#idk i feel like i'll never be fucking accepted for who i am at all

[fyeahnix]

Ok lemme talk about this season of Arcane, the ending, and most importantly, Sevika. If you don't want spoilers, back away now but I'm leaving this open because people have a tendency to not open or read my posts with read more cuts after them 🙃

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First off, I will say that I like Arcane a lot. Like a LOT. I've watched the first season 4 times (rarely do I watch anything more than once) and I think it's a masterclass in adult animation. Fortiche really put everything into this series.

That being said...

While I did like season 2, I don't think it was enough. Animation wise it was phenomenal, writing wise...I think it could have been better. As I've learned through doing research for my Sevika fics, the League of Legends universe, lore, and worldbuilding is fucking MASSIVE and even if I don't give two shits about that community or game, I have to give it props in that department because they really put a ton of work into it to make it feel alive. Maps? Short stories? Timelines? Race and culture? Apex could never...

That ofc is why it's hard for me to say that the writing is amazing. We had far too many characters to keep track of in season 2 with far too many plot threads to finish in two seasons. I think ideally, this series should have been 3 seasons instead of 2. Acts 1 and 2 could have been its own season, and Act 3 could have been its own season. If not that, then at least one more episode per act would have helped a lot. Things just progressed and wrapped up far too quickly for my liking.

Also not a huge fan of how quickly video game related media tends to dip into the whole timeline and multidimensional business. It def works well for some games but here? Idk I guess it was bound to happen given some League character's abilities, but the stakes just elevated far too quickly for me. Not a fan of Viktor becoming one of the main antagonists at all, and DEFINITELY not a fan of the conflict between Piltover and Zaun being sidelined for an "enemy of my enemy is my friend" thing with the war against the Noxians. It makes sense, I just wish "war with the Noxians" came at a later date so we could focus on the twin cities.

And speaking of the generational conflict between Piltover and Zaun, let's talk about Sevika.

As I said before, Sevika is the most qualified person to become the leader of Zaun and I stand by that even after the ending. But first....what about her found family? Isha sacrificed herself and Sevika gets no on-screen reaction? The last two episodes just progressed SOOOO FAST that we and some of the characters didn't even have time to breathe. Did Sevika even get time to mourn for Isha? What about Jinx, who is now gone? Sevika barely even encountered Vander! I would have loved to see some of the aftermath there because I think season 1 did a better job of allowing characters time to process their emotions and grief, even if the pacing was still kinda fast. It was acceptable!

I am sad af she didn't get more lines, but remember, Sevika has always been a side character in this series. An important side character but a side character no less. The promo shot of her now feels like...what was the point? (more on that in a sec) but considering how many characters and plot points and plot threads they had to account for, I am not surprised she didn't get more screen time. Hell, Vi and Caitlyn didn't even get a chance to have a full conversation on eveything that happened and Caitlyn didn't even apologize on screen. The fuck bro.

Now about Sevika's ending....I am very happy she isn't dead. Like dawg, you have no fucking idea how happy I am about it. SHE FUCKING LIVED. But....

I am seeing some people saying they're not happy or they're confused or that her ending doesn't make sense. And I just disagree with those points. Let me explain why.

I posted something earlier today about it, but again, as people don't open my read mores, I'll repost it here:

We absolutely do not know how much time passed between the war and the final few shots of the season. So Sevika joins the council. I DO NOT THINK she would do this unless there's a good reason for it, and that's why I'm guessing she will be Zaun's ambassador on the council. That war probably significantly changed the relationship between Piltover and Zaun and while old wounds will take more than a fucking war to heal, her being on the council now means she directly has a say in Zaun's future. Remember, the council was literally about to hand Zaun their independence before Jinx blew it up, and Mel was in support of it. As I said before, Sevika is respected down there at a bare minimum with all the factions. She would know better than anyone how to lead Zaun at this point. So yeah I get the hesitation, but it makes sense in my eyes. And it makes it likely that Sevika could show up again in a future League animation, if not become a whole champion.

I like her ending. I am sorry but it just makes fucking sense. Sevika is extremely loyal to her home and her people of Zaun. We've seen that time and time again. She was willing to go to war and die for those people not just against Piltover but also the Noxians, so why on fucking earth would anyone believe she's making a bad choice here?

She is now in the best possible position anyone in Zaun could be to advocate for their independence and support their growth. She knows the chem barons and brought them to peace, she gained the respect of the Firelights with Scar leading them in Ekko's absence, and she even got the Jinxers together with them before the Noxian attack on Zaun. Sevika has experience, she has the ear of the people, she knows what it's like down there, she is made to lead and help advocate for them!!!!

Believe me I get that whole "changing things from the inside" angle doesn't work more often than not, but this doesn't feel like "changing from the inside," it feels like "let me advocate for my people's actual independence so we have a starting point to become self sufficient." Again, Piltover was literally about to let Zaun gain their independence, and while none of the previous council members that agreed to it are there, Mel is/was. Who's to say she didn't help negotiate for Sevika to sit on the council and start (or complete!) the Zaun independence process before she left for Noxus? I can't imagine Sevika would just show up to the table and sit there if she didn't have a damn good reason. Like come on now. This woman has seen first-hand what Piltover is capable of and does not like them nor looks like she wants to be there. But she's seen what Piltover has done to her people first-hand, and after learning from both Vander and Silco, this is how she feels she can best protect her people.

She IS the new leader of Zaun and their ambassador at the council.

And lastly, we've been told that some characters will be returning in future League animations. Mel seems like an absolute given, but what about Sevika? Zaun's story is only just beginning, and yeah they said they'd like to branch out to other regions, that doesn't mean a cameo or maybe another medium can't be used to continue that story (a book, perhaps??).

Anyway yeah those are my thoughts...

[beananium]

oh its all so painfully real

[zarkishere]

RDR2 RELATIONSHIP CHART!

free to use, just credit me if you do :) (also tag me if you use it for rdr2 oc's i'd love that hehe)

Young Jack ver ⤴️

Old Jack ver ⤵️

notes cuz i love overthinking shit :

EVERYONE except Micah, Sadie and Kieran have both little hair thingies

for Micah it's cuz....yknow. he's not really part. he's the rat. doesn't even have one of the two.

For Sadie and Kieran they have 1 since they are part of the gang, they just happened to join later

I changed some people's design a little bit but it's minor changes that don't mean much just me fixing up stuff

Molly and Grimshaw's eye-makeup-thingies are the same (cuz yknow. Dutch.) Molly's hair doesn't naturally do the Little Hair Thing, she has to do it every morning, hence why it's...oddly curly (this time not because she's not part of the gang, but because she feels the need to have it. maybe Dutch will love her if she does. if she's like the rest.)

