#and maybe not necessarily actually based in the majority of work done by the majority of positions in that category

[sad--tree]

keep saying i don't want 2 work another retail xmas but canNOT 4 the life of me make myself finish my goddamn fucking job applications !!!!!! death & dying & despair etc. etc.

[chevelleneech]

I have a question. (Or maybe rant)

We all saw how many staff members are there in all 3 episodes. Let's just say Jikook is actually a couple ...Why would a couple who hasn't spent any time together in so long want to spend the time they finally got for themselves in front of so many staff members?? Why would they flirt in front of so many people knowing they were getting filmed when they could have done it all in private??? Isn't it uncomfortable and weird for any couple?? Especially a closeted queer one?? This thought always comes to my mind before too whenever I see any jikook moment. It can only mean 2 things... 1- maybe staff also knows about them and are close to them both as friends so jikook has no problem flirting and behaves couply in front of them. Or 2-- maybe they are not a couple...and staff knows that..so everything is just normal for them to see cz they know jikook friendly dynamic is just like this.

Or Maybe.... Against all of this...

Some of the staff don't know about their real relationship...that is why the car talk happened...the control touches happened... teasing which almost sounds rude sometimes happened cz they need to hide from some of their staff too?? At least for sometime when cameras are on.

I don't know but this thing sometimes makes me confused and thought. Before.. whenever I see a jikook moment...I was like...okay sometimes couples do slip. You know... working together basically 24/7 in front of cameras all the time...make you alert but also makes you slip sometimes whenever you are around your partner. But I don't know now when I see how many people are there just filming the two of them. It should be awkward for a closeted queer couple as famous as them...be continuously filmed without any other member. Just the two of them . It always makes me doubt that their relationship isn't a romantic one.

Well, to answer this question honestly, it requires kind of ignoring the possibility of them being in a relationship entirely. That aspect is completely subjective and is based purely on how we as fans interpret their behavior, which could very easily be wrong on our end.

As such, I think your question should instead focus on your curiosity in how the members have any sort of normal/natural interactions whilst being filmed and overseen by at minimum 10 people everyday. And I don’t remove Jikook dating from the equation to be evasive, but to be realistic.

Realistically, all of their interactions are being watched. The seven of them have not been without a camera crew for the last twelve years. Yes, they take personal trips and can live their lives relatively without them, but majority of their lives are filmed and edited. As a result, they have had to grow extremely comfortable with being who they are both on camera and in front of a rotation of strangers. We know their camera men are not always the same, because they’ve mentioned before how they remember this or that one from previous times working with them.

So I imagine their freedom to be themselves relies heavily upon Big Hit keeping a more or less familiar rotation of crew. Not necessarily people who the members would consider friends, but people they have grown to trust over the years. And that trust is not something given blindly. It is obtained likely out of years of these people not breeching their contracts. Which is another aspect of what the members had to become comfortable with.

Contracts, contracts, contracts. Especially in the last five years or so, BTS crew are working with the some of the most famous people in music, but also in South Korean entertainment entirely. Meaning their contracts are very likely iron clad. These people will be sued out of not only their own ass, but their great grandchild’s too, if they speak on anything the contract tells them not to.

So for example, if we use the fact that RM has been dating around (as he’s told us himself), and the assumption that at least one of his partners was a man, since he’s also used gender specific pronouns in his lyrics and at the very least left questionable hints on his IG, it is very reasonable to assume the BTS film crew is aware that there is a queer member within the group, yet nothing about it has been leaked.

Did they film them together? Not that we know of, but it proves their lives off camera continue to happen. Same with Tae and Jennie. We didn’t see any footage of them interacting from official content, but it would be ridiculous to assume they never interacted within each other’s personal spaces just because their camera crews and staff were around. In fact, there is a photo of Tae getting his hair and makeup done with Jennie in the background.

So it’s really just a matter of which partners the members want to integrate into their work lives, as well as them simply being people with personal lives.

Therefore, if we do circle back to the possibility of Jimin and Jungkook being romantically involved, the reality of a film crew who are contracted to essentially ignore any and everything the guys do, and just film it… don't really matter. They matter as people obviously, but it is literally their job to see and hear nothing. They get paid to record, and keep their mouths shut. It is then the editors jobs to remove any and everything “incriminating” to ensure no one knows who the members are dating, who they hate, who they wanna fuck, etc.

At the same time however, the members are incredibly professional and it is highly unlikely they talk cash shit or actually kiss anyone in front of their crew. Not because they’re afraid, but because it lowers the risk of a crew member going rogue and saying, “fuck this contract!” and blasting any photos or videos across the media.

So if Jimin and JK truly are together in some form, it is most likely they just don’t do anything in front of their crew. Skinship is not abnormal in idol groups, so they’ve got that going in their favor. They’ve also been friends for over a decade, so no one is really going to bat an eye at the two of them being emotionally connected and concerned about each other. They’re close, but not stupid, basically.

Lastly, I also have to say, even though I am choosing to believe them saying they didn’t see each other often during early 2023, I do also think it’s important to keep in mind they don’t live an average life. So their time apart being for various reasons including work, is not the same sort of time apart non-famous people would be seeking private time to reconcile. Jimin and JK (if they were reconciling romance) killed two birds with one stone.

They filmed content for when they enlisted, but they also got to spend time together. Presumably, they are also in charge of what the camera films. So knowing 1) the cameras turn off when they say, 2) the crew is contracted to basically shut the fuck up and look away, and 3) editors will chop out whatever they tell them to… anything more than what they want to show in a professional setting is not getting filmed nor overheard by crew.

So, seeing as I truly do not think any of the members are out here being reckless when the crew is nearby, I must assume its probably not that difficult to maintain a line between professional and personal when filming reality content.

[evillemons]

heyy! i hope you’re doing well :) i was wondering what do you think bts would be like courting someone? e.g making CDs, or writing love letters or giving just cute simple dates. more romantic gestures or more simpler / practical ones?

and how long do you think they would court someone until they give up💀(if they do lmao). also i love ur writing :)) 🧡💜

Hello! I am doing excellent, thank you. And I'm glad to hear you enjoy my writing! I often get demotivated, but knowing that there are people out there who actually read my content makes me want to keep going :) Here is my take on this prompt:

How BTS would court someone

V - It would take Tae quite a while to develop feelings for someone that are beyond surface level (and I don't think he would approach someone unless he feels a strong emotional pull towards them). However, the hopeless romantic that he is, he would be relentless when it comes to winning over his crush's affection. He would definitely be the type to deliver flowers to her work or home on the regular (by hand), or show up at her house spontaneously to ask for an impromptu date. He might also try to impress her with his creative side by taking her to a pottery/painting class or playing his beloved saxophone for her. While I think he would be relatively persistent and not be quick to give up, he might lose interest or motivation if she does not reciprocate after a while.

Jungkook - It wouldn't take much to fall for Jungkook for most people (because look at him) but I have a feeling he will end up falling for a girl one day that is completely uninterested in him and his fame. In this case, he would become completely tunnel-visioned towards winning her over. All the romantic gestures - offering to take her on fancy dinner dates, inviting her to watch rehearsals/shows backstage, driving around the city in his Mercedes, buying her a pair of luxury shoes - anything flashy to impress her. I think he would be so blinded by the fact that that he likes someone so much and be inclined to skip the "get to know you phase" completely. I don't think he would be unreceptive to feedback, though; if he senses that she's uncomfortable, he'd probably back off a little and take things slower.

