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snarkwrites · 4 years ago

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i think i love you | jonathan byers

AUTHORS NOTE:

I guess I’m back to writing / posting? I got this idea a few days ago while binging Stranger Things on Netflix and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so here. Have it. I lowkey want to write a fic using Jonathan Byers and my OC, Charlotte, but.. Idk yet if I’ll be doing it? So yeah.

FANDOM :

Stranger Things

PAIRING:

Jonathan Byers x OFC, Charlotte.

WARNINGS:

Awkward, make me gag cute and clumsy fluff ahead. Honestly, I don’t know what to think about this but it’s out and I can’t take it back now? Beyond that, I don’t really know what else I could possibly warn about.

TAGGING:

uhhh... for now, I’m gonna tag @rampagewriting but if you’re interested in seeing more, yeah.. hmu or comment or something, idc. [ tag list doc ] < that’s the doc for my taglist, if you wanna check it out.

Edit: I’m also tagging @chasingeverybreakingwave because they asked and I love them!

“I can do this. What’s the worst that could happen? At least if I tell him, it’ll finally be out of my head and I can start trying to deal with it and get over it.” - I muttered that to myself as I gulped and stared intently at the door to the Byers house.

I raised my hand to knock but I lowered it, tugging at my hair, my head tilted to the side as I laughed at myself quietly. I turned and started to walk back to my Mustang just in time to hear the door open behind me and Jonathan calling my name.

,, Shit.” it hadn’t occurred to me that someone might actually open the door. I had no idea what to do now. ,,This is a bad idea, a very bad idea. It’s the worst idea you’ve ever had, Charlie. Leave now!”

My feet didn’t seem to be in an obeying mood though, so rather than continue walking back to my car, I found myself turning around, meeting Jonathan’s curious gaze.

“Charlie?” he called out to me, bringing me to a dead stop as I turned back. I immediately wanted to kick myself when I did it, but despite all my efforts, I couldn’t move. I almost felt like my feet were frozen to the grass beneath them and had grown roots.

“Yeah?” I answered, biting my lip and swearing to myself quietly as the wind kicked up just a little bit around us. I was an idiot to just dash out of my grandparents house without the first thought of a jacket.

“Is everything okay?” he asked the question, his gaze changing from curious to one of concern as he stepped out of the house and shut the door behind him.

The wind picked up a little more and I hugged myself.

He was walking towards me and the closer he got, the more my heart leapt into my throat. My fight or flight reflexes were starting to kick in and I nearly just bolted and made a run for the Mustang, but just as I started to actually do that, Jonathan came to a stop in front of me.

“I thought you had a date with Billy.” Jonathan tried to mask it, but the annoyance crept into his tone and he gave the slightest roll of his eyes.

“And I thought you were out with Nancy.” I babbled, wanting to kick myself almost the second the words left my mouth. Especially given they sounded more than a little bitter and that only made me feel even more pathetic.

“No, why would I be?” he looked confused, eyeing me with a raised brow. I blew out a breath and swallowed hard as I tried to make words form. But nothing was coming and I was beyond frustrated. The thunder crackled overhead and I jumped. Jonathan nodded towards his mom’s house and eyed me. “We could move this inside.” he questioned, rubbing his arms because he’d walked outside without a jacket himself.

“We could, but I.. Maybe I should just go...” I fumbled around for words. Every part of me still wanted to bolt for my car.

“Charlie, are you okay? It’s almost 9.” Jonathan was looking me over in concern and I gulped, sucking in a breath as his eyes met mine. Why was this a million times easier in my head?

“Yeah. I mean no. I don’t know, okay?” I babbled again, kicking myself mentally and shaking my head as I took a deep breath and prepared to just launch into what I’d come to tell him. At this rate, launching into what I came to say seemed infinitely easier than going through the whole calm and rational speech I’d spent the entire five and a half minute drive to his house going over in my head.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Did Billy do something?” Jonathan tensed a little and I gave a quiet laugh, shaking my head no as I answered quietly, “No. I,uhh.. I went to meet him like I planned but I got there and I bolted?”

Jonathan rubbed his chin, going into deep thought. “Is it your grandparents? Did your mom show up or something? You look upset.”

“No, no and no, I’m not upset I... Just..” I took a deep breath and paused to try and pull myself together. That’s when I noticed that somewhere in this whole thing, either I’d migrated closer to him or he’d migrated closer to me. Either way, I was slightly pressed against him and he was staring down at me, intently. He looked really worried now.

,, Smooth, Charlotte. Real smooth.” the thought came and made me feel guilty.

He muttered quietly, “We’re goin’ inside. You’re shaking.”

All I could do was nod and follow him into the house. I didn’t even realize I was that cold honestly. I was just hyper-focused on saying what I came to say and finally getting it off my chest.

It wasn’t supposed to be this hard to tell someone you love them. And maybe it wouldn’t be if I weren’t so afraid to completely mess up a perfectly good friendship. I didn’t want to lose Jonathan as a friend, but if I kept the way I felt locked away inside, it was going to make things awkward.

He led me down the hall and into his room, the door shutting behind him quickly. I went right back to pacing a hole through the thinly carpeted floor until he reached out, his hands gripping at my upper arms carefully but firmly. He made me look at him and after a few seconds of my mouth opening and closing and a lot of babbling that made zero sense at all, I blurted it out.

“I think I love you okay? I think I love you and Christ, it scares me. I realize that saying it like this is kind of pointless and that you’re probably going to start keeping your distance now, I just… I had to say it. I thought maybe if I said it,” I stopped to take a few deep breaths, mid ramble, “Then I could start trying to get over it before things get even more awkward between us.”

After it was all out, I sank down to sit on the edge of his bed and I stared intently at the floor, not daring to look up at him. He was the one pacing now, and every now and then he’d stop and look at me, his mouth would open and close and he’d seem to want to say something, but nothing would come out.

The thunder crackled loudly overhead as lightning lit up the sky and made the windows shake. Given that he wasn’t saying anything, I stood. I was fully prepared to leave. My hand was on the knob when his hand closed over the top of mine gingerly and I felt his chest pressing into my back a little.

“I should go. I shouldn’t have bothered you. This was..” I trailed off as he turned me around, made me look up at him.

“It was what?” he finally asked after a long and tension – filled pause.

I couldn’t answer. I mean, I tried but my mouth opened and closed and nothing came out. Despite the fact that I obviously needed to be leaving and this had possibly just made things even more awkward and tense between us, I stepped closer to him, my body brushing against his sending a shiver racing through my spine. My head tilted and I stared up at him, waiting. I didn’t even realize I was sort of holding my breath again until he spoke up, shattering the heavy silence between us.

“How long have you.. felt like this?” Jonathan asked the question quietly, stepping a little closer to me.

“A long time, okay? I mean, when we were kids, I just thought it was a crush. Then I moved back last year and I… It kind of came back. And grew...” I admitted quietly, taking a few shaky breaths.

“You didn’t say anything.” Jonathan muttered, trying to work through everything I’d just dumped on him. I eyed the door, feet shuffling against the thin carpet. I couldn’t help but look down as I shook my head no.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know? I tried once or twice but there was so much going on I just kind of… backed out?” I answered quietly. His fingertip tucked beneath my chin, and he guided my face upward so I had to make eye contact again.

The doorknob to his room rattled and Jonathan eyed it, then looked back at me. For a second I thought he’d look and see who was outside, but instead he called out to them “Just a minute.” and turned his attention back to me, stepping closer all over again.

I stepped closer too, looking up at him. He bit his lip and his eyes drifted down from my eyes to my mouth. My heart was beating so hard and fast I was almost afraid it would explode. “Jonathan?” I managed to stammer out quietly, holding my breath and trying to fight the urge I had to raise to tiptoe and plant a clumsy kiss at the corner of his mouth.

I don’t know which one of us stepped closer first, but I couldn’t resist the urge anymore and the next thing I knew, I was raising to tiptoe, dragging my fingers through his hair and my mouth settled against the corner of his. I immediately thought I’d done it, I’d gone too far, but when I went to step down and pull back, his hands settled at my side and on my cheek as he bent down, pulling my mouth completely against his. The soft smack of his teeth against mine as my lips parted had me giggling quietly.

It all felt like a dream and I half expected myself to wake up in my room at my grandparent’s house at any second.

When that didn’t happen, I wrapped my arms around his neck, body melting against his as my tongue traced lazily over the outline of his mouth. Jonathan groaned quietly, one of his hands resting against my cheek after brushing bangs out of my eyes and his forehead resting against mine.

The storm intensifying outside went completely unnoticed by both of us. Everything seemed to slow down and melt away, fading deep into the background. His tongue slipped past my lips to meet my tongue and I pressed against him even more, my hand lowering and resting palm down against his tee shirt before I clutched at thin fabric and used my grip to keep myself steady, to pull myself even closer.

When the kiss broke and we pulled away, we were both gasping for breath, wide-eyed and staring at each other in a mixture of wonder and shock. For a few seconds that seemed to turn into hours, neither one of us said anything.

Then Jonathan spoke up quietly, catching hold of both my hands, interlocking our fingers together as he put his forehead back against mine. “I think I love you too, Charlie. And there’s nothing to be scared of, okay?”

#jonathan byers #jonathan byers fanfiction #jonathan byers oneshot #jonathan byers imagine #jonathan byers fanfic #jonathan byers & ofc fanfiction #jonathan byers & ofc oneshot #// i feel like this is horrible and it's going to be a flop but hey it's out #// sorry I put ya'll through the torture of reading this lmao.#// seriously i'm lowkey proud of it #// even if it's not the best

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athingthatwantsvirginia · 5 years ago

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Holden Caulfield or Nancy Drew

PART THIRTY-ONE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: nightmares, anxiety/panic attacks, mentions of domestic abuse/violence, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 7.5K (this is long for some reason idk lads)

Summary: Jess and Ella return to Stars Hollow for Liz’s baby shower.

“So, how do you feel about artificial intelligence?” Ella asked, unprompted, finishing a drawing of some ducklings feasting on a vulture. Her sketchpad sat to her right on the arm of the couch. She was working with the new theme of opposition.

Jess looked up from his book, his head lying on her lap, and furrowed his brows. “What?”

She shrugged. “I read about some guy in the woods of Montana creating an AI all on his own. I think it’s a recipe for disaster.”

“How so?” Setting the book on his chest upside-down, Jess glanced at her inquisitively.

Her eyes were still trained on the drawing she was completing with only one hand. “Well, once they gain a more humanoid form, will they assimilate completely into the human race or will they be distinct from us? I mean, will they enact some revenge plot on us or will we coexist peacefully? We’re not the first humans who’ve had to think about this, but it’s the new millennium. Seems like that kinda stuff is closer than ever.”

Breathing a long sigh, Jess let a smirk cross his face. He peeked at his watch, and found it was only half past five. Chris was due home soon, having gone to do some PR business. Matthew was staying at Mabel’s place for the weekend. The apartment, silent save for their voices, was bathed in evening light. It had been warm for a February day, but a cold front was set to arrive very soon.

“It’s not even six yet. And already we’ve arrived at Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” he asked with a doubtful chuckle.

Finally, she did the last bit of shading on her sketch and shut her book, her pencil saving her place. Her smile was small and sardonic. “You mean Blade Runner? Or are you actually insinuating that the book was better than the movie?”

“I’m not insinuating, Stevens. I’m stating a known fact,” he argued flatly.

She rolled her eyes. “Are you ever gonna get some taste?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he shot back.

Ella scoffed. “Says the man who honestly believes Coldplay could be described as an alternative band?”

“I’m not having this conversation again,” Jess deadpanned playfully, picking his book back up.

“Because you know I’m right.”

“Because you’re relentlessly stubborn.”

“On this particular topic?” Ella said, eyebrows raised. “Any sane person would be.”

“‘Sane’ isn’t quite the right word,” Jess muttered, pretending to ignore her.

She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment, then gave a curt nod and snatched the Kesey book from his hands before he could even react. Sitting up instantly, Jess eyed the book where she held it over the arm of the couch. Certainly, it was in his reach, but that wasn’t the point.

��You know this means war, right?” he asked.

“I’m aware,” she replied coolly, mocking. “But you’ll just have to try to come over here and get this back.”

“If you insist,” he shrugged, sighing slightly.

He launched forwards and began tickling her sides. Eyes widening, Ella dropped the book. The paperback fell with a small thud on the cracked hardwood on the other side of the couch, forgotten. Her sketchbook also slipped off the arm of the couch, the pencil falling out and rolling underneath the chair nearby. Jess had gone straight for the jugular. It had only taken sleeping in the same bed with her a few times for him to realize Ella was one of the most ticklish people he had ever encountered. She laughed loudly, openly, throwing her head back. Her hair splayed behind her as she laid her head against one of the throw pillows and Jess ended up on top, straddling her.

“This is what you get for being a book tease, Daria,” he said.

Her smile was wide, hurting her cheeks, as she pleaded through breathless giggles. “Fuck you! Stop!”

After a few more seconds, he obliged, his hands going slack and gripping her sides gently instead. The grin remained on her lips, her cheeks a lively pink. She caught her breath, dreamy eyes softening as her gaze lingered on his face. “I hate you, Mariano.”

He chuckled in disbelief. “You love me.”

Ella shrugged as Jess leaned in closer to her, breath hot on her face. “Close enough.”

As he went to kiss her, she placed a hand on the back of his neck, cool against his flushed skin. Her lips were soft but firm, needy. She was just wrapping her legs around his waist as he sat up, preparing to lift her up and take her to their bedroom, when Chris walked in. Immediately after tossing his keys on the kitchen counter, he staggered back and clamped his free hand over his eyes.

“Ugh, c’mon guys!” he whined.

Ella gasped and pulled away, hiding her face behind Jess, who turned to his friend with an annoyed stare. About a minute more and they would’ve been in the clear.

“How many times?” Chris continued, glancing through his splayed fingers to ensure it was safe before removing his hand again. “This is a communal living room! Communal!”

“Sorry,” Jess said lightly. “Next time, we’ll hang a sock on the door.”

Ella shoved his shoulder playfully, embarrassed. “Shut up!”

Chris grimaced in distaste but let it slide. He cast a stack of envelopes on the coffee table in front of them before going to hang up his things. “Some mail came.”

Swallowing thickly, Ella climbed off of Jess and began sifting through the mail. Jess watched her go through the envelopes, his chin resting on her shoulder. She tossed a few his way, some bills and some author inquiries.

Only two of them were for her, one being a check for her teacher’s assistant services. The spring semester was going considerably better than the fall, as Ella got the hang of the program. She smiled down at it and picked up her sketchbook again, tucking the check inside and making a mental note to cash it on Monday. Underneath it was a larger envelope, addressed in delicate, handwritten cursive. The return address was for a woman named Carrie from Stars Hollow. For the life of her, she couldn’t produce a face to match the name. Furrowing her brows, she ripped it open and read the stiff card which fell out.

“Hm,” she hummed, beginning to chew at her thumbnail as she looked it over.

“What’s up?” Jess asked absently, flipping through his own pile.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Ella took a hesitant pause before she spoke. The door shut behind Chris as he disappeared into his own room, and Ella was glad the inquiring ears were gone. “I got invited to Liz’s baby shower.”

“Huh,” Jess chirped, indifferent. “When?”

Her eyes landed on the date and she smirked bitterly. “Tomorrow. What a master at planning, your mother.”

“It’s what she’s famous for,” Jess quipped, finally setting his mail back on the coffee table and meeting her eyes again. “You wanna go? There’s no other plans this weekend, right?”

“I don’t know,” Ella shrugged. “Obviously, you could come with. Maybe catch up with Luke or something. He’s probably not doing so hot since everything with Lorelai. I mean...do you want me to go?”

“Not my decision to make,” he said in a clipped tone. He ran a hand over his mouth and peeked down at the invitation. It was pink and glittery. He snorted a bitter laugh. “If you wanna go, I’ll come with.”

“You have no opinion on this?” she asked. “None at all?”

“Nope,” he answered, shaking his head. “No opinion at all.”

She blew a breath out her nose, eyes calculating, as she read the invitation over again and considered the options. Jess didn’t seem thrilled about it, but didn’t seem enraged either. It was nice they had thought of her at all. And Ella had been worrying about Luke in the back of her mind quite a bit as of late. She’d heard through Lane that Lorelai had somehow ended up marrying Rory’s dad, Christopher, in Paris. Besides, Jess spoke with Liz on the phone at least once a month. They weren’t estranged. It would be good, she told herself. Mature.

“Might as well,” she said with finality, adding her own envelopes to the madness on the coffee table. She would have to grab her lone, neat stack later. “Since they remembered to invite me. Feels like I should go.”

Jess nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” she echoed, tugging on her earring. “We can take my car. And we’ll have to stop and get a gift on the way, I guess. But the party’s not until four, so we can definitely swing it. I guess you’ll have to hang out at Luke’s or something while I go?”

“Sure,” Jess said, aloof. “I’ll call him later and let him know we’re coming. We should probably stay with him. There’s no telling what kind of state Liz and TJ’s house is in.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a wise choice.”

“Agreed.” He ran an anxious hand through his hair and straightened up slightly, then seemed to lose some of the tension in his shoulders. The small smirk reappeared on his lips. “But, in the meantime, you wanna finish what we started?”

Ella grinned wickedly and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the bedroom door. “No time like the present.”

. . .

Usually, when Jess emerged from a nightmare, a big gasp brought him immediately back to reality. He would jolt physically as soon as his eyes flew open. But, this time, he found he couldn’t get quite as much of the dry central heating air as he needed when he reentered the waking world. His chest felt tight, as it often did in a bad dream’s aftermath, but his throat also felt impossibly small. His breathing came in short gasps. His heart beat hard against his ribs, making him feel almost nauseous. Though he was sticky with sweat, shivers rolled through his body, making his hands tremble. And for just one moment, he feared he was so lightheaded he would pass out.

Ella didn’t feel his movements so much as hear his shuffling around. When she cracked her eyes open, and blinked away the first few seconds of blurriness, she found him leaning up against the wall behind the bed. His eyes were wide and terrified, and he couldn’t control his breathing despite the hand he held desperately to his chest.

“Whoa, hey, Jess,” she murmured softly.

Sitting up, she immediately went to bring a hand to his shoulder, but he flinched away from her.

“I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, okay?” she told him.

He nodded weakly.

Worry crept up her throat, but she did her best to keep her voice calm. She had seen shades of the same reaction each time he had a nightmare, but it had never been quite so extreme. His pupils had never been blown-out, as she could see in the grayish light of the early morning, and he had never had trouble breathing before.

“What do you need?” she asked, trying to get him to meet her gaze. When he finally did, she could see tears just about to spill over.

“Elle, I...I don’t…” He struggled for words, panting.

“Alright, that’s fine,” she whispered. “It’s fine if you don’t know. Everything is fine, Jess. But let’s just breathe, alright? Breathe with me.”

She took a long, loud breath in through her nose, then let it out through her mouth.

“Do it with me, James Dean. In and out, huh?” she said.

Though he raised a doubtful eyebrow, eventually, he did as she instructed. His hands almost felt numb, pins and needles, but they stopped shaking after a few minutes of slow breaths. He grabbed her hand in his own, squeezing tightly. He wondered instantly why he had withdrawn from her before. The feeling of her skin against his did perhaps more to soothe him than the breathing did.

She offered a tiny smile as he interlaced their fingers, and squeezed back. “Good job, Jess. Everything’s fine. I’m right here.”

Again, he nodded, more emphatically. There were glistening tear tracks running down his cheeks. He sniffled as his breathing became regular again, and he bit down hard on his bottom lip to maintain whatever semblance of control he could.

“You okay?” she asked, watching his muscles begin to ease up.

Releasing her hand, Jess averted his gaze and felt a blush heat his skin. “Yeah. Yeah. Fine.”

Ella said nothing more, instead gently laying him back down. She tugged the covers over them again, though she knew the alarm would probably go off in less than an hour or two. She brought his head to her chest, running her fingers through his hair and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Wiping some of the dampness from his face with her thumb, she rubbed her free hand up and down over his back.

“One of those dreams, cutie?” she asked quietly.

He hummed in confirmation.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No,” he said, and she thought she heard his voice becoming watery again.

“Okay,” she replied, soft but resolute. It was the response she had expected, but it seemed worth asking for such an acute reaction.

A calm, comfortable silence passed between them. Outside, the birds were chirping, and the traffic noise had already started. Slats of light snuck through the closed blinds and cast white strips over the gray comforter. Reaching over, Jess began to trace a fingertip over the tattoo on the inside of her left forearm. He did it often with her body art, after having watched her run her hands over her sketches so many times.

“Remind me about this one,” he said softly.

She smiled. He’d asked her more than once after a nightmare. She only had two tattoos so far, though she had plans for a third. Quality meant money, and she was still saving up. Sometimes he asked about the one on her leg, an antique bird cage with an open door. Neither of her tattoos had any color, drawn in a delicate, shaded style by an artist in New Haven. She was talented, and Gil knew her through his sandwich shop connections. She was still apprenticing, making sandwiches to get by before she could open her own shop or get permanently hired at one.

The birdcage had actually been Lane’s idea, after Ella moved in with her. Partially inspired by Keats’s odes, Ella had thought of getting a simple bird tattoo. She’d mentioned it to Lane, who lit up immediately at the mention of a rebellious act, and suggested something a bit different. The metaphor was clear, the tattoo was beautiful. The experience was better than she thought it would be, and she’d gone back for her second only a few months later, on Mother’s Day.

As much as Ella loved the birdcage, the tulip on her arm was her favorite. By the same artist, it had the same style. It was delicate, the bloom near the crook of her elbow and the stem tapering off and disappearing gracefully a little above her wrist.

“When I was a kid,” she began, “my mother had a kickass garden. I always wanted to help her, planting and watering and everything. But, as we all know, I kill everything except cactuses. She gave me a bunch of tulip seeds for my birthday once, and I made them my project. Got some books about flowers from the library, and everything. Only one ended up growing, anyway. But I was proud of it. And my mom was proud of me. And now I remember every time I look at my arm.”

Jess could feel the vibrations of Ella’s raspy voice in her chest, his ear pressed against her t-shirt as he listened. His eyes were getting heavy again, his body stressed from the rude awakening. It made him feel silly, but it had always so easily put him back to sleep. Not having to talk. Just listening to her.

“Pretty sentimental of you, Stevens,” he joked.

She chuckled. “Hypocrite. Love at first sight much?”

“Who am I to deny a law of the universe? Not like I could help it. I saw you and it was done,” he argued impassively.

“Guess I’m just irresistible,” she teased.

“Seems that way.”

Her own eyes fluttered shut. She was warm but not uncomfortable. Cozy, she supposed, was the word for it. Jess on her right side, with his head on her chest, seconds away from snoring.

“Hey, I do love you, Mariano.”

One corner of Jess’s mouth quirked up in a lazy smile, as he dozed despite the uneasiness and embarrassment still sitting in his stomach. “I know, Stevens. Love you back.”

. . .

Humming along with the CD, Ella cast nervous glances Jess’s way. His scowl was near permanent as he stared out the window at the passing scenery. The breeze was frigid as the sun beat down on the Connecticut streets. They were only five minutes away from Liz and TJ’s house, and Ella felt far less nostalgia than she was expecting. Fiona and Adam both had plans for the day, and said they simply couldn’t carve out the time to see her. Not one minute. Adam had some project he was spending the weekend at a friend’s house to finish. And Fiona had hair appointments booked solid. Ella knew it was naive to think they would fit in time for her on such a spur of the moment visit, but the disappointment remained. Stars Hollow didn’t look the same to her, feel the same to her, no matter how identical it seemed. Colorful decorations popped up on the sidewalks and there was a banner for some random town holiday above Taylor’s store. She didn’t bother to read it; next weekend was Valentine’s Day and she knew whatever the town was currently celebrating would just be an excuse to drum up business for the actual calendar event. As soon as “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters” ended, she pulled her station wagon over to the side, outside Liz and TJ’s modest ranch-style, adorned with lawn ornaments and wind chimes and other kitschy decorations. A bunch of pink balloons streamed from where they were tied to the mailbox, which was shaped like a fish.

