#i love fiona apple a lot smiles big

[mouseshift]

criminal - fiona apple

(no lyrics under cut)

[cherrygirlfriend]

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊��⁺˖ busywoman!reader x toxic!rafe ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

-`♡´- she has a reputation around the island, most people think she's 'batshit crazy' or 'insane' due to her history with guys, becoming dependable on them and when they do something to hurt her, she gets revenge

-`♡´- despite her family being rich, she makes a lot of her own clothes; she wants to be a fashion designer and is popular online for some of her creations, having made several clothes for different celebrities.

-`♡´- she's sensitive—like, really sensitive. her emotions can be explosive and volatile, and sometimes it feels like she feels everything multiplied by five

-`♡´- she doesn't have a good relationship with her father, and is much closer to her mother, who was a pogue before marrying her father, and who taught her to sew

-`♡´- one thing she's really craved above all else was love; she falls in love so easily, only to be disappointed by men, causing her to do... questionable things to get revenge

-`♡´- loves her girlfriends more than anything; they feel like the only people who truly get her, and they do, all of them having experience with guys saying 'they're crazy' for having emotions, she has a best friend named vivi, who knows everything about her, as well as a white kitten named pinkie

-`♡´- rafe's friends tell him to absolutely not get with her when they see him checking her out, knowing her reputation, and he just grins, thinking that 'there's no way a sweet thing like that could really be that bad'

-`♡´- but when he finds out that some of the rumors of her getting revenge on the guys who wrong her are in fact true, he's even more intrigued by her

-`♡´- sometimes he even does some of the things he knows will drive her insane, just because he wants her to prove him how much she cares about him

-`♡´- this usually leads her to do things she knows she'll regret, and then he apologizes for doing it by some present or sweet thing he does

-`♡´- they're so bad for each other but they also match each other's freaks in a way no one else does, they get each other like no one has ever gotten them

-`♡´- usually whenever they argue, or whenever the other does something the other doesn't like, it ends up with sex

-`♡´- they can also be incredibly sweet to another one, and their friends are all flabbergasted about how the hell you two can go from basically hating each other to smiling sweetly, wrapped up in each other's arms, whispering sweet nothings to one another

-`♡´- some of her fashion icons are... twiggy, brigitte bardot, mia farrow and most recently sabrina carpenter

-`♡´- her playlist mostly consists of... sabrina carpenter, the regrettes, fiona apple, peach prc, lana del rey,

-`♡´- her top five movies... perfect blue, the love witch, jennifer's body, ten things i hate about you, gone girl

-`♡´- her top five books... boy parts by eliza clark, acts of desperation by megan nolan, my husband by maud venture, big swiss by jen beagin, pride and prejudice by jane austen

[thatfandomslut]

Captain Princess Ophelia

Reneé Rapp x Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Trigger Warnings: just a lot of fluff, Shrek, and a cute pregnancy announcement

Request:

basically some fluff where r and renee take care of r niece, like, domestic cute stuff

Reneé Rapp requests are open.

Other accounts: hoe4flo | ghostyanne

Discords: Mean Girls | Mean Girls RP (in need of people)

(S/n) - Sister's Name

When (S/n) dropped off Ophelia, the first thing (Y/n)’s six-year-old niece did was run to Reneé , wrapping her arms around her aunt as she clung on excitedly. It was the first time Ophelia had visited since (Y/n) and Reneé  moved into their own place now that they were married. “Are you sure you’re okay to watch her over night?” (S/n) inquired, chewing on her bottom lip as Ophelia flung her body from Reneé  to the toy chest in their living room, something put there due to them knowing she was coming. They were the types of aunts to absolutely spoil their niece, and that was evident by the toys overflowing in the toy box.

“Of course,” (Y/n) smiled, ruffling Ophelia’s curls gently. She was always down to watch the girl. Since they moved, they had been a bit busier and hadn’t been able to visit yet. This was the perfect excuse to spend time with their favorite tiny terror. “We are going to order pizza for dinner, watch Ophelia’s favorite movies, play with toys. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. You deserve this night out with your husband. So, go have fun. I’ll send you several pictures of all the fun we’re going to have tonight.”

(S/n) hugged (Y/n) and Reneé  gratefully as she made her way over to Ophelia. She crouched down before hugging her daughter, despite her being uninterested due to all the new toys. “Be good for your aunties,” she kissed her cheek gently before heading towards the door. “Bye, everyone, I love you all. If you need anything, do not be afraid to call.” (S/n) spoke before finally exiting. (Y/n) locked the door behind her, not because of (S/n), but because of safety. She looked over at Ophelia who was engrossed in the Superman action figure, who she paired up with a President Barbie from the Barbie movie.

“Ophie,” she called, sitting beside her niece. It took a moment before the girl looked over at (Y/n) with a big, curious grin that exposed her dimples. “Auntie Reneé  and I have a surprise for you. Do you remember that princess dress that you wanted? We got it for you in the guest room. Would you like to check it out, sweetheart?”

Ophelia nodded excitedly as she followed her aunts to the bedroom. Reneé  put Ophelia’s purple unicorn suitcase in the room before picking up the green, sparkling dress. “It’s so pretty! Like Fiona,” she absolutely loved Shrek after (Y/n) and Reneé  decided to make sure that she was cultured and understood what true cinema was. Ever since then, she has wanted a sparkling version of Princess Fiona’s dress and a pet donkey. Hence why she had a Donkey stuffed animal on the bed alongside the dress. “Don-kay!” she squealed excitedly, pulling the stuffed toy into her arms.

“We have another surprise for you,” Reneé  said as (Y/n) helped Ophelia into the dress. “We have made snacks from Shrek, and we are going to watch all the Shrek movies.” Ophelia wanted to watch all of the movies the last time they were together, but they didn’t have the time. This time, they were going to have a sleepover and they got various snacks, healthier than not as requested by (S/n), to keep her on theme.

Ophelia was ecstatic. For someone who could bounce off the walls, she was an amazing movie watcher. She loved sitting in between (Y/n) and Reneé  during all of the movies they watched together. (Y/n) ordered the pizza as Reneé  set out the snacks. There were green apples with ogre ears poked into them (thank you Etsy), gingerbread men talentedly put together by one of (Y/n)’s friends, pretzel sticks cleverly renamed Swamp Logs (thank you Pinterest), and water with green food coloring that they deemed to be swamp water. Ophelia was absolutely living the life.

As the three sat together, lounging on the couch, (Y/n) couldn’t help but look over to Reneé  with a smile. They had waited patiently for the movies to end to share the news with Ophelia. She would be the first in the family to know what they were going to tell Ophelia. She was going to help them tell everyone else. As Shrek the Third ended, (Y/n) knew it was finally time. She was a bit nervous to tell Ophelia, but she knew that this idea was amazing.

“Hey, Ophie,” (Y/n) got her nieces attention. (Y/n) took a moment to think about how she wanted to tell her, Reneé  putting a hand on her shoulder softly. “You know how in this movie, Shrek and Fiona were having babies?” She questioned softly, wanting to explain slowly since she knew this was a big announcement. Ophelia nodded with a grin. “Well, I am also going to have a baby.”

Ophelia processed this slowly, in her own time. After all, she was only six. “So, then I’ll be an aunt, too?” she asked, looking at Reneé  who was behind her. She wasn’t understanding completely, but that was perfectly fine. (Y/n) and Reneé  wanted to take the time to explain this to her. They knew she was probably going to have several questions.

Reneé  grinned a bit at the question, gently putting a hand on Ophelia’s shoulder. “Even better,” she smirked playfully, “You’re going to be a big cousin. Which means, when (Y/n) has her baby, you’re going to have another friend to play with dolls and action figures. You can even show them Shrek. But, first, we need to ask for your help. Only you can help us.” She explained to the curly haired girl.

As the two explained to Ophelia more about the baby and told her about the plan, they gave her a shirt. It said ‘World’s Best Big Cousin” in pink font. When (S/n) went to pick up Ophelia the next day, that was the shirt she would be wearing as she ran to her mom and dad and gave them a big hug. She was taking the idea of being a big cousin as seriously as a six-year-old could. She loved the idea of having a little cousin to play with, her own baby. Though, they did have to explain that her baby cousin would be at their house and not hers.

“Oh, you got her a new shirt,” (S/n) said before gasping loudly. She looked at her younger sister in shock before passing Ophelia to her husband carefully. She then threw her arms around (Y/n) and Reneé  happily. “I am so happy for you, too! Please let me be there when you tell Mom and Dad.”

(Y/n) hugged her sister back as she gave Ophelia two thumbs up. “Even better, we have Captain Princess Ophelia, her new big cousin title, to help us.” She told (S/n). They wanted to make sure Ophelia had a big role so that she knew her aunts still loved her. This was something that (S/n) noticed, appreciated, and loved as she held onto her sister.

“You two are going to be the best parents,” (S/n) expressed happily, wiping away the tears from her face then (Y/n)’s. “I can’t believe I didn’t even notice. We just went out the other night and you refused your favorite night drink: a margarita.” The group shared a laugh as they got to working on how they would tell (Y/n) and (S/n)’s parents.

[justabiteofspite]

RULES: post 5 songs associated with your OCs and four outfits they’d wear or their style

I was tagged by @cleric4vampire and @bhaalsdeepbat, thank you!

I did this for my beautiful murder princess swords bard now ft. two levels of paladin Durge Henri. (Look, I even included a picture of her smiling this time!)

Songs:

I. I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

I hate myself for lovin' you / Can't break free from the things that you do / I wanna walk but I run back to you / That's why I hate myself for loving you

II. Criminal - Fiona Apple

Heaven help me for the way I am / Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done / I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand / But I keep livin' this day like the next will never come

III. Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode

Take second best / Put me to the test / Things on your chest / You need to confess / I will deliver / You know I'm a forgiver

IV. Shaken - David Shaw

I’m not the way you remember me / I’m not the same as before / I’m as good as I want to be / So the less you know the more / I won’t tell you lies / I wasn’t raised up that way / I won’t tell you lies / I can’t carry that weight

V. Just Dropped in (To See What Condition My Condition Was In) - The First Edition

I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in / I watched myself crawling out as I was a-crawling in / I got up so tight I couldn't unwind / I saw so much I broke my mind / I just dropped in to see what condition, my condition was in

Outfits:

Henri's style is very much "rock n roll pirate princess" which was how a lot of big rock stars were dressing in the 70s and into the 80s. Lots of fun layers, big on leather and velvet that show a bit of skin. And so. many. accessories. Always performance ready. Practical enough to shed a blazer and smite a mf if needed.

Tagging @owmyeyeballs and anyone else who would like to do this, please tag me!

[flamigoat]

My Rayman x Rabbid Peach Playlist 💖🧡

+ Notes from Animatics I’ll probably never make! (Sorry.. I don’t know how at the moment lmao). Maybe someday!! 😆

This silly playlist has been so fun to make! I hope you guys enjoy these. Feel free to leave any more songs in the comments, reblogs, or asks! I’d love to hear them!!!

“Give Her Love”, by Frank Sinatra

Rayman falling for Rabbid Peach when they’re friends. Mostly I picture this song when I imagine Rayman looking at her with this loving, goofy grin as she’s laughing. I totally need to draw that look sometime.

“so american”, by Olivia Rodrigo

Rabbid Peach being super in love with Rayman, just absolutely adorable stuff. Very cute song!

“Nonsense”, by Sabrina Carpenter

Rabbid Peach pining for Rayman. Nothing else to really say besides her being giddy with joy when she thinks about him.

“Girl Crush”, by Little Big Town

Rayman craving for Rabbid Peach’s company, trying to digest his feelings for her. He wants her so badly, to be near her, to be hers. He’s unsure why, yet indulges in romantic daydreams about her and him together. Plus hints of jealousy for Rabbid Mario, wondering if he’ll confess to Rabbid Peach now that Rayman’s gone. At the end, he realizes his feelings are romantic for her. The animation ends upon this realization, he meets Rabbid Peach again after his visit to the Glade, now knowing that he wants to act on his feelings. Phantom Roommates AU context. This one’s a favorite of mine. I think about it a lot.

“Paper Bag”, by Fiona Apple

Rayman yearning for Rabbid Peach while staying at the Glade… unsure if she feels the same and going into a spiral about it. Phantom Roommates AU context.

“I Think That He Likes Me”, by Kooman & Dimond, Kerry Butler

I’ve described this one before! Here’s the link to the post. :D

“Espresso”, by Sabrina Carpenter

Rabbid Peach being flirty with and teasing Rayman, knowing he likes her back. Just her feeling confident in her romantic feelings for him and expressing them openly. He’d just be flustered the whole time. Phantom Roommates AU context.

🚨⚠️ Content Warnings for Upcoming Descriptions: Suggestive Text/Songs + Drug Use Mention Ahead! You have been warned. Be careful. ⚠️ 🚨

“Red Wine Supernova”, by Chappell Roan

Just Rabbid Peach having fun trying to seduce Rayman. Yep! That’s it. It works lmao.

“Sexbomb”, by Tom Jones, Mousse T.

I HAD to pick this one for obvious reasons. Just picturing Rayman trying to serenade Rabbid Peach. Maybe subtly through Karaoke? ;)

“Naughty Girl”, by Beyoncé

Same thing, but for Rabbid Peach. Maybe she’s preforming her Just Dance routine for him? Or maybe she’s preforming it, but makes direct eye contact with him in the crowd! He’s just sitting there, blushing red hot, wondering if she’s implying something with him….the potential… 😳

“Anytime You Smile”, by JT Music, Andrea Storm Kaden

Captain Laserhawk themed animatic!! Basically Rayman dreaming of his reality of the Phantom Show where he becomes friends and lover to Rabbid Peach on a drug trip. Throughout the song, he slowly becomes aware that this reality isn’t real, but desperately tries to hang onto this escape, continuing to indulge in his drug habits. This idea arose from thinking about Rayman dreaming of a reality where he made friends with a friendlier version of the Rabbids to cope with the Rabbid Kaiju destroying his home. It makes me kinda sad thinking about it. Once I can make animations, this is one I would definitely love to do.

And that’s it!! I’ll probably update this later. Maybe it’ll be a master post? Idk. I’ll put it on my pin eventually! I hope you guys enjoyed! 🧡💖

[damelucyjo]

Let’s spend some time with Little Lasso!

Episode 8 - We'll Never Have Paris

Oooh this is a cool montage

Haha angry Rupert 🖕🏼

Yeah, that’s not a happy Ted 😕

How are neither Jake nor Michelle incredibly awkward over this?? I feel awkward just watching them!

It’s nice that Ted & Michelle can joke and pretend he’s not there ✌🏼😂

Uh oh, awkward. Again.

Okay, so the red & blue magnets are gonna mean something, right? Because we’re sure the matchbook does

Prince Henry 🫡 Nice one, Mae

(They are some sad English Breakfasts, I’m sorry)

He doesn’t need to know, nor care, what you are, Jake!

Big piece of cereal making a come back! Does Ted know there are 100s of other cereals available or…?

Ted, why would they bring Henry to you for the weekend if they were just going to fly back to America?? Come on, dude

Oh poor Ted 🥺

YYEEEAAAHHH!!!!

Of course Keeley thought she’d have to play 😂

Show off your ‘girlfriend’. Sure, Jan 🫠

‘Does he need another fake niece’ 😂 Keeley, please never change!

Nate, keeping tabs on Richmond 🥺

Okay, I’ll say it again and again but JADE & NATE ARE CUTE!!

Of course he shaved and showered 😂

Fiona Apple 😍

Oh poor Keeley 🥺🥺 Juno making me want to climb into the TV and give her a big hug

Will making a game out of getting Henry to do his work for him 😂 well done, king!

The guys at the window 😂

I like how none of them ask him why he’s asking where they’d propose. They just answer 😂

Also Beard’s answer made me audibly say ‘aww’ 🥹

ROY KENT ASKING IF HE WANTS TO TALK?! My baby’s come so far 🥰

Or maybe not 😂

Jeremy’s run 😂😂 oh that got me!