RM - Namjoon wouldn't be very likely to court someone "officially", as he would prefer to observe and learn first. He would start by getting to know her very slowly and gradually, maybe slipping out a witty compliment or two to peak her interest. When he's ready to pursue a relationship, he might gift her something small but thoughtful like a plushie that she admired in a store alongside a handwritten note, or a delicately selected music playlist based on her tastes (I truly see gift giving being his love language). If she's an intellectual, he would want to impress her by reading up on a topic she's interested in or by having a deep conversation. He definitely would not go overboard in fear of scaring her away or making her uncomfortable. He also would disengage immediately if she gave him the slightest hint that she wasn't interested, not because he gave up, but because he's a gentleman who respects people's boundaries.

SUGA - Not much of a courter at all. It's much more likely that someone would approach him first, or that a long-term friendship would evolve into a relationship gradually. His version of courting someone, however, would be getting to know all the little things about them, discovering their interests (especially their music taste), and figuring out what makes them happy. This would be all be done quietly, and then shown in subtle ways like making a playlist he thought she would like or joining her in an activity she enjoys (that he may not necessarily care for otherwise). It would be an organic process with someone he has a natural connection with, so there wouldn't really be an opportunity for "giving up"; it would just naturally fizzle out if it didn't work.

Jin - As I've mentioned many times, Jin is a major introvert and doesn't like to expend too much of his energy on other people. However, I don't think he would be lazy when it comes to someone he likes. Like many of the other boys, flowers would be a go to, but likely shipped to her rather than hand delivered because he would get too shy to do it himself. Courting would be a rather slow process, with interactions being more "formal" in the early days, and there would be absolutely no physical touch until the relationship is official. Outings would be traditional and romantic - dinner dates, walks along the river, a drive-in movie theater. If he's really brave he might hold her hand. I actually do think Jin would be very determined when courting someone because he does like to hold that traditional "masculine" role.

j-hope - Hobi would hardly need to go out of his way to peak someone's interest, as his naturally vibrant and positive energy would make anyone fall for him. He's also quite attentive and considerate towards the people he cares about, so I think this would be magnified x10 when he's interested in someone romantically. He might bring her flowers if he's feeling extra romantic, but his displays of affection would mostly be via acts of service like bringing her lunch at work or offering to run errands with her. Although Hoseok is the bougie king himself, he would offer more casual dates like a picnic at the park or a local fair or couples class. I actually do see him being relatively determined in courting her - he would be consistent in trying to talk to her on the daily/asking her on weekly dates. And it's not because he's trying too hard, that's just how he is.

Jimin - Jimin would be the sweetest man alive when he's smitten. He is visibly loving and affectionate, so it wouldn't be difficult to tell when he's interested in someone. He would use a combination of light physical touch, teasing, compliments, lighthearted dates, and maybe small gifts, to woo her. I see Jimin being the type to want to go above and beyond and put maximum effort into showing someone that he likes them, but I also think he would be aware that it might come across as overbearing. He would start with something small, like giving her a bouquet of flowers with a note asking her on a date, and then following her lead based on what she likes from there (by possibly straight up asking what she would like him to do). Jimin is persistent in the sense that he would not give up easily even if one of his plans doesn't go well, but only up to a point where she is comfortable and receptive.

[melodyatlas]

i know about the dating aspect but very little about the actual plot of the actor au show

what's it about?

ah see, the reason you don't know about the shows plot is bc,, ,, , neither do i

no, but honestly the original idea was for it to be a drama that centers around batman and the robins with the starting point either being when damian has already shown up, or perhaps right when tim is about to take the mantle so there can be the drama of damian showing up and making it a seasonal arc for him to integrate

the thought process in skipping over dick and jasons times as robin was simply logistics, i want a decent cast already there and established, but not too big of a cast so it can expand into later seasons

i also wanted the show to be a pick and choose of canon events, kind of a patchwork of things in various canons that i like or just find interesting, so the plots would be similar to certain comics but not necessarily the same (i haven't worked out any real timeline past a few notable events)

and that's about the only thing i rly thought of the show itself bc my brain was a little more focused on the actors rather than the characters. but since you've asked this i can't get it out of my head, toying with various ideas based on major dramas from our world

is it an insane run that lasts way after it should have died and has genuine cultural effects like supernatural? since i skipped over so much backstory does that get included as flashbacks a la the Lost format or more interspersed flashbacks? hell, do they release tie in novels or comics for the fans who latch onto dick or jason and want real stories from when they were robin beyond the necessary flashbacks for storytelling purposes?

i think ive officially decided the show starts out with tims origin, so damian wouldn't show up until season 2 or 3 (logistically it makes more sense to wait until s3 but it makes me sad to have him missing for 2 seasons lmao, so ill circle back to that)

this way we have a decent sized starting cast but not so large that we'd have to kick people off screen to make space for the characters that come later. this means ill actually make jasons debut as red hood is the main plot point for the first season, there's no pit madness here, and things definitely won't play out the exact same as the comics (though you wont catch me changing much about utrh here, just adjustments to make it more of a tv show thing) i will elaborate about this arc Very Soon cause im giving myself all sorts of ideas right now

and this got a little away from me lmao, ill be posting more details hopefully some time this weekend now that ive been giving it more thought 😂 (no actual writing yet tho as i have to wait for my temp computer to get that done, just more of my rambling like this 😅 and maybe some bullet point lists lmao)

[slow-drowned-angels]

Stress Modeling

I am not a professional in this field, I am just an anxious person who likes plots. These are not meant to be exhaustive, but merely explore my own experiences.

When I first complained about high anxiety levels, I was recommended to go to a Student Anxiety Program run by my university. There, they referred to a graph of Stress vs Performance which looked like this:

Aside from the inherent issue of judging my quality of life through academic performance (productivity), this graph didn't really make sense to me in a few other ways. I didn't really ever feel "stressed but not so stressed that I could still comfortably work" and often I was so stressed past overwhelmed that I was able to work again... because I was forcing myself to meet a deadline and mentally hurting myself in the process. At the time, my stress vs productivity graph felt more like this:

("Avoidant" is like "This thing causes stress so I don't want to think about it because I don't want to be stressed." Personally, it's a big factor in my procrastination.)

Given my experience, I really didn't understand how there was an "optimum" amount of stress.

Because my "optimum" was really fucking painful. It turns out, that's because my brain skipped through that entire first section really quickly! It would dump me right at "overwhelmed" with very little warning:

(Yes, this mechanical engineering major has made a stress-strain curve for their own brain.)

So my real problem was that I couldn't access that part of the stress-productivity curve. Very few stressors would cause really high stresses. Note: Other people may have the "Expected" stress-stressor curve, but still experience a stress-productivity curve like mine. They are not necessarily dependent on each other.

I also had a higher-than-normal "zero stressor" stress, which I always called my "ambient stress." It was never really identifiable what the cause was, but it would make me unable to relax or fully calm down.

