me or my family system/structure in any way. just kinda came to me, ya know? ...writing works in mysterious ways man

alright so if you don’t agree, that’s fine. i already told you to get ready to laugh, because i am well aware of how insane i fucking sound. but you know what makes anxiety & perfectionism 100x harder to cope with? insecurities. and i’m FULL of them.

so anyway. we left dinner. him & i were driving home. i will admit that i did have some wine at dinner, and i wasn’t drunk but i definitely was feeling cocky enough to stir the pot with him. so, i casually said, “hey... didn’t you date _____?” *insert annoying waitress’s name who i knew once upon a time*

i said it very calmly. very coooool. v collected and nice. he said “no? i’ve never even talked to or hungout with that girl”.

i wish u could see my face as i’m writing this right now bc i cannnot. like i gave u a choice.... the opportunity. tHE SIMPLE opportunity - a chance - to be fucking honest................................

this dude. straight up. lied to my face. about this fucking girl. ???????

YEARS AGO, they most certainly did talk. a lot. in fact, my crAZy ass searched their names on facebook to find their old little love notes to each other that they posted on each others’ walls. which were very cringey but nothing that made me feel jealous or insecure (for once). after all, they were from years ago- i’m talking 5+ - so likeeee.... why would he lie (:

oh and they definitely did hang out because.... i remember clearly.... a PICTURE OF THE two of them *together* *hangin* (prob bangin too) (sorry) years ago in this now-waitress’s bedroom. i believe it was a ~webcam photo~ that they took on the new mac computer her parents prob bought her. so this photo is now NO WHERE to be found. and believe me, i looked. no, i LURKED. i went to the beginnnning of her instagram posts and deep into her uploaded facebook pictures. ok, not ‘deep’, i literally got to the first pic she ever posted on FB just to try to find this damn picture. and it took me for. fucking. ever. because this bitch has prolly posted a million pictures in the last 5+ years like who does that???

but i swear to fucking whatever the fuck that this picture exists. i have fucking seen it. i’d describe it in perfect detail right now as if i saw it today, but, once again, i’m concealin my identity, yo, so i can’t do all that. v sorry

anywho. this dude - who i call my boyfriend (and yes i love him very very much and our past is absolutely fucked but that’s a whole other story for a very different time) - had the nerve, the audacity, to tell me to my face, that he “definitely doesn’t have a picture with her” because “they’ve never hung out or talked before” ... ?!??????

obv i sent him screenshots of the dirt i dug up on facebook from 5+ years ago (i.e., the old posts between them in case ya forgot during my rambling) bc like, caught ya in a lie sir. red handed.

i might be late on mentioning this part, but here’s the fucking kicker (and i’ve never used that phrase and i don’t know why i said that but ok?): TODAY, for the first time in MONTHS, literally!!!, bc of the virus and the quarantine and all that, i got ready today for dinner with his family. like actually got ready. i spent HOURS doing my make up. i don’t even remember the last time i did my make up, ok. i dressed in a really cute outfit. i felt fucking very good about myself. i thought for sure when he’d come pick me up to go to dinner he’d at least say something. at least acknowledge it. he has literally only seen me in raw form for too many days now. like, complete bare face and sweat pants basically every day since march.

but. did he even look at me twice?!!? no. did he mention anything about how i looked? how it was drastically different from my everyday attire the last couple months? did he take 2 seconds out of his day to say something corny or flirty to me? even just, “you look beautiful”??? honestly i would’ve even appreciated, “you look beautiful, for once” ???

did u guess the correct answer? well if u didn’t, it’s N O.

but u know who he did look at twice.

our waitress at dinner.

i think i wrote enough for one night. if u think this is my anxiety/perfectionism/insecurities combination spiraling out of control after being tamed incessantly for 20+ years, PLZ TELL ME.

but also, if you have a fucking brain, you’d know that:

1) this is definitely NOT the first time i’ve responded to something like this the way i did, and

2) i really just needed to ramble on and vent about all the shit that’s been going through my mind the last 2 1/2 hours, so there’s that.

have a good night get some sleep!!! thank u for ur time.

#why #me #cantsleep #upfor24hours #adderall #waitress #insecure #perfect #anxiety #sorry #helpme #help #needsleep #dontwanttotho #goodnight #getsomerest #ily #thanku

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bulbpix · 5 years

Text

If You Just Listened - Part 1

HELLO- this is my first ever post on this blog and it's a x reader piece. lol. Anyways I have a huge crush on Arthur Fleck and after reading a lot of self-inserts I just wasn't getting enough of what I wanted - real reactions!! At least my real reaction to first meeting him would be super uncomfortable, so for all you out there that want the same, here's the first out of hopefully not too many chapters. Idk how I'm gonna turn this from creeped out to charmed, but we'll get there!! Okay, without further delay, here's my first ever x reader piece! Hope you all like it!!

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You leaned against the door frame, the smell of cigarettes and cheap bar food filling the air. Your eyes watched the man on stage but your mind was elsewhere, completely zoned out.

You didn't particularly like this job. The comedy was repetitive, insulting, and often just plainly not funny to you. Your co-workers weren't the friendliest people. And to top it off, you often caught your boss, Mike, with his gaze trained directly on your ass, as if he wasn't even trying to hide it.

'No wonder the interview was so short.'

You scoffed at the thought, straightening yourself out as another group of guests approached the entrance. You'd only been working at Pogo's for less than a month, and you quickly learned that most people working in the service industry weren't exactly seen as people, per say.

No, by now you'd come to expect people to walk right past you before you could ask them, "Hello, how many in your party?" You didn't jump anymore when a drunken hand found its way on the back of your pencil skirt. You were used to being the target of ridicule when you brought over the wrong drink. But hey, the bills were paid, and when an arrogant business man found you attractive, you were sure to get a hefty tip. Of course, the harrasment that ensued to get your number wasn't fun, but money is money.

You walked the group of friends to their table and quickly made your way back to the entrance, not noticing as your fellow host, Owen, walked up behind you.

"Busy night tonight, huh?"

You raised your eyebrows, and turned to him, your mind practically half asleep.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess." You yawned and scratched the back of your neck. "No more seats now, right?"

He shook his head. "Maybe one or two. You barely squeezed that last group in." He nodded towards their table, then turned his attention to you, his head tilting. "You're looking tired, didn't get enough sleep last night?"

