#idk I just like that reminder that being aro is a thing I can be proud of. and that I am proud of

[chisatowo]

I love making aro characters as an aro person cause it's just self inflicted relief after spending so much time seeing the weak alloro aro hcs as the "nothing" option for a characters romantic orientation to just remember that aro characters can in fact be written to be complex and interesting characters and their aromanticism can be incredibly meaningful to their character and story even if it's not a point of conflict

[archivomeow]

shipping aroaces + yelena belova 🏹 ♠️

!! reminder !! this is in no way to start drama, hate or anything, this is just me trying to explain, so read it, then give feedback, but be respectful or as respectful as you can be in the moment, i will be blocking trolls or people who claim aspec to be fake or those who cuss me out or are just plainly rude.

so i see this a lot… “but aros can date so i can ship this character!!!!”

and that is true, in some cases.

the thing i feel like people miss the most is:

being aromantic is a label, it mean no romantic attraction. but if a person is arospec, aka on the aromantic spectrum they can experience it (rarely / under certain circumstances etc.)

if you are aromantic, that doesn’t mean you can’t date, you obviously can, but not all aros chose to do so and both are just as valid.

aromantic as a term can be used as an umbrella term, a demiromantic can call themselves aro.

so while aros, just like all people can date and can choose to not date that doesn’t mean you get to throw that excuse around, same thing goes for QPRs but i will talk about that some other time.

i see allos throw around this excuse with Yelena Belova mainly, she is an aroace character, she has never shown interest in dating and has shown repulsion to sex. SO HOW COME YALL WRITE HER AND SHE SUDDENLY LIKES BOTH??? because well yk “aros can date” “aces can have sex”…

while both are true it literally takes away from her identity??? she is openly repulsed by sex and uninterested in romance AND THAT IS OKAY.

she doesn’t need to date, she doesn’t need a qpr either.

the only reason she is put in romantic/sexual situations is because people thirst over Florence (she is beautiful), you can write fics about her other many roles & leave the only aroace character she has played ALONE.

she is only put in QPRs by allos, because they want her to be a lesbian (even though she clearly states she is not a lesbian in the comics), so they say it’s a qpr and they get their way. she isn’t attracted to women. if the mcu will make her anything it is straight, as SHE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO WOMEN (hopefully aroace tho)…

and to aroaces who purposely disregard her preferences which are clear, idk what to say, it’s a shame that yall are so deep into amatonormativity.

++ just to add to all this “the comics aren’t the mcu”, imagine if there was an openly lesbian character and everyone just ignored it, they’re being shipped with a man, smut of them and men is created, so then the lesbian community tried to educate them, they try to explain that it is erasure and everyone just uses that argument. feels shit doesn’t it???

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas :) My younger sister is 22 and recently told me that she’s in a queer platonic relationship. I already knew she was aro so this isn’t surprising but i’ve been trying to understand her identity a bit more so I can help give her advice when she asks and stuff (cause she often came to me for advice with romance stuff and I even helped her find the label aro, which she now identifies with) but I feel a bit bizarre walking into queer places as a straight girl cause I hate to take up a place where people go to be comfortable around others like them. So I didn’t know who to ask. So i’m asking you :)

I don’t really understand queer platonic. I don’t want to know if my baby sister has sex and I don’t care whether that’s her thing or not, but I don’t know the right terminology.

Is her queer platonic person her partner? They were already really close friends, so are they more than that now? Is queer platonic another way of saying bestest friend to ever friend? She said they got together very recently (she was excited to tell me) and so… should I have noticed? Since she said she’s aro, I know she doesn’t get crushes, or want to date, so I stopped thinking about that in regards to her. Was it sort of like a crush except without romance? 

I know I could ask my sister but we’re pretty far from each other right now and it feels like the sorta thing to ask about in person, she speaks a lot in body language my sister, and so it’d be nice to know what she’s feeling I guess, or how I should treat their relationship going forward. 

Also since it’s a relationship, i’d quite like to get to know her partner, but I don’t know if that’s usually within the boundaries of queer platonic (I do partly know them already, but we’ve never met IN PERSON before). 

Also, I assume since she called it a queer platonic relationship, calling it a friendship is rude? Cause it’s not a friendship, it’s a relationship. 

I don’t know how much of it I should understand, you know? Cause obviously it’s her experience and not mine so there’ll always be a part of it I don’t get. But I feel like I don’t get enough of it yet. 

She often comes to me for advice and I expect she will more often now she’s in a relationship, she doesn’t deal with conflict very well and likes to call me to calm down sometimes.

I don’t know whether my advice should change now it’s a relationship. I also don’t know how her dynamic has changed with her partner? 

Also, and I really don’t want this to sound rude, but can I call what they have love? Cause they do love each other, just not romantically, I think. 

Anyway, I don’t fully know what i’m asking. Just if you having any insight into queer platonic relationships, please tell meeeee :) 

I’m super happy for my sister and already psyching myself up for correcting my parents when they use the wrong terminology for my sister and her partner. Oh that reminds me, is there any terminology that I might accidentally use that’s wrong? I assume like “romance”. Unless they can have romance, just not romantic feelings? 

Yeah idk, have a lovely week Cas ❤️ Thanks for reading my questionsssss

Hi hon!

Honestly, I don't have a ton of experience with queer platonic relationships, but I'm gonna do my best to help!

