#idk how to process any of this
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Feeling so depressed today
#i'm pregnant and feeling really fucked up about it#it's definitely wanted#but there's a lot of other stuff going on and i sort of feel like i'm just waiting to die#i am sitting at work just completely unable to function or think#i have no brain and someone turned up the gravity#idk how to process any of this
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is a dream a want
#jaytim#tim drake#jason todd#dcu fanart#roppie tries to draw#lowkey dedicated to yasmin bcs sweet dreams was in my thoughts for this#ignore all coloring inconsistencies i worked on this in bursts over the course of 6 months shsbsbshs#but also like rip jason u ever had a dream abt someone u had neutral feelings abt and woke up w a crush?#yeah thats not what happened here jason just meditated his way into a feeling realization#and in the process montaged a whole decade of domesticity i guess :///#sorry idk how to render any less i feel like maybe id have a better output rate if i did lol#suggestive
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criminal - fiona apple
(no lyrics under cut)
#waiiter oh waiter!! more scary fiddleford mcgucket please!!!#idk what my concept here is#thought process was ford would break in to get fiddleford's memories in case theres any stuff about how to bill-proof the portal#points at tv. fight fight fight#art moment#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddauthor#i love fiona apple a lot smiles big
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ngl i get that people hype up hating writing for the bit but like. idk. yall i Do actually really like writing. it is so satisfying and fun and rewarding and i get to look back what i made over and over again and get joy every single time.
yes writing is hard but if you hate it more than you love it im kinda like. idk. find another hobby?
#also the planning parts and the daydreaming is part of the process so idk#yall it is getting exhausting seeing all the quirky see how little i’m writing shit#like what if for once i am writing and im having a grand time!!#what if not being able to write isn’t a fun joke it is honestly detrimental to my brain!!!#what if writing has been my friend when i never had any and it is the love of my life and love language and i love actually doing it perhap#talking#ren hot cakes
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ooh i wonder wat hes doing heh :3c wip
#can u guess wats happening in the rest of the pic like what i'll draw in there LOL#I DREW THE BODY UNDER THERE i spent like 30 mins finding ref pics of shirtless buff dudes at a sideways ish#angle but it was almost 3am so i didnt have the brainpower to process any of that so I JUST MADE IT UP future me will fix it up by looking#at the ref pics BUT!!! if all else fails i'll put his cute little jacket (haori?) over it lol#if i somehow manage to draw a seck see ass body i might save both ver with n without the top :P#HES SOOO HOT BUT LETS FACE IT DRAWING MUSCLES IS SOOOOO HARD :( ☹️☹️☹️☹️#his face looks CHEFS KISS THO 😘 happee w the head HEEEHEEEEE#idk how he feels abt that side of his face BUT I LOVE IT :D SMOOCH SMOOCH 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋#when kashimo was like 'how can he be so beautiful' he was SOOO RIGHT sukuna.... ugh...... 👍🏻#omg alu is that a wip
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Hey! I’m a super big fan of all your work. All your art is super expressive and real - I get so excited when I’ve seen you posted. So, I’ve been wondering, what initially got you into drawing? It looks like you’ve been doing it a super long time.
Sorry, I’m realizing this looks like a bot posted it lmao, but I do love your work & it’s so awesome you got into Hazbin because seeing how you interpret the characters is so fun.
Cheers from Ireland!!!