Welcome new pup, Trent 🫡

“I’m her ex-husband, not her current father. So, no” 😂

Roy wanting nothing to do with these meetings but always listening from his desk and getting involved anyway 😂 love to see it!

Beard is done with your bullshit, Ted. So is Higgins! The guy ran down and up stairs for you! HE’S GONNA HAVE LEG CRAMPS IN HIS SLEEP, TED! DO YOU NOT CARE?!

The pointing 👉🏻👈🏻 😂

‘You should find out before you flip out’ sound advice there from Higgybottom! 👍🏼

‘Woof’ PROTECT TRENT CRIM WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!!!!

Nate trying to have his own diamond dogs meeting 🫣 The poor boy really thought Rupert would show up 🫣

‘Love Hounds’ 🫠

‘Never let them know how you feel. It’s very expensive’ Disco, you’re fun 😂

‘Are we in trouble now’ poor Roger 😂 he must get ‘told off’ a lot 😂

BISCUITS!! BISCUITS!! This is not a drill 🚨 🚨🚨

Rebecca, channeling her inner Hannah 👀😂

The boys playing with Henry is too adorable! (I wish she’d gone to the window to see it, though)

Look at these two, talking like a married couple🫠

‘The Eiffel Tower is just a lamppost with a publicist’ 😂😂

Oh, he pulled out a ‘Rebecca’. That means he’s serious. And she knows it with how quick she agreed to help 🥹🥰

There’s a whole discussion to be has here over whether she really did call a PI like he asked, or she just said she would because she knew it’d calm him down enough that he wouldn’t continue to spiral so bad 🤔

That smile at the Oscar Wilde line was totally Hannah trying not to laugh 😂

His sad little high-five to the tree 🥺 (you can’t convince me Jason didn’t do that because he knew how much Hannah loved his ‘high-five tree!’ from season 1)

I want to believe Barbra wishes she could say more to Keeley but feels like she can’t. I think they’d have a great friendship if they allowed themselves.

Juno is absolutely breaking my heart with all this. Just give her the awards now 🥺🥰

Jamie’s Lynx collection 😂

The fucking Sun 🖕🏼

Colin with another ‘joke’. In reality he’d be called out and accused of being gay for how much he makes these jokes

Rebecca deleted Candy Crush from his phone, for sure 😂

‘Fuck yeah, 24601’ 😂 I love how varied these boys are! Of course they’re fans of Les Mis

All these guys questions are brilliant, but O’Brien’s got me 😂 that’s gross, mate!!

It’s absolutely wonderful how they all completely switch as soon as they find out Keeley was one of them 🥰 Like it didn’t seem like a real thing until they found out how close to home it hits (but Issac only wants them to protect themselves, even though we all know it wouldn’t even be a thing the other way around because they’re guys and Keeley is a girl 🫠)

Will, what kind of picture you got to get a reaction like that from Jamie?! 😂

(I know story wise it had to happen like this, but why did Issac follow Colin out of the room? As close friends he surely should have trusted that he’d do what he asked??)

Listen here 📢📢📢THAT IS NOT A MAN WHO IS ANGRY HIS FRIEND IS GAY. THAT IS A MAN WHO IS ANGRY HIS FRIEND DIDN’T FEEL LIKE HE COULD TELL HIM 📢 📢📢

Keeley, baby, why were you taking topless photos for your teacher at 15?? 🤔 Rebecca’s reaction is exactly right

This whole plot point for Keeley is coming directly from Keeley Hazell and the line about choice solidifies that for me.

If anyone could change society it’d be Rebecca Welton ✌🏼

Just the fact she has to ask if she should be ashamed or embarrassed is heartbreaking 🥺

Alright Nanna, put your glasses on 😂

‘Just think of how many young women you are going to teach how to masterbate properly’ 😂😂😂 Oh, Rebecca. We all need someone who praises us instead of making us feel like we should be ashamed 🥰

Queen Rebecca humping her parents furniture to the point it had to be reupholstered 😂 I’d expect nothing different! Then blaming a non-existent dog is just *chef’s kiss*

‘I’ve got you’ 🥹🥹🥹 this woman is so maternal it actually hurts my heart she does t have a child

Poor Richard 🫡 😂

It was going so well Roy! Why did you have to ask her that?? 🫣 I’m disappointed in you, grandad 😕

Jack is all over the place. Having already watched the episode I know what is coming up, which makes this scene very important. I like her less and less every time I see her now 🫤

Of course Barbra is a party animal! Now I need a girls night between Barbra, Keeley & Rebecca 👍🏼😂

A Marcus Rashford book 😍

Totally unrelated but TED’S FLAT HAS AN UPSTAIRS?! I’m so confused 😂😂

Another cute call back to the kid Henry was bullying with them now being friends and starting a band 👍🏼 And a lovely little nod to Jason with the drums. Well done

Ted delicately trying to ask Henry questions about Michelle & Jake only for him to be asleep. Happens every time! 😂

Aww, they text each other goodnight and good morning 🥰 ADORABLE!

(I wonder who else does that 👀)

Fair enough for cancelling it, but why do these people never communicate?! Drives me crazy

So Jack doesn’t really care about Keeley. Am I the only one getting those vibes??

Fuck yes, uncle Beard! Love to see his & Henry’s relationship.

Okay but why do I want to see Beard, Ted & Henry at a rave now 😂

It’s actually incredibly sweet that he wants to go watch football. That’s his dads life that he doesn’t really get to see properly for himself. Of course he wants to actually witness it 🥹 Henry, you’re a good egg

Angry Beard having to stop at home first because of course there’s no question that they’re not going to that match. I LOVE THIS LITTLE FAMILY 🥰🥰🥰

Beard being at a West Ham match is full Richmond gear. YOU, SIR, ARE AMAZING!

So is this showing that Henry probably spent a fair amount of time with Nate when he was there the first time?? Or is he just a sneaky little shit who wants to mess with him!! 😂

These two would be incredibly cute if I weren’t so suspicious of Jack 🫣

Yes, be all over her until someone you know is around. Then refer to her as your ‘friend’ 🖕🏼 RUN KEELEY!

(I also recognise this Alyssa girl and a quick search shows she was in Downton, so maybe it’s from that 😂)

That’s a little strange for Rupert to text that to Nate 🤔 Surely he wouldn’t actually care???

I love Mae’s commitment to hating West Ham 🫡

‘You think I wanted to fucking be there’ 😂 of course not, but you’d do anything for your nephew and we love you for it, sir 🫡😂

Sidebar: Rebecca’s kitchen is gorgeous. Just like it’s owner 🥵

At home, comfy Rebecca is delicious, too

Unconsciously correcting his mispronunciation is terribly wifey behaviour, Rebecca 👀 You two aren’t fooling anyone anymore

IT’S NOISY!! TISH CALLBACK 🤔

‘You think I’m nuts’ as she’s munching on nuts, I mean…

He likes The Beatles because Ted does 🥹🥹

Uncle Beard is amazing 🥰🥰

I challenge anyone to listen to this song and not ‘ na na na na Hey Jude’ along 😂

It’s important that Ted has this conversation with someone, but I think it’s incredibly important that it’s with Rebecca. Yea, it is my Tedbecca loving heart saying this but whatever

‘You need to stop letting yesterday get in the way of today, Ted’ just like I’ve learnt to do! Yes, we’ll done, Rebecca 😂

She told you she couldn’t do it so why are you still going on about the statement, Jack. Put your listening ears on, woman!!

I’m so proud of Keeley for sticking up for herself! She shouldn’t feel ashamed for it and it’s disgusting that another woman is telling her that she should! And she’s telling her to her face that she cares more about what people think than her ‘girlfriend’s feeling. Bitch, bye! 🖕🏼

You don’t need her Keeley! You need to spend some time alone for a change!!

Subtlety showing Nathan doesn’t care about winning anymore. Nicely done 👍🏼

He’s evolving, guys! I’m excited!! I need him to rip into Rupert before he leaves, though

‘I love your smile. I like to see my boyfriend happy’ THEY’RE SO BLOODY CUTE!!

Baby boy Jamie’s grown up so much. I’m so proud of him!!

Of course he thought password only had 1 ‘s’ 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 so wise yet so dumb

He didn’t need to hold onto the bag that long 😂 that was weird

No fist bump 😂 FUCK YOU, JAKE!

He’s got the army guys in his window 🥹

Well that was another wonderful episode! A great one for Juno, especially. Fingers crossed for more Rebecca & Keeley besties moving forward 🤞🏼

I think Keeley Hazell did a great job on this one. Seems like a lot of her personal experience, and being the blueprint for Miss Jones especially, worked really well here.

[plainbageltoastedwithbutter]

random percy jackson headcanons!

hey quick note! it would mean a lot if reblog this, i'd love to hear your thoughts! you guys are so nice <3

hazel is big on candles and remembers everyone's favorite scents

not only is annabeth always prepared, she's also attentive. she'll catch you sniffling and hand you some tissues and smile without asking for anything in return

when piper leaves to go somewhere she always leaves notes around instead of just texting, its like a little game to find the next note from her

personal hc that most camp jupiter kids don't have adhd/dyslexia but have autism/dyscalculia

hazel always has perfect posture

(kinda canon already) jason is the BEST comforter, he'll never thinks your issues are too small and this is why his death affected so many people even if they weren't close to him

hazel has a tiny gap tooth

clarisse identifies as bisexual

imo i think piper is a bit of punk or mallgoth similar to thalia but softer, stuff like long soft black sweaters, dark-colored slip dresses, doc martens, old band t-shirts, finger-less gloves, etc

annabeth fiona apple stan

the seven all become immortal eventually cause i said so and i dont want them to die

percy randomly goes into pet shops to look at the fish who are (often) mistreated and buys them all and releases them into the water

leeches dont affect percy, at all. like they try to bite him when hes playing in the water but because he's half sea god it doesn't work

he also owns black melanoids (black axolotls that look blue in certain light)

hazel goes horse back riding

i feel like annabeth's curls were inherited out of nowhere and so her father or step-mom didn't know how to care for it properly and so when she was at camp and on the run she'd just put it into a ponytail and go with it, it'd become really matted at times or not soft at all. when she meets piper and hazel though she finally gets some close friends who are girls, they are masterful at braids and help annabeth learn new hairstyles and how to moisturize her hair with the right products

im really certain on how percy likes rock bands and punk while annabeth loves oldies and alternative rock (i'll put my annabeth playlist at the end)

leo and annabeth are big pokemon fans

frank being a manga fan and hazel is an anime fan!! they'd be so cute going to cons togethering while cosplaying their favs, everyone would come too and have fun!

leo is just able to have really burnt toast and LIKE it, also blazing hot drinks dont burn his tongue at all while the baristas getting his order have to put gloves on just to hold it!

piper is a fan of killing eve and dickenson

frank is the kind of person when you say "dont look at that person but-" and immediately looks at the person not so obviously or to absolutely crumble at a lie

piper has elegant fingers and dark knuckles

KINDA DARK BUT THALIA WOULD FIND IT FUNNY THAT PIPER IMMEDIATELY GOT A GF AFTER JASON DIED

rachel is like friends with everyone at camp, even clarisse is soft for her

jason was scared of nico at first but became really close

nico's love language is physical touch, always clings to hazel, will, or even jason when he can. he's a couple inches taller than hazel so when she's feeling down he'll give her a lil forehead kiss and cuddle into her shoulder. healthy sibling bond <3

after bianca's death and finding hazel, nico almost had closure. not only was he traumatized from her death but felt it was partly his fault she died. getting to know hazel and being her big brother helped him gain a bit of bianca's perspective

because of the lack of technology in chb, rachel does portraits of everyone and in groups, she's their painter photographer (just made that up on the spot)

demeter kids grow olive trees around the athena cabin

genius idea, percy having a naturally cold body, like he just dipped into a bath full of ice, a single touch from him can send sudden goosebumps up your arm, always wears two t-shirts and a hoodie to be comfortable

annabeth being the warm-blooded one was practically raised in the sun while in virginia. the sun on her smooth tan skin feels only natural and like she's at home. she sweats along her neck and behind her knees, puts her hair up, and wears knee-high socks to bear it.

hazel cant ride a bike (same girl)

hazel is the person to never watch shows but walks in on you watching one and becomes attached even though she knows nothing that is going on and cries hysterically when one of them dies

thalia is left handed, percy too

annabeth just being friends with all of percy's friends and percy just never getting along with any of annabeth's is just so funny to me

thalia used to cry a lot as a baby. A LOT, hit her head on a table? SOBS. her ice cream fell? throws a TANTRUM.

dark hc that annabeth has learned to repress her screams and cries because she's learned that no one would come for her anyway

leo's curls actually stay in place when he goes to touch them, very funny when he puts them to look like devil horns and pretends to be a satyr

not fun when he goes to sleep and wakes up with his hair being a mess tho

when campers asked why the chb shirts are orange, chiron said its to keep track of all the campers better while mr d just said casually "cause this place is a prison"

hestia crochets to "keep up with the trends"

apollo is aware of stan culture

percy invests in a water bed and immediately breaks it

heres the promised playlist, reblog, comment, tell me what you think!

[stayevildarling]

Quiz: Which Sarah Paulson Character would be your girlfriend? Part 2

Answer these 10 Questions, count the letters and find out which Sarah Paulson Character would be your girlfriend: ✨

This is part 2, same questions but different characters ✨

1. What is your favorite color out of these?

A: baby blue

B: pastel pink

C: red

D: yellow

E: green

F: orange

G: pastel purple

2. How would you prefer to spend your weekend?

A: a relaxing weekend, away from family

B: having a picnic in a field of flowers, including cupcakes

C: staying at home

D: getting some coffee at a coffee shop

E: going to a book shop or library and spending the day there

F: going to a bar and having a few drinks

G: hanging out with friends

3. What is your favorite food?

A: sushi 🍱

B: cupcakes 🧁

C: anything savoury 🥖

D: candy 🍬

E: burritos 🌮

F: peaches 🍑

G: lasagna 🍝

4. How do you react when meeting your mortal enemy?

A: smile politely, then turn around and point the person out to your friends

B: you don't have a mortal enemy

C: death glaring at the person and plotting their death in your diary

D: you avoid the person

E: get them drunk and make them embarrass themselves

F: plot how to make their life miserable and a living hell

G: point out their own insecurities

5. What is most important to you in a relationship:

A: having a family with your partner and building a life together

B: being soulmates

C: being accepted for who you are

D: honesty

E: sharing the same beliefs/morals

F: being able to fully trust them about who you are

G: being there for your partner and them being there for you

6. What is your choice of drink:

A: red wine 🍷

B: milk 🥛

C: alcohol free cocktail 🍹

D: beer 🍺

E: alcoholic cocktail 🍹

F: white wine 🍷

G: coffee ☕️

7. What is your favorite song out of these:

A: ''These boots are made for walking'' by Nancy Sinatra

B: ''Always forever'' by Cults

C: ''Criminal'' by Fiona Apple

D: ''Driver's license'' by Olivia Rodrigo

E: ''Cinnamon Girl'' by Lana Del Rey

F: ''Secret Love Song'' by Little Mix

G: ''One Call away'' by Charlie Puth

8. How would you react to your partner getting hurt:

A: you try not freaking out even though you are really worried and help

B: you don't know what to do and you call for help because the situation is too overwhelming

C: you get angry that your partner got hurt and you will help them and afterwards take care of the person that caused it

D: you can't help but cry, seeing your partner hurt

E: you know exactly what to do and help them

F: instantly you rush to their side and help, comfort them

G: you analyze the situation and make sure your partner isn't in any danger before helping them

9: If you could choose any of these professions, which would you pick?

