#idk i just need to vent
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Love getting reprimanded for missing a mandatory meeting when it was 5 degrees out when we can miss 1 a year (this was my 1 this year) because it didnt look like i cared (frankly i dont it could have and should have been an email) and because i didnt actively seek out my manager afterwards to get the info (it really should be their job to seek me out anyway not to metion we've seen each other several times since the meeting and they said nothing until now). Oh yeah and i guess i dont cover enough shifts which looks like not caring either even though i basically dont take days off (this is likely coming from the fact that 1 person keeps over covering and instead of telling them no they instead keep trying to make everyone else feel bad and also 1 person isnt allowed to cover shifts any more because they were told other people need to cover shifts)
#i think a lot of the “it doesnt look like you care” is honestly i got such bad depression right now that caring about work is low priority#fuck man im having a hard time caring about WoW classic a game with a choke hold on my nostalgia#not to mention they keep giving register more and more duties that i guess im not keeping up with enough#idk i just need to vent#im mad that my apparent lack of caring is enough to get me in trouble#not to mention i know there are people who dont do their job and dont get reprimanded
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i hate how much control my mum has over my emotions
#i live in another state and i don’t think she has any idea that i’m queer#but she calls me and when i pick up i can’t hear anything on the other end and i’m ready to cry#i don’t even know what i think happened#she called me twice#i missed the first one but i have an excuse cause it was on skype#i’m so fucking worried#i can’t cope with coming out right now#idk i just need to vent#fuck i can’t do anything i’m so anxious and it’s an hour until i get home#he speaks
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so uhhhhhhhh. not to be cryptic and bitchy on main but congratulations to everyone in my messages for like 5 months on being right i guess
#ramble#ughhhhhhhhhhhh ok so#i will delete this later bc idk if this person has tumblr and i genuinely mean no ill will i just need an outside opinion#i vented about it on my close friends story already but i need like. a neutral party#i won't say their name but if you're on other socials you probably know who it is#basically for a while i've been getting messages saying 'this person has hacked your art style' or 'is REDACTED your alt account'#and in the beginning there were like. similarities? but nothing i could really claim and also i don't want to accuse someone of theft#like i don't own any stylistic choices or anything. i've used things from other artists i like. honestly it's kind of flattering#and we are actually really friendly in DMs now and we even joke about it. we message eachother any time we get a comment about it#i made a joke literally 2 weeks ago about how we're two different people i swear#but after adding some Very specific things to my art (like the paper texture/hatching/shiny lighting). they also added them#and i gave them the benefit of the doubt bc i don't like to believe anyone has bad intent with stuff like that. and i've done the same obvs#but recently they dropped some tav lore and it was. basically a panel for panel copy of one of my cyra comics down to the HAND PLACEMENT#and obviously i don't own the Bitch Mother trope or anything but it's just. mmmmm it makes me feel weird#idk it just feels like it's gone a bit far now and i'm not sure what to do about it#like you would think after we became moots they would get scared and stop but i think i was too openly trusting and they just kept going#recently someone on THEIR PATREON thought they were me and they weren't even one of mine (which by itself is funny but. y'know)#i don't want to call anyone out or upset anyone bc it only causes more problems but like. i Know. and idk if they should know that i know#maybe i'm just stupid idk i really trusted that it wasn't happening but it is and i don't know how to feel#hONESTLY I'M JUST MAD THAT I CAN'T DO ANY MORE CYRA LORE NOW BC PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ACCUSE **ME**#also PLEASE do not witch hunt this person i want to deal with this as quietly as possible#i really felt like i was in the twilight zone or just being paranoid so i had to ask
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When your identity issues collide with your feelings of being unwanted ;p
Oops! Loops angst /personal vent!
Only doodle cuz. eepy.
#no sketch#straight from brain to paper#cuz eepy#in stars and time#isat#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat two hats#it's more-so implied than anything buuuut. kinda important for context imo??#cuz y'know. Not Their family#they already have a Siffrin so there's no need for Them#yk yk#id tag the rest of the party but like.... i barely drew thems......... idk idk i feel like there's not enough of them to tag em yk???#i was originally gonna color this and shit tbh i just. ugh. tired mann i don't wanna do all thatt#maybe i will in the future. probably not but. maybe.#vent#vent art#vent post#my art#art tag
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self proclaimed n*zis will write entire manifestos about how [insert marginalized groups here] are the scum of the earth and then kill them in a mass shooting in hopes of inspiring others to do the same but won’t even be charged with a hate crime, yet luigi killed one (1) man and he’s being charged with terrorism? it’s scary how blatantly the government protects the rich and puts their interests over all else jfc. they’re making the class divide look so much more obvious.