I hardly remember jackshit about my younger years but all I can say is- It's five nights at Freddy's for sure. 😭😭😭😭
drawing had been my coping mechanism and outlet ever since, so behind any work are vent arts lol
#messyr#thank u anon! ::]#idk i cant really recall what i did as a lil kid if i was keen on arts- but judging from how i think of it now. probably was#i found passion in art. in any and all of its form. even if it means embracing its chaos/destructive side#pic only has my digital works- i had started as trad and still can draw in traditional mediums#art process
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Feel like Neil couldn’t have been any other kind of actor than one in theatre. If he was a movie actor or on social media or whatnot, it would not be the same. Theatre by nature is fleeting. Recorded mediums can be rewatched over and over, creating a time loop of sorts. We the audience can keep going back to a time when Neil is still alive. Theatre however is live and once the play is over, there is no going back except in our memories. It is much like life. We are forced to live in the moment in a theater lest we miss it altogether. It’s not that the poets choose to live in a world where Neil is dead, it’s that they must because the only other option is to die themselves. I feel like Keatings teachings could only be reflected in stage theatre because that’s the only way there can be no time loop of grief. I think dead poets society itself isn’t about overcoming the authority in your life to do what you want but rather about grief, about allowing oneself to feel grief and all one’s emotions without letting it consume you and to keep living after, to live every day in the moment lest you fall into grief and regret that will destroy you or force you into a miserable life
#just silly ramblings don’t mind me just ignore me 🫣#keating was teaching the boys catharsis as a means of survival and how to process their emotions so they don’t overcome them in a world#that convinces them to pretend they don’t feel at all; that’s why he focuses on the romantics rather than the realists because the romantic#is there to help you process your emotions of sorrow and joy; and that’s why he told Charlie he was misunderstanding the teachings when he#was acting out but not Neil when Neil was trying to get out of the grief over the person he wishes he could be; keating taught him that his#father was standing over an empty grave grieving the son he wanted and that Neil doesn’t have to lie in that grave just to satisfy his#fathers grief but can go to his father as he is and ask him to accept this version of himself and the son he is and his father rejected and#that is why Neil thought the only way to truly overcome his father was by allowing his father to grieve him over grieving the son he wanted#and Mr. Keating was crying over Neil but we don’t see him rage out like the school; Mr. Keating grieved Neil and moved forward with life#whereas all the other administration and Neil’s father will not be able to because they refuse to recognize any emotion but rage so they#feel they must go on a wrathful journey to try to process their grief; idk I think the whole story was about teaching the boys not to be#afraid of their emotions and that they must feel their emotions to process them and get through and I think this message just happens to be#counter to the norm we were told our whole lives but also necessary to be full people and I think that is why this movie sticks with so#many and why so many hold it so dear to them; it’s a story about grief and emotions and moving forward with life after the fact#it’s about feeling in a world that tries to convince you that there are ‘bad’ emotions and that you must not feel certain things and that’s#where overcoming authority comes in and the anti authority message of the franchise stems from#neil perry#dead poets society#dps#dead poets fandom#dps fandom#mr keating#john keating#dps symposium
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hey wouldn't it be fun to give Hunter a bunch of Grimwalker things that no one but Belos knew about and everyone assumes is just Belos being cruel until they try something different and then it turns out it was actually necessary for Hunter's wellbeing?
so like one day Hunter mentions never having ice-scream or cake or really any other type of dessert. and everyone's like "that's so sad we have to get him ice-scream right away." but then Hunter spends the next couple hours being violently ill and it turns out Grimwalkers can't handle processed sugar
or he was never allowed to go to the healers when he was injured and he always had to stitch himself up (or Belos would do it sometimes if it was bad enough). and everyone's completely horrified because that's terrible and evil and what could the point of that be except to make Hunter go through more pain? and then someday he breaks a leg or something and they take him to the healers and it just. doesn't work. nothing happens. and it turns out healing magic is completely ineffective on Grimwalkers
anyway I think it would be fun to make the line between what was care and what was abuse a little blurry every now and again
#I may write a fic about this idk#anyway Belos being an unreliable narrator except sometimes so you can't just dismiss what he says you have to interrogate all of it for#essential information and it makes the whole process so much worse bc you can't just say “that's bad and shouldn't have happened to you” bc#you might be wrong actually. maybe that was right and should have happened to you. you don't know#“I regularly was made to sleep on the balcony without any bedding” and his carer/s are horrified but what if that's good for him??? they#don't know weirder things have happen. did you sleep well. did you feel rested. did you feel safe. how did you feel about it emotionally#was this packaged as a punishment or reward or just a thing you were told to do. they have to check#grimwalker#grimwalkers#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#belos#toh hunter#grimwalker things#that should be a tag can we make that a tag#tw child abuse#abuse tw#<- I don't really know what other warnings to tag for filtering purposes. if anyone knows pls tell me#nuclear war speaks
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Shinoa doodle from class and a forever wip :3
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#mostly drew this because this one pinterest acc dedicated to hating shinoa (but glazing mahiru and mikayuu??) was getting on my nerves#like shinoa is literally a broken traumatized teenager who was manipulated her entire life!!! Yuu was the first person to show her geniune#friendship!! she didn't know how to properly process it so it turned into romantic feelings!!! plus mahiru literally drilled into her that#she's bound to fall in love one day!! but kagami also did not do her any favours in ch 118/119 (idk anymore)!!#from shinoa's perspective yuu decided to chose mika over humanity and then ran away with no explanation whatsoever!! of course her inital#reaction would be to blame mika for influencing yu!!#and now she realized that her immediate friends are more important and now she's focusing on them!! she didn't just absorb shikama#to get to yuu she did it to stop his influence on everyone's fates!! god shinoa haters enrage me#you can critize her for disrespecting boundaries and not enjoy her personality but don't water her down to a bitchy yandere who despises mi#shinoa my glorious queen they could never make me hate you <3#owari no seraph#seraph of the end#fanart#shinoa hiiragi
