#idek if ill finish this lol

[itsnicsalad]

this video is gonna kill me

[emerald-cloud23]

Been hving this theory for a few months now that this "Master Wu caused the Merge" thing is just Wu having been surprised by how soon it happened. It wasn't supposed to come this early, we've heard him say it in multiple flashbacks

Also, theory that kind of goes along with this is that Ras is responsible for it happening so early. He mentions in s2 to Jordana (possessed by Rox) that he used Dragon Icons (like that really pretty dagger/sword Lloyd got from Motion at the end of s2) to lure the Energy Source Dragon and then captured it. At the end of s1 when Lloyd goes to release said Source Dragon (with the Dragon Energy Cores!) it says that 'freeing it could cause the whole cosmos to destabilize. That destabilization could've resulted in the Merge, which then threw Wu for a loop because it wasn't supposed to happen yet but it did. Oh, also I think it's obvious that either Wu can do some astral projection stuff now or he's actually dead (I kinda figured it would be the latter after the second batch of s1 dropped in 2023 but remained silent.. He's probably dead tho)

[alltimefail-sims]

If I don't post anything sims-related in a minute please know I'm not going anywhere and I will have original content soon, I'm just trying to fight my ADHD demons and all the distractions it loves (such as playing TS4 and mindless timeline scrolling) so I can make progress on the book I've been trying to write for a little over a year now <3 <3

[kristailine]

MY TEKKEN 8 BINGO CARD PREDICTION

Disclaimer: don't take this seriously lmaooo some of these aren't even that well thought of. Let me enjoy making these silly little theories

I'll probably make a separate post to a blank template if anyone wants it

[sad--tree]

keep saying i don't want 2 work another retail xmas but canNOT 4 the life of me make myself finish my goddamn fucking job applications !!!!!! death & dying & despair etc. etc.

[kuiinncedes]

:p

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

[finniestoncrane]

Me: pfft, whats the point in reading dom!character x reader fics when I’m a domme? Especially when I don’t even know the character that well? Smh

Also me, lonely and repressed loser, reading dom!character x reader fics way too seriously and way too late at night; shaking, crying, throwing up, literally just reading the line “More often than not, Amanda liked to be in control, doling out the pleasure rather than receiving”: SHES JUST LIKE ME FRRRRRRRR!!!!!! WAHHGHHH, WHAT DO YOH HAVE TO SAY NOW….two people idek anymore… who thought it was weird that I don’t like…stimulation at all …but I do like…sex…um...mm…I gotta get evaluated for all mental illnesses but first! Finish the very good Amanda Waller fanfic <3

there is something VERY important about relating to characters and finding your own sexuality and kinks and mannerisms and desires reflected in them so the world doesn't seem as lonely!! i'm glad you found it in my silly little indulgent fic about wanting that absolute BABE of a woman dom my ass stupid lol

i thought about making her a complete stone-butch angel but i want to eat her out so... y'know, my desires won ;-;

also babe there's gotta be people who like doing all the work so they can coddle people like me who like to do NOTHING except make the right noises and be treated like a subby little princess lmaoooo

[rreynyaa]

hi so i wanna get into some fandoms so heres a list of some i rlly wanna get into :3

[this post it mostly just for me LOL]

•jrwi, especially riptide. ive seen like 4 episodes and i rlly liked it and the community seems so cool also bc of @skittlebugg

•scooby-do (mystery inc especially) IDK WHY THE SCOOBY DOO HYPER FIXATION CAME BACK BSBSBCB IDEK IF THE COMMUNITY IS ALIVE STILL 😭

•overwatch, been playing for like 5 years at this point but never rlly got into the fandom

•apex also been playing for years, have been in the fandom a little but only the mirage mains LOL also never posted in it before tho

•atla/lok been watching since a child have seen multiple times, though haven't finishes lok yet but i never rlly got into the fandom idk why

•ratchet and clank, been my favorite game since I was little and im finally getting back into it so maybe ill post abt it sometime

•OMORI i wanna play omori so bad but argh i dont have money 😭

anyway yeah this list is mostly for me but yipee

[theothatwriter]

help i got bored and now i have another thing in the works?????

idek if ill ever be able to finish all my wips lol anyways shinsai diary in the works!! yippee ig!!

[kageyuji]

it’s ok sometimes i forget i even sent an ask LOLOL

i’m okay though, school gets me tired soo fast but also i started stardew valley recently and i keep going back to it (unfortunately). how’s ur senior going for u so far?