A: flipping products and making a ton of money

B: actress

C: singer

D: working in a dog rescue

E: being a housewife

F: nurse

G: working in a mental hospital

10: Choose a vacation:

A: Disneyland with family

B: going camping

C: you prefer to stay at home

D: going hiking in the mountains

E: road trip across the state

F: beach holiday at an expensive resort

G: weekend trip to a cozy lake

RESULTS:

Now just count your answers and the letter with the most of your answers is your girlfriend. If you have multiple letters I guess you have multiple girlfriends, congratulations✨

A: Tammy (Ocean's 8) aka the mom girlfriend

Your girlfriend is the sweetest, shows a lot of affection and also concern. She's a momma bear to be honest and will sometimes treat you like an actual baby. She totally cuts up your lunch in cute shapes

B: Bette Tattler aka the adorable girlfriend

Your girlfriend is the biggest sweetheart and loves you unconditionally. She still blushes a lot around you and she's all dopey and adorable whenever you compliment her. soft bean

C: Dot Tattler aka the bossy girlfriend

Your girlfriend is very bossy and likes to have her own way but she has a big soft spot for you and would do anything for you. Takes good care of you and protects

D: Amanda (BlueJay) aka the fun girlfriend

Your girlfriend enjoys having fun with you and cracking jokes to cheer you up and making you smile. She will for sure share her beanies with you and gives you the jellybeans she doesn't like

E: Alice Macray aka the dopey drunk girlfriend

You don't drink often but whenever you and her go to a party together or to have dinner somewhere, she is the most adorable drunk dopey bean. Will just curl up on the floor and tell you all about discovering a new way to eat food

F: Mildred Ratched aka the badass girlfriend

Your girlfriend is one badass b*tch and will not take anyone's shit. She protects you and will always make sure you feel safe and loved. Her walls are build up high but with you she shares her secrets and fears and is completely open, showing just how much she loves you

G: Dr. Ellie Staples aka the therapist girlfriend

Your girlfriend is always there for you, she will always listen to you very carefully and intently. You can share any secret with her and she will never judge you. Sometimes especially in arguments she will interpret way more into the situation than necessary. Soft bean

Thank you for participating✨

@lunaticwhittaker, @minaslittleone, @winters-witch-bitch, @in-cordelias-coven, @thebijesus, @magnificent-paulsonn

[ask-rp-devra]

A few more days passed, the whole island was preparing to lose two staff members for a short while so ther was a handful of new Pokemon squads on patrols, and a lot of handing over of work to Professor Grey and Pari who were happy to stay behind for the time being. Seeing as the trip to the Crown Tundra area in Galar was looming, peach had put in special permission to bring along Valka, her age and subsequently monstrous skill made her usually unable to travel, trained to a fine point, putting her in a gym battle or a league seemed very unfair, but the locals seemed to think she’d fit the bill, Professor Magnolia had mentioned the abundance of legendary Pokemon in the area, so it would seem wise to take along a Pokemon that was able to hold its own.

With bags packed and bodies in seats the woman and her apprentice began the trip back to Galar, not only to collect more data on the new areas, but also to gather Devra’s team mates up to bring back to the island. The flight back was fine, Peach slept, drooling a bit, legs tucked up in the plane seat, her single Pokemon stashed for the journey, it felt uncomfortable having Valka in her pokeball, it didn’t happen often.

Devra had spent most of her free time packing for the trip, and the rest of it bonding with the two Pokémon she’d be bringing to the tundra. She had to make sure Aliza and her newest Pokémon Coal were strong enough to hold up in the tundra. Fiona helped her load with training her daughter, trusting her human to take care of Aliza but also wanting to make sure she’d be okay too. Now that they were on the plane Devra sat in the window seat, watching the clouds go buy. As they got closer to landing she gently nudged Peach. “Professor? We’re almost there.” She then looked out again, excited to see her mom again, as well as all of her other Pokémon.

Peach grunted, awoke with a jolt, and looked around, dazed and somewhat still very asleep, looking rather disheveled. Drool sticking hair to her face, squinty tired eyes, and a miserable headache. Water and pills as she waited to get the green light to get off the plane, and finally see her partner again, the ball sat in her pocket, in her hand, waiting patiently.

by the time they had disembarked, got their luggage and had caught a flying taxi towards Devra’s home, they had been able to finally take in the scenery, and enjoy the view as they made their way back to postwick, a quiet little town full of wooloo keepers and families.

“you must be happy to get home, see the family, you’re old Pokemon.”

Devra had given the corviknight a warm hello when they were picked up, being familiar with his taxi team. “I’m super excited. I told mom we were coming the other day. I think she’s going to have tea and cake waiting for us. I think you’ll be happy for the tea. She says my Pokémon have all been keeping an eye out for me. I have a feeling there’s going to be a mob when I get of the taxi.” She laughed as she saw her house come into view, here eyes bright and happy.

The pair thanked the taxi driver, and his delightful Pokemon, watching them fly off, leaving them outside a quaint little home, the front door swinging open in haste, a woman stepping out, presumably Devra’s mother? Peach smiled a bit, trying to come off as pleasant, and let Dev take the lead here. In her pocket she could feel the pokeball shake, Val trying to get out.

“not yet bud, let’s just get settled, not long now.” She murmured very quietly, not drawing any attention to herself.

Devra glanced over at Peach, her own poke balls in hand. “You can let her out now Peach. Most of my guys know to be polite around new visitors.” She let out Coal and Aliza, the young ponyta snorting as she was finally able to stretch out. Devra quickly explained things to them before a loud cry was heard from the side of the house. “Oh boy...give me a second.” She got up and quickly put some space between the little group and the hoard of Pokémon coming at her. She soon disappeared in a mass of excited cries, her laugher still being heard.

This was...expected. Peach had caught Devra chatting on her phone across videos to a lot of these Pokemon, all shapes and sizes, so she took a perch on the fence out of the way, and let the mob rush over and get their affection out of their systems. The poor girl within the crowd was far from unhappy about it all, they seemed like relatively well behaved Pokemon. While the ruckus went on, she release her darling fire type, who shook her whole body thoroughly, hating the feel of pokeballs, sending little embers out of her fine fur, before seeing the group, and scaling a tree to be as far out of the way as possible. Peach looked up to her, a small almost unnoticeable grin on her face. “you’re probably right to get some distance, never been one for socialising hey buddy.” She grumbled, folded her legs up under her and sat like a loaf in the tree.

As Devra made her rounds through the mob, four figures bounded over to the grumpy woman. Two of them were applin, both rolling around at her feet. Then a smaller than normal dreepy floating slightly behind the excited little ponyta that stood happily in front of peach.

The quad of new and quite familiar Pokemon approached, Peach for once had no snacks in her pockets, fresh from the airport with its restrictions, she rummaged to no avail.

“ah sorry guys, I normally have snacks on me, I’ll have to go shopping sometime soon.” Instead holding her hand out to see if they wanted to sniff. The applin had her attention in particular, her trip to Galar was cut short due to a medical emergency back at the labs, so she never had a chance to catch any or observe them. “you’re all certainly very strong looking aren’t you.” The ponyta reminded her of home, in a weird way, growing up with the species just being around, she became use to them from an early age, though this youngster was Galarian and very different in appearance.

Devra looked over at peach and grinned, seeing her with four particular Pokémon. She managed to make her way over to the little group, her Gardevoir holding onto her harm as she went. “Looks like you met your surprise.”

“my what?” She was a little dense at times, head empty. By this point they’d gotten a bit closer to her, she had been able to pet them all a little, besides the Dreepy who was a little more shy from the looks of it. Val stayed high up and observed quietly, she was use to sharing her human, this was not new to her.

“Your surprise! You were so excited when you saw the Pokedex entries for applin, and curious about Dreepy. So I thought I’d get you a gift for all the help you’ve given me. The ponyta is kind of a bonus. The dreepy has gotten kind of attached to him, so I don’t think it would be smart to split them up.” She laughed as she was hugged buy the gallede as well, the two obviously fond of their human.

“wow, that’s really thoughtful of you, you know you didn’t have to do all this right? But thank you regardless.” Peach didn’t think she’d be getting a few team mates so fast, some may have to go home for now, they’d be too young for battling in the Crown Tundra just yet. “‘what do you all think then? You want to see if we get along? Don’t have to stick with me if you gave it a try and don’t enjoy it, but it’d be nice to get to know you all a lot more for sure.” She directed her questions to the Pokemon before her, not focusing on the little ghost type too much to not freak them out. It would certainly be nice to have the company, and there was no other fox pokemon so Val wasn’t bothered by their presence at all. With so many around it really felt a bit more like home.

Devra laughed as the applin bounced happily. “Oh don’t you worry. They’ve been super excited to meet you. I’ve been telling all about you and what you do for Pokémon. The dreepy has been excited too, but he’s just a little shy.”

“oh! So you all knew me before I even knew you, well that explains why you all came over so quickly.” The woman laughed a bit, noticing Val descend from the tree behind them, sitting bout a meter back from the others, there was a shimmer you could almost not notice around her, she was putting up a barrier to give herself some space, but seemed rather calm and not at all in discomfort around these new faces. Peach shifted to the side a bit, gesturing to her beloved partner. “well then everyone, meet Valka, she’s...well, family. hopefully you’ll all get along and learn a lot from each other. If you’re worried or want some advice, please ask me or Val and we’ll try to help.” Her attention shifted to the Dreepy who was still hiding a bit behind the Ponyta.

“‘Ah, and don’t worry little guy-“ her eyes glanced about secretively, trying to be a little less scary with her expressions, softening as she whispered a little to him. “‘you and me can be shy together, I’m not great with big crowds or lots of eyes on me either. If you ever think it’s too much for you, you can hide behind me and I’ll scare off whoever’s bothering ya, I’ll be the brave one when you can’t.” She did laugh, this wasn’t the first shy Pokemon she’d had to handle, and they had a lot of love to give normally, just took time to get them comfortable. Her attention now off of him, she let Val so her usual thing, advance to the group, sit in her lap, and discuss with the others, get ting to know them a bit. One applin seemed happy to crawl up onto the professors shoulder, the other wiggling up next to her leg where she sat.

“‘honestly Dev they’re all darlings, I’m sure we’ll all get along great in time.”

She grinned happily as she watched Peach with the little group. “I’m really glad it worked out. I was a little nervous that they still might be too shy. Well, besides the dreepy. Oh!” She dug in her bag and pulled out an odd looking apple. “I almost forgot this! It’s a Sweet Apple. You can use it to evolve one of the applin into an appleton.” There was a happy rumble from behind her as her own Appleton stepped forward. “There’s another apple called a Tart apple that can get you a flapple like mine too. But I haven’t been able to find one yet.”

The mention of the specific fruits found in Galar caught the professors attention, also noticing the big rounded Pokemon approach upon seeing it. The Appleton was actually surprisingly small for a dragon type, shin height, and possibly the cutest looking thing peach had seen in a while. She accepted the fruit thankfully and had to look it over, sniffing it, and all too tempted to take a bite to figure out what it’d be best suited to, from the name, it’d be a really good eating apple, the tart one however would be a cooking sort no doubt.

“ill have to keep my eye out, I must have missed this all last time I was here, good thing you kept your eyes peeled for this.” She let everyone of the new youngsters around her have a chance at looking over the apple too, even Val took a sniff. It was always good to let them see as much of the world as possible, and all the items it contained.

“Maybe one of the pair will like the chance to evolve one day, they’ve probably had time while staying here to meet your pair of Pokemon who chose to evolve, so who knows.” She looked to the two Applin who she had become very fond of quite quickly, they had surprisingly big personalities for such small species, giving each other grief at any given opportunity, like bickering siblings. “they’ll figure it out when they are ready.”

She smiled as she glanced back at the house, waving to her mom as she came to meet them now that the chaos had settled down. “My moms name is Olivia by the way. Not sure if I told you that.”

“you did not.” She said matter of factly, and stood to greet the woman who looked very happy to see her daughter. The woman herself had a fair bit of resemblance to Devra, they shared a few mannerisms too peach noticed while offering a smile and a handshake, which did slightly throw Olivia, she had intended to go for a hug, but saw the social queue and changed it up.

“it’s really nice to meet you, you’re daughters been a real asset out in Johto, you should come and visit her some time perhaps, see what she gets up to.”

Olivia smiles warmly at Peach as she shook hands with her. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you as well Professor. Devra has told me so much about you and the island. I’ll have to make a trip out some time. I’ve been meaning to take a holiday for some time now.” She then turned to her daughter and gave her a massive hug, inviting both of them inside for a rest before they continued their trip.

[arse-crack-thistle]

quality time

rwrb and the five love languages | part four

in which bea nearly crashes from the stress of party-planning (aroace rep)

Princess Beatrice buzzes around The Masquerade, double-checking place cards, straightening table settings, and pulling dried rose petals from the centerpieces. She rented the concert venue for the night to throw a modern Valentine’s gala to benefit Henry’s queer youth center in London. He and Alex are around here somewhere, probably hooking up in a broom cupboard and definitely not nitpicking every detail like Bea is. Her assistant follows her with a clipboard and updates her on the schedule: t-minus three hours until guests arrive and, in the meantime, she needs to give final approval, soundcheck with the band, and get dressed up. Jeans and a blazer, while royal casual, are not party-appropriate, and tonight needs to be perfect.

She usually hates royal events like galas, but this one is special. Not because it’s Valentine’s Day—Bea could not give two fucks about the holiday—but because ever since coming out as asexual around Christmas, she’s been looking for an opportunity to help other queer people, or at least give them a public figure they could point to and say, “See Mum and Dad, she’s like me.” Henry and Alex got their chance, and now this time, it’s hers.

The stage lights up with pink and red; it’s cheesy, but Bea digs it. The concert was the one thing she would not budge on with her royal event planner. Did she want to reach into wealthy pockets? Yes. Did she still want to have a good time? Hell yes. And the band she’s joining for one night only happens to be just as queer as the charity they’re supporting.

Permanent Record, local to London, tune their instruments on stage. Bea has met them dozens of times over the last month and vibed with them instantly. Margot, the too-cool lead singer always decked out in a leather jacket and Docs, is ace like her, and as much as Bea has wanted to get to know them, there’s been no time. Turns out, party-planning and party-executing steals the host away from all meaningful human connection. She’s only been able to keep up with Henry because he’s partly responsible for this event.

The pit, full of tables covered in pink and gold, finally looks perfect enough for Bea to hand-off any other minute fixes to the planner and finally have her soundcheck with the band. But then, a large crash comes from the back of the venue, and she hears a loud shriek coming from a familiar voice, the one that’s been shrill and disapproving for the last month. When Bea runs up, she sees hundreds of shattered champaign flutes and her planner on the floor, blood oozing from her hands.

This cannot be happening. The only reason Bea kept this woman around was to take most of the day-of duties off her plate. But she’s in the back of an ambulance now, and Henry is nowhere to be found. Bea’s stress levels go from tolerable to unbearable as she orders her assistant to track down replacement flutes. The staff are quick to fill her other requests: a couple of people start sweeping, someone runs off to find her co-host, another tells the band Bea’s soundcheck will be postponed, and a brave soul steps up as a temporary assistant and follows her around the back tables to check for broken glass. Bea knows she doesn’t have to be the one to do this, but it seems like the success of this event lies solely one her shoulders. If something goes wrongs, it’s her face—not Henry’s—in the papers the next day. Powder Princess Crashes and Burns at Gay Ball. Christ.

After an hour, everything is sorted. There’s no glass. The planner is getting stiches. Permanent Record has started their soundcheck and sound amazing. But even their chill indie tunes can’t calm the princess. She needs to get on stage, but her stylist specifically requested she have at least two hours to work his magic, which is not going to happen.

Bea tells her assistant to get her stylist and his team to the venue, because she won’t be able to leave, and warn him he’ll only have an hour at best. Henry and Alex have already taken off to get ready, and she has to remind herself to smack them later for abandoning her.

