#idk ... people are just fucking weird lol
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one
alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way
#scribbles#milton r wallace#callum crown#phonegingi#sgt norm allen#norm allen#dialtown#dialtown a phone dating sim#..uh idk if callum and milt have a ship name orz#normgingi#milton norm parallels save me. Save me milton norm parallels#very specific but its why i prefer to look at the callum-milt-marla situation as like tragic polyamory#as opposed to a cheating one#it adds to the callum-gingi parallels. theyv both got polycule situations C:#though i suppose you could call a cheating situation a dark parallel to gingi's polycule the same way you could call#milton's entire deal a dark parallel to their relationship with norm/the narrator#However i just like tragic polyamory. my visions of milton and marla ALSO being in love yet having the mutual#realization that they hate callum more than they love eachother (esp milton) is highly specific yet also everything to me#misery loves company and all that jazz. a THIRD combination of people having divorce shit going on#this guys ruining my life IM GONNA FUCK HIS WIFE! (They are already in a consensual polyamorous relationship milton is just making it weird#Sorry these tags were going to be like meaningful discussion about this art and then i was enabled to talk about THIS AGAIN#OH YEAH this art in particular i discovered halftones and also started actually using blending brushes#milts face isnt drawn. obviously. but im imagining a kind of 'oh you!' exasperated fondness#as opposed to norm who's just a cranky little tsundere. jokes on milt though HIS relationship is HEALTHIER#also i will never pass up the chance to draw gingi and callum together#theyr both characters i adore drawing gingi's round shapes and different textures and callums cute little bolts#but also they do look soooo similar and yet so different its always really fun to do#and theyr just. my favs lol. my top 3 favs go gingi-mingus-callum hehe#Ok thats all. thank you for coming to my rambles#fig said i should post my art at better times and so i am and that means when i post my art im AWAKE ENOUGH TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT LOL
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honestly i just dont get why sometimes people get all weird about quadrants and insist they’re unhealthy always no matter what
like yeah im not stupid i know they CAN be fucked up and can be weird and toxic but so can any romance. human romance has been toxic and fucked up for me many times. tbh if we take a step back and just look at the basic ideas of all of them i don’t think any of those have to be evil and terrible necessarily
like oh no me and my boyfriend have a fun rivalry that we both like being in and both agreed to where we have fun competing with each other and talking shit and then make out! FUCK!!! that’s horrible i would NEVER want that! i would never be guilty of forcing my boyfriend to play tetris with me over and over and insulting him the entire time
oh no my boyfriend has anxiety and i calm him down! oh god we like cuddling and talking about feelings! we both agreed we like this relationship dynamic and feel fulfilled by it! AAA SCARY!!! GET SCARED!!!
oh no sometimes my boyfriends are both annoying and i voluntarily get between that and make people be less annoying! FUCK!!!!!!!! we are going to DIVORCE!!!
#it’s cool if you don’t personally want any of those things#and yeah#alternia is fucked up#big fucked up murder planet#they love insane fucked up rules that are bad for everyone#but idk i feel like all romance is kind of fucked up#and you usually always have to do an insane amount of work to make it healthy and normal lol#and none of these dynamics by necessity HAVE to be horrible#you don’t HAVE to only rely on your moirail and not talk to your friends about your feelings#you don’t HAVE to get fucked up with your kismesis#you don’t HAVE to be a sad unfulfilled auspistice who kinda gets pushed into the relationship#if i’m thinking about the dynamics purely just as concepts#none of that shits a requirement#idk if this makes any sense to anyone else lmao#i just mean like#i don’t think any of those things are uniquely terrible i guess not in any ways that human romance isn’t#and people manage to have ok human romances all the time#not as often as they should lmao#but sometimes#so why not quadrants#i can get being uncomfortable with them#they’re weird#and definitely more complex than i went into in the post#but i don’t think they’re uniquely terrible
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ON MY HANDS AND KNEES. GRUNKLE STAN FIC. OLD PEOPLE ROMANCE. SECOND CHANCE ROMANCE??
i am in ur face anon. i am breathing in ur stale air. listen to me. we are gripping hands tightly with our fingers intwined and i am whispering this to you. i am pleading this against ur lips. do not do this to me.