You shrugged. "I mean I just did a double shift, and I did closing yesterday too. How much sleep could I have gotten in that time slot right?" You chuckled, still watching tonight's comedian absentmindedly. It was nice to have an actual conversation with one of your colleagues for once. Maybe tonight's the night you finally make a friend at this job. You pick your tone up, trying to come off as cheerful as you were when you first joined the crew. "How many times has this guy made the same joke about roleplay? I swear, I've heard it, what? A hundred times by now?" You shook your head, scoffing. "It's a miracle people don't get tired of this stuff." You turned to Owen, putting on your friendliest smile.

Not surprising. He was eyeing a woman at the bar, who was clearly with a partner. You doubt he heard a single word of what you just said. You sighed, and turned back to the act. You had come to expect most (if not all) of your interactions at Pogo's to be this way, but you were still disappointed nonetheless. You wished you could say something. Like, 'hey asshole, how about you stop gawking at random women like a fucking teenager and actually try to hold a conversation?' You smiled to yourself. 'Wonder how he'd react to THAT.'

But speaking honestly, you weren't the confrontational type by any means. You even worried about coming off as rude when turning down drunken men who would badger you for hours. You looked down at your feet, disappointed with yourself. Maybe someday you'd be brave. But until then, you had a shift to finish.

You watched the on-stage comedian like a zombie. His jokes went in one of your ears and right out the other. You couldn't even force yourself to laugh if you tried. Maybe the night would go by faster if you just looked at the clock.

One minute.

Tick, tock-

Two minutes.

Tick, tock-

Fifteen minutes.

Tick, tock-

Half an hour.

Tick, tock-

Fourty five minu-

"Excuse me?"

The voice took you out of your trance. You quickly turned to the man standing in the doorway, blinking a few times to bring yourself back to reality. You cursed yourself for being so inattentive and rude, wondering how long he had been waiting there. You put on the best service smile you could muster, and excused yourself.

"Sorry," you nervously chuckled, "long night. Table for one?"

The man nodded and smiled, holding a very worn notebook to his chest. You looked at it, wondering what this guy was doing with a notebook at Pogo's of all places. It's not like there was anything noteworthy about the comedy here.

"Okay, it's a bit packed right now but if you give me a minute, I'm sure I can find someth-"

"There's no seats." Owen turned, his attention coming off the woman at the worst possible time.

The man looked disappointed, his brows raised in a pleading expression. "Are you sure? I'll even take a seat in the back-"

"You deaf, buddy? No seats." Owen snapped. "Zero. Got it?"

The man suddenly covered his mouth. He looked like he was desperately trying to hold in a coughing fit.

'God, Owen, why are you like this?'

You were bright red in embarrassment, praying not to be associated with your coworker's behavior. You wanted desperately to turn to Owen and say, 'Hey. Shut up. You're a host. Your job is to be polite.'

But that isn't what happened. Instead, you turned to Owen, your eyebrows raised, doing your best job at faking astonishment. "I'm so sorry, sir," you began, your eyes slowly leaving Owen and returning to the guest. "My colleague isn't usually like this, you'll have to excuse him. It's been very busy tonight." The man slowly lowered his hand from his mouth, a few small coughs escaping him. They almost sounded like... laughter?

Whatever, it didn't matter. What mattered is that you fixed the situation. Quickly. You looked around, standing on your toes to find a seat. You sighed in relief as you spotted a single empty table in the center of the club. You turned to the man, mouthing 'come on' and gesturing for him to follow you.

You quickly set up a spot for him, pulling his chair out and seeing that he was comfortable.

"Can I get you something? A drink? Some snacks? It's on me for the trouble back there."

He shook his head and smiled at you, placing his notebook in front of him. He opened his mouth as if to say something... but didn't. You thought it was a little strange, but took no note of it.

"Okay," you whispered, not wanting to interrupt the current act. "Let me know if you need anything."

He stared at you for a few seconds. A few seconds more than you were used to. It was definitely making you uncomfortable, you were having a hard time matching his level of eye contact. He opened his mouth to speak again. But again... he didn't. Instead, he just smiled and nodded. You began to turn around and head back-

"Thank you," he finally whispered.

You turned to him, and smiled out of politeness before rushing back to your position, happy to escape the awkwardness of that interaction.

Owen stood there, watching you with an annoyed expression as you walked towards him. You raised your eyebrow at him, mouthing 'What?'

Once you reached him, he moved both of you out towards the hallway entrance. He turned away from the club and faced you.

"What's your problem?" He snapped.

You tightened your lips. You hated hostility. Your hands began to sweat with nervousness. Although you wanted to tell him off, you knew it wasn't in you.

"I was just watching your back, man," you assured. "Imagine if that guy complained to Mike." You shook your head, "it would've looked bad for you."

Owen squinted down at you, his arms crossed. "Yeah, whatever man." He sucked his teeth. "I've been here much longer than you, alright? And that guy?" He nodded his head towards the man with the notebook. "He ruins the mood every time he comes here. Drives people away. He's a freak."

You lifted your hands in in innocence. "Well how was I supposed to know? You just interrupted me like-"

"You're new," he snapped. "I'm not. Don't go over me again."

You watched him walk away, your expression souring.

'Fuck you, Owen.'

The thought was so vivid in your mind, you swore you said it. You wished you could say something, you wished you had the courage. The guy looked normal, maybe a little weird, but normal for the most part. Owen was just a dickhead who couldn't handle not being in charge for once. You took a deep, shaky breath, regaining your composure.

Slowly, you walked back to your spot.

#joker x reader #arthur fleck x reader #joker #arthur fleck #joker x y/n #arthur fleck x y/n #joker x you #arthur fleck x you #slowburn #slow burn #if you just listened

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dreamterlude · 6 years

Text

druck s3e01, a review

As promised, here's the very long, very messy s3e01 review, clip by clip!

CLIP 1

Right from the start, I really like the way you can feel Matteo's solitude thanks to the use of the music and how it "stops" when the camera's on him, I think it's a really smart move to show how he feels, like he's worlds apart, detached from all what's happening around him.

Then the shot changes from a guy's hands, a girl with a gut tattoo (absolutely love it) and a girl's ass, Idk if this has any purpose but it's still a cool effect, so kudos to the cinematography.

The moment Matteo stands up and goes to the bathroom but Sara stops him and kisses him really sets the tone of their relationship: Matteo's face when kissing Sara says a lot about his situation, like he's hugging her but at the same time he's not happy about it, his face shows apathy and resignation.

Really really loved the scene with the boys in the bathtub!! I think it does an awesome job at "introducing" (we already knew them) them. They talk about some sex position and act like dumbasses, but again Matteo feels like he's not there.