“Okay. Out with it,” she said, turning to him just as she pulled the parking brake.

Jess faced her, furrowing his brows. “What?”

“What’s with you?” Ella asked. “You always sing along to Elton John. At least, when it’s just the two of us you do. ‘Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters’ is your favorite. You’re not singing so...what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jess said shortly, arms crossed over his flannel.

Ella blew her curtain bangs from her eyes in frustration, the rest of her locks pulled back in a low bun. She pulled the keys from the ignition. “Can we just skip this whole denial part and get to the part where you tell me what’s going on with you?”

“This isn’t the denial part,” Jess said, rolling his eyes. “This is the part where I tell you nothing is wrong because nothing is wrong. Two different parts entirely.”

“I asked you if you still wanted to come after everything that happened last night. And you said, and I quote: ‘Yes.’ And you didn’t want to talk about it, which is totally fine. But you seemed so out of it this morning, and-”

“This isn’t about last night,” he interrupted, a defensive bite in his voice. His muscles were tense.

“Alright,” she nodded, eyebrows raised. “Then what the hell is it about?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“I think you might be a worse liar than me,” she mused peevishly. “Just give it up, Mariano. What is wrong?”

“The third degree is getting a little old, Nancy Drew,” he shot back, raising his voice slightly.

She spoke with her hands, a small, bitter, sarcastic smirk on her face. “You know what I think is getting old? The Holden fucking Caulfield act, which I haven’t seen in, like, three years. Now, you obviously don’t wanna be here, jackass. You obviously didn’t want me to go to this thing. Which you could’ve mentioned about two hundred miles ago. But I guess I wasn’t worthy of that courtesy. I’m only your girlfriend and your best friend, but who am I kidding? There’s no one on the planet who could possibly be privy to the thoughts of tortured genius, Jess Mariano! Excuse me!”

Grabbing the present and her purse from the backseat and shutting the driver’s side door behind her harshly, she began trudging up the cobblestone path to the house.

Jess sighed heavily as he got out of the car and leaned against the passenger side. He watched as Ella stopped abruptly and turned on her heel, fire in her hazel eyes as she doubled back and held the keys out to him.

“For you, Caulfield. Avoid the phonies on your way. I hear they tend to jaywalk,” she snapped as he took the keys.

“You’re so fucking hilarious,” he retorted, eyes narrowed.

“And you are so fucking annoying,” she shouted over her shoulder as she neared the front door.

“Right back at ya, Stevens!”

Jess ran a hand over his mouth as he saw Liz come out to meet Ella, enveloping her in a warm, cheerful hug. Her baby bump was round and visible from the street, and she offered her son a wave from the distance. He returned it begrudgingly. Feeling his stomach do a flip, his eyes followed Ella as she vanished into the house and didn’t turn back for a final look at him.

. . .

Evening had darkened to a deep, silky blue outside. The air was icy and thick with the promise of forthcoming snow. Ella sat on the porch with Miss Patty as she smoked from her long cigarette holder. The day hadn’t been her happiest, but Ella was glad to have a chance to reunite with the best dance teacher on the East Coast. Babette had left earlier, something about a gig for Maury’s jazz group. Carrie, who Ella had recognized as one of the crazy guests from Liz’s bachelorette party upon seeing her face again, was inside with Liz and TJ. And, Ella couldn’t think of anything she wanted to hear less than the story TJ was currently telling of the fight he and Jess had gotten into at a strip club. The father-to-be had shown up halfway through the party to be present when the gifts were opened, wearing an ostentatious Hawaiian shirt, inexplicably.

Ella’s glass was filled with watery orange juice, the ice cubes long since having melted. The drink was tangy, sour, and she had downed at least four of them over the course of the past three hours.

“And I told Marlene I simply couldn’t take her place,” Patty said, words snaking out of her mouth in white clouds. She was draped in velvet shawls and several long necklaces. “But she insisted!”

“I never knew you were a Dietrich stand-in,” Ella said, head buzzing and airy.

Patty nodded, an eyebrow raised suggestively. “I was her stand-in in more ways than one. Rudolf Sieber was a hell of a man.”

Snorting a laugh, Ella half-listened as she leaned over to get a better view of the full moon and the bright stars. She slid right off the porch swing and landed directly on her ass. Bursting out in drunken cackles, she somehow managed to keep the drink gripped in her hand. She gulped up the rest of it, then placed it down on the painted wood floor next to her. Patty laughed along suspiciously.

“Darling, are you alright?”

Ella nodded through her sloppy giggles, licking her lips. “I’m great, Miss Patty. Y’know, I don’t usually like orange juice too much, but I love it tonight. And Liz loved the pajamas we got. I thought the piglets would be better, but Jess insisted we get the sheep. He was right, I guess. It’d be nice if he was so open about more than just his onesie opinions.”

“My dear,” Patty began, stubbing out her cigarette, “that’s not orange juice. That’s a screwdriver.”

“Hm?” Ella asked, looking up at her from her place on the floor with large, glassy eyes.

“A screwdriver. It’s orange juice and vodka,” Patty explained, half-amused and half-concerned. She went and shouted something through the front door to Liz, TJ, Carrie, and the rest of the crowd. Ella said nothing, only looking down in confusion at her empty cup.

Liz appeared next to Patty in a second, both of them coming over and lifting Ella by the upper arms. Smiling widely, Liz gave Ella a hug goodbye. Ella laughed in her grasp, more receptive to the contact than she was when she first got to the shower.

“I had so much fun! Thank you for inviting me!” Ella exclaimed, her voice high and intoxicated.

Grin ever-present, Liz pulled away from Ella and held her by the shoulders. “Aw, thank you for coming. I love the onesie! Patty’s gonna walk you back to my bro’s diner, alright?”

Ella paused for a long, apprehensive moment, then nodded happily. “Okay, sure. Hey, did Carrie give me vodka? Patty said something about vodka. But Carrie said it was orange juice and I couldn’t taste anything else!”

“You’ll be fine, sweetie,” Liz said calmly, then turned Ella back to Patty.

Ella was about to question her further, but she was already being whisked away.

“C’mon, let’s get you back to the diner,” Patty said, pushing Ella forwards by the shoulderblades.

Babbling on about whatever passed through her brain, Ella appreciated the cold air on her flushed skin as they strolled through town on the five-minute walk back to Luke's. At some point, she shed her black peacoat and slung it over her shoulder. There were rosy patches blooming on her chest, exposed in her floral black dress. Her tights had somehow sustained more than one rip and her Doc Martens felt leaden on her feet. The lights of the diner were a beacon against the dark backdrop of town at night. She saw Jess, all broody on a stool at the end of the counter, through the front window.

“Ugh, Jess is such an asshole sometimes,” she muttered, her words thick like molasses.

Patty chuckled, walking her up the concrete steps. “He’s a man, honey. What did you expect?”

The bell over the door jingled jovially. Luke was cleaning up the counter as the Saturday dinner rush died down. The aroma of salt and grease was potent. Finally, the wave of nostalgia hit Ella as she hung her coat and bag by the door. She almost knocked the rack down as Patty’s hands hovered over her form cautiously.

“Yes, everyone, your eyes do not deceive you,” Ella announced. “Luke’s best waitress has returned to her humble beginnings in Stars Hollow.”

At the sound of her voice, Jess turned and his eyes widened. He abandoned his book on the counter and hopped up from the stool. Luke, equally startled, could only stand there with his mouth agape.

“What happened?” Jess asked, rushing over to Ella. His hands went to her waist to guide her, but she swatted him away with a heavy sigh of frustration.

“Get off me, Holden Caulfield,” she mumbled, wobbly on her feet.

“Carrie gave her five screwdrivers. She thought it was orange juice,” Patty said shortly, offering some greetings to the stray customers sitting around and looking on in curiosity. “You got her, Jess? I have a midnight sauna salsa class to set up for.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Patty,” Jess said, taking over for her.

Ella ran right into one of the tables. It screeched across the tile floor, leaving a dark mark. But Jess caught her before she fell on her face. Patty offered Ella a final kiss on the cheek before making her exit.

“Dammit, Crazy Carrie strikes again!” Luke exclaimed. Jess sensed a rant coming. “I never would’ve let her go if I knew that’s who was throwing it!”

“You think you could stop Eleanor Stevens from going anywhere?” Jess asked doubtfully, continuing his failed attempts to direct her.

“Luke, your nephew is a jackass, did you know that? And such a dork,” Ella said, coming behind the counter and learning her elbows on it tiredly. Luke could smell the vodka, strong on her breath. “I mean, he loves broadway. I’m serious. And Elton John. And Nora Ephron. And remember when we were in high school when he got that black eye from-”

Jess finally managed to clamp his hand over Ella’s mouth, as she had been shoving his hands away during the entire diatribe. She was surprisingly strong while drunk, even though she was such a lightweight. Licking his hand, Ella managed to get her mouth free again. She laughed at Jess’s grimace as he wiped his palm on her sleeve, but pressed her back against him nonetheless. She felt some stability returning as he began to support her weight.

“Okay, I think it’s time we get you to bed,” Jess said. His cheeks were flushed and there was crease of concern on his forehead. “Don’t you think so, Luke?”

“Yeah, Ella, the sheets are clean. You guys can take my bed tonight,” Luke said, nodding along as he went over to the cash register.

“But I don’t wanna take your bed. Who are we to take your bed?” Ella argued, as Jess led her back towards the stairs. She stumbled over her words, and swayed as she tried to walk.

“It’s fine, Ella,” Luke insisted warily. “You’ll take the bed.”

“But-”

Jess uttered a long sigh, then hoisted her up bridal-style, fed up with struggling. Groaning dramatically, Ella stiffened for only a moment, then relaxed in his arms. Her head lolled drunkenly against his shoulder.

“Oh, look, my jackass in shining armor,” she spat out, eyes closed.

“Yeah, I’m the fourth horseman of the apocalypse, I know,” he replied, finishing his climb up the stairs and managing to open the door to the apartment with only one hand.

“At least you’re self-aware.”

She was already drifting off, and he set her down atop the soft orange cover on Luke’s double bed. She rolled over onto her side and grabbed a fistful of the sheets sleepily. By the time Jess returned to her with a glass of water and some aspirin, she was beginning to snore. He set the glass and pills on the bedside table.

“Elle? Wake up for just a sec,” he whispered, shaking her shoulder gently.

She gave another petulant moan, but opened her bleary eyes and sat up against the headboard.

“Take these,” he said shortly, giving her the glass and the aspirin.

Shooting him a scornful glare, she knocked them back without a word.

“You want the Led Zeppelin t-shirt or the blue flannel?” he asked, going over to the duffel he’d brought up to the apartment earlier.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling the headache already. “Fuck, I wish I brought the KISS t-shirt. But if I brought it, I would definitely forget it. I can see it already. Led Zeppelin, please.”

He nodded, then came back to the end of the bed and began untying her shoes for her. Her eyes fluttered shut again. The smell of pine in the apartment was old and comforting. The covers were soft against her skin as Jess tugged off her stockings, leaving her legs bare. He swapped them for a pair of plaid pajama shorts, which she actually tried (unsuccessfully) to help him put on.

Suddenly, she began to clutch at the leather cord around her neck. On it, there hung a heavy, blue geode, flat against the exposed skin of her chest. She tried twice to get it off herself, before Jess finished with her shorts and pushed her hands aside. He raised it up and off of her carefully.

“Your mom put that on me. I might’ve given her twenty bucks for it? I don’t remember,” she told him, surly.

Jess cracked a joyless smirk. “How mercenary of her.”

“I wish I wasn’t drunk,” she murmured as he instructed her to raise her arms so he could get her dress and bra off.

“I know,” he replied.

“Being drunk fucking sucks,” she continued as he slipped the worn cotton t-shirt over her head.

“I know,” he repeated. Jess scooted up closer to the head of the bed. “Turn around.”

She did as he said, though not without sulky huff. In measured, delicate movements, he undid her hairdo, taking out the bobby pins and the elastic. He ran his fingers gently through her hair, untangling it.

“Okay. Do you wanna brush your teeth first?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head, burrowing beneath the covers and turning away from him. Swallowing dryly, Jess gave a curt nod and was about to turn and leave when Ella flipped suddenly onto her back.

“Hey, you have to stay on your side in case-”

“I just want you to talk to me,” she interjected, reaching up to stroke his stubbly cheek with her thumb. For a moment, as she continued, he thought he saw the shine of tears in her eyes. “We need to tell each other everything. I’m really fucking worried about you. And I just...I love you and...maybe I was being too aggressive. I don’t know. But I really, really wish I wasn’t drunk and my head hurts and I wish we could go home and-”

“Hey, Eleanor, just go to sleep,” he said softly, taking her hand from his face and running his thumb over the back. She was rambling, eyes red-rimmed, beyond exhausted. Tucking her in tightly, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”

Irrational hurt passed over Ella’s face and she scoffed angrily. She faced away from him again, the cold shoulder. “Whatever. Holden fucking Caulfield.”

. . .

It was past eleven when Luke finally closed up for the night. He had no place to be, and let Caesar go early. The diner was completely silent as he scrubbed away at smudged surfaces and swept up crumbs. He wished for Lorelai, could picture her at home with Christopher. Around the kitchen table where he used to sit, with Rory and Christopher’s own daughter, Gigi. Luke wondered at it in the back of his mind. Christopher had a daughter, just like him. But he’d made it work. He’d figured it out, and gotten Lorelai in the end. Why hadn’t he been able to? What was wrong with him?

He pushed the thoughts away again, shaking his head. They did no good. What’s done is done, he told himself. Maybe one day he would find someone again. But he had never met anyone who made him feel the way Lorelai did. No one else in the world. He wasn’t optimistic he’d honestly be able to come across true love again. He trudged up the creaky back stairs, his brow heavy with anguish, after shutting off the downstairs lights. Opening the door to the apartment, which still read ‘Williams Hardware’ all these years after his father had died, he was surprised to see Jess at the kitchen table, book in hand. The light over the sink was the only one left on, creating a dim glow.

“Hey,” he said quietly, locking the door behind him, even though the front door of the diner was locked as well.

Jess’s eyes lingered on the page for a moment as he finished a sentence, before he saved his place and looked up. “Hey. You finish closing?”

“Yep,” Luke said, placing his keys down near the door and immediately going to grab a beer from the fridge. He held one out to his nephew. “You want one?”

Not even considering it, Jess shook his head. He tossed a nervous look at Ella, who lay snoring and tangled up in the orange sheets. She was talking nonsense in her sleep, had been for the past two or three hours as Jess attempted to finish his Kesey novel. He was having trouble concentrating.

“No, thanks,” he said. “I think at least one of us should be sober tonight.”

“Suit yourself.”

Luke came to sit beside Jess silently, sipping his Heineken and waiting for whatever story was to come. It was only the second time in his life he had seen Ella drunk, and it was making him feel an odd sense of deja-vu.

“I wanted to help clean up downstairs, but I was worried she would flip over onto her back. I figured I should stay here and...make sure she was okay,” Jess explained, apologetic.

“Don’t worry about it.” Luke shrugged it off dismissively.

“She hates being drunk,” Jess said, eyes still on Ella. “I mean, on her twenty-first birthday, we didn’t even go out. We just watched Goodfellas.”

“Why?” Luke asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Jess smirked. “She said it was a makeshift rite of passage, since she didn’t want to drink. Because they say ‘fuck’ exactly three hundred times.”

“Sounds like her,” Luke said fondly.

“Yeah,” Jess replied, looking down at his lap and breathing a sigh.

“She didn’t seem too happy with you earlier,” Luke said pointedly, eyebrows raised. “Or was that just the booze talking?”

Jess uttered a bitter chuckle. “I’d say a sober woman’s thoughts are a drunk woman’s words, but she sounded pretty much the same level of pissed in the car on the way up here as she did after five screwdrivers.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Jess said, his words a sigh. “I thought I’d be okay with all this. The baby shower and everything. But I got to thinking about it more and more and...I just don’t know. Do you think Liz is ready for another kid?”

Luke paused a moment, appraising Jess’s face. He saw sincere fear in his nephew’s features, taking him slightly aback. “I think so. And TJ’s not the sharpest tool in the shed by any means, but I think he’s even less of a flight risk than your mom. And they live right down the road from me, Jess.”

Jess hummed. “I guess that’s true. I just got to remembering some things about Liz and...Ella could tell something was up. She can always tell. But I guess I didn’t feel like talking.”

Blowing a long breath out through his nose, Luke nodded. “Well, you don’t have to worry about this kid. I promise. I won’t let anything happen.”

“Thanks.”

“And Jess?” Luke began, meeting his nephew’s eyes. “Talk to her. Tell her everything that’s on her mind. There’s no point in hiding things. It’ll drive her crazy, and it’ll drive her away. We’ve had this conversation before. Open two-way communication is-”

“The foundation of love, I know, Dr. Phil,” Jess grumbled, rolling his eyes at the self-help jargon. But, inside, he stored the sentiment away for later. “Old habits, I guess. I’m working on it.”

“Good. That’s all that matters,” Luke said, offering Jess a hopeful smile and finishing off the last of his beer. He tossed it in the recycling and retreated to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Jess ran a hand over his mouth and then rubbed at his tired eyes with the heels of his hands. His dream from the night before flashed across his mind quickly, and he tried to lock the images away. The thought of curling up on the old leather couch made him grimace. He wasn’t eager for a repeat. One more chapter, he told himself. Then he would be ready to try and rest.

. . .

Whatever possessed her to wake up at five in the morning on a Sunday, she wasn’t entirely sure. But the pounding headache in her temples probably had something to do with it. Luke was already gone, the twin bed on which Jess had once slept made neatly and left empty. Early morning deliveries perhaps. Or maybe he was getting ready for the brunch crowd. It was his least favorite group of customers, Ella remembered. As she awoke and saw Jess was asleep beneath a throw blanket on the couch, book on the floor next to him, she hopped up from the bed. The weathered hardwood was cold beneath her bare feet, and she wished the room wasn’t quite as awash in morning light. She had to squint against it as she padded over, sitting on the edge of one couch cushion.

“Jess?” she whispered, groggy. She raked her hands through her messy hair and tucked it behind her ears. Goosebumps rose on her arms after having left the warmth of the bed. “Jess?”

He stirred on only the second try, scrunching up his face. He was still dressed in his clothes from the day before. Eventually, his brown eyes were open, and surprised to see her up before him. “Hey, Elle. You okay?”

“Yeah. Why are you on the couch?”

“Oh,” he said, throwing an arm across his eyes and yawning. “You were pretty mad last night. I didn’t know if you’d want me to get in with you.”

She shook her head, a small smile ghosting over her lips. “I always want you sleeping next to me, cutie. Even when I’m mad. I mean, we’ve got sides of the bed now. There’s tradition to maintain.”

“Like you’ve ever cared about tradition,” he chuckled, blinking away the sleep in his field of vision. She looked pale, almost a sickly green, but her eyes were clear once again. And her speech was no longer drunkenly strung together.

“Fair enough,” she replied. “But I wasn’t sleep-in-separate-beds mad. I was just I’m-wasted-and-annoyed mad.”

“How the hell did you not know you were drinking screwdrivers?” he asked, a teasing smirk appearing on his face.

She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. “I don’t know, Mariano. I don’t ever drink. How am I supposed to know what alcohol tastes like? And I don’t know what the fuck Carrie did to those, but I swear they were a dead ringer for straight orange juice.”

“Whatever you say, Stevens.”

“Shut up,” she quipped with good nature. “Did I try to sing Rumors or anything? I don’t really remember.”

“Mercifully, no,” he said, sitting up against the arm of the couch. “Nothing crazy. You are a bit of a weepy drunk, but who isn’t?”

“Jesus,” she murmured, blushing slightly.

He chuckled half-heartedly, then his face grew more earnest. “Hey, Elle?”

“Hm?”

Pausing to heave a heavy sigh, he raked a hand through his bedhead.

“I didn’t want to come here because of the dream I had,” Jess spit out, before he could lose his nerve. “Nothing specific...just a bunch of stuff from when I was growing up. It just...Liz wasn’t the best mom and I was remembering...a lot. And I was nervous about her…”

“Screwing up that kid’s life?” she asked.

He nodded shyly.

“Okay. I get why you’d be nervous. But she’s with TJ now, and she’s older. And, plus, the day Luke lets anything happen to that baby is the day Coldplay is classified is an alternative band,” Ella said. At some point, she began running her fingers through his hair in reassurance. “I really, really think it’ll be fine.”

“I know. I talked to Luke last night.”

“And you’re feeling better about it?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, feeling a small weight lift from somewhere inside him. “But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just...I don’t know. I was...scared. It was stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, Jess,” she shook her head, gaze softening. “It makes sense. I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard. I didn’t mean to. You just...you scared me. And I was going insane because I knew something was wrong and...I was just worried about you.”

“I know, Daria,” he said fondly.

“I mean, you had a panic attack, Jess.” Her voice was deep with fatigue, and had pleading quality which struck Jess’s heart. “You couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to help and...maybe you should see someone? My brother’s therapist helped him a lot after my mom.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jess replied, shockingly genuine. Ella didn’t think he would be entertaining the thought of getting help so easily.

“Good.”

“Not like I’ve got the best insurance though.”

Ella sighed. “Yeah. Fucking capitalism.”

“It’s a little early to be going Marxist, I think,” he said, laughing breathily.

“Oh, it’s never too early,” she shot back.

“Duly noted,” Jess replied. Then, after a hesitant pause: “So, we’re fine?”

“Everything’s fine, James Dean,” she said, nodding. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Don’t thank me,” he said with a bashful laugh, bowing his head.

Ella’s smile grew at his shyness, and she pressed a brief kiss to his forehead before he lifted his head back up and their lips met. As they pulled away from each other, he placed an affectionate hand on her cheek.

“How’s your head?”

“I’ll survive.”

“I’m glad,” he quipped. “You think you can handle some breakfast?”

“Worth a try.”

“Okay, once Luke opens up, we can head downstairs. Then let’s go home?” he proposed.

“Yeah. Sounds like a plan,” she said, almost wistful. “Let’s go home.”

32 notes · View notes

sabinefm · 5 years ago

Text

( bruna marquezine , cis female , peach ) welcome to aida&stefano , SABINA REUBE ! thank you for choosing to stay here. in this form it says that you go by the SHE / HER , you’re TWENTY THREE years old , you’re originally from SAN FRANCISCO , and you’ve been staying here for ONE YEAR . it also says you’re known to be + RESOURCEFUL , but also - SELFISH. that really shouldn’t be a problem though. check in at the front , hope you enjoy your stay ! (the click of heels, hot sand under your bare feet, chocolate covered strawberries, the imprints a bra leaves on your skin, red lipstick staining your fingertips )

ABOUT THE MUN. i hope this email never finds you

hello all, my name is pepper and i have never been on time for anything, ever in my life sdjkdskj this is especially true today, rip. no but honestly, i never thought i would actually get accepted into this beautiful rp so i stalled checking acceptances cause i’m a Scaredy Cat and that made me really late, and then i ended up taking the rest of my coworker’s shift cause she had to go and thus ended up coming home even later than i thought which has made me really really late... BUT against all the odds i’m here! and ready to party! and tell y’all about my bby sabina! but first a little bit about me, i am twenty four (ew), i can’t cook (rip), and i currently spend most of my lonely quarantine days either watching anime or scrolling through tiktok. i am canadian but every canadian that meets me thinks i’m american and i don’t know why. when i was a child i had an irrational (or yk very rational) fear of sharkboy from sharkboy and lava girl, and tbh it has never left me. i was also afraid of gill from kim possible so you can imagine my horror when that fish f*cking movie won an oscar?? when i was younger i also thot god looked like king triton from the little mermaid cause he was white and he had a beard yk. it fit in my little brain. and finally i just recently discovered girl in red and therefore feel like i finally got my bi girl card,,, feeling validated in this chillis tonight. and if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about me idk what will. anyways, that’s officially enough about me onto who we’re all really here for, ms sabine!