I decided to make older Jack have a few things from other characters who are theorized to be his dad (lol. i don't believe those theories just for the record, i think Jack is John's kid, i just like stirring the pot HJKASJKHASGASG)

Jenny is like that cuz we never see her apart from a drawing, so i thought i should make her all sketchy and silly

Mac is. a fucking square. we never see that mf.

Karen has 3 freckles instead of 3 cuz she's quirky and not like the other girls (no but fr)

i tried to keep it right side people who would agree most with Dutch after Dutch...? if that makes sense? so yknow Micah is first, then Bill, etc. from the left side is the people who agreed the most with Arthur/John...so Hosea, Charles, lenny, etc.

Arthur facing John, Hosea facing Dutch, Charles facing Micah is on purpose teehee (Kieran is also kinda facing Mary-Beth but you can call bullshit and i'll accept it)

Jack is the only boyo between the women cuz he stands with his momma

i thought Arthur and John's hat bonking was p funny

idk what else to say, i've probably forgoren a lot but idc so...

these designs are 100% not perfect but i am p satisfied with most overall, lemme know what you think!

also....

i don't have any fucking clue why person's eyes are the only ones like that please someone fix him whats wrong with him help get him eye contacts or something PLEASE--

[butch-reidentified]

Yet another time someone has sent me a screenshot from this random woman spreading 100% baseless, very obviously made-up ('i wonder if") bs about me due to who knows what deep unfulfilled need of hers, though she's never had the spine to come for me directly in any capacity. I so do not understand why I'm coming up again now, given I've not been on tumblr much for months, but 🤷

I'm not going to tag her like I usually would bc I have less than zero desire to invite that toxicity into my life so directly atp (I've @ ed her in the past when she started doing this ages ago), but I am gonna say something ab both the accusations she makes/spreads and ab the behavior itself.

She's been spreading unhinged rumors about me being into men for literal years, including accusing me of fucking my brother, and apparently doesn't find it at all fucked up to be harassing a lesbian trafficking survivor with literally COMPLETELY baseless accusations of sex with m*n (which I have never remotely desired and as I've literally made memes about, would sooner die) just bc I didn't think her treatment of macroclit was entirely fair, as the person who had actually known macroclit for years irl before even being on radblr. I don't necessarily think I would do/say all the exact same things now that I did at that time, for deeply personal reasons I don't owe anybody an explanation of, but that doesn't justify any of the toxicity on her part.

I don't think it's acceptable or even non-lesbophobic to act like lesbians need to be a complete monolith when it comes to their experiences with bi women and views. Nothing I ever said claimed lesbians can be into men or anything of the sort, nor supported polilez, and outside of shit like that, I don't think we need to all have the exact same takes on every single issue down to the smallest nuances.

I also don't think it's acceptable or feminist to completely invent and spread rumors about other women like some wannabe Regina George, as if women don't face enough of that stereotype already. Especially if these rumors undeniably play on themes of your target's trauma history. Especially when you yourself certainly know you're completely inventing said rumors, that they're purely weird parasocial (& blatantly dishonest) speculation.

yes, macroclit is my ex, and we were friends after dating but never "fwb." we did not "meet up and have 3sums," we met up and watched movies and went clubbing, and we have not even slept together since like a couple of years before she realized she was into guys. yes i had a "poly" experimental phase in/around my college years - and I'll admit I didn't formally & vocally end said phase until long after it had materially ended - but this was with exclusively other women, as should be fucking obvious, and frankly was mostly in name only; I just never had any meaningful urge to seek out more partners, and tbqh have never had a very high sex drive. I don't fuck anyone but my wife atp & very much don't want to (nor did I want to feel like I had to air my entire sexual history on tumblr to thousands of ppl).

idk what need is being fulfilled by doing shit like this, i rly cannot fathom it & have never in my life engaged in this behavior toward any other woman. in all honesty, I thought it was just a fully fictional misogynistic stereotype that women do this at all, bc I've never known anyone who does. I've seen rumors spread ofc but usually airing ppls real dirt or exaggerating it, not just lying outright. wild.

all that said, if you want to go toe to toe regarding actual irl feminist action, lmk. otherwise, fix your own shit and drop your obsession w imagining me liking d*ck, it's super creepy and weird.

[sky-fire-forever]

Responding to your line that you put in the water for izzyxreader asks —

Maybe reader is super tough all the time, and so they and Izzy bond over repressing feelings and everything, and then Izzy goes through his transformation and healing era and the reader feels abandoned because everyone on this crew is touchy-feely and now they’re all alone in putting mind over emotion

But then they find out some really bad news (maybe they lost a loved one or something) and fall apart at the seams, and Izzy is there to pick up the pieces

Idk

[AN: I try to leave it vague as to what the bad news actually is, so I'll leave it to your imagination! This is my first time writing X Reader fic, so I hope it's any good! Also, I am posting this on mobile, so I apologize for any formatting errors]

FALLING APART [IZZY HANDS X GENDER NEUTRAL READER]

Izzy Hands is the only one on the ship who understands you. Or so you thought.

These days, it doesn't seem like anyone understands you at all. Izzy included.

It used to be you and Izzy against the world. The two of you understood what it means to be pirates: It means bottling up the fear and the sadness and the… all of it. It means facing the world with a brave face despite how you might feel inside.

You both understood that. Once.

Izzy seems to have forgotten. He wears his emotions on his face now. He talks about them. He wears the title of Unicorn with pride. Things that Izzy wouldn't have been caught dead doing once upon a time.

It seems so easy for him now. He sits with the crew, smiles with them, congratulates them on a job well done. He belongs with them.

And all you can do is watch.

You're almost envious of his ability to change, to grow. It was less lonely being an outsider when Izzy was on the outside with you. Now, you just have to look in and watch as he builds this fantasy family. You wonder how much it will hurt him when it comes tumbling down.

"You could join us, you know," Izzy tells you one night as the crew huddles together by the light and you stand on your own. "No point in you drinking all alone."

You scoff and wave him off. "I don't do well with people." It's an old excuse, one you've used for years.

Just as he always has, Izzy sees through it. "You don't need to push them away. They're... not what we thought they were."

You narrow your eyes at him. "Just because you've gone soft doesn't mean we all will."

Izzy looks at you with something like sadness in his eyes. "The invitation's open."

But it wasn't an invitation you could accept.

Not until later, when a letter comes for you.

As you read it, your hands begin to shake. Your vision gets blurry as your eyes fill with tears. Before you know it, your entire body is trembling.