She tugs off her blazer, drapes it over a chair, and rolls up her sleeves. If she does get her hands on a guitar, she’ll explode. It’s all she can think of to stop her from raiding the bar at the back.

“Better late than never, eh, Princess?” Margot says as she huffs on stage.

One of the stagehands gives Bea her beautiful sleek, black Fender Stratocaster, and her anxiety reduces itself to a hum. Music can’t cure all, but it certainly keeps her from wrecking every good thing in her life.

“Let’s just play,” she says.

But it’s anything but perfect. Whatever chemistry she had with Permanent Record somehow jumped into the Thames between their last rehearsal and now because this is an absolute travesty and she’s only playing two songs with them tonight. She’s forgotten measures of one song and can’t find the chords fast enough in her solo of the other. Utter shit.

Why does she even fucking bother?

She always fucks everything up. Always. Why did she think she could put this on? Sure, she’s chaired these events before, but not ones she actually cares about, not ones she’s actually put her heart into. Christ, no wonder. She should’ve known it would turn out like this. She’s the anti-Midas; everything she touches turns to shit.

No kid will ever see her as a queer role model. She’s the girl they point to and say, “See Mum and Dad, what a waste.”

She needs a hit so fucking bad.

Which is why she has to get out of here ASAP. Before she does anything she’ll regret. She won’t slip again, and she won’t be the reason this gala fails. Henry can handle it without her.

So when Margot calls for a five-minute break, Bea excuses herself and hands off her guitar. On her way out the door, she tells the stagehand to find her assistant and tell her to have Henry take over. The hard part is over thanks to the planner actually being brilliant at her job, even if she and Bea would never get along.

No doubt, cameras are already lined up outside, so she hides in one of the green rooms and locks the door behind her. If she just takes a deep breath and calms down, she can bring herself back from the edge.

Five things she can see: The 1975, Arctic Monkeys, Oasis, Solange, and Fiona Apple’s signatures on the artist wall.

Four things she can feel: the worn leather on a crusty couch, the chipped-paint walls, her toes in her shoes, and her fingers through her light brown hair.

Three things she can hear: the ticking from the clock, the click of her heels as she paces, and a knock at the door.

Two things she can smell: decades-old musk from artists past—no doubt coming from the couch—and her light perfume on her wrist.

One thing she can taste: a hint of coffee from earlier.

She breathes in and out, and the knock on the door continues.

“Bea, are you in there? Could you let me in?” Margot. Essentially a stranger. She supposes it’s better than facing a disappointed Henry, so she opens the door and promptly relocks it as soon as they’re inside.

“Christ, this place is legendary, isn’t it? Everyone’s played here—is that Bob Dylan? Fucking nuts,” Margot says, pointing to the wall.

“I’ve seen loads of people here. Always wanted to play here myself,” Bea tells them. She traces Lizzo’s signature. That was a fun night; Nora and June flew out for a girls’ night, which was ultimately crashed by Pez.

“Me too, and the rest of band as well, I suppose.” Margot looks at Bea and smiles. They’re brown eyes crinkle in the corner, and it reminds her of Alex. “And now we get to, eh, Princess? Couldn’t’ve gotten here without you. The whole world knows Permanent Record now.”

“You could’ve done it without me,” she says. “You will tonight anyway.”

“Hey.” They reach for Bea’s hand. “Everyone has some hiccups before a big gig. It’ll be grand, but only if you’re there. This is your night as much as it is ours or the youth center’s. You have no idea how important it is for your lot to shine a light on causes people shy away from.”

That makes Bea smile. For so long she wanted to hide from her position. She wanted freedom to do whatever she pleased, but now she understands the power she has, even if people still see her as “The Powder Princess.” No matter what she wears, millions of fashion influencers share links to her clothes. If she walks into a restaurant, their yearly profits skyrocket. When she told the world she was ace, thousands of people messaged her and said the same. One of them was Margot, telling her about their undiscovered band from South London.

She tells Margot how that was one of the first times she really felt like herself. Completely at peace with who she is. How that peace got away from her and turned this gala into a near-panic-attack-inducing event, she doesn’t know.

“Have you let on how stressed you’ve been to anyone?” Margot asks. The two sit together on the couch after Margot bravely plopped themself down on the dirty, old thing.

“Hadn’t the time,” she says. Truthfully, Bea doesn’t think she’s had a genuine conversation with anyone since the gala’s conception.

Margot throws their hands in the air. “Well, there you go then! You’ve got to take the time! To take care of yourself. To hang out with your mates. Just to have some goddamn fun, Bea! Come on! You think I’d be a functioning human if I didn’t let loose with my mates every now and then? This—” They gesture to their body, covered in tattoos and tattered black clothing. “Doesn’t happen on its own.”

Bea laughs. It’s been so long since she’s laughed from anything other than stress. “Right, so how does this all happen then?” She swirls her hand in Margot’s direction.

As they chat, Bea relaxes. They talk about their families and uni and music and coming out. Bea tells Margot about the time she and the gang went to the karaoke bar where Henry got wasted and sang Queen horrifically. Margot tells her about the time in year twelve when they got dared to try out for the school play and ended up playing an old man in the most unbelievable bald cap.

Eventually, the two of them pull out their phones and play a few games of Among Us until Bea’s desperate assistant finds her and pleads for her to get ready though the door. They only have an hour before guests arrive.

“You all right?” Margot asks. “Want to go out there and try again?”

Funny how it doesn’t seem so scary anymore. How it only took a short break, a nice chat, and a little pink astronaut to put Bea at ease. She smiles. The notes come back to her fingertips.

check out the rest of my rwrb and the five love languages series: part one, part two, part three, and part five. (links to come as they’re released)

listen, my permanent headcanon is aroace bea and you will never convince me otherwise and i will never write her as anything else bc i love her so much!! (that being said, if you ship her with anyone, i totally understand). also, i reference a fic of mine i wrote for winterfest so if you want to check out my version of bea’s coming out, you can do that here! and finally, i know this wasn’t a romantic fic for romance week but like i said in part one, valentine’s day is different for everyone. <3

rwrb romance week | @rwrb-fests

[heliosthegriffin]

Himbo Dad AU; Breakfast

Achilles opens the door to his house, and then walks into the kitchen his father cooking at the stove, Heracles eating from his dog bowl, loaded full of sausages, bacon, pancakes, hash browns, and eggs, the dogs face covered in grease, Achilles could tell the dog was probably on his second or third bowl though, he’d probably need to eat one more before his food coma could start.

Achilles sat at the large table in kitchen and greeted his father with sleepy yawn. “Mornin, dad.”

Jaune looks over his shoulder at his son, his hands never leaving the stove in front of him as he was cooking enough food for a feast, and greeted his son back in a warm, fatherly tone. “Morning, sleepy one, did you stay up all night at your aunt Saphrons? Or did you get some sleep?”

Achilles blushed a little. “I got some sleep…”

Jaune rose a well-groomed eyebrow. “A little? So, you don’t need to take a nap when you go upstairs? Cause, after breakfast, I’m going on a 100k, and could always use a strolling buddy, if your up for it~”

Achilles paled. “Uh, uh, no thanks dad, I might have stayed up all night with Adrian.”

Jaune sighed and shook his head. “It’s bad for growing boys to stay up all night, but it’s the weekend. Just make sure your ready for school tomorrow.”

“Ugh, school. Why can’t I just go to Sanctum like Adrian yet?”

“You’re only ten, value your childhood while you can.”

Achilles whispers “Yeah, like you haven’t told me all that hundred times.”

Jaune turned his head at Achilles his eyes narrowed. “Hmm, what was that? Sound like back sass, and back sass sounds like another 100-kilometer run, mister. If you really want to give up your childhood and go to Sanctum, you’ll have to start doing those runs every day.”

His son’s tanned skin turned pale at the statement. “Uh, no sir! Sorry, sir! Please don’t make me run with you, it’s like trying to keep up with speeding bullhead!”

Crossing the kitchen with a couple of long steps, and ruffle his son’s hair and puts several plates in front of him. “I’m just playing Killies, I would never make you do something that you don’t want to do, but, I’m just not ready for my little boy to grow up on me. So, please, just stay a little boy for a little while longer? For me?” Jaune says kissing his son on top of the head.

Achilles bats away his dad with a blush, and mumbles out. “Fine… Just long as you train me like you are Adrian, please and thank you.”

Jaune lets out a beaming smile. “It’ll be my pleasure, my little warrior. Now eat up, and get some rest.”

Achilles looks at his plate full of food, with cooked bacon, crispy hashbrowns with cheese and onions, pancakes decorated with his crest of a spear breaking two arcs, with spear being made of strawberries and whipped cream and the arcs honey, scrambled eggs dusted with salt, pepper, and local spices, and then a tray loaded with fruit. Served alongside a glass of tea and orange juice.

Achilles found he didn’t need much convincing to eat up, giving a rushed thank you, and with no thoughts on why his father had made more than ten times the normal amount of food for himself, Achilles, and Heracles.

The boy didn’t notice as several newcomers entered the kitchen, with almost all of them taking a seat around the table, with one going up behind Jaune, having to stand on their tip of their toes, before slipping their arms around his neck, leaning their chest into his back, and laying their head on his shoulders.

“Mornin Handsome~,” Robyn said into his ear.

Jaune shivered slightly at the feeling of her breath on his neck. “Hey there, beautiful, not that I don’t appreciate what your doing, but let’s keep the PDA to a minimum, Achilles is back and I don’t want to give him any trauma today.”

“Oh, is that so? No wonder you had us screaming like little banshee’s last night.”

“First off, don’t make it weird, second off, I have my room sound and vibration proof. Third, I’m making you breakfast, you don’t have to seduce me, you’ve already won.”

“Maybe, I just miss your touch.”

Jaune rolled his eyes and with an impossible to follow speed, he had Robyn cradled in one arm while still cooking.

He gave her a little peck on the nose, causing a blush to run across her tan skin. “There, that make you feel any better?” 

Robyn had nothing to say, and merely blushing deeper.

Jaune returned back to cooking, one arm full of a blushing mess.

Achilles finally took a break from inhaling his breakfast to see his table no longer empty, but full of his… He didn’t know what to call them really, first to his left playing his hair was Ms. Fiona who used to watch him when he was little, but still hung out with his dad a lot. He didn’t mind her playing with hair though it felt nice. “I’d envy hair this nice if it didn’t tangle so badly,” He thought he heard her mumble. It was weird seeing her wear dad’s shirts though.

To his right was Ms. Schnee, she liked to do business with dad sometimes, something about hunting for the Argus Military based. But, it always bugged him that an Atlas General liked to a sleepover with dad, besides why did the general deal with contracts for Argus Military base, when she could have people there, do it? When he asked, she just said it was important for Generals to maintain connections with independent powers. Then gave him some lien to go buy a video game or something. Why she wore dad’s pajamas was beyond him.

The rest of the table was filled with Ms. Schnee’s friends? And Ms. Fiona’s friends, and oddly enough Ms. Nikos, their next-door neighbor… Actually, it’s not that weird, she practically lived over here.

Why they were wearing more of dad’s clothes than dad was wearing, he was only wearing a apron and a pair of shorts, was a mystery for another day.

The table seemed to notice him and gave him a series of hellos and good morning, he greeted them back, and got back to eating before they started asking about his grades and stuff. His social-studies weren’t great. He’d have to call Aunt Weiss or Blake for some help, Aunt Weiss would understand, plus she loved to spoil him. He knew Aunt Blake loved him, but deep down he was sure that she held a grudge for he bit her ears as a baby.

The sliding of plates across the table got everyone’s attention, a personalized plate for each seat at the table, along with bowls full of rolls, scones, and biscuits, baskets of bacon, sausage, and ham, and various pastries on plates.

Jaune put down Robyn into a chair, appreciating how his shirt looked on her, and took in the rest of the table with a pleased expression, really liking how his girls were looking wearing his clothes. 

With a clap, he got everyone’s attention. “First, off enjoy. Second off, don’t show weakness Heracles will steal your food. Third, if it goes into the air or floor, it’s Heracles. Fourth, if you have leftovers, put them in Heracles doggy dish, he will love you forever. We, good? Alright, everybody dig in!”

A wave of giggles took over the table, before the sound of forks and spoons clinking over took the giggles.

Robyn looked at her plate hungrily, it full of roasted, seasoned tomatoes, a personal favorite of hers, large slices of ham and turkey, eggs sunnyside up, several slices of toast coated in butter and jam, a couple slices of bacon, mushrooms, baked apple slices, and to top it off a large glass of ice coffee.

Robyn gave Jaune a saucy glance, “I’d kiss you, if you hadn’t bruised my lips last night, by the way, are you trying to make me fall for you? It’s working~.” Robyn said before digging in.

Jaune gave a playful roll of the eyes. “I don’t need to try for something I already have.” 

Next to Robyn, May sat in Jaune’s white undershirt, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders to cover what the shirt barely covered with how loose it was on her. She groaned at her leader, but quickly resumed eating her breakfast of an omelette stacked full of ham, sausage, cheese, diced onions, and bacon on a bed of cooked hash browns, with a stack of pancakes on the side, with a ice vanilla latte on the side. 

In-between Fiona and May, sat snuggly Joanna the only one besides Elm who could wear Jaune’s clothing without looking entirely ridiculous, but even then the flannel shirt was a size or two too big and she had to wear an undershirt underneath. She looked slightly amused at May’s annoyance and her leaders bad flirtation. 

Her breakfast could be described as meat, all the meat and eggs she could have. Bacon? Check. Eggs? Scrambled, sunnyside up, omelet, and poached on toast. Ham? Yes. Turkey? An entire leg. Sausage? Links, patties, and summer sausage. Chicken? She had them on biscuits. Steak? With the eggs of course. Finally she had some Lox and other seafood, with a side of biscuits, various cheeses, jams, and a large strawberry protein shake and glass of water.

Fiona sitting next to Achilles wore little more than Jaune’s white long sleeve sweatshirt, not that she needed anymore as she wore it more like a dress from how big it was. She had given up on getting all of Achilles knots out of his hair, she had talked with Saphron and Terra before on how hard it was to get him to take care of his hair, she dreaded when Yang found out he started growing his hair out like her, but refused to take care of it properly. Anyway she was trying to get her lover’s son to open up to her a bit more.

Achilles was too consumed by eating to notice. Fiona let out a sigh and went to work on eat breakfast, Jaune was good to her, too good in fact and sometimes loaded up her plate more than she could eat, but she supposed growing up around seven sisters and then hanging out with huntress gave him a skewed view on how much she wanted to eat.

The plate was full of cooked mushrooms, baked tomatoes, a omelett full of leafy greens, onions, and vegetables, biscuits, muffins, pancakes, a yogurt parfait mixed with banana, nuts and strawberries, some scrambled eggs, sausage patties, and finally a large breakfast tea to finish it off. She had her work cut out for herself, but Jaune’s food was bar none the best in Argus.

Achilles was half way through his plate.

Winter scrolled across her Scroll, making sure her schedule was clear today… for reasons. She smiled when she saw that the day was clear along with tomorrow and most of the week, she pulled her, formerly Jaune’s pajama’s tight, and looked with a smile at her plate. She would never regret loaning Klein to Jaune so the man could learn the butler’s ways.

On her plate was a large waffle cover in chocolate custard with strawberries forming a heart in the center, her cheeks blushing slightly, Jaune always insisted she get all the love she was denied as a child. Also on the plate was sausage links, orange slices, blueberry muffins, some donuts, sliced ham, crackers, cheese, and some turkey. To drink was a simple black coffee.

To Winter’s immediate right was Harriet digging into her food, dressed only in a large red sweatshirt to cover herself. Her breakfast consists of toast, cheesy scrambled eggs, apple cinnamon oatmeal, berry smoothie, a couple bagels with cottage cheese, and some ham. A glass of water to the side. She was really hungry after all the, exercise she got last night. So conscious thoughts were a bit away.