BIO. the lengths i would go to to both get attention and avoid it... astounding tldr ; daughter of a guy who created a dating site + app, came to a&s after leaving her husband to be at the alter after catching him cheating with her mother, wants to be a bad bitch, sometimes succeeds.

THEN.

sabina came into the world the child of a mediocre stay at home mom and a penniless entrepreneur so it goes without saying that she had very little. her dad had a lot of passion and a lot of drive but no one would really give him a chance, and her mother kind of only married the man because she was expecting him to make it big enough for her to never have to work another day in her life so? yeah she was hella disappointed tbh

but not sabina! she looked up to her father so much as a child. while her mom was kind of ~emotionally unavailable~ her father was too, but like at least he had a dream he believed in, yk? he wanted to help people fall in love and sabine being the big romantic she was as a child had never heard of anything so noble. her daddy was her hero. sabina honestly had big daddy’s little girl vibes until she was like 22 tkjsdkjd

one day when their family credit card got rejected one too many times sabina’s mother called it quits on yk the whole mother gig. she left sabina on a bench outside of the grocery store while she went to go home and ‘get some cash’ which even at seven sabine knew was a damn lie cause they were too broke to have any damn cash. and yeah that was the last sabina heard of her for a long ass time. it was a reverse ‘dad went to get some cigarettes’ situation but just as traumatic honestly.

although not as much for sabine’s dad. that man literally saw his wife leaving him as a minor setback and moved on. he threw himself harder into his work, to the point where sabine barely saw him. this was the start of sabine desperately trying to compete with her father’s business for even a sliver of his attention. this was a battle she usually lost.

sabine raised herself for a while there, since her father yk remarried his job and her mother was following the jonas brother’s cross country. she became both very independent and very lonely for a child, which was an odd combination that both haunted sabine for pretty much the rest of her life after that point and lead her to make most of her worst decisions. but that’s a story for another time, because right when all hope was lost sabine’s father won the lottery. literally.

all at once they were five million dollars richer. they went from nothing to everything real quick. and this marked a change in the reube’s lives in a way sabine couldn’t have even imagine at the time.

sabine’s father hector used the money to fund his business and that shit blew up! he created a site by the name of loveisblind that was in the ring with the likes of match.com and christianmingle yk, one of those dating sites. everyone on loveisblind is set up on blind dates based on the information they fill out on their profile and are only allowed to see each other when they reach a certain point of emotional intimacy. the site had wild success rates, and got very popular, blah, blah, the point was the reubes? suddenly rich af!

and you think that would give hector more time to spend with his daughter right? no. it gave hector the money to hire nannies for his daughter.

yes, somehow despite hector no longer having to work himself to the bone, sabine saw him even less. tragic really. she really became that lonely rich girl trope real quick, and this is what unfortunately got sabine into the habit of seeking the attention she wasn’t getting from her father in other men and women, which she is not proud of.

that unfortunately didn’t fill the void that sabine had but you know what did? making the loveisblind app so her daddy would love her. basically around the time that tinder started gaining traction and getting popular, people stopped going on the loveisblind site and started instead turning to apps. her father was trying and failing to get into that market, and sabina, being yk, actually a lot more intelligent than her father ever gave her credit for, created the app for his site and pitched it to him over his lunch one day. it was honestly one of the first times sabina can remember her father really paying attention to her in the longest time. it was also the proudest she’s ever seen him.

the app was a big success! a whole new generation was using it and finding love, including one ms sabine reube. in the early days of the app launch sabine met her prince charming, christopher ‘kit’ johannson. he swept her right off her feet, and she fell HARD, and when they debuted their relationship it wasn’t long until they kind of became the face of the app?? like sabine’s father was the creator after all, the fact that his daughter found love on the app too was big news for a while. people followed their relationship and strived for something like that for themselves. sabine didn’t know it at the time but they were basically a walking advertisement, and her father was LIVING for that.

fast forward a bit and your girl went to yale for computer engineering and business (did her daddy’s status and money ease the way? maybe man, nepotism am i right) whilst kit went to harvard, they were long distance for a bit before they graduated and kit very publicly proposed (the whole thing was well recorded too, gotta get that gram), and then both sab and kit moved in together and both started working for their families respective companies. it was around then that sabine started to understand just how much and how often kit was cheating on her. it was a real wakeup call.

sabine ended up breaking down to her father about her suspicions, and he basically ended up telling her to suck it up and think of the business. the fact was sabine and kit, the face of their new generation and one of the first successful couples from the app getting married and living happily ever after was amazing for the company. and the two of them calling the whole thing off just because of a little infidelity just wasn’t going to cut it.

now once again, this is where sabine’s deep desire to be loved and accepted really bites her in the ass. this was one of the first times sabine’s father had ever really asked her for anything so... she did it. or at least she did her best to do it. she lasted until the wedding day around the time where she caught kit and her own mother (who she only invited out of a deep rooted need to actually know the woman who gave birth to her again) going at it in the coat closet of their wedding venue. yeah, at that point sabine pretty much snapped, blacked out, smashed a whole wedding cake over kit’s head, and took their honeymoon to venice on her own. she arrived at Aida&Stefano with running mascara in a ruined wedding dress trying to ask about a honeymoon suite. it was a whole mess, but you know what so is sab so at least she was on brand.

NOW.

after sabina arrived she spent about a week mourning her failed almost-marriage and yk, destroyed family before she decided to fuck it all and reinvent herself. she desperately wanted to become someone new, someone unrecognizable from who she was before, even if it was only on the inside. so she cut her hair (the first step to every transformation) hardened everything soft about herself and made the irrevocable decision to become a bad bitch. she (mostly) succeeded. kind of.

sabine basically curb stomped out the soft, hopeless romantic people pleaser in her and decided to become someone more unsympathetic. someone who puts her own needs first instead of burning herself up to keep others warm (cause what good has that ever done her before?). someone who people would be afraid to hurt but who wouldn’t even feel pain anyways. and to sum it up that person is a heartless bitch. or at least she tries to be.

i’m gonna stop here because this is already a lot longer than i wanted it to be and i haven’t even got to the other sections yet rip but you get the point i feel

PERSONALITY. *feels nothing* mmm, don’t like that *feels something but like too much* mmm not a fan of that either

most of this is tbd because i’m still developing her but

VAIN. the kind of girl who will file her nails or check herself out in the mirror while you’re talking to her. will reapply her lipstick in the rearview mirror of her car while she’s driving. checks herself out in any reflective surface, i mean i would too if i looked like bruna but Still

KIND. even though sab tries to be a hard ass she’s probably the most loyal, generous, kind person you would ever meet deep down. like she puts on this persona of being heartless, but if anyone needs her she will be there for them. kind of hates that she’s such a softie sometimes but she can’t help it.

EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. doesn’t want to be hurt again and will do pretty much anything to avoid that. tries to keep people at arms length especially romantically. loves making friends though, and will indeed spoil them.

HEADCANNONS. who wants to hire me as their maid i’m not gonna clean im just gonna wear a cute maid outfit dust like 6 things and bend down a lot

has the vibes of that drunk rich aunt that’s always smoking like sexily as she looks far into the distance and wears like a super luxurious coat. will gossip with you. will buy you things your mom won’t. will cuss out your toxic father at the dinner table. that’s her energy.

unfortunately actually does smoke. i hate

okay fun fact, the only reason sabine went to university for computer programming and business was because she felt her father wanted her to. she honestly has no real passion for the subject and just wanted to use her talent to make her father as proud of her as he was on the day she debuted that app to him. but now that making daddy proud isn’t like the only thing occupying her entire brain sabine like is like ??? wait what do i actually want to do with my life ??? and it took her a while to figure it out but after a while she fell back on one of her passions, art. she’s actually making a graphic novel aimed towards young adults about a modern day hades and persephone vibe, kind of about a girl who falls in love with the grim reaper and the lengths she goes to to chase after her (yes it is a Lady Reaper) into the depths of hell,,, it’s wild. she’s very proud of it but also kind of shy about it tbh. her go to critic is georgio, because she knows that little shit will be honest and yk what she respects that.

but when it comes to making actual money your girl turns to cam work most of the time, because well. at the very least it’s quick, easy, and semi discreet. and sometimes she gets something out of it too. she figures it’s a win win, and she’s been doing it for about a year now, mostly because she absolutely refuses to use any of her father’s money.

is allergic to cucumber.

has a different 'relationship’ like every week or so, along with a few one night stands peppered in. unfortunately still attracted to people who are bad for her (kit for example was an asshole and a cheater and DEFINITELY conservative like she messed up on that one), but is also very afraid of falling in love again and letting herself get hurt, so she normally doesn’t let things last too long before she starts self sabotaging.

if you ever catch sabine with like... her nails growing out or her nail polish chipped, something is wrong. like something is deeply wrong. sabine will have her nails done in the middle of the apocalypse, the only reason they would be less than perfect is if she is having a breakdown. always has colour on her nails, and usually it’s a shade of red, purple, or black.

always has wild ass stories to tell about her tinder dates or one night stands and will tell them without shame for your entertainment. is a great storyteller honestly, a talent she got from her mother but she doesn’t want to admit that.

fun fact, her mother mariah was PISSED when hector got rich AFTER she left him and tried for years to sue him or something but no dice. she was so angry and vengeful over the whole thing that she took the opportunity of being invited to her daughters wedding to get back at her husband where it hurt, his business. thus sleeping with kit. didn’t really think about how her daughter might feel about the whole thing because she was yk blinded by rage, but that’s just how mariah is so i mean,,, rip sabina.

shops when she’s sad, or happy, or angry, or confused sdkjdsj will use any excuse to shop, and at this point she has more clothes than she knows what to do with. her style can be kind of out there at times, but she will let you borrow things though.

she has a cat named momo. yes that is inspired by her being the peach skeleton. also has a parrot named poe i think. i also have the urge to give her a snake but... i will resist. so sabine wants a snake for sure

her favourite colours are black and red

she is a horrible terrible driver. don’t drive with sabine unless you’re an adrenaline junkie or like want to die tbh

her dad 100% set up the relationship between kit and sabine as a pr stunt, but sabine doesn’t know that yet and when she finds out her father used her like that ooh boy things are gonna get wildt. as it is now sabine just thinks she disappointed him and it’s kind of eating her alive. half the reason she’s staying here is because she doesn’t want to face him or yk her old life anymore. her father is so caught up in the shame she caused him that he hasn’t even tried to call her after the whole thing and the one time sabine got hella drunk and called him all he did was tell her what a disappointment she was and ask when she was coming back to work so we love ~parenting~

WANTED CONNECTIONS. girls will “🥺🥺🥺🥺” their way out of everything

close friends please and thanks, best friends also please, uh, can i get some awkward one night stands that avoid each other at all cost, can i get a neighbour who’s ear sabine is always talking off in the hallway between their rooms even tho they just want to go home but can’t because sabine is Oversharing, maybe a flirtationship, but also i would love an enemy (it could be for a ridiculous reason or a completely valid reason but either way please give it to me), someone she goes out dancing/partying with at piccolo, a sibling like relationship, a confidante, someone who she trusts to read her comic and maybe even do some linework, and absolutely anything else okay my brain is fried rn but i want it all! please like this and i will slip and slide into your dms <3

#ostellointro #me: *sees a nice neat intro at an appropriate length* I Want To Do That #this monstrosity: bitch you thot

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writing-for-amusement · 6 years ago

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Commission for Confidence, 8

Summary: Y/N has been struggling with her self-esteem for years. After incessant pushing from your best friend, Y/N decides to commission an artist to draw her, expecting everything to happen via Internet. However, when your phone is stolen, you try to cancel the commission, but Peter Parker has other ideas. He quickly becomes enraptured by you, and a friendship forms easily. Will it lead to something more? Or will your past fears get in the way?

A/N: Okay, here is a chapter! It’s a little short, imo, but I just really wanted to post something because my Soulmate-Zendaya fic isn’t leaving my brain the way it should be. And, tbh, I have NO IDEA where this one went or even how it got where it did, but hey, I’m not mad at it. I hope you all aren’t mad at it either! Please let me know what you think!!!

And if you want to be tagged, let me know!!!!!!! If there’s a strikethrough on your username, it means that the tag didn’t work for some reason, Idk why it didn’t though

Taglist: @pparkerwrites @scatterbrainedgenius @jordyns-library @wildfirecracker @pastlives-purplesouls @maybemona @hotchocolattee @heregoestheworld @beccaboo929 @willowtree42095 @134340-cm @this-is-just-for-fanfic-lmao

Word Count: 2647

Warnings: mentions of violence from previous chapter, doctors, nausea mention, pain, swearing, being super tired, some anxiety, self-doubt, Peter being a cutie and kinda smooth, awkwardness, reader loves garlic bc I love garlic (so, sorry if you don’t like garlic)

You tried to keep your heartrate regular as Doctor Finestein gently pressed around your ribs to see if there was any damage.

Did you have anxiety about not having a shirt on? Absolutely. Was it present throughout your entire life? Absolutely. Were you trying to work through it? Absolutely.

But, after a long day, with adrenaline rushes and glass and then Peter being adorable, well, longstanding anxiety was trying to take the place of your years-long work.

Of course, you were trying to fight it, so it wasn’t like all your progress had been undone in the course of a few hours. You were proud of that; you’d take that win, thankyouverymuch.

Doctor Finestein stood back and handed your shirt to you. She smiled brightly as you put it on (being careful of your hurt arm) and said cheerfully, “No broken ribs! There’s likely some bruising on the bones, though, but there’s nothing we can do about that here; that one just takes time. However, if you start to experience extreme pain or problems breathing, come back in immediately so we can do some scans.”

“Sure,” you nodded, straightening your shirt. “How do I cope with the pain? Ice?”

“Yep!” she chirped. “Ice it for a bit and then take the ice off for a bit, as needed for the pain. Also, take pain medication, whatever you usually take, or the stuff we’ll give you. After about two days, you could soak in a hot bath or use a hot water bottle or use a warm washcloth to help the exterior bruising fade faster. Sound good?”

You nodded, “Sounds good.”

“So, before we go do the CT scan,” Doctor Finestein leaned in a bit and lowered her voice to a whisper, “I thought Peter was your boyfriend, so that’s why I didn’t ask him to leave earlier. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, that’s not right of me as a doctor.”

You felt a rush of blood head straight for your cheeks and chest. You felt like you were in an old cartoon and like your head was going to pop off from the force of your blush.

“N-no,” you stuttered. “No, he’s not. He’s just a good friend.”

“Well, he’s a sweet boy,” the doctor grinned at your sudden sheepishness, “and he obviously likes you. So, I suggest you hold on to him.”

Before you could stutter out a response, she gestured for you to follow her out of the room. You gathered your things, trying to cool your face, and left the room.

Peter looked up from where he was leaning against the wall and beamed at you.

You tried to knock the echoes of Doctor Finestein from your brain. Thankfully, her comments had also knocked most of your anxious thoughts out of your head, too. So, you were just in a place of minor disequilibrium as you tried to control your emotions.

You and Peter followed the good doctor down the hallway and into the elevator. She began to explain the process of a CT scan as you went down a few floors, and you managed to focus on what she was saying.

Though, part of your brain would have preferred for you to focus on Peter as he stood close to you in the small space of the elevator.

The CT scan was actually easier than you thought, and you chatted with Peter in the waiting room while waiting for everything to process. He was telling another story about Ned, and you were smiling so wide that you thought you’d crack some of your skin.

“Y/N?” Doctor Finestein called your name after about twenty minutes, making you and Peter both look up. She tilted her head with a smile, and you crossed over to her. Peter was right on your heels.

“Long time no see,” you joked to the doctor as she took you to a small, private office sort of room. It was all quite professional.

“I know, it’s been ages,” the doctor joked right back. She didn’t sit down, so neither did you and Peter.

“What’s the damage?” Peter asked after a few tense moments of silence when your brain had decided to stall.

“No major damage!” Doctor Finestein cheered.

“Yay!” you and Peter echoed brightly.

As Doctor Finestein explained the results in a bit more detail, all you could think about was your stomach rumbling. You pushed the hunger away and listened intently as the doctor went through the things you should do at home, and what to do if certain situations were to pop up. You let your brain soak all of it up, hoping that you wouldn’t have to return to the hospital for a long time.

Soon, you were leaving the hospital with Peter and some strong pain medication. It was dark as you exited the building, but you enjoyed not having to smell the hospital air, even if it was Manhattan air and the quality left much to be desired. Hospital air always felt stiff to you, a little stifling. You understood why, as the air needed to be clean, but it didn’t mean that you liked the scent.

“I heard your stomach rumbling,” Peter informed you as you were walking. “Let’s get some food in you. What sounds good?”

You fought down the urge to tell him that he didn’t have to hang around with you anymore, as he was surely getting tired of you. Normally, that’s what you would’ve said. But tonight, you were tired, and Peter offered, so you let yourself go along with it.

“I think pizza sounds good. But not too greasy,” you said after a moment of thought.

“I know just the place,” Peter grinned, linking his elbow through your good one, the left one, and began to lead the way. “They also sell these really tasty fries; I think you’ll love it. Well… do you like garlic?”

“I love garlic,” you informed him immediately. “My family always joked that we could never be vampires because we love garlic too much.”

Peter laughed at that, his head tilting back and his eyes crinkling at the edges. “I’ve never thought of it like that, but I’m the same way!”

You chuckled with him, the warm from his arm spreading up your body. It was comforting, but it also brought attention to the fact that your body was sore and exhausted. You let out a small sigh as you thought of collapsing onto your bed.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked gently.

“Hm?” You looked at him to see concern knitting his brows. “Oh, I’m just really tired and sore. I was thinking about my bed,” you chuckled.

“Well, the sooner we get pizza, the sooner we can get to your bed.”

“We?” you asked him with a smirk.

“Yup,” he said easily, though the blush tinging his cheeks made you grin.

Peter talked aimlessly as you walked together, a yawn stretching your jaw. His chattering paused very briefly, and you glanced at him to see him hailing a cab. One minute later, you were clambering carefully into a taxi and he was climbing in next to you. Peter told the driver where to go and then he was launching back into his story. You were only half listening, of course, because you were trying to stay awake; you’d been trying to stay awake even when walking down the sidewalk.

A few minutes later, Peter was paying the driver and helping you out of the car. When you straightened after stepping out, you were hit with a wave of pain and nausea that had you nearly falling onto the asphalt.

Peter was there, though, catching you easily with his body. Unfortunately, his arms ended up catching you on the ribs, making you wince once more. Your injured arm was throbbing in time with your face, and as he easily helped boost you up, you sighed heavily.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked you, making you glance up at him. The concern in his soft brown eyes make you feel a little better, but then your arm throbbed again. As you grimaced and looked away from him, Peter gently guided you back into the cab, which had yet to leave because the door was still open.

You scrambled to the corner of the car, clutching your pained ribs with your good hand, you could faintly hear Peter talking to the driver. It seemed that leaving the hospital had caused all the pain to catch up with you; it was akin to some of your worst cramps.

The car started to move, and your eyes flickered open to see Peter watching you carefully. You managed to give him a weak smile and straightened up with another grimace.

“Sorry,” you muttered, trying to get in a comfortable enough position in the small space. “I think the pain and nausea caught up with me,” you chuckled humorlessly.

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay,” he reassured you, putting a hand on your shoulder. “You never have to apologize for not feeling well. Especially not to me.”

“Where are we going?”

“Queens,” he replied easily, scooting closer to you.

“But what about—”

“I’m taking you home,” he said firmly. “I’ll make you some food.”

“You can cook?” you asked with perhaps a little too much doubt.

“I can, yes,” Peter informed you with great pride. “I can make some great pasta; I will have you know that it is a great delicacy.”

His dramatism made you chuckle, though you controlled it enough to where you didn’t cause you more pain. You saw how the sound made Peter’s concern lessen ever so slightly and took a deep breath to try to relax. It made your ribs twinge, but the rest of your muscles began to relax a bit, so it mostly made you feel better.

The cab finally arrived at your apartment building and Peter paid the driver before you could. He helped you out of the cab this time, essentially forcing you to brace yourself on him as you stood properly. Then, Peter laced your arms together and began to walk.

As you stepped up onto the sidewalk, you realized that your entire body was sore, especially your legs. You figured that it was probably from being dragged around by the robbers by the hair, and from the adrenaline completely working through your system.

Once again, you found yourself cursing the lack of a working elevator.

Peter’s sure and steady steps next to your shaky ones made you feel self-conscious about making the trip longer than it needed to be. He was already missing out on apparently amazing pizza because you couldn’t even manage to get fully out of a taxi, and now here he was, helping you and your shaky, sore body cross the damn sidewalk to get to the entrance of your apartment building.

“Peter,” you stopped in front of the entrance, making him turn to you. “Peter, you don’t have to keep helping me. It’s okay. You can go home; I’ll be alright. You don’t have to waste your evening on me; I know it’s annoying.”

His eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head in slight confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Peter, I’ve already taken up so much of your day with my stupid problems and probably annoying mannerisms, and I don’t want to annoy you by being slow and difficult, so really, it’s okay if you go home. I won’t be hurt. It’s gonna take me a bit to get up the stairs, so you really don’t need to waste your time on—”

“Hey now,” Peter interrupted your fast speech, putting a finger to your lips. “You’re not a waste of time, Y/N, and your problems aren’t stupid. You make it seem like it was your fault you got hurt. It wasn’t, Y/N, just as much as it… wasn’t mine. It was the robbers’ fault. Your mannerisms are not annoying: in fact, they are adorable, and I enjoy seeing them.”

“But—”

Peter surprised you by tenderly cupping your cheeks and gazing into your eyes intensely. “Y/N,” he nearly whispered, “you need help. And I want to help. Beyond that, I want to be around you more; I like hanging out with you. This is just an excuse to hang out with you more. I promise. You’re not annoying and you aren’t a waste of time or a burden. You’re my friend.”

You blinked away simmering tears and cleared your throat. Peter’s hands drifted away from your cheeks and he gently took your elbow.

“Let’s get inside, okay?” The artist suddenly grinned, “This is also an excuse to get you to try my amazing cooking.”

You chuckled lightly and let him lace your arms together again. “You keep talking yourself up, buddy, and I’m gonna be disappointed if you only cook ramen.”

Peter laughed brightly as he walked inside with you. “I can make ramen from scratch, but that’s not what I’m going to make you.”

“Well,” you winced slightly as you inhaled too sharply, “what are you making?”

“It’s a secret,” he winked down at you.

Your laughter echoed across the lobby and you saw Peter’s wide grin. You found yourself copying it, with the happiness to match it.

Then, you arrived at the stairs.