From what I know a queer platonic relationship is what it sounds like, basically. Two (or more) queer people who are in a platonic relationship. They may be partnered, meaning they sort of...belong to each other, ig? Belong isn't the right word, but I'm hoping you get the idea. There's love there, but not romantic. Sometimes there's intimacy, but sometimes not. There's variation there, which is why it's hard for me to answer your questions.

I think the thing is, a lot of these questions, I wouldn't be able to answer even if I had a lot of knowledge. The reason for this is because being aro can be a spectrum. Some aro people like a bit of romance, some like none. Some like physical intimacy, some don't. The questions that you're asking right now are amazing questions, because they show you respect your sister's identity and you want to understand how she feels. You're asking the right questions, but I really think you need to ask her.

I would start by saying something like. "Hey, you told me about x. I really want to understand because I love you. Is it okay if I ask some questions?"

Odds are, she'll be up for answering. Most queer people WANT people to want to learn. Then, ask away. These are all good questions and none of them are inappropriate imo. I think once you know the answers to these, you'll know how to give advice, too.

Remember that it's okay to not completely understand. But asking questions and working to understand means the world to most people.

And if she doesn't want to answer questions? Just be accepting. Roll with it. Try to learn by observing.

But I need you to understand that like...if someone came to me and was like, "I have questions about your gender, can I ask?" I would cry of happiness. So odds are your sister will be willing to answer.

You sound like an amazing person and I hope you ask your sister all of these things, because it sounds like you're exactly the type of sibling everyone deserves to have <3

Naming you qpr anon!

[alexandraisyes]

*skitters in in need of nice and funky things* HOKAY. SHIPS. I am honestly open to nearly all ships due to the fact my aro-ace ass simply doesn't require them to live BUT I do have few that either sparks my interest or i think they work pretty well :3 I also go by the logic they are robots and relationships cannot be really compared to humans. Earth x Eclipse - I don't what it is with Earth cracking the harshest personalities but my god, Eclipse v4 warming up to her to the point of tolerating was a feat and sparks immense joy. Allowing Earth to hug him and hang out? Chat? Feel loved? Absolutely precious. Earth respects his boundaries and at the same time Eclipse appreciates her embracing his persona. It's just such a good premise for a slightly odd but good couple. I love it. Sun x Eclipse (many versions) - Canon divergence with Sun and Eclipse working it out? YES. Solar and his original Sun? My god please yes. Oh, what's his? Lord Eclipse and his Servant Sun? Mhm mhm yes. Excellent. So many potentials. So many ways to roll with the ship. Can be loving or spicy or unhealthy. So many choices. Nexus x Solar - do I even have to explain. I think many feels similar about this one. Nexus as new moon found his Sun, even if that Sun is eclipsed. Solar desperately needed someone to love and appreciate him. I am both friend shipping them and shipping, both works for me beautifully.

Sun x Moon - ho boi a controversial one but hey, what is the multiverse for if not ship anything you want (especially since it was even confirmed in canon that romantic DCAs are as normal and common as brotherly bonds or coworkers or absolutely hating each other). They are AIs inhibiting robotic bodies. They are synthetic beings and their understanding of bonds are different than the ones of a biological critters. They are a bundle of codes that try to understand the convoluted partnerships and roles among each other. Protective Moon and caring Sun may decide their bond is on the romantic spectrum. Cos who knows Sun better than their Moon? What is Moon without their Sun? :) Those would be the ones that stick to my brain. Thank you for making the small sharing time! I hope you have a lovely day/evening :) Cheers!

Hiii Wonszu!!! (Waving at u from my enclosure!!!)

I think that Eclipse deserves something nice. And maybe Earth could be that something nice, in the right circumstances.

They're literally my first ship (just normal SunChips) in this fandom and ough. Ough. I literally never even considered the idea of shipping the sillies until I found out that this fandom has a fucking ao3 tag. I was still mostly in the UTMV fandom when I started watching TSAMS, and my poor fandom then was burning while I was slowly jumping ship.

I think they're sweet. I don't see them as romantic myself, but I support those who do. They remind me of the relationship my brother had with his best friend.

I think the fandom is slowly getting over their whole general "every sun and moon HAS to be related and platonic" since we have people hardcore shipping Helios (dark sun) and Nexus. Not to mention the AU Sun and Moon in DoctorF's fic, Sunlo and Moonlit. They're cute. I don't see why we can't have TSAMS AUs where the dynamics are different when it's generally acceptable to ship SolarMoon as an AU. Idk maybe I'm biased, I've been shipping Sun and Moon (in general) since like immediately when Security Breach came out. I took one look at them and went "oh yes they are so fucking gay". And jadkl;fsjads it was such a lonely time when I didn't know anyone else who shipped them.

As I've already said before, I see TSAMS as just one DCA au amongst many DCA aus. Do whatever the fuck you want bro.

Ask Game - Send Me Ship Headcanons (TSBS)

[thedndgoblinwholivesinyourwalls]

Standing at ur door politely asking for more oc lore

HIHI HELLOOO!! it seems this is a rite of passage for many mutuals (they have all gotten this oc lore hehehe) So sooo i’ll try to make it as short as possible :]]

The story is set in Beckenshire, a fake town in florida! This world is literally just ours but with monsters/cryptids. And they’ve been here since the dawn of time but ever since the discovery of nuclear power, they seem to be drawn to nuclear plants/nuclear sites, and Beckenshire is an old mining/nuclear facility town so they have a lot of monsters!

so the main three characters are Ryan (he/him), Carmela (she/her) and Dana (they/she)!

