#idek how to describe it it's a feeling
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just started sobbing
KAI NOSE :(((((((((((((((((((((((
#his little nose mole i'm going insane#literally crying sliding down a wall#i love his nose so much guys i'm a hyuka nose enthusiast#i'm a txt nose enthusiast in general actually but kai's nose is so special to me#idek how to describe it it's a feeling
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frank iero is an honorary trans guy to me and I’m not joking
look at this man. tboy swag the likes of which has never been captured before or since
#idek how to describe this he doesn’t look like he was born female. he just looks like a trans guy#he embodies our spirit I think yk he’s a reflection of us and what we aspire to be#and I do. aspire to be him#a lot#its very upsetting actually the levels of gender envy I feel at this exact moment#frank iero#mcr#my chem#my chemical romance#my chemical fucking romance
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Hi friends! Once again here using my Tumblr like a traditional blog where u share thoughts and updates and stuff haha.
Sorry for being gone for a bit, life was BUSY with plans and now I’m finally back home from a little trip visiting a lovely friend of mine (photos for visual-aid of said trip 😉😇). God I love summer and sunshine!! ☀️☺️🌊🚤🍉
So due to being less active, I did build up quite a bit of notification and message debt. Wanted to take a quick moment and say that unfortunately there is no shot I’ll be able to catch up on all of it in terms of responding to everything, even though I usually really like to stay on top of that; especially with tags and reblogs and comments on my posts! However, I did read and see everything that I’ve missed.
So to all of u that interacted while I was gone: the satisfaction from flustering some of you was absolutely enjoyed 😉~ and on the flip side the backfire from your teasy comments has also been suffered hahaha 🙈. Either way you already know I love seeing interactions from you guys and I’m just so THANKFUL TO HAVE HAD SO MANY TO CATCH UP ON 🥰 sorry again I can’t always be reciprocal, but please know that I adore all of you and am enjoying the heck out of being in your presences with or without direct line of conversation!
Anyway, if it wasn’t clear enough by now, I think the world of u community pals and I hope you all have a day as lovely and awesome as you! (Very lovely and awesome, to clarify haha)
Stay precious 😘💕
#me#photo#even on vacation I didn’t forget about taking pics for you guys~ 😜#feet#tummy#belly#sunbathing#cece speaks#blog post#life update#seriously tho idek how to describe it but…#I actually check out every blog that pops up in my notifications in any way#I know all of you by NAME pretty much :D#I know I can’t always directly interact in terms of messaging#but I really do feel really familiar with ya’l <3#in the best kinda community solidarity way haha#so yes believe me when I say I appreciate u and CARE FOR REALS#even if we've never interacted before#anyway I’m RAMBLING I NEED TO STOP MYSELF LOL#thanks for reading my life updates :D
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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I also think about how 0.2 should've been the start of kh3 but if it hadn't been its own little sperate thing we wouldn't have gotten THE best kh opening and the ICONIQUE simple and clean Ray of hope mix so maybe it's not that bad
God you are so so so so right
#0.2's opening idek what it is#like yes it is the song BUT#also the movements of all the characters just match so well with it#kh3's opening almost feels like they had a different song that everything was storyboarded to#or like it was the same song but just a more chill version#which I dont think is the case based on how Utada and Skrillex describe the production process of Face my Fears#but it FEELS like that#ask#asks#anonymous
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Welp I’m distraught, I’m crushed, I’m pissed, dumbfounded. Cause I guess I’m not doing clinicals now, even though for 3 fucking years I’ve been looking forward to it and have been counting down the fucking days. Literally I guess fuck me 🥲
#idek how tf this happened bc I applied extra early and had a great recommendation#and all 6 of the internship placements I selected as my preferences were clinics#and you wanna know what the psych department offered me? what the only thing they approved for me to interview for was?#a fucking elementary school aide.#like I’m sorry? what the fuck?#I’m not doing fucking educational psych am I?#what have all my classes been? clinical related. what did I specifically fucking sign up and apply for? clinics.#like are you fucking joking? 😐#I literally have a fucking HOSPITAL JOB on my resume#and you only want me to sit in a fucking elementary school classroom#literally I’ve been so excited bc I thought I was gonna be doing diagnostic testing for my internship#bc that’s the whole reason I even signed up and did all the shit so I could get into one of those positions#or at least something else in an actual clinical setting but no.#words cannot fucking describe what I’m feeling
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#polls#music#idk i feel like i cant at all describe my music taste#idek how to find new music for myself#it's tht bad#cloud nonsense
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Btw lmao I ordered the shirt that Shein stole from me, a) to leave a product review saying it was stolen from me, b) to have as evidence for a lawsuit once my copyright certificate on this design goes through, and c) to make content with about how bad it sucks, and BOY OH BOY does it suck look at this side by side comparison
#how does it somehow look like an AI rendering even in a real photo#it’s also the weirdest material I’ve ever felt in my LIFE#idek how to describe it but it literally FEELS like you’re wearing a piece of hard plastic#and also this doesn’t translate to the photo but it’s such a low quality decal I literally could peel it off if I tried#(and I am going to try)#I expected it to be my design just like. slightly worse on a thin af tee but oh no#it’s so much worse than that
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Slow down you crazy child You're so ambitious for a juvenile But then if you're so smart tell me Why are you still so afraid? (mmmmm)
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out You got so much to do and only So many hours in a day (Ay)
But you know that when the truth is told That you can get what you want Or you can just get old You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through (Oooh) When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Slow down you're doing fine You can't be everything you want to be before your time Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad, but it's the life you lead You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need Though you can see when you're wrong You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right)
You got your passion, you got your pride But don't you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true (Oooh) When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Slow down you crazy child Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two (oooh) When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told That you can get what you want or you can just get old You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through (oooh) Why don't you realize, Vienna waits for you?