The happiness on your face deflated like the world’s saddest balloon as you stared at what would likely be your demise. You mentally cursed the day that the elevator broke down, even though you knew that it broke down a year and a half ago (therefore before you moved into the building) and began to curse the shoddy repairman and his family.

“I can carry you,” Peter suggested.

Your mind went blank and your jaw gave a jaunty hello to the floor.

“What?” you stammered.

“I can carry you up the stairs,” he repeated, amusement in his eyes.

“What? No, no way, Peter.”

“Why not?” he pouted.

“Well, for one, it’s eight fucking flights of stairs,” you pointed out, and he nodded in understanding. “Two, I am way too heavy for you. I’d break your back. There’s no way I’m letting you carry me up the stairs on your back; no way in hell.”

Peter flashed you a mischievous smirk and the next thing you knew, your legs were dangling in the air and Peter was cradling you to his chest. He had one arm under your knees and the other wrapped around your shoulders.

“Peter!” you essentially squealed, wiggling in his hold. “What the fuck are you doing? Put me down, you’ll hurt yourself!”

He grinned down at you and began to climb the stairs. He didn’t even look bothered by holding you, much less carrying you up eight flights of stairs.

“One, I never said anything about carrying you on my back,” he said cheekily, adding a wink, “and two, you’re not that heavy.”

“Peter, I weigh more than you and another person combined, please put me down, you’re going to hurt yourself,” you pleaded.

=“I’m fine,” he shrugged one shoulder. “Besides, I get to hold you and feel your gorgeous form; what could be better than that?”

It was obviously a rhetorical question, but it was one that had you sputtering for a response. Peter simply beamed down at you and that made your blood roar in your ears. You stopped squirming and simply let him carry you, though your brain was racing.

When Peter’s foot slipped on a step, however, you found yourself clutching his neck in shock. He caught himself easily and had even squeezed you closer to his chest, but the temporary shift had you spooked. As you opened your eyes, you saw him gazing down at you with an unreadable gleam in his eyes.

After a few moments, Peter cleared his throat and muttered out an apology before continuing up the stairs.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x plus size reader #peter parker x insecure!reader #spider-man x reader #spider-man x plus size reader #artist peter parker au #commission for confidence #please tell me what you think i am desperate for validation

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angrylizardjacket · 6 years ago

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eyes on the horizon {Ben Hardy/Reader/Roger Taylor}

Summary: The reader’s pregnant; she knows she has to tell Ben and Roger eventually.

A/N: 1447 words. Discussions of the concept of pregnancy and pregnant!reader. (pokemon kids voice) What’s That Genre?! It’s [redacted].maybe fluff idk, a little drama, a little angst, have fun?? i lost the original prompt. i also have a few more ideas for pieces surrounding this (including an angst one which im a bit obsessed with omg) i’m also not too crash hot on the quality of this one so feedback would be appreciated!

From the moment you find out, you feel like you can hear a clock ticking. Perhaps it’s counting down; counting down as you wait in line at the drug store checkout after waking up nauseous for the fifth day in a row; counting down the two minutes you have to wait for that infuriating little piece of plastic to give you potentially life changing results. Roger complains sometimes about the world being too fast nowadays, too efficient, and the two minutes is up and a second blue plastic line appears, winding you though you’d been expecting it, you think, in some strange way, he might be right. Most likely, you think, it’s counting the seconds until you’re pretty sure your world’s going to change forever, and you might just lose two of the people you care most about.

The clock ticks loudest when you’re with them, when you’re watching Netflix together and Roger’s draped himself across both of you and you’re running your fingers through his hair. He smiles up at you, booping your nose as the next episode loads, and your answering smile is tight. The show’s theme song is playing before he can really worry about it.

It ticks when you’re sitting across from Ben at the table, and you’re both still in your pyjamas, he’s eating a banana and you’re nursing a coffee, and he catches you looking through him, rather than looking at him, focused on your own thoughts. He asks you what’s wrong, confused, even a little concerned; you’d been acting weird for almost a week now and he hadn’t wanted to push but-

But ‘it’s nothing, I’m fine’ comes more easily to you than the truth.

He leaves for his set, and you leave for yours, and Roger’s still asleep but there’s a fifty-fifty chance he’ll show up at around lunch at either one of your shoots, but part of you hopes he’ll spend the day with Ben if he does.

Things are going so well right now, and it’s the only thought in your mind when you’re waiting for your name to be called by the barista currently making the director’s coffee order. The rush of steam, the clinking of mugs, and the chatter of patrons makes a beat in your mind to the ticking only you can hear. You tap your foot in time to it, trying to talk yourself out of the conversation you knew you were going to have soon.

They both know you’re sick in the mornings, that nausea sometimes just hits you out of nowhere, that you definitely shouldn’t be working, but you’re claiming illness for the first part, quarantining yourself to the sofa, and it helps that your anxiety eases if they’re avoiding you just a little, to stay healthy; you claim capitalism as to why you keep working.

When you lie, tell them that you’re feeling better, that you’re getting over whatever was ailing you, Ben suggests a weekend away, away from the flat, away from the paparazzi, just away, another town for three days. Though of course hesitant, you can’t say no to him.

And you’d always favoured long car rides for uncomfortable conversations. You’re pretty sure it’s because the driver can’t look at you for too long, it makes you less anxious.

“So, hypothetically,” you began, worrying your bottom lip as you fix your gaze on the lights of the highway passing you by. Everyone’s a little tired, a little tense; it’s been a long week since you’d taken those three different pregnancy tests in the bathroom of the mall. By now, both men were well aware there was something you weren’t telling them.

“Hypothetically,” though it’s technically an agreement, you can tell Ben’s already unconvinced. By Roger’s hum alone you can hear his scepticism. After a moment of silence, apart from the hum of the car, you realise the ticking’s stopped; now or never.

“Do you guys, like, think about the future?” You ask, carefully casual; to no-one’s surprise, Roger’s the first to chime in.

“Obviously; I’m living some science-fiction fantasy, love, this is the future.” He snorted, but he just seemed amused more than anything, still unsure about how this led back to your mood from earlier.

“I don’t think that’s what she meant.” Ben said quietly, and you made a noise of agreement in the back of your throat. “About... about our future?” Ben’s watching the road, but his gaze on the steering wheel is white-knuckled; he’s already jumped to a million different conclusions, all of them leading to you breaking up with them in this car on this highway.

“The three of us.” You agreed easily, fidgeting and looking out the window.

“I figured we’d just see where it leads; why worry?” Roger says, surprisingly flippant, though he too seems to be slightly on edge, drawing similar conclusions to Ben. Which, at the time, you didn’t realise, far too stuck in your own head to notice their own anxieties.

“Well what if we had to?” You begin, but your eyes widen as you think about what you’d just said, how it sounded, and you finally read the atmosphere; “not worry, not really, just think about the future, that is.”

“You know we love you, right?” Ben’s voice is surprisingly soft, even a little desperate. Something about it, however, eases that quiet anxiety in your chest that you had been trying to ignore.

“Do you guys think about our future?” You ask, and in the silence that follows, Ben pulls off to the side of the road. When the car comes to a stop the three of you are plunged into almost total silence, and somehow this is the single most claustrophobic moment of your life. “I do. I have to.” You admit, and your next words are spoken softly; “I’m pregnant.”

It seems you’ve broken both of them; Ben looks winded and Roger just keeps blinking, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“You sure?” He finally asks. There’s that fear in your heart again, that anxiety, and tears in your eyes as you refuse to look at them, nodding quickly. You’d been so fucking afraid that they’d react badly, and you can feel your heart shattering just a little more-

“Holy shit are we gonna be parents?” Ben’s a little breathless, and sounds absolutely delighted at the prospect. “Like seriously, this isn’t a joke or anything, is it?”

“Does it sound like a damn joke?” You snap, reeling from the whiplash of the reactions, but when you look at them, both boys are practically bursting at the seams with excitement. Roger practically launching himself over the centre console to hug you, and when he finally wiggles his whole way through and is sitting with you in the back, you’re shaking, wrapped up with him, pressing your lips to his shoulder. It takes you feeling cool air on your back to realise Ben’s gotten out of the driver’s seat to join the two of you. He’s laughing, almost disbelieving, and he kisses Roger’s cheek before wrapping his arms around your stomach, solid and reassuring at your back.

“Holy shit.” Ben murmurs, and you feel Roger laugh. It makes you smile, makes you feel safe in ways you hadn’t realised you’d needed.

“I know!” He crowed, giving you a little squeeze, and it’s enough to snap you out of your shock to let out a giggle. “God, we’ve gotta think about so much- why are their heads so soft?” Roger squints as he babbles, mostly coherent, still hugging you, his arms trapped between you and Ben where the other blonde refuses to let either of you go.

“That’s the first question you have?” Ben asks, and Roger hums thoughtfully, before immediately voicing his next thought.

“No; do we know which of us is the official dad?” He’s blunt about it, and despite the situation, the topic, and your very arrangement, you find yourself blushing as you finally sit up and admit that you don’t. After a beat of awkwardness, Ben rests his chin on your shoulder, the two of you watching Roger as he considered the situation.

“Does it matter?” He asked, and Roger’s face split into a grin.

“Not really.”

Of course there’s so much to discuss; a movie star, a time-travelling drummer, and a personal assistant? There’s a lot that needs to be worked out, to be considered and talked about between the three of you, and you know it’s going to be hard, that it’s going to take work. You’re willing to put in that work. You’re all willing to put in that work. But for tonight, the three of you are content to celebrate; the future can wait a little while longer.

#ben hardy #roger taylor #ben hardy imagine #roger taylor imagine #ben hardy x reader #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy x reader x roger taylor #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #borhap imagine #borhap cast #borhap cast imagine #the angry lizard writes

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anorakofavalon · 6 years ago

Text

Another Way

Reveal AU -- 3x02 -- The Tears of Uther Pendgragon Part 2

Merlin x Morgana

My little twist on it is where the reveal took place. I tried to seek a very terribly timed but still somewhat thematically appropriate place to place a reveal, and I decided on early-to-mid season 3. Because here Morgana is definitely edgier and a little more evil, but still has the potential for good. Idk, I think it’s an interesting line to walk. I hope you enjoy! I might make a couple more based off of this one if the response is good :)

“I thought… because she has magic, I thought we were the same”

“In some ways you are.”

“No. I will never be like her.”

“You have learnt an important lesson, Merlin. Your determination to see goodness in people will be your undoing. But I fear that your futures are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love.”

He felt the darkness course through the roots, the very foundations of Camelot. It spread its way through the Earth, the soil of the city, and up through his body. His head lashed back of its own accord. It clawed up the walls, rumbling in its wake, and then the towers. He felt it reach the sky and thunder roared.

Merlin grimaced and began to run. The dead had risen, and he knew very well who did it.

~{(0)}~

He turned a corner, taking his pained breathing as yet further inspiration to get to his destination quickly. Every footfall took more from his reserves than any spell ever did.

“There are times, Merlin, when you display a sort of... I don't know what it is. I don't want to say... it's not wisdom. But, yes. That's what it is.”

It was a tad bit ironic, given what he was about to do. Arthur wouldn’t be all too happy, probably. But still... He flung his arm out and pulverized a skeleton, and another when it moved to block his path. He took a distinct, twisted pleasure in launching one out of a window. He would have to apologize to Arthur’s ancestors later.

“I don't have time. I need to get back to Camelot. The kingdom is in danger and...it's my fault. I should've listened to you. Should never have trusted Morgana.”

“You did what you felt was right, and that shows great courage, but trust is a double edged sword.”

He stood before the entrance to the catacombs. The gates were flung open, shredded by a force he knew to be magic. It lingered in the air, thick as the darkness he descended into. Merlin’s eyes were golden as he calmly took the steps down. There were skeletons hidden in the darkness but he did not bother with his hands. His magic tore them apart as he passed them.

There was light as he reached the bottom. It was unearthly, pale, a shadow of the sun’s own rays. The magic was putrid and foul and older than Kilgharrah himself. Merlin unsheathed his blade, useless as it would be. His steps were quiet as he turned the corner and saw her standing there. She was bathed in the light of shadows, a vision of twisted beauty. He knew whose fault that was.

He noted the wooden staff in the center of the room, from which the light had been birthed. Its form was as twisted as Morgana’s smile when her head turned to him. He knew from her eyes that she was beginning to comprehend just how significant he was, in the scheme of things. She was beginning to comprehend that he would never stop trying to stop her. She would be right.

Still, her old confidence hadn’t left her, warped as it had begun to become. “You should leave, while you still can.”

The castle rumbled in distress. Lightning’s light striking at the illumination of the moon. Brighter, angrier, more vicious. He thought, briefly, of Nimueh. Was he the lightning? Or was Morgana? Was she the moon and he the sky? The sky thundered, and his heart did too.

“Morgana, please. I beg you. Women and children are dying. The city will fall.”

She didn’t falter much. “Good.”

Merlin wanted to huff, but that would hardly make things better. She was bluffing and he knew it. But still, his voice wavered. “No, you don’t mean that.”

She faltered then. “I have magic, Merlin. Uther hates me and everyone like me. Why should I feel any differently about him?”

It was strange that she was seeking validation from him, pleading in her own way. Not that she knew what that was like. Morgana had never had to beg for a thing in her life.

“You of all people could change Uther’s mind, but doing this? Using magic like this will only harden his heart.”

Her eyes narrowed in frustration. “You don’t have magic, Merlin. How could you even hope to understand?”

And there it was, the moment of truth. She would hate him, if he told her the truth. If she didn’t already. Merlin wondered if she had truly forgiven him for poisoning her. Did she understand? Would she have done the same? He couldn’t bring himself to tell her. Kilgharrah and Gaius weighed heavily on his mind. She would tell Uther, or worse still, Arthur.

“I do understand, believe me. If I had your gifts, I would harness them for good. That’s what magic should be for. That’s why you were born with these powers.”

She could scream in frustration, he could tell. He probably could scream in frustration too, but she couldn’t tell. He had been wearing a mask for longer.

She fumed. “You don’t know what it’s like to be an outsider. To be ashamed of how you were born, to have to hide who you are. Do you think I deserve to be executed because of who I am?”

His first memories were of being caressed and cuddled and coddled by his mother Hunith. She was a sweet woman who worked hard and gave him everything she could. His second memories were of his delight when he could summon toys to his hand, when he made candles glow. His third memories were of being called a bastard and not knowing what it meant, except that it made his mother cry.

He remembered being called a demon child. The other children told him he was born in a lightning storm, that he was evil. And when he cried, when he wailed because the things they said hurt, the skies would darken, and rain would fall, and the other children would run to their own families. And lightning would hammer the earth.

They got bolder as they got older though, and Merlin meeker. They would hurt him. They’d push him, punch him. They would throw things at him, too. Sometimes they made him bleed and he wanted nothing more than to hurt them in return but he wouldn’t. Because he was desperate to prove that he wasn’t a monster. He was just a normal boy.

But he wasn’t and he never would be. And he hid his magic, as best he could. But it was never enough. It always slipped from his tight, white-knuckled grasp. It struck out when he most desperately wished that it wouldn’t. And everytime the villagers became more suspicious. Not just resentful of him, but his own mother as well, for spawning a demon.

And his only reprieve from that pain had been Will, who joked him through it. Who took the blame for some of the mischief that Merlin’s magic caused. Will never treated him differently. He never lied to Merlin. Will had died for Merlin. If Merlin didn’t have a friend like Will, who risked a lot and risked it often for his sake, then Merlin would never have made it to Camelot.

Morgana never had that. He could have been that, but he was afraid. He was a coward, Merlin knew as much. Will wouldn’t have poisoned his friend. He would have found another way. But Merlin didn’t. He betrayed Morgana when she had put her entire life in his hand, and he crushed it.

The rumbling brought his attention back. Her eyes were studying his own. Her pupils were dilated and searching him for the truth. For once in his life, the truth. He would give it to her.

His voice cracked. “No, Morgana, you don’t deserve to be executed for who you are. No one does.”

Her eyes widened slightly. He had caught her completely off guard. She had expected him to condemn her for having magic. Is that what he had become?

He continued. “But it doesn’t have to be like this.” He stepped closer. “We can find another way.”

They stared at each other for a moment. For one brief second, a minute, a breath, they hoped that what he said was true.

“There is no other way.” Her voice was soft, but heavy with conviction.

He nodded at her words, and stepped back. She knew he wouldn’t give up. He made a move for the rowan staff, just to get her on the defensive. She had a sword raised quickly, and he did as well. He tapped his blade to hers and the fighting began. It was a bit of a performance on both their parts. He wasn’t aiming to harm her, and for some reason she wasn’t either.

Merlin smirked a little bit. “What are you going to do? Kill me?”

Morgana got a little competitive, but she was amused. “You don’t think I can?”

They struck at each other strongly, but not as strong as either of them should have. The crack of thunder outside dispelled any of Morgana’s hesitations or distractions. She struck her first true blow, and he blocked it. They weren’t playing anymore.

He went on the offensive, striking at her head from above, she blocked it and took advantage of his close proximity. She twisted her body around and moved to strike at his abdomen. Merlin jumped back, but the tip cut at his shirt and grazed his skin.

Morgana showed surprise. “You’ve gotten handy with a sword since I’ve been gone, Merlin.”

He pointed at the cut. “Not handy enough.”

She grinned despite herself. But not for long. She tacked on a little grimace and decided to bite at him. “Awfully good with poison though, I’ll tell you that.”

His face flickered as if she had struck him with the sword. It was the worst possible time for a conversation. The castle was under siege, Arthur could have been hurt. But Merlin felt it in his heart.

He dropped his sword. “I didn’t want to. You were my friend. You are still my friend, Morgana.”

She gaped at his dropped sword. He was clearly full of surprises. But she wouldn’t allow him the chance to blindside her. “So what happened Merlin? Couldn’t find another way? Or maybe you just wanted me to die because I had magic.”

He frowned. “Is that what you think of me, Morgana?”

“It’s what you’ve shown to me. Friend.”

She moved forward with her blade aimed at his throat. He didn’t move.

“If you’re going to kill me, make it quick.”

She was puzzled once more, but she didn’t show it this time.

“Why should I?”

The blade was touching his skin now.

“Because if you don’t I will stop you.”

“And just how do you plan on doing that, Merlin? You’re useless even with a sword.”

She was baiting Merlin, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. He nudged the blade away from his throat and began to move forward.

“Because I do know what it’s like to be an outsider. I do know what it’s like to be ashamed of how I was born. And I already do have to hide who I am every day. Every. Single. Day.”

He was a step away from her, and she was looking up at him, startled but entranced by the way he spoke. This was no serving boy speaking.

“I can’t let anybody else get hurt Morgana. I’m a protector. I protected you too, once. I’m sorry that you made me hurt you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good friend to you. But I can’t let this go on.”

She moved to stab him but he knocked her away with a flash of his eyes. Not very much, not very hard, but enough that she was at a safe distance.

Her eyes didn’t turn gold in return. She was as stuck in place as the staff in the center of the room, staring at him. The room felt different. The magic shifted, and the torches became lit all at once, contrasting the pale light of the moon with a fiery hue. Merlin stood straighter, as if he was at last being honest with himself, admitting to a heritage older than time.

He locked a look with her, and gave her a moment to sear the gold of his eyes in her memory for all of time. He reached towards the rowan staff from where he stood, and pulled it towards him with magic. It flew to him with little hesitation, as if it had always been his servant. He took it in his hands firmly, and something gave in the atmosphere. The dark magic bristled, afraid of what was to come, but powerless to do anything about it, like Morgana herself.

Merlin raised a knee and slammed the staff to it, and with a spark, he tore it in half. Morgana recalled the sheer power of the staff. When Morgause gave it to her it hummed in her hands, prickling at where she held it like a thousand needles.

“I’m not powerful enough to wield this, Morgause.”

“Do not worry my dear, that staff was crafted from the Rowan tree in the center of the Isle of the Blessed. It carries its own power. None have laid eyes on it except for our kind, the High Priestesses, and the blood god that planted it.”

Her disbelief was immense as the darkness receded from the sky. She and he both felt it retreat from the towers and the walls of the castle. They felt it abandon the undead it had summoned. They felt it rush down through the soiled soil and into the catacombs, to attack Merlin.

Wind rushed through, the only sign of the physical manifestation of the evil Morgana had summoned. And yet, somehow, Merlin stood calmly in the center, and with his glowing eyes silenced it once and for all, without moving or flinching.

It was dreadfully quiet, and Morgana hated it because she was certain that even he could hear her heart pumping. Could sense her fear. And still his eyes were glowing, as if mocking her and apologizing all at once. As he stood before her, the flames of the torches framing his figure, she wondered if he had planted the rowan tree himself.

But her awe at his power was short-lived as the gold receded from his eyes and he looked more like Merlin and less like Death. When he stared at her with those insufferably blue eyes, when he moved to help her up, only then could she bring herself to burn with the anger that she was feeling.

Merlin had magic.

Merlin had magic, and he killed her.

She trusted him, and he did not trust her. The betrayal pulled at her throat more than the hemlock ever could have.

Her eyes water and she stood up, still holding the sword at him. It was useless of course, they both knew it. Even her magic would have been useless. But she held it up against him anyways.

“How many?” She demanded. Her voice was raw with anger. “How many of our kin did you betray? How many have you sacrificed to Uther’s hatred Merlin?”

Merlin flinched. “Just you.”

That had hurt her in ways she was not prepared for.

“How many have you killed for his sake?”

“Too many Morgana. But not for Uther’s sake. Never for Uther’s sake.”

“Then for who? Arthur?”

Merlin nodded. “He is destined to bring magic back to Camelot, Morgana. I have to protect him. He’s my friend.”

She reeled. “So was I.”

Merlin couldn’t respond to that. His heart was thudding in his chest. His throat was constricted. This was a terrible idea, but Morgana had to know.

“You’re a monster Merlin.”

His face crumpled. “I didn’t want to poison you, Morgana.”

“That’s not what this is about Merlin!” She screamed. “You knew. You knew I had magic. You could have helped me and you-you...” She glared at him. “You pawned me off for the druids to deal with. And you got them all killed. You did that Merlin. That was you. I’ve lived with it for years but it was never my guilt to hold.”

She was up close and personal now, pounding her fist on his chest with every accusation.

He let her. What she said was nothing new. “Yes, Morgana. I’ve done terrible things, I know that. But I’m trying. I’m trying really hard to change things.”

He could feel the heat of her tears as they dripped down her face. “How could you do this, Merlin?”

She stared at him, desperate for an answer for the sake of her own sanity.

“I-” Merlin did not like how he was at a loss for words. Arthur and the knights were probably still fighting. He decided he needed to sit.

He moved towards one of the tombs and sat on it, his hands clasped together. Her eyes followed him, brows knit together.

“I would say...” he began carefully, “that it wasn’t my choice. But that’s not true. It has been my choice.”

She began to open her mouth to say something but Merlin cut her off. “I’m not talking about poisoning you Morgana. I really did have no choice then. If I didn’t do it, Morgause wouldn’t have stopped the siege of the city.”

She offered nothing to that, which he supposed was a sort of permission to continue.

“I have been able to do magic since I was a baby. I did magic while still in a cradle. I could make things fly, or light up candles.”

Tears had stopped streaming down her face, and now she was listening. Guarded, but curious. If anyone deserved an explanation it was her.

“I was always told that I was a monster, Morgana. You’re just another person in a long line of people. I had to leave Ealdor when I was nineteen because if I didn’t, bad things would happen...” He let that hang in the air. “My mother sent me to Gaius. He’s her uncle, and a good friend. She sent me here to Camelot because I needed to learn to control my magic and nobody else could teach me. Let alone in Ealdor.”

He thought, for a moment, that her eyes softened. Her face resolved to neutrality soon enough.