I did 2 years of therapy and took a fairly extensive CBT group therapy course and things were not really getting better, even though I had some tools which helped with certain situations. However, it's near impossible to CBT your way out of anxiety when it is not thought-based (and if it was somehow thought based, I couldn't get to the thought easily). Meditation and deliberate relaxation helped, but only while I was meditating -- afterwards I'd be the same amount of anxious as before. I used a whole schedule of breaks and tricks to get myself to work when I needed to and rest when I needed to, which allowed me to survive through school, but really not much else.

All of this made me really interested in trying medication for anxiety. And it works! It allows me to actually experience the "optimum amount of stress for productivity" (which btw doesn't hurt) by moving my stress-stressor curve down towards the "expected" line.

For when I'm wondering which peak I'm are experiencing (the "optimum" or the "oh fuck"), here's a comparison:

"Optimum" Peak:

Able to focus on the work in front of me, without worrying constantly about other things

Maybe tired or feeling the pressure, but not panicked or overwhelmed with the amount of stressors

"It's a lot, but I got this, let's go!"

Fueled by desire for completion, if not interest.

"Oh Fuck" Peak:

Constantly worrying about other things. May have to constantly use CBT or other coping methods to avoid these thoughts.

Feeling depressed or hopeless

Panicking, overwhelmed

Often sets in close to a deadline

"If I don't get this done, something terrible will happen"

Fueled by fear of consequences

These will obviously be different for different people, as different people respond differently to stress and have different base states.

So uh. Yes it actually exists and it's fucking wild that so many people can operate like this without medical help.

Also @ anxiety programs... You Are Working With Anxious People. Showing Them That First Plot Is Not Helpful. Please. It made me feel like I was the only one who was struggling this much with anxiety and stress... when it turns out I actually Had More Stress.

*Judging quality of life using productivity as a proxy is fucked but also I live in a world where I have to have some amount of resistance to stressors in order to function! Being constantly anxious even with minimal stressors wasn't good for my well-being either.

[davidmariottecomics]

The Winter Slump

Hello! 

Today, we're taking a peek inside the editorial side of things and talking about what I affectionately refer to as the "winter slump."

What is the Winter Slump?

The winter slump is the period between the week of American Thanksgiving and the first week of January when things get slow in the world of comics publishing. Something I talk about a lot on this blog is just how many people go into making every single comic. I work on a lot of licensed comics, so in addition to the writer, the artist/art team (pencillers, inkers, colorists, etc), letterers, designers, and any other editors I might be working with for creation of the comic, I'm also working with accounting folks and licensors who review the material and sales and marketing folks and printers and distributors and whoever else--all before it gets to the shop who gets it to you. A copy of Sonic the Hedgehog or Batman or whatever passes though a lot of hands.

But that also means that when we reach the extended holiday season in the U.S., there are more opportunities for one or more of the people in the chain to not be around. People take vacations, offices close, etc. Combined with the inherent nature of how long it takes for comics to be printed and distributed, it means any comics that are still in production this time of year are actually for release in the following year. So, editors like me find ourselves looking at a desk with no more books for this calendar year, various people we work with taking off, and hopefully, a tight hold on what's left to do as the clock on 2022 runs out. Work slows down a bit. What that opens up is more time for things that've been delayed and future planning, and that's why this time should matter to you, even if you aren't in editorial. 

How does it help you? 

Now is a good time to touch base with someone you've been wanting to work with editorially. They might not have anything at the exact moment, but they might be planning for late '23-2024 and know that in January or February they're going to be looking for folks and this is a chance to get back on their radar early. If you're hoping to hear back on a portfolio, now might be a good time to bump it back up their inbox. For example, I made my plans for the next work week at the end of this week and the majority of what I'm doing is getting back to people who have been very patiently waiting for a longer response and getting my future planning done. It's not a bad thing to touch base at a time when you expect editors and other hiring folks might have more flexibility than usual. 

The caveat to all of that is editors are people too. They may be out of office for whatever reason around this time period. And if something's on fire, because they may be suffering from reduced support along the chain, they might have even less time than usual. There's the risk that you might still not get what you're hoping for, but the risk isn't any worse than at any other time you're emailing an editor, but the chances of a faster and more thorough response are higher. 

What should you say? 

So, editors might have more time because things are slower on their end. You wanna take advantage of that. What do you say to them? There are three main tactics.

1. The holiday check-in! Simple and easy, if you're just looking to touch base briefly, you can always drop them a line saying you hope they have a good holiday season. Maybe you can include a digital holiday card you drew, which usually goes over well.

2. The helping hand! If you genuinely have time in your schedule, reaching out to an editor and saying "hey, I'm still around and free through the end of the year if you need help on X" might be the solution to a problem they have. Since remaining deadlines tend to be tight this time of year, you might manage to offer your assistance at just the right time to get something done, which the editor will remember. 

3. The portfolio follow-up! It doesn't necessarily have to be for your portfolio, but if you emailed an editor previously and haven't heard back yet, sending a follow-up specific to whatever you had originally contacted them about is not a bad idea. If it is related to a portfolio--including a writing portfolio--sending an "end-of-year" update can be really nice. Take it as a chance to brag about what you've done in 2022. 

Whatever you do, just remember to be polite and understanding as it's a hope this editor's actually got a winter slump.

And just to get ahead of things: I'm only sending out two more updates this year! Not sure what next week's will be, but 12/17 I've got some goodbyes to say to something important to me. We'll be off the last two weeks of the year and back in January after that!  

Things I've been enjoying this week: Getting the first gifts wrapped and under the tree. The Tick (TV show). Candy canes. Honkai Impact (Video game). Sonic Frontiers (Video game). Chainsaw Man (Anime & Manga). Spy x Family (Anime). My Hero Academia (Anime). Uzaki-Chan Wants to Hang-Out (Anime). My Lovey-Dovey Wife is a Stone Cold Killer (Manga). A couple of WIPs I've got going. Our Pokemon card advent calendar. My friend Zac Boone who I got to see yesterday for a bit. The Simpsons (TV show). According to Spotify and adding in my non-Spotify listening, I listened to Lizzo for over 24 hours this year! That's pretty good! And the Rise of the Beasts trailer looked alright, as did the new Indiana Jones one! 

New Releases this week (11/30/2022): Godzilla Rivals: Vs. Gigan (I didn't actually work on this, but the team that did is awesome and you should check it out)

New releases next week (12/7/2022): Sonic the Hedgehog #55 (Editor) Transformers: Best of Windblade (Editor--our penultimate TF book) Godzilla Monsters & Protectors: All Hail the King #3 (Editor! My first Godzilla book!) 

Final Order Cutoff--Last chance for your store to guarantee release day copies for you (12/5/2022): Sonic the Hedgehog: Scrapnik Island #4

Pic of the Week: I got new glasses and I think they look pretty sharp. I like the frames on my face.

Also, speaking of Rise of the Beasts, just a reminder that Beast Wars Vol. 3 is available in my shop now! 

[tiredassmage]

🖊🖊🖊

THREE whole pens!!!! I'm starting this and I still have no idea if you'll get three whole ocs or three whole rambles about one oc, nonny, but I do have me some THOUGHTS, so off we go!