Elm was the only one who was actually close to Jaune in size, but since he hit his second growth spurt he was almost a head taller than her, with even broader shoulders! That said while his clothes hung loosely on her, it wasn’t nearly as bad as say on Fiona. Elm wore a simple robe and undershirt with boxers on underneath. She wasn’t much of a morning person, but she managed through simple questions when asked.

Her breakfast was similar to Joanna’s, only even larger. With an omelet loaded to bursting with steak, and an ever larger caffeine chocolate protein shake, an entire plate with hashbrowns full of meat and cheese and the occasional onion.

Next to Elm was the last lady of the table, Thetis Nikos, mother to late Pyrrha Nikos. She wore Jaune’s robe and a black t-shirt. Her breakfast was a parfait loaded with fruit and nuts, a stack of pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs, a muffin and a cup of coffee.

Finally Jaune had his own plate… Platter, he had a platter, full of every meat he had all sizzling, crispy and delicious, all the eggs, all of them! A waffles, pancakes, oatmeal, muffins, protein shakes and smoothies, sausage and toast, his plate full was nearing total collapses.

Breakfast went on for a while, everyone scraffing down as much as them could, Joanna, Elm, Jaune, Achilles, and Thetis going for second, eventually it was all gone with what little scraps being given to Heracles.

“You spoil us, you know?” Elm called out to Jaune, holding her full belly.

“Yeah, you don’t have to cook for us everytime we swing by. I'm down for going out for breakfast, I just don’t understand how you have the energy, when,” She wiggles her eyebrows at Jaune. “You do the most exercise around here.”

A series of groans emerged around the table. Achilles could only nod, his dad did work out a lot.

Winter coughed at that, and then spoke. “I concur with that statement, I feel the time could be used more, pleasantly.” A blush rose on her face. “If I ordered catering, you wouldn’t have to rise two hours early to make breakfast for everyone.” She then said under her breath. “And then you wouldn’t have to leave the bed so early.”

May smirked at her from across the table. “You just don’t wanna lose your big spoon? Do you princess bed hog?’ Her smirk growing deeper at Winter’s atomic blush.

“Alright, alright, I get it, but I like cooking for everybody,” Jaune said a pearly smile, making the women at the table go weak in the knees. “Anyway, I have get up early anyway, to improve myself, and keep my body top of the line.” The weakness came back in full force for the women, remembering the taste they got last night of how top of the line his body was.

“Now, who’s up for a 100k run!” Jaune asks.

Only for all of them to groan, as they felt the soreness across their bodies from last night.

“Fine, I guess you girls got plenty of exercise last night.” Jaune said with a smirk. 

Achilles didn’t get why the women around his dad were so weird, but it didn’t matter to him that much, they were in a way family to him, sure they weren’t always around, but when they were he enjoyed it, and all of them united in their shared fear of his father’s insane physical routine.

[asbcblog]

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.  

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina 

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.  

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty, 

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

[theliterateape]

Hell in a Handbasket

By David Himmel

SHE TAKES ONE LAST LONG DRAG FROM HER CIGARETTE. She pushes the smoke past her gleaming teeth and full lips and crushes the thing beneath her boot. Her black coffee has finally cooled to a barely drinkable temperature. She takes a sip as she enters the radio station. Another fucking morning show. This one in San Francisco. It’s still dark out and, between the cigarette and the coffee and all of the whiskey she drank last night, she has the worst morning breath in recorded human history.

She didn’t have time to brush her teeth. She overslept and was rushed out of her hotel room by Gavin the tour manager. The clothes she had worn at last night’s show were strewn across the floor. Gavin threw the jeans and Superman t-shirt at her as she struggled to get her naked body out of bed. She didn’t have to fuss with makeup or her hair; she looks the same at five in the morning in the grips of a hangover as she does at eleven at night when she’s in the grips of stage lights and adoring fans.

Way back before she was famous and had dreams of being interviewed by radio deejays, it didn’t matter what you looked like as much. The listeners couldn’t see you and the deejays looked just barely put together themselves. But today, everything is visual, and if this show is anything like all of the others, they’ll be recording the interview for the radio station’s YouTube page. She hates the beautification and objectification of women in the entertainment industry. However, she sees nothing wrong with not wanting to look like hammered rat shit, which is exactly how she feels. This morning, as she has been most mornings this past year, she’s self-aware enough to be thankful for her easy-to-manage looks.

Gavin makes the introductions in the studio. She smiles her big, brilliant smile—the one that makes men and women fall in love with her—and begins to charm the three morning show hosts.

“Good morning. I’m really happy to be here,” she says into the microphone. Her mouth is dry and it tastes like a circus floor. She reaches for the bottle of water one of the hosts handed her when she walked in. She thinks she should have had a piece of gum instead of that cigarette.

“You’re wearing a Superman t-shirt,” the fatter of the hosts says. “Are you a fan of the comics?”

“This isn’t a Superman t-shirt,” she says. “It’s a Supergirl t-shirt.”

“Hear, hear, sister!” says the woman host.

“And yes, I’m a fan of the comics.”

“For those of you just tuning in, we’ve got Jane Hadley in the studio with us this morning,” the thin host says in a well-rehearsed broadcaster’s voice. “If you’re not familiar with Jane Hadley then you’ve likely been in a coma trapped in a mine shaft for the past year. Her debut album, Hell in a Handbasket, is this year’s runaway hit and iTunes’ most downloaded album ever. Right now, Jane Hadley is a bigger deal than Taylor, Adele and Beyoncé.”

“Combined,” Fat Host says.

“And she’s performing a sold-out show at Decker Hall tonight,” Thin Host continues.

“But don’t worry,” Lady Host says, “if you didn’t get tickets for the show, we’ll be giving a pair away a little later on this morning. And I think—Jane, correct me if I’m wrong—that these tickets also include a backstage meet and greet.”

“They do,” Jane says. “I’ve even got my Selfie-Stick for photos.”

“Did you bring that Selfie-Stick with you this morning?” Fat Host asks. “I’d love to get a photo with you. You have to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen this early in the morning.”

Jane smiles and laughs a hearty laugh that not even the most high-tech lie detector test could determine its authenticity one way or the other. “I didn’t bring it but I’m sure we’ll find a way to take a photo without it.”

“And you’re going to play a few songs for us this morning, too, right?” Lady Host asks.

“I brought my guitar and will even take requests.”

The three hosts celebrate over this surprise. Thin Host says, “You hear that, K–POP listeners? The beautiful and talented, Goddess of Rock Jane Hadley will be taking your requests for a live, in-studio acoustic session! Don’t go anywhere. You’re listening to the Manic Morning Show on 97.1, K–POP.”

Thin Hosts glances at Fat Host who taps a series of buttons on the control board and clicks a wireless mouse linked to the monitors. A station bump plays followed by a commercial break beginning with an ad for a local diamond dealer. The hosts take their headphones off.

“Do people actually listen this early?” Jane asks as she also removes her headphones.

“Not anymore,” Thin Host says.

“We’ll replay everything with you in the eight o’clock hour,” Lady Host says.

This is not how Jane saw her life. For one thing, she never thought she’d be a smoker. But divorce can promote bad habits as diversions from the heartache. And for another thing, she never thought she’d be divorced at thirty-seven years old, though she was only thirty-five when it all happened, which only makes it worse. She is too young to be divorced and too old to only now find herself at rockstar status. Unfortunately, without the divorce, the fame and fortune—and morning radio show interviews—would have continued to elude her.

Before she was Jane Hadley, the rock ’n’ roll singer/songwriter—the Goddess of Rock, bigger than Taylor, Adele, and Beyoncé combined, she was Jane Hadley, the folk ’n’ roll singer/songwriter who never sold more than a thousand albums and a few hundred t-shirts. Before she had a #1 album flying off the shelves and being downloaded to the Cloud by millions, and an entire merchandising department, she was just a girl who played in a few bands: the Stargazers, Rosie’s Dream Catcher, Jane and the Jaded Cowboys.

None of these were good band names and she knew it. But she liked the music they made. Sweet, folky, only as loud as the all-acoustic gear would allow. All her bands looked the same. Jane played rhythm guitar and sang lead. The lead guitar, keyboard, upright bass and percussion were played by men. This wasn’t intentional, it’s just how things played out. They sounded similar, too, although each incarnation sounded more practiced than the last, a byproduct of age and gig experience.

The Stargazers was her high school band. It lasted long enough to play mostly Simon & Garfunkel covers at a few garage shows and the school’s Battle of the Bands. She formed Rosie’s Dream Catcher in college with her then boyfriend, keyboardist Matt. They recorded one CD of ten original songs. They sold all one hundred copies for two bucks a piece by the time the band, and Jane and Matt, split three years later.

She wonders why they are waxing intellectual about Kurt Cobain and the meaning of “Smells Like Teen Spirit?” She just wants to plug tonight’s show, play a few songs, maybe answer a call and give vague, recycled answers about what inspired her to write the album. Instead, she’s bemoaning about the trappings of fame and denying any intention of making an album that will last the test of time. How Gen X of her. How Fiona Apple of her. How awful of her.

Jane always figured that if success in the music business was ever going to come to her it would have been with Jane and the Jaded Cowboys. It took her a little while to become comfortable with her name being segregated from the band name. She didn’t want to be a Diana Ross or Gloria Estefan but Adam, the guitarist, thought they should capitalize on the gender difference and put their radiant leader out front while her boys backed her up. Adam was a marketing major in college and while he was a gifted guitarist, his real talent was in hype.

Jane and the Jaded Cowboys were prolific. Their songwriting was a science. Jane would come to practice with lyrics ripped from her many tattered Moleskin journals and a tune she thought worked with the words. From there, all five would flesh the thing out until they had a nice little folky pop song. They were a good team and their musical tastes and abilities complemented each other well.

With the freedom provided by quarter-life adulthood, they toured a lot in the sixteen years they were together. They earned fans but none who would bleed for them, really. They played the festivals and a few of the storied concert halls spread throughout the country. They headlined some shows and shared the bill with acts that would go on to the kind of fame and success that Jane and the Jaded Cowboys were chasing but never caught up to.

Because being in the band didn’t pay a livable wage, everyone had real jobs. Jane tended bar at Queen Lizzie, a hipster hotspot in Chicago where the drinks are overpriced and the customers happily overpay. She hated the place and the customers but the money was too good to walk away from. She was able to afford the necessities: instruments, rent, food, clothes, tour van, gas money for the tour van and Moleskin journals. She even managed to save a fair amount and really hack away at her student loans. Not that her degree in art history was worth more than the paper the degree was printed on.

The songs she wrote reflected her life. They featured themes of loneliness, desire, road trips and regret. The songs weren’t bad. But they weren’t great either. Their most popular song among their few loyal fans is called “Photographic Art History.” It’s about wasting time and energy. One critic, writing for an online publication about the lineup of a summer festival in Chicago, described Jane and the Jaded Cowboys as, “a band that makes perfect background music for the perfect lazy day of napping.” On the band’s Facebook page, Adam spun the opinion by posting the review and writing, “IndieRock.com says ‘Jane and the Jaded Cowboys makes perfect music for the perfect day!’”

Jane hated the hype. But it was the best her band ever got.

And speaking of hype…

“Rolling Stone called you the voice of women of this generation,” Thin Host says. They are back from commercial break. “That seems like it could come with a lot of responsibility. Do you feel responsible to speak for your generation?”

Since Hell in a Handbasket dropped, many critics had echoed Rolling Stone’s claim. Jane used to see herself as a Joni Mitchell type, or Carole King or Carly Simon. Women from a very different generation. And one that isn’t hers. She isn’t even sure which generation the critics are talking about. At thirty-seven years old, she’s no longer part of the youth culture but she’s too young, still, and new to fame, to be a music veteran. And in the entertainment industry, the young and the old were the major markets. Everyone in the middle is white noise. Jane feels that if she’s the voice of any generation right now, it’s the White Noise Generation. But she can’t say that.

“First of all, it’s an insanely flattering thing to say about someone,” Jane answers. “But it’s also an insanely broad generalization and a little presumptuous. I didn’t make this record to be a statement about women or for all women or anything like that. And if we look at music history, we don’t ever really know how representative a musician was or wasn’t to her generation—or his—until the music has had time to mature and that generation, or whatever, has adapted from it in some way.”

“Well, take Kurt Cobain. In a way, your situation is similar to Cobain’s,” Thin Host says. “He was considered the voice of Generation X right out of the gate. And he was dead before his music and his generation really even had a chance to—what did you call it?—mature. But everyone was right. Kurt Cobain was, and still is considered to be, the voice of his generation.”

“So if you don’t already have a heroin addiction, you better get on that,” Fat Host says.

“No, then she’d just be compared to Courtney Love. And no woman wants to be compared to Courtney Love,” Lady Host says.

“Yikes. God no. That’s even worse than being compared to Yoko Ono,” Jane says.

“There are so many awful women in rock ’n’ roll,” Fat Host says.

“You named two,” Jane says. “The awful men in rock ’n’ roll still outweigh us twenty-to-one.”

“And that’s why she wears that t-shirt,” Lady Host says.

They all have a laugh as Jane glances at the clock on the studio wall. She’s booked for an hour. It’s only been eleven minutes. She wants to go back to sleep. The coffee isn’t working. She considers what it would be like if she did start using heroin. It’s cheaper than booze, cigarettes and even coffee. And on the road, it’s often easier to get.

“Okay, I understand that you’re reluctant to accept your influential role in today’s culture,” Thin Host says.

“It’s not a reluctance,” she says.

“A rejection then,” he says.

“No. I mean, they’re just songs.”

“But don’t you want your songs to mean something? Isn’t that what every artist wants?”

“Sure. In a way. This album means what it means to me. I can’t control what it means to anyone else. It’s nice that it’s been so well received. I’m touched that people are finding their own meanings in the songs.”

“So you’re saying that the song, the first single, ‘Onward,’ isn’t symbolic of the woman’s place in today’s society.”

“I think Hemingway said something about the foolishness of trying to include symbols in your work on purpose,” Jane says.

“So no.”

“‘Onward’ is a song about my ex-husband moving out of our apartment and me, a woman, having to make sense of what he, a man, had left behind. If that is perceived as anything other than that—”

“I understood it as a break-up song,” Lady Host says.

“But things can be perceived by any number of people in any number of ways. That’s the great thing about art. Let me ask you guys a question. Since you brought him up, what does ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ mean to you? What’s that song about?”

“Making trouble,” Thin Host says.

“Cheerleaders,” Fat Host says.

“Disaffected youth,” Lady Host says.

“All I ever think about when I hear that song is deodorant. That song is a deodorant jingle to me. Because when that song came out, I was eleven years old and Teen Spirit was the brand of deodorant I used.”

“Commerce,” Fat Host says. “Cobain is rolling over in his grave.”

“Nah,” Jane says. “He knew damn well what he was doing when he titled that song. He was being funny—Oh crap, can I say the ‘D’ word?”

The hosts laugh. “Yes, ‘damn’ is allowed. ‘Crap,’ is not,” Thin Host says. They laugh some more then he presses on. “Symbols or not, this album is incredible.”

“Thank you.”

“I doubt that you’d call it a concept album.”

“Not in the traditional meaning of concept album, no. I mean, it’s not The Wall. But it was conceived by specific events. There’s a theme.”

“It’s a break up album,” Lady Host says.

“It is indeed a break up album. A break up and all of the, um, crap, that comes with it.”

She knows she sounds like a pedantic blowhard. They are baiting her into it and she is too strung out on exhaustion and weak coffee to resist. She wonders why they are waxing intellectual about Kurt Cobain and the meaning of “Smells Like Teen Spirit?” She just wants to plug tonight’s show, play a few songs, maybe answer a call and give vague, recycled answers about what inspired her to write the album. Instead, she’s bemoaning about the trappings of fame and denying any intention of making an album that will last the test of time. How Gen X of her. How Fiona Apple of her. How awful of her.