—hacker

lol its also possible that tumblr eats it. its been so long since ive been chronically active on tumblr, idek if thats still an issue on tumblr or not lol.

stardew valley tho omg,, i finally married sebastian and then i just havent played again HAHA shit was so annoying though, i stg i got him to ten hearts on the fiRST DAY OF WINTER and then it didnt rain until like the last week of spring so i couldnt buy the stupid marriage thing </3 i need to either finish that world or make a new one though haha. its like minecraft to me i swear; ill get really into it unhealthily for a week or two and then not touch it for a week.

and my senior year has been good! i have somewhat easy classes this year save for pre-calc my behated but the good news is i thought i made a 63 and actually made a 73 bc she wrote it wrong 💀 anywho i love love love my eng professor he has decided that he likes me methinks so he gives me good grades lol.

how about you, how has school been? :D

[fawn-x]

9 people you want to know better

Ty @loststolenorstrayed for taggg ily

Three ships: all the obvious Francis SoR dynamics (Lydia, Paula, Jennifer, Mikhail) (could rant about the ALL); all the Der Tod dynamics, mmmmgirl I love me some inhuman eldritch mental illness themes; aaaaand god for OC dynamics idek I have so many I love… if you know you know

First ever ship: God it was either Minecraft Diaries Garmau or something from Percy Jackson (Percabeth or Solangelo)

Last song: Another Town, Another Train. ABBA. I’m thinking about Francis and Paula and dying inside, they deserved a kinder world.

Last movie: Felicity: And American Girl Adventure (2005). It goes SO hard. Thank you American girl historical dolls for being so incredible and such a good lens into history, honestly that’s my favorite movie from the American Revolution period. I forgot how good it is. Also it does a horse girl plot very well.

Currently reading: The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1956), by Roger Lancelyn Green. Fairytaleverse lore researching time, it is ;). Kinda shocked I actually have an answer for this one, I don’t read as much as I did before highschool. (Obviously I read shit in HS but reading for school AINT the same as reading for fun.)

Currently watching: Seal of Roses/Bara no Fuuin (2003) (Takarazuka) on repeat, this shit makes me cry every time. Shows wise, trying to pyche myself into finishing Castlevainia and The Umbrella Academy. It’s been since 2020 since I made any progress 😭

Currently consuming: I mean the last thing I had was chocolate milk and TJs toquitos but now I’m just in bed with water. Lol

Currently craving: Tbh I’m happy not eating rn bc whenever I eat I’m like fuck I gotta clean my othrodontic shit right after. Which is sad. Bc I like eating. Ig I’d pick potatoes bc none of the grocery stores near me have had breakfast potato’s in ages :(

Let’s see. Most of my friends have been tagged already. Adding: @feladi-fority @theommune + whoever else sees this

No pressure tho guys :)

[jakowskis]

Loved ‘an ugly picture, you & me’ so so much. Srsly I read it like 10 times and still won’t get tired of it. It’s such a great piece of writing. Now my question: Do you already if ur gonna post more Torchwood fanfic?? (no pressure obv, writing is so so hard and I admire everyone who actually manages to finish their stories).

oh my goodness thank you so much 🥺 that means the world to me im so glad you liked it so much

man ok so. heres the thing. djkfds aaa idek how to talk abt this it makes me feel stupid fdshkfj. basically i have dx'd ocd and it affects my writing process a Lot. im exceptionally critical n perfectionistic when it comes to my writing, and when my ocd's at its worse, i can reread things literally hundreds of times. this makes my editing process a fucking nightmare. an ugly picture was... a Journey, i wrote the bulk of it in like a month or two bc i was Inspired, and that period of inspiration just flowing was super nice - but then i spent literally half a year obsessing over editing and figuring out a few sections i couldnt get to work and it was. rlly rlly unhealthy and messy. like that was a stereotypical Mentally Ill Artist™ moment for me 😭 i was unmedicated during that process and honestly im still impressed with myself for managing to finish and post it anyway.

and after posting it... this might not make sense unless u have ocd but that fic is, like, tainted in my head, and im not allowed to touch it as a result. which is RLLY fucking annoying and sad bc i wrote it for Me and it was a labor of love yanno, and i am proud of it, like during writing i was like 'man this is one of the best things ive written, im genuinely proud of this' and ive gotten some absolutely wonderful reception - but i cant exactly place why, idk if it was the torment of the editing process or a fear of experiencing that specific brand of anxiety again (if i reread it and run into errors it might kill me 😭)... either way at this point in time im legitimately unable to revisit that fic. and its been like this since i posted it, so... for nearly five months ;-; and im kind of having a similar experience with torchwood as a whole tbh. like my whole fandom experience + relationship with this fixation has been bastardized to all hell bc of ocd issues. it all feels very... dirty right now.

which fucking sucks, cuz torchwood's one of my fav fixations ive ever had, it became so important to me so fast and it's probably hit special interest territory at this point - but it sucks what a thin line it is between obsessing over a hyperfixation, and compulsively engaging with something. it sucks when the serotonin u get from smth also gets laced with pervasive anxiety. my recent main issue with ocd has been avoidance - i went from obsessively going thru torchwood clips to being unable to watch it at all bc the very thought of doing so makes me so anxious.