He tapped the tomb with his fingers. “When I stepped through the gates the first person I met was Gwen. She was so kind. As we entered the citadel, do you know what the first thing I saw was Morgana? I saw you, looking down at the execution of Thomas Collins. For having magic.”

He huffed. “I came from a place where having magic made me a demon, and waltzed into the heart of a kingdom where having magic made me a dead man instead. Gaius told me as much. I saved his life with magic, and the very first thing he did was tell me off.”

Merlin laughed to himself. “He still does that. But he’s not the only one… On my first night, a voice called my name. I went down to the caverns and I met a dragon.”

She gasped, her first reaction. “It was you, you released the dragon while I was away. Gwen told me about it.”

Merlin nodded. “That was a mistake.” He looked at her intently. “One of very many of my mistakes, Morgana. But that first night he told me I was destined to bring magic back to the land. But he told me I could only do it through Arthur. If I was to fulfill my destiny, I needed to protect Arthur.”

He sighed. “And so I did. Not only because it was my destiny, but because Arthur became a friend. And despite everything, sometime I see him and I just know that… he is the king we’ve been waiting for.”

“He’s Uther’s son, Merlin.” Morgana snapped.

“He’s much more than that Morgana. And you know it.”

She changed the pace. “And what else did the lizard happen to say?”

Merlin quirked a quick smirk at hearing Kilgharrah called a lizard, but he answered her. “He answered my questions mostly, and sometimes he warned me about things… and he was wrong.”

Morgana watched him warily. “Like not telling me about my magic. That was his directive, I presume?”

“No.” Merlin said. “His directive was for me to kill you. Or to let you die.”

Her mouth opened at that but she didn’t say anything.

“He told me, Morgana, that you were destined for darkness. I told him you had a good heart.”

Merlin stood up and approached her. She didn’t move. “It wasn’t only until you began to meet with Morgause that I suspected maybe he wasn’t wrong.”

Morgana glared at him. “Oh? I’m the evil one? It seems to me that I was just making your job easier. By killing Uther, Arthur could be king.”

Merlin shook his head. “If you killed Uther, Morgana, if you did it with magic… Arthur would never accept it. He would become just like his father. Arthur has made great strides but he’s not ready to become king yet.”

“So you’re just going to wait until Uther dies of old age? You’re going to let our people suffer for that long in order to preserve Arthur’s innocence? I thought you were a coward but it turns out you were just a fool. You went to a dragon for advice and listened. Like a puppy.”

“I listened to you, too,” he shrugged “whenever you had a vision, I acted on it.”

She was brought up short for a moment but brought it around to the offensive. “And yet you couldn’t tell me about your magic.”

“Don’t you think I wanted to Morgana?”

“Clearly not all that much if the fact that it took me raising an army of the undead is any indication.”

Merlin groaned. “Morgana I’ve been alone all of my life. Nobody to tell my secret to. Nobody to share myself with. I had Will, and my mother before, but they didn’t have magic they couldn’t understand. Gaius doesn’t practice anymore. And anybody else just...died. For my sake. Or because of a curse. Or because I had to stop them from hurting Arthur.”

He looked up at her. “But then there you were with your visions. I suspected, I hoped, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe. Until that night that you told me what you suspected. And suddenly I didn’t feel so alone anymore. Because you were my friend Morgana. You risked your life going to Ealdor to fight for me, a servant. And you had magic.”

There wasn’t any particular emotion on Morgana’s face, except for perhaps the shadow of a smile that flickered on her lips as she recalled the day she went to Ealdor.

“I wanted to tell you so badly, but… Well, my excuse was, is, that all my life I had been told not to tell anyone. Since I was a small child. I have always lived in fear. It’s...it’s not an easy thing to admit for me. And you’re the king’s ward, Morgana. Add that to the fact that the dragon insisted you were evil and I...”

He motioned to her. “I failed as a friend, and I chose not to tell you. And I’m sorry. But I’m telling you now. You’re the first person from Camelot I’ve willingly told.”

She stared at him evenly for a few moments. “So what now, Merlin? I can’t stop. I’m too far gone. And I don’t think you will stop protecting Arthur either.”

“No.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Why would you tell me this?”

“Because you deserve it, Morgana. You’re still good. You trusted me and I hurt you. So now I’m trusting you.”

“You’re an idiot Merlin.” She bit. “If I tell Arthur, you will be executed or exiled. Do you think he will forgive you? You just gave me the key to winning Camelot. What will she do without its protector?”

“Arthur wouldn’t kill me. He would be hurt that I haven’t told him. Conflicted. But he wouldn’t kill me. Just know, Camelot will always have my protection.”

Morgana bristled, working herself up again. “What has this kingdom done for you that I haven’t? Why do they deserve your help anymore than I do?”

Merlin didn’t answer her question, choosing to answer the unaired one instead. “I told you about my magic because we could find another way, Morgana. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

She sheathed her sword. “They’ll be looking for me.”

Merlin nodded.

They assessed one another until Merlin spoke.”Will you tell Morgause?”

“I don’t know.” Morgana said.

Merlin nodded, and decided to grin, despite his rapidly beating heart. “Just remember, if Arthur banishes me, there will be no one to help him put on his night shift or keep his figure trim. The last time I was gone for more than twenty four hours he couldn’t even find his sock drawer.”

Morgana stared at him incredulously as he suddenly disappeared, taking the torchlight with him. She almost couldn’t help the giggle that came out of her mouth. She was horrified and confused, and very much in need of a nap. But she did wonder just how much Merlin had given up for Camelot. What was his play? Why would he tell her about his magic?

Arthur burst into the catacombs in a panic with wild eyes, and she startled. When he saw her the relief on his face was somewhat… heartwarming.

“Morgana! You’re safe!” His eyes wandered around the room and landed on the rowan staff. Her heart leapt up in panic, but he came to a different assumption than what she feared. “Did… did you stop the undead? With… that?” His eyes went to her sword.

She couldn’t help but smirk a little. “Is it so surprising? I used to beat you in fights all the time when we were younger.”

He shook his head disbelievingly. “Okay, uh, we have to tell father about this.”

She nodded, clenching her jaw.

Arthur began to turn around towards the stairs but stopped and said something unexpected. “Morgana? Good job. I’m glad to have you back.”

Her face made a humble smile, and she felt a small rush of affection for her brother. “I’m glad to be back.”

Arthur cleared his throat. “Right, well, you wouldn’t have happened to have seen my idiot manservant would you? He’s always in the most unlikely of places after these sorts of things. Wouldn’t have been surprised if he had tripped his way down here.”

Morgana froze a little. She could have told him then and there Merlin’s secret. Even blamed the staff on him. But she couldn’t. Not yet. She had to strategize.

She laughed. “Not that I noticed.”

They began to head up the stairs. Morgana knew only one thing. She would be sharing some more words with Merlin.

For better or worse, this was far from over. But maybe… maybe they could find another way.

#mergana #merlin x morgana #bbcmerlin #katie mcgrath #merlin #colin morgan

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yaz-the-spaz · 6 years ago

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Hello! Just a quick question about bearding, why do we hate the beards so much? (;Gigi, Perrie, Taylor) (the famous ones that is) if we think that our boys don’t have a choice, then the girls don’t either, right?

why do people hate the “beards”? i get they hate that our boys are closeted, but i don’t get why they hate Eleanor or Gigi or Sophia (at the time). if there’s someone to hate is mngmt and s*mon. the girls are just doing a job and it’s not like they’re having the time of their lives. like, they’re “with” someone who love someone else. they can’t have a public relationship either. i think it’s awful for both of them:( i hope it ends soon.

lumping these together cause i’m assuming they’re from the same person since they appear to be asking basically the same thing in slightly different words, also sorry for taking so long to answer nonnie but honestly the thought of answering these just left me so exhausted, like this was literally me when i saw these asks

just because this is something that’s been discussed and re-discussed and re-re-discussed so much in this fandom and there’s so much information on it easily available at this point i almost feel like i shouldn’t have to explain it at all but nevertheless i will weather the storm and attempt to help you understand so here we go…

first off, while i agree with you that a lot of the blame that falls on the beards as individuals is undue—since at least for those that already had established careers in the entertainment industry there was likely at least some degree of coercion and contractual obligation from their respective teams as well just like for the boys and they’re likely not personally responsible for most of the stunts and bs narratives as much as it is their teams pulling the strings in their favor (though often heavily in the girls’ favors at the expense of the boys but that’s a whole separate point)—that doesn’t excuse the fact that they willingly agreed to partake in bearding and closeting. and before anyone chimes in with ‘well they night not have known they were helping to closet/beard someone’ let me stop you right there cause puh-lease. it’s 2018. the number of rumors piled up at this point about zayn/liam/louis/harry’s sexualities that the general public alone knows about is ridiculous all its own, and probably astronomical when you consider what those in the actual industry probably know/have heard by now. it’s not a secret. people in the industry know and they’ve all been soft outed publicly by others in the industry at least once (if not multiple times) at this point. so while the idea that these girls are coming into things blind and naive as a baby deer and have no idea what they’re getting into may have flown in 2011 it’s about as sturdy as sand now and has been since about 2012 (when the first gay rumors about louis, harry, and zayn started to fly).

i’m not gonna get much into perrie because i feel like she’s a separate case since she came from virtually the same machine as the boys but the other famous beards i don’t feel like deserve the same pass as the chances are higher that they still had at least some degree of choice in who they decided to date for pr. i could be very wrong but from what i’ve read and learned from those in the fandom that work in the industry that have talked about this, higher-profile celebs (like taylor and gigi) often get their pick of potential pr boyfriends from a list of candidates curated by their teams and/or have some sort of sway or say into who they’d prefer. and still they specifically (and repeatedly) chose queer men (or at least men widely believed to be queer, leading them both to now come to be seen by many as serial bearders).

those that came into it without established careers of course are a different ballgame because not only did they willingly agree to help closet and beard but they did so at the expense of the boys’, essentially using them as a stepping stone to climb the ladder of fame and success. eleanor might have gotten a pass back in 2011 when she popped onto the scene wide-eyed and bushy-tailed with probably no real idea of what she was getting into and no projects on the horizon to promote, but you can’t argue that she didn’t know exactly what she was getting into when she out of the blue re-upped her contract and came back on the scene in 2016 with a budding modeling career (with connections to gigi no less) and a renewed social media presence and her and louis suddenly started going everywhere looking like walking billboards, promoing every single high fashion company in existence. and pretty much all the “normal” non-famous 1d beards have followed this same/similar trajectory too. it goes: start off getting marketed as just a student and a “regular” girl who’s oh so private and not looking for fame or to be in the spotlight, then flash forward a couple years or a couple months post-break-up and suddenly they’re all models on the come-up with a 1d-launched following on social media, promoting their next shoot or fashion line or what-have-you.

if you see nothing wrong with any of that i can’t help you…

9 times out of 10 they’ve also turned out to be extremely gross people and this is actually the main reason most people hate them. not just because of the bearding but mainly because of the awful shit they’ve done all by themselves. the bearding is gross on its own sure but i think a fair amount of people these days recognize that—for some of them at least—not all of the blame for the bearding can be put on them individually and we’re not out to just blindly hate them for bearding alone like many fans were wont to do in the days of yesteryear because i think most of us understand by now that they’re people who can be just as manipulated into bullshit by those running things in the industry as the boys have. but whether they were coerced into bearding or not that doesn’t excuse many of their own disgusting behavior on a number of occasions. you can check some of the posts in my gigi, cheryl, danielle, and eleanor tags and the google webs for more concrete and exhaustive deets on the shit some of them have done but for the moment i’m just gonna list the biggest ones/and or the ones i can recall most easily off the top of my head

-gigi - involved in a bunch of racist shit (including borderline blackface, tasteless immigrant campaigns insinuating immigrants are literal aliens, and appropriating black hairstyles like afros and dreadlocks) which admittedly some of the blame for can be put on her team more so than her but still she’s not a puppet, she has a voice and some say in what she agrees to do and she fully could have turned the projects down if she saw anything wrong in it or at least apologized after the fact for participating in it and tried to make an effort not to participate in stuff like that again or to acknowledge why it was wrong (a la katy perry) and yet she continued to be involved in the same kind of shit over and over, but that also doesn’t excuse the shit she did all on her own when she made fun of asians for their features and never apologized for it and then when she got forced out of the Victoria Secret show in China b/c of all the backlash from Chinese people on sm she basically whined about it to her fans (in dm’s no less lmao wtf) and still didn’t actually apologize or admit she did anything wrong

-perrie* - called zayn a freak on-camera in an interview and basically insinuated that introverts and/or people who prefer to deal with their emotions in solitude or like to take time to be alone are weirdos

cheryl - showed her ass to be a transphobe and also a racist to the point of literal physical violence inflicted on a black woman, and also was accused of domestic violence, managed to avoid jail time for it all and basically bury it in the press, and is just an all-around gross person

danielle - cheated on liam multiple times with multiple guys, treated liam like shit, weaseled her way back into a contract for payzer 2.0 by threatening to out ziam unless mgmt brought her back on, came back out of nowhere this past year and essentially tried to use liam for publicity again (once more by nearly soft-outing ziam)

eleanor - went all the way to india to stage a fake indian wedding with her (all-white) friends complete with traditional indian dress and jewelry and insinuating something about indians being like dogs or something like that idk i can’t remember the particulars rn but i just remember it was gross and racist and that’s really all you need to know (although i also wouldn’t be surprised if she’s pulled some other racist shit i don’t even know about)

eta: i completely forgot about camille or that she even existed lol but she’s an absolute trash human being and here’s a whole thread on why (big thanks and shout out to @achristmasmuke for the link)

as far as i can tell sophia and danielle c. (louis’ danielle, not liam’s) seem to have been the least problematic of all the beards…that we know of anyway (though that’s honestly probably mostly b/c they were perhaps the most low-key and dry of all the beards which imo is a good thing though i wouldn’t completely rule out some shit from them coming to light at some point too…maybe it has and i just don’t know about it idk but i digress)

anyway if after all that if you still don’t see anything wrong i really can’t help you, but hopefully this at least helped you understand at least somewhat better why so many people can’t stand most of them, outside of just the bearding stuff.

tl;dr - while i agree that the beards don’t necessarily deserve all the personal blame and hate they get for the bearding and the stunts, that doesn’t excuse all the other gross (racist/transphobic/violent/or just generally insulting) things they’ve done all by themselves which is actually more so what people these days hate them for besides the bearding

(*as for perrie, i purposefully left out the point about her calling zayn indian that a lot of ppl in this fandom like to use for fodder against her b/c that was print perrie and i don’t believe a word of what was said in that article actually came out of her own mouth b/c the whole thing was “her” gushing about the wedding and every single time she was asked about it irl she was about as uninterested and unenthusiastic in talking about the wedding/engagement [or giving any details at all] as zayn was imo)

#asks #anons #beards #bearding #also apparently this unintentionally turned out to be another one of my #masterposts #whoops #but also #can’t believe things like this are still getting asked in the year of our lord 2018 #how many times have posts gone around enumerating all the gross things the beards have done #and how is it so hard to understand that most of these girls (esp the non-celebs ones) are willingly signing up to participate in closeting #*in closeting/bearding in exchange for a career boost #and that even the already-famous beards could have advocated for fake-dating literally any other (actually straight) high profile male cele #out of what was probably a veritable list of options they were given #but instead agreed to go with the queer ones and participate in closeting #yes to some degree it’s still not a nice experience for the girls too #but that in no way excuses everything else wrong with what they agreed to #or the shit they’ve done all on their own

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rorykillmore · 6 years ago

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ok haha relevant to ur field: top 10 tv episodes of all time?

i finally sat down and tried to do this and it’s taken me all of like, an entire evening, and i’m STILL not sure i haven’t forgotten something,

that being said i tried to the best of my ability, and also big disclaimer: some of my favorite shows are just straight up not on this list. determining my favorite shows overall would be MUCH different than determining my favorite individual, stand alone episodes of something. and with that being said...

(also i gave up trying to number-rank them. they are maybe like, ROUGHLY ranked, but i could flip flop a lot of them especially towards the middle so like, whatever)

lost - “the constant”

there are so many good, defining episodes of lost that it was kind of hard to pick one but... for me this was a good example i could think of that summed up the show at the height of like. how weird it could be and how emotional it could be. it also may be one of the best stand-alone episodes of the show objectively, i think. for those who are familiar but can’t remember, this is the one where desmond is kind of jumping around through time and the one with That phone call between him and penny at the end (which frankly should earn it a spot on this list by itself). okay i rewatched that and made myself cry so we’re off to a great fucking start!

hannibal - “mizumono”

mizumono is honestly one of the most like... perfect culminations of disaster i’ve ever seen. and i mean that in a good way!, but really, it brings seasons worth of tension to a head with near-flawless execution, it’s one of the most beautifully and artistically shot episodes of an already beautiful and artistic show, and the last fifteen minutes are like... kind of beyond description. i honestly have yet to see a season finale that’s as brutal to like, its ENTIRE MAIN CAST, and because of the impact it had at the time i felt like i had to put it on here.

true detective - “form and void”

the first season of true detective as a whole was honestly incredibly influential to like... the modern tv landscape we have today and how highly regarded television as a whole has become. it’s really important and really worth seeing. the finale, “form and void”, is if i recall correctly perhaps a little divisive because of how the mystery ultimately ended up being solved (i won’t give spoilers) but it was beautiful and surreal and creepy and for me, just the right amount of satisfying. actually for me, i’m not gonna lie, it was... and still is, very important to me personally. specifically in regards to the culmination of rust cohle’s character arc and the hopeful, compassionate note it ended on. rust was essentially a deconstruction of the “bitter edgy nihilistic main character” trope, much of his characterization was about how that mentality just ate away at him, but he found this essential moment of peace in the end that just... still really stays with me.

alias - “pilot”

i had to include this because alias has, literally my favorite pilot episode to date. in general alias has a few episodes i considered putting on this list (the finale of season 2 also being one for... Reasons) but i just had to go with this one because it’s a fucking pilot. in the television industry, pilots are notoriously difficult to get right. there’s so much establishment and exposition that needs to happen all while making sure you hook your audience that it can be... really tough to pace it correctly, and i have never seen anyone fucking nail it like alias did. of everything i’ve put on this list i think this is probably the episode i’ve watched the most times. sydney bristow in that bright red wig. still iconic.

westworld - “the bicameral mind”

westworld season 1 almost felt like it could have... ended with that finale, period. i mean naturally it did not, but in some ways if you weren’t so attached to the characters and didn’t want to see how they’d evolve, you almost wouldn’t NEED more than the bleak (well, for humanity), inevitable note it ends on. there are so many gratifying answers to the questions the season spun, so much emotional catharsis and satisfaction in dolores’ awakening and self-realization and maeve making her first real, free choice in returning to the park... idk it’s a lot. and it’s executed wonderfully. there are tons of moments that never lose their impact no matter how many times i revisit them. not much more to say than that.

buffy the vampire slayer - “restless”

possibly a controversial choice even among buffy fans? i remember at least at the time people were mad that such an unconventional episode was used to top off season 4. but let’s be real, season 4′s overarching plot was, not that great. for me, i never minded that it tied up early and that we had something really... different for the finale.

it also helps that i’m a huge sucker for like, surrealism, character studies, symbolism and significant imagery, foreshadowing, that kind of thing, and this episode is thick with ALL of that stuff. look i hate joss whedon but this was him at his best. restless is still... one of the most haunting things i’ve ever watched, and such a bold choice, and people are still dissecting it today and i’m like, “how did they manage to foreshadow some of this stuff this intricately this early in the show’s run’. i could probably go back and rewatch it easily even though i haven’t really delved into buffy in forever. “once more with feeling” also gets an honorable mention to being the best musical episode of a show to date.

black mirror - “nosedive”

okay i was really tempted to put uss callister on this list because i enjoyed that so immensely, it’s one of my favorite things ever, but uss callister is so... almost movie-like that it almost feels unfair to put it on this list with more traditionally structured television episodes. so apart from that, i have this inexplicable fucking soft spot for nosedive. i think about it all the time. it’s the black mirror episode i’ve rewatched the most. i’m not even sure if i can articulate why i love it so much except that... well, firstly it is another character study (with bryce dallas howard giving a wonderful and moving and vaguely unhinged performance), but also like. i think it is perhaps one of the most insightful episodes of black mirror overall. the point isn’t to be... bleak, necessarily, but its message is important. it’s less about ~the dangers of social media~ i think and more about how people relate to one another (or don’t, and how painful it can feel to not really emote or connect or find sincerity) and just, the social media app being a vehicle for that. stories about emotional suppression and catharsis always hit me hard.

oh and since black mirror is an anthology series with all standalone episodes, you can watch this even if you’ve never dabbled in the show before! go see it if you haven’t!!

grey’s anatomy - “losing my religion”

so i knew i wanted to put a grey’s anatomy episode on this list but i wasn’t really sure... how to go about picking just one, because grey’s has so many iconic individual episodes that have really. permeated television culture at this point. i don’t know, how do you just pick one? but i went with losing my religion because 1) i do genuinely feel that it contains some of the shows best and most poignant and memorable to date, i mean, even like 13 years later people remember the culmination of the denny storyline, and 2) i distinctly remember this being the point when i was watching the show for the first time that i really... consciously, vividly, felt myself falling in love with it and appreciating it for all that it was.this is really the point where you can’t write off grey’s anatomy as a one-dimensional quirky medical drama anymore no matter how hard you try. so it’s on here for nostalgic reasons too

also, this was the episode that launched “chasing cars” as the song that reduces literally everyone to tears, so there’s that,

ahs asylum - “madness ends”

for all the shit i’ll give ryan murphy, i truly still believe that ahs asylum was his masterpiece. it is perhaps the most sincere and tender and brutally real i’ve ever seen his work get. and madness ends will always be... one of my favorite season finales ever, and something i’ll always remember so fondly and emotionally. it also, and maybe this is an unconventional opinion, but it is also the most hopeful the show has ever felt to me. the most forgiving, the most kind. the closure it grants lana, kit, and jude, and even MARY EUNICE (wait was this the episode she died in? i think. i don’t remember) was just... i don’t know if you can get more satisfying than that. jessica lange’s performance in this episode specifically, and the ending of jude’s story, is something that’ll stay with me forever (there’s a reason that i consider jude to be one of my favorite characters, like, ever). i actually haven’t rewatched it in full, let alone this specific episode in so long but... yeah that shit stays with you

and last but incontestably not least...

the leftovers - “international assassin” or “certified”

guess what! for the leftovers, i actually COULDN’T pick just one! and if there’s any show on this list that deserves two episodes... well,

“international assassin” is a lot of people’s favorite episode, from what i understand. at least, its usually the critics’ favorite episode. and it wins a lot of points with me for the same reasons “restless” does (it’s basically another instance of like, the show taking a break to do a completely different kind of surrealist episode) and it marked the first time the show really like. completely abandoned all pretense of reality and went all-out mysticism. and it fucking worked. everything about this episode is a masterpiece. to give you a basic premise if you’re not familiar, basically. the main character, kevin, has spent the entire season behind haunted by... either a ghost or a hallucination (you’re not sure at that point as an audience member, but kevin is leaning towards ghost) and is told by someone that in order to get rid of her. he essentially has to die, go to purgatory, and confront her. the end result is... something you couldn’t even imagine and i don’t think i could fully put into words, but as most things in the leftovers are, it ends up being startlingly insightful and compassionate and is 100% guaranteed to make you feel very deeply for a character that most people hated up until that point

“certified” isn’t as much as a standout but for me it is one of the most powerful episodes in an already incredibly powerful show. it’s essentially devoted to giving closure to one of the characters (who happened to be one of my favorites) and her longstanding pain and her struggles with being tied to realism in this world where you increasingly need to believe in something to survive. it’s hard to give much context beyond that but it is heartbreaking and wonderfully performed and i actually haven’t been able to revisit it many times since because it affected me so much

idk i could really put every episode of the leftovers on here, honestly. it is incredibly special.