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needed to post the scene in severance that always makes me laugh the hardest
#severance#severance apple tv#autistic king??? he was literally holding his kind eyes in place as the elevator was opening. im so obsessed with him#severance mark s#mark scout#crazy how even in the middle of this ridiculously funny scene theres such a human moment and excellent character work#mark initially trying to follow protocol but instinct takes over to treat her like an actual person#and helly finally gets a very human moment in the middle of a deeply deeplt fucked up situation#which is cut short by lumon's claws in mark as he goes back to trying to do what the company wants him to do#i cut the ending short for comedic effect but helly's full reaction says so much#that brief moment of human connection is gone and shes truly trapped in hell. not even death can free her#but she cant blame this guy#and as im watching this & processing all this info there are literal tears of laughter streaming down my face#fucking incredible#severance helly#severance meme#seth milchick#helly r#tramell tillman#britt lower#adam scott#these tags r not edited at all idk if that made any sense
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There's something that infuriates me so much about people mocking characters that fall into the "not like other girls" trap, because the reasons girls take on that stance is because they exist in a society that tries to put womanhood and femininity in a restrictive box that tells them who and how they should be.
They're generally mocked and derided for not wishing to conform to stereotypical femininity, but when they lash out in entirely predictable but ultimately unhelpful ways (by being dismissive and rude about other women and femininity in general) instead of understanding that it's a product of growing up in a society that's restricting them and punishing them for not conforming (either by choice or inability) so many people who claim to be feminists choose to mock them or make them out to be the cause of the problem rather than a symptom. Whether its being mocked in real life, or watching people deride the fictional characters they relate to, this behaviour just alienates those girls even further into thinking that the issue is other women, and confirms their belief that women who are typically feminine will only ever be derisive toward them and that they're somehow fundamentally different from other women.
If you know someone who thinks along those "I'm not like other girls" lines instead of mocking them try directing them towards resources that can help them understand where that harmful rhetoric comes from, and when you're critiquing characters that fit that mold try to consider why they behave that way, and what girls who see themselves in those characters take from your commentary.
#idk this became a word salad#something something consider how many not like other girls girls are queer and/or neurodivergent#im not telling people to not be critical of that outlook but also helping people understand why its wrong is so much more powerful#than just mocking girls that are responding with (most often) age-appropriate immaturity to a society that's telling them they dont fit#eloise bridgerton#arya stark#there's so many other characters but my mind is just gripping onto these two#btw this ramble comes from a trans neurodivergent person who is a former “im not like other girls” non-girl#i came to the realisation that that outlook came from a misogynistic place in my own time#but watching any female character i related to growing up getting mocked for the same reasons i was bullied#read: not being feminine enough and/or not being neurotypical enough#slowed that process down a lot#it was difficult to understand that society was the issue and not other women#when so many women were mocking me
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making a new post bc the other one is pretty bulky, im about to be severely overdrafted when i pay my rent in a few days and i really really really cant let that happen :( pls if you have anything to spare i'd appreciate it, im in the process of finding a new job because my current one refuses to give me hours. im transmasc and i dont have a car so finding a job has been difficult but im doing everything i can to make ends meet. even just spreading this around helps
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr
vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 🥺💕
90/450
#ive been rejected from multiple jobs simply because I don't have a car. even the ones i dont need to travel for#i have drivers license and a bus route but thats not good enough#its not like i even tell them i dont have a car either like they Find Out or theres some situation where i have to disclose that info#which feels illegal but whatever#anyways i am so fucking hopeless for the future im so terrified idk how im gonna pay my bills next month#ive tried asking for more hours at my current job but they dont care!!!! they dont fucking care!!!!!#idk how i went from having full time hours to working one day a week so suddenly but i hate it#and the worst part is theyre really guilt trippy about it and the managers are constantly talking abt it in the group chat#like they have all these extreme standards they only give you hours if you go way above and beyond in every aspect#even my good coworkers have been getting their hours cut#like even the IMPORTANT people arent getting hours#its fucked up!!!! never ever ever work for sheetz its a fucking nightmare#ive signed up for multiple temp agencies and none of them have given me any leads#im working on comms every day but it takes me so long to work on one piece that the process has been slow#im about to apply to work at fucking mcdonalds or something like its THAT bad rn i really dont want to but what other choice do i have
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Cursed Relics - Longsword
#legend of zelda#loz totk#tears of the kingdom#my art#cursed relics#i left this a bit unrendered... tried a different process and im not satisfied and i want to move on!! mb ill go back to it someday...#i love these lil soldier spirits and i always try to say hello to them even if my inventorys full. sometimes i leave them gifts like apples#i remember reading a fic from the pov of a ghost soldier alone in the depths until link shows up which allows him to go to the afterlife#i think thats how it went... but it always made me wonder more abt the spirits. are they conscious? leftover bits of soul? trapped ghosts?#can they speak? do they choose not to?? are they lonely? idk if theres any true Lore about these fellas but even so... we're friends!!