#ofmermaidstories-asks#OLD PEOPLE ROMANCE!!!!!!#ugh#just imagining him pulling up in that stupid ass t-bird or his or whatever the fuck the car is meant to be#his unearnt swagger#US BEING OLD TOO!!#sick of his SHITTTT lmfaoooo#i think writing an older protag would be so fun tho like—not to deviate into the mechanics LOL but like 🧐#what does old age look like for our Reader?? like what sort of limitations do u come to accept at that age#regrets you’ve had to learn to let go of??? is stan one of them?????#did we ever have kids??? if we didn’t do we have a community in other people???#neighbours and friends we’ve made??#what would stan want out of us? what would WE want out of HIM? especially at that age?? idk i’ve never been in my 70s LOL at least not yet#what would you want for yourself at that age??? security???? fun????????????#i think no matter the answers we should go on an adventure tho. gravity falls is full of weirdness after all. 🙂 if we get caught up in it….#oopsies LOL
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Thinking about it more and like ngl so sad I don't have any friends I roughhousing with irl. Not just bcs of like, obvious things,, (like my need and yearning for physical contact because we don't talk about that) but also just cause like I wanna know how I'd do in a fight like thatttttt. I think I'd win i can't even lie.
#i am. like heavy built??#ive got a very strong build a lot which is cool. also a good bit of both strength and just like. chubby weight??#which means if i try to actually tackle most people#they go DOWN hard and fast.#which is why i dont (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE ARE LIKE. FUCKING TWIGS??? WHY ARE YALL LIKE WAIFFER PAPER DO YOU NOT FEEL THE FERAL NEED TO BE ABLE TO BE STRONG?!?#its very weird to me. but anyways. also i just dont have friends in general mostly lol#but anyways. very fun to imagine. and if a friend needed it i wohld DEFINITELY step up#i also almost always have around 2 knives on me just cause knives are very cool to me. so. idk.#TvT#IF YNEED A FRIEND AT A FIGHT IG?? INEXPERIENCED BUT ALSO COULD WIN I THINK LMAO#enea rambles <3#:3
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congratulations christopher!
self indulgent near-future in which when christopher graduates high school buck n eddie take hiim to hawaii to celebrate and they all have a nice vacation over here. friend n i were brainrotting it a bit and we decided buck definitely hyperfixated on hawaii and stuff (history, nature, geography, mythology, etc)
#buddie#christopher diaz#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 abc#mustasekittens#i still struggle drawing all 3 of them its a nightmare#anyways gavin is getting really tall and i thought it would be kinda funny if he was almost taller than eddie once he's an adult#my friend and i expanded on buck's hawaii hyperfixation so there's def gonna be a short comic to follow this up LOL#the lei christopher is wearing is called a maile lei#theyre usually worn by men but anyone can wear a maile :]#maile lei are usually worn at grads/proms/weddings or just cuz!#buddie are married at this point. (wink wink. bucks ring. wink)#i shouldve made buck more sunburned#idk if people even read tags this far but anyways more little details#also idk smth smth buck wearing yellow eddie wearing blue n chris wearing green (although not exactly) bc theyre a weird blended family#the brand of shirts the 3 of them r wearing is called sig zane and its a local (fancy) aloha wear brand here! its based in hilo!!#my local friend who's from big island brought it up to me and i remembered it existed#i see people wear sig zane all the time here on oahu but i am so shit at remembering names. that is extended to clothing brands LMFAO#what i mean by fancy aloha wear i mean these fucking shirts cost upwards of $130-145 EACH.#and they are fucking BEAUTIFUL.#i did take some liberties with the designs for the 3 of them tho#buck and christopher's are almost directly referencing existing designs from their catalogue while i smplified one for eddie's#christopher's is an ulu (breadfruit) pattern and i kinda ate that ngl#i was originally gonna just use some stamp brushes i found on the csp asset store but they looked so tacky i just decided to draw them LOL#anyways enjoy this self indulgent stupid stuff who cares anymore
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Amazing take on the dash tonight. 'I think most people actually don't want or value or need romantic affection or attachment and that most people are aro' uhhhhhhhhhhhh????
Also like. I'm p sure what constitutes the difference between romantic and platonic and sexual affection and attraction is purely cultural and different to everyone. I wish people would stop focusing so hard on the idea that these labels are like actual objectively true things about people. Like, would some people probably be happier without feeling forced to pursue relationships by society? Sure. But saying that most people are Actually Aromantic and that 'very few' people actually want or value romantic attachment ???? I'm honestly kinda tired of these like 'most people are Actually bi lol' 'most people are at least a Little ace!!' Etc etc type takes. 'No one is Actually cis' like can you shut upppppp these words are just WORDS for extremely abstract cultural concepts that mean different things to everyone yall do not need to take them this seriously. And im just so tired of people being like 'man knowing about this identity helped me, im sure Everyone feels like this and Everyone actually secretly hates this common thing' like uhhhh no. They don't. Lol.