The shot of Matteo looking at himself in the mirror goes deeper into his confused and ausent kinda aura, it's as if he was wondering what is he doing there in that party, what is he doing with his life in general, which honestly? hella relatable.

HIGHLIGHTS: Boys gang's one common braincell, "Kiki is the hypotenuse", Dónde está mi gente playing in the background.

CLIP 2

First of all I love Matteo's room and I can't wait to see more of it!

The song choice is so on point for this scene like wow, it really helps the whole "lazy morning after" mood and also has a high melancholic vibe, which is (imo) very Matteo.

Also, the use of the lyrics!!! "I woke up but it didn't go away" right before Matteo sees his mother's message, "did you expect me to cry" when he's touching Jonas' hair and "will you not think of me tonight" when he sees the number on Jonas' arm. So far Druck has been exceptionally good at the song choices and the way they use them so I'm not exactly surprised at how good this was.

Bringing back the moment Matteo touched Jonas' hair because it was really important!! I made a post about this, but the fact that Matteo only shows this softer side of him because he's "alone" says a lot about himself and it's actually really sad. Not only that, this moment also shows that he's not over Jonas, and that makes a lot of sense for me, because he seemed to be really into him back in s1 (s2 too but especially s1).

HIGHLIGHTS: "Why are you in Matteo"s bed" "I could ask the same" " I was waiting for you", Matteo's tracksuit + grandpa jacket combination, we love a fashion icon.

CLIP 3

Right from the beginning, the absolute chaotic gay energy of Matteo replying to Sara's pic with "cool" and the shrug after that, he's not even trying, he doesn't know what to do or how he got himself into that situation.

Once again, when talking to his friends and the girls it seems like his body is there but hia mind is miles apart. Also!! when Sam tells him about how good the party was and he agrees even though it's clear (for the viewer) that he didn't have a good time, I think this is a good way to show the viewers Matteo's "wish" to fit in, and how he's always pretending.

And then!! The Scene!!!! I've talked about this on other posts but the way Matteo and David checked each other out was so not subtle, I loved it. The slow-motion, the song choice, the moment their stares connected, then again when both of them turned their heads to keep looking... what can I say except poetic cinema.

Also major kudos to Michelangelo for Matteo's slight facial change, it really shows that the encounter with David shook him up, even though he still doesn't know why.

HIGHLIGHTS: The way Hanna looked at Jonas! I love that Druck doesn't forget about past plots and instead continues them with little details like this.

Unrelated but Matteo I'm begging you please wear a fucking belt.

CLIP 4

First of all, what's up with the teachers not wearing bras??? I have nothing against women choosing not to wear bras but like, why is this a recurring theme for the "Isak" season?? I honestly don't get it.

I don't think there's a lot to comment in this clip, it's basically a way to introduce Matteo and Amira's friendship (something I'm hella excited for) and to set the date for The Meeting™.

That being said, there were little things that made me love this clip, like Matteo's body language. The way he shrugs and rolls his eyes, you can really feel how (physically and emotionally) tired he is just by looking at him. You don't have to understand german to know what he's thinking, you can get a sense of it based on the way he acts!! All this is thanks to Michelangelo for being so fucking good at acting, like wow.

Another thing I liked was Matteo's mood getting worse after seeing Jonas flirt with that girl, as I've said before I like that they're showing us that he's still not completely over him, it makes it more real to me.

HIGHLIGHTS: Amira looking like a goddess in that pink hijab, Matteo's "nein" when the teacher called him out, the masterpiece that is "Idk, a blowjob".

CLIP 5

Once again, I love Matteo's room!! That yoga cushion he was using? a comfortable king.

There are 4 things that I want to talk about in this clip, first, Matteo texting his friends that he's also "busy". As I've said in the clips above, he really feels that he has to pretend to be someone he isn't and that's such a realistic side of being in the closet, I feel like Druck is doing a good job in showing that.

Then, the fact that he doesn't close his eyes when kissing Sara. He's not invested in the kiss (for obvious reasons) and he just wishes it would end, but at the same time he doesn't neglect it? Like he's in a level of resignation where he doesn't care anymore.

I feel like I mention this way too much but!! the body language!!! it's so important in a character like Matteo, who (so far) doesn't seem to be very talkative. When Sara asks him if they're together, you can see how uncomfortable he is with the idea but at the same time it's like he's trying to convince himself that this (being with Sara) is how things are supposed to be. Which, not gonna lie, is sad as fuck.

And finally, the moment in which Matteo asks Sara if she wants to watch a movie with him. She was clearly expecting something else (her face says it all), but Matteo looks content, almost happy. Maybe because of the relief he feels since he doesn't have to kiss her?? or maybe because he has someone keeping him company, someone that likes him and is affectionate with him. In this sense, I feel like Matteo is using Sara not only to pretend he's straight, but also as an emotional support, sort of. Based on the scene in the 2nd clip, he seems like a very touch starved person, craving for some affection, and right now the one who can help with that is Sara.

HIGHLIGHTS: "Should I do some research?" Matteo you absolute disaster gay. Sara being cute and lovely (I really hope she's not like other Emmas).

CLIP 6 aka The Clip™

Okay with this clip I'm going straight to Matteo and David's interactions because this is getting really long, rip.

The way Matteo's whole aura changes around David!! He's really trying hard to come off as a cool guy but David is highkey having none of that shit, I love it. Like when Matteo puts the joint on his ear and says "come on", excuse me? who is this smooth motherfucker and what has he done to my gremlin son? For real now, I love that we got to see this side of Matteo, and I'm really really excited to see more of it.

But also the way David was checking Matteo out when he was looking for the joint like, wow, he seems to really like him already (and I don't even mean in a romantic way, not yet).

The whole conversation they had is a masterpiece and I could say a lot about it, but my favorite parts would be as they follow:

David saying he "murdered someone" (the metaphor is strong here) and the subsequent "I murdered my parents joke" that comes from it. Weird humor sense but Matteo seems to like it, in fact he laughs! for the first time since the season started he seems to be present, invested in the moment, laughing!! Rewatching the episode, the change in Matteo's behaviour is really noticeable, he went from being ausent around his friends and Sara to being incredibly "present" during his conversation with David. Let me just say: poetic cinema.

But also the fact that Matteo hides his smile really quick, like he's still being guarded, like he didn't expect David to make him feel.

The!! eyelash!! thing!! This was such a nice, kinda awkward moment, absolutely my favorite one. Matteo growing some confidence and asking if he gets to make a wish now, licking his lips while looking at David, like... wow. I absolutely love that David asked him what would he had wished for, because it gave us some insight to Matteo's situation: he just wants to go away, which considering all he's been through, makes a lot of sense.