"Fuck," you whisper. "Fuck!" You shout it at the sea, crumpling the letter in your fist and hurling it at the ocean.

You can never catch a break, can you? The world loves punishing you no matter what you do. People like you don't get a happy ending.

That's something you've always known. You're a pirate and pirates' lives are full of bloodshed and misery and death. A happy ending has never been in the cards for you. Hell, you never even expected a happy middle.

You've never seen the point in crying over the shitty hand you've been dealt. Expressing emotions changes nothing, fixes nothing. So what's the point?

But in this moment, you can't hold it all in. You fall to your knees as tears hit your cheeks. You sob so hard you can hardly breathe. The world around you becomes a blur as you begin to cry.

Strong hands come to wrap around you. Your first instinct is to fight, to shove away whoever is offering you comfort. But you're just too tired and weak to bother.

"I've got ya. I've got you, love." Izzy's soothing voice washes over you as he pulls you into his lap. "I'm here."

Not long ago, the idea of Izzy Hands gently holding you as you fall apart would have been laughable. But here you sit, curled up against his chest as he rubs circles into your back.

You hiccup, trying desperately to regain some control over your breathing. "H-Hurts," you whimper through the tears. "Fuck, it hurts."

"I know," Izzy says softly. "I know, love. I know it hurts. Just let it all out, yeah?"

He presses a kiss to your temple and you squeeze your eyes shut. Sob after sob wrecks through you and you're powerless to stop it.

There's a reason you keep your emotions to yourself. Crying is painful and it's weakness and it fucking sucks. Why would you choose it if you could lock it all away instead?

But somehow crying in Izzy's arms doesn't feel quite as bad as you feared. It still fucking hurts, but he holds you through it, whispering gentle assurances all the while.

And when you've finally cried yourself out, a part of you feels… lighter. Like a great burden has been lifted from your shoulders and all it took was falling apart.

"Shit. I'm sorry," you mutter as you wipe your eyes on the back of your sleeve.

"Nothing to apologize for," Izzy says. "How are you feelin'?"

You hesitate before answering. "Better," you admit somewhat grumpily.

He smiles like he knows how much it pains you to admit that crying helped. "It's easier to fall apart when someone will help pick up the pieces." He reaches up to cup your cheek, brushing away a few stray tears with his thumb.

You swallow and if you had any tears left to shed, you're certain you'd start crying all over again.

Instead, you just wrap your arms around Izzy and hold him close, burying your face in his neck.

"Thank you," you whisper.

He holds you close like it's easy to do it. Like being there for you isn't the burden you know it must be. "Always, love."

And you believe him.

[allwormdiet]

Insinuation 2.7

Finally, some good fucking interpersonal developments

They cheer when she joins the team? That's outrageously cute, stop that right now

Also yeah Taylor you're faking companionship for personal gain of course you feel bad, that's been like 10% of the torment you specifically have been subjected to (I'm not supposed to know about Julia's shit yet but whatever)

Again, very clever ideas made less clever by the ensuing practicalities of the situation. The thing with the spider silk all over again, but now the stakes are higher, and that's probably gonna be a recurring thing

God but it kills me how low Taylor's self-esteem is, poor girl. Emma and the others have done such heinous fucking damage. Someone rizz this girl up or something (am I using "rizz" right), let her feel like she can be attractive

Jesus how touch-starved is Taylor at this point in her life

How often does anyone just go for casual physical closeness with her

Does her dad even hug her that much anymore? Does she let him, or does she bristle at the vulnerability and push him away?

...I wonder if Lisa knows this and is taking it into account.

God, finally, a normal view of the Docks. I cannot begin to describe my relief at the fact that the narration here was like, fine, actually. Thank you for lightening up on them Taylor, please let this last

The Undersiders' hangout sounds about like what I'd expect, although the whole "abandoned factory beneath the loft" part I think escaped me before. Very Lost Boys of them

...I have to imagine it smells at least a little rank in there. Two teenage boys, plus dog smell, and I can't imagine Rachel is super observant of her hygiene, and I don't know enough about Tattletale to say whether she's bad about cleanliness but even if she was that's one against, I dunno, six if you count the dogs. Maybe they invest part of the team budget into Febreze or something

This is... sweet, actually. From both sides. They're making accommodations for Taylor, and Taylor is accepting those accommodations to do them all a favor

Insane that a Ward like, is actively trying to murder someone. What kind of beef does Sophi Shadow Stalker even have with Brian?

I feel some kind of sadness at how young Brian is and how much he acts like an adult. There's almost never a happy story behind kids or teenagers who act that way. It'd be nice if he got more opportunities to relax and act his age, buuuut I don't think this is that kind of story

What a cool power though, honestly. I know the migraines are a motherfucker and I'd probably be a huge baby about that if I had to deal with it, but just shortcutting so much guesswork about like, everything with people and things

Also it's great to see Taylor realize how bad she might have fucked up in trying to infiltrate this team

Heh, yeah, exactly

I wonder what Lisa's reading off of all this. She must have remarkable self-discipline to not be cackling evilly rn

Ruh roh Raggy

Current Thoughts

I love these kiiiiiiiids

It pains me to know they've all had a shit enough time in their lives to all trigger as parahumans, especially being spoiled on Alec's deal as a spawn of Heartbreaker and Lisa's borderline prison sentence under Coil and Brian's struggle with his family. Idk if we ever get more insight into Rachel's path, I'd like to hear it even though I don't think she'd be quick to talk about herself, but I'm gonna guess it's about as sad as the others

I want them all to be happy, and keep being friends without the pressure from Coil to all do crime shit

I know I don't get what I want

so I'll just enjoy the time spent with them best I can

...Anyway I wonder if Taylor's gonna get a mild fear of dogs after this or what

[ronearoundblindly]

A, K, & Z for my rare grimy man? 🥺

*While I have seen Snowpiercer a few times, I don't know the whole culture of the train thoroughly, so let's just say Curtis is A) really used to crowded spaces with no privacy, B) somewhere cold as hell, and C) still has very little, i.e. not a bunch of different clothes or idk soap and shit...

Prompts are from this dirty ask game, and they do get somewhat graphic (am I considered a hoe yet? i've written 18 of these suckers). MINORS DNI. You know I love you, you know I'll create content for you, but this isn't it! You want the Light Masterlist.

A - Alone Time

I believe Curtis's exact words would be "what fucking alone time?" but, sure, on the super rare occasion he gets to touch himself, here's how it goes.

He doesn't have access to porn. It's all imagination at this point.