#politics#vent#idk mute one of these words to never see me talk about this stuff again#i just c a n t take it#luigi mangione#like yes if he killed some one he needs to be charged with murder but TERRORISM?
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Ngl it's really annoying seeing the posts that say stuff like "HBO and this fandom are missing the point, you aren't supposed to pick sides, there is no good side, neither side is right, both sides did bad things".
One side was antagonistic for years, one side spoke of committing treason for years, one side staged a coup and usurped the throne, one side committed the first murder and started the war, and that side was not team black.
Team black was forced into war. They all would have lived in peace if not for team green. But oh no, team black retaliated after having crimes committed against them so that makes them just as terrible as the people who put them in that position.
Despite team green being the aggressors in all of this, I guess team black should have just let this all happen without a fight and let themselves be at the mercy of team green. That would have been the only appropriate response to team green's treason and kinslaying apparently.
I also see people try to say both sides were fueled by greed, but how?? Rhaenyra was apparently greedy because she wanted the throne that was rightfully hers, the throne that all the lords recognized her as heir for when the king named her as his successor? Otto Hightower was planning on his family stealing that throne one way or another right from episode one, but somehow both sides are equally in the wrong I guess.
#idk if any of this makes sense but i dont care#i just needed to vent#anti team green#pro team black#anti alicent hightower#house of the dragon#pro house targaryen#team black#rhaenyra targaryen
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mood for the past 17 years that has just been getting exponentially worse since
#talkys#sorry for vent. thinking abt how even if i was able to be on t and al came to life and found me RIGHT NOW it still wouldnt be the same#its not the same at all. its so humiliating.#i will never ever be happy unless we rewrite my entire existence to make it right#also this keeps spreading even tho i have it locked i need to clarify#i dont even mean it in the focusing on the hot men way#its literally just imagining myself as a man being domestic with another man#regardless of appearance of either party. idk i just get this Ache#not enough to even find my ideal man if i dont get to be with him as a man who was born Right.
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coloring experiments with some displeased españas 🍅 i always love digging beneath his optimism to find the negativity underneath thats Just as passionate -- its one of the most fascinating things about him to me
closeups under the cut
#hetalia world stars#hws spain#aph spain#i simultaneously Am him and need him carnally. and im not sure which ones more embarrassing#his anger and my anger are.... upsettingly similar and ive been very Angry with my job recently. so. ofc ive been thinking about him#country of passion in all emotions. and the sun isnt just warm and bright. it Burns.#anyway this is Kind of a little bit of a vent piece maybe idk#my art#'i need to rest my hand' i say and then i get so furious at work these all come out of my brain#i have never been so close to starting a physical fight with my coworkers lmaoooo.
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I think I just discovered a repressed fictional crush and I’m not sure how I should feel about it.