This is... once again, very long. As it always is whenever I decide to involve Tyr. So there's more under the cut, as usual, lol.

(You're absolutely correct that I'm never done talking about Tyr, next question).

I sort of toed into Tyr's thoughts on the Sith yesterday and there's so many of them I can specifically ramble about, so that's what we're doing!!! To briefly recap, Tyr was raised on Dromund Kaas - for the vast majority of his life, he believed it was born and raised, and then I had to go and say, no, your actual biological sister is a Jedi, have fun!!! But that's for another day (and a fic already exists on that reunion).

The household did contain at least two Sith - his mother and elder sister were full-fledged and Sith-in-training, respectfully. His exact relationship with them is practically non-existent insofar as that they'd maybe be listed as next of kin on his records, but any mourning from either side in the event of something unfortunate would more than likely be a socially-driven act than genuine despair. Mavis isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to him, but she was, nonetheless, a privileged menace that put a bad taste in his mouth that he kept to himself as a good soldier and citizen of the Empire does.

As a quick aside, of the small family unit, Tyr was marginally closest to his father, but really only in the capacity that the man was the least likely to go out of his way to make Tyr's life more complicated and served as the base inspiration for Tyr to adamantly accept an offer to join Imperial Intelligence.

But I think there are really only two Sith lords that have ever genuinely terrified him - Darth Jadus and Darth Malgus, particularly in his recent... reappearance, rather than the spats on Ilum. Jadus was enigma in physical form and probably the most potent manifestation of Tyr's eventual bone-deep problems with the Sith, summed simply in one line, "I believe in the democratization of fear."

That single meeting in Jadus's chambers is something he'll never forget. In silent confidence and chilling belief in those ideals, almost no other Sith can compare. Sith like Mavis are at least predictable - their generally loose canons feeding on their emotions. Jadus is... not. Jadus defies every expectation he tried to set. Darth Jadus is not a Sith Tyr ever planned to talk back to or stand against. His scramble against the Eradicators had very little to do with believing it a viable, sound plan of action unlikely to get him killed and far more with an overriding sense to stick to what he believed was right that was far more valuable.

He could probably at least thank Jadus for being so utterly terrifying that dealing with Valkorian later wasn't a matter of fear, but sheer logic. Resignation to the 'if x, then y.' Tyr shooting at Valkorian at the top of the Spire on Zakuul pre-carbonite is not at all because he thinks that's going to work. Stars, it's not because he thinks a blaster can defeat the Sith Emperor!! It's once again because he assessed his options and decided that, at the absolute godsdamned least, he could go out for what he believed in.

Malgus is odd because its not... necessarily Malgus himself that terrifies Tyr so much as it is... all the circumstances around working with Malgus. It is and isn't Malgus. It's that Tyr has a wriggling little feeling that if anybody was going to look through him and catch him in the act of working for the Republic, it was going to be Malgus. This one still works on his nerves. And, y'know, fun memories of Castellan Restraints. He's so glad the Empire has changed so much in the years of having to deal with Zakuul. /Violent sarcasm.

Anyway, they aren't the only Sith that have left impressions, of course. Lana I basically covered in yesterday's post, so I won't rehash that one, but Marr occupies a similarly interesting and odd space as her. Tyr might concede that the Dark Councilor was... more pragmatic than some of his peers, but there isn't ever really a point that Tyr trusts him. Really, after the Castellan Restraints, I don't think you could convince Tyr to trust a Dark Councilor. He maintained his respect in interactions with Marr with only mild slips on Yavin IV - by then a point where he felt his honest opinion on developments with Sith Intelligence had been, one, asked for and, two, it's... maybe a subject of slight passion, after all. Still, it's more tongue in cheek in fashion rather than blatant resistance. Marr never really gives him a reason to go that far.

And then there's folks like Zhorrid, and Lord Razer, and Acina. He fails to ever puzzle out Zhorrid. When he first meets her on Korriban, he missteps with her by sticking to the 'you sent for me?' approach. Where her father was genuinely unsettling, Zhorrid he finds merely... unpredictable and, admittedly, a touch juvenile. She's scrapping to validate her position, so he mentally tags her more with 'approach with caution' than anything particularly alarming.

Razer is... Oh, Razer. The one Sith Lord Tyr has blatantly stood up against that he can recall actively making that choice. And it's a lot about being tired of Going Through It at that point and also, like... admittedly a developed sense of what someone reasonable (like Lokin, perhaps) might have called uncharacteristic and undesirable cockiness. He read Razer as someone he could take ground from, if he was assertive enough in taking command. He had just enough pull as the successful Cipher Nine, even as they gutted Intelligence, that he felt he had some weight to push back. There was no mourning for that one. So unfortunate, truly. (He had it coming.)

And then Acina. Ohhh, Acina. She's so interesting!!!! In her relationship with him because!!! It varies. You can't make me do large group heroics to save my life, but I did start the Dread Seed mission chain and he just... Once again, you couldn't pay him enough to trust a Dark Councilor. He mistrusts her scheming. And then, as Empress meeting her as the Commander of the Alliance, there's a little... little moment in all that goes down on Dromund Kaas that he might, might have just been a little inclined to believe she could be reasoned with, that maybe she was doing something with the Empire he wouldn't entirely be against. And then Iokath happened and, "Intelligence should have retired you when they had the chance!" happened and that naive little notion went right out the window and then she also kicked it, so... RIP.

Okay, ONE pen down, my goodness. Anyway, I also feel the need to share some Lensan lore(tm) because he's also my latest obsession and, unfortunately, against all my plans, he has grown on me.

One, I'd like to reiterate that the amount of blaster pistols I keep in this man's inventory for outfitter purposes is obnoxious. Lensan absolutely actually has a large blaster collection because of this happening.

I was workshopping several background ideas for this bastard before I finally settled on Imperial Military Black Ops discharged or retired and one of them, surprise surprise, involved him being an agent for Imperial Intelligence, either previously as a Main Job or picked up after he left Black Ops after the Treaty of Coruscant as a disgruntled soldier displeased with the truce. This potential plot involved him posing as a the titular Bounty Hunter PC to investigate the Empire's Mandalorian alliance and report back on whether or not it was still a sound partnership. This idea has not left me alone, so it may or may not still appear in a version where I play IA with him because I'd do that, I'm insane enough to make more agents, I can't be helped, just leave me here.

I'm trying to keep these last ones shorter because holy shit have I gone off akdsfnlsdfnsd

Let's revist Vaylress!!! My first, like, consistent Sith Warrior. I miss her. Wife. Queen.

Vayl's was initially meant to retain loyalty to the Empire. While her journey as the SW makes her realize not everything the Empire is doing is great, she still identifies predominantly as a Sith of the Empire first and foremost. Especially with Quinn at her side, the pair of them were ultimately loyal to what was best for the Empire (even if he was absolutely correct that she would risk it all if it protected him. That's her kryptonite.)

