#idk i just wanted to complain again
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I will still make self ship art and take self ship commissions/ requests but i just notice how little people care about my self ships and how i don't draw them much bc of that (and other reasons too but mostly that one ngl) so i figure why hold onto a title that isn't true.
#cuddles talks#i can literally see who likes and doesn't like my posts and i can see that only like 2 people actually like what i posts about#i lost all hope that my art that i actually put love and effort into get any attention#practically no one gives a rats ass about my art and at this point im used to it#sorry if i sound bratty or whatever but its true#you can look for yourself how many times i reblog my own art vs anybody else#i can't make anyone like what i do but it doesn't make sense to follow me and not even like what i post#idk i just wanted to complain again#i love to draw but man i with others liked my art too
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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with a few minutes' reflection and a second conversation with my parents I have realized that I may have overblown things and overreacted a bit and also in some ways they're correct even if I think they're also harsh about it
#we talked it out. i don't think they intended to be hurtful they're just trying to make me see how badly my pessimism#can impact others?? I think all three of us were pissed off during the first conversation#there's a lot of other stuff going on behind the scenes too that I don't want to talk about#but like. my parents aren't total jerks. when we aren't all being belligerent to each other we get along quite well#and I really do respect them quite a lot. some days we Do Not do well at Being A Good Family though#my dad did say that he's seen people apparently cringe away from me when I'm acting annoyed though#which... may honestly be true. I have a very readable face and if I'm upset people tend to notice#I just... I talked to them again and realized that I took that one thing to mean ''everyone hates you and is just pretending to be nice''#idk if I agree about what my mom says about me bringing a Vibe that brings the whole room down#I think that one may just be because she's so used to me complaining to her about everything bc I... do actually complain too much#but anyway. we resolved the argument. my initial ''my parents told me everyone dislikes me'' was uh... MY inference#and not actually the words they said#I also think I should stop complaining online so much. it's just letting the complaining spirit grow#re: my last post
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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
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Honestly the worst thing about being raised by and around professors is that I can't really do the whole students bitching about professors thing even when I mostly agree with it, because my whole life I have been hearing the professor's side of the story. Every time someone talks about how ridiculous mandatory attendance or participation is there's a part of me that starts loudly protesting about how actually being in class is really important for learning, and it must be so hugely frustrating for the professor when students just don't show up to your class half the time and then when they do show up they're playing sudoku on their computer.
#dylan says things#and I say this as someone who historically has not been great about attendance due to things both in and outside of my control#and I know disabilities are a factor for a lot of people and I'm not saying they shouldn't be accommodated.#but I've had professors who have done truly so much to make it possible to attend their class. like you can go in person and on zoom#and a lotta wiggle room for making up missed classes#and people will still complain about it#and most of the time these things are only like 5-10% of your grade#and at a certain point it's like dude you're literally paying to go to school#and now you're complaining that you have to go to school and do school things#if you stop giving them all your money they will stop asking you do the thing you're paying to do#and again I am not exempt from this getting to my morning class is fucking impossible a lot of the time#and that sudoku thing in the main post was absolutely a self-callout#but like. idk. Professors are not evil they are people who are trying to do their jobs#anyways. I think I often find that my attitude towards academia is not aligned with my friends#like sometimes people will tell me that it doesn't really matter that much as long as i graduate#and I understand the sentiment and largely agree with it but also at the end of the day I want to like. Learn stuff and do good work#anyways. sorry for my weird rambling i just have a lot of thoughts about university that i never really share with anyone
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i feel insane for when i have to make the same post asserting my boundaries again because what i ask sounds so normal that i feel like i look weird for saying it in my head it sounds like "uh duh?" but it keeps happening to me anyways and i get very scared and triggered even though i block and mute tags and avoid it and stuff. I dont want people with inc*st kink stuff on their blog following me, or people who are mutuals with those people, i just dont want to be interacted with at all and have to see that when i am casually scrolling thru tags or my followers...