Ryan is a basketball and dnd player who is the son of Adele and Josh Beckett and he has an older sister called Claire. What happens to him in the story is that his arm gets cut off by his gf Carmela D: and he gets a werewolf-ish bite which causes him to get yellow pupils, horns and pointy teeth :]

Carmela is a soccer player and her parents are Maria Luzardo and Daniel Rivera. Maria moved away three years ago after a fight with her husband. Carmela is not doing well in the story (well nobody is really lmao)- she gets emotionally manipulated into cutting ryan’s arm off and joined a cult (the cult made her cut his arm off btw)

Dana!! Love them soo much!! She runs a weather station for the town :]] Her parent’s are Noah B and José! Noah married José some years after his wife, Dana’s bio mum, died. Later in the story, a Fetch (monsters that take the form of a loved on to kill you) pretends to be Dana’s mum and tries to drown them and mermaid-ish monsters steal Dana’s left eye!

I have very lengthy lore for all the parents but i shall focus on Janette, Adele, and Josh (the polycule ever if they were good peoplee). So Adele and Josh started dating in highschool and Josh is transmasc but found that out in his late 20’s so they began as a sapphic couple. Adele is very transphobic (girl nooo) and blames Josh for Ryan also being transmasc (josh just break up with adele it’d be easierr)

Janette Biswar is the leader of the cult that Carmela joined! I love janette actually she’s amazing <-she’s evil but shshshhs. So janette and adele end up in a weird situationship/relationship thing?? Janette’s aro and she tells Adele that when they meet like ‘heyyy no romance please’ and adele is like ‘yeah sure sure whatever’ reminder that adele is cheating on her husband and janette has no clue about this!! Adele ends up falling in love, it could be obsession idk if its love but here we are shsvkshdkdn, with janette and she uses the ‘your heartless’ line which is like GIRL NOOO

Putting aside their drama, Janette uses Carmela’s mum against her to blackmail her into cutting off Ryan’s arm. Janette dies twice in this story, first one being burnt alive inside the cult building. Adele is the one who lit the place on fire btw. The second time is quite gory if you think about it soo here we go:

So one of the monsters in this world is called Sprites! They are little spirits that inhabit inanimate objects and you can give them sweet treats to get the object back! There is another type of them which I’m calling Sprite 2.0 at the moment which inhabit dead bodies or making deals with people on their deathbed (literally and methaporically). Janette makes a deal with them when she’s dying in the burning building.

The catch here is that the sprites will give your body energy and like magic fuel but that energy is so rich with magic that bright blue flowers with thorns that grow under the skin of the person. They are always trying to get out of the body, but they aren’t able to break the skin by their own. When your skin gets cut, all the flowers will rush to the cut and push their way out of your body.

So Janette gets shot by her son/nephew (that’s complicated but yeah its her sister kid she adopted) and its in the chest but just above her collarbone so if she got to the hospital she’d be fine. But the flowers under her skin rush towards that wound and tear the skin away to let them out. They tear away at her heart, lungs and windpipe, but grow reallyyyy slowly so she’s just lying there slowly dying while Adele’s like ‘hahhaa L imaginr fuck you’ basically.

Uh yeah. that’s a short rundown if you can believe it! I could go into soo much more detail on every character mentioned so yeyeyee if you have any questions, since this was very confusing, pls send them my way since i love talking about these guys! (obviously as you can tell lmao :]])

[redheadbigshoes]

honestly im an aro lesbian and i tend to say (though i waver between this and going yeah everyone is - im ultimately undecided) aro heterosexual and ace heteroromantic cis people are apart of the community if they connect with that, because there is no denying that many aromantic heterosexual cishet men have never experienced an identifying queer experience that would have them connecting with other LGBT+ in any way, and many cishet aro men wont even realise they're aro in the first place because of the societal structure around sex for men (casual, flings, fwb, high body count, bachelor lifestyle, being emotionally/romantically detached from partners) all being in their favor while for aromantic straight women they're shamed for those things and are expected to settle down, love and care for their partners, be a homemaker and be a perfect wife not to sleep around as a single woman. they don't have to think about their lack of attraction to women and identify it because societally this is expected of them and gets them a pat on the back from other men u know what i mean? a man like that who is benefiting from modern patriarchal standards of what sex should be for a man and how it shouldn't be for a woman has literally nothing in common with a queer aroallo imo.

idk i know u aren't aro or ace but you often talk about men being men and misogyny + patriarchy so id love to hear your thoughts about this from that perspective even if its disagreeing with me in places because i don't think this is something people often talk about or think about when it comes to aromantic - specifically - straight cis men. asexual cishet men have a vastly differing experience because of the same structure which can cause more distress and pressure to perform. but cishet aro men can fly under the radar in their "queerness" in comparison.

it sort of reminds me (and i am also polyamorous) the idea of "polyamory being inherently queer" where-in a polyam cishet allo man has two gfs who are dating each other, has never interacted with the community aside from his bisexual gfs dating each other in his vicinity, would be considered lgbtq+ based off that statement when he quite literally could just turn around and immediately hate crime or fetishize us (which is super common with these types of guys)

i feel sometimes blanket statements being thrown like a net to cover the most ground in inclusivity can lack nuance in discussion

No but you brought up very interesting points that I hadn’t thought of. I agree with everything you said, in this case it depends on what the person feels more connected to. Not only because it’s not really my place to have an opinion about it since I’m not ace or aro, but also because of the points you brought up.

