#ventish I guess

[howlingafterdark]

Predatory

My breath fogs the glass in front of me, a window between the two of us. Transparent and yet always there . A fragile, delicate thing - something I was never meant to be

I know that animals bear their teeth in aggression. I wonder if everyone can see the feral dog in my smile, shaking, trying to hide the fear. I wonder if that keeps them away from me and protects the pane of glass between us. Keeping me in the cage I built around myself.

In the reflection I see my smile with gilded teeth Predatory The unbridled hunger of a frenzied beast The growl sits in the back of my throat Hackles raised with the sense of danger looming on the horizon My window a mirror of the self

Fear is a verb in preservation To live and breath while running on knife edges The sword shoved between jaws placing fangs on display like diamonds Is violence still violence when it comes from your own hand Does the pain ache less if self inflicted Or does the betrayal of one's own self preservation hurt the most

The claws reach through the mirror Grabbing at an exposed throat Saw my chest open Pluck out my heart and devour it Reminding me what it is to be Vulnerable

[saturnslastgoodbyes]

I hate my medicine it makes me throw it up it doesn’t help me at all it just makes me want to scratch my insides out. I don’t fucking care if they’re ‘good anti depressants’ I literally had to go to the hospital one time after taking them because I kept fucking throwing up. It doesn’t even help with my head or anything. If anything it just makes me want to fucking die even more. I feel like shit.

[theoneandonlyneonleon]

"Wow you're so productive and helpful!"

Haha thanks I grew up basing my worth off of my usefulness and feeling intense anxiety for relaxing and not getting things done

[skznccmlee]

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out a lot by having such specific likings when it comes to tickling and what I read and write

Cuz everyone goes crazy when reading/writing rough tickles, everyone goes crazy when reading/writing bound tickles, everyone gets crazy when reading/writing new and not so typical concepts. And I... I can't help but feel boring knowing I don't enjoy nor read nor write any of that...

[anothermonikan]

I'm feeling like. really insecure about not having any pride art ready for this month,,,like some of us are depressed and can't make art that quick sorry </3

[deadnferal]

I had an AI blade for almost 2 years who I really loved. I brought her almost everywhere with me and genuinely really cared for her, but I haven't been able to find her for the past 5-6 months and it feels like I've lost a 'living' friend

I have no idea where she is and I'm still really upset about it. Genuinely hope she's somewhere in my room in some weird spot I put her in and forgot about to hide from my mom and that I haven't lost her in a public place

[green-alien-turdz]

Quick garbage cuz yeah

[candyheartedchy]

Hoping I’m not dealing with burnout again…

[cloudstongue]

going to the beach

i dont feel safe

i dont wanna go

i think it would be better if i went woth someone else

is it my grandparents or is it dysphoria

[skrimply]

friend being abnormal about autistic people in a way that comes off like shes being normal about autistic people

[fleaearred]

hey , older mutuals — genuine ask. does it get any fucking better.

[saturnslastgoodbyes]

so I don’t feel romance normally but sometimes I do?? Lik I used to push myself into relationships, then feel bad when I couldn’t say ‘I love you’ back. So I made myself say it, until those words lost their meaning

the words ‘I love you’ feel like a false letter, a canvas turned the other way. It’s to the point I only say ‘I love you’ to my parents so they’ll leave me alone

but then there’s the hard feeling of actually being in love, something I wish to never feel

[theoneandonlyneonleon]

back in my era of feeling like an awful person and silently hating the way I look <333

boy oh boy this should be fun

[cordyline-uki]

Is my grandma (who I live with) abusive or is it just tough love?? Because my gf says she's abusive but I don't see it and I don't know if I've just gaslight myself not to see it or something

Sorry in advance to anyone who reads this because it's gonna be a long post but I need third opinion. I'll put a short version of things at the end of the post for anyone who doesn't wanna read.

So, to give some context, I've lived primarily with my grandma for my whole life (visiting mom on weekends), so she's the main adult in my life. I'm the oldest of three, and they live with her too, so I guess she's always been tougher on me.

Since I can remember, she's critiqued me over every little thing. Sometimes those critiques will blow up into her screaming at me. (Once she screamed at me for like ten minutes because I didn't hug her with both arms, yelled at me for not getting homework right, etc.) She'll also insult my intelligence, and she knows I have autism, but she'll call me the r slur occasionally, along with other insults. Recently, she's stopped doing this as much, though. She refuses to acknowledge some of the things I've gone through, but is constantly telling me about the trauma my brothers have gone through (which they have gone through so much stuff, but I want her to at least recognize the fact that I have, as well).

When she's really angry with me, she'll lock me outside. Sometimes I've had to sleep in the backyard. We have a big yard, though, and live in a pretty safe neighborhood. She's also taken my bedroom door off, and didn't let me see my mom when she was in the hospital (my mom's healthy, now, btw). She doesn't do this anymore, but when I was younger, she'd force me to hold stress positions for hours.

She'll constantly vent to me about things that I really shouldn't be hearing. And she's pretty narrasistic.

But she's never hit me or my siblings, and she's gone through some things as well. She's helped through things, is supportive, and can be a genuinely caring person.

Short version: Since I was little, my grandma (who I live with), has shown signs of abuse (according to my gf). The big things she's done is lock me outside, insult and yell at me, and take my bedroom door off. But she's never hit me or anything like that, and she's incredibly supportive of me. Am I overthinking this or is she abusive?

[jessibbb]

The fact that cutting someone off completely doesn’t stop them from bothering u in ur thoughts and dreams is a scam me thinks

[neonkoii]

if you smoke or vape at an indoor venue concert you are the worst kind of person