#like. identifying as aroace in highschool [starting at 14] and then continuing for years#actually royally fucked up my perception of myself and stunted my social development??#because like. i was under the impression that i Discovered my Actual Identity and No Its Not A Phase!!! etc etc#and so i stuck with it for like 4 years#and sorta subconciously convinced myself 'this is who you are' and so actually maturing and getting out of high school and#discovering that i did have interest in these relationships Fucked Me Up and it took me literally another 4 years to get over it enough#to actually explore it!!#idk! sometimes these mindsets can be actually damaging!!#the idea that these labels are something intrinsic about You and are immutable and Who You Are#like. i get why these concepts exist but that isnt how this stuff works these labels are just words awkwardly taped on top of#a completely undefineable human experience that morphs and changes constantly#IDK IDK idk i just dont get why people get so caught up with labels and especially try to say 'well actually everyone else is actually#my label too like. everyone actually is like this' like you cannot fucking assume that ! oh my god!#its so weird and annoying !!#idk i really love my boyfriend this guy asked me out freshman year of college and i was like im aro#and he stuck around and was my best friend for another 4 years before i finally chilled the fuck out about the concept#of being someones boyfriend#i had convinced myself that Thats Not For Me and so Im Just Not One Of Those People#so yea seeing someone say 'actually no one wants romantic partners lol' yea it kinda pisses me off
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Positivity post for people who actually got less hot after transitioning. I can't be the only one out there who went from being attractive to being unattractive. It was, in fact, something I was terrified of happening, and it happened. And guess what? I'm still fucking happier now, unattractive and true to myself, than I was when I was hot and suppressing my true self. Like, so much happier. It's not even close
Do I miss being hot? Sure. But not enough to have even an ounce of regret for transitioning. If you're worried about becoming unattractive if you transition, know that I, for one, think that even if that happens, it's still fucking worth it
(Also I'm like way more charismatic now that I don't wanna die, so that's pretty cool)
#felix speaks#trans#transgender#transmasc#transfem#nonbinary#lgbtq#queer#trans positivity#genuinely idk if people will like this post or not lol just idk more rep for those of us who didn't get hotter#I'm specifically transmasc and yea it does suck to go from curvy hot girl to weird looking fat femboy but like....#my mental state has improved wildly#don't be afraid of losing your hotness! it's a price that's worth paying if you do end up paying it! being yourself is better than anything#my body may be unattractive but it's mine and that's fucking Amazing
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Me reading a fic where the person had an identidy realization that they were in he aroace spectrum and now they were figuring themselves out(I finally found something that understood me and a romance I could relate to after all these years)
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#love loses! you're on the aroace spectrum and you dont fucking know what you are but you're definitely on the spectrum#but it's so hard to explain bcuz how do youve never had a real crush on someone but also have had platonic feelings for someone#and dont want to do the romance thing but also still want to have a queer platonic relationship and do romance things?#YOU DONT#IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO ME BUT I JUST KNOW#ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I CANT JUST GET CRUSHES ON PEOPLE IT TAKES YEARS I'VE ONLY HAD 1 CRUSH THROUGHOUT MY LIFE#AND I JUST WANTWD TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM#I thought that was just me but the author was projecting and explained perfectly what i was going through#and ik i say “I cried” a lot when talking about something but i did actually cry#had to put my phone down bcuz it felt so nice to be understood#idk just venting and rambling lol#aroace#ace spectrum#gotta keep a journal on this bcuz i want to explain to people but it's so hard for even me to grasp#and i feel like they won't believe me anyways bcuz ive tried to himt st it but i just get weird looks#its annoying but it is what it is#aromantic#asexual#lgbt#queer#talking#rambling
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real talk I never wanted kids before and now I kinda want maybe one but I'm. the gross stuff sounds so scareyyy. how do you deal w the loss of control over your body?? Not even saying I have any kind of control right now, I'm not even a fitness girl or anything, body's a body, but do you know what I mean? I'm scared if I get pregnant it will freak me out so bad
well what you said is actually the answer: when do we ever have control lol?