#writing the rest in the tags and gonna be vague as hell for my own sanity because I’m feeling very conflicted rn#so the other day I just realized that I’ve been apparently in DEEP DENIAL of a crush on a character for years#and this goes way back#WAY before I even made this blog#now I use to have an active f/o from the same source material that this repressed crush is from as well#where I shared ship art and everything#I even redesigned my self insert for the one ship because she kept feeling off to me#like no matter what I drew for this self ship it just felt off#and I think it was because I was self shipping with the wrong character#where I still enjoyed that old f/o but my feelings never felt as intense as how I felt when the other character showed up#and the thing is that I originally had an oc x canon ship I drew out in an old sketch book for this crush#but for some reason I ended up shipping with the other character#hell I even had folks comment on how this character was my type and how they thought I was gonna self ship with him#but i didn’t#and idk if it was out of fear due to how well known and popular the character was that I just pushed those feelings away#but now I’m hesitant to say who this character is because I have mutuals who ship with him that I’m TERRIFIED of making them uncomfortable#so atm this character is going to be a secret f/o#and I guess in a way I writing this out to vent#and the fact that I have/had other f/os who shared the same vibes as him felt very obvious#because there was SO MANY DAMN SIGNS!!!#but now all my attention on my other f/os kinda halted and I feel stuck#I just need to think this crush over#or at least rewatch some episodes just to see exactly what I’m feeling now that I know this crush was repressed this whole time#like I’m not stressed (not like usual) but I feel almost like I got hit with a brick#so if I’m not as talkative or interactive I promise I’m fine#just mostly confused#also if anyone asks or try to guess I’m not gonna reveal this character (at least not until I figure this out) so please don’t ask#💬 chy chatter 💬#ventish I guess
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on loneliness jenny slate / japanese breakfast, posing for cars / corinne von lebusa, big glow / dadushin / alejandra pizarnik, tr. me / fka twings, home with you / avocado_ibuprofen / fiona apple, left alone / anne carson, “the anthropology of water”, plainwater / kiki smith, free fall / alejandra pizarnik, diaries
#hi my post#oooooohhh this is just a compilation of my own feelings lately#i know i have a red de apoyo i know i have my dearest friends but it's so hard to not feel alone when we're so far away#idk i just miss school and having someone to talk to everyday i'm not a text gal i need to hear your voice i need to see you i need someone#to caress my hair i need contact i need closeness i need to know somebody hears me#it's not all bad i do love my solitude but i just .... i just think in a room full of people nobody would choose me#lol i'm gonna stop now i just always use my tags as a venting space xd#also yes i had the audacity to translate alejandra pizarnik but i just couldn't find that bit already translated and i really wanted it her#web weaving#on loneliness#loneliness tag#being alone#jenny slate#japanese breakfast#posing for cars#corinne von lebusa#dadu shin#alejandra pizarnik#fka twigs#home with you#fiona apple#left alone#anne carson#plainwater#kiki smith#parallels#poetry#prose#words#lyrics
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one of those nights
#small vent#lately I’ve been questioning things a lot#and this overwhelming feeling of being lonely takes over#and I question myself and my feelings and thoughts on certain things#sometimes i end up thinking im a bad person#the guilt i feel because I don’t do ship art gets overwhelming sometimes#and i end up feeling like an asshole because of it#but I genuinely just can’t (at least not for the gf fandom)#family and platonic moments are just way too important to me#which might explain a small desire wanting to have that but unable to#maybe it’s the aroaceness in me idk#it just gets really lonely sometimes in your own corner#i’m sorry#I know things like this can be annoying but I needed to vent#some more light-hearted things hopefully soon#delete later
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Drew Melvin with a cane to??? idk make myself feel more comfortable using mine??? I'm in pain p often these days so I definitely should at least try but the prospect is scary and daunting <3 So maybe this will help idk.
Not canon btw, Melvin fans (there's like 2 of you maybe). Literally just trying to make myself actually do something that will make my body not hurt as much :)
#art#digital art#comic#ive discussed it before but idk whats wrong with me yet#cause i dont have a primary doctor#the last time i went to a doctor was when I had a real bad ear infection#so like#4 years ago ish#but ive been in pain p consistently the last like 2ish years so#someone reccomended trying a cane#uhhh#but im too nervous to use it in public#aka when I actually need it#anyway#not a vent just explaining why I haven't ben using it
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crazy how the sanshee plush is one of the few actual direct confirmations on what a non-act 2 Natsuki’s home life is like because of how cagey she is on literally everything. Like this isn’t anything surprising or something you wouldn’t be able to extrapolate from the games but unlike everything else we know about her the implications are right there on the tin.