#thanks tony!!#man theres a lot of good tv out there huh #fizzlep0p

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jooheonies · 7 years ago

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nawar lover no.1 aka user shwhyuk uwu

bloodorangeki said: the lady formerly known as hyuccwoo, shreknu if u will,

send me a tumblr url and ill tell you what i think of them!

hhhhhh ok before i eben launch into this full love essay. i jst wanna say tht u truly are the light at the end of my tunnel sejung,,,,u make me so happy !!! Like i remember when i was losing my mind off of like three sips of pineapple cider and i legitimately felt like i was gonna throw up but then i was like … damn i can’t forget to text shannon and tell her about all this. and then i talked to u for a full hour or so while u called me a liddle babie nd i continuously whined…either way you truly have me under your spell you demon!!

okay so not to be. dramatic but youre so dreamy and pretty you remind me of rain and soft kisses on the cheeks and rose gardens and bouquets of flowers and soft sunlight on flower meadows and like! that feeling you get in your cheeks when you smile too much for too long and you get that permanent blush across your face! god that’s probabaly nonsense and not very cohesive but you have the same sort of colors…soft orange and light pink….you’re like a sunset on the beach right at the start of spring when theres barely anyone on the shore and the whole world feels really big and wide but even though youre all alone you don’t feel lonely because it still feels like the whole world(you) is poised right at the edge of your fingertips.

hhhh that also probably made very little sense but i dont care i love you so much and im very bad at expressing emotion (blame my virgo moon who hasn’t felt any feelings in over 18 years) but i still feel like always showering u in that sweet love and affection, despite the fact that im horrible with words and i have absolutely no consistency. I feel like it’s really rare to meet someone who literally changes your entire perception of the world but … damn here we are!! tlkaing to u is literally a part of my daily life its a part of who i am at this point :/

Anyways, friendships don’t really come naturally to me because I have a very weird perosnality where like. im simultaneously suffocating whilst also being very detached and it turns people off so quickly but..god we mesh so well i truly love you so much. i also tend to not write a lot whenever i make these posts bc im the kind of person who continously says how much i love you throughtout the convo (even thoguh ill ghost most ppl for a few days) so whenever i get around to writing these im like :// but what else do i say :// but this time!!! oooo i have so much to say i can never go into full loving hours with you bc you always turn things around and get me to start talking abotu myself and pretty soon we start talking about how i used to raise rocks as a kid instead of talking about how hot you are :/

so anyways firstly . those were just the intro pragaraphs im finally getting into my loving sejung essay :(( helloooo one of my favortie things about talking to you is how easily the conversation always flows ….us talking about shownus asshole and the questionable consumption of expired jello and orbeez at 3 am is most likely the more demonic things weve done while simultaenously being the more tame things…my head still aches when i remember that giagntic bruise i got from looking at that wonho+tentacles/changkyun+black hole sketch u made… god we somehow always go from topic to topic with absolutely no regard for cohesiveness and yet neither of us ever question it…we’ll spend hours discussing absolutely nothing …like that one night we stayed up for like three hours on rabbit talking about all the different mx stans and which member has the most stans internationally versus domestically and why….icons of developing complex sociocultural theories at 2am while occasionally mentioning “oh wow its late u should go to bed >:/” god its just that I always lose track of time whenever I talk to you…its like im so focused on that I Love Her mood that I don’t even realize its been 4 hours until I look down at my pile of unfinished homework and then back up at my laptop like. This was a Valid choice why would I pick ib math when I have a whole entire sejung talking to me. hhhh its just that talking to you comes so naturally and I always tell you all these quesiotnable things to which you always respond by first calling me a demon and then laughing about it and encouraging my stupidity. it’s also so so endearing that ill tell you about the dumb shit im doing and your first response is always to nag at me to be safe and take care of myself as if ill actually listen to you and clean a cut with alcohol, risking legitimate Pain… anyways sejung? queen of making me feel loved and noticed? MORE LIKELY THAN U THINK!!!!

hhhhh ok moving on now I get to talk about how. sexy u are damn….i remember back when we were first starting to talk and you sent me those pictures of yourself in that button up and I literally. I quite literally almost passed out in the starbucks while the barista was handing me my strawberry lemonade I truly almost lost it…nd right before that I was encouraging you to talk to the boba girl nd flirt nd be all spicie…but then u sent me those pics nd I was like for what reason would she have to impress boba girl when im right here … mouth open so wide in love that all the bobas are spilling out of my mouth :( not to be dramatic yet again when I know ive mentioned those selfies before but damn…those were so hot u unbuttoned like two or three of the top buttons and u looked so hot truly. raw me vore me behind each and every single boba store location hewwwooo u look so intense nd powerful im truly putty in ur hands not only would I lose my mind for u, I have already lost it

hhhhh im very much rambling and making very little sense rn bc its. 2:30 am and im sleebie nd I blocked all social media sites so id do homework bt I kept thiknning abt u so I was like hm the universe clearly wants me to write about sejung more even though ill have to post this in the morning bc tungle is blocked until then :// bt anaywas that also means I get to go into all the other thigns I love about u and all the things u remind me of :(( hhhh its so wild that I never actually aunch into full loving shannon mood bt I talk abt u so much w my friends theyre all. suspicious ,,,,

them: nawar u don’t actually like romance and u hate talking about people r u perhaps dating this girl??me, w hearts in my eyes laughing at smth ure saying on my phone: what

HHHH DJHFKSJDHF TAHST TRULY ME,,,,ALWAYS THIKNING ABT U,,,ALWAYS BEING BIG HEART EYES FR U,,,at any given moment I could be reminded of u :( I see a piece of paper nd im like huh I should do work then again is work necessary to live perhaps not but sejung is necessary to live,,,,me thinking abt u as I procrastinate every single thing ive ever had to do :D Like, ive never understood when people say that they hated a zodiac sign at one point, and then they met one person and they were like oh my god nevermind this sign is perfect but truly,,,I love geminis now ,,,I used to hate them almost as much as cancer nd now? geminis are all good ure so wonderful nd loving nd sweet u being a gemini saved geminis collectively,,

ill also neber stop talking abt how now matter how much I whine and demand attention, youre always jst,,,supplying it without any question like at one point people usually get annoyed, no matter how endeared they were by it at first, bt youre always calling me a baby (even though im older) nd giving me that sweet Love and Attention,,mmmmm my libra sun thrives under ur care :( hhhh also I feel it is important to point out I love. all of u,,,,like I don’t even usually care much for peoples voices or anything unless its like so deep it sounds like the grim reaper bc that’s wild u ,,bt anyways the first moment I heard ur voice I was. breathless I was so shocked like ur voice is so soothing nd warm its like. if the aesthetic of sunlight and honey and warm pies had a voice,,,hhhh im also not the type to really believe in things like fate nd destiny and soulmates and stuff bt that’s kind of what u remind me of ? in a? not weird way hhhhh so I feel like youre just so naturally in tune with people like nothing really catches you off guard and you roll with peoples different personalities and quirks and you always jst. mesh so well with everyone ure like the minhyuk of the internet,,,,nd like!! theres smth abt u that reminds me of balance and maybe its my libra sun always seeking peace and harmony in life but I always feel so relaxed nd steady whenever I talk to you its like . idk how to explain it!!! its jst so comforting!!!

I was originally gonna cut myself off at 1k but its too late for that now and im gonna put this under a read more anyways and its 3am now so I feel like. go Big or go Home!!! now im gonna launch into a long analysis of u! and ur smile!! first of all,,,its so rare nd wild to find someone who likes validating people more than being validated,,,,u finding my libra antics cute???hhhhh tahts so wild,,,,I could pout for hours nd u would call it cute,,,validating!!! nd the fact that you’ve read my writing,,,,excerpts from my demonic wips and youre stil friends with me?? you still talk to me?? damn that’s like. never to be expected any time I make someone read that tangerine fic they ghost me for a good month but I sent you pieces of that tentacle fic and YOU FUCKCING SKETCHED OUT THE LOOK,,,,,MY MUSE,,,nd also you tend to always steer the convo around to focus on the other person n dim a FOOL who almost falls for it every time,,,before I remember and make u tell me thigns…god ive told you so many obscure things from my childhood like that time I tried to eat a brick and yet you still,,,,talk to me,,,,who are u,,,,hhhh ure always so cute nd giving nd caring I feel like I could genuinely truly look like shit nd send u a selfie nd you would still be like WOW GORGEOEUS YOU LOOK SO GOOD THAT’S HOT!!! u,,,going out of ur way to make ppl happy :( anyways im a fool in love w u ,,,also not to be like. one of those old white boy text posts from tumblr but ,,,,hey girl,,,ladie,,,wamen,,,did u know? ur smile lights up my world? ,,,did u know? theres no such thing as u being anything less than perfect,,,why? because its impossible to be anything less than the essence of who you are. hhhh that’s the dumbest thing im ever written im cutting myself off that was too much this is like. 2k words so far and in all honesty I could continue but then id get gushier than that last line and nobody wants to see That,,,hhhh

this started out with. somewhat decent grammar like I used periods and I think I occasionally capitalized the first letter of the sentence but at this point its incoherent rambling it’s the inside of my brain every time I see u or hear frm u its like when spongebobs brain was on fire and all the cabinets and computers were going up in flames and all the little brain spongebobs were losing their mind that’s me right now losing my mind over you I wrote exactly 2k words in that whole essay,,,,im so fucking valid,,,,ananywas I love you if you couldn’t tell nd iim . somewhat satisfied at being able to vent all this love,,,smoochie,,smoochh,,SMOOCHIIE

#shwhyuk #ask game #HHHHH THIS IS SO LONG....#I LOVE U...BABEY...

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trb-reacts · 7 years ago

Text

The Raven Boys, Chapter 12

Adam wasn’t waiting by the bank of mailboxes in the morning.

Oh no. Please tell me Adam was fine and wasn’t caught. Tell me no one hurt our sweet, elegant boy.

Actually, more properly, he’d used it as a place to turn around and head back the way he’d come. […] At the sight of Gansey’s Aglionby sweater, Adam’s father had charged out, firing on all cylinders.

Lol, oh, Gansey, turn around and head back the way he’d come. I’m also just very afraid for Adam though. If Adam’s father reacts this way to Gansey in his Aglionby sweater, just how exactly does Adam’s father react to Adam attending Aglionby?

For weeks after that, Ronan had called Gansey “the S.R.F.,” where the S stood for Soft, the R stood for Rich, and the F for something else.

Lol, something else, huh?

His watch said he had eighteen minutes to make the fifteen-minute drive to school.

It’s okay, Gansey, I’ve done 10 minute walks within 5 minutes, because I always leave the house too late and have no sense of time. I managed, though, and made it on time, with 2 minutes of lateness. Yay me.

Noah had let him leave his journal behind at Nino’s after all, and its absence was surprisingly unsettling.

I’m sorry, Gansey, but how old are you? Noah let you leave your journal behind? Have a sense of responsibility, would you, tho I would admit that I would be exceedingly upset if I lost my journal full of my writings.

And Dick Gansey II had let his son know that if he couldn’t hack it in a private school, Gansey was cut out of the will.

He’d said it nicely, though, over a plate of fettuccine.

Oh, the rich people’s version of B+?? You only got a B+?? Only Asians get the threat of a beating (semi-kidding), while rich people get the threat of a fortune taken away with they get below a B. I wonder which one is worse.

He felt the old fear creeping slowly out of his lungs.

Don’t panic. You were wrong about Ronan last night. You have to stop this. Death isn’t as close as you think.

… I would like to be reassuring and tell Gansey he’s right, except Whelk’s friend did die when they went on their quest to search for the king. And I mean, a beating and death is not that far apart for Adam, is it? I’m concerned, especially with this unexpected radio silence.

Adam must’ve taken his bike, he must’ve had work, he must’ve had errands to run and forgotten to tell him. The rutted drive down to the neighborhood was still empty. Come on, Adam. Wiping his palms on his slacks, he put his hands back on the steering wheel and headed for the school.

Gansey, I’m admittedly a little disappointed in you. School > friend? I mean, I get it, I’m a student crazy about my grade too and most of the time, the worse case scenario isn’t usually actually what happens, though, Gansey? You called him out last night, knowing that consequences would be bad if Adam was caught. You called him, asked him for a favor from one friend to another, and Adam granted it, gave it to you without much more than a second thought for his own wellbeing, because you asked. And now you leave your wait for Adam, without knowing what happened to him at all? You coulda at least went by Adam’s home to see if he is there and then walk in late to class, though I admittedly don’t know how well rich boarding schools take walking in late to class.

Ronan was head of class in Latin. He studied joylessly but relentlessly, as if his life depended on it. Directly behind him was Adam, Aglionby’s star pupil, otherwise at the top of every class that he took. Like Ronan, Adam studied relentlessly, because his future life did depend on it.

He studied joylessly but relentlessly, as if his life depended on it. Oh, me in every single one of my classes. Joyless and relentless, because my future life depends on it. Not the star pupil like Adam, though I try.

I’m also getting the Ronan/Adam vibe again. Adam, top in every single one of his class except for Latin, the only class that Ronan tries and therefore excels at. I wonder if Adam gets infuriated by Ronan, the way Ronan doesn’t care about anything including his own talent and intelligence, but shines so brightly when he does try like a light flickering to life at night.

…. Would it be a stretch if I add ‘and Adam is helpless drawn by it, like moth to flame.’? Probably, but I don’t care. Ronan probably won’t burn Adam much tho. Probably. Hopefully.

He’d originally resigned himself to taking Latin in order to translate historical texts for Glendower research, but Ronan’s proficiency at the language robbed Gansey’s study of any urgency.

I’m so both amazed by Gansey’s dedication to his reasearch to even consider learning an entire other language (i understand how tough learning another language could be, since I suck at it, even without considering reading and writing formal text in another foreign language) and amused by Gansey’s typical student laziness. I don’t need to take it? Great, not gonna bother then, thank you very much.

Ronan hissed, “Where’s Parrish?”

Oh, no. Adam!! Also, Ronan cares~

Behind Gansey, someone punched his shoulder blade and said, Gansey boy! as they trotted by. Gansey halfheartedly lifted three fingers, the signal of the rowing team.

Gansey boy! Lol. Also, Gansey’s in the rowing team? He is popular.

A few months earlier, Gansey had offered to buy Adam a cell phone, and by so doing had launched the longest fight they’d ever had, a week of silence that had resolved itself only when Ronan did something more offensive than either of them could accomplish.

I’m so… I don’t know. I understand why Adam would be like, fuck you, I’m not a charity case, but at the same time… sometimes when you see your friend struggling, it physically hurts to have the means to help and just not be allowed to help. Gansey should say stuff like, “Oh, it’ll be easier to help me contact you, which would aid us in our quest. Also, think of this as me investing in you. You can pay me back for the phone later.’ Or just… sell Adam one of his old phone for cheap, idk.

This reminds me of *spoiler if you haven’t read The Foxhole Court* Andrew buying Neil a phone and Neil looking at it like it’s the devil the first time around. Though, to be fair, Neil and Adam are in different circumstance here.

Also, I’m so amused by this: a week of silence that had resolved itself only when Ronan did something more offensive than either of them could accomplish. Glad to see Ronan’s antagonistic nature has its perks. No one can seem offensive when in comparison to me!

Thank you, Ronan, thank you.

“Lynch!” the call came again. “I’m going to fuck you up.”

Wow, that’s… a very strong sentiment. Also, wow, I just noticed but Ronan’s last name is Lynch. Lynch, as in, *give me a second to google the formal definition*

lynch /verb/:

(of a mob) kill (someone), especially by hanging, for an alleged offense with or without a legal trial.

synonyms: execute illegally, hang, kill; informal string up

“he was lynched by the mob”

Lynch, with all those good feels here. The word lynch reminds of of martyrs and I wonder why I feel like Ronan would be the martyr, despite his strong personality implying/faking that he would be the one doing the lynching.

Gansey contemplated if he could give Ronan a curfew. Or if he should quit rowing to spend more time with him on Fridays — he knew that was when Ronan got into trouble with the BMW. Maybe he could convince Ronan to …

Gansey boy!: the Mom Friend of the group.

Gansey asked, “Why are you carrying that bag? Oh my God, you have that bird in there, don’t you.”

Whoops, I forgot about the raven. How could I forget about Chain Saw!!

“If you get caught with that thing —” But Gansey couldn’t think of a suitable threat. What was the punishment for smuggling a live bird into classes? He wasn’t certain there was precedent.

Ronan, breaking boundaries and making history left and right. I feel like Ronan is the type that prompts people to make new, weirdly specific rules like, “Guys, please, place your hand over the bleaker and gently wave a bit towards you. By heavens, don’t stick it under your nose and sniff like you would with drugs and most of all, I can’t believe I have to say this, but Do Not Drink It! It’s not edible, do you hear me, and definitely do not miss your mouth and accidentally splash it all over your eyes and then knock everyone’s bleaker over and spill the contents all over someone else’s eyes! This is a Safe Zone, you hear me, and we’re gonna Keep It That Way.”

“If it dies in your bag, I forbid you to throw it out in a classroom.” “She,” Ronan corrected. “It’s a she.”

I love how Ronan corrected the impersonal ‘it’ to a ‘she’. Oh, Ronan is such a softie underneath everything.

Though there was no reason to think Whelk cared about their conversation, Gansey had the strange idea that the lifted piece of chalk in Whelk’s hand was because of them, that the Latin teacher had stopped writing merely to listen in. Adam’s suspicion really was beginning to rub off on him.

Um, Gansey dear, actuallly, Adam’s suspicion is very well founded and also, just listen to your gut instincts. Your guts Knows, alright, it Knows, Gansey.

Ronan caught Whelk’s eye and held it in an unfriendly sort of way.

Oh, I love Ronan. Stare ‘em down, Ronan, stare ‘em down.

Because he despised everyone, Ronan wasn’t a good judge of character, but Gansey had to agree that there was something discomfiting about Whelk. A few times, Gansey had tried to hold a conversation with him about Roman history, knowing full well the effect an enthusiastic academic conversation could have on an otherwise listless grade. But Whelk was too young to be a mentor and too old to be a peer, and Gansey couldn’t find an angle.

If Gansey finds it discomfiting every time he can’t find an angle to talk to someone, he would not like my awkward little life or attempts at small talks. I’ll need to know you for a full three months before I can comfortably greet you without thinking ‘Am I overstepping my boundary? Can I greet them and acknowledge them outside of where we met? Do they even remember me or find my greetings too bothersome?’ Yeah, I have lots of anxiety about lots of stuff.

Also, Gansey’s such a nerd that he finds it weird when he can’t nerd out with someone who is supposedly a fellow nerd.

Ronan kept staring at Whelk. He was good at staring. There was something about his stare that took something from the other person.

Me, covering my mouth with a hand, tear brimming my eyes as I reenact the ‘you’re doing amazing, sweetie’ meme. Probably shouldn’t be encouraging him, heavens knows Ronan doesn’t need more encouragement, but I love it when Ronan acts so... him.

And: there was something about his stare that took something from the other person. I love it!

Gansey would’ve basked once more in the odds of Ronan of finding a raven, but at the moment, with Adam missing, his quest didn’t feel like magic; it felt like years spent piecing together coincidences, and all he had made from it was a strange cloth — too heavy to carry, too light to do any good at all.

Oh, love it. Some doubts from Gansey on his quest, the what-if my faith isn’t really faith, but rather delusions? What if there really isn’t magic and these coincidence (fate, magic) really are just coincidental events that a mad man strung together thinking that they had any correlation or significance at all?

Also, I love the metaphor with a cloth!! Too heavy to carry, too light to do any good at all; I spent too much time and energy and faith on it to abandon it now, and yet what had all the time and energy and faith invested really given me in return? Only strings of nothings connected by the thin, nebulous thread of ‘coincidences’.

"You seem to have an extremely large bag today, Mr. Lynch," Whelk said. "You know what they say about men with large bags," Ronan replied. "Ostendes tuum et ostendam meus?" Gansey had no idea what Ronan had just said, but he was certain from Ronan’s smirk that it wasn’t entirely polite.

So, when faced with untranslated babbles of unknown because I’m not cultured enough to be fluent in more than one language, I can never resist finding out what they mean by turning to the trusty google translate.

Before that, let me guess what he says without translating the Latin phrase and then maybe we can compare my guess to what he actually said.

Guess 1: “You know what they say about men with large bags. They have large baggages,” because symbolism is so my thing. Except Ronan’s Latin phrase ends in a question mark and I think symbolism about bags and baggages is more of my thing than Ronan’s.

Guess 2: “You know what they say about men with large bags. They have huge dicks,” because I can imagine Ronan making a dick joke here, except that’s also not a question. Ronan, what did you say????

Okay, I’m gonna cheat.

Final Guess: “You know what they say about men with large bags. They have huge dicks, amiright?” There, I got the question mark in there now. Totally showed that stupid question mark.

Answer: Ostendes tuum et ostendam meus? = You show me yours and I will show

... I’m not entirely sure what that means, so here’s another two guesses, this time on what this translated Lain phrase mean. Gee, Ronan, I like you, but you’re driving me nuts.

Guess 1: I’m totally right and it’s a dick joke. “You show me your, erm, jewels, and I’ll show you mine.” I like this one because I inappropriately like random oblique dick jokes in Latin, but also because it means Ronan is maybe not entirely straight so my ship with him and Adam might actually be able to leave the port.

Guess 2: I’m sadly wrong and Ronan is a bright diamond, meaning he’s not only shiny and awesome, but also damn sharp. (Actually diamonds aren’t the sharpest, I’m thinking about... hardness. Diamond’s the hardest of all rocks, I think, and I just compared Ronan to a diamond, so I’ll just leave that here.) Ronan is onto Whelk and he knows that Whelk’s been keeping an eye on them, so Ronan is saying, “You show me your cards, your secrets, and I might impart mine as well, including telling you about what’s in my ‘extremely large bag’.” (I really needa stop making dick jokes.)

Anyway, the second guess unfortunately sounds more plausible, though Ronan’s smirk seem to imply a bit more of the first guess. Yeah, I don’t know. Tell me if there’s an official interpretation of this or if I misunderstood?

"Being a shit in Latin isn’t the way to an A," Gansey said.

Ronan’s smile was golden. "It was last year."

Ronan’s smile was golden!! *cries* Oh, my son!! I love him so much.

Adam never showed.

And the somber reminder came back. I really, really hope Adam is okay. I miss him, and I’m sure the boys do too.

#the raven boys #the raven cycle #trc #trb #chapter 12 #this one is ridiculously long

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felicityb-reviews · 7 years ago

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Review Roundup - Week 1 January 2018

Hello babies!! Welcome to your debut Review Roundup for Week 1 of January 2018!!! I'm really excited to launch this series, because while I do love doing reviews, sometimes the only thing I can say about a song is "I like it, it was good". I also wanted a place I could spotlight releases from less popular acts (or even less conspicuous releases, sometimes) who don't exactly have 2309342 million fandom pages. This is a great way to combine that, I guess.

Before we begin, some ~rules~

For a song to eligible, it has to have an official video. Even if it's basically some shit an intern made in Final Cut Pro in five seconds, before uploading it. I just need to know that it's an ~official~ release.