in preparing to have a kid i got decently in shape, ate very well and exercised consistently for several months, and knowing i was doing it with the intention of getting pregnant felt good. like building a mighty forge. then pregnancy hits and.. yeah that physical "control" does go out the window....lmao
the thing that can be freaky is just the SPEED at which your body changes. you can almost watch it in real time, i look and feel totally different week to week. initially this unnerved me cuz it's like,, ok if this were any other situation, these changes would not be normal. but they are normal. so the word that i keep circulating when the changes freak me out is "evidence." it's all just evidence that there's a little dude in there, and that's a good thing.
and it being a good thing is what it boils down to for me. I'm only having an ok time because 1) i am, compared to so many others, having a smooth pregnancy. that's never a guarantee. and 2) I'm confident this baby is coming into a healthy environment where she is extremely wanted. the determination of "i want this kid" makes the physical weirdness bearable.
#i never ever ever want to come off like 'I'm having such a great time and surely other people would too if they'd just beliiieeeve'#i was freaked out too before it actually happened#i was terrified it would be a nine month migraine because sometimes it fucking is!!!! i literally just lucked out#so i don't know if it's even ethical for me to be giving advice.. but maybe this perspective helps a little? idk lol#i also don't always see it as loss of control vs. a diagnosable physical process#every weird thing to happen has a name and it's pregnancy. no nameless scary mystery symptoms it's all like yup just pregnant.#m2a#m2answers#pregnancy
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Silver would be a very different person if he was raised by Shadow. Silver is naive precisely because he wasn't raised by anybody.
yeh you right!
i think the way i imagine dadow is different from how most other people imagine it; where silver still grew up on his own and it was only after he first went back in time he meets shadow in the future n he becomes his dad, basically to explain why the first time silver came across shadow in the past he wasn’t immediately like “dad?”
so i imagine silver comes across old man shadow at fourteen and is like “shadow??? wtf???” and from there the father-son relationship begins, so silver’s naïveté would still make sense ‘cus he wasn’t raised by shadow from day one
#thank u for de ask i like discussing stuff n hearin’ people’s thoughts on stuff. especially about my boy silver <3#and yeah i think i have a weird interpretation of dadow that’s like totally different from everyone else’s lol#seeing fanart of lil baby silver being taken care of by shadow is rlly cute#but i imagine they only meet in the future after silver first meets shadow in the past#idk why. i just feel that#i think it’s so it could KINDA work in canon? i don’t believe it’s canon but like#they meet in the past first which explains why silver doesn’t know shadow the first time#then he sees him as an old man n is like “yo wtf” n shadow’s like “aw fuck. this time traveling CHILD is back. and ofc he has no parents”#and they kinda just stick together until the relationship becomes very familial#n they both agree it’d be too messy and weird if silver told their friends in the past about this#and teenage shadow would probably have a Time trying to comprehend this information#dadow#silver the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog
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The debilitating sacroiliac joint paint has abated but the heartburn and indigestion is back with a vengeance. The charley horses have at least been few and far between. I don’t even notice the TMJ anymore. Still not sleeping well. Still peeing a little bit when I sneeze or cough sometimes.
Third trimester, baby.
#i complain a lot#mostly just feels fucking weird#house is a mess and not ready for a baby but that’s life right. it’ll be fine#and birth is soon and that’ll be scary but fine right? it’s a thing people do#there were 3 family members / close friends to me giving birth this summer / fall too this year#and all three had emergency c-sections and 2 were super unexpectedly early#so that’s uh. idk.#anyway#personal possibly tmi#NOT TO MENTION the baby kicking and rolling around on my organs lol#and the acid reflux
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sighhh so I just blocked a post from someone who was complaining about people donating to ao3 & implying that those people should be instead giving their money to fundraisers/charity And I'm sorry but are we still fucking doing the whole 'heartless! This man had time to build a beautiful birdhouse instead of solving this child's murder' shtick!?! Like fuck off lol
#it's also the implication that people with disposable income who donate to things like ao3 arent donating to fundraisers!?!?#like u dont fucking know that ur literally creating straw men to get all high & mighty about !?!#this is also the same shit poor people get whenever we buy non-essential things#like 'ahh see this poor person isnt ACtUAly poor because they bought an ipad or smth' like shut up genuinely shut UP#this post had thousands of notes too like come the fuck on people#obviously i want money & resoucrs to go to the people that need it the most#but guilting people by implying theyre heartless for spending money supporting a website that means a lot to them!?#that's just weird!!! it's weird lol#idk...