It also gave us some information about David! he said he also wanted to get away and go to Detroit, since that was where the best music came from. I like that with this simple conversation we got to know more about both of them.

Then, the way David's mood changed when Sara came in and kissed Matteo, he looked so... disappointed? He was like "gtg". Also, something I noticed rewatching the episode: when he said goodbye he only looked at Matteo!!

And last but not least, when Sara said "that's him, the guy Leonie has a crush on" and Matteo replied with "no I think that's someone else", I'm genuinely curious about this?? What is Matteo trying to do here?? I guess we'll have to wait 👀

HIGHLIGHTS: Amira, Sam and Kiki looking pretty as always, Matteo's face when Kiki suggested hugging teachers, Photoshop Markus, David's smile.

Anyways, that's it!! This got really long but I had a lot to say!! Druck has officially become my favorite remake, so I might do a review per episode if you guys like it uwu ♡

#druck #druck review #i talk a lot #sorry if im annoying fjshf #this probably has a lot of typos but ive been at it for two days fjsjd

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ghosty-schnibibit · 5 years

Text

new amnesty ep liveblog! ^0^

i was going to wait until tomorrow to listen to the new ep because i have an essay to write but i didn’t want to have to dodge spoilers all day tomorrow lmao. also i actually did do an lb of the ttazz but honestly forgot to post it, i might do that later but for now here’s tonight’s episode!

welp, i am concerned about literally everything mentioned in the previously on, here we go :)

oh dang, timeskip :o

i've never had those donuts and now i want them

aww ned :(

god i love you duck

"it's dangerous but you catch it" best not to have another errol can't catch the root-beer esqe gag with hot coffee lmao

okay what about the ghost dewey tho

aww poor dewey :(((

okay but you literally did do that after a mbmbam

no ya weren't ned :/

god damn that was a powerful speech

"you punk!" nice aubrey

aww duck my baby :(((((

dang, this episode is starting off dark and sad as hell, damn

DUCK MY BOY

god i love this arc's music so much

travis you're just doing the riddle me piss voice

duck is the best

JESUS CLINT

is this a real doc, or...?

oh my god it is and griffin's just reading it

justin this is going to make my week thank you in advance

griffin just jumped from hodgepodge to kravitz to maarvey in the span of three minutes and i'm just dying, thank you justin for this wonderful bit

BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS

leo has a nephew??? fun, another relative of a soon to be dead person to worry about :)

oh shit, does this mean this thing is outside the radius of the gate? was that one mile or ten miles, i can't remember

... oh shit that's a good point

loving the mama + madame director parallels here

griffin you're doing this on purpose, i’m on to you

ned there is no need to be this fucking shifty

"why are you being so weird" mood mama

prom night jitters

okay but how big is this statue???

duck ilu so much, also i want fanart of this whiteboard

well that's not great :|

ned sad

i think i just heard one of travis's puppies in the background ^u^

oh boy that's not fuckin great

jesus, ned has been absolutely horrible at investigation rolls this arc

this music is very good but also ominous as fuck

god that's pretty

DANI NO

... OH NO, I DO NOT LIKE WHAT THIS IS IMPLYING, VIS A VIS MAMA MAYBE NOT BEING MAMA

NED WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU TRYING TO BLACKMAIL DANI??? WHAT THE FUCK NED

well at least its not a complete failure :/

i cannot tell how much this is ned being a dipshit or clint just enjoying pontificating in ned’s voice and i'm more inclined to forgive the latter because he does have a good ass voice

"I AM ALWAYS SUPER WEIRD" yes, yes you are ned

s u s p i c i o u s l y

NED NO YOU DUMB ASS, JUST PUT IT BACK AND COME BACK LATER FOR IT NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS!!! I HAVE NEVER BURGLED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE AND I HAVE BETTER THIEVING INSTINCTS THAN YOU

"you're a good son" aww clint, you’re a good dad

very not great!

"i forgot i was mama" ilu griffin

duck why are you trying to cover for him???

i feel like they're not panicking enough and idk if that's because they know he's fine irl or because they're just not that attached to ned :/

why do i have a feeling this'll lead back to vincent... they haven't mentioned vincent in a while and i have some suspicions about him on the back burner

i love that duck has asthma now, i need to write a fic on that

"more people more poking" ilu aubrey

nice! two weeks in a row! we'll probably get the arc's finale next week! :D

duck's scene feat. leo

"since big pizza hut came for my small business" love this

they weren't worth the luck point trav spent to save them lmao

god i love you duck

honestly i'd be comforted knowing i wouldn't die alone

oh eww :(

"looked like a real nurturer duck"

PLEASE MAKE THAT DECISION GRIFFIN (for real tho cigarettes are disgusting and if you smoke stay 10000+ ft away from me with your cancerous fog)

jesus, leo's really kinda suicidal here isn’t he? :(

the thin man? oh fun it's from the 1930′s :o

ilu vincent, i know i’m suspicious of you but i love you

wait where was the goat joke in there???

I MADE! A GHOST!

aubrey is either earth's version of sylvain or a reincarnation of her, that's my theory and i'm sticking to it

IS... IS AUBREY THE INTERPRETER? IS THIS WHY SHE CAN READ THE LITTLE GIRL'S THOUGHTS??? IS THE LITTLE GIRL NOT THE ACTUAL INTERPRETER????? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

sacrifice? transaction? god this is so much good theory fodder

aubrey ilu my baby

there are only ten minutes left and i worry

the count gilu hotel, love it

sweet, more british accent :D

THE GINGER DEAD MAN

IS THAT HOW YOU THINK BRITISH PEOPLE PRONOUNCE "PENCHANT" GRIFFIN???

"oh my god ned!" i have the feeling they've had this argument before and i love the vibes that gives off

NICE! good roll, love it

you're giving him a shitty truck ned?????

... IS HE DYING??? IS BOYD DYING?????

"affection" these old boyfriends omg

aww :(((

HE WAS FAKING HOLY SHIT

OH HOLY SHIT, BOYD’S DEAD, OH GOD, HOLY FUCK

WELP, I'M TERRIFIED AND ALSO SAD NOW, WHAT THE FUCK! of all the weeks to have two episodes back to back i’m really glad its these, fuck

also, quick side note, thank you guys for all the attention my post about dewey being married got! the boys have yet to address the long-term implications of specter-dewey but i hope they do eventually lmao

#taz #taz spoilers #taz amnesty #ghosty liveblogs taz

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high-fructose-dreamscape · 2 years

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Day 2

[cont’d cont’d]

So it’s now 6:25. I’m no longer over loaded with negative thoughts but I’m filling my time doing stuff that honestly is useless. I’m sure I’m gonna hear from Josh tomorrow.