This sort of potentially changed when I realized the pair wanted kids. Particularly in the way things go with Zakuul, I think her potential withdraw from full support of the Empire would largely be to focus on her own family - her husband and their young daughter. In ousting Baras and becoming the Emperor's Wrath, Vayl saw a lot of what she valued - the people she valued in her crew - threatened by the path she was walking. Power plays are a massive part of Sith life and, she realizes, unstable long-term. This decision would largely be about deciding to prioritize herself and her wants first for a change than any real swapped loyalties between galactic powers.

She got the scars on her face from the cave-in attempted murder on Quesh and went through a period where she covered these with a mask (Arcann's, fun fact, bc I think its a cool asf mask and she's one of the few characters I have that would potentially wear face-coverings consistently) partially to conceal her identity from any potential spies reporting her movements to Baras and revealing her and the Hand's movements too early, and partially to let them (and herself) heal from both the physical wounds and the blow to her pride for not expecting something. Vayl was always conscious that it was a possibility - and even a likelihood - that Baras would one day cut her loose, but it didn't lessen the sting of betrayal. She was still incredibly offended, ultimately. But what really sealed his fate, tbh, was using Quinn against her. Sure, she was already plotting his downfall for the Hand, but that made it personal.

Like I said, she has priorities. Those priorities tend to take the form of Malavai Quinn. Oops. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[emptymanuscript]

Learn this 1 WEIRD trick!

One of the weirder tricks I ever got from a therapist was a sort of instinct trigger facial analysis. As a sort of conscious way to make yourself do a gut check on someone.

And I do weirdly still do it for any therapist I consider seeing. Others as well upon occasion.

So I'll go find their official glamour shot and put it into a some kind of image editing software.

And I'll note my first impressions like, nice smile, leans into left side, kind of back and maybe a little defensive on right. Chosen to display as efficient, utilitarian instead of fancy or slovenly. Not necessarily just one of the regular folk but also not trying to put herself in a superior position. She is business appropriate professional but relaxed as that allows.

And then I divide up the face to sort of burrow in.

So, I'll start at the bottom and go counterclockwise spiral.

I notice that the smile seems to really shine in isolation. She feels pretty friendly.

look over to the right and now she seems intense, focused, it feels like her brain is ON which makes me feel a little uncomfortable with the intensity but also like she's not going to miss a trick which is good.

Up top and both eyes together feels a little more gentle. Intellectual (possibly from the glasses) but compassionate with it.

Drop to the right and she looks playful if anything. She gives me the feeling of enjoying life. The sort of person whose presence might be pretty enjoyable.

Swing past the bottom and out to the bottom right and it's still got a little of that playfulness in the intensity for me. Like she won't take it too, too seriously, she feels willing to back up and laugh if it gets TOO intense which is comforting to me.

Up to the top right and, yeah, on, perceptive, she's actually, actively LOOKING rather than just being there for the camera.

Top left corner and yeah, it's ok, she feels engaged, not like I'm a bug under a microscope. Interested rather than finding me an interesting specimen or something like that.

Bottom left, and that feels like pure playful friendliness. She feels very open and safe in that corner.

And finally I'll go back to the whole picture and remember that my first impression was that simple she is leaning into the left, what I am perceiving as her friendly, engaged, welcoming, even playful side. So I'm feeling like that may be her dominant way of looking at things while the sort of height of the right shoulder is her defensive reaction - she goes intellectual when things go wrong. Which reflects on her outfit choice, she's balancing these two forces. She wants to be friendly and leans in as much as she can but is also aware that things are expected and that there are certain things that must be done for whatever reason and she'll modify her instinctual behavior for engagement with logical detachment.

The most important thing to remember at this point is that NONE of this is true.

This is purely my bias and gut feeling based on extremely little information. All I have is a name, picture, and vague context (therapist). She might be radically different than I imagine her. It's extremely probable that I am not miraculously correct about her deep inner nature just by looking at a photo on a website.

AND we do this sort of thing ALL the time.

This is the underlying basis of bias, discrimination, racism, etc. Our subconscious immediately makes up bs stories about people we see.

We then delete those assumptions (ideally) as new information comes in.

The two major differences here is (1) the artificial oddity of how I am doing it so that (2) I am doing it in a slow conscious fashion rather than a lightning quick unconscious one.

I'm examining my instincts more, rather than less, and that is probably a lot less information than my subconscious is deciding to work with and probably nowhere near as efficient. However, it's a good bet that we're reaching the same conclusion.

My gut is telling me, yeah, she's probably someone who it is safe to risk contacting and seeing if we mesh because so little is giving me warning signs that I can at least suspect I'm not going to sabotage the relationship out the gate by distrust. Her still feeling a little friend-shaped after all that uncomfortable staring at features in isolation is probably a good indication that something about her triggers some connection with something I like, even if I'll never figure out exactly what that is.

And I'll also pass on that if you do this a lot, you'll start to notice a lot more people than you would think don't feel very good or positive when you do this with them. The weirdness of the process tends to make people feel weird and uncomfortable and dangerous. I suspect it is biased by the process toward distrust though it is hard to say because I certainly do have trust ISSUES. But the flip side of that is that when someone passes as ok, I feel much better about taking the next step.

So... I figured I would pass it on.

Again, no truth or fact in it. This is pure assumption and imagination work. There is Ø EXTERNAL validity. It isn't really about them. It's about the perceptions and assumptions that I am having so I can look at them clearly.

Just something that occasionally helps me move forward when I'm not sure about doing so because I am feeling frightened of what can go wrong between me and someone. It makes me feel calmer and safer and like it is possible instead of overwhelming anxiety.

I was making this one anyway, since I'm thinking about making an initial consult with her and am reluctant to get the treatment she provides. But the positive perceptions I'm getting are telling me that I am more FOR seeing her than I am AGAINST seeing her, whatever the actual reasons. Which is good to know. It lets me say, hey, I should take that next step, it'll be ok.

Maybe it might help you too if you have trouble with checking your nervous gut like I do. Let you bring your feelings more clearly front and center. Can also help you identify oddly recurring biases you can't otherwise explain. So I offer it on.

[the-acid-pear]

well, made a secondary Dialtown sona: regular dude edition (not getting rid of Dandy; they're still here).

so...introducing Kasper [not sure of a last name yet]!!

Kasper's main colors are pastel yellow and blue, as well as just generally being more soft-looking in general. got a yellow head with some stickers on there, and wears a generally masc-looking outfit with a pastel blue cardigan. she also has a knee brace that she usually wears ("Y'never know when physical activity's gonna happen, and I'm not taking that risk."), as well as a cane for balance (i've got a few balance problems irl, and while i don't have a cane yet i'd like to get one mostly for stability reasons, just in cases where i'm worried balance might be a problem). the knee brace is actually based off me irl kinda. basically i've got what my family calls "weak knees" (something related to like this ligament/muscle that's supposed to Not make my kneecap dislocate. and it sucking and Not doing that) and i have dislocated the same knee twice when i was younger. don't really like doing physical activity because of that, because i don't wanna risk it. so y'know!! making Kasper a lot like myself :]

Kasper's generally pretty sweet, and only acts rude when joking around with others they're close to. the one exception to this is when people are being rude to xem and its loved ones. Abel is the very MAJOR exception to this rule as well: Kas doesn't like him, and he doesn't like her. it's practically instant hostility between those two.