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that weird ass fucking lifetime christmas movie that’s thinly veiled fan fiction about taylor swift and travis kelce makes me so uncomfortable like that is FREAK behaviour, making that a real movie is FREAK BEHAVIOUR. i can’t even watch the trailer for it it just freaks me out
#idk how to explain it#like i think the harry styles fan fic movies are kind of funny#like definitely still deeply weird and creepy and if i was him i’d never go outside again#but for some reason this one is like 1000 times worse to me#maybe because it’s not even a y/n thing it’s just 2 real life actual people#idk i don’t like a lot of the tayvis fans anyway#i really don’t have any opinions on travis kelce like i’m a fan of taylor swift not her boyfriends lol#did he write all too well 🤔🤨#anyway#but yeah i don’t like them!!! they’re freaks! people didn’t even act like this over haylor and that was CULTURE#it’s mostly how obsessed they are like why are we watching FOOTBALL for a MAN#it just feels so conservative to me lol#and how badly they want her to get married and get pregnant 😭#WERID AS FUCK TO OBESSIVE OVER SOMEONE LIKE THAT#weird as fuck!!! like she’s never talked about wanting kids and wanting to get married#and has consistently referred to herself as a lonely cat lady#but i digress#and the way she’s only shut down rumours about her getting married or being pregnant because they actually offend her🤔#food for thought#moral of the story is i don’t like how people behave about them#let’s talk about her lyricism and her artistic abilities not her womb lmao crazy thought#taylor swift#mari.txt
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#lol i love seeing just straight up bullying on tiktok(/s)#someone(im guessing) went into a discord server for proshipping#and then posted their face reveals on tiktok!?!??!?!#basically saying: look how ugly and weird they look#like what the fuck#just bcs you dont agree with someones opinion ON SHIPPING#doesnt mean you should blast them on socmed?#they posted those pics in a trusted space :(#why are people so cruel and vindictive nowadays#people who make it their whole personalities to shit on pros OR antis are so embarrassing#just keep to yourself and keep your personal moral highground you know?#like they go low we go higher etc#cause on tiktok people will post very bait proshipper tiktoks#to the point where i honestly think they're 100% antis who just wanna sow discourse and disgust#like when i see those people im like just ignore them???#just dont engage man. you end up encouraging people to do worse and worse just to cause drama#but yeah antis in return will make all their posts 'correcting' these obv bait posts#like both of you get a life and just do things that make you happy. not things that obv upset you#idk it kinda sickens me how much time people devote to activities that clearly doesn't make them happy#even if youre pleased about dunking on people you morally disagree w +#wouldnt you feel happier engaging with content that yknow. fills you with genuine enjoyment?#not enjoyment fueled by disgust or morally superiority#idk some people feel like children so i shouldnt care too deeply. but the amnt of toxic behavior is so disturbing to me#the posting of faces got on my nerves badly. no matter if you disagree with someone#you shouldnt just straight up expose their face on your big acct BECAUSE OF DIFFERENCES IN SHIPPING OPINION#and the fact that the point is to imply they're all ugly. so fucking childish and disgusting#i reported but idk if that'd do anything. i wish i could have an honest dialog w people like that tbh#catie.rambling.txt
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i very rarely get a sense of satisfaction from completing tasks. ive heard people say this is an ADHD thing, but idk. personally i think i might just be bad at being alive
#anime life#i wish i could do something for myself but it just feels so hollow. like why fucking bother yknow?#i wrote a lot of my fic Book of Red Murder and then started to lose steam#and i thought maybe posting it would encourage me to finish it#and it did at first#but then there wasn't a lot of readership or energy around it#which like. is fine and not weird. it's not a big deal and it's not like it's something im OWED#and also i had. a bit of a mental breakdown and had to stop being active in the fandom#so now DEFINITELY no one's gonna read it lol#idk i feel bad even posting about it because i don't want anyone to feel bad or like im trying to guilt anyone about it#i just have trouble articulating what i feel and why and it helps me to try to reason it out#no one did anything wrong but i think it's still understandable for me to say that i was discouraged#when it felt like people didn't really like my writing. or. to be honest. me as a person#i guess the lesson here (if there is one at all) is that if you like a fic you should probably tell the person writing it
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