I wanna go go-karting. I wanna drive and not worry about it. I’m hoping I can have a day where I can day drink or just drink all day. It would be great to be someone else’s problem for a change.

This will probably drag on as I don’t intend to make more than 3 notes for a day. But damn it’s slow.

I started day dreaming again. I thought it would be fun to go paintballing with the guys. When I tried to attach faces to the idea I just gave up. It’s so hard to try to get a date, let alone a group of guys together. I’ll just put it on the list of dreams to be.

I’m not sad. I just don’t know what to do honestly. I hate that as sad as something is, I’m trying to solve my problem not bitch. Idk I’m just numb from everything.

I think I’m over whatever episode I was feeling earlier as I don’t feel as down. I still plan to stick to my plan but I’m not crying.

Maybe it’s because someone’s in the room with me or maybe I’m just eh.

I forgot to flip my coin. I’ll do that soon. Though I’ll probably just message kinga and later remind her to go to the gym.

It’s 7:50.

I messaged kinga. She didn’t eat. Upsetting but she said she would soon. I hope she does. I do worry about her.

In a slightly different mood I’m trying to forget my breakdown. In a way, it feels so long ago. like days and days. It’s so weird. I think it’s me trying to dump something that made me feel weak.

I genuinely find it fascinating how forgetful I am. It’s not that I want to be, but I think it’s between the depression and my defenses literally dumping off parts of my memory. I think it’s my ptsd response and I don’t know if I should be alarmed or not.

It reminds me of a conversation. I had with juniper once. She kept saying I was manipulating her when I was trying to explain that I don’t wanna talk about something in public but if she doesn’t remind me I will forget. She argued to the death that it was a trap. To this day I genuinely can’t remember what it was about.

I wonder if this is why Jess or kinga never remember when they make me sad? Do they forget as a curse from their trauma response or are they trying to deny it happened as away to move past it? Honestly if it were the latter, I would be fine with anyone just saying “I’m sorry and I don’t wanna talk about it.”

I do try to respect boundaries unless it’s a really big deal to me. I just hate how someone can say something mean then shut the door on the convo. It’s so..: frustrating.

So it’s 10:49. I closed pretty early ngl. I wish I had something to do tonight but it looks like I’ll just go play league.

Props to me I stopped myself form pushing my free day on kinga. She’ll never take me up on a chance to hang so I didn’t bother letting her know my days off. I think it’s better this way as, even as a friend, she’s still notorious for blowing me off.

I have a long drive home. So I decided to put on school food. My eye looks less bruised but still bloodshot. If it weren’t so itchy I’d probably keep the patch.

It’s about 11:30 now. I made it home. More day dreams fluttered my mind. Not scenes but images. Like paintings. One was a couple, assume me and someone I’m dating, we’re having a picnic under cherry blossoms. I’ve never seen one in person. I know it’s not special but it kinda is. I’ve always wanted one in yard. That’s a sign of success to me.

Another day dream was to be applauded by so many people. Like that stupid ass ending of evangelion, I guess it was a celebration or something but just everyone was so happy to see me. Maybe a performance? For a second I felt like it was something obtainable and then I kinda just snapped out of it. I realize I have nothing to be proud of. So then, why would anyone be proud of me?

As I wait on the driveway I search for a reason. But really I just need rest. I haven’t teared up but honestly I just have no more motivation to go on lately.

The only use out of chronicling these posts is from a promise I made myself years ago: if I ever decide to take my own life, I promise that I will get as much of my head out of my head before I go. Don’t look back. Don’t read it. Just go.

So now I type like nobody reads. I type expecting nothing. I know that if I wanted attention I’d make a loaded Facebook post or something. But type like nobody cares.

It’s rough. Times like this I just want a hug.

Maybe I’ll write a story. Something probably aggressive and kinky if I get some food in me.

I swear even working at Pizza Hut I don’t eat. I hate the food honestly. I wish I had friends like I am to others who’d message me and randomly ask me for a bite or to do something. It’s so rare that I honestly freak out.

Hmm. I guess it’s just not meant for ym reality. I suppose that this is the reality where I dream big and work for nothing. Maybe one lifetime I’ll do better. I hope that will make up for it.

Oh no. The tears. Guess I’m calling it a night.

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littlelovelymemes · 7 years

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✰ — — — EVEN MORE POPULAR TEXT POSTS STARTERS