Though I see some similar things when comparing being cishet and aro or ace with polyamorous, I don’t think they’re necessarily the same (in terms of comparing) because one is about attraction while the other is a choice, you know? But I definitely get it it’s not something simple to discuss.

[sparkedblaze]

wh—what if you talked more about the delanceys in your modern au 👉🏻👈🏻

I guess I'm answering Nox's first anon, sorry. My phone is literally deleting half my post every time I try to save or post it :)

Idk what I'm gonna put in here, so I'm gonna have the usual Delanceys t/w on here and come back if I need more: Violence, fighting, cursing

I've given the overall look for the Delanceys, so here are just little things that I think about with them + modern au:

They both would hate fast food. It's greasy and disguting.

Oscar's the one who cooks the food for them. Morris can if he really tries, but Oscar's just better at it.

They have a joint twitter account, it's just easier that way. Morris is absolute trash at remembering passwords (look at me projecting) so it's easier when Oscar also knows the log in info, and uses it regularly so he doesn't also forget.

Oscar is aro/ace, and is hella confused and frustrated when Morris gets crushes because they're supposed to be in this together

Morris doesn't understand why Oscar is so upset that he mentioned how pretty York had been that day. It was just an observation.

That's how all his crushes start. An observation. "Did you see York's hair was in a ponytail instead of a bun today?" "Did Graves finally have the surgery he'd been planning?" "Jack Kelly has a boyfriend now. His eyes are blue like the sky." It's the little differences he notices that always catch his attention.

Oscar doesn't make Morris eat things he doesn't like. This might not seem like a big deal, but their Uncle Wies had always made them finish what was on their plate, even if Morris was sobbing and pleading and begging not to.

Oscar, on the other hand, will clear a plate no matter the contents. He's grateful just to have food at all (though he doesn't cook anything he doesn't like, so this is mostly for get togethers)

Their job is more than just them liking fighting. It's about quenching a bloodthirst that sits deep in their bellies. It makes them feel whole, whereas someone like York does it because he's good at it and makes decent money. He isn't completely dependent on the actions in the ring to live a complete life.

Morris isn't good with words. Putting them together is hard. Remembering them is even harder. And trying to string along enough to make sense to someone that isn't Oscar is next to impossible.

That being said, he's incredibly good with numbers. Birthdays, holidays, counting. Once he learns how to do number things, he remembers is. Once he learns long division, he can do that shit in his head.

I feel like I need to put a list of the stims and quirks I think Morris has, so here: Chirping when excited, flappy hands (both when excited and when trying to get off the bad sensories), crab claws when thinking, hopping over the last step in a staircase, clacking his teeth together when he's anxious, snapping when he needs to/is trying to remember something, rocking back and forth, tapping his fingers, cracking knuckles.

Oscar collects vinyl records. And Morris likes to go to the vinyl section of every store that has them to find something for Oscar.

Morris likes rock music. Oscar does too, but prefers quieter music. He probably really likes something lame like jazz, but uses rock or metal to get pumped before a fight.

Morris is still wearing most of the same clothes he wore in high school (why fix what ain't broke?)

Oscar dresses nicely. They grew up with practically nothing. He allows himself to have nice clothes, to remind him of where they came from and what all their hard work has achieved.

They avoid Wiesel. They avoid the Refuge. They're always traveling, and don't have a house. They don't have roots set down. They feel like they don't belong anywhere because of this. Because they're always staying in different hotel rooms and going to different states for different fights.

I hope this tickles your fancy. These are thoughts making it through my frustrated haze, so I'm sorry if this sucks :)

Ily <3!!!

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

So I'm aro and kinda ambivalent/slightly pos on sex stuff. So like from an aspec perspective on all your posts is very interesting to watch. Idk. I feel like people only use my identity to mask they still have growing to do and that sex isn't... Like, scary I guess? Its just a thing people do, Yk? Also that lots of different people have sex, conventionally unattractive people have sex, you don't need to "beautify" them. Adults have sex. These characters are all adults, by the end of the comics Scout is in his late 20s, like. I'm fairly certain these characters have had sex, and infantilizing characters like Scout, sometimes Engineer, or especially Pyro, whether they realize it or not, reflects on them and their feelings on how people "should act" and mental disorders. They can have sex! The sex can be weird! They are weird people! Like... They're adult men. They range from mid 20's to possibly their 50s-60's. Who are messed up a bit. I don't think they're timid little virgin babys who have never seen a genital or came in their life, like, be serious. I think it CAN be interesting to explore how someone in the 60's-70's would navigate asexuality in this scenario. Like, that can be an interesting take IF you put the actual thought, understanding, and nuances of being aspec. But like, it's always just like, filler sexuality here to be there cuz I don't have a strong grasp on the character. A pretty flag for the sake of having another flag. And because of that lack of character and world understanding they lean on stereotypes under the guise of progressive ideas.

Sorry about the all over the place rant, just been thinking about this kinda stuff every time I see ur posts.