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Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.
It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)
#also I don't mean we're similar in any way when it comes to rape or SA. Please don't twist it that way at all.#I mean like in terms of the jealously resentment revenge hurting others to feel thrilled not taking responsibility not seeing flaws etc#I'm diagnosed with NPD also but pls know my experience will be different from others. We're all different people obvs.#also Jimmy has like wayyyyyyyyyy more things wrong with him not just untreated NPD lol#I would say that untreated NPD is a hell most can't describe#you barely feel anything except rage boredom and jealousy (in my case)#love is a form of ownership and control because you can't really feel it the right way#so your -person- is an object of intense obsession and also a tool for you#if that makes sense? I see that with Jimmy and Curly for sure#You want to tear others down and hurt them because it makes you feel good to put them below you#there's a constant feeling of insecurity and it drives you crazy fr#kind gestures from friends feel insulting#and oh my god achievements made by friends and family in my case feel like I've been shot like I hate when they achieve things#It's not logical obvs but that's something I instantly noticed in Jimmy so i was like .....oh brother lol#and also if they achieve something my brain needs it to somehow be tied to me or I'll make it tied to me so they can be thankful#they should always center their attention on me and if they don't I immediately resent them#these are just some of my thought processes on the matter so I can show the similarities I feel with Jimmy#the KEY DIFFERENCE is all of these thoughts I have are left in my head and not exhibited in my actions (any more. took a long time)#but he is such a nasty human with ZERO introspection that he prob never even thought about treatment#also doesn't help that the hot blonde he's friends with never did anything to help with that#idk sorry for oversharing but ahhh this game is so well written I gotta yap about it lol#also kind of a funny unrelated story to show how weird the achievement thing can be lol#my friends announced they saved up enough to go to Vietnam (their dream trip) and I was happy for them (I really was)#but of course my delusional ass immediately also took it as a threat#and I booked a month long trip to Europe a few days after so I could also announce it LMAO#that is a kind of innocent incident when compared to Jimmy but it just shows how annoying NPD can be#Jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#NPD
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some thoughts on writing humor for anyone interested;
if you want to incorporate more humor into your writing, what you really want to practice is timing. writing humor is rarely about writing an individual funny line-- you don't remember the punchline because of the line itself, you remember the punchline because of everything else that came before it. a punchline without a proper build up or proper timing is just a non-sequitur.
so, when writing a humor fic, a good thing to remember is that the punchline comes last. you can't have your funniest line at the start of your story. think of it like action-- if your first fight is the boss fight, any fight of lower stakes or difficulty that follows is going to feel lackluster in comparison. you want your story and your jokes to build to the final line, or else you'll step on the joke and lose its impact.
and this does take practice! putting the joke at the end doesn't always feel 'natural' at first, learning how to structure and build a humor story is a skill the same as learning how to do it for any other genre. personally, i'd also say humor is something that really comes out in the editing stage more than the initial drafts-- humor is very reliant on timing and rhythm, and it's hard to find and stick to a story's pacing when you're still working on the overall story structure. i mean, this sort of thing tends to go for any sort of writing, but nothing makes humor fall flat faster than wonky pacing and so (for me at least) editing is the stage where the story goes from "oh, haha" to actually funny.
