#idk i never know how to tag these things so people will see it
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okay, so i just really wanted to say this…kinda like a positive vent ig?
but simply being in the rcp fandom has really changed me. Having a community where I can hide and do and say the things i want to, is, to say the least, comforting. Pretty much everyone here is so sweet and kind, which really wasnt something I was used to when i first joined. I never thought that my favorite tv show as a kid would have such a loving fandom—or a fandom in general. No one I knew liked rcp, or even knew what it was. That, along with many other things, made me feel really detached from everyone else. I mean, I hyperfixate on a kid show…people thought it was weird. It wasn’t until one day, I ventured onto the internet to see if I could find really anything. When I figured out that this fandom existed, holy moly….lmao.
So many of you i’ve had positive interactions with, and I wish to have many more. Some people in this fandom I’ve barely met, but I hope we can be friends! I admire a lot of people in this fandom but I usually never know how to interact with them
I’ve met so many people because of this community, and it really made me more social in general. I’ve never really had anyone that I felt I could truly call my friend, but…. @stupidloafofbread is fucking awesome, first of all. I wanted to thank you specifically for being someone I could hang out with and simply say “hi” to. It’s weird but your like one of my only real friends and I aint gonna let that go. Happy new years, and I hope to be your friend for a while longer!! cheers 🔥🔥
Some of my biggest inspirations have been: @kidshowsarecool @lunar-rcp @polina-tvorozhok @ovakinddarling and @st3llast4rl1ght . Y’all have been the people I’ve looked up to since I got on tumblr/saw your blog. Whether it’s your writing or your art or just opinions on things even. You have been some of my biggest inspirations on here, and I appreciate you all!! Happy new years guys <3
Lastly, here are some people I just wanted to appreciate for simply existing. I appreciate you guys and I love what y’all do, even if it’s basically nothing lol. @themoldinyourlunchly @ririalww @rhunsui @darkoplayzzz @hayuki-marina @hearts--stars @anakerasuci @bulgariandeficit @eelmgee-latias @freakyrcpconfessions (idk what your main is, but yes you)@gukul @karolina-blok @not-sparrow-lol @ohmygodjahhhhhhh @veryhappyfurrydragon @vorib250 @weavingster @annintheclouds @pokoinik @stargirlie-sharon @s4uddy @petra608 @creatorfanatic @canyonkingdom @collinsahh @iwuvtallyhall @r0tt3nz @kaylamoonlight121 @straykittenidk @light-everything-in-pink @broomstownpatrol @ilikecarslol5
people outside of the rcp fandom that I feel need some love here too: @lilyflower0 @chicacherrycxla @veryhappyfurrydragon @wispcandle @graceandpurity @dog-eater822 @karmaerrors
I just wanted to mention you guys cuz your all awesome. if anyone wants their tag removed, or even added here, please let me know 💕 I tried to get everyone I could think of, so I’m really sorry if I missed you!!
Happy new years guys! Im sure we’ll all do great things in this new year. <3
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I made some handmade clay pins! And you can buy them!
They’re clay, hand-shaped, hand-painted, and coated in a protective coating of resin.
They’re right here!
#eli art#eli merch#clay pins#handmade pins#handmade art#cat pins#cats#cute#idk i never know how to tag these things so people will see it
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and stalling only goes so far when you've got a head start
#nobody talk to me i am so fucking IN AGONY#HEAD IN HANDS. AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY???????#jinx#jinx arcane#powder#powder arcane#arcane#arcane spoilers#im afraid i have to admit guys i just stopped watching after this episode. it was so fucking (bitter) sweet and by far the happiest#i've ever been post-arcane-episode#god!!!!!!! i don't want to ruin the high!!!! and i don't want to see everyone start fucking suffering for their lives again !!!!!#in my defense i finished at like 8 am after not sleeping all night so. i was also tired. but now after waking up#i just don't want to continue Even More o777#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#idk how fast people usually watch episodes so i'm mass tagging even more than usual#god fucking. aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#time taken on this like 3-4 hrs#in my current state of mind (completely off my rocker abt this show) i can probably fuel like Months worth of fanart#from just this one episode. sooooo what if i just never watched the rest fhhggggskfjnfnfnfndjsjd#nah i know i'm gonna end up watching it. eventually. soon probably but idk how soon. anyways. peace out guys. live laugh love 😭😭😭😭😭#my art#the funny thing about this is that i drew it facing the opposite way and then flipped it to check and never. flipped it back.#uhhhhh. don't worry about it
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE your comic I am so inspired by it and it’s so lovely and I wanna buy the physical books (I’ve never done that before) I just AUGGHHH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO 💙💙💙
do you allow fanart? And is there anything not allowed? I wanna draw adam and steve so bad 😭
Of course it's allowed! Fanart fanfic fan music fan dubs whatever!