His living space is so over-stuffed with people in bunks who, ya know, live their lives as best they can and so, yup, they have sex in those bunks and almost everyone can hear them. He can use those sounds in his imagination. Some are better than others.

What he imagines, though, is pure escapism.

He pictures someone soft and clean, they smell good, and they take all the time in the world just to look him in the eye when they touch him. There are no toys, just his own hands. He uses both. A recurring fantasy is (while he uses his weaker hand to jack off) teaching some innocent, sweet thing how to touch him. Gets him going, makes him a little wild to think about. Smidge of a corruption kink, this Curtis, but not in a mean way.

He wants someone all his own. Everything is shared and sparse here. He dreams of possessing someone, body and soul, because then they're his, unlike reality.

K - Kissing

Curtis may be desperate for some lovin' but he isn't a bully. This man hardly believes you're his, so he is completely adoring and slow. He wants to know what every possible way to touch you feels like. He holds your chin or cups your face to kiss you, softly, feather-light to start. You taste, smell, feel, and sound real; it's overwhelming and addictive.

He starts this slowly every single time you two kiss. Doesn't matter how nasty the fucking was the night before. Doesn't matter his mood. He really fucking likes these sweet, innocent kisses where you choose to go further, to pull him closer, to accept him into your body. Huge turn on for him.

(🥵 oh shit, I got myself, sweating now, give me a sec, yikes.)

There are some nights where those soft kisses are all he wants and needs in the world. Just the comfort and the escape of your little bubble of love is enough to soothe him to sleep, which is in and of itself a miracle. He's so tired of living on edge all the time...

Z - Zones

For warmth, as much of his (and your) body is covered at all times as much as possible. No one is naked during sex, not entirely. There aren't thick enough blankets to warrant that, and he's not going to lose a toe to frostbite simply to get his cock warmed. That's a bad trade-off. No deal.

Because of that, however, Curtis finds you touching those non-essential-to-sex-places highly erotic. There is no reason for you to have your bare hands way up by his shoulder blades. Sounds bizarre out of context, but he goes fucking berserk when you slither your grasp under his layers of shirts and dig your nails in just a bit. He loves that more than a goddamn blowjob, honestly.

Similarly, most of the back of him down to his thighs, at least half of his legs, and his feet have remained untouched by any human save himself since he was a kid. When his shitty, fourth-hand boots gave him horrible blisters, you scrounged up a bowl of warm water and washed his feet.

He fucking cried, and you thought it was because he was in pain. He's just never felt so loved and cared for in his miserable life. He still gets choked up thinking about that. He holds you that much tighter each time he remembers.

What areas does he love on you? Oh fuck, does he have to choose?

He can't possibly pick just one or two places. You're just all soft and all sensual. Nope, he can't pick favorites. He just can't. Although...one of your nipples seems more sensitive than the other, so maybe that? But he's not gonna give up any other bits! You can't make him. He will fucking fight for all of you.

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Dirty Asks Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

Oh, hell, here comes another blorbo...

*faints*

[spacehostilityy]

A list of nnt "headcanons" that's actually me just blatantly denying canon bc nakaba is only getting weirder with 4kota so I am revoking his rights

Ban is still immortal. I'll be damned if he ages at human pace while his son, wife, best friend, and teammates outlive him. Also it's just too badass to throw away conceptually

Elizabeth is much more similar to her goddess/Liz personality after her memories/revival

Merlin isn't evil, Arthur isn't evil, neither of them care/know about chaos. Yeah. Straight denial of the main 4kota plotline. Yea.

I just rlly love merlin and I dislike this characterization

Escanor's alive. Bc I like him. He's a good kid. Maybe he and Merlin can be together as a treat for them both

Meliodas and Elizabeth (and Zeldris) were pretty young when they were cursed/sealed and are going to look older in a century or two. They're straight up just babies frozen in time and they'll look older than like 15 soon enough

Elaine too. She can still be short and petite and have short hair but like... just age up her face a bit damn

The sins waited (much) longer to have kids, are actually good parents, and raise their kids together - they overall stay together bc why have found family just to break them apart in the end, that's dumb

This is canon but never utilized but Elizabeth is just powerful as fuck and will use her powers bc she's a bad ass

Ban and Meliodas have fucked. This is not particularly important and is technically canon compliant but like... come on... they're too boyfriend coded to have not fucked in the long years in which both of their loves were dead/a child. They fucked.

Jericho doesn't have a character assassination and settles down with a lesbian lover. Maybe Guila. But is family to Ban. And is def not a p*do with his son. Because what the actual fuck

Howzer (best boy) gets bitches. Maybe Guila. Maybe they're in a throuple. Idk. But I want him to find love

Dreyfus and Hendy (also best boy) are gay. Again, this one feels low key canon compliant. But yeah, they're dating

Tristan is proud of both his demon and goddess heritage, or at least he and Meliodas are on journeys of self acceptance together bc they're bad ass and I love them, especially as demons

Hawk Mama is still a weirdly goated mystery pig. Just kinda chaotic neutral being who just rlly likes being in the ground and having a bar on her back. Also Cath isn't fucking evil. I miss Cath

Okay that's all I can think of for now. But yeah. I am fucking delusional so I truly believe all of these things. They're canon. I'll add more as I think of them

[dee-the-red-witch]

hi so. i'm sorry if you feel like this is something you've talked about too much but i'm genuinely having a hard time understanding- what's the issue with femboys? or is it a finnster-specific issue...? idk i can see how it's an issue of like. performing femininity but not really accepting what womanhood really means but what makes it different from drag in that case? or am i going in the wrong direction trying to understand? i have amab as well as afab ppl in my life that identify as femboys and use it as a loosely-nonbinary term but i also know a couple femboys that are. hm. probably eggs leaning on the term that's less "scary" when it comes to confronting gender, is it about that....?

sorry if this is exhausting for you to discuss i'm just confused and trying to understand