#Idk am i dumb for making posts like these often? I always feel like im making a big deal#But its just very scary for me it makes me feel like something will happen to me when people like that follow me#And i see those posts randomly#And i get scared it will cause a fight or send asks about it again if i complain i just want to ignore and block it#So why does it keep showing up at me anyways? I feel like i HAVE to state it clearly then#Incest mention
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rivers if he was absorbed by poisonous gas but didn’t care too much
#weezer#rivers cuomo#poison gas#poison#maybe i’ll get more fans#THE WEEZER ARMY MUST GROW#THE WEEZER LVOERS !#please send me asks guys am so bored!!!#plus also dms are always open for any of u! i love u all n would love to talk to any of u#i took this pic and Wonderfront#i miss it. i wanna see them again :( but im broke!#i have to spend my money on my anniversary gift for my boyfriend which i’m NOT complaining about bc i love him obviously but am seriously SO#broke. i will draw whatever you guys want actually#for either 1) a follow (or if you are already following ; then free) 2) a little kiss#not on the lips though#but ya! please send. asks i always love interacting with you all! you guys r so sweet <3#there’s this tiktok user#maladroitlover579 and i love their videos so much they’re genuinely so silly n funny#i love commenting on their videos you guys should check them out they r huge weezer fan too!!! if you couldn’t tell by the name#omg today someone complimented my hair and i got so happy#MY OUTFITS HAVE BEEN SO FIRE LATELY🤤🤤 today i wore a short denim skirt with an off the shoulder black long sleeve with white leg warmers!#then yesterday i wore a black tube top with a long black skirt which hugged me#before i wore my brown sweater with my black skirt (which has POCKETS.) so it was super cute.#then monday i wore black yoga flares; white tank top with cute buttons; and a red shrug!#i got compliments on my style. 😎 guess i’m just the cutest girl on the block#or should i say… ON GHE BLOG??!#cuz it’s weezer blog… and i’m the only girl posted on here consistently….#always between my words i wanna add ‘da’ in the middle of them because that’s a running joke w my boyfriend#like da obviously! 🙄 da seriously? 😒 da Lol 😂#idk he’s silly and i’m silly
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"fiver years" by David Bowie but the five years is the possibility of waiting almost five years from s2 to s3 good omenss
#AGAIN not complaining i know it has to take so much time#but im just impatient!!!#(btw i edited the tag bc right after making this post public i saw that i wrote inpatient instead of impatient...)#but idk i want to somehow “enjoy” the waiting bc it's my first AND my last at the same time (for good omens)#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#supreme archangel aziraphale#aziracrow#gomens#good omens 3
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My precure color opinions because why not. Don't read if you think you'll be upset reading different opinions, i just wanna put this out there haha😭:
Summer is white, let her be white (this is the one i'm the most passionate about). I didn't even KNOW there was a debate on this until this year, what in the world. None of that rainbow or pink nonsense. I don't even know why she would be classified as rainbow officially. Especially when the color they TRY to force her into is pink (for example saying today's color is pink before the outro). I heard she was created to be white but i don't know the source of that so that might be wrong
i agree with Finale being golden, she gets to be golden as a treat <3. She is not purple, y'all are just mean, compare her to actual purple cures. A golden theme really suits her in my opinion, it's beautiful and elegant like her. There should be more golden cures that have some some golden accents imo :D
Parfait is green to me with rainbow sub-color, i KNOW it makes no sense and she is just a rainbow cure, but that's what she is in my brain somehow acejcdksvd
Cosmo is blue with rainbow sub-color, but SHOULD have been rainbow. Maybe with blue sub-color bc it Does with the team arrangement (also should have had her cat form in cure form but that's beside the point). I heard they WANTED to make her rainbow but weren't allowed?! Unsure about that too though
i haven't seen hugtto yet but ma cherie literally looks so pink acejcdjd. You're red? Whatever you say, girl, you can be anything you wanna be, who am i to tell you otherwise <3
Milky as green is fine, but i see why people want turquoise to just be its own category. I think her color shouldn't look different though, she looks great
similair for Lillian, except that i've seen some people giving her a wonderful light green and she would look gorgeous!
Nyammy can be a blue cure if she wants <3. Especially next to Lillian, it's obvious how white is their base color and they define themselves via the accents. But also she is literally the whitest cure ever made, let alone the whitest blue cure wcejev
Felice is fine as green cure and she's beautiful
there should be more pink non-leaders like Butterfly
bring back black as cure color. Also brown and grey would be gorgeous <3
i actually prefer when cures look kinda colorful and they AREN'T monotone. The main color is really more about the vibe in my opinion, like with Finale and Nyammy haha!
This is all light-hearted, just thought it would be fun to post these bc everyone has Some precure color opinions xD! 🙌 It's so funny how color discourse is such a serious topic in precure fandom CSJDVEK
If anyone wants to share their own opinions, you can tell but please only if it's in good faith 🙏
#precure#pretty cure#pretty cure!#the only ones i'm gonna seriously defend of these are summer and finale#and maybe felice bc idk why people complain about her#he literallylooks like a flower it's beautiful leave her alone 😭🙌#don't let your desire for green cures hate on her lovely multicolored design 😔#*she. about felice#it's just that i don't like the way people are so strict about it.#like ohh she has more than two colors in design so she must be rainbow#or maybe she just has a. good design. but is still color coded as white bc it's the main color of her outfit#I FEEL LIKE THE COLORS AND DESIGNS SHOULD BE EMBRACED AND NOT POLICED SO STRONGLY#i'm also so biased sbout the summer thing bc i heard they specifically didn't want to make a pink cure and wanted a white one instead#which might be wrong but i hope not haha#and the reason i'll defend finale as golden is because i think it's a really cool idea to have a special accent as the 'main' color!#and i think she deserves that and again it's okay to have a design with multiple colors#ANYWAY THE REST IS JUST SILLY SORRY 😭#i just like the creative designs okay and don't think they need to be put down or policed for what they are#like summer just has normal accent colors. she doesn't even have enough colors to be rainbow#in fact the only colors she has that are in a rainbow are yellow and blue so do you see what i'm saying