Nooo don'tworry this is rlly nice to hear n a perspective I can't rlly give! Obviously I'm not aspec myself AHGKLAGA but I definitely don't like stuff like "well of COURSE Pyro is aroace bc they're baby uwu" it just doesn't sit right with me LMAO. None of this is to say that I think it's "wrong" to have ace Pyro or ace Sniper or ace whoever headcanons, of course I don't think that. I especially think it's really nice when someone sees themself in a videogame man, regardless of what their identity is. I just think yknow, stuff like "this guy has Brain Problems (Sniper has social problems, Pyro has delusions, Scout has a disorder I'm calling 'being in his 20s') and therefore does not have sex" or in Pyro's case especially "cannot even UNDERSTAND sex" is kinda just harmful and offensive across the board, to mentally ill people and aspec people alike. I'm always reminded of that ask I got like "if autistic people can't handle bright lights how are they supposed to handle sex" bc like 1) plenty of autistic people are perfectly Fucking capable of understanding, having, and enjoying sex and 2) ace people aren't ace bc they "can't handle" or "don't understand" sex LMAO. Sex is a thing some people have, and a thing some people don't, and like either of those things are good and okay and fine. Idk there's just a veeeery wide societal problem of really infantilizing both asexual people and disabled people that I think extends far beyond "fandom" or whatever, it's rlly deeply ingrained so a lot of people aren't aware of how they perpetrate it. Basically I just don't think an ace or aro headcanon should surround "X character is just completely incapable of understanding and/or consenting to sex or romance" ESPECIALLY if that character is disabled (like Pyro tf2, or even to a smaller degree like Sniper tf2 if the person doing it hcs him as autistic or whatever). If u want someone to be ace they can just be ace! It doesn't need like a "shy baby uwu" reasoning behind it

[redysetdare]

As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

[aro-culture-is]

Romance adverse aro culture is not understanding why some aro's are mourning being aromantic and not feeling romantic attraction. Like I won't say what they are feeling is wrong because it isn't, I just never had that reaction when I found I was aro. I just don't get why ppl are sad they "cant have a romantic relationship" like... Can't they choose to have one anyways? Also different kinds of relationships exist why not have one of those? Idk I think I'm missing something here and I hope my confusion doesn't come off as rude....

basics: feelings are extremely complex and there are so many factors that I can only provide a very few basic idea here, and this will not apply to everyone, nor provide the details on everything I do bring up.

1) culturally, a lot of individuals expect that romantic relationships are only for those who experience mutual romantic attraction. the reality is more nuanced, but whether from not knowing, or being in a logic =/= emotions response (which is normal and valid), those who are aro and do want romantic relationships may mourn many things while learning, understanding, and accepting this.

2) amatonormativity my beloathed. imagine that you, in accordance with the culture you grew up with, have always associated a happy, fulfilling life with romance. a lot of people never have to question this. how might you feel, if, without encountering the concept of amatonormativity, identifying it in your own expectations, or being provided alternative ideas of what a happy and fulfilling life could look like, you realized you didn't feel the very thing upon which that happiness supposedly rested? grief is a very expected response. "I will never be happy and fulfilled" is an understandable, if incorrect, conclusion.

3) last of the things I will be addressing: when romance is held on a pedestal, and your current thoughts have been strictly around your romantic identity... it's a practiced, learned skill to be able to step back and ask about alternatives. in my own culture, i'd go so far as to say that skill is actively discouraged by many people, and treated as a fallacy within discussions about romance. even discussing widly known familial, platonic, or unspecified other relationships, otherd are quick to remind you that amatonormativity is King, and to suggest otherwise is literally treated like giving up on happiness. idk how many aros are aware of QPRs coming into the community, but there's more layers there, and i'm not the right person to unpack them. grief here can come from many, many places, including conflict with people who were previously part of these other relationships.

[melancholycatastrophe]

Jotting down some thoughts about Only Friends Episode 4:

spoilers, obviously

That first scene with Ray broke me, that feeling of worthlessness and how everyone must hate you hit a little too hard for me

I was right thinking that Ray is closer to Mew than the others (and maybe vice versa), possibly because Mew is his emergency contact and saved him when he was feeling suicidal; which reminds me of when Ray told Sand that it was his turn to save him after Sand took care of him while he was drunk

That one person's theory that Ray is using Sand as an emotional replacement for Mew, who he already holds on a pedestal and probably is attached to Mew more than he likes Mew, is probably true. Idk I'm not really analyzing but I genuinely feel that Ray uses people as an emotional crutch in order to get things from them that he never got from his own mom - love, compassion, someone to hold

Cheum is so me: "Ray, if I wasn't a lesbian I would love you"

Side note: I love scenes where all four of them are together and doing friend stuff even though they're all backstabbing each other (except Cheum, bless her)

The fact that Boston saw his two close friends kiss and recorded it, kept it for two years without saying anything is so???????? I want to crack open his head and figure out whats wrong with him

Ray saying Sand is not his type after he had his tongue down his throat not 30 minutes ago is??????????

Ray still being in love with Mew is so sad especially when Mew clearly only sees him as a friend (He's gotta be on the ace-aro spectrum is2g Mew is demisexual and probably aroflux or something along that line. Trust me, I'm also ace(-probably aro) and he's just like me)

Mew laying clear boundaries with others is hot. Actually, yes, kissing someone who is asleep without their consent is weird and you shouldn't do it, this isn't a kdrama Ray, you can't get away with it

I can't wait for Nick to rock Boston's shit I'll be honest, I really want him to try and blackmail Boston into a relationship, they can be red flag4red flag

Top really has the AUDACITY to call Mew his future boyfriend as if he didn't fuck Boston like he had something to prove just the other day, all men do is lie

That airplane with a B on it....the photobooth at the hotel.....Top I was really rooting for you but you're getting on my last nerve...