But after two weeks of horrendous heartbreak, isolation, and alcoholism, Jane had come to one conclusion: right or not, fuck Keith.

She is saved from falling deeper into these asinine rock critic musings when the hosts go to break again. They’ve cued listeners to call in with questions and requests. The first three callers request “Onward,” to no one’s surprise. Jane pulls her guitar from its case and gives it a gentle tuning. She gets the familiar sinking knot in her stomach as she does.

Her departure from acoustic folk to electric rock was the best way for her to get through the pain of her divorce. It allowed her to turn the deafening sadness into rollicking anger. And every time she plays these songs with an electric guitar and her banging, thrumming, clanging tour band alongside her, she becomes more and more removed from the origin of the source material. She’s healed each night. And in quieter moments in between cities on the bus, when she finds herself descending toward that sadness and regret, she can listen to the album at top volume through her headphones and relive the anger and gravitate toward getting over the goddamn thing.

But there’s no escaping the raw bones of truth when she plays the songs acoustically on radio shows like this. She wanted to bring the band with her and at least have a bigger sound so the songs weren’t so stripped down and she didn’t feel so naked. But her management vetoed it. The fans wanted Jane Hadley naked. And that’s what they were getting. And every time she tunes the guitar to play “Onward,” she is rocketed into a wretched reverie of when she first tuned the guitar to write the song.

Keith had just closed the door of the apartment with his last box of stuff under his arm. It had been the first time they’d seen each other since he asked for a divorce two weeks before and fled to wherever he had been staying. Jane spent those two weeks crying, substituting alcohol and cigarettes for meals, sleeping on the living room floor because she couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping alone in their bed and didn’t feel that she deserved the comfort of the couch. She was emotionally destroyed and she thought it best to destroy herself physically, too.

He said some pretty nasty things when he left. There were accusations of infidelity because she played songs that weren’t about him. He blamed her for his inability to secure a steady and well-paying gig because she was not supportive enough. He called her a manipulator and a user and chastised her for having more friends than he had.

None of these accusations were true and he was clearly taking his own self-loathing out on her. How could someone’s likability make her unlikable? Keith had found a way. The two therapists they had seen every week since getting married eight months before, called it projecting. Keith denied it and Jane believed everything he said.

But after two weeks of horrendous heartbreak, isolation, and alcoholism, Jane had come to one conclusion: right or not, fuck Keith. Watching him leave with a box of his mother’s old stained Tupperware was enough to pull her off of the floor and begin writing music again. “Onward” became Jane’s life’s statement of purpose. And as the first single and the album’s first track, it became the album’s statement of purpose, too. And thus, it became a generation of women’s statement of purpose.

She didn’t even have to write the lyrics down and work them out in her notebook like usual. She just played and sang and it all came together. She scribbled it down once she was done and the song, at first, resembled every other song she had written. Soft, slow, melancholy. She didn’t want that. She wanted something different. Because the same old song hadn’t done her much good for her career or her internal struggle. She didn’t feel soft, slow or melancholy. She felt hard, fast and fucking pissed. She dusted off her electric Gibson and amp and played the song faster and louder. She felt alive again. She felt angry. She felt inspired.

She lit a cigarette and played it again. She recorded it and upon listening back, she heard a voice she didn’t recognize but loved. The chorus made her smile, even though it felt strange on her face.

You took my love And let it burn Scorched and ashen I move onward

✶

SHE MET KEITH LESTINGHOUSE AT A SHOW IN PEORIA, ILLINOIS. He was a videographer and had been hired to document the headlining band, the Dandelions, who a year later would win the Grammy Award for Best New Artist. Keith’s art direction in the documentary was lauded for its grit, the way it “captured the essence of budding rock ’n’ roll success,” according to some well-respected blogger somewhere online.

She found Keith smart and funny, and thought his patchy beard and thin, lanky body made him handsome. He seemed to genuinely like Jane’s music and her band. And he seemed to like her. By the end of their first date, they realized that they had been a match on each other’s online dating profiles.

“Why didn’t you ever send me a message?” she asked him.

“Why didn’t you ever send me one?” he replied.

He was a feminist and she liked that about him, too.

Six months in, they were engaged. Two months after that, they were married. It was a small ceremony held in her parents’ barn at their farm in Dowagiac, Michigan. She wore cowboy boots with her consignment wedding dress, he wore black Chuck Taylor sneakers with his new suit from an online custom clothier. An hour before the wedding, Jane cried all of her makeup away when Keith requested that her father not walk her down the aisle. Well, he didn’t have any family at the wedding, therefore, her father’s obvious presence was her way of rubbing it in that he was an estranged son. Jane conceded. Then Keith decided that it was okay for her dad to walk her down the aisle after all. This was the first crack in the façade of perfection Jane had placed Keith behind. Then, at the reception, Jane and the Jaded Cowboys played a song she wrote just for Keith, just for their wedding. Drunk, he mistook it for a song about some other guy and stormed off into the Dowagiac fields. Jane—the consummate professional—finished the song then ran into the fields after her husband. When she found him, he continued accusing her of infidelity until she managed to convince him otherwise and they screwed right there in rows of soybeans.

He moved into her place. His video equipment crowded and nearly ousted her music equipment. Space in the small Chicago apartment was the crux of their Cold War—Keith acting like Reagan with his finger constantly on he Button and Jane acting as Gorbachev, desperate for some kind of peaceful and reasonable resolution.

Two weeks later, they were in therapy. The only discussion they could have without Keith’s demanding a therapist’s intervention was about what they’d have for dinner. It helped that Keith’s veganism limited their dining options. Keith was a volunteer for Greenpeace and convinced Jane to sell her 1967 Pontiac GTO. It was left to her in her grandfather’s will. It was her grandfather who taught her to play guitar and encouraged her to pursue a career in music. He was a sound tech for bands like the Byrds, Leslie Gore, the Lovin’ Spoonful and even the Beatles once. Anywhere she had to be, Keith told her, she could ride a bike, walk, run or use public transportation, if she must. And that inspired the second song on the album, “Red Meat Wishes and Gasoline Car Dreams.”

You’re sidewalk stalking Good people on God’s green earth I honk and rev my motor And slide back a Quarter Pounder

Still, Jane loved him. But what Jane loved more than Keith was love itself. Though she was never far from her friends or family and had an incredible bond and unwavering trust with her bandmates, Jane feared being alone. Alone in that romantic sense. It was that fear that empowered her to stay with Keith, which left her otherwise powerless. And that’s where “Distracted by Loneliness,” the album’s third song, came from.

Covered in hearts Well wishes from friends and family Their undying love can’t compare to the misery you give to me I’d rather be lonely with you than never alone again

✶

WHEN THEY RETURN FROM THE BREAK, JANE PLAYS “ONWARD.” Fat Host cues up another recorded caller and the conversation they had with her during the break.

“Hi, Jane. I’m Claire. I think you are so talented.”

“Hi, Claire. Thank you.”

“I just broke up with my boyfriend of three years.”

“This ought to be good,” Fat Host says.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Claire,” Jane says.

“No, please, it’s for the best. I was miserable. We both were. Your album inspired me to leave him. Funny thing was, it was his record. He bought the album.”

“Men love her, too,” Thin Host says. “Is there a song you’d like Jane Hadley to play?”

“I’d love to hear ‘Two Week’s Notice,’” says Claire. “I quit my job last week, too. This song inspired me to do that.”

“This song isn’t about quitting a job,” Jane says. “It’s about the abortion I had.” The studio goes quiet—never a good thing in radio. Jane recognizes the silence and quickly readjusts her response. “But, uh, sure thing, Claire. Let me know if you need a reference or anything.”

The recording ends and Lady Host throws her finger at Jane like a stage manager would on the set of a live news show. Jane plays the first chord and sings “Two Week’s Notice.”

It’s not something I am ready for I’m sure neither are you I’ve already got a child I can’t raise two It makes no sense to drag this out It’s the right thing to do I’ve already got a child That child is you

“I’m not really sure how that song would inspire someone to quit their job,” Thin Host says when Jane is done playing. “I bet you get a lot of that. You know, people mistaking the intentions of your songs for something else.”

“Like we were saying earlier, that’s what happens with music and art,” Jane says. “People listen to music in different ways. Claire, I guess, doesn’t listen to the lyrics all that closely. And that’s fine. I just hope she find a new job soon and lands on her feet.”

“Guess you can’t judge a song by its title,” Fat Host says.

“We’re going to take another quick break and we’ll be right back with more music by request from our in-studio guest Jane Hadley, who is performing at Decker Hall tonight and we’ll be giving away that pair of tickets to see her. You’re listening to the Manic Morning Show on 97.1 K–WOW.”

There it is, the missing piece to Jane and Keith’s old fight, his calm condescension. Finding herself in familiar territory, she habitually lights a cigarette in her mouth.

They never take calls live on-air. It’s a recipe for disaster. You could get a Baba Booey or a suicide or someone who just wants to yell “Fuck” on the radio. Answering calls off-air lets the hosts screen and edit the calls for the best possible radio. Fat Host takes the next caller.

“Hi, Jane. Since you’re single, maybe we can hook up after your show tonight. I’m hung.”

Fat Host immediately hangs up on the caller.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Jane says. “Maybe he was cute.”

She’s joking but only a little bit. Among the whiskey and cigarettes, her after-show parties have been filled with men. Lots of men. At least one every night. The show in L.A. had two, the one in Salt Lake had three.

Two more calls, both women, both requesting “Onward.” The third call is a man.

“97.1, Manic Morning Show,” Lady Host says.

“Jane?” the caller asks like he was calling Jane directly and not a San Francisco morning radio show.

“Hi, do you have a request for Jane Hadley?” Lady Host tries again.

“Jane. Are you there?”

“Okay, weirdo, goodbye,” Lady Host says as she signals Fat Host to drop the call.

“Wait,” Jane says. Lady Host looks at Thin Host who nods as a sign to let Jane play this one out. “Keith?”

The three hosts look at each other with confusion before Thin Host chimes in, “Jane, you’ve got a friend here in San Francisco. And a K-WOW listener to boot!”

“Keith is my ex-husband.” The three hosts drop their jaws and sit back in their chairs like they’re ready to watch the unbelievable, certain shit show commence. “Keith, what are you doing?”

“I was listening to the radio and heard you.”

“What are you doing in San Francisco?”

“I’m living with my brother.”

“You have a brother?”

 “I have three brothers.”

“Three!? Why didn’t you ever say anything? Why weren’t they at the wedding?”

“My family is complicated.”

Jane is stunned. She, too, is now sitting with her mouth agape in disbelief. “So you’re living here now?”

“For the moment. There was a job, so…”

“What’s the job?”

“It’s a documentary about San Francisco suicides that don’t take place on the Golden Gate. There’s a large population of suicidals that is overlooked because of the attention that the Bridge gets. It’s tragic. And these people aren’t even polluting the bay when they kill themselves. It’s an important topic.”

Thin Host jumps in again. “So, Keith—Keith, right?—would you like to hear a song by Jane Hadley?” Jane shoots Thin Host a look that says, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Let’s hear that one about abortion again.”

Jane cringes. She is no longer stunned, now she’s pissed. Of course she never told him about the pregnancy. By their third date, it was clear that he had baby fever. Because Keith had such a foul and complicated relationship with his own family, he was desperate to build a new one. And though Jane wasn’t opposed to being a parent someday, she was in no immediate rush, but also knew, deep in her gut, that Keith would make a terrible father. That having a child would provide him with another person to manipulate and break down until nothing was left but a desiccated husk of a human. He would do to his child what his parents did to him and what he had nearly done to Jane.

Jane and the hosts are frozen but the digital phone recorder rolls along.

“Can I hear it? Can I hear the song about you killing my child?”

 “Whoa!” Thin Host says as Fat Host laughs in shock.

“She didn’t kill your child,” Lady Host says. “She’s the mother and she has the right to make any decision she wants related to her body.”

“I agree,” Keith says. “But in the interest of true sexual and gender fairness and whatever, doesn’t the father have a right to know and at least be part of the discussion? When were you pregnant, Jane? Were we married? Because if so, then you absolutely owed me that.”

Lady Host defends her. “She doesn’t owe you anything.”

“No, he’s right,” Jane says. “I probably should have said something. I agonized over telling you about it for two weeks before.”

“Oh, you agonized, did you? That was my child.”

She can hear his special brand of angry panic in his voice. She knows she should have the deejays hang up. But that anger and panic of his was always delicious bait to her. She can’t help herself from engaging. “It wasn’t a child, Keith. And if it had been, it would have been ours. And that, that right there is why I didn’t tell you. I mean, I knew I couldn’t keep it because of your selfishness and controlling impulses. I would have had the abortion twenty minutes after I peed on the stick but I held off, debating if you should be there with me. But I knew that you’d never agree to it and that the idea of it would only lead to this.”

“And what’s this?”

“You accusing me of killing your child.”

Thin Host speaks up. “So Keith, what do you think about the rest of the album?”

“I didn’t know she could play electric guitar.”

There it is, the missing piece to Jane and Keith’s old fight, his calm condescension. Finding herself in familiar territory, she habitually lights a cigarette in her mouth.

“Uh, Jane, you can’t smoke that in here,” Fat Host says.

She exhales a large cloud of smoke emphasizing it with two small rings at the end. “I’ll make you a deal,” she says, “you promise not to air this and I’ll put it out.”

“It’s just that, well, it’s a federal regulation that you can’t smoke inside of buildings. It’s nothing personal. Hell, we all smoke,” Fat Host says.

“Promise me.”

Fat Host looks at Lady Host and Thin Host. Thin Host nods and fat Host says, “Promise.” Jane snuffs the cigarette out on the bottom of her boot. She walks to the small trashcan across the studio, drops the cigarette in and pours a few ounces of coffee on it for safety. She returns back to her microphone and puts her headphones back on.

“What do you want, Keith?” she asks.

Silence.

“Keith? Are you still with us, Keith?” Thin Host asks.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“What is it you want, Keith?” Thin Host asks again as if Jane’s voice was the problem the first time.

“I want you back,” Keith says.

Jane bursts out in laughter. “Are you fucking kidding me!?” The hosts are shocked. “Sorry,” she says to them.

“It’s okay, we’re not live,” Lady Host says. She leans over to Fat Host and whispers, “Bleep it out.”

“Duh,” Fat Host whispers back.

“I’ve missed you and I have a new therapist out here who says that I’m ready to be in a relationship with you again.”

“Then sue your therapist for malpractice,” Jane says, “because he’s a fucking quack.”

Fat Host holds up his arm to grab attention and says, “We are coming out of break.” He turns on his microphone, does a quick station I.D. and lets the audience know that Jane Hadley is in the studio and that they’ll be back with more from her, then plays music. As he finishes and the red ON-AIR light outside of the studio door turns off, Gavin, Jane’s tour manager storms in.

“I think we’re done here,” he says. Everyone ignores him. This is something he’s used to so he shrinks back out of the studio.

“Jane, I—”

“Shut up, Keith. It’s not happening. But I’ll put your name on the will call list at the door tonight if you want to come see the show.” She looks at Fat Host. “Hang up on him.”

Fat Host again looks around at his co-hosts for a confirmation. They both deny her request. Jane sees this and as Keith begins pleading to her in a breathy panic, she stands up, throws her headphones on the console, walks around to the control board where Fat Host is sitting and rummages around with her eyes for the phone. “Hang up. Where is it? Hang up on him. There’s nothing more to say.” Fat Host uses his bulk to keep her away. “Okay then, I guess you don’t want those backstage tickets to my sold out show tonight for your listeners. I guess you’d rather fuck with me than keep a promise to your listeners. Fine then.”