I like to think I'm sort of "building a playground" when I make a story, have fun on it! I made it for you!
In my general opinion, it's not my business what my "fandom" does... It's on you and also me to curate our own spaces! If you're inspired by my work in any way, that's the greatest honor I could imagine and I want you to feel fully free to explore that. If someone is being weird, I know where the block button is and they can keep being weird where I don't have to see it haha
Just don't like... sell it... it's messy legally with webtoon and I'm one person making the story and it's my whole income so the few sales I get are kind of huge for me ;_;
#the way I see it is if I put up a boundary of like 'dont make something that I wouldnt want to see'#all it does is scare the people who respect me into not making anything!#and the people who were never going to respect me anyways were going to make those things regardless#because they didn't respect me. so they wouldnt care if I put that boundary up.#so my opinion is like honestly it's not my business what you do... if you're doing something weird with my story it's not reflecting on me#like youre the one doing the weird thing not me...? so why would I care LOL#I'm pretty good about blocking tags or ignoring the things that make me uncomfortable. which has happened#also like. I'll be honest#if you sold like 3 I also wouldnt care AHGASJGLKGJASLGKJSA#cause idk. I dont generally feel like it's taking away from my business...#idk!!! it's a weird zone#like I need money to live but morally I'm not opposed to other people making art and selling it so idk where to land on that#but uhhh webtoon wouldnt like it if you sold it. so#I'm not going to like go after someone idk...#if I did not need the money to live. I wouldnt care at all and would probably encourage other people selling my stuff#or like their art of my stuff. not my art of my stuff. never do that#thats just regular theft#but webtoon does NOT!!! like that and idk how much they go after stuff like that. I know they went after scanlation sites sob#novaeverse#asks#sorry this is so unclear. my opinions on it are unclear lmao#basically. do whatever.#I can't stop what you are doing and I will not waste the energy trying#all I ask for is some basic respect!#and I dont think I can or should ask for more. so#enjoy! make whatever! it's literally making free art for me AUGASJGLKSAJGALKGJ how could I say no...
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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get it Kim has a lot to unpack do you get it
it's imperfect I'll never polish it just take it as it is I should have put aerostatics not airplanes...
#I don't know how the hell to draw kim#PLEASE gib me feedback#pretend the dialogue is better this is all I can do lol. but you get the gist of it#aaa give me constructive criticism. the other post about kim secretly being a loser made me think about what his apartment would look like#and this popped in my head I had to draw it#is this in character?#there's no eyebrow battle because in my head this happens some time in the future where kim opens up a little more easily#at this point he trust him with his secrets more (but not completely. harry's not touching the blue box today)#but it's a mixture of ''maybe if I tell x he will stop asking for more'' and real trust#but like do you see that happen#it's a secret because he doesn't want other people to learn that insisting can work#like I said in the tags of the other post I think he never lets anyone in to the point of avoiding calling the plumber even if the sink#has been broken for months#addition: fuck I should have putted more machines in there. I couldn't think of anything else other than radio controlled airplane#and a sewing machine. he must have more stuff like the camera.#he'd have some dangerous thing to warm the room#and nerd stuff. I'm not sure if he'd display it or keep it boxed somewhere#disco elysium#that's a convertible couch-bed if you can't tell. half covered with the Pile#pointless microblogging#it's so hard to draw them right they look different in every official thing#believe me I have tried#idk how to put more of the skills here :/#I have achieved peak kimharry brainrot I can't go back
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This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.
Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.”