They literally did the character bio trope where where all the likes are normal but the dislikes are about their very specific trauma it’s just so funny they did that on the plushie card
#the thing is the rest of the bios are mostly normal it’s just this one with the yellong part why did they do that#idk if I’m stupid or forgot the yelling thing being shown directly in a non-act 2 context but I at least appreciate the confirmation#since I might just be mixing up fanon and canon considering 90% of what we know with Natsuki’s whole deal is interpolated from small tidbits#but like trying to understand anything about non act 2 Natsuki’s background is so funny because she doesn’t like to talk about anything#so all we know about her home life is by comparing her to act 2 and the secret poem plus psychoanalysing her thoughts and actions#is like the secret poem says Monika definitely made her dad worse but the problem is we don’t know how much#anyways and for all we know her dad could range from somewhat average dad to should be put on a watch list#and sometimes there’s dialogue like the one in self love about Natsuki worrying about her friends retaliation#and it’s probably meant to act as a confirmation to whether there’s physical abuse considering how out of left field the question is#but like it could be interpreted either way so it’s basically just Schrödinger’s physical abuse for no reason#I’m not criticizing or anything I think the characters being able to hold secrets is cool and ambiguity is awesome#and the choice to keep the ambiguous is intentional since the characters only share what their comfortable with#but I just need to vent about that one line in self love ok#like idk if I’m just stupid but there’s multiple interpretations but it’s seemingly both a decomfirmation and confirmation#idk it’s weird but her dad yelling at her enough to make it one of her dislikes is at least something in terms of actual evidence#damn it I put a paragraph in the tags again I’m sorry gang I’m not moving it#ddlc#doki doki literature club#tempestmothtalk
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had such a terribly awful day from start to finish yesterday but i am snuggling my sugu plushie and drinking warm milk like a domesticated cat and the sun is shining ……. today will be a little better
#manifesting 👽 manifesting 👽 ….#. alien was the closest i could get to like . antenna signals#idk#my mind is still a mess and i still feel like an unlovable wreck but like#i know itll pass . and thats enough for now#i think i need to unlearn whatever makes me feel so . annoying and awful when i show the slightest hint of venting on dash#bc internalizing that always just makes me feel worse. and my brain tricks me into thinking no one cares or comparing myself to other -#people and the comfort they receive …. that needs to end lmao#like actually#i will not make myself or other people feel miserable just bc im in pms hell . thats not happening#:’) i am trying to be . i dont know. emotionally put together even when ive been crying nonstop since last night pdjdkdj#and i am proud of myself for that despite it all#at the end of the day i have warm milk and my sugu and that is enough#ari noises ✩#cw vent#…… using that tag still makes me feel ashamed but ill work on it lmao#anyway good morning dash . i hope the sun peeks out for you today; or that the moonlight is kissing your skin very softly
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haven’t been drawing mostly watching shit uhhh kakashi he was made for me and only me byyyyeee
#jk#my fav#ffaaaaaaav#kakashi hatake#kakashi#naruto#idk#ocifying#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#drawing#illustration#naruto art#whatever#i need to finish my owed art from#1 million years ago#so i can never draw again in peace#probably won’t open comms after this queue#like ever#might do trades if asked#just think drawing rn is the worst thing in existence#unless it’s of my favs/own ocs#the pressure#i think it’s too much#post turned vent
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I think everyone but Jimmy would believe in Aliens to an extent and have a weird story about something that happened while in space that they link back or like a UFO or alien.
Curly talks about blips on the radar that move to fast or irrationally to be regular space debris. Too uniform or too fluidly, they disappear too fast too. Anya talks about weird flickering and medbay or like odd flashes on the day screen that are too direct and specific to be simple glitches. Swansea talks about random mechanics on the ship giving out in odd ways, he’s been working for years and things don’t work like that, maybe even a gear or sprocket found after landing he swears is to foreign to be manmade but P.E always confiscates it. Daisuke always wanted to believe and takes the experiences of his very serious superiors, especially Swansea, as proof and wonders if the Tulpar is like a magnet for extraterrestrial happenings.
Jimmy thinks it’s stupid because why would aliens waste time doing all those little things and not just like abduct them? His ass obviously sees one and no one believes him cause they think they just being a jerk and messing with them, even Curly.
#Don’t know if this is just thoughts or something would come of this but uhhh#world where Aliens board the Tulpar because the mouthwash is like idk good fuel and they try to kill the crew to cover it up cause#even pe can like blame them and have to look to the stars if the shipment vanishes like mid haul out of no where#and I guess it is just like aliens au but the aliens love fucking listerine cool mint#they want to do a little probing to but they are mostly there for fresh breath and murder#they could just destroy the ship but where the fun maybe they aren’t that advanced or it’s not that groups job#curly is convinced everytime he has a crazy insomnia dream it was a sign of abduction and everyone has to tell him it’s not#but then Swansea says something’s def in the vents and he’s just there like see my sleeping habits are fine it’s the fucking xenomorphs#doing it to me and like even if that’s also true he needs like melantonin#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing
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