Ray is the kinda guy that doesn't know what the price of eggs are

"I do want money but friendship and love can't be bought" Sand I literally can't relate, would love someone to buy me things in exchange for my friendship

Raysand is so cute at the guitar shop I just know Ray is gonna leave Sand broken hearted, there's no way Sand is getting out of this unscathed

Ray is so lovely when he apologizes and looks up with those puppy dog eyes I would forgive him too, its okay Sand

Sand loves arctic monkeys and oasis 😭 move over Ray, I can treat him better

Every time Boston is in the same frame as Top, I let out the biggest sigh; I love Ton, I won't lie, but God I need him to leave topmew alone (on the other hand, I wanna see Mew rock both Top and Boston's shit)

I love that scene in the elevator when Top was reading Ton to filth but couldn't he had done it before he had sex with him???? Like Book, I too will bring up that car scene every single time

God I don't trust Top

Out of context BostonNick is really cute, I wanna see Neo and Mark together in another series where they get play boyfriends

also Nick relistens to that damn audio more times than I rewatch episode 12 of Mignon

Nick trying to blackmail Top instead of telling Mew is such a choice. "Can you stay away from Boston?" bruh he's trying to, Boston is the one that appears out of nowhere like that one mosquito

"Top stole my ex" OH MY GOD OHHHHH MY GOD I KNEW IT BUT IT STILL TOOK ME BY SURPRISE

Book is so fine, idk something about the glasses gets me in every scene he's in

unrequited love for your best friend is so rough, I feel for you Ray (but he has a point. Mew, do you really want Top as your boyfriend?)

"Who punched you? I want to give them a trophy?" You can suck his dick too, Ray, since it's Sand

For a second I forgot who Beam was 😭 I was so focused on Boston and Top that I forgot Top slept with the entire young adult male population of Thailand

"Beam is a drug dealer" hOW IS THAT ANY BETTER?????

"Are you okay with that?" WHY WOULD HE BE OKAY WITH HIS POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND DOING COCAINE?????

why do I have the oddest feeling that Mew has some kind of background with dealing with addicts cuz that "quit drugs" speech was a little too impassioned. like a previous family member or someone was an addict and now he no longer wants to take care of people who are addicts because of how emotionally exhausting it is. maybe this theory is coming out of my ass but it might explain why he keeps Ray strictly as a friend (since not only is he an alcohol addict he also does cocaine???? boy are you trying to kill yourself?) and he gets mad at top for also doing drugs

i thought mew would use sex as a way to prove that he and ray were strictly friends, not as a reward to get top to stop doing drugs. i'm so flabbergasted and also top is kinda weird for wanting sex as a reward for taking care of himself but whatever

now I'm distracted at the fact that Top brought a packet of cocaine with him to Mew's place like??? was he planning to sniff a line while Mew was sleeping or...?

Man I was wrong about that airplane....but my point still stands

out of context topmew is cute

ray just wants to feel important to someone but now that mew has top, he's gonna cling to sand....i'm sad i just want ray to love and be loved

sharing music is a love language

the next episode looks too happy, i dont trust it

[my-castles-crumbling]

hello cas, how are you? Book anon here. I was thinking, that, in theory, being in a romantic relationship sounds nice, if it’s a healthy one with the right person etc. Maybe I’d want to be in a relationship if it was the ideal person? Does that mean I’m not aroace? And is going yourself a microlabel necessary? How can I say I’m aroace, if I’m not exactly aroace? But at the same time, saying I’m anything else makes me feel weird. /: idk

Hi! <3

So just a reminder that I don't like a have a degree in this or anything, so I'm going with my instincts and what I know lol.

First of all, there are plenty of aro and ace people who still have relationships/sex. It could be that they enjoy other aspects of those things, even if they're not into it for the traditional reasons. It doesn't make their identity any less valid.

Second, some people in the aroace spectrum feel like you do and identify as things like "grayromantic' or 'graysexual.' This means that maybe they only enjoy these things in certain cases or with certain people. Maybe that's something that fits for you?

But if it doesn't, if aroace feels best? To me, who is anybody to tell you you're wrong? YOU know you best.

I hope that helps!

<3 <3 <3

[aroaceconfessions]

cw not quite shipping, but fandom/headcanon discourse

so i recently saw a post with character headcanons for a series I like and it was super cool, op gave everyone diverse body shapes and skin tones that the canon content didn't have, and it listed queer headcanons for them too like 'cis male', 'trans male', 'agender', 'genderfluid', etc.... and it was kind of neat, and they did sexualities too, but it was always.... ''gay'' or ''bi'' or ''pan'' I think there was one single character they headcanoned as straight. and one asexual that I was actually surprised to see at all by that point. it seemed like they didn't really consider the SAM at all except to make the asexual character also gay. wasn't even specified if it was homoromantic or angled/oriented... idk. like I wanna be clear I'm not upset at seeing someone having fun making headcanons for characters they like, I don't think they should be ashamed or anything, and I'm glad they had fun making a thing even if I don't like it, it's just kind of disheartening and sad to see queer headcanon content and feel like headcanoning them as aro or ace is just kind of....an afterthought. and it wouldn't be so bad normally but like... a few of my aro and ace friends in this fandom reblogged this post so I guess I was kind of expecting more from it. it just kind of felt tokenish and reductive to just have the one alloace headcanon, I almost wish they had just all been allo because it felt like they didn't even want to fully commit to an ace headcanon (I'm alloace myself so I know very well that being alloromantic doesn't make you "less" ace, but in only having the one ace headcanon (out of like. 20 characters) it felt like they thought ace was ok to headcanon only if they could be gay as well. like that classic aphobic "it's ok at least you can still feel X type of love so you're not completely worthless!" comment is what I felt upon seeing it).