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I don't know if i should try to be understanding and have a normal conversation, be rude, ignore or just delete their comment
#I wanna be mean so much but I don't think it's worth the energy#this is about that one heartstopper post I made where I explicitly state that this is my opinion/critique and if it upsets you just scroll#they commented something like 'never seen someone stretch so hard. also Tao is cis and straight in case you forgot'#ok. fuck you#also can you really be 'straight' if you're in a non-straight relationship and attracted to the other person?#probably controversial but idk#heartstopper fans proving that they don't want critisism once again + not knowing how to read and understand a point. nice#not art#text#me complaining#delete later
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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"What do you want for Christmas" "what do you want for your birthday" "ideas for gifts would be great" help
#i get all my presents for the year in one week and i get very easily overwhelmed by the pressure of thinking of things i want#because my parents always want to get me things i'll like so they ask for ideas or a list or something but#idk I have enough stuff#and i always feel weird when people give me gifts#like i don't deserve them#especially if i get them something small in return (or not at all)#and I find it so hard to stick with things even when its things i like#like cross-stitching#i really like it but i haven't been able to get myself to pick it back up and i just#guhhh I'm complaining again#rambles from the floor#delete later
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#i wrote the arsl essay really emotionally if it's illogical i'm very sorry it's just my impression T0TTTTT.........#mumblings#EVEN THE SOLLUX ONE IS CRINGE TO ME I CANT LOOK AT IT ANYMORE i'm just glad people who've gotten something out of it can feel#more reassured in their enjoyment of these characters bcs theyre awesome & i like when people think abt them esp in relation to each other#i was so 👀!!! by how sollux detected his relevancy was reduced compared to the rest of the meteor crew and chose to step away with aradia#and since her arc was pretty much finished around the same time as his i rlly love how they complete their jobs then go off have fun#(well sollux is extra funny bcs he doesnt WANT to be a Main Character but mf can't resist adding his two cents backseat commentary LOL)#anw.. idk if ive ever mentioned but i dont care for pale arsl whatsoever skjskj highkey resent the popularity of that depiction but i don't#have grounds to complain since it gives people a reason to keep including aradia with sollux somehow#once again coming from a dvkt background i often saw aradia and sollux entering as a pair so it was wild to switch to slkt and#find out a lot of sollux shippers don't like aradia as much. or at all#<- was scrolling old posts and saw that people have been discussing this same exact thing years ago LMAO the cycle repeats itself#i think sollux should 🥺👉👈 for aradia forever its funnier to think he likes her so much and she's just. occupied by more important things#ANYTHING SHE NEEDS HE WILL COME.... SHE JUST HAS TO ASK. BUT WHAT CAN SHE POSSIBLY ASK FOR WHEN SHE'S ALREADY SO CAPABLE....... HSJAHAA#back when she approached him for tech and research assistance he could feel useful but now. he's huddled in the corner sad puppy#its so ;;; when ppl make him super relieved to see aradia like WAAGHHHHHH SHE'S HERE... SHE'S HERE FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!#sollux wanting to be more important to aradia is a thought i revisit a lot he just wants to know if there's anything there#but he can't pick Just One Thing and regardless of the outcome good or bad he'll always regret screwing it up#in reality its not his fault lol just like karkat dude's got the self-sabotage instinct for things no one holds him against for so. yeh#STILL don't take my opinions as truth gospel alright i'm a fangirl not a meta writer!!!!!!!!!
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#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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you ever scroll past some sort of discourse that you didn't even know existed, and you have to take a second and realize that, while none of us are superior to others, some of us ARE much better at choosing which dumbass hills to die on? because I think sometimes you deserve to go 'huh. at least I'm not getting involved in all that'.
#well idk i'm still wasting time typing this out but that's marginally less embarrassing as an outsider than the people arguing about it#tw abuse mention in tags#so APPARENTLY!!!#enneagram mbti people are complaining about enneagram 7s being predisposed to being manipulative (?)#someone's like 'my sister was a 7w8 and neglects her kids' like jesus christ i don't think her enneagram is why she does that?#saying this as someone who LOOSELY AND UNSERIOUSLY enjoys mbti/zodiac/boxes to put my blorbos into:#these people are just doing the zodiac but for people who think they can armchair diagnose others they dislike with cluster b disorders#like congrats you made it worse and combined it with pseudopsychology to make some hellish ableism amalgamation#and it was already stupid to begin with but man you really took it up to 100#like we do realize that this is all fake. right. this isn't an actual psychological profile.#and taking it seriously has worrying implications? and you cannot judge someone based on anything but their behavior?#like again i get having fun with these things as little categories. my autistic ass loves sorting things into categories.#i will give my blorbos full star charts for 6 hours. yay categories.#but with the caveat that it's unserious and for funsies and not at all an actual representation of any human being?#like when i say 'i'm such a taurus lol' or whatever i'm not actually under the impression that it dictates my actual personality?#it's all confirmation bias anyways. people see what they want out of this kind of thing#like yeah i'm kinda lazy and i like food and self indulgence but. that's probably like half of the. idk. virgo population or whatever too#i think those are just things that most human people enjoy unless you're one of those super ambitious go-getters who never slows down#same goes for every other trait. curiosity? emotion? stubbornness? logic? those are just things that most people have in some capacity
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