Ok, keep in mind, this is a nonny. Which means I need to treat this with the intent that it's bait. Because that's what fucking happens a lot to folks. So I'm picking my words. 1. Show me where I said I have a problem with femboys in general. Because honestly? No problem with the identity. No problem with the concept. Same with drag, same with Crossdressers, same with sissys. They're all just as valid. What I have a problem with is when people specifically use and abuse things like F1nn5ter's (last I checked, still using he/him pronouns, so that's what I'm using here) use of trap content. Content that gets trans women beaten, abused, exiled, ostracized, and killed on a daily basis to make profit, and does it scot free of any societal penalty, partly because of a massive supporting userbase and fame, and partly because he wasn't out about being a trans woman yet. That right there is where my problem is. People can and should explore, play with, perform, exist in femininity however and whenever they want, but the problem is ONE GROUP OF US KEEPS GETTING PUNISHED FOR IT while the others see far less, if ever. So again, no problem with the femboy identity or femboys in general, but oh yeah, big problems with the difference in treatment. 2. I'm also gonna ask this in return- why am *I* your expert on this subject? Because this happens to so many trans women- we're out, we get seen enough to be noticed, and suddenly we're supposed to be the pillars of the community, delivering Julia Serrano level philosophy, flawless looks, opinions, and knowledge? There's lots of other folks to ask this kind of thing about, why go to the terminally weird, 46-year-old, *OUT AND TRANSITIONING FOR LESS THAN THREE YEARS STILL* writer, artist, leatherworker, and tattooist, who's still VERY clearly in the process of dealing with her own self identification and a lot of past and present trauma, and think I'm going to be the one who's going to give you the perfect answer for this? (lbr, again, so many trans women get quizzed like this, then publicly crucified for saying the slightly wrong thing- see that bit about bait again? because oh yeah, this tactic, intentional or otherwise, has been seen a LOT this year.) Because honestly, there isn't a perfect answer. It's yet another messy human subject because all of us are messy to some extent to begin with. It's never going to have perfect sense or logic. I honestly don't think that it should. Perfect answers tend to not encompass being human answers very well at the same time.

And also, I'm not an expert. Nor should I have to be one. Especially when in my usual fields, I get to charge 50-100 bucks an hour for consulting, and here, I'll be lucky if you kick five bucks in my paypal or gfm in exchange for this. That said, nonny, hope you have a good night. Keep in mind this whole #2 section? Is rhetorical. I'm not expecting a dialogue or reply, and I don't really want one, at least not one with a greyface and shades. If you want to talk more? come off anon.

[marcskywalker]

merthur au/prompts I can't stop thinking about (@ fic writers)

arthur being magic positive and hiding it from merlin. I spoke more about it here and @neupulman wrote this amazing fic based on it but omg this idea lives in my head RENT FUCKING FREE and I'd love as many fics written on it as possible

merlin being cursed (or wtv) and temporarily loses his magic. He grows insanely controlling of arthur cause he feels like he can no longer protect arthur from danger if he doesn't have magic and is constantly trying is order him around. no, you're not allowed to go there, no you can't say that, no you're not allowed to accept food from him. and arthur is just ?????? tf is wrong with my best friend?? but doesn't read much into it because it's merlin and merlin's always been a little weird and bossy. merlin keeps getting into so much more trouble (cause again, his usual way of staying out of trouble is magic) so arthur's put in position to protect him more often and both of them are ???????? "why THE FUCK ARE you putting yourself in danger for me??" and "WHY ARE YOU getting into so much trouble??" until they figure out that "oh you're in love with me and can't bare to see any harm come to me" and "oh you have magic and someone already hurt you by taking it away"

Arthur meeting Merlin's family for the first time and being accepted. Idk how clear I can make this but I hate Arthur's family and how is he is treated by them (except you ygraine, you're dead and lovely) so ya someone give that boy loving affirmations

One of them is brainwashed/mind controlled/possessed and beats the shit out of the other person who refuses to fight back. I LOVE this trope. It slaps all the time. Look at destiel. Look at stucky. ALL THE TIME

another au that I've spoke about before AND I'LL SPEAK ABOUT IT AGAIN: I took that scene where Arthur says "I'll give up my crown just see her smile again" or something like that about morgana, and ran with it. There is only so many assassination attempts a brother can go through before he wilts and does another to have his sister back. In Arthur's case: he willingly hands over the throne for a chance at having a chance at his pesty, loving, older sister (I AM A YOUNGER BROTHER ARTHUR TRUTHER) look at him with something other than endless hate. what I Love about this prompt is that it could go so so many different ways. @mobycotton was lovely enough to write this amazing fic for me that I LOVED. In my head, Arthur is really shaken up by another one of Morgana's attempts at killing him. He doesn't know what's saved him and at this point he wishes whatever it is would stop. He goes down a spiral thinking of his family; the mother that he killed, the father that he let down, the uncle he betrayed and the sister he never deserved. What good could he be for Camelot when he wasn't even good enough for his flesh and blood. So he announces his truce; gives it over to morgana and leaves Camelot and everyone he knows behind. The knights and merlin have to eventually hunt him down and convince him otherwise (and he meets random people along the way who are stans of King Arthur just like me and he gets some sort of self esteem back)

Protective BAMF merlin. Basically merlin overhears someone talking shit about his prince and starts a fist fight. Arthur finds out

Mid s1 merthur where Arthur knows he's in love with Merlin and he shoves it DEEP inside, sticks to pining after his manservant like the pathetic (lovingly) puppy he is. All Merlin knows is that, for whatever reason, he would rather eat his own feet than let anything happen to Arthur. Which is why when brave, stupid arthur walks towards a stranger light source in the forest; he follows without hesitation, only to see...... arthur and himself snogging against a tree? Basically a pining, repressed prince Arthur and Merlin I don't know what this weird feeling in my tummy when I see him is Emrys accidentally walks through a portal into an alternatively universe where they know how to communicate well and have been disgustingly in love. The four of them have to work together to get Arthur and Merlin back where they belong.

Merlin makes a deal with his king cenred: for protection of his village, he will infiltrate Camelot's castle and bring them down. He just wishes someone had told him that prince charming of Camelot would make him fall in love with his pouty lips and gooey eyes. I don't know if yáll have noticed this but Arthur pouts A LOT. I can't take him seriously smh

[multi-fan-girlie]

The man behind the badge pt1

Authors note: I've seen people asking for Ralvez with internalized homophobia so here's part ones :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

pairing: Spencer Reid x Luke Alvez

genre: hurt?/angst?

Summary: spencer is in denial about his sexuality and takes it out on luke (idk how to summarise it tbh)

word count: 1013

Part two | part three

Spencer Reid had always been a brilliant and dedicated member of BAU. Known for his intellect and marvellous profiling skills, he was highly respected by his colleagues and feared by the criminals he helped put behind bars. But there was one aspect of his life that he kept hidden from everyone… his sexuality.

For years, Spencer had struggled with his internalised homophobia,he was unable to accept the fact that he was attracted to men. Growing up in a conservative household, he had been told that being gay was wrong and something to be ashamed of. So when he started developing feelings for his new teammate, Luke Alvez, he was overcome with confusion and self-hatred.