I don't even think I would call this aphobia?? but it definitely feels like aro/ace ignorance/unawareness at best, maybe internalized passive aphobia at worst, idk. really reminded me how much I treasure people that put aro and ace headcanons into fandoms. ......i think maybe i will go throw some of my own headcanons to the internet fandom void about this. if i feel this way i bet there are other aspecs in the fandom that do as well.

[entropy-sea-system]

whos ur fave octonaughts character :0!! if u have on ethat is

(also adding what mbti I think they r bc mbti is one of my current hyperfixations sort of!!)

When I first watched it (which was a decade ago now that I think abt it..) my fave was probably Peso tbh, I found him a bit relateable and cool I guess and good at reassuring and helping sea creatures! He reminds me of Fluttershy from mlp:fim INFP(?J). Also definitely autistic imo

I think I feel like an affinity towards Shellington bc he seems like me interest wise and a bit personality wise bc I rlly like biology and wanted to be a marine biologist for a bit when I was younger and he seems to infodump a lot and I do that abt similar interests!(there are many benefits to being a marine biologist /ref) INTP and also autistic and adhd

I find Kwazii to be the most entertaining character. He's always up to things and it feels like a lot of the comedy in the show is centered around him. Probably the character that was meant to have the audience's attention more. It's also kind of amusing how he's usually like fearless but extremely scared of the cryptids he claims exist(like Vampire Squid but his own idea of it before he meets the vampire squid). I think he contrasts with Peso, who's usually anxious but is seen overcoming fear or not being afraid when a sea creature needs help ENTP (some would say S but the way he sees cryptozoology and pirate stuff seems more N to me) adhd and perhaps HPD and/or NPD

Tweak is one of my favorite characters too, she's cool and it was fun to see her explain things about the gups, octopod, and other tech stuff! ISTP, also autistic + adhd

I think Inkling's also pretty cool and he reminds me of Bedtime Bear from utm a bit? I also relate to him bc like I guess I like knowing information even if Im like the used to read a lot, now only really reads fanfiction type and I may seem like him personality wise to some people INTP or INTJ, autistic

I also think Dashi is cool! Her interest in photography is cool and I relate to that and also I think needle arts (forgot though if she does that in canon or its a hc someone had tbh) which I also do a bit!! It's also cool how she does things efficiently (not relateable to me but still cool), probably a gaymer, hard for me to type bc I think idk she seems like a Normal type and Ice type in pokemon type personality thing, she seems INFJ or ISTJ, maybe INTP

I used to ship Tweak x Dashi (though it doesn't make sense in canon to me, only as speculation now) and Kwazii x Peso (similar but they interact a lot in canon and seem like foils to each other), and sort of Kwazii x Paani, those aren't really at the forefront of my mind when I think about octonauts now but like I'm plato repulsed so can only really stand thinking of characters as being partners or like just knowing each other exists/working together in a positive or neutral way?

Though Kwazii x Peso x Shellington I hadn't thought of until I saw some posts about it but I guess it reminds me of some of my partners even if I didn't see Shellington as having as many interactions w the other two in canon, But also the way I see shipping changed after realising Im aro and maybe also just as I got older so maybe I just don't have as much interest in canon x canon shipping now as I did a few years ago

Not really a character but I think the octopod's really cool!!! I always loved the design of it and it looks rlly cozy!! The gups are also very cool and I like how they're inspired by sea creatures! I like to think that Tweak maybe consulted Shellington for some sea creature inspired aspects of some of her inventions! Also. Like Kwazii often ending up w damage on the Gup-B totally reminds me of Funshine and the scooters in utm(especially in that comic!)

Favorite sea creature in it is probably siphonophore (I learned a lot of marine bio facts from the show tbh!!) and favorite phenomenon underwater brinesicle thing and the undersea vents r also cool!!

I still need to finish Octonauts Above and Beyond, I started it last year and it was p cool! Some of the octoagents have names that are noun names in other languages that fit the work they do and I thought that was cool too!! (Paani - water in Hindi - he's a hydrologist) (Professor Natquik - Inuit language - it has various dialects and Im not sure which one(s) have this word?- word for drifting snow/ice )

(-Rift)

[aggressivelyarospec]

hi, i need some advice. if you don't do this sort of thing that's totally okay I just didn't know where else to go.

I'm not arospec so I hope this is okay but it relates to it- and all the people I've asked that are also allo don't really 'get' it and it takes a lot of explaining.

so basically my bf is aromantic.i know that's contradictory but hold on here. So basically he's my boyfriend except we aren't actually in love with each other- we just do the other thing you know the thing that asexuals don't do- sorry idk what the guidelines are on this app-

and he's okay with being boyfriends because his family doesn't believe he's gay (he's not out to them as aro) and he wanted to like prove them wrong or something I really don't know, we were just like friends and also involved otherwise and then he asked if I would be his boyfriend

and I said, Aren't you aromantic, and he said yeah and explained it to me, but then he asked if it was okay if I was his boyfriend even if we didn't like each other romantically and I was like okay, because he's a really good friend and I was so single it was painful.

Now, here's the issue. I think I'm falling in love with him. AND HE's aromantic. I don't know what to do. I know we're not real boyfriends, but our interactions feel different now that we have that label, and I've always been attracted to him.

And for some reason, internally I can't differentiate between attraction and romantic feelings.

Should I tell him or would that cause more harm than good? Should I break up with him since it's going to create an impossible situation for him???? Should I just say nothing and live with my feelings forever?