She walks back around to her guitar and coffee, puts the guitar in its case, throws the nearly empty coffee cup into the trashcan. She lights another cigarette before storming out of the studio, the station, and into the parking lot where Gavin is waiting.

“I need a drink,” she says.

It’s barely past six-thirty in the morning so Gavin suggests hotel room service. Jane agrees. She admits that after a few mini bottles of Dewar’s and Tanqueray she’ll be ready for a nap.

✶         

IN THE HOTEL ROOM, GAVIN SLEEPS IN THE DESK CHAIR WITH HIS FEET PROPPED UP ON THE DESK, a small bottle of gin delicately rests in his curved fingers of his dangling arm. It’s eight-thirty and Jane lays drunk in bed. She’s tuned the nightstand clock radio to 97.1 FM, K–WOW. The idiots are playing the phone call with Keith. They’ve bleeped out her cursing. They’ve edited it to make her seem more erratic than she thought she had been. She’s pissed about it but she knows that this is only going to help her reputation and lead to more album and concert ticket sales.

She fumbles for her phone and calls Keith. After recording Hell in a Handbasket, Jane set out to remove any traces of him from her life. She built a fire in the alley behind her apartment next to the dumpster burning anything associated with their time together. Photos, a pair of his socks she loved to sleep in, the Dandelions t-shirt she bought at the show the night they met, that stupid crystal duck he gave to her on their first Christmas together. She never understood the significance of it. He was so excited to give it to her, so proud of himself that she never bothered to ask him why he thought she might like it. Of course, the crystal duck didn’t burn, so Jane smashed it to pieces with a hammer. The one thing she didn’t do during her Keith purge was delete his contact information from her phone. He answered her call before the first ring finished.

“Come to the show tonight,” she says to him.

“Do you want to get back together?”

“No. But I want to see you. Actually, if you can, come to my hotel right now. I’ll text you the address.”

She hangs up before he can respond and sends the text. She knows she has made a destructive decision and that there is no way any of this will end well. But that’s not what Jane wants. Keith has reopened her wounds as easily as if they’d never healed at all. Jane wants to bask in the familiarity of the disrespect and jealousy and anger that defined their relationship. One more chug of the poison, she tells herself, then she’ll be done. She’ll even delete him from her phone.

Keith texts back that he’s on his way. Jane wakes Gavin up and kicks him out of her room.

“You called Keith, didn’t you?” Gavin asks.

“I’ll see you later,” she says, closing the door in his face.

She picks up her guitar and writes a new song. It comes to her as easily as “Onward” did. Maybe even easier. She realizes that Keith is her muse. The thought of that is a good reason to open another mini bottle of whiskey. Maybe she won’t delete him from her phone. Just in case her creativity ever runs dry.

This is not the type of musician or person she thought she’d be but it’s the one the music industry needs, the one her generation needs—whatever generation that is. And certainly, it is the one she needs to be in order to remain being anything at all.

[school-in-london]

20200829 SCHOOL IN LONDON 7th Anniv. ANTI-COVID19 Special Edition

（※2Fのセットリストのみ） ■DJ: タイラダイスケ
 Joanna Sternberg - Trying To Say No The Secret Sisters - Fair Alice Boman - The More I Cry Okay Kaya - Insert Generic Name Whitney - A.M.AM Jerry Paper - Quicksand Big Thief - Forgotten Eyes Taylor Swift - the last great American dynasty Clairo - Closer To You Mac Miller - Blue World Tank and the Bangas - Smoke.Netflix.Chill.


 ■DJ: 村田タケル 
Good With Parents and Triple Stephens - I Understand You're Doubtful But I'm Most Content With Single Life Chastity Belt - Ann's Jam Soko - Looking For Love EYEDRESS - Can I See You Tonight? Fat White Family - I Believe In Something Better Crack Cloud - Tunnel Vision Pottery - Texas Drums Pt I and II Lynks Afrikka - I Don't Know What I Want HMLTD - Loaded Black Country, New Road - Sunglasses Sorry - Starstruck Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales Of San Francisco


 ■DJ: 遠藤孝行 Patience  - White Of An Eye Last Dinosaurs  - Flying Metronomy  - Love Letters A$AP Rocky  - Sundress Cold War Kids  - Obsession The Magic Gang  - Take Back The Track The Strokes  - You Only Live Once The Coral  - In The Morning HYUKOH  - Hey Sun Lightspeed Champion  - Xanadu Toro Y Moi  - Ordinary Pleasure Doja Cat  - Say So Kaytranada  - At All Channel Tres  - Sexy Black Timberlake Tyler, The Creator  - I THINK (feat.Solange) Dirty Projectors  - Lose Your Love


 ■DJ: Si_Aerts
 BLACKPINK - How You Like That Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion - WAP 88rising, Higher Brothers & 03 Greedo - Swimming Pool BROCKHAMPTON - JELLO Lil Yachty, Drake, & DaBaby - Oprah's Bank Account [feat. Drake] AMA - Slip 88rising & Rich Brian - History Justin Bieber ft. Quavo - Intentions Aminé - Beach Boy 88rising & NIKI. - Indigo Ariana Grande - 7 rings Ty Dolla $ign - Purple Emoji (feat. J Cole) 21 Savage - a lot (feat. J.Cole) Dave X AJ Tracey - Thiago Silva. Post Malone feat Young Thug - Goodbyes CHVRCHES - Graves Charli XCX - Next Level Charli Travis Scott & Skrillex - SICKO MODE (Skrillex Remix) BROCKHAMPTON - QUEER BLACKPINK & Selena Gomez - Ice Cream Joey Purp - Hallelujah NIKI - Newsflash!


 ■DJ: タイラダイスケ 
Kyle - Money Now (feat. Tyga & Johnny Yukon) Wizkid feat. H.E.R - Smile Kali Uchis - The Storm [feat. Tyler, The Creator & Bootsy Collins] Remi Wolf - Woo! Superorganism - Everybody Wants To Be Famous Grimes - Delete Forever Iggy Pop - Lust For Life Papills - Happy Fish DYGL - A Paper Dream The Beatles - HELP! The Lemon Twigs - The One The Undertones - Teenage Kicks Hinds - Burn HAIM - The Step ミツメ - エスパー The Strokes - Bad Decisions Mura Masa & slowthai - Deal Wiv It Flume Feat.Tro y Moi - The Difference (Feat. Toro y Moi) AJ Tracy＆Mabel - West Ten Kllo - Still Here 


■DJ: ナカシマセイジ 
THE JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION  - Funeral（※Spotify無し） Led Zeppelin  - Communication Breakdown ゆらゆら帝国  - 発光体 The Chats  - The Clap THEE MICHELLE GUN ELEPHANT  - CISCO～想い出のサンフランシスコ(She's gone) King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard  - Planet B Fontaines D.C.  - Big Red Hot Chili Peppers  - Give It Away Beastie Boys  - Shake Your Rump Mourn  - Barcelona City Tour Fiona Apple  - Shameika Los Bitchos  - The Link Is About To Die Idris Muhammad  - Could Heaven Ever Be Like This Jayda G  - Both Of Us (Jayda G Sunset Bliss Mix) Caribou  - Never Come Back (Four Tet Remix) Kurd Maverick  - Blue Monday (Vandalism Remix) The Chemical Brothers  - Star Guitar Smashing Pumpkins  - 1979 Instrumental mix Radiohead  - Idioteque Radiohead  - Idioteque (I Might Be Wrong Live Recordings)


 ■DJ: 村田タケル 
Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. The Social Singing Choir - Paris (Friendly Fires Cover) Roy Blair - FANTAZIA Park Hye Jin - Like this Radiohead - Skttrbrain (Four Tet Remix) Lice - Folla King Krule - Cellular The Lounge Society - Generation Game Yuck - Get Away Shame - Testless Sports Team - Here's The Thing Crack Cloud - Drab Measure Diiv - Blankenship The Strokes - The Adults Are Talking Joy Division - Disorder Sapphire Blues - 119 Crack Cloud - The Next Fix

 ~Encore~
 Mura Masa & Clairo - I Don’t Think I Can Do This Again Mura Masa & slowthai - Deal Wiv It These New Puritans - En Papier Fontaines D.C. - Televised Mind

 ~Ending~ 
Cub Sport - Drive ★Spotify★

[thesmalltowngal]

Snowbaz 23- Golden Days

Otp Prompt #23: There’s a fair in town, and all of Watford attends. Everything in Simon and Baz’s lives has gone to hell… they deserve one night of forgetting everything. What will happen on their last day of freedom under the neon lights of the carnival? (Before the defeat the Humdrum, after everything else except Baz and Simon aren’t together yet.)

*Baz’s POV*

My father is an arsehole. After everything that’s happened this year, of bloody course I felt it horrifically unnecessary to go to a carnival. Crowley, we should still be focused on the war with the old families and the Humdrum, for fucks’ sake! When I told my father my plans of sitting it out, he for some reason felt the need to fight me on the subject.

“Basilton, you’ll regret it if you don’t go, you know.” He had said to me, looking bored. (Although I knew that he wasn’t bored- he was fully alert and intent on giving me hell.)

“Father, in what world would I regret not going to a silly party for children where all they serve is…” I visibly shiver as I lace  disgust into my tone. “Fried.” He rolled his eyes then, as he does so often. 

“These are the good days, my son. You should make memories- you’ll regret it later if you don’t go tonight.” Well that was the biggest bloody load of shit I had ever heard. The good days? Yes, yes, the good days in which I spent pining over my enemy that was destined to kill me, loathing myself to a point of insanity, and trying to find my mothers’ killer. What wonderful memories. 

I tried to keep my composure as I said, “But, father, I really see it more fit to-”

“Basil. Enough. This is non-negotiable, I’m afraid. You are to go to the carnival and that’s that.” We didn’t discuss it further. I knew I could have simply skipped, but no doubt that he’d find out somehow. I promptly huffed (with dignity- I’m not a troll) up to my room and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon, playing mournful songs on my violin.

I’ll be damned if I, Basilton Grimm-Pitch spend the whole carnival moping because father dearest told me I had to go. I was just going to sit on a wall smoking with Dev and Niall, but apparently their parents couldn’t make sense of why they should go, either. They’re currently at their respective homes, preparing for the inevitable war. 

The carnival is already loud and large, and it’s not even noon yet. Most of Watford attends, which explains the mysterious floating popcorn all around. There are people everywhere, their pulses beating unbearably loud. (I had to drain two deer before this, just to make sure I wasn’t tempted by all of the flowing blood around.) Looking around, I see people I know, but I’ve never talked to. (Mostly because they’re inferior.) I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to make ‘memories’ with people who would like to see me dead, and I most certainly don’t want to be here watching Snow and Wellbelove cozy it up on the Ferris Wheel. 

Startling me from my thoughts, I feel a finger tap me on my shoulder. I whip around, expecting to see Dev or Niall after all, but instead, I’m face to face with Simon Snow himself. (Well, not face to face so much. More like his face to my jaw.) Speak of the devil. He looks beautiful, as always. His bronze curls are a halo of gold around his face and his (extra)ordinary blue eyes. He looks nervous, but determined. 

“What do you want, Snow?” I sneer. 

*Simon’s POV*

I wish he wouldn’t sneer at me so much. I came over to him because honestly, he was the only familiar face I could find. Not much time to socialize with anyone but your bloody roommate, (ex) girlfriend and best friend when you’re the chosen one. 

I roll my eyes, but speak nonetheless. “Well, er… where are Dev and Niall?”

“Currently unavailable,” He pauses for a moment, thinking. “Why, Snow?” To be quite honest, I don’t really know why I’m doing this myself. Maybe because there’s no one else I know here. Maybe because I know this is the last time I’ll see Baz until one of us kills the other. Maybe because he just looked so alone standing there in front of the carnival.

“Well, because, um… Well, I-”

“Spit it out, Chosen.”

“Penny and Agatha couldn’t come tonight and I don’t know anyone else. And I just… well, I just need a night away from everything.” I look at him with what I hope are pleading eyes. He scoffs and begins to walk away, but I reach out for his arm. He stops, looking back at me, and quirks an eyebrow. “Listen… Baz, please. This is our last day of freedom. It’s the end of the year, the end of Watford, and right now, I just want to forget everything. Just for one night. Do it with me, Baz.” He looks mildly disgusted, but I can tell that he’s thinking about it. 

“Everything?” He nearly whispers. I know he means everything that’s happened with us in the past. The fighting, the threats. I nod my head, sure of myself. “Okay. Deal.” I let his arm go and we walk side by side into the carnival (we’ve never walked side by side; it’s weird) that has a large neon sign at the top of the gates. ‘Golden Days’. Must be the name of the carnival. I look at Baz with uncertainty, but he just smiles at me. Merlin, is that what Baz’s smile looks like? Crowley, I could get used to that. 

I grab his hand and start running into the crowd, dragging him behind me. I hear what I think is Baz laughing behind me and it gives me a jolt of ecstasy. His laugh is so carefree… like he’s got nothing but everything to live for. I love it. I keep dragging him behind me until we get to the line for a rollercoaster. I let his hand go and I see that he turns pale. (Well, paler than usual, that is. He must’ve eaten before this because he has a bit more colour than he usually does.) 

“What’s wrong?” I frown. He gulps and I watch as his Adam’s apple bobs up and down.

“Nothing, Snow, I just…” He’s trying to maintain his composure, but he’s failing. It’s bloody odd seeing his nervous. Baz is a lot of things, but nervous is not one of them. “I’m not a fan of rollercoasters.” Oh. 

“We can ride another ride if you-”

“No. No, it’s fine, Snow. I can do it,”

“Why are you afraid?” He glares at me but doesn’t correct my word choice. 

“When I was younger I went on one with my aunt Fiona. I… well my stomach didn’t react well.”

“Vampires can get sick?” I mentally slap myself, but instead of glaring at me, he just nods absentmindedly as he stares at the rollercoaster. He must really be scared if he’s admitting to being a vampire. Although I suppose it doesn’t quite matter now that we’re not in Watford anymore. I grab his hand and give it a squeeze, not letting it go this time. His hand is cold and calloused but it’s a nice break from Agatha’s warm and smooth hands. I think I see his breath catch, but I ignore it. 

We don’t talk again until we’re seated in the ride, climbing up to the top before the drop. Baz’s breath is fast and his leg is shaking, so I hold his hand even tighter. “It’s gonna be okay Baz,” I laugh. He rolls his eyes, but I see the smile playing on his lips. As we drop, I look over to see Baz screaming, but laughing all the same. His hair is flying all around his face and he looks absolutely perfect as always. The bloody wanker never looks bad even as he’s terrified on a rollercoaster. As we lurch on the turns, he looks over to me, his face alight with joy. (It occurs to me now that I don’t think I’ve ever really seen Baz happy. It’s… well it’s bloody lovely.) I smile back and we keep holding hands all throughout the ride. 

*Baz’s POV*

Snow seems to be keen on torturing me. On all of the rides so far, he’s held my hand bone-breakingly hard. (Although it doesn’t hurt because I can’t really feel the pain. All I feel is his warmth in my cold hand.) He only lets go once we’re off the rides, and even then it seems reluctantly. After all these years of fighting, being friends with him seems so natural. I try not to think too hard about how it will all go back to normal by morning. Aleister Crowley, I wish we could stay this way forever. 

The sun is setting now, but the carnival goes on until sunrise. Well, I suppose that’s not totally true. The Normals leave around 11 and then the Watford students spell the gates unlocked after, staying in until daybreak. Only four more hours until the Normals leave.

Simon turns to me, smiling a lopsided and bashful smile. “I’m kind of hungry…” He mutters, a grin on his face the whole time. I roll my eyes good naturedly. (Who would’ve thought that was possible?) 