Kas knows just about all of the datables (except for Bigfoot, but he's not even really surprised by that one when he discovers he exists, just like "sure, i'll incorporate that into my belief system."), and has been nice to just about all of them. Oliver? she's done her best to give some money to keep the theater open (basically by "overpaying" for a movie and food/drinks and telling Ollie to keep the change), as well as the fact that they are both Very Not Cis and are into horror (something you wouldn't guess from Kas just from appearance alone). Randy? they've given the poor guy some extra money and a shoulder to cry on before. xe has, in fact, said "Can the universe give this poor man a break for one second?" Karen? it goes to talk to her relatively often, just to give her something to smile about. heck, they've even talked to Jerry before! just kinda standing around and giving him someone to talk to.

Kas works at a daycare in town every few days, and gets paid decently well for it. also gives him a lot of free time, as you can imagine.

i feel like the name of Kasper's chapter two section would be "The Friendly (Not Quite) Ghost" ('cause y'know. Kasper). the route itself i feel would go over things like That Very Specific Form of Autistic Trauma That Happens When You Haven't Been Bullied, Necessarily, But You Didn't Really Have A Great Social Life Growing Up Either And It's Affected Your Social Skills In Adulthood. also stuff like masking and (still) feeling alienated from your peers and people around you. so y'know, Fun Stuff (aka I'm Projecting). basically the entire route would just be Kas and Gingi fucking around in town and having a good day.

the World's Weirdest Polycule (Gingi, Olli, Randy, and Kas) still happens, and Randy is still the most normal person here (Kasper's also a monsterfucker).

anyway! dt!Kasper my beloved <3

- dee-in-the-box

I love that you gave him your other name there are many pros to multiple name usage smfbfngb but DT!KASPER MY BELOVED 2 🫡 literally so fun and kind putting her 2 cents (well maybe a little more) onto making Dialtown suck less. Honorable behavior . . . < 3

[lovedistrict]

Hi! I really need some advice because I feel like I can't really talk this through with my friends or anyone else.

I was in a situationship with a guy for around 3 months and he recently ended things rather abruptly after meeting my friends at a party for the first time. He said his reason was that he can't fall in love and/or be a good partner because of his bad mentalhealth.

I was shocked and confused but we did talk it out a few days later and both of us apologised for everything we did/might have done wrong. I thought about it and then told him the next day that I want to try things again with him. This time communicating better and paying more attention to both our own and each other's mental state and emotions. He is open to the idea but hasn't decided yet.

I truly believe we could make things work. I want to get to know him better and deepen our connection. I think he is a good person and what we had was special and worth holding on to.

But,

I just learned that he said some mean things and hurt one of my best friends' feelings at the party. I think he did not mean it and didn't realise he came off as rude. And this is absolutely a boundary for me I can't be with someone who is unkind to my friends.

How can I bring this up? How can I talk about this with him and ask him to apologise to my friend?

My friends say I should just let it go because I deserve better than him. And I understand that someone having a bad mentalhealth episode is not an excuse to hurt me or anyone else.

I can't help but feel like their opinions are biased since they've only seen him at his worst. I know he's kind and open-minded and funny and sweet. He also helped with my anxiety a lot. But he really needs to work on his social skills and emotional intelligence. He tends to be a people pleaser to the point where he easily snaps and has major depressive episodes during which he becomes apathetic and mentally drained.

He is so important to me and my heart wants to be with him again. This time really be with him, despite his flaws and everything that happened. But my mind can see that it is extrmely likely that we'll have problems and possibly hurt each other and the people around us again.

How do I know if he's worth waiting and enduring all this for? Can I trust that he will work on our relationship and himself? Am I making a mistake if I follow my heart and trust my intuition?

Thanks in advance!

Ok so we know that he ended things up with you because of what he did to your friend. I think you have to wait for him to decide if he truly wants to be with you too first. In case he does, you can bring it up just so he know you know about it. He doesn’t necessarily needs to apologize now because he doesnt really know her. Next time he sees her, maybe. It’s up to him.

But we do have a great sign that he’s aware of his mental issues, does he do anything about it? Therapy? I think that’s an important conversation to have. Because I agree, you’ll have problems if he doesn’t. Actually, it’s really hard to be at a relationship when you know about your flaws, or that your mental health isn’t 100% , and don’t do anything about it. Just flee from people? Relationships are meant to help us in that way, because through love and understanding (being open and true) one will give strength to the other so they can work on their inner problems.

On your last questions, the only way of knowing that for sure is by his behavior. Does que truly want to be with you too? Does he show that his me tal problem bothers him and he does something about it.

It’s not a mistake to trust your intuition, but you have to be wise to know what is your heart versus your intuition. I always like to make decision based on rationality also because if we only listen to our hearts, we sometimes end up making wrong decisions. The heart is deceitful.

[shortdalee]

They're not technically fics that I read this year (I don't think? I may have reread it, but my perception of time has been shot since even before COVID), nor is it just one, but they both changed my life this year. Technically. I mean, the changes they engendered are happening now, so yeah, technically.

I keep meaning to go back and reread them again, actually, with the intent to leave a comment, which is why I bookmarked them, but I haven't as of yet for various reasons, so in the meantime:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets (AO3)/@asecretvice (Tumblr)

I first read it back in April 2021 (or so my bookmark tells me). It's one of the most poignant fucking fics I've ever read, and it's one of the fics that convinced me to give grad school one last shot.

Before, I was largely ambivalent about grad school, and that's if I wasn't resentful as fuck about people's expectations of me going just because of my previous academic record. I wanted nothing to do with it, and if I did, I certainly wasn't about to major in English again. Been there, done that, got the imposter syndrome to prove it.

Cue this fic.

It cracked open this yawning yearning for the kind of relationship that Dean and Cas had in the fic, by which I mean: Would it have been nice to discuss my writing with someone who really enjoyed it? I mean yeah, what writer wouldn't? Especially since my own family aren't particularly interested in writing or reading, but that wasn't going to happen because I will literally die before letting on that I'm the one who wrote X.

But I wanted that sort of companionship, I guess, the connection between someone with similar interests who you could talk shop with.

It was just so fucking beautiful, no two ways about it, including the poetry, and I say this as someone who isn't usually one for poetry, that it left a deep, deep impression on me and planted that seed of: Oh, maybe I should.

Which leads me to:

Four Letter Word for Intercourse by bendingsignpost (AO3)/@bendingsignpost (Tumblr)

The fic that nailed the coffin that was my decision to go back to school shut.

It was the same deal as with And This, Your Living Kiss in that what yearning that fic awoke in me, this one took a fucking crowbar to pry it further open. It wasn't even necessarily the "talk shop" part so much as the companionship part. It was the possibility of having a deeper, more intellectual conversation with someone that I normally didn't have purely because 1) Issues; and 2) no one around me is interested.

So I took the plunge and applied to grad school, telling myself it was my last shot, after this no more, no matter what anyone said.

And I got in.

But going back, there was this one line in the fic that struck me blind and stuck with me since: Cas telling Dean that he was more open to being in a relationship with him because he knew that he wasn't his only support system, or something to that effect.

It's the reason why I more seriously considered going to therapy then, and it's the reason why, now, I am in the process of finding one.