‘ let me just make one thing clear... i have no clue what’s going on, ever, at any moment, at any point in time. who knows what’s going on? not me. not ever. ’ ‘ i would just like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i am doing ’ ‘ we came from the same star and we will come together again in the end ’ ‘ i have a ‘why am i like this’ moment at least five times a day ’ ‘ did i need it? no. did i buy it? yes. ’ ‘ the most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning ’ ‘ petition for stars in the day time please??? ’ ‘ i love it when i wake up and stretch and something cracks. makes me feel like a glo-stick ’ ‘ drop whatever you’re doing right now and climb a tree ’ ‘ the most fucked up part of adult life is how you can just decide to do things ’ ‘ i’m a person who wants to do lots of things trapped inside a body that wants to SLEEP at all times ’ ‘ i’m so tired but i’ll probably be awake until 3 am for no reason ’ ‘ time to kick my own ass. bitch had it coming for too long ’ ‘ honestly ‘thanks i hate it’ is one of the funniest phrases in the english language ’ ‘ do you ever wonder how many people have loved you and never told you? ’ ‘ the internets one true talent is making me sick of things i’ve never seen or read or heard ’ ‘ i’m permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, i’m chill ’ ‘ all cracker barrels are dimensionally linked. you could walk into a cracker barrel in georgia and walk out of one in arkansas and feel nothing ’ ‘ ‘you look different with makeup’????? you think i’m buying shit for hundreds of dollars to just keep looking like my ugly self ... ok ’ ‘ why did the fray go off so hard in ‘how to save a life’? ’ ‘ anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms ’ ‘ not to be too controversial but i like it when people are nice ’ ‘ the sun has no business tapping out at the tender hour of 5pm bitch i have depression ’ ‘ i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm ’ ‘ what time do you need me? i am unavailable whenever that time is ’ ‘ look i may have made a few typos and committed a few murders but nobody’s perfect okay ’ ‘ i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself ’ ‘ i’m aiming for the “she’s a badass and cute as hell but i wouldn’t touch her without asking” look ’ ‘ haha if you’re bored you could kiss me idk just sayin ’ ‘ i see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. why is that. ’ ‘ 80s music wont solve all my life’s problems but it certainly distracts me from them ’ ‘ i cant believe what walkie talkies are called ’ ‘ some people think life is like a rollercoaster but my life is more like one of those rides that spin really fast so you’re pinned to the wall and can’t do anything about it ’ ‘ hey girl do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe ’ ‘ all these fuckboys but who is the fuckfather ’ ‘ i love drunk me but i don’t trust her ’ ‘ do you have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally, like they could say “lets go check out that dumpster” and you’d be like “im in” ’ ‘ nah sorry i cant go out tonight, i have plans to spiral into uncontrollable anxiety starting in the early evening and ending at roughly 3 am ’ ‘ me: queen of having had enough ’ ‘ she needs a hug (i’m she) ’ ‘ is it acceptable to start an essay with “listen here you little shit”? ’ ‘ 90% of my day is me being nervous ’ ‘ cons: i’m an asshole. pros: i’m your asshole. ’ ‘ give me 10 reasons why i shouldn’t just turn into a slug right now ’ ‘ are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch ’ ‘ dear soulmate, where the fuck are you ’ ‘ i’m so easily revitalized by small, loving gestures ’ ‘ i dont know what im feeling but there is a lot of it ’ ‘ let’s be friends with benefits. the benefits? you get to be friends with me ’ ‘ you ever just sit back and think like... yo... i really don’t care ’ ‘ im surprised no one has ever punched me in the face ’ ‘ what if mike was short for micycle ’ ‘ hey fellow regular kids what’s up ’ ‘ if u ever called me pretty i love you. ur pretty too ’ ‘ do you ever just ‘there’s probably something medically wrong with me but i’m just gonna ignore it and hope i don’t die’? ’ ‘ why did we stop building castles? i feel like humanity might live to regret that ’ ‘ i’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace ’ ‘ i am so glad you exist, even if you exist so far away from me ’ ‘ i can hold a wet bar of soap better than a conversation ’ ‘ she is beauty, she is grace, she got her feelings hurt 42 times today ’ ‘ 13 years of school and im still not sure if its ‘grey’ or ‘gray’ ’ ‘ hope u like bad girls because i’m bad at everything ’ ‘ got a problem with me? kiss me on the lips dude ’ ‘ too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights ’ ‘ don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again ’ ‘ i just did a tarot reading... it said ur a bitch ’ ‘ a good substitute for love and fulfillment? a crunchwrap supreme from taco bell ’ ‘ i fucked up? idk what you’re referring to but probably ’ ‘ *in a high-pitched mocking voice* "are you okay?" what the fuck. ’ ‘ how do u just..... not believe in aliens ’ ‘ a coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care ’ ‘ “you’re up early!” jokes on you i didn’t sleep at all and am in between energized and dying ’ ‘ dont wanna sound like a slut but i really need a hug right now ’ ‘ casual fan? no sorry i only know how to invest my whole livelihood into something and spend every waking moment thinking about said thing ’ ‘ i have a dozen hearts swirling around my head irl like that isnt a filter its permanent ’ ‘ i worry about you even when you say you’re fine ’ ‘ i will never hurt you. i will always stick by your side. i will always try to make you smile ’ ‘ true love: having to hold back your adorable, violent girlfriend to keep her from straight up murdering a dude ’ ‘ cute date idea: be nice to me ’ ‘ im so jealous of people who know what they want to do with their future i dont even know what t.v show to watch next ’ ‘ me? clingy? yes please don’t leave me ’ ‘ hey….,.,.. no offense but,,. i want someone to love and cherish me ’ ‘ i need someone to lay in bed with me for hours ’ ‘ dark hannah montana..... show me the worst of both worlds ’ ‘ someone has to say it: come on eileen is a fucking banger like that shit snaps,, a bop for the century ’ ‘ roses are red, i’m going to bed ’ ‘ bless netflix for creating the skip intro button honestly ’ ‘ they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because i keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it ’ ‘ i wanna burry my face in someone’s chest right now til i fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later just to find i’m still in their arms ’ ‘ the internet has ruined me honestly i’m numb to everything. it could be the end of the world and i’d be like “tag urself i’m the acid rain” ’ ‘ lately i have been…….dying to be in love…,..and that’s the mood sadly ’ ‘ not to be ns fw but i’d cry if someone kissed me on the cheek ’ ‘ sexting? nah. i’m into spexting. spooky texting. ever seen a ghost? hmu. ’ ‘ not to sound cocky as shit but i’m a fucking good person with a big heart and i deserve a lot more than the shitty hand life has dealt me this far ’ ‘ i say i love you a lot because i do ’ ‘ i’m sorry. i can’t come to the phone right now? why? oh. cause i hate talking on the phone please text me instead. ’ ‘ low on self esteem, so u run on mac & cheese ’ ‘ who’s gonna come lay with me in bed and let me wrap my legs and arms around u like a small bear ’ ‘ youre a coward if youre not on the way to my house right now to give me a kiss ’ ‘ my personality is like 90% the song i’m currently listening to ’ ‘ the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself ’ ‘ no offense @ life but can i have a breath.. a break... some slack... ’ ‘ the best kind of alcohol is a lot ’ ‘ 911 i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again ’ ‘ having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch ’

#rp meme #ask meme #indie rp #sentence starters #rp inbox meme #inbox meme #inbox memes #askbox meme #rp ask box meme #rp ask meme #rp sentence meme #sentence starter meme #rp sentence starters

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joulethieves · 6 years

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Thank You.

thank you to ellie/ @amamiyakitagawa, who found me from balvaan AO3, became my tumblr friend, then my wifey, encouraged me to stream, and stuck with me since the beginning, since night one on 7/11/17, when i was delirious with joy at the remake and sitting in some german family’s mansion basement with a TV the size of my ass, dogsitting idiot labradoodles and axolotls; for staying in streams for hours on end whether it was just us or not. for making me laugh, and indulging in all my stupid headcanons, and being general garbage with me. your presence in my stream throughout this past year speaks volumes and i love you too bitch.

a HUGE huge thank you to @airknight, who also has tuned in since night one, staying for hours on end as well. who was a constant goldmine of information throughout, who helped me patiently through the great crystal, through everything else imaginable, who always showed up to the stream with a friendly disposition even to weird randos that showed up, and who always had something nice to say.