(so, tldr? my mental illness garbage is interfering w my interests and my ability to engage with fandom, to my chagrin, and that's why i haven't posted anything else.)

that being said: between april 2023 and now i have written 180k words of torchwood fanfic. im endlessly fascinated and inspired by these characters, particularly by owen who has lowkey proven to be my muse lol. (he sits in my mind palace on top of a, like, literal fancy ass corinthian pedestal and his one job is to sit still n look pretty and sad but instead he snarks down at me every time i walk passed and in return i squirt a water gun at him and occasionally throw tomatoes at him. it's a very mutually loving relationship.) and 180k words in, and literally hundreds of hours spent thinking about and talking about tw/owen, and im still fascinated by it/him, there are still soooo many things i wanna explore through writing with these characters that i adore so much. 57k of the 180k words is part of what will eventually be a sequel series to an ugly picture (which is meant to be a stand-alone, for the record, but towards the end of the writing process i went "Hm. Actually I Have More Ideas", and it became a whole 'verse heh). problem is i dont rmr the fic enough to continue the first sequel and currently i cant revisit it and take notes 🤡 so that project's on hold. as for the other stuff, it's a good mix of misc one-shots and full-on projects, and several things are pretty much done and could, if i were anyone else, easily be polished and posted.

but, as ive made clear, unfortunately writing (well, revising + editing) is an absolute nightmare for me. now, im recently back on medication after nearly two years of rawdogging it, and ive been having issues with that fff (namely constant pervasive exhaustion) - but im working to figure out a happy medium, so im HOPING, hell, praying, that once i level out ill be able to open my docs and sit down and finish things without it being a goddamn ordeal. editing's not rlly fun for anyone, but it fucking sucks when your absolute favorite hobby + mode of expression gets terrorized by a wiggity wack disorder.

first order of business, once im able, is a 15k owen/andy fic that's literally 90% done. i wanted to post it in june, for pride month, and then my brain decided to convince me i wasnt being coherent in the slightest and i was like, nah, i cannot make myself soldier through the editing project this time, i dont want this to get ruined the same way. but hopefully soon i can drop that and it will be epic and such 😎

so in summation uh (sorry im a known babbler fdshk but this is what happens when u send an ask to someone who wrote a 30k fic where literally nothing happens KJFSD. also sorry for literally trauma dumping unprompted 😭 i did the white woman in the kmart thing) ive written a ton of torchwood fic and i 100% intend to write a ton more but mental illness garbage is trying to sabotage shit so basically im taking a break from trying to post any of it until my brain lets me enjoy my damn interest in relative peace 👍but i definitely have a lot more fic on the way. just might take a while for it to see the light of day. hopefully not that long

anyway thank you again so so so much for liking the fic enough to read it multiple times that means so much to meee. i hope to have more for u soon :))

[lovyabug]

On s6 ep 20 of supernatural and i think they have managed to create a pretty interesting plotline considering they defeated the big bad lucifer and stopped the apocalypse which was like. Supposed to be the ending lol

I just feelnlike the way they wrote the story doesnt agree with me bc when i frst started s6, i went into it knowing Nothing therefore i was disappointed with how much it all felt like bad writing

Knowing what i do now, none of the characters feel ooc. Deans living his 'dream life' with a 'wife' and 'son', Sam doesnt visit bc hes brought back without a soul, Cas doesnt visit bc hes busy with raphael trying to stop the apocalypse from happening AGAIN

I just wish that theyd told us a little more earlier on ig. Like sure im glad we found out abt sams soul early on, but then the castiel reveal working with crowley thing. Hmm its not bad writing it just feels fustrating bc its GOOD writing just poorly arranged. I wish there was more foreshadowing or something idek

Im rlly just rambling i dont know howni feel abt s6 yet since i havent dinished it. I guess its just a mixed bag right now, ill see once i finish the season

[starswake--archived]

why is my brain cycling old stuff stop it i dont even have time to enjoy the new stuff orz

[fefairys]

im already at 88,365 words holy christ. i didnt expect it to go much over 50,000 in the first place i think im going insane.