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
#BUT DONT YOU KNOW THAT ONLY FOOLS ARE SATISFIED????#And what if I get this song tattooed on my body.#ITS SO ☹️☹️☹️☹️ idek how to describe how it makes me feel#I’ve loved billy Joel my whole fucking life I love his music so fucking much GOD
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chat how do u make friends as an adult!!!!
#had thee most#idek how to describe it.. wtf is we doin moment earlier#bumble bff SUCKS#like.. all me besties r ldr atp i need some irls UE UE UE#feels bad when ur only irls are ur brother and ur dad yet they still always reject u</3#LMAOO#anyways yeah how tf r yall making friends lemme know porfisssss😫🙏🏽🙏🏽#i cont sleep it’s saur past my bedtime rip#love being a loser on main<3
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i have to vent for a second. trigger warnings for talking about death
I cannot be my mother's grief sounding board anymore. I don't know how to even go about mentioning something like that to her, but I know I can't do it. she has not once asked me how I'm doing since my dad died. she'll say "don't you miss him??" in a tone that makes me feel like she's mad I'm not constantly crying. she constantly brings up his death, how its affected her, how much she misses him, how she wants him back, spent my entire birthday bringing up the way he died and how hopefully she'll die soon to be with him, and I can't keep doing this!!!! she got like this after my sister died and it was so bad that my dad and i would talk to each other to get through it. now he's gone and i have no one.
i want to be clear, i know she's grieving and i know it's hard. the last few weeks of his life were so traumatic i will never recover from it. but i also can't hold her grief and try to get her through it while i'm grieving myself. ugh idk yall i can't do this.
#i do not blame her for grieving#it's the fact it feels like she believes she's the ONLY one grieving#and that we should only be concerned with her grief#idek how to describe it you've gotta be here to understand#death tw#personal
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ahahahaha hiii I love peter frampton : ))))
#feeling gay tonight lads#gay on main from tumblr user gaycityrollers??? so rare and unexpected#stg whenever I'm hyperfixating on him again it's like candy idek how else to describe it
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ritsu and/or reigen for character bingo 👀
ritsu left, reigen right <3 did both cuz im ill hope this helps
#qktalks#fexiled#OKAY LISTEN . HEAR ME OUT#the only reason i say reigen's design is rly good is bc his gay little pink tie Completes him#and it's also the fact that he's like Always in a suit and i just think it's rly funny#idk it's prolly not meant to be. the other characters wear other shit;#but he has One suit‚ an ugly pair of pajamas‚ and one More suit#and also a coat that makes him look homeless#reigen just ceases to amaze me in every aspect. truly an enigma of a man#and also the fact that he's literally risked his life several times for mob but if i go there we'll be here for the next 18 hours#and also separation arc#and also the one ep where mob doesn't wanna exorcise innocent spirits and reigen chooses mob over his clients#and als. ill stop#ritsu also makes me ill for several different reasons#he's the one i relate to the most for sure#idek how to describe my love for ritsu man i literally cannot articulate the emotions i feel#he's just very good. very good character#and the changes they made for the anime versus the manga r rly rly good and build a lot
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tried really hard to convince myself dating didn't matter to me but now that literally ALL of my friends are in a relationship or in a talking stage... yeah it matters a lot actually
#and right after i got rejected too#the universe is really trying to make me lose it i see#i'm just like... idek how to describe it#jealous would be the best word probably#but it runs deeper than that#it feels like a confirmation to all of my insecurities#like yeah you're not pretty enough or smart enough or funny enough or interesting enough to catch anyone's attention#treating tumblr as my personal diary <3#gonna delete later when i get embarrassed i ever posted this#nymph rambles
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I also felt worse about a 2 month situationship than a break up with my long-term boyfriend… I think it’s because all of the “what ifs” and maybe not being with the person long enough for them to show us they’re not who we thought they were? I don’t know, but am currently still hung up on said situationship nearly a year later — quite awful. Sending you love
a year ??? im so sorry that's so devestating omg...im now afraid of also not getting over her for a yr but i just hope my friends will help me get thru it . i hope ur ok now anon, sending u love back ♡♡♡
#asks#anon#god im. so. idek how to describe how i feel rn but it is fr like i just broke up w a partner of 10 yrs with w children and a dog and now#i am directionless like . what is going onnnn
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yo I like really just don’t think I wanna be a part of society
#I’m so done with shit fr#I feel like I shouldn’t have been put on this planet sometimes#not bc I hate myself or shit#but bc I don’t fucking fit in with this bs#I know other peoples relate to this feeling#how fr we gonna make it idk#but we can do this#ugh#nothing makes any sense#I am tired#I’m ok no depressed shit rn#I am just over it all#idek how to describe it#gonna smoke a blunt about it#AND#fucking and. there’s more#the gas station dude that’s obsessed with me I am gonna have to spell it tf out to him#he continues to flirt with me even tho i literally DONT DO IT BACK EVER AND NEVER WILL#I WAS PRAYIN ON MY HANDS AND KNEES On my way! AFTER WORK THAT IT WOULD NOT BE HIM AND IT MFING WAS#AND HE WAS ALL FUCKING WEIRD AND EXCITED AND WAS TRYINT O MAKE ME TOUCH HIS HAND WHEN I WAS GIVING HIM MY CARD#AND I WAS NOT LETTING HIM AND HES LIEK ‘why’re you mad’#and I’m like bc just get my stuff so I can go home pls#also I go through the drive thru btw#but yeah he gets my stuff and fucking asks me again bc he was STILL being ducking weird to me and I’m just gonna kill him next time#problem solved#murder#jking#but I will probably have to be mean#he’s gonna make me do it and I really didn’t wanna be mena but fuck him fr#I do not care about his feelings anymore
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