(i also bring this up because fandom has a lot of jokes about not editing a finished draft before posting-- and like, totally feel you, i'm not huge on editing after i reach the end of the draft. however, i have noticed in fic circles where people will get caught up on and sometimes even discouraged by trying to be funny in the fic larva stages when the framework to be funny just isn't there yet. personally, i highlight the humor lines i'm unsure about and move on. then, when the fic's closer to 90% done or so, it's much easier to skim the overall story and cut/format/refine/etc any jokes because they're already highlighted for easy finding.)
another thing to keep in mind is that humor as a writing device is often used to release tension. i would say this is a large part of why humor often falls very naturally into scene transitions; that natural release of tension is very useful as an 'end bracket' to a scene while also setting up the audience to be freshly wound up again. this feature is useful for stories aiming for a more light-hearted tone overall, but in general stories often incorporate humor as a way of controlling a story's pacing so that the tension doesn't get too tight too fast. even if a punchline isn't your end goal, you're still building up to something and it's really helpful to edit your humorous lines by asking "does this fit with my scene/story's pacing, or is it disruptive to my buildup?"
it doesn't really matter how funny an individual line might be on its own-- if its disruptive to the story's overall flow, the joke's effect is going to come off as strained and forced. because humor is really an exercise in structure and story rhythm, the most ineffective way to study humor is to fixate on the individual jokes you remember in your favorite stories-- instead look for the threads that came before the joke that made it memorable, and then practice doing that in your own writing. usually when humor falls flat in a story, it's because either the specific joke pops out of nowhere (missing the build-up) or the joke is in the wrong spot in the story (disruptive, breaks reader immersion). sometimes the fix is as easy as reshuffling a few lines, other times it's a matter of adding more to the build up, or even cutting it altogether so that something else packs a bigger punch.
tl;dr-- i'm repeating the old adage "in comedy, timing is everything." if you want to get better at writing or incorporating humor into your stories, it's honestly more important to practice when to drop a joke than the specific wording of the joke itself.
#writing#december posting#like. ages ago some people were interested in my thoughts on humor writing and ive finally overcome my shyness to post this ajfjh#speaking of: usual disclaimer this is just stuff i've observed myself and thoughts ive found relevant to the topic.#take what u agree with and discard the rest none of this is like. official.#im worried some of this is a little vague because i figured out a lot by looking at stuff that *didn't* work for me and asking why#but no way am i going into depth over any of that here#the other thing that happened tho is that i clarified a lot of these thoughts by picking apart my own fics#and breaking down my thought processes behind the ones that really work for me.#the clearest of which is 'gone fishing' so uhh. gimme a shout if youre interested in how that fic went from a handful of tags to dms to fic#idk if anyone else is into that sort of thing lol? i do it for myself but idk that anyone cares to listen to me ramble about whatever i did#hmmm nervous posting this jghjfj idk i have a lot of thoughts on writing but zero qualifications to talk about any of it oof
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horribly short summary of what im trying to accomplish here, but if you were to read a fic featuring character, a soldier honorably discharged and is officially off the battlefield and yet he can’t seem to shake off the war from clinging to his body, and he’s basically a bit of a mess and feels incapable of returning to ordinary life and there’s you, the sweetest thing in the whole world, and he keeps trying to tell you he’s no good and you’re there to help him with everything (and it kills him a bit, to see you wasting your time to help him, and it kills him because he feels like he shouldn’t be the type of person who needs help) and !! just slowburn and falling in love and just read the tags for the vibe ok, who would it be for
#i was originally thinking ghost from cod since hello there’s so much source material to work with#and the fic would suit him nicely but also idk if i have cod readers left on my blog#so any characters are fine like an aot character would also prob fit the bill for this#but ive just been thinking abt everyone who’s analyzing hozier’s snippet#with how he takes his coffee black and his whiskey neat and how this girl is too sweet FOR HIM#as in… not being deserving of something so nice#and feeling that way but also showing how in the healing process - in the process of getting better -#we start to discover that we are allowed to enjoy and indulge in nice things. that we also deserve to live a life full of sweetness#and it’s a bit serious since it will touch on ptsd; on survivors guilt#and the fic is long - spanning from getting together to him having kids w u#& how even after all this time sometimes the war is still fresh as ever on his mind#and just !!! it’s a lot#also that Taylor line that’s like ‘is it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything?#‘or do you just not want to’ + ‘you wouldn’t be the first renegade to need somebody’
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