No OSTs!! 90% of them are dry ass ballads, and I do not have the time, sis!! No OSTs!! /Edna Mode voice

And on that note, I might choose to skip a certain release, because I have nothing to say about it. Or nothing nice that isn't constructive criticism.

Yes, each video has a Rating™. Do not get hung up on said Rating, cause it's basically meaningless; it's just an arbitrary number based on how much I liked the particle song, mixed with how well I thought the song was written.

Just like with my Feature Spotlights, the blurbs here are just my opinion, sis. Please do not get hung up on what some gay bitch on the Internet has to say about your fave. I'm hella arrogant, but my words are not of God.

So now that we got that out of the way (Even though I'm 90% sure some bitch is gonna try my ass), our list begins with...

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Grown Up (Soyou)

Grown Up is pretty standard fare for a Starship ballad. The company has always submerged themselves in RnB and Gospel sensibilities, and it shows here. Miss Soyou takes us to church with Grown Up. A very nice song which I appreciate, but will probably not listen to much, unless I'm in a Ballad Bitch™ mood.

Rating - 3.5/5

TRCNG - Wolf Baby

"Ooh bitch... You mighta just did something there"

That was my first reaction to Wolf Baby, fam. I was ready and willing to write the song off, because the teaser did not show it off in the best light (it sounded like a demo of Hyosung's Into You, according to a friend) and the visual was more of the boys showing off their dance skill. Which is never a bad thing... Except when it's literally the same shit we've seen 20 million times from similar boy bands. But Wolf Baby delivers in full. Unlike the God awful Spectrum which takes after B.A.P in the worst of ways, Wolf Baby sounds and feels more like a Secret song (which sounds a lot better than you think it would). Wolf Baby shows that these boys have personality that can translate to the music, and Lord knows we need more of that in K-pop boy bands. I'm so tired of being charmed by these boys in variety, but utterly bored by their music.

Rating - 4/5

Think about (Seo Ji An featuring KLANG)

Lissen... Whoever wrote this song needs to give me a refund. That intro had me thinking this was gonna a bombastic radio ballad. Like, they were about to hit me with that Ryan Tedder throwback shit. But instead, all I got was soft falsetto and a limp piano line.

Talk about a boner killer, sis.

But once I got over myself (and the song started to pick up), I realized that it was actually pretty nice. Nothing I'd put into heavy rotation, but this would be good shuffle bait.

(Sidenote - if anyone can find me anything on the female vocalist, KLANG, I will give you a hug and a cookie, because I really liked her voice)

Rating - 3/5

XOXO (Soyeon of LABOUM x Park Jae Jung)

We're getting a jump start on the Springtime love duets, I see. I can't say I'm entirely mad, tho. XOXO, like Seo Ji An's Think about, falls within a category of songs I like to call shuffle bait. They're not terrible songs, but they're also not ones I feel obligated to put on heavy rotation. They're good for those days when you don't know what you wanna listen to or need some soft background sounds, so you put your music on shuffle. Not a category one should aspire to be in, but not one to be mad at for falling into, either.

I'm very happy that Global H made this a duet, cause Soyeon's overly bright tone could have tired out the ears very easily if she had to sing this by herself. And not only that, but Park Jae Jung provides a nice foil to Soyeon's voice with his smooth tone. All in all, a very nice song.

Rating - 3.5/5

Honey Tea (OOHYO)

Miss OOHYO is givin us a little Bassa Nova in her Honey Tea, you guise!!

Honey Tea is another shuffle bait song that almost makes it in the Heavy Rotation camp with it's interesting choice of instrumental interludes; but alas, she doesn't quite make the cut. There's something about the production here that doesn't quite mesh right; the song elements don't meld into one another like they should, especially with such ~agreeable~ (for lack of a better word) elements as these. This song is really nice for what it is (the melancholic atmosphere nice for those days when you just wanna brood like an angsty teenager), but I needed just a little bit more.

Rating - 2.5/5

Like Paradise (Kriesha Chu)

Something tells me that Future Bass is going to be everywhere in Kpop this year like Tropical House was last year, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. On one hand, you have Svt's Don't Wanna Cry and LONG:D x Kim Doyeon's All Night that are masterfully made songs. But then you have BTS's Best of Me and Kriesha Chu's Like Paradise, both of which are so fucking beige it makes me wanna slam my face into a wall. And it's really sad because, unlike Best of Me, Like Paradise starts out with a great verse. But then the prechorus goes right into generic territory with a chorus that's so anybody, it's almost frightening.

Kriesha Chu exploded onto the scene with a familiar formula in Trouble, but she did enough to make it her bitch, so idk what happened here. A friend mentioned that she feels as though she's heard this melody fifteen times, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has. This song isn't bad, but it don't got no soul. Which is a shame, because Miss Kriesha Chu has plenty to go around.

Rating - 2/5

Blah (Planetarium Case #1)

Now this is a song that took me by surprise. I was not expecting that Tropical style beat to kick in when the verse started, but I mean... Y'all know how I am with anything and everything Tropical inspired. And then they had the nerve to combine that heaux with RnB style instrumation?!?!!

Bitch...

I wanna be mad at how much I like this song. I really do. I wanna care about how the vocalist's voice is a touch too bright and whiny for that kind of vocal processing (it's faint, but it's there). I wanna feel some type of way about how that kind of vocal processing isn't really suited to this type of song. I would like to have some kind of critique here, but everything just slots together in a way that I can ignore the little things I don't care for.

Sis, idk how these underground labels know me well enough to make such targeted attacks against me like this, but I'm not mad. In fact, I'm very okay with that if I get to walk away with songs like Blah. Can we get more of this, instead of Future Bass or whatever other kooky trends are gonna rule K-pop this year?!?!!

Rating - 4/5

Foresight Dream (Younha)

Hello, Miss Younha!! It's nice to see you giving us something other than classical ballads like some kind of Baek JiYoung knockoff.

...was that mean?!?!!? Okay yeah, that was mean. Oh whatever, it isn't like other people weren't thinking it.

Copious amounts of shade aside, I'm been very here for what Younha has been doing, musically, since Get It. She's swapped out the ballads for a more RnB/Pop sound that's very in line with what the K-RnB World has been doing lately, and I couldn't be happier. Foresight Dream is a dreamy piano driven song that's a bit too downtempo in groove to qualify as an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo, but still has enough drive to feel like it's actually going somewhere. And Younha's voice sounds amazing. She's got a voice very similar to Alice from HV's, but Younha has more depth to her tone. All in all, a very magical experience.

One critique I have (and it's not even of the music) is that I'd have liked if Younha had released Foresight Dream before the GroovyRoom produced Parade. With the way Parade followed the ph-1 assisted Hello, I had assumed that she was done releasing songs. But with Foresight Dream coming after those two, it kind feels like it dampens her momentum. Idk, I'm just being a picky bitch.

Rating - 4/5

wewantourmoneyback (Giriboy)

*sigh*

This nigga talmbout how he want his money back, but I want my fucking time back from listening to this hot mess.

Okay, let me roll back the shade for a second. This song really isn't that bad. I've heard F A R worse from the likes Jay Park, Zico, and Dok2. But dude, this is a touch too fucking generic for a winter release. You couldn't have saved this for summer?!?!? When niggas is actually trynna shake they ass to generic trap beats?!?!

To be honestly, I'm tired of hearing these kinds of songs in K-HipHop. Especially from dudes who have tones like Giriboy. Their voices are whiny as fuck all, and these kinds of beats usually have a lot of higher tones in the mix (for those who are too bougie to listen to trap, producers typically use high, tinny synths as the main instrument in trap beats), so it's just a headache in the making. It's already hard enough to make a trap song without it sounding too repetitive, but these fools have truly tired me out with this genre. I can't even think of something to say about this song, cause it's just so generic.

Rating - 1/5

Paint Me (Mamamoo)

I'm sorry... MamaWHOMST?!?!?!!

Jokes aside, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this song. Mamamoo is a group that I once loved, but all that went sour when they decided to do blackface in concert (and then post a BTS video of getting into costume for said stage a week after posting an apology). And if I'm being honest here, their only good songs are You're The Best and Piano Man. I stanned for their other tracks for the culture; I liked what they did with the songs live. I didn't really listen to them, but tis the life of a K-Pop stan.

In retrospect, it's quite interesting how Mamawhomst Mamamoo haven't promoted a big power ballad like Paint Me before. The instrumentation is basic as all fuck, but it allows emphasis to be put on their vocals. Which are half the reason Mamawhomst Mamamoo survived Nugudom, in the first place. But as great as their voices are in this song, it just doesn't go anywhere. It throws you from one extreme to the other, and then ends. It's hella polarizing, and not something I really wanna put myself through with repeated listens.

Rating - 2.5/5

A Day I Want To Love (HEYDAY featuring Lim Eun Young)

A Day I Want To Love is a very typical classical ballad, and while that usually has me running for the hills, I decided to give it a chance. And I mean, this isn't a song that I'd put into Heavy Rotation, but it'd fit in very nicely with all the songs I download to use as shuffle bait. I'd also quite like to hear this sung live. Idk, I just feel like it'd come off better that way.

Rating - 3/5

OGZ (Jo Woochan x Park Hyunjin x Achillo)

I don't understand this song.

That's not to say that it's bad. The beat reminds me of wewantourmoneyback, but GroovyRoom decided to make a more interesting remix of it. And the boys all hand in amazing verses. But idk, yo. This song just feels weird as all fuck.

Rating - 4/5

Missing You (VOISPER)

How fitting that this is the song that closes out the main list week. Missing You is another lowtempo shuffle bait track (the mood for this week, apparently), but this time around, we get some horns in the mix. Which I greatly appreciate, because without them, this song would have been extremely boring. VOISPER have nice voices, but their technique is kind of sloppy. And I don't usually sweat shit like that, but it's really noticeable here.

Rating - 3/5

The Fabulous Five

So... You've made it to the end of the post (thank you, btw), and are now wondering what in the actual fuck a Fabulous Five are. Well, it's simply a fancy title (because your bitch is hella dramatic) for my favorite songs of the week. In fact, if you payed any mind to the (badly made) gifs at the top of the post, you'd notice they're from the following videos. Anyway, there's no real metric for what goes here, just songs that I stan a lot.

5. Lower (f(Amber+Luna))

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MY WIG!!

MY QUEENS!!

M Y W I G!!

Lower is God tier, sis. I've read a few people's reviews of the song, and the one thread of commonality between them all is that Lower is generic and not worthy of the f(x) brand. And while I'm not gonna sit here and act like Lower isn't something I'd expect to hear at a European gay club (or any gay club for that matter), I really like what Amber and Luna did with this song.

I also think that Lower should be considered a performance piece above all. I view EXO's Monster this way - I don't care for the song by itself, but I'm hype as fuck when there's an accompanying visual. Amber and Luna could have made this beat their bitch (Luna certainly has the vocal chops for it, and Amber could have done ha thing with a lil rappy rap), but the main focus of the song is the breakdown. And they dance for their fucking lives to said breakdown.

I can't tell you if I'd have liked this song so much from another duo in K-Pop or if I'd have liked it if it didn't come with a video, but the reality is that like it.

Me Likey Likey a lot!!

I'm really hoping that SM sees how well of a unit these two make, and decides to debut them, officially. Cause God only knows we aren't getting any new material from f(x) anytime soon. Victoria is too busy livin ha best life in China, and Krystal is too busy looking fed up for no reason with Jessica, whilst people throw money at BLANC & ECLARE.

Rating - 3/5

4. Hot Potato (N.FLYING)

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Before I start in on my review of this song, I just wanna ask what the fuck is up with idol bands being filled with beautiful ass humans?!?! Like?!?!?! Anytime I watch anything with Day6, I can't help but wanna cry at how hot they are. And watching N.FLYING's Music Core comeback stages, I got the same feeling. I could barely pay attention to the songs. Am I really just that thirsty?!?!?

Nobody fucking answer that, I know I'm thirsty heaux. I don't need you shady bitches dragging me for it.

Existential crisis aside, Hot Potato is a banger. I'm really hoping 2018 is the year idol bands start thriving, because I need more songs like these in my life. The verses are pure octane fun, while the choruses are power pop crack. I dare one of you to tell me you wouldn't sing along to that chorus if you knew Korean. I fuckin D A R E you!! And whoever's idea it was to add Yoo Hweseung from Produce 101, I wanna kiss you silly. His chemistry with Lee Seunghyub is ridiculous!! And in addition to that, an added vocalist allows them added flexibility with with N.Flying's rap/sing vocal style. I'm just so happy with this song, especially with how little love I had for The Real. It's great, sis.

Rating - 5/5

3. Her (Drug Restaurant)

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Raise your hand if you had no idea that Jung Joon Young's band changed their name to Drug Resturaunt!?!?!?

...

Oh that was just me, not paying attention to anything?!?! Okay...

The first time I heard Her, I was immediately mesmerized by that opening chord progression. Some part of my musically trained brain knows how overused that progression is, but the rest of me is too busy blissing out to it to care (to be fair, most chord progressions in popular music are overused, because there's only so many that actually sound good to our ears). Her is no one trick pony, tho; she may come back to the oddly dissonant and melancholic texture of the intro now and again, but she always makes sure to give you something new with it.

The rest of the song is pretty great, too. Jung Joon Young has a very smooth texture to his baritone, very similar to BTS's Kim Taehyung (and if y'all know anything about my gay ass, y'all know I'm a H E A U X for baritones), and it's a great contrast to the grit of the instrumental.

Her is a very nice intro (err... reintrduction) to a great band. I keep telling myself I'll get back into rock like I was in middle school (the only good thing about being a weeb is J-rock and VISUAL KEI, I will fight you if you say otherwise), and it looks like God decided to help a girl out.

Rating - 4.5/5

2. Twenty Something (Alice featuring Yooyoung of HELLOVENUS)

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Hello?!?!? Fantagio?!?!?! Starship Entertainment called; they want their Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo back.

Yes, I realize I'm not that funny, but it's not gonna stop me from cracking jokes

So... If you don't know what an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo is, it's basically the RnB version of an acoustic midtempo ballad (hence the acoustic coffee shop bit). They're usually not acoustic at all, but they still have the same feeling as an acoustic ballad, if that makes sense.

And can I make a bold statement here?!?!!? Fantagio just declared a turf war against Starship with this song. Yes babies, it's that fucking good. Starship is usually my go to for Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempos, but it looks like Fantagio wants to throw their hat in the ring for consideration.

Alice has the right amount of grit to her voice to really hook you in, but a decent amount of brightness to help uplift the track. And Yooyoung's rap is just... Oh my God, it's so good!! I wanted it to be longer, sis. A++ content!!! She provides a nice texture change that makes Alice's voice pop when she takes over the track again. And the instrumentation just makes my brain happy tingle. God, I'm just so in love with this song!!

My only complaint is about that flat ass, limp ass, needs to be put out of it's misery ass high shriek Alice does over the final chorus. Guys, I am so tired of my ears being accosted by these singers trying to belt. Most of K-Pop's vocalists are sopranos with bright ass tones and absolutely no power behind their voices. This obsession with high belted notes at the end of songs is just so weird, and if y'all are gonna continue to do it, I need y'all to integrate that shit into the song better. Don't just have a vocalist do their best "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME" shriek. It's so irritating!!

And apparently, this is the first of a monthly song single campaign Fantagio is doing for 2018?!?!!? Someone at that company wants me to die, sis. First, they inflict Ong Seungwoo and Park Jinwoo on my ass, and now this.

Rating - 4.5/5

1. Bboom Boom (MOMOLAND)

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First of all, can we give S. Tiger a round of applause for throwing it back to EXID's Nyam Nyam Jeop Jeop?!?!?!? That is a top five favorite b side of mines, so the second I heard the guitar in the teaser, I fucking Knew™ my edges were about to get snatched right off my face.

Secondly, Queen JooE is outchea livin ha best life, and I'm just so here for it. People love to talk shit about girl groups cause they only do cutesy and sexy concepts (nevermind the fact that boy bands do the same shit, but I guess y'all not trynna hear that), but anytime girl groups give you something different, y'all not trynna stan. So, I'm so fucking here for JooE serving you basics Unapologetic Joy™ in the New Year.

Hallelujah, Thank You Jesus!!

For those of you who can't tell (although it's position in the Fab Five should've tipped you off), I fucking love Bboom Bboom. I was ready for Bboom Bboom the second the teasers started rolling in, and my excitement hit an all time peak with the Great! highlight medley showing that the entire mini was Banger Central™. My only complaint about the song is that the transition from the trap beat to the regular beat in the second verse was so throwed together and clunky. Did y'all run out of time to really integrate that right, cause?!?!?!?! I love that section, but that it could have been handled way better.

Still my favorite song of the week.

Rating - 4.5/5

And that's that, folks!! Tune in next week at 6pm EST to see my round up of this week's new releases. And don't forget about Friday's Feature Splotlight at 6pm EST!! There's been a little (Okay, it's a pretty big ) change to the schedule. Wanna know what it is?!?!?! Be sure to check it out!!!

#Felicity B #Review Roundup #Review #MOMOLAND #f(x)#f(Ambe+Luna)#Hello Venus #Alice #Yooyoung #Amber #Luna #Drug Restaurant #N.Flying

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otome-doll · 7 years ago

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Merry Christmas Rayheart!

@rayheart-wh surprise! It’s me your (not so secret anymore) Santa! Sorry it’s a little early, different time zones and stuff. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I absolutely love your art! It’s seriously amazing! So, I hope you enjoy this fanfic. Also, I know you like Klias so I added some cute brotherly love fluff angst idk bai. And Merry Christmas~!

“Uh oh” You muttered to yourself quietly, staring down at your test paper. “Remember,” You heard professor Schuyler’s stern voice from the front of the class room. “If you have failed the test, then you are staying at Gedonelune for the Christmas holidays” You cringed, not being able to take your eyes off of the looming ‘F’ on your test paper. All the consequences of not passing the test ran through your mind, making you gulp. Christmas…You were going to spend the Christmas holidays with your boyfriend and his brother at your village. But now… You felt your eyes sting, but refused to let the tears fall down. Just thinking about how disappointed your boyfriend and his brother would be when they found out. Not only had you let down the brothers who had helped you study, you also couldn’t spend Christmas together, which all three of you were looking forward to! “y/n….? Y/n…?!” You heard your name being called, realising that the bell for lunch had rung and most students had left. You looked around you to see that Elias was standing beside your desk. Just behind him was Klaus, marching straight towards you two. You quickly snatch up your test paper before either of the two could see the mark. “E-Elias! Klaus!” You stuttered, hugging the paper to your chest. “What did you get?” Elias asked. “What’s wrong bunnyhead?” Klaus demanded as he approached your desk. “W-Well…um..uh” You mumbled, looking down. “Show us” He then ordered. You decided to just get it over and done with and you passed Klaus the paper, bowing your head in an apologetic manner. “I’m so sorry you guys!” You cried. ‘I guess you’ll just have to have Christmas with your family like usual…” You trailed off, taking at glimpse at both of the brother’s expression. “Hey, bunnyhead…Who said we were spending Christmas with our family” Klaus finally said. “Huh?” You asked. Elias just sighed. “I guess, we’ll be spending the Christmas holidays helping you study” You looked in bewilderment at Klaus…and then Elias. It was final- Elias and Klaus would be spending Christmas with you at Gedonelune academy!

That afternoon, you rushed back to your dorm to inform your roommate about the events of the day. “I just can’t believe I failed!” You complained with a sigh to Amelia. “Oh well” She replied with her usual smile. “At least your boyfriend offered to stay with you! And his brother too! That means they both really care about you” She pointed out. “Plus, you can still do cute coupley things together, right?” You smiled. “Yeah that’s right! You cheered. “And you’ve got them both perfect presents!” You nodded enthusiastically, glancing at your draw in which you had hidden both the brother’s presents in.

Christmas Eve “Elias….! Klaus!” You barged through the door to your dorm, finding the two already there, sitting on the couch. “You’re late” Elias called. You couldn’t help but giggle at his Tsundere nature. “S-Sorry” You panted, closing the door behind you. “I had to wrap your presents!” You began to walk up to the boys on the couch, clutching two gifts, one wrapped in bold dark blue and one in a soft yellow. You collapsed onto the space in between the brothers that they had left for you. “What’s in this, bunnyhead?” Klaus smirked, trying to make a grab at the present that was obviously for him. You had to move your arm out of his reach. “Hey! You can’t have it yet! Wait until morning” You stated. “Well, put it under the tree then” Elias said. “Okay then, I will” You answered, rolling your eyes as you got up, searching for the small Christmas tree that you had put on a table. But that’s went you finally noticed the huge, not to mention real Christmas tree in the corner of the room. “EHHHHH?!” You could hear Klaus chuckling from behind you. “Took you long enough to notice” Elias said, averting his gaze. You walked up to the tall, undecorated Christmas tree that sat in the corner. You noticed that it already had two presents under it. Both were wrapped neatly in a soft (f/c). The wrapping skills nearly put yours to shame. But it was the thought that counted, right? You placed the presents under the tree before returning to the brothers. “Do you guys want to decorate the tree now?” You asked. “Okay” Elias smiled softly and you grinned. The three of you took out a large box filled with many large glass ornaments in all different colours and styles and began decorating the tree. You watched as Elias brought out his wand, pointing it at the box. “What are you doing!” You demanded quickly. “What does it look like? I’m trying to decorate the tree” He replied as though it was obvious. “You can’t do that!” You argued. “Why not?” Came Klaus. “It’s quicker and easier” You turned to Klaus who had his wand out as well. “I-It’s just not the same as doing it by hand…Because…It just feels more special that way��So put your wands away cause we’re not using magic” You scolded both of the boys who sighed at you. “Fine…” Elias exhaled. You put your hands on your hips triumphantly. That’s right! This time the three of you began to place the ornaments on the tree. You left the top for Elias and Klaus and focused more on the branches that you could actually reach. The tree was so massive that it took nearly an hour to finish putting all the decorations on. You glanced out the window and noticed that it was now dark. Glancing into the box that the ornaments had come from, you noticed the star. “Who’s going to do it?” Klaus asked, and the three of you looked around at each other. “I think one of you two should do it” You state. You watched as Klaus’s gaze immediately wandered to Elias. “Would you like to do it, little brother?” Klaus asked. Elias just looked away, blushing slightly. “I-I mean…fine” Elias stuttered, earning a giggle from you and a chuckle from Klaus. Klaus used his wand to make a small step ladder appear so that Elias would be able to reach the very top branch. “Be careful Elias!” You called, a hint of distress portrayed in your voice. “Don’t worry (Y/n), I’ll be fine” He said with a confident smile. You watched Elias carefully climb the step ladder, gingerly reaching his arm up to the very top of the tree. He went on his tip toes and you held your breath, waiting in anticipation. Elias’s eyes squinted in determination and finally you could stop holding our breath. He had placed the star on the tree. “Alright, good job Elias. Now come down” Klaus told him. “Yeah” was all Elias replied, and he went to get down. But that’s when everything went wrong. Time seemed to stand still as you watched in horror. The ladder suddenly wobbled and Elias’s eyes went wide with shock as he slipped. Before you had a chance to do anything, suddenly Klaus launched over to him, sweeping his brother’s falling body into strong, confident arms. “Elias! Be more careful!” Klaus’s voice was nearly a shout. You watched as Elias became extremely flustered, blushing bright red as he turned his head and looked away. “I-I’m sorry…” Was all Elias managed to get out. Klaus reluctantly let his brother out of a protective grip, setting him on the ground.