“You’re always hungry, you git,” I sigh and prompt him to walk forward. “Go on then, Snow. Let’s get you some atrociously fried food.” Somehow, his face lights up even more as he grabs my hand again (I feel sparks every time we touch) and drags me to the nearest food stand. (Can you even call it food?) Simon orders one big ‘funnel cake’ and a corn dog. Both fried. Both bound to make him sick on the rides. When we get the food, he drags me along to an open bench to sit down. He places the corn dog in front of me and the cake in front of him. I simply shake my head and push the dog to sit in front of him. (What I would give for a real dog right now. I’m not very hungry for blood, but I wouldn’t pass it up.)

He furrows his brow and pushes the food back to me, along with some ketchup. “Eat.” He says it simply, like it’s a command. I roll my eyes, but (reluctantly) dip the corn dog in ketchup and then take a bite. It’s… well it’s not the bloody worst thing I’ve ever had. Crowley, it might actually be good. I suppose I’ve never had anything fried. It’s frowned upon at the Pitch manor. But this isn’t half bad. I cover my mouth as I take another, bigger bite. When I look up from my plate, Simon is smirking to himself while absolutely shoveling food into his mouth. 

I must look disgusted because he looks up at me and asks (with his mouth full), “What?” I laugh and roll my eyes again. It’s like watching a dog eat. A dog that I’d like to slip the tongue. 

“You’re disgusting,” I shake my head and look away from his face before I do something stupid. Like spit on him and then lick it all off and kiss him. Yes, that would most certainly not be smart. I cover my mouth with my hand again as I take another bite, trying to chew around my fangs. But before I can even swallow, Simon gently (I never thought Simon could ever do anything gentle to me) pulls my hand away from my mouth and holds it there. There aren’t butterflies in my stomach. Vampires don’t get butterflies. We’re immortal and dangerous and badarse. I have bats in my stomach.

“Baz, you know you don’t have to do that here. No one else is paying attention,” Does that mean that he’s paying attention? “It’s just me. Eat how you want.” He shrugs, pulling his hand away from mine after a moment, blushing furiously. He is so bloody adorable when he blushes. Damn it all to hell.

I don’t cover my mouth again as I keep eating and he smiles at me. I can feel his magic wrap all around me as we eat together in silence. Not in a threatening, burning way like usual… it’s warm. Safe. 

“What ever is the bloody appeal to that fried… mess that you’re eating, Snow?” I break the silence. He looks up at me, eyes practically bulging out of his head. “What?” I inquire.

“You’ve never had a funnel cake?” I shake my head.

“Um, no. I don’t fancy getting vampire diabetes anytime soon.” He lets out a laugh (I realize too late that I’ve just admitted to being a vampire… but he doesn’t seem to care) and pushes his plate to me, gesturing at the powdered mess. 

“Try it! It’s delicious, Baz. Just one bite,”

“I, um… I think not,” He rolls his eyes and gets a small bite of the monstrosity on his fork. 

“Open.” He commands.

“Er, Snow-”

“Open!” He commands with a laugh. I sigh, because I know that he won’t relent anytime soon. I open my mouth ever so slightly. I know he sees my fangs because his eyes go a bit wider and he mutters, “Wicked…” I try to ignore the urge to snap my mouth shut as he puts the food in my mouth. It tastes like… well it tastes like right diabetes, doesn’t it? But powdered sugar covered, fried to perfection diabetes. 

“Crowley, Snow! This is delicious!” I snatch the plate from him and start eating at a Simon-Snow-pace, manners well from my mind now. He frowns, so I quirk an eyebrow at him.

“Well, Baz, since we’ve decided to put everything behind us… I ‘spose you shouldn’t call me by my last name anymore, yeah?” He fidgets with his fingers as he says it. Calling him Simon seems so… personal. Too personal for enemies-turned-one-night-friends. But I suppose I could have a bit of fun with this. Before I can say anything, he blurts out, “And not Chosen, either.”

“Right. Well then… where to next, love?” He takes in a breath and turns bright red, tripping over every other word. For a moment, I think I’ve done the wrong thing, but once he gets a hold on himself, he just smiles at me and nods. 

“Okay, Baz. Very funny. ‘Least it’s better than Snow or Chosen.” I can’t believe he’s letting me call him love. 

*Simon’s POV*

I can’t believe that I’m letting him call me love. I can’t believe that I liked it when he called me love. I don’t know why I want him to do it again. I get up from my seat and throw our trash away, trying to calm myself down away from Baz’s watchful eye. When I get back to our table, he’s standing up and waiting for me while adjusting his jacket. 

“Come on then, Sn-” He stops himself before he can finish, turning a little pink. “Love. I’ve got the next place to go to.” I smile and grab his hand, letting him lead me to our next adventure. In some ways, I’m happy that Penny and Agatha couldn’t make it. I’m glad that I get to spend time with Baz alone. (When did I start wanting alone time with my enemy?) 

When we finally stop, he takes his hand back. (For reasons I’m not willing to think about right now) I feel my heart fall when he does. We’re in the line for the Ferris Wheel. It’s nearly time for the Normals to start heading out; they’re walking out of the carnival and the Magicians have started spelling the workers to keep the place up and running after the Normals leave. When we get up to the front of the line, the man working the ride let us on in the two seater. The Ferris Wheel is so tall that the seats should probably be enclosed, but it’s a carnival, so no one is surprised. 

Baz and I squeeze in next to each other, and not one single part of our bodies other than our heads aren’t touching. From our toes to our shoulders, I can feel an electric current running through my veins. My heart is beating wildly. I don’t exactly know why- it’s just Baz. My enemy/friend for one night. Although, I’m trying not to think too hard about the one night part. In fact, I’m trying not to think about anything right now, really. Just how safe I feel at the moment, and how lovely Baz has been tonight. It almost hurts, knowing that this is how we could’ve spent all those years. As friends instead of mortal enemies. Then again, that wasn’t really our choice in the first place. 

But it is tonight. As we slowly climb higher and higher, the carnival gets much quieter. Much calmer than when the Normals were here. The air is filled with magic. I can feel Baz’s magic wrapping around me, and the night sky is thick with everyone else’s. Everything is flying every which way and sparks from wands are everywhere. But what might be most beautiful is the neon lights all around us. Once it got dark, everything started lighting up, but not so bright that we can’t see the stars at the top of the Ferris Wheel. It’s beautiful. I can’t help but lean into Baz, resting my head on his shoulder. 

Maybe it’s just me, but I think I can hear his heart beating. It’s not long before I feel his head resting on top of mine. His hair tickles my ears, but I can’t find it in myself to mind. I don’t mind anything right now. Crowley, I think that the Humdrum himself could pop up right now and I wouldn’t give a bloody rats’ arse. 

I slowly bring my head up, and when I look over at Baz, he’s blushing. “Sorry, Snow- er, Simon. I mean, um…” He sounds like me, tripping over his words. Ignoring the way that my heart leapt into my throat when he called me Simon, I stop him. 

“Baz, no. I just… well I was wondering why we were never friends like this before.” I feel my face burn, but I just need to know the answer. I need to know why we weren’t ever like this when Merlin it’s been so wonderful tonight.

He looks at me with his stormy eyes as he says, “You know why. My family, they… well, you know, Simon.” There he goes calling me Simon again. He looks away, but I catch his face with my fingers. We’re stopped at the top now; we can see everything from up here. But all I find myself wanting to look at is Baz. 

“Screw your family.” He looks taken aback, and I must admit, I’ve surprised myself, too. I don’t know where this courage came from. I’m not drunk. (Well, maybe a bit. Maybe drunk on Baz.)

“Simon, I-”

“Stop calling me Simon.” I state simply. Stop calling me Simon or I’m going to do something stupid. 

He pauses for a moment, looking into my eyes like he wants to memorize every ordinary colour there. 

“Simon.” He whispers.

*Baz’s POV*

I don’t know why I called him Simon again. Maybe because he’s looking at me hungrily, and Crowley, I want to know what he’ll do. Maybe because if it makes him mad… I’ll get to kiss him before he sends me flying. Maybe, if he screams at me for calling him by his name, I’ll finally get what I want. 

Then he kisses me. I don’t waste any time floundering or pulling away. Instead I automatically pull him closer, deepening the kiss. Merlin, Methulusah and Morgana nothing has ever felt this nice. He’s doing this thing with his jaw, and his hands are roaming under my shirt and in my hair and I can barely even think, and-

Someone clears their throat loudly. “The ride is over, gentlemen.” Simon and I spring away from each other and look at the ride operator. I just got into trouble for snogging Simon Snow on the Ferris Wheel. Aleister Crowley, I’m living a charmed life. I feel Simon shaking with laughter as he clambers (really clambers- he’s as graceful as a hippo) out of the seat and extends his hand out to help me up. 

“Coming, love?” I smile at him so hard that my cheeks hurt. (Probably because I’m not used to smiling.) I nod and grab his hand, letting him help me out. Instead of pulling his hand away this time, he laces his fingers through mine and takes off running with me as we shoot down the nearly barren walkways. Magicians all around look at us with curiosity, but I can’t find it in me to care. As we run, my jacket billows behind me and Simon keeps tripping… but it’s perfect.

It’s like a slow motion scene from those movies. The one where the couple is running away from their troubles together, like nothing else matters. They’re smiling and laughing, and the one in front turns back to look at the one behind them, all of the love in the world in their eyes. It’s like that, but so much bloody better because it’s gay. And anything with Simon Snow in it is infinitely better in my book. 

We finally get to a man with a large old-timey polaroid camera stood up and Simon places two pounds in his hand. He drags me up in front of the camera and pulls me down to his level and smashes his face against mine, as though we were in a photo booth. The camera snaps. For the next one, he presses his lips warmly against my cheek and waits for the camera to snap again. Then, he (without my knowledge or permission) (although he could kill me now, and he’d have my permission) jumps up into my arms and nuzzles his face into my neck, closing his eyes. I’m supposed to be looking at the camera, but I can only keep my eyes on him. Finally, for the last picture, he hops down from my arms. As he goes to do a pose beside me, he (somehow) trips over himself and ends up grabbing onto my jacket collar, pulling me towards him. We land in a breathtaking kiss, him still pulling me ever closer, and me too stunned to do anything but let him. 

When the camera snaps, he springs away and  goes to retrieve the photos from the man. Simon has more energy than a labrador right now. I’d like to think it was from kissing me, but it might just be from the overall craziness of the night. For a moment, he slows, taking my hand and pulling me close so that I can see the photos, too. They all turned out lovely, even if he did nearly knock me over in the process multiple times. He looks up at me now, and he walks backwards, taking me with him. (He tucks the photos away in my jacket pocket.) 

When we get behind a tent, he pulls me to him again, snogging me like there’s no time left. There is no way that things will ever go back to the way they were after this. 

*Simon’s POV*

We’ve been having a proper snog now for at least twenty minutes. My heart is… well it feels like it’s been lit on fire, doesn’t it? (In a wonderful way, that is.) His mouth is soft and cold and I can’t help it when I lean back and tell him something that I’m not even sure I knew myself. “I love you, Baz.” His face glows and he looks at me as though he’s always been hungry for my touch. (And my touch only.)

“Crowley, you dolt. I’ve loved you since fifth bloody year.” He laughs before pulling me back in to get lost in him again. 

…

We spend the rest of the night on a hill near the back of the carnival either snogging or talking. He’s laying down right next to me, and I’m practically on top of him. We should’ve been like this all these years. It only took us until graduation to figure it out.

“Hey Baz?” He traces the moles on my face while I run my hand on his stomach. (In just a short time, I’ve learned that it’s one of his favorite places to be touched.)

“Yes, Simon?” I smile when he calls me by my name again. So much better than Snow or Chosen. (Although ‘love’ might be a close second.)

“Thank you,”

“For what?”

“For… for giving me a night away from everything. For escape,” He frowns. 

“What?” I ask as I place a kiss to his jaw. 

“Is that all this is? Are we… will this be over by tomorrow?” I can’t help but let out a laugh.

“Not by a long shot, my love… not by a long shot.” 

*Baz’s POV*

I understand now why my father wanted me to come to the carnival. This will undoubtedly be my favorite memory in years to come. I also understand the name of the carnival now. ‘Golden Days’.

The definition of Golden Days is “a period of great happiness, prosperity, and achievement.’ These are the golden days, the bad and all. Simon Snow is my golden day. 

Fourty Years Later

“Simon, love!” I call down to him from the attic. In a few minutes, he comes climbing up the stairs as fast as he can. He may not have his magic anymore, but he’s still fit for an old man. I suppose we’re both old men, now. He’s just an old man with a tail and wings. 

“Yes, Baz?” I stand up (not as agile as I used to be) and walk over to him, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his face. 

“Look at what I found, dear…” I give him the pile of polaroids that I found in a crate. “From the carnival so many years ago.” He smiles wistfully at the pictures. We were both young, then- no wrinkles or worry lines. (Although he is still dashing in his old age.) In the polaroids, we were at a carnival called ‘Golden Days’, I believe.

“Yes, I remember…” He mutters more to himself than me. I know he doesn’t remember. Dementia does that to a person. But that’s okay. As the years went on and the colours of wanderlust started fading… so did Simon. But there are some things that have remained. The memories will never change, for one. We’ve stayed absolutely drunk on each other, throughout our lives. I’ve stayed pale, and Simon has stayed bloody handsome. The love has remained the same. And even though Simon doesn’t remember half of our memories… I’ll keep them alive. I’ll keep him alive. The him that was so alive and so full of wonder. 

I will never forget the golden days that changed my life forever.

[ravenqueen89]

10 songs

the amazing warrior queen @motorbikeadam tagged me to list ten songs i’m loving right now. thank you!!

as usual, this is a very eclectic mix of randomness that is currently at the top of the list. i listen to a lot of music all the time, so this is only a sample.

tagging, no obligations: @tortuosity-writes​, @aban-asaara​, @allisondraste​, @third-rail-vip​, @briarfox13​

1. labrinth - mount everest: i watched Euphoria (damn, it goes hard, view with care) the other day and it left me with a lot of new music, such as this example that i’ve had on repeat.

i burn down my house and build it up again i burn it down twice just for the fun of it

2. fiona apple - ladies: it’s hard to choose just one song from this utter gift of an album. so much greatness. this one has been in my head a lot.

yet another woman to whom I won't get through ruminations on the looming effect and the parallax view

3. matt berninger - hole: it is not an obscure fact that i’ve been obsessed with the national since 2010 so matt’s stuff was always going to get me too.

that big blue open sea that can't be crossed that can't be climbed just born between oh, the two white lines distant gods and faded signs

4. christine and the queens - people, i’ve been sad: christine also owns me and this song in particular hits hard.

it's true that, people, I've been sad it's true that, people, I've been gone it's true that, people, I've been missing out  missing out for way too long  it's just that me, myself, and I

continues under the cut because i had to include lyrics for some reason.

5. tommee profitt (feat. sam tinnesz) - bullet with butterfly wings (cover): i have about four or five versions of this song in my music library and this one has been frequently accompanying me on my walks around the apartment.

and what do I get for my pain? betrayed desire and a piece of the game

6. lady gaga - stupid love: i just love this. it makes me happy.

you're the one that I've been waiting for gotta quit this cryin', nobody's gonna heal me if I don't open the door kinda hard to believe, gotta have faith in me

7. florence + the machine - big god: i’ve been listening to my playlists a lot and chanting these lines from this song repeatedly (in my head, but still).

sometimes I think it's getting better and then it gets much worse is it just part of the process? jesus christ, it hurts

8. bishop briggs - dark side: i looooooooovee this song, the beat is so good.

welcome to my darkness, I been here a while clouding up the sunlight, hurting for a smile or something, but something always turns into nothing

9. billie eilish - everything i wanted: current big emoting song.

i had a dream i got everything I wanted not what you'd think and if I'm bein' honest it might've been a nightmare

10. taeyeon - I: listen, i just really love her, ok. certain people are to be blamed, but i don’t mind at all.

but strong girl, you know you were born to fly