Spencer tried to push his feelings aside, burying them deep within himself. But the more he tried to deny them, the stronger they became. He found himself constantly thinking about Luke, his handsome features and charming personality. He couldn't deny the attraction he felt towards him, but he also couldn't accept it.

As a defence mechanism, Spencer became snarky and abrasive towards Luke, hoping to push him away. He would make snide remarks and swear, something that was completely out of character for him. The whole team noticed the change in Spencer's behaviour, and they were all worried.

Rossi was the least concerned, boiling it down to Spencer finally growing a backbone after prison and most of the team thought the same, but Penelope, was particularly concerned. She had always been close to Spencer, and she could see that something was eating away at him. She decided to take matters into her own hands and called Derek, who had left to start a family.

Derek rushed back to the BAU, concerned for his friend. He was shocked to see the usually calm and collected Spencer acting so out of character. He watched as Spencer snapped at Luke, who seemed taken aback by the sudden change in his teammate's behaviour.

'What's going on,pretty ricky?' Derek asked,Spencer turned around hearing this nickname from derek.

Spencer was taken aback by Derek's sudden appearance. He had always looked up to Derek and valued his opinion.

'Nothing, I'm fine,' Spencer replied, his tone defensive and bitchy.

Derek knew there was more to it, but he didn't want to push Spencer. He decided to talk to Luke instead, hoping to get some answers. Luke was surprised when Derek pulled him aside, but he was more than happy to talk to him.

'I'm worried about you Spencer,' Derek said, getting straight to the point. ‘Why you left 8 months ago or something?’ The unspecified date gave Derek even more to worry about due to Spencer normally begging accurately ‘just 8 months?’

‘Yes just 8 months…3 days 14 hours ago oh fine i missed you alright’ spencer mumbled as he looked down at his file as derek grins 'there's the soft guy i knew’

Luke was taken aback by Spencer’s words. He had noticed the change in Spencer's behaviour towards him, but he had no idea why. He had always thought they had a good working relationship, and he couldn't understand why Spencer was suddenly being so bitchy to him.

Derek smiles ‘right tell me what’s going on here why are you being snarky to luke?’ spencer averted his eyes down to the file ‘i am not being fucking snarky derek’

‘Then what was that you've never once said the f-bomb in the years i've known you’ Derek sat and Luke walked off wondering if his presence is making it harder for Spencer to open up to derek.

‘I'll ask again spence…what's going on with you tell me what's going on in that big brain of yours’ derek spoke softly inadvertently pulling spencers walls down ‘i…i’ spencer’s voice went quiet and quivering  ‘i..i…i like him derek i..erm…i like like’ spencer's eyes were rimmed red the tears he was hiding flooding his face.

Derek's usual smug smile drops ‘is this your way of saying you're gay??’ spencer nods and gasps quietly as derek wraps him in a tight suffocating hug and speaks quietly ‘don’t cry spencer i love you and i accept you’ derek stands there holding spencer as luke comes back quietly and stands there next to jj and emily ‘what the hell happened’ luke said quietly.

Emily leans a little closer ‘spencer is gay he's just admitted it to der- wait’ she  turns to jj and gives her the look and jj speaks quietly ‘luke…i think spencer likes you but..he's in denial about it’

Lukes face burns red as he gives a tight-lipped smile his own battle starting in his mind. Does he stay silent about his bisexuality? He's not felt close enough to the team to tell them it's always been personal to him… 

‘Cool…i guess’ is all that fell from luke’s lips and he already wanted to kick himself  cool is that all i could think of stupid luke you could have said something else! 

Emily laughs quietly ‘cool? Just cool? No “omg i never knew he liked me i need to let him down gently”  your odd guy luke’ 

Luke groaned in thought he loved spencer but he didn't want to make work weird ‘emily please stop it there's alot about me you dont know’ jj smiles and pokes his side ‘ooo what's got into you are you annoyed luke’

Luke just sighed as he watched spencer leave with derek to get a coffee and calm down the sound of spencer’s sniffles broke luke's heart but he kept his feelings silent and unshowing

What feels like hours past realistically it was an hour and a half but spencer comes back his tears gone his signature tight lipped smile as he sits back at his desk as luke walks over and sits on the edge of his desk ‘hey spencer…i was wondering if you wanted to go out some time?’ luke smiles shyly  as spencer just keeps his snarky attitude ‘im not gay luke now fuck off’ lukes heart sinks into his ‘but you-…nevermind you keep deining it’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@wheelsup30 I think I saw you posting abt this or smt just thought I should tag you x :)

[onyourowndaisymae]

Hey Daisy!

Idk whether you still accept requests for the 500 follower event (especially since I already asked one), but could you write prompt #10 "i think we fucked up" for Solomon with the same reader I requested prior (as in a gn/f reader)? Thanks in advance💙

P.s. I loved the latest Sol thirst you wrote, it's just *chef kiss*👌 perfect

ahh yes i do still accept requests for the 500 follower event, so thank you for requesting! and i'm SO GLAD people liked the sol thirst omg. it came to me from literally nowhere. here it is if you didn't see it already (i am proud)

this is specifically set in the nightbringer timeline and inspired the "why can't i come home?" chat

content + warnings: solomon x gn! reader (can be read as platonic if you're affectionate in general), reader is implied to be shorter than solomon

word count: 540

"i think we fucked up."

"who the fuck is we?"

you stare in disbelief at the scene before you. viscous goop runs down the walls of the kitchen. the color is some horrific purple-- you're not sure if it's from solomon's terrible cooking or whatever made the dish explode in the first place-- and the mystery meal sizzles a little as it comes in contact with the drywall.

solomon's not looking at you. he's staring at the burner in a quiet, contained panic, his index knuckle trapped between his teeth as he thinks on what might have possibly gone wrong. his face is one of a man who knows what he's done wrong and is trying very hard to rationalize it in his head.

"... nothing exploded until you came home? so really, this is..."

he trails off, like he realizes the folly in trying to pin this on you.

you want to be mad. you want to be so pissed off at him for making this mess. he knew he wasn't supposed be in the kitchen, and that's why the sneaky bastard waited until you were supposed to be gone at the house of lamentation to craft his wretched creation. you knew this would happen. he knew this would happen. why did solomon insist on cooking when he was so god-awful about it?

but then you sigh, defeated.

you had told him the night previous that you were a little stressed by your obligations lately-- to the brothers, to diavolo, to the future of the devildom. when you arrived home after his suspicious texts, you found him in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, begging you to just give him five more minutes to finish the dinner he was making for you. it was a terrible idea, really, to leave him alone this long.

he may be an idiot, but at least he was considerate.

solomon's arms wrap around your shoulders from behind as your eyes squeeze shut. maybe if you close your eyes, this will all go away? his lips find temple, and he begins to press soft, apologetic kisses across your skin.