I can't snuff out the crush cause I see him every day. You can only get rid of these things if you don't feed them. But I'm getting so fed. I just need some advice.

Again, so sorry if this is not allowed or formatted incorrectly. Good day.

Hello there! Our blog isn't meant for this type of thing, but we're always happy to help as much as we can, so you're more than welcome to write to us about what's troubling you, don't worry.

Now, I am aromantic in the way I understand your boyfriend is (the type of aro with 0 romantic attraction), so I'll try to answer from his perspective?, although I'd like to remind you every person is different, so this may not apply to him.

My go-to answer to situations like this is: talk to him. Honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship, no matter the label, and hiding these feelings from your partner is never a good idea because it can cause insecurities in both of you. But before you do that, though, I'd like you to reflect on a couple of things, if you don't mind:

1. I don't know exactly what your agreement was when you began the relationship, but I'd like you to think about why you keep referring to both of you as "Not real boyfriends". If that's what both of you decided to call it, it's okay, and please ignore this, but if it's only your perception, what exactly makes you not real boyfriends? Romantic love may be what brings most people together at first, but it's not enough to build a relationship/partnership, not even for allo people. And it's not the sex either.

You mentioned your interactions felt different. Why? What about the label made you change the way you treated each other? A boyfriend can also be someone who loves you platonically. Someone who, despite not being romantically in love with you, is in love with what you bring to his life and wants to keep you in it. A "boyfriend" is whoever you decide to call that, the same way you decide to call someone your best friend or your brother from another mother. Those labels only have the meaning you decide to give them and fuck with whatever society thinks of them. Do you really need to be in love with each other to be real boyfriends or what you have it's enough, even if no one else gets it?

2. What exactly are you hoping happens once you talk to him? You already know he's aromantic, and I doubt that changes if you confess to him, so are you prepared for his reaction, whatever it is? Could you handle dating someone you know for a fact isn't in love with you? Would you do it because he's important to you or just because you don't want to be single?

There are a lot of aromantic people in romantic relationships and they work because both sides are ok with the arrangement, but that doesn't guarantee your boyfriend is going to be ok with it, so think very carefully about what you'd like to get from him and how exactly could you meet his needs if you both decide to continue the relationship after the confession. Think about your expectations and communicate all that to him. Maybe talking to him will clear up your mind about the attraction vs. romantic feelings dilemma. And since I'm guessing you're in a relationship with him because you trust each other and care for each other, keep that in mind when you're thinking over all this stuff.

You don't have to answer any of what I wrote above to me unless you want to, but this is for you to reflect on. Those feelings are a big shift in your dynamic as boyfriends, that's why it's important you talk to him and renegotiate your relationship if that's what you both decide to do. Don't assume anything about him and whatever decision you come to, remember you need to do it together.

I hope this helps! Thank you for trusting us with this.

— Caro

[maudlin-scribbler]

Okay Im gonna ramble about my sexuality and gender headcanons for the choir bcs of june doe :)

Ocean-honestly, Idk?(ocean is the one I'm most unsure of atm) I mean. I really like the asexual headcanon, and could honestly see her being somewhere on the asexual spectrum! (I mean she also reminds me of myself when I was a kid a lot. Especially the fact that she seems to be repulsed by sexual stuff altough I'm not really like that anymore). I could see her as being aro too? I dunno. I honestly could see her being heteromantic honestly. Or a lesbian. Or biromantic.

Uses she/her pronouns.

Noel-gay obviously. Uses he/she pronouns. Cis male. I could see him getting into drag and stuff in a universe where she doesnt die and like gets to leave his town. I dont have a lot to say about him sorry. Okay actually i can see her being on the aro spectrum, y'know?

Mischa-pretty obvious what I'm gonna say, but here it is: bisexual. It's like, not even a question of whether he is or not. He is. I think he sorta always knew but didn't want to think about it and really only came to the conclusion after he died. This may be me projecting, but like, some sort of genderqueer? I can see him identifying as a man because that's what he was born as, it's easy and simple, and he didn't think there were other options besides that(he knew trans ppl existed but didnt know much about them, like the fact that there are other genders besides man and woman. He'd later learn about other identities but didnt look very much into it). Anyway, he doesn't experience gender dysphoria but does experience gender euphoria when using other pronouns like they and it or presenting in a non masc way so that confuses him even more. Like, he does feel comfortable using he/him prns and presenting masc but there is a but. Eventually with the help of Noel and Talia(and the rest of the choir maybe) he figures out he is not cis. But he doesnt really know what he is. His gender is like a mess(totally not projecting) Uses he/they/it pronouns. (One day I may decide on my headcanon for his gender indentity, maybe, or just leave him as genderqueer but maybe greygender?)

(Wow I wrote a lot for mischa lol)

Im gonna do Jane and Penny separately btw

Jane- probably somewhere on the aro and ace spectrum. I could see her as being quoiromantic/wtfromantic. And quoisexual. And quoigender. She/They/It

Penny- Idk. I havent read the entirety of Legoland yet but I think maybe bisexual? I havent given her much thought unfortunately. She/They. Probably genderqueer.

Ricky-He/They/She/It. Genderqueer! Pangender perhaps? She is def multigender. Also pansexual. I could see them using xenopronouns and identifying as xenogenders(probably related to cats and space).

Constance-my girl! She/They. Omniromantic and I could see her as being on the asexual spectrum given the whole wanting to get virginity out of the way thing. Though I dunno what. (I really should make up my mind on what they identify as before making my everybody lives au).