Which. In retrospect, maybe it's a little silly that I made such major life decisions based on fics, but I did, and as much as one of those decisions is stressing me the fuck out right now, I don't regret them.

So I guess, thank you. I literally would not be where I am now (both in terms of life but also in terms of geography) if not for these fics.

ao3 wrapped/year in review: share one fic that absolutely changed your life this year

[vzyee]

annoying youtube comment

i definitely get the sense that as someone who's interested in writing & understanding literature as opposed to pop fiction at least at the moment, it's much harder for me to really sit down & enjoy contemporary "entertainment" novels these days. the qualities i really admire in fiction are based in language and attitude & these just don't happen to be major concerns of most like booktok books & i think this would be a completely neutral observation for me if i haven't been kind of nudged into a defensive panic about the place of "real literature" in a changing world.. & by extension the kind of writing i do & have always done & been drawn to, cause it's what comes naturally to me. i do read entertainment novels for entertainment sometimes & it's usually perfectly pleasant but i also feel very engaged & entertained reading so-called literary novels, which is what i'd rather spend my time on, since i can enjoy it without trying to numb my critical/craft-mindedness. this is not to say a critical reading of a pop fiction book like big swiss, which i really liked, would expose it as "low art"—i think my critical instincts are just trained in another genre. in general for like downtime entertainment i watch tv or i look to other mediums i guess, but i absolutely appreciate that there are people who turn towards books for that instead & that's really what pop fiction is all about. i think what actually bothers me these days is, & maybe this is something i should try to recontextualize too, when i come across a book that's evidently trying to work at a more literary slant but seems completely limited by pop expectations & attitudes. essentially when a book or author misunderstands its genre and falls short of passable imitation, & especially when its audience or marketing or reputation reinforce this misunderstanding. this is always a gut feeling & not necessarily something confirmed by behind-the-scenes testimony or whatever but i always come away with the impression that these books are a byproduct of industry compression, like the churn of 2-year generation/revision/editing/publication cycles has just filed all the edges off what could have been a deeply felt & developed & vital work (or not!). i try to read widely but in contemporary english lit it is unbelievably difficult to find works that contain.. idk richness. maturity. but who knows maybe i'll love today's books in 20 years once the cultural palate has shifted & i don't get recognition-sick from living in the time we're lending to these works...

[allsassnoclass]

Fic ask game: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14 & 15!

oh wowza!!! alright! let's go! thank you for asking!

1. Favorite place to write. the corner of my couch in the living room! preferably with a blanket

2. Favorite part of writing. i love lightbulb moments! that feeling when you finally figure out a little detail that fills a plot hole, or when writing an au you have a great idea for how to incorporate/parallel a canon event. even just having a realization of what your story is actually about and how to lean into that more. stuff like that is so satisfying to me, so I absolutely adore when I get those moments.

3. Least favorite part of writing. i've been unhappy with editing lately. it used to be a breeze for me, but lately i've been getting really critical of my writing and much harder to satisfy, which means editing either takes forever or it feels hopeless and i end up releasing something i'm not fully satisfied with or confident in

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals? i don't think i have any specific ones! maybe developing a few would make it easier to get into it when the time comes.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most. i really love Maggie Stiefvater, especially the way she uses figurative language, but I don't think my personal style necessarily reflects that, at least not as much as I would maybe want to. honestly, i don't know who has actually influenced my style. every author that i read works for leaves a little itty bitty speck of influence, so it's probably a combination of fifty billion different people.

7. Favorite author. as stated above, it's Maggie Stiefvater. The Raven Cycle is my absolute favorite book series and Ronan Lynch is my absolute favorite character. I do also want to mention Terry Pratchett though, because I'm into Discworld and I really appreciate his ability to write wacky humor and social commentary, plus having Death talk in all caps all the time is a vibe.

8. Favorite trope to write. fake dating, baby!!!!! I have posted 5 fake dating fics so far. 3 of them are the 3 longest fics i've ever written. i have many, many other fake dating ideas. i love how blurry the line gets between acting and sincerity, and the exploration of how much of love is a feeling and how much is actions and how much is based on outside perception or not, plus it is SO tasty for pining.

9. Least favorite trope to write. i don't like "getting to know each other" moments, so strangers to lovers can be a challenge. getting characters from not knowing each other at all to being in love is difficult and tedious for me.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish. oh man. screaming and crying :) no i'm kidding. first i am hit with an idea. then i let the idea marinate for anywhere from 1 day to 3 or 5 years. then i begin the wip! i start writing from the beginning and just keep going until it's done, often with many, many interruptions and forays into other wips in between. then when I finish, i edit (which is mostly spelling, grammar, word choice, and double checking throughlines and cohesiveness. to date, i haven't rearranged the order of scenes or major plot points in the editing phase). after i edit, i post! then the cycle begins again (or continues with a different fic, as i always work on multiple at once).

13. How do you deal with writers block? historically, not well. i get upset about it and complain. but because i have so many wips and well over 100 ideas jotted down, i can always pivot to another fic if it's plot/character-related writers block. if all writing is difficult, then i might take a break and try to focus on reading or other things

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book? pas de deux took a decent amount of research on professional ballet companies and various twin cities details. by the time unmute is over, however, it will have significantly more research sunk into it. it already has had so much. not only have i had to do a huge amount of research on 5sos and significant events in their lives/career beginning in 2011, but i researched visual art programs at colleges (including individual class listings), salt lake city, utah, when gay marriage was legalized in utah/the entire USA/Australia, the legality of getting married in a country where you're not a citizen, social media/chatting apps of the early 2010s, etc. there's a lot going on here.

15. Where does your inspiration come from? anywhere! everywhere! i take inspiration from other stories, songs, things that happen to me, things that happen to my friends, basically anything can serve as inspiration!

Thank you for asking!

[krystynaekstoms]

Do You Required a Caretaker or a Cleansing Business?

At some time in time you may decide to obtain additional assistance on your housekeeping. Maybe it is due to the fact that your timetable has actually ended up being a little bit busy lately or possibly fairly the contrary and you now stay in a residence, scratch that, palace that calls for that you strictly do refrain from doing any housework. When you promote for a caretaker both companies as well as individuals will react. How do you decide which one it is you want? Both have their strong points and drawbacks and we are checking out just how to choose based on these factors.

Just how much can you afford?

You initially require to exercise simply just how much you want to spend on housekeeping. This decision will certainly determine whether you will certainly take a cleansing company who are pricey off the bat or individuals that might be open to arrangements and also are adaptable. The company can be cheaper in the future but these this must be considered. Balance a routine you can manage and also contrast both as well as see who can get it done.

Relationships

Connection in this case indicates communication between you as well as the housekeep. Do you require someone that simply does his or her work without making any unnecessary talk with you or do you desire someone you can have a discussion with. Depending upon a great deal of things like social class or your schedule, you might discover that you need one or the other. Specific housekeepers often tend to be much easier to strike up a discussion with while many company staff members have a tendency to like doing their tasks and being typically out of your means. These are much more like guidelines than rules.

What do you require done?