thank you to @chaoticrice, my fellow XII streamer, rarepair lover of dalmscan orphan babs/their archadian bf’s, my fellow fic writer, and good friend. i’m glad you decided to stream too, and look forward to more of your streams. thanks for making it to tonight’s stream even though you were at a baby shower, lmao.

thank you @livvyplaysfinalfantasy, who kept my love for the game alive in 2011/2012 when you started documenting your XII playthrough, and have remained my internet pal ever since. i enjoyed your presence in my streams and your constant source of lore. it’s weird to think how long we’ve followed each other! lol

i wish i could describe the joy i felt on the first night i played the remake. it was really monumental to me. there aren’t a lot of Things i look forward to and it was so refreshing to have that excitement. i’m not a particularly giddy person but i fell asleep that night after 5 hours (y’all really stuck around for five hours and i love you for being a part of that, ellie/izzie/vik/spud/feeny) with a smile on my face. i didn’t even think that was possible. thinking about it still makes me emotional: i was so happy, not just because of the game, but because of you guys. i couldn’t keep myself away from the game, but also, from sharing that excitement with those who tuned in. who talked. who watched. it almost became lonely to play by myself. it was nice to play with other people to talk to.

thank you to the friends that have stuck with me, popping in and out. the game took me long enough to finish, with bouts of Moods that kept me away from it weeks to months at a time. but no matter what, it never changed that i always loved playing this game, and it was amazing to be able to document it through my first ever attempt at streaming, since july 11th.

my two fondest memories (aside from the first night), i think (though this one is hardly a memory), is getting blackout drunk and failing miserably at the captain basch stream. feeny and ellie and izzie were there to witness it, and idk, that was just so hilarious to me, in concept. because i literally don’t remember that much of it. (i was so mortified by the stream footage i deleted it, a regret i now have.)

my second fondest memory is doing archades with ellie and @carnsy, doing the chop quest and making cracky jokes, JULES E_E, and headcanons. it was just us three in that stream in the middle of the night (for me), but it was really, really fun. that’s all that matters.

to be able to chat about headcanons on stream and joke about ships, that’s just...really cool that i was able to do that, and i’m in awe that you all stuck around, through my weird voice and lisps and bad cockney accents.

streaming this has helped give me a spark of joy and i laughed a lot. i can only hope to keep doing it with other games and would love for you to join me, old friends and new, if i play something you’re into.

i don’t know why this game stuck with me so much. all i know is that it did. the fact i draw so much inspiration from balthier and vaan, and xii’s window into ivalice in general, certainly helps. i hope that something else hits me the way this game does, because we aren’t getting a remake of a remake, lol. they did such an amazing job on it, and i am so happy i got to tell the director/producer that in person at PAX east 2017.

this game has helped me make so many good friends (Ellie, Izzie, Vik, Spud, Tori, Raze, Jay, Sovaz, Carn, Mike, Vivi). im so glad i made it to share that excitement, joy, constant yelling about headcanons, au’s, ship bullshit, and my writing - my writing, which i haven’t honestly done since 2008, until this game came out. my writing, which i still struggle with a lot, but i really really hope to have some good stuff this year, and i hope to become better. this game is my muse. it’s hard to believe i hadn’t written in nearly nine years until it came out again, but it really has been that long. and i’m so glad that i asked in july if anyone wanted to watch me stream it - having never thought about it before - and getting the response i did. i know i took an age and a half to beat it. thanks so much for those who stuck around, or were even just a part of the first couple weeks, as that joy is still so fresh in my memory and heart. for those who joined in mid-journey. for those who made me laugh. thank you. the ffxii-the-remix tag may be finished but i will continue to be garbage on this blog for the game, and my ship.

and to the followers of this blog that have dealt with my shit, thank you too. thanks for every like and reblog. i see them all <3

anyway time for new game plus bye

#rememberbhujerba

#what do you mean there are other video games #god i hope i didnt forget anyone #friends #me tag #ffxii the remix #rememberbhujerba

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wonderfulworldofwinchester · 7 years

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Familiar Face

First installment in the No Place Like You Series.

Jensen x Reader, Y/F/N- your friend’s name, Jared, Kim, Brianna

Series summary: Your best friend finally convinces you to put on your big girl panties and go to a Supernatural convention while you are in Atlanta. Never in your wildest dreams would you have thought you would catch Jensen’s eye. Little does he know, you have your own spotlight. (I’m terrible at summaries; stay with me haha)

Warnings: Language, awkwardness, idk.

Word Count: 1752

A/N: This is my first attempt at a true series, and it’s only my second time writing Jensen, so be gentle haha. Also, remember, THIS IS FICTION, for the purpose of this storyline Jensen is single. There is in no way hate intended towards his family.

PART2

Masterlist To Do List Ask Me Anything/Requests

Y/N’s POV

I groan in response to the incessant beeping of the stupid alarm clock in our hotel room, lazily fumbling about, trying to find the snooze button. “Hold it! What do you think you’re doing missy?!” Oh Y/F/N, and her bubbly, chipper morning self.

“Five more minutes...” I mumbled into the pillow, begging her for some mercy.

She apparently takes that as a sign to jump on my bed and start bouncing up and down, repeatedly chanting, “Today’s the day! Today’s the day!”

“Get off of me!”

“Nu-uh, not until you get up! Come on, come on, up up! We have a big day ahead!”

All that ecapes my mouth is a grumble, followed by some explatives, and finally, “Don’t remind me...”

“Seriously Y/N? I mean you’ve only loved this show since day one. You should be excited, it’s gonna be so much fun! Cons are awesome, you meet soooooo many cool people. Not to mention the cast is there” she says nudging me with her elbow, and wiggling her brows in that goofy way she does.

She and I have been best friends since god only knows when. We’ve been through everything together, and she’s always been the one to push me out of my shell. At this point she could get me to do anything with her goofy go get em attitude. “Fine....” I throw my hands up in surrender, as I sit up.

Her ecstatic squeal’s loud enough to wake everyone in the hotel, I’m sure of it. She bounds around the room, gathering up what she says is the perfect con outfit for me. I had begged her before we came to let me dress down. I want to be low key in this whole thing- no attention brought to me what so ever; completely under the radar. “Here, wear this” she says handing me a simple black t-shirt. Oh thank god, she did hear me! I thought.

My mini celebration stops abruptly when I flip the shirt over. There’s a giant picture of Dean leaning against the Impala with he words ‘Forget the Prince Charming with his horse, I want Dean with his Impala!’ scrawled across the front. “I am not wearing this.” I say, getting up from the bed, and heading towards the bathroom to get in the shower.