“…Well, at least the star’s up!” You smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “Yeah…” Elias muttered. Uh oh…The room was now filled with awkward tension! But luckily you were a smart cookie and could fix it, quick! “H-Hey, I made some mince pies for everyone! Why don’t we have some” You interject quickly. Both of the boy’s faces seemed to light up. You rushed over to your desk, pulling out a small container and returning to the two. Klaus plucked a small mince pie out of the container and grinned at you. “Thanks, bunnyhead” He plopped his hand on your head, patting it gently. You felt yourself go a little red so you just turned and offered one to Elias. “Hey bunnyhead, don’t turn your attention away from me” Klaus grinned. “K-Klaus!” You stutter out. Why was he such a tease! You ducked out of his head pat and shoved the container in Elias’s face. He muttered out a polite thank you as he picked one up. You took one for yourself, putting the container away before the three of you returned to your positions on the couch. You and Elias watched in bewilderment as Klaus devoured your cooking, not a trace left in sight. You and Elias just smiled at Klaus’s enthusiasm, quickly finishing yours after him. “Y/n…You have some crumbs on your face” Elias called. “Huh?” You say quickly, bringing the palm of your hand to your mouth and wiping it. “Still there” You grunted in frustration, vigorously rubbing around your mouth. You watched Elias let out a sigh, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket…and pulling it right up to your face! A-Ah! You began to blush intensely as Elias gently dabbed at the side of your mouth, before pulling away. Elias’s eyes widened slightly as if only realising what he and just done and he averted his gaze, cheeks glowing red. But it only made you and Klaus laugh together. The rest of the night was filled with fun, laughter and happiness. Eventually, you fell asleep, cuddling up to your boyfriend, his brother on the other side. As the three of you slept soundly, sleigh bells could be heard throughout the night.

#whsecretsanta

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aniseandspearmint · 7 years ago

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So with all that Naruto you reblogged I thought - mentor swap, Naruto gets Obi Wan and Anakin gets Kakashi, how do you think that would go?

Hmmmm, let’s see... Let’s put this in the context of a fusion, with the Naruto verse characters transposed into star wars.

First, some background, setting the stage if you will.

Jedi Knight Kakashi Hatake is the son of retired Knight Sakumo Hatake, and I’m thinking their story is just as tragic this time around. Sakumo went into the diplomatic corps after he met Kakashi’s mother, and was eventually ‘responsible’ for inciting major genocidal war on some planet because of a misread situation and it was either hand his diplomatic team over to be executed or start a war. The story was leaked to the press, and he was branded a galactic pariah overnight. Cue terrible Naruto canon running it’s course.

Kakashi, having no living family, is taken into the creche and our little genius vows to be the perfect jedi, and follow all the rules and never leave the order like his father did, because clearly that was a bad choice for his father (because Kakashi is not Kakashi without his crippling father issues).

I’m thinking he’s a year or two older than Obi-wan, but maybe in the same clan? IDK how that works actually. My memory of the Apprentice books is like 18 years old, lols. Say it works that way, anyway. They know each other.

But while Obi-wan is solidly in the middle top of his class, Kakashi _soars_ above the rest. The the teachers can’t keep up with him, and by the time the youngling is nine he’s already taking classes meant for children five or six years older.

It’s a relief when Sentinel Knight Minato Namikaze bumps into the kid in a hall one day and a padawan bond snaps into place like lightning.

Kakashi grows up under the care of a alternately fluffheaded and terrifyingly intelligent Knight, who cheerfully pulls him into trouble and teaches him that sometimes the rules need to be knocked out and shoved out an airlock (and that his father made the only choice a Jedi could, plight of the many over the few be damned. War would have happened no matter the choice he made).

Kakashi and Knight Namikaze spend most of their time trolling the rim for pirates and slavers, often joined by Master Healer Tsunade and her Padawan Rin Nohara (she likes to keep her hand in the fight despite being next in line for Temple Healing Master) and by Sentinel Knight Kushina Uzumaki (a Noorian woman with long fiery red hair and violet and orange-red striped eyes) and her Padawan Obito.

The Padawans figure out pretty quickly that there's Something Going On between Minato and Kushina, and almost as quickly determine that they’re *gasp* married. It takes Obito and Rin sitting on Kakashi for a while to defeat his kneejerk impulse to tattle to the temple, but they manage to talk him out of it.

((“Master Tsunade clearly knows,” Rin argues, “And if she knows, so do Master Orochimaru and Master Jiraiya, and they haven’t told yet so it’s okay, dammit Kakashi, stop squirming! Ow, why are your elbows so pointy?!?!”))

Then there’s a massive natural disaster on a little no name border planet, and their team is the closest available help for the endangered research station there. Rocks fall, mud slides, and Obito never makes it off planet. (of course, that’s only what they think happened) Kakashi is injured, and receives an experimental bionic eye from the locals (it’s not as cool as the sharingan, I know, but I’m at a loss as to how to fit creepy magic eyes into SW).

Kushina is heartbroken, and, after a very long conversation with Minato, takes a leave of absence from the Order. She sets herself up in one of the small satellite temples on Coruscant, far from the main temple, and spends a lot of time in the salle doing moving meditation.

Then Master Orochimaru Falls, and Tsunade leaves the order. Rin is transferred to another Knight, this one greener than grass. A few months later, Rin and the Knight are brought back to the temple for their pyres. A stupid misjudged situation, and Kakashi is suddenly alone. (Note: Hey, at least he doesn’t have to deal with being the one to put a hand through her chest this time?)

Minato, dealing with a grieving Padawan and grieving himself, sticks closer to the temple for a while, taking few off planet missions. He also spends a lot of his spare time dropping in to visit his wife friend Kushina.

It’s really not a surprise when Kushina gets pregnant a year or so later, is it?

Fast forward a little, and a mysterious attack on the satellite temple the night Kushina was due to give birth ends with not only Minato and Kushina dead, but nearly every living person at that temple. Kakashi is left holding their son.

Naruto is accepted into the creche with no fuss, though he is haloed in scandal, because his parents broke the code.

Kakashi wavers. He’s not quite old enough to go through his trial, but he can’t bare the thought of calling another Knight ‘Master’. But then, an offer comes from Master Drallig, and he takes it gratefully, vanishing into the faceless ranks of the Temple Guard for a time. (I’m pulling on a headcanon here, that says the Temple Guard still maintain identities outside of their jobs, and can and do retire after a while, because that kind of existence is not permanently maintainable for sentient minds. Otherwise, hey look, Jedi ANBU!)

Time marches on, and years pass. Kakashi buries himself in his job to the exclusion of nearly everything else, copes by adopting bits of friends personality traits, gets pounced on regularly by this crazy Guardian named Gai, and tries to find his footing without all the people he loves.

Meanwhile, there are assholes everywhere, and as it happens, the current creche master is such a person. A bastion of upholding the code, they see Naruto as a giant stain on the face of the order, conceived and born out of breaking the code as he was. They treat Naruto badly. Not badly enough to get called on it mind you, the child is never outright harmed, but neglected compared to the other younglings, yes.

And children take their cues from the adults around them. This version of Naruto is perhaps not as mistreated as his ninja world counterpart, but he grows up just as lonely. Still, he’s not called Sunshine Child for nothing! He’s still Naruto. Still unfailingly optimistic and bright.

But with the creche master convinced that such a child does not deserve to be a knight, he grows up ever so slightly sabotaged. He’s awful at traditional meditation (get’s it from his mother) and he doesn’t do well sitting in front of a screen in a classroom for hours a day.

The year he turns twelve, another child is brought into the temple. Naruto feels him the second their ship touches down on the landing pad outside, though he doesn’t know what he’s feeling, not yet. Class isn’t even an afterthought. He’s got to find out what that whirlpool in the force is!

At this point, Naruto is an expert at dancing around the temple surveillance, and in no time at all he’s face to face with a younger boy in strange roughly spun clothing, sitting outside the council chamber doors.

And Naruto being Naruto, he immediately beams at the boy, and rattles off a greeting, and launches into questions.

((”Hi! I’m Initiate Naruto Uzumaki! Who’re you? Your so bright! Have you come to be trained? You look a little old, but I’ve heard that Knight Vos was like, eleven when he got searched and brought to the temple, and you don’t look that old, so you should be fine!”))

Hearing about a child even older than him getting to be Jedi student soothes several fears that had been gathering in the back of Anakin’s mind, just a little, and soon enough he and Naruto are cheerfully chattering at one another, trading stories (Anakin gets a glimpse of what temple life is going to be like from a child close to his age, and Naruto hears quite a lot about podracers and a very nice girl named Padme)

So when Qui-gon and Obi-wan sweep out of the Council chambers, Qui-gon heading off to find a change of clothes, Obi-wan steps to the side and heads for where they left Anakin, to tell him the council wishes to see him now. He rounds the corner and stops bemusedly watching for a moment as Anakin gestures expansively in the middle of a story about the race he won, an older blond, human looking, boy in initiate robes exclaiming excitedly.

((”That’s amazing, Ani! Podracing’s illegal on Coruscant, so I’ve never seen it except for a couple clips on the holonet, but we’ve got swoopbikes! Those go really fast too, and you can catch some really cool races down in level 78!” Naruto enthuses. Before he can invite Ani to come the next time he sneaks out to see one, a soft ‘ahem’ interrupts him.

Whirling around, both boys cringe just a little at the senior Padawan eying them.

“The council is ready to see you, Anakin.” he shooes the boy towards the large doors, watches to see him go in, then turns to the initiate inching away in a not very sneaky manner.

“Odd, Initiate, I was under the impression that swoopbike races were as illegal as podraces here?” He asks dryly, eyeing the boy up and down, cataloging the child’s appearance from the sun bright hair to in the marks on his cheeks and the blue and orange striped eyes.

A Noorian then. Obi-wan is suddenly fiercely reminded of Tahl. Caught up in the thought as he is, plus his Master’s words a few moments ago in the Council chambers, he doesn’t notice the way the force seems to pause for a moment, like a canine pricking its ears at a new and interesting sound.

“Er, well. Um-” Naruto tries, only for the Padawan to shake his head and wave him off.

“Go on, I know for a fact you should be in class right now. I imagine you’ll get enough trouble from your teachers.” He makes another shooing motion.

Naruto doesn’t have to be told twice! He’s gone in a flash, vanishing around the corner.

And unnoticed by both, the force churns a little and spins in his wake, tendrils reaching out to both Obi-wan and Naruto almost thoughtfully, if a powerful omnipresent energy could be described as thoughtful.))

The council visit goes slightly better for this Anakin. Talking with Naruto, meeting a child only a little older than him, talking and laughing together, and hearing that he’s hardly the only child to be brought to the temple past the perfect age settles him.

The council is still not all together pleased by him, and their own fears do still color their interactions with him, but not to the degree they might have. Instead of an outright refusal to train him, there is a different choice made.

((”Deliberate, the council must.” The old tiny master chirps. Then he taps a few lines into the arm of his seat, and a moment later the doors reopen to admit Qui-gon and Obi-wan. He repeats the words for their benefit, and continues. “Into your care the boy is placed, Master Qui-gon for now. And return to Naboo, you and Padawan Kenobi must. But not alone, you will go. Another Knight the council will send.”

Anakin listens to this, a bit confused. But, well, a maybe is better than a no, he supposes.

“Who?” Master Qui-gon asks, brow furrowing as he tries to remember who is in the temple and not on the injured list or already assigned.

“Knight Kakashi Hatake has just returned from a long term mission.” Mace speaks up, long fingers gracefully dancing across the arm of his own chair, doubtlessly informing the knight of his sudden, new orders. “We believe his skill set will be much help on this mission.

Qui-gon and Obi-wan trade a look. ‘Just returned from a long term mission’ might as well be code for a reassigned Temple Guard or Shadow, they both know. And Obi-wan remembers that name, image of a small boy with sleepy dark eyes and coarse silver hair spring to the forefront of his mind.

“Meet you tomorrow, at the transport, Knight Hatake will.”))

Kakashi has just been summarily booted out of the Temple Guard meanwhile. Twelve years is about six years longer than most humans go in the guard, full stop, no breaks.

He might be a little confused and indignant about this. It seems a fact of life that Kakashi is a poorly socialized, bad at personing person in every world he exists in. This one is no exception.

He’s just trying to find his feet and figure out what exactly regualr Knights are supposed to do, when his personal com pings, and he is informed that he’s to be on the transport pad bright and early tomorrow, as extra support for a Master Qui-gon Jinn and senior Padawan Obi-wan Kenobi.

((Kakashi eyes the missive like it’s going to sprout a virus and eat his PC any second now. Then he tilts his head back a little, thoughtfully.

Kenobi, Kenobi, where does he know that name from?

A reedy human youngling with coppery red hair and defiant blue eyes swims up from the depths of his memory. Wait, shouldn’t Obi-wan be twenty-five by now? What in the sith hells is he still doing as a padawan? Most humans got knighted around twenty or twenty-two.

Kakashi had been marked down as passing his trials at nineteen.

Well, he supposed he’d find out tomorrow.

Picking himself up off the couch he ambled towards the bedroom he rarely actually used and idly threw several of the new robes he’d been issued in a travel sack.))

Kakashi is awkward around Anakin, at first. He’s not really interacted much with kids, in his defense! The Temple Guard really isn’t supposed to interact with anyone. They just, well, guard?

Anakin is fascinated though. Qui-gon is busy for most of the trip to Naboo, in conference with the Queen, and Anakin get’s the feeling that Obi-wan doesn't like him very much, so that leaves Kakashi to talk to, and ask all the questions he couldn’t ask Naruto or Qui-gon about.

Slowly, when the kid doesn’t immediately quiz him on his soft squishy tragic past, but just wants to know what kind of things a he’s going to need to learn to catch up, Kakashi relaxes. He even has a laugh startled out of him when the kid viciously mutters a nasty string of Huttese upon learning he’ll have to take a whole slew of aptitude tests and won’t be allowed to fly any kind of ship before twelve, and then only supervised.

((Kakashi can be forgiven for not noticing the way the force swirls idly around the two of them, rather like a cat eyeing up a new toy. He’s never been the most gifted at sensing the force, especially after his family after Master Minato and Kushina had died.

Anakin feels it, but Anakin always feels the force. It’s like air, always there for him. Someday he’ll be trained to narrow his senses enough to pick out fine detail in the force, but for now sensing nuance is beyond him.

So neither one feel the weight of consideration upon them, the questing brushes along their souls.))

Sadly, for all that Kakashi’s presence on the mission does save many lives, Qui-gon Jinn’s life is not among them. He stands with Obi-wan behind a humming energy wall, helpless to stop the sith from impaling the Master.

He and Obi-wan, together, take down Maul. Obi-wan bisects him, Kakashi takes his head off. Both are present for Qui-gon’s last words, his plea for Obi-wan to train Anakin.

Naboo is freed, Qui-gon is dead. Anakin saved the day in space, and Kakashi and Obi-wan fought and killed a sith. A real, live sith.

In the ensuing havoc, Kakashi gets swept up in routing trade federation lackeys and it’s not until the council representatives show up that he sees Anakin again.

He and Obi-wan have just come from meeting Yoda, giving their verbal reports, and Kakashi backing up Obi-wan when he pleads/demands to be given Anakin as a Padawan.

Anakin is waiting just outside the door, having been told by Obi-wan to wait.

He looks up as they come out, his eyes meet Kakashi’s one uncovered eye and the force comes down on them like a pouncing Pittin. A durasteel force bond snaps into place faster than they can blink, to the shock of all involved.

Everyone just kind of stares for a moment in silence before Kakashi mutters several choice curses he’d picked up from Anakin on the trip to Naboo.

The force wills what it wills.

Knight Kakashi Hatake will train Anakin Skywalker.

Force help them both.

((Obi-wan is Knighted, and set adrift.

This... Well, Obi-wan is an odd mix of pleased and guilty for being pleased, and sad, because he couldn’t even do the last thing his father Master asked of him. Logically he knows that this has nothing to do with him, the force willed it and all that, but emotionally, he feels like a failure.

So, while Kakashi and Anakin slowly orbit one another and find some kind of balance with each other, Obi-wan fields comm calls from concerned friends (none of whom are in the Temple right now) and slowly packs up his and Qui-gon’s rooms. He can’t stay in them. Rooms of that size are reserved for Master/Padawan sets. He’s been politely informed he has two weeks to pack up and what his new room assignment is.

It hurts. Far far more than he ever would have thought to give all of the temple issued clothing and gear back to the quartermaster, and carefully pack away all of the collected detritus of his masters life.

A paper book of pressed flowers and leaves from his master’s own Padawan days. Holo upon holo of moments in his life stored on a half dozen image displays.

A collection of blue pebbles in a line before the window in Qui-gon’s room, arranged from pale sky blue to a glittering blue black.

In the bedside drawer Obi-wan finds a handful of flimsy notes scrawled in Tahls spidery hand and he just- he needs to get some air.

And so he goes wandering. He has the vague thought of heading for the gardens, but no, his mind is elsewhere as he walks, and when he rouses himself from his thoughts, he finds himself outside one of the the initiate level salles.

And, well, he’s here now he supposes, so he goes in.

There’s a class in progress, older initiates by first glance, all spinning and weaving in pairs, movements fine and controlled as benefits students of an age to be chosen as Padawans.

A head of bright yellow catches his eyes, and he watches as the boy he saw talking to Anakin (force, had it only been seven days ago?) spins away, grinning widely, from the too telegraphed swing of the Zabraki girl he’s paired with.

And he feels the force prod at him, just a little.

Frowning to himself, he skirts the Salle and comes up beside the instructor, a towering Ithorian fmale.

“The Noorian boy, with the blond hair. Who is he?” He asks in an undertone, not wanting to draw more attention than he already had by wandering in during paired katas.

The Ithorian Jedi blinks large eyes placidly down at him for a moment, taking in his still shorn hair but lack of Padawan braid no doubt, before responding.

“Half Noorian. Naruto Uzumaki.” He rumbles.

“He’s very good. He moves quite well for a boy his age.” Obi-wan offers. Naruto certainly moved better than he did at twelve. At that age he’d started random growth spurts, and it always seemed that his body was never quite the size he was used to.

The Ithorian rumbled in agreement. “Yes. The child moves well. Very gifted in the martial ways. Pity.”

Obi-wan blinks in surprise. “Pity? Why pity? If he moves this well at so young an age, surely he’ll only improve.”

“Moving is about the only thing he does well. He’s bottom of his class in everything else. No Knight has expressed any interest, and with grades like that... Well, Agricorps, or Exploricorps perhaps. But not Knighthood.”

There is another, sharper prod from the force, and just like it’s happening right now, he can see Qui-gon walking away from him, taste the bitter disappointment of crushed hopes and dreams.

The force helpfully prods him again.

‘Oh Hell.’ He thinks, finally catching on. He has a sudden suspicion why he’s there. And, if he’s reading the currents eddying around him right, and the tendrils unfurling towards the half Noorian boy, he doesn’t actually have much of a choice in the matter.

There’s an almost smug thrum from the force.

Well, at least he’ll get to stay in his and Qui-gon’s rooms now? And... Naruto is such a bright shimmer in the force, like sunlight dancing across an ocean. He can’t help but think such a bright spirit would be welcome now.))

SO, Obi-wan caught on to his little force bond match up, unlike Kakashi. After glumly saying goodbye to any idea of peace and quiet (he does recall Naruto cheerfully talking about swoopbike races after all) he goes over after the kids are done with katas and taps Naruto on the shoulder.

Naruto turns around and BAM. Instant Padawan bond.

Naruto is ecstatic. Obi-wan is mostly tired. Cautiously happy, but tired.

The council is convened, and there is much arguing, oh I mean discussing, of what two instantly forming force bonds within days of each other could mean, but the force isn’t talking.

In a rare bout of wisdom and insight, the council decides that since Kakashi is only just come back from his ‘long term mission’ and doesn’t quite have the hang of being a normal (hah!) Jedi yet, and Obi-wan has only just been Knighted and is now saddled with a Padawan, the two of them should become a team.

Anakin and Naruto are far more excited about this that Obi-wan or Kakashi, as you can probably guess. Instant brothers and bffs.

Anakin grows up with a friend this time. Someone who is not an adult and is willing to help him catch up on the things he needs to know, even if Naruto doesn’t really like sitting still and paying attention to learning modules, and someone to show him all the ways to sneak out of the temple (there are a lot, unsurprisingly, mostly on the lower levels)

Naruto gets a bestie who doesn’t care one whit about who his parents were and how they broke the code. Someone who’s nearly as curious as he is, and willing to move with him instead of trying to get him to slow down. It’s amazing.

Eventually Naruto and Anakin befriend several other Padawans around their age. A Togruta girl named Sakura, and a human boy named Sasuke. Because Naruto is still a friend making dynamo once he gets going.

In this verse, Anakin tells his master when he and Padme secretly get married, because he’s heard Minato and Kushina’s story, and knows Kakashi won’t tell the council. Naruto and Obi-wan also get told, because they’re family, no matter how Obi-wan never says it.

When the war comes, Kakashi becomes a general in his own right, leading his own portion of the clone army. it doesn’t sit well with him, this army that was made in the jedi’s name by some unknown, and he’s quietly running his own investigation into things on the side.

Does he find out who’s really running things and about the ticking time bombs in the clones heads? I have no idea, but I hope so.

My steams kinda running out here bc it’s like 4AM here and this got so freaking long omg *facepalm* I meant this to be a quick what if/reply but i started typing and just could not stop. So here, have 4,000 odd words about a hypothetical Star Wars/Naruto fusion!

Other things that spun through my mind while I was working this out;

- Kakashi has a prototype special bionic eye instead of a whirly magic eye in this verse. He still needs to keep it covered, since the record function automatically activates when exposed to light.

- Once Kakashi and Obi-wan loosen up around each other the snark starts flying. OMG the snark. We’re talking epic levels of snark.

- Kakashi and Obi-wan fall into bed together at least three times, but ultimately decided to keep things purely platonic. They just don’t work as lovers.

- They find out they’ve both had relationships with Quinlan and Siri.

- Naruto and Anakin give Kakashi a plush canine every year on his birthday. (My way of working in the ninken pack)

- Kakashi knows really weird people. See: Knight Gai Maito, Jedi Shadow Anko Mitarashi, and other former temple guards ‘other people on the same long term mission’ Knight Genma Shiranui, Knight Raido Namiashi, etc.

- Kakashi get’s along pretty well with Padme. He can respect a woman who managed to rule a planet, become a senator, and still remain such a kick ass and take names kind of girl.

- Kakashi adores Ahsoka and thought it was freaking hilarious when she was sneakily assigned to Anakin.

- Naruto gets assigned a Padawan around the same time, but I don’t know who it should be. Konohamaru maybe? IDK that would be pretty funny.

- Obito eventually shows up as one of Palpatine’s apprentices. That revelation goes just as badly as you can imagine.

- Orochimaru (I’m picturing him as half Echani, half something unknown) swans in and out as a big bad, just like in canon. He probably teams up with Jenna Zan Arbor a couple times because they’re the same kind of crazy.

- Akatsuki may or may not be a thing with deep cover Shadow Itachi Uchiha working undercover (no massacre happened in this verse).

- Tsunade eventually rejoins the order and takes over the Medical Corps. She might find out about the chips in the clones heads, come to think about it. She seems like the kind of person who’d want to know just what the kriffing hell those things actually do. Control aggression her ass.

- Tsunade’s first Padawan, Shizune, is Sakura’s Master, but Sakura spends just as much time learning from Tsunade.

- Jiraiya is a Zeltron in this verse. He still writes porn under a pseudonym, which Kakashi reads. He still wrote a novel about a protagonist named Naruto, but this time about a brave Jedi Knight.

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