(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#btw when I say that what she said was more painful than any wound wolf inflicted I'm not just talking about her not saving him.#it also just hurts him to know that she was hurting too.#she left him with that woman for two years (to save his life yes. but she left him there all the same) and yet half of his thoughts are#''I'm sorry I hurt you.''#ROOK. MY BELOVED BABY BOY. PLEASE.#STOP APOLOGIZING.#also if anyone needs a cheering up after this please know that their conversation got interrupted by a giant snake showing up and zara#immediately asking Rook ''WHAT DID YOU DO???'' bc she knows her boy.#and he's like ''idk I just woke up like an hour ago'' and then he suddenly remembers that he swore like 3 times (town rules say no to that)#and he just goes ''SHIT'' and Zara fucking clamps her hand over his mouth and says ''take that back!''#and through her hand he says ''how the fuck am I supposed to take that back?'' and she just clamps his mouth harder.#oh. and the time he swore earlier was bc he stepped outside and got spit on by a bull and he was like ''is this normal??''#and someone said ''I've never seen that happen but these animals are part of [big snake almost-god]'s menagerie'' and hands Rook a paper#with all the town rules (there are many). And he goes ''what the fuck?'' and then he gets to the rule that reads ''no swearing'' and he goe#''SHIT!'' and then he realizes what he says and goes ''AAAHHHH.'' and I was cackling.#I was doing this on purpose btw. I knew that this would make the snake mad at me and I did it anyway bc I am a chaos gremlin.#however I did NOT know I would get Rook's only friend from before the party killed by doing this. RIP Jay. I loved you so much.#but yeah. my boy swears like a sailor bc he is one. and it did in fact get people killed. But it was funny to me.#ALSO when she met the party the first thing she said was ''thank you for saving my boy'' and I almost sobbed.#like yeah. he is her boy.#I'm going to explode just thinking about it.#okay if you read all these tags I love you forever and please feel free to yell at my idiot boy in the comments/tags/wherever.#maybe if enough of us join in he'll actually listen. (no he won't)#OH RIGHT. And the party is finally staring to realize how much of a capital L Liar this man is.#because they can literally see him catching himself about to say ''I'm fine'' every time they ask how he's doing
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Sketch I accidentally put too close between other doodles
#i gotta get better at figuring out where battle scars would go... esp bc i'm so detailed about moe all the time LMFAO#one thing about the moefonse dynamic. is i think each envies the other to a degree.#in my notes i once described alfonse's feelings about moe as seeing an angel.#a beacon of the beauty life has to offer and hope. the magic and awe of seeing someone who is overtly and unapologetically queer#the beauty of seeing someone just fagging it up. with attitude. outspoken and crude.#writing that note was extremely funny though like. moe? we're talking about the same guy?#my shitass fuckhead homunculus who has every disease? guy who failed in every facet of life EXCEPT for the Bad things?#bc that's all it is and all it ever will be? a bad fucking thing. that guy????#well. it's a matter of perspective... perhaps.....#another focal part is how each have made all-or-nothing sacrifices to live the way they live.#alfonse will never be his own person so long as he's a prince and eventually king. he will always be whatever he Needs to be.#but he's also someone who's wired in such a way that. this makes sense for him. this IS what he wants and embraces it#esp for the good of all. 'those w power should use it to protect those who don't' (ashnard interaction)#that's his mentality. that's what he believes in. that's what he's going to embody no matter the cost.#meanwhile... moe. well. you know about moe. it's a tale as old as time for queer people unfortunately.#endlessly complicated on moe's end as well. the way it both resents and envies what alfonse is able to do.#idk i can talk about it forever. but i gotta organize my tags here i CAN'T HIT LIMIT 😭😭😭#moe tag#fe alfonse#moe lore#summoner oc#my art
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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The problem with not having your mom close anymore is that when things are going wrong in your life, everyone stops at just saying they're sorry and no one asks how they can help there's only so much a sad face text can do when the real cure is a hug or someone bringing you ice cream or just asking you to come over for a movie yk?
#don't read the tags I'm continuing to complain about things that aren't even that bad#this isnt for any of you just the people who live five minutes down the road from me#there's only so much you can except from them#i mean when you only have three irl friends#but . idk I just don't see people ever . and no one ever asks me to come over and do things#and everything compounds on itself and sometimes it would just be nice#if anyone would ever reach out i don't fucking know#just feeling lost and lonely tonight whatever it's fine#things should always be good forever and never change#kestrel calls#chitter chatter#text post#like if I lived with my mom she would give me a hug make me dinner whatever#I think everyone else just . never learned how to do that or forgot
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ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.
#vent in tags#chat sesh with iris#vent#tw vent#I feel like everyone hates me and even you all hope I die and nobody likes my ships bc everyone thinks I’m not good enough for my f/os#and the worst part is that none of it is unfounded!!!#none of my friends are talking to me AT ALL anymore even when I start conversations#(including in text)#while they actively talk to other people WHERE I CAN SEE IT!!!#only one of my friends is and all they do is send me anti bs and go ‘omggg these people are so weird!!!’ about like anyone who ships with-#certain characters (including ones that I SHIP WITH!!! which is why I don’t talk about it other than here)#people are like ‘omggg… I hate it when men like these characters. you don’t get them and they’d never love you.’ about my f/os#which triggers dysphoria and self loathing and fear about my ships#tw suicidal ideation#<- somewhat#I don’t like anything about myself and I don’t deserve anything that I have#man. I don’t even want to be here anymore#also I have severe mental illness that has caused a lack of possibility for happiness that lasts longer than fleeting moments#I have not spoken (like aloud) to anyone other than my parents since THE THIRD!!!#I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for testosterone on Wednesday but idek if I’m gonna make it until then#probably I will because I’m too depressed to gather the energy to do it#also she might even say no or not be able to prescribe it#and this isn’t even why I’m the most upset rn but I REALLY need a win#also my mom was like ‘you haven’t given me another name so I’ll just keep calling you the name I gave you 😊😊😊.’ instead of. idk. asking me?#tw suicide#okay yeah the tag is fully warranted now#I like know how I’d do it and everything#I also had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my quilt hashtag just autism things!!!#not takeover#obviously
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