Producing a listing of points you want done will provide you an excellent idea of the volume of work as well as subsequently prepare a work timetable. This job schedule will educate you whether a firm or an individual is called for. If as an example, you require a regular dusting on weekend breaks when around then you might call for an individual housekeep, https://zavashiavhod.com and also not necessarily require a firm solution. The reverse holds true when you simply had a celebration as well as obtained your home trashed in a manner of speaking.

Safety

This is a wide subject and also all elements will need the exact same degree of concern. First safety and security for the housekeeper. When the cleaning in your house might position a danger after that it is safe to opt for a company since the majority of them insure their workers. Check on the firm concerning insurance simply to be certain. Unsafe work in this situation do not have to be dealing with uranium (it is possibly prohibited) however much more benign ones like dusting a chandelier that may need the housekeep to climb up. Risk of falling appears as well as might land you a suit if you took an uninsured individual.

Security for you and your family members also is important. Obtaining a company means that you have some level of tranquility since you know they did a background examine their team. Hiring a specific means you have to do this on your own.

[firefly-fez]

No.

Look, I was bright. Bright enough to be gifted, I suspect.

But I wasn’t “logical reasoning and excellent at maths and pattern recognition” bright, I was “exellent at reading comprehension and writing” bright.

Like, I could always read well above my age group. I got in trouble for not doing the reading homework in primary school, and they called in my mother to discuss it. She defended me, saying the books they gave me to read were too easy and that’s why I wasn’t doing the homework. She showed them an example of what I was reading at home, which was well above the reading level of what I had been told to read for school. And they didn’t believe her. They told her it was impossible for me be reading at that level at my age, and that I must just be looking at the pictures for the stuff I was reading at home.

Like I was, “It’s impossible for you’re child’s reading level to be that high at this age” level bright.

When I got my ADHD diagnosis, my Verbal Comprehension Index showed I was in the 99th percentile.

Is that gifted?

Not according to my school where I grew up. I have a couple neurodivergent friends - male friends, perhaps that is the key - who were diagnosed at a younger age and when they received their diagnosis, they were told they were gifted, but more so along the mathematical reasoning/logical thinking side.

Which makes me wonder…. How do we actually measure “giftedness”? Because until I got my own FSIQ and GAI tests done, I never really noticed that every instance of “giftedness” I’ve ever heard was only referring to logical reasoning, problem solving, or mathematical ability. None of it really discussed reading or language comprehension.

If I had been as good at logical reasoning as I am at language-based skills, would I have been recognised as “gifted”? Do we actually recognise a verbal comprehension index in the 99th percentile as a valuable form if intelligence?

I can’t help but wonder if this is a gender bias, too. I can think of so many examples of males with a “gifted” mind, all of whom are clever at logical reasoning/problem solving/mathematics, but… are there female equivalents? Is the same intelligence in a woman more likely to express itself as a higher emotional intelligence/reasoning, verbal comprehension index, and language and/or emotional based information processing?

Let me tell you, OP, I don’t know. I’ve always felt like I resonated with the story of the “gifted” child but I never actually received any of the educational support or intervention some of my peers - all of whom are male - did. I can’t help but wonder if I would have been referred for the same kind of intervention if I was a boy. I can’t help but wonder whether the reason I’m not considered gifted is because of the value we put on the way intelligence presents in women vs. men. I don’t know: maybe it’s just my own ego talking 🤷‍♀️

I discussed the idea of giftedness with the psychologist who diagnosed me. She said I could be, but there wasn’t necessarily hard proof in the tests she conducted.

My FSIQ (Full-Scale IQ)

Score: 113, Range (95% CI): 109-117 Percentile: 81st

My GAI (General Ability Index)*

Score: 126, Range (95% CI): 120-130 Percentile: 96th

* the GAI is a measure of intelligence designed to be less sensitive to the influence of working memory and processing speed than the FSIQ test. Since both these skills are frequently and significantly impaired in individuals with ADHD, the significant difference between the GAI and the FSIQ can be indicative of ADHD. Significant difference between these two scores is not observed in the majority of the population. The difference between my GAI nad FSIQ score were determined to be statistically significant, suggesting impaired working memory and processing speed.

I don’t think I count as gifted, not by a holistic measure of intelligence anyway. Still, it’s interesting to see just how heavily ADHD impacts one’s overall perceived intelligence just from working memory and processing speed being different in the ADHD brain.

please elaborate on your experience in replies/reblogs if you’d like!

[skypancake]

fall 22 + why i started this blog

it’s a bittersweet time as the semester comes to an end, the profs i didn’t like i’m happy i don’t have to do any more work for them, but on the other hand the ones i do like i don’t get to be in their class anymore ;-; or i suppose i could take their class again, but it doesn’t really make sense to, you know? one of my profs is retiring, and preferred we write good things about her on rmp lol

next semester should be interesting, 15 units, i’m taking physics, psych, history, and comp sci. i wasn’t able to get them all online like i’d wanted to, so i’ll have to expend some gas, but maybe i’ll actually see some friends more often now that i’m on campus. should i get a board? i don’t know how much sense it makes considering i’m not on campus all day, i’d probably wanna get new shoes too, then, considering i feel i should know at least some tricks, and i don’t wanna tear my canvas shoes as is

i think my parents think that by pursuing a cs major i’ve an innate interest in the subject, which isn’t necessarily true. i mean, i don’t hate it, but i don’t have a passion for this craft, either. my actual goal career-wise is to own a/multiple successful business(es), and i’m told comp sci is a useful skill across many disciplines, while you’ll learn more by actually doing business than looking at it from an outside perspective, possibly the instructor being a dinosaur who doesn’t know a thing about what they’re teaching. but yeah, my mum pulled me over and showed me the microsoft teams and other shit she was doing, i think she and my dad are trying to set up my mind into the idea that i’ll be working for someone else my entire life, a pitfall i’m doing my best not to fall into. if money’s tight i’ll give in to the traditional system, but my time is mine. i own it, and i’d rather not sell it to somebody else

i made a topic change for my final essay in english 10 days before the semester’s ending, but seeing as i got more research done in 3 hours compared to less in 4 with my other topic it should hopefully be that much better, i guess this topic just speaks to me more. one of the other ideas was based on bo burnham’s “welcome to the internet” delving into how the internet has changed people, but that might be too broad/specific a topic considering i couldn’t find anything about that specifically (like comparing the 80s-90s to now), though i might’ve also just been using the wrong keywords. another i just thought of was how negative the american news is, don lemon looks like he’s dying, and all these awful stories combined with the negativity bias and availability heuristic can make taint the image of the world in someone’s eyes, this is an idea stolen from jarvis johnson, i don’t remember which video. unrelated, but he also mentions at some point while giving advice to somebody (about relationships?), to not be burdened with the present or past if things went south, because something way better could be right around the corner. i also couldn’t find which video this was

another one of my profs is the whole reason i started this blog, she had a survey at he end of every week asking how we were doing and the like, which i absolutely poured my heart into with thoughts and stories, and her compliment of they being engaging and such inspired me to possibly put these things out there for more people to see. whether they do or don’t is fine, i write these things in a google doc for myself anyway

i am wondering how to publish things like poetry or short stories though, is tumblr the right platform to do that? i would assume the platform itself matters somewhat, idk