Her response is to put her hands on her hips, lean forward, and pout “Y/N, you love Dean!”

“And I can love him without the shirt to prove it.”

“Please, I’m wearing my Sam shirt... come on don’t leave me hanging. We gotta be the complete Winchester set.”

Ugh, “Fine. I’ll wear it, but I am wearing a flannel over it!”

Within a couple short hours we are walking into the lobby with people buzzing about, all giddy and laughing with each other. I have to admit it’s kinda cool. I mean all these people coming together simply because of a common interest in a show.

Y/F/N was right, everyone is so nice. I still try to keep my head down though. This was still entirely too new. Before I know it, she’s dragging me all over the damn hotel doing all kinds of things she says we have to, because ‘she’s got a checklist’.

The day goes by pretty quickly, and I’ll never tell her, but I’m glad she convinced me to come. I’ve had more fun in the last few hours than I have in a long time. But, right now however, I’m a weird mix of excited, nervous, and at a loss for words. The time has come. The J2 panel was about to begin.

“Y/N, would you get your ass in here already!” Y/F/N’s voice snaps me out of my trance. She has already gone through the door, and I’m left standing here just on the other side like an idiot. “For god’s sake, it’s not like they’re gonna jump off the stage and kill you!” She says grabbing my hand and pulling me down the aisle to our seats.

Only about 5 minutes into the panel, she slapping her hand down onto my bouncing leg, “God why are you so nervous? You’re sitting in a chair listening to people talk, calm down.”

‘Sorry, I can’t help it”

Jensen’s POV

Here I am on stage in front of fans with Jared, suppose to be paying attention, but I can only think about this girl I Caught a glimpse of earlier. Literally, I only saw her for a fraction of a second, but she’s been on my mind all day. Her smile just lit up the room. “Dude!” Jared’s voice and slap on the shoulder, brought me back into reality. “Did you even hear the question?”

I look up, pulling a face, “I’m not gonna lie, no, I did not.” The room busts out laughing at what they think might be me just being goofy or something, allowing me to get away with it this time. Jared however, picks up on it a little more. He’s caught me spacing out all day.

After the girl asked her question again, and I gave her my answer, my eyes start to scan the crowd as they normally would, until they fall on the same smile from earlier. There she is, sitting beside her friend. God that smile.

While I am managing to stay more focused for the rest of the panel, my eyes always find their way back to her. She laughs at the stupid joke I just attempted to make, and I swear my heart about busts open. I tell myself that this is ridiculous, I never even met her. I shouldn’t feel this way.

She’s whispering with her friend, and they both start giggling. I think to myself, I could get lost in that giggle forever. She’s just so freaking cute. I silently keep hoping she will look up when I am looking at her, but she never does. Her eyes refuse to look in my direction. They are always glue somewhere in the general direction of the stage, but they never meet mine.

Not long after, the panel is ending, and Jared and I are walking off the stage. His questions start the moment we are out of sight. “You saw her didn’t you?”

I try to brush him off, and keep walking. “What are you talking about?”

“oh don’t give me that crap. I’ve known you long enough to know that a girl has caught your eye. All day you’ve been spacey, and I’ve never seen you that off in a panel.”

I stop and turn to face him. “Ok. Alright. Fine. I did see a girl earlier that may have sparked an interest. Yes, she was in there, but don’t go getting all-” I start to gesture wildly with my hands, know exactly what I mean, probably not many other people do, “on me.”

“Why?”

“It’s one girl in a sea of people, I’ve never met her, and she wouldn’t even look at me in there.” I know good and well those are piss poor excuses, but it’s all I got right now. Luckily he backs off, clearly not in the mood to argue with me any more at the moment.

We start walking across the hotel. There were of course fans lining the way. We acknowledge them as we walk by, and out of the corner of my eye, I see her. She is just standing there with her friend, not screaming like most of the people in the room. I turn my head to look at her, and for the first time, my eyes catch hers. I offer a smile, and her cheeks turned a delightful shade of pink as her head dropped down and then to her friend. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself. So damn cute.

Y/N’s POV

I throw my arm out, unintentionally hitting Y/F/N in the stomach producing an umph sound from her lips. “I looked right at him!!!” I say, my eyes as wide as they could be, and my face all up in hers.

“What? Who?” She says, trying to recover from the blow.

“What do you mean who? JENSEN FREAKING ACKLES!”

She laughs, throwing her arms around my neck, “Ah, I’m so proud of you!” She jokes. We giggle and goof off all the way back to our room. She wants every little detail of that milisecond of an interaction, if you could even call it that. “He smiled? See, I told you they were nice!”

I plop down on my bed, “Even serial killers smile sometimes.”

She is in the bathroom, no doubt reapplying make up. “Wait, so you think Jensen Ackles is a serial killer?” She laughs, knowing good and well that’s not what I meant.

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean. Just because a person smiles, doesn’t mean they are what you say they are.”

She rolls her eyes as she comes out of the bathroom. Yep, new make up in place. “Whatever, come on, get up, get ready, we gotta go.”

“Ugh, I know.”

Jensen’s POV

Everybody’s heading out to dinner, and boy are they a riot tonight. Well, honestly when are they not, though? Jared is still giving me crap about this girl. Why would I ever expect anything less from him. About half way into this dig, Kim and Brianna happen to overhear him. “Oh, did I just hear what I think I did?” Brianna chirps. “Does someone have a little crush?” She grins. Now Kim's looking at me in expectancy too. Great.

Jared tells them all about my behavior that day, meanwhile, I try to slip back behind the crowd, not wanting to be apart of the conversation anymore. The building we’re walking along side has many posters displaying upcoming events and shows. I Take in the sights as I pass by, but none of them catch my interest. Except this one. The last poster on the wall stops me in my tracks.

Everybody else keeps walking, but I just stand there staring like a moron.

Eventually, Jared realizes I’m no longer right beside him, and turns to see me standing here. “You good?” He asks, and all I can do is point to the picture. Jared tells the rest of them to go ahead, and he, Kim, and Brianna walk back to where I was. “What? What’s up?”

“It’s her”

If you would like to be added to any of my tag lists, just ask :) i love y’all so, so much!

The Anything and Everything: @tillielynn16 @fandomaskedstuff @naruko88558855 @hillface89 @saltysamgirls @unusualcorn @trilloku-blog @perpetualabsurdity

Jay-birds: @pandazombie69 @brindz30 @aubreystilinski

No Place Like You Tags: @soulmates8 @diariesofthebeautyobsessed @superapplepie @soobi89 @woodworthti666 @racheladams77

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