"i'm sorry... i should have listened to you. i just wanted to do something nice for you..."

"you almost set the kitchen on fire, solomon."

"... i didn't think it was going to do that."

silence. he's practically holding his breath in anticipation. as aloof as he usually acts, you can tell he's really hoping you'll forgive him for this.

"well," you start. "i'm going to go grab us something from hell's kitchen. and when i return, i'd really love to have that mess gone."

he squeezes your shoulders in a tight hug and kisses your cheek again. you can feel his muscles relax against your body as he waltzes out of the metaphorical doghouse.

"yes! i'll get everything cleaned up before you get home to make it up to you. that's the least i can do."

the sorcerer scurries off to gather cleaning supplies. you call after him to get his order, but he's gone in the blink of an eye and you don't have the energy to chase after him.

you're starting to think you're never going to get a day of peace in the devildom.

[500 follower event masterlist] // [obey me masterlist]

[dootznbootz]

I feel kind of bad about that post I made talking about how Odysseus would never sacrifice his family to save his own skin while I didn't give a name, I hope that person doesn't feel bad or that they get hate. As I don't want to gatekeep someone's interpretation of the Odyssey but also...while I guess you could claim that he would do that, there's so much MORE evidence as to how he would literally rather be stabbed than see his wife and son have even a splinter

Her rejecting him at first put him in a bad position. Honestly, in an alternate universe, where she didn't accept him or trick him that night, I think the poor guy would've cried himself to sleep again in that separate cot. He'd probably cry to Athena and ask if he did something wrong.

It would probably be an "awkward morning" of Odysseus and Penelope silently doing their things (not bringing up suitors' parents right now. And Odysseus would probably tell Telemachus to not say anything stupid.) and eventually, everything would bubble up out of Odysseus and honestly, I could see him straight up begging her to accept him. Not even caring about how he appeared to others.

Honestly, if she DID take a lover in that time...I think he'd either accept it and just...wander? Around Ithaca as a beggar as he doesn't want to be away from them but if they won't accept him, what else can he do? OR if she had another lover, (War flashback of the shitty retelling where Penelope has an affair) he'd probably kill the lover as let's be honest, Odysseus is basically a Yandere, to put it simply. Touch the wife, you get the knife.

And yeah, he doesn't JUST want his family.

"Oh, he wants to not be in constant danger."

"He just wants to go back to Ithaca."

"He wants to be king again."

Boy howdy, he sure does!!! But if, for example, Penelope and Telemachus for some reason moved to somewhere else? IDK, AU where they permanently moved to Sparta, hanging with Helen and Menelaus, and she didn't remarry or something. He'd be like "Shit, okay, BRB." And go to them. He'd probably have them all go back to Ithaca but still, THEY ARE HIS HOME. They make Ithaca home. Any place is home as long as he has them.

Despite having the opportunity to wed the most beautiful woman in the world, he took the Oath so then he could marry Penelope. And even then, it wasn't "for sure" as he had to race her dad. He did so much simply to have the CHANCE to marry her even though he probably wasn't planning on getting married as he brought no gifts. And he did so much so then he wouldn't have to leave the life they had built together and their young baby.

He could've had ANYONE. Went ANYWHERE. Did ANYTHING and he still wanted THEM.

Like??? Holy shit. This guy would do ANYTHING for them. I mean that's kind of why he's considered to be so "scummy" in how ride or die he is for them and basically a bitch to everyone else. That's what makes him SO different from many of his peers.

Person: Would you rather have your family- Odysseus: Family, always. Person: I didn't even say it yet- Odysseus: I don't fucking care. Always family. Person: Even if it meant you got immortality and a hot goddess for a wife? Odysseus: You act like that's a good thing? That was literally torture. Fuck you. I already have a hot Water Wife™ that I get the privilege to drown in every day. She gave me a wonderful Water Son™ who is the light of my eyes and who I am more proud to be the father of than I am of being the son of an Argonaut Person: Even if I give you a million dollars? Odysseus, acting nonchalant while Penelope picks the person's pockets: As if we can't get that on our own. Person: You'd die? Odysseus: I'll set myself on fire if I have to. Person: ...Okay, new question. Would you rather lose your family- Odysseus: The other option. Always. Person: Even torture? Odysseus: I never said I would like it, just that I would do it. Person: Even yeet a baby?! Odysseus: I'll punt the baby if I have to. It's not like I wanna but I gotta do what I gotta do.

And so on and so forth. You GET IT.

[internet-angelmp3]

Hello! I wouldn't call myself an anti, I'm more or less just morbidly curious about your community but would never personally join it based on my own standing on a lot you guys accept, though I don't think a lot of what you guys are doing is really that harmful to others so I don't really? Hate the community? Idk. I just have a question I wished to ask as I'm curious, answer if you want you can tell me to fuck off as well.

Mainly I'm just curious on what made you decide to become a radqueer, and perhaps how you figured out what you're experiencing is a 'transid'. I myself am a part of a system so I do feel more connected with some basic transid's I won't lie, but I really don't grasp trans disabilities or mental illnesses in the slightest, why would you want something like that? Not to be rude just extremely curious. Or trans races or ethnicities.

Have a good day! I am sending this out to multiple people, I enjoy hearing multiple perspectives.

Hello! I won't tell anyone who's polite to fuck off, Anti's included! Since you're asking so nicely as a neutral party, I'll explain but the post will be a bit long so I'll ramble under the cut.

My first few transids were trans heterochromia and trans intersex.

For trans heterochromia I had believed my whole life, even as a young child, that I should have heterochromia and it felt simply wrong that I didn't. I used to think about it a lot and get very irrationally upset that I did not have heterochromia.

As for trans intersex, it started when I was younger and I was very bigendered and I felt like it wasn't just bigender, that it was a part of me. As I got older, my voice deepened and I got excess hair in certain parts even though I was afab and started to show many signs of actually being intersex.

However, I don't have access to a doctor or any diagnosis due to the lack of resources in such a small Australian country town, living far away from the hospital and having no way to get there and I and my family have no money to spare. Along with that, no matter what I tell counsellors about my childhood neglect and have even told them about my SA trauma, they insist that all my problems are because I am queer or because I have a menstrual cycle.

So I changed from trans intersex to tris (trans and cis) intersex. Because I show many symptoms of having Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (an intersex condition) but I don't feel intersex enough to be valid or for people to take me seriously. I wish my intersex was more visible so I would have a proper reason and my parents and doctors and counsellors would believe me.

Another big one for me is tris (trans and cis) Irish. I am Irish, my father's side is 100% Irish. They immigrated to a small Australian town during a gold rush. After the gold rush, they stayed. I feel disconnected from my culture as I did not grow up in Ireland but I feel a pull to the culture, to the country. There are a lot of people who live in Ireland who say "If you don't live in Ireland, you're not Irish." referring to people who are 1% Irish but I am at least 30% Irish, 50% at the most. I'm cis Irish but feel trans Irish because of the disconnection I have with my culture due to immigration.

I also have tris (trans and cis) plural on my pinned post, it's similar to my experience with being tris intersex. I am plural, I experience plurality. I talk with my headmates. We are a traumagenic system. But it feels like if we went anywhere near anti endogenic spaces, other traumagenics would fakeclaim us because we relate to the labels "Hydra conscious" (We share a consciousness but also have separate ones), "Singletflux" (We spend most of our time as a singlet but during times of stress we split up again) and other labels like those.

Thanks for asking so nicely, Anon! Have a very nice day!

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Oughhhhhh its like 2 am but im getting so fucking madddddd, I just saw someone be like "dont get me wrong, I love atla and I think Zuka is a great charater but I really think people with low media literacy really took away the wrong thing away from him" and I got kinda excited because I definitely think that about Zuko and him being held up as this great pinnacle of redemption arc writing but I feel like people rarely ever talk about it, but then the post went on and they were like "and by people with low media literacy I mean people creating cartoons nowadays, and by took the wrong thing away from him I mean theyre just giving everyone a redemption arc even though they didnt eeeeeeeaaaaarnnnnnn iiiiiittttt" and then the first thing in their tags was them complaining about steven universe and it made me so mad I didnt even finish reading the tags, I just blocked them. it was very lily orchard-esque if Im being honest

And like, okay, first of all, I think when people talk about Atla making redemption arcs more popular or "trendy", as Im sure this person would reductively say, I think theyre fundamentally misdiagnosing the issue. Atla didnt make redemption arcs popular in kids shows because it was a popular kids show and had a redemption arc in it, atla contributed to serialized kids media becoming more popular where redemption arcs are more common because idk, its just an obvious thing to write when you can write a continously flowing story where there are consequences and where characters can change, rather than having to reset everything at the end of an episode like with episodic shows. I feel like asking "why are there so many redemption arcs in serialized kids shows?" is like asking "why are so many prestige dramas about amoral assholes doing fucked up shit?" because its compelling, next question

Seriously though, while I as an adult like redemptions arcs in general as a tool for teaching kids about different perspectives and that people arent born evil and that life isnt just black and white, I can tell you now, kids dont watch kids shows to learn stuff, they watch them to have fun and drama is fun to most kids and redemption arcs are dramatic, so theyre showing up in kids shows a lot

So thats on redemption arcs in general, now lets talk about my issues with Zuko specifically, or rather, my issues with his arc being held up as the pinnacle of redemption arc writing. This is actually something that the original poster Im talking about mentioned as a positive, but Zuko isnt really a villain; hes an antagonist, but every season contrasts him against a Bigger Bad (Zhao, Azula, Ozai), Im pretty sure hes portrayed as atleast somewhat sympathetic as early as episode 3 of season 1 (although its been a while since ive seen the show so dont quote me on that), and he doesnt really have a lot to atone for because while he did believe in all the fire nation propaganda because thats what he was raised with, he clearly never liked doing what he was doing and didnt really want to do it. Like, all of his villainous actions have this air of being coerced somehow, which is fine, Zuko's arc isnt bad by any means, its a good character arc, but it is really annoying how it made people think that the only characters that its acceptable to redeem are good people who were manipulated, when I find redemption arcs about actual villains who actually did bad stuff of their own volition a lot more compelling.

It think it stems from a fundamental (and very christian) misunderstand of what redemption even is but this post is already very long and its almost 4 am now and my brain is turning into mush, so I'll save that for another time.

Tldr: Zuko's arc is an example of a good character arc, but I wouldnt say its an example of a good redemption arc because I dont feel that he was really that bad or was ever really portrayed as that bad, and I wish people would stop holding it up as the pinnacle of villain redemption arcs when its really more of a well-meaning guy who doesnt really know any better and is in a pretty tough spot rn that makes him do bad stuff redemption arc

[nerves-nebula]

tw for like. Chronically Online nonsense & talk of csa stuff. i have fallen into a rabbithole and wanted to share it with u because it’s fucking insane and i feel like im losing my mind

so holy shit i just stumbled across the “radqueer” tag and that. i don’t. i truly have no idea how to react to whatever’s happening over there aside from complete and total bewilderment?? literally i’ve been making some serious progress in coming to terms with and trying to heal from repressed csa stuff so to open tumblr and see people saying they are ‘transtrauma’ and ‘cistrauma’ along with Everything Else in that tag. i feel like my brain has been turned to soup. maybe i am making it up maybe my dad didn’t actually molest me and im just insane idk but at least im not doing Whatever’s happening over there

i'unno about all that cuz my understanding of radqueer was that it was radical queer acceptance so they get a little wacky (said affectionately). im not really sure what that has to do with trauma but i dont wanna like, be a dick about it just cuz i don't understand it?

like i didnt understand ppl who said they were autism gender at first but i get it now. being autistic can really change how you think about gender since it's a social construct and you might just not Get Gender, to the point that it's inextricably linked with your self identity so its like. yeah your gender is autism. whatever.

i dunno what the trans or cis dichotomy has to do with trauma and my first instinct is to say hmmm that sounds.... not real.... but since i don't know what they're talking about and i don't care to learn i figure i'll just leave 'em to it. what does it matter to me so long as they're not making it my issue. i try not to commit to my knee jerk reactions of "that's stupid" cuz that's how you fall into reactionary thinking and at the end of the day it doesn't really bother me if people are fucking around doing shit i will never understand in parts of the internet i am not a part of.

anyway onto the important stuff:

if you can't tell if your dad molested you or not you've probably got *something* going on so I'd say don't freak out about if it Actually Happened or not and instead focus on attending to the emotions you have about it. to be blunt i don't really think it matters if it happened or not.

if you are "just insane" or you had a traumatic dream as a kid where your dad molested you and it effects you to this day then that's just as serious an issue to work on, at least it is to you personally. like if you had a delusion that your dad molested you that seems pretty traumatic regardless of what actually happened. idk if that makes sense?

ok i need to stop avoiding my homework. byeee.